“you’re always a student”
this statement, along with “never go down the up stairscase” and “eat bacon like noone is watching you” has always been one of my personal edicts. with this in mind, i’ve decided to celebrate verysmartbrothas.com 200th entry (damn!) by sharing a few of the relationship-related things ive learned in the past several years.
1. np (new p****) is overrated. seriously. the only thing that can potentially make np better is the concept of np and the realization that you’re actually getting some np. the np itself, though, usually pales in comparison to fp (familiar p****).
2. sh*t is better now, in every context imaginable. f*ck nostalgia.
3. women with their own names displayed anywhere on their bodies, whether its on a necklace or a tat or whatever, tend to be irrationally insecure and high-maintenance assholes.
4. men with their own names displayed anywhere on their bodies, whether its on a necklace or a tat or whatever, tend to be irrationally insecure and high-maintenance assholes.
and gay.
5. nice eyeglasses make women more attractive, potentially increasing their scores by at least a point and a half, and i have absolutely no idea why.
6. sunglasses have the opposite effect. in fact, i always feel that women rocking “stunna shades” are more likely to give random brains in bar bathrooms.
7. tasteful weave isn’t the worst thing in the world. just don’t be going from sinead…
…to sade
overnight and sh*t, and you’re good
8. the two best places/times to pick up women?
a) while shopping (anywhere, except whole foods)
b) while waiting in line (for anything)
the two worst?
a) the zoo
b) whole foods
9. what a woman likes and why she likes it is just as (if not more) important than what she’s like. basically, her fav book list holds much more resonance than her resume.
10. black men with tribal art tattoos tend to be cornballs…with no exceptions. theyre also more likely to dress like p* rn stars.
black women with tribal art tattoos tend to act like porn stars, unless, of course, they’re related to me.
11. the reason why most adult virgins are undateable has nothing to do with their virginity and everything to do with them letting their virginity completely define them. having a hymen doesn’t make you a freakin martyr.
12. a woman consistently laughing while you’re not even trying to be funny, or consistently not laughing while you’re trying to be funny means that she’s either completely unnerved (and turned on) by you or completely unattracted to you. theres no inbetween. sadly, i still haven’t been able to differentiate which from which. i guess i still have a bit more to learn.
so, people of vsb.com, share in the magnanimousness and sh*t.
what relationship-related things have you learned?
—the champ
Related posts:
- 12 things about sex i’ve learned since becoming an adult
- ten things i learned while at “the modern day matchmaker live in DC”
- 10 things i learned while in NYC for “the modern day matchmaker live”
- Still Black: 7 Things I Learned While Watching CNN’s Black In America 2
- the lightbulb: 8 simple inner “voila!” statements that would make vsb (and every other relationship advice website) obsolete
{ 371 comments… read them below or add one }
i’m gonna go ahead and say i love you for number 11.
and congratulations on your 200th post and sh*t.
i’ve learned a few things since i turned 21 a couple months ago:
1. men play games sometimes because they’re just as scared of getting hurt/rejected as women are. or because you just enjoy f*cking with a female’s mind.
2. you can get to the point where you’re no longer mad at someone who’s hurt you ie you can and will get over it.
3. when a dude alternates between pointedly ignoring you and sneaking looks at you when he thinks you’re not watching, he’s probably into you.
4. african men are pretty f*cking amazing in bed. especially when you introduce ice cubes in the mix.
5. nothing feels better than when a man looks you straight in the eye when he’s talking to you and you feel like there’s no one else in the room but the two of y’all.
i have more, but i have to return to reading about political science models. i heart being a student.
@puff,
LOL @ ur list and I agree with it all.
And #3 is hilarious b/c they do this same thing when they are in the 5th grade. LOL and they also pull ur hair when they like u. Which is something else that doesn’t change since elementary school. Dang, men are REALLY just overgrown children.
@Luvvie,
Dang, men are REALLY just overgrown children.
just men?
@puff,
THANK YOU for posting first and actually contributing to the topic of discussion, I hope you have started a trend.
1. men play games sometimes because they’re just as scared of getting hurt/rejected as women are. or because you just enjoy f*cking with a female’s mind.
the latter half of this statement makes that person a sociopath by definition. I apparently am a sociopath.
2. you can get to the point where you’re no longer mad at someone who’s hurt you ie you can and will get over it.
…unless you have two X chromosomes…
4. african men are pretty f*cking amazing in bed. especially when you introduce ice cubes in the mix.
…all I have to say is that I’m half-Nigerian and I approve this message.
THANK YOU for posting first and actually contributing to the topic of discussion, I hope you have started a trend.
lmao is it that serious?? me thinks not. while i’ve never contributed an “am i first?” post, i can’t help but SMH @ those who get their chones in a bunch over it…
@puff,
“4. african men are pretty f*cking amazing in bed. . ”
Apparently about 5 years ago I got the ONE wack azz Nigerian in the bunch, and I’ve been forever turned off…lol
It’s a no go.
@miss t-lee,
dang, really??? i’m sad to hear one of my countrymen let the team down. he may need to come back home and partake in some remedial training for that.
@puff,
LOL@ “remedial training”.
I completely agree. Ya’ll might need to strip him of his colors.
@miss t-lee,
Yes, this also saddens me. Don’t let him turn you off the rest of the Naijas tho. Give love (or lust) a chance
@Luvvie,
Nah…I truly think I’m done…this is sooo serious.
He’s the one with the footer than I sent home mid-stroke.
You remember the story…lol
@miss t-lee,
LMAO!!! I remember the mid-stroke ceasement of the secks story. A black day that was. Well, I’ont blame ya.
@Luvvie,
this naija boy isn’t too far away.
@puff
Number 5…really? I will so have to try that shit the next Im posted up with a chick somewhere….
Congratulations on #200!!!!!
**Special Edition 200th Entry Diva Dust ™**
for Champers, Peej and Liz-ster!
What I’ve learned about relationships:
1. Women, make your requirements and demands (within reason) clear. If he wants you, really wants you, he will step up to the plate and handle that bizznazz. If he doesn’t he’ll throw the deuces– and its time to move on.
2. K.I.S.S.- Keep It Simple, Stupid.
3. The one that ‘looks good on paper’ may not be the one for you. Usually, what made him look good on paper might end up being the downfall of your relationship.
4. Your respect matters more to him than anything else in the world.
5. Based on my best friend’s love story, the flame of TRUE LOVE never dies– regardless of what life throws at you.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
awwww, lub. Twooo lub. Normally I would mention my impending theft of the recently added 200th edition Diva Dust 2.0 – but this is sweet. lol!
@BlackBerry Molasses,
To #3 – *Faith Tabernacle Baptist Church of Christ Telling the Troof and Shaming Beelzebub A.M.E.*
@Luvvie,
I quit you for that church name. You hear me?!?! We DONE!
@blackberry molasses,
You cant quit me!! But I love you girl!! *grabs on to BBMo’s ankles*
@BlackBerry Molasses,
Great list. I personally experienced #3 and #5, when I kicked out #3, #5 came in to the rescue.
@SuperSula,
5. Based on my best friend’s love story, the flame of TRUE LOVE never dies– regardless of what life throws at you.
hmmmm….
@The Champ,
hmmmm….
Care to expound?
@SuperSula,
nope.
@The Champ,
Am I really surprised?
that college males are not men.
period.
not to take numbers from dudes who wear sunglasses in clubs.
(relationship related,maybe?)
that in order to get what I need,I have to say what I need.
(most times)
@MillieJ,
Her: That’s tacky, why do you have on sunglasses in the club?
Me: Because the sun is out when we leave beyotch!
This made me chuckle.
@Cornell Westside,
LMAO!!
@MillieJ,
that college males are not men.
what are they, then?
Happy 200th!! You going to Disneyland??
@Hostess,
only if, errr, when the black and gold win sunday
@The Champ,
I’m rooting for the black and gold on GP… the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Come next season, I will go back to not liking y’all.
@The Champ,
I think you need to rephrase that.
We WILL win on Sunday!!!!
If not, I will be really sad.
@miss t-lee,
Yeah, a dream deferred is a terrible thing. This coming from a Pats fan. My heart still hurts from last Feb. Its gonna take a few years to get over that.
Good luck to the Steelers though, I guess.
@Dom,
pats fans get no sympathy from me. rooting for them is like rooting for gonorrhea.
@The Champ,
*crying*
@The Champ,
Hey Hey! You’d better clean it up mister! Wait till Brady’s back in the game, you Steelers are going DOWN!
And I take back my well wishes for the Steelers too. I hope those ba*tards LOOOOOOOSE!
First of all, I’d like to Give honor to God, Passa, Everyones Everyones for yalls 200th post. I got a song, I’mo sing it. if you know it, feel free…
*purses lips*
“I’m gon tell you how good God’s been
I’mmmm gon tell you how good God’s been
The weather started getting ROUGH
The tiny ship was tossed
If it wasn’t for the courage of the crew
I’m talkin bout the Love Boat
Exciting and brand new
I said the Love boat (my Lawd)
A new adventure waiting for you
HEY now we’re up in the big leagues
Getting our turn at bat
As long as you forgot
It’s you and sweet Jesus
and AIN’T nothin wrong with that
I said we moving on UP!”
*bows* I hope yall like the song I dedicated to you on this here bloggersary.
@Luvvie,
LOL! U r crazy!
Btw that’s 1 of my fave parts from the Kangs!
@YGB,
lol…lol you are too crazy
@Luvvie,
thank you, sister odell
@Luvvie, LMAO… That is my favorite part of the Kings of Comedy! That and Bernie Mac’s “Him downstairs” bit. RIP BMAC
@Luvvie,
I love when Steve Harvey sings this.
Congrats on the 200th post, yall!! Keep that good stuff coming!!
Ok, relationship-wise, I’ve learned that if you come across a man that has big hands and big feet, it just means he needs irregular size gloves and his shoes cost more. No truth to the myth. (minus the exceptions to the rule)
(wish somebody would have imparted that knowledge to me YEARS ago, lol)
@RedBeanzNRice,
You also forgot that if he has big feet, it means he needs bigger socks.
@RedBeanzNRice,
in my *personal* experience (read: in my prolly was too loose days) I learned that shorter men have what those men with big hands and feet are rumored to have, but in actuality DON’T have.
why again when I come here I tell too much of my personal business?
@Cheryl,
*co-signing*
happy 200th post! i’d say i’ve learned:
1. (for the ladies) no man can make you confused or crazy when you know what you want.
2. you have to be willing to hold out for what you want or you won’t ever get it. in other words, don’t let your part-time job become your full-time job.
3. love is not a guarantee or an exchange. just because the say it doesn’t mean they can handle it or is willing or able to step up to the plate. love is more than 3 little words.
4. true love begets more love.
@blackroot,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
@blackroot,
Welcome!!!!
**Special Edition 200th Post Diva Dust ™**
@blackroot,
welcome!!!
*Special Limited Edition Platinum Shooting Stars*
@blackroot,
AMEN to #2.
This is one of those lessons that I keep “learning” only to quickly forget once I’m bored.
And I disagree with the Champion on that laughing one. When I laugh/don’t laugh inappropriately its usually cuz I’m pretending to listen when I really wasnt. I just have a short attention span, doesn’t mean I don’t like him.
Me: Mua-ahah-a-haha!
Him: I said I got fired. The hell are you laughing for?
Me: Uhh… *blank stare*
What have I learned
the most important lesson.. never assume.. dont assume you are the woman, dont assume she knows you date other women, dont assume he’s straight… if it aint been said outright in black and white.. your probably wrong in your assumption
no one can read minds.. no he doesnt just know that white roses are your favorite, or that yellow is your favorite color, or why you are mad etc.. and same for fellas.. if you want it ask for it….
you can never tell a person how to feel or how to act.. if you f!ck up you cant tell the other person how mad to get etc or how serious to take it etc.. but
forgiveness..you have to forgive those ninjas that wronged you in the past, you have to forgive your SO when they make stupid mistakes….
and by forgiveness I mean really do it, not just say it an then throw it up everytime you get made or have an argument.. ( I dont count cheating as a mistake that can be included in this category)
@Shay-d-lady,
Ok you just bout ruined my morning w/ “Don’t assume he is straight”. *Sigh* This be ringin too true nowadays. All these dudes are Ne-yos
@Shay-d-lady,
love it!
