While honesty is a virtue and the cornerstone of a long-lasting relationship (assuming everybody involves knows what a daddy is…ZING!), the fact is most people in relationships tell eachother lies. Now, I’m not talking about huge “It’s your baby!/I don’t even know Tiger Woods” style lies, but more little white lies intended to keep the sanity, peace, and faith.
Why did I say faith? Well because as soon as I wrote the words “keep the…”, Michael Jackson’s song “Keep The Faith” (from the Dangerous LP)popped into my head, and I figured, if you’re going to keep something, as say a keepsake, you know, for the sake of keeping something, faith is definitely up there as one of those “good things” Beyoncé really likes, to keep, which must be why Michael Jackson so eloquently sang about it before he found his faith. No Conrad.
Hope he kept it.
Huzzah.
1. You always hit my spot just right.
Yeah, okay. You’re right. Except really, sex is like Any Given Sunday. Sometimes, you have a bad day (I’m looking at you Patriots) and hitting her spot is more difficult than Stevie Wonder reading an eye-chart. But she’s really nice if she tells you this knowing full well she had to finish the job herself AND convince you that you’re the man. That’s a good lie.
2. I love your mother (parents).
While I do actually love my girl’s mother, I know MORE than my fair share of people who feel otherwise. Thing is, is it really worth it to say that “I think your mother is a worthless hag who smokes more Jimmy Dean? And by the way, she smells like hot arse sometimes, tell her to Summer’s Eve that pocket!” I’m gonna say, no. At least you ain’t got Martin’s momma. Her biscuits (no buttocks) were supposed to be slammin’ though.
Speaking of biscuits…
3. You’re cooking tastes almost like my mothers.
While I would never say this to anybody, I heard my boy tell his girl this about a year ago. He knew he was lying when he said it. I tasted his girl’s food. If her mother cooked like that, she’d be dead.
4. You’re the only man/woman I ever loved.
Your pants are SO on fire, paco. I remember when you used to date Big Booty Judy from SW and you used to feed her oysters. And that time you all dressed alike, and you were 22. THAT was love. Anddon’t get me started on women telling that lie. If she’s over age 22, you are DEFINITELY not the only man she’s loved.
You might be her first experimentation with The Art of Dome, but definitely not love.
Hmm…
5. I’ve never done that before.
Saying you’ve never done that before usually means you’ve done it before but you just like to pretend that you didn’t do it before because if folks knew how many times you really did it, they might not want you to do it to them. Or at least they’d ask for some test results first.
6. I don’t know him/her.
Youzealie. You used to play Naked Twister every Tuesday in your less reformed days. Or better yet, “oh you meant HIM! Oh, yeah, I thought you meant the guy with the ‘Homeless Vet’ sign standing 200 feet away from the guy I know. Um, yeah, we used to date a little.”
Hell…
7. We used to date, a little.
What does that even mean? I know we like to downplay stuff, but really, what does that mean? By the way, that’s a chick line. A guy would deny, deny, deny like he was R. Kelly and you had a sex tape that included three penguins and a pet goat named Miley.
8. I love going to the opera.
We often lie about things we hate doing. This is how we end up doing a lot of things we hate doing. Like going to the opera. Or sitting through a talk given by Michael Eric Dyson – which I assume is akin to Hell.
9. You’re the first thing I think about in the morning.
Well, you in a sense, I suppose. But I’m guessing its you on-top or underneath. Eyes optional.
10. I love you.
Heh heh heh.
What are some other little white lies that we tell in relationships? Share. And make sure your significant other isn’t reading today or doesn’t know who you are.
And put some stank on it.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
PS And check me out over on Guyspeak.com as I answer some of the funnest (yes funnest) and strangest questions known to mankind…daily. Yes, Panama writes over there daily.
Related posts:
- just don’t do it (three of the most common relationship mistakes women make)
- Lies, Damn Lies, and Wonderbras.
- milk was a bad choice: 10 signs that you’re in a sh*tty relationship
- raw: the champ’s debunking of six commonly held relationship fallacies
- Some Things That You Just Shouldn’t Do In A Relationship
{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
My lie of all lies was : No, I didn’t sleep with any co-workers.
(and hey, I’m a cop – it’s like being in the military – it happens)
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:01 am
@Pink Luck, wait, you were actually asked that question, straight up?
only way i see that coming up is if it comes out that you got down with one, then all of a sudden the little curiosity bug kicks in on some…”wait..how many coworkers DID you sleep with?”
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Leila Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:16 am
@Panama Jackson, lol! I was wondering how that would come up…
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1.Awww…baby, you bought me perfume. I love White Diamonds perfume!
I think that ish smells like roach spray and warm garbage. And I ALWAYS know when a woman has it on. Ugh!
