***paraphrased six or seven month old convo with a friend***
friend: “why even bother with this election sh*t? i mean, why is everybody getting so worked up about obama?
a slightly annoyed champ: “please expound”
friend: “i mean…i crack the hell up seeing everyone all worked up about hilary this and obama that and we all know that edwards is gonna win the nomination. why even bother?”
***insert extended “hmmmm” exaggerated smirk, and sarcastic slow shake of head for dramatic effect***
friend: “what? stop it. you know i’m right”
champ: “ummm…edwards dropped out today”
friend: “what?? when??”
champ: “like an hour ago”
friend: “well, it doesnt matter who’s president anyway, since the american president is just a figurehead to represent the zionist interests of the freemasons and the six jewish bankers in prague who…”
***while the champ’s friend is ranting, the champ slowly removes pistol from his waistband, and calmly shoots himself in the head. luckily, the gun is filled with paper mache bullets, but the effect remains the same***
fire-proof panties not included
those close to me know that i hate conspiracy theorists with the heat of a thousand AKA crotches. you know exactly who i’m talking about…the cat who thinks that every professional sporting event is fixed, the woman who swears that AIDS doesnt really exist and thinks that its a racket created by the government to make people pay for AIDS drugs, the idiot who swears that if you divide the mayan calender year you were born by the sixth digit of your social security number, it equals the number of cameras the illuminati secretly implanted in your rectum the last time you got your teeth cleaned, which is why he refers to dick cheney as “the dentist”.
yet, despite my utter disdain for this way of thinking, i always manage to have at least two or three friends who fit this profile, and i’m curious why. maybe it’s an unavoidable bi-product of knowing “educated” people. maybe my propensity to pretend to listen to people instead of immediately dismissing them makes me attractive to them. maybe its because conspiracy theorist chicks are notorious for being easier than bristol palin. who knows?
as i pondered this question, i began to think of other annoying ass friends to have in your circle. people who aren’t quite annoying enough to completely cut off, but just annoying enough for you to ask yourself “wait…why are we cool again? how the hell did this happen??” at least once every four months, and i thought of a few.
the exaggerated drunk (“ed” for short), aka “the perper”
not to be mistaken with the “lightweight” (a person who knows that they don’t have the highest tolerance for alcohol, but doesnt act like an horses ass about it), the ed takes one half sip of a mikes hard lemonade and turns into dudley f*cking moore. they’re so enthralled with the idea of being drunk, that they don’t even bother to actually be drunk before they start acting drunk.
the cheap bastard, aka “the cheap piece of sh*t” and “black women”
n.e.n. (no explaination needed)
the habitual cheater
seriously, there might not be anything more annoying then the friend who consistently makes you their alibi and expects you to always cover for their raggedy d*ck asses. honestly, the older i get, the more i distance myself from these people. not because of some holier than thou attitude, but, i figure if someone’s washing your dirty drawls and swallowing your kids every night and you still do them dirty like that, what type of foulness would you do to me if given the opportunity?
the fun police, aka “the wet blanket”, aka “the diamond sh*tters”
**fast-forward to 4:08 to witness what the champ fantasizes about doing to every fun police member**
ok. i know i’m forgetting a few. any suggestions?
***btw, the conspiracy theorist friend from the beginning? volunteers at an obama campaign office now. the audacity of hope strikes again and sh*t.***
—the champ
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{ 299 comments… read them below or add one }
I had a friend I had to cut off because she was bringing down my property value and stressing me out w/ her problems. I call her the “No Good at Life” friend.
She got has a college degree but works at Kinkos (and has done so b4 the economy went to hell in a handbasket. so kill THAT excuse). Plus has a no good man who lives at home w/ her and her mama.
And she complains bout being unhappy and does nothin to change it. I cut her OFF. I just cant. And I wont.
Damn! I had a couple of those in my past that I had to cut off too.
He lives at home with her and her mama! How old are they?
She is 24 and he is 30 or 31.
Ok.Her momma is an enabler. Why is she lettin a grown man, who is NOT related to her and who is doin her daughter lay up with them?
No judgments…
Her mama got issues of her own. The LEAST of it being that she is an enabler. That WHOLE household is just a mess.
Lawd have mercy…why? how? dang luvvie, i would have cut her azz off too. some things will just never compute.
on a side note, has anyone else noticed that sometimes the Ads by Google are links to s3x whenever we talk about s3x. i think i saw a gay secks ad on friday. see they’re all about obama now>>>…don’t ya just love adware? psst…adware is the man (hee, hee)
“on a side note, has anyone else noticed that sometimes the Ads by Google are links to s3x whenever we talk about s3x.”
its the illuminati. or jim jones.
wait, it’s just jim jones. i blame everything on jim jones
blaming everything on Jim Jones, isnt that like being a conspiracy theorist?
“blaming everything on Jim Jones, isnt that like being a conspiracy theorist?”
sort of. and by “sort of” i mean, “not at all”
Wow, that’s pretty lame. I’m trying to understand why the mom lets dude stay there. Is he paying some type of rent?
I can only imagine the types of conversations yall had. I can see the “omg, call me as soon as you get a chance!” text messages.lol
“Wow, that’s pretty lame. I’m trying to understand why the mom lets dude stay there.”
maybe he’s hitting them both off…
***paging best andrew dice clay impression***
…and i aint talkin bout cash, ay!!!
aw dayum. ::shaking my head::
awe shoot Andre Dice Clay the lymric god
Andrew Dice Clay – the tacky leather jacket and Elvis Hair Fool
Yo his routine was a big shout out to sesame street with the ooohhh aaaaaayy. I kept waiting to see what was the daily number. btw I really wanted to give it to Maria.
LMAO ewwww *dry heave*
I’m sorry, but there is no amount of rent a 30-something year old ninja could be paying that would have me forgive him of the offense of livin’ w/his girlfriend in her Mama’s basement.
Do you think they put their WHOLE NAMES on their orange juice or just their initials??
PBG you killin me w/the marking of juice
Well since he’s illiterate, maybe he marks it with a big X
“Well since he’s illiterate, maybe he marks it with a big X”
OMG, I just bruised my vocal cord from laughing so hard
a bruised vocal chord is nothing to play with, I once had one in high school.
These comments should come with a warning.
example:
**this comment may cause you to loose control of your bladder***
The mom has watched Baby Boy too many damn times…
“And she complains bout being unhappy and does nothin to change it. I cut her OFF. I just cant. And I wont.”
I have a friend like this.
Well how does a single, college eudcated small business owener feel when he hears this? For starters I wonder about the women who have done this, do they really that if me and her met that she’d be able to deal with a guy like me? After all she wouldnt have the heart to admit she dated a man that lived with her and Mom-dukes. In the end this is what leads to men aint sh*t bantor. I mean Dudes like him arejumpoffs yet she turns into subprime relationship. Oh she basically nullified her degree, at this point she has two high school dimplomas.
‘No Good At Life’ …such a great term. They aren’t necessarily bad, and they aren’t necessarily stupid, but clearly they missed some life basics along the way.
“‘No Good At Life’ …such a great term. They aren’t necessarily bad, and they aren’t necessarily stupid, but clearly they missed some life basics along the way.”
this is true. there are some people who just suck at life. i suppose we all have our strengths and weaknesses, but “life” is a pretty bad weakness to have.
Bwhahaha Luvvie, I think you should share HOW you cut her off with the rest of the class….
Oh and let me clarify that her and her man pay rent to live in her childhood cubby hole (aka room), her man is mildly REE-TUH-DED (I REALLY think he is), plus, he is a SEASONAL janitor. Her life… stresses me out.
Umm… So I broke up our friendship. Via a LONG ranting email. Where I told her that when she gets her life together, I’ll be here to support her. But in the meantime, I’m OUT like abortion belts (you know. The big ones errone cinches their wists with. I call them abortion belts b/c it looks like whatever is in your stomach will be expunged.)
NOT seasonal…
I just…this drained me.
“I just…this drained me.”
EXACTLY! I was gettin high blood pressure at a young age thinking bout all the things that wasn’t right. I just… couldn’t!
“SEASONAL janitor”
I am SO done…CTFU!!!!
“No Good at Life” friend
my best friend is this person. i swear. i almost think he’s trying to get into the guinness book of world records for worst decision making in the history of mankind.
he’s on of them cats that if he has two choics: one has a ray of light shining on it b/c God his/herself has blessed it and little fluffytailed animals are singing christmas carols and a panda singing marvin gaye songs; and the other has whoopi goldberg in a black hoody, fishnet lingerie, and a machete in her left hand with two magnums and a bottle of ripple in the other hand…
this fool will choose whoopi everytime b/c he don’t be trusting stuff that looks too good.
Okay that image of Whoopi slayed me.
Ooh I’m comin to your funeral cuz I bet the spread @ the repass is gone be that fiyuh. & yeah the Woopie image scarily too funny.
LOL Wu, I am so done with you plotting on the food at my repass!*
DONE!
*It’s gonna be yummy, though. Cupcakes and EURRYTHANG!!
awe don’t act like I ain’t gonna earn my plate. Shoot I got some remarks and when the sain’ts go marching in (just like in I’m gone get you sucka) & a lil sermon on how Jim Jones messed up the apple that Eve was tryin to eat. Prolly gonna push up on your Moms Auntie Sis cousin n Granny (mostly cuz they was in front of me when I fix my plate) oh and I’m bringing my own reynolds wrap to take my plate home.
