forget about the bar, the mcats, the gre, the act, sat, psat, pssa, pap smear, and breathalyzer, the v test is the most important test any relationship minded woman can possibly ever take. despite this scientific fact, an alarming number of young women consistently fail this examination, with scores sagging and lagging behind like thongs on assless snizzles
what is the v test, you ask? well, its actually quite simple:
if you didn’t have a vagina, if you woke up tommorrow morning and was somehow rendered completely vagina-less, would any guy still want to be cool with you?
maybe its the fault of socialization. maybe its biological, or maybe its just a cultural thing. who knows. all i do know is that 9 times out of 10, when a woman is unhideous and can still get no consistent sincere male attention, it has nothing to do with the lack of available male prospects or men being intimidated by them (ha!) and their degrees and everything to do with the fact that they’re just boring ass people. boring, boring, boring, boring. boring as the f*ck. boring ass people with nothing to offer in a romantic relationship other than an occasionally wet vajayjay, a professional resume, and nice shoes.
thing is, admittedly, this isn’t always their fault. many women have been trained to think of their vaginas as prized possessions (which i agree with) and that men must prove themselves worthy to get the opportunity to sign their names on the lease (a fact i also agree with).
when this mindset is taken to the extreme though, a little thing called “personality” tends to get neglected, creating a species of walking, talking, vagina zombies (ie: “hobbyless hoes”)…a monolithic mass of meandering and monotonus monsters, their dead eyes and vapidness literally boring unsuspecting people to death.
you know, this actually ties into the reasoning behind the fact that most men don’t believe in platonic friendship. it has nothing to do with our “uncontrollable penises” and everything to do with the fact that many men consider being cool with a vagina-less woman to be as pointless as tits on a bull.
“what possible reason do i have to be cool with her if i’m not f*cking or at least trying to f*ck?”.
before you charge me with being sexist, lemme remind you that many women also feel this way about themselves. this feeling is perfectly embodied in the skepticism a typical gf possesses when finding out that their mate might have a female friend or two.
“if you’re not f*cking her or at least trying to f*ck, what possible reason do you have to be cool with her??? i mean, she’s a freakin woman for chrissakes!!! what likeable qualities could she possibly possess???”
(if you’re still a bit cynical about this pandemic of personal p*ssy pedestaling and personality neglect, do a little experiment tommorrow. ask five men to name the five funniest people they know personally, and then ask five women the exact same question, and report the results back in the comments. i know exactly how the results are going to turn out, but i want you all to do this anyway)
so, you ask, how does a woman pass the v test? easily actually.
be funny.
do things.
learn shit.
masturbate frequently.
***i’m including this because women who happily admit to never masturbating usually are also vagina zombies. basically, if you’re over 22 and still feel awkward about “popping the pepsi can“, then kill yourself, resuscitate yourself, and kill yourself again***
read vsb.com
listen to the champ
—the champ
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{ 335 comments… read them below or add one }
o0o am i the first one! Yay me!
Thanks for posting this. I have to admit, i’ve never heard of the “v-test”, but it makes perfect sense. You can eliminate hours of heartache, and madness in a relationship by just thinking about whether or not you would still be with that person if they didnt have their goodies. There is only one man I would want to still be with if he didnt have his..cuz he gives good convo and is an all around great guy. (didnt work out cuz distance is a motha.)
Kudos man..Great post!
Uno.
Yeah aja the question is or should be “what else you got?”. Every woman and man desiring to have a relationship must have a “what else”.
..yeah you’re right. everyone needs some depth to them..something that intrigues the opposite sex to make you want to know more about them. you gotta always keep em guessin..lol
I think this test could very easily be renamed the p-test. I know plenty of men who dont do a damn thing but work, watch tv, masturbate, and beer it up on the weekends.
true. I know some brothas who will not work and sit at home all day playing videogames n watching tv, but STILL get women..now that baffles me..lol
dom, i’m with you on the p test…it should be used to cancel out all mimbos (male bimbos) – the guy who thinks his penis outweighs the fact that he can’t hold a conversation to save his life…doesn’t read…and thinks learning is siddity.
“and thinks learning is siddity.”
This is too funny but so true…It’s like damn I’m siddity cause I’m smart! LOL GTFOH
i’d totally rock an “i think learning is siddity” t-shirt
“I think this test could very easily be renamed the p-test.”
Dom, I agree. It works both ways. A man has to offer more than just his “p” in order to hold my interest.
Men say women come a dime a dozen. A man with a “p” come a dime a dozen too.
“thing is, admittedly, this isn’t always their fault. many women have been trained to think that their vaginas are their most prized possession (which i agree with) and that men must prove themselves worthy to get the opportunity to sign their names on the lease (a fact i also agree with)”
Know what, I’m kinda torn with this statement. I don’t neccessarily think that the ‘p’ is women’s MVP (most valued possession) because I do look for a LOT more than that in a mate. Not to demean its importance, but p*ssy come ‘a dime a dozen’. Plus, I can deal with sex once, twice, or thrice a week…or whatever. If I’m in a serious relationship with someone though, reminders of WHY I’m with that person as oppose to someone else with a ‘p’ should be constantly evident – as in the qualities you mentioned at the conclusion.
I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment that women are trained/conditioned/socialized to believe that their ‘socket’ is gold and it’s not their fault. Aside from what they are taught from family and society to ‘not give it up’, dudes out there have (and probably will forever) continued to go ape shyt over conquering new cooch without putting much value/importance on their own ‘plugs’. The comments and insight on this blog alone is clear evidence that women love/like/enjoy sex just as much as men, and I know that once more men understand that, less of that dynamic of women feeling that way will exist.
In short, cats need to Stop Simpin’!!
It’s one thing to compliment a chick, but when you’re taking that shyt overboard and putting her up on a pedastal to the point where she’s a goddess who’ve got you wrapped around her finger JUST because she has a socket you wanna stick your plug into – that’s when shyt’s gone tragically wrong.
Monk says: “Not to demean its importance, but p*ssy come ‘a dime a dozen’.”
Advantage Monk.
Monk a lot of the shit you said was on point. i wont bother cutting and pasting. you’ve employed my favorite “iron fist wrapped in a lace glove” whereas im a wee bit peckish today. (had some overdraft charges and just sick of this whole kowtow shit)
Checkmate Monk.
“Know what, I’m kinda torn with this statement. I don’t neccessarily think that the ‘p’ is women’s MVP (most valued possession) because I do look for a LOT more than that in a mate.”
you know what, i actually didnt mean to type “most prized”. i made the appropiate edit this morning.
this is what happens when youre editing entries with one hand at 12:05am.
“this is what happens when youre editing entries with one hand at 12:05am.”
lol…what was the other hand doing Champ? huh?
LOL! yeah Right Patt what was he doing with that other hand (u know the one that’s attached to the disproportionately big forearm) LOL!
“lol…what was the other hand doing Champ? huh?”
ummm…praying
just because you make yourself call out for jeezus..doesn’t make it prayer!
just because you make yourself call out for jeezus..doesn’t make it prayer!
****CRYING****
Too. Damn. Funny.
my mom wants to know why I’m laughing out loud every few minutes, I think you should call her and tell her.
Oh yeah, even though I felt I did it subconsciously, I will be applying the ‘v- test’ to all random chicks I’ve dealt with and will deal with in the future, exception being, I got a name for it now.
Thanks bruh.
no problem
I nearly lost my sh*t laughin @ hobbyless hoes, ohh you are racking up hell points for that !!
I actually know a dude who had a live-in girl for years. He looked like Cedric the Entertainer and many described her as the poor man’s Alicia Keys. They dated and dated and people wondered why he never proposed. After they broke up, someone asked him why and he said she was boring. She never wanted to go anywhere, do anything, and she was as engaging as a lobotomized turkey. I wonder if she knows that was the real reason?
It is truly sad when you can only be tagged as a warm place to rest at the end of the day. (Pun intended)
“He looked like Cedric the Entertainer and many described her as the poor man’s Alicia Keys.”
lol…why did you give us this info? i’m still trying to figure that out
i was trying to put into context why everyone was puzzled that he had not proposed: they were implying that he should wife her up just because she was so attractive, and he apparently couldn’t do better in the looks department. But I ain’t one to gossip, so you didn’t hear that from me
“i was trying to put into context why everyone was puzzled that he had not proposed: they were implying that he should wife her up just because she was so attractive, and he apparently couldn’t do better in the looks department. But I ain’t one to gossip, so you didn’t hear that from me ”
lol…ok. i suspected that, but didnt want to assume
“lobotomized turkey”
Okay…I’m done!!!
*claps hands*
I’m out!!!
“she was as engaging as a lobotomized turkey”
LMAO!
Im guessing its a bad thing that 90% of my friends (guy and girls) came to mind while reading this.
