Being an expert in this here relationship game (I’m really not but whatever, I’m sexxier than you), one of the most recurring issues that women bring to myself and The Champ is a desire for us to explain to them what happened?
What do you mean what happened?
Glad you asked.
You see, quite frequently, women will meet a chap, engage in a little bit of courting, and then somewhere along the way, the relationship tanks faster than a Tyrese rap album. Most of the time the women cannot understand and as usual, want some closure. Now, this is pretty textbook and cookie cutter for us. Hell we could probably write up a standard response to those questions that mentions puppies, not sleeping with dude, and paper clips and call it a day, but the fact this, we here at VSB believe in helping out our sisters. We love women. Our mothers are women. That helps.
So in the interest of world peace and throwing my hat into the whole “giving away too much information to the dames” I’ve decided to give women a little help early on so that hopefully they won’t get to the what happened stage. Perhaps they’ll actually end up with a boyfriend, like Lamar Odom.
Here are 5 ways that women go wrong when dealing with us menfolks:
1) Women don’t make us earn the booty
I know this sounds like heresy to my brothas out there, but let’s just keep it one hunnid. Men need motivation to stay around and if we get to hit too early on, the thrill is gone. Why should I give a sh*t what your favorite movie is if I don’t HAVE to learn what it is? Men love the chase and despite what you may think, we actually do enjoy learning new things and working for things. If we respect you anyway. If a dude is mad because you didn’t put it in 6 hours, he’s probably not the cat for you anywya.
2) You think you you must give up the lovin’ early on to compete
Truth be told, you probably do, but that would totally contradict number 1 and I don’t want to do that. I know the percentages and the stats are grim. Most of you women out there will die lonely, bitter cat ladies. Sorry. But that’s still no reason to just drop the drawers early. Newsflash chica, early chop sessions don’t guarantee you a slot on a roster. It guarantees you a slot on the 10 day contract list.
3) Don’t require us to care about you as a person first
I guess this one really is #1 reincarnate but I suppose it can’t be reiterated enough. I know so many women who tie themselves up into trying to show how much they care for the dude they forget that it would probably help if he cared about them. And most men, despite some of our assholish ways really do have a heart and will trip and accidentally fall in love with you if show us sides of you that force us to examine ourselves. Then again, this requires the chicks to have esteem in the first place which is like asking for a hamburger on a Wednesday in Somalia.
4) You try to convince the man to like you, you need to reverse that…don’t be whipped, whip that…
Women…STOP convincing the man to like you. Turn that sh*t around. Make him convince you to continue dealing with him. For the life of me, I could never understand why women were so hell bent on proving to men that they were worthy (clearly not all women do this). You’re the prize, act like it. Just like he had to do the night you met, he should have to convince you to take a chance on him. If men do the most sucking (no pun intended…like for real you know what I mean) then you women need to make us prove we’re the worthy candidates. Not sure why women don’t get this one.
5) Stop being so damn pressed
You are not a wrinkled shirt. Once again, I know the stats, but damn, there actually are men out there, and probably one for you. So realize every man isn’t for you and let some of the crappy ones go. All of us ain’t worth it. And trust me…WE KNOW IT TOO. Fall back, take two of these and walk it out. You’ll thank me in the morning.
I realize these are all generalizations and all women don’t fall into these traps. But enough do. And I apologize to my hombres for letting some cats out the bag (though I feel like Steve Harvey selling common sense to people), but can we help our sisters out here?
What else are women doing wrong??
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
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- lost in translation: what men usually hear when women are talking to us
- Hands In The Concrete: 6 Surefire Ways To Impress A Man
- Some Universal Truths About Men And Women
- mercy, mercy, me…please?: the four cruelest things women consistently do to men
{ 220 comments… read them below or add one }
1. Talking too damned much.
1A.Telling a man all their business on the first date.
1B.Walking away from a date not having learned more about the man than he knows about her.
2. Thinking she can work her way up to his number one chick from being his number 3 chick.
@Ms. Smart,
2. Thinking she can work her way up to his number one chick from being his number 3 chick.
Yes, I’m sorry ladies. Stop trying, no matter what you do, you’ll always remain at your position.. so assume it. Perfect it. Love it. Embrace it.
Hell, when you don’t care about/ embrace your ‘position’ that’s when you move up. So I’ve noticed anyway
. Now that’s not to confuse sidechick to wifey, that’s just number two from Friday night to number one on Saturday afternoon.
@Ms. Smart, “1A.Telling a man all their business on the first date. ”
YESSS. Keep some things private.
@Nicki Sunshine, a lil mystery is always good, not in the way where you are hiding your feelings or who you really are but just in the ways you express these things, keep em guessing, thats always fun….
1.being honest about the number of bed friends you have.
@talking silently, I honestly believe it depends on the relationship. I was so afraid to be honest with my boyfriend about the number of partners I have had but when I did it changed our relationship for the best. He had tons of questions and it was nerve-wracking at first, but it confirmed to him what he already suspected, that I was as honest as I claimed to be.
@Misskbs,
i see what you’re saying..but i had a friend in college who honestly lost count of her number and was open about…needless to say she always had the “all men are dogs” attitude.
@talking silently, I feel you. But losing count of your number and knowing it and being able to be accountable for your actions are two different things. You should use your discretion when disclosing, but try not to lie just say you’d like to keep that aspect of your past private.
@talking silently,
Never tell us this. And by “us”, I mean “me”. We don’t wanna know. And by “we”, I mean “I”. Nine times out of ten we’re going to think it’s a lie anyway. And by “nine times out of ten”, I mean “ten times out of ten”.
Really, I can’t think of a good reason why this question should be asked unless you really perceive someone to be a complete hoe-bucket in which case you probably shouldn’t mess with them at all OR they’re just going to lie about the number anyway.
@Monk,
I think most men are like you. They don’t wanna know, even when they ask.
My answer: “Nobody mattered before you” *cue dramatic music* End scene.
@Monk,
Totally agree. Unless something happened that is truly lifechanging, I really don’t think number of partners has any place in an adult relationship. Really – wrap it up and get tested when you’re ready to dive in with no swimsuit.
@Monk,
I definitely agree. I honestly havent had a man asked me that in years. even on a friendship level. past relationships and past “friends” dont come up in conversation anymore. I definitely believe men, just really dont know want to know.
All I’m concerned about really is…do you have any stds and how often do you get checked. LOL
@Misskbs, this is a VSB no-no. i think we all had to take an oath on the sacred tree stump of Riley & Springer, that we would never share our number with our current or potential partners. apparently, no number is a “good number” with the men folk.
@Miss Patterson, double standard a** havin a** pieces of lint!
@overit, i luv you and your tourettes.
@Miss Patterson,
thats exactly what I was thinking. I actually think it’s straight up ignant fo’ a grown ass somebody to be asking something like that. Aint no damn answer that’s good enough.. especially for men. I just don’t think it’s my business to know a damn thang.
@Officer Ricky,
“it’s straight up ignant fo’ a grown ass somebody to be asking something like that”
chuuurch. Bro’ Franklin would catch the spirit on this one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qf9p5cpc_08
@V.E.G. *guffaws followed by tears* Bro’ Franklin has more than one video?! i almost died from laughing at the first one i saw. smh…lawdhavemercy. and this one has the nerve to say ‘brand new’. sh*iiiit, i almost wanna subscribe.
@talking silently,
1.being honest about the number of bed friends you have.
Could you explain more on this actually? How did it change the relationship for the better? Is he your husband now? or fiance? bf for many years? how long into the r/ship did you actually break that down.. help a brutha out!
@Officer Ricky, Were still together, we had this discussion in early 2009. We’ve been dating since December so the relationship is still pretty new but we’re progressing nicely. Our relationship became much more serious a couple months after my number confession no no…lol. It made things easier.He had issues with trust initially because of dishonesty in previous relationships, and I have been very honest with him about my past and life in general. He’s expressed that he is appreciative of my honesty. Maybe he really didn’t want to know but hey, he shouldn’t have asked.
@Miss Patterson I know this is a VBS no no, lol I remember reading a post about it way back and I think I referenced it in my mind before he and I discussed it. It wasn’t easy to talk about but I pride myself on being as honest as possible and once we talked about it we moved forward. It doesn’t come up anymore. Honestly, if a guy can’t handle that he’s not the only person I have been with then he is childish and probably not the one for me. (I’ll probably get heat for this…lol) I’m not saying that this is the best thing for everyone but it was for us.