Daaannng girl cupcakes!? Red velvet cupcakes!? with the with the cream cheese frosting.
You mention James Jones at my funeral, I’m coming back fo’ yo’ ass.
Why not errbody gone love it. & get out of my head I was just thinking earlier of calling him James but I don’t want to talk up evil incarnate. N E way come on back cuz these greens n cornbread gone make you start slappin folks.
I quit you, yo.
“panda singing marvin gaye songs”
If I ever needed a reason to hate you well not hate but have a strong disdain for you, this right here is it.
I am sooooooo mad at you~ REALLY!
I’m eating your toast every day this week, or at least taking one bite out of it and putting it back on your plate
forget biting his toast, just hide his liquor for a week. seems like he’s always spikin’ his morning beverages. do it! i dare you! oh snap, he’s reading this…
hi mr. champ, it seems a hacker wrote that. d@mn them! ok, i’m back in control of my computer.
…and scene.
“I’m eating your toast every day this week, or at least taking one bite out of it and putting it back on your plate”
what did i do and sh*t?
“maybe its because conspiracy theorist chicks are notorious for being easier than bristol palin.”
that just made me choke on my mini reese’s peanut butter cup!!!
i have a few of these mofos in my outer circle of associates, but i prefer to spend the bulk of my time with people who bring me joy…i only know the annoying ones peripherally.
conspiracy theorist chicks really are hot for the lovin’. not that i know this from experience or anything…lol.
just sayin…every conspiracy theorist chick i know was a hot mama.
ooooh, i just thought of one! type of friend that i have that annoys the crap outta me sometimes….the help rejecting complainer.
i have a friend who i love to pieces but sometimes i wanna stab him in the neck! he whines about the sh*tty state of his life…his job or lack, his girlfriend or lack, his weightloss or lack, his friendships or lack….and will not lift a damned finger to change a damned thing. no suggestion will work, he is the king of excuses. there are no options that are viable. nothing! and after a while i get to a point where im just like look, if youre not gonna try to change anything, then i would prefer not to hear about it anymore….
Clearly, ur friend must meet my friend. Well EX friend.
lol…i cant get rid of him, he really is a great guy and when he’s not hosting pity parties, he’s a lot of fun to be around. i just tell him when he’s doing it and ask him to call me when he’s done
I think your friend should meet my friend. She is the exact same way. She complains about how she has no life, no boo and a horrible job. But when it comes to action she creates every possible excuse for not taking any steps toward actually achieving. I love her to bits but when she starts down her rant path I nip it in the bud or steer clear of her. I call her “My little Debbie” (as in Debbie Downer). I feel kinda like she’s got a mental blockage or something.
i kno somebody like that… complains about having no life and no man but scared as hell to go to the club. i think she’s a control freak.
“ooooh, i just thought of one! type of friend that i have that annoys the crap outta me sometimes….the help rejecting complainer.”
this person is a first-cousin of the fun police.
I have lots of those. They think they know everything yet they complain about well.. EVERYTHING..
He sounds like an extreme whiner.
You’re such a good friend if you can put up with this.
a.) The Hater. We all know at least one of these persons. They seem to always have something negative to say about any and everything. If it’s a sunny day, they’ll say it’s TOO sunny. If it’s raining, they’ll complain about that. Gotta keep those kinds at a distance.
b.) The ‘Know-It-All’. These are our friends who think they know the answer to every freakin’ question known to man. “Think” is the operative word in that last sentence. It’s cool to have an opinion on things, but these folks hold their beliefs to be actual and factual when it’s clearly not.
c.) The Rebel Without A Cause. This person just rebels for the sake of rebelling and longs to gain acceptance and recognition as someone who ‘goes against the grain’. They try EXTRA hard not to be like everyone else but in their ‘not-trying-to-be-like-everyone-else”-ness, they in fact become like every one else who’s not trying to be like everyone else.
*I enjoyed typing that sentence*
Basically, they fall right in line with the other hipsters (or cool crowd) that claim the same rebellious attitude they have.
Although I wouldn’t discontinue friendship with someone who possess these traits, I will limit my interaction with them.
These r all so on point, Monk!
“They try EXTRA hard not to be like everyone else but in their ‘not-trying-to-be-like-everyone-else”-ness, they in fact become like every one else who’s not trying to be like everyone else.”
yeah I know those types. The ones who are really rebels don’t have to say anything….
You are so right! I call these types of people frien-emies. These people can do more damage in your life then your actual enemies. I have a one friend who is manages not to just get on my nerves, but everyone else around us. Even my mom doesn’t like her and she likes everybody!
Short list of her bad friend behavior:
1.) She acts like a bitch when no one is paying attention to her. For example: If we all are out and meet a group of guys and none of them show interest in her it is suddenly time to go and she is giving everyone the evil eye!
2.) When we all go out for dinner/drinks/club and there are people she does not know she ignores them and acts as if she could be doing something else.
3.) She gives backhanded complements. For example: “You FINALLY look nice!” (Even though you are known to be a well dressed and attractive individual) Then she will point out all your little flaws in a “nice way”. I have noticed that your flaws are usually things she lacks, like a booty (her ass is soooo flat…)
I think it is time she got let go. We used to be close at one point, but her ways have definitely chipped away at the friendship. I feel kinda bad.
What do y’all think?
think it is time she got let go. We used to be close at one point, but her ways have definitely chipped away at the friendship. I feel kinda bad.
let her go.. a lot of times we try to keep people based on length of friendship, etc but its just like a romantic relationship. there are more bad times than good its time to let go while you still can.. I mean the last argument me and my friend I describe below had I promise if we were face to face I would have probably Latrell Sprewelled that chick..when it gets to that point or to the point where you really dont look forward to dealing with her? let it go…
Coco said:
“I have noticed that your flaws are usually things she lacks, like a booty (her ass is soooo flat…)”
laughing my azz to sleep! LMATS (not flat)
Shyt Monk you slick wrapped them all up right there…
monk, i’m with you. i hate know it alls. sometimes i just want to tape record them so that i can ‘aha’, them when they conveniently forget about the ignorance that came out of their mouth about a given topic.
Monks list. the hater, the faker and the bullsh*t maker.
(…not to be confrused with “Emily’s List”)
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whooooo!
checkmate Monk!
salute!
LOL @ “the hater, the faker and the bullsh*t maker.”
Some of my friends call me a Hater too, I just tell them I’m just an asshole
“I’m not a hater. I’m an asshole.”
Shirt??
“I’m not a hater. I’m an asshole.”
Shirt??
hmmm….possibly
“b.) The ‘Know-It-All’. These are our friends who think they know the answer to every freakin’ question known to man. “Think” is the operative word in that last sentence. It’s cool to have an opinion on things, but these folks hold their beliefs to be actual and factual when it’s clearly not.”
this guy’s a very close relative of the conspiracy theorist. its like…what the hell makes you so special that you know this inside information that 6 billion other people on the planet has absolutely no idea about, a**hole?
“a.) The Hater.
b.) The ‘Know-It-All’.
c.) The Rebel Without A Cause.”
used to have a friend that was all 3. keyword, “used to.”
Triple whammy. lol
LOL..great list Monk.
In reply to the hater.. I call them more of a sh*tter. THEY SH*T on everything ..you feel like you getting punk’d but there is not ASHTON KUTCHER.. just your friend sh*tting on something you excited about..
“The ‘Know-It-All’”
but sometimes I do Know it All and they don’t
***walking away***
“the cheap bastard, aka “the cheap piece of sh*t”
I had to stop inviting a good friend out who was like this. I’ve never seen anyone as cheap as her. She would go to dinner with a group of people and order the most expensive plate knowing she didn’t have enough money to pay for it and expect everyone else to pitch in and pay for her. The worst is when I invited her to lunch with co-workers and she tried to pull the same stunt.
Other annoying friends to have are the ones who always talk about their problems, people who are one-uppers, or people who think the world revolves around them.
“I’ve never seen anyone as cheap as her. She would go to dinner with a group of people and order the most expensive plate knowing she didn’t have enough money to pay for it and expect everyone else to pitch in and pay for her.”
this is worse than cheap, lol. this is grounds for friend dismissal
I concur. Stingy bishes have no place in our society
“or people who think the world revolves around them.”
i had one of my close friends refer to me as this, but i took it as jealousy.
My cousin said the same thing to me, but she is for a known fact, jealous.
“I had to stop inviting a good friend out who was like this. I’ve never seen anyone as cheap as her. She would go to dinner with a group of people and order the most expensive plate knowing she didn’t have enough money to pay for it and expect everyone else to pitch in and pay for her. ”
She woulda been washing dishes, cause I would’ve paid for my food and left her there.