BTW, thanks for the “hobby-less hoes” term.
“Im guessing its a bad thing that 90% of my friends (guy and girls) came to mind while reading this.”
birds of a feather…
daaaaaaaaaaamn….you ain’t have to type that!!
My heart is hurt now. Im offended, im appaled, but you gotta do better than that.
If nothing else, this explains why I do alot of stuff alone in FL. Come on down to the south Champ, Im going fishing this weekend…unless you’re one of those pretty boys that cant bait his own hook.
Its all love.
“Hobby-less hoes” is my new fave term. I must use it and abuse it.
I have adopted this phrase into my vocab as well. Very insightful and explains a LOT.
Hmmm, I dunno. I know some seemingly boring women who stay with a man and some DAMN interesting women (cough, cough) who can’t keep a decent one around….
The catch is who’s doing the judging. Just because a woman, or man for that matter, thinks they are all that and a cup of mocha magic java doesn’t necessary mean that they are.
Sometimes we all need to see ourselves (entertaining/or not) thru the senses of others.
“The catch is who’s doing the judging. Just because a woman, or man for that matter, thinks they are all that and a cup of mocha magic java doesn’t necessary mean that they are. ”
***CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***
Yeah it’s a relationship thing. In relationships people get someone elses take on how they livin. Kind of a how you livin mirror. Relationships the basis of all human interaction.
(wow!) first, i don’t think a whole lot of women aspire to be the type of woman a guy is ‘cool with’. second, i think a lot of men still keep the p*ssy on the pedestal and as a result are not looking for the fun, engaging chic you mention in your post. Now if we’re talking making friends with the opposite sex I feel ya…if we’re talking about the v-test as a measure to make yourself ‘more marketable’ towards the opposite sex then I have to disagree. I don’t think passing the v-test is a wide spread phenomenon. I think in order for this to work men have to actually want an engaging female in their presence. On the otherhand, most of my relationships have played out like Musiq Soulchild’ Half Crazy Video… friends turned lovers kind of ish. Not the ideal situation imo, because it always feels like men are more comfortable with keeping their homegirls in one category and their potential gfs in another. but your post is suggesting otherwise…is it not?
Miss Patterson like I mentioned up above we all need that “what else” to have a relationship substaining balance.
Lacking something more can lead to emotional affairs outside of the relationship.
“Not the ideal situation imo, because it always feels like men are more comfortable with keeping their homegirls in one category and their potential gfs in another. but your post is suggesting otherwise…is it not?”
it is.
thing is, there is a balance that i think some of the habitual homegirl chicks are missing. being cool is great…but we don’t want to be with someone who is just cool…and thats it.
what i’m saying is that the optimum mate has the sex appeal thing and isn’t afraid to use it…but the sex appeal isn’t the only thing they have going for them.
sex appeal, huh? well, i think that’s understood right? these exes didn’t go from being my “homeboy” to my lover bcuz i tripped on his d*ck one night or because i had a burlap sack over my head. there was obviously some chemistry (lol). i guess the point i’m trying to make is that a lot of men prefer the sex over the personality to a fault. i’ve seen a lot of my guy friends end up with women who have completely failed the v test. i don’t get it…and i’m not saying you have the answer but it just seems strange to me when i’m better friends with my guy friends than his own gf is…it’s like she’s just there to look pretty. wtf?
I think that’s your friend’s choice to be like that. Maybe they haven’t been made to feel bad about how little that person has to offer. GK was on it down below when he commented on marriages being subject to the law of deminishing returns. And the more you have off top @ the beginning the longer it’s going to last?? Just saying there’s no substitude for competance and we want what we want when we want it. say la vi
“most of my relationships have played out like Musiq Soulchild’ Half Crazy Video”
of course i had to find the video on you tube …because i like to have visual references for everything. i can’t believe this song is 7 yrs old…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsVIPcqZzpk
“first, i don’t think a whole lot of women aspire to be the type of woman a guy is ‘cool with’.”
Can’t speak for all brothas but I DEFINITELY wanna be ‘cool with’ my lady. As the Champ stated, being cool with your girl who also exudes sexiness is the ideal mate (ya know, if everything else falls in line).
“first, i don’t think a whole lot of women aspire to be the type of woman a guy is ‘cool with’”
Yes, I do. My number one criteria for dating someone is to be cool with said person.
Reason why I am also cool with my most of my exes… Now did I just undo my first statement?
“a monolithic mass of meandering and monotonus monsters, their dead eyes and vapidness literally boring unsuspecting people to death.” – hahahhahahaahahahahahahhaahahah
That sh*t right there my nigg, that sh*t right there, that line is my chronic for the week, keep me smilin n sh*t. It’s official, I’m a VSB regular my nigg.
“It’s official, I’m a VSB regular my nigg.”
welcome and shit
“welcome and shit”.
LMFAO my nigg.
“vagina zombies” is maybe the funniest thing i’ve heard all week.
agreed on all counts on this entry.
“vagina zombies” is maybe the funniest thing i’ve heard all week.”
the week just started, lol. if you changed that to “funniest thing i’ve heard in a week”, then i’d be satisfied
Kaboom guess who stepped in the room!
Champ panders: “…vaginas are their most prized possession (which i agree with) and that men must prove themselves worthy[of the pu$$] to get the opportunity to sign their names on the lease (a fact i also agree with).
no more than a woman should prove herself worthy of a man whatever his greatest value is. [real or percieved, socialized or otherwise] …and i guess this is the question and observation that Champ acknowledges in his “V Test” submission in a way. (coupla cool points for that)
Monk said: “If I’m in a serious relationship with someone though, reminders of WHY I’m with that person as oppose to someone else with a ‘p’ should be constantly evident – as in the qualities you mentioned at the conclusion.”
Monk shoots!………………and he scores!
PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION BOMBOCLOTS:
not that women don’t feel the same way or should about men BUT that the focus in this area and the socialization [if u will] is focused on what the man should be doing for the woman. [WOMENS SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT]
BOLLOX!
it’s still tricking even if you got it. r u off ur trolley? quit tricking cheese for these trollops. ya slip is showing, tighten up your girdle and the fuck off my balls wristcutter. smells like somebody’s been shoving baby pandas up ur glory hole, now isn’t it?
Can u tell me how to say: “suck my balls.” …in yiddish?
No? That’s ok I can say it to u in English.
it’s that ignorant shit you like. Taze yourself. I’m off.
???? you lost me after bollox…
Miss Patterson it’s a rant from which something relevant may or may not be extrapolated. maybe it was a visceral experience for you even if indiscernible and apparently you were not apathetic to it. salute!
“extrapolated”
mmmm u do it to me everytime
heeeeeeeeeey HEDO….what it do mama….enjoying your vacay?
@GK – p.s….when I read “extrapolate” and “visceral” I bit m bottom lip…I can’t halp it…it’s a reflex…damn my predisposition to be a cerebra-phile!
that was deep son
A true rant…and I’m mad I could follow along with it…lol.
“Taze yourself”
I’m gonna start saying to this people, in particular the stupid ones lol
I say this is another T-Shirt Entry.
“Taze yourself, son”
I love it!
“it’s still tricking even if you got it. r u off ur trolley? quit tricking cheese for these trollops. ya slip is showing, tighten up your girdle and the fuck off my balls wristcutter. smells like somebody’s been shoving baby pandas up ur glory hole, now isn’t it? ”
…….
sounds a little max b-ish, jim jones-ish…. esp. “ya slip is showing, tighten up your girdle”
“smells like somebody’s been shoving baby pandas up ur glory hole, now isn’t it?”…. stewie (from family guy) much???
Tru D Tru D Tru D, thats right Jim Jones by way of Killa Cam “pull your skirt down B.” and stewie is cool wit me but he doesn’t have the lock on shoving baby pandas up ur bum.
is that all you read? i’m particularly sweet today. lemme know if i can send u an e-hug.
they made it a hot line i made it mine in a hot rant.
ima send that shit to the writers gulid and see if they will register it.
trollops
You are the only person outside of my grandmother that I know that uses this word…love it mayne!!!
The only other person I know (who caused me to adopt it) is B-Scott aka Mr. Love Muffin.
Can u tell me how to say: “suck my balls.” …in yiddish?
OMG…I am dead…lol
GK rants: “it’s still tricking even if you got it.”
Damn, I wish more brothas understood this. The thoughts and actions behind it doesn’t change based on your financial status.
Peep this post:
http://my2cents-sense.blogspot.com/2008/02/tricks-up-pimps-down.html
????
Don’t worry Patty cakes. The brothas @ vsb are holding up bent arms. You know what that is. It’s a wing. & your under it. Right there by the great big tricep bulge. No worries. lol
GK was just emphaticaly agreeing w/ Monk’s earlier posting.
thanks WuDaMan! btw i luv my new nickname (pattycakes)…i just had to say that.
