at least 50 percent of the email we get at vsb is from self-proclaimed nice guys and girls having romantic difficulties. while i’m always tempted to just write back “be more attractive“, as a nice guy myself (heh), i have a soft spot for those still unable to navigate the shark-invested relationship morass without getting eaten alive
so, as another example of verysmartbrothas.com crime-fighting ideals, here’s the do’s and dont’s of dating for nice guys and girls, a simple guidebook for those allowing their niceness to continually dry panties and mush wangs quicker than lady gaga, sabotaging their relationship success.
do be yourself
despite their vicious tongue games, chameleons are extremely unsexy. stop trying to be one. be you, not who you think they’ll be most attracted to.
do show your passion
women (and men) love being around people who are good at something and passionate about that subject. being able to command a duty or subject projects a certain magnetism that makes people more attractive. while it may not be in your nature as a nice guy or girl to toot your own horn, if you’re a crocheting ass ninja, don’t be scared to let everyone know that you’ll thread the sh*t of a shower curtain.
don’t settle for friendship
you already have enough friends. what the hell do you need another for, especially one who’s made it clear that your odds of reciprocation are less than a white mans chances of boning khloe kardashian? if they’ve given you a romantic raincheck after you’ve made your intentions known, f*ck staying around as a lame-duck friend because they’re your tuesday lunch buddy. burn that dry-ass bridge and never look back.
do limit the self-depreciating humor
because they’re generally non-confrontational by nature, making people as relaxed and comfortable around them as possible to avoid potential conflict is as deeply embedded in the nice guy and girl dna as saying please, thank you, and shopping at the gap. the best way to do this is to make yourself seem non-threatening, and the quickest and easiest way to appear non-threatening is to laugh at yourself.
thing is, while a little self-depreciation is good because it implies a sense of maturity and level-headedness, hosting a daily solo roast of yourself and your flaws will make it extremely difficult for anyone to take you seriously. plus, if you’re perpetually pin-pointing and joking about your imperfections, eventually your flaws are all anyone’s going to notice.
do wipe your goggles
lets just say that for some people, the distance between who they usually pursue and who they actually might be compatible with is farther apart than seasons of curb your enthusiasm.
don’t let them hook you up with a friend
basically, if someone hits you with the…
“hey, bud. even though i think you’re great, we will never, ever, ever be a romantic match. if “us never hooking up” were “being a gay man that straight men can openly admit to find entertaining” it’d be neil patrick harris. on the brightside, i have a much less attractive friend who, if they could ever get past the fact that i’m passive-aggressively implying that i’m better than them because i think they might be into someone i’ve personally found unworthy, might be a good match for you. are you interested?”
…punch them in the f*cking face
lastly,
don’t forget that you’re competing
while you shouldn’t have to openly pursue for another person’s affection, remember that every unattached person is in indirect competition for each other. basically, you need to bring something to the table other than just being a nice person.
sh*t, leather couches are nice, but i’ll continue to sit, sleep, spill sh*t, and fart on them until one of them gives me a convincing reason to date em
thats it for now. people of vsb.com, did i miss anything? is nice and black woman an oxymoron? is there any advice you’d give to “nice” guys and girls, or is “being too nice” just a tactful way of saying “not hot enough”?
lastly, do nice guys truly finish last, or is that concept just game devised by a smart-ass not-s0-nice guy to get sympathy panties?
the carpet is yours and sh*t
—the champ
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{ 168 comments… read them below or add one }
So being that I’ve used some of those ditching tactics, does that make me a bad girl?
@chaoticdiva, Hmmmm…I think so…
@NiazDad, enjoying the sandbox..,
Darn. I was just banking on the fact that I was a good girl that was smart enough to inherently pick up on these things.
…but I am sorta Batsh*t crazy at times…But only in a shoe store, or when I see pudding (or other types of food).
Ok, I’m hungry now.
@chaoticdiva, Sorry had to break it to you…But i think it is good to have a lil bad in us at all times. Never know when you have to break it out…
Well i hope you filled your hunger!!!
@chaoticdiva,
but I am sorta Batsh*t crazy at times
at times?
@chaoticdiva, but I am sorta Batsh*t crazy at times…
at one point, i vowed to never deal with a chick who was admittedly batsh*t crazy. seems like a setup of marion barry proportions.
@Panama Jackson,
i vowed to never deal with a chick who was admittedly batsh*t crazy
But if you do, take her to the–*thinks twice* I got nothin’.
@Panama Jackson,
“***** set me up”
@chaoticdiva, yeah, i think you just might pretty much suck.
and not in the good way either, missy!
*Do keep an air of mystery about yourself. You don’t have to be a prude who doesn’t share or offer a glimpse into your private life, but definitely don’t lay all your cards on the table too fast. Keep the person that you’re interested in wanting to know more. If they feel like they’ve figured you all out with no challenge, people tend to lose interest.
*Do listen, Listen, and LISTEN!! People tend to be so wrapped up in themselves so being able to bring up something that someone mentioned a week ago that wasn’t of any real importance may be impressive and earn you some brownie points.
Going right along with that is..