2. Your sisters (or mother, for some) seem pretty cool.
Sike! Them never-been-kissed-mean-faced-mouth twistin’ chicks don’t like me and the feeling is mutual. But I’ll try not to let on just how much I can’t stand ‘em.
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charli skipper Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:05 am
@Ivyette,
oh, not the white diamonds. i’ve always heard people talking about how good white diamonds smells and how nice it is, so i got some. um…….i forgot to notice that all the people saying that were OLD people. that shat smells like depression and medicare.
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missjess Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 5:17 am
@charli skipper,
*dead* @ “depression and medicare”
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Ivyette Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:57 am
@charli skipper,
that shat smells like depression and medicare.
Cosign. Ever notice how only women 55+ wear that stuff? They are the only reason behind those Liz Taylor commercials that have fuzzy glow.
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Monk Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
@charli skipper,
Ha! My mom wears White Diamond…lol!!
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Cheekie Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
@Monk,
It’s a “mom” smell. My mama used to rock that as well. It smells…mature. Frankly, it smells like Elizabeth Taylor. I sprayed some on when I was like in eighth grade and became a member of AARP immediately.
…
That was wrong.
I’m sorry, Mama.
Me fail english? Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
@Cheekie,
Dead@ u knowing wut Liz Taylor smells like.
Between this and your hatred of Snuggies comment you must be tryna kill me!
miss t-lee Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 9:52 am
@Ivyette,
“Awww…baby, you bought me perfume. I love White Diamonds perfume!”
LMAO!!!! If someone gave me White Diamonds, it would be promptly returned, or re-gifted, but never worn!!!! That ish is terrible.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:14 am
@Ivyette, I think that ish smells like roach spray and warm garbage.
this is what i envisioned Britney Spears perfume smelled like.
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sxyscientst Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:39 am
@Panama Jackson, thats EXACTLY what B.Spears’ “perfume” smells like
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I love this “enter article of clothing you would never ever buy”
NO I dont mind the morning breathe.. I just have a crook in my neck!
Yeah I love it when you put your tongue in my ear!
Of course I want to go to church with your momma’ nem
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:15 am
@shay-d-lady, girl…you stay lyin. stop that.
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lol @ “Yeah I love it when you put your tongue in my ear!”
I HATE THAT!!!!
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Tahirah Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 9:03 am
@Satya, I hate the tongue in the ear thing too…truth is i dont let the guy kno that
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:16 am
@Tahirah, must not hate it too much then. last time a chick tried to get close to my ear and i didn’t want them there, i swatted her ass with my shoe.
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Cheekie Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:49 pm
@Satya,
I KNOW! A dude asked me to do that to him as a form of goodbye. Like, not a hug or kiss. But tongue in your Madame Toussauds arse ear. I shoulda directed him to the nearest Walgreens so he can pick up some Q-Tips. I just opted for “helll naaaaw”. But the prior response woulda been more brilliant. I was drunk, though.
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IJstDntUnderstand Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
@Cheekie, LMFAO at that strange goodbye request…I hope you kept it moving after that…that’s just strange..yeah that’s all I have to say about that (said in Forest Gump voice)
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“I’m listening.”
…the hell you are, boy.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:17 am
@Made In Hawaii, i think you got that one mistaken. you see, we are definitely listening, we just don’t hear what you’re saying b/c you seem to always be talking but rarely saying anything.
you have conditioned us.
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Big_D Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:22 pm
@Panama Jackson,
CO-SIGN & CO-SIGN!!!!! Then she gets mad when the conditioning works! If you don’t want it, don’t do it.
Sorry, that means you know what you want (shock & awe).
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five&&six…smh
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:17 am
@AnonyMiss, one, two, buckle my shoe…
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No, I’m not sleeping…(I am obviously snoring, drooling, dreaming, talking in my sleep) and I roll over anyway…because I love you…
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P. Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:51 am
@WonderWoman,
Phone rings at 4 in the morning, it takes me 5 seconds to answer and another 15 to let out the longest yawn ever, then the following:
Me: …huh?
My girl: Hey! You sleep?
(another 5 second yawn)
Me: …Naw…
Gets me every time. When I was a kid, phone calls after like 1 AM were bad news and you always answered. Now ninjas just call before sunrise like it’s nothin.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:18 am
@P., you need better friends.
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P. Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
@Panama Jackson,
My girl is the biggest and usually only offender of this. And my brother occasionally when he’s drunk and needs something to keep him alert while driving home, which I can accept.
Although a few weeks ago, one of my boys called me at 3:54 AM to tell me to look at something on Facebook. So you’re right, I do need better friends.
WonderWoman Reply:
January 13th, 2010 at 12:34 am
@P., I stare at the phone for a few rings when I get an early A.M. I’m afraid someone died and I’m getting the call to let me know….and I agree you need better friends….
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I would just like to say that I am a reformed relationship liar, and actually wrote a post about the trouble that lying has gotten me into, yikes!