I co-sign all’a this.
also.. dont ever hold a person to a higher expectation than you hold yourself (or a lower one)
and a relationship cannot exist where there is no trust…..
also I disagree with the name tattoo… LOL of course that is because I have one but I am not insecure or high maintenance.. the other part is subjective…so depending on who you ask
@Shay-d-lady,
also I disagree with the name tattoo…LOL of course that is because I have one but I am not insecure or high maintenance
methinks…
…the lady doth protest too much
LOL
Congrats on the 200th post!! Looking forward to reading 200 more.
Now…what I’ve learned…
1. You can’t make anyone like/love you. And if they don’t, don’t take it personal.
2. Communication is key. Especially someone’s love language. (Google 5 love languages)
3. Don’t compare your relationship to others. The grass may look greener, but you don’t know how much manure they put on there to get it to look that way.
4. Sex is overrated and intimacy is underrated.
5. You reap what you sow.
@Right Her,
All are true…but #4 resonates.
@Right Her,
“Sex is overrated and intimacy is underrated”
that comment is too nice (nice in this sentence is used in the Hip Hop sense as in “Blackmilk’s beats are too nice”, dont get it twisted) and so true.
@sisanda,
what you know about Blackmilk?
@Humble_One,
Not much, except that His the best producer for the whole of 2008 period (yes better than your favourite producer as well), Tronic was one of the best albums released last year, and he totaly killed the Elzhi album too.
P.S EMC (Masta Ace,Big Strick,Puncline,Wordsworth)was the best album of 2008 in my opnion.
@sisanda,
I agree. Its crazy to see where he is now. I remember seeing him around here and now dude is international. Elzhi’s album was nice. Motown 25 is the best song I heard last year.
@Right Her,
Chuuuch. Specially 3 and 4.
@Right Her,
I agree with this list…#3 and #4 are the TRUTH
@Right Her,
YESSS! If this list was a drink, it’d be my early morning French Vanilla Hot Cocoa.
@Right Her,
love this list!
@Right Her,
I love this list!
But I would have probably worded #4 differently. I don’t think s3x is overrated at least for me. But I do think that true intimacy enhance s3x and great s3x is a strong bond in a solid relationship.
It’s kinda like a catch-22 thing.
@SuperSula, good point
@Right Her, @# 3…Let the Chuch say AMEN!!
@Right Her, I wonder how many men (lousy men/great lovers) does a woman go thru before seeing#4? I feel half in not most dont believe no. 4…all I know is no woman kept a lousy man around that wasnt one of her BETTER lovers. Somehwere she feels his maturity or her value is on the same plane as his dick game…sad. I say this as one of my homegirls another one of these “mature” way past 21 independent types is having a married mans baby..I bet he was better than “ok” in the bed!!!!
I’ve learned that lost love does not rekindle and likely for good reason.
I’ve learned that vulnerability ensures that love is earnest.
I’ve learned that conditional love is a mask for distrust.
I’ve learned that I do not seek out love due to lonliness, but in order to be my best self.
I’ve learned that I am capable of giving love expecting nothing in return and, therefore, should not anger if I receive only that.
I’ve learned that losing control is not the worst thing.
I’ve learned that those with whom I’ve shared love will remember me fondly in spite of how the situation ends.
I’ve learned that I’m better for the experience.
Happy 200th, VSB.
@Resident GRitS,
Sheeeeiiiit, you learned all of that frm VSB!!!
if only VSB was the Board exams, then less people would need me to bail them out n sh*t
@Resident GRitS,
I came out of peeping from the corner to say, that was a great list! Very truthful especially the fifth statement. It all made me feel like I was reading something by Khalil Gibran…
Happy 200th post!!!
@CoCoPuffs,
…thanks and sh*t.
@CoCoPuffs,
welcome and sh*t
@CoCoPuffs,
Welcome!!!
**Special Edition 200th Entry Diva Dust ™**
@CoCoPuffs,
*stops thinking about cereal*
Welcome!!!
*Special Limited Edition Platinum Shooting Stars*
@SouthernGirl,
WOW, I get the special limited edition platinum shooting stars?!?! I feel so special and sh*t…
@Resident GRitS,
love this list. awesomeness.
I have learned that you can not un-close-bus anyone, well I haven’t learned that, just has been reinforced. My pu$$y , though vanglorious, cannot change that . Nuff said. Luckily right now I am in a situation (finally) in which I am the luxury AND reliable car with shiny paint job and smooth fat a$$ed ‘sawf’ leather seats, and dang it I deserve it after dealing with the horrible-ness that is the NC dating pool…. I earned this sh*t….
P.S. Vodka and Red Bull is the devil and is a lie, the truth ain’t in it…. don’t ask….
@Extra-Strength Alise, PM,
The dating pool here sucks sour pickled eggs!!!!
@Extra-Strength Alise, PM,
“vanglorious”
*yelling*
Sisssssssies!!!!
@miss t-lee,
I thought I was the only one that used that word. I say ti regularly. Its on my plate at the Flying Saucer.
@Deviant,
Love it mayne!
@Extra-Strength Alise, PM,
You betta SAY THAT!!! YESSS!!! *doing liturgy dance*
@Extra-Strength Alise, PM,
I agree… the NC dating pool is the tar pits!
Let me take this intermission to just say to the VSB crew
“You guys are my African american’s!!!” (Al Sharpten prefered term of endearment for the slave descendants residing in modern day Amrica)
Thanks to you i have learnt how to be a VSB a Very Sen(sual) Brotha, and now i’ve set loose the freak in me a la Mclovin.
and to all the ladies right herrrr, thanks for proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that yall are as…..beautiful beings as i had hope you all were, after listening to all your comments you have completely restord my faith in women (**looking to see if anyone bought that**)
Viva VSB viva!!!
@sisanda,
From all the VSSs, I say thank ya kindlay. We dig yall VSBs too
@sisanda,
this was one of the best and scariest comments we’ve ever had here at vsb. thanks and sh*t
@sisanda,
layin it on pretty thick there, aren’t cha? but thanks for the love anyways…
@sisanda, lmao. *sigh*
I like numbers 5 and 8
Glasses on a female just does it for me, all day everyday, keep’em on in bed and all that!
And I’ve met alot of females while shopping. Not chillin in the mall but actually looking through a rack of clothes and what not.
On a seperate note, I’ve learned from Champ and Panama that if you want to create a community of young, inteligent, like minded adults, all you have to do is get on your grind and do it. So that’s what I did, and I went and created my own little blog or whatever. I won’t post the link because I don’t want to come off like a leach. But on the real thanks for the internet inspiration.
Yall are the best for a reason!
@MDUBB,
Hehe you win the “Most modest shameless plug of the day” Award. Kudos. Now I have no other choice but to go check out ur eCrib
@MDUBB,
On a seperate note, I’ve learned from Champ and Panama that if you want to create a community of young, inteligent, like minded adults, all you have to do is get on your grind and do it. So that’s what I did, and I went and created my own little blog or whatever. I won’t post the link because I don’t want to come off like a leach. But on the real thanks for the internet inspiration.
damn. thanks man.
おめでとうございます。Happy 200th post VSB. May you enjoy many more!
@ Champ
Why shouldn’t one meet (look for) women at Whole Foods? If you discussed this in a previous post please excuse me. I’m new here.
@MillieJ
“not to take numbers from dudes who wear sunglasses in clubs.
(relationship related,maybe?)”
LOL. I can’t stand that. Even when celebrities do it. Fashion should be somewhat functional. Shades at 11 pm have no purpose.
@Ms. Hall,
@ Champ
Why shouldn’t one meet (look for) women at Whole Foods? If you discussed this in a previous post please excuse me. I’m new here.
whole foods (like a gallery crawl or a borders) has become one of those cliched places where some people go just to potentially meet promising members of the opposite sex. next time you go, pay attention and you’ll see just as many people in there walking in circles people watching as actually buying food
basically, my point is that its best to approach and pick women up when theyre not expecting to get approached and picked up
so so very true.
@The Champ,
this was a revelation… i always wondered why peoples were in my way looking lost when i was trying to buy my daily jicama and lime.
@blackberry molasses,
jicama and lime.
you buy this everyday?
@The Champ,
Jicama is pretty tasty… Get with the program.
@The Champ,
“Antioxidants… very important.”
1000 cool points for the person who can tell me where that’s from
And yes, almost every day. Its like my drug.
@The Champ,
starts the *Human beat box*
Congrats on your 200th. When I grow up, I want to be just like you.
People who wear sunglasses in the club are idiots.
I’ve learned:
1. That 2 am phone call is not from a guy….
2. Don’t take a man’s word for it when he says he’s very good looking. (** blind dates **)
3. Men who brag about their girth are liars.
4. Super dads get on my dayum nerves. (but I’m in no way promoting men that do NOT take care of their children)
5. Celibacy saves me from heartbreak.
6. A great place to meet a man is at a child’s sporting event.. thank GOD my homegirls have kids I can borrow. LOL
@Nicki Sunshine,
“People who wear sunglasses in the club are idiots.”
I prefer the term “classless entities”, an insult borrowed from my Mom, who is a bottomless pit of insult that make you rethink ur life. She has also called people “nonentities” (as in, your exist is minute and you don’t even deserve a name), and “foolish bastards”. That one hurts my feelings when she tells it 2 some1 else. just DAYUM. African parents sholly know how 2 insult folks.
Oh where was I? Ah yes. Sunglasses in the club means you’re a moron who can’t see.
@Luvvie,
African parents sholly know how 2 insult folks.
this is true. they are the masters of not only the cleverly worded verbal insults, but the non-verbal ones as well… my mom’s side eye is SO MEAN, it makes grown men cry. and when she sucks her teeth at you… you KNOWED YOU F***ED UP.
@Luvvie, I love your mama! LOL
@Nicki Sunshine,
4. Super dads get on my dayum nerves. (but I’m in no way promoting men that do NOT take care of their children)
lol…i think i’m gonna need you to expound with this one, ms sunshine
@The Champ, LOL.. they never have enough time, they’re always doing an activity with their kid AND all they do is talk about their child!!!!
First of all…what is wrong with Whole Foods?
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…., i was wondering the same thing.
@Leila,
Too many pretentious people. Who the hell pays $4 for a box of whole grain organic pasta?
@Dom, not I, that’s why I opt for Trader Joes
awwwww i <3 TJs too
@A Plus, I like Trader Joes, too. It’s more convenient for me to go to WF than TJ…
WFs is more convenient distance wise but TJs is more convenient finance wise. so TJs always wins. unless i’m in the mood for WFs gluten free chocolate cookies. those are bomb.
@Outrageous G.E.M., WF also makes some really good vegan backed goods…like really really good.
Yeah, TJ is financially better, but I would have to drive at least 25 minutes to get there, and I would rather drive 6-8 minutes to WF. TJ usually only happens on the weekends b/c of the distance. Speaking of which, it is time for me to make that trek….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
There is no TJ around these parts. But HEB and Kroger have a really good organic sections when Whole Foods prices get ridiculous.
The best bet is Farmers’ markets anyways. Cheap, fresh and local.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
**cutting and pasting comment from above**
whole foods (like a gallery crawl or a borders) has become one of those cliched places where some people go just to potentially meet promising members of the opposite sex. next time you go, pay attention and you’ll see just as many people in there walking in circles people watching as actually buying food.
basically, my point is that its best to approach and pick women up when theyre not expecting to get approached and picked up
@The Champ, You are right
Everytime I am there shopping or picking up lunch, I see random men and women just walking around aimlessly not picking up a thing to purchase. And if they do purchase something, it’s a soda, or a cookie or something…SMDH!! silly people getting in the way, making the likes long just so they can scope out some potentials…smh!!