*Don’t talk too much about yourself. No one likes anyone who is too self absorbed.
@Monk,
Dont lay all the cards on the table….
Thats where keepin it real goes too far and becomes stupid….
@Monk,
*Do listen, Listen, and LISTEN!! People tend to be so wrapped up in themselves so being able to bring up something that someone mentioned a week ago that wasn’t of any real importance may be impressive and earn you some brownie points.
*Don’t talk too much about yourself. No one likes anyone who is too self absorbed.
while this is good advice, i think its more universal than just for nice guys and girls and sh*t
LMAO@basically, if someone hits you with the…
“hey, bud. even though i think you’re great, we will never, ever, ever be a romantic match. if “us never hooking up” were “being a gay man that straight men can openly admit to find entertaining” it’d be neil patrick harris. on the brightside, i have a much less attractive friend who, if they could ever get past the fact that i’m passive-aggresively implying that i’m better than them because i think they might be into someone i’ve personally found unworthy, might be a good match for you. are you interested?”
…punch them in the f*cking face
PRICELESS…i would have to add a cunt punch or a scissor kick to the forehaed though…
@NiazDad, enjoying the sandbox..,
What ever happened to throat punching ninjas? Anyone who does this, ESPECIALLY women, should just GO DIE.
@Officer Ricky, Well throat punching is cool too…i just like the flare of a scissor kick to the forehead though…double up on points that way!!!
@Officer Ricky,
Throat punching ain’t dead, these n*ggas just scared…
@miss t-lee,
I LOVE you for this comment.
@Me fail english?,
*snickering*
@miss t-lee,
“Throat punching ain’t dead, these n*ggas just scared”
definite t-shirt potential
@The Champ,
Yay!!
@Officer Ricky,
i would have typed throat punch in there, until i remembered i would have had to send miss t lee a royalty check
@The Champ,
*curtsies*
@Officer Ricky,
If women throat punch you, you’ll die first. Watch out.
this doesn’t apply to me because i have an outfit for every personality, a passion for genealogy & writing that entices 70 year old griots and socially awkward poets , a host of platonic male friends that find me to be quite cool, and i’ve made a point to never make fun of myself. but thanks, dawg. if i ever see myself going down this road, i’ll refer to this post.
@Miss Patterson,
but thanks, dawg. if i ever see myself going down this road, i’ll refer to this post.
ummmm, no problem?
@Miss Patterson, i’m with el champo…i have no clue if this is all a good or a bad thing.
Good post. I would have to agree with all of that, especially when hit with the “let’s just be friends”. Although being on the receiving end kind of sucks but oh well, eventually you’ll suck it up and move on.
I’d add that people should smile more……unless you have jacked up teeth…then smile with your lips closed and make sure your lips aren’t chapped…lol.
Unless you have big boobs…then when all else fails, rock a wife beater and jeans with some fly shoes while reading a book.
@Ro,
Unless you have big boobs…then when all else fails, rock a wife beater and jeans with some fly shoes while reading a book.
you forgot braless
@The Champ,
Even if you’re losing the battle with gravity?
@Happy Meal, thats what push up bras are for!
Don’t be so readily available…Do have a life outside of whomever you’re pursuing or allowing to pursue you. If there’s a scheduling conflict, let ‘em reschedule! Wouldn’t wanna be actin’ all thirsty & shiiii…
Sidebar – I do wonder about the definition of ‘nice,’ though. Like, is that just a default for when you ain’t a super crazy, narcisstic, divalicious chic or disrespectful, overly agrgesive, stalkery dude? I’m always amazed how in this day & age, lotsa dudes are still endorsing the lovin’ of the uber crazy ladies…
@bittersweet’s baby,
men do love crazy women. and what’s ignorant is, they will call you crazy, and then call you back for another date. um….fool, do you not realize that you have just given me license to act even more crazy?
@charli skipp, i think “crazy” depends on who’s doing the defining.
crazy
defined by man: she’s got a great sense of humor and can be as crass and has a spontaneous unpredictability about her
defined by woman: burns clothes and homes, and throws biscuits at passersby when she’s pissed at something, might end up on bridezilla
we dont want woman crazy, we just dont see it coming b/c the truly insane ones know to hide it and not make mention of it.
@Panama Jackson,
throws biscuits at passersby when she’s pissed at something
Those salty *ss hockey pucks they sell at Popeye’s come to mind.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Tell me you do not eat there. Please and thank you. lol
@Selah, I had coupons to burn, sue me.
I do find their commercials to be a bit full of offensive coonery, however…
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Coonery. ***Chuckles at the use of this word. Frowns when seen in action***
@Panama Jackson,
WTF eva! That’s simply the definition of ‘cool.’ Crazy to most dudes is just plain CRAZY. And I’m told there’s a direct correlation with level of crazy and quality of her umm sexual chocolate.
Which may also be a jedi mind trick to get saner, more stable ladies to put in exxxtra work. Hmm, must ponder.
