*taken from dictionary.com*

grown-up

1.    of, characteristic of, or intended for adults: grown-up movies; a grown-up discussion.
2.    having or showing maturity in outlook, attitude, or appearance: a grown-up attitude toward work.

ask 10 people and you’ll likely get 10 different definitions of this term. some will probably make it age-specific, while others might define it with harder to detect variables such as maturity and accomplishments. for me, grown-up is a state of mind, a general way of thinking that leans heavily on common sense, tactfulness, and practicality. thing is, the varied definitions of what makes a grown up a grown up make courting, dating, and relationships much more difficult than they already are.

in an attempt to somewhat subside this confusion, I’ve decided to help everybody out and name four simple behaviors that every grown-ass man and grown-ass woman should practice. (i could probably name forty-four, but our lovely managing editor takes a shot of jack every time i get too long-winded, and i’m trying to keep her on the wagon)

1. GROWN-ASS MEN…should never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever brag about their penis, bedroom manner, or sexual exploits. never. ever.

let the women you’ve been with in the past be your pipegame A&R’s and penis politicians. trust me, if you’re doing what youre supposed to be doing, they”ll gladly volunteer

2. GROWN-ASS WOMEN…should never allow themselves to be defined solely by their sexuality

basically, a grown-ass woman should know that a long sleeved dress shirt, jeans, and an appropriate heel on her worst day still owns three times as much potential sexiness than some jeans revealing three inches of butt cleavage, accompanied by a fishnet turtleneck with pink piranha nipple clamps. a grown-ass women should always know that their sexuality will always be the implied yet powerful elephant in the room, and knows she doesn’t need to acknowledge it by “yee-hawing” loudly and riding the elephant through the doorway like it’s Seattle Slew.

3. GROWN-ASS MEN…should never try to “out-sexy” a woman.

we’re all are ugly and awkward. we can never be as outwardly sexy as a woman is, so stop trying. the things that women do seem to find sexy in us aren’t going to come across in a picture of you donned in tight spandex, sticking your ass out and smiling “seductively” on a chopper.

if you’re still unsure about how you should look when taking a picture, use this as your own personal cheat-sheet..

yes

NO!!!!!

4. GROWN-ASS MEN AND GROWN-ASS WOMEN…should never repeatedly get fired from jobs

i’m not talking about company downsizing or basically getting yourself fired because you have a serious issue with your superiors’ shady activity, but grown-ass men and grown ass women should never repeatedly have their employment terminated because of incompetence or chronic lateness or screwing the janitor in the break room. i have a friend who’s not yet 30 years old, but has already been fired from jobs at least seven or eight times. the reasons have varied, but they all come down to the same basic point that she needs to grow the hell up. this may seem like an odd topic to bring up on a relationship blog, but if you can’t hold a job for longer than six months, there’s no way in hell that any serious adult romantic relationship you’re in is going to last.

anyway though, vsb, what other qualities/characteristics would you name? what makes a grown-ass up a grown-ass up, and what else shouldn’t a grown ass person ever do?

—the champ

***excerpt of a convo between the champ and one of his boys sometime last week***

the champs boy:“so, d, i wouldn’t be breaking any man laws if i banged eric’s little sister, right? i mean, sh-t, they don’t even really look that much alike, so theres a possibility they’re not even really true siblings!!!”

a mildly disinterested champ: “nah. go right ahead. eric’s grown, he should be cool with it. but, just in case he decides to whoop your ass, here’s my work number so you can reach me if you need a ride to UPMC shadyside“

so, later on in the week, this convo had me thinking…yeah, we all know that we shouldn’t actively try to sleep with the dead or amy winehouse anything that has its own separate food aisle at walmart, but how beneficial to culture would it be if people had a universally mental list of people too taboo to do?

along with providing the amazingly, stupendously sexy, one of our services here at verysmartbrothas.com is to make it a bit easier for everyone to navigate the unremitting morass of romantic interaction, and the easiest way to make things easier is to just eliminate certain options.

so, unless you plan on actually marrying them, heres a list of people you should probably try to avoid if you want to try to go throughout life without ever getting sued or shot at. these aren’t necessarily bad people…just people you shouldn’t actively try to sleep with if you want to maintain your (and everyone else’s) sanity

A direct superior at work. Your staff working directly underneath you at work. A sibling of a close friend. A close friend of a sibling. A mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, son, or daughter of anybody you know well. An ex of a close friend or family member. An unrequited long-time crush of a close friend or family member. A family member, unless you’re near the mason-dixon line or the Everglades. Anyone who has ever worked in your home. Step-cousins. An ex-spouse or ex-fiancée. Anyone willing to have sex with you in their parents or grandparents bed. A current student or teacher of yours. A former student or former teacher, if there’s more than 10 years separating you two. Anyone who’s more than double or less than half your age.

did i miss anyone?

—the champ