Yesterday, I said that any woman can be charmed. I fervently believe this to be true. Deep down, all women are romantics just waiting for some man to come in and sweep them off their feet with good conversation, romance, and some good wang. So despite the cold demeanor that many women possess, they’re all secretly hoping that even the 5’4” midget brotha with two gold and two silver teeth and wearing Fila’s will be the prince they read about when they heard about the first “tougher than Nigerian hair” weave goddess, Rapunzel.

But how is it possible that any woman can be charmed right out of her panties? I’m glad you asked. You see, we here at VSB.com are benevolent souls who’s sole goal in life is to help with the Cotton Removal Project people find love.

And for the record, this assumes you have the cajones to actually go talk to a chick. Also, let’s just assume we’re past the initial approach and trying to figure out how to get the young lady interested.

With that said, I present:

CHARMING HER SOCKS OFF: 5 WAYS TO CHARM A CHICK

1. Make her laugh. Despite the sheer no-brainer-ness of this it’s not easy to make a chick laugh. There are a few ways to do this. For some of you fellas, you can just whip out your Johnson. I’m sure that’s good for a laugh or two, but that’s not so much charming as it is sexual harassment. For most guys, being witty is key. Try to say something smart and funny. Try NOT to say something so STUPID that she’s laughing AT you and not with you because you tried to show you were smart. Basically, if you get into a conversation about grammar and the word homonym comes up, don’t say:
“Yeah, I really don’t get down with homonyms like that for real. I’m 100% percent straight, you know what I’m saying?”

2. Be vague and mysterious, but open and inviting…all at the same time. Tell her everything and nothing all at the same time. Women like to feel special and always want to feel like they’re getting more information out of you than other people have. In short, if she asks you a question just tell her that, “Look, it’s not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can’t talk about it and I can’t talk about why. However, I feel like I can open up to you.” See, say nothing and yet you’ve made yourself mysterious. Charmed.

3. Be artsy. I don’t quite get this one, but women love artsy cats. We can blame Love Jones for this one. But if you are talking to a chick and start alluding to how much you love jazz and art and how much music moves your soul, chances are you can see her naked. And hell, don’t actually KNOW what you’re talking about. You see, women like to believe in deep connections and passion. If you have passion and its palpable, well, you just might be able to get into a chick’s deep connection.

4. Basically stand out by being a little quirky. You’d think this would be a detriment, but the more memorable you are, the better chances you have of a chick catching some kind of instant attraction to you. Truthfully, there’s nothing more attractive to a chick than a dude who seems like he doesn’t give a shit what anybody thinks but will be sensitive to her needs. If you can show her this in the first meeting, you’ll see her naked before Shawty Lo can spell onomatopoeia.

And yes I spelled that right. Go ahead, you can look it up.

5. Don’t pay her any real attention but keep her attention. This is similar to standing out, but in this scenario, you’re actually playing her to the left but making sure she still knows you’re there. This is some shit an artsy, quirky, cat would do and he’d stand out. If you make other people laugh, she’ll bite hook, line, and sinker. And then she’s as good as got. Call her a fish, jack, cuz she’s caught up like Usher in the Pacific Ocean.

Of course, these are but a few general ways to charm a chick. Essentially, the key to charming a woman is to keep her attention. If you can keep her attention, she’ll somehow think that perhaps you will hold her attention for life, because women are optimistic and believers. And smilers.

Folks of VSB.com, what are some other ways to charm the sex socks out of a woman? Open up and give.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST

***as a service brought to you by verysmartbrothas.com, the brothas have decided to list their “unique” deal-breakers when it comes to the opposite sex, and would like for you all to do the same. note, these aren’t you garden variety “i can’t stand women with bad hygiene and goatees” types of pet-peeves that basically everyone shares, but quirky shit thats unique to you***

panama’s list

1. Women who only listen to one genre of music - If you’re entire catalog consists of “neo-soul”, Cash Money Records, or smooth jazz a la Kenny G, well you can count me out like New Edition. And while you’re counting, go on ahead and light yourself on fire.

2. To piggyback on the first one, women who only have 10 CD’s period - You clearly don’t care about music which means you have no soul. And if you have no soul that makes you Elvis. And I do not like Elvis. So….first, open up the medicine cabinet. Next, open the Ibuprofen. Then, OD on pills and finally, die smurf die.

3. Women who think fine reading includes Zane or Eric Jerome Dickey - Yeah, so…no.

4. For that matter, women who don’t own books - Unintentional ignorance is as much an STD as HIV. Much like that phat badunkudonk you’re carrying around, I’ll assume your lack of intellectual prowess came from your mama because daddy didn’t hit it right. Basically, I want nothing to do with you or your tainted ignorant smurfin’ gene pool.

5. Women who think Love Jones is the best Black movie ever - Mostly because it isn’t.

the champ’s list

1. smokers

(I tried dating a couple smokers before, but even going down on them has a bit of a cigarettey residue. it almost makes you wish that you were at a restaurant, so you could get a refund… )

“ummm, excuse me waiter, but I didn’t order this ashy-ass smoked saltfish. please send it back immediately”

2. women who don’t appreciate the value of a good comedy. i honestly feel that it’s a sign of a serious emotional defect if you ask someone to name their 15 favorite movies, and the list is comedy-less. for whatever reason, these types of women also usually have excessively hairy feet. i dont know what any of this means.

3. women who make annoying food choices (ie, eating pancakes without syrup)

4. women who (even in passing) mention an attraction to someone who I’ve deemed “unredeemable” in my head. (ie. jones, jim or owens, terrell)