Movin’ on…
And my Top 3 lies ARE:
1) Nooooo, me and him never had anything going on, we’re just friends! I don’t even think he’s cute! (LIE!)
2) I think about how it would be to marry you too (LIE!)
3) Yeah, I was closer to orgasming that time (SUPER LIE! hmmph!)
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:19 am
@Anike Love, LMAO. you have a Top 3?
how many do you have stored up?
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Anike Love Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
@Panama Jackson, more than I am proud of! But I’m doing better, rehab did me well lol
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Jackie Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:40 pm
@Anike Love,
Wow!
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I thought for sure that number of partners would end up on this list.
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So What? Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 9:43 am
@sanen85,
who even asks that anymore? That’s asking to be lied to.
Funny thing is, I don’t even know the exact number.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:22 am
@So What?, right…why even ask? that’s like asking a woman with natural hair if she would sleep with Flavor Flav. of course she would, but she can’t tell you that.
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:56 am
@Panama Jackson, huh?
klysha Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
@Yeah…SO?!, it’s like you read that question out of my head
Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:13 pm
@Yeah…SO?!, makes perfect sense to me and lil wayne.
Tahirah Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 6:04 pm
@Panama Jackson, Oh no no no no…I have natural hair and the thought of flavor flav makes me dizzy!!! (thats the damn truth) lol
SaneN85 Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
@So What?, Yes, yes they do. I’m not sure why, I just know that people do. Heck, I’ve been asked this question on the third date, more than once.
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Me fail english? Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:04 pm
@SaneN85,
I had some random guy on a subway platform ask me that with no intro. Then he said smthg about P Diddy and I think he called us both bishes *shrug*
LOL! I love this….
I think, the main lie women tell revolves around a man’s sexual prowess and size of their manhood. This lie will go down in the history book of lies…..
Good post.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:23 am
@QueenT, yeah, we feel the same way about your cooking.
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Cheekie Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:59 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Thing is, who is most offended? Not every woman gives a rat arse about cooking, but I bet every man gives a rat arse about his manhood. lol
Women win.
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HUPirate in NY Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:52 pm
@QueenT, “I think, the main lie women tell revolves around a man’s sexual prowess and size of their manhood. This lie will go down in the history book of lies…..”
I believe y’all lie about that. The Question is, is if this lie comes out during intercourse when we’re beatin it up, or after and at random times when talking about sex?
I feel like if it comes out during sex its the truth. But if a guy asks randomly during convos about sex and the manhood, thats where the lies come out.
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:00 pm
@HUPirate in NY, “I feel like if it comes out during sex its the truth.”
- smh
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HUPirate in NY Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
@Yeah…SO?!,
seriously. espescially when we first get in or the first time beating, and the guy mentions nothing about size.
Has to be Truth
Yeah...SO?! Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
@HUPirate in NY, Awww pookey… keep reading- especially imeminez’s comment(Words to live by!)
imeminez Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:07 pm
@HUPirate in NY, LOL. Along with saying “it’s yours, daddy.” If a woman exhorts about a guys manhood during sex it is a lie and if a guy really is beatin it up then she def won’t be able to say anything other than “oh ish,” nonsensical nasty rants…
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HUPirate in NY Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 4:59 pm
@imeminez,
i guess i can take your comment and think about that one. But there’s no denying when y’all keep runnin back for it. I usually can care less about what a chick says during intercourse and if they front afterwards like nah i didnt come or it was just ok. if u didnt come, and it was jus “ok” then what was all the white stuff on my sheets from your private area about? o…aiight.
imeminez Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
@HUPirate in NY, white stuff on your sheets? Iono sounds like she may have a yeast infection…just messing with you but you are full of delusions and contradictions and my mom told me not to mess with (crazy) people like you…you really should have paid attention in sexed because you would know a lot more about a woman’s body. Just because your friend was wet and left a white stuff doesn’t mean she came. Same with nipples, just cuz they are hard doesn’t mean we are excited. Some of us are wet all day, without men having NOTHING to do with it.
Yeah your oochie coochie is better…wetter…?
That weave looks nice on you
Naw Im not tired we can go at again…when in actuality my manhood feels like its been ran over slowly by an 18-wheeler
Naw that was my mom who was texting me
I would never lie to you.
Naw I dnt mind that your not in the mood… I just wanna hold you anyways
No, Im not mad that you didnt offer me any of that food I just bought ur broke azz
Do you mind taking me to….Oh no, ur good. I dnt mind. *mental-note* gag order in full affect during oral
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mateosmuse Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 5:36 am
@The Hallway,
love all of the above.
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RedPlum Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 9:37 am
@The Hallway,
These were too funny! especially “Naw that was my mom who was texting me”
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So What? Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 9:46 am
@The Hallway,
Thats one of my pet peeves. Never ask for anything I’m eating, even if you went out of your way to get it for me. You were there, should have got your own 2 piece!
