jews and palestinians?
a little skirmish
capulets and montagues?
childs play.
tutsis and hutus?
a walk in the park
bras and aretha?
nope. not even close.
there’s no bigger ongoing conflict, no deeper gulf, no wider chasm than the difference between what qualities men find attractive in women, and what qualities women think men should find attractive
this struggle has been on going for centuries, with earliest recorded evidence of its existance dating back to the 18th century and the circumstances surrounding the unfortunate courting incident involving marie antoinette’s baby sister, latonya jackson-antoinette. ***editors note. he’s totally making this up***
although it seemingly has the ability to transcend gender, this is a phenomenon unique to women. most men are typically clueless when it comes to women and their inate schizophrenicness when they’re deeming what is and isn’t attractive this week, so we’ve generally stopped wanting trying to figure it out, chalking it up to, well, women and their inate schizophrenicness. we just hope that the qualities we happen to possess are ones that they find attractive, and many times we’re genuinely surprised when they actually do.
on the other hand, not only do women typically remain intentionally (more on this tommorrow) clueless about what men find attractive, this intentional cluelessness has a nasty edge, sometimes manifesting as a literal scoffing and thumbing of the nose at what we deem important and why.
two comments left on this site perfectly illustrate my point:
1. “If a man had a choice between a degreed woman who was a bit crazy and a 6 in the looks/body department and a non-degreed, non-crazy woman that was an 8 ,he’d probably pick the non-degreed woman”
–forReal, from “link of the week: the eligible bachelor paradox”
although forReal’s comment admirably attempted to convey the general thought process of a man, the fact that she was compelled to use the qualifier “probably” lets me know that if this were the “hot/cold” game, she’d be hovering somewhere around “room temperature”.
not only is that “decision” not much of a decision at all, i’d go as far to say that no man who has existed or will ever exist in the history of the planet would ever even fathom passing over an attractive, uncrazy women for a crazier and less physically attractive woman just because the crazy chick happens to own a sheet of paper that lets people know she owes over 70 g’s in college loans.
i’m not going to say that we don’t give a sh*t about your ”paper” (because we do…a bit. your degrees look nice hanging up in the study, and, from what i’ve read, your resumes can help our kids get into the best kindergartens) but in regards to “mattractiveness”, it generally don’t matter.
yet, despite the fact that thousands of years of human history have proven time and time again which qualities men typically prioritize when seeking a romantic mate, many women refuse to believe this…implying and insisting that a man who values a women’s physical mattractiveness and maternal potential over her master’s degrees and money is completely baseless and sexist.
this state of mind is further embodied in the following comment:
2. “I mean, how many men claim to want a strong, independent woman… but really don’t? How else would you accont for the number of actual smart, attractive, strong, independent women out there who are single!? Huh?!”
–
my homie from across the pond wendy, bless her little heart, actually attempted to list adjectives such as “strong” and ”independant” in the same sentence as “attractive”, a comment which actually would have fit better in highlights magazine‘s “what doesn’t belong” section. you can even argue that in this sense, the words “strong” and “attractive” directly contradict each other.
again, i’m not saying that a woman’s “strength” and “independance” don’t matter. they’re both very admirable qualities for a marine that one should be proud of, but if wendy listed “water drinking” and “human” in lieu of strong and independant, the sentence still would have read exactly the same. one important quality surrounded by two that really dont mean sh*t.
***back tommorrow with part 2***
—the champ
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{ 294 comments… read them below or add one }
YOU ARE SO RIDICULOUS!!!!
I swear….
Whatever, I like my degrees. My master’s degree just came in the mail the other day and I plans to buy me some $200+ wooden frames for it and my MIT undergrad degree, and hang them suckers up somewhere. Hmph!
I’d like to think a guy I am dating likes me for my degrees (aka my mind). It would make my day if indeed he did. On the other hand, I know for a fact that if he only (or mostly) liked me for my degrees, I would not feel so good. At all. I’d then be wondering why isn’t he attracted to me? Why doesn’t he think I am pretty? I think a lot of women would feel that way if men did a 180 and actually liked them for the things they think they should be liked for. Men being the way they are now is what keeps mankind alive. Embrace it.
“On the other hand, I know for a fact that if he only (or mostly) liked me for my degrees, I would not feel so good. At all. I’d then be wondering why isn’t he attracted to me? Why doesn’t he think I am pretty?”
hmmm…do any other ladies feel this way?
exactly…it’s like…he’s brain f*cking you, and not in a good way!
molesting your mind and you don’t even know it. god, that sounds dirty.
I can’t even fathom a guy only dating me for my degree. When he approached me it was b/c he thought I was cute, he didn’t know if I had a degree or not.
File under: More Proof of Female Insanity.
This goes right into that that whole notion of thinking oneself right out of a relationship. Though I’m with K. here and probably all men, generally I don’t give a shit if you have a degree or not. I care more if you can read or not. Scratch that. Not can you read…DO you read? If you don’t then you should go bite yourself.
Hm. I got lost somewhere.
**applause** I try to tell my girls..but they don’t listen…maybe if I prefaced the statement with “I have a degree too b*tches” it would lend credibility to my plight!…
“I have a degree too b*tches”
t-shirt quote of the day right here
Word up. My creamy butternut squash soup almost came out my nose.
Yeah I totally think this is related to at least two previous VSB posts LOL.
“Yeah I totally think this is related to at least two previous VSB posts LOL.”
damn, lol. i was hoping noone would notice
i agree with Liz on this point. If a man was only attracted to me for my brain and only complimented me on this attribute alone I would begin to doubt if he were at all physically attracted to me (and doubt his sexual ‘orientation’). Someone said this best in a comment a month or so ago “men want to feel NEEDED and a woman needs to feel WANTED”
@PatteeCakes – yeah…that was GENIUS KHAN…lol…I made it my MySpace status for like a week…had to let the team know we were getting ready to clear the bench in this b!tch!!! so they need to get right or get left! lol
i’m putting myself on vsb punishment for the rest of the week…i just quoted genius khan. hold me.
(patting your back)..it’s ok…wooo wooo wooo….
“men want to feel NEEDED and a woman needs to feel WANTED”
Smart man that Genis Khan
He was branching off of my coment.
don’t you hate it when u get none of the credit!!!
I think that’s def a good quote tho.
And you are right, a lack of verbal complements about my beauty in exchange for heavy comments on how smart I am would make me question a guy’s orientation lol.
I want a man who wants me – the total package. The physical will be what catches his eye, but its other things about me that will keep him intrigued and want to know more, etc.
Personally, I don’t think men (as a collective group) know what they think is attractive in a woman anymore than we do. It’s like a crap shoot. When I was fresh out of college I dated a guy whose most frequent complaint was that I cooked with a recipe book. He preferred the ‘wing it’ approach, & the fact that I lacked this ability made me non-wifey material. In other situations I’ve been criticized for everything from dressing too conservatively to owning too many books to not pursuing my career in a timely manner. My years of dating have taught me that there is not one singular code of ‘mattractiveness’ and if there is such a thing it changes at whim or when Mercury is in retrograde. The only thing I know for certain is this, if you’re dating a man who can actually verbalize what it is he finds attractive about you -embrace that thing. Whether it’s your degrees, your hair, your cooking, the way you dress or undress, whatever it is…play it up. Men should follow this same advice.
Cooking with a manual is weak. Its like being behind the wheel with the VA drivers manual on your lap to tell you what the signs mean
So if cooking from a manual is “Weak” I am going to say its safe to say we also shouldn’t be reading books on how to fuck you better and give good head either right??? lets all just start wing’n it for goodness sake…. don’t get mad when I bite your ass cuz i didn’t read “the manual”
truthfully, those manuals don’t work either!! you’re either good at it or you aren’t!! and cooking falls in with that too….no matter how many cookbooks you own, if you can’t throw some stuff in the pot to make it your own, then we might have a slight problem!!
Uh Imma have to disagree my man, I read that book “tickle his pickle” and it changed lives ova here!!!!
and cooking is a basic skill and so is reading so if i can read i can scratch up some food without burning down the crib
I agree Mikki. If you can read, and you have some common sense and taste buds, you can cook! I can already see all the dissenters, and I’m cool with that.