@bittersweet’s baby,
in this sense, nice means considerate, cordial, non-threatening, and non-confrontational. if “nice” were a food, it would be lukewarm white bread
@The Champ,
“if “nice” were a food, it would be lukewarm white bread”
..mushy and easy to mold? o_O
@Smiley Face,
you mold bread?
nice guys & gals finish last..
as much as we want a Man/Woman with positive attributes we dont appreciate them..
well this Gal sure does..
@h3avensent08,
As do I…
@h3avensent08,
I’ll take the nice guy over the A-Hole anyday. Women are gluttons for punishment for loving the A-Hole.
@Luvvie, i learned that the hard way when i 1st started dating.. i love GOOD GUYS, but you have to have a BARITONE, or else you’ll be deemed suspect in my world.. i can be shallow.. lol..
No baritone no love.. but my guy has a Baritone
@Luvvie,
I don’t know that women love arse holes – yeah, some do like abuse. But, really?
What constitutes an arse hole (outside of being physically and verbally abusive)? Even a nice guy can cheat on you.
I think we have to be careful tossing that term around; one chick’s arse hole often ends up being another’s prince charming and visa versa.
@V.E.G.,
…and some chicks arse holes are for fun, games, and magic tricks!!!!
@V.E.G.,
Yeah I know Arsehole-ism is subjective but that ONE chick’s arsehole needs to be let go so he can be a nice guy to someone else.
Some people are arses hands down. And yes some women do love arseholes. The “bad boy” aint a figment of folks imagination.
@Luvvie,
“And yes some women do love arseholes.”
*raises hand*
@h3avensent08,
I wouldn’t say that nice guys and girls finish last. it just might take em a bit longer to start the race
@The Champ,
iAgree
@h3avensent08, i dont think nice girls finish last either. i think the nice girls tend to the shyer and less noticeable chicks. so if you’re that chick at the club you’re gonna get left out for the woman rocking the ho uniform and letting people take bellyshots.
thing is, if we see you in barnes and noble, we’d much rather talk to you than the chick doing bellyshots in the travel section with the stockboys.
okay, maybe not, but you get my drift.
“if you’re a crocheting ass ninja, don’t be scared to let everyone know that you’ll thread the sh*t of a shower curtain.”
DEAD @ this. Champ, you stoopid
@Luvvie,
stoopid deez
@The Champ,
“stoopid deez”
Same thing Aifest Wondra told u last time yall had a late nite meeting.
@Luvvie,
“if you’re a crocheting ass ninja, don’t be scared to let everyone know that you’ll thread the sh*t of a shower curtain.”
I bet this turns Martha Stewart on…FYI, if a ninja’s interested. Champ? I ask because I know you were talmbout you. You crochet, huh? Cute.
@Cheekie,
“I bet this turns Martha Stewart on…FYI, if a ninja’s interested. Champ? I ask because I know you were talmbout you. You crochet, huh? Cute.”
lol, the 20 different punctuation marks you had in there confused me. reading that was like trying to drive stick shift for the first time
@The Champ,
Oh, maybe I shoulda made it a run-on sentence?
Just a quick thing that popped off in my skull….
Nice guys and girls don’t really become appealing until after several things have happened…
~you’ve gotten older, so you move slower
~you’ve lost some of your physical attractiveness, so you are concerned with “inner beauty”
~you’ve been used and abused several times over
and
~you’re one of the last to be noticed at ______ (fill in your own blank)
It’s a horrible trick of nature that we are drawn to what we find visually attractive, versus, the true nature of a person’s being. I’m guilty of it too…
@Yogee,
this was the idea expressed in “straight scraps” a few months ago (too lazy to look for the link)
welcome and sh*t, btw
@Yogee,
much as people hate to admit it, I think you’re dead on right here.
if they’ve given you a romantic raincheck after you’ve made your intentions known, f*ck staying around as a lame-duck friend because they’re your tuesday lunch buddy. burn that dry-ass bridge and never look back.
OMG. I am too dead on this one. I don’t understand why some grown folk have trouble burning bridges. BURN THAT ISHT.. matta’ fact, tell Flex to drop a bomb on it.. lol. Fellas ya’ll need to quit that monkey behavior if you wit’ it.
@Officer Ricky,
i will burn a da*n bridge like nobody’s business.
that can be awkward, though, seeing as how i live in a small city and i’ve had this bridge burning philosophy for almost 10 years now…i met this guy a couple years ago who was a friend of my bff. i had no idea why the guy was so standoffish and side-eyeish with me……..until i remembered that i had burned that a*s in like my first or second year of college
and also, lol.
@charli skipp,
or maybe this example is inapplicable, seeing as that i was the friend zone-er, as opposed to the friend zone–ee in that sitch. inferring that we had a special connection, he called me after midnight one night. and all hell broke loose up in cordiality-ville.
@charli skipp, the friend zone-er [or] the friend zone–ee, making Greg N-I-C-E very M-A-D (D!)…
@charli skipp,
“…until I remembered that I burned that ass…”
you gave him an std?
@The Champ,
“…until I remembered that I burned that ass…”
i did wince and chuckle when i typed that.
