one of my favorite educated guesses is the fact that, if you were to poll both genders about their “closest friends”, at least 25-30 percent of the women would probably name a man, while maybe 5-6 percent of the men would name a woman. although i have absolutely no statistical data to back me up, i’m completely sure that this is true, mainly because of the commonly held notion that men make better friends than women do.
as you’ve probably inferred, i happen to agree with this, but i’ve always wondered why it’s true. what exactly is it that makes a typical man better at friendship than a typical women would be?
today, in typical extraordinarily sexxxy vsb.com fashion, we’ll examine two reasons why men are “better” at friendship than women are.
1. sports
while it’s true that many men use sports as a bonding activity and/or entertainment venue, it’s main purpose is to serve as a completely subtle and in-depth subconscious character study. you see, the way a guy approaches sports usually provides a snapshot of his entire life.
***note. this also applies to women who have been involved in organized sports at some level. the female athlete’s i’ve known have all seemed to have healthier friendships than the “typical” woman***
if he’s been a die-hard fan of a team since childhood, he’s probably loyal to a fault (and also a bit stubborn). the basketball court ball-hog who’s pissing off all of his teammates by attempting all of the latest and-1 tricks during the games at the park is undoubtedly an immature assh*le who can’t be trusted, but you’d happily introduce your sister to the cat who never calls fouls and tries to get everyone involved (unless, of course, its jason kidd). if his favorite players are flashy, yet cancerous losers like t.o. or starbury, then you can assume that he’s lacking in the character department and is probably a diva dude in disguise.
also…
play fair. pass to the open man. take one for the team. compete your heart out, and shake hands afterwards. guard your man. pay attention. listen to your coach. don’t let the crowd distract you. play your position. know your role.
…many of the tenets learned through sports mimic the qualities most people value in a close friend.
the culture of sports provides a fool-proof character building, character testing, character challenging, and character evaluating process. there’s no equivalent for women, no analogous process that gives them the same test, a fact which gives many men an inherent edge on women when it comes to picking and being close friends.
2. men understand anthropology
why, you ask, is an understanding of anthropology important when discussing men and friendship? what does the “study of humanity” have do to with why guys make better friends than women do?
well, since anthropology is the study of humanity, and since a person well-versed in the study of humanity is somewhat familiar with recent population statistics, a man with a solid understanding of anthropology realizes that theres roughly 3.5 billion female humans on the planet.
basically, there’s enough ***insert crude euphemism for “vagina*** to go around, so there’s no use in sharing it…especially if its already been “tainted” by someone in our immediate circle.
we also understand that, in order to keep the population growing, we need to keep having sex. (preferably) with women. because we understand anthropology, we dont take it personally when one of our friends ditches us for a woman. in fact, we encourage and applaud it. we like the earth, and we want it to continue and sh*t.
hmmm. this all sounds about right to me. damn, it kind of sucks being right all of the time.
**actually, to be honest, it doesn’t suck. not at all. i just couldn’t think of anything else to conclude the entry**
—the champ
Related posts:
- sadie’s suspect: four reasons why women shouldn’t pursue men
- mercy, mercy, me…please?: the four cruelest things women consistently do to men
- link of the week: “why men marry some women and not others”
- Until You Do Right By Me: 5 Ways That Women Go Wrong When It Comes To Dating Men.
- lost in translation: what men usually hear when women are talking to us
{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
woohoo! im first! wait, lemme check…
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shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:05 am
@shatani,
yay! i totally was first! lmao….
anywho…i so feel you on the anthropology thing though. i generally try not to feel some kinda way about being ditched by my girl for her manfriend…but its hard for me! (thats what she said) i dont mind if you turn down a plan, but dont ditch once we have them!
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:13 am
@shatani,
i generally try not to feel some kinda way about being ditched by my girl for her manfriend…but its hard for me! (thats what she said) i dont mind if you turn down a plan, but dont ditch once we have them!
so basically, you dont care about the planet?
Reply
shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
@The Champ,
pretty much.
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:20 am
@shatani,
to the Sat Down corner…. NOW.
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:07 am
@shatani, Hi FIVE! LOL
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Luvvie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
@shatani,
Yeah so do you want me to FedEx you your “Go SAT DOWN link card or is UPS better?
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and dont think i didnt catch that ear remark, punk!
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I can’t argue with this post. Guys tend to make better friends. I have a close group of female friends and love them to death, but in general I tend to get along better with guys. They don’t take things as personally, listen better, are more loyal, and there’s less cattiness. I’ve lost a few female friends over stupid fights and to this day, I have no idea what we even fought over.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:14 am
@Leila,
I’ve lost a few female friends over stupid fights and to this day, I have no idea what we even fought over.
it wasn’t jim jones, was it?
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
@Leila, i had an ex who quit talking to her friend b/c her friend asked ME to go to the mall with her. all of a sudden her friend became suspect and had ulterior motives.
needless to say, me and the ex broke up and i still talk to the friend. lol. chicks are weird. the lines in the sand are moving targets.
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GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
a girl friend of your gf, who was not already YOUR friend to begin with, has NO business asking you to go to the mall with her. alone. that’s ridiculous, inappropriate and blatantly outta order in the court. if she were my friend, we likely wouldn’t be friends anymore either. cuz that’s some BS. and as a grown woman, i do not keep close friends who are line crossers and boundary breakers.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
@GEMiniscing…, hello! i’m sayin’…. i need more info cause if you didn’t know ‘ol girl already then gem is right. i wish a heffa would…
Luvvie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
LMAO!! Did I miss something?? Was this an invitation to the MALL or did “mall” mean “dominatrix boudoir”?
Damn!
GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
i mean, WHY on earth would you just up and ask your friend’s man to hang out with you?!?!?! there’s NO ONE else?!?! you’re that lonely and friendless that you can find no one else but your friend’s bf to go to the mall with?? come on now!!
spending QT with your friend’s man is NOT appropriate. regardless if it’s to get an Inn & Out burger and fries, going to the mall, or “hanging” out at your apt where the only tv is conveniently located in your room. there’s NO good reason for alone time to be spent with another woman’s man, who wasn’t previously your friend to begin with. now, if homegirl and dude were friends 1st, then this might (key word: might) be a different story. otherwise, it’s NOT ok for any reason.
Panama Jackson Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
@GEMiniscing…, perhaps i left out a few other details. for one, her friend and i were actual friends before me and her even got together. they just knew eachother longer from school, but when her friend and i both moved to DC at the same time after college (and before me and the ex even got together) and had been hanging out for a while…it aint like she just randomly was like, “well i’m not doing anything, what’s your man doing”.
also, we were all supposed to get up later that day (my ex had to go do something with her family before we all – including the friend – went to dinner later). it was a more, let’s kill time before we all get back up in a few hours thing anyway.
to recap: me and the friend had a history, independent of the ex. a harmless, we’re homies. before the ex and i even got together.
either way, the ex was SO pissed at this, she cancelled the evening’s hangout event and stopped talking to the friend wholesale. like to this day, the friend told me she saw her at a wedding in B-more last month and she still refused to speak to her.
this all happened in 2002.
now maybe, including all that additional info that i probably should have added in the first place, i’m being a little shortsighted, but man…that was some little stuff in my book.
but above all else, why exactly shouldn’t your bf and bff ever hang out? assuming they’re both going ot be in your life, presumably forever, why wouldn’t you want your close friends to be friends too?
ALL of my girlfriends have gotten to know my boys. hell some of my ex’s hang out with my friends STILL.
just asking.
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
@Panama Jackson, ok, that’s better. you can’t go calling folks out in the story and not give the details and sh!t.
Leila Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
@Panama Jackson, She immediately cut her off? She has trust issues. I’m not in a relationship now, but I’ve become friends with all of my ex’s friends and vice-versa. It’s one thing if she invited you her home late at night, but the mall? I used to live in VA and i”m not even sure if Landmark Mall should even count as a mall lol.
Panama Jackson Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
@Luvvie, it was totally the mall. as in, Landmark Mall, in Alexandria, VA. which does suck as a mall, but is a mall nonetheless.
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
@Luvvie,
Funny, but true.
Nikiloveli Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
@Panama Jackson,
So you’re seriously saying that if your boy asked your gf to go to the mall with him, you wouldn’t hold his ass suspect?
There is no planet upon which this is acceptable behavior. Flag on the play!
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
@Nikiloveli, y’all got trust issues.
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Me thinks so too.
V Renee Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
@Panama Jackson
Yeah I’m with the other ladies. I need more info. He.l.l YEAH your ex had every right to stop talking to ol girl.
The only reason that I can think of where it would be okay for your ex’s friend and you to be out shopping is if you were planning on buying an engagement ring and brought her friend along for her opinion.
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Luvvie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
@V Renee,
Yeah all Im sayin is that I need more info b4 I can tell my BFF of 10 years “u invited my man to the mall?? B*TCH forget you ever MET me!!”
WestIndianArchie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
@Leila,
“I’ve lost a few female friends over stupid fights and to this day, I have no idea what we even fought over”
I’ve lost a few girlfriends over stupid fights and to this day, I have no idea what we even fought over
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Leila Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
@WestIndianArchie, I’m not big on fighting, but if I’m mad about something, then I’ll let the other person know especially a good friend. One friend that I grew up with got in a stupid fight with my sister and immediately stopped talking to me even though I wasn’t involved and said that I wasn’t taking sides. We knew each other for over 15 years and still haven’t talked since then.
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hmmm I am tired and cant think of anything as a rebuttal.. I just want to disagree because I am a dayum good friend! LOL but this aint about me….I guess I agree… grudgingly….shakin head… and if and when I think of something I will be back!@
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:15 am
@Shay-d-lady,
you didnt od on your prozac last night, did you?
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I tend to agree with this post, although I adore my female friendships, I do have some of the best conversations with one of my best guy friends. I know that I can bring up ANY type of conversation and have a lively discussion about it, without him being like “ewww”, lol! Plus, guys tend to give great no-B.S. advice when it comes to life situations.
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:25 am
@Sasha Two Pistols, I concur..and I dont have to think of a way to say some thing nicely.. if he did or said something that pi$$ed me off.. I can just tell him and he does the same.. I dont have to be worried I will hurt his feelings and shyt..now to our credit we have been friends a LOOOONG time so that could also play a major part…but then I have a close woman friends and I have been friends with her even longer and I still have to be cautious with her…
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GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:40 am
i’m the same way– i don’t believe in sugar coating and telling ppl what they want to hear. if you ask me for my advice or opinion, be prepared to hear it in its raw form. i can be warm, em/sym-pathetic, and caring when needed, but i think reality checks are best served cold.
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shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
here here! my friends know not to come to me for no sugar-coated BS…im not the one!
GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
@GEMiniscing… WORD! I be cashing reality checks up in this muhfugguh!!!!
GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
lmao right! if you just want me to listen, i will. but once you give me permission to give my dos pesos, it’s on and poppin like some corn. i will assault a friend with common sense, tough love and no nonsense.
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
@GEMiniscing…, and that’s how it should be.
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
“…it’s on and poppin like some corn…”
obviously you didnt get that “updated, 21st century slang” encyclopedia i sent you, huh?
Sasha Two Pistols Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
@Shay-d-lady, I feel the same way. My good guy friend, I’ve know about 2 years, but he’s like a brother to me and I know I can let him know (as i have on many occassions) that’s he’s getting on my nerves, and he doesn’t go run in a corner. He’ll apologize and keep it moving, he doesn’t dwell on it. I don’t have to worry, “is he gonna be my friend after that”. I just think that guys in general are like, cool if you don’t want to be my friend, then ok, no sweat. But us women, we tie EVERYTHING to our emotions, so when someone says “you’re getting on my nerves” we automatically think well this person doesn’t like me anymore. And it could only mean that at that moment you’re bothering them, not all the time.
I’m think I’m gonna starting “friending” like a man and see how that works out for me. That would be a great experiment, haha!
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Panama Jackson Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
@Sasha Two Pistols, conversely, there’s nothing more annoying than a man who does all the things you just attributed to women’s behavior. i just want to stab those dudes and throw pantyhose at them and tell them to man up.
GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
so you’re saying the way to “man up” is to bleed while wearing pantyhose?? i’m confuseded….
Leila Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:27 am
@Sasha Two Pistols, They give really good advice, no bs and straight to the point.