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
and i know for certain that this happens because i was one of those random men, lol
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
I second that question. The Champ, please expound and sh*t.
Edit: Ok never mind. I should have gone down the post before asking the question.
“11. the reason why most adult virgins are undateable has nothing to do with their virginity and everything to do with them letting their virginity completely define them. having a hymen doesn’t make you a freakin martyr.”
Negro you ain’t NEVER lied!
Women don’t want solutions to their problems. They just want someone to listen while they vent and comfort them during their time of vulnerability.
@Jarrod Halsey, Women don’t want solutions to their problems. They just want someone to listen while they vent and comfort them during their time of vulnerability.
Very very true. We are simple that way
@Suga&Spice,
“We are simple that way”
Umm now THAT is a falsity. Women are a lot of things, but simple, we are not. Even I gotta admit it.
But I do agree that we just want to vent. We don’t want you being like “well you coulda handled it better”. That would warrant an evil glare.
i’m a person whofrequently delivers unadulterated reality checks and i like when ppl do the same for me. if i wanted to vent just for the hell of venting, i’d get a pet or make friends with a deaf mute. if i have an actual problem or issue, i find comfort and nurturing in getting feedback–be it good or bad– on the situation.
Happy 200th!
“black women with tribal art tattoos tend to act like porn stars, unless, of course, they’re related to me.”
Or they’re me.
Regarding relationships, I’ve learned…
Prioritize. Relationships are important. Just not all of em
Removing the distance from a long distance relationship just makes it long, not necessarily better.
People DON’T change, circumstances do and you have to be willing to change them
You never really know a guy until you’re carryin his child
If you don’t lose yourself in a relationship, you won’t have to find yourself later
Sometimes it’s you. That’s okay. You can “fix” yourself if you start before you’re broken
and
The time between relationships is just as important if not more than the relationship.
@Imperfect,
“black women with tribal art tattoos tend to act like porn stars, unless, of course, they’re related to me.”
Or they’re me.
***nodding in direction of reply to comment #10***
@Imperfect, “You never really know a guy until you’re carryin his child” isnt that somewhat of a counterproductive way of having the child? So now that he really isnt going to buy those clothes and get the pampers you see he was never confident just selfish…if you (or the women who have done this) werent in denial BEFORE the kid I cant see why then having his baby is what really clears things up. So he showed nothing of his asshole tendencies-not once, never? Maybe, but I still dont buy it. ALL men show some sign of their imaturity. But between toes curling and his ride and what yall get “accustomed to” I guess yall cant see it. Now if I had a baby by some big butt-no waist airhead then went to gripe about her “character flaws” what I say would the women think of me and my choice in women?
If you want a good mate, check the condition of their heart, and their character. Most things come from the inside out.
Everyone should follow the addage ‘make sure they love you more than you love them’ Where love is a verb that means giving someone what they need when they need it. And the love you receive means so much more to you than the effortless love you give. (shucks even as I write this it isn’t quite coming across as I mean it. I mean it could go either way) But try wrapping you mind around giving love because you want to do it so bad and the received love is just the bees knees?
the sound of heels on a hard floor (w/ just the right timing) and the flowing hem of a skirt or dress always command my attention unless they are on a guy and two fragrances make me loose it.
The Champ is this truly kosher (the game is to be sold not told?) Awwe I’m lost. Welp time for this meeting. Later Oh yeah HAPPY 200TH!!!!!!!!! WOOO HOOOO! YEAH!!!! *passes the VSB crew Trophy* & Happy Chineese New Year (year of the ox)
@WuDaMan,
The Champ is this truly kosher (the game is to be sold not told?) Awwe I’m lost. Welp time for this meeting. Later Oh yeah HAPPY 200TH!!!!!!!!! WOOO HOOOO! YEAH!!!! *passes the VSB crew Trophy* & Happy Chineese New Year (year of the ox)
vsb.com: where wudaman is wudaman
I have learned that you can continue to learn the more you listen (read) to the experiences of fellow VSB’s and VSS’s. Gaining new perspective is always a good thing.
Congrats on the 200th…Keep puttin’ in work.
@Monk,
thanks and sh*t
Happy 200th VSB!!!!!!!!!!
@Intellectual Hedonist,
thanks and sh*t
“5. nice eyeglasses make women more attractive, potentially increasing their scores by at least a point and a half, and i have absolutely no idea why.
12. a woman consistently laughing while you’re not even trying to be funny, or consistently not laughing while you’re trying to be funny means that she’s either completely unnerved (and turned on) by you or completely unattracted to you. theres no inbetween. sadly, i still haven’t been able to differentiate which from which. i guess i still have a bit more to learn.”
I knew there was a reason I always spent a grip on my eyewear. Go me!!!!
Yes Champ, you gotta learn the difference. This is so true. I’m a giggler…especially if I’m feeling a kat…whoo!!!
Things I’ve learned?
When you’re not in the game, you’ll get more chances than ever to actually be in the game and you’ll turn them all down, because you’re more selective. Things that were once so important to you (be all/end alls), aren’t as important as they once were.
@miss t-lee,
“i’m a giggler”
perfect t-shirt quote right there
@right her
that has to be the truest ish ever right there.
congrats on 200 posts VSB…keep it coming.
@akua…asankofaqueen,
welcome and sh*t (i think).
@akua…asankofaqueen,
Welcome!!!!
**Special Edition 200th Post Diva Dust ™**
And you have an awesome name, Ms. Born on ___ day. Like me
Happy 200th!!!
I’ve learned….
1. That there is nothing wrong with being selective and having standards. If he can’t live up to those standards, or doesn’t want to live up to them…let him be, let him go, and keep it moving.
2. Love is a verb….
3. Settling is for suckas….
4. Self-respect and self-love is so much more important to your well-being than any respect or love you may receive from others.
5. Men really are not as hard as they want us to believe.
6. Forgiveness heals old wounds, and allows you to move on from the past. Holding a grudge does not hurt him, it only hurts you, and blocks your blessings.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
2. Love is a verb….
please expound
well you see, Champ, it’s quite simple. this thing we call a “verb” is a word that expresses an action or state of being….
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
sounds about right to me, GEM….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
2. Love is a verb….
this REALLY needs to be on a t-shirt.
Happy 200th VSB!!!
@Leila,
thanks and sh*t
Congrats fellas!!!
1. No matter how perfect your relationship seems, nothing can keep a man from straying. If that’s what he wants to do he will.
2. If a guy ever tells you, “I ain’t ish,” believe him and run away! Don’t feel sorry for him thinking you can save him. You CAN’T change a man; however, you can help him change if that’s what he truly wants to do.
3. There’s no reason to get angry with brothas who date outside of their race. If he’s not with you he’s not for you. And just because he dates outside of his race doesn’t mean he doesn’t want a sista. A lot of brothas are waiting for the right woman to bring them “home.” Lol.
4. It’s best being in a relationship with someone who you’d be friends with whether you were dating or not.
5. In a relationship you should always laugh more than you argue.
6. Even if you’re right all the time, you don’t always have to prove it. You gotta let folks win arguments sometimes for the sake of peace.
7. Don’t be the pain in the a$$ friend. Your girl’s boyfriend should always think you’re cool and you should be cordial with him even if you can’t stand him. It’s likely he’ll respect you. It’ll make her life easier and as a bonus he might have a worth while friend he could set you up with. Lol. Not to mention, when people you don’t particularly care for respect you, it says a lot about your character.
@Voiceofreason,
“3. There’s no reason to get angry with brothas who date outside of their race. If he’s not with you he’s not for you. And just because he dates outside of his race doesn’t mean he doesn’t want a sista. A lot of brothas are waiting for the right woman to bring them “home.” Lol.”
A lot of times the brother that dates outside of his race tried to stick to his own. His own wasn’t feeling him.
@Humble_One,
Very true. I have a close friend who always says that since Black women don’t want him, he doesn’t want them. Who else is he supposed to date if most Black women he wants won’t give him a chance?
@Voiceofreason,
that’s interesting and unfortuante….what if most women of other races he wants won’t give him a chance?
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
That usually doesn’t happen. It seems that other races are more open to some black dudes in their teens and early to mid 20s. That is the age black women don’t want these dudes. When black women get to their late 20s and older then they want the dude they dissed when they were 18-25. I have never dated outside my race but have friends that have. I can tell you by observation and hanging out with them that some of them do go about things little bit different than black women.
@Humble_One,
I can tell you by observation and hanging out with them that some of them do go about things little bit different than black women.
What are these things that are different? I’m just curious b/c I don’t have any male friends who actively dated outside the race, and about 6 months ago, one of my girls started dating a white guy, but for different reasons than you listed for why black men date outside.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
The biggest difference is that they wanted to just have fun with you. The physical attarction is there but they are more into you as a person. When I would hang out with them its never – you should be doing this or that for me. If its a get together they bring the smoke and drink. Where as some black women are looking for you to do it. I have also noticed that some black women not from the US also have this cool attitude. My friends that dated outside of their race would talk to a black woman that wasn’t from the U.S.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
He finds it much easier to date Caucasian women. He says they’re more approachable and express more interest in him than Black women. He thinks it’s because of the way he looks and his personality. He’s an attractive guy, but he’s not tall and he’s really goofy. But he’s very intelligent, funny, and successful at a young age. I personally don’t understand why he doesn’t have much luck with Black women because I think he’s great. Plus he’s straight and lives in Atlanta. I feel like a lot of it is all in his head. He insists I feel this way because I’m a lot different compared to other Black women. Who knows???
@Voiceofreason,
The fact that he’s a straight black man living in Atlanta should make him a black-woman- magnet!! He sounds like a catch to me, it’s interesting that he doesn’t have much luck with black women….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
Thank you! He’s definitely a catch. I think he sees himself as who he used to be instead of the man he is now, which is why he feels he can’t meet Black women. Did that make sense?
@Humble_One,
A lot of times the brother that dates outside of his race tried to stick to his own. His own wasn’t feeling him.
i think alot of people would be surprised at how much this occurs.
@The Champ,
I would be.
@pgh muse,
So would I. A lot of those guys are just quitters with low self-esteem tryna blame it on the ONE black chick who wasn’t feeling them in 1999. Get over it.
@Dom,
LOL! That’s what I tell my boy! He says if he could meet a woman like me he’d marry her. I try to tell him that there are plenty of black women like me, but we’re not brazen like alot of 2520s. He’s actually gonna have to stop being lazy and do some of the work. Women like me are far more subtle. Not to mention if you’ve been attracted to 25 black women in your life and 250 white women, you’ll have more luck with 2520s based on numbers alone.
@Voiceofreason,
He’s actually gonna have to stop being lazy and do some of the work
thats the thing. whats the point in “working” for women who havent been attracted to him, when there’s other options that dont take any work at all?
@The Champ,
He’s almost given up on Black women because of experiences that happened in the past. He’s at a point where he won’t even approach Black women for fear of what might happen. When I say “work” I mean actually put your best foot forward to get the woman you want. He’s told me he doesn’t have to be at his best when approaching White women, and I attribute that to laziness.
@Dom,
there are people who’ll use a single past experience as there justification for current behavior.
thing is, i personally know of at least one guy who was dissed and called lame by black women, basically from middle school on. he was cool…just quiet and a bit quirky, but always into black woman. thing is, once he got to college, he started getting rhythm from white women. since then, he’s basically dated nothing but white woman exclusively, and to be honest, i cant blame him.
sh*t like this happens more than we think. i mean, seriously, how long to you expect a dude to wait and how hard does he have to try and prove he’s not “lame” before its ok for him to be like “f*ck it”, and move on?