When a boy has thus begun to woo the girl he loves, he should spend his time with her and amuse her with various games and diversions fitted for their age and acquaintanceship, such as …playing with cards … the game of finding out the middle finger, and such other games as may be prevalent in the country, and agreeable to the disposition of the girl. In addition to this, he should carry on various amusing games played by several persons together, such as … hiding things in several small heaps of wheat and looking for them, … in company with the girl, her friends and female attendants.
The man should also show great kindness to any woman whom the girl thinks fit to be trusted …In this way the man should do whatever the girl takes most delight in, and he should get for her whatever she may have a desire to possess. Thus he should procure for her such playthings as may be hardly known to other girls. He may also show her a ball dyed with various colors…
When her love begins to show signs of increasing he should relate to her agreeable stories if she expresses a wish to hear such narratives. Or if she takes delight in legerdemain, he should amaze her by performing various tricks of jugglery…
He should also teach the daughter of the girl’s nurse all the sixty-four means of pleasure practiced by men, and under this pretext should also inform her of his great skill in the art of sexual enjoyment. All this time he should wear a fine dress, and make as good an appearance as possible, for young women love men who live with them, and who are handsome, good looking and well dressed.
@wanjiru,
this reads like something found in a guidebook for pedophiles
@Officer Ricky, though i’m especially adept at burning bridges, i dont always recommend it.
then again, i’m the arsonist…
@Officer Ricky, dang….I think I’ve put an old friend in that situation….we were buddies…and at time buddies with benefits in college…then we grew up and he wanted to pursue a relationship and I didn’t think it would be a good idea but I didn’t want to lose his friendship…and I’ve kinda strung him along for years as the go to buddy to hang out when I don’t have a man…..and to think he tried to burn that bridge years ago and I kept showing back up even though I didn’t want a romantic relationship….. now I feel so selfish….friendship fail….
I have to cosign on the making yourself too available. I’m not saying you should play games because that is a no no. But sometimes you gotta save your crazy a$$ from yourself. Sometimes you gotta let that phone ring and ring. If anyone can get at you whenever, even if they love you, it is hard to respect you. Even children will take advantage of people if they make themselves too available. So even if you were alphabetizing your CD’s and DVD’s you to say, when asked, oh I was just out with my (girls/boys)
Side note: you also need to always talk as if there is a possibility that you will not be home later whenever they call. i dont care if you aint gotten a phone call from nobody but your mama in a month…you need to be like “Craig and them is tryna get me to go to this party so I might kick it with them.” (leave the possibility that you can be coaxed into hangin if they ackin ryt)
Hope this helps all you suckas, I mean NICE girls and boys
@Blacklaw,
i agree with this whooooooooooooleheartedly. it’s true that you shouldn’t play games, but you CANNOT be all answering on the first ring everytime and talking about, “whatever you liiiike….”
@Blacklaw,
“Sometimes you gotta let that phone ring and ring. If anyone can get at you whenever, even if they love you, it is hard to respect you. Even children will take advantage of people if they make themselves too available. So even if you were alphabetizing your CD’s and DVD’s you to say, when asked, oh I was just out with my (girls/boys)”
This is terrible advice, lol.
I agree with not being too available in the beginning. And even on not answering the phone. But why you gotta lie? If you were re-organizing your DVD collection, why not just say that? I’d respect someone who needed some ‘me’ time over someone who gives off the impression they stay in the streets any day.
@V.E.G.,
i feel you on this Veggie. i was thinking the same thing. you can do you without having to “tell stories”. cuz telling lies to make yourself seem so important that you’re often unavailable is playing games in my book.
@V.E.G., though i feel you in principle…
you don’t think “rearranging my DVD collection” doesn’t sound like “washing my hair” as the universal, “i’m busy and would rather not be bothered with you”?
i might be offended if somebody hit me with that…
@Panama Jackson,
lol, me too. the ambiguous “i was busy” or “running errands” works just fine
@The Champ and Panama Jackson, real talk though, if “i’d rather not be bothered with you” is how a chick generally feels about a dude (as opposed to just that night), f*ck all those lies, just put duke out of his misery so he can delete the number, put on his good clothes and hit the white people bar “in search of”….because the average dude really ain’t the super stalker you hear about on TV obsessed with one given woman, he’s tryna eliminate the riffraff that could give three sh*ts about him and find somebody he fo-sure knows is with it.
Sigh…
There is no such thing as a man or woman who is ‘too nice’.
Guys who say chicks don’t dig them b/c they are too nice are (much like chicks who say they can’t get dates b/c men are intimidated by them) not facing the harsh, cold facts: the people (this applies to women, too) you are after are either bored by your personality or simply not turned on by you.
If a person keeps running into that ‘you’re too nice’ bit they need to seriously re-evaluate their dating style. Yes: be more interesting, get a hobby. But start hanging out in different spots and start looking at a different ‘type’ of person to date. It’s clear your current ‘type’ isn’t feeling you.
@V.E.G.,
AMEN!!!