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shay Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
@Sasha Two Pistols,
whats so non-BS about their real talk is not so much how ice cold it is, but more so how unbiased it is; women have a tendency to be jealous of you and some take any opportunity to hurt your feelings just to have that “one up”
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Sasha Two Pistols Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
@shay,
That is so true. It is unbiased. They have a way to look at a situation and give pros and cons. Now I’m not bashing my friendships I have with my girls, I do cherish those. But honestly, the guy friends just come from a different perspective and sometimes you just need someone to tell you like it is, straight up –no bull. And I can appreciate that. And you know its not coming from a mean place, they’re just like check yourself. I appreciate my friends not letting me go out in the world looking like a fool in certain situations, haha.
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I’m actually going to have to partially agree with the champ here. Sports participation/fandom actually teaches people how to relate to others and gives an inside clue to their personality quirks.
I also agree with the assessment that men who like bitch$$es like TO are usually people I want to slap upside the head on a regular basis. Women get a pass because… well… no they don’t. He’s a bitch$$. A good woman recognizes and is appropriately disgusted.
As far as the understanding of anthropology… well… I’ll come up with a rebuttal to that in the morning when my toes aren’t being… nevermind. TMI.
Goodnight.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:25 am
@blackberry molasses,
I also agree with the assessment that men who like bitch$$es like TO are usually people I want to slap upside the head on a regular basis. Women get a pass because… well… no they don’t. He’s a bitch$$. A good woman recognizes and is appropriately disgusted.
honestly, what a person likes and why they like it says more about them than any briggs-myers or holland code could ever measure
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GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
@The Champ,
“honestly, what a person likes and why they like it says more about them than any briggs-myers or holland code could ever measure”
you know I LOVE that smart ni99a speak….STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!!
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
@GOODENess,
you know I LOVE that smart ni99a speak….STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!!
make me
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:57 am
@blackberry molasses,
Sports participation/fandom actually teaches people how to relate to others and gives an inside clue to their personality quirks.
I think that’s the strongest point The Champ made to date (well, one of them). Sports participation teaches valuable stuff about yourself and your peers.
I have my own testimony that I should probably write as an entry.
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shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@Sula In Planning.,
i dont think its just sports participation…i mean, lots of athletically challenged people can be good friends. i think you can find just as many values and lessons being taught on the math team as you’ll find on the football team.
*mathletes unite!*
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8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
No ma’am, not the mathletes.
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
@shatani,
Since we’re speaking of mathlete, let’s use (my remnant memories of) some math terminology.
“Sports” is not a sine qua non of “knowing yourself and your peers”. It’s the other way around.
You can tell a lot about a person by looking at the sports s/he engages (ed) in… as you can with a lot of other things.
Does that make sense?
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
@shatani,
mathlete deez
8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
*chortles*
Huzzah! I’m back thanks to the magic of my new phone, though i never stopped reading. Anyway, i have to concur with the general consensus that being friends with a guy is just easier, even the ones who didn’t play sports in school. I’ll add something witty to this in the morning, just wanted to comment before the masses filed in.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:01 am
@kindredsmile,
Anyway, i have to concur with the general consensus that being friends with a guy is just easier, even the ones who didn’t play sports in school
why do you think this is?
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shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
@The Champ,
because, like you all keep trying to tell us…men are simple. simple motivations, practical and pragmatic thinking and a tendency to assume that one is NOT a mind reader…
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I do wanna add though that men are raised to be friends while women are raised to be wives…..its a big different we grow up hearing stories of bad women, jealousy, dont let your woman near your man, man before friends etc etc.. we have a much longer row to hoe when it comes to developing friendships…
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Just Plain Ole Peyso Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:20 am
@Shay-d-lady, and ya are taught that by ur mothers, so its still a woman’s fault haha jk jk
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GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:46 am
i can honestly say i was raised the exact opposite. my mother was highly encouraging of healthy girl friendships. “don’t ever let a man come between a friendship. boys come and go, friends should last a lifetime.” aside from this, a solid education is my mother’s top priority for me. she’d prefer i wait until i’m done with ALL my schooling before i even seriously consider being a wife.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
“a solid education is my mother’s top priority for me. she’d prefer i wait until i’m done with ALL my schooling before i even seriously consider being a wife.”
yo mama and my mama must share a brain.
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shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
@blackberry molasses,
girl, mine too!
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
I would have to agree with you Gem. I was raised the exact opposite. My family has a lot of females (my parents alone have 4 girls), so we were taught early on the sacredness and importance of female relationships.
My dad was really big on education, knowledge. He used to tell us that “Our first husband was our studies”. I don’t think I was raised to be a wife… (which is probably why it took so much to accept the idea of being one)
I don’t know. I have equally good female friends as I do guy friends. But I’ll concede that I have more male associates than I do females.
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GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
lol @ your 1st husband being your studies. i know that’s right!
my dad never told me that. altho he did tell me it’s easy to be mediocre– and it takes as much effort to fail as it does to be above average.
my dad also told me if i ever brought a dude home, he’d ask them what was the square root of [insert obscenely long number]. if the guy answered “huh?” or “what’s a square root?” my dad said he’d show him to the door. he’d rather the guy say “i don’t know” or take a stab at answering. *sigh* i love my nerdy parental units…
Tx10inch Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
my dad also told me if i ever brought a dude home, he’d ask them what was the square root of [insert obscenely long number]. if the guy answered “huh?” or “what’s a square root?” my dad said he’d show him to the door. he’d rather the guy say “i don’t know” or take a stab at answering. *sigh* i love my nerdy parental units…
“the square root” of a number refers to the principal square root: the square root of 2 is approximately 1.4142.
Ask Pappa Gem whats up?..lol
Another fantastical truth is that men are less likely to want to be friends with women while women are quick to certify a guy into the friend zone…
Men generally don’t wanna be bosom buddies with a female. They usually like to buddies with the bosom. I’m just saying.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:15 am
@Mr. Smart Guy,
I actually agree with you. I can now admit to the fact that every guy I am friends with now was (or still may be) trying to get the goodies. Except for my gay boyfriends. They are allergic to vag…
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Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
@blackberry molasses,
They are allergic to vag…
But they may still want the bosom…. for themselves.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@Sula In Planning.,
that’s Boob Envy… it doesn’t count. They admire breasticles like they appreciate art. Beautful but purpose is not fully understood… because they are gay and can’t bear chilluns.
shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
@blackberry molasses,
i have always wondered what is the deal with gay men and boobies!!
Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
@shatani,
gay or straight men like boobies
shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
@Deviant,
i expect straight men to like them…i was surprised to find that gay men were interested in them as well…
Sasha Two Pistols Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
@blackberry molasses,
Except for my gay boyfriends. They are allergic to vag
I’m dying over here…..lol.
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Luvvie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
@blackberry molasses,
LMAO!! I heart the gays. Vag allergies (and sometimes envy) and all
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
@Luvvie,
I heart the gays
this would be a great t-shirt to make a vsb-er rock outside after losing a afc championship game wager (hint, hint, dorian g)
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
@The Champ,
I would PAY GOOD MONEY to see this!
Just to be clear, are we talking about men being better friends to each other or men being better friends in general? If it’s the latter, I think the recent post about platonic friendships being a figment of our imaginations throws a wrench in the premise of Champ’s point.
It has been said that platonic relationships (read: friendships) cannot exist between members of the opposite sex without some sort of attraction or chemistry between the two. We could argue, then, that men are better friends to women because they are, essentially, “protecting their investment” until such time that benefits can be reaped. It seems that it would have less to do with character and more to do with “waiting it out”.
If the argument is that men make better friends to other men, then, I believe that goes without saying. I wouldn’t know, but I would imagine that few people can relate to a black man better than another black man. It makes sense that they would be better friends to each other because they share experiences and perspectives specific to that existence.
As for women, we, too, have the capability to be friends with each other for the same reasons. Though we are more emotional (read: hate on each other, are jealous, are catty, etc.), we are also empathetic. If that were not true, Oprah wouldn’t be a billionaire.
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melodi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:22 am
@Resident GRitS,
*taking off my lurking cloak and waving*
I was thinking the same thing. If men and women can’t really be platonic friends, then can a man really be a better friend to a woman?
Men can be good sounding boards, but if you need a shoulder to cry on, someone who is well versed in ‘chick logic’ and can understand where you are coming from even if “i just feel that way” is your only real reason, someone who will just listen and not try to solve the problem, someone who will drop whatever they are doing to come to your side without any ulterior motive – that’s a woman.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:27 am
@melodi,
Welcome!!! **Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
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melodi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:18 am
@blackberry molasses
Thanks! *cheesing*
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:57 am
@melodi, welcome!!!
and since you delurked and actually made a comment you get a *shooting gold star* that lands perfectly in bbmo’s Diva Dust v.2.0 ™
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:05 am
@Resident GRitS, I t hink he was saying better friends in general..true most of the times men are friends with women because they are waiting it out but on the rare occasion true friendship exists between men and women the characteristics that make them great friends to each other, also make them great friends to women. I dont think anyone is saying that women dont make good friends but the points you list below..hateration, petty jealousy and cat fights, and all around cattiness tend(although I do think a lot of that is more characteristic of younger female relationship ) to take away from the friendship…men are more likely to be friends with each other for longer periods of time with very few fights or big blow ups ..the course of the friendship tends to be smoother than between women…IMHO
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Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:26 am
@Resident GRitS,
“but I would imagine that few people can relate to a black man better than another black man”
guy friendships have nothing to do with race. Mine dont anyway. I can go get drunk and talk sh!t with any ba$tard.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:05 am
@Resident GRitS,
It has been said that platonic relationships (read: friendships) cannot exist between members of the opposite sex without some sort of attraction or chemistry between the two. We could argue, then, that men are better friends to women because they are, essentially, “protecting their investment” until such time that benefits can be reaped. It seems that it would have less to do with character and more to do with “waiting it out”.
thing is (and i brought this point up in my platonic friendship entry), just because a male/female friendship isn’t platonic, doesnt mean that it can’t be close. basically, just because a guy WOULD sleep with you doesnt mean that he WANTS to, or would try to.
so, to answer your question, i’m referring to all friendships, not just male/male ones
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Resident GRitS Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:42 am
@The Champ,
…then I’m going to have to disagree.
Thanks, however, for the clarification.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
@Resident GRitS,
no problem. i enjoy helping people be wrong
GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
As for women, we, too, have the capability to be friends with each other for the same reasons. Though we are more emotional (read: hate on each other, are jealous, are catty, etc.), we are also empathetic.
i hate to get all “brainy” but i’m in comps mode so i can’t help myself…
i do think biology plays a big role in friendships. men tend to be impulsive and instinctive about their actions whereas women tend overthink things and let their emotional status dictate their moods and behaviors.
it’s easy for men to guide their friendships becuz of their knowledge/practice of (1) sports and (2) anthropology becuz testosterone enables them to. of course a man understands when his dude leaves him behind for a woman. his penis and mind are completely on 1 accord– “go get you some cuz i’d do the same.” women’s hormones, on the other hand, can cloud judgment and complicate actions becuz it sends different signals to the mind and body often times to act in opposition. for instance, a woman may feel insulted or “ditched” if her girl leaves her for a dude becuz women typically don’t think with their vadge and can check sexual desires. her instincts may tell her one thing (let her go be with her man– if you had one you’d be with him), but her emotional status may say another (i’m depressed and need to b*tch so you’re going to just leave me alone to drown in my sorrow?). now there’s a conundrum–how does she appropriately respond with all these different stimuli? MY explanation for women cattiness, jealousy and pettiness is that some women don’t understand (or get to know) their feelings and why they feel certain ways, so it’s easy for those little feelings to get hurt. and this lack of self-awareness can/will change the dynamics of relationships/friendships.
so intrinsically (imho), men are typically better equipped to have strong, long-lasting relationships with the same group of friends. women have a harder time with this becuz their emotions often get in the way of good intentions and can cause friction.
that’s the beauty of having different sex chromosomes.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
I completely understand and appreciate your thesis on theis compelling and somewhat confounding (not epi) subject. Especially the portions on female response to internal (hormonal) and external stimuli (this is part of the reason Eve has WORDS coming when I get to the Pearly Gates-ol jackin up Creation’s perfection lookin’ gal).
