- maybe “i dont do commitment” actually isn’t mancode for “i’ll change my mind if you keep sleeping with me”
you know, after we reach each of our crime-fighting and world domination goals, our plan is to live in a world where vsb has been rendered obsolete, a universe where the sage wisdom of panama, the champ, and liz’s boobs is no longer needed because everyone is making wise relationship-related decisions on their own.
thing is, we’re really not that far from that day, as much of the dating and mating acrimony we face (and the advice received) would be thwarted if we just started asking ourselves simple questions and began making simple mental comments and observations before acting, “voila!” statements if you will.
here’s 8 of them
1. “hmmm: would i be forced to kill somebody if i got her pregnant?”
from a man’s perspective, there are two distinct types of mental reactions to unplanned pregnancies.
a) “well, even though we weren’t expecting this, we can make this work”
b) “somebody (me, her, or the seed) has to die. now.”
there’d be no need for vsb if we stopped f*cking all of the potential “b’s”
2. “you know, maybe my perpetually single and unhappy girlfriends aren’t the best people to get relationship advice from”
3. “all of my friends seem to want to sleep with my man, and its getting pretty frustrating. i wonder if my daily tweets, emails, and facebook status messages about his d*ck have anything to do with that?”
4. “i love my stringent female beauty standards just the way they are. but, until i move out of my grandma’s basement, maybe i should either adjust them or just start keeping them to myself”
imagine, a world where lame men don’t hold all women to unrealistically and unattainably attractive standards, and where the rest of the men don’t have to listen to women incessantly b*tching about the men who do this, even though they only comprise 6% of the male population
5. “damn. another month has passed without a single man approaching me. i probably should try this new ‘sileing‘ or ‘miling‘ or whatever facial expression thing everybody keeps raving about.”
6. “even though he’s been really nice and sweet to me, i wonder if i should be more bothered by the man i saw him murder last weekend”
if i had a dollar for every woman i’ve known who’s attracted to shady dudes and needed consolation after he did some shady sh*t to her, i’d have at least 11 f*cking dollars. i know that doesn’t seem like alot of money, but it’s a recession, and that can get you a month’s worth of meals in pittsburgh
7. “f*ck! shot down again. maybe i should retire my genius ‘do you know the difference between my d*ck and a chicken leg? no? well, let’s go on a picnic and find out.‘ pick-up line”
8. “i should probably stop by the weight scale store at the mall some time next weekend. while i’m there, it wouldn’t hurt to peek inside the mirror store next door for a minute as well.”
i’m sure i’m missing a few.
people of vsb.com, can you think of any more inner “voila” statements that could make the dating and relationship game much easier?
—the champ
Related posts:
{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
“OK, so I know we just broke up a few weeks ago, and we had that random night of sex last night, but maybe telling him that I might be pregnant, even though it is a lie, won’t make him want to be with me again.”
or
“Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to be her friend RIGHT AFTER I broke up with her. Yea… letting her breathe for a month will make things better for the both of us”
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:35 am
@Buxxy,
“OK, so I know we just broke up a few weeks ago, and we had that random night of sex last night, but maybe telling him that I might be pregnant, even though it is a lie, won’t make him want to be with me again.”
***filed under “evil sh*t that women do”***
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
@Buxxy, “Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to be her friend RIGHT AFTER I broke up with her. Yea… letting her breathe for a month will make things better for the both of us”
that’s different. hell, most guys i know, once we breakup with a chick we attempt to NEVER speak to her again. you only talk to jumpoffs you stop schlumping again.
Reply
You guys hit it on the head with this and every entry. I write a relationship blog and it would definitely go into retirement because of this. Kudos.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:43 am
@Talia,
welcome and sh*t (i think), and thanks for letting me know that i’m hitting it right
Reply
tnt_FTW Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:08 am
@The Champ,
“thanks for letting me know that i’m hitting it right”
hahahahahahah if you are hitting it right you shouldn’t have to be told. im just saying
Reply
Peysonic Temple Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:33 am
@tnt_FTW, men sometimes need affirmation too lol
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
@The Champ,
hahahaha
Reply
this is for a friend of mine…
*actually, giving him a bl*w job isn’t that big a deal. let me just try it…”
girlfriend INSISTS that ‘oral love’ is a filthy business and she’ll NEVER do it… she is beautiful, smart, and sweet (with the juiciest, most promising lips) – but cannot sustain a relationship beyond month 1 (either they leave, or cheat- no doubt with an oral love giver). i’m convinced the lack of oral love is a real factor…
i’m not one for holding people ransom for not performing certain s3xual activities, but she’s got this weird judgemental attitude towards it, and the d!ck in general – to the extent that i’m often like “my friend, do you even LIKE pen!ses???” coz she talks about them with such disdain….
Reply
charli skipper Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:52 am
@superwoman,
well…they are ugly. i went through a phase where i was all about the oral–with my 1 boyfriend. but then one day there was a little too much sunlight in the room and i saw too much. um…i’m not gonna lie. i haven’t done it since. uh uh. and, clearly, that was years ago. hell, i might be the friend you’re talkin about.
i would never just straight up tell a man that i won’t do it or that i’m disgusted by it though. some things you have to figure out on your own, guy.
Reply
superwoman Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:11 am
@charli skipper, ha ha ha – no no, pity the poor creatures – such sweet, foolish-looking knobby- things…so easy to manipulate, (say the right words, and they shrink… then say something else – and they self-inflate!) so much fun to play with, so cute and helpless looking, hardly has any control of itself…
back on a serious note – you’re right – pen1s-dislike are one of those things you have to figure out on your own….(assuming you haven’t been hurt by one)
Reply
Lady I Reply:
November 20th, 2009 at 3:15 am
@superwoman,
… pity the poor creatures – such sweet, foolish-looking knobby- things…so easy to manipulate, (say the right words, and they shrink… then say something else – and they self-inflate!) so much fun to play with, so cute and helpless looking, hardly has any control of itself…
I put that on my facebook… Loves it!
An Island Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 8:54 am
@charli skipper
“well…they are ugly.”
I’m filing this under “Rationalization.” Female parts create a lot more visual issues than male parts, so I hope you’re at least being consistent on what you give and receive. And I don’t know a guy who doesn’t find that to be a deal breaker (which I’m sure you’re well aware of).
Reply
OrangeStar616 Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:43 am
@An Island, an uncircumsized joint is ugly and weird and nasty..but a reg nice smooth and shiny is a thing of beauty IMO LOL……..one thing I have noticed in movies over the years they make alot of scary aliens and monsters and sh*t resemble the vagina..think Predator for instance LMAO
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:48 am
@charli skipper,
well…they are ugly.
ok. lets say you’d never seen a penis or a vagina before, and the earth was suddenly invaded by penis monsters and vagina monsters. the vagina monsters (with their multiple flaps and colors, and inclinations to leak various fluids) would easily be the most scary
Reply
IVR Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
@The Champ, “ok. lets say you’d never seen a penis or a vagina before, and the earth was suddenly invaded by penis monsters and vagina monsters. the vagina monsters (with their multiple flaps and colors, and inclinations to leak various fluids) would easily be the most scary”
LMBAO! U stupid . . .
charli skipper Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
@The Champ,
can we wax the vagina monsters, leave a really cute design, and just see them from a specific angle?