Think I won’t…lol
the worst are people who will be the first to eat your food/drink all your liquor/smoke all your ish – yet if you have the audacity to ask them for a piece of gum, they’re all, “ummm…. can you get back to me wednesday?”
and it’s not like i don’t try to get rid of their a$$es, but when all your other friends are in the mix, you can’t be sly and uninvite them from get togethers and whatnot without being b&tched at for the rest of eternity – and therefore guilt-tripped into giving their sorry a$$es more shit for free.
and it’s not like i don’t try to get rid of their a$$es, but when all your other friends are in the mix, you can’t be sly and uninvite them from get togethers and whatnot without being b&tched at for the rest of eternity
you can…just say, “yeah…we’re gonna hit **insert random name of bar/club/restaurant** this weekend. instead of splitting the tab, we’re just gonna rotate. one person will pay this week, someone else the next time we go out, and so on. this week, its on you.”
lol…see if they still show up after that
LOL…good idea Champ. You’ll never see their a$$ again.
You won’t see them tell it there turn to treat. but you can bet your last dollar there broke @ss with be there when it everybody else’s turn
thats why you tell em “whenever you decide to come, it’ll fall on your turn”
the people who have to be right ALL THE TIME…they suck to have as friends. and even worse are the ones that have to argue about it and badger you into their way of thinking…
my good friend’s EX boyfriend was like this…he was the authority on every-damn-thing! and heaven forbid you disagree…then an argument would ensue. and worse than disagreement? not caring. this was not a man who could agree to disagree and he did not like me because i was truly not willing to argue about dumb isht….once when he was ranting i interrupted him and said, “seriously, i dont care. i mean,im trying to care, but i dont care. i dont care SO HARD that im actually in pain from the lack of caring…i mean, you can keep talking, but i just thought you should know that.” he stopped talking.
“once when he was ranting i interrupted him and said, “seriously, i dont care. i mean,im trying to care, but i dont care. i dont care SO HARD that im actually in pain from the lack of caring…i mean, you can keep talking, but i just thought you should know that.” he stopped talking.”
one way of quieting talkative know-it-alls is to offer them money. next time one of them starts ranting, just say “you know what, if you stop talking for the next 2 hours, i’ll give you five bucks. seriously”.
this always seems to work
I have a friend I recently had to relegate to email only status because she was a real smart dumb a$$ motherfugga she is smart as hell but absolutely no common sense..she then proceeds to make the same dumb a$$ mistakes and wonders why and then she will call you for advice but not really..she calls for a co-sign if you dont it turns into a vicious arguments where she attempts to pick apart your reasons for YOUR opinion. Then if you can combat her arguments she tries to throw your past up in your face and hit below the belt. Since I have a hot temper and less and less patience for that shyt I had to let her go to prevent from going to the club and having to peter roll that chick….
whats peter roll? i feel like its a technique i should master….
peter roll is when you hit someone repeatedly with your fists as if you were hitting that boxing speed bag….
“peter roll is when you hit someone repeatedly with your fists as if you were hitting that boxing speed bag….”
why is it called the peter roll?
It just is Champ, it just is…lol
worse enough we got the same name we have very similar experiences. nice 2 meet u, lol
worse enough we got the same name we have very similar experiences. nice 2 meet u, lol
and you as well..LOL do we need to start a support group?
“Then if you can combat her arguments she tries to throw your past up in your face and hit below the belt”
Oh hell naw.
*throat punch*
also since I am from the hood
the flogger/Bourgeois ninja. I mean I grew up with you in the same hood and now you all stuck up..you dont eat hotwings… you dont do “hood”, you eat sushi and not soul food, you have a degree and now you dont fool with people without one. You believe every negative stereotype about black people and are the first one to negatively stereotype your own…you were the first bytch at the club and now you dont do “rap’ music.. I mean come on..
Uncle Rukus?
except uncle Ruckus is hella entertaining. cuz he’s not real.
Wow…pretentious much?
These friends are THE worst. I cannot keep them around at all. They deserve the aforementioned “peter roll”.
how about the been there done that friend? I dont care what you say, where you been.. this ninja been there and done that.. already 2-3 times… but I been your friend for 10 years and I cant never remember you ever doing any of this shyt?
and you already know how I feel about the pseudo intellectual
this is the friend that you might be chillin at the house playing spades drinking, smoking you know having fun and this ninja want to dissect the lyrics of every song that you play.. he dog did you hear what he said right there? “im no island pennisula maybe” I mean he saying that he is only connected to 1 person..you know like a pennisula is only connected on one side.. Gawd dayum ninja shut you a## up.!!!.. and dont let a Pac, Jigga or Biggie joint come on…
“how about the been there done that friend? I dont care what you say, where you been.. this ninja been there and done that.. already 2-3 times… but I been your friend for 10 years and I cant never remember you ever doing any of this shyt?”
lol…they’re annoying as hell, and they also tend to be the “you got your headbeat” person as well. like, if you tell em you just bought a 2009 bentley coupe for two thousand bucks, they’ll respond…”damn n*gga!!! 2 g’s??? you got rocked. i could have got that sh*t for you for $550″.
like, if you tell em you just bought a 2009 bentley coupe for two thousand bucks, they’ll respond…”damn n*gga!!! 2 g’s??? you got rocked. i could have got that sh*t for you for $550″
yeah they are the same ninja…and then when you ask him about getting the hook up on something first he cant tell you shyt…
This whole post made me laugh!!!!!
Breakin’ down theAndre 3000 lyrics huh?
“Breakin’ down theAndre 3000 lyrics huh?”
wait, people don’t do this? i do this. not on every possible occasion or anything but that ninja is deep. tell me you aint listen to “international players anthem” and just mentally envision his words…tell me you didn’t…i dare ya.
I think about them yes, I do this with all lyrics. From every rapper/singer I listen to. I don’t sit around and try to make my friends understand the meaning though. Either they get it, or they don’t.
I love that song!
Shady, you are on it! Though i’ve been known to over thing a jigga lyric or two…i’m not a businessman, i’m a business, MAN! LOL
“Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week”
“I do this in my sleep, I sold kilo’s of coke, I’m guessing I can sell cd’s”
“I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.”
Not a lyric but a Will Ferrell phrase. But I love it!
“I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.”
Not a lyric but a Will Ferrell phrase. But I love it!
luvvie, my good friend “the idea of staying on topic” called, and wants to meet you. apparently you two have never met
“luvvie, my good friend “the idea of staying on topic” called, and wants to meet you. apparently you two have never met”
Champ, my fave egghead, my middle finger seems to want to salute you. Lofff u!!
Shirt!
the exaggerated drunk (”ed” for short), aka “the perper”
LOL in my senior year of high school we went on a college tour.. People snuck liquor on the trip and this one guy bought a bottle of vodka… well he was a fringe member of the popular crowd. Long story short they took his vodka, drank it up and then re-filled the bottle with water. He drank the water and then acted like he was so f!cked up.. falling off the bed, running outside in his draws, etc his boys with their low down a$$ that just kept egging him on. saying man you gone off that water, water aint it? He would laugh and be like.. I am so f!cked up right now.. I was so embarrassed for him….to this day when I see him that’s the first thing that comes to mind.. I still dont think he knows…
Shayd u snapping this morning i feels the passion. u tired of these niccas.
u promising to peter roll hoz and outing the rote memorization no common sense having…
…and those bougy intellectuals who forgot where they came from. they irk me too. nicca i know where the roaches crawl/ed. they rest over there behind the soap. stop fronting.
…and those “one up ya” cats. no matter what u say they done 1 betta. you heard that new album wit jimi hendrix and odb? yeah i heard that joint last yr. thats old. nicca shut up.
Shayd u mad but i can feel why.
Salute!
LOL I was mad…. I just had an argument with a relative..I asked her opinion, and then asked several others for theirs..when their opinion was the opposite she got hot and started the name calling/low blows..it got real ugly real quick and ended with me reverting back to some “street” behavior( like project pat said.. pushed me to the limit so it really aint my fault mayne)..I was actually on the phone listening to some other fam tell me how wrong I was when I wrote those posts so I was a little heated and venting about shyt that makes me mad…I tried to edit it as much as possible but I have been told that my emotions are very “visible” in my writings and facial expression..neither of which is a very good thing..
p.s. when did you start burning the midnight oil on the site?
Shayd i couldn’t sleep. i just went to my bedroom, thought i was sleepy bu can’t catch a wink.
I thought I was the only one who had the worst night’s sleep last night….I am a straight zombie right now.
count me in too. I was good from like 10:30 to 2 then from 4 to 6. Something’s got to give.
I don’t think i have ever had such a hard time. Just kept sleeping and waking up over and over. And when I did drop to sleep, I had the most bizarre dreams ever. They say that sometimes dreams can be based on the kind of food you eat before bed (That’s never made much sense to me, though), and if that’s true, I am NEVER drinking cream soda before bed again!
“LOL in my senior year of high school we went on a college tour.. People snuck liquor on the trip and this one guy bought a bottle of vodka… well he was a fringe member of the popular crowd. Long story short they took his vodka, drank it up and then re-filled the bottle with water. He drank the water and then acted like he was so f!cked up.. falling off the bed, running outside in his draws, etc his boys with their low down a$$ that just kept egging him on. saying man you gone off that water, water aint it? He would laugh and be like.. I am so f!cked up right now.”
lol…yeah. its always fun to throw the placebo at the the perper. it’s almost as fun as eating toast
1. The friend who thinks she knows a lot but really doesn’t know ish: they say Carol Mosley Braun was the first black woman to run for president (um…ijot have you heard of Shirley Chisolm?). You say you are going to Portugal and they say “ooo. You can run with the bulls.” (yeah, no. that’s in Spain). You tell them you gave up booze for lent and order an ‘easy living’ at the bar. They insist an ‘easy living’ has alcohol in it (negro…it’s juice with Sprite or 7-up). They get mad at you for knowing ish and it leads to arguments.