But I also notice that with age (as someone noted downthread) women are more inclined to have greater control over their emotional response to sh*t (if they are actually mature and not just ‘old girls’). That would explain why the cattiness/injured feelings/percieved disloyalty is probably at its maximum expression among high school age girls, and diminishes over time.Given that said women actually grow and mature as people, a lot of it gets relegated to being ’silly sh*t’. Consequently, its rare that women are close friends with ALL of their high school friends when they get older, though a couple do survive. Those that do make the cut to “adult girlfriend” status are usually from 3 categories (these categories are not mutually exclusive and often intersect):
1) You have been friends with this girl since y’all were in Underoos
2) This is the girl you have a mind-link with… you similar/complimentary outlooks on life (finished each other’s sentences, you would dress alike by accident, etc)
3) She’s the one who has seen you through some SERIOUS shyt (i.e. death of a loved one, parents divorcing, etc.) while you were younger.
screw comps and dissertation… hand this woman her PhD!
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GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
in my own experiences, as well as those of friends, there are LOTS of grown a*s women who are catty, petty, jealous, crazy, selfish, bossy, etc, esp on the job. we just HOPE women will get better, more refined (emotionally, mentally), and maintain healthy friendships as they get older. sadly, this just isn’t always the case.
becuz, as i mentioned to you earlier— mature, stable, secure women need other women in their lives/circle of friends who are on the same page emotionally and mentally. as a grown woman, i need friends who are going to help me be better and vice versa. if there is no growth, there is no friendship. not to say i can’t be cool with my hard-headed peeps from around the way growing up and check up on them every once in awhile, they just aren’t my bffs or ppl i turn to or include in my major life events.
Dr. Watson Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
@blackberry molasses,
&
@Resident GRitS
I used to actually think no such thing as male / female friendships as well. But as time passed, I’ve gained female friends without the initial attraction / chemistry guideline.
Blackberry touched on it. Those three points also applies to cross gender friendships as well.
I’ve thought about why we are friends and nothing more and my only conclusion was I didn’t feel anything towards them like that. They fill some other role in my life rather than romance or random lust.
Some of them are married now, some aren’t. But I would go to bat for them as hard as I would for my homeboys. And I’m sure they would me.
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
look at the big brain on the san diegoan. who’d a thunk it and sh*t?
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This is a bunch of crap. Women are the superior friend.
1. “bros before ho*s”
chosing your boy over some girl you boinked that he wanted doesn’t make you better at friendship. it just means your too lazy to find new ones.
2. men will lay hands on each other and still be boys
I’ll be dam*ed if another woman put her hands on me and we remain friends. that’s just disrespectful.
3. Men are just as quick to roll up on their boy’s woman as women are to roll up on their girl’s man.
I’ll leave it at those 3.
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YGB Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:43 am
@Jeandra,
“2. men will lay hands on each other and still be boys”
This is because after a fight the natural order of the friendship will have been restored. The one who gets his ass beat will forever know his place and thus will shut the f**k up in future!
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Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:22 am
@YGB,
thats just incorrect.
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YGB Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:49 am
@Deviant,
To borrow from The Champ – please expound!
Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:51 am
@YGB,
Peyso took care of it below
KingPine Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:47 am
@YGB,
damn straight…..
always keep a pair of tims on standby
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Just Plain Ole Peyso Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:26 am
@Jeandra, On #3 then they arent friends. I bet if you ask the person who is rolling up on his “mans” girl if him and said dude are boys he gonna give you some round about answer but a woman in the same situation prolly gonna say they best friends.
On #1, its bros before ho*s, not bros before my actual friend who is a girl or my SO.
#2, I think you’re talking about an assault. What dudes do when they are about to fight and they are boys is they say that they are about to fight. I’ve seen it a few times in my squad. We all know its coming, so we clear out, make space, who ever takes the L get joked on for about a week then its over. Alot of women are real vindictive and will wait to get you back so it doesnt really work
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YGB Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:01 am
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
who ever takes the L get joked on for about a week then its over.
It’s over coz the guy who took the L will know his station in the relationship and will stay there!
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Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:41 am
@YGB,
Nope. Any man with his testicles will never accept being beneath any man. This does not matter anyway tho because if they are truly friends the conflict you speak of will not exist.
YGB Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
@Deviant,
I think u misunderstood me – no conflict will exist exactly coz everybody knows their station.
Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
@YGB,
I odn’t understand then. When I was a kid I fought with friends (Kids threw hands alot where I grew up. We were wild). I won some and lost some but I was never afraid to challenge anyone or knew any station.
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:07 am
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
i was gonna reply to jeandra until i saw yours. good job
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Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
“On #1, its bros before ho*s, not bros before my actual friend who is a girl or my SO.”
so you just restated what I said. women are better at friendship.
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Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
@Jeandra,
So a man’s girl or SO is a ho*?
I understand this saying to be Bros before real ho*s.
Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
@Sula In Planning.,
I didn’t say the so’s before ho’s. someone else did.
SouthernCharm Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
well said. i’ll add
#3 j/o’s are fair game. formers gf’s are off limits.
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@Shay-d-lady, after thinking about this some more…I want to add that this is only in regards to good dude type friendships….b!@tch a$$ ninjas (and there are a lot of them do all that petty a$$ gals do) soo when comparing good dude to good gal..and as grown ups (as I posted earlier men are raised with friendships women have to grow into them) adult “grown good women” are equally as good a friend as a good grown man.. cause neither has time for the foolishness…I know I am a good friend and although I am awesome I am not that much of an anomaly
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YGB Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 9:17 am
@Shay-d-lady,
“adult “grown good women” are equally as good a friend as a good grown man.. cause neither has time for the foolishness…”
ITA! Most of my friends are female (except for 1 man) and we have a grown woman relationship – no time for stupidity & foolishness. These are the people who I know I can count on at any point!
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SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
@Shay-d-lady, you speak the truth. i know i am a good friend as well and have had to cut ninjas loose on both sides of the gender fence for some bitch@ssness and or taking my loyalty for granted. drama is not only regulated to the ladies, as we all know.
whether or not women grow into it while guys are shoved into it early on, at the end of the day, both genders screw up because some chicks never get past the jealous/petty/rivalry stage while some guys are one touchdown/groupie fantasy realized away from falling into the trap of diva dude-dom.
i think it might be better to say the ‘good’ boys and girls can cultivate lasting relationships in stead of breaking it down into just a basic gender seperation cause there are always exceptions to the rule and even the best of us fall down sometimes.
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Hat off to the Champ for the real talk. Personally, I am a great friend & will toot my own horn on this. I wasn’t brought up with any form of cattiness or “b****a$$edness”, nor were my close friends. Perhaps upbringing plays a part. But, I hate to admit Champ is right.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:36 am
@Candace,
Welcome!!! **Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:28 am
@Candace,
thanks and sh*t. welcome and sh*t too
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Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
@Candace,
so if you are a good friend and your girlfriends are good friends, how does that make the champ right? I think it’s about friend selection. I don’t think any one gender is better at friendship than the other.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
@Candace, welcome!!!
even though you agreed with the champ (lol) im’ma go ‘head and throw a *shooting gold star* at you since we are otherwise on the same page and sh!t. my mama was all about that no nonsense.
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I feel bad for women who think men are better friends. That ish is RACIST! Every time I see that mess it’s like a black person who feels white people make better friends. Sell Out! Uncle Tonya!
I agree men make better friends but that’s because women hate other women and because I am a male and I am awesome. That last part is especially true. I can’t hate a man for spending more time with his girl but every girl I have dated has had one slick mouth friend who gets mad when she is with me instead of her.
PS Afro Romance…REALLY why do they call it that? Its a black chick with a white man. Shouldn’t it be called Mixed Connections or Tragic Mullatto Factory or something fitting. Afro Romance makes me think its 2 black people.
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Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:21 am
@James Nantucket, its cause after a few months the white guy grows one of those jew-fros
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8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:04 am
I think I died at least 3 times reading this post.
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Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
@8th Wonder,
I died 4 times.
Hilarity.
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shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
@8th Wonder,
yeah, im basically the walking dead at this point too!
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:30 am
@James Nantucket,
I feel bad for women who think men are better friends. That ish is RACIST! Every time I see that mess it’s like a black person who feels white people make better friends
this is true. i do think women’s friendships would be better if they had a full-time friendship pr person
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shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
@The Champ,
well, who did we get to be the black marriage pr person? can we just add that to their job description!
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
@shatani,
i just went ahead and hired myself
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:38 am
@James Nantucket,
“Afro Romance…REALLY why do they call it that? Its a black chick with a white man. Shouldn’t it be called Mixed Connections or Tragic Mullatto Factory or something fitting. Afro Romance makes me think its 2 black people.”
**giggling my muddafuggin a$$ off at Tragic Mullato Factory. **
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AkShone Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:44 am
@James Nantucket,
“I feel bad for women who think men are better friends. That ish is RACIST! ”
I don’t understand…how is that racist? Sexist, maybe…but racist?
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overit Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
@James Nantucket, this was hilarious. I feel you! I never understood why women can’t get along with other women. I do have close male friends, as I also have close female friends (closest 3 for over 10 yrs). I have 4 brothers and am very close to my dad, so if I get along with males its because of that, not because they are inherently better.
I think these things are all determined by how one was raised, or what they saw growing up. If you were raised to think women are this and that, then you are likely to adopt this mentality.
I was taught to look for good character, as with anything else, men and women, black or white, midget or leprechaun have it. It is not found in one more than the other. That’s just me.
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Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
@overit,
I was taught to look for good character, as with anything else, men and women, black or white, midget or leprechaun have it.
Nugget of wisdom right here! Get it!
(but what about the giants though?
)
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I’ve always gotten along with women waaaay better than men… I can KICK IT with my girlfriends and laugh and talk all night, we can even lay in the same bed together and all is cool…
Let me try that with a man and he’s trying to shove his hands down my pants. LOL
I have only one ace boon coon guy friend and even we started out as s3xual… It’s been years since our last “encounter” but he still tries to get it so can I really call him a friend???
I’ve never met a chick that I couldn’t get along with. If women follow their intuition, they’ll know who can really be a good friend and who to stay away from. I always say not everyone is meant to be inner circle.
I’m thinking it all depends on the woman. I’m pretty loyal and I prune my garden often (meaning I get rid of those drama chicks or those that aren’t fruitful.)
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GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:25 am
@Nicki Sunshine,
I completely FUGGIN co-sign…there is NOTHING that can replace (or mimick) the bond between women…that sisterhood is key to self love…I always give the side-eye when a chick spits that okee doke “I get aling better with guys than gils” shullbit! makes me think they are messy and/or spoiled! and I am usually right!
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8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:48 am
@GOODENess,
I totally agree. Its one thing to get along with a man better than a particular woman…but when you’re telling me that there are NO women that you get along with better than men…nah, homie. How can you not get along with your own?
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:59 am
@8th Wonder,
We all know that women who say that are Evil B**ches… accodring to El Champ.
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@blackberry molasses,
ooh ooh, i was watching desperate housewives the other day and edie was telling susan some sh!t about how she gets along better with men or has no close female friends or something like that and before she even finished her sentence i was shaking my head and saying to myself, evil b!itch! lol. vsb is taking over my life!
*dramatic wail with LMN wall slide*
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
@SouthernGirl,
NOT THE LMN WALL SLIDE!!!!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
@SouthernGirl, And we all know Edie is the known w&*re of the show!
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
@Nicki Sunshine, i know! but it just made me laugh how quickly that term popped in my head when vsb was the furthest thing from my mind.
@bbmo, sorry i had to pull out the wall slided but i couldn’t help it. i just about died when it happened.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
@GOODENess, Messy is exactly it!
Ladies, those women that don’t get along with their own are those ones that are trying to f everybody’s man or has a load of drama behind her like Pig Pen’s stink cloud!!!!!
Those are the biyotches to stay away from.
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GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
@GOODENess,
i agree as well. i have a few guy friends i consider “close friends” but there are often terms and limitations to our “hanging out”. like, certain guy friends of mine offer great no BS advice and are easy to talk to about life situations, unjudgingly take me to coldstone to put a smile on my face when i’m down. but i wouldn’t be caught DEAD with them alone in my apt or theirs. trouble would ensue.
all my girls who i consider “close friends” have NO conditional clauses in the contract. they’re my girls i can talk to about whatever, go out with, stay in and chill with, bring to the fam reunion, introduce to the new man, spend the night with if im too out of it to drive home, etc the list goes on.
