Very Smart Brothas » black community

Ya Unnastand: Things Black Folks Do That White People Don’t Understand

Panama Jackson — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 04:00:51 +0000

I can’t lie, Black people do a lot of weird things. From naming our children after popular liquors to being upset that the media falsely portrays us as violent WHILE TALKING ABOUT a quadruple murder committed by your friendly neighborhood ninjas over a “gold-colored bracelet”, its no wonder that so many white women are fascinated by Black men. We’re like the enigmatic puzzle that makes you feel the rhythm and feel the rhyme.

I mean, it makes you get on up.

No Jodeci.

That was a two-for-one, by the way.

Well, despite the best laid plans of mice and men, there are some things that Black folks do that make complete and total sense that white people and others really don’t seem to understand (though some of our Hispanic brothers and sisters clearly get it). Since we’re in the business of enlightenment and since The Champ actually thanked you all for letting us be the best thing about your day – a personal high for VSB – I figure I should learn you something.

My guitar strums.

1. Rock baseball caps of random teams

Like most hat-wearing Black men, I have a hat collection that includes teams for which I couldn’t care less about and places I’ve never been. Apparently, white guys only wear hats for teams upon which they hold allegiance. White people, this is the thing, we sport said accessories because we like the colors and are fashionable. We’re a colorful group of colored people. The world is not Yankee’s fans, but that hat goes with EVERYTHING. I love my LA Dodgers hat, but I don’t give a damn about the Dodgers, I just love the colors. Same with my Oakland A’s hat, my St. Louis Cardinals hat, etc.

So my white friends out there, STOP asking me how my squad is going to do this year in our division as I don’t even know what division we’re in. I just like my hat. It looks cool, b*tch.

2. Loiter

Between Blacks and Mexicans, I’m not sure who’s the most loiterous, but we just love to stand outside in some random locale and, well, stand there. We’re a people of word and gathering. Why do you think Black folks are so religious. It’s loitering with purpose. Plus, half of us don’t pay our bills on time so our power can be cut anytime. Do you know what never gets cut off? Air. That sh*t is free right now and we like to use it. It’s like the gift that keeps on giving. Mostly, we as Black people, REALLY hate not being up on neighborhood gossip, so we all stand around with one another making sure we get it all. Loiter deez.

3. Complicated Dap

We’re musical. We’re rhythmic. We do everything to time. Hell, I’m writing this based on iambic pentameter. What does that have to do with the price of jockstraps in Kosovo? Nothing. I’ll bet the concept of “dap” started during the slavery days as another means to guide slaves to freedom. I mean, you can only sing “Wade In The Water” and “Follow the Drinking Gourd” for so long. White folks know about The Big Dipper. Plus, all Black folks can’t sing. Why do we still do it then? Because we’re cooler than everybody else. And we like to loiter.

4. Wear suits with 8 buttons

A lot of us have been broke in life. Which means we didn’t get any buttons. Just zippers. My first suit had 17 zippers in the places where buttons were supposed to go. Do you know what it feels like to not have buttons? My remote controls had sewn on numbers for the first 17 years of my life. CLOTH. I couldn’t change the channel. I just watched Bonanza all day. We wear so many buttons for freedom and the American way. And also because a lot of us are just damn tacky. Steve Harvey, I’m looking at you. Oh, and Atlanta, Chicago, Mississippi, Detroit and pretty much the whole state of Florida, I’m ALSO looking at you.

Word.Life.

So my good people, what are some other things that Black people do that white people just don’t understand (that can be justified)?

Love. Peace. and Soul.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Beg, Borrow, or Steal: 7 Things Black Folks Might Lose If We’re Not Careful

Panama Jackson — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 05:00:19 +0000

By now, everybody should have heard the hubbub about the women of Zeta Tau Alpha sorority winning first place at the 2010 Sprite Step Off. Oh, and if you’re Black and have never heard of them, it’s because they are a white sorority. Peep game.