@V.E.G.,
i agree (mostly) with you on this. not only may a person be boring, uninteresting, lacking personality, they’re probably over compensating the “niceness” thinking that’ll get the person they’re after to like them. there’s nothing this alleged “nice” guy/girl can do FOR another person that will make them more attractive. i’ve run into this guy all too often. dudes offering to bend over backwards to do x, y, and z to wine and dine me, even when i’ve clearly expressed no interest, is not going to make them more attractive to me.
but honestly, i don’t think there’s much this person can do. if you’re boring, uninteresting, and lacking personality, it’s probably best you find some one similar who thinks the world of you as is and will appreciate all the things you lack. good luck.
@Gem of the Ocean, that’s why i play shuffleboard.
@Panama Jackson,
and this is why i knit.
@V.E.G.,
Agreed…
basically, you need to bring something to the table other than just being a nice person.
…to this too.
@V.E.G.,
YOU GOT TO BRING SOMETHING TO GET SOMETHING!!
*singing Black Joe Lewis & the Honeybears* I SAID GUNPOWDER BABY!!!
@V.E.G.,
nah, too nice is just that, too nice. Too willing to settle for the friend. So many people are afraid of rejection that they never even step up to the plate. Its like Panama said earlier, its not that nice guys finish last, but they just start late.
Now, if niceness is your only quality, then thats your problem. But I know lots of nice guys and gals who settled with being study partners with people or watching sports or even shopping. And whether the other person knew it or not, somebody’s gotta make a move if its ever gonna get started.
i make fun of myself all the time! i’m a riot! lol, i’m good on all except the last. i don’t do the competition thing. i know champ will respond on some variation of “deez” and “you compete every time you apply for a job, walk out of your apartment building for sidewalk space, for air”. spare me! lol, i am and have always been focused on being the best me, i’m confident that will land me my type of guy. i guess you could say i’m in competition with koala overit and go get em overit, they stay beefin.
@overit,
lol
@overit,
spare deez
@overit,
“i guess you could say i’m in competition with koala overit and go get em overit, they stay beefin.”
Just wanna note that it was dope how you decided to leave out “Over It” as competition because they’re…well…not. Team overit!
LMAO
@Cheekie,
SHOTS FIRED! lol.
That said, Amen. I don’t compete for a damn thing. We either fit or we dont.
@Me fail english?, thank you! that whole pitting women against women thing is a scheme anyway.
men, i’m not the one.
@Me fail english?,
everybody competes for everything, all of the time.
@The Champ,
wrong. Competition is a choice. And its a decision I’ve never cared to make.
@The Champ,
not in Romantic Comedies.
@Cheekie, LMAO!
who is Over It?
@overit,
There was a commenter that came here under than name a few days ago…I think it was Friday’s post? If not, Thursday’s. I know it was recent. We were trippin’ over the fact there was two overits.
@Cheekie, LOL…i know, remember i responded to them on some:…..
i was trying to reinforce the fact that i do not find competition in Over It.
i make fun of myself. but it works because i’m also a bit obsessed with myself (not in a bad way, but enough to make it obvious that i don’t hate me), so it balances itself out. and i don’t self deprecate in a way that exposes wack or personal things. for instance i might be like, “people ask me all the time if my b88bs/hair/teeth are real. i’m too poor to afford fake ones!”
@charli skipp,
and i don’t self deprecate in a way that exposes wack or personal things. for instance i might be like, “people ask me all the time if my b88bs/hair/teeth are real. i’m too poor to afford fake ones!
lol, so basically you’re just corny?
@The Champ,
yeah. and i talk too much. lol
…When a girl, possessed of good qualities and well-bred…, should wish to bring about her own marriage when she comes of age, such a girl should endeavor to gain over a strong and good looking young man… The girl herself should try to get alone with her beloved in some quiet place, and at odd times should give him flowers, betel nut, betel leaves and perfumes. She should also show her skill in the practice of the arts, in shampooing, in scratching and in pressing with the nails. She should also talk to him on the subjects he likes best, and discuss with him the ways and means of gaining over and winning the affections of a girl.
@wanjiru,
…yassss…..
@wanjiru,
what the….o_O
@Smiley Face,
I thought it was just me…. lol
@Smiley Face,
Yah… Weird thing happened when I was trying to paste this from the Kama Sutra, to illustrate just how similar the questions we ask ourselves today are identical to what was being asked many, many years ago…So this was part of an answer to how to make good girls like a man.
@wanjiru,
Ah…gotcha, lol
@wanjiru,
If I didn’t look at your moniker, I woulda thought this was written by WudaMan.
@Cheekie,
HEY that’s WuDaMan. Thank you very much.
@WuDaMan,
You’re welcome.
A lot of people think they’re nice because they’re pushovers. Wrong. I only take interest in nice guys but they’re nice guys that don’t take anyone’s ish. If you’re confident, relatively attractive, intelligent, with an overall good personality and a pleasant disposition I can’t see how you could finish last. You may not pull everyone you want, but it’s possible that the “goodness” in you is weeding out the wrong people without you even knowing it. Quality is far better than quality in my opinion.
@voiceofreason,
Quality is far better than quality in my opinion.
this is true, unless you’re talking about showers
@voiceofreason, the “nice guys finish last” thing probably applies more in the arena of guys who want to do basketball/cricket numbers and f*ck a mad lot of women as opposed to someone who wants to find the right person for a relationship.