AnonyMiss Reply:
November 23rd, 2009 at 7:37 pm
@The Champ,
i think vajayjays are kinda funny lookin and peni1ses are beautiful but maybe im jus weird…
Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
@charli skipper, Lookin confused like they still make these…….not u charlie I cant believe my ears……..give penis another chance…..mine look good in the sunshine……might I suggest lower more flattering light (like the kind Barbara Walters got in her contract)?
Reply
charli skipper Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
@Blacklaw,
i’m not sayin i won’t do it ever again or that i think its nasty…i think it’s just my way of being passive agressive. some guys don’t deserve it and i want to let them know that without letting them know that i know that they think i should do it. but i don’t mind pulling the services back out for a man that i like & care about that doesn’t vex me on the down low.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
@charli skipper, thats a hell of an admission. i’m gonna tell you like i’ve told other women who “don’t do that”:
do you think you’re cute enough, smart enough, or funny enough to NOT do it?
i aint met a woman alive yet who i thought was bomb enough to get away with not doing it.
Reply
charli skipper Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
@Panama Jackson,
“thats a hell of an admission.”
i know! i was reluctant to admit it.
“i’m gonna tell you like i’ve told other women who “don’t do that”:”
um…but i said i used to do it! it used to be my distinct honor to do it. sunlight is a hell of a thing though.
“do you think you’re cute enough, smart enough, or funny enough to NOT do it?”
is this a trick question? because you know i do. lol
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
@charli skipper, then you would be wrong.
lol.
charli skipper Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
@charli skipper,
and yall stop it with your self righteous e-stares and your gossip! don’t judge me!!
Reply
HabitualLineCrossa Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:29 am
@superwoman, she might
want you near her short hairshave you in her cross hairs.Reply
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
@HabitualLineCrossa,
I am tempted to second that “emotion”…
Such strong dislike of the pentis is mighty interesting.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:45 am
@superwoman,
she is beautiful, smart, and sweet (with the juiciest, most promising lips)
***filed under “comments rendered useless without pics”***
Reply
Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
@The Champ, Im waitin on iphone to be like….”there’s an app for that”
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
@Blacklaw,
or the gphone
BlkBond Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
@superwoman,
I agree with you. I have dropped or cheated on at least 3 who aren’t oral.
I’m a grown a** man. I need that in my life. I could careless if she looked like Ashwarya rai, had 7 degrees and spoke 5 languages.
Adults (men & women) need to be honest with other adults about the importance of sex in a relationship. Sometime I think it gets marginalized.
Bond. BlkBond.
Reply
Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
@BlkBond, You have preached a good sermon young brotha…..Leth the church say…..”yAmen….yAmen…and of course…..yAmen”
Reply
Caballeroso Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
@BlkBond,
Cosign & downpayment!
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
@BlkBond,
Adults (men & women) need to be honest with other adults about the importance of sex in a relationship. Sometime I think it gets marginalized.
i smell an entry here and sh*t
Reply
Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
@The Champ,
i smell an entry here and sh*t
The visual smelled 140% gay.
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
@BlkBond,
Adults (men & women) need to be honest with other adults about the importance of sex in a relationship. Sometime I think it gets marginalized.
I am cosigning this sentence… but will add that in the defense of women, it’s been my experience that men may have a harder time dealing with that type of honesty from a woman… There all kinds of connotations attached to statements like these: “I really like s3x and expect it to play an important role in our relationship” or “s3xual satisfaction is a deciding factor of whether or not a relationship lasts in my opinion”… unfortunately too many of your brethren read that as “Negro you did not handle your business to the point that I had to say something” or “I probably have more experience than you and I would like you to be aware of that fact” or even worst “I have been around the block”…. all statements that may or may not be true. All I am saying is it’s less comfortable for a woman to voice her opinions about the importance of s3x in a relationship… at least at the beginning…
By the time, she has to voice them aloud, she has already been fantasized about Tony the mailman to get off while chexing you… which we all know does not bode well.
p.s: All characters appearing in this entry are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Reply
Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
@superwoman, you gotta love me or leave me alone
Reply
“Maybe we broke up for a reason and I shouldn’t try to get her back because it might just end up the same way it did the first time”
Reply
Selah Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:10 am
@A-Town Genius,
This right here, my friend, is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
Reply
RedBeanzNRice on a Diet Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 6:36 am
@Selah,
Let the chuuch say “Amen”!
Reply
Naturally Alise Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 9:28 am
@A-Town Genius,
So simple, but so true… we should take the lessons we learned from that failed relationship and use it on the next guy not over and over again on the same loser…
Reply
Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
@Naturally Alise, Well put. Being blinded by the booty and vision loss due to vitamin D are definitely plaguing our collective happiness. It is hard not to trust a ‘big butt and a smile’ when she tellin u this time gonna be different……real hard
side bar: there has to be some kinda evolutionary connection between ppl being crazy as hell and havin the best chex game…..im just sayin ……I assume this is true for the yall ladies too
Reply
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
@Blacklaw,
LOL. Cosign the whole damn thread. I think I’ve spent a grand total of like 6 months single as an adult ( I’m exaggerating..a little) because I refuse to get this shet through my skull.
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
@Blacklaw,
there has to be some kinda evolutionary connection between ppl being crazy as hell and havin the best chex game
My personal take? The craziness gets rid of any inhibitions one might have… The less inhibited the person? The better the chex.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
@A-Town Genius, quite honestly, that realization might save more orphans in cambodia than angelina jolie could shake a stick at.
Reply
“maybe i don’t learn and i like this b.s cuz i sure nuff do keep gettin back together even though nothing really changes”
“maybe it really is just about sex and we don’t have anything besides that to work with”
“maybe this b!tch really is just hatin always cosigning the negatives cuz she is the one who is miserable and lonely and a gossip wh*re, when all i really needed to do was vent”
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:50 am
@marai,
i’d add “maybe i should learn how to spell my own name” to your list as well
Reply
Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
@The Champ, lol
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
@The Champ, LMAO. so wrong but i literally spit water on my computer screen when i read that.
or at least i would have if i was drinking water.
Reply
maria Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
@The Champ,
be quiet. lmao. punk
Reply
maybe i do need to stop calling and leave it alone
maybe some things i should just keep to myself
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:52 am
@maria,
“maybe i do need to stop calling and leave it alone’
this is exactly what somebody needs to tell stacey dash before i put a restraining order on her
Reply
V Renee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:27 am
@The Champ,
You and your fantasies. So cute.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
@V Renee,
fantasize deez
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
@maria, maybe some things i should just keep to myself
i’m convinced more people would make it to date 2 if they would learn to just shut the f*ck up. and everybody knows that date 2 is when you’re knockin’ boots like a 2 man group from Houston.
rip dino.
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
@Panama Jackson,
I hate you for making me laugh at the “No Dino”…dayum!
Reply
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
@miss t-lee,
I’m just mad he remembered his name. Panama’s basement got autographed posters of “The Boyz” and shti.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
@Me fail english?, “dial my heart” was the sh*t.
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
@Panama Jackson,
And they were on the local radio station this morning…. talking about their tour and shet.
RIP Dino indeed.
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
@Sula,
Word, they gon’ tour?
