the EXpectation factor
Nothing irks me more than somebody passing off incorrect knowledge as a matter-of-fact truth. (Wait, that’s a lie. Sports teams from Boston, T-Mobile’s customer care and women who sound like Remy Ma irk me a bit more, but that’s besides the point)
This practice is especially prevalent when speaking about relationships, where many people swear by opinions and theories that are more idiotic than deshawn stevenson.
nowhere else is this more evident than the “fact” that men are typically willy-nilly in regards to dating; seeing and juggling multiple chicks without a concern or care in the world….a fact which couldn’t be further from the truth. we ALWAYS date with a concern, or, better yet, expectations, while in fact…
…women are actually the ones who will date without expectations. it’s women that’ll go out with someone, happy to get a free meal and a couple mojitos in preparation for the f-buddy coming over later, immediately after her “no-expectations” date….sometimes even having the date unknowingly drop them off at the f-buddy’s house!
ladies, don’t bother denying this because i know personally that this occurs. i’ve been that f-buddy, and, admittedly, i might have been at the other end of the equation as well. this scenario, which i’ve coined TCSE (the coldest shoulder ever) is quite possibly the cruelest accepted dating practice known to man, concrete proof that all women are direct descendants of dick cheney.
On the other hand, men don’t date unless we have some type of expectation. We don’t go on “dates” just to chill because we’re bored, or just because it’s nice out and we want to turn off our ac for a couple hours cause the electric bill was too high last month, or just to model the new ken cole boots we bought last weekend with the saved ac money, for two reasons:
1. typically, we’re the one’s doing the initial approach, which basically meant that we already imagined you eating salty cucumbers while sitting bucket-naked on a furry stool had some sort of romantic expectation for you before we even knew what the hell your name was
2. money. because we’re the ones generally footing the bill (which, as p remarked yesterday, could easily crawl into the $200 range in one simple night) we have to be extremely discerning in regards to who we decide to spend money on. we’re not spending the equivalent of our cable bill in one night just to “enjoy her company“, when we could have just as easily spent that money on the bootytalk box set on a pair of j’s and the scorsese collection
Now, admittedly, our expectations are limited. Every woman that we go out of our way to invite and go out with is placed in one of two categories.
Category One: Maybe I can settle down with this woman.
Category Two: Maybe I can settle down with this woman…tonight, preferably in a bed somewhere, although the back of my truck will do for now.
That’s it.
If a woman doesn’t fit into either of these categories for us, then we’re not dating her. Ladies, on every date you’ve ever been on and will ever be on, you’ll be sitting across the table from someone trying to decide if they want to wife you or just bed you. Even if a guy seems to be “going through the motions“, he’s sitting across from you thinking “Maybe I’ll get lucky and get some tonight from whateverthehellhernameis, even with my half-assed effort“.
now please excuse me while i go watch “the departed” for the sixteenth time. yeah, i know. 16 might sound a bit excessive…but at least i know exactly what to expect
—the champ
235 comments
For real about TMO’s Customer Care? I love them. I felt like we were breaking up when I had to cut them off for Cingular (iPhone was crucial, sorry Sidekick!).
I can HONESTLY say I have never gone on a date solely for the reason of getting a free meal. But I know you are right because I have had girlfriends literally tell me they are in fact going on a date for the free meal (and yes I looked at them cockeyed). I do not have the time to have a meal with some dude I know I am not interested in. I also do not have a problem paying for my own meals, thanks.
Other than that, I co-sign on everything you said about men and their expectations. More women need to keep that at the forefront of their minds. It eases all the drama and second guessing if you keep that filter turned on.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 7:17 am}
Liz,
Some women (including myself) do understand the simple brain logic of the male species when it comes to “dating”.
The filter should definitely always be flipped to the “on” button…but we all know their are some women who just don’t care or either don’t want to pay attention.
Now when I was a STRUGGLING college student…yes, I too went out on a date for the freebies. I think we all have at one point or another whether we realize it or not. Can’t say I’ve done that since I was 23 years old though. I’m one of those people who were her emotions on her sleeve, and if I’m not out with someone I really care less to be out with…it shows and I may even tell him I’m not feeling him while we’re out depending on my mood. With that being said…I think it’s a maturity thing. GROWN women shouldn’t be hanging out with a man and allowing him to pay for her to grub and have entertainment if she’s not feeling dude in some form, shape or fashion.
Now…
I must say without generalizing too much that men in this day and age have gotten cheaper and less men-like than back in the old days…where your fathers put in some work to get your mothers.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 7:18 am}
*wear
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The Champ {April 29th, 2008 at 8:38 am}
“less men-like than back in the old days”
please expound
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 9:30 am}
For example…
The old school traditions of the home. Back in the old days men were the head of the home. Paid all the bills and provided money to the wife for shopping and misc items.
I think over time as women became more independent…men lost focus on “what their role is” and began taking on the female charasteristics (hence why so many gay men exist nowadays…yeah I went there)lol. Men in my opinion in 2008 have become lazy. They expect booty or some type of reciprocation from a sometimes lousy $15 meal/date. I may even go as far as to say $40 date if you take her to the movies and treat her to popcorn and a slushy. LoL.
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 10:02 am}
I think men are not the ones who have changed. In fact our growth is retarded (literally). I think women on the other hand are the one’s who have progressed significantly. And with this progression comes increased dating expectations. Back in the day it was acceptable for a man to simply be an aloof breadwinner. Assuming he had a decent job and didn’t drink too much he was considered a good man. Now a days women are hyper-educated professionals who are looking for men with good jobs and education but at the same time are able to communicate their feelings. Most men are not that sophisticated. I would venture to guess that most of us are still happiest with simply being the breadwinner and the woman being the caretaker.
*Ms. Freckles, I don’t think that this comment has nearly as much relevance to your statement as I had initially intended.
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GOODENess {April 29th, 2008 at 10:39 am}
D-STROY…I feel you…with women’s lib came a sense of “I don’t have to take your shit”-ed-ness that changed a nation…”back in the day” men could come and go as they pleased as long as they brought home the bacon…women had less education and fewer employment options, plus there was the small factor of a “litter” of children to take care of that left “us/them” prisoners in the confines of their own creation. NOW, we have more options and as such expect more…I am not one of those sisters that say “I don’t need a man” and I never will…I may need a man…but not just any man…and I wouldn’t expect “him” to settle either…I feel you on the drop off at the FUBU’s house…I’ve been that…the drop-ee and the FUBU…so I know it’s real…but there comes a time when you outgrow that ish…real talk…women have 3 categories…”FUBU”…”FUBU”…and “SUCKER”, depending on what stage of her development you meet her in, you could be all three!
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:51 am}
I agree with you D-Stroy on this.
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tiffany {April 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am}
“I would venture to guess that most of us are still happiest with simply being the breadwinner and the woman being the caretaker.”
um. yeah. most of y’all need to catch up. learn to rattle a pot, wash some clothes, and agree to go 1/2 on a cleaning lady.
(and yes, this is yet another reason why i will probably stay single. my expectations are too high.)
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Xquizzyt1 {April 30th, 2008 at 5:12 pm}
I was actually going to say it’s not the men but the women who have changed, however, my reasoning was different.
Men do what works and what they can get away with. And that’s the bottom line. And it’s soooo not rocket science.
Someone who demands that any man she dates does X, Y, and Z, will date a man that does exactly that. It’s tautological, but true nonetheless. It’s the fact that we compromise, and settle for treatment other than that, that has informed dudes that they don’t have to work QUITE that hard anymore.
That’s allllllll our fault. Because I assure you, if men could not get p*ssy (that asterisk is for Panama) without opening doors, and paying for dinner, and all the other things… they would open doors and pay for dinner and do all the other things. I assure you. However, they DON’T HAVE to do all that… so in situations when they don’t… they WON’T. *shrug*
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kamakula {April 29th, 2008 at 10:34 am}
Ms. Freckles, this is a pretty bad example.