“when a woman is unhideous and can still get no consistent male attention, it has nothing to do with … men being intimidated by them (ha!) ”
The statement above is hot fire that a lot of chicks need to start to believe. Why u talkin about your Doctorate at a party? He’s not intimidated, he just ain’t trying to hear about your dissertation during Lollipop. Love the V-test, love it extra cause i pass with flying colors
“Why u talkin about your Doctorate at a party? He’s not intimidated, he just ain’t trying to hear about your dissertation during Lollipop”
right. plus, that song makes my ears bleed so i wouldnt be hearing anything anyway
Why u talkin about your Doctorate at a party?
LMAO!!! This goes back to the whole degreee vs. non degree post a couple of weeks ago.
““Why u talkin about your Doctorate at a party? He’s not intimidated, he just ain’t trying to hear about your dissertation during Lollipop” – LMMFAO
Wait…..let me check…wait…..yep i just shitted myself from laughing!!!
iew hahaha
(barf)…
Insane.
“Why u talkin about your Doctorate at a party? He’s not intimidated, he just ain’t trying to hear about your dissertation during Lollipop.”
LMBAO
My question would be to the men–how many of you use the “v” test? Why does it seem more men are blinded by the “v” and do stupid things because of the “v” and will mess over their significant other over new “v” if they want something more than just the “v.”
Okay, I think I’ve asked enough questions for one day
Sheila asks:
Q:”how many of you [men] use the “v” test?
A: most men, especially when determining long term relations. (we consider qualities other than the nappy dugout but where the value is placed and where v” falls in the pecking order is individual)
Q: Why does it seem more men are blinded by the “v” and do stupid things because of the “v”
A: Because sexual nature is stronger and more persistent than our will to do otherwise and this applies to most human beings not just men.
Q: “…and will mess over their significant other over new “v”
*by mess over i think u mean cheat sexually…
A: this is just 1 possible reason. …not sure that monagomy is natural but it is the socialized and collective concious and will of the people.
Q: “if they want something more than just the “v.”
A: everyone is curious about if not like variety no matter their favorite food, friend appendage or orfice.
one black mans opinion.
Genius Khan, thanks for your insight.
yeah…he pretty much covered it
Co-Signature.
They are not at the point where they are looking for moe than V or they have yet to experience a female that provides more than V. Just a theory.
Deviant, your theory makes sense.
That’s a young dude thang.
Before I read your post I was going to ask the same questions. It looks good written down and maybe when you talk to your boys about it but more often than not it seems like the cute girl with a great personality is shoved forcefully into the friend zone in place of the girl who has no depth of knowledge or “funniness.”
peachesngumbo.wordpress.com
“it seems like the cute girl with a great personality is shoved forcefully into the friend zone in place of the girl who has no depth of knowledge or “funniness.””
*tambourine on the hip praise & worship jam session*
“cut the crap gravey.” I think it was the great Chris Rock who had the routine that talked about ‘dycks in glass jars’ vs women we haven’t folked yet. Obviously everyone hates not being sweated off jump so I say everyone gets a free romp as soon as we can post meeting. Shucks Monk said errbody loves to do it so give in n give it up.
thanks we always need some ignorance to get the day going.
“Obviously everyone hates not being sweated off jump so I say everyone gets a free romp as soon as we can post meeting”
this is actually the plan for the vsb bbq afterparty
Hey Champ do you think that peaches saw me palm her tiddy. Trying to master D’s approach.
palming tiddies never gets old
Yeppers…seen it happen too often. I think THEY (just like women) have to get to a point where they feel the goodies ain’t the most important thing in the world…which happens earlier for us, I believe, than them.
I think it happens sooner cause of the social conditioning. Girls are told to pair up and get married and all that when you are young. How many guys can say they feel any pressure to get paired up and/or married?
I’m sure that there aren’t many of you that feel pressured. It more like you eventually come to the realization that you wanna settle down. It’s not that way with women normally.
Thats what I’m saying. Men are allowed to go at their own pace whereas I know females that feel pressure to pair up as soon as they graduate high school.
Trust me–I have folks in my family looking upside my head because I just turned 30 and I’m single, no kids.
Now my brother on the other hand is 36, single, 1 child. They don’t look at him the same way that they look at me. Nahmean?
Classic double standard, but hey…what can ya do?
“How many guys can say they feel any pressure to get paired up and/or married?”
For the most part, guys don’t get the same pressure as women. My situation with my ex was different. He had pressure from his mom to settle down when we were in our mid-20s (he was 2 years older than me). She would tell him to marry me and he had pressure from his aunts too. My family was the total opposite. They told me to focus on my career and have fun and not to think about marriage until my 30s.
“THEY (just like women) have to get to a point where they feel the goodies ain’t the most important thing in the world…which happens earlier for us, I believe, than them.”
JBoogie, I agree.
From reading everybody’s responses, it seems that when the man is looking to settle down or a serious relationship, he is looking for depth not just the “v.”
“more often than not it seems like the cute girl with a great personality is shoved forcefully into the friend zone in place of the girl who has no depth of knowledge or “funniness.””
but once you’re shoved in the friend zone, is your fukkability quotient lowered?
it gives new meaning to the term “fawk your brains out.” like who do you pull that off with a zombie?
“but once you’re shoved in the friend zone, is your fukkability quotient lowered?”
you’re only placed there if your fukkability quotient is low, at least to the person who’s doing the placing. luckily though, it does have the ability to increase
more often than not it seems like the cute girl with a great personality is shoved forcefully into the friend zone in place of the girl who has no depth of knowledge or “funniness.”
Where are these cute girls with great personalities? Point them my way!
“it seems like the cute girl with a great personality is shoved forcefully into the friend zone in place of the girl who has no depth of knowledge or “funniness.””
A lot of this depends on the maturity level of the guy. People tend to go through stages of their lives and if the guy is in that stage where he’s not looking for someone with more depth than their vagina, he just wanna bang, of course they may ignore the other attributes women bring to the table.
A more mature guy is going to look at the whole picture.
ALso consider the fact that at the core we are animals guided by instinct and one could argue that monagamy is suppression of those instincts to bang as much as possible in a variety of capable candidates to continue the species as other animals do. Also consider everyone aint built for the monagamy possibly because of inability to supress those instincts. Willpower V Programming. Square pegs in round holes and all.
“Also consider everyone aint built for the monagamy possibly because of inability to supress those instincts.”
so aside from the cootie debate, if its an instinct does that make defying it wrong?
thats not a question of wrong or right thats just the reasoning behind why the decision is made.
You know the first time I heard my then boyfriend/now husband utter the words “you know what I like you” and it had nothing to do with the v-spot I knew we had a good thing. He was speaking of my quirkiness and silly ways. The very things that I like about me.
Another time since we have been in wedded harmony I did something totally outrageous but yet a little humorous he said “you better be glad I like you”. Very cool indeed.
Other guys have liked me for other things also, but he is the only one I wish to talk about right now.
And coming from a woman who has been in the same relationship for over seven years now…you are going to need more than a vagina to entertainment a man. Just like I require much more than dazzling dizzle to keep me coming back.
raqi, i always like your stories…amen!
btw, i think it’s important to note that passing the ‘v test’ is only important to the guy who actually wants more than the v (i.e. a relationship). if he’s just lookin’ for a cut buddy then you can go on being a hobbyless ho…
hey hey dont encourge hobbylessness. we must end this scourge
“hey hey dont encourge hobbylessness. we must end this scourge”
this would be a great premise for a psa
Raqui once again your relationship seems to be an anomaly, a veritable phonomenon even. …and although i’m sure you and your man have problems this is just too good for yourselves. considering the length and breadth of your marriage is subject to the law of diminishing returns, i wish fo you 1000 years of happiness together. the only the relationships that I’ve heard described similar to yours, i can count on two fingers. salute.
“there is no exception to the rule that every rule has an exception. James Thurber
Genius my relationship with my husband is no different than most others. I just don’t dwell on the bad stuff. I choose to be uplifted and happy rather than be petty and complain all day long. And the fact that we are actually friends and were friends long before we entered into a relationship helps.
But I do find it odd that you don’t know of any couples that are actually happy. Happy Marriages do exist. Just because a couple have their differences and sometimes argue doesn’t mean they are not happy.
“But I do find it odd that you don’t know of any couples that are actually happy”
me too. not just the gza though, but that seems to be a common theme here…cats don’t have any idea what a good relationship looks like because they have seen enough of em in person.
I’m with GK, I have yet to witness a happy marriage in real life. I know a lot of folks who are long-term roomates, and they tolerate one another for a long time, but I don’t see happiness. And this is not part of my bitter tuesday spiel…i’m totally serious. no wait, i know one couple but that’s it. sad, i know.
