Very Smart Brothas » black people

Girl, Forget a Sponsor, Date A Handyman! He Got Talent!

Panama Jackson — Tue, 18 May 2010 04:00:42 +0000

These dollars can be yours if you cook and listen, honey.

One of my homeboys has a specific mantra when it comes to doling out relationship advice. Like to hear it? Here it goes:

Men should only pursue dimes; women should settle.

While I realize how ridiculous that sounds on paper, the fact is, that’s what 99 percent of all relationship books and funny looking talking heads are really saying beneath the 12-button suits, toothy grins and “I Know Obama” buttons. They tell women to keep their standards high…within reason. But you’d never tell a man that. And why should you? There’s no man “shortage”. There’s really no reason any man should be settling for anything less than what he wants. For every beautiful woman he comes across, there are at least five more equally beautiful women with as much, if not more, to offer.

Women are told to take men at face value and realize that a man is going to be a man and he’s going to keep you safe and blow your back out and make you feel like a whoa-man. And women pretty much should accept it. All the convos about men usually center around him being ready to commit and the process it takes him to get there. That’s a mighty disconnect. It states that women are ready to get married from birth and need to realize that men aren’t and should just support and accept a man as he is and love him for what he does bring to the table, not judge him for what he doesn’t. Between the justice system, the state of Arizona, and Black pride, Black men have it tough enough out here without having to prove to their women that they are worthy of time.

Th “media” has been on this like white on rice. Forget Teairra Mari and her “Sponsor” talk…she isn’t going to sell any records anyway. She needs to forget trying to find a man who takes care of her and find a man who will love her and listen to her talk about her hard days work of bringing home the bacon. At least that’s what CNN’s latest foray into the Black woman melodrama, “I Can’t Find A Man, Where Dey Be Hidin’ At Tyler Perry?” is telling them.

There is a saying that love conquers all, and for Watts that means Laurent Sagna’s salary and job status are inconsequential. She said she adores her 39-year-old blue-collar partner — who only completed high school — for the way he listens, for his affectionate hugs and musical talents. Watts ignored her mother’s concerns about his “financial prospects” when they married a few years ago.

“I’ve met and dated plenty of people with Ph.D.s, and it doesn’t mean they are smarter,” said Watts, who lives in North Carolina. “He might not have the degree, but he’s got a lot of talent.”

He’s got a lot of talent.

Guffaw.

Forgive my guffawedness, but that sounds like some rationalization to me. Besides, what the f*ck is talent anyway? Does he whittle? Is he a great whistler? Does that really make up for the $70,000 income gap. For the record, I think you should marry whoever the f*ck you want. If they’re broke and you love them. Great. If you admire, respect, and appreciate them, great. Do you. But don’t run no bullsh*t about talent to make yourself feel better. We all understand anyway. Us menfolks aren’t graduating from college or getting the good jobs and the ones that are have already hit it and quit it.

Real talk.

I wonder what kind of self-realization all the women in the CNN article had to come to in order to accept being the breadwinner in their households? And was it a power struggle because society tells us that men are the ones who make the money and support the house.

However, this article lets us know that, even if you can’t support the house, brotha…you can ALWAYS find a woman who will. So why settle for anything less. Even broke and uneducated brothas can hit the jackpot. Men should only date dimes; women should settle.

Ouch.

I bring it to you, good folks of VSB. Ladies, do you care if you make more money and have THAT much more education than your man? Or do you only care if he cares? And fellas (yeah!), could you live with being the one who doesn’t bring home the bacon (or turkey bacon for the non-pork eaters in the room) and had you by about three degrees?

How low could you go?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Wipe Your Feet On The Rug: Things That Are Just Disrespectful

Panama Jackson — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 04:00:51 +0000

While it’s common knowledge in the hood that disrespect will get you killed, us bougie ninjas don’t always get those memos. Somehow, upon reaching a certain degree’d status in life, many of the rules of common decency go out the window faster than Ron Browz channeling Donny Hathaway.

Ouch. No pun intended.

While privelege and education have a way of turning anybody into a total douche, the flagrance that occurs in places of common frequent is disturbing. I’ve seen more straight up disrespectful behavior inside people’s homes for house parties and visits. Look, there is just some sh*t you do not do inside other people’s homes. There just is…or isn’t. Whatever it is, just don’t do it. It ain’t Nike. It’s the opposite of Nike. Disrespectful behavior is Asics. Or Sauconys – a shoe that somehow had a small resurgence in like 1998 for no good reason other than that they were cheap. Like 2 dollar hoes.

Confused yet?

Good.