Yes, you read that right. A white sorority won a national step competition that prominently featured Divine 9 organizations. Our rhythmically-challenged, recessive gened sistren from the University of Arkansas, walked into our house, wiped their feet on the rug (they are Southern afterall), stayed, ate, then walked out with a win that I’m sure surprised everybody. Now, I’ve seen their routine. They did a good job. I have not seen the other routines so I’m not in a position to speak on their winning (and apparently due to a “discrepancy” Sprite has upgraded the 2nd place Tau Chapter of Alpha Kappa Alpha into a 1st place tie with the ZTA chapter – sounds like pandering to a gang of angry ninjas), but I will say that I’ll bet your last month’s rent that the “white girls doing Alpha steps efficiently” factor weighed heavily on their win. It’s like seeing the mentally challenged 6’15″ kid dunk on somebody. It looks WAY worse than it actually is making it look way better than it will ever be on a historical scale.

But like I said, they did a good job and I didn’t see everybody else. However, this did make me think about the fact that, “hey, white chicks won a step competition against a GANG of Black folks whose sole purpose was to win a step competition. Here they go again. First it was jazz, then it was rock ‘n roll. They jacking us AGAIN when we least expect it.” If we’re not careful, there’s more to lose.

Such as?

Glad you asked.

1. Spades

Spades is debatably the national Black card game. But more and more white dudes that hang with Black dudes are playing. Don’t be surprised if one day, White Jon takes his knowledge to Iowa and a spades tournament gets going with one Black team from Des Moines losing in the first round and then spades hitting ESPN 8: The Ocho with no Black people and being moderated by Bill O’Reilly. Look what happened with Uno. You don’t remember do you? Exactly.

2. HBCU’s turning into OINHBCU (Only in Name HBCU)

Morehouse had its first white valedictorian a few years back. It only takes a few and next thing you know beer pong and body shots replace good old fashioned weed and 40 night. I’d be more worried if Spelman had a white valedictorian. Black dudes probably weren’t paying attention. Ain’t no sister gonna get upstaged by a white chick on her her home tuf.

Oh wait. the Sprite Step Off.

Sigh.

Nevermind.

3. The Hood

Hm. Wait, they got that too, only they changed it from the hood to the neighborhood and brought in Starbucks and started walking dogs at 3am and raised property values so high that folks can’t afford to live there even if they ho themselves out 9 days a week and on Sundays.

Ah! I got one.

4. R&B and Neo-soul

Though for some reason Justin Timberlake, Robin Thicke, Joss Stone, Amy Winehouse, and Duff seemed to have gotten insane hood passes. Oh yeah, and they sell more. And Robin Thicke married Paula Patton. I think I’m sort of losing this one too.

Hm.

5. Tyler Perry movies

We need not be careful here, I was just running out of options, though I know quite a few white people who watch Tyler Perry movies. Possibly because a train wreck is a train wreck and we all can’t help but watch. At least he’s getting money though.

What’s my point again?

6. Hip-hop

At least Eminem is currently the only really viable white cat with enough hood credibility to truly be a threat, but he’s from the D so, I mean, who can be mad at that. However, producers are becoming by and large less Black and more other. And the best producer of the New York sound is from Texas. My point is that anything can happen. Hell we took over golf and a Chinaman is the tallest NBA player.

7. Swagger

I see more and more white people rocking that Black man swagger that so many of us fall back on when we forget to graduate from Everest College.

But at least…

8. The myth

Isn’t going anywhere.

I’ll stop there since really, there’s nothing that white people aren’t moving in on. Lest we forget, The Color Purple is a Spielberg directed movie. Help. Us.

Good people of VSB, I’ve failed. Can you think of anything we haven’t lost that’s in jeopardy if we don’t pay attention?!

Help.Me.

I.T.T.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Fear of Flying.

Panama Jackson — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 05:00:49 +0000

Being as it’s Black history month and seeing as how most of us probably forget that fact that half the time once we graduate from high school, I figured that perhaps I should devote a little time to “Black issues”.

What are “Black issues”? Good question. But they sure as hell aren’t Jet Magazine.