“And this is not part of my bitter tuesday spiel”
is this gonna be an every tuesday thing?
I know a few happy married couples and they tell me the secret is keep a sense of humor and keep things interesting. A lot of unhappy couples that I know of is because it gets boring and turns into a routine. The happy marriages are the couples who have a lot of fun, they travel a lot and go out a lot either as a couple or with their friends.
yep Raq. i understand that a relationship is not always peachy keen. i only draw my observations from the pool of people that have been close enough to me for me to have a good view of their relationship and my own debauchery, situationships, debacles etc. i know 2 couples that i THINK are happily married MOSTof the time and in what i see as a healthy functioning relationship. the others seem to be marrigaes of convienence etc. where an overwhelming, disfunctional and unhappy cloud of disdain lurks just beneath the surface. we all know what the numbers look like on divorce so i would assume if you’re getting a divorce somebody/s unhappy. (most of the time)
you seem to have a good attitude about your marriage and sure being friends so long before marriage helped. 1 of the marriages i’m referring to is a highschool sweetharts type of thing. i do envy it a lil. (no not really, i’m good) ya know that kind of understanding doesn’t guarantee real success but it’s got to foster understanding and enhance the chances of a stronger bond. (especially if you’ve had a chance to date other people before you married)
whatevers, just keep up the good work.
Raqi, you seem to always drop jewels!! Keep bangin’!!
The V-test huh? lol
Wow. I know a lotta chicks that wouldn’t pass this one.
Keep in mind that plenty of you kats wouldn’t pass the D-test either.
Oh, I do like the discourse today Champ…cause I use that same exact test for dudes. I require (if thinking of long term relations) a man who ISN’T boring, who actually has interests, reads, can hold a convo about any random topic (even he doesn’t know much about it), and can make me laugh. *D* also comes a dime a dozen…and if that’s all I cared about, I’d be SWIMMING in it ya heard? But no, I actually prefer a man with a brain…and who knows how to use it.
Case in point…for a minute, I was talking to this dude. Gorgeous, had it going on the bedroom…but outside, not much else for me. We had no similar interests. Once the physical attraction subsided to managable levels lol…and I started asking myself, “what did I see in him?”…it was a wrap. In his case, I neglected to use the “d” test early on…would have saved me a lot of time.
*D* also comes a dime a dozen
You ain’t never lied.
So Champ tomorrow the men are going to be put to the V-Test right?
A great man that I know (hey, Dad) says that “A real man is not one who can pull a multitude of arse, but one who is man enough to turn it down”.
“A real man is not one who can pull a multitude of arse, but one who is man enough to turn it down”.
*Collection plate*
On the real, I need to send your daddy a check…that’s some SERIOUS truth right there!
Raqi—this sounds lke something my Daddy would say.
“A real man is not one who can pull a multitude of arse, but one who is man enough to turn it down”.
Oooh! I nomiate this as a t-shirt saying too! But I think mainly the ladies would rock it. LOL
“A real man is not one who can pull a multitude of arse, but one who is man enough to turn it down”.
Oooh! I nomiate this as a t-shirt saying too! But I think mainly the ladies would rock it. LOL”
a bit too long for a t-shirt quote. good idea though
Raq pleads, suggests, pressures: “So Champ tomorrow the men are going to be put to the V-Test right?”
well todays version was the more unique observation because it illuminates where there is considerable darkness. however what you suggest is where the light is so bright there is a glare.
There are two kinds of light – the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. James Thurber
society, reality and women are such that when it comes to test in relationships, men are more than often the ones who are being vetted. one of my biggest relationship pet peeves is becoming aware and unduly subjected to test that women have conjured up to supposedly judge how much i like, love etc. them. …as if life doesn’t naturally throw enough curve balls at couples to genuinely consider and evaluate.
i could write a post on that which would have your head spin 360 like the exorcists. maybe i should. or maybe Champ and P will ask me to guest speak on the weekends sometimes. the clinics are getting so full on the weekdays and the trading so brisk that a weekend service may be ripe for the scribing. perhaps it’s time for a triumverate, the likes of which have not been seen since the roman empire. (Pompey, Caesar and Crassus or, Mark Antony, Lepidus and Octavian or later Augustus)
however my opposers may launch a literary coup attempt. just because they know the play doesn’t mean they can stop it. maybe a vsb dukedom or earldom is at hand. i wouldn’t want widespread dissent so perhaps my own coronation, officially declare my own sovreignty (with the blessings and aid of my allies vsb of course) and claim surreal estate if the citizens don’t support my…
in a whispered tone:
heh heh heh (inhales) whooo!
talk black to me vsb.commers. what say ye?
I say yay
thanks for your support.
good to know i have the favor of Ali Ba Ba and the 40 Deev’s.
LOL!
Sin Sala Bim
Make it so…
thx J Boogz. making it so. compeling the titans to see it our way.
signed: compel composed
I didn’t know the “genius” had opposers…
*dumdfounded*
“So Champ tomorrow the men are going to be put to the V-Test right?”
honestly, i think this phenomenon is more prevalent with women. i’d even go as far to say that theres two boring women for every boring man.
You cant possibly believe that men are more interesting than women. That’s a joke right?
Champ: “honestly, i think this phenomenon is more prevalent with women. i’d even go as far to say that theres two boring women for every boring man.”
WoW!! I deem this statement as true, though it seems pretty harsh. Damn.
I agree though.
Hell to the naaaaw!!!!!!
Doctors have proven that 9 outta 10 dudes are LAME!!!
why you makin stuff up?
btw Raq daddy was right when he said:
“A real man is not one who can pull a multitude of arse, but one who is man enough to turn it down”.
a lot of times i sacrificed good for better and better for best which is to say many times i have dodged and turned down sure cooch for what i felt was more appetizing for me. sometimes i’ve won sometimes i’ve lost. my friends couldn’t see why i would do it and sometimes i’ve kicked myself for doing it. but when i was able to perform miracles it’s been very rewarding and convincing. everything is possible so whe i’m in the moment i play for all the marbles. (in life generally)
i’m almost sure your dad didn’t mean it in this way. it was not until my retirement from pimp style aquisitions that i came close to what ur pops is probably refering to. i’m much wiser now but i still have flashbacks from the machinations of a oooh wee mu fu****.
remember a pimp gets what he wants a player gets what he can. LOL!
i should send my dam self to the corner just to holiday.
Nigel bring the car round please we’re going to the west corner and do bring my ahhh (clears throat) parasol, we may get a bit of the wett. oh and my box of tricks for the softtails.
we’re off now, cheerio!
“A great man that I know (hey, Dad) says that “A real man is not one who can pull a multitude of arse, but one who is man enough to turn it down”.”
THIS IS FACT!!
Ha!! I know some chicks like this. One dude back in college told them they have ‘Platinum Yak’ and those heffas, from that point on, said to hell with current events or even popular culture. All their asses do is maintain their ‘front yard’ and walk around like their shyt doesn’t stink. These chicks don’t get along with men who don’t want to shag them or women who have personality.
Oh, but they are so funny to watch. They’re always frustrated because they can’t keep a man. Because of that one guy in college who deemed them holder of the ‘Platinum Yak’, they think if they screw a dude early and often, he’ll stay around. But the lack of personality kills the relationships every time.
I know some dudes who would like to meet them
“One dude back in college told them they have ‘Platinum Yak’ and those heffas, from that point on, said to hell with current events or even popular culture.”
was this guy eventually drawn and quartered? asking because thats the only justifiable punishment for the offense he committed
First, what type of dude says this?? Did he fuck all these chicks, came to that conclusion, and put them in this ‘Platinum Yak’ folder?
Secondly, what type of chick wants to be in a ‘Platinum Yak’-folder with other ‘Platinum Yak’ chicks around campus and wear it as a badge of honor?
Those questions are rhetorical and I agree, Hostess, those folks are FUNNY to watch. Sometimes I do feel a tad bit sorry for them though.
Oh, I forgot to add…I’d pass the “v” test hands down, with honors lol…
Absolutely love this post!
My homeboy called me the other day to ask a women’s point of view about something that happened with his wife. This of course turned into a venting session during which he says, ‘Man, a couple of us were sitting around the other day wondering why we didnt marry our friends. You know chicks more like you and the rest of the girls. People we can have fun with outside of the relationship bullshit.’
Funny thing is a few of the girls in our circle were wondering how did they manage to marry women that were the complete opposites of all of us and many of them are just plain boring. I guess now we know, they didnt apply the v-test
“Absolutely love this post!”
thank you, and i’m sure the post loves you too.
after reading through the comments, i think many women think that while passing the v-test is good in theory, they feel that many men don’t care about that and will put the hobbyless ho in the gf category as long as she’s banging
i kind of see where theyre coming from, but theyre missing the point. maybe the dime piece hobbyless-hoes do get more dates and initial male attention, but they also generally get pumped and dumped.
like i said before, it’s all about finding a balance
pumped and dumped or its a miserable relationship
It’s a fine line between nut bucket o’s and potential wife material.
know you didn’t say “nut bucket o’s”…i’m dying here!