Back to disrespectful behavior and sh*t you just shouldn’t do when going inside somebody else’s home:

(By the way, this entry was inspired by Toya’s brother Walter on Tiny & Toya: We Got a Show and We Still Don’t Know Why)

1. Not speak to the owners of said house

If you walk in you speak to the owner. You do not wait until they speak to you. It’s just like AIM/Gchat decorum. If you log in, you speak first. It’s like you came into their house. It’s just disrespectful to not speak to somebody up in their house…or even acknowledge that you’re in their house. Walter, I’m looking at you. Or I would except you kind of scare me. Like, if I saw you in the street, I’d cross the street. I think it’s the teeth.

2. Not wipe your feet on the rug on the way in

To quote the great Big Gipp from the soothsayers Goodie Mob: “…that’s disrespect like coming in my house and not wiping yo’ feet on the rug…” You know why? Because maybe, you’re going to be the one who saves me. After all, you’re my wonderwall.

3. F*ck up the bathroom…and then trying to sneak back to the party…

…and then be an active participant in the “who f*cked up the bathroom?” quagmire. It’s just rude. I realize that a broken toilet on your squat is embarrasing and feels much like a breached contract. It’s simple. Use toilet. Flush toilet. Contract complete. So when there are problems it’s a quite vulnerable spot to be in. But (pun), you still did it. Fess up. Plus, when you’re gone for 25 minutes, everybody KNOWS you lit it up. Just light a match and pass the dutchie on the left hand side.

4. Bonin’ in the owners bed

I think lovin’ in anybody else’s bed is just nasty. Unless you’re in high school when it just seems exciting. At some point, you’re supposed to respect the 1000-thread count Polo Egyptian cotton sheets and just get it in on the floor if you absolutely MUST get it in. Plus, grown folks have expensive ass comforters and it isn’t like you’re carrying around a Tide stain remover pen or anything. And even if you do…ewwwwwwwww!

5. Smoking

All respectful people know that you smoke OUTSIDE. Only a true douche would roll it up, light it up, smoke it up, inhale AND exhale indoors in somebody else’s house. You got to be on some Grade-A douchery to do such a thing. Stop it.

BONUS:

6. Having suspect ass “dating experts” tell suspect ass single women why they can’t get a man

Steve Harvey, Hill Harper, and Jimi Izreal? Really? Sherri “my hips are too gone to box with God” and Jacque “How’d I End Up On this Panel” Reed? Overmarried, undermarried and overmarried? Oversingle and Ovaries on fire? Really Nightline? You gonna tell Black women they can’t find a man by having a bad comic, a gay dude, and a dude who’s shirt hates women chop it up with two women who can’t find a man for good reasons? That right there, ninja? That sh*t right there?

Is just disrespectful.

Anyway, those are just a few of the disrespectful things you can do in somebody else’s home. I know quite a few of you are some disrespectful mofos. Share the knowledge and pass the wealth. Or something.

F*ck it, pass the peas like they used to say.

Panama has spoken. You are better today.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Fear of Flying.

Panama Jackson — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 05:00:49 +0000

Being as it’s Black history month and seeing as how most of us probably forget that fact that half the time once we graduate from high school, I figured that perhaps I should devote a little time to “Black issues”.

What are “Black issues”? Good question. But they sure as hell aren’t Jet Magazine.

Rimshot.

I’ve spent a lot of time recently – both because of the FAMU forum and because I try to spend at least twelve minutes of everyday on substantial thought – trying to determine what I think some of our biggest “problems” are. Now, this presupposes that we have problems but I’m fairly sure that we can all agree that as a community, we have a long way to go, Obama or not.

Can I get an Amen?

Yay-men.

I’m not afraid of failure. Strange as that may sound, if I fail that means I gave something a shot and sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. I tried to be sexxy. And I won. I tried to become the next Jay-Z. I failed. It’s all part of the game. But at least I played.

What does scare me to death is mediocrity. I’m deathly afraid of being just another mediocre person of little consequence to anybody but those who know me. I’m afraid of becoming like the people I see on the train going to and from work looking like their just passing time while they wait to meet Hayseuss. Amen.

I’m afraid of just doing what everybody else does to just “make it”. I’m afraid of being $20 away from being on the street. Hell, I’m afraid that if I decided to never blog again tomorrow, nobody would care and I’d fade into the obscurity that so many of us accept.

Telling you my biggest fear was a roundabout way of telling you what I view as a large problem for the Black community: complacency. Ever since we started following white people into the suburbs and getting the types of jobs we once considered out of our reach, we stopped pushing. We made it. The only problem is our version of making it was somebody else’s version where we were placated with better housing and more quality education opportunities.

The middle.