“Cooking with a manual is weak. Its like being behind the wheel with the VA drivers manual on your lap to tell you what the signs mean”
you know, i’d give a woman an a for effort if she did this. it would actually be endearing
I cook with a recipe book. It keeps things interesting, IMO. Sure, I can cook some things by my memory, but baking, for example, is a very precise procedure. Plus, you can only know so many recipes in your mind (unless you are just a bonafied chef), and I don’t know about you, but I like variety. Not trynna have the same 21 meals every week.
I think it’s lame for a man to demand that you know every recipe by heart. I clearly do not have the time for that.
“Not trynna have the same 21 meals every week. ”
lol…shit, i dont think ive ever had 21 different meals in the same week, even back when i was eating 35 meals per week
Hell I don’t think I have had 21 different meals in the past couple of months. Guess I am milkin this bachelor thing for all its worth.
“Hell I don’t think I have had 21 different meals in the past couple of months. Guess I am milkin this bachelor thing for all its worth.”
***going up a yonder***
Right. So yeah, I can cook from memory but it’s bout to be a good 12 of the same meals. On the other hand, I am impeccable at following directions, so you can have some bomb exotic and tasty meal if you can stand a freaking cookbook meal or two. Sheesh.
I guess I’m not that picky. If you can cook 3 or 4 meals real good I’m good. I could give a shit about variety all I care about is my full stomach. I can cook my own meals so I don’t demand that my girl be a master chef. I just rather not be your guinea pig while you try out new and exotic meals you found in some book that I may or may not enjoy. I don’t find taking chances like that with my food enjoyable. I just want to eat.
Um, bad analogy. If I’m trying out some Thai-inspired recipe, clearly I’m not Thai so winging it wouldn’t be a good idea.
I know. In my head I thougth it was funny
Deviant–it’s funny that you made that comment because most men don’t like to read the owners manuals to things that they buy that require assembly. I have watched men struggle to put things together and I’ll go pick up the owners manual, read it, and then walk over and put the item together myself.
so deviant either you want to eat or you dont want to eat. I dont think men care if you use a cookbook. I think if I tried to wing it on a real pound cake (NO BETTY CROCKER YELLOW CAKE MIX) somebody might be up a creek. Practice makes perfect and I believe that.
In other situations I’ve been criticized for everything from dressing too conservatively to owning too many books to not pursuing my career in a timely manner
see…these were just assholes whose opinions dont matter anyway.
Exactly!
“In other situations I’ve been criticized for everything from dressing too conservatively to owning too many books to not pursuing my career in a timely manner”
babygirl…why were they even dating you then? WTF is a “timely manner”? damn! that is some female ish right there…eff’em and feed’em cake!
“When I was fresh out of college I dated a guy whose most frequent complaint was that I cooked with a recipe book.”
That’s the dumbest shyt I’ve ever heard. I’d dump any guy who was that nit-picky and unappreciative of the fact that you’re cooking for his azz in the first place.
Right!
I thought this world had bigger probs…mayb it’s just me
“Personally, I don’t think men (as a collective group) know what they think is attractive in a woman anymore than we do.”
I agree with this. I’ve had this discussion with my guy friends and they all have different answers for what they find attractive. Most will start with looks, but what they think is attractive varies from guy to guy…
and its supposed to!! we aren’t all sharing one single mind!! we like different things in women just as women like different things in men!! we know what is attractive to us as individuals and that is what really matters!! the collective group doesn’t dictate what is attractive to me, i do!!
cooking from a book, recipe, index cards or whatever leads to the wing-it-ness! you have to get the basics down before you start adding all kinds of tricks and ish…like sex and line dancing…my mom doesn’t cook! I was raised on Chinese food and Church’s chicken…it was so bad that when the people at Church’s saw me and my sister pull up on our bikes…they had our order ready! but I can cook…I am adventreous with it and cook things that some Southern folks don’t eat..a lot of seafood and ish..and try recipes online and learn to make dishes that I like when I go to restaurants, etc…but my cooking is self taught…hell you gotta start somewhere…
Yeah, I’m good for tryna duplicate some ish I had in a restaurant too!
I had some bourbon salmon at this place in b-more and I googled it as soon as I got home…now it’s in my arsenal of “baby, come over and let me cook for you”…lol
“I had some bourbon salmon at this place in b-more”
**adding to list of breakfast food combinations**
Yeah, you know I had to Google that recipe. Sounds delish…I’m definitely gonna try it although I’m a lil concerned about all the sugar in it. May have to reduce that a bit.
when I google recipes (which I do often) I always look at more than one…and if the sugar content is high in all of them then I keep it…if not…I go with one with less sugar in it…but it is YUMMY-LICIOUS!
…..sounds mad tasty!
“you gotta start somewhere” is right. Thanks to two summers spent with my late grandmother, there are about a dozen things I can do by rote. I was also raised by a mother who didn’t cook and fumbled a lot in the kitchen and so this became a constant source of arguments btwn my parents…bottom line i’m working on it (slowly).
ok!
now i’m all up on google @ 11pm lookin for darn recipes….thanks GOODENess
Miss Patterson I think that the brotha was on some how do you deal w/ sittuations that arise when you have to improvise.
I’d give you an A for effort too. And another A if you were trying something new that you may have no idea what or how the flavors cook book presented would come off. Don’t sweat that.
I would think as a man/women matures his meter changes in regard to what he CHOOSES.Guys correct me if I’m wrong..the hope is the older you get you make better choices..what was a 8 when you were 22 is not the same at 32..and if it is..there is something to be said abou who your dating.. do our ratings change as we mature-if at all ?
I agree, I think people’s standards change over time. I do think women become more reasonable with their standards earlier than men though LOL. But, I could be biased.
biased and correct….we accept the “quirks” of a brother occasionally…and men don’t (typically) ten to be as “realistic” in their attractions…lol
why should we be…there’s a man shortage.
if you can’t use a hoola hoop while walking a tight rope and crushing a beer can with your breast then i most certainly can find a woman who can.
those are the things that are important.
HA! I am a giggling mess laughing at you…the visual…lawd….damn I missed ya’ll…
And that same chick that can do jumping jacks upside down on one hand will be the same one talking some gimme half in 5 years cause your ass was focused on the WRONG THINGS. Men are effing themselves with this whole I’m the rare one I can find someone better thing they like to do nowadays.
Did men just start doing that? I figure it’s been going down at least since the movie Colors came out and gang membership increased 7-fold.
Totally agree! Women get told real early and often to drop things from their ‘ list’, i ain’t never heard of a man being told the same thing.
“Totally agree! Women get told real early and often to drop things from their ‘ list’, i ain’t never heard of a man being told the same thing.”
This is probably because our “list” doesn’t resemble an instruction manual on how to build an atomic bomb. (LOL)
AkShone…booooooooooo!!! (funny sh!t) maybe a little bit true when we were like 12, but hopefully not as true now…lol
C’mon…you have to admit that most women have a list that is longer than most men’s list (even if we have one).
Example: Check PJ’s list below.
v
v
v
v
v
true…but men compartmentalize ish…you may only have the 3 A’s adn 3 N’s…but there are so many things that comprise the headings…your list (when expanded into bullet points) mirrors the urban legend that is the woman “list”…in reality..they are probably VERY similar, sisters just tend to use our bullet points…
Word.Life.
Hell, I don’t even have a list. Unless you count: attractive, reads, and has teeth. I just know what I don’t want when I see it.
teeth? really? ecelectic or otherwise…be specific..there are alot of snatch-mowf’d females reading this right now…I “thunk” that teeth was kind of included in “attractive”…is TEEFS optional now?
you’re right…i’m not sure you can be attractive without teeth unless we’re in montana or west virginia.
LMAO!!!!!
”…is TEEFS optional now?”
ha!
LOL!!
“This is probably because our “list” doesn’t resemble an instruction manual on how to build an atomic bomb. (LOL)”
this made me laugh aloud
“…women become more reasonable with their standards earlier than men though LOL. But, I could be biased.”