@voiceofreason,
yeah, some people want to call themselves nice just cause they’re scared. I think I’m a nice guy, but I find fun in laughing at other people. Maybe thats not nice, but I can’t just let you do something stupid and not call you on it. Mamma didn’t raise me that way.
Yeah- do you! Champ is so right on this one. Sometimes we make things way too complicated for ourselves. YOU are the best judge of what YOU want- and all those pundits out there (does this include me as I give this opinion? Feh!), well meaning most times, sometimes not so much- what they are talking about what works for THEM, which is usually not even a remote facsimile of what YOU need. You know- yadda yadda yadda… this is what I did to get married (aka tips on how to win HER (wo)man over which is not a good thing), or yadda yadda yadda… this is what I would do to get a (wo)man from people without a (wo)man… pshaw! There is nothing mystical or mysterious about eventually (ha!) getting a person well suited to you- it happens all the time. For every hypochondriac, there’s a nurse, for every h0, there’s a Capt. Save a h0 and so on. And when it happens, it’s a beautiful thing as (wo)man was not meant to be alone. So enjoy the journey, smell the roses, blah blah blah and dance dammit!
@wanjiru,
Sometimes we make things way too complicated for ourselves.
i agree and sh*t
Nice girl? what’s that?
@miss t-lee, i think he’s talking about girls that don’t throat punch. go figure.
@Miss Patterson,
Hahah…I’ve never been accused of being nice…but that’s alright.
@Miss Patterson,
LOL. Now that was nice.
don’t lie about your past, especially if you and your boosk have people in common. they will google you and find out you blew the entire New York Jets for beating my team yesterday.
do have confidence, because as we ALL know NICE guys DO NOT finish the race. a lot of woman say they want nice guys, but then they choose the asso. so if history has taught us anything, its that Nino Brown got the babes and G-money got that glass…
*already been stated, but being too available is boring. situationships and relationships are power struggles. who ever likes who the least always has the power. with that said, as soon and i do mean as soon as you lay it all on the line, he/she will run like the hot dude babe Caster Semenya. people want what they think they can’t have. so ladies, a cheetah will chase you as long as you don’t get caught. smell me? as soon as you slow down, you’re ass (literally and figuratively) is his.
don’t let him know that your homegirl has random and casual sex with rappers. he will definitely judge ya’ll (in a southern drawl).
don’t be so honest. honestly will get you in trouble. be evasive. its mysterious. but if you’re too evasive that you can even tell someone your cell phone subscriber then you suck at life and will be single until jesus comes back.
@Islama-Loans,
this was interesting
Stop using it (too nice) as an excuse. Seek another type of person than the one you’ve been seeking. You can’t keep doing the same thing expecting different results. Let’s be honest…when someone says you’re too nice a lot of times they mean you are boring. No one is going to notice how great of a person you are if you’re steadily sitting in the corner all the time being predictable.
Stop being a yes person all time. If you don’t feel like doing xyz they say so or suggest something else. If this person knows you’re going to say yes, they’ll make you their last resort, their ace in the hole.
Be honest to yourself about what you’re looking for in a relationship.
@Smiley Face,
yes, be honest to yourself about what you want in a relationship. but also be honest to the person you’re trying to date!!
@Gem of the Ocean,
Yes ma’am!
@Smiley Face,
“Stop using it (too nice) as an excuse. Seek another type of person than the one you’ve been seeking.”
I think this is a very important point. By saying you’re “too nice” to get a man/woman, you’re saying you’re too “you” to get a man/woman. There’s someone for everyone
except Dick Cheney. There’s someone in this world who finds what you’re unecessarily insecure about appealing. You gotta have faith (no limp bizkit).The problem is corny people (men and women) refer to themselves as “nice” and attribute their lonliness and overall lameness to them being nice, instead of the truth, THEY ARE CORNBALLS.
No one wants to be with a cornball, no one wants to kiss a cornball, be seen in public with a cornball, or sleep with a cornball.
My advice is do better and stop making excuses. No need to be an a$$hole, I’m actually a very nice guy, and I have no problems attracting and keeping women.
Edit: Oh and another word people use for “nice” is that chick in the picture…um yeah
@Dorian G.,
ROFL!!! Every word of this comment is soooo true.
@Dorian G.,
I love this comment because it’s 100% true! But why does the girl in the pic have to be “nice” ? LOL! I think she’d be cute if she took of the headband and put on a little make up.
Then again, according to my friends I think most women are attractive even if it’s just b/c they have a good heart. What do I know?
@VOICEOVEReason,
LOL. as i see it, the girl in the pic is basically Michelle Obama* pre-presidential campaign.
*dont get me wrong, i love MO. but we all know she was a tad hard on the eyes before she stepped her wardrobe, hair, makeup game up.
@Dorian G.,
“The problem is corny people (men and women) refer to themselves as “nice” and attribute their lonliness and overall lameness to them being nice, instead of the truth, THEY ARE CORNBALLS.”