It’s not a monetary thing, it’s a mentality thing. Mentally, the boat stopped being rocked because we reached more placid waters and got complacent and comfortable. And that would be great except the ideology exists across the financial spectrum. The people with no money sometimes just accept circumstances that they were unfairly handed as their lot in life and don’t aspire to greater. Mediocrity is the goal, not a motivator. We haven’t taught enough of our community to continue to strive for greatness. Some of us just have that innately and want to do mo’ better. Or better stated, refuse to believe that wherever they’ve gotten is where they’re supposed to end up.

But hell, where is there, anyway? That’s part of the problem. We don’t even know what to want for anymore so we find jobs we like and people we can tolerate and turn 50 and wonder what happened to the time and what we’ve contributed to society.

That scares me to death. What’s the point of living if nobody realizes that you’re alive?

It doesn’t require you to be Nathaniel Drew, EE Just or Harriet Tubman, but it does require you to realize that you have to keep on pushing towards somewhere.

People get ready, there’s a train coming. Word to Araminta.

Just get on board.

So my debaters and debatresses of VSB, are we too complacent with our current situation as a community? If so or if not, what does it all mean anyway?

Is we gon’ die?

Talk to me, Petey.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

What’s In A Name?

Panama Jackson — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 05:00:15 +0000

I rarely rarely ever agree with any Michael McWhorter says, but even a broke clock is right twice a day. Or so the saying goes. So when I was forwarded these excerpts from a post written by Mr. McWhorter on The New Republic Blogs, I was very ready to disagree and burn in effigy the font he used to write such malarkey. The thing is, in some ways I agree with his general premise.

Oh yeah, I forgot, here’s the premise (I know you all don’t like reading two posts in order to read one so here are the pertinent parts):

The figures from the American Community Survey just in are more than crunched numbers. They suggest that this might be a good year for a certain term now familiar in American parlance to be, if not consigned to history, reassigned.

Namely, as of now, almost 1 in 10 black people are foreign-born. About 1 in 30 are from Africa. Which means that they are–you see where I’m going–African American in the true sense. Certainly a truer sense–true as in making sense–than Tracy Morgan, Donna Brazile, Jesse Jackson, or Mo’Nique.

Interesting assertion, though quite frankly, anybody who wants to draft Mo’Nique in the next race draft is more than welcome as far as I’m concerned.

Continuing.

It’d be one thing if it were a hundred years ago and lots of black people still had parents who had been born into slavery and grandparents who actually “spoke African,” as it was sometimes put. But this is a very different time.

A possible objection, I imagine, is that native-born blacks are African in a “different” way than actual African immigrants–but this would be a feint rather than an argument: clearly, the proper formulation, if we are to put it on the table, is that native-born blacks are African to a much lesser extent than African immigrants. In truth, a black man from Jacksonville has more in common with a white one from Tucson than he does with a man three years out of Senegal.

And I would argue that native-born blacks are so vastly less “African” than actual Africans that calling ourselves “African American” is not only illogical but almost disrespectful to African immigrants. Here are people who were born in Africa, speak African languages, eat African food, dance in African ways, remember African stories, and will spiritually always be a part of Africa–and we stand up and insist that we, too, are “African” because Jesse Jackson said so?

It’s an interesting question, no? There is some truth there. While many of us refer to ourselves as African-American, the fact is, most of us are no more African at this point than that “Irish” kid in Boston who’s parents came over on some random ship in the 1700s. Sure we’re all of descent, but given that there really ARE actual African-Americans (children of first generation African immigrants born here) who seemingly still readily identify as African, how African American am I?

Truth be told, I pretty much just call myself Black anyway and I think I’ve heard more white people say African-American than I’ve heard Black folks say it. But it is a word that is commonly donned upon our community without much objection.

Consider this: a white man from down South and a Black man from down South more than likely share a lot of the same customs, eating habits, and religious practices. The only thing separating most of us is social justice and race. But American? Sure, we’re all as American as it gets. One of my best friends went to Kenya when we were in college and upon his return he said he’s no longer considering himself an African-American, just an American, because he couldn’t be more different than the folks he met in Kenya. While I found that synopsis a bit shortsighted at the time, I do understand what he meant.

I have African friends who’ve alluded to being fearful of American Blacks (we’ve talked about this before on VSB).

Of course, it’s not really Black folks holding onto the African-American thing as handily as it is white people making sure to let us know that we’re not “American” American so perhaps McWhorter’s words are directed at the wrong audience.

But I ask you, thinking people of VSB, does it still make sense for American-born Black folks to be considering themselves as African-Americans?

Hell, does it even matter?

What say you?