Yeah, you’re definitely biased. Men’s standards are always basically reasonable. I’m in my late 20′s and the girls my age are just now starting to ease their demands up, a bit.
Reasonable to whom? Just a few posts above someone mentioned being ridiculed for cooking from a recipe book!
“Reasonable to whom?”
Tyseen, the God of Reason. Duh.
I meant always as in most of the time, duh. And that dude sounded suspect anway. What normal guy gives a crap how she arrives at the dope meal?
Yeah, this from the dude who just wrote a long azz comment about a non-degreed deal breaker. To LOTS of folks (not me though) that could be considered unreasonable.
Lots of folks would be wrong, then. That comment dealt with the whole idea of commonalities. Commonalities are a basic desire of many or most (or lots!) of people. I’ve tried to get involved with women who didn’t have degrees and it usually falls apart for the reasons I mentioned there. If you take a step back and identify the reason something’s not working, then you make the appropriate changes, how is that unreasonable?
That was my point when I asked “resonable to whom?” in respsponse to your “mens standards are always reasonable.” It’s not right or wrong. Reasonable to you is not the same as reasonble to the next mofo…so neither gender has the unreasonable standards thing on lock!
“I agree, I think people’s standards change over time. I do think women become more reasonable with their standards earlier than men though LOL. But, I could be biased.”
Maybe there’s some truth the the adage that women mature faster.
“Maybe there’s some truth the the adage that women mature faster.”
Nah, there’s minimal truth in that. At best, women enthusiastically adopt the exterior of maturity – they can’t wait to be grown, dress up like grown women, do surface level grown women stuff. But they’re no more mature than teh boys their age. It’s all a front.
I’m a woman…and I agree with you…
what was a 8 when you were 22 is not the same at 32..and if it is..there is something to be said abou who your dating..
if we’re talking pure physical attractiveness, 8′s stay 8′s, they just become “young-ass 8′s”.
when you ask about an 8 being an 8, are you just talking about the physical aesthetics or are you giving the overall rating? i mean, as a woman, which jewelry box would you be more inclined to pick up….a tiffany’s box or a sear’s box, without being knowledgeable about what is inside??
“when you ask about an 8 being an 8, are you just talking about the physical aesthetics or are you giving the overall rating? i mean, as a woman, which jewelry box would you be more inclined to pick up….a tiffany’s box or a sear’s box, without being knowledgeable about what is inside??”
you’re gonna hafta break this analogy down to me like i was from florida. it went completely over my head
just asking the ladies, which is more appealing to them, the little blue tiffany box or the sears box, without knowing what is inside!! that’s how we are!! our exteriors give no hint or clue as to what is inside!! our exteriors don’t say if we have a degree or not, if we have morals or not, if we are semi-intelligent or not, if we have good credit scores or not, etc.!!! The packaging is just the packaging, yet we tend to go for the brighter shinier packaging, than an exterior that isn’t all that appealing……thus, possibly missing out on the goods within!!
i think part of my comment got deleted by accident earlier!! when she said dating an 8 at 23 isn’t the same 8 at 32, and if it is, that is a reflection on you and who you choose to date!! i was asking did she mean just the looks or was she talking about the total package being an eight!!
what exactly is it about the qualities of strength and independence that men don’t like/do not find important?
not starting anything, I’d just like some clarification.
“what exactly is it about the qualities of strength and independence that men don’t like/do not find important? ”
i wont go as far as to say that men dont like em, but, in regards to how attractive you are to the opposite sex, theyre not the priorities many women might think/hope they are.
to make an analogy, it’s akin to a guy listing “went to a private middle school” and “owns many different hats”. they’re not bad qualities to possess at all, but i dont think any woman i meet is gonna get her panties all wet after she hears i went to st. barts in middle school
Clearly mine is not a male point of view, but everyone likes to be feel needed/wanted and valued. When someone acts like their life would go on just fine without you and you wouldn’t be missed, even if it’s true, it doesn’t make them feel good.
Some women give off that vibe with all the the ‘strong independant black woman’ talk. Now, i think the issue is more of semantics- we see strong and independant as simply meaning ‘i can handle my business and i won’t be dependent on a man to do basic things like pay my rent’, but somehow it comes off to men as ‘negro, i will fight you on EVERYTHING you ever say, every step of the way’. And that’s not sexy.
Taking care of yourself isn’t particularly ‘strong’ or ‘independant’. It’s adulthood. If we changed our wording I think it’d go a long way towards bridging the gap.
I think women need to stop talking about it, period. Why does any adult need to announce how strong, intelligent, independent, they are? Simply BEing those things is quite enough.
Deacon board meeting.
This reminds me of the guy I was dating once.
He continually reminded me of how he had a job, a car, and his own place.
I think I was supposed to kneel down and kiss his feet or something.
I was like GTFOH dude. Do you want a medal?
exactly…and somehow…I know sisters that get irritated when brothers do it…but it’s magically ok when we do it? I call BULLSH!T!!
“exactly…and somehow…I know sisters that get irritated when brothers do it…but it’s magically ok when we do it? I call BULLSH!T!!”
**track 3 on take 6′s first album**
Exactly ! why should we get excited about things you are suppose to be doing ? Are you nice to your mama ? Do you open doors for me ? These things that matter to me..things I have to see on my own…that other ish will do me no good at the start of us getting to know each other..the degrees and ish is a plus for you – at this point…1st of all..ARE YOU A DECENT HUMAN BEING !! ? Nice back, big feet , long fingers ( my fav ,wink ) or not… ( :
***ramadan***
I think that ALL grownups should handle their business…announcing it as though you are the only one, is OBNOXIOUS! that’s like these kids that think finishing high school makes them grown…NOPE…you start to finish dumbass! you don’t get a gold star by your name for doing what you’re supposed to do…period!
LMAO @ Ramadan!
Thank you! I believe in celebrating accomplishments, but graduating from high school should be a given, not a plus.
Really? F*CK. I was anticipating my “You Read Gud Award fo’ Grajewating Hi Skool.”
I was all excited too…then I was really looking forward to, “You Haven’t Been To Jail, Here’s a Cookie” Award.
Sorry P. Just like i got no ‘you made it out of h.s. without getting knocked up’ biscuit, you gets no cookie! LOL
The women who are really independent and strong never ever say this sh*t out loud…only the insecure ones trying to prove to someone that they are do.
Exactly. It’s kinda like 16 year olds proclaiming how ‘grown’ they are
Actually, I’m not sure I agree with that. I think that actual independent women probably do tell you over and over. Though its probably mostly a reminder to themselves when dude says, “well baby, since you are SO independent, how about us two Americans go Dutch?” and they realize that they don’t NEED a man so they can cut this sucka loose.
Plus, there’s a day for it and everything. Hell, it was just Friday when I started telling random Latinos on the street that I was el independenté.
oh so true about the women who say they’re independent but then want a dude to pay for dates and shit… this is why betty friedan and all of her fellow feminist bitches should be whipped. i hate the damn hypocrisy of it all.
well baby, since you are SO independent, how about us two Americans go Dutch?”
another great t-shirt
K, women aren’t the only ones talking about it. What’s that rapper with that song about women being Independent (Lil’ Boosie or something like that).
Regardless if you’re male or female, I think you do want a partner who is independent and is with you for other reasons than whether or not you can take care of them.
“a comment which actually would have fit better in highlights magazine’s “what doesn’t belong” section”
That was by far the funniest quote I have ever heard in my life!!! I loveeeed loveeeeed that magazine!! even picked it up in the dentist office (Age 25) over the time magazine and people mag sitting on the table. Shame lol…..
I think its helpful to ASK what the other person thinks is attractive to them. Not so you can change you but so you don’t waste time. Maybe one dude likes the fact you have a mind and 20 degrees to back it, and the other dude could care less but would rather u know how to scratch it up in the kitchen.
Problem is when you know you would rather have a man love you for your 20 degrees (because your proud) yet choose the man that wants you to be cooking, then attempt to remind him every hour you have a degree aint don’t cook worth shit and don’t plan on cookin no time soon. I think he would be offended at that point.