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shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
hmmm…i dont think im an evil b*tch, i have just always gotten along better with men. thats not to say i dont have close female friends because i certainly do…they are hard for me to find, but when i do, i keep them for the long haul. ive just found that in the past it was so much easier for me to be friends with men….i would say that my close male friends are just as close as my close female friends…there are no conditional clauses or anything like that. i suppose im safe because im not attractive to them….but i have no doubt that nothing untoward would jump off if we were alone. (that was a bunch of negatives) i mean, we BEEN alone and nothing has.
i dunno…
GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
i think there’s a diff between women who don’t make friends with other women easily and women who prefer men over women as friends or women who ONLY get along with men.
my sis (almost 2 decades older than me) is what i’d consider an evil b*tch and she has admitted that woman-woman friendships are important and necessary. she just chooses not to have them, and keeps one or 2 close guy friends. she’s also alone with 1 cat (last i can remember–it’s been years since we talked). i think she’s unwilling to maintain healthy relationships with other women. she likes being an evil b*tch.
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
@GEMiniscing…, is that why ya’ll don’t talk? is she an EB to you too? if it’s too much. no prob but I was just wondering.
shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
oh, it was never really about me choosing not to befriend women….this started when i was a little kid though. in 1st and 2nd grade, my best friend was scott…from like 3rd through 5th i added cliff…then i got boobs and added a whole bunch more! lmao…
i feel like im a polar personality…theres very few people (IRL) who are meh about me. they like me or they dislike me. and in the past women have tended to dislike me….i think my current graduate program is the reason why ive developed a strong female circle…because there really werent too many men in my class. all through college it was me and three dudes who were (and still are) the best of friends.
but now im babbling, so i’ll stop!
overit Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
@GOODENess, Holla!
I always get annoyed with the women who say that, and I just tell myself that I can’t trust her a** cause something HAS to be wrong with her!
Like really? You just never got along with women? Pray tell, why have you not SAT DOWN yet?
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:32 am
@Nicki Sunshine,
I prune my garden often (meaning I get rid of those drama chicks or those that aren’t fruitful.)
sure. thats what “prune my garden” means. i believe you.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
@The Champ, U are a mess!
In your version, yeah, I prolly do that a lot too. LMAO.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
@Nicki Sunshine,
In your version, yeah, I prolly do that a lot too
……………………………………………………………
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
@The Champ, LOL. U flatlined???!!!!
Noooooo.
I will agree with the use of sports as an ingredient to being a better friend. Sports teach working together and promotes looking out for the other person. And when you are a good team player you are probably better at being friends.
But I do have one question for ya…how it is sports, (“play fair. pass to the open man. take one for the team. compete your heart out, and shake hands afterwards. guard your man. pay attention. listen to your coach. don’t let the crowd distract you. play your position. know your role”) can make one a better friend but not a good partner? What gives? Most men that I know personally are into sports, get together to play sports but some have trouble being a good husband, partner and/or boyfriend. Why can’t those same team skills be used in their intimate relationships?
Let me guess…us anti-sport women folk make it impossible.
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Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:19 am
@Raqi,
I don’t understand how one can be anti-sport. You don’t have to like all sports but how can you not like one?
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Raqi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:30 am
@Deviant,
I just don’t like them. I will watch the Olympics and I will even sit and watch the game with my husband, but I still don’t like sports. My son plays soccer and I attend the games but I don’t like it. I just do it for him. I occasionally will spend a Saturday watching my husband play football or baseball with his buddies but I am just an accommodating mate, I don’t really get into the sport. I will cheer him on when he has the ball or is at the plate but I don’t like sports.
What’s the difference in him not liking to go shopping with me? He hates it…
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Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:42 am
@Raqi,
Sports is a bonding activity..a game. Shopping is a chore. Huge difference.
Raqi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:54 am
@Deviant, LOL you sound just like him…a chore. For me it serves the same purpose of time spent together. I always give him a kiss on the corner of his lips as I hand him another bag to carry. Ain’t that bonding?
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:25 am
@Raqi,
**playing Devil’s advocate**
Actually, its more like rewarding him for being a good and patient soul, putting up with doing something he doesn’t want to do because he loves you. And there is nothing wrong with that (in most cases).
As a girl who actually likes sports (playing as well as watching) THATa different animal all together. The experience of playing or watching is shared, its something you BOTH want to participate in (i.e. even if the other person wasn’t around, you’d still be doing said activity). That’s what makes it bonding. Sharing something you both like to do.
My hubby told me he knew I was the one when we were watching the Eagles game and I was screaming and yelling at the TV louder than he was and totally looked like I forgot he was there. That was our third date.
Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:44 am
@blackberry molasses,
Exactly. You bond on shared experiences.
Raqi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:51 am
@blackberry molasses, but we do share and bond in other things that we both enjoy. Why does sports have to be the ultimate? He has his thing and I have mine. And we have our thing.
It doesn’t bother him that I don’t like sports, like it doesn’t bother me that he does not like everything that I like. But as I stated we do support and sometimes accompany each other in “our” thing.
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:57 am
@Raqi,
I understand what you are saying. I was specifically answering your question about sports vs. shopping and bonding.
As far as sports is concerned… its that part of me that grew up with majority male cousins and female cousins who were athletically inclined and that my particular bonding activity with my father is watching football (soccer) and drinking Guiness (draft– stout is like drinking tar). Its part of the lesn through which I view the world. Sorry.
Raqi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:59 am
@blackberry molasses, and another thing why can’t it be him knowing what Nate Berkus’ latest line is that makes him the one for me.
Nevermind don’t answer that. LOL
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Imma answer it anyway (purely for sh*ts and giggles)… cuz it would make him… umm SUSPECT (at least in my book.)
LMMFAO.
Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:43 am
@Raqi,
What you just said sounds like a nightmare. Sounds like he gets to be your manservant and carry your bags and wait in silent torment while you shop.
Raqi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:54 am
“I occasionally will spend a Saturday watching my husband play football or baseball with his buddies but I am just an accommodating mate, I don’t really get into the sport. I will cheer him on when he has the ball or is at the plate but I don’t like sports.”
@Deviant, did you miss this part of my 9:30 response to you? Is not that a nightmare for me? No it really isn’t because I do it for him. Therefore I don’t think he feels it a nightmare to do for me.
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
@Deviant,
Sounds like he gets to be your manservant
you know, using “man” as a prefix for any derogatory comment makes it one hundred times funnier. from manbag and manboobs to manstep and manservant, its the gift that never stops giving.
GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:28 am
@Deviant,
“Shopping is a chore.”
*blows ref whistle* HELL NAH! when executed properly, SHOPPING IS A SPORT!!! lol..but I feel you on being confused-ed about not liking sports.. WHO DEOS THAT?
Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:45 am
@GOODENess,
“SHOPPING IS A SPORT”
delusion or chick logic?
what say you people?
Raqi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
@Deviant, shopping is a sport. I am usually worn out and have burned a ton of calories by day end.
GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
@Deviant, I am not saying it’s football or anything…but when I go shopping I wear tennis shoes, a track suit and I have to stay hydrated that is all sport-ish…LOL…everybody KNOWS the GOOD GIRL abhors chick logic…I am hlaf joking…but I do get into my target heart rate when there’s a good sale going on…lm(red)ao
Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
@Raqi,
I used to get worn out after I did yard work but that don’t make it sport. I don’t think yall know what makes a sport a sport.
GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
@GOODENess,
shopping is a chore when you have holes in your clothes and NEED to get new ones. shopping is a non-chore (calling it a sport is up for debate lol) when you just WANT to buy ish. and for women who LIKE to shop, that IS a bonding experience. i’ve never been shopping with friends where it wasn’t an all day event, didn’t have to take a “lunch break” and make frequent stops for water and the bathroom. i, too, wear comfortable clothing and stretch it out beforehand.
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
@GEMiniscing…, yup
shatani Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
im mad ya’ll are warming up to go shopping! lmao
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
well you don’t want to pull a muscle or something. hayle, just this past Christmas my arms were beautifully toned for my party dress because of the heavy ass bag lifing, and slinging.
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@Deviant,
That’s a very good question.
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Nut Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Excellant quesiton @Raqi, I’m waiting for the answer too. It seems that intimate relations ( one on one) would be the included in the definition of team playing but for most men it is not. What’s up with that?
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Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
@Nut,
To take a stab at answering the question. There are very few sports that comprise of 2-member teams. It’s either a solitary pursuit or a team effort. In the rare occasion of the two-players team (double tennis, ping pong, beach volley ball, etc…) the dynamics are still pretty much those of an individual sports and the scores are tallied at the end.
That’s probably why the sports participation/fandom does not readily tranfer to great at relationships.
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Raqi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
“play fair. pass to the open man. take one for the team. compete your heart out, and shake hands afterwards. guard your man. pay attention. listen to your coach. don’t let the crowd distract you. play your position. know your role”
@Sula In Planning., all of these ^ still apply.
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
@Raqi,
How many people do you know in double sports?
In single person sports, you don’t pass anything. You have an opponent! You don’t take one for the team, you are the team! There is no such thing as knowing your position or your role, you are all of those things by yourself.
In team sports, where mostly all of those things happen you have at least 2 or 3 other people sharing the burden with you. It’s not squarely a 50-50 stake.
My whole argument is that Sports don’t necessarily prepare for romantic relationships because it’s not built up this way. There is no “communication” in sports, you listen and you apply. Therein lies the great missing link.
GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
we’re really caught up on this sports analogy huh?? if you want to keep it REAL i will say that there are some “team” sports (particularly at the scholastic level) that are handled individually. like swim, tennis, etc. i was on the swim TEAM in high school. i swam alone (except of course in relays)–didn’t pass anything or have to work with other teammates to accomplish my goal. however, every INDIVIDUAL’s score contributed to the TEAM’s overall score. so every event i participated in had an affect on my team. period.
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
The point being made is that Sports do not necessarily breed/prepare people to have better romantic relationships.
I understand what you say. I was on my High school swimming team as well but the dynamics of team sports (a whole getting a single result) are different than those of an inherently individual sports.
And like I said, there is not so much “communications” in sports. Whereas, romantic relationships are in and of themselves studies in communications.
Just Plain Ole Peyso Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:32 am
@Raqi, Just b/c ur SO loves to watch sports or actually plays sports (BIG DIFFERENCE) it doesnt mean that they do it the “right” way, it doesnt mean that they follow the rules that Champ so eloquently scribed above.
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Raqi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:51 am
@Just Plain Ole Peyso, but many of them do and still are not able or wanting to apply those same rules to being in a relationship. If they work to make a friendship why not a relationship.
My brother is the worst offender of them all.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@Raqi,
how it is sports, (“play fair. pass to the open man. take one for the team. compete your heart out, and shake hands afterwards. guard your man. pay attention. listen to your coach. don’t let the crowd distract you. play your position. know your role”) can make one a better friend but not a good partner?
this is a good question. lemme finish my eggs and sh*t before i reply to this one
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WestIndianArchie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
@Raqi,
Because women change the rules, and afterwards completely insist that the rules haven’t changed.
They don’t play the game straight, and never have.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
so basically, women are the relationship equivalent of marlo stansfield?
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WestIndianArchie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
@The Champ,
The diff is, when Marlo says, “you want it one way, it’s the other”
Women say, “I want it one way, the end”
I agree completely. I think it’s because men are generally more rational. Women are more emotional, thats why we make better mates
And on a completely unrelated note…I’ want my welcome party. I think I’ve been pretty patient. And I appreciate Champ’s ‘welcome and sh*t’, but where’s my diva dust and tour. I ain’t been added to the prayer circle. Ain’t nobody offered to show me around. I ain’t get no sweet potato pie, no chicken…nothin. What’s a girl gotta do
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:26 am
@Imperfect,
Yo!!! My bad!!!
As a member of the welcome comittee, I take full responsibility for our screw up.
(Retroactive) Welcome!!! ** Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
SouthernGirl will be along with your platinum/shooting stars and PBG will add you to the roster of the Prayer Cubicle. I ain’t seent Luvvie in a minute, so I’m not sure about the official tour, but to your right is the Ig Corner (permanently inhabited by Luvvie, Eff Yo Couch, Madame GOODEness (when she’s here) and Big Buck (when he’s here). To your left is the Prayer Cubicle, headed by Deaconess PBG and Imam Overit. Finally is the Sat Down corner…. a very recent addition to the VSB universe where people are sent to sat down and think about their lifespace.
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YGB Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:02 am
@blackberry molasses,
“lifespace”
Why do I love this word so much?
