***excerpt of a convo between the champ and one of his boys sometime last week*** 
the champs boy:“so, d, i wouldn’t be breaking any man laws if i banged eric’s little sister, right? i mean, sh-t, they don’t even really look that much alike, so theres a possibility they’re not even really true siblings!!!”
a mildly disinterested champ: “nah. go right ahead. eric’s grown, he should be cool with it. but, just in case he decides to whoop your ass, here’s my work number so you can reach me if you need a ride to UPMC shadyside“
so, later on in the week, this convo had me thinking…yeah, we all know that we shouldn’t actively try to sleep with the dead or amy winehouse anything that has its own separate food aisle at walmart, but how beneficial to culture would it be if people had a universally mental list of people too taboo to do?
along with providing the amazingly, stupendously sexy, one of our services here at verysmartbrothas.com is to make it a bit easier for everyone to navigate the unremitting morass of romantic interaction, and the easiest way to make things easier is to just eliminate certain options.
so, unless you plan on actually marrying them, heres a list of people you should probably try to avoid if you want to try to go throughout life without ever getting sued or shot at. these aren’t necessarily bad people…just people you shouldn’t actively try to sleep with if you want to maintain your (and everyone else’s) sanity
A direct superior at work. Your staff working directly underneath you at work. A sibling of a close friend. A close friend of a sibling. A mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, son, or daughter of anybody you know well. An ex of a close friend or family member. An unrequited long-time crush of a close friend or family member. A family member, unless you’re near the mason-dixon line or the Everglades. Anyone who has ever worked in your home. Step-cousins. An ex-spouse or ex-fiancée. Anyone willing to have sex with you in their parents or grandparents bed. A current student or teacher of yours. A former student or former teacher, if there’s more than 10 years separating you two. Anyone who’s more than double or less than half your age.
did i miss anyone?
—the champ
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{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s a pretty complete list. I’m going to have to spend time thinking about ones you missed. I mean other than the obvious:
jail-bait or anyone under the age of majority in their state (for the ppl here over the age of majority. . .keep in mind this also varies by sex), prostitutes – especially if you’ve made your career prosecuting them, others of the opposite sex – again, if your career has revolved around attacking homosexuals, crackheads or just about anyone who may end up robbing you after you fall asleep in post-coital bliss. . .
“anyone who may end up robbing you after you fall asleep in post-coital bliss”
i’m mad i didnt think of this one first
I am mad this has to be an issue
Why do I know people who have violated your list? This must be printed up and posted everywhere.
i’d actually prefer a chip implanted into everyones brain over a list. sure, it’s a bit “1984-ish” but it seems like it would be much more efficient
Yeah, little wallet size card. So we can pull out and refer to when we’re out and about.
you left out students currently enrolled in your class…let me clarify, College students, or college students that you directly supervise or advise.
Ana . . .you missed this:
“A current student or teacher of yours.”
LOL @ Anyone willing to have sex with you in their parents or grandparents bed…
That had me cracking up too! Folks tryin’ to convince me that the king size bed in the master suite is theirs…um. yes. I was born yesterday.
So Champ the co-worker who has a son older than me and is also older than my father is a no-no? Please advise!
……….
I know. I know. Because he’s a coworker he’s a no-no right?
Trust me, I wasn’t serious, but he was. And I was like dude, A)you are not a palm person and B)you aren’t extremely wealthy so…you don’t qualify for young and fresh no more. But thanks for dinner and the drinks!
Champ,
Would the co-worker’s son be off limits?
Personally, I’d stay away, but I don’t think its really taboo either
Good Look Deviant! But really, me myself personally would avoid having relations with anyone close to someone who I was close to or that i had to work with. I don’t like those pretending I didn’t see your or fake smile situation comedies.
My friend’s mom set him up with a co worker and it didn’t work to well. And so I wondered as I wandered if his mom was scowling at the girl everytime she passed her desk whispering that she wasn’t sh*t and that her son was too good for her anyway. I doubt that happened, but its seems like breaking these taboo relationships breeds mo drama to run to our mamas about. And who needs that?
Nah… I wasn’t asking for me. That was one of the people I thought should have been on the list.
Personally, I agree with the adage that you “don’t shit where you eat”.
Don’t forget to add:
1. Neighbors (your privacy will never be the same)
2. Roommates (that’s a HUGE no-no)
3. Friend of a friend’s boyfriend
“Friend of a friend’s boyfriend”
hmmm…i dont see the problem with this one. please expound
I see what INQUISITIVE is saying.
If you and another person, share a mutual friend, sleeping with their significant other may put your mutual friend in the middle of things when the shit hits the fan.
I don’t know about number three. It can be tricky, but if played well, a great situation.
#3 – is more like anyone who is NOT in an open relationship
Friend of a friend’s boyfriend…definitely a NO NO…I tried that once and it just didn’t work out. It made things awkward for everybody.
again though…i dont necessarily think this is bad, as long as you limit it to ONE friend
In other words don’t let it be a habit
There are some friends who are always trying to fix me up with somebody. Now that gets on my nerves. I’ve told them but they still try to do it.
*Porn stars
*Pedopliles
*People who you have serious suspicion about their sexual orientation (unless you’re into that)
*I totally agree with Inquisitive about the neighbors thing. That’s not a good look.
*Your Pastor (even if he/she’s single…it’s just not cool)
That’s all for now…good list though.
I second your Pastor and raise you the Choir Director/Praise Leader. I’ve seen this go very wrong.