@Misskbs, This is deja vous. I hope this all works out. And by ‘works out’ I hope he doesn’t bring it up later on or use it as a negative factor as he’s deciding whether to take the relationship to the next level.
@Misskbs, you are better than me! LOL I would never, trust issues or not. actually I run from ninjas with trust issues so we’d never make it anyhow. I’m glad my current SO and I both agree that we’re grown enough to care about our health and not about numbers.
@Reecie, Yeah, the only reason his trust issues weren’t was because he didn’t really project them on me. I did sense them because he was just honest about his past relationships and how he was left feeling for sometime. He was just clear that he wouldn’t deal with blatant dishonesty, and I was clear that neither would I. I think the whole numbers thing is a bit immature to even bring up but sometimes it DOES come up for whatever reason. But again, if it comes up I don’t have a problem talking about it.
@talking silently,
I think it is more important to not let him know, unless he finds out and asks directly, you have slept with someone he might know.
The negroes who can read (i.e. college educated) set is SMALL. Tiny. miniscule. And you if you date a lot, you may have dates guys who know each other in passing. I know I have. I keep that ish secret. I dated a guy who had a travel buddy I’d dated two years prior. When I saw photos of them hanging in Costa Rica with their other boys, I almost fell out.
@V.E.G., I don’t date a bunch but I went to a small university. True story, a guy I dated in the past ended up being roomates with a boyfriend of mine…ugh…I almost died.
@Misskbs, Your turn to elaborate, that’s funnaaay! Did anything come of that that you know of? I’m sure they’ve had discussions about you or did they even know?
@Cherrell,
Yea, it’s funny now but it wasn’t funny then! Lol, I think he already knew because he “casually” brought it up in conversation. I was honest about what it was and what it wasn’t and we moved forward. Their relationship as roomates didn’t last long but he and I are still together.
@talking silently,
Oh wow.
This is a question best unasked and unanswered.
@miss t-lee, thats def not need to know information, IMO thats a very young question TBW..whats needs to be known are Hiv and STI status’ and if you plan on being monogomous with each other
@OrangeStar616,
Exactly.
Young indeed.
@talking silently,
I like your moniker.
@talking silently, yea and dont be shocked if her number is higher than his;).
I have had to stop so many women who assume I must have a slept with 40 to 50 women or is trying too wtf is that about?
That also brings up another thing not to do ladies…stop filling in his blanks, how would you know he is sleeping with mad chicks? But if you assume it and then project it on him simp ass men go right along..heck you might be the woman breaking his drought now you got him thinking he some stud that never loses!!!! Please stop that bull$hit!!
1. Overlooking blatant signs of crazy.
2. Blaming new guy for shit old guy did
3. Expecting a man to make you happy. Men should enhance and enrich our lives not be a magician and suddenly transform you into a happy person. If you are miserable alone, you will be miserable with a man, then you will make each other miserable and have a miserable marriage and make miserable babies. It’s lose-lose, man.
@Wise Diva, You have to be desperate, dumb or both to overlook blatant signs of crazy. I’d bounce after a mild sign of crazy.
@Misskbs, I don’t think it’s solely desperation that ends up with crazy. Crazy women end up with crazy. Also, women tend to ignore the early subtle signs of crazy. These signs include wanting to know where you are every moment of the day. It might seem cute at first, but it’s a first sign of control. Another one is wanting you to consistently choose them over commitments you’ve made with friends or family. And again, most women think this is cute.
@Ms. Smart, I know this but I was responding to ignoring BLATANT signs of crazy, these are hard to miss unless you’re crazy(I forgot to mention this), dumb or desperate. Subtle signs of crazy are easy to miss, and yes crazy women do end up with crazy men, but ususally one person is more crazy than the other.
@Wise Diva,
You SAID that girl! Its fine, Wonderful actually, to enjoy being with a person but your happiness is too much of a burden for anyone else to carry. Work on YOU first, and then you can work on being with someone else. Otherwise every time he doesn’t call, says something insensitive (its gonna happen), or needs a little personal time your whole world will come crashing down. If you don’t love being around you why the h*ll would a man?
@Wise Diva, “Blaming new guy for shit old guy did” My ex is doing this rite now. Stuck in a dead and boring relationship she has cheated on her new man all this year with several men, is pregnant by one and of course that cat started “acting funny” so NOW all black men aint shit…I told her “you’re 27 and if you cant distinguish the ‘aint shit men’ from the cool ones thats your fault!!”
@Wise Diva,
ignoring blatant signs of crazy is the leading cause of restraining orders in women ages 18+.
@Wise Diva,
3. Expecting a man to make you happy. Men should enhance and enrich our lives not be a magician and suddenly transform you into a happy person. If you are miserable alone, you will be miserable with a man, then you will make each other miserable and have a miserable marriage and make miserable babies. It’s lose-lose, man.
The Wise Woman Spoketh.
Before I add my .02 on what women are doing wrong, I have to first say that while I agree with your #1 point in theory, I think that, in practice, it’s faulty.
Here’s why:
I’ve known several women who have waited 3 months to sleep with a guy and, after he got, he was ghost. And I personally have slept with 2 guys on the first date and was proposed to by both of them (obviously not that night, but two years later). I think that if a man is out to get the panties he’s going to bounce after he gets them, no matter how long you make him wait.
On to what women are doing wrong:
1. Waiting to find out where you stand. Obviously, you shouldn’t say “so what’s this all about?” on date one. But, you shouldn’t sit around weeks and weeks waiting for dude to tell you if he sees you as something serious or not. If you want a relationship, you need to make that clear early on. Cuz if he doesnt, no matter how fly you are, you aren’t gonna get it from him and you should move on.
2. Having a highly inflated sense of self. I have heard so many of my friends say a guy is beneath her or not on her level. And I’m not talking about an Ivy league graduate dating a dude who works at McDonald’s. Literally, it has been a college educated chick with a regular salary saying this about a dude with the same. Too many of us women are too busy trying to pat ourselves on the back that we often miss a good thing.
3. Not enjoying being a woman. Clearly, not all men like an ultra feminine chick. And I don’t even advocate for that. But this is a visual world and there is something to be said for a woman who makes an effort when it comes to presenting herself to the world, especially when she’s out with her guy.
@V.E.G., “I think that if a man is out to get the panties he’s going to bounce after he gets them, no matter how long you make him wait.”
i agree wholeheartedly with this statement. there are some really good actors out there. still, i think a little reserve might buy us more time to decipher if he’s really trying to get to know you…or the panties.
@Miss Patterson,
“still, i think a little reserve might buy us more time to decipher if he’s really trying to get to know you…or the panties.”
I agree. I tell a friend not to first date bed every guy she meets. Sometimes there is something there and you go with it, but if you find yourself always thinking something is there, on every first date, you need to evaluate yourself.
Similarly, I tell another friend that if, after 3 months, she doesn’t want to sleep with a guy she should move on. lol.
@Miss Patterson,
“there are some really good actors out there.”
These people are called sociopaths. When most women think of waiting, they think of it as holding something they intend to give out. But if more women would think of it as an observation period to determine if you trust this man enough for him to ENTER YOU, then it seems so much more LOGICAL. I don’t think there’s nec a three month rule. But I tell the young girls (and grown women whose momma’s didn’t teach them shyt), that they should not have chex with a man who they wouldn’t give a key to their home. I’m not saying you should ever literally give him one but you should trust him that much before you go breaking him off. If women waiting and worked on getting to know him and building trust, a lot of them would avoid getting played and being bitter by 28.
@Ms. Smart
That’s logical, but it isn’t practical. Not in the least. While these women are in the “observation period” dude will be out looking for a woman who’s “fun” or a woman who can quickly see that they are trustworthy and honest. Not even good guys want to be treated like they’re in some job with a three month evaluation period. Not any guy who has options anyway.
@An Island, If a chick isn’t interesting enough to keep a man around without screwing him, then she won’t be able to keep him around long-term even after she screws him. Also, don’t act like women don’t have options too. If Joe doesn’t want to date me because I won’t give him what he wants, then guess what, James, Steve, Richard, and Mark will. If they want what they want, they can go get that shyt after they drop be off after our ‘proper’ date. They can carry their asses to the home of whatever silly chick thinks she’s competing with me by screwing him when I won’t. She’ll end up frustrated, used, and bitter.