After hearing their new song I would have thought they would have retired out back to the woodshed.
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
@miss t-lee,
Shoot! They on the twitter, MySpace and Facebook too! Trying to upgrade themselves. Shiiiid! Them ninjas be planning THEE comeback…
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
@Sula,
A show is one thing. But these ninjas is doin tours??? Is Hi-Five the opening act???
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
@Me fail english?,
Not without Tony Thompson (the lead singer), you know he died too.
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
@miss t-lee,
Damnit! Is this your new full-time job? Just wait for me to type a name on VSB and swoop down like “Nope. He dead.”?? T-Lee I love you like some cooked food but Im bout to de-friend yo ass if you tell me one more of my childhood musical idols (ok that’s a stretch) died.
*runs from computer chair in tears*
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
@Me fail english?,
I can’t help it….life after the limelight is harsh.
I won’t tell you they are dead, that is if you name a live one.
perhaps if i called her at least once a day, and returned her phone calls – she wouldn’t think i was up to shadiness…
Reply
Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:19 am
@superwoman, truth but aint nobody tryna talk about the same ish on the phone we were talking bout when I saw you a few minutes/hours ago……..have something interesting to talk about if the phone call is gonna go on for over 5min….otherwise i suggest text messaging
Reply
BlkBond Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
@Blacklaw,
Church. I was writing a post on this very topic.
Women are always talking about how we ‘don’t talk’ or ‘don’t call’ and it’s like, “you ain’t talkin’ about sh*t!”.
I’m not about hold that plastic to my ear for an hour to listen to you talk about where you might go for lunch, what song you heard on the f*ckin’ radio on your way to work, and go on about celebrities. FOH!
Bond. BlkBond.
Reply
Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
@BlkBond, i be tellin chix that cell phone causes brain cancer …minimze ur use jabber jaw…..
When I say I gotta go….I gotta go!!!!! Me and Champ are true believers in the fact that too many women are walking around sex offenders…….”raping my time”
Legal Negro
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
@Blacklaw,
When I say I gotta go….I gotta go!!!!! Me and Champ are true believers in the fact that too many women are walking around sex offenders…….”raping my time
seriously, if we ever get this vsb podcast thing up and running, i want our first guest to be patrice o’neal
Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
@Blacklaw, Give me a heads up I will fly in and give my professional opinion ……..
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
@superwoman, sounds like a personal problem to me.
Reply
CPT Callamity Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Bwahahahah.!
Reply
“i probably should try this new ‘sileing‘ or ‘miling‘ or whatever facial expression thing everybody keeps raving about.”
LOL! Smizing. Thank Tyra and America’s Next Top Model for that.
How about…
–Maybe I should keep a life of my own and not drop everything for my boo…or take on all of his/her interests because I think that makes me more appealing.
–I should probably take it down a notch and not try to marry any man that shows interest in me.
–Maybe if there is something major I’m desiring to change about someone, I should cut my losses early cause change probably ain’t coming.
Lastly, maybe I should just gain some common sense. That should solve a few problems. I’m just sayin…
Reply
Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:04 am
@MzKang, cosign
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:54 am
@MzKang,
Lastly, maybe I should just gain some common sense.
this would put us out of business
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
@MzKang, –I should probably take it down a notch and not try to marry any man that shows interest in me.
this sounds like the premise of a bad reality show or an episode of MTV’s true life.
Reply
keeping it really real because it’s late and i’m tired of studying:
-maybe I shouldn’t confuse male attention as a replacement for self-esteem
-maybe i should mile more lol
-maybe i should be more open-minded
-maybe i should make time for something (other than dude and school) that interests me
-maybe i shouldnt confuse physical attraction for mental compatibilty
-maybe i should break it off with you
-maybe i should stop thinking and trying to let myself off the hook and just do the right thing like spike
-rockstar lifestyle might don’t make it. burr.
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 9:37 am
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
“-rockstar lifestyle might don’t make it. burr.”
*giggling*
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
Greater Mount Methuselah Meets Metamucil On the road to Jericho Using Google Maps Center of the Holiness with Blackness Ebenezer Church of the Latter Day Saints of New Orleans
Reply
Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
@Panama Jackson, I wonder if there’s a Mooslum word for what you just said?
Reply
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Methuselah Meets Metamucil
iDied. really died.
Seriously, what are you on, Panama?
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
@Panama Jackson,
LMFAO!!!!
Why must you be so wrong? I mean, you are just DEAD wrong.
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
@Panama Jackson, no Panama NOOOOOOOOOO
*soul just died a lot from laughin*
Reply
Maybe…..If I stopped watchin so much porn i would have more realistic views of what women should act and look like….and probably wouldnt need to go to the strip club so often to fill some empty void of sexual depravity that my girl is more than willing to fulfill if I only asked (with a little bass in my voice)
“Perhaps if I gave him so more chex, head, and knew a little something about sports he wouldn’t be so willing to stray”…….(this is a lie…….but at least he’d be happy when he got home from cheatin on u)
“Maybe I should give ol’ boy a second look….while he doesnt look like Tyson Beckford….he does have a good job, good convo, and no priors or std’s”
“Maybe I need to start lookin at non-Black men” (that one hurt just to type……but I got sisters)
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 9:40 am
@Blacklaw,
““Maybe I should give ol’ boy a second look….while he doesnt look like Tyson Beckford….he does have a good job, good convo, and no priors or std’s””
*thumbs up*
But on the for realla, ain’t no kat running around here looking like Tyson Beckford, except Tyson Beckford…lmao
Reply
V Renee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:31 am
@miss t-lee,
But on the for realla, ain’t no kat running around here looking like Tyson Beckford, except Tyson Beckford .
LMAO. True True.
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
@miss t-lee,
Truth. I’m thinkin’ he’s mistaking those who THINK they look like Tyson Beckford (about 796,000 men) with those who actually do (about 1.1 men). lol
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
@Cheekie,
Point taken.
CTFU
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
@miss t-lee,
Sorry ladies. But Tyson Beckford is NOT HOT.
*dodges tomatoes*
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
@Me fail english?,
Maybe not now…but trust me back in ‘97 I literally thought the sun rose and set on his azz. I used to have his half nekkid calendar hanging up in my kitchen.
Yup.
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
@Me fail english?,
My sis actually thinks the same way as you. She’s always talmbout, “WTF is the big deal?!” .I DO think he’s hot, but he’s not really on my register as far as ideal hot guys. I mean, if I saw him in a Ralph Lauren ad with a shirt off, I’d nod like, “Yeah, that’s what’s up”, but he’s not one of my faves or nothin’.
Deeds Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
@Me fail english?,
I agree he’s only ok to me. Plus, I think he’s gay. Give me Morris Chestnut or Idris anyday.
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
@Deeds,
Girrrlll. I dont like to buy into the rumors but he always looked a little sweet. Then once the gossip started flying around I couldnt get it out my mind. I felt bad for his babymomma on that E show, all still in love with him. Like, “Girl, you know he’s really after your brother”
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
@Deeds,
I know I’m one of the few Black women who doesn’t find Morris attractive.
Nope…no sir, I don’t like him.
He’s not what’s humid on the highway.
Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
@Deeds, I take it you’re a V fan?