I see your Choir director/Praise Leader and raise you with any Chu’ch Official.
Youth/Singles Ministers are notorious for shearing the flock.
the face the same dilemma that catholic priests must handle on a daily basis – all that young nubile and available flesh just absorbing up your every word, looking at you with those big eyes. . . and they expect you to NOT touch any of them or relieve yourself to THOUGHTs of them.
After some time, these people just break from all the pressure and before you know it, Deaconess Johnson or Mrs. Anderson are walking in on Bro. Jones or Father Mack in awkward positions with Sis. Carry or lil Bryan.
See…I completely forgot about the church angle. that’s actually a day’s worth of topics right there
I concur with this…
Youth/Single Ministers must have the most difficult postion in the church (outside of a single Pastor)when it comes to having multiple temptations being thrown at them.
I wonder if female Youth/Single leaders have the same issue…
i dont think you’d see that with female youth leaders, mainly because the intoxicating power/influence dynamic between male leaders and female followers doesn’t really translate the opposite way
True.
Especially in the church…
Strong women are present everywhere in the church except… the pulpit (with few exceptions). This also gives the male leadership roles such as Pastor and Deacon the ultimate status and hence the women who gets to be along side those men share in that status…
And beyond that…
Women want to be led by a strong man…
There I said it.
*Ducks and takes cover for the impending hail of rocks*
Beautiful, instant classic.
Monk,
Just when I thought the list was complete you added another good one –I say No when the man tells me he’s a preacher…especially when his previous conversation doesn’t let me immediately recognize he’s a man of God.
I have read and agree with the above entry!
I have certain “friends” that I would NEVER EVER introduce my sisters to….
co-sign. I actually try to keep them as far away from each other as possible
Well DAAAAAAAAYYYYUUUMM; who’s left? LOL!!! Actually; this makes a whooooooooole lotta sense!
lol…theres over 6 billion people in the world. following this list only eliminates less than one percent of one percent of them from you.
Can I add ANYONE who you were once involved with and the situation ended with tears, confusion and/or anger for one or both parties? It’s one thing if you want to try and work things out, but you cannot make a jump-off of one of these situations. Chances are, someone will get hurt.
I second that Sister Toldja!!!
lol…The Champ, I think you covered them all.
I disagree with your list. A lot of people tend to date ex’s of friends on a regular basis.
This all depends on your social circle.
just because it happens doesn’t mean that its supposed to. i honestly cant fathom any circumstance (short of “she’s my soulmate and we’ll be together forever”) where i’d see a chick my man used to be with.
Define “be with”
“be with” = “was in a serious relationship with”
These things happen. It really is a case by case basis.
We’re all grown here. Why wouldn’t you be able to “be with” a woman who’s been with one of your boys?
Now that’s something you can blog about. THE REASONS why you wouldn’t do it. And please don’t chalk it up to it just being nasty.
now, when i say “be with”, i’m not talking about someone my boy slept with once or twice…although i’d probably avoid them as well. i just think that there are enough avaliable women around that i dont have to actively pursue ones that my friends have been in relationships with.
plus, from an ego point of view, of course i know that any woman you meet after you turn 21 probably isn’t going to be a virgin, but it would take alot of me to get past the fact that my best friend had already done all the sexual things i’m doing (or wish to eventually do) with the woman i’m currently seeing
maybe it’s just me
Last thing you want to hear in an argument is “oh your boy hit that waay better than you ever did” or some other thing like that.
Then depending on how things ended between them, there would likely always be drama whenever the three of you were in the same place or you can’t hang with the both of the at the same time, or one of them telling you things you didn’t need to know about the other. . . the negatives are plentiful. .
“Last thing you want to hear in an argument is “oh your boy hit that waay better than you ever did” or some other thing like that.”
No one wants to hear stuff like that but that’s a direct reflection of the maturity level of the person you’re dealing with and what type of relationship you have with them.
“ANYONE WILLING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU IN THEIR PARENTS OR GRANDPARENTS BED. ”
Oops.
HAHAHA! Yeah, OOPS.
it’s less than half ur age + 7…
i’d also add
1. the ex lover of your nemesis
2. the pastor’s (or deacon’s) daughter (me)
3. your sibling’s friend’s father (so taboo – esp if he’s a hoe by nature…)
Yeah ummmm….number 1….why not???
Why is number 3 even a viable romantic interest?
Ew.
Your babysitter. Even given the case in which you have passed that age, you shouldn’t pursue someone who used to basically serve as your guardian when your parents were away. Just kinda creepy to me…
Are exes of a close friend’s sibling off limits?
What about parents of a student? Current or Past? Granted my studens are all college aged and some of my freshman students are old enough to be my children, so are their parents fair/foul play? What if I were a grade school, middle school, high school teacher? Are there any (non)acceptable variables?
Noooooooooooooooo!
Your weed man.
I disgaree with this:
“if there’s more than 10 years separating you two. Anyone who’s more than double or less than half your age.”
Have you ever heard of the half plus 7 rule? Basically some cultures believe that as long as the man/woman who is the oldest in the couple, is dating someone who is no younger than half their current age plus 7yrs, then it is culturally acceptable.
Example:
Man – 44yrs old
Woman – 29yrs old
44 divided by 2 = 22 + 7yrs = 29 yrs old!
He can date her! If she was 28 or 27 then… NO!
So that’s the rule. Google it!
This… is definitely personal for me!
*runs away before you ask “How Personal”*