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SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
@Imperfect,
lawd! *falls out* sincerest apologies for any lack of welcoming. this wasn’t over xmas break was it?
anywho…(retroactive) welcome!!! you are the first to get * shooting platinum-trimmed gold stars* hope this makes up for things. thanks for your patience. we appreciate your business
also, please steer clear of willu nilly use of albinos, clowns, midgets or any combination of any of the above as they are scary@people.
the search for documented proof of the black squirrel (despite the article link i posted) continues but they are in fact, real.
unicorns, griffins, gnomes and other mythical creatures are available for use at your discretion.
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overit Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
@Imperfect, welcome! Please look under your desk for a complimentary X hat, as well as a copy of a glittery Quran. Deaconess PBG and I coordinate with the office space, but rest assured, we are always here to bring you closer to BBJ and nem. Welcome!
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
@overit,
there are some adjectives/noun combos that should never, ever, ever be used. “dainty man” is one of them, as well as “tactful new yorker”…and “glittery quran”. you should know better and sh*t
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Luvvie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
@Imperfect,
Aint no tour like a Luvvie tour! But thanks for holding it down, BBMo. Welcome Imperfect. Time will tell whether you shall be making your way to the Corner or not. Hmm…
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Rita Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
@Imperfect,
there was pie????
i ain’t get no pie. *kicks rocks*
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I can’t really call it because I don’t have any close male friends. But with my closest female friends, there is no cattiness or hate flying around. We can give one another good solid advice and not worry about hurt feelings – not that feelings won’t be hurt, but that the friendship will survive the hurt feelings. When a new man comes along, we jokingly give one another a little flack, but when said dude nuts up, we welcome one another back with open arms. Perhaps its because we are avid sports fans – who knows???
I think the problem lies in the fact that women need a deep emotional connection and when you let someone in that deep and they hurt you, it’s hard to get over that. Men don’t get that deep with one another so they can continue to be friends forever. But if a man lets a woman in that deep and she hurts him, there’s no forgiveness.
So I guess it all depends on how you define friend. I have a lot of associates, but my true to heart friends are women. And personally, I think I’m a great friend.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:37 am
@Tazzee,
Welcome!! **Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
(how come peoples always want to de-lurk at the same time? making me work overtime)
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Tazzee Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:42 am
@blackberry molasses, Thanks! I think I commented once before on the day when they asked all the lurkers to comment, LOL.
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GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:29 am
@blackberry molasses, did I go on hiatus before this DIVA DUST ceremony began?? *pouting*
Reply
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:43 am
@GOODENess,
you shonuff did!!! you missed the original version, and the special edition Barak Obama versions of Diva Dust ™.
Where you been, Goodie?!?!?!
Aight… you get a retroactive sprankle fest….
**Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
@blackberry molasses,
quit playing…you ain’t know where I been? *fist on chin, looking upward..wavy lines begin for flashback sequence* …Once upon a time, on 9/5/08, I got fired on my day off and I don’t have internet at la casa and after the first zillion comments, commenting from my phone is like trying to convince someone that Jim Jones is an “artist” it just ain’t gonna happen!
I come around when I can cuz I eLove ya’ll…
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
@blackberry molasses, idk! i’m starting to think they plan this sh!t…*sigh*
@tazzee, welcome! you are now expected to comment. early and often.
*shooting gold stars*
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Raqi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:46 am
@Tazzee, I didn’t know you hung out over here too. LOL
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Tazzee Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@Raqi, yup. I read every day.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:37 am
@Raqi,
it where all the cool kids go and sh*t. if this were high school, vsb.com would be my man lenwood’s basement or the monroeville mall
Reply
Raqi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:55 am
@The Champ, and it’s very pleasant over here.
Posts like this is exactly why I don’t subscribe to the notion that women are better people than men.
Reply
YGB Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 9:30 am
@Monk,
Too bad coz we are better people!
Reply
I can’t agree with this b/c my best friend is a woman, and we don’t have any cattiness or b*tch like behaviour among us. We support and encourage each others relationships, and we re honest with each other about life, love, relationships etc. without getting offended b/c we love each other and being honest is what defines true friendships…separates the friends from the aquaintances, collegues, classmates, etc.
As for the sports thing, I love sports, and when I really want to talk sports, I talk to men. But this does not make them my best friends or even my friends at all.
With all that being said, I believe men are better friends to men, as they should be. And women can be, and should be better friends to other women.
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Tazzee Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:05 am
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
“With all that being said, I believe men are better friends to men, as they should be. And women can be, and should be better friends to other women.”
Agreed. Although I’ve heard more than one married man (OK, only two) proclaim that his wife was his best friend, but her best friend was another female.
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Raqi Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:28 am
@Tazzee, That could very well be because a best friend is noted at the one we can go to any time for any reason. Some one we can lean on and confide in. While a man may find that in his wife he may not open himself up to be that for her.
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Not only are men better friends through this sports analogy, but real men only really compete in sports. Any dude who feels the need to have the newest sh*t, biggest car or hottest girl to out do other men is really trying to get the attention of these men for reasons other than self-satisfaction.
But the general state of the world should show you that men are better friends. Men rule the world because with a compelling, logical and rational argument, you can get a room of men to agree on something (anything!) I’m convinced that women should run the world and it would be a better place if they did but it will NEVER happen because you can’t get a room full of women to agree on ANYTHING! As a matter of fact, I’m convinced that it is impossible to have a female friend group of 6 or more people.
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Just Plain Ole Peyso Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:34 am
@Jarrod Halsey, You ever try to make dinner plans with more than 6 women? Damn near impossible
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KingPine Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 10:49 am
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
6?!!!! damn…one is hard enough
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SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
@KingPine, peyso,
*flag on the play* yes it can be hard to work around schedules but it’s not that hard. i do it every month.
are you trying to make the distinction between actually getting 6 of them together or getting them to agree on where to go? cause we don’t have that problem either.
*exits with palin wink on trail of shooting gold star dust*
KingPine Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
@SouthernGirl,
Peyso has more skills than I do….back in the day I wouldn’t even attempt more than 3….
I know my limits….
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
@KingPine, lmao! at least you know…
Panama Jackson Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
@Jarrod Halsey,
” I’m convinced that women should run the world and it would be a better place if they did but it will NEVER happen because you can’t get a room full of women to agree on ANYTHING! As a matter of fact, I’m convinced that it is impossible to have a female friend group of 6 or more people.”
i’m also convinced this is true for Black people. sad to say, but too many Black people of various degrees of power and ego’s are coming into play. we been down for too long. we aint all learned how to play fair. lol.
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I just stopped in to say hi and happy new year!!!
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:39 am
@Shelia,
thanks and sh*t.
Reply
Luvvie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
@Shelia,
Hey gal!
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Now this is true The Champ. I see it as being true for different reasons but true none the less.
How so WuDaMan?
Hey I’d gladly answer that for you. I say it is true because of the first nature of the ceckses. A man’s first nature is to respect. A woman’s first nature is to love.
Let’s consider an extreme scenario and say that these qualities are mutually exclusive. You can’t have someone tryin to luv you up when you tryin to get some respect. The converse also proves true. But in friendship and since my Mama said, ‘friends don’t faulk.’ Respect is the more desirable quality in a friend. Tadaah. So there you have it People who are very smart. (oh yeah I know the extreme situation is barely accurate to real life, but there are far too many variables to consider to be true to everyone’s life).
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GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:20 am
@WuDaMan,
‘friends don’t faulk.’
AMEN!!!! I don’t EVER want my man (in the event that somebody catches me slipping) to second guess my male friendships or my loyalty to him…PLUS when my (imaginary) man meets my boys he will be able to understand WHY they are my friends…
*dancing to my new Heavy D reggae CD “VIBES”*
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Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
@WuDaMan,
I think this explanation sounds very good. Love vs. Respect.
Y’all are some very smart people.
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WuDaMan Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
@Sula In Planning.,
can’t take all the credit I heard it in a sermon once.
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Luvvie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
@WuDaMan,
*Faith Tabernacle Episcopalian Church of the Living Light in Bethlehem*
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I was with you on the first one but that anthrology mess has a little bit of male crap mixed in with logic…lol
Anyway… I agree in general. Women are just flaky. If a dude is strictly your friend… you can usually damn near count on him for any and everything. A lot of time women let men dictate how they act or what they do and if men are smart or dumb it usually has nothing to do with a female unless their getting some booty from the situation. If they aren’t then I will always go to a male friend before a female one
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:41 am
@Eb,
I was with you on the first one but that anthrology mess has a little bit of male crap mixed in with logic…lol
lol, is “male crap” your equiv of our “chick logic”?
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pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
@The Champ and Eb,
lol, is “male crap” your equiv of our “chick logic
If it’s not, it should be! I second this motion.
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Luvvie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
@The Champ,
lol, is “male crap” your equiv of our “chick logic”?
Yes. Yes it is
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Champ I am stealing this –> ( play fair. pass to the open man. take one for the team…) and using it somewhere else.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
@Raqi,
where and sh*t?
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Things that make you go hmmmmmm.
All I can say is that my friends ROCK. There is none of that cattiness with my friends. We speak our minds on things and keep it moving. Perhaps I just know how to pick and attract good friends.
Maybe the problem is that some people are just quick to call everyone their friend, when really they are just associates that hang out from time to time.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
@V Renee,
Maybe the problem is that some people are just quick to call everyone their friend, when really they are just associates that hang out from time to time.
by “some people” you mean “women” right?
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I don’t think that men make better friends than women at all. it’s just that in general, women have more friends or more people they call a friend. Statistically there is going to be a few catty ones. I’m sure if men claimed to have half as many friends as women did the true nature of the “man friendship” would come out. Long story short, it’s all about the numbers. It’s not that all women are bad friends the numbers jsut make them look that way.
An analogy that might be clearer: maybe 90% of people that live in an impoverished neighborhood aren’t criminals. The other 10% make the news and now everyone that lives there is a criminal.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:44 am
@Ivy St.,
***signing ivy up to champ’s “how to construct a relevant analogy” seminar***
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Ivy St. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
@The Champ,
Sign yourself up first!
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:49 am
@Ivy St.,
spoken like a trained statistician/ epidemiologist…. I heart your explanation.
But I’m still trying to figure out why women are so quick assign “ace boon coon” status to every Tina, Diane and Henrietta that comes along.
**ponders if something more sinister is at work in the minds of women**
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GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
i think women who do assign the “bff” title to many women so quickly are idealistic in nature. they think that becuz a woman is friendly/nice and accommodating to her at 1st glance, that she’ll always be like that and there’s no need test her friendship/loyalty. i think these women want to believe other women are capable of being a good bff and all women are going to like them becuz “hey i’m a nice girl and very likable”. they just want to be liked, needed, and sought after.
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WuDaMan Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
@GEMiniscing…,
Maybe respect is deeper and harder to obtain than love?
not bein much of a team sports man…..i’ll skip #1
“we like the earth, and we want it to continue and sh*t ”
the rest is commentary
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Let me dig into my self-published philosophy scrolls….
I don’t know but I catch flack for it all the time. My boys are loyal as hell as most of them I’ve known for half or all of my life. The women tend to come and go for whatever reasons. A lot of the chicks I know rotate closest friends on a quarterly basis because of “something that bytch did.” It’s a really bad signal. And regardless of what anyone says, I don’t fade chicks who have mostly guy friends or no female friends at all. I wouldn’t take her near my mother or sister for that matter.
The biggest factor of men staying friends is that we don’t talk about every gottdamned thing!
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
@CPT Callamity,
The biggest factor of men staying friends is that we don’t talk about every gottdamned thing!
lol…so basically we stay friends by not doing the one thing women do to be friendly?
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CPT Callamity Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
@The Champ,
As men, we don’t necessarily need to talk everything out or in greater detail. We don’t have to sit and divulge all of our feelings in order to create a bond with someone else. There are certain unspoken truths that just occur if you have true male friends. Sure, we converse about things that concern us, but I seldom hear dudes having “Waiting to Exhale” parties complete with wine, tissues and group hugs.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
@CPT Callamity,
unless they’re ghey (NTTAWWT)
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
@blackberry molasses,
oooh… i think Gem’s theory was just proven. studies have shown that the brains of gay men and straight women have the same areas of activity when asked to think about relationships and s3xuality as opposed to straight men.
and you’ve seen how catty gay men can be….
this may all be explained by neurobiology!!!
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
@CPT Callamity,
This is not a good thing. Men need to talk about things a little more, in my opinion.
