I’m Black.
I know. Shocker.
Well, such as it is, my Blackness allows me certain luxuries in life. I get to set trends for the world, be president, and inspire Congress to revisit mandatory minimums for drug offenses. Yeah, I’d say that being Black definitely has its perks.
But believe it or not, its not all roses. This Black thing I mean, not it. It is straight roses kid. What is it?
It can be whatever you like. There is no ceiling.
Ahem.
Back to the lecture at hand. Most of us have the same problem in life right now as reading Black folks. We’re generally the only Black person most of our colleagues have much contact with. It’s one of those facts of life that is just annoying. I know at my job, all the other Black folks are in more clerical positions. So you know what this means, right?
Of course you do. It means we have a lot of pressure to speak as the voice of Black America. Like it or not, that’s what we’re doing. Well, since I have such a huge platform there are a few things that I’d like to just put out there in case any persuasions, Persians, Asians, or anybody that CNN hasn’t covered yet ends up here at VSB.
1) It is MORE than okay to mention the race of somebody you’re describing to me
I motherf*cking hate when somebody is trying to describe somebody to me but they refuse to acknowledge the race of said person. Look Bob, its okay to say if he was Black. It will be a great service as race will discount entire segments of my memory while I’m trying ot remember some random mofo you chose to bring up today, Bob. I mean, if we’re talking about Michelle Leslie Brown from 125th Street that plays ball in the park and EVERYBODY knows that there’s two you should mention what color she is. That way I can be like…not THAT Michelle Leslie Brown that play ball in the park, the OTHER Michelle Leslie…well you get the point. Stop pretending race doesn’t exist you racist f*ck.
2) Sidestepping or being overly political correct when it comes to race makes you look like an undercover racist (you racist f*ck, you)
I know that being called racist is like the worst thing that can happen to white people nowadays. Even Rush Limbaugh doesn’t want that title, and neither does something called a Newt Gingrich. However, your overly awkward uncomfortableness when discussing anything that has any sort of racial undertone makes me think that you’re opinion would probably be VERY unfavorable and makes me think you just might be a racist, you racist f*ck, you. So stop it.
3) I don’t actually mind correcting your misconceptions about Black people, as long as you approach with common sense
I’m always up for a conversation that debunks stereotypes on all sides of the fence. And it goes a long way to spread and increase understanding. However, you can’t just walk up to me and say, “so is it true that most of y’all are going to jail for selling crack? I just read that at KKK.com.” Come, let’s talk. Just don’t make me punch you and get written up and have to go to racial sensitivity training being taught by some white lady who has never actually spoken directly to a Black person she wasn’t paying before. I won’t like you after that. Then it becomes that whole, “I’m Black so I hate all white people” thing and then you and I need an intervention, etc. It just gets ugly.
4) Slang is fun, but please keep up with the times
I think its funny when white folks run with slang and popular terms, i.e. “raise the roof” and “whomp! there it is”. That’s great, pal. Thing is, that sh*t went out in the 90s. Which given the speed of today’s information is akin to the 1890s. Stop it. If you must use slang watch BET and stay current. Quit coming to me asking me how to spell something I haven’t said in 10 years. It’s annoying and I want to stab you with two eyes of kimodo and a red stapler.
5) We think OJ did it too
So shut the f*ck up about it.
Those are just a few things that I’d like to let “everybody else” know about my Blackness, especially in the workplace. Reading people of VSB what are some things that you would put out there for the “rest” if you were the voice of Black America?
Let’s give us free.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
PS: 50 Cent’s Before I Self Destruct is the opposite of that hotness. It is that notness. Wacksauce.
Related posts:
{ 53 comments… read them below or add one }
Yes, I DO need a haircut, and when you tell me that I “don’t have any hair, silly,” I want drown you in a pool of Pink Oil Moisturizer.
Our hair grows a little differently, and therefore our standard of “presentable” is a little different. Just because my hair isn’t as long as this cat’s hair(www.thecinemasource.com/moviesdb/images/Zac_Efron-1-High_School_Musical_3.jpg), it doesn’t mean Kima, Keisha and Pam won’t give me the O_o if I try to approach them with a nine day old edge. Fall back, let me casually discuss my weekend plans to keep my Dark Caesar fresh without being interrupted with an ignorant-arse comment, and I promise not to chuckle at you when you discuss your weekend plans to hit the tanning salon.
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Liz {October 29th, 2009 at 12:39 am}
@JFCarter, LOL not kima kiesha AND pam!
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Ivy St. {October 29th, 2009 at 9:13 am}
@Liz,
LOL! Total use to be my group when I was in highschool.
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miss t-lee {October 29th, 2009 at 9:14 am}
@Ivy St.,
Mine too. I think I’ma go listen to “Trippin’” right now…lol
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Ivy St. {October 29th, 2009 at 9:47 am}
@miss t-lee,
“Trippin” was the song I started singing as I was reading their names… “who that, them Total Bi*tches…”
Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 10:51 am}
@Ivy St., ya know, Total was a pretty terrible singing group. not that didn’t have any hits, but i mean they actually couldn’t sing. at all.
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Monk {October 29th, 2009 at 11:09 am}
@Panama Jackson,
There’s a good amount of “singers” who can’t really sing at all or have the pipes of the average hood chick or redneck hick. These folks stay makin’ some of the dopest material though. One time for talented producers and studio technology.
Blacklaw {October 29th, 2009 at 12:49 am}
@JFCarter, i’ve been told by wyt folks i didnt have any hair since the 3rd grade….SMH….like my head grows lint balls and shyt…
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atltx {October 29th, 2009 at 8:50 am}
@JFCarter,
I know they want to tell me to shave…I ain’t bout to be bumpyface for nobody. Puss ooozing out your face…hell no. I shall keep my nappy rug in place.
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Monk {October 29th, 2009 at 10:42 am}
@JFCarter,
Chuuuch!! Whyt folks ain’t the only ones who does this though. I’ve gotten it from foreign Black folks and older people. I’ve even had some add up how much I spend on weekly haircuts and make snide remarks. Respect my fresh.
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Sula {October 29th, 2009 at 2:25 pm}
@Monk,
I’ve gotten it from foreign Black folks
I won’t lie, it took me some time to get used to how much American Black guys spend in time and money at the barbershop.
I am all americanized now though so I can respect yaw’s fresh.
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1. no you cannot touch my hair
2. no i will not teach you how to dance
3. no you cannot say “the n word” even if it was “just in a song”
4. no phony neck-snappin and “you go girl!”-ing. please
5.try not to look terrified when I get mildy upset at something (evryone’s afraid of black rage)
6. I don’t only listen to rap, feel free to branch out in the music convo.
be yourself, it’s all that you can be (just don’t get crazy)
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 3:19 am}
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
#1…oh my jeebus!! that will get you a prompt slap of the hand, i promise you. and please please please, do not point out how different my hair is because it went from being a short cut to being past my shoulders. it’s called a weave and ya’ll have ‘em too.
and no more fo’ shizzle my nizzle’ing, ‘k? it’s not cool, dope, def or fresh, thanks.
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Kit (Keep It Trill) {October 29th, 2009 at 5:53 am}
@VeronicaCorningstoneD, I so co-sign with that list. Kudos.
I’ll add:
Don’t ask me is it true that black men are more endowed than others?
What? Do you think I’ve tramped around at the U.N.? How about if I ask you for a comparison of white men’s anatomy who are blonde, red-haired, or brunette? That question is a set up if ever there was one, and you probably know the answer anyway.
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NIC {October 29th, 2009 at 7:17 am}
@VeronicaCorningstoneD, co-sign your entire list.
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atltx {October 29th, 2009 at 8:38 am}
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
#5 was going to be my comment.
If I stand up too fast folks start panicking. White dudes can go off and act like they’re ready to kill somebody. Let my black azz raise my voice…they be ready to leave the room. I hate that.
And then…why can white folks be all aggressive when they speak with each other…but…when I do it…folks want to exercise their right to bear arms and carry concealed handguns? WTF?