Trust and believe you don’t have to treat a man like he’s being interviewed to open your (not ours per se) eyes and pay attention from day one. Women can give a gazillion excuses as to why they CAN’T keep their legs closed at least until they know a man’s last name. But they don’t realize that men who want something beyond chex are observing them too. Both people should be thoughtfully observing each other.
Women would get along so much better if they made their relationship decisions as if they were looking from the outside in–remove their own emotion from the decision making process. If you don’t believe me, think about all the good advice women give just on VSB when they aren’t in the ‘situation’ at hand. But the minute they get into the ‘situation’ themselves, they find every excuse in the book not to follow their own advice.
@An Island,
Is three months really a long time??
@V.E.G.,
Very good points.
@V.E.G.,
I agree with every single point in your post.
…good sh*t.
@V.E.G.
There are plenty of things that can keep a guy satisfied without him getting the ultimate goal. Holding out on practically everything, including a hand massage, will have me looking at you like you’re a dot matrix printer.
On to my usual totally unrelated comment. I’m a firm believer in “this is your life ninja, go live it,” but if you’re Jon of Jon and Kate and you have EIGHT young kids, you gotta think of the team. How you gonna KNOWINGLY traumatize 8 little kids like that. Suck it up, lie to yourself, get some on the side, I don’t care, just don’t leave that house.
@V.E.G., no 3 THIS man loves a femmed out chick but she also needs to be balanced enough to handle her own bizness. I am feelling how a women can run around the house in a cute oufit while on the phone gettin her shit in order. I dont need a whining lil girl now or some faux biz drama queen at 45 still trying to open up yet another salon in the hood. I work on Wall st and seeing black women in taht corp setting is a huge turn on esp if she down to earth about herself
..which brings me to no 2…I do feel this is a huge flaw with women if she has an MBA and I a BS why cant we date? Also graduates cant nor do any of us control the economy once getting out-some of us ahd to take that “any job is better than no job” but why do some women frown upon such things its an American fact that graduates today dont “get it on” like say getting a BS in the 90′s, so my position post college isnt some insight to me or my long term goals. Stop using mens “things and stuff” as some gain on his character study what he did in Adversity and in times of peril…shoot who doenst like a 75 degree day no clouds and cool breeze? But its the ones out in 45 degree weather, rain, snow or both, just lousy and nasty weather the cats gettin it in these conditions those are the men to at least look at.
3. NOT dating the man that loves her more than she loves him. I used to hate it when my Dad told me this, it simply didn’t sound fair…until I realized being the resident genius that he was, that he was right. Men and women approach love differently. If he loves you more, as in real love (not “Ike and Tina” love…sometimes we need to clarify) and you do love him too, you might just be on to something.
@Kamilah, i’ve heard about this, and i always felt how you did…sounds wrong. makes a lot more sense, but i’m still not sure:)
@overit, I think it doesn’t make sense to some because we’ve been taught that life SHOULD be fair. But if a man shows you he loves you more, at least by your perception, it may be because by his perception, she loves him more. Get what I’m saying??
@overit, I believe in relationships the “level of love” changes throughout the years–it can fluctuate with each partner–now I’m talking life partners, not some bf/gf stuff. I agree with the general premise, its just not something people like to talk about, because of how it “sounds”.
@Reecie,
Agreed.
There is even a saying in my native language that make allusion to that…
@Kamilah,
“3. NOT dating the man that loves her more than she loves him.”
you’re right, this isn’t “fair”, but, despite the fact that it gives men the short end of the stick, i actually agree with that sentiment.
in the majority of relationships that actually work, the guy does the courting and winning, and usually falls in love first too. this is why men “win hearts”, not women. in fact, the fact that he’s so into her makes him willing to do whatever he has to do win her.
1. Unleashing the crazy early on. We all have a lil bit of crazy but you can’t go hitting him over the head with it on all at once…ease it on out.
2. Failing to look inward when a relationship fails and then repeating the same mistakes with the new guy. Not all guys are the same just the ones you choose and your actions. If you’re not learning you’re failing.
3. Attempting to spend every waking moment with a man, and not allowing him to have “he” time, or yourself to have “she” time. This is annoying and no matter how much he likes you initially he’ll grow tired of this. If he doesn’t…RUN! He’s probably possessive and will unleash the crazy later on.
4. Not speaking your mind, or being timid when it comes to giving YOUR (not mirroring his) opinion. If you didn’t get the memo, men like women with opinions…at least the good ones do.
5. Repeatedly going back to the same guy…his expectations of your relationship haven’t changed…neither should yours. He’s already shown you who he is.
@Misskbs, LOL @ “…ease it on out”
@Misskbs, “. Not speaking your mind, or being timid when it comes to giving YOUR (not mirroring his) opinion. If you didn’t get the memo, men like women with opinions…at least the good ones do.”
That is soo true. ***making notes to open my dayum mouth.****
@Nicki Sunshine,
“making notes to open my dayum mouth”
You’re leaving yourself WIDE open for that one Ms. Sunshine..lol!! But I’m not gonna take a stab at it.
@Monk, Goodness, I know right???? LMAO.
Disclaimer: I am not talking about head yaw. lol
@Misskbs,
“1. Unleashing the crazy early on. We all have a lil bit of crazy but you can’t go hitting him over the head with it on all at once…ease it on out.”
I totally agree.
Small increments are best…lol
@miss t-lee,
LOL, I know. Baby steps…
By the time you hit him over the head with a whammy, then he’ll already been in love with
your coochyou.@Cheekie,
Exactly.
@Misskbs,
“4. Not speaking your mind, or being timid when it comes to giving YOUR (not mirroring his) opinion”
This is TOTALLY where I keep going wrong. Heh, heh
“Failing to look inward when a relationship fails”
But i think the opposite is true here. Women think too damn much on what they could’ve done differently. Then for the next rel’ship they be on some Oprah mind chi makeover isht where they attempt to “improve” they way they speak, eat, behave, etc. Eff THAT! You are you. Just saying “sh!t happens” and seeking someone who actually likes you (as opposed to what you think you have the potential to become) can work miracles.
Dont get me wrong. If you’re a rude, selfish jerk you need to introspect and change up. But Im sure you would have heard that before from fam & friends. The only thing most break-ups teach you is that James isnt the one for you.
@Me fail english?,
I don’t mean you should blame yourself for him being the relationship not working out, but you should accept responsibility for what you accept from a person. I wrote this with my bff in mind, yesterday she was complaining about how all guys are the same, and I started thinking, because I know her SO well, that maybe she keeps choosing the wrong guys. In fact, I know this is the case, every guy problem she tells me about is the SAME. She chooses guys who will never commit, and then is like oh well, I knew this would happen, that’s how they are. I’m always like WTH? It can’t be that all guys are like this, I know this not to be true.
This is for the ladies who always wonder why they keep ending up with the same type of guy or alway get “done wrong” in a relationship. You have to figure out why you keep attracting trash, chances are your methods of selection, or your process of elimination is wrong. I’m not saying you should change yourself at all I just think there is something to be learned when a relationship doesn’t work out. You should learn what you will and will not deal with and you should be more clear on what you want the next time around.
@Misskbs, “3. Attempting to spend every waking moment with a man, and not allowing him to have “he” time, or yourself to have “she” time. This is annoying and no matter how much he likes you initially he’ll grow tired of this. If he doesn’t…RUN! He’s probably possessive and will unleash the crazy later on.”
I am saying, isn’t there a damned game on somewhere?? I thought I was one of the few women who felt this way. You have given me validation that I’m not an emotionally stunted chick. I’m just not as needy as some.
@Ms. Smart,
No you’re not you’re just realistic! Don’t get me wrong, I love couple time, it’s important and sh*t, but I can’t accomplish anything with you in my back pocket and neither can you. Besides, needy=creepy.
Women having to compromise themselves more than men do. Men would say different, but women change themselves to keep a man, which is sad. There’s nothing wrong with changing for the better, but when you loose yourself then ma’am we have to stop & evaluate things.
Another one is, when women act as though we don’t have to Pee, Poop or burp(burping is DOable, but still a contender). We can do all those thing just be classy about it, L0L…
LAST BUT NOT LEAST,,, OVER ANALYZING! All us women do this, its natural for us, but its wrong b/c some times we don’t know when to stop.
There’s more but I can’t think of anymore..