A man + wife dis not the same as man + girl he picked up a few days ago. I’m not sure how you can compare and contrast the family breadwinner of yesteryear with the bachelor player of today.
I was expecting a bachelor (then) vs bachelor (now) comparison.
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The Champ {April 29th, 2008 at 11:01 am}
good point
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 10:35 am}
I almost wasn’t going to comment… but I had to…
Freckles, “men lost focus on “what their role is” and began taking on the female charasteristics (hence why so many gay men exist nowadays…yeah I went there)lol.”
Really?…
Really?!
I’m sorry but that has to be on of the most ignorant things I’ve ever heard. Women becoming increasingly independent is the indirect cause of homosexuality???!!!
Are you seriously suggesting that had women stayed dependent on me that there would be less gay men in the general population.
Not to mention that there were plenty of gay men were present “back in the old days”, they just had wives…
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:50 am}
That’s not what I said…reread and re-evaluate.
Thankyou.
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 11:17 am}
No. That’s what you implied. I quoted what you said.
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Jess {April 29th, 2008 at 2:33 pm}
No I was gonna say something about that too. You implied that gayness happened because we “cleared space” for men to start acting more feminine. Gay isn’t a choice, babe. Men don’t wake up one morning and go, “my life isn’t hard enough. How can I fix that? I know, I’ll go suck a dick!”
It’s just become more acceptable for gay men to come out of the closet now, as individuality in general is encouraged in society. Please don’t disrespect the gay man and everything he went through, is going through now, and will go through in the future by disregarding his entire sexuality.
And, if you want to ride the parralel, wouldn’t that mean that since women took on the “male” characteristics, we’ve all become lesbian as well?
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Julian {April 30th, 2008 at 4:38 pm}
I want to challenge this statement about “The old school traditions of the home. Back in the old days men were the head of the home. Paid all the bills and provided money to the wife for shopping and misc items.”
This was not the case in my family at all- my grandparents both worked- for awhile they were sharecroppers but later they both had jobs outside of the home. They had different responsibilities in the home, but there was none of this “leave it to beaver” type living- and the same goes with my parents.
I think the ideal you mentioned only existed for the privileged and is not realistic for the general population- so why should we strive for it?
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I totally plan on borrowing “TCSE”. Too funny.
I admit, in college my roomie and I kept a roster of guys who we weren’t interested in beyond some BASIC conversation and a guaranteed dinner. Not my proudest moment, but hey… we were broke.
As far as the expectations go, you’re right. Men don’t waste time. Men have a goal in mind from the beginning. Maybe that goal changes: you thought you just wanted to smash, but in the midst of the booty mission you realized she might be worth more effort. She could be the ONE! Or maybe you pictured her as the mother of your children from jump. Then she told you about that one crazy night and showed you the tattoo to prove it. SMH.
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The Champ {April 29th, 2008 at 8:39 am}
“you thought you just wanted to smash, but in the midst of the booty mission you realized she might be worth more effort.”
this rarely happens. usually its the exact opposite
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 9:56 am}
Co-mothertrucking-sign.
Very rarely have I ever been so impressed with a chick I had no intentional get-to-know you interest in that it caused me to change my mental goals.
On the other hand, I’ve been interested in a chick on a deeper level only to relegate her to, “I’d hit but she keeps on speaking so I’ll just watch ESPN instead.”
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GOODENess {April 29th, 2008 at 10:43 am}
WORD…it happens to us too…
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GOODENess {April 29th, 2008 at 10:42 am}
WORD…happens to us too…in mid-stroke, you’re like…WOW…he’s SO overrated…LOL adn you have to hold in your giggle, finish your mission, and saev his number to the “DNA” (do not answer) section of the phone!
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Hmmm…I actually agree with this blog today.
Some women are definitely more scandelous than men in general. It’s like the old saying goes…
“Men are all dogs and women are cats. What’s the difference? Women know how to cover their sh*t up.”
Is it fair? Nope. But it’s life…just hope you meet a genuine woman who has done whatever dirt she was going to do in the past and is ready to be serious with you and possibly settle down.
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The Champ {April 29th, 2008 at 8:42 am}
“Hmmm…I actually agree with this blog today.”
lol, so i take it you’ve been in ummmm, (*paging bush*) “unagreeance” the majority of the time you’ve been here?
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Liz {April 29th, 2008 at 10:09 am}
Hey I feel this way a lot too! LOL.
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The Champ {April 29th, 2008 at 11:04 am}
you’re just difficult, thats all
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 10:41 am}
All men are not dogs.
And I damn sure ain’t no cat…
Where do you get this stuff? Am I missing meetings? I have never heard that before.
*Is it wrong that I feel like if I intentionally pick on you, you’ll stop with all the generalizations?*
I’m playing but at the same time I’m not.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am}
Girl/Boyfriend…whichever sex you are today…lol…
You can read below to see more in detail of what I was saying. It doesn’t apply to all…but if you’re offended it very well may apply to you.
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 11:18 am}
I’m not offended. I just don’t like it when people make such broad generalizations.
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1. I have done the ‘free meal’ date. We can look at it a few ways.
A- I was young and broke.
B- He at least had a chance to impress me, as I never went out with someone for a free meal who had NO chance with me (romantic or sexually). It was simply an interview with an underqualified candidate.
2. We don’t know how we feel before we spend time with you, unless we find you superbly attractive or remarkable credentialed*. But I would rather have the chance to prove myself to a potential paramour with my brain and my wit, than simply my legs and my tits.
3. Yeah, we’ll have a date then go jump off with someone….and SO WILL YOU! Men do it too, don’t lie.
Why this may not be a bad thing: If I like you, I know I can’t sleep with you too soon. A lot of men interpret early sex as ’she’s loose’ or ‘where’s the challenge/this was too easy’. If I go do a jump off after the date, I may be insuring I won’t be tempted to fuck things up with you. Same way a man would do it because he wants to have sex, but he wants to take his time with the lady he dated that night.
3. Who in the hell is going on these $200 first dates? I wanna meet him! Not because I want him to drop two bills on me, but rather I will be a tall, fresh drink of water to him when I suggest a cute cheap spot. All part of my Jedi mind fuck, muahahahahah. (I kid, I kid.)
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Jarrrod Halsey {April 29th, 2008 at 8:35 am}
It is VERY easy to spend $200 on a first date. Or on any give night out for that matter. How you ask? (And this is even keeping it relatively cheap)
Two $8 - $9 drinks at the bar while you wait for your table. ( Total $16 - $18)
$15 appetizer (Total $31 - $33)
$40 bottle of wine (Total $71 - $73)
Two $25 entrees (Total $121 - $123)
Two $8 - $9 desserts (Total $137 - $139)
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Jarrrod Halsey {April 29th, 2008 at 8:37 am}
After tax and tip, you’re already at about $170. Assuming you go somewhere after the date, take cabs at some point, drink more than I’ve already detailed, get more appetizers, more expensive entrees or desserts $200 can get dropped faster than Flav’s new sitcom (I give it 2 more episodes.)
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The Champ {April 29th, 2008 at 8:44 am}
seriously jh, it seems like some women have no idea how much those “simple outings” can cost. i guess the best analogy would be our general cluelessness concerning the price of high-end women’s purses. i dont know
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Sister Toldja {April 29th, 2008 at 8:56 am}
People (i.e. everyone but me) are silly. High end purses? For what and why? Until I start clocking six figures, why do I need a month’s paycheck dangling of my arm? I have never been for want of compliments for my clothes and accesories and I never dropped serious bucks on something that, two months later, won’t be “hot” anymore. If I am gonna be rocking something that cost major bucks, it’s gonna be on my left hand and weighing my ring finger down.