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
@miss t-lee,
Nope not the only one. I don’t find Morris that attractive either. He’s definitely not what’s “chaud dans la rue.”
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
miss t-lee,
Re: Morris Chestnut
He aiight. But, I think what the dealbreaker was for me was when he was on Two Can Play That Game and he was tryin’ to give Vivica the bedroom eyes. You know that tryin’ too hard to be smooth mess. It looked all kinds of Fruit Loop Ghey to me. So, I’m with ya there. He is not — I’mma keep this going — what’s blistering in the back alley*.
*This is also, [insert percentage here] ghey, which…appropriate? *shrug*
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
@ Sula,
Love the international flavor…lol
@Cheekie,
It was THAT moment? LOL
IDK–I don’t think he was ever good looking to me, not in BITH, not in the Best Man…I just can’t.
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
@Me fail english?,
(((*Me Fail*)))
That’s my warm hugs… cause I have to co-sign that shet until the end of the world
aka 2012.Yes, ladies, Tyson Beckford is NOT hot.
Deeds Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
@Cheekie,
It’s funny you mention that movie. There was a scene where I loved him in that movie. It was the scene right after he “flipped the script on Vivica” and then he came into work with this very confident walk. For some reason I really liked that, IMO.
@ Stuff Ghetto People Like
Not exactly sure what a V fan is. The only thing I can think of is vagina, and if that is the case then that would be no.
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:55 am
@Blacklaw,
“Maybe I need to start lookin at non-Black men” (that one hurt just to type……but I got sisters)
***nodding head***
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atltx Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:16 am
@Blacklaw,
“Maybe…..If I stopped watchin so much porn i would have more realistic views of what women should act and look like….and probably wouldnt need to go to the strip club so often to fill some empty void of sexual depravity that my girl is more than willing to fulfill if I only asked (with a little bass in my voice)”
WTH? BS! Watch some pron and go to the strip club yourself so yall can surprise us. I’m not about to raise my voice at a woman to get some hucklebuck action.
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Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:41 am
@atltx, Lol@ hucklebuck…..But I know you feel me that some dudes be at the strip a little too much (a lot too much). There aint no way pron and magic city aint effecting the “normal stimulation” of a chick walkin round the house in her drawz.
Reply
atltx Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
@Blacklaw,
First off…congrats on knowing about a good strip club to go to for tutoring…yes tutoring. We should make a fieldtrip out of it.
I would not recommend too many other places for average women to go learn. Some places are just too much like whore houses. Magic city on the other hand…you’ll see alumni licence plates on a number of the dancer’s cars…and you would never guess that the trainer in your gym or SOME of your coworkers moonlight there.
Go in places like this to learn how to walk around in your underwear…some of yall don’t have a clue. And no…you don’t have to buy expensive lingerie. If you learn how to carry that azz…it can be sexy in your comfy granny time of the month with part of the wing/string hanging out panties with the elastic coming apart because you done had em for 10 years. And better yet…strippers from this establishment can teach yall how to walk around buck nekkid…with confidence. A woman built like a platypus…with confidence…is not lonely.
Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
@atltx, Dont get me effed up…. Magic city chix…is bad chix…..but when me and the crew go to a fine gentlemen’s establishment….i feel it is awkward that some of them know “the exotic dancers” on a first name basis…..
second im not sure a field trip is warranted or appropriate as I have done quite a bit of research…..(Blacklaw is a board certified bootyologist and a grown a$$ MAN *not sure if the name was throwin u off on my gender*)
third u and i are in total agreement on the possible skill level enhancement that such an establishment will have on a chick’s day to day walking ability….i prefer heels and them thigh high stockings if anybody asking
But back to our “raison d’etre” I think over stimulation of the male libido is part of the reason dudes need “niagra” and the rest of them pills and find themselves dissatisfied with the chick they got who would be the baddest nastiest freakiest chick on earth if they would just say something instead of using “Wett” (look her up she tha ish) as their amateur psychologist.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
@atltx, i dont know man…expecting women to adhere to stripper standards is a bit much. i mean, regardless to what we think, a lot of those women are the physical dimes we talk about. you can’t just manufacture the fineness. hell, the first stripper i ever saw in my life amazed me. i was like, gotdamn, how is this the finest women i’ve seen thus far in life.
i was only 12 but you get the point.
Maybe the reason all my relationships are so shit-tacular and crap-tabulous is because I have some DEEP personal issues I need to work out.
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:58 am
@Jade Star,
welcome and sh*t
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Jade Star Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
@The Champ,
Thanks and shit.
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
@Jade Star, welcome and sh*t.
and i think that if more people took time to think about this and this alone, every single relationship blog, magazine, and steve harvey, would rendered obsolete and we’d all have to write about vegetables.
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Jade Star Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Thanks and shit. After listening to friends complaining about dating, I realized that most of the time it’s not the other people, it’s ourselves!
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
@Jade Star,
Your screenname reminds me of pron. Welcome.
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Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
@Me fail english?,
Especially those Asian fetish p()rns… not that I know anything about them or anything.
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
@Sula,
lol@ your Bukake library. You saucy minx, you.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
@Me fail english?,
“lol@ your Bukake library”
*dead*
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
@Me fail english?,
LMFAO @ “saucy minx”.
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
@Me fail english?,
Bwahahaha!
In my defense, only one of the Mangas had a bukake scene… The rest is pretty much… well vanilla or more appropriately, light butterscotch.
Jade Star Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
@Me fail english?, Thanks and now I gotta think of something not so pr0n-ish.
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- Maybe sometimes discretion *is* the better part of valor
- Maybe the “be mean to keep them keen” theory doesn’t seem to have worked for anyone I know of in a while.Time to shelve (shelf?) that theory perhaps?
-Maybe I can’t make everyone happy and I should just strive to make myself happy?
- Maybe, just maybe, your continuous going on and on and on about your wonderful, fantastic, stupendous and oh so fabulous life as compared to you losers just might cause even the most morally fibrous folks to indulge in a heap of happy-when-you-stumble schadenfreude?
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:00 am
@Wanjiru,
Maybe, just maybe, your continuous going on and on and on about your wonderful, fantastic, stupendous and oh so fabulous life as compared to you losers just might cause even the most morally fibrous folks to indulge in a heap of happy-when-you-stumble schadenfreude?
can you translate this to american please?
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
@The Champ,
lol @ using schadenfreud in a sentence. Didnt know this happened in real life. Thought it was one of those words like “lugubrious” and “pulchritude” that nobody actually says.
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An Island Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
@The Champ,
Translation: Maybe if you quit frontin like your life is a non-stop rap video people, including church going folk, will stop throwing parties and laughing when you finally eat shyt.
Reply
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
@An Island,
Where can I find that translator at? Is there an app for that? That was brilliant!
An Island Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
@Sula
I called this nice white lady:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fZwMcoDVJM&feature=related
Maybe I should start trusting my instincts
I think most of us semi-rational folks know when something isn’t right. Making use of your common sense will save you mounds of hurt feelings and drama. Why do we listen to the voices that tell us to do dumb sh*t and not the ones that tell you to RUN, FAST, DON”T LOOK BACK…
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:02 am
@Naturally Alise,
because the bad voices lure us with pizza and donuts
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Nikkisix Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:23 am
@Naturally Alise,
GET LISA NEM…..OHHHHH they almost got us!!!!!