@The Champ,
So…like most kids, he was a little lame in middle school thru high school. Most young boys are silly and lame. But then he became an adult, and decided that the black women in college are exactly like his middle school classmates some 6 years previous, and decided to just go for white women, b/c he was a dorky kid and got treated like it…like a large majority of boys until the reach puberty?
Did he date any black women in college, or just decided the pain from middle school and high school was just to great for him to even try? Personally, I have no problem with interracial dating…I just have a problem with the excuses…hell, I could name a 1001 reasons I should never date a black man again, starting from middle school to present. But why would I want to generalize and demonize an entire group b/c of something that used to happen, something perpetrated by only a few… anyway, I hope your boy is happy….
@The Champ,
If he is consistantly called a lame by multiple black women, at different stages of his life then maybe he really is a lame! Lol! JK
But really, if he was so in to black women he’d still pursue them. I take issue with black men who use incidents from middle/high school with a select group of black women as an excuse to rule out and entire race. Especailly when those women look just like them, their mammas, aunties, cousins, etc.
Its a pathetic excuse.
Back in middle/high school the black guys were giving me NO type of love. Regularly passing me over for the Beckys and the Sue’s. Did it kill my attraction to back men? No. Did it give me a complex that all black men found me lame? No. I just understand that those were formative years, and I’ve done alot of growing and changing since then. They should do the same, or at least stop trying to put their BS back on us.
But my thing is, what does it matter who he dates?
I think not being a Black American woman, I have a very hard time understanding this.
I abhor anybody dating someone different of them because of self-esteem issues, but when someone just happened to like the white/yellow/red/purple person who was there, I don’t see any issues.
Is it more “proprietary” in the sense “you should date me because you look like me” or is it more “how can you betray me by dating the oppressor (white mate in this case)”? I can kinda understand the latter (just kinda) but in that case yellow/purple/red/blue should be ok. I have a hard time with the first one. Love is love is love, IMHO and if you can find it with a green, ET look alike martian, more power to you.
@SuperSula…,
I agree with you…thing is, what Champ is describing isn’t that the guy just happens to fall in love with every white women he meets. He is choosing a certian group b/c of what happened to him in the past. My past includes black men being more hateful against the color of my skin than a lot their white counterparts. And I know all black men are not like this, and I do not seek to exclusively date white men b/c of it. I have dated both white and black men…on a whole, white men never had a problem with my afro and my brown skin, and white men liked my dreads b4 they started getting a little length. And yet, I have not completely excluded black men from my dating pool or the chance for me to fall in love with them….
@SuperSula,
I feel the same way. Love is Love. Its hard no matter what color you are.
All I’m saying is dont try to put the blame on black women for said situation. Thats not fair. And it seems the black men who do so consistantly have some sort of self-esteem issue. At least the ones I know personally anyway.
@N.I.A fabuloussince1982… & @Dom.
I gotcha girlies. If you do because of your own complex of inferiority then you are a lame.
“But really, if he was so in to black women he’d still pursue them.”
this is the thing that i think many women fail to understand. for the most part, guys like simple. not necessarily “easy”…but simple. for a guy in that situation, choosing women that have actually expressed a desire to be with him is the simple choice. plus, after a while, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. women are attracted to confidence, and confidence is built primarily from success. if a person has never had any type of success with a group of people, its not a stretch to see how they dont have any confidence with that group either.
i think a couple of these comments are minimizing the effect that a person’s interaction with the opposite sex as a youth has on them as an adult. i’m not saying that everybody should let what happened to them in 12th grade define them, but i can understand how repeated events can shape someones worldview.
@pgh muse,
Really? I’ve always felt this was the main reason. But then again, I’ve always had a tendency to ask men why they do it.
@The Champ, “A lot of times the brother that dates outside of his race tried to stick to his own. His own wasn’t feeling him.
i think alot of people would be surprised at how much this occurs.
I know exactly how much this occurs…I spent 3 years in Ohio and watched black men completely disregard black women in bars and clubs, and head straight for white women. These same men would be offended if my girls and I ever did the same, and headed straight to the white guys, but I digress….
what’s interesting is how black women continue to want to be with black men even when we are rejected by our own…sexism, colorism, other isms that black men perpetrate against black women…and yet, on the whole, black women rarely date another race exclusively…it’s interesting….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
and yet, on the whole, black women rarely date another race exclusively…it’s interesting
i addressed this in an entry several months ago. i think it basically comes down to not thinking they’re attractive to or not being attracted to other races of men, instead of the “racial loyalty” that some women like to cite.
@The Champ, “i addressed this in an entry several months ago. i think it basically comes down to not thinking they’re attractive to or not being attracted to other races of men, instead of the “racial loyalty” that some women like to cite.”
I tend to agree with both points here. It’s unfortunate, b/c I know for a fact many European men (Germans, some Italians, some Spanish, and some Britons) love black women. Honestly, those women who don’t think they’re attractive enough for men of other races may not think they’re attractive enough for black men, especially if they pay attention to popular media sources in this country. According to the majority in this American society, black women rank on the bottom of the attractiveness scale, so it makes sense for some black women to think they aren’t attractive to other races if not even their own race finds them attractive.
But I wonder, are these black women really not attracted to men of other races, or are they just afraid to take that step for fear of rejection, based on the things I stated earlier? Other than Robert De Niro, President Obama is probably the only man of any race or ethnicity, seen on television who openly loves and adores a black woman. And for those women who do not have that example in their own lives, who doesn’t see that type of love directed toward the black women in their circle, nor directed towards her, then what do you expect? Of course she doesn’t think she’s attractive to other races.
I think I may have lost my point somewhere….
but in closing, any black person who uses a few past incidences or assumed stereotypes to indict an entire gender of black folk is just as ignorant and guilty as a white person who uses a few past incidences or stereotypes to indict the entire group of African-Americans.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…., yo…youve got dreads huh? I think that is so sexy, I am so into sistahs that got that natural beauty, wherever you are, im jus telln yo all the brothas aint sold out in this world.some of us still know wat its hittin for.
@Humble_One,
why is dating outside of your race even an issue?
@Deviant,
The topic came up in my original post because I said it shouldn’t be an issue. This is because I know it IS an issue for some Black women, but they should learn that it isn’t.
@Voiceofreason,
gotcha
I think Champ got 2, 3, 5, and 7 from my list. LOL.
Things i have learned
1. A woman will give you sex before she will give you money
2. Women are more cheap than men.
3. Dudes that trick (Speculators) ruin the game by artificially raising the price of sex.
4. Having a woman that is supportive is more important than anything else.
5. Too many people believe there own BS.
6. Too many people play games with themselves.
7. The more attractive the female is the more BS you have to put up with. This also may coincide with her chest and rear end size.
8. Spoiling girls when raising them is borderline child abuse. They grow up to non-functioning adults.
9. People will beg you to tell them what they want to hear.
10. When someone shows you who they are believe them.
@Humble_One,
“10. When someone shows you who they are believe them.”
Hehe this line made me picture Madea doing the impersonation of Maya Angelou saying it. LMAO! But umm yeah its a true statement
@Humble_One,
1. True
2. True
3. Maybe, but this is offset by the number of cluckers giving up the goods for a cheeseburger.
4. Chuuch.
5. Why shouldn’t we? Believing my b.s. is better than believing someone else’s.
6. I don’t see how you could ever have too many people who play with themselves. It’s very relaxing.
*re-reads sentence*
Ooh, never mind.
7. I think the better correlation is how attractive the woman *thinks* she is.
8. Nonsense.
9. Chuuch.
10. Double Chuuuuch.
@Lil’T,
8. Nonsense.
Oh really? Well replace girls with boys and tell me its nonsense.
@Humble_One,
Did I say nonsense? I meant to say allsense. Specially if you’re talkin’ bout them boys. Then again, I see more superwomen and grown “boys” than I do little helpless princesses and supermen. If that makes any sense at all, lol.
@Lil’T,
Funny thing is, I don’t know a whole lot of these “grown boys” personally. I’ve seen them on the street or in passing, but they’re not in my circle. Fact is, I know just as many dudes who grown men who are handling their business as I do women.
In fact, I probably know more dudes than women who are doing the damn thing right now.
Maybe this is just the circle of people I associate with. I don’t know….
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
I’m coming to be where you are, cuz the opposite is true where I’m at. There was just a murder tally in Allegheny county publicized in the paper… and it’s ridiculous the percentages of black men still killing themselves and just generally self-destructing.
@pgh muse,
I’m coming to be where you are, cuz the opposite is true where I’m at
phillynegro is just alluding to something i suggested a couple weeks ago: dudes with there sh*t together know other dudes with their sh*t together. i mean, i can honestly say the same thing, that i know of more “good” black dudes in the burgh than “good” black chicks, and every guy i know will say the same thing.
basically, the idea of a “shortage” or “crisis” depends on your circle and your perspective.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
But we all know that you are a mature and hard working man, so I wouldn’t really expect you to flock with the Lost Boys. Kinda like I don’t have any cluckers in my inner circle. But you know dey out there, riiight?
@Lil’T,
True indeed sis; true indeed. I thought you were saying that in general, there are more women doing the right thing than men. I misinterpreted your statement.
@Lil’T,
I agree with #8 being Nonsense. And your general approval rating of this list.
@Lil’T,
your assessment had me rolling!!! especially number 6 since I am the Deaconness of the CoSL (Church of Self Love).
And number 8….
being that I am an only child and a girl, people naturally assume I’m spoiled. I’m not spoiled. I was **responsibly** indulged and now I’m ENTITLED. There is a HUGE difference.
@Humble_One,
Amen a hundred times to number 8. I’m so grateful to my parents for being (occasionally) hard on me and teaching me that i can’t just expect to get sh*t in life just because. seeing women who don’t know how to give or what it means to compromise makes the “game” a lot more complicated than it needs to be.
@Humble_One,
7. The more attractive the female is the more BS you have to put up with. This also may coincide with her chest and rear end size.
lol…maybe it just makes us more willing to put up with the bullsh*t
@Humble_One,
4. Having a woman that is supportive is more important than anything else.
“i do believe in you! i believe you’re gonna fail!” lol
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
Thats Dewey’s wife in Walk hard right? That sh!t was funny
lmao yes!! i just saw that movie for the 1st time last week. hilarity.
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
I tried to tell people when that movie came out to go see it. No one believed me. Tim Meadows was funny as hell in it.
Congrats on your 200th.
Things I’ve learned
1) The only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were
2) Just because he’s a “good black man” doesn’t mean he’s good for you
3) As N.I.A so eloquently stated.. settling is for suckas
4) Always listen to your gut, it’ll never steer you wrong
5) Marriage will not improve your relationship. If some aspect of your relationship is janky before marriage, the jankiness will increase ten-fold after marriage.
@sweetTea,
1) The only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were
Being alone ain’t always bad because it allows you to work on urself. Hell, get a hobby. Why r folks so afraid to be by themselves?
@Luvvie,
True. Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely. I always wonder if people who can’t be alone love themselves.
@Luvvie, this brings up a good point (and maybe a future post, *hint hint) why are some people afraid of being alone?? some of my girlfriends hop from one relationship to another, and have hardly ever been single! if you have no alone time, how will you ever get to know yourself and grow / develop as a person….
maybe it’s just me….i have been single for helluva long time
@Luvvie,Voiceofreason,A Plus,
I agree with you being alone isn’t the horrible thing it’s often made out to be. But we know people will stay in a bad relationship out of fear of being alone. It took me being in a bad relationship/marriage to realize how great being alone can be. I felt more lonely in my marriage then I ever did when I was single.
@sweetTea,
welcome and sh*t
@sweetTea,
Welcome!!!
**Special Edition 200th Post Diva Dust ™**
@sweetTea,
welcome!!!
*Special Limited Edition Platinum Shooting Stars*
Congrats on the 200th.