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Suga&Spice {April 29th, 2008 at 9:06 am}
good quality high end acceesories will not go out of style in 2-3 months. the right shoes and purses are timeless. OK I am an accessories whore. I love them!!!
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Sister Toldja {April 29th, 2008 at 9:36 am}
That is true, about good high end pieces never going out of style and I do appreciate that a Dior handbag can be an investment piece. But I am just not that kinda girl (yet?), my style is more boho chic. I don’t criticize women of means who drop dollars on luxe items, I just think it’s silly when people go in to major debt trying to keep up with the Knowleses, ya dig? I also don’t find high-end things to be that interesting, beyond jewelery.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 9:56 am}
I think men need to be more creative in their dating approaches if they’re not trying to spend a little pocket change.
For example: The Museums in DC are FREE…ain’t that something! AND…the parks surrounding the dirty Potomac (but it looks puuurty) are FREE….isn’t that a trip!
Take your date to a museum and then for a stroll around the park and engage her in conversation!
No one said you had to drop $200 on a first date. Geez
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 10:01 am}
If we’ve learned anything thus far on this little social experiment that is Very Smart Brothas it’s that many women contradict themselves right into oblivion.
Sure it’s easy to say take her on a cheap date and engage her in conversation, then you all can have mind sex later.
But we’ve chicks on this very site mention that if dude didn’t go hard on the first date they’d wonder the reasoning and think he might be a cheap bastard. Granted, I’d never date a woman like that but hey it happens.
Some, and I seriously emphasize the SOME, women might be okay with a free date consisting of a museum and walk at the park feeding ducks. Those women are keepers.
Other women wouldn’t and might seriously think dude needed Jesus for even thinking to take her out. Of course you should know who you’re dating before you even make the first date decision, but still let’s not act like all women would be okay with this.
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Sister Toldja {April 29th, 2008 at 10:03 am}
EXACTLY! Same thing in NYC. You can walk the Brooklyn Bridge with an ice cream cone, go to 1st Saturdays at the Brooklyn Museum, walk Prosepect Park….$200 or $100 or $20 doesn’t mean I am gonna get to know you better or like you more.
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Liz {April 29th, 2008 at 10:15 am}
P is right. Cheap dates are cheap and all but don’t act like a woman would be satisfied going home about it, AND talkin about how CHEAP her date was, in a good way (unless she was the one paying). Catch 22. Men can’t win on with a cheap first date, statistically speaking.
Nobody said he was buying tickets to the opera with that $200. Most people go on dates and have meals. While the Museum IS free, where are ya’ll gonna eat? Wendy’s dollar menu? It all adds up!
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Sister Toldja {April 29th, 2008 at 2:29 pm}
Yo, Debarge, ju talking to me?
Alls I said yesterday was if a guy continously took me on cheap dates with no creativity, I may wonder if he were cheap. If a man who wasn’t broke took me to Starbucks for date one, Seattle’s Best for date two and Caribou Coffee for date three…I’d be a little befuddled.
ESPECIALLY if he went to Morehouse, HU or any other Black school. Those brothers are notorious for being unreasonably fearful of gold diggers.
However, if a guy took me to a coffee shop, then a museum (and not on some “Let’s go to the Muesum, it’s fre….I mean, cool”, but was able to say “Hey, you wanna see XYZ exhibit I read about?”) and then a long walk in the park with a bottle of wine, I’d be all good if I liked him!
If the mind sex is on point, all else will fall in to place.
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panama {April 29th, 2008 at 2:53 pm}
You know, the song “mind sex” ruined dead prez for me. i never want to hear shit else from them again. EVER.
“unreasonably fearful” my ass. Those brothas are fearful b/c those women do indeed exist and that shit is on straight up display at HBCU’s. That’s not to say all chicks from HBCU’s are gold-diggers. I know a gang of chicks who aren’t. The problem is that the one’s who are are so flagrant of it that it puts everybody, men and women, on notice and since y’all largely aren’t dating gold-digging women, the men are left to deal with them.
Lucky for me I been broke all my life. So I never even get to the batter’s box with gold-diggers.
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tiffany {April 29th, 2008 at 11:48 pm}
clarification for the menfolk: a *CHEAP* date is wack. a *FRUGAL* date or a *BROKE-but-trying* date is not.
determining whether a date is cheap and not frugal or broke-but-trying follows a rough formula: (cost of outing * (effort expended + creativity + ‘dang, he was paying attention’) ) / what dude appears to be able to afford.
let’s say date one was at starbucks, followed by a trip to the museum on free first saturday. and let’s say and date two was at this bomb a** indian spot with $10 entrees followed by a $5 foreign film. and maybe on date three we went to see some improv and got ice cream afterwards.
those dates are relatively cheap, but that’s cool because dude thought outside the box at least a little bit. if it were three dates of coffee and micky d’s, i might start thinking dude was stingy. or at least
<sidenote>
WRT gold-diggers: why are the negroes most afraid of gettin’ dugg the same ones driving 5-series BMWs, talking about dinner at Chop’s, whipping out their blackberry and/or platinum amex, and mentioning how they just got back from brazil. STFU and stop trying to impress folks with your material items and folks might stop trying to date you because of them.
</sidenote>
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Sister Toldja {April 29th, 2008 at 8:53 am}
But see, I wouldn’t ask nor expect a FIRST date to take me to somewhere that I would be inclined to order a $40 bottle of wine, nor would I be thinking drinks, appitizers, a $25 dollar entree AND dessert. It’s not that I don’t have any class, but 1) that a ton of food, liquor and calories and 2) that is too much money to spend for a first date, unless a fella is so well-paid, he himself wouldn’t enjoy less than that and/or he feels the need to impress me (in which case we probably aren’t a good fit anyway). Perhaps it’s because I am only 23, but a $200 dinner seems like it’s appropriate for celebrating a birthday, anniversary or new job. And even in those cases, I have a favorite restaurant that will always bring me joy for less than half of that amount. Am I too easy to please or just….dare I say….reasonable?
Also, what are you doing this weekend?
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Suga&Spice {April 29th, 2008 at 9:07 am}
@ 23 I thought like that too. About 5 years from now that will change. Trust
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Sister Toldja {April 29th, 2008 at 9:46 am}
I suppose, as a lot of things have changed from when I was 18. But at the same time….why should it?
Great restauraunt in Brooklyn called Red Bamboo, my favorite eatery these days, right? Let’s say a fella took me there:
Appitzer- $10 (The meals are filling, and so are the apps, we don’t need two)
Entree- 2 @ $12-18 each
Drinks- 2 @ $10 each
I don’t usually order dessert unless I had a light meal or if I am only doing dessert and drinks.
That’s about $80-90 with tax and tip. I don’t look at that and think “Cheap ass!”. And if I do in 5 years, please slap me. I’ll be in Brooklyn. The tall girl with the boobs.
“Why spend an arm and a leg, we can kick it for free!”
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Suga&Spice {April 29th, 2008 at 10:18 am}
Not saying you should spend that kind of money on each and every day. Just that it isnt hard to look up and wonder how the hell did you manage to spend that much money. Hell I am guilty of doing it on girls night out. We each buy a couple of rounds, plus dinner and whatever else and we are all looking like ‘damn i spent 180 bucks! ah, well I had a good time’
I’m the type that as long as I am in good company I will go just about anywhere and find a way to enjoy myself
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K. {April 29th, 2008 at 9:43 am}
Why drop $200 on a first date unless you’re in a situation where that amount of money isn’t much to you? Why go to a spot w/ $25 entrees and order appetizers, wine, dessert, etc? That’s silly. Or maybe everything is just super overpriced in NYC? There are plenty of nice and/or interesting restaurants where 2 people can eat & drink for under $100 ’round these parts (Philly).