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
@pgh muse,
This is not a good thing. Men need to talk about things a little more, in my opinion.
maybe in romantic relationships (maybe), but not with each other and sh*t.
CPT Callamity Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
@The Champ,
Exactly…this is something a lot of ladies just don’t get.
When I’m hanging around my boys, we talk about things that we feel are important but we don’t get misty and start pouring our hearts out. We weren’t raised and socialized like that.
Ya know…I’m so glad my male friends don’t say sh*t like “we need to talk, tell me what’s on your mind, tell me how you’re feeling…” Ugh…just ugh.
I think this post is on point. Ever notice how more men have friends for life than women?
Women can be so flaky and tempermental. A lot of them get upset over the most trivial things like hearing the truth about themselves or non-returned phone calls. I’m blessed because my close friends aren’t like this. We’re all selective about who we deem a friend and we don’t have new bffs every d@mn year. The female friends I’ve had to cut off are the ones a male friend told me to get rid of years ago. Men can hear a five minute conversation and tell you whether a woman is worth remaining your friend.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@Voiceofreason,
Men can hear a five minute conversation and tell you whether a woman is worth remaining your friend.
five minutes? sh*t…gimme 120 seconds
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8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
“five minutes? sh*t…gimme 120 seconds”
Champ, I see I’m not the only woman you say this to…
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blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
@8th Wonder,
*shots fired*
GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
*dead*
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
@8th Wonder,
Zing!
Luvvie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
@8th Wonder,
I oughta quit u. But the level of hilarity makes me not want to
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
@8th Wonder,
and thats all the time i (and you) needed. i’m efficient and sh*t
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
@The Champ, efficiency is for suckas…
8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
True, you are efficient. You fail quickly.
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
@8th Wonder,
I quit you.
8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
lies!
Interest post, The Champ.
I disagree with it wholeheartedly, cuz i’m a great friend, still have friends that i’ve had since I was like 14, and I don’t have any male friends. I have male associates, males that I’m cool with, males that I could possibly hang out with if I was into that. But I have a brother, and uncles, and cousins, so i don’t really need to hang out with random men. Ne who, I will agree with you on the socialization of men through sports, I definitely agree that team play is beneficial and that more girls need to play a sport in youth. It benefits them throughout their lives – but that is not a feminine problem. That doesn’t spell an innate problem with femininity, that is a problem with how women are socialized. I LAUGH at the notion that men some kind of inherent understanding of anthropology. HA HA HA HA HA. Maybe like 10 including u and PJ. Otherwise – the rest are neanderthals about the shyt. Real talk.
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Voiceofreason Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:25 am
@pgh muse,
“I LAUGH at the notion that men some kind of inherent understanding of anthropology. HA HA HA HA HA. Maybe like 10 including u and PJ. Otherwise – the rest are neanderthals about the shyt. Real talk.”
That was my sentiment at 1st, but I think men probably understand anthropology without knowing what it is. It probably has something to do with how they’re socialized.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
@pgh muse,
Otherwise – the rest are neanderthals about the shyt
as the geico commercials have proven though, neanderthals are intuitive as hell
Reply
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
@The Champ,
lol. I will now and forever use a geico commercial as a reference for my life. Thanks for that, The Champ.
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
@The Champ, well played.
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pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
@Panama Jackson,
I see how it goes. I big ya’ll up in my comment and u take his side, huh? *side eye* I guess this is an example of males being better friends…have each other’s backs, even in BS… ride or die.
Voiceofreason Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
@pgh muse,
Oh you KNOW they do that. It’s like they learn it in kindergarten or something.
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
@pgh muse,
I guess this is an example of males being better friends…have each other’s backs, even in BS… ride or die.
**nodding head**
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
@The Champ,
That is not a good thing. Real friends call each other on their bullshyt. Not placate their friend and let their friend go forth in the world ignorant and a$$ backward… but then again, It’s a man’s world. hmmm… no wonder why ish is so jacked up.
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
@The Champ, all jokes aside, think about it. George Bush and Dick Cheney are people that would be considered Alpha Males. How many people do you think pulled them to the side and told them that a lot of the things they were doing were bad ideas? How many people just passified them and co-signed their bullshyt while the country went to war and people died? Or gas prices were gouged up to over $4.00 per gallon. That is not a good trait in a friendship or any relationship.
WestIndianArchie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
@pgh muse,
“so i don’t really need to hang out with random men”
“random” says a lot in and of itself.
Are the chicks you’re friends with “random” females? Unless they all sister, cousins and aunties…
Reply
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
Are the chicks you’re friends with “random” females
Hi WIA *batting eyes and showing all 32 of my pearly whites* … lol. Ne who, no they are not. But i bond better with women for friendships. I may hold men at arms length because of my own preconcieved thought process that men and women can’t really be friends. Idk… it may be also bcuz i try to not complicate my existence much, and i already have men in my life that fulfill certain roles, so I don’t go out in the street looking… idk. But, i’ve always been a girl’s girl. I’ve never had a male best friend… in my teens and early 20’s I had a crew or circle that included several males, one that I would still call a friend (so i lied up top. I do have a male friend and he’s very heterochexual) but my closest friendships have always been with women.
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I have like 4 close (non-sexual) male friends that are great guys…but I know once they get a boo-nopolis (or vice versa) ther will be much less kickage gong on, due to life balance…my guys are AWESOME, but my BESTEST FRIENDS are women. I call them my “wife”, “girlfriend”, “fiancee” and “baby mama” all of which have been in my life for at least a decade a piece…
*squinting my eyes and focusing on the topic*
I have to partially agree wih you on men bein better friends, but not for the reasons you gave. I agree because men are more prone to understand (and respect) the fact the romance “trumps” (b)romance! PERIOD! My birds understand that there is a balance to be had when you’re in a relationship but during the “honeymoon” phase (you know when you’re trying to find your balance and balance on that “D”)
*dropping it like it’s hot for illustration*
But the problem comes in when you MAKE PLANS with your girls and then BREAK them at the last minute! In that respect, men are better at that than women…there I said it!
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
@GOODENess,
*dropping it like it’s hot for illustration*
***building new corner digs for goody, since all the space is currently occupied***
Reply
GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
@The Champ, you don’t have to build me a new corner…my throne has been respected…lol…I was the first in the corner, but I won’t be the last…if we are running out of room, we should remodel…
Reply
Luvvie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
@GOODENess,
I only claim interim head of the Corner. You know thats ur throne.Just igtastic all ur life!
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
@GOODENess, i done died and gone to heaven @*dropping it like it’s hot for illustration*
Reply
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
@GOODENess,
its soooo goode to have you back
** Mo Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
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I call BS on this whole post. I’ve been skimming the comments and all the VSS’s are talking about how true this is, but they aren’t like this and their circle of girlfriends aren’t like this… so if this is the case why buy into the notion that so many other women are different then you and your girlz? I think the whole notion that men are better friends is a big old pile of poo. But i may be biased. Why? Cuz everyone who’s ever REALLY had my back in this life for the most part (there are a couple notable exceptions)… have been women. Women hold down families, jobs, relationships, and all that. They may shark each other occassionally, but look at the load on their backs. Who wouldn’t want some help from the absent menfolk who mostly think and behave like manchildren? Sigh. This post is giving me a headache.
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V Renee Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:40 am
@pgh muse
“I’ve been skimming the comments and all the VSS’s are talking about how true this is, but they aren’t like this and their circle of girlfriends aren’t like this… so if this is the case why buy into the notion that so many other women are different then you and your girlz?”
Great point.
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GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:48 am
@pgh muse,
I call BS on this whole post. I’ve been skimming the comments and all the VSS’s are talking about how true this is, but they aren’t like this and their circle of girlfriends aren’t like this… so if this is the case why buy into the notion that so many other women are different then you and your girlz?
makes perfect sense…I don’t agree on the basis of the Champ’s “reasons”…I only agree that men aren’t as selfish as women when it comes to spending time with your SO instead of your birds… but BREAKING plans as opposed to just not making plans at all is why that kind of sh1t happens…and at that point, it isn’t your friends that are tripping. it’s you…you know?
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Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:54 am
@GOODENess,
Dudes break plans all the time with each other…we just dont make a big deal about it. Chillin with a bird is a perfectly acceptable reason to bail. Chances are what we were gonna go was in hopes of finding some women anyway.
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GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
@Deviant,
ain’t that what I said…*scrooling up to re-read my sh1t* ok…ummmm…yeah I said that…I said “men aren’t as selfish when it comes to spending time w/ your SO…” ain’t that the same thing? no? yes? no? *sniggling and rolling my eyes*
Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:49 am
@pgh muse,
“Women hold down families, jobs, relationships, and all that”
men don’t do this? and we dont shark our friends. I call BS on your post
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pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:56 am
@Deviant,
Really? Hmmmm… people shark each other… it’s human.
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pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:59 am
@Deviant,
men don’t do this? and we dont shark our friends. I call BS on your post
Some men do. The statistic that 69% of black families is Female headed is proof that it’s not a majority.
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GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
@pgh muse,
ok…hold up…I have to insert that SOMETIMES women of any color (because this post isn’t racially specific) are left to lead their households alone because of trifling sh1t that they have done to eff the relationship up…sharking is sharking…it happens…and we are all capable of it…”irregardless” of gender or race…
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
@GOODENess,
Agreed. But Goodeness, statiscally speaking and just from life experience most of the families I interact with are female headed. The daddy is MIA, the statistic is 69%, but I think it’s more. But I don’t think it’s because of some inherent problem with men. I do think that how men are socialized in general is problematic. But… I think that how children are reared in this day and age period is problematic. I’m not male bashing. But this is a reality and black folks are losing becuz of it. And sharking is sharking. Not pointing fingers and aassigning blame. People in general are fcuked up. lol…
GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
@pgh muse, aight, we agree then…*secret VSS handshake* lm(red)ao
AkShone Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
@pgh muse,
“The statistic that 69% of black families is Female headed is proof that it’s not a majority.”
So, you’re saying that because “statistically” 69% of black family households are headed by women that this is because of the black male? Word????
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
@AkShone,
I don’t place all the blame at the feet of the black male. Or think that the black female isn’t part of the problem. I think there are a number of contributing factors. Really. We have a long, heinous history in this country. But at what point do we as a people own our shyt and work toward solutions?
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
@pgh muse,
The statistic that 69% of black families is Female headed is proof that it’s not a majority.
That statistic can also say that women are very bad character judges… just for the sake of argument.
That’s why I am a bit weary of statistics, they can be interpreted so many different ways to suit so many different arguments. We should be careful with them. Extremely.
(no offense to BBMo and the crew of statisticians/ epidemiologists.
)
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
@Sula In Planning.,
I agree. Wholeheartedly. You can only read so much into statistics. But 69% is a huge, whopping number, so if 69% of black women are bad judges of character what does that say about the pool of black ment that they are choosing from as partners?
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
@Sula In Planning.,
(no offense to BBMo and the crew of statisticians/ epidemiologists.
)
None taken my dear. Its my job to be skeptical of the results.
Voiceofreason Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
@Deviant,
But that comment is true. There are more women out there holding down families and jobs without help than there are men. And weekend fatherhood doesn’t count as holding down a family.
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ThePhiladelphiaNegro Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
@Voiceofreason,
I would have to respectfully disagree. There is no real way to verify your claim. All the dudes I know are doing the full time family thing heavy. One of which is holding it down with kids that aren’t even his biologically. Can I take the limited cross section of dudes that I know and say that “all dudes hold it down?”
No. Not with any amount of accuracy.
So, the converse can’t be true either. We are socially ingrained to believe that there are more women holding it down than men that it becomes a self-fufilling prophecy.
What IS a factual statement is that Black Men AND Black Women have mad issues. Let’s get together and work it out.
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
I have to respectfully say that the number I used isn’t from the limited cross section of people I know. It’s a national statistic from the census bureau
http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/race/black/ppl-186/tab3.pdf
and it’s 65% not 69% in this study. My bad.
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
@pgh muse,
I have to respectfully say that the number I used isn’t from the limited cross section of people I know. It’s a national statistic from the census bureau
http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/race/black/ppl-186/tab3.pdf
and it’s 65% not 69% in this study. My bad.
the link you provided doesnt back up the assertion you’re making
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
@The Champ,
why not?