Yeah I think he’s been corsponding w/ goodie’s granny. But check the entire thread it’s going around.
miss t-lee, you say, “It’s a fine line between nut bucket o’s and potential wife material.”
I wholeheartedly disagree with this. As other comments have touched upon, when men marry women solely based on the poonany, it doesn’t make for a good match if there’s nothing else to offer.
“Wifey material” encompasses that and so much more.
The line isn’t thin at all.
Sacrasm Monk…sarcasm.
So us, womenfolk must wait while you guys pump and dump several rounds of these “hobbyless hoes?”
That’s what it sounds like to me peaches.
essentially. most men i know aren’t ready to hang up their pump & dump routine until say mmm….10 years after our first relationship urge. in the interim, we develop resentment, work on our cynicism, suppress our maternal urges, have a few tender moments that end with a guy wanting to return to his pumping & dumping days and then right around the time we’re planning our 5th trip overseas with our homegirls, we meet somebody who’s done pimpin’ (get him tested) and then live happily ever after…
*miss p excuses herself to vomit* p.s.- in case you didn’t get the memo it’s “bitter tuesday”.
*miss p excuses herself to vomit* p.s.- in case you didn’t get the memo it’s “bitter tuesday”.
Keeping it real!!! Love ya Miss P.
oh yeah, and i forgot you get strung along a few thousand times in between there too. *miss p exits chugging a double-deuce of tecate*
sounds like you got it right
LOL! Soooo true. Dayum.
Or we wait until the (actually) good guy dumps/divorces his hobbyless ho of a gf/wife and wises up and tries to holla at us. (Complete with child support and alimony payment.) Humph…
Or we wait until the (actually) good guy dumps/divorces his hobbyless ho of a gf/wife and wises up and tries to holla at us. (Complete with child support and alimony payment.)
That’s what I like to call a “no-go”.
::flashes the peace sign::
Basically…
um. yeah.
I agree wholeheartedly and feel that while guys may bang the hobbyless hoes, at the end of the day they want to settle down with the chick with substance. I see it happen all the time. They may get sidetracked on their quest to the nonhobbyless hoes, but they usually find their way.
“but they usually find their way.”
Right, with maturity. If a guy’s not ready though, just don’t expect him to automatically skip the stage that he’s going through.
Bet you didnt see all this bitterness coming, lol. Great Post Champ!!
“Bet you didnt see all this bitterness coming, lol. Great Post Champ!!”
i did. in fact we count on it. without it we go out of business, lol
i did. in fact we count on it. without it we go out of business, lol
CTFU!!!!
another phenomena i have noticed is men completely passing over the v-test acers for hobbyless hoes, only to come back to v-test geniuses… like how do u deal with that? you always knew i was dope, but you just had to try that boring ass bitch and im supposed to wait for you to come back?
“you always knew i was dope, but you just had to try that boring ass bitch and im supposed to wait for you to come back?”
wrong answer, wrong answer!
Shay come on. Yall keep fahking us though.
LOL!!!! Here you go again…love it!
“Shay come on. Yall keep fahking us though. ”
this made me choke on my pepper steak and salad
you always knew i was dope, but you just had to try that boring ass bitch and im supposed to wait for you to come back?
This is when you laugh in their face. One of my x’s did that ish one time.
I had a good laugh. Like that laugh on the 50 cent song ” Straight to the Bank”….lol.
AMEN SHAY! say it again
Testimony Sunday!!!
I have a guy right now sweating me like a work horse on a North Carolina tobbaco farm, cause he decided to deal with a hobbyl ess ho and has since come decided that he perfers conversation after copulation. So sad!
“I have a guy right now sweating me like a work horse on a North Carolina tobbaco farm”
definitely something one of my great-aunts would say. you’re not really my auntie emma, are you?
only if you are into insestual role playing…
coversation after copulation
or
no coversation after copulation. (unless it’s sexy)
incestual role playing huh… will you wear stockings and garters for me luv and gossamer panties. something sheer. lipstick in a color that will contrast nicely against your skin with lip gloss on top of that and some block heeled mary janes? put your hair in 2 ponytails if you can heh?
after class and before mum and dad get home i promiseto give you a good shagging. now shutup.
http://www.angelseroticsolutions.com/AngelsEroticSolutions-Home.htm
@ Genius **blushing**
I meant to say stimulating conversation.
But baby tell me what/how you want it. Your wish is my command, I aim to please
The only upside of that is that when they come back, they rarely give the hobby-less hoes 2nd glances after that.
the way I look at it is you had an opportunity with me, I gave you 100% when you had that chance, now you come back. Prove it to me that I should give you a second chance, cause now I need you to show me why I should let you have a shot at 100%
Shay says, “another phenomena i have noticed is men completely passing over the v-test acers for hobbyless hoes, only to come back to v-test geniuses… like how do u deal with that?”
Like the Game (or game show) goes, ‘Deal Or No Deal’. You always have a choice.
Generally speaking, men and women go through different phases at different times. Women (in no way speaking for all) want to settle down BEFORE men do (generally) and that’s where the disconnect come in.
The men you speak upon may just be going through that phase. Personally, I know that I’ve been through that stage where a “good” woman was right in my face, but I wasn’t at that stage yet. I still had to get the proverbial ‘player’ out of my system.
Once that’s done, that’s when we revert back.
A lot of guys that marry young, fall victim to this cause they have never gotten it out of their system. That’s when infidelity comes into play with a couple who may have been married as high school sweethearts.
I believe I passed the v-test Summa Cum Laude! I have my degree sitting in my best china cabinet, right next to the Misters….we like to admire it from time to time amd pat ourselves on the back.
Good post!
Congrats to V Renee!!
So I just called a male friend of mine up and asked him, Jay – if I didn’t have a vagina, would we still be cool and hang out and shit?
His response was: Absolutely! Can we make that happen? My girl would totally dig that. Wait – would you still have titties tho?
I have always had a male best friend. Not one that we became friends after doing the do. I’m just an amazingly awesome woman, and the special ones recognize that
Oh, and I can’t wait to see hoeass Angel again, I’m so totally calling her a hobbyless hoe from now on.
My best guy friend and I have a rule that we never discuss our sex lives in front of each other. The thought of the other doing it just creeps us out. He understands that as far as I am concerned he is built like a Ken doll and as far as he is concerned, the only things I have done are kiss (just pecks) and hold hands. The only time we called all bets off was when we went to Vegas. All topics were fair game
“My best guy friend and I have a rule that we never discuss our sex lives in front of each other.”
never? is there a reason for this?
“My best guy friend and I have a rule that we never discuss our sex lives in front of each other.”
Wow…really?
All bets are off with my guy friends. I know too much, and they know too much as well.
O thats something to be considered… will they still have tiddies and ass cause the menfolk like those too. Sometimes I just like to have tiddies and ass around to look at while I go about my day.
I wish we had that advantage. We just get to imagine that the bulge is more than too big underwear.
You have your own set of tiddies to look at. You have nothing to complain about. I have to export tiddies.
titties are a blessed thing.
thats a tshirt to be worn on a nice set of sweater puppies
i might have to go head on and get that made when i go get my GANGSTER OF LOVE tee made.
Deviant, I Totally agree.
*envisioning it now*
they are indeed…wonder what’d happen if i were a shirt like that…
meant to say “wore” lol
put it on take a pic and post it here. Youll find out
I actually prefer to not look at anyones tiddies not even my own even though they are nice. Guess i’ll just stick to bulge inspections to get me through my day.
I cant believe you just said that. I just had palpitations. I cant comprehend not looking at tiddies. I’ll believe the sun will explode tomorrow before I won’t look at tiddies. I have to go take a walk now.
“You have your own set of tiddies to look at. You have nothing to complain about. I have to export tiddies.”
lol…you’re on a roll today
“Sometimes I just like to have tiddies and ass around to look at while I go about my day”
it makes the day go a bit faster, doesnt it?
Time flies when your having fun. Way too true.