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I honestly had a “voila!” moment last night around 10:30. I immediately reached for the phone to call my girl to share it but realized it was 10:30 and she prolly didn’t wanna hear my drama just before bed.
“Maybe I don’t need to ruin his life by divulging to his gf all the nasty sh*t he’s been doing behind her back. Maybe I should just let him ruin his relationship on his own, as he undoubtedly will, and I’ll just stay on the sidelines and not let any of the nasty drama splatter off on me in the process.”
Being the vengeful person that I am, it’s gonna be difficult, but I felt such clarity when that thought came to me last night that it almost, ALMOST rendered VSB obsolete right here in my humble abode.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:04 am
@VLogan,
Maybe I don’t need to ruin his life by divulging to his gf all the nasty sh*t he’s been doing behind her back. Maybe I should just let him ruin his relationship on his own, as he undoubtedly will, and I’ll just stay on the sidelines and not let any of the nasty drama splatter off on me in the process.”
ummm, please expound
Reply
VLogan Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:27 am
@The Champ,
Expound you say? It’s not pretty but…
I’m involved in (and looking to end) a relationship that has two other ppl in it. Him and his gf. She’s clueless. My “voila” moment came when I decided not to blow the cover off his operation and just exit sans drama. He deserves nothing less than having his life ruined for lying to all of us (me, her and himself) but…
Reply
V Renee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:35 am
@VLogan,
He deserves nothing less than having his life ruined for lying to all of us (me, her and himself) but… .
Soooo you didn’t know he had a gf before yall hooked up? You said he has a gf….but you didn’t say you were a gf.
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
@VLogan,
how long have you been aware of the fact that you’re the other chick?
VLogan Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
@The Champ,
She’s been in the picture all along. He hasn’t admitted to me that she’s his gf. I’m supposed to believe they’re just dating, ignoring the piles of evidence that suggests otherwise.
For him to think that he can get away with the philandering unharmed simply galls me. But like I said….no need for me to get his sh*t all over my clothes when it explodes.
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
@VLogan,
I’d add to that, many “other woman” calls do NOT end well with both chicks taking a skillet upside dude’s head. It’s like a powder keg of drama, no matter who initiates contact.
Story: My friend lied and told some dude she was pregnant so that he’d stop calling her. His girl found the text message and called my friend. So my friend being the a*hole she is (I love this bish) tells his girl “Yeah I’m pregnant and the baby is your man’s”. So dude is in the backg’d pleading with the girl. The girl is crying in Spanglish all dramatic. And my homie is all “I know he betta make that court date next week!”. LMAO!! The best part? She never even slept with this dude! They met like a week prior to all this! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! I still laugh about this isht.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
@Me fail english?, that’s ice cold.
Reply
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Hmmm. This actually sounds pretty bad when you type it…or when you do it…but mostly when you type it.
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
@Me fail english?,
Ok, this story sorta made my day.
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VLogan Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
@Me fail english?,
lol. That’s harsh.
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You can’t change that man, so don’t even try.
Voila!!!!
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:05 am
@miss t-lee,
change deez
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:12 am
@The Champ,
hahahha…you know it’s true.
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
@miss t-lee, oooo ooo ooo, i looooooooove yooooooooooou.
ding. ding. ding.
rip milli vanilli.
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
@Panama Jackson,
DA FECK?!
Milli Vanilli died?!?!
First the Fat Boys break up…
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
“Milli Vanilli died?!?!”
Wait…for real?!!!
Damn.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Only one of Milli Vanilli is dead…the bright skin kat killed himself.
Calm down Cheekie and Me Fail…lmao
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
miss t-lee,
“Only one of Milli Vanilli is dead…the bright skin kat killed himself.
Calm down Cheekie and Me Fail…lmao”
Wait…
They’re not ONE entity? They’re two different people?!
Ok, lemme stop.
But for serious, I had no idea about the one member killing himself. The more you know (no NBC).
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
@ Cheekie,
“They’re not ONE entity? They’re two different people?!”
Just reverse the thoughts you had about Usher…LMAO
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
@miss t-lee,
“Just reverse the thoughts you had about Usher…LMAO”
AHAHAHAHA! Girl, you da best. Aye!
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
*dead* @ this whole damn exchange.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
@y’all, yeah i know only Rob died (the non-fugly one), but who gives a shit about them individually. as far as i’m concerned, milli vanilli are one thing.
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
@Panama Jackson,
“as far as i’m concerned, milli vanilli are one thing.”
Thank you!
‘Twas what I was tryna say. *high five*
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
@ Cheekie,
Don’t be tryna clean it up…lmao
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
@miss t-lee,
Girl, I HAD to try. I had to. lol
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
@The Champ,
“change deez”
I know you’re not satisfied with yours, but you got what you get, man.
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LISTEN….dats it and that’s all…viola!
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:15 am
@Smiley Face,
where’s the fun in that?
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Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
@Smiley Face,
This is a major one. As a sub-category, “STFU” is a good one, too. lol
Reply
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
@Cheekie,
This is one that I need to apply to my own life: STFU. I’ve come to realize that most of my toughest problems have come from my hopeless inability to STFU. *scratches head and continues to run mouth*
Reply
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
@Me fail english?,
I’ve come to realize that most of my toughest problems have come from my hopeless inability to STFU.
Yes oh yes. No wonder you are my e-twin ED.
Just yesterday, I put my two feet and the two feet of my manager in my tiny mouth (ewww at the visual) talking to the Audit folks…. and now I have to find a way to undo the damage I have done… and just learn to STFU!
“Gee, I’m only a 3 at best, so maybe I should stop trying to bag 8s and up. I should know my limits and stay in my lane.”
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:10 am
@WordSmith,
lol, for a guy, your “number” is only what you’re capable of. basically, if im a three but able to consistently bag 8’s and aboves, i’m actually not a three.
Reply
WordSmith Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:54 am
@The Champ,
No, you’re still a 3, just with privileges and abilities. Number = appearance.
Reply
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
@WordSmith,
true story
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
@WordSmith,
No, you’re still a 3, just with privileges and abilities. Number = appearance.
interesting and sh*t. i smell a vsb entry there somewhere
atltx Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:12 am
@WordSmith,
3? Really? That’s not even right…so you’re saying retarded folks be trying to holla?
Reply
Maybe…relationships aren’t for you.
I shouldn’t compare my relationship/S.O./boo etc. to my friends. You don’t know what they had to go through to get where they are.
Maybe if I bring $1’s home, my boo will strip for me. Then I get to touch
without gettin tossed out like Jazzy JeffMaybe all my divorced or single guy friends areN’T the best repository of relationship advice
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:13 am
@Stank-0,
Maybe all my divorced or single guy friends areN’T the best repository of relationship advice
lol, it took me a couple years to realize i should stop taking advice from a friend of mine whose form of relationship wisdom consisted of various ways to say “bitches aint sh*t”
Reply
LuckBALady Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
@Stank-0,
“Maybe…relationships aren’t for you.”
That one is HARD (and not in a good way) for alot of people but so very true.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
@LuckBALady,
welcome and sh*t
Reply
LuckBALady Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
@The Champ,
thank you and sh*t
Do I have to convince myself to return from errands?