@h3avensent08, I overanalyze like a mug. lol
@Nicki Sunshine,
Girl, so do I…
I forgot to add what I believe the KEY thing so many women do wrong: they are looking for a fairy tale, some movie type ish.
A lot of women don’t realize that romance, for a man, is not often flowers, romantic dates, etc. For a man, those things are game, chicas. Trust.
A guy shows real interest by taking care of you: making sure your tires have air, etc. lol. But women take that ish for granted and get mad cuz they aren’t getting abc when, in reality, it’s xyz that matters. So they let dude go and the next chick appreciates the xyz stuff that girl #1 thought wasn’t romantic enough.
@V.E.G., I agree totally! Flowers are nice but they die…I’d rather know my wellbeing is always important to you and that you’ll always have my back, not from your words but from your actions. I knew my boyfriend loved me when he started worrying about me coming home from work at night and offered to buy me a gun…lol. (I declined…but the offer still stands)
@Misskbs,
I am lmao at the offer for a gun. He must love you…and trust you. No man in his right mind, unless he’s in love, would let his woman have a firearm…he never knows what could happen. lol.
@V.E.G.,
Youze a damn foo! ROFL!!
@Officer Ricky,
I’m sayin…that’s a brave dude.
true story: my uncle gave my aunt a gun. He isn’t dead…but he got shot coming through the front window once. (lost his keys)
@Misskbs, i agree but flowers can be dried! just sayin…you can have your flowers and dry them too.
@overit, you’re a fool, you know that?
@overit, LOL! Yes they can be dried, then perhaps they will last longer than the actual relationship. lol
@V.E.G.,
This goes back to having similar or different “languages of Love”… For some, it’s more intimacy (I want to be able to know that you got my back and I got yours), for others it’s more physical contact (holding hands etc…) when for some it could be buying stuff, or taking care of, or giving compliments….
Try to figure out how he shows you that he cares and communicate (or figure out) how you show that you care, and take it from there.
Flowers absolutely don’t work for everybody….
@Sula,
Good point. I think my bf’s idea of romance is bossing me around like he’s my Dad (i.e. yelling at me for not crossing the street right), “teaching” me isht I knew before I met him, or just teaching me isht he made up during the course of conversation. I let him cuz he seems to be happy while he’s doing. That’s our version of flowers & chocolate.
P.S. If he would’ve run this by the average woman as a way to endear himself to me they would’ve told him “try again”…and they would’ve been wrong. I find it adorable
Then again, this requires the chicks to have esteem in the first place which is like asking for a hamburger on a Wednesday in Somalia.
you so ignant.
anyway. (or as you spell it anywya.) you made some valid points, Peej.
Re: 1) “Nanny”, my late grandmother, had a way of expressing this same piece of advice. She’d say “Miss P, let that n*gga chase you!” I’m still learning.
Re: 2) I’ll be d@mned. Thank God I’m allergic to cats.
————–
my additions to this list would be the following:
6) that we don’t listen to what men are really saying. sometimes the most plain statements like “i’m not looking for a relationship right now” or “i like it that neither of us have any expectations about this” can get all jumbled in our head like a round of ‘mad gab’ if he has juicy lips and a nice voice. instead we should pull the needle across the record and say “i’m not a girl who likes to just kick it.”
7) we’re suckers for ninjas we think need emotional reassurance/comfort. and therefore make excuses for why they half-step. “well he and his mom have his issues, so he never really learned to trust women” or “his father was absent, so he never had anyone to teach him how to really appreciate a woman like a ‘real man’.” i guess this ties in with #5- send him to dr. feelgood with a script of prozac and be on your merry way.
9) we sometimes tend to think that a deep physical connection might lead to something deeper or translate into something deeper. (pun intended). for most men, good booty is just that- good booty. it is not a spiritual reawakening for them. not to say that it is for all women either, but we tend to put a little more emotional stock in the dude that made us cat call for the first time.
10) believing in far-fetched love stories. right now i’m watching “a lot like love” for the 15th time. sue me.
do i get my omelette now? if you say ‘no’, i will beat you.
@Miss Patterson,
“believing in far-fetched love stories. ”
This makes me want to beat women. Seriously.
Pretty Woman, Dirty Dancing, A Lot Like Love…all great films but they have so many of our sistren living on another planet, dreaming of the day her knight on a white stallion comes to lasso the moon for her.
@V.E.G., *ducking from veg’s cane river switch*
leave my fairytales ALONE! i bet you tell little children that Santa doesn’t exist either.
@Miss Patterson,
But he doesn’t.
And, no, I don’t do this. Not to children under 8 years of age.
@Miss Patterson, Very good additions. I co-sign them all.
@Miss Patterson,
“7) we’re suckers for ninjas we think need emotional reassurance/comfort. and therefore make excuses for why they half-step”
Good one.
@Miss Patterson,
excellent additions, all. #7 is absolutely true…WWWWHHHHYYYY didn’t I learn this earlier?! No more Dr. Philomena for me, trust.
@Miss Patterson,
do i get my omelette now? if you say ‘no’, i will beat you.
beat deez
@The Champ, ewww.
p.s.- this Celie screenshot is hilarious. i’m waiting for Luvvie to say something…
@Miss Patterson,
Yes. Where is the LuvBug?
@Miss Patterson,
I love it! I bet all the VSBs on here are scared to look the screenshot in the eye. That two-finger curse is deadly!
Hello good people! Here’s my piece…
I think some women go wrong when they try and change a man from being who they really are to what you want them to be. It may seem like a good thing on the surface, but chance are he’s already shown you who he really is.
Just one woman’s opinion
@Keedy (Kijuana), Exactly…. one should never try to change a man… Love him or leave him.
@Keedy (Kijuana),
*nods*
If you have to change who he is, then you don’t actually want HIM.
@Cheekie, If you have to change who he is, then you don’t actually want HIM.
Truth.
Falling in love/Saying you love him to quickly. This might be linked to number 1. Let’s say boy meets girl and he hits it early…and gives her the gotdamn like eye rolling, toe curling, looking like you been possessed gotdamn. And then chica goes bananas! Stuck on you like bird flu. Trust that dude will be outta there faster than a chihuahua that stumbled into Mike Vick’s crib. It’s just in our DNA and sh*t. Act nonchalant and we want you more…
@Da Iceman, That might be a psycho!
@Nicki Sunshine, LOL true
@Da Iceman,
Ol’ girl from the movie, Wedding Crashers is the epitome of this. I mean, she did end up with Vince Vaughn’s character, but still. Chick was crazy and most women won’t be lucky to end up with a ninja that’s secretly turned on by said craziness.
@Cheekie, Yea no doubt, I think Vince Vaughn’s character was a crazy mofo too! Do the motorboat!
I want to place a disclaimer on this comment. I am not a PIG, asso (will maybe a little bit, but I didn’t make the rules, I just know what i’m talking about because iRock.)
What women do WRONGA:
1. thinking that their fun holes are laced with heroine. the sad FACT is that a man NOT tell the difference between two fun holes if his eyes are closed. its sad, true. again, i didn’t make the rules. unlike women, who judge by size, width etc etc. men don’t have the luxury. if there are wet floor signs, then they slide. smell me?
2. slowing down.
ever watch the discovery channel? ever see that sexy ace gazelle running from a cheetah? as long as that gazelle runs, the cheetah will chase, but as soon as that gazelle trips,t he cheetah is all over that ace.
women make the mistake of slowing down, then the chase is over. men know what women have walls and soon as we notice they’re down–we’re in the walls. again, i apologize.
3. Being the reason nice guys don’t finish.
women always say they just want a nice guy, but in actuality we ALL know that women secretly think IKE turner was a god (little G). if women would stop being so shallow and let the nice guy win, then she wouldn’t have to invite all of her girls over to watch grey’s anatomy and drink exorbinate amounts of wine just to talk about how Tyrek ain’t shhh.
well you should have chosen HERMAN, the accountant from IOWA. you did it to yourself like plaxico.
4. plead the fifffffffff.
i may or may not had to tell my chick (see: bench warmer, weekend thang) to stop ball breaking. nothing is worse than a woman that BALL breaks early or often in a situationship. every little issue is NOT a problem. women tend to over analyze shh. this speaks to number 2. once you start “itching-B” he automatically knows that you feel invested enough to call him out on his shh.
last, but not least…
we know that women dry up if they have to reach for their wallets. we don’t mind spending, but if we feel like we’re getting DOOOPED, then we will get ours on the back end. its an investment either way. some cats feel obligated to play in your BACKYARD if they’re spending bread. so, don’t give him any ideas. do the beyonce and get on your independent shh. pay fo a meal, drinks, condoms, hot cheetos… do something besides, ball break, be cute and act bourgie.
i digress…
@Islama-Loans,
Agreement. Total.