Its all about communication folks!!!
my .2 cents
I loveeeed loveeeeed that magazine!! even picked it up in the dentist office (Age 25) over the time magazine and people mag sitting on the table. Shame lol…..
lol…join the club
Can’t speak for all guys but I’m sure that most of us just want a woman who possess “wifey” qualities – And degrees aren’t neccessarily a qualifier. Women know what “wifey” qualities are, some just don’t want to acknowledge them because they might not possess those attributes themselves.
No I don’t know what “wife qualities are” care to share??
MONK…I feel you on this…just like we want HUBBY qualities…but the thing is…you have to get past the INITIAL ATTRACTION to find out if this person has or lacks said WIFEY-bility…I know men that would make great husbands for someone…just not me…because I am not attracted to them…plain and simple…
we should all have our wifey/hubby quotient on our driver’s license…for easier identification…it would be great the DMV could administer testing and everything, so when you renew your license you re-test for your quotient too…
we should all have our wifey/hubby quotient on our driver’s license…for easier identification
this isnt a bad idea, lol. a little “minority report-ish”, but a good idea nontheless
I’d say it would end up leaning more tward “GATACA”
OMG!! Gataca? damn… I feel like I know you…LOL
I know what you mean. Sometimes I sit and ponder is it an African American cultural thing or is it a gret minds thing? hmm
@WuDa…I think it’s a African American great cultural minds thing…lol
“I’d say it would end up leaning more tward “GATACA””
good point
“Wifey qualities” consist of being:
*physically attractive
*having a cool personality
*a nurturer
*a good cook
*clean
*good with children
And of course…
*”a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed.”
I thikn the part that stood out to me the most is the PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE is the first attribute on the list…the rest of that shit don’t matter if he isn’t feeling your “presentation”…and thank God “attractive” is (almost) completely subjective…
To Mikki,
“Wifey qualities” consist of being:
*physically attractive
*having a cool personality
*a nurturer
*a good cook
*clean
*good with children
And of course…
*”a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed.”
Your telling me I been doing all the “other shit” for nothing ??
This can’t be then end all be all, can we get a poll brothas???
what other shit are you talking about?
Making my own money
getting 50 degree’s
starting a business
helping the community
making sure I don’t blurt out obscenities
in public
acting like a lady
not burping
not going off on random folk for cutting me off on the road.
-Making your own money is good but as an adult you should be doing that anyway. To give you points for that is like giving you points for tying your own shoes.
-If you are making your own money I could give a shit about how many degrees you have.
-The same goes for the buisness. How you get your money means nothing to me as long as its legal and you aren’t working the bunny ranch.
- I’m a selfish bastard so I could give a shit about what you do for other people outside of your family and friends.
-I blurt out fucking obsenities all the mutahfucking time so you blurting out all kinds of shit won’t bother me.
- Acting like a lady means different things to different people so you may have to expand on your definition.
-nothing wrong with burping. its gotta come out one way or another better to burp than the alternative
-road rage is ok. I live in the DC area
Most of this stuff is personal stuff you would do for yourself and not to rope some dude. You do these things for personal preference. You shouldnt even care what a guy thinks.
All of these are my opinions/ standards and do not reflect the opinions of those on VSB but those who disagree with me suck and their lameness brings shame on their houses
@ Deviant,
this commentary has me CTFU.
@Deviant….I LOVE the obscenities bullet…LOL…funny sh!t…the disclaimer…CLASSIC!
I am glad I gave my female opinion on this list and I was really close to what you said….(happy dance)
Word ‘em up!!
Making my own money”
getting 50 degree’s
starting a business
helping the community
making sure I don’t blurt out obscenities
in public
acting like a lady
not burping
not going off on random folk for cutting me off on the road”
your comment implies that you only did these things to impress the opposite sex. now, obviously i dont believe that, i’m sure you did these things for your own benefit, but our (monk, deviant, and i’s) point is that the three a’s and two n’s (approachable, available, attractive, and not nuts) take priority over the things that you listed, especially the first three (Making my own money, getting 50 degree’s, starting a business)
@ CHAMP
“three a’s and two n’s (approachable, available, attractive, and not nuts)”
LUVITMANE…but you know the first A is ATTRACTIVE…the rest doesn’t even matter if you aren’t attracted to her…then APPROACHABLE…then AVAILABLE (which is subjective depending on your objective)…and NOT NUTS…I think this transcends gender lines..but the best crazy folks don’t let on that they’re crazy until they’re….I don’t know…running down the street after your truck barefoot in broad daylight…I’m just saying…LOL
Are you serious?
I think men, collectively, have shown us through their actions that those things dont matter to them. Men are more complex than that.
“Men are more complex than that.”
you meant “less”, right?
Nope. I meant more.
gigi, expound please then
gotta mean less
@MIKKI
(clearing throat) I am not a man…but some of this ish is more important to you than a potential mate…while it adds to your preception of self worth (which indirectly makes you more attractive)…it doesn’t directly make you more attractive…I have taken the liberty of giving my female opinion (eventhough it was completely unsolicited)
Making my own money – unsure on this one – no man wants a gold digger, but there is a fine line between making your own money and throwing it up in a dude’s face (directly or indirectly) that you don’t need him for this or that due to the fact that you make your own money..hell so does he..that’s what grown ups do…
getting 50 degree’s – indirectly – all I see is student loans…lol…but serioulsy, degrees don’t validate intellect anymore than the absence of degrees validates ignorance…
starting a business – owning your own busiesss is time/sanity consuming…will you even have time for prince charming if he rides up on a his noble steed?
helping the community – this one is GREAT…it keeps us humble…and grateful, what person wouldn’t want that?
making sure I don’t blurt out obscenities
in public – SCR*TUM LICKER – ok my bad, had a Deuce Bigalow flashback…while I don’t condone such cuss-ery…I can curse in 5 languages…but it’s not ladylike to have a foul mouth…not in public anyway…
acting like a lady – YES! don’t “act”….”be”…lol…I want to take so many of my female friends to ettiquette classes…I swear! you don’t have to be a damselk in distress…of so dainty you can’t get your hair wet in the rain…but I’ve heard that feminity is attractive…who’d a thunk it…
not burping – no brainer…add farting to this please and thank you…
not going off on random folk for cutting me off on the road – now that’s restraint… I have road rage but wrangled it in because the legacy started repeating my expletives at school…not a good look for a 3yr old to get a referral for cussing!
that’s it..lol… I kow it’s doing alot..but guys… how did I do?
“getting 50 degree’s – indirectly – all I see is student loans…lol…but serioulsy, degrees don’t validate intellect anymore than the absence of degrees validates ignorance…”
Right, a felon can get a degree.
“degrees don’t validate intellect anymore than the absence of degrees validates ignorance…”
**Pastor’s Appreciation Service**
I actually agree with Monk’s list of wifey qualities, i would just add one thing: the ability to support the man/household however it is needed. And that means having the good sense to figure out what’s needed and get it done, and if a woman has to financially carry the household for a while, a degree works wonders. And I think as men get older they realize how important knowing you aren’t really all on your own with those repsonsibilities is. At least I freakin hope they do!
“And I think as men get older they realize how important knowing you aren’t really all on your own with those repsonsibilities is. At least I freakin hope they do!”
this isn’t unimportant
the double negative made me read it like 5 times…Happy Monday!
yeah, i’d like to know too.
I agree with Monk’s list. These would probably cover the basics in what men want in a wife, but I’m also sure every brotha would add other qualities to this list that are important to him. I say this to stress that there are various attributes that may deem a woman “wifey” material, but it’s still subjective from man to man beyond the basics.
”a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed.”
That’s more of an option than a standard feature.
“”a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed.”
That’s more of an option than a standard feature.”
hmmm. i’d beg to differ.
wait a sec…this is my site. i aint begging for sh*t here.
i differ (without begging)
Not a man here but I have to disagree too. Nobody wants to wife an asexual. Unless they are asexual themselves.