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 10:55 am}
@atltx, that’s cuz when white men get mad, somebody gets fired. when black men get mad, somebody just might be finna die.
or so goes the stereotype.
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 12:55 pm}
@Panama Jackson,
oh no, we shoot it up…but we don’t just run haphazard into malls, places of employment or home and just start spraying. and there’s a reason for that: we shoot up the mall, we can’t take advantage of the sale at footlocker. we shoot up the job, our paychecks are done and/or we’re seperated from payroll (which sucks major major a$$) and if we tried to shoot at home, well, i can only speak for myself but i’mma tell you right now–my mom would tear me up. STILL. and that scares me. STILL.
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Ivy St. {October 29th, 2009 at 9:16 am}
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
#2 has been my experience in EVERY lab I’ve worked in. Most scientist are already socially awkward, so first thing they ask when they feel a little comfort zone is can I teach them to dance… um what makes you think I can dance.
Sadly enough, I am guilty of asking every Jamaican or person fro Latin America if they can dance. Oddly most of them can’t. The music videos are all lies. lol!
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 10:58 am}
@Ivy St., um what makes you think I can dance.
i can’t lie. Black folks that can’t dance confuse me. i think all of us can dance and play the bass guitar.
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 10:53 am}
@VeronicaCorningstoneD, 5.try not to look terrified when I get mildy upset at something (evryone’s afraid of black rage)
as a light skint dude, i kind of enjoy this one. i cannot tell a lie like George Washington.
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VeronicaCorningstoneD {October 29th, 2009 at 12:31 pm}
@Panama Jackson,
lol @ you basking in the black rage!
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Smiley Face {October 29th, 2009 at 1:03 pm}
@Panama Jackson,
LOL…like they get confused…like you’re black but you’re light skinned so does that make black rage lighter? LOL….
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Sula {October 29th, 2009 at 2:31 pm}
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
#4 and #6 are my ultimate pet peeves. Arghh!
Once, a white colleague told another colleague who happens to be black(we were all working in closed quarters and her headphones didn’t muffle really well): “Wow. I wouldn’t expect you to listen to this style at all”… The Black colleague was listening to Dolly Parton… She replied: “Yes, I actually do listen to all music I find good”…
We then exchanged the look, shook our heads internally, and went on with our lives. Le sigh.
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VeronicaCorningstoneD {October 29th, 2009 at 4:10 pm}
thx for the kudos, yall.
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Do not assume I vote democratic all the time…..or that the most liberal candidate is my choice…..I can’t stand overly liberal wyt folks anymore than i can overly conservative wyt folks.
Side Note: dont assume im willing to talk about anything in the workplace which may affect my promotions in the future or my relationship with my wyt bosses
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Ivy St. {October 29th, 2009 at 9:18 am}
@Blacklaw,
“Do not assume I vote democratic all the time.”
I feel like even black people assume this to be true. If anything black people are MORE offended if they meet a black that is not a democrat. I messed around and told a guy that I was dating that my father, who is black, is actually a republican. That was the END of the date. *smh*
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 10:59 am}
@Ivy St., nothing like a Black republican to draw the ire of Black people. finding out your date is a Republican is like hearing a white person call you a ni**er.
lol. i’ve never understood this. then again, i’m not an imbecile.
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Nikiloveli {October 30th, 2009 at 6:44 pm}
@Panama Jackson,
You’re just saying that cuz yo’ mama’s a Republican.
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 29th, 2009 at 10:25 am}
@Blacklaw, “Side Note: dont assume im willing to talk about anything in the workplace which may affect my promotions in the future or my relationship with my wyt bosses”
Truer words have never been spoken. And yet somehow they always find a way to put u in compromising positions. I had my BOSS ask me earlier this week to write him a rap song that he could rap it to a clients attorney who happened to be a Sista. Suddenly, because I’m Black, I know how to write rap songs. And because she is Black, she must listen to rap music. WHAT…IN…THE…FCK?!!!
I tried to explain to him how many ways his thought process was foul. He was sure it was an excellent idea. Then he gone gimme that look and tell me not to let him down. My review for my year end bonus is coming up…FCUK!!!!!
Had to make up an excuse to conference call her with him in on the call. After business was done, I relayed the same situation with her using different people and he heard how she reacted. I tell him to ask her how a white guy should go about asking a Sista out. She responded that he should simply ask respectfully the way he would a white woman. We all laughed about it and concluded the call. I told him to call her back and ask her out. He finally does and they set up a lunch.
Man I tell you…the things one does in corporate America to remain above the fray without it possibly hurting your bank/career are just ridiculous.
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:07 am}
@HabitualLineCrossa, Suddenly, because I’m Black, I know how to write rap songs.
clearly this aint true. soulja boi is a testament to this. hell, ice cube nowadays for that matter.
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 12:58 pm}
@Panama Jackson,
is it just me or is listening to soulja boy like stabbing yourself in the ear? several times?
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 29th, 2009 at 3:01 pm}
@cam1ll3, we juss gettin old. Face it…its a done deal LOL.
olivya23 {October 29th, 2009 at 12:52 pm}
@HabitualLineCrossa,
Your boss reminded me of Michael Scott from ‘The Office’ because that is something he would definitely do. lol
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Sula {October 29th, 2009 at 2:38 pm}
@HabitualLineCrossa,
Man I tell you…the things one does in corporate America to remain above the fray without it possibly hurting your bank/career are just ridiculous.
Yup. We all playing in the modern Minstrel Shows. Le double sigh.
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SnijanaFleur {October 29th, 2009 at 12:17 pm}
@Blacklaw,
After the last presidential election , a Black man walked up to me in school, shook my hand, and said thank you for voting for Barack Obama. How the hell did he who I voted for?
Because I’m Black, and I go to a predominantly Black school, I must have had lol.
Also, my paps was like “It’s a sin if you’re Black and you don’t vote for Obama smh lol.
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VeronicaCorningstoneD {October 29th, 2009 at 12:38 pm}
@SnijanaFleur,
my moms too. she basically said that if it was between a brotha and a 2520, she would always vote for the brotha. I said even if the match-up was say, Hillary vs Michael Steele? She replies, “I probably just wouldn’t vote” smfh
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SnijanaFleur {October 29th, 2009 at 9:11 pm}
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
It’s weird. If you’re electing anybody, vote for the policies you two agree on. Don’t prioritize their skin color, or party affiliation.
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1. DO NOT refer to me as “girl” like we been acebooncoons since Jesus flicked on the light switch. We not cool, heffa I do not know you…all I asked you was if they had this shirt in a different color!
2. NO I am no discussing how dreads “work”. This is the absolutely most ridiculous thing to me. And NO you can not touch it!
3. No… I was not raised in the projects so don’t look at me for any cosignage on your dumb convo.
4. No… fried chicken and collard greens are not the only sunday meal I eat. Please do not ask me how to make it.
5. No…my bf is not a drug dealer,baby daddy, or hustla..he’s a med student.
6. No, I cannot tell you anything about the BGLO b/c I’m not in one… this is just the color the shirt came in…
7. yea I voted for Barak….. not b/c he black but b/c the other candidate was a douche and an idiot that made Tina Faye look good.
Just b/c you watch the boondocks and the chapelle show, listen to tupac and mint condition doesn’t mean you can relate to me. You just recognize good sh*t when you hear or see it…on some level.
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 3:21 am}
@Ro,
church!!!
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Malange {October 29th, 2009 at 10:44 am}
@Ro,
I agree with # 3. I’ve had two co-workers..two seperate companies think that because I lived in an apartment building it was the projects. NO whitey. I have a door man, who buzzes you in and I have a terrace that spands the width of my apartment… POW!
and yes Mint Condition is the bomb!
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:09 am}
@Ro, 7. yea I voted for Barak….. not b/c he black but b/c the other candidate was a douche and an idiot that made Tina Faye look good.
lol. so you basically voted for him b/c he was black and NOT a douche.
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Ro {October 30th, 2009 at 10:18 am}
@Panama Jackson, nah it was soley based on the douche factor…lmao. In all seriousness…. none of that factored into why I voted.