P has spoken.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3 (PENDING 4)

10 Biggest Stories of the Decade In The Black Community.

Panama Jackson — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 05:00:52 +0000

It’s been one hell of a decade, hasn’t it? There’s been all kinds of random happenings. And since the Black community is usually prone to being apart of some of the f*ckery that happens over the course of history (OJ, anyone?), I figured that we, here at VSB, might as well get to getting like everybody else and coming up with some kind of list about this past decade. And what better topic of discussion than some of the biggest stories of the decade in the Black community.

Some will be obvious. Some will be curious.

But Panama Jackson will be sexxy. The decade has taught us so.

Allons-y.

10. Tiger Woods becomes a Black man

While Tiger might be the biggest sports story (and possibly one of the biggest general stories of the decade) in the Black community, ole Eldrick’s Black card has been pulled a long time ago. In fact, the last time I think he referred to himself as Black, the Wu-Tang Clan started an investment firm and I’m sure Mos Def was prominently involved. Either way, Tiger learned what happens when you go poking blondes all willy nilly…you lose sponsorhip deals. But hey, Kobe got his back (and called himself the Black Mamba) so the future looks bright for Tiger, though I suggest he begin calling himself Tigga. That way he can start rapping with Jay as Jigga and Dat Ni**a Tigga. There’s lots of potential here.

9. The rebirth of Ike

Apparently Chris Brown’s PR people forgot to tell him that you can’t hit girls past age 7. Well, in February 2009, young Breezy put a hurtin’ on Rihanna and became the story heard ’round the world. Domestic violence is nothing to joke with, so I won’t joke about it. However, keeping Chris Brown, the MJ-heir apparent, from performing at an MJ tribute during the BET awards just seemed egregious.

8. Man’s favorite pasttime gets the “Super” treatment

An odd choice, no doubt. But when you realize how many celebrities bucked the f*ck up once Karrinne Steffans became a household name in 2005, it becomes obvious that very few other people were as significant this decade. Hell, last time this many celebrities read a book, a guy named McCarthy was running amok. And then her subsequent book? That book put every male celebrity on full blast AND inspired an entire nation of video hoes vixens to learn how to read so that they could write their own terrible “memoirs.” Take that Reading Rainbow.

7. Beyonce pisses off lots of women

She went from being the lead singer of a too-young jailbait group out of Houston in 1997 to the most famous pop-star in the world in 2009. That’s no easy feat, especially considering she spent the entire decade being pelted with haterade by women near and far even though every hater has her albums and loves “Single Ladies”. Her accomplishments this decade are nearly unparalleled.

6. “WHY WON’T YOU LET ME BE GREAT???”

Beyonce would be unparalleled, except Kanye West entered the scene circa 2003 with his recently dubbed album of the decade with The College Dropout, and then managed to make himself into the most important figure in Black music today. You read that right and I did not stutter. Hate him or love him, Kanye will always be around because he cares about the music. He’s pretty much the Stevie Wonder of our generation. Plus the whole skinny jeans things has really taken off.

5. Author JL King ruins boys night out

In 2004, author JL King adorned Oprah’s couch and f*cked up dating ever since. He inadvertently convinced women around the nation, especially Black women, that every man was potentially trying to f*ck his homeboys. Almost overnight, the term DL became apart of the Black lexicon.

4. Rosa Parks finally stops suing Outkast passes

One of the icons of the Civil Rights movements, Rosa Parks passed away in 2005. She was one of the few non-Presidents laid-in-state in the US Capitol building in Washington, DC. She was so important to the fabric of this nation that every major media outlet showed coverage of her funeral and procession…except BET who thought their audience would be better served by showing videos since folks could catch the funeral on CNN or some sh*t (btw, I can’t find a single article about this now, back in 2005, BET had a press release explaining why they didn’t show the funeral).

3. Botched engineering and a Hurricane with a Black name give Spike Lee inspiration

Hurricane Katrina needs no explanation. August 2005 is when most of us realized just how little many Black lives are. On the bright side, Spike directed one helluva documentary though.

2. Michael Jackson goes to Neverland

I’m really only putting this at 2 to show deference to the historical context of the obvious number 1, but really, globally, more people were touched by MJ’s death than Obama’s presidency. Hell, I still miss Michael Jackson.

1. Barack Obama ruins “the excuse”

Well, duh.

Did I miss any??

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Cage That Tiger, Tiger.

Panama Jackson — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 05:00:17 +0000

If you’re anything like me, you’re amazed that this Tiger Woods story still has legs. I figured it it would be over and done with before we hit December but nope. Apparently Tiger has more hoez than Vegas.

As of today, there are AT LEAST 10 women who’ve come forward as Tiger’s concubines. We’ve got cocktail waitresses, Hooters girls, a porn star.

Not to mention he was running raw in at least two of them AND sending nasty text messages. Tiger is a perv.