I would encourage women to STOP watching romantic comdies. 1. Most have 2520′s doin dumb s**t most black men won’t do. 2. They create this idea that someone perfect is waitin for you. If they are perfect, then they aren’t for you. 3. They tell us that eventually someone will come and make our lives better. If you can’t improve your life, no one else can.
4. They seem to say that relationships are easy. BS! I have never worked harder than in a relationship. Two (very) opinionated and (very) stubborn people in a relationship is extremely taxing.
@Stank-0, 1. Most have 2520’s doin dumb s**t most black men won’t do.
LMAO! Tru.
1. Putting the new man before your family and friends. (shows you have no loyalty)
2. Being “too available.” (shows you have no life- LOSER)
3. Trickin’ (my old co-worker got this dude a CAR. She was watching too many Beyonce “Upgrade You” videos.)
4. Not being truthful (tell him what you want and if he doesn’t want it, tell him to kick rocks. DON”T SETTLE).
@Nicki Sunshine,
*dead* @ your #3.
@miss t-lee, was dead when she told us she did it! WTF? Bytch you ain’t bawlin.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Silliness knows no limit.
@miss t-lee, That’s the truth.
@miss t-lee,
Girl, my homegirl has two brothers who got brand new Infiniti G35′s from chicks they wouldn’t even call their girlfriends. Not to mention neither one of these fools had jobs and lived at their Grandma’s house. Nothing to offer but cute faces and hard D. Plus they used to STAY embarrassing the girls in public.
@Me fail english?,
Shoooo…one of my brothers had a Suzuki Kitana that he ain’t made nann payment on. Not a one.
Trust me I was side-eyeing that chick every chance I got. LOL
He has since sold it at a profit. Can’t knock his hustle though…ha!
@Me fail english & miss t-lee: I just want to know what makes a woman sink to that point.. what makes you feel like you have to do all these things for a man?
@Nicki Sunshine,
Good question. I pray I never know the answer…lol
@miss t-lee,
lawdy… I don’t ever wanna learn that either. LOL
Me neither…
I agree with everything you said!
Here’s my 2
1. Stop treating that man like your long lost daddy; if you got daddy issues it’s not his fault.
2. You are not wonder woman put away your gold cuffs; be vulnerable sometimes, be soft sometimes, you don’t always have to win, it’s not a contest.
@Smiley Face,
“1. Stop treating that man like your long lost daddy; if you got daddy issues it’s not his fault.”
This is a major…I mean, he wants to be your daddy, but he doesn’t wanna be your daddy, ya know? lol
@Smiley Face,
2. You are not wonder woman put away your gold cuffs; be vulnerable sometimes, be soft sometimes, you don’t always have to win, it’s not a contest.
Good one. I had to learn it in the trenches.
Shouts outs to Black Ty….*snickering*
This is a rare occasion beause I actually agree with all of these points.
The Lamar Odom line is gold….GOLD!!!!
Stop listening to your girls..especially the single, lonely ones who can’t keep a man or be on that “men ain’t shyt” shyt. They’re really not your friends and they do not want to see you happy..if they’re not themselves.
Similarly, don’t listen to what you read in them girly magazines. If you want to know what men like, want, or need, it’s best to ask a man.
i am guilty of the “fairytale” envy thing
hopeless romantic, my fav movie is the “Notebook”
he built the woman he loved a huge beautiful house, hoping she would come back to him
so when i find out im pregnant and my babydaddy gets a second job at home depot, im thinking…big whoop
@flamboyantchiq,
This is further proof that I never need to see “the Notebook”.
@miss t-lee,
My peers are always pressuring me to watch that movie. I refuse to do it unless someone pays me. Lol.
@Voiceovereason,
LOL!!! I might not even watch it then.
My BFF and I go ’round and ’round about it. She swears my life is not complete until I watch this movie.
@miss t-lee, its not
@Voiceovereason & t-lee,
I’ve seen it and you’re missing nothing. Total sappy snoozefest!
“3. Attempting to spend every waking moment with a man, and not allowing him to have “he” time, or yourself to have “she” time. This is annoying and no matter how much he likes you initially he’ll grow tired of this. If he doesn’t…RUN! He’s probably possessive and will unleash the crazy later on.”
I am saying, isn’t there a damned game on somewhere?? I thought I was one of the few women who felt this way. You have given me validation that I’m not an emotionally stunted chick. I’m just not as needy as some.
Being too serious – A lot of women are trying to figure out if the guy is husband material from the first date that they forget to have fun dating.
Too available – I see too many of my friends drop everything the second a man calls. I never see guys do this.
Make it too easy – Not enough. women make men work for their affection. I was raised that a man had to prove his worth to me and I like to take my time to get to know them before I pursue anything. My last boyfriend waited 2 months to go on a date with me and we were together for a long time.
@Leila,
I agree completly! I think these three go hand in hand, if you’re doing one, chances are you’re doing the other.
I co-sign this entire list. But if I had to add one more….
6. Have your own life and don’t be so dependent on a man to give your life meaning and substance. Have your own friends, your own hobbies, your own social activities so you can add to your man’s life. Who wants to date a person who seeems to not do anything except sit around waiting for a man…and read romance novels.
@N.I.A. naturally,
Your number 6 was definitely a major one I was thinking of. I was gonna say “don’t be so dayum clingy”, but it’s pretty much an effect of not having your own life. Please have things that make you happy outside of him…which, might be one of the things that made you so attractive to him in the first place.
@Cheekie, outside interests keeps one interesting…..never allow yourself to LOSE your identity in a relationship even in a marriage, even tho you are joined and are as one unit, its the two of you coming together which each unique set of attributes etc that forms that unit.
1. Telling other people what goes on in your relationship. Whatever goes on between you and the man you’re dating is nobodies business.
2. Being unappreciative. If you have a good man in your life make sure he knows you’re grateful. I’ve watched some of my friends lose good men b/c they spent more time complaining about the trivial stuff they did wrong as opposed to focusing on the things they did right.
@Voiceovereason,
#1 is gospel. We keep telling my sister stop tellin us all this foul isht about your man. You may know the secret good things he does, but we all we know is the a*hole side. So not only are we not friendly to this nigg at Thanksgiving but everytime smthg goes wrong we’re tellin him to leave his asz. That CANT bode well for their future.
@Voiceovereason,
I def had to learn #1 the hard way. Had me walkin round wondering why my mom couldn’t stay my bf at the time wen i LURVED him so much…. I guess I was sorta feeding into her dislike every time he pissed me off and I told her. LOL*shrugs* at least I learned it early.
My friends and i had a rule in college: If you only slept with them once and its been more than a year since u can delete them from your “list”. Crazy I know but that was our convoluted way of keeping the number down.
I had the talk with my boyfriend, and even tho my “number” was small, he still took a few days to get over it.
@talking silently,
My friends and i had a rule in college: If you only slept with them once and its been more than a year since u can delete them from your “list”. Crazy I know but that was our convoluted way of keeping the number down.
you and your friends were stupid
welcome and sh*t, btw
“1) Women don’t make us earn the booty”
I agree with this, but I wanted to know what is the approx. moment (I know it’s different for each brotha, but gimme a range) in which “too soon” delves into “too late”. Like, when does the “she’s making me work (and be) hard for the kitty” become “Ok, now she’s just being evil”…the latter of which will make lots of ninjas exit stage right.
I’ve scanned the comments and I already see folks saying what I was thinking to say so Imma just co-sign those…
@Cheekie,
This is only Stank-0′s own exalted opinion.
I would say the moment the man knows she is feeling him explicitly and still continues to make him do Herculean tasks for a dip in the pool.
There’s always the thought he could be swimming elsewhere while he waits you out. Alls fair in love, war, and dating.
@Stank-0,
“There’s always the thought he could be swimming elsewhere while he waits you out.”
Unfortunately…true.
@Cheekie,
Am I the only woman who assumes this to be the case? Not only do I not care if he’s sleeping with someone else while he’s waiting on me, but this actually takes the pressure off me to get jiggy with it. I mean as long as he’s getting it from somewhere, he’s less pressed, no?