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I want to add (in addition to co-signing all the above)
1. Kwame, Adrian and Larry all eff’d up. It is likely many other Black politicians did it too and are prolly going to jail and/or some other form of punishment soon. White politicians have been philandering (with them) since forever… This is not new. We are not shocked.
2. We do come in different shades. Please do not make reference to how we’re prettier light/dark or talk about how nice someone’s hair is over another person.
3. WE also KNOW that you ENVY us… Hence your kinky weave, tan, lip plumper and extra large butt pads… we give you the o_O and then talk about you in private.
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#1 – Agree. Just today 2 of my co-workers were talking about someone and they paused before saying the woman they were talking about was black and then followed it by compliments.
#4 – Big co-sign! I have this one VP at my job in his 40s who is a little too up-to-date on slang. I don’t know who he hangs with, but when he uses current slang, I stop using it.
Others I would add:
- Don’t assume we all watch BET, every black show, etc.
- Hair seems to be a big thing. Just ask me about it instead of talking around it or staring me down when I come to work with a different style. Don’t assume all black women wear weaves.
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sisanda {October 29th, 2009 at 9:09 am}
@Leila,
“- Don’t assume we all watch BET, every black show, etc.”
I once had a white schoolmate tell me he thought Soulfood was very grity, authentic, and revealing, i responded with “Na that show is bullshit, i prefer seventh heaven” , and he was so suprised.
Sidenote: It’s always fun debunking white peoples steriotypes of black culture, i always get blank stares when i tell white co-workers my favourite band is Coldplay (F**K you), Wolfgang is the greatest composer ever, and there’s some informal settlements (i think ghettos is would be an american equal).
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Smiley Face {October 29th, 2009 at 10:52 am}
@sisanda,
YES!! I get that when I say I’m in love with Amos Lee and Ray Lamontagne…eyes get all big like O_O
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:16 am}
@Smiley Face, that’s b/c of the choices, not b/c you’re listened to them
lol.
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Smiley Face {October 29th, 2009 at 11:34 am}
@Panama Jackson,
Nope it ain’t..and hush, lol
Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:17 am}
@sisanda, my favourite band is Coldplay
how cliché. lol.
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 29th, 2009 at 2:13 pm}
@sisanda, “Sidenote: It’s always fun debunking white peoples steriotypes of black culture”
Thing is…they just say that you are the exception to the rule. Sad thing is, the stereotypes by far in large remain the same.
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Ivy St. {October 29th, 2009 at 9:45 am}
@Leila,
“Don’t assume we all watch BET, every black show, etc.”
If anything, I watch more MTV.
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My biggest pet peeve is the ‘but you’re not really black’. I’ve heard this in the last month.
Now, admittedly, I get light skint jokes from black folks (had a co-worker today say ’shut up Creole, wit ya green eyes, when I made a comment to a brotha who visited a black men/white women dating site) too but it doesn’t rub me the same way it does when a 2520 co-worker goes there. I let them know, in a professional way, of course, that they shouldn’t let the yella fool ‘em: when the race wars break out, I’m taking ‘em down.
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 3:23 am}
@V.E.G.,
I let them know, in a professional way, of course, that they shouldn’t let the yella fool ‘em: when the race wars break out, I’m taking ‘em down.
word, v. word.
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:20 am}
@V.E.G., i’m kind of surprised anybody would actually say that to you. now i will say that i’ve a white coworker say to me upon finding out ma mere is cocaina that, “oh so you’re not Black” and i’m quick to say…au contraire mon frere. don’t get too comfortably loose with the lips partna.
just pretend i’m black when you talk to me and we’ll all be okay.
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Sula {October 29th, 2009 at 2:49 pm}
@Panama Jackson,
ma mere is cocaina
You’se a fool, Panama.
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chaoticdiva {October 29th, 2009 at 11:57 am}
@V.E.G.,
They try to tell me that one because my daddy is Cuban. I always tell them to look up the definition of Afro-Cuban and get back to me.
I hate how there’s no acknowledgment of the difference between race (white, black) and ethnicity (latino, french, brazilian, german, etc). There are black Germans, white Africans, Asiatic Jamaicans, etc. That ish is annoying and I wish people would stop acting like you cannot claim your blackness if your black family is non-American born.
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kamakula {October 29th, 2009 at 4:31 pm}
@V.E.G.,
What about the midgets? Would you side with the black midgets or white midgets?
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V.E.G. {October 29th, 2009 at 5:28 pm}
@kamakula,
They’d all have to go. Sorry, little ones.
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Michelle Leslie Brown that plays ball in the park – that’s from an album interlude or something. What is it? Ugh! Its gonna keep bugging me until I figure it out.
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 3:24 am}
@Yonnie3k,
fugees’ “the score”
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NIC {October 29th, 2009 at 7:16 am}
@cam1ll3,
and I SO needed a reference like that this a.m.!!! I am cracking up.
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:21 am}
@NIC, dopeness.
just another gem provided by the good folks at Blackness, Inc.
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Haha. I love number 4. It’s so annoying/funny to me when white people try and adopt “black people” slang way after the word(s) been played out and no one is using it anymore.
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C.R. {October 29th, 2009 at 6:36 am}
@Anonymiss,
lol … I think it’s actually less embarassing to adopt it well after it’s been played out and nobody uses it anymore. that way you’re just regular dorky and not pretending-to-be-cool-but-miserably-failing-dorky.
audi 5000
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miss t-lee {October 29th, 2009 at 8:06 am}
@C.R.,
“audi 5000″
I bet not hear anyone saying this seriously.
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Right Her {October 29th, 2009 at 10:53 am}
@miss t-lee,
I was dating this older guy a few years back. When I cut him off, he cursed me out on my voicemail, then ended with audi 5000!
I had to let all my girls hear that one.
We laughed for days.
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:22 am}
@miss t-lee, um, i still say this.
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CrissieD {October 29th, 2009 at 12:54 pm}
@Panama Jackson,
me too
bowing my head in shame
Ivy St. {October 29th, 2009 at 9:42 am}
@Anonymiss,
You should start yelling “F*ckin A!” I still don’t know what it means and why it is said. I hear it in too many different context.
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SexyCool {October 29th, 2009 at 10:24 am}
@Ivy St.,
Fckn Awesome.
Don’t ask me how I know this. LOL!
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Smiley Face {October 29th, 2009 at 10:40 am}
@SexyCool,
Don’t forget “Super” with a Thumbs up…lol!
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Ivy St. {October 29th, 2009 at 10:54 am}
@SexyCool,
Sometimes I feel like people say it in a mean way, like when someone does something stupid. Should I still go with the A to mean awesome?
Thank you, I can go back to watching the Sopranos again.
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Ms. Hall {October 29th, 2009 at 1:37 pm}
@Ivy St.,
I’m not so sure. I’ve heard “F*ckin A!” used to denote surprise. As if what the person just heard was unbelievable. I think it is more the 2520’s “m%&th%^f#@ker.
Co-sign #1 and #3 and I’ma throw this into the ring: NO, I don’t need to smile more–FU and step way back!!
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NIC {October 29th, 2009 at 7:21 am}
@AO, chuuuuch. a pleasant dispostion is all I need (and all you’re gonna get)… this t’ain’t no cheese contest.
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Yes. I’m married. With no children. It is possible for Black Women.
Surprise. Sur-effing-surprise.
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miss t-lee {October 29th, 2009 at 8:14 am}
@Melinda,
Who’da thunk it?!
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 29th, 2009 at 10:48 am}
@Melinda, “Yes. I’m married. With no children. It is possible for Black Women.”
See, this here sh!t gets me EVERY TIME!! And its not just 2520s either. When folks find out I’m married and we don’t have kids, they look at me like I’m an alien or something. Then they ask if either my wife or I are incapable of having them. Is it really that inconceivable that we got married for love and not children?
Before I got married, some of the Sistas I met would tell me I was lying, that I need to stop denying my kids. I mean, do I just LOOK like the type of cat that has babies somewhere?? WHAT…IN…THE…FCUK??!!!