Yeah, unfortunately, this is the truth. But who’s gonna refer to themselves as a “cornball” when “nice” sounds nicer? lol
@Dorian G.,
I think the word to describe ol’ girl above is “homely”.
@Dorian G.,
LMAO. This is mad funny AND true. I too, am a nice person, who never runs into the issues these “nice” lames are having.
@Dorian G., Edit: Oh and another word people use for “nice” is that chick in the picture…um yeah
totally agree compadre.
@Dorian G.,
Edit: Oh and another word people use for “nice” is that chick in the picture…um yeah
lol, thats the thing. she’s not a terrible looking woman at all, but she gives off so much of a “nice” (read: “boring”) vibe that it completely desexualizes her and sh*t.
@Dorian G., you said what I wanted to say. nice people is just the PC term for cornballs.
Champie, you need to have a side-hustle as a professional blog post picture representation analyst (I couldn’t think of a better title) because you always pick the perfect pics for a post. That girl is the Webster’s Dictionary definition of “nice”. She has the nice smile right down to the nice polo sleeveless button-down shirt. Bravo.
@Cheekie,
Champie, you need to have a side-hustle as a professional blog post picture representation analyst
who says i don’t already? i’m mysterious and sh*t
@The Champ,
Mmmhmm…
“a white man’s chance of boning Khloe Kardashian” eh eh eh!
But for real, “nice guys” attributing their dating failures to their niceness typically means they’re just just not Type A guys trying to date girls who typically go for Type A guys. I don’t really see being “nice” as something that’s ever impeded women’s dating abilities. Being ugly, yes. Nice, not so much.
@Brandon St. Randy,
But for real, “nice guys” attributing their dating failures to their niceness typically means they’re just just not Type A guys trying to date girls who typically go for Type A guys
good point
do wipe your goggles
lets just say that for some people, the distance between who they usually pursue and who they actually might be compatible with is farther apart than seasons of curb your enthusiasm.
This is so true. I watch too many dudes dudes do this. One thing that I realize now that I am older is that the woman I want may not be the woman that works best for me. I’ve accepted that. Now there are limits to it but I still understand it. I got homeboys that constantly approach a Melyssa Ford type but make $11.00/hr, have no gear, didn’t go to college, and stay with moms. IDK why it’s hard for some people to play their position.
@Humble_One aka $5 Footlong,
“IDK why it’s hard for some people to play their position.”
lol, telling people that their level of attractiveness should dictate their behavior is a slippery slope, and i’m trying to stay dry today
this made much more sense in my head
@The Champ,
I stopped thinking that ppl should “play their position” according to attractiveness cuz most of the time I’ve been wrong. Ppl wind up pulling mates WAY better than I thought they were capable of. So who am I to give a (wrong) negative forecast?
@TheChamp Are you blog stalking me? Are you indirectly making fun of my niceness???*side eye*…lol. j/k
I could not agree more with your first ‘Do’……Post my last relationship, I’d say I could be voted America’s Most Angriest Woman. (I know the syntax is incorrect. Shoot me.) I was mean and green. But after a minute of being Omorosa and not having luck, I made a conscious effort to ‘be nice’. No turkey neck, no arguing, no objection with the guys I was dating. I was kinda the white woman inside a black woman’s body.
Since I was not having any lasting luck ‘being nice’, I had to reevaluate my dating image- again. I’ve since decided it’s best to just being me. My personality is handful-in a good way- I don’t need any extra flavor to it. lol. I’ve had MUCH better dating luck since. And little (baby) turkeyneck does these kneewgrows good sometimes. lol…..
I think some women go to either extreme (nice or hella mean) as defense mechanisms. Or they change personalities with each guy just to fit in. That is exhausting! The balance with being a ‘nice girl’ is not to be a doormat. Being nice is one thing but not having a back bone is another. Men respect backbones; and all things in moderation.
@Daydreamer,
Are you blog stalking me?
no
@The Champ,
Dang. I was blushing for no reason then. Sigh. :-/
@Daydreamer, the only possibly wack part of reevaluating is having to blow up your entire roster of prospects and start over clean sheet of paper style. This can take the average dude a while.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, It’s much easier for us blow you guys off. (I’m assuming you are a man.) And most times for me situation was never vested enough in for it to really matter so I cut my losses early.
I’ve never really ascribed myself the title of “nice guy”, but I’ve told that from numerous women. And nice folks finish last..lol..
As a recovering nice guy, my only piece of advice is to be upfront and f*ck what they think thereafter…this is the only way nice guys finish.
@CPT Callamity,
The great and wise Tupac once said “Its Just Me Against The World!”. I think those are words to remember.
There’s nothing wrong with being a nice guy. Hell, I’m a nice guy but I’m no sucka or clown or Capt. Save-a-Hoe. Just be yourself; be transparent and you’ll get far with the right people.
@kamala jones, cpt callamity, and deucebravado
since you all made basically the same comment, i’m curious: how do you each define “nice”, and what exactly does “finishing last” mean?