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:32 am
@The Hallway, I would never lie to you
greatest lie ever.
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Sula Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
@The Hallway,
Naw I dnt mind that your not in the mood… I just wanna hold you anyways
This reminds me of a funny little black indie movie I saw this week-end “A good day to be black and sexy”… The first vignette had this lie written all over it, and then it didn’t. Lol!
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The Hallway Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 4:08 pm
@Sula,
Great movie ol girl was wrong for calling his wife. punk azz move
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1. Yeah I live the dress(or whatever item) u bought me
(meanwhile u thinking nucka please do not go shopping for me unaccompanied by someone who actually pays attention to what i wear)
2. Nah i’m not tonite, ofcourse I can go again
(meanwhile my cooch feels as tender and as raw as a mutha- can u cum already?!)
3. Ofcourse I would tell you if i ever cheat on you
(do i look stupid? I have a better chance on not cheating on u than ever telling u when if i do)
4. I’ve never had a 1 nite stand
5. Your cooking is the bomb baby
6. I’ve never had sex with more than…(insert number) people
(y would u ask me that mess anyway?!)
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:34 am
@mateosmuse, seems like a lot of lies center around sex. ole ungrateful bastards. there are one-legged hunchback of notre dame looking virgins out there running amok praying for some stank and you people are all just upset b/c you have too much…
for shame.
lol.
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WonderWoman Reply:
January 13th, 2010 at 12:37 am
@Panama Jackson, choking on my shrimp and grits…laughing..
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#1: Boo, I really want to sooo bad, but….I’m menstruating. Yeah, I know. My cycle’s all freaky irregular like a son of a betch.
No, that didn’t embarass me when we were out in public and you decided to act the fool and “keep it real” when you ran into your boys. Uh uh. Nope. I love lookin like an extra from a Cash Money video shoot.
We could go out to dinner, or we could just stay at your place and eat whatever’s there. or I’ll cook. But…….you look like a man that wants a steak right now. Me, personally, I don’t feel like going anywhere. But let’s go get this steak……..because that’s what I feel YOU really want. It’s all about you, boo.
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charli skipper Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 8:50 am
@charli skipper,
in my defense, i tried to delete this…….
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Legendary Dash Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 9:14 am
@charli skipper,
Eh, I chart cycles. So the menstruating thing will only lead to me cutting a woman off, and moving on to the next one.
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Deeds Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 10:00 am
@Legendary Dash, Some women do have irregular cycles though, shoot mine doesn’t come the exact time every month.
Legendary Dash Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
@Deeds, I am aware that some cycles are irregular, but I am also aware that some women abuse the visitation excuse. Just be straight up. If you are not in the mood, you are not in the mood. Especially when you will be magically not on your cycle every time The Cowboys playing.
Yeah...SO?! Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
@Legendary Dash, The Cowboys are playin? – what dat mean?
Legendary Dash Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
@Yeah…SO?!, I’m not gonna rub your belly or listen to you complain so loud that you are drowning out Chris Collinsworth while I am watching my squad march toward Lombardi 6. Especially when your irregular visitation seemingly has already been here 3 times this month. Go to the doctor and get that ish checked out. Roy Williams just contributed to a victory, and unlike your visits, that does not happen everyday.
Caballeroso Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 10:00 am
@Legendary Dash,
I’m amazed that women actually get offended when they find out we chart their cycles. We like football so we know when the game comes on. We like sex so we know when the red light comes on.
Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:36 am
@Caballeroso, LMAO. very succint and concise.
almost scientific. imsoproud.
Yeah...SO?! Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
@Caballeroso, Uh kinda invasion of privacy… literally- lol
MicroMan Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
@Caballeroso,
What red light?
That is what dark towels were made for…………….
miss t-lee Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:43 pm
@MicroMan
LMAO!!! I just knew some kat was gonna say that.
klysha Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
@Legendary Dash, for the longest time my cycle was predictable almost down to the time of day….then all of a sudden it decided it wanted to do what it wanted to do…I can’t even chart the danged thing anymore
charli skipper Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 4:59 pm
@Legendary Dash,
have we dated? one guy was on my cycle like he was an obstetrician. he’d be all, “i thought you just had one 19 days ago….” um, betch i’m stressed out. i know my body!
As the great rapper/singer turned DJ, Biz Markie would say, one of the biggest lies I’ve heard was “He’s Just A Friend”..or even “he’s my best friend”. True indeed, you may consider him to be your friend now, but not acknowledging the fact that he used to tear yo’ a$$ out the frame and you domed him off constitutes a lie.
This goes back to the conversation on whether men and women can be strictly platonic friends. Although I feel that they can, the percentage of those friendships that are 100% platonic by definition with no one in the equation having an inkling of romantic interest in the other is indeed very small.