Quite honeslty, I didn’t think he had it in him. I’ve often views Tiger as that uber-goofy doofball who you’d point and laugh at who managed to make a billion dollars just so he could swallow his opponents and all that stuff. Now I think a lot of news sources and blogs are erroneously taking a race angle with the media coverage of his myriad cockups. I mean, its Tiger Woods and short of Afghanistan and health care reform (two constant and never-ending problems) news is really slow lately. Plus, most folks are probably like me and can’t believe that Tiger is a ho.

So I don’t think race is a factor in the coverage. However, far be it from me to think about the racial angle in this whole thing.

NOT ONE BLACK CHICK, TIGER????

I know that’s an odd angle to take with this, but really, it lends me to believe that he really doesn’t f*ck with Black people at all. Odd considering how Black people take every opportunity to claim him as a Black dude even if he doesn’t know it. See, what we do know is that Tiger loves him some new p*ssy. He loves it so much that he clearly can’t say no. Hell, in my office pool, I’ve got him with at least 5 more chicks who haven’t come forward. I almost think that his wife knows this but her whole thing was keeping it on the low. Don’t let it go public or I’m out and you’re gonna owe me LOOOOOOOOOONG dough.

And so it was.

No wonder Buick dropped him. They probably couldn’t afford to keep paying Tiger’s pals.

But back to the Black thing. I have this odd theory that if you don’t appreciate Black women, you just cannot appreciate Black people. I know it’s weird, but even my own mother is white and she raised me, largely by herself, for the first six years of my life in some of the whitest parts of the country. Yet today, you can’t tell me Black women aren’t the most beautiful, wonderful beings on the planet.

I understand people have preferences and its likely that Black women aren’t even paying attention to Tiger (that wouldn’t surprise me, I’ve yet to meet a Black woman who ever thought Tiger was hot), but still, it seems odd to me that with all the thick thighs and banging Serena style bodies running the globe, he’d always choose a white woman. That just seems odd to me since if you’re gong to cheat you MIGHT AS WELL cheat on something thats gonna provide a fantasy or something at some point. He basically kept banging his wife with wigs on.

I know Oprah was at his wedding, hell that might be the only Black woman he even deals with. But who would hit that?

I suppose what I find most interesting harkens back to this problem we have in the Black community of supporting our own even thru foolishness (see Kelly, Robert Sylvester or Simpson, Orenthal James). We find a way to support people thru some of the most ridiculous of circumstances even if we know they did wrong because they belong to us. Perhaps its one of those situations where nobody will beat our kids but us. But what the hell do you do when you’ve supported somebody for so long who’s made it clear that they really don’t want no parts of you?

While I think that Tiger just likes white p*ssy, I think that it goes deeper than that. Perhaps its because his daddy is Black and he didn’t have a Grandma Nana to show him positive Black women. I don’t know.

I’ll throw it to you all, do you think there’s a deeper issue that’s materializing with all the women that are showing up? Does Tiger really just prefer white women?

Does Tiger really think that he ain’t Black which is why all his womens aren’t either??

Did you even think Tiger had it in him??

Rumble.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

BTW, I’m fully aware that its a good thing that no Black women got caught up in this non-sense (thus far), but I still think its odd. Everybody knows that if you start plucking everything in sight you start to experiment with different flavors. Except Tiger, he’s all white wine.

The R. Kelly Impact on Black Music and You

Panama Jackson — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 05:00:00 +0000

We all know that Robert Sylvester Kelly is a pervert of immense proportions. Which is interesting, because lost in that perversion is his possibly permanent impact on Black music.

I was listening to his latest album “Untitled” this past weekend and like usual, it’s full of good music and totally retarded Captain Obvious-style songs. Either R. Kelly doesn’t think much of people anymore or he’s just screwing with everybody. And truthfully, I think it’s a bit of both. My guess is that every time he releases a project, his entire goal is to see just how ridiculous he can get and still sell albums.

How else do you get songs titled, “Pregnant”, “Bangin’ The Headboard”, “Be My #2″, and “Text Me”. It’s like he’s not even trying anymore. Frankly, it’s kind of offensive but then again, some silly trollop out there thinks its genius so who am I to judge? He’s making millions while I’m writing this post at 1056pm on a Sunday night.

I suppose I lose.

But one thing that stood out to me while I was listening was just how many songs sounded identical to songs that The-Dream has either created, is currently creating, or has written. Hell, this whole album sounds like a Dream album, ironic considering how The-Dream songs all sound like R. Kelly songs. It’s like the most confusing simplicity ever. Except The-Dream only gets writing credits on one song which leads me to believe that R. Kelly has done it all himself.