2. The friend who has to tell you how to react to things/correct your personality CONSTANTLY. If you don’t react exactly how they think you should to something, they tell you about it.
3. The friend who won’t let ish go. They remind you of some injustice you carried out against them daily, for a month. Cuss me out, something. But let that mess go. I apologized and don’t need to hear this every dang day.
4. The friend with the victim mentality. Every argument, disagreement, etc. is distorted to make them look innocent and to paint the other party as some hateful a$$ person.
Unfortunately, one ex friend had all FOUR of these. Cussed her out royally (a demon came out of me) and parted ways with her.
. The friend with the victim mentality. Every argument, disagreement, etc. is distorted to make them look innocent and you as some hateful a$$ person.
The friend who has to tell you how to react to things/correct your personality CONSTANTLY. If you don’t react exactly how they think you should to something, they tell you about it.
my friend that put on email status below also has these traits
and that victim one is a mofo.. I cant stand someone who does not take personal responsibility…if every relationship, job, etc never seems to work out..it aint everbody/everything else..its you..own it and do something about it….
You know I usually feel bad when I fight with friends but this time I didn’t. I told her I was gonna cuss her out and she screamed “yaaay”. Lol. So I knew I was dealing with someone crazy. She kept pushing and pushing, textin me like I’m some ni99a who broke up with her. So I hit her below the belt and went off. Next thing she’s telling me I’m evil, I need help and that I cussed her out for no reason!!! wtf? I took her ish for 9 years and got tired of it (mostly the victim mentality and correcting my personality).
V dot E dot, i’m weak laughing at:
“They get mad at you for knowing ish and it leads to arguments.”
a snappy salute to ya!
GK:
I’m not one to correct a person, but if they get all high and mighty with their incorrect knowledge I can’t take it. This former friend dominated a 30 min. discussion where she went on and on about how Braun was the first black female to run for president and how historically significant it was. I politely and quietly said, to her alone, “girl…Shirley Chisolm ran for president. She black.” Chick got mad at me! Don’t hate me cuz I read an extra book in school and watched a few PBS specials. lol.
Vdot~
“Don’t hate me cuz I read an extra book in school and watched a few PBS specials.”
I e love u
once while waiting at Denver international airport as we (10 of us) were waiting for a shuttle bus to take us to our hotel, my friend’s boyfriend got upset cause I corrected him on some ish and in a very angry tone said “Damn girl you be readin’ and ish huh” like there was something wrong for having extra knowledge. To this day we use that when any one of us in the group says something even remotely smart. He is no longer a boyfriend.
I make it a point not to engage in debates with “know it alls” because whenever I do, I get irate.
I have a “know it all” tendency.. so I try to give ninja’s a break. I am the type that if something comes up I dont know about I will research it. Add that to the fact that I have lived a varied life and read a lot I tend to have a lot of surface level knowledge about a lot of different shyt. So I try to really give others a break because I know how it can come off but I dont go around correcting every mistake and being asininely verbose or claiming knowledge on shyt I know nothing about and speaking it as if its fact. You can only take so much and then you gotta let them fools have it!
ye shayd i know how you feel…you see sometimes you just have to let half/truths slide, esp. when the friend is so sure of themselves, just sit there and nod like the rest.
But after a while do you also get the feeling that being smart or the King of trivia is wrong, like knowing sh*t is a crime! and you love these guys, you can’t just dumpem you all go way back, but they some ignorant mufuggers!!
But after a while do you also get the feeling that being smart or the King of trivia is wrong, like knowing sh*t is a crime! and you love these guys, you can’t just dumpem you all go way back, but they some ignorant mufuggers!!
LMAO exactly
“Unfortunately, one ex friend had all FOUR of these.”
you’re not referring to luvvie, are you?
Bwhahaha and under the bus she goes
I HATE U CHAMP!!!
Luvvie is quite bright. lol.
first, bad day Champ? lol…Even after watching the dr. dre video, I still don’t know what a diamond sh*tter is, but perhaps you can enlighten me.
Anyway, here’s my list:
1) The wannabees- these are the folks who learn about some new thing (could be a news story, a new phrase in their ‘hip’ lexicon, or latest fashion) and act like it’s been on their radar since last year even though they just found out about it a minute before you did. “Girl, where you been? That’s been around forever! Everybody knows that!” um…NOT! Now, I’m not claiming to be the most up to date chick when it comes to pop culture but c’mon now don’t act like your azz is light years ahead of me when you ain’t.
2) The struggling artists a.k.a. cheap ass ninjas- (by the way ninjas is my new favorite word, Thanks VSB! if one of y’all says that word has been a euphemism for youknowwhat for the last 20 years i will hiss at you) These are the negroids who hold tight to their precious “struggling artist” title in spite of the fact that they’re going on 35 and haven’t had healthcare in almost 2 decades. They’re waiting for that big break and in the meantime, can’t phathom getting a real job to take care of themselves. I’m talking ain’t been to the dentist, don’t get medications for their chronic health condition, and haven’t saved a dime. I’m an artist, so I understand the struggle (and danger) of balancing a 9 to 5 with your creative time, but c’mon at a certain age shouldn’t you be able to afford to pay your rent, avoid bouncing checks, and buy toilet paper regularly? [This is sort of going back to the 'I'm so grown' post, but i think some folks need to reread that]
3) The Frontin’ A$$ Ninjas- These are the folks, both male and female, who try to front like they’re so daggone ‘hard core’. If they’re male they act like “b*tches ain’t sh*t but hoes and tricks” and they’re d*ckin’ down every female that spreads her legs. And if they’re female they act like they wouldn’t date any guy who makes less than 6 figures and a has a d*ck shorter than 8 inches. In reality, the women are layed up with a dude whose making 30k and is layin’ his avg size p*nis just fine; and the men are only as scandalous & gangsta as the Snoop-Dogg lyrics they memorized, and they secretly fantasize about finding ‘the one’-a good woman, just like their momma.
One day I’m gonna out them all!
The wannabe frontin azz niccas, im wit u on them Miss P. im wit ya. wannbe hard, wannabe high post etc. etc. etc.
salute!
“Even after watching the dr. dre video, I still don’t know what a diamond sh*tter is, but perhaps you can enlighten me.”
their a**shole is so tight that they can turn sh*t to diamonds.
lol, and yeah…you officially can’t be a starving artist anymore after your 26th birthday…especially if your “art” sucks
“especially if your “art” sucks”
thats usually why you end up a starvin artist, lmao
hmmm…F*CK. so you’re saying i need to get a job huh?
I think Jerry & Elaine summed it up best in this one Seinfeld episode:
Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.
Jerry: Yeah, they’re the worst.
*lol… i don’t really hate people. that would make me one of those people that hates people and b*tches about it daily, which would then make me eligible for one of these categories of people you can’t stand. never that.
It’s ok to hate people sometimes. They can suck.
I hate most humans between 8 and 10 a.m.
She really does. 10:01 is when she becomes even remotely pleasant. Otherwise, them green eyes of hers are gray. lol
“Otherwise, them green eyes of hers are gray.”
v.e.g. isn’t really erick sermon in disguise, is she?
*shakes fist at Champ*
I second this sentiment!
I say “I hate people” on the daily, I think I’m starting to mean it though…lmao
people suck, girl…don’t be ‘shamed.
I feel better now. Thanks 8th!
*daps*
well Champ u outdid ur self today with renditions like:
“…with the heat of a thousand AKA crotches.”
complete with the wedding cake statuette in pink and green no less and a sub that says “fire-proof panties not included.”
yep u gon get it for this and i can’t wait to bear witness. be scrong! (like u were when that dude was tripping on ur “u might be gay if” post) by the way nice work on that 1. u let ur nutz hang on that dude. whooooo!
…and speaking of bristol palin:
i dont know if it’s true, u decide.
http://www.blackbottom.com/watch.php?v=WdBJd9b9i8A
as for the exaggerated drunk:
there was this dude in highschool who wanted to be down sooo bad. he thought he was on line to be a “oooooh wee mf’er” he would call to see where we were and we’d say get over here fast we got the freaks and its on. bring a case of beer and hurry up! he’d get there and we’d be like, aww man u just missedem. they just left. …tie him to a chair, drink up all his beer and piss it back in the can and he would drink it and swear he was drunk. (i know that’s hell worthy but i was highschool dumb and crazy) swore he was drunk though. (exaggerated drunk)
the night he thought he “crossed the line” we got him drunk for real and he was too drunk to walk. we tried o leave him on his porch but he was too heavy to carry so we left him layed out in his yard. we wnt back and go him cause we were scared somebody was gonna hurt him. rough neighborhood. so we carried him to a church and left him laid out on the front steps under a light. we thought that was protection enough. ol tommy terd. father bless me for i have sinned.