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GOODENess {April 29th, 2008 at 10:45 am}
“It was simply an interview with an underqualified candidate.” SAY THAT DAMN THANG GAL!!!
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Ana B {April 29th, 2008 at 7:29 pm}
My first few dates rule of thumb… I always ask my date what he is thinking of ordering and try to stay under that price range. So if he is ordering Filet Mignon I might order a rack of lamb, but if he is ordering from the dollar menu, hey Im down. Im just not that impressed in anyone that is willing to drop loads of money on dinner to impress me. On that note, the best first date I ever went on was a free concert at City Hall park to see Tina Maree…it cost him all of train fare. It still goes down as my best first date.
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The Champ {April 29th, 2008 at 8:47 am}
“3. Yeah, we’ll have a date then go jump off with someone….and SO WILL YOU! Men do it too, don’t lie.”
of course…but the difference is the fact that we actually want to sleep with the person we dated, but for whatever reason we havent been able to. in that situation, the night-time jump-off is plan c.
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Sister Toldja {April 29th, 2008 at 8:59 am}
But that is exactly what I said! Sometimes, we want to sleep with the date person too, we just don’t think it’s time YET. You may want to sleep with the chick you took out, but if this is date one or date two and you like her for more than sex, then you probably know it’s too soon. We may have the same ‘tude.
As someone (you?) said yesterday, you can test what the chick is on (at least somewhat) by taking her somewhere mad simple and seeing if she is as interested in you as if you were dropping $200.
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 10:03 am}
“…I don’t give a shit that she gave it up on the first night. That just lets me know, she knows what she wants out of life…”
~André 3000, The Love Below
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Sister Toldja {April 29th, 2008 at 10:07 am}
Where is Andre 3000 these days, btw? Because what is good for that fine specimen does NOT always count in real life. I was discussing that quote with a friend just this weekend; I believed it and fucked myself up the game in the year following that record. I realise it can also at times be a case of “I didn’t like you anyway” or “This is all I really wanted to begin with”, but I have heard a LOT of fellas disagree with 3000 on that point. I play it safe these days and wait.
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TiityBarSuperstar {April 29th, 2008 at 10:37 am}
I feel the same way as 3000. If I was feeling you in more than a jumpoff type way then you having sex with me on the first night is not going to change my mind about you.
However, if all I wanted was the booty then it wouldnt have mattered if it was one date or one month. I wouldve played the role accordingly until I got the draws. If the guy is an asshole then he is an asshole no matter how long you make him wait.
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 10:47 am}
Thanks P.
I’m glad somebody said it. Giving it up on the first night doesn’t mean anything…
If he thinks your easy after he hit it, he thought so before.
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The Champ {April 29th, 2008 at 11:10 am}
“I feel the same way as 3000. If I was feeling you in more than a jumpoff type way then you having sex with me on the first night is not going to change my mind about you.”
yup
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Jess {April 29th, 2008 at 2:55 pm}
Ok, I have to stand up for the guy here.
The times I’ve paid for the dates, they’ve come up to over 100$ as well. Of course there are cheaper places where we can get much better food and a much better buzz much less money, but first dates have to factor in convenience. I may have a favorite spot in brooklyn, but that favorite spot would require taking 3 trains to get to. And, I wouldn’t know if he likes this type of food, this type of atmosphere, this type of music. So, we meet in the city, where a drink is easily $13 for something as simple as a rum and coke. And it’s not only going to be one drink each if we’re actually getting to know each other. That takes time, and time takes distractions. If it ain’t music, it’s drinks.
All the free/cheap dates are daytime dates. Now, i LOVE daytime dates. I do, and I can probably tell you that the euphoria I will feel just by being outside and not pressed for time will probably make me like whatever penis I’m with for the day some more (oh, those rose-tinted glasses). BUT, with most peoples work schedules, daytime dates are almost out of the question. We meet after work, possibly around 6pm, and there is a vague cerfew in place because chances are, you have to work the next day too. There are only so many (read, 2) free daytimes in a working woman’s world (and chances are, those daytimes are reserved for people she actually likes. She don’t know you yet). Because the man wants to see her, doesn’t want to wait until the weekend, or knows that he will be hung over at 2pm that Saturday anyway, the date will be on a school night.
Most daytime dates — or even long walks at night eating cotton candy and what the f not you romantic people love to do — don’t get appreciated until the 3rd time around, anyway. Yes, we love them, and yes, its possible, but I know that not all of you will gaze adoringly into the eyes of a man you met on the street who wants to do nothing but walk or sit on a park bench and talk. Those dates can only be justified with a strong, strong connection, and you usually can’t tell that with someone off the bat.
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* Remarkably credentialed- “I don’t really know him THAT well, but we seem to have a lot in common and he went to college and he looks like he has his life together and he somehow really impressed me in our brief meeting.”
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I really dont have any points of disagreement with this post. For the most part it all holds true. Women will keep a guy around thinking, ‘ah, he is something to do.’ While knowing full well they are not going to build anything with the dude or even knowing he isnt at least on her drunk dailing/texting list.
Funny thing is I just cleaned my phone out last week. I had a number of guys I’d gone on a few dates with or would talk to maybe once a week. I knew I didnt see a love connection and could tell they were just keeping in touch with the hopes of sex one day and since I’d already decided that wasnt going to happen, I thought ‘what the fuck is the point?’ So I deleted about 7-10 numbers from the phone. Besides it’s hard to find something real when there is a bunch of bullshit in its space.
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From my peer group in high school into college - I am the only one not married and the only one with at least one college degree. All my closest high school buddies married within a year of graduating high school (which I really didn’t think that happened like that anymore). Their dating experience was limited to high school dates and the man they eventually married.
Then there is I. I have never gone out on a date with a man just to get free food. I have gone out on a date with a man I wasn’t interested in only because he sweated me until I broke down and finally agreed. That was the worst date ever.
I know within a few moments of meeting a man if I would sleep with him or not. From that point on, he either talks himself INTO or OUT OF the poohsay. Doesn’t mean I am actually going to give him the goods, but ya never know.
I don’t follow the train of thought that you can have sex with a man “too soon.” Under the “if you sleep with me on the first date you are a slore” type of thinking. If I want to sleep with him, and I do, and his feeble little mind I’m now a loosey goosey slutty whore, well then I guess he’s not the man for me - whether I had waited or not.
*scrolls up I’m sure I went off topic*
OH YEAH Expectations.
Expectation is the mother of disappointment. I go out with a man HOPING to have a good time, and hoping I don’t have to call my brother or a friend to come get me. I will leave a date. Without notice.
But I feel you are mostly on point there mr the champ. cant vouch for the whole dating to get a free meal thing, but anything is possible and I know women can be some scandelous ass creatures.
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Liz {April 29th, 2008 at 9:58 am}
LOL. Co-sign. Some chicks don’t ever go out for the free meal thing. Broke or not, it’s tacky no matter how you slice it.
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Jess {April 29th, 2008 at 2:59 pm}
Ive gone out on dates like “shit, I got these new shoes and I look hot today” with people I didn’t really feel like THAT, who haven’t done anything to make me be mean to them. If I say no, I’m a bitch; If I say yes, I’m an asshole using you for my personal pleasure. Fine, who cares. Thanks for the food.
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Ana B {April 29th, 2008 at 7:37 pm}
I too have never gone on a date for the purpose of getting a free meal… I would rather eat alone or with the fam, than with someone that has no conversational skills, or nothing to offer me. I really am not that pressed to eat out or be seen eating out.
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Men pay for dates.