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Humble_One Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 10:28 am
@Monk,
If a woman has a male friend more than likely he is one of the following
1. former FWB
2. ex-boyfriend
3. dude she had chex with but it didnt work out
4. gay
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:39 am
@Humble_One, or President Obama. does it make any sense?
no, it doesnt.
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Ivyette Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
@Monk,
That “just a friend” mess does not exist. Like Humble One said, “friends” fall into the categories…
1. FWB’s
2. ex-girlfriends (for guys)
3. girl he screwed, but changed his mind about
4. (and my favorite)…that’s my god sister. GTFOH!
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Sula Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
@Monk,
I acknowledge that I use that lie… but it’s a lie to keep the peace and sanity of all parties involved. I like my (now) best friend, and if not knowing that we used to tear each other up makes it an easier pill to swallow, then why hurt my lover?
It seems rather unnecessary to me.
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Caballeroso Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
@Sula,
Note to self: “Dear self, anytime she says he’s just a friend, she’s lying.”
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Lies I’ve told
1. You’re the best I’ve ever had.
2. I’ve never come that hard. Never…
3. Naw, he’s just my friend.
4. Naw, we never hooked up. I said he was just a friend….
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:40 am
@N.I.A. naturally, sounds like a rap song foray into love.
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1. I let Darrell borrow a couple condoms. Thats why there’s only 8 left.
2. I never messed with her. She just gives you dirty looks cuz she used to like me.
3. Naw we just finna chill and play madden.
4. I didn’t pick up cuz my phone was charging in the other room.
5. It doesn’t matter if your tired of weave and wanna go natural.
6. Sometimes goin to the club just helps me appreciate what I got at home
7. I’m just goin down to homecomming to meet up w/ the old crew and network with some older alumni
8. Naw you don’t need to work out.
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Joppie Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 10:30 am
@TPeezy,
“8. Naw you don’t need to work out.”
Ha!
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Brotha Tech Reply:
January 13th, 2010 at 9:31 am
@Joppie,
…Just as sensitive men are about their chex game, women are about their muffin-tops and turkey neck arm flab.
The men are back in the game!
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miss t-lee Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 10:33 am
@TPeezy,
“7. I’m just goin down to homecomming to meet up w/ the old crew and network with some older alumni”
You really got someone to believe this?
Wow.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:44 am
@miss t-lee, as long as you never bring your girl to one, it can work every time. the minute she comes, its over b/c she will realize youre a liar and then she’s gonna attach herself to your hip from then on out.
also, this NEVER works at a morehouse/spelman homecoming.
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miss t-lee Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
@Panama Jackson,
It should only work on a chick who’s just not paying attention. C’mon, everyone knows what’s happening at them type events.
TPeezy Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
@miss t-lee,
Not necessarily, if they didn’t go to an HBCU, and aren’t that aware of HBCU culture.
miss t-lee Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
@miss t-lee,
Um…I didn’t go to an HBCU…and I’m well aware of what goes down…lol
*I stick with my original arguement of her not paying attention. I’m glad you were able to get away with murder though.
Kudos, sir.
Yeah...SO?! Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
@TPeezy, Dang I’m gullible!
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WonderWoman Reply:
January 13th, 2010 at 12:39 am
@TPeezy, I would have called Darrell right then and there!
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“Or sitting through a talk given by Michael Eric Dyson – which I assume is akin to Hell.”
LMAO!
You know what PJack? Your boy is going to be in my fair city giving the keynote address at our MLK celebration. Guess who won’t be in attendance? Me, that’s who. *sniggling*
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:55 am
@miss t-lee, i just do not like that dude. at this point i dont even remember why as much as i just know that i do not like him.
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Lies that I’ve told
1. I don’t know her. Never met her before.
2. Nah your @ss isn’t flat. Idk what your homegirl was talking about. You do have an @ss.
3. I’m broke @ss hell.
4. I’m on my way. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.
Side Note:
Am I the only one that saw dude’s S-Curl catch fire on Pepa’s reality show?
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:58 am
@Humble_One, no, you’re not the only one who saw dude’s scurl catch fire.
my question (aside from what is the point of this pointless ass show…its terrible and none of those chicks is hot), is why does he have a scurl, excuse me, texturized hair, in 200( (when i assumed they taped it) anyway? aint he an athlete? doesn’t he have friends or a family? can’t he get in Charle’s Barkley’s Five???? something?
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No baby, she ain’t finer than you…
Yes, baby those girls in Smooth magazine SHOULD respect themselves more…
Just gonna put tha head in…
It’ll be quick, I promise…
*hangs up phone* Damn telemarketers..
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
@Tx10inch, Yes, baby those girls in Smooth magazine SHOULD respect themselves more…
this is possibly one of the best lies of all time.
and your list is priceless. just priceless.
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HUPirate in NY Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
@Panama Jackson,
indeed it is. I love the 3rd….works everytime on a new catch
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Cheekie Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
@Tx10inch,
“*hangs up phone* Damn telemarketers..”