“our (monk, deviant, and i’s) point is that the three a’s and two n’s (approachable, available, attractive, and not nuts) take priority…”
Your words not mine. I dont see freak on your list.
lol…we don’t immediately ascertain whether or not a woman’s a freak in the sack. this comes later, but it’s just as important as the 3 a’s and the 2 n’s. actually, 3 a’s + 2 n’s + 2 f’s (f*cking freak!!) pretty much makes for the perfect wifey
What’s your definition of freak?
I think an individual freak quotient is directly related to their mental capacity.
I too would like to read this proof. How direct are we talking linear relationship or Laplacian transforms?
“I think an individual freak quotient is directly related to their mental capacity.”
i agree. i think that a woman who’s truly intelligent (not just book-smart, but self aware and people smart) is more likely to freak off in the sack.
CHAMP
“i think that a woman who’s truly intelligent (not just book-smart, but self aware and people smart) is more likely to freak off in the sack.”
true…thing is this…the definition of “freak” has evolved…now there are fetishists running rampant Claiming to be “freaks” and eff-ing up the curve for those of us that don’t get turned on my dressing up like mascots and pudding wrestling under a strobe light while the Sesame Street theme song plays in the backround…yahmean?
so FREAK don’t mean what it used to…I hate labels anyway…finding power in sex…and being able to successfully give/receive that power…make you aware…
you should put that equation on a t-shirt
***crusades***
(sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth, scratching my neck, twitching and singing “runnin’” a la Pharcyde) IM SO GLAD ITS MONDAY! I swear that was the LONGEST 3e days of my life! had me stratight Pookie-ing up in here!
ok, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…the topic…sigh… I had a conversation with one of my best male friends saturday, we are both always honest…brutally honest with each other and while we were shooting the perverbial shit…he asked me why I was still single…(GASP!) now this is a friend that knows me and KNOWS me (past tense) and we always keep it one hunnit…he calls me “P” (g style for prototype) and/or “jill-du” (a nickname I LOVE)…so he begins to list my mate-tastic-ness… my vibe, style, creativity, intelligence, funny-as-hell-ness…playful nature, confidence, great mom-ness etc…thinks Im beautiful (even told his fiance so) so after all that genuine love and ego stroking…this brother (who I love more than members of my biological family) in his infinite “I-know-you-well-so-I-can- speak-unPC-truth-to-you”ness… paused mid-compliment and said…”goody…u know I think you are damn near perfect, u just need to lose some weight”…………………silence………………..after I regained consciouness, I realized what I already knew (cuz I’m smart and shit) he WAS right..thing is…I’m at a place in my self, that I am truly happy with ME…I was buying into that “the man for you will the you you are, the way you are” but only because it fit into what made sense to me…a man loving a woman that loves herself…cuz we all know u cant love anyone else, if u dont love yourself…but thats in a perfect world…and this world aint perfect…and we (women) dont accept (most) men as-is, so why would we assume they do?
but I digress…
degrees aint ish, especially if you think they make you more valuable, romantically…men are visual…and even my (IMO) charismatic, beautiful, stylish self, can stand to lose a few…
@patteecakes…cover your eyes love…I feel some photobucket links coming on…lol
you have a great friend there. i think every woman should have at least one male friend that’ll give em the raw truth when it’s asked for
When it’s asked for is key. I hate some unsolicited opinions.
Key phrase
*when it’s asked for*
I didn’t ask…but I appreciate truth…I can take it as well as I dish it out…so we are good…it started because he came over get help choosing a gift for his lady…I am a great gift giver…he hadn’t been to my new place…and was speaking on my JILL-DU ness…lol…which led him to ask why I was single…because some brother would be lucky to be enjoying the vibe in my place while I make my bourbon salmon…yadda yadda yadda…it’s true…I think I am awesome…but my stature may rule me out as an option for some men and they will never even approachthe aforementionsed awesome-ness…my “swag” carries me through with alot of men, who often admit that they don’t normally “holla” at thick chicks but my vibe pulled them in…and I will admit…I am both offended and flattered…when I think of FAT…I don’t think of ME…I thikn of a woman that can’t close her legs due to her FUCA (fat upper coochie area) or can’t see her goodies without the aid a strategically placed mirror…LOL…for real…the reason I can’t see my feet…is my breasts…but I can lose a few…it will be interesting to see if my holla-quality improves…
First, I feel special:-) And I know you got on my for ‘probably’ but that’s just how i talk
And maybe i was doing a little wishful thinking as well.
Second, I also was feeling the Highlights reference. And the Capulets and Montagues…literally laughing out loud.
Third, I agree with Monk, a good number of women do know what the wifey qualities are but don’t want to/don’t feel they should have to exhibit them because they are doing so much other stuff, so they just say F-it.
“First, I feel special:-) And I know you got on my for ‘probably’ but that’s just how i talk And maybe i was doing a little wishful thinking as well.”
vsb.com: helping women feel special since 1913
1913? nice…
yup, all the way back to the wild warhog days
***lips to the side***
***lips to the side***
which lips?
i hate you…lol
I have a nice behind. I also have an Ivy degree. I know which quality is going to get me more male attention, hands down. And it’s not just because i don’t walk around with my dilpoma.
The problem is the chicks that want to lead with the degree or expect the degree to overshadow the behind…and it never will. (I won’t use the word probably now). This leads to the classic being and staying angry about the way things are as opposed to adapting to it/working around it.
And I understand why. Women have had to do a lot to be taken seriously professionally/academically. But there is a time and a place for everything. And a club/lounge/date isn’t the time or place to talk business or show off how smart you are. I just think some women have a problem switching gears. And some have taken that ‘date like a man’ ish too seriously.
“The problem is the chicks that want to lead with the degree or expect the degree to overshadow the behind…and it never will.”
i just love it when the words “behind” and “overshadow” are used in the same sentence
LOL…pun was intended
This is hilarious. Monk is absolutely correct. Clearly everyone’s mother didn’t tell them the truth. Men don’t really care about degrees unless their asses are broke and are counting on your income to move them from driving the 5 series to the 7 series.
The end.
^^^^^^
Men don’t really care about degrees unless their asses are broke and are counting on your income to move them from driving the 5 series to the 7 series. ”
I couldn’t resist…That is a great comment. lol
Sad, but true.
BWAHAHAHAHA!
yeah, this made me choke on my bacon and xxx vitamin water
I think everyone’s mother wanted their baby to be the ultimate super woman. The degree is the smoke screen that would lead you to believe she has Monk’s list under her thumb.
My mother told me no such thing. Just yesterday we were talking about all the things others wanted her to do. She said she, at 17, made the conscious decision to marry, have, and raise kids. Some might say she didn’t live up to her potential but she believes she did because of how my brother and I turned out. She always supported my pursuit of education but she always made sure I was trained up in wifey stuff too. Now, if I could just find a man who was trained up to be a hubby–a combination of my daddy and step-dad, I’d be somewhere making pancakes and dusting!
Hostess I don’t even know your Mother. I was going off of this stand up routine that Eddie Griffin put out there. He said that the biggest pimps in the world are mothers. And what would your Mother say if you were failing horribly @ your wifie duities.
She would say, “You’re failing horribly at your wife duties.” Hell, her ass has called me out on my girlfriend duties so I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t take much for her to be like, “Da hell?”
She wouldn’t tell you to hang up a hopeless cause and try to compensate or perfect in another area. ‘sweep it under the rug’ and make due.? At some point you have to take stock in who you are and what you can and can’t do.
OMG x fiance flashback not even related to you Hostess. (shaking my head) There has got to be some kind of stress debriefing for stuff like that.
“I was going off of this stand up routine that Eddie Griffin put out there. He said that the biggest pimps in the world are mothers. ”
-I have to agree with you on some level. And I especially think its true with women raised in the south. I swear my mama can’t meet a single brotha my age without trying to hook me up! Damn! Now if that don’t make you feel desperate, I don’t know what does….haha!