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
i think you’re posting the wrong link
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
@The Champ,
‘k. try this one. there’s always a margin for error in statistical reporting. for this one it’s 59% either way the number is huge…
http://www.census.gov/2010census/pdf/C2PO_Research_Memo_Series_No4_10-24-08.pdf
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
@The Champ,
that has a renter skew… the first link is better. either way I’M RIGHT!
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
is that 65% percent of all black families, or 65 percent of single black families?
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
@The Champ,
65% of all Black families. Here is another link. This is Black families. The data is from 1984 – and the number was 59% then… over 20 years later it’s much worse… and getting worse.
http://www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2/summary_0286-217906_ITM
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Agreed. If I take the men around me, this number is not accurate. At all.
The problem is the statistics only give you the number. Statistics can’t tell you why or whom or how.
I don’t know. I mistrust them in general so I’m biased.
Ivy St. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
@pgh muse,
“Women hold down families, jobs, relationships, and all that. They may shark each other occassionally, but look at the load on their backs.”
With this said, I feel women become more loving with age. We learn to appreciate the smaller things in life and stop making a big deal out of nothing or something we can’t change. It is an immature woman (can this exist?) that normally causes problems or doesn’t know how to be a good friend.
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I have both close girlfriends and guy friends, but without a doubt, my best friend is a man. He gets me. He listens to me. He can look at me, and know exactly how I’m feeling. He reads my mind. He tells me when I am saying things that are absolutely ridiculous. He gives it to me straight, no chaser, and that’s why I love him.
I also think he is my best friend because he is the complete opposite of clingy. Sometimes I vanish for weeks or months. He doesn’t call me up with an attitude, asking me why I haven’t called him if we’re supposed to be best friends and sh*t, and I appreciate that.
Some women out here are so freakin possesive of thier friends (And depending on the friend, I will include myself in this) and wanna be up under them all the time. I’ve had to separate myself from a few women for that exact reason. I almost wanna say, “damn broad, are we a couple? No? Then leave me be!”
ugh!
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GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 11:49 am
@8th Wonder,
so have you ever tried dating this best friend?
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8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Nope. Never, lol.
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GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@8th Wonder, ain’t gonna ask why not…you have your reasons…but I would never date a man with a female best friend…in my mind, it’s more trouble than it’s worth, he should just try to be with her…close female friends, yes…BFF…fuggnah…has your BFF-dom ever been a point of contention for your love interests?
8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
No, never. What makes him my bff among everything else, is the fact that we don’t have to talk all the time or spend every waking moment together to validify our bff-ness…if that makes sense.
So, our SO’s (when we have them) know that we are bff’s, they respect it, but really its not an obstacle to anyone’s romance, cause we aren’t all up on each other. When he needs me, I’m there without question and vice-versa. Otherwise, we just let each other breathe.
I also think it helps that we both also have really close friends of the same sex…so it doesn’t freak anyone out that we’re bff’s, when he also has like 5 homeboys he’s known forever, and I have girls like that as well.
GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
@8th Wonder, ok…I can dig it…I have close male friends that are like that, but I wouldn’t say that they are my best friends overall…you know? good to know you guys have same sex friends too…lol..that’ why I asked about the romance…
8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Yeah, I definitely understood where you were coming from. I think the reason why we give each other that best friend title, is because we just GET each other. And I think that is something that is so rare, for you to just have one person who always understands you, sometimes even more than you understand you.
So that’s where the bff comes in…otherwise to the naked eye, you’d probably just think we were regular ole’ homies, cause yeah, we party together once every few weeks, we gchat, we call if ish is serious, but other than that, we do us. Put us in a room together for 5 minutes though, and you can see how close we are.
Tx10inch Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
@8th Wonder,
No, never. What makes him my bff among everything else, is the fact that we don’t have to talk all the time or spend every waking moment together to validify our bff-ness…if that makes sense.
True..True.
That’s one good key to a true friendship. You’re comfortable with each other regardless of the situation. No awkardness and no words really need to be spoken to really get each other. Male or female.
8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
absolutely.
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
@8th Wonder,
I think there is another theory coming up out of your comment.
Women who have more testosterone than the average (like me) will have an easier time bonding with men because they share more similarities.
It comes to individuals interacting with other individuals. When people click, they do. It can be any combination : female + female, male + male, Male+ female, you get my drift.
I have known my best friend for 22 years now. We are more sisters than anything. The reason why we are that close is because she knows that when I need my space, I need it. When I am not calling and disappearing, it’s because I need it. She’s seen me evolve into who I am today and she knows how I cope/roll.
I have made some newer girlfriends over the years. The ones that survived the test of time were the ones who understood that need to be left alone sometimes and not talk things to death. The other ones didn’t get it and we split ways.
Bottom line is, each gender will have those people (my best male friend is actually clingier than my girlfriends), the true test of a real friendship is when someone lets you do you without taking it personal.
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8th Wonder Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
I co-sign this 100%:
“I have made some newer girlfriends over the years. The ones that survived the test of time were the ones who understood that need to be left alone sometimes and not talk things to death. The other ones didn’t get it and we split ways.”
I recently parted ways with a girl that has been my bff for 9 years. I’ve moved around a lot in my life, so she could be classified as my oldest friend. However, she is so clingy, and I just cannot handle it. She felt that because I didnt call her back all the time, or because I needed space and sometimes didn’t talk to her for a while, that I was some horrible person or whatever. After all those years, she still didn’t get me.
I don’t need that kinda stress.
We don’t talk anymore, lol.
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Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
@8th Wonder,
I so understand where you’re coming from.
I cut out one of my closest friend this way too. I didn’t want to keep doing a rundown on why I only called her back 3 hours after she called me. So I had to let it go. Sometimes, people grow apart. Literally.
N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan.... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
@8th Wonder, I have a friend who was the same way…she would call me nearly everyday, and not have anything to say. Now she has a man to occupy her time( Praise BBJ!!) so we only talk about once every 2 weeks, which works fine for me.
SouthernGirl Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
@8th Wonder, i always thought one of the true tests of friendship (along with if you’ll help me move or bring me/pick me up from the airport. lol) is how you act when we haven’t spoken in a while. i have chicks to this day, even from junior high and including literally my oldest friend (known her since first grade) that i can not talk to (beyond emails and the like) for months, hell in some cases years and pick up the phone and it’s like we never skipped a beat.
we also understand that, in order to keep the population growing, we need to keep having sex. (preferably) with women. because we understand anthropology, we dont take it personally when one of our friends ditches us for a woman. in fact, we encourage and applaud it. we like the earth, and we want it to continue and sh*t.
i soooo cosign on this. men don’t care about this… my man is happy when his friends get girls… it gets them off his back and puts them in a generally happier mood. a woman on the other hand, will be the first one to call out her girl when she feels she has been ditched for a man. one of my friends is espcially like this. before any ditching even occurs, she goes ahead and starts accusing people.
it’s quite sad… well she’s quite sad and i’ve been told, very toxic. which is why…
***ahem***
men are better friends.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
@laylah,
smart woman
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Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
@laylah,
Maybe you aren’t good at choosing friends.
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GEMiniscing... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
and there it is…
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laylah Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
@Jeandra,
actually, no.
i have become excellent at choosing friends. my best friend is a woman and she is my ride or die booch (i love her). we have been best friends for the past 5 years. but honestly, there aren’t many women out there like her. a lot of women i have come into contact with (this doesn’t mean i have chosen them necessarily) are needy, jealous and haters. i don’t need that in my life, no one does. this one friend of mine (who is toxic) became my friend because she was friends with some of my friends… she just latched onto me and i have been trying to be patient with her.
i’m not saying there aren’t cool chicks out there, obviously there are. they are just scarce around these parts. quality dudes are more abundant.
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Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
@laylah,
cut her then. if you have mutual friends, she can fall back on those.
i still disagree that men are BETTER friends.
i have wonderful male friends, but just because they offer to move my couch, tell me to “stop all that cryin i’m being too emotional”, or be straight up doesn’t make them better than my homegirl that tells me, “girl it will get better” and sits and rants with me. It makes them different.
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
@Jeandra,
Right. And just because a group of men will sit around and blow smoke up each other’s a$$ for hours and feed each other’s egos doesn’t make them better friends either. It makes them worse actually… But I’m not bashing males or their friendships… i’m just sayin’. Dang.
Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
@pgh muse,
exactly.
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
@laylah,
quality dudes are more abundant.
damn. this might have been the first time in the history of the internet that this statement has been uttered by any woman of color. i dont even know how to respond to this. i feel like i just saw bigfoot
laylah Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
@The Champ,
when most women say there aren’t any good men, i am almost sure they mean in regards to having serious romantic relationships. the friendship aspect is something totally different. a lot of my guy friends, in my opinion, would make horrible boyfriends.
i was talking in regards to friendship.
don’t get too happy just yet.
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
@laylah,
a lot of my guy friends, in my opinion, would make horrible boyfriends
why and sh*t?
blackberry molasses Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
@laylah,
as champ would say, expound and sh*t
Tazzee Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
@laylah,
I would submit that the toxic chick shouldn’t be considered your friend. I had a toxic chick in my life at one time. I never considered her a friend to me – but she thought I was her best friend. Unfortunately, I had to set her straight on that one.
I think it’s the nurturing side of a woman that causes us to endure the ‘mess’. For a while I would hang with the toxic chick because I felt sorry for her. I wanted to help her become a better person, get rid of that victim mentality and be a productive member of society. But after a while I had to let her go.
The same can be said for why we women sometimes put up with trifling dudes, trynna help them become better…
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laylah Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
@Tazzee,
i know, i know. i have been told to be patient with her… but i cannot take it anymore. i have hung out with her in the past for that exact reason… i felt sorry for her.
i am trying to distance myself… but that’s hard to do when you are trying to be nice about it. how do i ignore her without it looking like i straight up played her? it’s almost impossible.
Reply
Interesting post.
I can only speak of the folks who I’m close with.
All the dudes that I know, will (100% of the time) have at least one male best friend but may or may not include a woman and /or women in their circle of best friends.
All of the women I know may or may not have a woman /women in their inner circle but do have at least one man in their inner circle.
Most of the women who I’m tight with say that they don’t fcuk with other women too tough ’cause they catty as he11′ and say that their closest friends are men. (I especially saw this when I worked in a 95% female unit at Blue Cross a few years back. A lot of foul and trifling isht between women all over the building for no reason at all.)
I DO know that my wife holds grudges like Rakim holds microphones (by her own admission) and I just had a four hour dinner at the sports bar, smokin’ and jokin’ with dudes who I’ve known for upwards of 25 years+. One of which was a dude who I used to beef with constantly back day.
Commentary? Maybe. Maybe not.
Just my $3.57 worth on the topic….
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GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
I see you on the 357, brother… make an extra effort to be pleasant to women, because there is an underlying catty-ness from immature females and upon first glance, you don’t know who is and is not secure enough to be cool with the dope-ness that is GOOD…lol…but my 4 best friends have been around upwards of 10 years (2 of which are siSTARS of mine) and we bump heads on occasion but at the end of the day, it’s all salad…no beef!
Reply
ThePhiladelphiaNegro Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
@GOODENess,
First off…
What’s good SisSTAR! Always good to touch base with a member of my Masonic family.
You know what sis, I give both men and women the benefit of the doubt when I first meet them and I’m mellow with everybody-until you give me a reason to give you the deuces.
As far as my comments go, I see your point. I saw the validity of all sides even before I wrote my post.That’s why, in the interest of full disclosure I said that these were just my experiences and I used the phrase “most of the women” and not “all women” because as a rule, I don’t like to generalize.
I tell you what though; it’s refreshing to see and hear from women who ride for one another. What I saw when I was working in that unit was disheartening. What was worse was that our supervisor was a woman and the other women hated on her! Banannas…
Reply
eff yo couch Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
I currently work at your former job and your preaching to the choir. I’m the type of guy that get along with everyone, but it’s hard up in here with all the hating between the females. I can’t even have a 5 minute convo with a chick up in here without the rumors or the hating. It’s like high school all over agian. lol
ThePhiladelphiaNegro Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
@eff yo couch,
Yeah; that place was something else fam. I got a lot of good experience over there but some of the backstabbing, crabs-in-a-barrel stuff between the women who worked there was disturbing. I just kept to myself for the most part and kept it moving…
Kudos to Champ for this post.
I agree and disagree though. I agree that the menfolks are better friends to each other than they are to their female friends.
But I don’t think females are not just as good of friends to their female friends.