Ok, I’m kinda in love with this lie.
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you all are some lying somebody’s
smh
Lies I have told in my youth before I learned that its better to actually just tell the truth
1. I dont even know him, I dont know why he keeps looking at us, I thought you knew him, maybe he played ball on an opposing team
2. baby you the best
3. I don’t mind that your mom moves in with us
4. yes I really like when you do that
and the zinger
5. baby Im late (I wanted him to sweat for some bs he pulled earlier in the week)
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miss t-lee Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 11:04 am
@Intellectual Hedonist,
“5. baby Im late (I wanted him to sweat for some bs he pulled earlier in the week)”
This is evil, but it made me laugh.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
@Intellectual Hedonist, 5. baby Im late (I wanted him to sweat for some bs he pulled earlier in the week)
that’s not just evil, i’m pretty sure even God frowns on this one.
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
@Panama Jackson, God told me to do it, me and G we like this (crossing fingers to show how tight we is)
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Me fail english? Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Lmao@ “I thought YOU knew him”
Muahahaha
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Lies I’ve told
1. Nah, my homies love when your around.
2. All those females numbers in my address book are old co-workers. Gotta keep them as references.
3. Oh, Thats my boy that I was talking to on the phone at 2am, He was calling from his girls phone, thats why it says Sasha
4. Even though we only do those same two positions, the sex never gets old.
5.No, I don’t mind you going out for drinks with you male co-worker.
6.I never delete my texts, I didn’t even know you look through my phone.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
@My girl might be reading, 2. All those females numbers in my address book are old co-workers. Gotta keep them as references.
6.I never delete my texts, I didn’t even know you look through my phone.
your girl can’t POSSIBLY believe that sh*t…
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“7. We used to date, a little.”
- i never really quite understood that one. serious side-eye.
i would like to add:
“oh i like your hair like that”
“no that doesn’t make you look fat”
“i don’t find your friend attractive”
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
@Tunde, “i don’t find your friend attractive”
its probably better to just not say anything at all in this case…
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- I’m talking to my grandma (at 1am! My ex’s roommate used to tell his girl this all of the time)
- He’s not attractive (why even ask that when he’s tall, built, and every woman is checking him out)
- You can shoot better than (insert basketball player here) or even better put down an athlete to make my man feel better (why do guys constantly hate on athletes?)
- Co-sign on I Love Your mom
- I love your cooking
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
@Leila, – I’m talking to my grandma (at 1am! My ex’s roommate used to tell his girl this all of the time)
its always important to have dumb chicks around.
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Grand Panamanian! Little white lies are here to keep the peace, as you said. So surely the following white lies I’ve told won’t be held against me in a court of love:
1. “Umm, no baby, you can go all night long if u want…” (even though my cl*t has already booked a vacation to iceland ‘cuz it’s just plain worn out and numb…)
2. (when he’s all proud of some new wave/whack looking club outfit he bought himself): “Yeah babe, that outfit looks cool!” (if we were living in the former Soviet Union back in ‘88). He’s a grown azz man, I can’t tell him how to dress all the time (oh how I try….sigh……
3. “You’re colleagues are cool/nice.” My SO is very proud of his sales team, meanwhile I ponder how he can stand being in contact w/ such knuckle-draggers 8 hours a day… %[
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:18 pm
@GeekChicness, Grand Panamanian!
that’s what i used to call myself until i thought noriega (the real noriega) might have beef with me.
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Sula Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
@GeekChicness,
Lol!!! Your lies sound eerily familiar… Especially the one about the clothes. Lol!
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” lady don’t ask questions, I promise I’ll tell you no lies” Prince, Lady CabDriver……
Mmmmm I hate to come off as preachy and as if I have never told a lie, but I have disciplined myself in truth and since I have a few years on most of ya’ll, I have to say that I have found two things to be very true in relation to this post…
#one… folks should not ask questions they really don’t want an honest answer to, some things just aren’t necessary to know for real and alot of times folk really ain’t prepared for truthful answers to unnecessary questions…..(aside) The types of questions folk ask, say alot about the person too..
#two… altho the truth can sometimes be brutal esp in light of #one, its always better than a lie esp when tempered with love……
I just cannot endorse lies, no matter how white or small they may seem, or if you think you are sparing feelings etc its still lying,….
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
@OrangeStar616, there’s always one…LOL.
you’re the one who tells folks they might put an eye out arent you?
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
@Panama Jackson, LLS depends on which Gemini I am that day LOL, but mostly what good is wisdom if you don’t share it
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A Few Relationship lies (with stank on it as per requested by Panda):
1. “What? Your mama said your morning breath makes skunk hair curl all the way over? Naw, it ain’t that bad. Gimme kiss.”