…and i’m a wee bit of a conspiracy theorist myself perhaps not to the extent that u describe but at 1 point people didn’t believe the earth was round. anyways as far as i know the Pres. Woodrow Wilson in 1913 turned over our tax dollars to a privately on central bank thru the Federal Reserve Act and the Income Tax Act. our treasury is controlled by a privately run monopoly whom the gov does not audit. they take our money and loan it back to us to build roads and make war. intl banks finance war and often times on both sides of the fight. do some math on lil Bush’s grandfather Prescott Bush and better yet the Rothschild family. see Congressman Louis T. McFadden (don’t come up missing and have to put an Amber Alert out on ur azz)
3 city states D.C, city state of London (intl banks headquarters) and Vatican city. they all have their own constitutions, flags, and laws. i know some of us work for the feds. so give us the skinny, if u got it. straighten me out.
give me control of a nations money and i care not who makes her laws. Mayor Rothschild
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whooooo!
Bristol Palin debacle
http://www.blackbottom.com/watch.php?v=WdBJd9b9i8A
…and errr ahhh im sleepy so if u cant cipher my typos mesorry. i’ll try to do mobetta. say bye.
genius khan has left conci…
“yep u gon get it for this and i can’t wait to bear witness. be scrong! (like u were when that dude was tripping on ur “u might be gay if” post) by the way nice work on that 1. u let ur nutz hang on that dude. whooooo!”
ummm…thanks for noticing, i guess.
btw, is that link worksafe?
yes champ the link should be worksafe. no profanity or nudity in it. …but hell* ur off work now.
@GK
***smh*** I don’t even know where to start
Hedo both the republicans and democrats are waiting to drop bombs just a few moments before the election so they can skew peoples perception. …and before they’ve had a chance to fact check they’ll have to vote. the battle will be epic in proportion and we aleady know historic by its end.
I would also like to add to this the friends that
talk all the shyt and wont buss a grape after she done started a straight donnybrook in the club and the “they said” ninja..This ninja believe any and everthing they hear, regardless of how ridiculous and unfounded it is. Every rumor, every old wives tale, etc The email where Steve Erkel killed himself and left the “did I do that” suicide note? they believed, they know everything based on they… They said, the company gone start doing layoffs next week…. My mother told me long ago.. “They” gone get yo a$$ in a whole lot of trouble” this ninja never heard that saying
“The email where Steve Erkel killed himself and left the “did I do that” suicide note? they believed”
see…unless you’re 97 years old or from mississippi, theres no excuse to ever fall for any of those email scams. people like her are the ones keeping spammers fat and happy
Look i don’t give a F**k what yall think, you all need the conspiracy theorist in your crew, If it weren’t for me yall wouldn’t know:
1. She’s a man
2. That’s not your kid, Look at that chin; that big o’l head, wavy hair, slurry speech, can’t play ball – that’s not your Kid
3. Your parents have, at some point in time, had sex.
4. Fried Chicken, watermelons, videoho*s, rims, school was created for the enslavement of black people.
5. In some countries you could have a peach thrown on ya, if you get your d*ck house in an office of oval construction…serious man
6. They are watching our every move.
7. Jesus aint commin back…
yall can b*tch as much as you want, but life without us, is a life not questioned.
Think about this:
What if the creators of VSB aren’t even verys smart…just follow me on this…what if they aren’t even brothers?. Look I’m not saying anything conclusive, I’m just saying it’s possible you know what I’m sayin, consider it an unknown unknown you get me? I’m just keeping it real, this is the sh*t the govergnment doesn’t want you to know, why you think Britney Spears went crazy, why you think Lauren don’t wanna peform no more, why you think Michael molest all those sick Hespanic/white kids, why you think everyone at some point acted like they didn’t know Freddie Mercury, Prince and Luther Vandoss where playing for the other team, why you think black people are the most religious people on the face of the earth yet that same religion was introduced for the sake of killing their own barbaric doctrine… it’s all connected man, part of the bigger plan…i have no idea what the bigger plan is, but you can be sure of this, I’ll let you know when i know, …cause i spit the truth homie
Peace!!!
“What if the creators of VSB aren’t even verys smart…just follow me on this…what if they aren’t even brothers?”
I know for a fact that at least ONE of the Very Smart Brothas is a brotha. He is a lil’ light-skinned, but you can tell. And he at least looks smart. Be wearing glasses sometimes, ya know.
” And he at least looks smart. Be wearing glasses sometimes, ya know.”
hahahahaaha…Lol…hahaah
Hey i was just saying, not neccessaraly spitting fact, just wondering…like most conspiracy theorists usualy do, speculate, regulate, so as to innovate, never masturbate, constantly reitterate, yet so puntcually articulate..hope yall can apreciate
“5. In some countries you could have a peach thrown on ya, if you get your d*ck house in an office of oval construction…serious man”
can you translate this into american please?
i thought i was the only one who didnt understand any of that.
VSB: where great minds
sometimes don’tthink alikeIt was a vague attempt at abstract humour, sometimes you get it right sometimes not.
Here’s a clue:
Oval office, Bill, impeachement
Sorry bout that, sometimes when you think in lightyears you forget that others are just normal.
LMAO
“VSB aren’t even verys smart…”
this whole thing made me laugh till I almost peed
wooo hooooo!
You ever had a conspiracy theorist friend be so convincing the ni**a start to convince you of outlandish common sense ish?
“You ever had a conspiracy theorist friend be so convincing the ni**a start to convince you of outlandish common sense ish?”.
nope.
So you never passed on bacon at the diner because “they” promote pig to us in order to keep us unhealthy and kill us off early?
My one friend got me seriously thinking that someone is trying to monitor my movements with my EZ Pass and Garmin GPS lol. I also got satellite radio, dude is like “yo you must like them watching you son”. Before I realized, who the hell wants to watch me?
“So you never passed on bacon at the diner because “they” promote pig to us in order to keep us unhealthy and kill us off early?”
nope. in fact, if you know anyone who partakes in this practice, please lemme know so i can take the extra bacon off their hands
“Before I realized, who the hell wants to watch me?”
EXACTLY! Conspiracy theorists find themselves TOO important. Dude, you’re an accounting drone from ABC Co. Ur life aint interesting enuff. The only people watchin you is ur Manager.
i’m a conspiracy theorist of sorts and i KNOW i’ve gotten folks to stop drinking Starbucks b/c of my line of thinking.
sh*t, its gotten so bad that folks actually call me to apologize when they go to Starbucks now…which actually infuriates me. why would you call to tell me that you’re not heeding my warning? i wouldnt know since you live in freakin’ timbuktu, just go drink your starbucks in ignorance people.
“i’m a conspiracy theorist of sorts and i KNOW i’ve gotten folks to stop drinking Starbucks b/c of my line of thinking.”
whatever. The Starbucks logo held up to a mirror is one part Jesus and one part Buddah.
thusly Starbucks Coffee is “holy” water.
***wet blanket coming through watch your heads***
While there are people who will look for a hidden meaning IN EVERYTHING. Everything does have meaning. You just have to be able to apply the CORRECT meaning to the THING.
***gets out dollar bill to calculate the end of the world, adding the serial numbers and then multiplying by the day I was born, and the number of times I must sip my coffee divided by the amount of starbucks in a 10 mile radius from my house….plus 1.***
While there are people who will look for a hidden meaning IN EVERYTHING. Everything does have meaning. You just have to be able to apply the CORRECT meaning to the THING.
WTF…please explain…
“Everything does have meaning. You just have to be able to apply the CORRECT meaning to the THING.”
i can’t really break this down any more than it is already broken “downded”.
question: do you keep a variety of blankets soaking in your bathtub at all times, or do you just wait for special occasions, and then soak whichever blanket is closest to you? i’ve always wondered.
@champ: you didnt know that Comeback was owner of bed, bath and beyond..
@ Jolie and the Champ
regarding my signature blanket collection. I always thought they were shabby chic of the rachel ashwell variety. While they may hurt when I swing them really hard with my universal truths (shabby), they still are quite floral and pleasing (chic).
“I always thought they were shabby chic of the rachel ashwell variety. While they may hurt when I swing them really hard with my universal truths (shabby), they still are quite floral and pleasing (chic).”
what colors are available for your blankets?
Word to the wise!
While there are people who will look for a hidden meaning IN EVERYTHING. Everything does have meaning. You just have to be able to apply the CORRECT meaning to the THING.
um. frances cress-welsing called, she wants her M.O. back.
by the way, i hate her. thank you.
Man I have plenty of friends that I had to cut off.
The “Go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200 friend” – this negro is the worst. Been in and out of jail since he was 16 and now he’s 26. Guess where he’s at right now? When he gets out, it’s always the same sh!t. I throw him a few dollars so he “can get back on his feet” and I don’t hear from him again until he’s behind bars. I always tell him if your going to be a criminal at least be a smart one. He’s also known as the dumb @ss friend
i think every black male has at least one friend/cousin who fits this description. its like, at least rob a bank or punch a mayor or something…do something worth going to prison for instead of getting arrested for throwing a bottle of mo at the bouncer after the club.
actually that was how my in & outa jail friend started out. He used to steel cars in jr high. One day we asked him to crash into the school bus n he did it. Good times. Funny part was him jumping out of the totalled car n running. lol
What do you do when they are in your family? B/c I’m related to a couple of peeps like this
Pray for em Luvvie pray for em cuz they caught up in some ole big buisness. Shoot even Jordan has invested in The usuh’s peynyle correctional phucilities.