I learned that women often time fall in love through their vagstache and men can fall in love through their pumper.
Women are really really crazy, but men are kinda crazy too.
Sometimes all ppl need to shut up
@From Da Hip Peyso,
Peyso, if we were in the same city I would hang with you. But I ain’t makin no vittles for you and yo big azz homeboys, lol! Y’all better come with some popeyes. And drank.
Oh, The Champ, The Champ, The Champ. (I shook my head slowly as I typed that, btw).
“3. women with their own names displayed anywhere on their bodies, whether its on a necklace or a tat or whatever, tend to be irrationally insecure and high-maintenance assholes.”
I have my own name tattooed on me. My right shoulder to be exact. Now, when I got that tatted there, I probably was irrationally insecure but not high maintenance and I’ve never been an a**hole (in general). However now, some *counts on fingers* oh umm… dang 15 years later. really? 15? *counts again* yeah, 15. wow. anywhoo, 15 years later I’m not irrationally insecure, im not all that high maintenance and certainly not an a**hole.
but you kinda might be on to something. i think however if said tattoo is tatted on a body part that is readily almost all the time viewable then you might have a point. the only time you see mine is when you are hitting it from the back.
and of course in that last sentence, you doesn’t necessarily mean you, The Champ – unless, of course, it does. *exaggerated eye wink*
@Cheryl,
***gentling nudging cheryl towards reply of comment #10***
@The Champ,
*slaps your reply to comment #10 out of the way*
If the tattoo is highly visible, im very inclined to agree with you. since mine isnt very visible, only if i show it or in that previously mentioned scenario, that learned thing doesnt apply to me. so there.
Happy 200th Champ….
I’ve learned that most times as women, we can make excuses for our men, but the reality is Men are very Simple and if they start to become complicated “they aren’t all that interested in you”…
I’ve learned that ultimately no matter how “good” or “bad” you are to your mate, they will do what they really want to do, So, you can’t make anyone leave and you can’t make them stay:-)
Happy WEdnesday Beautiful…..
Have a Great Day Everyone!!!
@Jenna Marie Christian,
I’ve learned that ultimately no matter how “good” or “bad” you are to your mate, they will do what they really want to do, So, you can’t make anyone leave and you can’t make them stay:-)
although you can’t make anyone stay, theres at least 72 ways to get them to leave
@The Champ,
lol…you are so crazy.
72 champ???
@Humble_One
#10 is soo true
You know my last boyfriend tried to tell me about the eyeglass thing . I thought he was just trying to make me feel better cause I couldn’t afford contacts.
Now excuse me as i go watch my cousins bust their behinds sledding down this hill
@Milliej,
You know my last boyfriend tried to tell me about the eyeglass thing . I thought he was just trying to make me feel better cause I couldn’t afford contacts
i weep a bit in the shower everytime i think of a woman discarding her glasses for some freakin contacts. contacts dont have character and shit
@The Champ,
I recently discarded my contacts to go back to glasses for two reasons:
1) you’re right. glasses have character and the right frames on the right face are AWESOME!! (they also make a great prop for ‘fantasy’ play… but I ain’t say it.)
2) Based on the experience of a co-worker, those infections caused by contacts and be a B***H!
Happy 200th post. Don’t quite remember when I started following this site, but I read it all the time! The posts always generate great comments, some that have me laughing out loud at work! I mostly just lurk, but I wanted to say congrats!
@Drea,
thanks and sh*t, and welcome
Great List! Congrats on the anniversary and sh*t.
Things I have learned.
1. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. Dont go backwards.
2. A man will show you who he is very early on. Do not ignore it.
3. Short men usually date thick women because they feel they have something to prove. Take that sh*t some where else, buddy.
4. You can not be in love if only one person feels it. Love is an action and a process. You can’t do it alone. Like really good s3x, it takes two.
5. Always date someone who treats you like a friend. Too often people treat their friends better than their mates. I never ever understood that.
6. The little things matter just as much to men as the do to women.
7. Most men find a little humility very sexy in a woman. Most women thinks it makes them look weak. When both meet in the middle, it sure is beautiful.
I am sure I will be back with some others.
@Suga&Spice,
“3. Short men usually date thick women because they feel they have something to prove. Take that sh*t some where else, buddy.”
I am miss t-lee and I approve this message.
@Suga&Spice,
“3. Short men usually date thick women because they feel they have something to prove. Take that sh*t some where else, buddy.”
Do you mean internet thick or Buffy the Body thick?
@Humble_One, Both!
Once upon a time I used to have a Buffy the Body-esque figure, however my fascination with the french fry over the past few years has landed me a position on Team Chunk.
And no matter the size the little teeny dude always felt he has to prove he could ‘handle’ a woman bigger than him.
@Suga&Spice,
Stop! Don’t ever say you’re on Team Chunk!
@Voiceofreason,
Ain’t nothing wrong with Team Chunk.
I personally love the phrase.
*thumbs ups*
@Humble_One,
Do you mean internet thick or Buffy the Body thick?
*giggles… loud*
I’ve learned that even when you WANT to like someone-when you know they will treat you well, respect and take care of you, you can’t MAKE yourself like them.
@Drea,
true!!
Congrats on 200 posts! VSB rocks…. and although I’m feeling a twinge of jealousy, my pleasure @ being able to read, and post on VSB errday is greater… Sooo pop bottles and celebrate success! YAY!
- I take personal offense @ #3. That’s that bullshyt right there, the Champ. I gots a name plate (u can have one too, http://www.museacdonline.etsy.com) and a tat w/ my name… so there.
I’ve learned a lot about men and relationships during the course of my adulthood. And alot from the boisterous discourse on this here site.. I’ve learned:
-Men are nuts… and so are women. We need each other to balance the shyt out.
-Men DO have feeling too… although some try not to act like it.
-It may take A LOT of patience, but even the worst a$$hole has a human, good side. They will reveal that side if you let them.
-Ladies – woman up. Don’t be doormats or expect a man to save you. I’m not advocating superwoman syndrome, really, but if you have to do some ish by yourself for a while, you will be a better adult for it. Handle that.
-And for the superwoman – lighten up. Someone out there may want to take care of you for a change. Believe me, I am living proof.
-Romance is awesome and so is love!! Needs to be more love in the world.
-Advice is great… and knowledge is great. But fear isn’t. There is a difference between making rational decisions and being afraid to live. We all only get one life.
Ummm… that’s it.
@pgh muse,
I take personal offense @ #3. That’s that bullshyt right there, the Champ. I gots a name plate (u can have one too, http://www.museacdonline.etsy.com) and a tat w/ my name… so there.
***pointing jealous pgh muse in the direction of the reply to comment number 10***
@The Champ,
…………………………
@pgh muse,
I also learnt today that one should never oil ones hair and wear a white oxford shirt on the same day… it’s NOT a good look. sigh.
@pgh muse,
…especially not when its raining ice, huh?
@The Champ,
Exactly. Grosstacular… and I also hate all people who drive in Pittsburgh who have 4-wheel drive and think that their shyt is indestructable or something. U can crash and DIE even if your vehicle is equipt with 4 wheel drive and snow tires. gawd! Drive safely and carefully in an ice storm for the love of christ… and don’t be on the celly!!! sorry… just had to vent. it’s a jungle out there…lol
1. I don’t know much.
2. Grace is easier to come by than virtue.
3. An entire decade of my life has been spent in a relationship wilderness with no map, little water and a rusty knife.
4. Trusting someone is the very hardest thing for me to do. Still trying to get it right.
5. Excessive judgement is for the birds.
6. I’m not equipped to raise a man by myself, whether he be an infant in body or just in his mind.
7. Don’t pen pal with inmates.
8. I’m stronger than I think I am. No more “play hitting” with the SO – he’s starting to call me abusive. tee-hee.
9. Pre-work chex is better than Prozac.
10. My gut knows more than I do. I think it speaks directly to God.
@Lil’T, An entire decade of my life has been spent in a relationship wilderness with no map, little water and a rusty knife.
I hear you, honey. Lost, thirsty and trying to fight your way out the best way you can.
@Lil’T,
I absolutely love this list. I’m thankful for my daily visit to the VSB tabernacle
@pgh muse,
Now, I thought my permanent seats were in the ig corner and the “go sat down” corner. If they find out I’m hangin at the tabernacle they’ll pull my bad girl card!
@Lil’T,
Awww girl. I think u definitely still got ur ig card.
and will make all the tasteless and crude comments that you think of but are too mature to type. tee-hee.
This is my witness!
@Lil’T,
If they find out I’m hangin at the tabernacle they’ll pull my bad girl card!
And we can’t have that!! There is not enough of us hanging aroung these parts!
(I actually thought about starting a blog/forum called: The Bad Girl’s Guide to Life… Tee hee!)
@SuperSula,
there’s a series of books/ accessories out there under that title. i find them quite funny. even though they are written by a 2520. i think her name is….cameron tuttle?
now if that were written by a VSS? i think i would lose it from all the sparkly ignant words that would lie within…lol
@Lil’T,
9. Pre-work chex is better than Prozac.
i was gonna have something in there about morning sex, but i decided to try and play “decent” today
@The Champ,
Well, fortunately for you I’m really 13 on the inside, and will make all the tasteless and crude comments that you think of but are too mature to type. tee-hee.
Oh, and was #7 your attempt at answering the question we asked you like, 15 posts ago? Gradual weave is aaiight?
@Lil’T,
10. My gut knows more than I do. I think it speaks directly to God.
Yes! I’m learning more and more to trust it. Second guessing is usually where I mess up.
@Lil’T,
Oh Lil’T, how I e-love you.
If this list was a sunday afternoon, it would be sunny and clear, with a slight breeze, me plopped down on my couch, with the latest page turner and a cold glass of Canadian Icewine.
In other words, perfect.
@SuperSula,
cold glass of Canadian Icewine
I’ve never had or even heard of this, but e-twin, it sounds delicious!
1. Actions speaks louder than words
2. Only God can complete you, your mate should complement
3. You get what you give
4. Affection is a must
5. Foreplay is a must (even if only mental)
6. Money is not everything
7. Ambition is a must (but not as a “rider”)
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
lol…you have any other “musts”?
@The Champ,
LOL, (must communicate). Sixteen years and three children later, hell to the yeah summabytch MUST.
not in lust w/ the tribal tattoo revelation, but i will admit there is truth in it…lol
i am so digging the virginity epiphany and would to extend it to include celib1tches too…we get it…ur not f*cking…what else u got? dang!
i have learned that:
-the corner is ur friend!
-goggles are the universe’s way of blessing losers w/ gotdam!
-chick logic is a tool of the devil himself!
-relationshi(t) is just as awkward to navigate for men as it is for women…and that makes me smile!
-i have an entire new glossary of made up azz words and concepts
(ie close bus-ing and popping pepsi cans…shouts out to all my “mass debators”!)
Champ-tastic, Pana-motopeia, and symbo-LIZ-m…congratulations and sh1t on ur 200th attempt to curb my productivity! u guys are dope-tackular! VSB is one of favorite places to be (online or off) because my eFam is the most entertaining, intelligent, dumb azz smart people I have (n)ever met
@GOODENess,
-i have an entire new glossary of made up azz words and concepts
shouts out to all my “mass debators”!)
lol…this made me laugh aloud and sh*t
@GOODENess,
shouts out to all my “mass debators”!
The Deconness of the Church of Self Love blesses you back **Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
@GOODENess,
I definitely dig this list. And your use of words.
Brilliant!
Happy 200th VSB!!!!
long time lurker, infrequent poster checking in to let yall know it’s been a cool ride.