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:21 am
@Legendary Dash,
ummm….
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LLS!!!
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:18 am
@OrangeStar616,
what does “lls” mean? ive seen people doing that recently and i havent been able to use any context clues to figure it out
Reply
CPT Callamity Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:58 am
@The Champ,
LLS = Laughin Like Shyt
Reply
OrangeStar616 Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
@CPT Callamity, thx for the assist….
“I should stop performing up to my high standards because…perhaps he really WON’T satisfy my sexual fantasies.”
This goes out to all the ladies who give more action than they receive in the bed….YES, the lollipop is good but make him taste the brownie FIRST ladies!!!!
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:45 am
@Jackie,
“This goes out to all the ladies who give more action than they receive in the bed….YES, the lollipop is good but make him taste the brownie FIRST ladies!!!!”
*scrunched up face*
Who does that? Chicks are out here doing this? Oh hecky naw.
Brownie eating is a prerequisite.
Always.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:07 am
@Jackie,
welcome and sh*t
Reply
V Renee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:37 am
@Jackie,
Brownie eating?? I’ve heard it called many things but not this. Besides brownie makes me think brown which makes me think….nevermind, I’ll stop now. LOL
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miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:41 am
@V Renee,
Ah dayum, now I’m thinking that way too.
*dry heave*
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
@V Renee,
Yeah, I ws thinking that too. *barf*
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
@Jackie, do you actually refer to it as the brownie, like in convos that don’t occur on VSB??
cuz that’s nasty.
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“Maybe him withholding the words ‘I love you’ isn’t as important as the actions he’s taken to show that he cares (i.e. spending extended amounts of time together, cooking for you, meeting the family, giving tokens of appreciation, introducing you to his friends, etc.)”
“Maybe I shouldn’t open up about past sexual experiences too soon and expect my S.O. to stick around”
“Maybe I shouldn’t seek advice from my mother/friends about my relationship issues and simply try to communicate my worries/issues/concerns to my S.O. (first and foremost)”
“Maybe I should chill and not get too excited about the new S.O. within that preliminary 4-6 months, because if it doesn’t work out, I’ll have to explain to family/friends why yet another relationship has bitten the dust…”
“Maybe I should stop being concerned about how well a S.O. looks on paper and pay more attention to how well he treats me as his woman”
Reply
Jackie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:35 am
@peachi,
I stay effing up with the 4th one….my “sistergirl” attitude always makes em run…. like the 4th relay tag team member…..RAPIDO!
Reply
BlkBond Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
@peachi,
X____________
Bond. BlkBond.
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Big co-sign on #2! This is the reason I don’t talk about my relationships to other women and wish I knew this when I started dating.
Other things I’ve learned/seen:
- a guy will never change no matter how much you try
- don’t expect your partner to be perfect when you have flaws
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
@Leila,
a guy will never change no matter how much you try
we can change and sh*t. it just depends on how much we want to be with you
Reply
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
@The Champ,
troof
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…maybe the fact that he doesn’t want me up under him 24/7 does not mean he’s cheating.
…maybe he wants “me” time is an indication that I’m smothering him and should back the hell up.
…maybe he/she won’t return my calls because he/she is simply not interested.
…maybe if I didn’t dominate the conversation talking about me he’d call more often. (…if we’ve been on our first phone conversation for an hour and I still know nothing about him, maybe I talk too much.)
…maybe the reason he only calls me late at night to come over doesn’t mean he’s just a busy person who’s still trying to make our relationship work.
…maybe the fact that we’ve dated for a year and I haven’t been to his house indicates something ain’t right.
…maybe if his mom doesn’t like me and makes hurtful statements like “I don’t know why you’re messing with a married man” means he really might be married…especially since in our 13 years together he’s left me at the alter once, then cancelled our wedding trip to Jamaica a few years afterwards.
…perhaps he wasn’t telling the entire truth when he said that the reason his name appears in the county records as married to ole girl was because he needed his mom to think he was married so they only filled out the paperwork but didn’t get married.
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VLogan Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@Caballeroso,
wow.
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MzKang Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
@Caballeroso,
PREACH!
Reply
LuckBALady Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
@Caballeroso,
O__O
Reply
BlkBond Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
@Caballeroso,
I co-sign these, but what was all of those in reference to married men & women running after them? Yo, has it reached epidemic levels and I just don’t know about it?
Bond.
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
@BlkBond, i was wondering the same damn thing.
Reply
Caballeroso Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
@Panama Jackson,
The last two is the same former female friend of mine. Former because she “broke down” and told him it was me who gave her the courthouse records. Now he wants her to discontinue contact with me…imagine that.
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
@Caballeroso,
………………………….
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Jade Star Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
@Caballeroso, Yikes!
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I have a few;
- Maybe sleeping with my ex’s sister isn’t such a good idea after all.
-She looks like shes 22, but she still tYpEs LiKe ThIs, maybe she’s not telling the truth about her age.
-Perhaps I should delete those naughty pics my ex girlfriend sent me, wouldn’t want my girl seeing them (I wish I would have had this epiphany a few years ago, smh)
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Miss Patterson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
@Tha King, LMAO @ “She looks like shes 22, but she still tYpEs LiKe ThIs”
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
@Miss Patterson,
Ya know, now that the hood is on twitter and Im seeing some of my old JHS/HS friends, I can attest to the fact that she may actually be 22. Hell, she may be 25. Which is even more sad.
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
@Me fail english?,
or, if they’re related to me, 34
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
@Me fail english?, or have a degree just doesnt damn no better.
i know a chick who still types in multicolors. she has a masters degree.
- Maybe I should stop frontin about wanting a “good church going girl” that is Marie Luv behind closed doors.
Let’s face it folks…a super religious girl always ends up being lame…don’t believe the hype…she’s just trying to hook you. And then God will tell her that penus is ugly and her mouth should not be close to it.
Yall killed me with that…quit saying that shat outloud before you persuade other women to join your damn cause.
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@atltx,
“Let’s face it folks…a super religious girl always ends up being lame…don’t believe the hype…she’s just trying to hook you. And then God will tell her that penus is ugly and her mouth should not be close to it.”
You’ve obviously hooked up with the wrong church girls…lol
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atltx Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
@miss t-lee,
Everything was fine and dandy until they wanted to start praying in the middle of butt chex. For real? You really gonna start speakin in real tounges? Right now?
Or…you gonna attack me…get yours…and then get holy right afterwards without helpin me out? For real? GTFOH.
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
@atltx,
LOL!! Sounds like someone was madd conflicted. She’s gotta learn how to compartmentalize.
MzKang Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
@atltx,
omgoodness, this is hilarious!
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
@atltx,
*dying* @ someone getting the Holy Ghost during the Big O. Double hilarious if it was an adulterous act.
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
@atltx,
Let’s face it folks…a super religious girl always ends up being lame…don’t believe the hype…she’s just trying to hook you. And then God will tell her that penus is ugly and her mouth should not be close to it.
lol, this literally made me spit my rum and coke on my screen
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
@The Champ,
“rum and coke”
So you’re the office alky, eh?