In my opinion you’re either single or you’re not. If you’re not my man we aint screwin and I couldn’t care less what you do.
@Me fail english?,
“Am I the only woman who assumes this to be the case?”
No.
@Me fail english?,
“If you’re not my man we aint screwin and I couldn’t care less what you do.”
Well, that’s the thing, I was talking from a “in a relationship” standpoint not just casually dating because hell, I definitely assume he’s getting it from somewhere else if not from me. I’m talking about the point of “making him earn it” once you’re actually committed to one another. And I’m not just asking for my fellow unicorns, but even for those women who have the 90-day rule or who have recently claimed celibacy until marriage (even after having done the do before) or any other circumstance going on.
That’s pretty much why I said unfortunately true, and why I asked my question above on what’s the limit. When does she step over the line into “Ok, I think I’ve worked for it already, she needs to give it up or we’re through! *dramatic exit*”?
By the way, the “we’re through” line uttered by a man is 67.8% gay.
@Me fail english?,
co-sign, co-sign, co-sign!
That’s how strongly I feel about it. I had to learn this, too.. but hey. I’m gettin there. LOL
@Cheekie,
Gotcha! I dont think I’ve been in a committed rel’ship already where dude had to wait much past a week since HS. The “feel him out”/”no soup (chex) for you!” phase is typically spent unattached for me.
Sorry, I have no input
@Me fail english?,
In my opinion you’re either single or you’re not. If you’re not my man we aint screwin and I couldn’t care less what you do.
Exactly!
VSB I thank you for this post. Who better to tell us women what we do wrong in the pursuit of a happy with a realtionship with a man than a man, a very smart man. I cannot make a list of what women do wrong with men, I can only think of how my past actions may or may not have played a role in the failure of my romantic relationships. It’s interesting to me that most of the comments on this post are from women. I paid the most attention to what the brothers had to say.. ‘The horses mouth” so to speak. We get with our girlfriends to discuss our relationship woes and highs and simply just recycle oftentimes bad information based on our own experiences and bias. I have learned to just “listen” when my homeboys talk in general. I have learned a lot more by just being cool, patient and by listening than by having a night with my girlfriends disccusing “men” and trying to figure out a game plan to make things work.
@PrincessCutc,
I have learned a lot more by just being cool, patient and by listening than by having a night with my girlfriends disccusing “men” and trying to figure out a game plan to make things work
thats what vsb is for and sh*t.
welcome and sh*t, btw
Once has a female tell me she knew how ALL men thought, so it wouldn’t be easy…bet she even saw it coming when I didn’t call her a$$ again…(smh)
@AO aka It’s like yo’ Daddy told you,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
First off most advice women get on here is most likely wrong. Just like a woman has ZERO idea of what it takes to get women, I’m willing to bet most dudes have no clue on what they’re talking about for how to get men.
With that said my VSS, my advice, stay fun, stay sexy, do better, and that ni99a will find you.
@Dorian G.,
AMEN! Best advice I’ve heard yet.
@Dorian G.,
“First off most advice women get on here is most likely wrong. Just like a woman has ZERO idea of what it takes to get women, I’m willing to bet most dudes have no clue on what they’re talking about for how to get men.”
Shots fired?
“With that said my VSS, my advice, stay fun, stay sexy, do better, and that ni99a will find you.”
I love this advice in all its simplicity and truth.
@Cheekie,
“Shots fired?”
eh, more like faulty aim. especially when u’re shooting with blanks. the logic is faulty…and so is the “advice”. which is about as bland and generic as tofu.
as a man, i know better than any woman how to get me. why? cuz i know what i like! i know what i don’t like! she’s clueless on both accounts unless…i tell her.
so when a man — or woman — tells you what not to do or what to do to secure his — or her –companionship, it’s NEVER wrong cuz only they know what it takes.
maybe this post was a bit heavy on the generalization, but the fact is that if both sexes listened to the other’s needs and put forth the effort to mutually accomodate ‘em…we’d probably have more happy couples.
…
@Lil’ Yung,
He’s not saying don’t listen to your man. He said dont listen to men in general or women in general cuz neither group is gonna know the best way to go about your personal situation. Which is absolutely true.
Correct me if I’m wrong, Dorian…
@Me fail english?,
i’m saying that in order to secure companionship with a woman…why not ask a woman?
that’s what this post is about. the opposite sex providing insight on how to secure some form of companionship from them.
if a woman posted, “this is what u need to do to get me…” or “this is what u need to do to get her…” why wouldn’t i read it?
there’s tons of advice out there, but to say that the advice on THIS particular site — or any other site — is wrong would be pushing ignorance to the nth degree of ignant.
@Lil’ Yung,
False. I know as little (if not less) about what it takes to win Cheekie’s heart as you do. As a man, you should have more experience courting women and earning their trust so why the hell would you listen to me for advice on what you’ve been doing since age 12? Something, by the way, I have never even attempted.
That’s ass backwards.
@Me fail english?,
cuz if i ain’t gotten what i set out to get from age 12, then i obviously don’t understand the nature of what i’m hunting! i’m elmer fuddin’ it over here.
imagine how much easier it would’ve been for Wile E. Coyote, Daffy or Elmer to catch their prey had they been able to ask another rabbit or road runner, “yo!? how do i get me one of those?”
you may not be able to tell me about Cheekie, but i bet if some dude is tryin’ to get a lil’ up close and personal with a girlfriend of yours and engaged u in some idle chatter about her…guess what…you’d give him PLENTY of insight on how to get her.
maybe intentionally or unintentionally, but you’d do it.
Cant disagree here. If you ask me about my girlfriend in particular I’ll tell you she likes tulips and long walks on the beach. But if you ask me about women in general, I honestly dont know anymore about them than you do. And any woman who claims different is mistaken.
Girls (and guys) have a tendency to talk real wise and tough around their own kind but when we get around the opposite sex it’s not really going down like that. You know how many dudes I know tell their friends they don’t trick or um…”bowcat”…that I can CONFIRM as liars? Plenty.
The other reason men and women dont know much about their own kinds is cuz they dont even know what they want for themselves. I’m sure several folks in rel’ships would tell you that if they wrote a list of all the things they want/need in a partner a month before meeting their current mate, like half the criteria on the list hasnt been met. LOL. My bf once said he liked chicks who knew “a woman’s place”. HA! I dunno how long you been reading the boards but trust, he done changed up that whole outlook since then.
@Me fail english?,
I don’t know why this is such a difficult concept to grasp.
Its like this, if I’m 50 pounds overweight and work 10 hours a day and I need help establishing a work out plan. I have 2 neighbors:
1. Works 8 hours a day, has 2 kids, and recently lost 40 pounds
2. Is a professional athlete, single, works out everyday, and has never been overweight in his life.
Which neighbor am I going to???? Obviously neighbor 1 to start, maybe when I lose that 50 pounds, I’ll ask neighbor 2 to help me get to the next level.
If you’re a woman who has no problems getting men, and little problems keeping men, I guess a man’s perspective on generalities might be of some use to you. “Oh I didn’t know that y’all hated when I left my toothbrush over….silly me!”
However if you fundamentally have issues getting men to take you seriously, and haven’t had a positive meaningful romantic relationship in a while, well then your problems are deeper than giving it up too early, or leaving your toothbrush at his house. Instead of listening to a dude, maybe you should instead figure out what it is within you that makes eligible men say “nah its not worth it”. Find solace in another woman who had similar issues, and found a way to heal herself and have meaningful relationships.
I don’t know y’all personally on here, but N.I.A comes immediately to mind.