I pay to get my eyebrows waxed twice a month. I pay for manicures and pedicures and facials. I pay for hair color and cuts. I pay for makeup. I pay to shave more of my body. I pay for tampons.
Men pay for dates.
I pay for open-toed shoes, closed-toed shoes, boots, sneakers and sandals, in varying shades. I pay for more than one belt, and multiple pairs of jeans, pants, and dresses, skirts and shirts of varying types and uses. I pay for one outfit for yoga, one outfit for the beach and one totally different outfit for hiking. I pay for various outfits for various events, because it would be noticible and notable if I didn’t. I pay for purses. I pay for bras.
Men pay for dates.
I pay for pepper spray. I pay for diet advice. I pay for self-help books. I pay for greeting cards. I pay for jewelry. I pay for products that are sold to me at parties. I pay for gifts to bring to baby showers and bridal showers and bachelorette parties. I pay for annual visits to the gyno, and I pay for birth control.
MEN PAY FOR DATES.
“Dating is so expensive!” the little boys cry. As their bank accounts grow, and our bank accounts founder. As we struggle to juggle the costs - and yes, the desires - of womanhood and the costs to compete (nay, survive?) in our feminine market. As men judge us for not being pretty enough, girly enough, thin enough AND not being further along financially, perhaps more conservative in our saving habits.
“Men pay for dates?” the little boys ask. “What about equal rights?” the little boys posture.
You’re looking at them.
Men Pay For Dates.
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Liz {April 29th, 2008 at 10:01 am}
LOL. My point exactly? There’s a cost for looking this good, and I dare a man to say he wouldn’t like a nice looking, well-groomed, woman on his arm in the first place. They’re the “visual” gender and all. Now pay for it.
Just sayin….
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 10:06 am}
Well if this aint the biggest bunch of bullshit I’ve ever heard.
Sounds like you need to stop spending so much money on miscellaneous bullshit.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:40 am}
Misc. shit??? REALLY!
How is that any different than you men spending money of different watches, shoes and bandanas for the heads??? hmmmm. lmao
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ndenise {April 29th, 2008 at 5:27 pm}
Oh, now it’s misc. bullshit, but you’d have some ranting and raving to do about a female who DIDN’T pay attention to half of that stuff. You probably wouldn’t even ask her out to begin with.
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Cheryl {April 29th, 2008 at 10:07 am}
You pay for all of that to get dates? I pay for all of that because I don’t want to go out of my house looking like a boogerwolf. Damn if I get a date or not. (just remember I am old tho)
Except the tampons, I don’t buy those. Even so they don’t reduce boogerwolfness.
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Sister Toldja {April 29th, 2008 at 10:09 am}
But we wouldn’t get dates if we looked like boogerwolves. It’s just certain expenses associated with being a well-kempt woman and when you hold that up against what men pay to court, short of the simps who regularly drop $200 on dates….it kinda balances out.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:10 am}
Exactly @ Sister Toldja!
We don’t do it to “get dates”…we do it to be well kept…but we wouldn’t be approached looking like “boogerwolves” either. It all goes hand & hand.
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Cheryl {April 29th, 2008 at 10:25 am}
Ok and that isn’t always true. I see boogerwolves daily married and boo’ed up and whatnot.
My issue was doing those things for yourself rather than for a man. It was brought up men pay for dates and I do all this to keep myself pretty. I didn’t bring the correlation between the two Ms. Freckles did. Boogerwolves get dates, too.
And really a man is a simp that drops $200 on a date? Where do you live? I mean I don’t live in a big ole city but $200 on a date is not that hard to believe. I mean just going to the movies and getting a popcorn and a soda for 2 people is $50 or more depending on where you live. Then gas cost, etc.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:31 am}
Okay..let’s be realistic. We all do those things to be “PRETTY” and make ourselves more appealing for ourselves. But LET’S NOT LIE…we also do it to attract attention (also known as people/men).
You can sit there and pretend you wax your vagina for the FUN OF IT…but you wouldn’t wax sh*t if no man was going down there!
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Cheryl {April 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am}
I don’t wax it period. So there
(I understand where you are coming from, I’m just being difficult, my bad its in my nature, but its all in fun.)
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 10:29 am}
I’m calling bullshit on it taking ALL that to be well-kept. I have three sisters. And trust me, them chicks ain’t the blow money to look good type chicks. Yet, they’re all very attractive and never have had a difficult time finding a man.
Some of y’all are overcompensating for something.
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Liz {April 29th, 2008 at 10:33 am}
Don’t flatter yourself P. One can ALWAYS FIND a man. Always. There’s no shortage on ya’ll. It’s all about what type of man you’re dating, who you are spending your time with.
Besides we all know ya’ll are the first ones to come up to us in the grocery store while we got on some sweats. This is all besides the point. So yes, I call bullshit on your bullshit.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:38 am}
I co-truckingsign on BULLSHIT!
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 10:39 am}
Well I call bullshit on your calling bullshit since the biggest complaint amongst women is the lack of men. And if we’re to assume that women can ALWAYS find a man, then how come so many of y’all are manless?? It for damn sure ain’t cuz y’all are so choosey.
And yes, I’d definitely holler at a chick in a grocery store (I even wrote a whole post on why). If you look good in sweats you’ll look better without them. Pun and double entendre intended.
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The Queen {April 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am}
Panama, when women complain about the lack of men, they really mean the lack of “good” men, unattached men, or the men that they want. There are always men out there. I just saw two walk by my desk.
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 11:04 am}
@Queen: If you all mean good men and are only going for the good men, then that would be your only pool. I assume you’re not speaking of the homeless dude on the street. Therefore, my statement still holds.
That shit is braids!
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The Queen {April 29th, 2008 at 12:02 pm}
Braids? Really?
The case is thrown out on the grounds that Panama is insane.
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GOODENess {April 29th, 2008 at 10:57 am}
@ Panama…I feel you on that…I am a natural sistah and I don’t have time for all that pretty-fication! I am a STAR when I leave the house with my own style…I get hit on by men and women, and that’s just icing on the cake because I do it for me…when I feel like I look good, I feel better and have a better day…when my son says “mommy you look so pretty today” my day is made! I don’t wear make-up and my hair is natural (a big curly red afro)! I’m eclectic in my style…but it’s mine…so I rock it!
@ ms freckles…honey you lost me with that “waxing the va-jay-jay” I get my clippers with that 1 gaurd and use a razor to put a design in what’s left!! so if you do get to the GOLDEN GOODENess, you know she’s stylish too, just like ME! LMAO
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 11:08 am}
LMAO @ GOODNess….
I am not mad at ya!
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 10:17 am}
LMAO Ms. Freckles. This might have been the funniest, most creative (albeit downright silly) sh8t ever! Thanks for the laugh!
My expanded thoughts on the content will follow…
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:22 am}
So glad I was able to bring you a Tuesday funny [that more than likely made your azz think]!!! lol
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 10:26 am}
It made me think alright. Made me think you’re insane.
Then again, you are woman.
I think I heard your roar.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:36 am}
*ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR*
You sure did hear me roar! lol.
No but seriously…
My boyfriend pays for many of our dates; however, I cook him dinner…massage his shoulders and back when he’s had a long day…help him fold clothes if they’re spreaded out over the bed…pay for some of our outtings. I reciprocate because that’s what we do.
I was only making a point that before you silly men start whining and fussing over a $200 date…realize that that woman may have done to prepare for that date. She had to buy a nice outfit, she wanted to make sure her hair was done, and let us not forget matching shoes…so she could help bring attention and envy to your a** while walking to wherever your date is going to take place at.
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 10:29 am}
Ms. Freckls, cars, suits, haircuts, 401ks, watches, tailors, cleaners, sunglasses, shoes, shoe shines, jeans, tims, sneakers, gym memberships, rent/mortgages (or both), gas and groceries really gets expensive, too.