Like a Janet Jackson song.
there’s a lot of truth available here, my brethren.
i’ve told more than a few chicks to kick rocks b/c they bored me half to death. and you might say that, “well, panama, if you’re assuming all these chicks are boring, maybe its you and not them…”
to which i’ll respond with: “i’m commenting here not them. it’s my story and them broads were boring. f*** ‘em.”
true story: once a long long time ago, my mother wanted to get my girlfriend something for christmas and asked me what my girlfriends hobbies were. as i began to tell my mother her interests i noticed that i actually had NO effin’ clue about a single interest of her. i’d never seen her open a book that wasn’t required by some institution. she didn’t do anything all day…that day began the descent of our relationship. i don’t do boring. in fact, my own boys tell every girl that i date to “make sure you don’t get boring.”
i have my own v-test, usually conducted before i even get to meet the v (mind you this is all past tense)…
if the first time i walk into your home/apartment/place of residence and i can’t tell a single thing about you — basically your place looks like a residence inn with no personality — i’m the fuck out. if i can’t tell if you read or like music or hell…ANYTHING…because your walls are painted white with generic artwork on them and nary a book in sight or anything…if your spot has NO personality…
kick rocks, duck.
“if the first time i walk into your home/apartment/ place of residence and i can’t tell a single thing about you — basically your place looks like a residence inn with no personality”
yeah, i call this the “cookie cutter drywall effect”. like a Post Apt with a fake plant in the corner. i can see how this can be a deal breaker. But ya know what’s funny P? most guys are like this, but i rarely meet a girl whose apt has no style. Men however are typically clueless in displaying their personality via their home decor…which i find irksome at times.
“Men however are typically clueless in displaying their personality via their home decor…which i find irksome at times.”
If they do attempt to decorate all they will have in the apt is that ubiquitous black wood carving art, on the tables and masks on the wall.
So cliche’.
don’t forget the cheap sports posters or the wall of big booty hos collected from various King/Maxim/Vibe/ Source centerfolds (and companion calendar nearby). lol!
Oh yeah!!! How could I forget?!
cause its not that important to us. Of course I decorate my crib with dvds, Nikes, Tims, stereo equipment, computer stuff and transformers. I dont waste money on stuff I dont actually use like paintings and throw pillows. I think Prowl sitting on my computer desk, the chessboard on my coffee table, The Onion atlas on my bookshelf says all you should know about my personality. If you don’t realize my awesome after seeing this you fail to realize and have brought shame upon your family home. Plus youre probly a mud duck.
Realize my awesome.
T-shirt quote!!!
yep Deevs thats fly! “Realize My Awesome.”
good catch t-lee
*i don’t do boring*
I’d wear this on a t-shirt all day long…at least 3-4 times a week.
“I’d wear this on a t-shirt all day long…at least 3-4 times a week.”
well, if you want an invite to the vsb bbq, then i suggest you wash the shirt between wearings.
dam another good 1 offered by J Boogz “I don’t do Boring.”
good call Champster
Actually, this wasn’t me…this was from our friend Panama up above…best quote of the day for me.
ok my bad not J Boogz but Panama.
“I Don’t Do Boring”
i tried to change it but Apex is acting a complete ass today.
lol…actually, i’d just buy multiples…saves on the laundry…
“if the first time i walk into your home/apartment/place of residence and i can’t tell a single thing about you — basically your place looks like a residence inn with no personality”
i like to call these, “hotel room hoes”
“if the first time i walk into your home/apartment/place of residence and i can’t tell a single thing about you — basically your place looks like a residence inn with no personality — i’m the fuck out.”
This is so true! I was just talking about this the other day about how you can tell a lot about a person’s personality by the way their place is decorated.
P. says: “and you might say that, “well, panama, if you’re assuming all these chicks are boring, maybe its you and not them…”
Panama is correct in kicking such broads to the curb cause hanging around the such tends to drag you into boredom. And if your attitude is charismatic and positive, that’s the last thing you want.
be funny. *check
do things. *check
learn shit. *check
masturbate frequently. *check check with my own sidebar:
do the menses really like to know if a girl masturbates or not? i have met a few that felt inadequate when they learned that i (or i guess how much i) masturbate. like are yall as comfortable with my stuff as i should be?
read vsb.com *check
listen to the champ *….
even though i have satisfied the checklist im beginning to worry about my own hobbyless ho status. like i like to sit on my ass when im not working it off, playing video games and shyt… does making money count as a hobby? i know for a fact im smart and hilarious and have been told so may times, but i cant keep nobody around… am i having a breakthough? was this some sort of undercover intervention? am i a hobbyless ho?
*check check with my own sidebar:
do the menses really like to know if a girl masturbates or not?
They do.
Especially when you show them.
Don’t ask how I know.
::snicker::
*snickers along w/ miss t*
you’re a dirty bunny miss t-lee… *snickering along with miss t-lee & jboogie*
Miss P–I know, I know.
“do the menses really like to know if a girl masturbates or not?”
yes.
i may address this a bit more in-depth tommorrow
I don’t know very man girls over the age of 25 that don’t um, “do their nails” (clever, eh?). I am surprised to see this, actually…
“do their nails”
I like this euphemism . Though my personal term is “me time”. Hahah!!!
me time is mine too.
i like self-love myself…cause um, i do LOVE myself quite well if i do say so myself…
i’ve also been known to call this ‘working’ ‘writing’ ‘reading’ or ‘stuff’, when asked to explain why i’m not answering the door/the phone/text messages.
hee-hee-hee.
Oh yeah, that’s what other folks get of course…or perhaps a “nothing much” depending on how i feel.
El, t-lee, J Boogz can i watch you “do your nails?” and i aint laughin neither. somethng so special about a woman who is comfortable enough to get herself off in front of her lover. too many women are sexually inhibited. Salute!
do u! LOL!
*salutes* GK…
LMAO
thanks GK…we do what we can lol
i actually have a test for dudes…i might casually mention it (once we cool like that lol) and see how he responds. if it’s a positive like, “oh, word, for real…so what you do use to get it done?” then yeah, he’s a keeper. If he gets all bitchass with it, “like yeah, you just ain’t had a real man give it to you good enough”…he won’t make it to a base, if you know what i mean. i’m sayin, it’s sexy for me to have HIM watch…and um, vice versa.
“somethng so special about a woman who is comfortable enough to get herself off in front of her lover. too many women are sexually inhibited. Salute!”
*nodding head in agreement*
We say… “I need some time to get in touch with my self.”
But… I have to thank my homie in DC for teaching me the wonders of getting in touch with myself. I was 24 and he was like, “You don’t masterbate?” (At the time the word made me cringe.) And I was like “NO!” Then he asked a very simple question. He said “How the hell are you going to know what you like, and how you like it, if you don’t get in touch with yourself?” And bells and whistles went off. Now… I felt that I was bananas already handling business, but after I learned, bought a couple of recommened toys and figuratively went to town… watchoutnow! It increased my pleasure 10 fold, made me even more willing to explore and made the sex better for him. And yes… they (the menses) like to watch, an added plus it that they can see what you need and perform even better.
what kind of bitchassbastard got uncomfortable with you jacking off? they suck
I’ve known a few, believe it or not. Got they ego all in a tizzy.
They got relegated to the punk azz chump category…real quick like.
I have known a few as well. I dont really get it. I cant tell if it is an ego thing or if they think we only have X amount of orgasism in us or what.
And oh mercy dont suggest bringing your bedroom appliance into the session.
And oh mercy dont suggest bringing your bedroom appliance into the session.
Yeah some kats just can’t handle that. *sigh*
dah well.
you ain’t lyin’…
And oh mercy dont suggest bringing your bedroom appliance into the session.
Yeah some kats just can’t handle that. *sigh*
dah well.
seriously though, who the hell are these men!!!!
i’m creating a website with full names and addresses, then you and P can interview them yourselves. these men exist…this is no urban legend.
ladies, feel free to add to the list. the site launches next week on “bitter tuesday” (lol)
this is no urban legend.
It’s really not Champ–these kats are out there.
Miss P good look on the website– it could kind of be like Don’t date him girl…lol
The fact that there are a group of women who like churning their own butter and have to complain about no men wanting to watch angers me greatly. Its like knowing everyone has free tickets to the movie and no one is inviting me.
“The fact that there are a group of women who like churning their own butter and have to complain about no men wanting to watch angers me greatly. Its like knowing everyone has free tickets to the movie and no one is inviting me.”
i feel the same way. i’m greatly saddened by this info
The fact that there are a group of women who like churning their own butter and have to complain about no men wanting to watch angers me greatly. Its like knowing everyone has free tickets to the movie and no one is inviting me.
You seriously just made crack up laughing
Yeah some kats just can’t handle that.
That’s when you have to do a sneak attack…..It works wonder. They just THOUGHT they couldn’t handle it, until they feel the vibrations and lose their mind. I try to tell ‘em “Baby this is mutual satisfaction”
Now a problem may occur when you look down and see them sucking on your sh*t like a lollipop. True story this happened to a friend of mine – I told her to drop Mr. DJ, he’s gay.
“a problem may occur when you look down and see them sucking on your sh*t like a lollipop”
GTFOH!!! no way…that calls for a double cartwheel dismount from the bed and a 25 meter dash out the door!