@Dorian, ain’t been able to really comment due to work, but i’ll let you know why its such a hard concept to grasp. its akin to the blind leading the blind.
while i agree that a chick who can’t pull a man for sh*t needs to look within, it makes no sense for her to ask another chick who has a similar issue. these two manless broads clearly have no clue what to do. they can come up with every reason under the sun why it aint working for them, but the fact is, they don’t really know. the only person who can possibly clear that up is a man.
if i’m having woman troubles and having trouble understand why my woman is mad at me, why would i ask a dude. if we are to believe that there are just fundamenteal differences between men and women (i believe a pretty safe belief) then it doesnt behoove me to go to one of my homeboys and say, “yo, what im i doing wrong?” sure he can say, “you got to take her out and romance her”
thing is, he’s giving me his impression of what women want. why not go to an actual woman and ask? it makes no sense to me to say that men know what women want better than women do because men seek to procure women when most women think a majority of us dont know how to talk to them anyway.
further, a woman instructing another woman on how to get a man, while helpful, is going to be based solely on her experience. one thing that most of us menfolks know is that we tend to deal with women we do despite things that irritate us to high hell. its not like that girl knows what she’s doing necessarily (she might just be fine, so it has nothing to do with her being so much as her face…you can’t just tell somebody to look better earnestly) so much as she’s met men who for whatever reason were willing to deal with her idiosyncrasies.
same with women and men. relationships all come down to what you can deal with…that’s what makes them long term. sure i’m speaking in generalities in the post, but it seems fairly safe to assume that the pointers i gave hold true 75 percent of the time.
@Lil’ Yung,
i’m saying that in order to secure companionship with a woman…why not ask a woman?
The problem with this is that a woman is not a woman.
What might make Me Fail’s panties flutter, might get mine in a bunch etc… etc…
Dorian G. said it best: stay sexy, be happy, stay fun, and that ninja will find you.
@Sula,
THANK YOU!
I dunno whose worse at giving advice the opposite sex or the same sex. But if I had a nickel for all the shetty advice I’ve heard women give on how to keep “women” (all 3 billion of us) happy (including but not limited t0)…
- “i like a man to argue with me”
-”i hate when a dude gets my # and calls the next day”
-”i need a man who lets me play the bckgd of a rel’ship”
…I’d cop 50 Cent’s crib.
@Panama Jackson,
I mean my original comment was harmless, lol I didn’t mean for this to go hard like it did.
Obviously blind leading the blind doesn’t make sense. Thats why I wrote this “Find solace in another woman who had similar issues, and found a way to heal herself and have meaningful relationships. ” This is pretty much the crux of what I’m getting at. I’m noticing that y’all got power out here, and there are some women who seriously take advice from men on blogs, men on the train, men at work, who they respect their intellect. Like them ni99as gone tell them something new that they don’t already know.
I don’t know why I donned the cape today, but your opening post pretty much was on that Steve Harvey, “don’t let him beat for X amount of days” like that will solve any problems. The truth is for a woman who doesn’t command respect, whether I hit in 2 days, 2 weeks, or 2 months won’t matter. If she’s forcing it because she’s on a day countdown its obvious, you know why, because she’s still a jump, now she just has a countdown timer attached to her.
All I’m saying is if you have deep issues with meeting/finding/keeping men, stop looking outward. If you want advice find someone who has been through it, gotten better, and can leave you something tangible.
@Lil’ Yung,
“as a man, i know better than any woman how to get me. why? cuz i know what i like! i know what i don’t like! she’s clueless on both accounts unless…i tell her. ”
Actually, you’re sorta reiterating what he was saying. He was saying all the generalizations don’t really hold. At least that’s what I get out of it. He says men don’t know what theyr’e talking about on how to get “men”…not “himself”. He was talking about in general.
@Cheekie,
i’m not reiterating what he said. he said the advice is wrong, i’m saying no it’s not. cuz if it were wrong, then all the additional advice that’s been posted has no merit either.
that’s not true.
I was talking about the actual part I quoted, not your entire comment. You saying that only you can tell what you want in a woman is support for what Dorian said in regards to giving advice, men are usually wrong about given advice to women about men, in general. I took from that that he meant that only he can truly vouch for what he wants in a woman…and give said advice to a woman on how to get HIM specifically.
@Lil’ Yung,
Dude, you may know the innate details of what it takes to get you in particular, but you have no idea what it takes to get a man because you have never had to get one. Especially on a general level, which is what this post is talking about. Its like saying you know how to create a hit record, because as a listener of music, you know what you like. Thats false.
What most men and women are saying when they give advice to the opposite gender is basically one of two things
1. Do THIS if I like you already, and I think you’re cute, and I want you to lock me down
2. Don’t do THIS if I like you already, and I think you’re cute, and I don’t want you to mess it up.
@Dorian G.,
i don’t have to get what i’m already is…
but i can fa’sho tell a woman how to build a better lure on how to get me or any other dude. why? cuz even tho’ there might be differences in preferences and tastes, there are some behaviors that a woman shouldn’t show — initially at least — when her object is to be with a man.
who better to tell her than…a man? more pacifically…a man who has a keen sense of awareness about his brethren and can provide detailed instructions that cater to her experience.
is this post general? yes. is it wrong. no.
@Lil’ Yung.,
Well Lil when you get to be Big Older you will understand what I’m talking about.
“there are some behaviors that a woman shouldn’t show — initially at least — when her object is to be with a man.”
SMH
@Lil Yung,
“more pacifically”
LMAO! You cant possibly be calling anyone’s comment “ignorant” or “ignant”
@me fail,
AHAHAH…I didn’t even catch the “more pacifically”.
Wait a min, wasn’t “pacifically” one of the things someone listed in the “things than make me look at you sideways” post that Panama wrote? lmfao
I hope that was done ironically or something…
@Cheekie,
lol. Girl, you knew I had to be the a*hole and point it out (Sorry, Yung! We still love ya
) but NO, I dont think that ish was done in an ironic way. And YES, that was on the list.
@me fail english,
See it cracks me up because it’s one thing to pronouce it wrong, but it’s a whole ‘nother level if you actually type it out that way. LOL, like did you EVER know the actual word?! *dying*
@Cheekie,
@ Me Fail English?,
dios mio mi amigas! dios mio!
my 1st sentence alone — “i don’t have to get what i’m already is…” — is classic. that’s clue no. 1.
then i throw in a “fa’sho” fo’ ya…just to keep it one hunnid.
but y’all just skip all that to “PACIFICALLY” get bent outta shape on one lil’ ol’ word.
i know, it’s been a long day. i forgive u.
but i’m ignant…forgive me?
@ Lil’ Yung,
Well, that’s why I said I hope it was ironically…I kinda caught it but wasn’t completely sure. It coulda went either way with the commenters I’ve witnessed here and elsewhere. lol
Ain’t nobody bending in any shapes. Besides, we barely know each other for all that kinky stuff.
…
@Cheekie,
lol
@Yung,
Why the hell would we assume you’re some sort of internet scholar, incapable of effing up a word just cause you type “I sho’ is” or whatever?
Subtle irony is easier to detect when you know the context/source. If you dont have that info, some ppl may just assume you’re not bright.
@Dorian G., With that said my VSS, my advice, stay fun, stay sexy, do better, and that ni99a will find you.
I like this
@Dorian G.,
“First off most advice women get on here is most likely wrong.”
hmmmm. how is this…
“With that said my VSS, my advice, stay fun, stay sexy, do better, and that ni99a will find you”
…any different than anything we’ve (panama and i) said?
@The Champ, LOL……I think that ya’ll were pointing out common mistakes and miststeps… not providning a step by step guide on how to acquire said man *shrugs* thats what I got from this
@The Champ,
I didn’t read anything you and P said after the original post. I made my comment based on opening post and skimming replies.
@Dorian G.,
I think Champie was calling you out on saying that men can’t give women accurate advice on how to get men and then proceeding to give out some advice on how to get men yourself.
Still, I liked how concise you put it. lol Ya’ll mens DO claim you’re simple so what’s with the step-by-step?
@Cheekie,
Honestly, it was advice based on what I’ve seen from women who I think are happy and successful in their relationships. All of them stay fun, stay sexy and continually better themselves.
Let me just say this pic made my heart smile…on the left ventricle!
Good post…I really don’t have any rebuttals because I’ve seen/experienced these wrongs. Now I shall harrass other folk’s comments.
Good day!
Three mistakes women make..
3) Thinking they have to settle and that’s “as good as it gets” when it comes to choosing a mate.
2) Thinking all men have a harem of women just begging for their attention or “waiting in the wings” to take the woman’s spot, when most men (99.99%) do not have all these options like they would like for us to believe.
1) Thinking men do the picking, when it is actually the reverse….women have more influence and control than they think.
@Ivyette,
2) Thinking all men have a harem of women just begging for their attention or “waiting in the wings” to take the woman’s spot, when most men (99.99%) do not have all these options like they would like for us to believe.
***debating whether or not to delete this comment***
@The Champ,
LOL…you just admitted you’re one of these men.