2. “Oh, no, I LOVE your hairy
vajayjaylegs, you don’t have to go waxing today. It’s like having a scratching post right next to me all night. I feel like a cat.”3. “What? Naw, I just did a double-take at that ePhone for $25.65! What a deal, right? And it has 13% of the features of the iPhone! It’s JUST like it. The double-take just HAPPENED to be at the exact same time your coworker Triple B (Big Booty Belinda) walked by. But, naw, I ain’t tryna look at her. You the only thing in my line of vision, babypie.”
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
@Cheekie, 2. “Oh, no, I LOVE your hairy vajayjay legs, you don’t have to go waxing today. It’s like having a scratching post right next to me all night. I feel like a cat.”
*dead*
resurrection.
re-read.
*dead again*
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Lies I’ve used to keep the peace:
1. Your just overworked. Why don’t we just cuddle?
2. I used to mess with dude a long time ago. He’s like a play cousin now.
3. I’ll call you right back.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
@Neighborhood Hussy, 2. I used to mess with dude a long time ago. He’s like a play cousin now.
does this work? no…really…who has this worked on?
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Sula Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
@Panama Jackson,
It can.
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It tastes good
Truth be told I think the excitement of gettin up ons ins withs makes the universe aight.
I’m sorry
So the Fuhck What! Get the Fuhck out the way next time.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
@WuDaMan, So the Fuhck What! Get the Fuhck out the way next time.
the hell kind of lie is that?
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
@Panama Jackson, LOL- I read that like 3 times
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WuDaMan Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
@Yeah…SO?!,
I stiiiil got it
Yeah...SO?! Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
@WuDaMan, No lie- if turrets outbursts were something people typed…
WuDaMan Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
@Panama Jackson,
that was the explanation for the I’m sorry. (my poor poor efforts @ stank on the lye)
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Cheekie Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
@WuDaMan,
“So the Fuhck What! Get the Fuhck out the way next time.”
Were you driving down Michigan Avenue during lunch hour while typing out this comment?
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WuDaMan Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
@Cheekie,
Tell the truth you like how I phonetically put some stank on them words right? I live in Phili now though sweetheart.
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Cheekie Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
@WuDaMan,
You are a conundrum.
I don’t lie…I just tell the truth, hurt some feelings and get on with it…
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
@CPT Callamity, I’m witchu cept, lace it with a lil love and it don’t hurt as much…you don’t have to use it like a Wu-sword lest mofos ask for it, then ya best protect ya neck LOL
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CPT Callamity Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
@OrangeStar616,
I feel ya. I have tact but I remember someone asking me 1.5 months into a thang “do you still flirt with people or get texts from people flirting?” I remained silent. She kept saying “tell me.” I told her “yeah I do.” She gets mad…
They ask for it yet can’t handle it. It takes too much energy for me to lie so…
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
@CPT Callamity, my advice to that chick and all is “don’t sweat the small sh*t”, but I guess thats all some know, is small sh*t, cause they small minded LLS. man some folk really need to get a LARGER vision fo dey self, a world view of thangs!
Me fail english? Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
@CPT Callamity,
Lol. That was a dumb question. And bigger than that…who the eff cares? She must not have a ton of casual dating experience
@Panama: Number 2 really works. I use it regularly.However, I’m thirty’leven (41) and the statute of limitaions on dudes you used to smash is 20 years & then they become honorary play cousins, 3rd grade crushes or some other non threatning creature.
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 12:44 pm
@Neighborhood Hussy, agreed, but my statute of limitaions is 3 years.- lol, no seriously
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Sula Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:13 pm
@Yeah…SO?!,
I have to concur… I will get it up to 5 years. But that’s it!
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“baby, what do you mean, you’re only the 3rd man I’ve slept with…..really!”
*besos*
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Everyone seems to have forgotten the most common relationship lie. It’s a phrase that is generallyy untrue:
1. “I’m not mad.”
If someone is asking you if you’re mad, then they have generally given you a reason to be mad.
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WonderWoman Reply:
January 13th, 2010 at 12:43 am
@penscribe, Good one….I use this lie a few times a month….
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“Nah I ain’t go out last nite”
“That remote was broken when you handed it to me”
“I don’t know who listened to your voicemail. You act like I remember your password from that one time!”
“I got a headache/cut in my mouth/early meeting”
“No I haven’t seen your cigarettes”
“Well I already ate up all the tacos so you might as well stay home!”
(that’ll teach him to show up for dinner all late. Hmph)
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miss t-lee Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:37 pm
@Me fail english?,
““I got a cut in my mouth”
This!!!!!
*snickering*
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Cheekie Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
@Me fail english?,
*dying* @ “cut in my mouth”. From a Dorito, I presume?
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:00 pm
@Cheekie, I was wonderin where dis cut came from… Doritos and a sandwich for lunch… Thanks VSS!
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WonderWoman Reply:
January 13th, 2010 at 12:44 am
@Me fail english?, I have a toothache works well too!