Especially since following the champ since the havoc days and panama since jacksongtickle. Good to see yall still doing yall thing.
extra shout out to the everybody else for making this place a regular stop on my web surfing
@Bmore Creative,
Especially since following the champ since the havoc days and panama since jacksongtickle. Good to see yall still doing yall thing.
damn, lol. you took it back with the havoc reference. you know, there are a few other havoc refugees who frequent and post on vsb (ie: gem of the ocean, among others)
awwww yay havoc
My comment that was on topic is in moderation… but I have another reason to be thankful to the VSB crew – I have been on an oldschool hip hop kick since last Friday’s post and I AM LOVING IT!! Thanks again, VSB.
First, Happy 200th!!!
*Special Limited Edition Shooting Platinum Stars*
Now, the lurve/relationship crap.
1.Sometimes love just isn’t enough.
2.Be open (within reason). You never know why BBJ has brought someone into your life or what they have to offer. Even if it doesn’t work out, you will probably learn something in the process.
3. Even good dudes f^ck up sometimes.
4. You can love him without losing yourself.
eh…that’s all for now. back to this d@mn report.
@SouthernGirl,
3. Even good dudes f^ck up sometimes.
good point
Since I’ll be turning 25 soon
, I have asked myself what I’ve learned in the past year. Maybe I already knew these things, but they seem to have been more ingrained in my hippocampus/cortex this year.
1. Every man will not be attracted to you. Even if that man is attracted to you, that doesn’t mean he will be in to you or that he will love and care for you the way you need it. No matter how pretty, smart or funny you are, some people just aren’t a good match. This is not a flaw on his part nor yout part.
Everyone is not meant to be together.
2. Don’t compare yourself to others. Especially in grad school where on so many levels we are compared to each other daily. There will always be someone that can design a better experiment, give a better presentation or even chair a monkey faster than you can.
3. Everyone can’t and is not your friend. A friend has many definitions but in my mind, a true friend is someone that can be happy for you even when their world isn’t the best. Of course their or more qualities but these have been the most important to me as of late. This may need some more thought.
4. Enjoy the small milestones while keeping focus on the main goal.
5. When you’re really in love, there will be no doubt in your mind. One shouldn’t have to ask themselves if they are in love.
6. Don’t choose a mate based on his resume or how well in compliments yours.
7. The last one is more of a realization than something I’ve learned. Some but not all moneys bite.
Thanks VSB for a forum where we can all learn from each other.
Happy 200th post!
NOT “even chair a monkey faster than you can”
smh you are such a primate lab member.
1. it seems most men grew up in a lil town called Logic Land,
2. while women attend school in a town 2 counties over….Emotionville.
3. after graduation some brave folks venture past city limits of their respective towns and have dual citizenship.
@Bmore Creative,
*eureka!!*
That was very well said. Let’s just pray most people end up with the dual citizenship.
More things i’ve learned
1) convenient p**sy is the most dangerous p**sy
2) women with tig ol bitties usually have flat backsides and women with big round backsides usually have small chest
3) i have too many morals to move up the corporate ladder
4) don’t go above and beyond for a woman when you first meet her unless you plan on doing it for the rest of your life.
5) too many people don’t believe in getting their ones and then getting their fun up.
6) women with princess syndrome should be treated like lepers.
7)pretty boys(al b.sure, christopher williams, etc.) don’t really hold their status pass the age of 35.
@Humble_One,
1) convenient p**sy is the most dangerous p**sy
i’d argue that pungent p**sy is more dangerous, but to each his own
Another thing that I’ve learned is that men DEFINITELY get sexier with age. Young guys are cool… but as a man gets older, more experienced and confidant there’s nothing better. Even if he has a little belly, or a little grey in the beard.
@pgh muse,
I’m not sure about the bellies, but the salt ‘n pepper look is definitely HAWT.
Things that I’ve Learned:
1. It is normally very clear how men feel about you from gate: If they like you, they express it, if not, they BS you until the better woman comes along.
2. Follow your gut. If something isn’t right, it will save you the heartache to listen to the nagging voice.
3. Just because he’s Mr. Right does not make him MY Mr. Right.
4. Don’t settle, PERIOD.
Congrats on the 200th post!
@pgh muse, We like to call that little belly his Grown Man Weight. Men with all those muscles and shit are like a priceless painting. They are good to look at but you really cant do much with it, but show it off.
Who wants to lay on a bag of rocks?
@Suga&Spice,
I have to say I disagree with this. I’ve seen (felt) some of those muscles in action. They can be *incredible* Just gotta find the one who knows how to use ‘em!
oooh, I forgot one (and it’s kinda important)
Consider the source when people give you advice. Older doesn’t always mean wiser, and it’s better to seek the counsel of someone who is where you want to be than someone who can “feel you” and commiserate, but adds little to your situation.
@Lil’T,
*Chosen Generation Church and Abundant Waters Fellowship*
Preach!
This is so so so so soooooo true.
While I haven’t been here that long, I’ve learned that apparently there are d*cks out there big enough to make a female lose all common sense.
I’ve also learned that dudes have trouble making friends with other dudes! Who’da thunk??
And lastly, I’ve learned that when I’m put in an environment with other smart, witty, funny people, I become pretty smart, witty and funny myself!
@nia,
And lastly, I’ve learned that when I’m put in an environment with other smart, witty, funny people, I become pretty smart, witty and funny myself!
lol, so do you become dumber around non-vsb-ers?
@The Champ,
Touche.
@nia,
“I’ve learned that apparently there are d*cks out there big enough to make a female lose all common sense.”
Beware the DDDM, girl. Be-ware!!
@Lil’T and nia,
Beware the DDDM, girl. Be-ware!!
LMAO… Hellz yeah…
not only can they make you lose common sense… you can get up from a round with the DDDM with a severe urge to:
- fry chicken wings by request
-allow ur home to be the central location for Xbox tournaments (or whatever the new game is)
-pay no attention to that buzzing phone that you always hear and he never answers
-open the door @ 2:30am when u know dayum well u have to be to work @ 8 the next morning
-defend the DDDM tooth and nail when ERRBody is asking what u see in him (it’s the D* by the way)
……there are defenitely more symptoms of this disorder…
@pgh muse, “defend the DDDM tooth and nail when ERRBody is asking what u see in him (it’s the D* by the way)” until WOMEN deal with this yall really arent goin to progress. Do you think the most powerful women in this country are running around with a dude who if things get ugly can and will compromise ALL of her hard work. Yes the “Oprahs we dont know” are perhaps boy toying around but they KEEP THAT D in check. Men do this with the P, heck we purposely avoid “her” that weekend if need be just to convince ourselves we can control things. But yet as I get older I still hear women of all ages and backgrounds act as good D means let all rationale go out the window. Its great women can have as much good sex as men have had but damn read the tea leaves MOST history with men and women ENDS with the man going down why.. open of the P. Kings, Dictators, Potentate’s all have succumb to it. Strange women have been dying to do what men have always done well now yall screwing up just like us!!!!
Congrats on the 200th! I agree with everything that you listed LMAO @ people who tatt’ their names on their bodies. I always wondered if they were idiots who needed to be reminded of their names or just lived a lifestyle that would result in them one day having to be identified by dental records and tatts.
Things that I have learned…….
* There is a reason why people who internet date, internet date!
* That all the cool kids from high school are now loosers.
* Black plays are the modern day chitterling circuit entertainment! COME ON WE CAN DO BETTER! Sorry Tyler Perry fans…WE CAN DO BETTER!
* A person who you just met and is willing to do ANYTHING sexually probably did that same ANYTHING last week with somebody else.
* I dont think weed smokers and non-weed smokers should co-mingle. We dont get each other!!!
* I consider myself a natural beauty. I like the natural state of my hair and dont really do a lot of make up. But I think that some people take the natural thing too far!! You still need to twist your locks , comb your hair and the parts between your cornrolls should be visible. That crystal deodorant stuff DOES NOT WORK, and nobody should walk around smelling like garlic, shea butter & frankincense!
@Yaa,
“* Black plays are the modern day chitterling circuit entertainment! ”
I actually still call it the “chitlin circuit”. Ain’t nothing changed. All it’s missing is vaudeville…lol
@Yaa,
* I consider myself a natural beauty. I like the natural state of my hair and dont really do a lot of make up. But I think that some people take the natural thing too far!! You still need to twist your locks , comb your hair and the parts between your cornrolls should be visible. That crystal deodorant stuff DOES NOT WORK, and nobody should walk around smelling like garlic, shea butter & frankincense
This made me almost fall outta my seat… Tom’s is the best natural Deodorant is the best. The roll on or the stick
@Yaa, I don’t smoke weed but I get all my friends that do and they are hilarious! Life would be a lil boring w/o them!
@Ro, I dont smoke either (NOT KNOCKING NOBODY THAT DOES) but after a while it gets irritating to me. Now drunks on the other hand are hilarious….I KID!
@Yaa,
That’s what you learned about relationships?
@SuperSula, Yup these are some things I take into relationships with people and some things I just view in general. But since you posted this…I guess another thing I’ve learned is that people that correct other people prolly dont have good relationships with others or get on their significant others nerves with that bs
LOL @ Both of ya’ll. This conversation is valid, but ridiculous nonetheless.
@Dom,
Hilarious it is. I was trying to figure out how the Chitterling circuit made it into there. Just being curious as I usually am.
@SuperSula, when i was in 4th grade, my teacher (for some reason) said “chitterlings”, and i had no idea what she was talkin bout, so when i got home i asked my parents what the hellzbellz chitterlings were….my dad says “those things ur aunt from philly cooks when she comes down every christmas”. so i say, “OH….CHITLINS!!!”
sorry, that took me down memory lane
Quality post.
@Landis91,
thanks and sh*t
Congrats to you VSB, on the 200th! I Stan for this site, and put more than a few folks on to the hotness that is You.
Thanks for all you do, and how well you do it! I honestly feel smarter after every post.
Now, on to my list. A few things I have learned:
1. There is such a thing as over thinking. When you do what feels right, you rarely regret it.
2. Men are confused too. The ones that care enough to learn more/do better are keepers.
3. Keep yourself well groomed. Men notice when you treat yourself well.
4. Communication is key. Talking to friends is a big help, and can yield great advice. Ultimately though its up to the two people in the relationship to handle business.
5. I need affection and quality time. LDR’s just ain’t gonna cut it.
@Dom,
5. I need affection and quality time. LDR’s just ain’t gonna cut it.
I know that’s right.
Things I learned . . .
Never mix dark liquor and clear liquor
February 15th is the best day to buy a Valentines Day gift
It’s possible to live off the Dollar Menu
Women are crazy
Despite being mysterious and sometimes complicated, the woman’s vagina is one of the best joys in life
Happy 200th VSB
@eff yo couch, This entire post just tickled me.
Despite being mysterious and sometimes complicated, the woman’s vagina is one of the best joys in life
LOL this is random but i was watching some comedy standup show the other day. and this white comedian said something to the affect of “i just realized that being call a p*ssy means you’re weak. before i just thought ppl were calling me the best thing ever in life”. idk it doesn’t sound as funny now that i’ve typed it out but i laughed a hearty laugh when i heard it.
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
It’s still funny, I giggled.
@eff yo couch,
“It’s possible to live off the Dollar Menu”
Yes it is. Especially since they added the nuggets. Just dont roll up to the drive through after hours. They shut that DM down at like 11 on the dot.
@Dom,
I’d wish Philly would hop on the “McNugget lovin” badwagon like New York did.
@Dom,
“Just dont roll up to the drive through after hours. They shut that DM down at like 11 on the dot.”
For real?
Shooot, here it’s 24 hours…lol
Congrats Liz, Tangle Jig and Champers on the 200th post!
Living on my own and away from family and friends has taught me:
- NC has and always will suck.
- I hate being cold & I’m not a fan of snow or ice.
- I look exceptionally cute in my winter coat and scarf w/ matching gloves.
- That being the art of chivalry still exists, although I believe it’s only been mastered by nasty old men.
- NC people can’t drive and risk ruining their BMWs all for the sake of looking at me ignore you instead of focusing on the road.
Relationship wise it’s taught me:
- Going to dinner alone on purpose is the fastest way to have your dinner ruined by bubba gump and crew.