I swear my mama can’t meet a single brotha my age without trying to hook me up
ha. i can imagine someone’s mom constantly on the hunt for potential, handing out questionaires at gas stations and shit
Yeah or she’ll do like mine and give out my number! Which of course pisses me off at dude and have me cursing him out in frustration and then have an attitude with my mom. But luckily I had to draw the line and lay it out for her NOT TO DO THAT anymore. I think she has gotten the hint. But of course, she might see somebody oneday and revert back to her old ways. I mean if you want grandkids so bad, adopt you some! *LOL*
Co-sign…the phrase was always “Don’t worry about boys, worry about those books.” It was always presented as two different focuses with no assumption that the one would LEAD to the other. This is why I was always worried about BOTH…if I study all damn day how will I ever meet a boy is what I thought!
“Men don’t really care about degrees unless their asses are broke and are counting on your income to move them from driving the 5 series to the 7 series.”
Well said Hostess.
I don’t think I’m touching this one today…
please touch away
A degree is not a the “be all end all”.
I mean when I’m interested in a guy, his education is not normally taken into account if I think he’s a quality man. I’d be super pissed if a dude deemed me not date worthy just because I don’t have a degree.
A degree is not a qualification.
“A degree is not a qualification.”
thanks for touching
thanks for touching
No problem.
“I mean when I’m interested in a guy, his education is not normally taken into account if I think he’s a quality man. ”
Good for you. Being as degrees do generally tend to determine future income levels (unless they’re athletes or bankable artists -think Babyface and not Yung Berg) I applaud your willingness to bring home the bacon.
Hear! Hear!
I agree..BUT- to a point- having dated men with and without degrees…there tends to be a huge difference..I am degreed- make my own money-yatta yatta- no kids – I cook, I’m clean , wear my own hair, and I am a freak in the bed all that ish, some brothas with our without degrees can’t handle it; Im either to strong in the head or the bed…it’s like damn I can’t win….) :
it’s like damn I can’t win….) :
I thought of this song for you girlie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I7c3SX0zFE
“Im either to strong in the head or the bed”
too strong in the bed? i mean, unless you were beatrix kiddo and made a habit of bringing samurai swords to the sack, i dont see how a chick can be too strong in the sack.
sh*t, i wish i’d hear one of my boys say that he broke up with a chick because her “sack game was too strong for me”, lol.
sh*t, i wish i’d hear one of my boys say that he broke up with a chick because her “sack game was too strong for me”, lol.
I have a feelin’ he’d get clowned for years!!!!
his grandsons would clown him
miss t-lee you n The Champ got me on the floor gasping for air
Thanks Wu…thanks.
Sorry, a degree is a qualification for me. I spent a significant of my time on this earth caring about my own education, I think it is important enough for me to desire some semblance of care and concern for whomever I am dating or married to.
What if he is sucessful without it? I have friends that are plumbers that get paid real well and they will always be in demand no matter what the economists say. A degree isn’t a automatic qualifier or education intelligence or sucess its jus a means to an end.
The point isn’t the money. If that were the case, I’d be all over drug dealers, athletes, real estate agents, or some profession where there’s bank but not necessarily degrees involved. I could easily date a Harvard grad who dedicated his life to social service and makes 40K a year, but education is the important factor there not his paycheck. It’s more of the value and experience of education. Because it is important to me, I would expect it to be important to my mate, just like something such as cultural identity.
but just because he doesn’t have a degree doesn’t mean that he isn’t educated!! just as deviant said…plumbers, hvac techs, and other blue collar workers get paid very well and are usually extremely knowledgeable in their fields!! and degrees can’t replace common sense!! i know plenty of stupid people with doctorates!!
Sorry but by definition, No degree = no education = uneducated.
I agree that there are some PhD’s a serial degree coppers who I can’t stand because of how ignorant they are. Degrees do not make the person, I definitely know that.
I think for me, it has to do with my own personal experience. My grandmother was the only person in the family to go to college until I came along. She has her master’s degree. She married a truck driver who had a 3rd grade education, much to her parent’s chagrin. I definitely know a relationship like this can work (they were married for 55 years until he passed). But because of who I am, where I come from and where I have been, and what I want for my children, it is highly unlikely I will marry someone who never attended college and didn’t have interest in it. This is just too big of an issue that is the fabric of my life to disregard, and this could be applicable to any topic–mine just happens to be education.
I’ve definitely entertained the idea of dating someone who never went to school, and have been open to it, but nothing there has changed my mind so far.
I need this one on a T please
“please touch away”
“A degree is not a qualifycation”
“Thanks for touching”
“please touch away”
this is a good t-shirt idea in theory, but an attractive woman rocking this slogan on a baby tee would probably hafta file pre-emptive restraining orders against 70 percent of all men she’d encounter
“please touch away”
“this is a good t-shirt idea in theory, but an attractive woman rocking this slogan on a baby tee would probably hafta file pre-emptive restraining orders against 70 percent of all men she’d encounter”
I have enough kats asking if my “backyard” is real, this would pose all kinds of problems.
that’s why they call him The Champ (Sandman out)
lol…indeed
“…implying and insisting that a man who values a women’s physical mattractiveness and maternal potential over her master’s degrees and money is completely baseless and sexist. ”
I’m gonna have to disagree. Some men will choose a 7 with a master’s over a 9/10 without one. The rational is based on snobbery. A woman that is more educated may fit in better with his family and circle of friends. Not to mention if she has her own money, she’s less likely to go for his.
Yeah, what she said. My ‘probably’ DID exist for a reason
That being said, he’d probably cheat on her with a 9/10 though…those ‘good on paper only’ relationships are never really a good look.
“…those ‘good on paper only’ relationships are never really a good look.”
I agree. Those relationships are ridiculous but very real.
I’m mean “good on paper” is cool and all, but if he’s a schizo it’s a wrap. Nahmean?
Eff yo money kneegrow.
“I’m gonna have to disagree. Some men will choose a 7 with a master’s over a 9/10 without one.”
some men also like wearing their girlfriend’s period panties to work every other thursday. point being, although i used a bit of hyberbole in my original post, i realize that there are always exceptions to the rule. the situation you’ve brought up is an anamoly though, something that may occur with less than 2 percent of all men.
also, i think your reply needs to be taken in context. i mean, i definitely wouldnt choose some hoodrat dimepiece over a “7 with a master’s”, and most reasonable men wouldnt. my point is that if everything else is equal (personality, compatibility, etc, etc), attractiveness will usually trump accomplishments
LOL…I am MAD at the mention of period panties. Just mad. And choking on my bagel.
Yeah, I’m going to have to agree with El Champo on this one. Men like that are insane anyway. Shit, you can buy degrees nowadays. Or just get them online. Shit ain’t that hard.
Basically, there’s NO reason to date a 6 cuz she has a degree b/c your 9 can so easily get one if she can turn on a computer.
Hell, since I started typing this comment I just got another one. I just got a BS in Artistic Development of the Unicorn from Phoenix University.
I saw the commercial. It works.
Hell, since I started typing this comment I just got another one. I just got a BS in Artistic Development of the Unicorn from Phoenix University.
doesnt shaq have one of those too?
*RIP Shay*
“my point is that if everything else is equal (personality, compatibility, etc, etc), attractiveness will usually trump accomplishments”
maybe I really am a dude…because that would work for me too…who wouldn’t it work for? all things being equal…looks would trmp er’thang! I thought what we were talking about was when sh!t ain’t equal and looks still trump er’thang…did I miss something?
did I miss something?
you didnt. you got it all. good job
“some men also like wearing their girlfriend’s period panties to work every other thursday.”
HOLY F*CK!!! I am muhfuggin SOBBING over here trying to hold in my laughter!!! WTF? not the PP’s…we don’t even like wearing those…I’m DEAD!!!
“we don’t even like wearing those…I’m DEAD!!!”
Girl stop! It’s 2008 you dont need those anymore.
I know I don’t, and now (thanks to TMI) I know you don’t…lol…but I know people that still rock the PP’s…smh…
I had to come back to say this:
Ladies need to stop fooling themselves. Degrees aren’t equalizers! They don’t make a 5 into a 10. And frankly, men don’t check for a woman because her ass looks like it sat at university and earned degrees. Smart is only somewhat marketable. However, cute is way more marketable than smart.
“Smart is only somewhat marketable”
You are correct ma’am.
