panama and i are both aware that the url we chose, verysmartbrothas.com, is about as nuance-less as a typical tyler perry movie title. we chose it because we figured it would be easy to remember, and also because we’re, ummmm, two very smart-ass brothas. duh. thing is, despite the “brothas” part and the fact that the majority of our regulars are black, neither of us have written anything race-specific yet. sh*t, if you look at our entry topics, this site could have been created by worldlywittywhitemen.com and nothing would be any different.

this is not an accident. i don’t know about p, but for me personally, entries written from a “man who happens to be black” instead of from a “black man” allows for a bit more creative freedom and overall resonance. at the same time, i’m not so naive as to think that my experience as a black man hasn’t uniquely influenced my perception of everything i’ve seen and done, it’s just that i feel like i bring more to the proverbial table from the “man who happens to be black” angle

with that being said, i’m still not planning on writing any race-specific entries (ie “a smart brothas perspective on interracial dating“), plus, the people over at racialicious have probably covered it better than i would, but if i ever decided to put the “black mans hat” on and write a smart brothas perspective on interracial dating, i’d want to bring a couple new points to the table, points such as…

1. it seems as if black women occasionally forget one very important factor when thinking about black men: the fact that we’re, ummm, men, and, for the most part, we’re more loyal to the man part than to the black part.

***don’t believe me? okay, lets do a little exercise. imagine that there’s a gun to you head, and the only thing stopping the trigger from being pulled is a choice you’re told to make: you must either change your gender or your race. (ie, a black woman would have to choose between either becoming a white woman or a black man) without even reading the comments, i bet the majority of black women will keep their race, while most black men will choose to keep their gender. ***

this is paramount in the interracial dating discussion for one reason: men are generally less discerning when it comes to sexual partners than women are, and, since black men are men, physical attractiveness and availability typically trump racial loyalty. this is true for all men, regardless of race. i date black women exclusively because black women are the bangingest women and i’m surrounded by them, but not solely because of any perceived loyalty. sorry.

2. i’ve never bought the claim that white women are less sexually inhibited than other races of women (either i live in a vacuum, or the people who make these statements have just never met any of the women i’ve dated, lol). in my opinion, the basis of this myth all comes down to one factor: ubiquity. easily outnumbering every other demographic group in this country, caucasian women are literally everywhere. you can’t leave the house without tripping over a white woman. sh*t, i think theres one baking a cake in my kitchen right now, and this reality skewers sexual perception.

for instance, lets say theres 5000 incoming freshman at a university. of those 5000, roughly 22-2500 of them will typically be white women, as opposed to maybe 200 sistas. now, lets assume that roughly 10 percent of these incoming freshman women are super freak nasties, willing to do any and everything to any and everybody. this means that while maybe 20 to 25 of the sistas are freaking off every night, as many as 250 freshman white women are budding porn stars, a number which outnumbers the entire black female freshman population, a fact which can easily lead to all types of misconceptions. its not that all white woman are snizzles, its just that theres so many white women that the number of snizzles by themselves outnumbers pretty much everyone else

3. to all the sisters who are deeply ambivalent about stepping out and trying “something old”, its really not that serious. if you’re lucky you’ll be on earth for approximately 80 years, and I’d hate for you to spend a good portion of that time sacrificing your own happiness for some romanticized technicolor loyalty.

do. you.

and don’t worry, you can bring him to the vsb.com barbecue too. we’ll even make him a plate.

i could continue, but this “black man’s hat” is heavy as hell. no wonder i keep it in on the shelf.

—the champ

you know, its always good to have a few radical feminists (radfems) in your sphere of influence. they make great drinking buddies because they love to buy rounds, they always have many pairs of glasses with angular frames, they always seem to rock belt-less jeans with pockets full of trader joe’s coupons, and, after 13 a few jack and cokes, they’re usually pretty good in the sack. in fact, if i had to choose, my optimum 20 person crew would include at least two radical feminists of equal stature, just so that they could serve as go-to weekend human crutches (when you wrap each arm around a friend while leaving the bar and too drunk to walk)

a couple weeks ago, i went out for a drink with my lone remaining radfem buddy, who was mildly upset with her string of (her words) “wack-chunk relationships”. apparently, there’s been a distinct pattern with each of the last 5 or 6 guys she’s dated: initial red-hot intensity (read: “frequent and delirious sex”), followed by the men becoming aggressively nonchalant and losing interest…a literal beginning bang and ending whimper

now, although my radfem bubby is an, ummm, radfem, she possesses all the stereotypical characteristics men typically look for in women (read: she’s pretty banging. i’d even say she’s the best looking white woman i’ve ever been cool with. )…the last person you’d think would have men lose interest, and i was curious to figure out why this was happening.

this curiosity lasted for approximately two minutes, ending soon after i asked her one question:

“how do you typically meet guys?”

her response…

“you know me. if i see someone i like, i pounce”

…told me everything i needed to know.

this, the “aggressive nonchalance” is what typically eventually happens when women approach men, which is why i’ve always maintained that women should never do it.

now, admittedly, most guys would probably say that i’m nuts for saying this, that they wish more women approached instead of just standing patiently in the weeds with their thumbs up their finely coiffed asses, that theres no bigger ego boost than getting propositioned by an attractive and sober woman, and i understand that sentiment, because i feel the exact same way, lol.

thing is, from a relationship standpoint, a woman making the first move usurps one of a man’s most basic duties: to show a woman that he has enough balls to approach her. stripping us of that can give us the (usually true) idea that things will be excessively easy (pun intended and double entendre intended), and strips the women of one of natures inherent bitchassedness filters. the aggressive nonchalance typically occurs because he’s not really that interested…if he was he would have approached her

now, again, I’m not saying women don’t have a part in this. just as it’s our job to approach if we’re interested, its their job to make themselves somewhat approachable if they’re interested. smiling, eye contact, starting conversations, subtly making your relationship status clear, responsive body language fedexing thongs to his cubicle all of this is perfectly within a women’s wheelhouse. walking up to him and saying “hey, i’ve been noticing you for a while and i think you’re sexy. lemme have your number” is not

honestly, and i’m challenging the readers to prove me wrong, i’ve never actually seen it work. yeah, they may have dated a few times and exchanged some seminal fluid for a while, but i’ve never actually heard any first-hand testimony from a long-standing couple who initially met when the woman “bagged” him. not once. again, good people of vsb.com, i’m challenging someone to prove me wrong.

of course, i told my radfem friend all of this, and, of course, she didn’t listen to any of my advice. a few hours later, she actually approached a guy at the bar who she thought looked like a “hotter, younger, and straighter anderson cooper”.

moral of the story: i think i have an alcohol problem

—the champ