In essence you are saying that b/c you guys pay for all of these personal things, you deserve to have the dates paid for by men. This would be like men saying that because we pay for dates, that we can expect sex as a result. In actuality, the expectation of sex is more logical since the date (which we pay for) directly benefits both parties.
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Liz {April 29th, 2008 at 10:39 am}
You pay for the nice looking young lady on your arm, her taking time out of her day to give you the time of day, with the hopes that she may do this with you again. Lather, rinse, repeat.
P.S. Rent/mortgage/401ks, cleaners, sunglasses, gym memberships, gas and groceries are not only things that men pay for.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:42 am}
PREACH!
Men who whine about the cost of dates = GAY!
{lol…j/k}
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 10:49 am}
didn’t say that those things were exclusive to men…just made the point that they are personal expenses that have nothing to do with a dating situation.
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 10:41 am}
Yeah, I think thats my problem with that stuff you said. It assumes the men just show up with all the shit to go on the date. Hell, I got a car note. Do I get to throw that into the fray? Hell what about my retirement that’s allowing me to save to take your ass out when we’re 65?
And what about my laundry detergent that I had to use to wear clean drawz? Not to mention my toothpaste, toothbrush, AND mouthwash.
Where does it end?
Plus, a box of condoms ain’t cheap.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:44 am}
Kneegrow! We have car notes, mortgages, toothbrushes and paste too!!! ON TOP OF OUR other expenses. When you men have to pay $40 a month for some freaking birth control…then come whining and complaining. When you have to have your legs spread open on a doctor’s table to make sure your partner didn’t leave anything behind his penis…then whine and complain!
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am}
Word! Moral of the story is: Nobody gets extra props for doing the things that they are supposed to do.
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Suga&Spice {April 29th, 2008 at 10:51 am}
now this one I will co-sign
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am}
exactly…what you women want a cookie for doing shit necessary to sustain life?
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The Queen {April 29th, 2008 at 11:14 am}
I love cookies. Give em up.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am}
AND…women buy condoms too. I know I for dayum sure have my own supply at the crib [except I only purchase magnums, so if he can't fit...he short (literally) on sex and fitting the criteria]. LMAO
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am}
guess you missed the Champs Mythbusters about Magnum condoms…
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:57 am}
It was a JOKE P.
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Panama {April 29th, 2008 at 11:05 am}
@ms. freckles: i know it was as joke. i read good.
and by the way, bandanas aren’t miscellaneous items. they’re required thug apparel.
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GOODENess {April 29th, 2008 at 11:55 am}
@ Panama…do “thugs” USE the word APPAREL??
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 12:13 pm}
@ GOODENess… Can “thugs” spell apparel?
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panama {April 29th, 2008 at 2:56 pm}
@Y’all Questioning my thugness: Apparently thugs can spell apparel. I’m a killer.
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Ana B {April 29th, 2008 at 7:52 pm}
i provide condoms in all sizes
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kamakula {April 29th, 2008 at 10:42 am}
I cosign on this. . . mainly cuz you beat me to it :).
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The Queen {April 29th, 2008 at 11:07 am}
Ok ladies. Let’s give the men some credit. Yes we do prepare before dates. We spend a good amount of money on prep. They spend a good amount of money on us. I don’t know many women that would spend $200 or even $50 on a random dude. Seriously. We all play our part…
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 11:16 am}
That’s right Queen. Bow Down!
Just kidding.
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The Queen {April 29th, 2008 at 11:23 am}
See, this is what happens when we give you men some credit.
+5 points for agreeing with me
-5 points for telling me to bow down
+2 points for saying you are kidding
+1 points for the joke actually being funny
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 11:28 am}
LOL damn. a 5 point demerit…probably should’ve just agreed with you, huh?
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The Queen {April 29th, 2008 at 12:04 pm}
I consulted the female ego and it dictated a 5 point minimum for disagreeing.
I’ll give you an extra point for being willing to discuss the matter. +4 is better than 0.
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The Champ {April 29th, 2008 at 11:26 am}
“I pay for open-toed shoes, closed-toed shoes, boots, sneakers and sandals, in varying shades. I pay for more than one belt, and multiple pairs of jeans, pants, and dresses, skirts and shirts of varying types and uses. I pay for one outfit for yoga, one outfit for the beach and one totally different outfit for hiking. I pay for various outfits for various events, because it would be noticible and notable if I didn’t. I pay for purses. I pay for bras.”
you know whats funny? honestly, the only people who really pay attention to whether or not a chick is on her game with this stuff are other women and gay men. thats it.
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 11:37 am}
That’s because men are looking at what’s underneath it all.
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Jess {April 29th, 2008 at 3:21 pm}
Ha! then again, what men think is underneath it all isn’t always the truth. That bra and heels and certain kind of pants makes them think that their boobs are bigger, smaller, firmer, higher, rounder, cleavage-ier, squishier than they really are. their booy is higher (seven jeans) their legs are longer (stilettos, homie), etc. taller, thinner, flawless skin. Basically, men should pay for us because we’re spending all this money to lie to them.
And Ive never seen a man date a woman because her purse was hot. Shoes, maybe, but never a purse.
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GOODENess {April 29th, 2008 at 11:57 am}
so true! but you will damn sho’ notice when she is NOT on her game…be real!
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ndenise {April 29th, 2008 at 5:28 pm}
Let’s not forget that women still don’t make the same as men doing the same job with the same qualifications.
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Gnome musket {April 29th, 2008 at 6:22 pm}
Not true for the vast majority of women.
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ndenise {April 30th, 2008 at 1:34 am}
Please, show me some support for that wild statement.
In case you didn’t know, women as a class are still paid only 77 cents for every dollar earned by men. Just because you may know some women who make more than some men… well that’s like pointing to Oprah and saying Black folks are doing just fine.
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Dom {July 1st, 2008 at 3:42 pm}
@ Cheryl
This ish deserves its own damn book! So true and so damn funny. Like it belongs in Glamour mag or something.
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I agree that most women do the free meal thing, but I refuse. My friends call me foolish to turn down dinner at an expensive restaurant, but I can’t see myself pretending to be interested in someone for food. It’s selfish. Plus, it’s a waste of time letting a guy think he has a chance when you know he doesn’t.
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 11:24 am}
2D - You were right on time with this one.
I have yet to be THAT hungry.
(I fux with PB&J before I use some guy for a meal.)
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Jess {April 29th, 2008 at 3:23 pm}
Hahahahahaha! Wait till your bills start looking bigger than your paychecks, and wait till you REALLY REALLY REALLY get a craving for a Jack Daniel’s steak. And dick. That’s where the freeload date comes in.
I’m not sure if that makes me a gold digger, because I’m not with you for your money. I don’t plan on hooking onto you for marriage and accounts because you can make my belly happier than I can make it myself. It makes me hungry, greedy, and selfish, but it definitely does not make me a gold digger.
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2Degreez {April 29th, 2008 at 4:38 pm}
“Hahahahahaha! Wait till your bills start looking bigger than your paychecks, and wait till you REALLY REALLY REALLY get a craving for a Jack Daniel’s steak. And dick. That’s where the freeload date comes in.”
With all due respect, Jess…
1. I’m currently paying off my law school loans. No one can talk to me about bills.
2. I’m a damn good cook. Plus, I’d never give anything up, not even blood, for a meal at TGI Friday’s.
3. If the “D” is what you’re craving, most men would be more than happy to skip the meal part, so going on the date would not be necessary.
In sum, none of this applies to me.
