***Administrative Note: Good people of VSB.com, over the next few weeks and months you may notice some new features and just-plain-ooohwee excitement. We’re bringing sexxy back…again. ***

What do Ralph Tresvant, Babyface, and Young Buck have in common?

Well that’s easy. They’re all sensitive men. Young Rizzo devoted an entire song to being a sensitive man. Hell, he even provided the best adlib pre-Jeezy when he uttered, “Aww shuga no no no” at the end of the song. It was a true moment of brilliance on the part of the former New Edition front man.

Take that Johnny Gill.

And Babyface? Well let’s just say that he’s been writing songs from the sensitive man’s standpoint since the beginning. “Two Occasions” definitely wasn’t about two chicks he she-boing-boing-boinged on a seedy Cincinnati street. Nope, it’s about love.

Young Buck? Well he just decided to cry on a conversation with 50 Cent. Sure he was “confrused” and a grown man cries on occasion. But only a sensitive man will cry on a phone call in which he’s trying not to get dismembered from a crappy rap group where a man named Tony Yayo is a prominent contributor. You see, sensitive men cry when they get confrused.

So what does this all have to the with the price of tea in China? Nothing actually. For one, I actually have no clue what the price of tea IS in China. Though I assume tea must be really cheap just like Jordans. I hear that if you go straight to the sweat shop you can get a pair of brand new Jordans for like $3.50 or something.

Anyway, sensitive men have been around for eons. They’re always out there pining away for some woman and wearing their emotions on their sleeves. They’ll cry for you.

Hmm…that might not be such a good example because if you’ll remember Jodeci would also “Cry For You”. And well, K-Ci would also get you some crack and beat you too. So perhaps crying for you isn’t really the sign of a sensitive man so much as it’s the sign of a man who might get you addicted to that coca-in-a.

This all makes me wonder though, how sensitive is it okay for a grown ass man to be? For instance, if I get all sentimental and teary-eyed at say, The Lion King, does that make me a b*tch? Or does that just make me a man who’s in touch with his feelings like Keith Sweat in the late 80’s early 90’s.

I’ve heard women say they want a sensitive man before. They want a man who can talk to them about their feelings and provide meaningful insight. They’d like a man who’s not afraid to open up and show that he has feelings and emotions. And ultimately that he will listen to any and everything…giiiiiirl.

But they also don’t want a man who wants to spend all of his time talking about his feelings. Sometimes he needs to just man the fuck up; ya know, be the strong silent type. Honestly, I feel that most “sensitive” men are only doing it to get the drawz. Granted, I know how to share my feelings when appropriate but I’m not really sure I even know HOW to tap into my sensitive side which of course presupposes that I EVEN HAVE ONE. I share my feelings because I have feelings about something, not because I’m a sensitive man. But then again, maybe I don’t even KNOW I’m a sensitive man.  And I don’t mean sensitive as a parallel to compassionate, I mean sensitive in terms of:

“girl, I can talk to Antoine about ANYTHING!”

I’m more interested in the other side of the coin…like when you hear:

“Yo ninja, why you being so DAMNED SENSITIVE!?”

So sensitive good people of VSB.com, my homies, just what is a sensitive man and at what point does a man step over the point of being sensitive to exhibiting true b*itchassness?

- VSB P AKA THE ARSONIST

If you’re a cat who’s girl has gotten on him about coming up short in the sack, fret no more. In fact, if you can give her at least 3 minutes of that good lovin’ then you’re giving her all she needs. According to CNN, the optimal amount of time for a sexual encounter-not including foreplay-lasts anywhere from 3 to 13 minutes.

Go on ahead and read the article. Quick now, I’ll wait.

*humming Keith Sweat’s “Make It Last Forever”*

Yes, you read that correctly.

Me love you long time like hell!

You know what that means right? If you’ve been doing-the-Draino for 15 minutes, well pimpin’, you’re definitely going out of your way. Hell, she should be making you steak sandwiches.

Speaking of steak, from here on out, every time I hit 14 minutes I’m going to start humming “Chariots of Fire” and then delve right into Kanye West’s “Champion”.

This also means that there are a lot of liars out their in the world. “Girl, I need a man who can go 8 hours…minimum!”

Virgin.

“I don’t even be gettin’ mines unless I stroke for like 2 hours…STRAIGHT.”

Yeah…okay, dude.

Which begs the question, if the optimal amount of time is so short, why in the hell do women have the audacity to be disappointed because dude only gave her 10 minutes of the long stroke? Technically, you should feel blessed that he decided to give you 7 more minutes than was required. In fact fellas, take further solace in the fact that you can pretty much put a smile on her face in 4 minutes and not really miss any of the game that just went into halftime. Shucks if you’re feeling froggy, you can give her the Colgate smile, take a shower, cook a meal, and STILL not really miss any action.

Now ladies I know what you’re thinking: there’s no way in hell you can get yours in 3-13 minutes. And to you I say…you’re a lie. Granted, 3 minutes would suck as a sexual encounter, however, I’ve known I’ve heard of women who’ve been able to get theirs well within that 13 minute period, sometimes more than once…leaving ME men, still trying to get my their jollies.

Bottom line here, dudes, don’t even worry about trying to show her that you can go all night. As long as you can do better than optimal (say 14 minutes of that good long strokin’), then she should shut the smurf up, have a Coke, then smile.

“don’t get mad ladies…I’m only being real…”

And for you anti-geniuses, optimal means most favorable.

The end.

-PANAMA