My inner circle has 4 females and 3 males that know my entire life and I know that no matter who did what, why, when and where… when it’s all over, we are laughing at it, joking and clowning and the balance of our friendship is still intact.
Not everybody is your friend simply b/c they want to be your friend… you have to be able to see the difference!
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
@Ro,
I agree and disagree though.
actually, after reading your comment, you dont agree with me at all, lol. its ok though. the world would be boring as hell if everyone was right all of the time
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Boy, people must know some triflin a** women. My girlfriends ride for me.
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pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
@Jeandra,
THANK YOU!! wtf??
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Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
@pgh muse,
I’m tired of all these, women ain’t sh*t blogs.
the only affirming blog i’ve seen recently is something sayin we smell good. I have good girlfriends because i have the common sense not to let triflin women in my circle.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
@Jeandra,
I’m tired of all these, women ain’t sh*t blogs.
the only affirming blog i’ve seen recently is something sayin we smell good
you should take a peek in our archives. we have a ton of entries devoted to things we like/love about women
GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
@Jeandra, giiiiirl…don’t think about it like that…there is so much “men ain’t sh1t”dom going on all day. eh-day that I look at this as balance..imagine how guys feel? u know? especially since the type of females we are speaking on…aren’t us…I feel bad for women that don’t have good sense…and occasionally I inherit friends from other friends that are exactly like this…I know to keep them at arm’s length but they seek out women that are like us…take it as a compliment and sh1t….this ain’t you…we should organize some sort of outreach for immature chicks with issues like the ones mentioned above, no?
Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
@GOODENess,
I understand what you are saying, and I understand the intent of the blog. The purpose is to create dialogue. I just started getting into the loop on the downside of the curve I suppose.
In terms of doing outreach to help these young triflin women out, I just can’t do it. I don’t even want that kind of energy around me. Just like people say they know when their mate is cheating or straying, we have to turn on our radar and recognize when our friends are triflin.
Men aren’t necessarily better friends, they are just different friends since they aren’t typically feelers like women are.
GOODENess Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
@Jeandra, EXACTLY!
Right on to the REAL…Death to the FAKERS!
**give us a hug**
Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
@GOODENess,
Thank you ma’am. I will put that in my pocket.
Relax, Relate, Alise Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
@GOODENess,
Thank you for that hip-hop quotable, that rocked… (((e-hugs)))
….see, girls can get along.
Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
@relax relate…
we better not get along too well. we’ll be man haters in the next blog.
I like this post for complete different reasons. Personally, I don’t think either men or women make better friends, I believe the balance is struck between two individuals whether both of the same gender or not.
I like this post because the underlying truth is that Sports people engage in tell a lot about their personalities and psyches.
Let me use myself as a guinea pig for a minute.
Growing up, I was mostly involved in single person sports notably swimming, track and gymnastics. My younger sister was a junior pro basketball player.
I am usually a person who gets everything done herself and doesn’t wait on other people, who likes to take responsibility for (her own) fuck ups and hates to have other people mess up her plans. Oh, and I generally loathe authority
My sister is reliable, extremely organized, and enjoys hierarchy: knowing where everybody stands and what they do.
It just occurs to me that the sports we play are a reflection of our personalities. Now, it could be a chicken and egg argument as far as what came first, but ultimately the sports we played just gave you a great map of our personalities.
Tell me what sports you play(ed), I’ll tell you who you are.
*disclaimer: This theory is mostly on sports a person plays not ones they follow. As I am an incurable fan of football (soccer), BasketBall and (newly) American football.*
My $7.13 commentary on this subject.
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pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
@Sula In Planning.,
Lol. LOVE this comment, e-twin!
I ran track in H.S., played bball in middle school, was a pom pom girl, played volley ball 4 a spell in H.S., but I was also in the Army… so I’ve always been a very physical person *wink to the fellas* lol.
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Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
@pgh muse,
And an all around multi-tasker too! That makes you a very complete individual actually since you’ve played all those sports. And the military is the ultimate “rely-on me-I’ll rely-on-you” school out there.
In other words, my e-twin is the shiznit!
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pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
@Sula In Planning.,
Awww shucks, e-twin! U make me blush. I’m alright and shyt. You’re the shiznit for being able to decipher that!
N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan.... Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
@Sula In Planning.,
good comment…
I played basketball all throughout middle and high school. And I played softball briefly in middle school…who am I?
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Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
Lol!!! I am a living-room therapist as it is, don’t let me unleash my frustrated Freud on you darling.
But combining what you just said with your chosen profession, I am willing to guess that you’re a very meticulous who thrives on organization and things and people being were they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there.
Close?
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I ice skated and did ballet and gymnastics.
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Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
@Jeandra,
So you’re a do-it yourselfer. Right?
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Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
@Sula In Planning.,
that’s actually correct.
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I tend to give the *serious side eye* to a female who tells me she can’t get along with ANY other women. All her friends are males..blah, blah, blah. There is usually a reason for that and if you look at the common denominator in all of her relationships. It’s her.
But some have a specific reason (and alternative motive) to why they only hang with males. A coworker of mine 4 instance. She constantly complains about why she can’t find a serious committed relationship with a man.
That men feel threatened by all of her “male buddies”. Not saying that she’s a ho or she’s sleeping with any or all of these guys, but she craves male attention. I call it her “playa rotation”. She tried to make me apart of all that. No thanks babygurl. Emails, phone calls, guys stopping by her job “just to chat” all the time. I’m talkin bout at least 3 to 4 different dudes daily.
Now trust, ya boy Tex would jump to the head of the class IF he was interested. (I’m not, neva will be) but if i was, how do you believe anyone wanting a serious relationship with you is supposed to jump in the middle of all that?
Maybe tha dude willing to wade through the sharks will provide her with the constant attention she craves and she’ll make her “male friends” fall back. IDK but ya boy ain’t tha one to find out. Keep it movin playgurl..Tex don’t swim in the community pool.
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Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
@Tx10inch,
. x2
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Tx10inch Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
@Jeandra,
.x2
huh? VSB terminology?
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Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
@Tx10inch,
I meant to comment off Sula.
she gave you a “.” and I’m saying “.” x 2
she liked your comment and im agreeing in other words
Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
@Tx10inch,
Sula liked your comment. that’s why she said period.
i was saying period x2. which means i also liked it. i just posted it in the wrong spot. i should have posted it after Sula
Tx10inch Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
@Jeandra,
4sho
.
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I really can’t think of a good post for this one.
The fact that lots of men have noticed how fragile female friendships are should tell us a lot about female friendships.
It’s not one crackpot on the internet saying this, but something almost all men notice.
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Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
was this before or after than man tried to bone her homegirl?
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Deviant Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
@Jeandra,
if some girl tries to bone my boy I dont get mad at my friend I cut off that chick.
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Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
@Deviant,
if my homegirl tries to boink my man she gets cut off too. in college, i cut my man and i cut my girl since they both knew. I’ve never had to do it again.
The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
@Jeandra,
in college, i cut my man and i cut my girl since they both knew. I’ve never had to do it again.
did you beat the charges, or were you sent upstate?
Sula In Planning. Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
@The Champ,
*chuckles*
Jeandra Reply:
January 14th, 2009 at 2:54 am
@The Champ,
yeah, i chilled in Pitts with your Pops. the weather was wonderful
pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
I would really have to ask you about the women you hang around, cuz i don’t know many chicks like this.
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Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
@pgh muse,
ditto
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WestIndianArchie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
@pgh muse,
Outside of my women friends, I mostly see this @ the job. Highly paid and educated professional women.
There are the competing co-workers
There are the professionals v. admins (haha, then stab, stab,stab)
The black women v. the white women
The established queen bee and her “mentees”
Throw in their friends from the outside world, and you get a very eye opening picture of what a woman’s life is like outside of you dating her.
It’s a world filled with danger and intrigue, manipulation and lies.
Ex.
One of my female co-workers told me this story
- one of her best “friends” from college was getting married. The BFF invited her to 1) her bachelor party and 2) the wedding.
- but according to my co-worker, they haven’t spoken on the phone that often (why this makes a diff..)
- plus its out of state
- plus one of her other friends is getting married 3 months later
- plus the cost (keep in mind the same woman carries one of her $1500 purses regularly)
It’s pretty obvious she was looking for an excuse to not see this friend, but I asked her if this was truly one of her best friends, and without batting an eye, she vehemently said yes.
It wouldn’t take me long to recount more and more stories of women and their “friends”.
But rather than put the focus on me (which is typical woman verbal jiu-jitsu), consider how many guys have stories like these.
It’s not just me, most guys can recount stories their SO’s tell them about their friends. You can read Cosmo or any of those women’s mags and see the same. Find yourself on a recipe message board, and chicks will “dish” about this kind of stuff all the time.
The most pc thing I can say about the friendship of women/esp between women is that it’s “complicated”.
To take a different slant, absent abuse, how many women have tortured relationships with their mothers?
Now consider that # among men.
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pgh muse Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
I won’t disagree with you. I won’t at all. But I think that it’s symptomatic of an oppressed person attacking what they feel they can instead of their oppressor or working on freeing themselves. Those women think that there’s nothing wrong, their educated, well paid, and prolly attractive for the most part. They think that they have reached the pinnacle. But they haven’t. and they don’t know that. So they lash out at each other.
WestIndianArchie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
@pgh muse,
I like how you sidestepped the girl who didn’t want to go to her “best friends” party and wedding.
I maintain that there is much more nuance and subtlety in a relationship you have with a woman.
And this raised bar applies if you’re a man or a woman.
Jeandra Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
and besides, women for the most part TALK more. that’s why you hear about it.
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WestIndianArchie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
@Jeandra,
True, dudes aren’t as vocal. But this is not one of those things a dude typically runs into on a regular basis.
If one of your “boys” gets out of pocket on the regular, you cut off contact.
The male world is usually simple in that regard.
Disrespect or disloyalty ends relationships.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
It’s not one crackpot on the internet saying this, but something almost all men notice.
i think whats happening here is that a few women are taking this entry personally…which is expected and somewhat justified. thing is, again, its not like i just pulled this theory out of my ass. most men (and, as we’ve seen here today) many woman feel the exactly same way. you can argue that this is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophesy, but you can’t argue the existence and validity of this commonly held notion.
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WestIndianArchie Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
@The Champ,
The crackpot comment wasn’t aimed at you, it’s just that it’s a typical retort – that these dudes on the internet are all lame and womanless, yadda, yadda, yadda.
And see how they invented a character and back story for the “crackpot”
But remember, the “personal is political”.
In mixed company, you have to assume that folks are going to take it to heart.
You can be chatting with your girl about something on TV, and if there’s an opportunity, she’ll ask you if something that you’re both seeing applies to her.
You – “I hope that obese woman on the medical channel getting the stomach surgery is okay”
her – “am i fat?”
You – “man that new Gt-R has some real clean lines, it’s sexy”
Her – “more than me?”
You – *stays silent*
Her – “Are you mad at me?”
Even the strongset woman can get self-conscious on you and need some encouragement.
It just seems to come at odd times.
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The Champ Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
The crackpot comment wasn’t aimed at you
i know. i was just expanding with your point (no romo)
lol, i wonder at what age sh*t like “no romo” will cease being funny to me. 35? 40? 62? who knows
CPT Callamity Reply:
January 13th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
I’m glad you said it. I was going to put an example of man to woman dialogue up but didn’t have the patience.
Thank you all! Now I feel appreciated
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Very late with my post but wanted to respond.
I have to completely disagree with your post Champ. I think you are using the word ‘friend’ very loosely. I think if you said that men are better ‘chill buddies’ or easier to get along with then I would agree with you wholeheartedly. However, I believe women make better friends for many reasons:
1) They are better listeners.
2) They are more empathetic.
3)For the very reason that you mention: men put their d*&ks first. Don’t have a serious problem and expect a man to drop everything for you. Which concludes that…
4) Women are more dependable
5) Guys can’t talk to other guys about really personal problems. Women are able to open up easily to both men and women, and men open up easier to a female friend.
6) You have a better chance of having your female friend return your calls than you do a guy.
If you take out women being overly dramatic and overly emotional (which is not always the case), you can count on a woman better than a man.
I say all of this even though I get along better with guys than I do with women (this is as a result of being one of 2 females in engineering). They made very great hanging out buddies and made me laugh easily, but that alone does not make them better friends. I cannot say that I can depend on them as I can my female friends.
Sorry Champie, but your logic is flawed IMHO. You should change the title to ‘why men are “great” friends”
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