- going to a movie alone during the afternoon always gets pity stares. (Hello! I know what time it is and yes I’m by myself…so the Fluck what!?)
- Just b/c I choose to do things alone doesn’t mean that I have to.
- I am a fan of dating.
- Most guys are not a fan of dating.
- Even when you tell a guy the truth he still won’t believe you.
- Even when you show a guy the truth, he still won’t believe you.
- Dating outside of your race isn’t all that bad.
- Don’t laugh at your date if he can’t dance.
- Happy Hour by yourself is a good way to get drunk for free.
- Most guys feel like a girl who shows her assets is out shopping for meat (read: dickles) instead of just wearing a cute shirt that happens to show a smidge too much cleavage.
- I am just as happy being single as I am being not single.
- Just b/c you’re single doesn’t mean you miss out on good chex.
- Being selective does not mean you’re a prude, but being anti-selective does make you a whore.
Things I learned from VSB:
- I am teetering the line of having my black card revoked due to my lack of knowledge of hip-hop, love of EJD books (entertains the hell out of me), and semi-like of the “jumping out the window or off the roof song” by ron brown.
- being a VSS is not only the coolest but also more attractive than i originally thought. (thanks for that VSBs).
- That there are VSBs…however I do believe they don’t actually exist in the tar pits of nc.
- That as long as you’re cexxi, you can get away with a%%holish things!
- More dudes like girls with glasses (go me!!) than I thought.
- I do not get/understand or even know what chick logic is, but I have used it to explain away at least 6 things since November 2008.
- And…adding “and Sh^t” to my statements when speaking to anyone outside of VSB makes me that much more hilarious!
@Ro,
This list is quite awesome. Go Ro!
of all the things i’ve gone through in regards to dealing with the opposite sex, there have been very common themes:
~just becuz a man is A Mr. Right (“good guy”, good credit, impressive credentials, good lover, limited family medical history, etc) does not mean he is MY Mr. Right. and with that i have also learned…
~not to be apologetic or feel bad if i don’t like some one as much as they like me. while crushed feelings are unfortunate, it’s a casualty of living life. i stand by honesty being the best policy, and frankly sometimes the truth hurts.
~the world is my oyster and i it’s Gem. i can only afford to spend time and energy on ppl who are going to make me a better person / friend/ companion / helpmate. i’m a fallible creature who is willing to work on areas in need of improvement and so i require patience and understanding. if you don’t fit the requirements, i can’t allow you to get down with me or my Ocean.
~lastly, graduate student mixties from SoCal now living in abnormally hiemal climates from November to God-knows-when whose body is slowly falling apart (thanks to strip aerobics and west african dance) need love too. the end.
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
~lastly, graduate student mixties from SoCal now living in abnormally hiemal climates from November to God-knows-when whose body is slowly falling apart (thanks to strip aerobics and west african dance) need love too. the end.
This made me laugh… I had to look up heimal.
—
@Outrageous G.E.M., you get 2 gold stars for using the word hiemal twice today.
Congrats Liz, Tangle Jig and Champers on the 200th post!
Living on my own and away from family and friends has taught me:
- NC has and always will suck.
- I hate being cold & I’m not a fan of snow or ice.
- I look exceptionally cute in my winter coat and scarf w/ matching gloves.
- That being the art of chivalry still exists, although I believe it’s only been mastered by nasty old men.
- NC people can’t drive and risk ruining their BMWs all for the sake of looking at me ignore you instead of focusing on the road.
Relationship wise it’s taught me:
- Going to dinner alone on purpose is the fastest way to have your dinner ruined by bubba gump and crew.
- going to a movie alone during the afternoon always gets pity stares. (Hello! I know what time it is and yes I’m by myself…so the freak what!?)
- Just b/c I choose to do things alone doesn’t mean that I have to.
- I am a fan of dating.
- Most guys are not a fan of dating.
- Even when you tell a guy the truth he still won’t believe you.
- Even when you show a guy the truth, he still won’t believe you.
- Dating outside of your race isn’t all that bad.
- Don’t laugh at your date if he can’t dance.
- Happy Hour by yourself is a good way to get drunk for free.
- Most guys feel like a girl who shows her assets is out shopping for sausage, instead of just wearing a cute shirt that happens to show a smidge too much cleavage.
- I am just as happy being single as I am being not single.
- Just b/c you’re single doesn’t mean you miss out on good chex.
- Being selective does not mean you’re a prude, but being anti-selective does make you a whore.
Things I learned from VSB:
- I am teetering the line of having my black card revoked due to my lack of knowledge of hip-hop, love of EJD books (entertains the hell out of me), and semi-like of the “jumping out the window or off the roof song” by ron brown.
- being a VSS is not only the coolest but also more attractive than i originally thought. (thanks for that VSBs).
- That there are VSBs…however I do believe they don’t actually exist in the tar pits of nc.
- That as long as you’re cexxi, you can get away with aarseholish things!
- More dudes like girls with glasses (go me!!) than I thought.
- I do not get/understand or even know what chick logic is, but I have used it to explain away at least 6 things since November 2008.
- And…adding “and Sh*t” to my statements when speaking to anyone outside of VSB makes me that much more hilarious!
And I being an eternal student of ,academia, life, love and the pursuit of happiness…am still learning!
@Ro, LMAO!! I co-sign almost everything you wrote. I have to disagree with you about NC…Ohio is so much worse. The only good thing about Ohio is The Ohio State University.
Go Buckeyes!!!
Good Stuff…
1. Depends… This np makes fp pop (p of the past)
2. True
3. Okay, so you’re talking about me here… So much so that I’m getting mine removed… I’m not too insecure, but I tend to think w/ chic logic (genius, btw)
4. True
5. That’s me!!!
6. Don’t be so Hollywood… The eyes are the windows to the soul…
7. *sigh*
8 – 12. True..
So here’s what I’ve learned:
1. If he can’t afford the condoms, he does not deserve the goodies. (He won’t pay for anything else, NOT ONE OTHER THING!)
2. New d*** is scary. It’s a gamble. But sometimes you hit the number.
3. Smart guys are really waaaay more sexy than the self-centered jerks who think they’re Kanye…. I <3 Nerds
4. NYC isn’t as scary as I thought it would be, but the people here are just as crazy I thought they would be – maybe even crazier.
5. Not everyone likes light-skinned women… This works in my favor.
6. Permed hair is overrated.
7. After the first kiss, things don’t always get better – if he has bad breath.
8. A naked black woman can make you do pretty much anything… (i.e. cook breakfast when you should be hopping on the train, heading to Wall Street).
9. The Suit will date the Natural Chick if no one knows. He’ll let her cook dinner and sip green tea in thermal socks on the couch.
10. Men with small “friends” won’t ever walk around naked post-coital.
11. A little M.A.C. lipglass (Clear, Wet-Wild-Wonderful, LoveNectar) goes a long way.
@Sepia,
welcome and sh*t, and thanks for leaving quite possibly the most entertaining first comment in vsb history
@The Champ, Thanks for the afternoon blush:)
@Sepia,
Welcome!!!
**Special Edition 200th Post Diva Dust ™**
@blackberry molasses,
Aaaand I got it! *quicky puts bags of ill-gotten Diva Dust 2.0, Obama Special Edition Diva Dust 2.0 and 200th Post Special Edition Diva Dust 2.0 into back of car and squeals away, laughing maniacally*
@Lil’T,
Oh, Lil’T, when will you learn?
**calmly prints out the digital photo of the car, license plate and VIN and hands it to the Drop Squad**
You can run, but you can’t hide.
@blackberry molasses,
Now you know I’m no amateur. The getaway car is in a ditch now (by the train tracks right next to Hoffa’s body). Drop deez! Bwahaha!
-Da Roadrunna
@Lil’T, Like I said…you can run…
We KNEW you were going to ditch the getaway car. Find a new trick.
@blackberry molasses,
There has to be something we can work out, BB Mo. After all, we go to the same church, remember? CoSL?? I even ironed your choir robe…
p.s. – I’m typing this from the Drop Squad’s basement.
@blackberry molasses,
My Squad is the ISH! And we nice about ours… gave you intrawebs access and errythang.
We can work it out. Go to the altar of the CoSL tonight and repent… and all will be forgiven.
As long as you stop stealing Diva Dust ™ and just ASK when you want to share in spreading sparkly goodness… hayle, don’t even ask… just go ahead– without stealing.
The only things CoSL members are allowed to steal are the hearts and minds of their objects of desire…. and kisses from whomever pleases them at the moment.
@Sepia, permed hair is overrated, huh? this has to be thing i’m struggling with the most. to relax or not to relax. grrrrrrrr… by the way, i love your list!
Big ups on tha 200th post.
1) How you get a man/woman will be most likely how you lose him/her. If they’ll cheat on their SO with you, they’ll cheat on you with the next person they find attractive/interesting.
2) Relationships/Marriage are REALLY hard work if you both care
3) Relationships/Marriage are REALLY easy if you both don’t.
4) Sex definently will not keep a man faithful. Who he is, his love for you and what you have built together will.
5) Most women are looking for that trophy man. Most men are looking for a trophy case.
6) Most women will finally commit because they’re in love. Most men will finally commit because they are ready.
7) If a man beats you once and you come back, you always will.
Leave. Regardless of the circumstances. He’ll do it again if he knows you’ll stay with him.
@Tx10inch,
2) Relationships/Marriage are REALLY hard work if you both care
3) Relationships/Marriage are REALLY easy if you both don’t.
please expound and sh*t
@The Champ,
It’s simple. If two people really care bout each other and trying to make the relationship work then it’s going to be hard as hell @ times. And if your talking about marriage, then it’s going to be even harder because you’re trying to merge two lives together. Two people trying to find a common goal and come together to build ish…So you work at it.
Now…two people that just don’t give a damn, the relationships going to be a peace of cake. Cause I’ma do what i wanna do and so are you. Coming in at three in the morning, (damn there every morning) don’t have to explain ish to you bout anything and you betta not ask. She got ninjas “friends” callin on tha sly just to say hi and half the time you don’t know or could care less where she be at. Sex is the only “quality time” you spend together WHEN you make time to do that. Just a joke of a relationship/marriage all around. So in that sense, it’s a piece of cake/low maintenance “committed” arrangement.
just sayin…i’ve seen it.
@Tx10inch,
If a you’ve been in a relationship with any man for 3yrs or more and you wonder why he hasn’t asked you to marry him. He’s waiting for something better. No matter what he says. Deal with it or leave him.
there is a time limit on marriage? so if u dont propose after this time period its a wash?
@Deviant,
Not really. All I’m saying is that obviously, the dude has his eye out for the possiblility of something betta. Lets just b real now potna. If your gurl is everything you want in a woman. You’ve used that time to find out and by then you know either way if your going to wife her up or you just draining her dry. No specific time limits….but ninjas know.
@Tx10inch,
6) Most women will finally commit because they’re in love. Most men will finally commit because they are ready.
Yup!
8 )If a you’ve been in a relationship with any man for 3yrs or more and you wonder why he hasn’t asked you to marry him. He’s waiting for something better. No matter what he says. Deal with it or leave him.
And there we have another great definition of a close-bus.
)
(but there should be a status of limitations on the people’s ages though… if you met at 16 then of course you can’t get married at 19… at least not in my daddy’s house
5. nice eyeglasses make women more attractive, potentially increasing their scores by at least a point and a half, and i have absolutely no idea why.
I dunno. I like to see a girl’s eyes. When my girl wears glasses I cant see her eyes. Her chances of getting plowed increase exponentally sans glasses. Plus I dont have to worry about breaking them cause they are expensive.
@Deviant,
you cant see her eyes through the glasses?
@The Champ,
yeah but it aint the same. Its a different look
@Deviant,
I concur…this is also the reason why I reject and don’t like to be seen with women who have contacts. It’s a tacky accessory that takes away from what nature intended.