::flashes the peace sign::
This is crazy to me.
“do the menses really like to know if a girl masturbates or not? i have met a few that felt inadequate when they learned that i (or i guess how much i) masturbate”
jesus christ superstar! dude! i was just talking about this sh*t with a friend… the answer: no they don’t. no, they’re not. just my 2 cents.
champ 4 realz? you’re gonna address this?…ok, i’ll hush up then. i can’t wait until wennnnzday! shh…nobody else say nuthin.
***i’m including this because women who happily admit to never masturbating usually are also vagina zombies. basically, if you’re over 22 and still feel awkward about “popping the pepsi can“, then kill yourself, resuscitate yourself, and kill yourself again***
I just saw this “addendum” to the post…
*heard the sounds of the heavenly choir featuring Mahalia Jackson as soloist*
I met a grown man recently who told me has never masturbated. From that point on I believed nothing else that came out of his mouth. I cant get through the week without reaching in the bottom drawer at least 3 times a week. So there is no way you have never massaged your monkey. Nope. I dont believe you.
From that point on I believed nothing else that came out of his mouth
I wouldn’t either. Lying azz chump.
When dating masturbation clears the mind and allow for a more logical thought process.
i like that poppin’ the pepsi can…ha!
go ahead and pop that pepsi can J Boogz. shake the can up i won’t care…
lol…GK, you ain’t ready…
Challenge!!!!
J Boogz bluffs: “lol…GK, you ain’t ready [to watch me masturbate]…”
durrrr shiiiiiitttt. sounds like a good look to me. thats u who scared. showem what u got.
whispered: heh heh heh (inhales) whooo!
NEVER scared…
*prances out…time to head home*
I had to come back and add this. I was just reminded of an ex-cus he texted me. He has three circles of friends. I knew one circle way before I knew him. When we were together, we’d interact with them and their wives/fiances/girlfriends. He and I did kick it together. We could hang and laugh with each other in any situation. Like kick it like I do with my frociates [Friend + Associates - (Ends + Ass) = Frociates]. I noticed that none of the other men in this group hung out with their women like that. For example, one NYE, one dude took his wife to dinner, dropped her off and came to the house-party where everyone else was to kick it. She wasn’t his friend. I found this all very peculiar. But when I took a moment to really look at the situation, most of these chicks were PRESSED to marry these men. The men eventually gave in.
Skip way into the future when we broke up. Well he broke up with me. One of the two reasons he gave was that I was his best friends and that’s not how he thought a relationship should be. Da fug? It was the dumbest thing I’d heard. In fact, I didn’t believe it. But both my daddy and step-daddy said he was telling the absolute truth. He and his friends weren’t used to being friends with their mates. Their mates were supposed to just be there to screw, cook, clean, make babies and present when it fit their business needs to appear happily married/in relationship.
Skip up a few years later, after him having dealt with a myriad of hobbyless hoes, he’s trying to reclaim my friendship and ass. Nope. Not gonna be able to do it.
Hostess nothing wrong with your Sig Other being your best friend but you don’t want to be with them at every friend gathering just cause they are your best friend or otherwise. you gotta have some things together and some things seperate. i got seperate groups of male friends that dont cross circles. no one takes it personal.
“I was his best friends and that’s not how he thought a relationship should be.”
If he’s saying something like that, I’d have to ask, how was the sex. Was the sexual sparks sparking or did it sink into a situation where y’all was just comfortable with each other?
One misconception that I have started to notice is folks think the avoidance of being a hobbyless ho or dull dizzle means you must be endlessly engaging in mind kneading or physical exertion voyages. But down time is good sometimes. The true test is can you enjoy each others company doing nothing for a day. Just lazing around the house doing pretty much nothing. Together.
See we can go hiking, discuss novels, go to concerts, museums, art festivals, play ball, snorkel, jet ski, build a room, and so on. And that’s all good. However doing those things you are being stimulated by the activity itself. But like I said when it comes to having a life and a bouquet of hobbies that’s all good. But can you put up with a mixing bowl full of Fruit Loops and a Saturday afternoon of cartoons with your potential. Can they appreciate the simpler things in life and not be boring or bored?
Speaking from an actual relationship stance, rather speculatively, (speculation is the entertainment of fools) there is only so much outs and abouts you can engage in. Or would want to within a week’s, month’s, year’s time. The time comes when it’s just the two of you and aunt flow or petered out pecker with no where to go. Can you not be boring then?
(Sorry I tend to go off into my own thought probing excursions sometimes)
i see what youre saying, as it relates to something i wanted to include in the entry but couldn’t find room for
i read an article somewhere a couple weeks ago about a study that suggested that the women who repeatedly go for “bad boy” types of dudes, are chicks who are bored as hell with themselves and their lives.
the main idea i was trying to get at isn’t that everybody needs to be tony starks with a trillion different hobbies, but that just being a generally easy and fun person to be around goes a long way. when you are this type of person, people just enjoy being around you, regardless of the activity
You just cant BE this type of person I think. You are or you aint. In the same vein that you cannot change ugly only cover it up you cannot change boring. You can only mask it with activities or blowjobs.
***all the chiors of angels sang HHHHAAAAAALLEEELLLUUUUIIIAAAAHHHH***
“You just cant BE this type of person I think. You are or you aint”
i disagree. i think people can become more fun. in fact, i’ve actually seen this happen before
You can grow to BE it. A lot of people still havent found their passion, and things that make them happy. I know a girl who hated video games with a passion, partially because the previous guys she was with would pay more attention to it than her. But she never took the time to play one, and they guys never asked her to play either. Once I got her to actually sit and play it, she realized how much fun it can be to run up in a bakery, grab the chef by her head and bash it into a cash register six times.
“Once I got her to actually sit and play it, she realized how much fun it can be to run up in a bakery, grab the chef by her head and bash it into a cash register six times.”
see. my point exactly
I stand corrected. I loathe those who say they hate video games becasue its childish when its really because they suck at playing them or never have in the first place.
I did get that to be your general thought but you know I just start thinking out loud sometimes. But you know Champ working with a bunch of women you hear a lot of talk about relationships and dating and it has really come to a point where people, women especially, have started outsmarting themselves when it comes to finding a mate. They read articles and such that talk about some of the very things I read here and they tend to lose their true self trying to conform, however misunderstanding what the true premise of such statements are.
They “learn” to become cultured (ha) and how to dabble in this, that and the other, but no longer have a true identity of themselves. You hear them recite their skill resumes but have no individual personality. The worst thing is to become some one you are not for the sake of finding a mate. If you are not learning to do things for yourself it will not last.
If you take up a cooking class just to meet a guy, he will be highly disappointed to find out that you actually don’t like cooking.
All this to say, adopt self satisfying interest. Be entertaining when no one else is around. Plus practice your kegel and bating skills. And you will be a whole package when you meet that special someone.
But this is just me thinking out loud again.
P.S. Your potential does not have to necessary share your interest but it nice to know that you have some. Outside of the bedroom.
Down time RAWKS…after a flurry of activity, nothing is more awesome…
yep Raqi i dont want a chick thats always got to be doing something. sit yo ass down sometimes! easily entertained with good company.
are you not ENTERTAINED!
Raqi, your ‘thought probing excursions’ are real gems.
Smh.
This idea that are women out there that are not interesting and don’t have hobbies is what separates the simps from the players.
I don’t care how ignorant, un-educated, un-degreed a woman is – there are things that interest her.
Real Talk – you can ignore the vast majority of her personality and interests and still manage to get married and pop out some kids, and have her care for you until you die.
But even when you ignore parts of her, it’s not like those things don’t exist.
help me out are you saying its wrong to dismiss a girl due to lack of personality?
I think the premise is wrong.
Girls have personalities, interests, and hobbies.
You dismiss a chick if your personalities don’t mesh well – but you’re not going to meet a blank slate. It just doesn’t happen, it’s not even possible.
“You dismiss a chick if your personalities don’t mesh well – but you’re not going to meet a blank slate. It just doesn’t happen, it’s not even possible.”
i mean, obviously i’m using hyperbole when i describe someone having the personaility of a milk carton, but, realistically speaking, there are people out there (men and women) whose aggressive apathy about basically anything not directly related to survival (ie, eating, drinking, sex) make them boring as hell.
these people do exist
these people do exist
Yes—men as well, not just women.
But this isn’t about men who lack personality.
why is it when there is a post about women there is always the need to say “men to it too”
why is this always necessary?
why is this always necessary?
Because it is.
I dont see why
but don’t ya’ll do that too?? when it’s about men…you turn it on women? I’m just asking…I mad salty today so I may have missed it int the midst of my plantation inspired “b*tch are you serious?” @sshole-ish fit….but enlighten me and sh*t!
Cause men need to regularly be reminded that although they think they crap rose petals, their shyt stinks too.