@The Champ,
Awwww….don’t do that. This is all about educating the ladies, right?
Here’s a couple:
1. Going from 0 to Everthing in 60 seconds (or days): Chicks nowadays, especially the thirsty ones, skip a lot of steps for their inherent need to be in a relationship. They say they want a friend, then LTR, then marriage but don’t realize that a lot of times we don’t think in that manner. Pump the brakes and assess what you are doing…
2. If he says he just wants to bang, believe him and don’t think you’re going to squat and acquire the land. You’ll just make yourself annoying.
3. Listen for once and try not to read too far into what they are saying. Men tend to use fewer words to express how they feel. We don’t feel like reading to you from our journal…just wait until we are done getting it out before you go on to tell us what you think, because we know you’ll certainly have SOMETHING to say.
@CPT Callamity,
“don’t think you’re going to squat and acquire the land. You’ll just make yourself annoying.”
LOL!!
@CPT Callamity, just wait until we are done getting it out before you go on to tell us what you think, because we know you’ll certainly have SOMETHING to say.
This is a GOOD one!
@PanamaJackson
*Applause* *Applause* *Applause*
It’s not like I haven’t heard this ALL before from my Mama. She’s actually pretty good at this stuff. I’ll admit sometimes #4 is easy to slip on when you’re in that ‘get to know you phase’….. But I hear her voice telling me that : I’m the prize! I’m the prize!!!! Yeah!!!
There’s something about a nice reminder from a good ol sexy chap like yourself to solidify my Mama’s advice. Lol. You should probably write a book or something…
Good post. I would just add that because you are over 30 ladies and have no ‘chirren’ does not a spinster make. And it does not mean that you need to start settling for some ni99a who aint treatin you the way you want to be treated, the way you deserve to be treated, or is not on the same page with you in terms of settling down and dropping some babies.
My Mama Always Says:
You will be treated the way that you let people treat you. Biggup to everybody Moms.
@Blacklaw,
“I would just add that because you are over 30 ladies and have no ‘chirren’ does not a spinster make.”
I was wondering what I would start collecting since I don’t like cats…lol
Sometimes we need to be reminded.
Thanks.
@miss t-lee,
“I was wondering what I would start collecting since I don’t like cats”
Memories, vacations, fine art. I got a whole buncha stuff Ima be collecting if I dont gotta start 529′s!
(OK, ok. It’ll mostly be cats)
@Me fail english?,
Memories, vacations, fine art.
…. wines, shoes… I mean the list goes on!
@Blacklaw,
“I would just add that because you are over 30 ladies and have no ‘chirren’ does not a spinster make.”
Yeah, “spinster” is that 2520 ish. We gotta adjust for Black folks reality. The above quoted just makes you an average Black woman…
@Cheekie,
On the real though for my 29th birthday my party theme was “I’m bringing spinster back”.
It was fun.
@miss t-lee,
HAAAA! Love it!
I concur once again with Panama’s advice makes me feel like the wise Jedi Master I am tho, seems so elementary but it speaks to the ways in which things have changed and become so contorted generation to generation esp if you wasn’t blessed with strong guidance all along the way…some things I admit I did learn the hard way on my own with little guidance, but I learned…
P.S. that GHOSTDINI is THE SH*T!!!!!! and I froze my ass off @ the U2 concert last night but they truly ROCK hard!!!!
@OrangeStar616,
“P.S. that GHOSTDINI is THE SH*T!!!!!! ”
I do like what I’ve heard so far.
@OrangeStar616,
P.S. that GHOSTDINI is THE SH*T!!!!!!
i plan on copping it today
If your number 4:
You try to convince the man to like you, you need to reverse that…don’t be whipped, whip that…
becomes your number 1, then all the other points are not even necessary. While trying to decide if you like a guy, you won’t sleep with them, won’t be pressed, won’t try to show them that you like them…. etc… etc.
Simple!
WOW!!!
I HAD a girlfriend that is the poster child for this topic. She is a horrible failure when it comes to men folk! She is a 8.5 when it comes to physical appearance, but she is ( a good person, kind loving, giving, understanding) a skraight up HO! She is the chikk that thinks her tenderpuss is better than everybody else’s, her head game is better than errrrrrrrybody else’s… she thinks that fitting the mold of what she thinks that men want will, give her sucess in a relationship. (i’m bout to get a lil hood for yall educated folk). She be akkin like she scared to catch an attitude wit a ninja. If a dude tell her he hungry, this broad will run to the kitchen and straight cook a meal… not a sammich, not a salad, not a hot pocket…. I’m talkin bout smothered poke-chops, a starch, a veg, bake brownies, run to the store get a bottle of wine n shyt…. Don’t let a man call, and she miss the phone call… Oh lawd, she sending text messages apoligizing for taking a shower. She is the type of chik that you can drop a hint to… Like…”dayum… my phone bill is due, im bout to be broke as hell…” and you can consider it paid. It got to the point where I couldn’t hang with her anymore, because she was starting to fphuq with my reputation. She would meet one of my male friends… next thing you know im getting phone calls telling me how “off the chain” she is.
In my opinion… men don’t really want anything from women. You can make a relationship last forever with 2 phone calls a day, chex 1-2x a week, a home made birthday card, and a fake-a$$ mini-beef once a quarter. HA!
@Lanieanna,
Can I tell you killed me softly with this comment?
*snickering*
When I make it down to the NO we are definitely going out…lol
@miss t-lee,
…. and I am still waiting on my Houston hangout… Hmmph! *raises eyebrow*
@Sula,
I ain’t forgot about you chick.
Soon!!!
@Lanieanna,
LMAO. WTF is mini-beef?
@Me fail english?,
mini-beef… you know.. a lil fake a$$ arguement to keep them on their toes!
@Lanieanna,
I thought it was an Italian Beef for little kids. lmao…I must be hungry or something.
@Lanieanna, most men I have encountered love a women with a backbone, that will call them on their sh*t when necessary, some spunk and nicetiness… not a spineless jellyfish of a woman,…….desperation reeks, and mofos can sniff that sh*t out some with the explicit intent to exploit. SMH
Great Post I am a firm believe in makin a man wait for the good good..Many of my friends think im being silly but then they wonder why dudes don’t call them back & its only been 2 or 3 weeks…SMH..I feel yeah he may be seeing other girls but he will know he needs to date & court me cuz trust he prob is gettin good good from sum other person but a man will know when they deal with me they have to “Take Me Out Before He Takes Me In”…My gma & mama raised me rt.!!! And when you get caught up in sex early you lose communcation and getting to know sum1…bcuz the focus is Not on gettin to Know you anymore its gettin to Know your spots…!!!
I’m so glad you posted this! So many of my friends have been turning to me lately upset when their man ends it and they don’t know why.
The biggest mistakes that I see by my girls are:
- Being too available: I see so many women who will drop everything if a man calls even when they have plans. I never see guys do this and I don’t either. My friends mean a lot to me and I’ll never ditch them for a man.
- Being too serious: A lot of women are thinking about if the man is husband material from the first date. One of my girls is going on a first date with a guy this weekend and is trying to figure out if he’s her future husband. I told her to relax and have fun and not stress too much.
- Rushing things: I see too many women asking where things are going on date 2. This is crazy to me.
@Leila,
And you actually get it. Your #2 is why dating stinks sometimes.
My stupid opinion,
(1) Stop trying to be his maid. Women I know often try to buy affection by advertising their cooking ability, sexual prowess(to shorten it, everything that a maid who sleeps with your man does around the house). Stop it, please!!!! I have friends who do this and it just makes them seem so desperate. And the men always keep them busy mothering them and go date some “not scared to speak her mind”, “do it yourself, you have hands, right?” chick. Sorry to say it, but its just how it goes.
(2) Just be a damn girl for a change. Let him date you outside your bedroom. It really doesnt matter how ya’ll started, you, as a woman will ALWAYS set the tone for how the relationship flows. If a man wants you, this will be no problem. And stop this whole, “I go dutch” B.S! Old wisemen always said, he who has the penis picks up the check for a first date. PERIOD!
Again, my stupid opinion.
I could give a bunch of women advice, but the fact of the matter is that ain’t no blog comments gonna tell u how to run a relationship.
Go out, date and fail. Failure is the foundation to success, if you can’t handle it buy a toy or join the homosexual community.
@D.Hop,
join the homosexual community.
Even there you have to date I believe…