The habitually broke flosser! I have this friend who is supposedly so flossy. But when we go out, she NEVER has enough money. Her
credit cardbank card has been declined more times that I can count. And if there’s a group outing, she’s ALWAYS the one drinking 7 drinks but when the bill comes, she’s looking all loopy talkin’ ’bout she only had two drinks! B*tch! I’m getting heated just thinking about it.The dumb hoe. This is the chick who will screw ANY man who gives her half a second worth of attention and takes her to McDonald’s. She is just one step below the rest of her friends. No education, questionable teeth, no car, etc. There’s just something missing. But people feel sorry for her because she appears to be a nice person. Later, we’d all find out she was a hating ass hater. Cus remember, A hungry man and a full man can’t be friends! It’s hard to be friends if everyone isn’t doing something well–or at least thinks they are!
LMAO @ “questionable teeth”!
A hungry man and full man can’t be friends.
Classic.
Here are some friends I have had in my circle before
1. The ‘No Original Thought’ Chick- This is the girlfriend who as soon as they have a boyfriend forgets how to form the most basic human thoughts on their own. Every sentence out of their mouth begins with ‘No, but Keith said….’, ‘I hear that but Keith really thinks…..’,'I dont know let me ask/see what Keith wants to do first….’ This b!tch drives me crazy!! It is like the minute a penis plugs her whole her mind stops working.
2. The ‘I kmow him, he tried to hollar at me’ Chick–This is the chick who no matter where you are or who the guy is who is tryin to talk to you he has already tried to talk to her more than once. And according to her was also dayum near in love with her and boarderline stalker material. This chick is also the one who always seems to be surprised that you can pull the flyest guy in the room even though you arent a size 6 or 8.
3.The ‘Nothing Is Ever Quite Right’ chick-This is the chick who spends forever and a day getting ready to go anywhere and still nothing is never quite right and good enough for her. Her shoes arent fitting right, her bar hurts, her hair wont do right, etc. Then when you get to the restaurant she has to send her food back 2 times. Just pisses me off.
“It is like the minute a penis plugs her whole her mind stops working.”
lol…sounds like someone needs to listen to camron’s new track
2. The ‘I kmow him, he tried to hollar at me’ Chick
I hate them wenches…nuff said.
my best friend has turned into “The ‘No Original Thought’ Chick.” sooooo sad and VERY irritating. she even managed to work him and his opinion into a convo the girls and i were having on tampons. *ugghhh* apparently my friend has been replaced by some nonsense regurgitating clone .
I am also friends with #2. Tries her hardest to get that through your head so you won’t try to get at him. BUT WAIT! When you do it to her, she cops a major attitude, like you’re really hating on her! CRAZY! LOL! Yes, #2, to the T!
And when you finally get to know the guy he doesn’t know her/ she stalked the hell out of him!!
Ok, I have a friend, or “associate,” that fits into the following categories: (yes, the same girl in all of the following categories!)
-The “Girl, he IS cute” Friend-Ok, we’re at a club. I spot this dude, and I tell her, “damn, he is cute!” And she’s says, “damn, he IS cute! I’m about to go get his number!” She walks away, but doesn’t go to him. She comes back, telling me how fine he is, how she’ll have his # by the end of the night, on and on! Never mind that I am the one who had my eye on him initially! Let’s just say if I spot someone in the club, I keeps it to myself!
-The “I want you down here with me” friend-If she’s down, she’ll call you. Not because she wants you to raise her spirits, because if you try that, you will be shut down by a negative reaction. No, she wants you to feel as low as she does! No matter the encouragement you may give her, she will find a way to make you feel like you’re wrong for being so cheerful! We usually hang up on these friends or stop responding to their IM’s.
This also applies for that single friend, who is “man-hating” mode, and does NOT want to hear about how happy you are with your boo. She will say whatever she needs to say to make you think that he ain’t ish, that his job isn’t good enough, that he is doing you wrong in some way, shape, or form, etc.
You know how I do! If I think of another one, I will surely be back!
Have a beautiful day, vsb!
“-The “Girl, he IS cute” Friend-Ok, we’re at a club. I spot this dude, and I tell her, “damn, he is cute!” And she’s says, “damn, he IS cute! I’m about to go get his number!” She walks away, but doesn’t go to him. She comes back, telling me how fine he is, how she’ll have his # by the end of the night, on and on! Never mind that I am the one who had my eye on him initially! Let’s just say if I spot someone in the club, I keeps it to myself!”
bandwagon attraction at it’s deadliest
OMG. Your description of gurlfriend number 2 is spot on. Why do women do each other like that?
Oh man…
I have one acquaintance (refuse to use the word friend) who is boring. Yes, boring as hell. She’s always calls and wants to do things, and she’s always the last person I go to. I have to absolutely have nothing else going on before we hang out.
I won concert tix one time to see Talib Kweli/Mos Def, and no one else was available, so as to not waste a ticket, I asked her if she wanted to go. So off we went, and for the whole concert she stood next to me, arms folded across her chest. I mean it’s a concert, I’m having a great time, drinking, dancing around with various prospects and she standing there like a bump on a log.
This isn’t just an isolated incident either, she’s done this at clubs, other shows, and the watch party we went to for the DNC. This is why she’s on the very bottom of the list, why go out if you can’t have fun, or at least act like you’re having fun?
And this is the friend that gets offended when she finds out about other group outings/get-togethers to which she was not invited. *smnh* The nerve of some people.
These type friends are perfect for going out with. There are called Designated Drivers!!!
My “Scaredy Cat” Friend is the perfect Designated driver. He also doubles as my body guard when ish pops off.
You know EFF, you have a point, she is normally our DD. She doesn’t even hardly drink. Last time we went out she got a club soda with lime. I offered to buy her a real drink…lol
i have two types of people closely related with a distant cousin of ACTION.
1. dream crushers. They really really annoy me. They are the FIRST ones to tell you why you can’t do something because its never been done or j”ust too hard.”
2. perpetual dreamers. They spend all the dam#n day pondering on the pipe. They usually pick the biggest most wildest thing EVER. And then can’t make the first step.
its really funny to see the dream crusher and the perpetual dreamer have dinner and talk to oneanother. pure comedy.
“its really funny to see the dream crusher and the perpetual dreamer have dinner and talk to oneanother. pure comedy.”
“the dream crusher” was my nickname when i played ball in college. that and “the injured reserve”
“the dream crusher” was my nickname when i played ball in college. that and “the injured reserve”
lmao. *cues violins* for Champ’s short career
Have any of you run in the woman who always smells something foul? It’s like when she walks in the room she immediately smells something horrible and walks around with that I smell something stanky face the entire evening?
CTFU!!!!! Yes…we finally found out one of her teeth was rotten and she finally got it pulled.
A dental plan is your friend.
LMAO hahahaahaha smell it and tell it!
On-again-off-again bible thumpers.
I’m all for acheiving a higher spiritual awareness but uh…
People who get saved/converted and then start trying to teach* everyone around them about the wonders of their new found religion and how it’s the ONLY religion or the interpretation of the bible at their church is the correct one… And then lose that religion 6 months later… No.
Just because you just found a God doesn’t mean that I don’t have one.
*By teach, I really mean browbeat and threaten with a free trip to Hades.
I have an acquaintance like that. I had to tell her that I’ve been saved longer than she has.
She tried to give me a lecture on “why Christian women shouldn’t listen to rap music”.
It didn’t go well.
“why Christian women shouldn’t listen to rap music.”
There’s no such..when a rap artist says b*tch/hoe/tramp/c*ck-nibbler he aint talking about you, no need to worry my child
Oh I’m well aware.
That was her warped way of thinking…lol
this is that example of when a little bit of knowledge is dangerous.
my gay aunt was saved and wearing skirts for exactly 2 weeks. after that she was back to linen suits and budweisers.
“my gay aunt was saved and wearing skirts for exactly 2 weeks. after that she was back to linen suits and budweisers.”
LMAO!! This made me snort
“my gay aunt was saved and wearing skirts for exactly 2 weeks. after that she was back to linen suits and budweisers”
*holy ish* I seriously almost spit out my iced tea…lmao!!!
Im sure that isnt the only thing she was back at…
I have an ex-friend who talked about EVERYONE (that were supposed to be his “friends”) behind thier back. A man who took his daily b*tchassness vitamin daily. If you confided in him, you could be 100% sure that he would repeat what you said, or even worse, bring it up in a room full of people when you guys were joking on each other. He always took it one step too far, which is why I never told him anything I couldnt handle being repeated.
Oh, the best thing about him?
If you put his biz all the way out there, he’d preach to you ad nauseum about how that was a messed up thing to do, and how he’d NEVER do you that way. Then you’d bring up the ish he said 5 minutes before, and he’d look all confused like it never happened. Seriously, all he was missing was a vagina, ole’ man mean girl lookin ninja.
Unfortunately, he was also tons of fun to be around, which is why everyone tolerates his shyt. But eventually, I had to leave him alone before I shanked him. I’m too pretty for jail.
I swear I just cannot trust a man that talks that much. A gossiping man is about the worst thing on earth to me. I will challenge his manhood right to his face. Offer to buy him a fruity drank n’ shyt.
Yeah, to be honest, I knew the first time I saw him regurgitating the personal business of one of our friends, that he and I would NOT be friends for long.