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Ivyette {October 29th, 2009 at 12:04 pm}
@HabitualLineCrossa,
Now you know to some of them (and sadly us too), you just MUST have 50-11 children with 70-11 baby mommas who are livin’ large on welfare in the projects!
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allow me to add and cosign on the hair issue:
no i don’t wash it every day. no i don’t have a straightner in it. no you may not touch it, ya weirdo (see veronicacorningstoned’s comment if you want to live).
(this is for a couple of my white co workers): do not let me catch you saying “that’s ghetto”. you don’t know anything about that, little malibu barbie, and i’d like you to hush it up before i have to show my a$$ all up and thru.
i would also like to cosign on the “girl” thing–one of my white coworkers does that and it’s like hearing fingernails on a chalkboard. “hey girrrrrl” ummmmm no heifer.
pc’ness needs to be done away with on the whole anyway. it’s all crap.
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Ivy St. {October 29th, 2009 at 9:40 am}
@cam1ll3,
“no i don’t wash it every day.”
This seems to be the hardest concept for most non-black to understand.
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 1:54 pm}
@Ivy St.,
okay?! and don’t tell them you use oil in your hair…ohhh myyyy wooooord! there are a couple of co workers that always express their amazement at my hair–”one day you’ll come in and it’s all curly and big and then next day it’s bone straight!” it’s called a flat iron, lady. you all use them too!! where does all the awe and wonderment come in?!
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Ivy St. {October 29th, 2009 at 2:40 pm}
@cam1ll3,
“it’s called a flat iron, lady. you all use them too!! where does all the awe and wonderment come in?!”
LMAO!! I need this sign for my desk.
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TPeezy {October 29th, 2009 at 9:42 am}
@cam1ll3,
“do not let me catch you saying “that’s ghetto”
I actually had a VP at my job (not one of my bosses) tell me “we’re so ghetto” after a discussion about how we don’t go to the doctor.
I debated whether or not to turn the discusssion into a “teachable moment”, but came to the realization that as middle management in the ad industry, I probably would of ended up being “taught” a couple things myself.
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 2:00 pm}
@TPeezy,
your vp was wrong off the break. i know plenty of folk that live in lower income areas that hit the doctor up more than i do and i have insurance through my good gubmint job! but it does bug me. “her outfit is so ghetto.” umm ’skuuuse me boo, but hoodfolk got good clothes too. and in some cases better than that jacqueline smith ensemble you have on. humph.
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Sula {October 29th, 2009 at 2:54 pm}
@cam1ll3,
jacqueline smith ensemble
Not the jacqueline smith ensemble!
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Ro {October 29th, 2009 at 10:34 am}
@cam1ll3,
everytime i hear a 2520 say anything is “ghetto” I immediately ask “and what do you know about anything ghetto besides what you saw on tv.”
Or…they just assume I am the end all be all to all things ghetto cuz I’m black. Uhm, I know just as much as you do patna!
Even had one co-worker come to my cubicle and ask me a myriad of questions regarding the The Wire and how close it is to real life. I had to tell him a. never seen the show b. from what i hear, that’s how it is in baltimore can’t really say for sure….my family lives on the white side of town.
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 2:04 pm}
@Ro,
Even had one co-worker come to my cubicle and ask me a myriad of questions regarding the The Wire and how close it is to real life. I had to tell him a. never seen the show b. from what i hear, that’s how it is in baltimore can’t really say for sure….my family lives on the white side of town.
but you must know! the only way your family could have gotten a house on the white side of town is if they sold drugs…hellloooooooo *smdh*
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-No I don’t eat chitterlings
-No my parents didn’t send me south in the summers
(yes my parents did send us to the hood so we didn’t sound white)-No I don’t know what a quick weave is nor where you can get one
-Yes some days in conversation I identify as “Colored” “Latina” “Black” or “African American” don’t ask “What [am I] today?”- yes I’ve been asked… it’s misegenation deal with it
-Dnt get intellectual and start asking about why you can’t say “ninja”
- No I can’t tell you where you can buy that sticky ickie…. well on second thought
- (for BLK ppl too) Yes these are my REAL eyes, hair and nails
- No i don’t have any children nor do I have AIDS (I’m in NOLA, first question asked despite race)
- No I’m not angry or upset, why are you so jolly
- Yes I get nervous in a room of all White ppl, shoot I get nervous in a room of all Blk ppl
- FINALLY yes I’m Black and I’m a doctoral student in Latino/African American politics…. come on, did you really expect me to say I study Europe? But dang, don’t assume.
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atltx {October 29th, 2009 at 8:45 am}
@Pan Afrikanist Bourgie Princess,
What’s wrong with chittlins?
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Cheekie {October 29th, 2009 at 12:21 pm}
@atltx,
They taste like they smell.
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 2:11 pm}
@Cheekie,
and they smell like poo. with onions.
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:24 am}
@Pan Afrikanist Bourgie Princess, people don’t say “jolly” enough.
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chaoticdiva {October 29th, 2009 at 12:02 pm}
@Pan Afrikanist Bourgie Princess,
-Yes some days in conversation I identify as “Colored” “Latina” “Black” or “African American” don’t ask “What [am I] today?”- yes I’ve been asked… it’s misegenation deal with it
- (for BLK ppl too) Yes these are my REAL eyes, hair and nails
- Yes I get nervous in a room of all White ppl, shoot I get nervous in a room of all Blk ppl
Cosign.
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LOL and I don’t sell drugs, smoke weed or know where you can find that sh*t, you racist f*ck, you!
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Ivy St. {October 29th, 2009 at 9:38 am}
@Da Iceman,
With a name like Da Iceman… I don’t know.
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Da Iceman {October 30th, 2009 at 5:52 am}
@Ivy St., LOL ***shame***
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 29th, 2009 at 11:01 am}
@Da Iceman, “LOL and I don’t sell drugs, smoke weed or know where you can find that sh*t, you racist f*ck, you!”
What KILLS me is the fact that they be so sincerrr with it. I can be sitting down in a suit eating my damn lunch minding my damn bidness and have someone walk up and ask me that kinda sh!t. That’s another reason I rarely eat lunch outside of the office. My colleagues have asked me this too…I fckn hate stupid, ignant, racist people!! They just need to fckn die.
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:25 am}
@Da Iceman, or know where you can find that sh*t
let’s be real…we ALL know where to find it if we need it. it’s just the principle of assuming you know that’s the problem, right?
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Da Iceman {October 30th, 2009 at 5:55 am}
@Panama Jackson, Yea basically, but I’m not even trying to know where to find it cause I don’t need it. Yet the racist f*ck would just assume I know. Relentlessly lol.
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YES, in such a large organization… I am one of two. The other black ppl are in clerical positions as well.
#1: I’m SO major on that co-sign… just say the patient was black.
#2: PREACH! that PC mumbo-jumbo is so dead.
#3: The hair issue: I am now tempted to send others to a movie theater to check out that documentary, but on second thought…. I’m an open book (just don’t come at me sideways, son).
Ya killin’ me with…
“But believe it or not, its not all roses. This Black thing I mean, not IT. IT is straight roses kid.”
… because IT SO IS!!!
(p.s. it’s too early for me to laugh so hard at the “notness” of that new 50). wackalicious, you say?
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:26 am}
@NIC, wackalicious is an understatement.
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Fact 1: A perm makes my hair straight
Fact 2: A perm makes your hair curly
Get the F* over it already and stop asking me to explain how that works again. Google it at sh*t …
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Cheekie {October 29th, 2009 at 12:19 pm}
@SouthernSole,
HAHA, good one.
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Co-sign!
..and I wish they would stop saying” Some of my best friends are black”. Oh really, isn’t that wonderful. Like we are an alien species or something…ugh.
Oh, and yes, OJ did it! He did it! But, “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit”. It’s that simple.
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 29th, 2009 at 11:07 am}
@QueenT, I used to say he didn’t do it…now I just say I hope he did. That usually ends the conversion.
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 2:15 pm}
@HabitualLineCrossa,
LMAO!! i’m stealing that.