Any of ya’ll ever listen to Howard Stern? I did before his move to Sirius (I refuse to pay for radio…lol)
Women used to call in and get crunk because he would say that a dude would take a hot chick over a chick with a PhD anyday of the week.
Ladies didn’t wanna hear the truth.
You know, what does having a Ph.D. really mean in the dating world anyway except that you didn’t feel like getting a job so you kept learning…until you had to get a job. Now you have an additional degree and you work.
It looks great on business cards, but the only shit I care about on your business card is the phone number.
So I can call and set up that “to the window, to the wall” date.
“You know, what does having a Ph.D. really mean in the dating world anyway except that you didn’t feel like getting a job so you kept learning…until you had to get a job. Now you have an additional degree and you work.
It looks great on business cards, but the only shit I care about on your business card is the phone number.”
***GMA Dove Awards***
Yeah, I’m not actually sure anything would turn a 5 into a 10. You’d have to pull some face/off shit for that…
Oprah needs to do a show on ugly f*cks who became pretty f*cks.
“Oprah needs to do a show on ugly f*cks who became pretty f*cks.”
Oh how I miss those episodes of Jenny Jones, From Geek to Chic.
Oh how I miss those episodes of Jenny Jones, From Geek to Chic.
me too. that was the golden era of talk shows, well, at least until someone got murdered
It’s all fun and games until someone gets killed.
Can I get that in a large?
I used to love a Jenny Jones Makeover, boy!!!
You guys are all right, those are all qualities I want on my own (mostly) BUT what I am saying is this list Monk made up is going to go lacking if I am trying to keep my list and his.
example 1. cooking, well if i am running my company obtaining a masters degree (so i can help bring bacon home) the less time i have to scratch it up in the kitchen.
example 2. good with kids well i have dropped a few on the head in my day so uhhh u might not want to trust me around the babies, im just sayin lol……..
point im trying to make is I can’t be super woman, if that was the case we would all be married right???
p.s I don’t have a college degree I just threw that in there as an example.
“example 1. cooking, well if i am running my company obtaining a masters degree (so i can help bring bacon home) the less time i have to scratch it up in the kitchen.”
this is where the two big “c” words comes into play (no. nasty people, i’m talking about “compromise” and “consideration” not “comfortable c*ck”)
lmao so true!
This is why that super woman crap was just that–CRAP.
“implying and insisting that a man who values a women’s physical mattractiveness and maternal potential over her master’s degrees and money is completely baseless and sexist”
I won’t say that it’s baseless and sexist, to each his own. Personally, I got my degrees for myself not to make myself more attractive to men. I know that men initially approach me first based on looks and approachability, but I think that the relationships are another story. I think guys appreciate that I’m educated and can carry a conversation. I don’t define myself by my degrees either. There’s a lot more to me than that.
Right it comes later in the converstation. I heard from someone a non degreed woman is a “deal breaker”
Again I don’t have a degree and don’t care to obtain one, but to some (idiots) I mean educated black men, they feel like oh she not on my level if she doesn’t have a PHD
OR
Maybe im being lied to and ijust aint that cute!!!
“but to some (idiots) I mean educated black men, they feel like oh she not on my level if she doesn’t have a PHD”
they should have never given them n*ggas degrees
AMEN! but the did…
*sad face*
“but to some (idiots) I mean educated black men, they feel like oh she not on my level if she doesn’t have a PHD
Yeah…this explains my azzhole ex to a tee. He loved to make snide comments about me still being in school working towards my degree (for some time now…lol)
Just ’cause he was a 2nd year law student he apparently thought I wouldn’t cut his azz off cold turkey.
He thought wrong.
Peace out chump!
Ya know it!! I think I got a thing for educated men with sticks up their ass
“Ya know it!! I think I got a thing for educated men with sticks up their ass”
i guess this makes sense from a black woman’s perspective. the stick in the ass at least assures you that he’s not on the dl, lol. no room for a d*ck if a stick’s already there
Not me. I can’t stand that crap.
Muse, I think you have found your sistren…where are you??? LOL.
Mikki I’ma be straight up with you. It’s basically a deal-braker for me that a women be degreed because of what is usually implies about her situation, not so much the piece of paper itself. I find women with degrees usually:
1. Are gainfully employed
2. Don’t have to work a ton of hours (except residents and chicks starting out at law firms – I don’t want to date on fo them again) to make ends meet because their 9-5 is (maybe barely? – that’s probably another post, lol) enough.
3. Can relate to most of my experiences as a young, upwardly mobile (okay, maybe a little lazy) college graduate – that is to say, we come from a similar background. I don’t have to go to lengths to try to paint a picture for her of what certain situations in my life were like when I was 19, or 21, or just last year – she’s probably been through similar herself.
It’s about commonalities, not levels. Maybe someone without a degree fits all that, but in my experience, they usually don’t. That’s just what I’ve seen. If I’ve passed up on my perfect match because of this, then I’ll accept the L and that container of Morton’s salt.
You are right it is about commonalities. I live in Michigan and 35k is what I make(without overtime) and without a degree. Its not a lot but it does what it needs to do. Obviously I can’t live lavish and take a bunch of trips around the world but that didn’t come from not having a degree and not having enough money, I make enough I just can’t manage the shit. Obviously I can’t move to DC or New York and think I’m gonna do ok on 35k, I need to upgrade myself and well if it means I have to go back to school then so be it.
Even still you might make more than me but I BET CHU i am not walkin around with 100k in student loan debt thats for damn sure which is a reality for a lot (not all) people.
So I will stick to my beans and cut up hot dogs in a plastic bowl.
I won’t knock you for wanting what you want tho, if you want a college educated woman have at it!!!
I almost wanna call bullish on that whole post, but I’ma be nice.
I don’t have to explain how us non-degreed folks live, but #1, #2, and #3 aren’t quite valid points.
Mikki—you know what time it is sis.
Yea girl lets not GO THERE lol your right I know exactly what time it is, we are *here* on that one lol
So what you’re telling me is you know some women who will help me abandon my perception/ experiences? Facebook links, or these girls don’t exist.
I don’t know anything about your experiences.
All I’m saying is sweeping generalizations are never a good look.
To each their own.
You don’t have to know my experiences first-hand – I told you what they are above and you “almost” (nice one!) called bullshit. And generalizations are statements that are held to be generally true, not absolute. When I start making biblical declarations of complete truth, I’ll be disappointed if I’m not called out for that. (Except for you, K – men are absolutely, positively ALWAYS reasonable.)
::snicker::
@Mikki “Maybe im being lied to and ijust aint that cute!!!” you are a fool..chile I am laughing at you for this one…
I HATE the degree debate…but there is a slight ring of truth to it…not the “degree” itself…but the college experience…you can go to school, decide you were finished and at least have had similar life experiences of a college graduate (with half the NSLD debt), giving you a common ground to communicate on…at times, it’s harder to relate to someone that doesn’t have similar experiences…but that doesn’t only apply to college…it’s hard to connect with people that don’t work vs people that do…mama-livers vs rent/mortgage payers…church goers vs the un-churched…parents vs gamete donors….and the list goes on…for some college educated idiots, the need for the familiar is so limited, that they can’t see the forest for the trees!
so be it…
girl I was waiting for someone to catch me up on that lol!!!
You are right too, I can’t relate to most folk when it comes to college, I know I get shut down when people start talking about the AKA’s and Q’s n Delta’s n Kappa’s im like huh wha?? But I am not going to be ignorance about the “college experience” I would rather you share your differences than say “oh i cant talk to you cuz we aren’t alike” I still til this day dunno how much DIFFERENT we really are but i would like to know so I can maybe stop thinking we some how should be the same.
Mikki, I think Scipio Africanus had some valid points, but they probably just don’t apply to you. You and miss t lee could be the exceptions to the rule/norm, ya know?
For example, I know based on what I’ve seen the no degree/always at work and during really odd shifts has proven to be a reality. Since you have your own business (i did read that earlier, right?) that probably doesn’t apply to you.