Yeah…I don’t like that either.
“A gossiping man is about the worst thing on earth to me.”
i agree. they’re just as suspect as the guy who works out, but hates sports
Damn. I can’t even say what I wanna say here cuz this friend I have that is “questionable” at times may come over here and check out VSB today. We hung out this weekend and she saw PeeJay in his T-shirt! Dangit! I’ll say something and next thing I know I’ll get some tear-filled, kitten paws-azz text/email from her asking me questions she don’t really want the PBG answers to.
I guess I’ll just enjoy the comments and epic tangents and sneak back in 2 days and say something when nobody’s looking.
But PBG, isn’t she going to know you’re talking about her anyway? You done talked about yall’s weekend and eurry-thang!
lol
Yeah, she would. But honestly, its nothing I haven’t already said to her. I won’t talk about anyone w/out having talked to them about already. She knows the deal, and so do I.
“But PBG, isn’t she going to know you’re talking about her anyway? You done talked about yall’s weekend and eurry-thang!”
lol…basically
the exaggerated drunk (”ed” for short), aka “the perper”
I don’t have friends like this but I do have a “Can’t shut the eff up while High friend”
“I don’t have friends like this but I do have a “Can’t shut the eff up while High friend””
i don’t smoke, but i thought getting high was supposed to make people mellow
some people just become oprah and tyra plus 15 other talk show hosts when high.
I hate the “Mr. Me Too friend” , The compulsive lying, bragging, trying to show you up at any point “friend”. That cat is at the pinnacle of lameness….
“the pinnacle of lameness”
this actually was the original title of “love lockdown”, until yeezy’s A&R convinced him otherwise.
I finally listened to that song this morning.
I’m thinking ‘Ye is tone def.
Yeah, it is pretty f*cking terrible, I love Ye and all but that song is devil and the truth ain’t in it….
you know what though…even though this album might be ye’s “jump the shark” moment, i actually like the song.
I love that saying “jump the shark”
LOL @”jumping the shark”.
Yeah…it maybe a wrap.
Ha!….you forgot “The Statue”. The friend that is sooo stagnant, that if you took a 6 month break from calling him, and you called back after the 6 months, he would answer the phone in the same tone, from the same spot on the couch, watching the same tv show, eating the same bowl of Ramen Noodles, up to the same thing….’NUUUTTIN!
lol…another person who basically just sucks at life.
this (the sucking at life) is a potential future topic, btw
I have a low/no expectations friend. She thinks that everybody who is black and has a pen!s is dateable.
Me: “But girl, he’s my boss”
Her: “So? He might be the one”
Me: “But girl he’s married”
Her: “So? Give it a year and see what happens – you need to loosen up”
Me: “But girl he has 4 kids”
Her: “So? At least he has a job”
D@mn b!tch, do you have ANY deal breakers?
*Reposted b/c my other comment got held for moderation*
“D@mn b!tch, do you have ANY deal breakers?”
lol…i guess “breathing” would be one
LOL I guess desperation has a name and face. HER.
Either I have very little friends or I’m a lucky bastard. Nah, it’s the former, I’ve got very little actual friends. Only ones that I give that label are people I can like, respect, appreciate and in general have a very hard time coming up with any negatives. Anyone else is somebody who happens to be around when I do the things that I do.
Alright there are a couple types that are on my unless I’ve been drunk for ever and my right mind is long gone WE CAN’T EVEN KICK IT (I’m lieing though cuz I can find a good time w/ prolly somuh n e body)
We got the bash somebody else to justify something lookin boy. I party w/ these people cuz of bla bla bla. They always going right right right lookin for validation. I’M NOT YOUR AMEN CORNER.
and the RePeters iew this dude seeks out your opinion to hate on you later. boooo nyiuguh!
“and the RePeters iew this dude seeks out your opinion to hate on you later. boooo nyiuguh!”
vsb.com: inducing seizures in readers since 1913
I really got to get better @ this writing thing either that or pass out a complimentary bite stick, and shot of valume w/ every post.
maybe you should just give out a decoder ring with each post…
or like they used to do on the blood hound gang, provide us with the key you used to write your encrypted messages.
I actually blame my mind’s introverted ear. OMG cuz I actually love the way it sounds in my head & when I read it. lol or is my mind lol awe crap now ther’s an echo. I shouldn’t have rented revolver this weekend.
& I’ma get you for referencing the blood hound gang on here. You know good n well the young folks are just gonna think of that group doing it like animals on the discovery channel dressed up like monkeys. SMH
Another one of my friends who I love to death is the “scaredy cat” friend. He’s afaird to do/try anything new.
Another one of the people “I’m cool with” (read as not my friend) is the “fake @ss Pimp Named Slick Back”. This Ninja always talking about how he’s a ladies man, but you never see him with any chicks. And if you do they look like your average hood rats. He’s the type always giving advice on love, but the only relationship he’s been is failed because that girl cheated on him.
“Another one of the people “I’m cool with” (read as not my friend) is the “fake @ss Pimp Named Slick Back”. This Ninja always talking about how he’s a ladies man, but you never see him with any chicks. And if you do they look like your average hood rats. He’s the type always giving advice on love, but the only relationship he’s been is failed because that girl cheated on him.”
see…if i were a reader/commentator instead of the champ, i’d use this opportunity to say something excessively snarky like “this friends name isn’t the champ, is it?”
ya’ll are slackin.
that cause dude initials are DY
1. The rambler: I had a friend who would talk incessantly about random dumb sh*t constantly. I mean she could call me and the only word I would get in during our 2 hour long conversation (make that monologue) was “Hello?”
2. The Food Critic: I had to let her go with a quickness cause a sister is not down for floor seasonings or indulging in the chef’s special/personal sauce. EVERYTIME we’d go out to eat she had some complaint about her food and would constantly send stuff back, oftentimes getting her meal comped. She may have been the Cheap Friend in disguise.
3. The Speculator: Presumes to know everything and yet has experienced nothing. He speaks only in hypotheticals. “I mean, if that were my woman, then…”
“2. The Food Critic: I had to let her go with a quickness cause a sister is not down for floor seasonings or indulging in the chef’s special/personal sauce. EVERYTIME we’d go out to eat she had some complaint about her food and would constantly send stuff back, oftentimes getting her meal comped. She may have been the Cheap Friend in disguise”
I used to work at a restaurant in HS. There were more than a few psychos in the kitchen. I know one of the cooks would “accidentally” drop your steak on the floor if you kept sending it back. IDK if you guys have ever seen the floor of a kitchen at mid-range restaurant.
I never send food back, for this reason.
“I never send food back, for this reason.”
me too. i mean, unless i ordered a well done steak and it comes to me bleeding, i’m keeping the food.
Haha, only time I’d expect food comped would be if I ordered something and they totally fucked it up, then expected me to eat it.
I’ve only had my food comped once.
We were @ happy hour and the waitress tripped as she was walking by me with a tray full of drinks, 2 landed directly on my shirt.
I had free everything that day…lol
The most annoying friends are the “Lemony Snicketts,” their entire life is a Series of Unfortunate Events. Something is always happening to them but they can never seem to hold any blame or fault. They always need someone to do something for them, and can’t seem to get it together for themselves. Nothing worse than knowing whenever you answer thier call something else will have happened and of course, they’re the damn victim…again.
The second Pain In The A** “friend” is the one who hates on you cuz ya new shoes are cute, or that dude was staring at you, or the vitamins you’re taking are making your skin glow. She never has anything positive to say about you and your relationships but expects you to coo over her latest tryst. Eye roll and groan.
Like Monk said, I don’t necessarily cut them off completely since they still have redeeming qualities, but there are just certain things you expect to give/get from certain people. Not everyone has the capacity to be all around awesome.
“The most annoying friends are the “Lemony Snicketts,” their entire life is a Series of Unfortunate Events.”
this made me LOL for like 20 seconds
“The most annoying friends are the “Lemony Snicketts,” their entire life is a Series of Unfortunate Events”
I have a friend who changes jobs like draws, every job some Lemony Snitcketteness happens, she never adds in the fact that she is notoroiusly late er’day and and has a problem with authority, and wonders why I will not ‘hook her up’ with a job at my company…. as if
“wonders why I will not ‘hook her up’ with a job at my company…. as if”
Exactly…wanna come over to your company and eff up your rep.
No thank you.
I have a Lemony Snickett who is also a “Rescue Me”
I won’t put her whole story on blast, but let’s just say her life was one long series of unfortunate events and EXCUSES….
She now has a baby by a ninja with an UNGODLY number of other ‘outside kids’ (double digit number) who ain’t paying child support (though since she won’t take his ass to court, whose fault is that?)
She’s in ‘Captain Save-a-Me’ mode hunting for some dude to sweep her off her feet and sweep her issues off a cliff….
Seriously, what in the world does AKA have to do with this rant?
good question.
I cannot stop chuckling at this response, Champ.
I’m stealing it.
Oh and let’s not forget the “I slept with a whole crew of homies, but I’m NOT a slut!” friend.
Sigh…
CTFU!!!!
Keep telling yourself that chick.
1) Low Self Esteem Girl – Always needs to be told how pretty/smart she is
2) Low Self Esteem Boy – needlessly competitive, needs to be smacked around a bit, and then told to man up.