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Is it unusual that no one really says anything that sets me off? Are they just fearful of saying things in front of me or is it that I’m not really easily offended? I can’t name one thing that anyone has said to me along these lines that has angered me.
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Deviant {October 29th, 2009 at 9:15 am}
@Deviant,
I just thought of one…people that use the word ghetto in reference to anything that isn’t the way they expect things to be or they way they are used to. Just because the Starbucks ran out of cups in the size you wanted doesn’t make it ghetto. I’ve never seen a Starbucks in any area that could be considered a ghetto. These people think Herndon,VA is ghetto. These behaviors aren’t exclusive to white people btw.
everytime I hear people use the word ghetto I want to kick them in the stomach casue its never used correctly. Never. People that have actually seen ghetto never use that word to descibe it. Thy just say its effed up.
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shay_d_lady {October 29th, 2009 at 10:27 am}
@Deviant, co sign
ghetto and urban……they are the new ni&&a
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#1…Please..please..PLEASE don’t wave toward me and go “you know” to indicate that the person you are talking about is black…O_o…I will sit there and let your arse stew in your juices.
#2…please don’t ask me why my mom is coco penny brown and i’m not
#3 Please don’t ask me (if you value your life) if i get my hair done by a machine when it’s braided (yes I’ve had someone ask me that!)
#4 Please don’t start in on a soliloquy about how beautiful a black woman’s skin is and how you notice how we age and how when the sun hits our skin we glow…just…don’t…it makes for a very uncomfortable feeling especially when you’re the only black female in your office full of 2520’s… O_o…yeah
#5 Please don’t ask me about “that part of town” like I’m supposed to know what “that part of town” means…da hell.
YOU: Have you ever been to…(pause) that part of town?
ME:….what part of town? O_o
YOU: You know…thaaaat part down there?
Me: Uuumm…no, what are you talking about?
You: Well, I’ve heard so many bad things about that part of town and I wanted to know if you know anything about it?
Me: WHAT…part..of….. TOWN?!!
ARRRRGGHHH! HATE THAT!
#6…no I don’t know anything about “Fiddycent”, but if you would like discuss Randy Weston’s African Village Bed-Stuy feel free….
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:28 am}
@Smiley Face, #5 Please don’t ask me about “that part of town” like I’m supposed to know what “that part of town” means…da hell.
see, now you just being difficult for difficult’s sake. you know what the hell they talkin’ about. its just the principle and you want them to SAY it out loud.
EVERYBODY knows “that” part of town b/c we try not to go there either.
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Smiley Face {October 29th, 2009 at 11:41 am}
@Panama Jackson,
Now I’m not being difficult, I know what they’re saying…I want you to spell it out for me. If you have the audacity to assume that I know what you’re talking about why not just say it? Hell no, I’m not gonna make it easy.
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Cheekie {October 29th, 2009 at 12:05 pm}
@Smiley Face,
“#3 Please don’t ask me (if you value your life) if i get my hair done by a machine when it’s braided (yes I’ve had someone ask me that!)”
WHAT?! WTF!
A machine? Like you went the hair-brading factory and a metal thingamajig braided your hair. WTF is this, The Matrix where machines do everything? Some folks…SMH.
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Smiley Face {October 29th, 2009 at 12:40 pm}
@Cheekie,
Girl yes…I really had to bite my tongue. I was like…don’t you have a daughter? (yes)
Do you put pigtails, plaits or french braids her hair?( yes)
Same.
DAYUM. PrincipleReply
cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 2:18 pm}
@Smiley Face,
rotflmao @ #5…especially “…(pause) that part of town”
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PYT {October 29th, 2009 at 4:26 pm}
@Smiley Face, wow at #3
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kamakula {October 29th, 2009 at 4:35 pm}
@Smiley Face,
Regarding #3, my dad has two patents on automatic hair braiders so I think it’s a valid question.
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Don’t ever say the phrase “you people”.
Seriously, just don’t.
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Deviant {October 29th, 2009 at 9:01 am}
@miss t-lee,
I want people to say these things around me but no one does. I want someone to attempt to offend me so I have free reign to say anything I want about them.
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miss t-lee {October 29th, 2009 at 9:08 am}
@Deviant,
I’m seriously suprised that no one has ever said anything remotely crazy around you.
You must have a helluva aura.
I’ve heard the “you people” way more than a care to. Trust everytime I’ve heard it, I’ve had something to say about it too.
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Deviant {October 29th, 2009 at 9:34 am}
@miss t-lee,
Maybe I’m not payin attention but I don’t hear it. Not serious questions or comments anyway. I hear it said in jest but they are whose intelligence and character I insult regualrly anyway. Thats how I treat all my friends.
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miss t-lee {October 29th, 2009 at 10:02 am}
@Deviant,
Gotcha…lol
shay_d_lady {October 29th, 2009 at 10:25 am}
@Deviant, Ive never actually had a “you people” moment
I did have a blow out with my mgr about halloween decorations in which she got as close as she could
when she said “yall, and then said you are so quick to get angry”
after she called her self coming at me on the floor in front of the employees and I backed her a$$ up off of me.
quickly
She hasnt spoken to me all week, only senet emails so I am sure I will be in yet another round of HR training
they might as well just send Stephen covey to my house…like in the movie anger management….LOL
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 29th, 2009 at 3:14 pm}
@shay_d_lady, “She hasnt spoken to me all week, only senet emails so I am sure I will be in yet another round of HR training”
Every time I drop in on my old job, they ask if I’m still employed. I spent many a day sitting through HR re-training. The thought of going back for more training is what motivated me to get it right. I still don’t know why they never fired my a$$.
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Cheekie {October 29th, 2009 at 11:53 am}
@miss t-lee,
“You people” warrants throat-punching by default. Once those two words leave their lips, I can’t control my arm lifting up and socking your Adam’s Apple.
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I’ll say one thing and one thing only:
When you (white co-hort) start any sentence with “I’m not rascist or anything like that, but some N…..”, it doesn’t reaaaaallly help your cause of making us think you’re not rascist.
Sidenote Quote:
“They didn’t understand that it was my next direction/
So I’m playing Postman, and addressing questions/
Like “Yes I’m still in LB”, and “No i aint Leavin”/
“No i don’t eat meat, but Yes I’m still Beefin”?/
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AkShone {October 29th, 2009 at 9:53 am}
@sisanda,
Thumbs up for the “Hiding Place” reference…
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Last night my bf’s mother told me a how the human resources lady came up to her and asked if she thought it would be fun to have a watermelon eating context at the office. The HR lady was serious and my bf’s mother was furious. Apparently the HR lady(clearly needing some diversity training) had no clue that this would be offensive.
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kamakula {October 29th, 2009 at 4:44 pm}
@Ivy St.,
Hmm, see, at some point, one has to allow some flexibility.
What if she asked about a corn eating contest? Or orange eating contest. It only became an issue when she said watermelon because of the stereotypes that exist. However, she could genuinely have wanted an opinion on a watermelon eating contest.
For things like this, I give the benefit of the doubt unless I’ve noticed a demonstrated pattern the needs to be addressed.
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This site is cool, but it’s gonna get me fired for reading it all day.
Yes, I voted for Barack Obama, but that doesn’t make me his spokesnegro to Republicans. Just because Glen Beck has told you he’s taking all your guns doesn’t mean I can explain why, when, and how. Actually if he takes our guns, I’m gonna be pissed, too!
STOP telling me I’m not like the typical black person…have you actually met the typical black person? or white person for that matter?
STOP asking me how I know so many black people! Just because I speak to my brethren in the struggle doesn’t mean I know them. I’m from a small town in the rural south, we speak to everybody…that’s just what we call “home training.”
If my Iranian co-worker greets me with “What it be like, homes?” one more time, I’m going to show that maybe I am like a “typical black person”.
As to Panama’s list item number 1, however, when I’m at the firestation…why does the patient have to be described as that “black” lady we responded to. Why do you never say that “white” lady we responded to on the other calls? I don’t necessarily agree that the race should be a prominent factor in the description.