Shyt stinks PERIOD, no matter if it’s coming from a male or female.
Yeah…but if her only interests are getting her hair and nails “did”…then she still qualifies as a “hobbyless ho”, IMO…
“you cannot change boring. You can only mask it with activities or blowjobs.”
*faints*
That is the funniest, albeit realest, thing I have read today!!!! OMG!
“you cannot change boring. You can only mask it with activities or blowjobs.”
yeah…and they better be GOOD blow jobs too!
“DAMN GOOD!”
GOODENness gracious!
cause all blow jobs are not created equal.
http://www.angelseroticsolutions.com/AngelsEroticSolutions-Home.htm
That’s Factual.
I have been reading this blog for about a month now but this one is hilarious! I totally agree. I was quite green in college and was considered by many to be a “splurgin virgin”. I had plenty of friends, mostly all male, and we had no sexual relationship at all. WE would watch sports, drink beer, play the dozens, playstation etc Most of them thought of me as their little sister. I am now married with a child and I am still friends with most of those guys today (yes my husband is aware and ok with it.) Sex never entered into the equation. I also never had a problem with having a boyfriend either even though I was not giving it up. In fact I had more problems after I popped the cherry than I ever had before! I think thats a fact for most women, thats when they become “hobbyless hoes”.
“I was quite green in college and was considered by many to be a “splurgin virgin”. ”
ok…you hafta break down exactly what that means
LOL sorry for the southern dialect. Splurgin virgin is basically a chick that wont give it up but likes to tease…..I dont think I teased anyone but in the south if you had a big butt it was always assumed that you got it from….well you know. So the fact that I had a some t and a made me a tease by default since I wasnt putting out.
Shay-D-Lady you weren’t a Splurgin Virgin you were a text book Dic* Tease and in my book no better than a terrorist employing torture tactics. goin in with the intent to tease and shit.
i don’t negotiate with the likes…
see ni**as and flies…. .whatever I wasnt a tease cause I wasnt letting you get so far and then cuttin it down, it was more the fact that guys didnt believe it when said I wasnt doing it. I mean I am from the hood, most girls had been at it for a while at 18. However once they realized I wasnt lying or playing games, my personality one them over cause I actually had a life outside of being someone’s chick
sorry that should be “won” instead of one
***kill yourself, resuscitate yourself, and kill yourself again***
(shouts out to ABCDE)
ok…I like the v-test…and the p-test…I ask suitors all the time…”sex is easy, what else you got?” and you can almost see the tumble weeds roll between us…
I am almost a man in the sense that if I am feeling you physically, but aside from that you are a “lobotomized turkey” (funny sh*t, BTW) I will lose interest and suggest that we part company…I am a grown up now, but my “hit-it-and-quit-it” syndrome still acts up occasionally…
another test…I ask men to send me a pic for my photo id…and BAM if I get a pic of your “piece” (even if it’s a REALLY nice piece) I save it to you as a contact photo and you are sent immediately to the DNA section of the phone!
Side Note: I effing hate sensitive ass men. Stop taking every effing thing so personal. Damn
OH mayne!!! I 2nd this completely.
Co-sign the whole dayum thing.
“Side Note: I effing hate sensitive ass men. Stop taking every effing thing so personal. Damn”
ummm…
My bad but damn. This dude is killing me right now talking about sometimes my jokes cut like a knife. Come on now. Some shit is just a joke.
I like him but I am thinking I wont be able to deal with this type of sensitive ass shit. Sometimes I am an asshole. Learn to deal.
Ok sorry back to the v/p-test
everyone aint built for assholery. His parents were probly nice to him ALL the time.
everyone aint built for assholery. His parents were “probly nice to him ALL the time.”
LMAO! Is it her fault that he as raised as an effing Huxtable? MAN UP SON!
YO!!!! I am going this through VERY thing. Kid is an Aires of all things… WHO KNEW?!
I am a lioness btw, we are both fire signs, shit I thought he could take it. (And they aren’t that bad!) I just got sharp wit and shit.
*sighs*
Wait…a bitcha** Aries? Didn’t know those existed…*Faints*
Sensitive men are a big turn-off. I can’t be friends with a sensitive man because you can’t joke with them and they take everything too personal. My guy friends and I are so unfiltered about the things that we say and you can’t be sensitive if you hang around us.
“Sensitive men are a big turn-off.”
They are so not the business.
Funny post! Vtest lol. You need a test for the guys too. It’s easy to meet a guy who looks good but so much harder to find one to have a good conversation with and does more than work/watches tv/goes to the bars. I just moved out to the west coast last week and hope the change will brighten up my prospects.
what else is there besides work, tv and bars? o yeah video games
yall asking for too much man. what else does a guy need to do?
be resonsible
be attractive (in spirit & body)
be kind
be available (emotionally and physically)
be loyal
be intelligent
be charismatic
be financially solvent
be STD & STI free
be open to new experiences
have layers
care about your family and friends
vote
think (at least a little) green
eat (mostly) healthy
and read the oninon, VSB, collect transformers and the rest of the ish you listed above… haahahahahah!
“and read the oninon, VSB, collect transformers and the rest of the ish you listed above… haahahahahah!”
see I said earlier I had Prowl sitting on my computer desk and I have Onion books and papers…are you sitting on my patio watching me? Stalker!
I don’t have a huge list just
Don’t be a psycho
Be gainfully employed
Don’t live with your Mama
Have a personality
Don’t be a bytch azz
Have some hobbies outside of me
Know how to put it down
if you add….
reads books w/o pictures, loves music, and can carry on a conversation w/o “nahmean”…then we’re golden!
oh yeah…and taller than 5’3…i kid…i kid…
oh yeah…and taller than 5′3…i kid…i kid…
I forgot this one…lol
yeah I concur… “you must be at least this tall to ride the ride”
perfect tshirt
Yep…good sh*t…
I’d say that many guys subconsciously apply this test before applying the label of “wifey material”. Perhaps it should change to “v-test approved” or maybe even “inspected by the Champ”. On second thought, scratch the last one
lmao… dang they gotta kill theyself if they dont masterbate…
i do agree with everything here though… except the fact that people of the opposite sex being friends is pointless…
you can have a friend of the opposite sex that you are not at all attractive to or ever want to see naked
i disagree with todays post champ.
my 2 cents of the day
another phenomena i have noticed is men completely passing over the v-test acers for hobbyless hoes, only to come back to v-test geniuses… like how do u deal with that? you always knew i was dope, but you just had to try that boring ass bitch and im supposed to wait for you to come back?
@shay – i couldn’t agree more. i actually had to meet this fool for coffee the other day to explain this face-to-face, coz my cold phone manner CLEARLY wasn’t getting thru… so when he invited me to a dinner and i declined, he demanded an explanation – IMAGINE!!! the irritation! ugh!
so i invited him for coffee where i proceeded to break it down for the next two and a half hours.
it took that long because everytime i’d drop a ‘bombshell’ as in ‘no, we’re not friends – we started flirting, then you buggered off with whatshername, so why on earth would we hang out a full 6 months after it all that unpleasantness went down? – he’ d clumsily change the subject to discuss politics or something… then come back to the topic when he felt fortified enough to cope. longest coffee date i’ve ever had… ended up having dinner it was taking so long….(i had plenty of gems to share)
i’m glad to report that we left the meeting with all issues clarified. needless to say, he’s stopped calling. i’m actually half irritated he didn’t put in more of an effort into getting me back, truth be told – he was so damn defeated…. tiresome, really.
maybe i only feel like that coz it’s a cold winter in jo’burg and it’d be nice to have someone….. *sigh*….
“no, we’re not friends – we started flirting, then you buggered off with whatshername” – hahahaha this dude is persistent hey
“cold winter in jo’burg and it’d be nice to have someone….. *sigh*….” – (a tear forms in my eye) no woman should have to sleep alone, that is a crime and loss of a good workout. I’ll keep you in ma thoughts (besides get yourself a heater at Game)
hey Champ-
i had to come out of hibernation to be the nth person to comment. I disagree with the idea that women have been trained to think of their vaginas as prized possessions and instead, think something different. Namely, that many women have been conditioned to think their vaginas are all they have to offer. But if that’s all you have to attract a man, what makes you different than a hobbyless hoe (with no conversation and zero original thoughts)?
In my (arguably NOT humble) opinion, a woman should not divorce her vagina from herself but rather, considers the two a package deal (especially if “fb” is not the desired relationship title).
If tomorrow I was rendered vagina-less, I’d still be a woman – and (the proverbial) you’d still be calling.
“do a little experiment tommorrow. ask five men to name the five funniest people they know personally, and then ask five women the exact same question, and report the results back in the comments. i know exactly how the results are going to turn out, but i want you all to do this anyway”
Meaning?