@CPT Callamity,
I feel you but my girl wears contacts cause she is as blind as I am and what nature gave her aint enuff to see the writing on the chalkboard. Contacts are cool as a necessity but if u wear the color ones u can kick rocks..
I haven’t been on here long enough to learn anything about relationships. All I know is they are like Unicorns…people tell me about them but I have yet to experience the mystique.
Here are my top five relationship-related things…as they relate to “TYPES”
(alternative title: “How to judge a book by its cover”)
“Types” of women I usually don’t end up feelin’ (figuratively more than literally, that is):
1. black women with “visible” foundation…
-sorry but if your beautiful black complexion is “honey mocha” when u wake up in the morning–but when you hit the club it’s “cinnamon chocolate” and has the texture of my great uncle’s velvet painting, your prolly not my type..
2. The only book you’ve read within the last year is the Bible. –you’re prolly not my type..
(your perspective can’t b ENTIRELY bible based..I mean i’m sure Moses’ son, or even Jesus for that matter, would agree..)
..which brings me to:
3. you go to church weekly on days other than Sunday..
…yeah i said it..you’re prolly not my type..
4. you obviously run the faucet so i won’t hear you tinkle..
…u want me to live in your fantasy world of silent pee, and i refuse to suspend my sense of reality…(this rule becomes null and void when pertaining to the “ker-plunk”)
5. you’re a rude bit*h to the wait staff..
…gettin your jollies on Teyana the waitress at Houlihan’s does not a desirable woman make…& u did order mashed potatoes!!
@Malone,
ruiles 1,2 & 3 -
im with you on those all day. keep those far away from me
lmao @ #1. the imagery was priceless.
@Malone,
First of all, Welcome!!! **Special Edition 200th Post Diva Dust ™** for you!
Secondly…
1. I understand a little complextion correction, but for cryin’ out loud, there are too many GOOD astheticians out there (read: NOT make up artists) who can help sistas with “natural” looking foundation. Therefore, a woman with visible foundation that obviously deviates from her skin tone is
a) uninformed
b)lazy or
c) has a little self loathing going on
2. and 3. Lack of “well- rounded ness” makes me sad
4. People do this?!?!?!?!?!
5. Just unnecessary behavior. People like this need to go kick rocks.
@blackberry molasses,
yes! (& thanx for the dust!)
@Malone,
Are white/asian/indian/ etc. women with visible foundation okay?
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
I would think its never ok but some guy may like that
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
good question actually. On rare occasions I’ve found myself attracted to a fair-skinned beauty’s “faux rosy cheeks.” This, however, applies mainly to asian women and may be fetish-related. This is also arguably unrelated to the “visible foundation” issue, but i think it’s topical nonetheless…
@Malone,
4. Females really do that? Why? That’s just dumb to me….now if she goes #2 and it’s her first time there…. you may wanna throw a bat signal, but wasting water to mask you going to pee….foolishness!
Great 200th post! Congrats by the way.
What I’ve learned:
1) Like matters as much, if not more, than Love
2) Each relationship teaches something about yourself. You may not like the lesson or even take advantage of it, but it is there.
3) Proper communication is the “end all be all” in all relationships.
4) Trust is paramount.
5) Lack of Self-Esteem is an ugly disease.
@SuperSula,
I’m feelin’ yo list there, Sista Sula. Specially #2. When I realized that the men I was with were a reflection of me and not just a vacation from myself I had to get.it.together. Oh the shenanigans…
if it looks good on paper, that’s really the only place it’ll look good.
just because an ex resurfaces doesn’t mean you gotta enterain him/her. it just means that you still got it
@Tyler,
just because an ex resurfaces doesn’t mean you gotta enterain him/her.
this is a future vsb topic, btw
Congrats on the 200th post fellas.
That being said, some things that I’ve learned:
1.) Base your lifestyle on one income; BASE income at that. No overtime included. (I pass this along to my students when they’re thinking about becoming medics)
2.) Take time off for you. I’m not advocating something outlandish like abandoning your whole life for months at a time, but you definitely have to make time for you or you’re no good to anybody.
3.) Life’s REALLY, REALLY short and it can be snuffed out in an instant over some bullisht. Laugh a lot, pray a lot. Both will go a long way.
4.) Something I learned in SWAT school that applies to life: Every battle plan seems like a sound one-until you get punched in the mouth. It’s what you do after you get punched in the mouth that counts most.
5.) You can only get over on people who WANT to believe you.
6.) Do more listening than talking. That’s why we have two ears and one mouth. God don’t make mistakes.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
4.) Something I learned in SWAT school that applies to life: Every battle plan seems like a sound one-until you get punched in the mouth. It’s what you do after you get punched in the mouth that counts most.
great point
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Love the list, as usual.
A few thangs:
1. You can’t be happy in a relationship until you accept and acknowledge your own flaws. Can’t know someone else till you know yourself.
2. Exes are exes for a reason, stop bringing them back into your life because they give great knowledge and you haven’t been taught in a while, and they made you see Jesus and stars, dammit, what is WRONG with me?
*clears throat*
sorry yall.
3. Sometimes I use chick logic, and its okay because I can recognize it and then stifle myself.
4. Never ignore the early tell-tale signs that someone is not for you. And once you see the signs, just move on. Never EVER settle.
@8th Wonder,
E-twin…
missed you, I have. A good list, this is. By the gotd@mn, fooled, do not be.
@8th Wonder,
“Exes are exes for a reason, stop bringing them back into your life because they give great knowledge and you haven’t been taught in a while, and they made you see Jesus and stars, dammit, what is WRONG with me?”
Ok, so was your ex some sort of Cornell West meets Mr. Marcus? Daaaaang girl! I know you have a level head on those shoulders so I won’t doubt that you let him go for good reason, but…if he rubs feet you may want to give him another shot, lol. In any case…
*e-hugs to you*
“Ok, so was your ex some sort of Cornell West meets Mr. Marcus? ”
Actually…yeah.
Sigh.
@8th Wonder, never ignore the sings…this is sooo true…but what happens? people get pressed, and they look the other way. that comes from them settling…you are so right
Congratulations on 200 posts and shyt.
Im new…but some things I have learned/already knew:
1. When she says lets just be friends, leave her alone, don’t hang around waiting- there are more out there
—>If any of you remember my post yesterday, I went out last night and got three new numbers—>I just never know what to say, or what to do next, now that I do have the numbers….
2. (For the brothas) My cousin told me, “…If you only got one chick you hustlin’ backwards” and forever at her mercy. You must have atleast two options.
3.As long as you always smell good, and dress nice, SOMEBODY is gonna want you
4.Never settle for less, always push the envelope, it makes life more exciting, and lonely sometimes too
5.Most b**ches aint shyt. But its just apart of the game. Unfortunately
6.(For the ladies) Most n**gas aint shyt. But its just apart of the game.
Unfortunatley
7. Birds of a feather flock together: Most women are simple minded…and do best with simple minded men…
8.You know when a person is feeling you, you know the signs by now, if you really wonder if they are feeling you…it means they probably aren’t
9.Young Jeezy told me one time when I was in Atlanta, “…the world is yours….and every b**tch in it…its out there get on your grind and get it…”
@The Ghost,
I like your list there, The Ghost, and no direspect or nuthin’ but, who u callin’ a bytch?
What I’ve also learned about relationships:
Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh*t.
@everybody,
that was an email sent to me btw. but still very true…imo
@Tx10inch,
My name is BBMo and I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE!!!!
**Special Edition Fabulousity Diva Dust ™**
@Tx10inch,
This list made me laugh…
“1. When she says lets just be friends, leave her alone, don’t hang around waiting- there are more out there
—>If any of you remember my post yesterday, I went out last night and got three new numbers—>I just never know what to say, or what to do next, now that I do have the numbers…. ”
Glad to hear you got out and mingled. Good for you!
@miss t-lee,
thank you much…it was your advice….in real time
1. take good account of your own bullshat and commit to reslove or else you will keep attracting much of it to you…personal resp. is the new black in 09′.
2. always look cute going to starbucks
3a. the 20:1 male-female ratio is urban legend. True connection is 1:1.
3b and therefore there is a lid to every pot.
4. relationship pixie is much like crack..and crack is wack . And further keeps you out the “game”.
5a. nice guys aren’t tripping over all of your failings and flaws.
5b. nice guys aren’t all that bad.
5c. edgey is highly overrated.
5d. i like nice guys.
5e. nice guys are cool.
@Princess Duvet
I can never find sistahs at starbucks….and that sucks
@The Ghost,
are you going to the Howard Shultz one’s or the Magic Johnson one’s…or the one’s in between???
i was gonna actually start my own negro version of http://www.starbuckseverywhere.net when i do my cross country drive adventure
@VSB,
why was my reply to ghost deleted??? starbucks everywhere link? why exactly..
@Princess Duvet,
oh yeah happy 200th.
Ok, one last thing I have learned.
If you’re in your mid to late twenties, and you are single, there is a reason why. Most of the time, I would say its your own fault.
I’m a 26 yr semi attractive, semi-educated semi-hood n–ga, and I’m single…and I’m not happy about that… but, the fact is, it is my own fault…and I’m not going to go into why…but it is.
And the same applies to all that find themselves in that catergory. Take sistahs for instance. Ask them how many regular, ok dudes, with atleast some good qualities they could be with? Alot of ‘em. To the extent that they aren’t, its their fault…either too bossy, too picky, don’t know how to follow a man’s lead, or, too concerned about what they single, lonely friend would think….the list can go on.
And again, its not onesided, the same applies for a lot of dudes as well.
i’ve learned that when you are REALLY not looking you have a way of attracting exactly what you need.
What I learned: 1)Women will put up with a man if you lay the pipe right…no matter how educated she is or isnt and he-well again lay the pipe right-dont matter if he can spell his name…
too many independent women are NOT helping men they are ENABLING men-compromising her independence
2)…men no matter his principals will use that sex to control that woman
3) women assume too much, such as: I run a small business instead of shorty asking me how I feel about posting rates on the web she goes into the WHY I should-She was ALL pro with NO cons and thats BAD advice yet if I did the same I would be ignorant of her business acumen.
4) women say things to men as if is the FIRST time we ever heard of it: from a common sense POV at 33 yrs old if I am “hearing it” for the first time…OFF WITH MY HEAD..in other words ladies support your mans EXISTING ideas and if he aint got none well thats who you chose
5)women still believe in changing a man-which is egocentric
6)when they realize it doesnt work the men they date afterward has to pay for it
7)women think a man tellin them “no” is a affront to their womenhood…I got priorities-our time is very high on my list but the movies and videos and dont shoot themselves
9) and those men yall enabling yall shouldnt be-real talk a dude I grew up with to this day is a “player” well in that he got the car and several BM’s to go with it, at 36 who is paying his car note: his Moms…she lives in the brick- but he baggin them corporate indie chicks, so when yall call these guys out for being “scrubs” why couldnt yall see that in the beginning?
10) women have allowed materialism to speak for a mans character: are you disappointed because in him because he really isnt interested in “pullin his Lex up in a driveway”? Or that you chose a man whose only ambition is his car? (and degree-condo and lifestyle)
In every new case I hear of women disappointed in her man the men fit the same pattern: when they met he had just enough “stuff” so she assumed she had a go-getter in reality when they met he piqued and she was still ascending, and since then like Dec 21 his sun has been setting earlier and earlier.
Great post. Don’t agree with it all, but an ohsoFAB post none the less!
I am an adult virgin, and due to circumstances (childhood abuse and ish), I just got over myself. I’ve waited this long (in my 30s) and I decided, I might as well wait until I married because I’ll have something to look forward to! Believe me, I’m hornier than a bee’s nest, and now that I’m over myself, I’m a changed person — inside AND out! My virginity doesn’t define me anymore
BTW, I love your blog. Keep it up bruh!