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Smiley Face {October 29th, 2009 at 10:04 am}
@Caballeroso,
CO-SIGN!!! LOL
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Panama Jackson {October 29th, 2009 at 11:33 am}
@Caballeroso, As to Panama’s list item number 1, however, when I’m at the firestation…why does the patient have to be described as that “black” lady we responded to. Why do you never say that “white” lady we responded to on the other calls? I don’t necessarily agree that the race should be a prominent factor in the description.
while i get your point, i’m speaking more in reference to people going out of their way to not mention the race. they’ll tell you the color of the belt a person’s wearing and the fabric of their clothing just to make it sound like they don’t see race.
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Caballeroso {October 29th, 2009 at 1:15 pm}
@Panama Jackson, noted.
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lol @ white ppl and their old slang. I think it’s hilarious though.
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Dear VSB: is there a special form I need to fill out to Co-sign on ALL of the above (AMEN!)?
Being that I live half of the year in B’klyn and work half of the year in the Netherlands I am most def “The One Black Person” everybody knows @ work. I am by proxy the Ambassador of Brooklyn, New York/Black America for lots of folks. That said, ahem..
1. NO, Black girls DO NOT shave their heads at the age of 11 (or after their 1st period, whichever comes first) and wear WEAVES for the rest of their natural born lives!?
Yes ppl, lots of white Euros and white Americans actually think this. WTF?
2. Are you really dying to know about: what I eat, read@ home, the activities I partake of during the weekends> ask me.. but do so within the proper CONTEXT> i.e. DO NOT ask me if I know how to make candied yams in the middle of a software demo (growl), but rather during a situation in which we are actually eating and/or talking about food.
3. Don’t tell me “You must (secretly) want to be white” just because I enunciate my words, listen to QOTSA once in awhile, and don’t live on the sh*tty side of town. My success is well earned, my weirdness= all mine. I owe it to my Black-Latino parents> not to some desperate wish to be a bloody horrible ‘milk-toast’ like YOU, “you racist f*ck, you!” LOL!
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 2:26 pm}
@GeekChicness,
you must want to be white because you speak properly? damn. i guess i do need to go purchase that ebonics instruction book i saw the other day…
speaking properly doesn’t equal whiteness. our president has proven this. very annoying sticking point w/me.
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VeronicaCorningstoneD {October 29th, 2009 at 4:15 pm}
@GeekChicness,
yesssssssssssss queens of the stone age!
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I hate when someone tells me “you don’t act/speak like them”. I have been trying to figure out who “them” is for years. I told one of my co-workers that when black ppl braid their hair it gets longer -she believed me!!!
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Smiley Face {October 29th, 2009 at 10:35 am}
@Brown iii s,
LOL @ “I told one of my co-workers that when black ppl braid their hair it gets longer -she believed me!!!”
DYING!!
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 2:39 pm}
@Brown iii s,
now seeeeee…that’s mean lol funny as ish, but mean lol.
i love it. lol
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Sula {October 29th, 2009 at 3:08 pm}
@Brown iii s,
I told one of my co-workers that when black ppl braid their hair it gets longer
One of my aunt who was sporting an elaborate do while in college had a white classmate of hers ask how she managed to sleep at night. Without missing a beat, my aunt said : “I remove my head when I’m ready to go to bed and then screw it back on in the morning”… That heiffer actually believed for like 3 minutes then said, “Aunt’s name, you are effing with me!”…. Err, you think?
*smh*
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To all my perfectly malformed brethren out there including yours truly; without us they would still be in bell bottoms and suspenders.(Oh sorry, that was us still.)
I love me African style man.
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I dont know if its been said already or not, but I hate when 2520’s try to say or do something to prove their down with “black people”…i.e. playing the only song by a black person they own when you get in the car,
or changing the break room t.v. to BET
my mgmt group was decorating the main wall in our dept for breast cancer awareness…the theme of the board was “tickled pink for the cure” so we lined it in a pink feather boa and had a lot of pink smiley faces underneath each pink face we put the name of an associate in the dept…one of my co managers decided to put hair on the faces…to make them girls and boys so she found some templates…an afro, a bob, a bun, and a generic white boy hair cut with a part. My mgr put the hair on the smiley faces and assigned the name
why did she put the afro’s only on the black men? and then got mad when I was like.. uhhh no, pink afros on pink smiley faces arent offensive alone but……yeah
she’s dumb
this is the same mgr that decorated one of our baseball contest pieces in black face and defended it by saying she was trying to make it look like Chef from south park
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loc {October 30th, 2009 at 9:29 am}
@shay_d_lady,
I actually spit up my Chai Latte
So funny I can’t keep it inside. Your mgr is the female Michael Scott
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I also hate the “black folk talk” stereo type…
uh shay’s made
“oh no you dih int”….
I am going to hit you in your face…..thats what you want isnt it?
I also hate when they explain away your concerns as you being sensitive or “taking it the wrong way”
but when the shoe is on the other foot its an “issue”…..and there has to be meetings and sensitivity training…
and of course.. the minute you f!ck up and do something stupid and I get pissed
falling back on the angry black man/woman stereotype
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I’ve noticed a trend. I haven’t read any VSB’s accounts but more VSS’ accounts of craziness. I can’t think of anything either.
Caveat: I don’t try to be-friend ppl at work. 1. No time, between work and school. 2. I have enough friends. 3. I don’t care enough to be-friend them.
I’ll speak cordially at work and even HH but that does NOT friends make.
Back to the issue at hand, I think there’s some level of fear about askin any question that could be misconstrued to the possible ANGRY black man, and I like it just fine. No need to have to verbally check anyone, and we all get to go on with our lives.
Upthread, the whole you don’t need a haircut really does piss me off. WHO THE EFF IS U to tell me what I do or do not need? Just because you’ve never taken the time to learn about black (wo)men’s hair doesn’t allow you to pass judgement. And yes, I know when your matted hair needs a cut about every 2 weeks….promptly.
I need to get a fresh cut about every 5 days if I don’t want the O_0 from every black person I encounter on the street. They CAN tell I need a cut.
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I get pretty irritated at the way folks in my office describe people sometimes…
“She was a very pretty black lady”
Like she never seen a very pretty black lady before…There’s are tons of them in the world. She’s not the only one. Black was not necessary. “Very pretty lady” would’ve been acceptable.
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Dear White Folks,
Stop using the term, “Ghetto,” to refer to something bad. It rubs us the wrong way. And many of you would shart on yourselves if you spent 5 minutes in the hood…. not even the hood-hood… much less a real ghetto.
We prefer you use the term, “Trailer,” instead of “Ghetto.”
Thank you,
The Black Delegation
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chaoticdiva {October 29th, 2009 at 11:51 am}
@SouthernCharm,
Agreed.
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After years of living in Atlanta, it now weirds me out to go to functions and be one of the few black people in the room that does not have a serving tray in hand.
Although probably not as much as it would weird Becky out to be at an HBCU Football classic or a WuTang concert or my cousin Tee-tee’s house at Thanksgiving.
(The above is really funny to me because I grew up in a majority whyte northwest Florida town. It had never even occurred to me to be uncomfortable around whyte people.)
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Stop mentioning your black girlfriend…that was 12 years ago and you are now married to a white lady…what does that have to me with me? o_O
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Sanen85 {October 29th, 2009 at 12:01 pm}
@Smiley Face, Are you talking about my old manager? She’d always say “did I tell you I almost married a black man once?”. She’d say this at least once every two weeks. Don’t even get me started on how she always wanted a black girlfriend, it was so funny how she had to clarify that girlfriend meant friend to her. Either way, I’m not interested.
I also get my coworkers asking me if I can get them “anything”, and that anything usually is weed, but I have had once ask me if I could find some coke or crack for him. Best believe I left him feeling stupid for racially profiling my a**.