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Ana B {April 29th, 2008 at 7:55 pm}
co-sign
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I have NEVER gone out with someone I had no interest in for a free meal or concert. I’ve been broke and hungry but that concept makes no sense to me. I’ve been broke before but it’s totally selfish to manipulate someone else into spending their money on you. If I’ve ever gone out with you, I saw something that made me want to know more. It is entirely possible that something could have fizzled out within the first 10 minutes to an hour of our date though. (I get bored easily)
All that being said, I know tons of women that still do this, a lot! I think a lot of these men know that these women have no interest in them and are hoping for just a peek of the azz…so they buy dinner.
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2Degreez {April 29th, 2008 at 10:58 am}
I concur (because I’m tired of the term “co-sign”)! I like your thought process. We might be cousins.
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2Degreez {April 29th, 2008 at 11:01 am}
Note: I just realized that by opting to use the word “concur” I should have added something to the point Queen made. Oh well.
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GOODENess {April 29th, 2008 at 12:02 pm}
ok…free meal, no…concert?? ummm….YEAH! come one now it was LUPE! I spent all my dough flying to CA for the ROCK THE BELLS FESTIVAL..and it was LUPE!!! lol…and maybe a ROOTS show…ummmm and you might want to throw in LITTLE BROTHER and possibly some COMMON for good measure…lol…but if you see the red one at ESSENCE, I paid for it myself…honest engine!..OK! I admit it… I am a “concert ho”! there I typed it! you happy now?
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The Queen {April 29th, 2008 at 12:07 pm}
Admitting you have a problem is the first step. *applauding your big step*
I’m pretty sure they have a support group for that. lol
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GOODENess {April 29th, 2008 at 12:12 pm}
I hope so…I go with dudes that I am cool with…some romantic, some not…they take me because I “get it” and I look good doing it…not many women love music like I do…It’s my heartbeat…so when a man sees an opening to get some quality time with me by providing “financial aid” for my musical addiction…so-be-it…my name is GOODENess and being on the MIC is like my aphrodisiac! LOL
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panama {April 29th, 2008 at 2:58 pm}
I’d buy your ass a CD and call you from the concert and let you hear it.
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GOODENess {April 29th, 2008 at 3:07 pm}
@ Panama…that’s throwed in the game…the dudes that take me to concerts know the deal…we just connect on something that most women don’t reach them on…like that other post “Carl Thomas”? no way! give me DILLA or give me death!
@SISTER TOLDJA…you know I will be in the building for RTB 2K8 I am thinking of doing the CO show…maybe FL…those joints I pay for myself…I like to be by myself in new places with my music…plus if a dude pays my airfare that’s automatis ass…I don’t need the pressure…LMAO
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Sister Toldja {April 29th, 2008 at 1:12 pm}
Rock The Bells 2k8 in NY!!! BANANANASSSSSSS! Can’t wait, will sell bone marrow if need be!
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 12:17 pm}
LOL! A concert ho!lol
That’s a lot better than being a “a steak strumpet” or a “hamburger harlot.” real talk.
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GOODENess {April 29th, 2008 at 12:23 pm}
@ D*Stroy…thanks, I try to be a trendsetter…LOL
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The Champ {April 29th, 2008 at 4:37 pm}
“concert ho” sounds like a monica song
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Jess {April 29th, 2008 at 3:35 pm}
LOL! Who says its manipulating? I never sat there and poked at someone and showed them my titties hoping that they’ll take me to the olive garden. I’d accept a date because I don’t see any Cons to going on it, only a handful of positives. One of those positives being food, another being attention, another being an opportunity to dance, and maybe a potential for some necking. Why not, if nothing bad can come out of it? If he’s insistant, theres no manipulation on my part
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 5:59 pm}
“I never sat there and poked at someone and showed them my titties hoping that they’ll take me to the olive garden”
flashing tiddies for free pasta…doesn’t really sound that bad
If I wasn’t already thinking about tiddies I would be
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“You pay for the nice looking young lady on your arm, her taking time out of her day to give you the time of day, with the hopes that she may do this with you again.”
Liz, this sounds like you are describing a prostitute.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am}
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t think she meant it in that way..lol..at least I hope not.
What I took from Liz’s statement is that you want a nice looking woman out with you because you should be on point yourself.
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 11:06 am}
lol…right…
But seriously, this probably came out wrong but there are far too many women who really think this way. They think that being cute entitles them to all types of sh*t. Everyone knows at least one of those hoodrat types. The ones who stay fresh to death but don’t have sh*t, except the things on their backs–all of which were paid for by some dude who was looking to have a “nice looking young lady on [his] arm.”
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 11:14 am}
Reality says:
Men…if you cannot afford to take a date to Ruth Chris’ just to “impress her”…then don’t. A woman like me is happy going to the park and having a picnic and great conversation.
Women…if you cannot afford to cover yourself on a date (whether you plan to pay or not)…you shouldn’t be going if he isn’t your man and you don’t plan to give in to any of his expectations.
Moral of the story: The dating game is a mofo, so goodluck to the singles who are in the game right now. Use your best judgement and always practice safe sex!
The End.
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Liz {April 29th, 2008 at 12:21 pm}
A prostitute would be you paying for a dinner and assuming that meant that very evening a woman would be sleeping with you off of a silly $200 meal. Someone mentioned this above. Please. You can’t reciprocate sex for a nice date when the woman is already reciprocating her time and energy by being on the date in the first place.
As for the looking nice thing, I know some chicks show up to dates looking not so dressy. If you’re going on a free museum date with dinner at the Wendy’s dollar menu, fine. All I am saying is if I know a man is taking me to a nice place for dinner, I should do my best to look the part.
Besides, we all know prostitutes don’t go on dates, let alone consistent dates with a man. Unless there’s something you’re not telling me, Mr. Spitzer.
Finally, all of this assumes you have not done anything to spoil the date, like rude behavior, objectifying me in some manner, etc. That my friend, cannot be negated by any amount of money you spend on a date.
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Liz {April 29th, 2008 at 12:34 pm}
Might I add that would be a VERY bad prostitute. At least prostitutes get cash in hand. These broads swapping meals for sex have it twisted.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 12:45 pm}
LMAO!!!!
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 12:39 pm}
LIZ, Liz, liz…where shall I begin. *putting on my professorial tweed jacket with the elbow patches* I think I will just point out the problematic sentences and let you figure out where you went wrong. my comments will be denoted by asterisks.
“You can’t reciprocate sex for a nice date when the woman is already reciprocating her time and energy by being on the date in the first place.” *tisk, tisk*
“Besides, we all know prostitutes don’t go on dates, let alone consistent dates with a man.Unless there’s something you’re not telling me, Mr. Spitzer” **(hint: escorts aka prostitutes– not unlike the spitzer incident)**
“A prostitute would be you paying for a dinner and assuming that meant that very evening a woman would be sleeping with you.” **This one isn’t quite as obvious so I’ll give it away..to prostitute oneself doesn’t necessarily mean an exchange of money for sex.**
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kamakula {April 29th, 2008 at 1:22 pm}
“the woman is already reciprocating her time and energy by being on the date in the first place”
Really? What about my time and energy? If this means nothing to the girl, then why exactly am I wasting it getting to know her? Likely, I’d pick up on this quickly and leave. . .
and I’m going to stop before I open up a whole other can of worms.
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 1:45 pm}
K., I completely agree…you would think this is obvious stuff. I think that is what is most scary; that there are women out there who really think that they are doing you a favor by going on an all-expense paid date with you. wow
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I’ve been on an expensive dates before ($200+).
Case 1 - He dropped a ton of money trying to show me that he had it. He though I would think, hmmm, he’s loaded. Then my clothes fell off…NOT! He wanted eye candy and thought I fit the bill. I am not a gold digger. Do not treat me as such.
This is a case of spending gone wrong.
I have had great dates that were free and great dates where a man spend a grip. The dates that are the most memorable are about the connection you have with the person. NOT THE MONEY.