I think each side of this debate has valid points and neither one is wrong. A man who values a degree above all else wouldn’t be for you and vice versa, so we have a way of self-selecting out of inappropriate matches anyway
Who the hell gets a degree to impress some dude anyway??? Like really? I’ve never ever flaunted my degree to impress some negro. In fact, I’ve always been hip to “the more degrees you get the smaller the available pool of eligible men” saying for quite some time. In spite of that, I pursued my calling with the confidence that the steps to being a productive, satisfied individual would not be stifling to my future success in relationships. If so, oh well, I will have to just deal cause I know me enough to know that I would resent not getting my education just cause a negro won’t give me extra attraction points for doing so. I mean please.
Now the things I DO flaunt:
1) My dancing skills if I’m out on the dance floor: I heard dancing makes men think of sex. Ha! Like I can do those Shakira moves for you sideways. Boy please.
2) My immaculately tidy lakeview apartment: Everyone gets automatically mesmerized by the view of Lake Michigan as soon as they step foot in my door. It creates that sense of “I never wanna leave this place…what do I have to do to get up here with her?” LOL. Also, the spotlessness of my place gives him the hint that I know how to bust the suds something serious.
3) My legs and lips: Unlike the stereotypical boobs and butt attributes that most men go for…I have neither. The legs are pure aesthetics, but lips are a huge plus for men…functionally. LOL.
4) My smartassishness – See, mistakenly I used to try to cover up this natural tendency of mine…but all that does is give men the wrong idea and turn off the very kind of man that I want: the one who likes my snarky-ness.
In fact, I have learned to not bring up the degree I’m getting until I absolutely get backed into a corner about it. I have NEVER gotten credits from a dude for this, only demerits for whatever reason.
Treezy where you live at?? can I do an extended stay weekend?? I am in detroit lol.
I heard a female tell me she was only in college to get a man so she can become an “Educated house wife”
her words not mine!!!
“Educated house wife”
**I am crying laughing right now**
“Educated house wife”
honestly, if you add “attractive” in there somewhere, if most guys had the income to pull this off, this would be the optimum wifey
Exactly CHAMP! And the broads who are wagging a finger about it often do so because they know the men who could pull it off don’t want to pull it off with THEM. And the men who are mad at women who have the goal of being the Dope Educated HW, are mad because their asses couldn’t afford to put her in that position. It’s all an ugly cycle.
Hostess, you ain’t never lie. This is SO true!!
yep, lots of chicks used to go to school just to get their MRS. Although i didn’t think that happened anymore. At least not in the Northern part of the country.
Yea I was in shock when she said it, she was dead serious but we are from detroit so we been known to come up with random way to get money lol
*hilarious*
*at the top of my lungs*
DETROIT WHAT!!
@ Treezy!
“1) My dancing skills if I’m out on the dance floor: I heard dancing makes men think of sex. Ha! Like I can do those Shakira moves for you sideways. Boy please. ”
baaaybaaayy…that is me all day! I am on the dancefloor from entry to exit…and don’t let the reggae come on…game over! I was at a party Saturday and Sunday and the reggae had me on it! you know it’s bad when you stretch before you leave the house because you KNOW you will be rolling and dropping to “dance hall riddim”…I LOVE IT!
“3) My legs and lips: Unlike the stereotypical boobs and butt attributes that most men go for…I have neither. The legs are pure aesthetics, but lips are a huge plus for men…functionally. LOL. ”
OMG!! me too…AND my favorite parts of my body are my legs and mouth…I got a handful of “rump” (I get no complaints) and I rock my D-cups proud…but I love my legs and lips…when me and my birds go out…I’m always in short shorts/dress and high heels…MAN!
that whole little list made me feel so warm and fuzzy….thanks TREEZY!
i think it boils down to the fact that an attractive woman can get any man she wants whether shes dumb or smart, and an unattractive man can get any woman he wants if he is rich enough. we are starting to blur the lines between what is attractive for whom.
to keep it straight funky, i feel like the degree riders are the less attractive type tryna make themselves relevant in the dating pool. if youre a 10, who gives a shit what you went to school for? you may not be able to keep a man around because your head is full of rocks, but you can surely bring them in, where as a 3 has to use her success to make herself seen…
thats just how i see it.
Yep in a nutshell. Everyone tries you use what they got to appear more attractive to the opposite sex. Some men with no game will throw their I “eat a mean cooch” card real quick…below average women may throw out their “I swallow” card. I mean, its survival of the fittest, you better work something out to make it!
. “Some men with no game will throw their I “eat a mean cooch” card real quick…below average women may throw out their “I swallow” card. I mean, its survival of the fittest, you better work something out to make it!”
**crying yet again***
Some men with no game will throw their I “eat a mean cooch” card real quick
isnt this game in itself?
@CHAMP…Some men with no game will throw their I “eat a mean cooch” card real quick
isnt this game in itself?
NOPE…it’s a last stitch, desperate attempt to get the math…if you are quick to offer a mean face game…I know that, although you may have a mouthful of unicorns…that’s probably ALL you got…NEXT!
“you may have a mouthful of unicorns”
LOL
“isnt this game in itself?”
No–this is what is called a last ditch effort.
Yeah, the mention that he does it “real quick” usually within the first 4-5 minutes of meeting you means he has NO game. Don’t talk about it, EAT about it.
LOL..t-shirt!
And who LEADS with that stuff? That line has always had me running for the hills, not the bed. Who wants a community tongue?
community tongue
*freakin’ hilarious!!!!*
“community tongue”
O…..M…..G……. I am too through!
see, the thing is, this might be wack game, but it still is game. guys use lines like this because….they work, lol. maybe not on you, but they do work occasionally.
again:
absence of game? no
wack game? yea
and btw…
“Who wants a community tongue?”
…this is hilarious
i think it boils down to the fact that an attractive woman can get any man she wants whether shes dumb or smart, and an unattractive man can get any woman he wants if he is rich enough
**2 thumbs up**
Well said well said
SHAY! you are a fuggin killing me…this fool said “head full of rocks!” …smh….funny funny shit…
do 3′s even “date”? I mean really? 3′s don’t even want to date 3′s….WTF!
Yeah they date. Remember that Robin Harris routine if you follow an ugly person home what do you find more ugly people.
@WuDaMan…you’re like a damn comedian encyclopedia…lol…I like it!
I couldn’t get enough of em growing up.
Yeah they date. Remember that Robin Harris routine if you follow an ugly person home what do you find more ugly people.
you get props for just bringing up his name
Way to come in here and shut it down with the TRUTH!
I find it strange that the debate seems to be degrees vs. looks instead of a bit crazy vs. non-crazy. Dont crazy women have degrees too? I’d assume the two mutually exclusive things would be the argument… Plus nobody brought up that rumor about crazy women having the best…. ie. Kelis?
find it strange that the debate seems to be degrees vs. looks instead of a bit crazy vs. non-crazy
you know, i felt the same way.
i guess its easier to distinguish between degreed and non-degreed than crazy and non crazy, especially when you consider that most crazy women have no idea that theyre actually crazy
lol! What do guys think about “attractive” crazy women, like Naomi Campbell? Everyone knows she’s crazy, but she always seems to attract a lot of men.
Late to the party as usual. For the record, I must disagree with the esteemed Mr. The Champ. I will happily take the strong and independent “6″ over the *8+” any day.
I have enough people in my life that I have to take care of, I don’t need to add another.
I’m not sure how many times I can come here, read something, agree with it completely, and then get mad that I didn’t think of writing about it last week.
This has turned into a huge issue with one of my female friends. This chic had the audacity once to go on a Ms. America contestant because of her weave. I believe her words were “How is she a finalist … look at all that hair”.
My response … “huh …. hair … I think I can see her areoles!”
@ SBM…that sounds about right, hunnyluv….women are harder on each other than a man could ever be…we internalize what we THINK men want and projet it on to each other…sad…but true…
yes, truer words have never been written.
Revision…Not what we think they want but what we think they SHOULD want…those damn female egos strike again.
my 1/2 of a chuck e cheese token..
“beauty fades…great conversation,sex, and food last forever..lol”
Can i get an amen?
Amen!
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