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wow i really just read all of the comments.
i just want to cosign on ALL OF THE ABOVE. for real. esp the touching of the hair. my hair is natural, so i guess that gives license to just walk up and pull my curls and watch them spring back in place “omg that is sooo cool!”
the kima keisha and pam reference made me literally lol. love this site.
i also have a problem with white men who approach me wanting to date. no, i don’t want to go to a soul food restaurant. no, you are not as cool or cute as Robin Thicke so stop trying. no i will not recognize your outdated references to “fiddy.” and if i do, i will pretend i won’t.
and the “you people”… OMG. i say, “ok, jim crow.” every time someone says that to me.
and number 3… “i won’t like you after that.”… lmao. so true.
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What a quandry Panama. I always get befuddled by this question. I tend to focus so much on everyone’s individuality. I just don’t be knowing.
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No, I do not use hair grease.
Yes, all of my hair was grown from my scalp.
No, I do not have a relaxer.
No, this is not a weave.
No, I’m not afraid to get my hair wet.
No, my hair does not melt when my hair is wet.
All I did to curl my hair was wet it.
No, neither of my parents are white, so my hair indeed is black people hair.
No, my hairdresser is not gay, even though he’s a guy.
No, the hair salon I go to is in the suburbs, not the hood.
(I always get the hair questions)
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V.E.G. {October 29th, 2009 at 2:02 pm}
@chaoticdiva,
“All I did to curl my hair was wet it.
No, neither of my parents are white, so my hair indeed is black people hair.”
co-sign. and co-sign.
I get hair and eye questions.
And my “fav” – during the summer 2520s love to show off their tans to me and exclaim – “I’m darker than you”
Me: Holla at me when that skin cancer catches up wit yo azz.
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 2:48 pm}
@V.E.G.,
“holla at me when skin cancer catches up up wit yo azz”
LMAO
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cam1ll3 {October 29th, 2009 at 2:51 pm}
@chaoticdiva,
i cosign, i concur and what’s more? i agree.
i’ve never felt compelled to touch their hair. what’s the friggin fascination with mine?!
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V.E.G. {October 29th, 2009 at 2:57 pm}
@cam1ll3,
“i’ve never felt compelled to touch their hair. what’s the friggin fascination with mine?!”
lol and so true.
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Muze {October 29th, 2009 at 4:58 pm}
@chaoticdiva, OMG i almost ‘liked’ this. (former facebook addict)
man o man. the hair questions get out of control. and the “well your hair isn’t like so and so’s (insert other black person they know)” make me want to scream.
funny thing is, i get a lot of these same questions from black women too. smh.
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Hey ya’ll. I was unfortunately ghost yesterday because I had a heating radiator inspection at the crib. It had water leakage and I had to have the valve replaced. FML.
Any-thef*ck-hoo.
“1) It is MORE than okay to mention the race of somebody you’re describing to me”
HAHA…my 2520 coworker (who is actually a cool cat…he’s my homie) does actually mention the race when describing, but I always notice the slight pause. The hesitation is there. It’s hilarious.
“2) Sidestepping or being overly political correct when it comes to race makes you look like an undercover racist (you racist f*ck, you)”
Against my better blood-pressure induced judgement, I watched Beezulbub’s wife, Ann Coulter on Joy Behar’s show one night. And rarely do I agree with the bish, but Ms. Coulter said something too true. That 2520 liberals can be just as racist as 2520 conservatives. I actually agree with that to an extent. I always have to side-eye a 2520 that goes out of their way to seem PC. Sometimes it comes across as patronizing and very insincere. Then again, she totally ruined the argument by defending the Republicans for making a Black dude the head of the RNC. Um, no, that doesn’t make you less racist, Boo-boo. It’s called “a token”…they’re not just for Chuck E. Cheese’s anymore.
“Reading people of VSB what are some things that you would put out there for the “rest” if you were the voice of Black America?”
- If you’re a 2520 and can quote The Color Purple, you are automatically my best friend for life. Or at least a Facebook friend.
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I work for a major university so most of the people I work with have a little bit of intelligence and common sense. However, there is always one, and she has …
1) Told me that her and a girlfriend were going to the “inner city” for a concert and should they leave their “jewels” at home and not drive the Audi !?!?
2) Asked if my daughter gets invited to all the parties she does at school because she is Black and the White parents are scared to get sued for discrimination.
3) Asked me if all Black people refer to their Significant Others as “My Boo”
4) Will say something she thinks is funny and follow it up with “Giiirl Shoot” ok really.
Ok I just got a headache, and am about to get pissed again, so I will stop here. My consolation is she cried the entire day after the election and then called in sick another day.
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Gem...from Houston {October 29th, 2009 at 12:32 pm}
@PrincessCutc, I work at a major university too and I am SO. DEAD. at leaving their “jewels” at home and MY BOO. LAWD!
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PrincessCutc {October 29th, 2009 at 12:57 pm}
@Gem…from Houston,
LOL yes!! her “Jewels” were repo’d by her husband before the concert and given to HIS “new boo” wanted to laugh but just couldn’t do it.
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My husband STAYS scaring white people for no reason. We were in IKEA, looking at a desk. This white couple was sitting in the chair so we were kind of looking over their shoulders at the price. The white dude glances up, PUTS HIS HANDS IN THE AIR SURRENDER STYLE, and kind of squeezes out the way, apologizing. Nothing had been said, no frowns were in the air, nothing. I still re-enact this today.
To my supervisor: Stop asking me (the token in the office) if I’m going to see the “African-American” something or other on campus. And I don’t need to hear how well your son gets along with African-Americans in the classroom, but not Hispanics. kthnxbai.
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Muze {October 29th, 2009 at 5:13 pm}
@Gem…from Houston, LMAO.
too funny!
Black men scare people for no reason. It’s so unfair. works well to deter people when you wanna be alone on the elevator and get frisky during your 32-floor trip up, though.
i mean, not that i’ve ever done that or anything. i’m just saying.
lmao.
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Also to my supervisor: Every time you say “We’ll just all blend into one big race!” I want to tell you your racist is showing. I know you don’t believe that, with your box-shaped ass.
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Why do most of these comments revovlve around hair?
Black girls, lets have a national no-hair day, when we focus on our brains instead of our hair.
That said…………with my hair I just pretend that nothing has changed. I go from short hair to long weave, and then act suprised when people tell me my hair is ‘different.’
Slang is tedious and shouldn’t be used in a serious context.
I am NOT black-google. I do not want to correct your misconceptions about black people unless it’s to my detriment. If you have a question about black people…………… go to the library… maybe start with Martin Luther King…. read up to Obama…. then come back and we can talk
Sidestepping or being over political confuses me. Especially when I’m the only black person in the room. One lecturer was talking about slavery and then gave a long speech about… ‘I hope this doesn’t offend anyone…’ before talking about slavery.
Or when people assume I’m Jamaican. Because I’m black. Because all black people are Jamaican (especially if you’re wearing braids that makes you even more Jamaican….)
No Usain Bolt is not my uncle……
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Please don’t “compliment” me on my speech. It took a lot of money to put me through school so I refuse to insult my parents’ dollars by using anything but standard English (in the workplace.)
I find that I am more lenient with non-American whites. I’ll usually entertain their questions about hair, food, skin, etc. But I just assume that Americans should know better. It’s unfair and I’m learning to be more sensitive and tolerant.
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 29th, 2009 at 2:41 pm}
@Ms. Hall, nope…don’t care where they from…unless it affects my bank, I usually respond with a hearty “FCUK YOU!!”
Then they try to explain themselves…nah homey, I don’t know nor care what that sh!t sounds like to you, the books I read ain’t got no pictures in ‘em…and that shit u just said was racist, tellin u now…watch yo mouf. Otherwise…I’ll gladly be who you thought I was.
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little story to share:
my ex husband and i attended a christmas party together once and met my mom’s supervisor, “joe”. i introduced the ex to “joe” and then following conversation (abridged a little) commenced:
“so what do you do?”
“i’m a retail manger for ________”
“oh really? how long have you been doing that?”
“about 5 years now.”
“5 years? oh wow, so you’re steady.”
“i’m sorry?”
“you’re steady…you been on this job for a while.”
i couldn’t believe it. 2001 and this man thought it was perfectly acceptable to say this to someone. he told my mom he didn’t mean anything by it. yeaaaaaaahhhh. ok.