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@ Panama
Why did you decide to use that pic of Bush??? I can’t figure this one out…I must be having a slow moment.
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miss t-lee Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
@IJstDntUnderstand,
I think PJack was trying to convey how Bush said the mission was accomplished (pertaining to the war), and as we know now…it really wasn’t.
Lie!!!!
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
@miss t-lee, or any of the other MANY lies that came out of that administration…
@IJstDntUnderstand, pick one- point is he was lyin and isht.
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miss t-lee Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
@Yeah…SO?!,
True. Pick a lie, any lie.
I lies I’ve told…i know I bad but whatever:
1. You’re the biggest and the best…*going to finish myself off*
2. It’s yours!….*rolling my eyes* [stop asking so many questions bc I need to go over my grocery list in my head]
3. I need those batteries for my ..uh camera *sliding batteries into nightstand*
4. i don’t really need foreplay…*shooting daggers with my eyes*
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imeminez Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
@Will Slap EmWithaDegree+Frame, #2, you’re much better than me with the eye roll I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn’t tell him to shuf the eff up. i HATE it when guys say that, my ex used to do that ish and it would dry me right up. UGH!!!
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HUPirate in NY Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 5:14 pm
@imeminez,
But y’all all know @the end of the day it is indeed OURS!
Thanks
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@panama:
*late*
as cops….that question is THE FIRST question we ask eachother. And since all I date are cops….it comes up often.
aaaand that’s all i can say about that!
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
@pinkluck, no wonder we’ve got some ’spicious law enforcement in some places, the cops are too busy f*cking to fight crime!
just joking.
i love police!
what’s this post about again?
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1. (On random Fri/Sat) Oh yeah, me and (insert girls name(s)) are having a girls night out tonight! (A variation of this would be “I’m just going out with some coworkers after work” – although I had to retire this one since me and SO work at the same job D’OH!!)
2. It’s not really a couples thing, no one else is going to have their BF or GF there
3. Nah baby, I wouldn’t like you more if you were taller and buffer – I like you just the way you are
4. You’re way better than my ex/You’re the best I’ve ever had
5. I’m so wet
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He ask Who’s “The Best” a name in my phone, I respond “Oh that is just my favorite Chinese restaurant”
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DG Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
@I’vegoteveryreasontobelieve….,
Wow…no words for this…just wow…
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Caballeroso Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 4:47 pm
@I’vegoteveryreasontobelieve….,
…quietly taking notes….
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I am guilty as charged on a number of these but I think you left one out. This lie usually arises when the question, “how was it?” is posed. “It was great” you/they will say. When really the answer is, “you didn’t gyrate enough, your grinding was a bit lacking, the noise you were making was a little distracting and disturbing, too bad it was over before it got started, or took longer than it should or frankly, not some of your best work.” I stopped asking that question because in all honesty I don’t want to know the truth.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
@xave, brawds actually ask that?!? LLS
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xave Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
@OrangeStar616, chicks ask all the time… the ones that think they hold it down anyway. they need the ego stroke. So it’s not just guys who do that ladies.
Chick once said, “how was it? I know it was good because you almost broke your toes!!!” I was like sure… that was pure pain from teeth. lol
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miss t-lee Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
@xave,
“I was like sure… that was pure pain from teeth. lol”
*flatline*
Everyone lies about having good credit. Everyone.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
@Melinda, dayum so folk can’t actualy have good credit now LLS
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Caballeroso Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
@Melinda,
Sorry, but my credit is stellar! Try again.
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xave Reply:
January 12th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
@Melinda, not true… you can tell by the type of credit card, car leased/finance, or in these days if they can get a mortgage. the old standard was 680 as fair but 700 is the new minimum standard.
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Decided to leave my lurking status behind to comment on this post:
Lies I have told, and probably will use again
1. Oh, I am only friends with your very attractive and successful friends on facebook for networking purposes, not because I want to see those club pictures or have potentials if I decide to upgrade u
2. I was spending some time with some old friends all night , that’s why I didn’t get a chance to pick up your phone call… ( Actually I just wanted to lay up in my bed and watch re-runs after re-runs without you)
3.aww this is the best gift I have ever gotten,as I pray that the gift receipt in the box.
4. I only invited you over to cuddle at 10pm on a weekday…
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I just wanna take it slow(translation you are giving me the uss whenever and however I want it so why buy the cow???)
The sad part is I had my own line used against karma can be a bit*h.
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There are probably other signs but as soon as I saw the Michael Eric Dyson comment, I knew this was written by Panama.
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“I think you should wear less makeup…I like your natural beauty”
“I hardly watch porn anymore”
“Going to strip clubs is pointless…I don’t want to see it if I can’t have it”
“I’m only going to the bachelor party just to support my homie”
“I won’t mind if you keep/hyphen your last name when we get married”
“I actually like those stretch marks…let’s me know you are a REAL woman”
IWe men lie allotReply