@The Champ,
I think a “nice guy” is just an overall pleasant guy. Cool, down-to-earth, respectful of himself and others, and self-confident. A guy that is consistent…if he starts out treating the woman nice that will continue. A “nice guy” is not a lackey or an ass-kisser. I really think that a lot of “nice guys” are really just smart guys in that they won’t put themselves in a position to show their “mean” side. Some “nice guys” have a real gangster side and when they get “gangsta” it usually ends up in the worst way. All these posing, fake “gangstas” make the real Gs look bad.
Nice guys finish last is not something I believe in. At least as far as Black guys are concerned. I can’t think of too many non-nice-Black guys that have gotten far in life. You won’t ever see a Black Dick Cheyney or a Black Richard Nixon. I truly believe that a “high-quality, mature woman” will always give a nice guy more leeway than a non-nice guy. I’ll say this, I grew up around some non-nice guys and they way their lives have shaped up (bad relationships with their spouses or ex-spouses and children not respecting them), it’s no doubt in my mind that nice guys finish first.
@Kamala Jones,
“I can’t think of too many non-nice-Black guys that have gotten far in life. You won’t ever see a Black Dick Cheyney or a Black Richard Nixon. ”
That’s actually a good point. lol
But, in relationships, they do tend to get pretty far. I mean, if you consider “further than first base” equals “going far”.
@Kamala Jones,
The description you provided is what I call a “good” guy. I know “nice” guys who are not “good” guys. They’re essentially corny guys who would dog women if they could, but they’re too lame to get anyone.
@VOICEOVEReason,
So, you believe that some nice guys are nice guys only because they can’t pull women? Nice guys by default? If so, that’s interesting.
@VOICEOVEReason,
I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. Its like that “nice” guy who had a crush on you back in the day. You never gave him the time of day cuz you thought he was such a lovable nerd…til you saw him on facebook and discovered he got to college and assumed a new player persona with all the women who didnt realize wut an effin cornball he is! haha.
@VOICEOVEReason,
But can’t “good guys” be same as the “nice guys” you’re describing. They’re only good to garner female affection. And lets not talk like “nice” people are the only lames out in the world.
@ The Champ
I was always under the impression that nice guys were guys that were “nice” or did “nice” things. But I think when it comes male/female relations that adjective is so loaded its damn near impossible that understand what jawns actually mean.
I think that nice guys(whether real or concieved) finish last, because in my experience the only jawns that considered me a “nice” guy were the ones that didn’t want to participate in naked wrestling.
@Kamala Jones, I agree 100%. Anyone who actually wants a *tichy woman or dick-head man has lots of issues. If a man or woman is not appreciated for being the good, stand up person they are, it’s probably not them who needs to change.
Who does not want someone to treat them as they deserve to be treated?- in most cases this is nice. Hell, its human-nature to be kind. Why not? The world is cruel enough.
Mama always said you catch more bees with honey than vinegar any day. [I replace bees with Men. lol]
Off-topic:
I see I missed out on a good Friday topic (was nowhere near a computer all day)….
And I finally caught frickin’ Color Purple last night. Doesn’t stick to my ribs like it was suggested it would. Maybe it’s that repeat viewing thing we all did when younger
or smoking weed, a stage I’m not in right now.@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
It’s definitely the repeat viewing that makes it classic. Also, you probably never TRULY seent it unless you saw it in a non-cable venue. Cable be cuttin’ ish off. I’m talking about BET and its 576,896 airings of the film.
The myth of nice guys finishing last was probably started by those people who are ready to what’s the phrase, look for cambodian milk? on or before the 2nd date….didn’t vsb have a post on this? But nice guys- the real nice guys are wonderful…once you have one, imo you wonder why you wasted so much time with bad boys. There really is nothing like a nice, honorable man. A nice, honorable black man? Trifecta right there…and they exist in abundance, and they make you belive there’s a wonderful God and she loves black women…(ok, mass is ended. Vaya con dios)
@wanjiru,
and thats anther problem. How do you stay a nice guy and break up with a girl who thinks the world of you, but you’re not really attracted to? I mean, I did this and suddenly the whole conversation of ‘closure’ came up. Thats why that conversation the other day was so eerie.
A nice black woman is not an oxymoron. I could show you on this networking website or if I had an address you could see first hand but yo black barbie doll meets sucralose.
Make a move.
100% of first dates that I’ve been on that did not involve me making a move on the first date, and by move, I mean kiss and by kiss, I mean that a kiss is the LEAST you should get, have resulted in virtually zero further engagements.
And 100% of first dates that I’ve been on where I made a move have led to more. I think the “nice guy” thing has tended to equal guys who “let” women make the first move in that arena. If that is how you define yourself, be prepared to finish last.
hmmmm…in college(bout 1998) i was told by a star football player that i was crushing that i was a “nice” girl, the type he could settle down with and marry and he wasn’t looking for that…skip ahead to present and about a week ago this dude who is handsome and i see on the “scene” giving me the “eye” approached got my number and called and said “i seemed like an agressive go-getter” uh, do what now? so did I change anything? uh no, just grew up and invested a third of my earnings in Mac make-up(flyest eye-shadows) so from “nice girl to aggressive go getter”..all it took was some fly azz eye shadow! and btw, wanjiru i’m a nurse and no hypochondriacs please!!!