Which means that perhaps R. Kelly decided to big league The-Dream and remind him where the style came from. Which is sad and slightly impressive at the same time. As you can see, R brings out lots of conflicting emotions. And also beckons to a larger point…

…R. Kelly is pretty much responsible for all the “R&B” music we here today. Think about the straight forward nature of all the music. There’s no nuance anymore, there’s no innuendo. For instance, Trey Songz, “I Invented Sex”. The song is some straight up take you home and bone music. There’s no romance in it. There’s no appreciation for the woman, it’s just f*cking. That’s the whole point.

Credit: R. Kelly

When 12 Play hit, it was monumental. It was so different from the deferential, begging man songs of the Keith Sweats and Babyfaces. In fact, the only other group to really come at the genre from an edgy angle was Jodeci, but even they still attempted to woo the women with romance. But R let us know that there wasn’t anything wrong with a little Bump ‘N Grind. In fact, aside from “Sadie”, 12 Play was pretty much f*cking music, thru and thru. Then he took that strange left turn where he started having conversations in his music, not really singing lyrics. Then Mr. Big and him were acting out plays in song and next thing you know he starts feeling on booties and asking for a beep beep.

Then the yodeling.

Now, amidst some of his stranger antics were still prized gems, but they were fewer and further between. Now he’s just like to hell with it all together. It’s all pop culture references and songs that won’t be relevant 20 years from now, unlike 12 Play.

He sounds like a follower in the genre’s he created. Every song nowadays sounds like a sung conversation with no real attempts at romance. It’s all straight to the hotel, because really, you’re not gonna be my main lady anyway. Which is sad, because if you think about it that’s how a lot of men think nowadays anyway. There’s no romance, just room service for a lot of women who seem to have accepted it. All the songs these R&B thugs have been singing (a friend of mine called them rappers that sing) allude to treating women like something you do then toss and since most of us men hear these songs we realize that if women like it like that, why go all out and try to treat her like a lady.

R. Kelly created the R&B of today, and perhaps unintentionally, killed romance in Black America.

So I guess the main bullet point is this, the next time you go out and some man just wants to hit..

…blame R. Kelly.

Am I giving R. Kelly too much credit? Is Black romance dead, like Nas said of hip-hop?? If so, what killed it?

J.R.???? <——Old head reference and joke.

What happened to Black love and the R&B song?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

When Keeping It Rap Goes Wrong: Bangs

Panama Jackson — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:00:43 +0000

I was reading XXLmag.com yesterday, and the homey Byron Crawford wrote a post about Bangs ascendence into national prominence and it reminded me that a few weeks back, I had FULLY intended to write about “itz ya boy Bangs.”

But first, an intro (to let you know) so that we can all be on the same page here. VSB, meet Bangs and his “hit” single, “Take U 2 Da Movies”:

You’re welcome.

A quick bio on Bangs. He’s a Melbourne-based, Sudanese rapper who quite frankly SUCKS, but has somehow gone viral with his ridiculousness. He’s been on radio shows, and hell, a few weeks back, in Washington, DC, his song “Take U 2 Da Movies” was played on Hot 99.5, which is the big pop station here in DC.

Now back to the lecture at hand. Just to be upfront, I’m usually the first one in line to scream that you cannot blame hip-hop for society’s ills. You just can’t. It’s probably closer to a chicken vs. egg thing, but the fact is, life was f*cked up for a lot of people when Smokey Robinson was singing about “Crusin’” and will continue long after Souljaboy Tell’em’s career (yikes, he actually has one of those) subsides. But only an ignoramus would attempt to downplay its cultural impact. While I’m often willing to argue that its just art, I can’t deny that a lot of people take this “rap sh*t” serious, especially people from other places and think that all of us ninjas really do look and act like the folks they see in videos. For a lot of people, it’s their only real connection to American Black people.

Quick story: When I was in undergrad, me and my boy went out to eat with one our FOB African homegirls. We started talking about how she liked America, and asked her what her impressions were like before she got to Atlanta. She said that she pretty much thought we were all on some Menace II Society malarkey because at home (I think she’s Nigerian) at the time that was what she’d been exposed to. Mostly the LA gangster genre of Black movies.

By the way, I realize that’s not how every non-American views us, but I’m guessing its not so far fetched that quite a few do. See what happens when you take people to da movies (shawty)?

Back to 2009 and Bangs. Bangs is what I always thought would happen if certain folks got ahold of rap music. And by certain folks I mean, pretty much non-Black Americans. Bangs has managed to take pretty much EVERY aspect of hip-hop that most of us reading ninjas wish wasn’t so omnipresent and run with it. Hell, for him, it’s probably just his assumption of what he’d need to do in order to make it in the music business. His album titles read like a horrible No Limit album from the late 90s. He’s got the chains, the cars, the stack of money, the synth-based production…basically EVERYthing that he thinks you need because that’s what he sees. Now, let me not take too much credit for him, he PROBABLY thinks this shit sounds and looks good, but in the words of my homey builtfromwax, “I couldn’t come up with that flow on my best day.”