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
@atltx, “God told them” really = a very tangible, corporeal influence (their little crew) is calling the shots, or him/herself feels some kinda uneasy way about an issue.
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“Maybe my ‘telling him something about himself’ isn’t really necessary and is pushing him away from me, especially since he didn’t ask.”
“Maybe my giving it up to him isn’t a good bargaining tool to get him to take me out to dinner. He still hasn’t.”
“Maybe if I wasn’t such an annoying harpie and tried to listen, he won’t have a reason to act like I never existed.”
“Perhaps he didn’t want all of the stuff I bought him and the subliminal suggestion that what I gave him was what I actually wanted didn’t register with him?”
“That Ultimatum didn’t go over well. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t return my calls.”
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Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 11:43 am
@CPT Callamity, Aint nothin but the truth on that ultimatum comment……COSIGN
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*weighing in now, seeing other comments later*
“You know, falling back from dating until my sh*t’s together and I can ‘do it right’ probably isn’t a bad idea.”
And ladies, don’t think this one should only be what men think.
+ re: #4. My perfectly good-looking ex is one of the victims. (Her actual looks aren’t the reason we’re not together, but the following has a lot to do with it.) I’ve heard her whine ’nuff times about some douchebag she’d run into on the field talking about he’d spit if she had cartoon features like some super video vixen/King model I’d have a better shot at than they would. I don’t need women I like just fine projecting what the next dude said on me.
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kamakula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
That self esteem stuff really gets me too. If I hear “you’re too good for me” or “why are you dating me and not some girl with x, y, and z” enough times, I will start believing it myself.
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CPT Callamity Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
@kamakula,
“That self esteem stuff really gets me too. If I hear ‘you’re too good for me’ or ‘why are you dating me and not some girl with x, y, and z’ enough times, I will start believing it myself.”
Hell, I have started believing it. It becomes a silly little Jedi-mind trick that almost always ends in fail for them. For instance I’ve had women take themselves out of the runnings because
“You like big titties, I don’t have big titties.”
and the biggest killer:
“You prolly would be better off with a white girl based on your interests and how you think/talk.” Very well then…where da white girls at since this is your assumption?
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miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
@CPT Callamity,
I’m tripping over these commments…dayum. You guys have actually heard broads telling ya’ll this type of thing?
Unbelieveable.
CPT Callamity Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
@miss t-lee,
The big boobs part is true because I was dealing with someone who was only a B…a cute and perky B, but she knew I usually liked C and better.
And yes, the white girl thing is true. When I mentioned my interest to a few women and just remained myself, they swore that I probably would jive better with a white girl. I hardly find myself involved or attracted to white women.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
@CPT Callamity,
Wow. That’s just wild.
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
@miss t-lee,
Yeah. I dont know what’s making me a sadder panda…my suspicion that the girls dont sincerely believe what they’re saying and are fishing for compliments, 6th grade style (lame!) or that they really are the world’s worst salespeople like old Gil from the Simpsons (funny…but lame!).
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
@ Me fail english?,
I’m thinking it’s gotta be that 6th grade style…it just HAS to be.
*not Gil…lmao!!!
Caballeroso Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
@miss t-lee,
She said to me, “You talk like you date white women.” When she realized I listen to alternative and rock, it was over.
As to the boobs comment, cosign.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
@ Caballeroso,
Dayum.
Silliness, I tell ya…
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
@miss t-lee,
Seriously! Like I am reading this with such an air of disbelief, my boss might be thinking that he gave too hard a task…
Broads actually say this? How old are we talking here?
He’s great, wonderful, and all that but maybe the fact that he’s 30 and home with mom is a red flag and a big reason why he’s single…and why no one else in their right mind (but you) want him. Voila!
Hummm…maybe I should stop frontin’ and realize (like others already have) I don’t have all the quality options like I thought. Voila!
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
@Ivyette,
Hummm…maybe I should stop frontin’ and realize (like others already have) I don’t have all the quality options like I thought. Voila!
see how easy that was?
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Ivyette Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
@The Champ,
lol….very good Champ. Maybe you could demonstrate to all how easy it is to do. (smile)
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Maybe knowingly being the other woman isn’t so much sexually powerful as it is a complete mind f*ck.
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Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
@Vanessa, damn i had to think about this one never thought about how yall feel about the situation…..well played
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Maybe I should stop reading relationship blogs like VSB and go with God instead!
Still love yall tho! *smootches*
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
@TiP,
God wants you to read vsb
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
@The Champ, daily. and twice on Sundays.
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“5. “damn. another month has passed without a single man approaching me. i probably should try this new ‘sileing‘ or ‘miling‘ or whatever facial expression thing everybody keeps raving about.””
On the flip side of this, since the VSBrethren are all about crimefighting and whatnot, can ya’ll invent some smiling detector or something so that every man doesn’t think a smile is an invite to the pantalones? Sometimes a smile is just a polite one?
“can you think of any more inner “voila” statements that could make the dating and relationship game much easier?”
1. Maybe I should get the eff over myself.
2. There is no “change we can believe in” when it comes to a man. If I want to change him, I don’t want him.
3. Hmm, maybe having 10 babies with 15 baby mamas is not what’s parching on the pavement unless my boo is named “The Learning Channel” and/or “Maury Povich”.
4.Maybe “[insert word here] deez” is the right comeback to any relationship argument and/or convo. For example:
Woman: Boy, I called you 50-lem times today? Where you been at? Why you ain’t call me?
Man: 50-lem deez.
OR
Man: Hey, boo, I’m home. Tired as all get out. What’s for dinner?
Woman: Dinner deez.
It might solve a lot of relationship mishaps. *Kanyeshrug*
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
@Cheekie,
On the flip side of this, since the VSBrethren are all about crimefighting and whatnot, can ya’ll invent some smiling detector or something so that every man doesn’t think a smile is an invite to the pantalones? Sometimes a smile is just a polite one?
why dont you help us out. which one is which?
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Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
@The Champ,
This ain’t a definitive guide (as folks have all kinds of smiles and whatnot), but a nice little A-B-C formula to go by is:
A. Tight-lipped smile: Just being polite. The kind there your lips are mushed together. 2520s do this a lot to Black folk when passing them by in the hallway. It says, “I acknowledge you even though I’ont really know you”
B. Regular smile: Could be, “Hey, I know YOU! Nice to see you!” or “I don’t hate you and would like to be your friend” or even “I don’t know you, but you seem nice”.
C. Smile w/teeth or otherwise huge smile equipped with bedroom eyes: “I want you to sperminate me.”
95% of ninjas interpret A, B, and/or C to all mean the exact same thing, which is C’s meaning.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
@Cheekie, naw, we just want to see if we can turn A or B into C.
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
@Cheekie,
Haha. Last night I was at the club and saw a dude I went to HS with. So I smile and wave him over to confirm that it’s him. Did the small talk thing (How are you? Who you here with?) and was ready to cut the convo short when dude starts all grabbing my arm and tryna make a night of it. Uh…maybe it was cuz I was drunk and I look frisky love this word; makes me feel 80) when I drink but…no. Ima need brothas to act like they’re used to friendly women
even if they’re not. lol!Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
@Me fail english?,
Ima need brothas to act like they’re used to friendly women even if they’re not. lol!