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2) Sidestepping or being overly political correct when it comes to race makes you look like an undercover racist (you racist f*ck, you)
You know it’s overly sensitive black peoples fault they act like this right?
I know some black people who are quick to blow up at any misstep that a white person might make regarding racially sensitive communication…..so white people feel forced to choose their words extra carefully lest they lose their job or wind up the subject of a mass email forward
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Caballeroso {October 29th, 2009 at 4:39 pm}
@klysha, I feel you on the hyper-sensitive comment:
I had a WTF moment when my boss and I went separately to the same meeting and upon my arrival he turns to me and says…”I thought you were going to be late.” As I fought the urge to get fired he continued, “Traffic on the freeway was horrible, how did you get here so fast?”
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Excellent post as usual VSB.
But what do you think of my article (below) that I am writing for the university newspaper. Any chance of some one to one reading over my work in future………????????? Love from London.
Ben Gascoyne’s gaiety at York student’s ‘becoming more satisfied, 3% at a time’ is delusional.
I often wonder if it’s really necessary. The poor excuse for accommodation, the grubby kitchen, the mad-rush-to-the-library-only-to-find-that-all-the-books-were-taken-by-the-earlier-seminar-group routine. Not to mention the often dull lecturers and endless reading of journals; the constant strive to find passion and emotion in an undergrad subject where I am only taught to ‘think’ rather than feel. Apparently these are the ‘best years of my life’?
Yesterday I waited for the purple bus, somewhere between town and the university. A speeding car roared past; three young men shouted ‘black sh*t’ before throwing some chips out of the window in my direction. The soggy chips landed somewhere between my feet and the pavement. Was this supposed to offend me? Racial slurs, by invalids who have probably never left Micklegate or Cliftonmore or Heslington or whatever road they (and their parents’ parents’… and their parents’ parents’) grew up on and lived for the whole of their adult life?
Several incidents of this kind have happened to me and others while at York. On my first day at York I was similarly sworn at by racists in a moving car as I wheeled my suitcase from the station. Something along the lines of ‘go back home.’ I wanted to yell that I would return to London at the end of term, but the car had sped away. (Why do people always throw insults in motion, it lessens the weight of the insult making the perpetrator look cowardly?)To this day I walk past a white van near Fulford Road, with two neo-Nazi bumper stickers proudly declaring the political stance of its owner.
Honestly? I care more about the colour of the carpet in the library that I do about these young Nick-Griffins. Or as one blogger, Christiana Mbwake – a politics and European studies graduate from University College London asserted: ‘I considered doing a blog entry outlining my opinion on the entire [Question Time] debacle, [then] I remembered I don’t promote bigots. I just do my utmost to live a way that demonstrates their ideas are ludicrous.’ Yet, something at that moment, staring at the tossed chip on the floor, bemused me. I realised that the issue was more serious that I cared to admit. Am I, as an ‘ethnic minority’ student, really that much of a threat?
A few thoughts ran through my head. Though due to my heavy workload and the fact that there’s always tomorrow, I will only leave you with one notion. The Times, in their article: ‘BNP Could be given an annual Question Time slot, says BBC chief’ (October 29th 2009) suggests that the British public deserves to hear more of the BNP’s ‘policies’. If poor, ‘indigenous’, victimized Griffin gets another hour on Question Time from his ‘Aunty’ at the BBC, isn’t it right that we all go about asserting our opinions about what we want Britain to be like? Then to take it a step further, actively promoted those opinions?
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also 2520s, please corral your color-envy, sometimes it borders on making me uncomfortable as in my friend’s mom telling me for about 10 min how beautiful my skin is and how she wishes she could have it…it puts me on some silence of the lambs type ish…
-another 2520 told me shw would be happy if she could lay out long enough to get her skin as dark as mine…oh really? in the words of bernie mac “they want your skin tone, not your credit problem”
-and don’t look @ me crazy when i bust out the SPF 10,00o at the beach. i came from the original man with the original tan, and i’m not checkin for melanoma. kthxbye
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also 2520s, please corral your color-envy, sometimes it borders on making me uncomfortable as in my friend’s mom telling me for about 10 min how beautiful my skin is and how she wishes she could have it…it puts me on some silence of the lambs type ish…
-another 2520 told me shw would be happy if she could lay out long enough to get her skin as dark as mine…oh really? in the words of bernie mac “they want your skin tone, not your credit problem”
-and don’t look @ me crazy when i bust out the SPF 10,00o at the beach. i came from the original man with the original tan, and i’m not checkin for melanoma.
-quit tellin me how i remind you of your other “really cool Black friend”. first of all, you’re most likely lying. secondly, beyond race do i really? prolly not
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sorry about the double (now triple) posts btw
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I remember one day becoming very frustrated because my co -worker, who happens to look like fat Jesus/Peter Griffin from “Family Guy” with a long 80s-esque haircut, kept talking about his best friend being Haitian and how he didn’t understand why the man was so against being called African-American. I kindly explained to him that AA is a term white people use when they don’t want to piss us brown-skinnedededed people off, due to fear of aforementioned “Black rage.” Personally, I would prefer the term Black because that’s just how I refer to myself. I am Guyanese by heritage and identify so much more with my West Indian culture than with anything African OR American.
We had a potluck and when I brought in jerk chicken, his ass couldn’t stay out of the damn pan. I told him don’t touch shit else I made until he could give me one fact about a famous Black person that didn’t have to do with anything shown on BET, MTV, vh1, or Fox News. His ass didn’t have another wing!
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Deviant {October 29th, 2009 at 5:34 pm}
@Danielle,
why he can’t jus like the food? why you gotta give pop quizzes? thats bogus.
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I hate it when I wear my Led Zeppelin shirt and white people ask me in such a shocked voice “You like Led Zeppelin?” Um, if I didn’t would I have on this shirt? I don’t ask you about your Bob Marley shirts and rasta colored belts and pins…. I’ve gotten so fed up with being cordial, I know either ask why and wait for them to come up with an answer that wont make them look prejudice/ racist or I say “Why, because I’m not old and white?”. That normally shuts them up…
Rock on with the Black Rage!
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Deviant {October 29th, 2009 at 5:32 pm}
@Lady I,
I think I wood ask that too if i saw a black person wearing that shirt. That is unusual yanno.
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Lady I {October 29th, 2009 at 5:51 pm}
@Deviant,
Naw… if you’re black, you would just give me the side eye like the other brothas and sistahs.
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chaoticdiva {October 30th, 2009 at 3:14 am}
@Lady I,
You should question 2520’s wearing Che Guevara shirts on some “Wasn’t he an artist or something?”. I swear American culture dumbs people down significantly.
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Lady I {November 4th, 2009 at 7:11 pm}
@chaoticdiva,
Totally agree! That’s why I mentionted the Bob Marley shirts. Like seriously, wtf do they know about Bob Marley and what he’s really talking about. It’s not all about peace n weed.
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GeekChicness {October 31st, 2009 at 12:35 pm}
@Lady I, HAHA! Co-sign on wearing “unusual” concert T-shirts in public. Some dude followed me up and down the grocery aisle w/ out saying a word ‘cuz I had a Ramones T-shirt on. When I asked him what the hell his problem was O_0 , he said: “Um, dude, do you know you have a Ramones shirt on?”
I replied w/ a string of profanity and then closed the tirade w/ a psycho “FLAVOR FLAV” yell @ the end (just for the element of confusion). Perplexed=priceless
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Lady I {November 4th, 2009 at 7:08 pm}
@GeekChicness,
I love it! Perplexed =Priceless. Plus, it makes the situation easier to laugh off than take offense to.
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@Deviant
This was only after he had given me totally ignorant responses in our dialogue. It wasn’t about a quiz, moreso that he refused to see why someone would not want to be called African American
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stop looking so appalled when i play some Mastodon, Coheed and Cambria, Rob Zombie, or System of a Down… ALL black people don’t listen to Gucci Mane. or man or whatever
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