Bangs is a truly terrible rapper. There’s no denying that, but it almost isn’t even his fault. Okay, that’s not true. He’s mastered the English language about as well as the cashier lady at El Pollo Campero on University Boulevard in Langley Park, Maryland (I see you Maria – thanks for whatever the f*ck you put in my bag. My order was just a suggestion anyway). But he’s also a symptom of the problem we have here, does anybody make real sh*t anymore? He’s just like 90 percent of confused rappers out now.

Now don’t get it twisted, I’m highly amused by him. He might have the worst flow I’ve heard since Overit started rapping (shots fired), but his song is actually catchy as hell. I want to go to the movies right now and get some popcorn. Shucks, dudes making the rounds and become quite the famous guy. But I wonder if he gets that most people are laughing at him, not with him. I don’t know.

But what I do know?

He’s more popular than Walé. 28K.

(And by the way, it doesn’t matter if you only ship 30K to stores if 64% of your sales were digital anyway. You didn’t sell 28K out of 30K physical copies. You sold 28K because frankly, you were going to sell 28K.)

So what do you all think, is Bangs just more fun and games or is he our worst fears confirmed about hip-hop and its reach?

And once again, you’re welcome.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Necessary Evils.

Panama Jackson — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 05:00:13 +0000

One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in life is Vampire in Brooklyn. It’s one of Eddie Murphy’s dark hours, up there with The Golden Child (which I actually like but is truly terrible) and Pluto Nash on the Asstastic-o-meter. But it was OnDemand and I was bored on Tuesday night so I watched it anyway. It didn’t take long to remember why it sucked, but then my favorite scene came on.

It’s the scene where Maximilian the Caribbean vampire takes over the form of the Reverend Pauly and goes on a rant about evil being good – and more specifically, necessary evil. See he contends that without evil, there is no good, therefore, evil is necessary. To wit:

“Deacon was out on Bushwick last night with a $2 ho. But he had a good time with that $2 ho.

Evil is good. And azz is good. And if you get you a piece of evil azz, WOOO.”

Beautiful music when champagne flutes clink.

*clink*

Anyway, that scene got me to thinking about necessary evils. And not just $2 hoez either. While those are definitely necessary (and evil) – face it, everybody can’t afford to pay $500 a pop, no pun intended, in these times of economic depression – I just can’t rightfully make a legitimate case for a $2 ho to be something worthy of writing about. You know, aside from the words I’ve already written. Video hoez on the other hand.

I seem to have lost my point.

Ah yes, necessary evils. What makes a necessary evil? To me, it’s one of those things that you wish you didn’t have to deal with, but in reality, you really do need it. I see you looking and asking yourself, what is Panama talking about?

Glad you asked.

1) Tyler Perry

As much as we hate him (though he also has as many people that love him, no real middle ground here), he’s made all of his own movies on his own without the help from any major studios or anything. Which is blatantly obvious by the lack of acting talent most actors display in his movies. I mean, hell, he’s managed to turn decent actors, like Derek Luke, into terrible actors in movies where the plot diverges and reconnects in more retarded ways than a school full of monkeys playing Scrabble with $2 hoez named Sylvia. But alas, if he wasn’t making movies, the only Black movies we’d get per year would be documentaries called Black in America with an ambiguous chick named Soledad who got excited by some sh*t she found on ancestry.com. Yes, Black America, we need Tyler Perry.

By the way, has there ever been a more polarizing individual than Tyler Perry?

2) Condoms

They evil because they take away the feeling. But they’re necessary because I mean really with all of the STDs and genetically questionable children running around, a little prevention can go a long way. Just put it in the bag. No Drake.

3) 50 Cent

King of the Evil Empire, he’s actually the only interesting thing going in hip-hop this side of Lil Wayne and his new game show, “Guess My Next Baby Mama”. And by hip-hop, I mean the culture, not his music. But I’ll listen to a 50 Cent interview all day long pal. It’s bound to be entertaining, informational, and he just might be the funniest rapper ever. Without him, we’re stuck listening to people like Lil Wayne, Jay-Z, and T.I. all day. While Lil Wayne is fun, I’m not completely sure HE knows what he’s saying. And Jay is just boring to me now. He’s like A-Rod. All feels rehearsed and sh*t.

4) Apple, Inc.