And that’s the part! Lol! Based on yesterday’s post, you and I know friendly broads are a bit of a rarity… Lol! No wonder they get all excited.
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
@Sula,
“And that’s the part! Lol! Based on yesterday’s post, you and I know friendly broads are a bit of a rarity… Lol! No wonder they get all excited. ”
You know what, you ain’t neva lied. Po’ thangs probably look at a smile like, “What is that strange emotion? It’s…it’s…HOT AS HELL. *looney tune gaga eyes*”
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
@Sula & Cheekie,
lol. I feel bad for the brothas now.
Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
@Me fail english?,
I know.
I hate when that happens. It’s much more fun being man at ‘em.
maybe i should stop pretending that i have my sh*t together and my life is all peaches and cream, to get my ex jealous and make him see what he’s missing
maybe what ppl say about never getting over your first love is nothing but a crock of sh*t that poisons your mind and leaves you stuck in a 4 yr rut
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
@nikki87,
these were some depressing ass voilas and sh*t
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nikki87 Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
@The Champ,
yeh, sum ’bout facing your demons and sh*t, at least that’s what those tv shrinks keep saying
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Maybe when you text him and tell him that you think he is; wonderful, and special and he means the world to you , and that you would be really hurt if he was no longer in your life. And he texts back ” Yeah you sexy, juicy, fine and very wet” .. Umm ya’ll aint on the same page and it’s time to move on- Voila!
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Blacklaw Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
@PrincessCutc, hahahahahhahahhahhahahahaahahahah
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Caballeroso Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
@PrincessCutc,
Pretty much.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
@PrincessCutc, that is a great text though…
right??
right??
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
@PrincessCutc,
I fnid the term “juicy” offensive and at least 38% gay.
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Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
@PrincessCutc,
Couldn’t help but laugh. Sorry darling. But the sooner that voila! the better off you are. Kudos! *still laughing *
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“if i had a dollar for every woman i’ve known who’s attracted to shady dudes and needed consolation after he did some shady sh*t to her, i’d have at least 11 f*cking dollars.”
this made me giggle. thank you champ, you made my day
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
@lovin’ me,
thank you champ, you made my day
if i had a dollar…
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My Sunday night voila…(a “re”piphany)
…perhaps if every time she calls you, she wants to go out to some fancy show, order a bottle of wine and two entrees while you know that if she went solo or with her girls she wouldn’t do the same- and on top of that, she asks you to drop her off at the front gate and she’ll walk to her apartment without giving you so much as a kiss on the cheek, she’s probably sticking you for yo paper. Either stop answering her damn calls or redirect her to cook you dinner!!
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
@Caballeroso,
Ok. I was about to say “I see nothing wrong with any of this
“…
..until we got to the “she won’t kiss you goodnight” part. Yup, it’s official. You’re being used.
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miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
@Me fail english?,
I was there on the “drop her off at the front gate”.
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
@miss t-lee,
Poor cowboy. This is even worse than a close bus or a friend-zoning. This shti is…I’ont even know what to call it!
Cancel that ho! *dumps Champagne on hysterical woman, Nino Brown style*
miss t-lee Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
@Me fail english?,
It sounds like he got stuck in “entertainment guy” zone.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
@Me fail english?, one of my failings in life was never getting the opportunity to yell “cancel that ho” out loud in a crowded space and dump champagne over her head.
Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
@Panama Jackson,
You still waiting for the right time? I’d just say it whenever I felt like it. That’s what I do with “I got these cheeseburgers!” replete with cracked lip, desperation face
The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
@Caballeroso,
lol, that probably aint even her apartment.
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
@The Champ,
lol@ the VSB cheer comittee, whose ability to lift spirits and inspire gaiety is rivaled only by the Dunder Mifflin party planning comittee.
WOMPINGER FALLS
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Cheekie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
@The Champ,
LOL.
Eff his life if it is her man’s apartment.
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CPT Callamity Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
@Caballeroso,
This is one of those times where you need to release your inner cave dweller and try and hit. That’ll settle all that dinner shyt.
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
@CPT Callamity,
I seeeee….a resounding NO in his future. I guess it’s worth a shot though.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
@CPT Callamity, i agree, though i’d be hella uncouth like, ’so, after this i can put it on your shoulder right?’
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Me fail english? Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Hell, at that point you might as well try to stick it in her ear. *shrugs*
*bad MeFail, bad, bad MeFail*
Sula Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
@Caballeroso,
My Sunday night voila…(a “re”piphany)
I’m actually mad that’s it’s a (re)piphany!!!
*joining Me Fail Chorus* “Cancel that ho!!!”
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These just cracked me up but they’re so true. LOL
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
@Myne Whitman,
welcome and sh*t
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Maybe when he says he’s not ready for a relationship and is not sure if he’ll ever get married again, his real intentions are to add you to the rotation and die a single dirty old man.
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VLogan Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
@SexyCool,
This comment needs a “Like” button.
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I just wanna say I’m very pleased with all the new VSS and VSB that came out the lurk for this one today. Check out the blog lmbao.org
And Champ I think you need a “C” to your number 1. I mean even if I got Oprah pregnant right now, I think I’ll be on some “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! Lemme die now!!!” Ok maybe not with oprah but you know someone pretty desirable to have a baby with nonetheless
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
@Dorian G.,
lol, good point
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The first one is sooo true. My mother always said pick the father of your children carefully, so yea don’t have sex with a guy you wouldn’t want to be a father to your child.
But anyways, if he only texts/calls after 10pm then he really isn’t looking for a relationship.
On the flip side, if he texts/calls every hour and throws a hissy fit if you don’t answer within 10mins. then he could just be kinda crazy or controlling.
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The Champ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
@Deeds,
But anyways, if he only texts/calls after 10pm then he really isn’t looking for a relationship.
he’s looking for a relationship, just not with you, lol
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Caballeroso Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
@The Champ,
he’s looking for a relationship, just not the kind she’s looking for. Nothing wrong with a good jump off though.
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Excuse me sir…I sure did think that you were a woman. I must say though…you are breaking all types and kinds of man law. Like seriously man…nothing but brotherly love here…but…saying it’s not right to know a stripper’s first name and complaining about us as men desiring womb too much is like complaining about swolen labia or something.
Plus…you brought up another dude’s name that acts as if though he wears slips and frequents the MAC counter…without being forced to go there by his lady.
I’m just saying…I apologize for thinking that you were a woman.
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atltx Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
The comment above is for Blacklaw…
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Sometimes… It just isn’t your turn.
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These are friggin’ hilarious! I’m glad I work from home cause I’ve been laughing too damn hard at these.
How about if he actually changes his address across state lines after I move to his city to be with him, then maybe he really didn’t mean, “If only you lived near me girl.”
*True story, but that is not mine, it is Nietzche’s*
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This is gonna first time for me sooooo I got few:
“Maybe I should stop being so insecure and realizes that he/she wants to be me even though I don’t have a body like trey songz or ass like a KING model.”
“Mayb women aren’t attracted to me wearing tight, bright-ass colored, sagging off my ass jeans. And notice H&M makes clothes for my black-ass to wear.”
“Maybe if I shave and clean my balls more she would be more willingly to do oral”
I heard the last to in a round-table discussion between men and women at before i graduated
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