Disclaimer - Women can appreciate the fact that you are willing to try give her the world for that one night. *giggles and splashes*
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Liz {April 29th, 2008 at 12:25 pm}
I agree. I’m just saying all things being equal between two good men (Man X and Man Y), a woman is NOT going to run home and be like, “OOH, GIRL guess how much money Man X saved on our date tonight! It was $Free.99!” Instead, she’s going to go home and say, “OOH GIRL, Man Y spent a grip of money on this date we went on! Can’t wait for the next one!”
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panama {April 29th, 2008 at 3:00 pm}
hmm…so what happens if he doesn’t spend nearly as much on the next one? do you then run to your homegirl and say, “this cat cheaped out on our second date. time to recycle him.”
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Wow.
I feel so out of place today because I don’t date.
I also feel like maybe I’m not doing this whole “girl” thing right. Apparently, I’m not spending enough money to make myself look less like a “boogerwolf”… Which is the funniest damn thing I’ve ever heard today. Thanks, Cheryl.
Freckles, today is your day…
Why the heck are you spending all that money? Are you too good to DIY at home? Some of that sh!t is real extra…
“I pay to get my eyebrows waxed twice a month. I pay for manicures and pedicures and facials.” - tweezers, nail polish, oil of olay… all available at your local walmart
“I pay for tampons” - how is that dating related?
“Diet advice” - it’s called exercise and eating healthy (that’s free)
“self-help books”, “birth control”, all of that shit is optional…
It sounds like you think that because you “pay” to be a woman, the man should “pay” to date you… which sounds a whole lot like something else.
Men don’t care about of the things you mentioned. Sure they appreciate that you look good but I’ve yet to hear a man say “Did you see the eyebrows on that girl?” or “Her complexion is so clear.”
You doing too much.
I co-sign on the gentlemen calling bullshit and I go a step further and call shenanigans.
Girls like you make it hard on the rest of us. Men get the impression that we’re insane because some of us (i.e. you) are.
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2Degreez {April 29th, 2008 at 11:20 am}
Though I’m sick of this word…CO-SIGN!!!!!
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Jarrrod Halsey {April 29th, 2008 at 11:30 am}
And, although I seem to have started this whole firestorm, I’ve never dropped $200 on first date. Maybe that much on my friends for rounds of drinks, but I love those fools.
I agree with everything Deviant said and will add that the right shoes, bag and hairdo will cover up ALL those things you’re wasting money on each month.
And as of 2 weeks ago, I’m officially boycotting dating.
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Suga&Spice {April 29th, 2008 at 11:36 am}
I would love to know the story behind this one
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Jess {April 29th, 2008 at 3:38 pm}
hahaha
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 11:27 am}
ROTFLMAO!!!!
FIRST OFF….
It was a figure of speech post. Saying - women spend X amount of dollars to look nice and make themselves more appealing whether it be for themselves or others.
SECOND…
You said: ““Diet advice” - it’s called exercise and eating healthy (that’s free)”
The gym cost money (alhtough my sexy skinny ass don’t need it) and I eat the way I so choose.
What world do you live in? So you’re saying you sit at home with hair under your armpits and a unibrow and call that sexy? Or call it us “pampered and maintenance” women making it hard for you? REALLY! lol
Girl please, I enjoy getting my toes and nails done. I enjoy getting my eyebrows waxed and hair done up puuuuurty. I enjoy having my man tell me how lovely I look because I took the extra step in making sure I take care of my whole body, mind and soul. Whether it be at home (which you still have to be supplies for) or at the day spa.
Yes it is my day…because I feel dayum good and you take this blog shit entirely too serious. I’m going to need you to take a Gas-X and relax a little bit boo boo, lmao.
Best Wishes on your Tuesday!
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 11:31 am}
*buy supplies for
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 12:00 pm}
I guess you told me. It’s the internet “boo boo” this diatribe holds has no tangible value to me
I really enjoy how you take shots and then use terms of endearment and cordial greetings. It only adds to your contradiction.
So which is it? Do you do those things because you enjoy them? Or because it’s “the costs to compete (nay, survive?) in our feminine market.”?
Make up your mind.
And while I’m sure it’s easier for you to imagine me as some Sasquatchesque boogerwolf (I love this word!) I assure you that is not the case.
I never said that I don’t pamper myself. I mentioned in the “One Wish” post that I stay smooth and unibrow-free. I just don’t take it overboard.
As far as you making it hard for me, I was referring to the fact that you perpetuate a certain stereotype that it’s hard to convince men I deviate from because I’m not high maintenance. I was not suggesting that you are in any way my competition.
But you know, carry on… I don’t have to date you.
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D*stroy {April 29th, 2008 at 12:12 pm}
Ah-ha! So you are a woman!
Seriously, though…I don’t want any trouble out of you Deviant. You sure know how to bring that verbal assault.
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 1:03 pm}
That I am.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 12:20 pm}
My man never paid for ALL the dates, I stated that in a previous post above. I only made the copy and pasted the post about how much WOMEN in general [including myself] sometimes spend to be “well-kept” {I love that term} after reading about how SOME men pay $200 for first dates. You were the one who took it further and had to add your two cents of garbage to my post.
Furthermore, what you deem may be too much for you to spend on your physical appearance is you’re own opinion. I may be able to afford that spa pedi and brazilian wax over your cheap walmart brand wax and home polish kit. I work hard…so why not treat myself that way I love to be treated? That doesn’t make me high maintenance…that makes me a woman who enjoys taking good care of herself and can afford to do it. Take it however you see fit.
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 12:33 pm}
Brava!
If I was a lesser woman, my feelings might be hurt.
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ms.freckles {April 29th, 2008 at 12:35 pm}
So glad you consider yourself not to be a lesser woman. Good Work Minnie Mouse!!!! Panama…pass me that cookie to give to her!
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 12:52 pm}
Minnie Mouse?
Dare I ask what that means?
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 12:44 pm}
I couldn’t help myself…
Why are my two cents “garbage”? Did I tarnish your post with my nonconformist thoughts?
I call the bullshit as I see it. I can’t help it if you keep contradicting yourself.
And yes, if you do all those things it does make you high maintenance. Embrace it. It’s who you are and that’s ok.
It’s wonderful that you can treat yourself to the spa and a brazilian, no less. Kudos to you!
I think those things are nice but they’re not necessities.
And yet again, you took a shot at me. “Cheap walmart brand wax and home polish kit”?
Tsk, tsk. It’s okay.
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Sister Toldja {April 29th, 2008 at 2:08 pm}
Come on, yo. We can’t be talking to each other like that in front of the men folk.
High maintanence, low maintanence….all that matters is that you look good. I have never heard a man say “Yo, shorty was kinda cute, but I’m not feeling that at home eyebrow wax shit.” In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a man use the word “eyebrow”, with the exception of Mr. Kim at Purple Nail on Fulton Street (who sends me to the back to get hooked up, cause I CANNOT do my own brows right).
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 3:47 pm}
I probly don’t need to but I have to vouch for my PNC but she don’t really have a need to do all that hi dollar construction or maintenance or whatever. Evrything falls into place when it falls into place. I would think most guys don’t really care about all that preparation shit all that matters to us is the reality..are you still cute at 5 am before all that stuff is done to ya? If not you aint cute it doesn’t matter how much is spent. To me thats all that matters I could give a fuck what the masses think.
all else aside…you humans are hilarious. a nice distraction from the work I am supposed to be doing right now.
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Jess {April 29th, 2008 at 3:39 pm}
*looks around with brows in the air*.. reowr…
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Deviant {April 29th, 2008 at 3:48 pm}
I know right
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Cheryl {April 29th, 2008 at 11:45