I’m convinced that Steve Jobs is the king of the Evil Empire but you know what? I just can’t live without my radio iPod. And even if you have some random ass Zune or some other offbrand mp3 player to make a point, it’s because of iPods and Apple. You are carrying around a bootleg mp3 player because iPod exists and you’re ironic.

5) Very Smart Brothas

Sure Panama has pissed off more people than BET, and sure The Champ has told more people to handle his nuts than two squirrels at a Planter’s factory, but have a baby by me baby, be a millionaire what would you do if you could get with the Dogg Pound if we suddenly disappeared? Hate it or love it, it’s not that we can’t stop it’s just that we won’t stop. Plus, where would other motherf*ckers get their inspiration posts from?

6) Suge Knight

No Suge, No Dr. Dre The Chronic. No Chronic. No Snoop and Doggystyle. No Snoop no resurgent Bishop Don Magic Juan. Okay…maybe that’s not all necesary.

Any other necessary evils you can think of? Gimme what you got.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Where Dey Do Dat At?: 7 Signs You Might Be At A Black Run Establishment

Panama Jackson — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 04:00:53 +0000

A few weeks back, I helped my homeboy move out of his apartment and of course, we rented a U-Haul. Well apparently, my boy rented his truck from the busiest spot in all of Maryland AND given that it was the 31st of October (Halloween), everybody and their mama needed a truck to move from one apartment complex to the next.

$8,000 first time homebuyer tax credit my ass.

Anyway, we took the truck back at about 6:30 pm and the U-Haul locale was JUMPIN’ like the club. I saw a chick who turned out to be a man dressed like a woman dancing to a Beyonce song, which was, like, so cliche. Anyway, as we stand in line for what seems like forever, the clearly overworked ninja employees of the establishment begin loudcapping everybody but nobody in particular about people needing to get out of the store because it was basically closing time and how they weren’t getting paid enough to deal with these snippy motherf*ckers.

Being the college-educated and well-adjusted individuals that me and mi compadre are, we waited our turn and when we got to the front of the line, the phone started ringing. Now you might think this was the store phone. Nope, it was her personal cell phone and much to the surprise of nobody, she answered the phone…WHILE dealing with our order. She proceeds to detail to the person on the other end of the phone how ninjas just KEEP showing up KNOWING that they close at 7pm and how she BETTER have some collard greens and chicken left.

And for anybody who went to Ray’s funeral last weekend, I’m sorry for your loss. I didn’t know Ray personally, but I heard about all of the details from Bertha at the U-Haul on Chillum Road in Hyattsville, Maryland.

You’re welcome.

Anyway, the craptastic service and all around ri-damn-diculousness that I witnessed reminded me of something that I both love and adore…SERVICE AT A BLACK RUN ESTABLISHMENT!

While I love my people dearly, there definitely are some Black Run Establishments (BREz) that be on that bullsh*t. Sometimes…they just suuuuuck.

So quickly, here are 7 sign that you might be at a BRE.

1) Lots of employees but no work getting done

SEE example from up above.

2) Employees make you feel like they’re doing YOU a favor by dealing with you…despite the fact that you’re paying for a service

There’s nothing worse than a motherf*cker treating you like you should thank them for being there and getting paid to do their damn job. I hate ninjas like this. Really. Like really really.

3) Folks are talking on their personal cellphones, about personal business

I don’t know about you, but I don’t even need Bossip or TMZ. All I do is go to my local Popeye’s and I can keep up with all the local and Hollywood gossip when Boomshakalaka and her cousin get to talking about who Ray J is REALLY f*cking. Yay!

4) Hard to tell the employees from the friends of employees

I’ll never understand why folks will go visit their homies at work FOR HOURS. Jesus be an unemployment check.

5) There’s always a lingering threat of violence between…somebody(s)

You ever just notice a palpable anger in the air but can’t tell where it’s coming from or who it’s directed towards but if a fight broke out you wouldn’t be surprised? Yeah, you just might be in a BRE.

6) They play the versions of songs that include Plies and/or curse words

Plies = curse words in my book and neither are allowed on Sunday anywhere NEAR me. Seriously though, perhaps I’m just getting old but I get downright soccermom-ish when I hear a song playing in a store and it’s the dirty version. I just want to shake a stick at people and make them feel bad with vicious rhetoric.

7) You have to check your bag at the door

I think it’s so funny that you have to check your bag in a store where you can literally see the entire store and everybody in it from the front door. Then again, in this time of economic depression, I guess the ninja at the front door checking bags is just happy to have a job. Either way, they don’t do that sh*t at the store NEXT DOOR. And chances are, I’d rather rob them anyway. But I can read. So I won’t.

So good folks of VSB, I KNOW I missed some things. Educate the people, people. How do YOU know you might be at a BRE??

Inquiring minds would like to know.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3