3) Always gotta be right/have the last word
You – “The sky is blue today”.
Them – “no actually it’s periwinkle”
4) Math always works in their favor
More than just being cheap, you end up subsidizing their meal.
- we split the check 4 ways (they order lobster)
- no separate checks, just back of the receipt division – throws in what their item cost, no tip no tax
2) Low Self Esteem Boy – needlessly competitive, needs to be smacked around a bit, and then told to man up.
i actually hafta cut the low self esteemers off, because they all eventually become strippers, and theres no upside to having male strippers in your crew
) Math always works in their favor
More than just being cheap, you end up subsidizing their meal.
- we split the check 4 ways (they order lobster)
- no separate checks, just back of the receipt division – throws in what their item cost, no tip no tax
I refuse to go out to eat with this mofo anymore! I cant stand that crap. Split it 4 ways or keep you punk azz home you cheap azz bastid.
Hi VSB! I’m a (former) shady lurker, but I’ve changed my ways. Love the site….Friends to cut:
- the “Can You Help Me Out Until I Get Paid” friend: this one NEVER EVER has money and always needs a loan. Always broke but still wants to hang out with the homies, hence someone has to pay their way. These friends are expensive.
-the “Can I Borrow…” friend: your new dress you havent worn, your frying pan, your flat iron, your luggage, ketchup…they always “borrow” but NEVER return. (read:thieves)
-”Reniggers”: they have all the great ideas, make all the grand plans, create the itinerary, force everyone to clear their calendars, get everyone hyped about the plans…then renig out of the blue. They forgot, they’re suddenly sick, they’ve never heard of said plans. UGH!
-”Reniggers”: they have all the great ideas, make all the grand plans, create the itinerary, force everyone to clear their calendars, get everyone hyped about the plans…then renig out of the blue. They forgot, they’re suddenly sick, they’ve never heard of said plans. UGH!”
I totally agree on this. I make it a point to never make any plans with flaky @ss flakes because my time and sanity are too valuable for a couldashouldawoulda vacation
thanks for stopping by and sh*t.
and yeah, the reniggers are terrible, terrible people. after a while, you basically just give up on them because you dont have any choice
hey the Can I Borrow… reminds me of Falecia in Friday number one “Craig! Craig! Can I borrow yo car?!” lol
1. The “I Mean, Y’all Ain’t Married so I Assumed He was Fair Game” Friend: The ex-friend that is confused when you drop her for messing with/trying to get with your man. The friend that did it to all of your other friends but you were genuinely surprised when she did it to you.
2. Black Dr. Phil/Tyra: He/she means well, but has absolutely no room to be giving anyone advice about ANYTHING. All of his/her sentences begin with “Well I think” of “This is what I would do…” In my case, this is the same guy that at the age of 22 is just now completing his first year of his FIRST relationship. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but he now knows everything there is to know about dating, and has millions of theories as to why I am single.
Womp.
“I Mean, Y’all Ain’t Married so I Assumed He was Fair Game”
aka “the ho”
The “I Mean, Y’all Ain’t Married so I Assumed He was Fair Game” Friend:
Thankfully, I have never encountered this ‘friend’ but if I did she would henceforth forever be known as the ‘B!tch who almost caused Suga&Spice to catch a charge’
There have been quite a few friends I’ve had to send to the Land of Abandoned People (LAP for short).
1. Ms. Negativity. This chick gave hating a bad name. She critiqued any and every thing, and often was the first one to take conversations to ridiculous levels because that was the hallmark of a “good debate”.
2. Angsty McAngstface. Initially this friendship was fine, but that was because we both lived in different cities. However, once our interaction increased, I realized that all this chick wanted to do was sigh, lament, and judge other people.
3. Ms. Me Too. I swear I couldn’t have an original thought without this chick co-signing on everything I said. We went shopping – she bought EXACTLY what I bought in a different size. We went out to eat – she copied my entire order, knowing she don’t like vegetables. She even went so far as to name her raggedy ass stuffed animal after my prized relic from childhood. I’m still mad about that. Furious, really.
The LAP is building townhomes and now has parking garages to handle the increased capacity as of late.
WTF? How do you not like vegetables? Was she in pre-school?
“Angsty McAngstface”
LOL…. this is the person with the perpetual gas face… boo yo ass is their mantra…. single is their status….
“. Ms. Me Too. I swear I couldn’t have an original thought without this chick co-signing on everything I said. We went shopping – she bought EXACTLY what I bought in a different size. We went out to eat – she copied my entire order, knowing she don’t like vegetables. She even went so far as to name her raggedy ass stuffed animal after my prized relic from childhood. I’m still mad about that. Furious, really.”
That’s some single white female activity right there.
I could use some single white females right about now
Pipe down, Dorian, lol.
“I could use some single white females right about now”
**chuckling**
i can’t stand the “greek or die” friends. the friends that crossed 1 of the divine9 and won’t ever let anyone forget it. [note: i'm not talkin about all greeks, just the type who display the following behaviors]
their timeline consists of 3 eras: “before i crossed…”, “when i was online…” and “after i crossed….”. 90% of their stories are about greeklife and involve at least one of these people: lb/ls (line brother/line sister), profyte, neo. everytime a pic is takin of them they are throwin up their frats’ sign. they never pass up an opportunity to “party hop” with at least one other soror/bruh, even at the club or non-greek functions (where its completely inappropriate). they only date greeks, usually of a frat that is the “compliment” to their own. most of the non-greek friends “greek or die” people have are the ones they had before they crossed or ones they met through their ls/lb, profyte, or neo (friends by greek association). essentially, “greek or die” friends believe a greekless life isn’t worth living and behave accordingly.
since i already made my perfunctory snarky greek jab today, i’ll leave this comment alone, other than to say “i agree and sh*t”
ah yes, your perfunctory snarky greek jab reminds me–the timeline for AKAs post-2002 is more like “before/after i signed my name on the dotted line….”
They still make them? lol
Oh yes they do, at factories called HBCU’s. Le sigh…
I gotcha…
i’d have to agree. HBCUs are frats within themselves anyway, esp the more “elite” ones. it’s no wonder greek freaks are birthed from them becuz its in the culture. i know first hand, i attended an HBCU and spent 4yrs pledging to obtain “alumna” status.
*Swims up to hook, sees bait, swims away*
““before i crossed…”, “when i was online…” and “after i crossed….”.”
LMAO
I’m with Dorian on this one
*Swims up to hook, sees bait, swims away*
wooo hoo
I love how the greeks up in here are becoming fish…
Let me join the school too…
Ahh, the water is just right.
“Ahh, the water is just right.”
that’s cause Champ peed in it
LOL!
your comment made me laugh!
I have a friend that our mutual friend’s husband calls “anger management” ~ she is angry that everyone but her can seem to find a man. Don’t ask her about relationships or men cause you just set off a ticking time bomb. She will drudge up the story of ole boy from years ago that she gave her life to and he up and broke up with her and was married within a year. She is miserable and bitter and wants you to be miserable and bitter with her.
Lol, sounding like Max on Living Single..
“And he just packed his RAGGEDY duffle bag and left…I’m not bitter, though…”
Has anyone mentioned the “I Ain’t Shit without a Man” friend?
I have one friend like that and chick about to get her walking papers. If shes got a man, she cant take a shit without him, cant go out, cant tie her shoes (not kidding there’s a story behind that one). This girl ALWAYS wants to be wedged in this guys butt but to play it off, she wants you with her so she wont seem needy.
When this girl is single, Lord don’t let her be single! She feels like she has no self value and everywhere, EVERYWHERE this chick goes….its all about getting a man.
You can usually spot these girls because they obsess with their physical appearance (Ms. Rail Thin is a size 2 but shes “fat”). And tends to project their negative shit.
Dont ask why Im her friend, just believe
My goodness, nobody mentioned the clingy bitch? the one who always calls you and wants to hang out and do nothing. Doesn’t want to meet new people and only knows you. AKA the one you always suspect of having a crush on you or creating some sort of mommy attachment. The handholder which is cousin of the Don’t TryNewShitBastard. I hate that mothafucka. Turn they nose up at everything. Scared to do shit. Who is also cousins with the YouAreSoEmbarassing biddy. The one that Doesn’t want you to tell anyone that you’re birthday is in July because that’s privileged information. The one that doesn’t want to raise their hand in class when they know the answer. THe one that can’t believe you actually went to talk to guy that you thought was hot, or that you would try to get them to do the same thing. Which of course ends up being the crazyass stalker b/c I’m so shy mofo too.
Also the Misanthrope. The one that doesn’t like people, constantly complains about everyone they meet and how everyone is ugly/stupid/fat/lazy/smelly/bowlegged/doesn’t like them for no good reason/crosseyed/bucktoothed/ashy/annoying/loud/scary/strange and that’s why they don’t associate with people. Oh, except for you. And that is your blessing.
Yes, I attract social outcasts, but I try to limit my contact. I was actually forced into an association with someone I actually didn’t like. The misanthrope, was friends of a roommate but in my classes and when she didn’t want to be bothered he kept fucking hanging out with me. Deputy Downer too. Misanthropy Droopy the Dog Deputy Downer Eeyore type dude. Worse than the platonic friend dude who wants you to be his surrogate mom. They need to get weaned.