Rimshot.

I’ve spent a lot of time recently – both because of the FAMU forum and because I try to spend at least twelve minutes of everyday on substantial thought – trying to determine what I think some of our biggest “problems” are. Now, this presupposes that we have problems but I’m fairly sure that we can all agree that as a community, we have a long way to go, Obama or not.

Can I get an Amen?

Yay-men.

I’m not afraid of failure. Strange as that may sound, if I fail that means I gave something a shot and sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. I tried to be sexxy. And I won. I tried to become the next Jay-Z. I failed. It’s all part of the game. But at least I played.

What does scare me to death is mediocrity. I’m deathly afraid of being just another mediocre person of little consequence to anybody but those who know me. I’m afraid of becoming like the people I see on the train going to and from work looking like their just passing time while they wait to meet Hayseuss. Amen.

I’m afraid of just doing what everybody else does to just “make it”. I’m afraid of being $20 away from being on the street. Hell, I’m afraid that if I decided to never blog again tomorrow, nobody would care and I’d fade into the obscurity that so many of us accept.

Telling you my biggest fear was a roundabout way of telling you what I view as a large problem for the Black community: complacency. Ever since we started following white people into the suburbs and getting the types of jobs we once considered out of our reach, we stopped pushing. We made it. The only problem is our version of making it was somebody else’s version where we were placated with better housing and more quality education opportunities.

The middle.

It’s not a monetary thing, it’s a mentality thing. Mentally, the boat stopped being rocked because we reached more placid waters and got complacent and comfortable. And that would be great except the ideology exists across the financial spectrum. The people with no money sometimes just accept circumstances that they were unfairly handed as their lot in life and don’t aspire to greater. Mediocrity is the goal, not a motivator. We haven’t taught enough of our community to continue to strive for greatness. Some of us just have that innately and want to do mo’ better. Or better stated, refuse to believe that wherever they’ve gotten is where they’re supposed to end up.

But hell, where is there, anyway? That’s part of the problem. We don’t even know what to want for anymore so we find jobs we like and people we can tolerate and turn 50 and wonder what happened to the time and what we’ve contributed to society.

That scares me to death. What’s the point of living if nobody realizes that you’re alive?

It doesn’t require you to be Nathaniel Drew, EE Just or Harriet Tubman, but it does require you to realize that you have to keep on pushing towards somewhere.

People get ready, there’s a train coming. Word to Araminta.

Just get on board.

So my debaters and debatresses of VSB, are we too complacent with our current situation as a community? If so or if not, what does it all mean anyway?

Is we gon’ die?

Talk to me, Petey.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

I’ll Be Your Pappy: The Silence of the Daddy Issues

Panama Jackson — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 05:00:02 +0000

While most of us joke about it, asking a woman if she likes (or knows) her father really isn’t such a bad idea. The way a woman interacts with her father is going to help shape her relationships with men for the rest of her lives, either positively or negatively.

That goes double for absentee pappies. But who really delves into it? It’s interesting how much time we spend in the Black community talking about how hard it is for Black men and how much of a set-up life is for most of us. We spend a lot of time doing everything we can just to make sure that we don’t go to jail knowing full well that we’re all one accusation away from the pokey.

Pun.

In that regard, it makes sense; the physical stakes for Black men are a lot higher. Hell, a man without a father living in the hood probably has a higher chance of going to jail, getting killed, or killing somebody else (and then going to jail). When you add that psychological impact of Black manhood, frankly, I’m amazed that I can even read. Granted I know my father and even had the benefit of being raised by him (after a certain point, I mean I am Black, he wasn’t always around) which in our community is as normal a tutu-wearing Sasquatch dunking a ball at Rucker Park in Harlem. Plus, if you take it a step further, Black males without a father figure will possibly take some of that dysfunction into their future relationships and continue the cycle, which in theory would f*ck up the community, basically, forever.

Our women are generally the vanguard of the home and the ones to keep it all together. A lot of us point to our mothers as the strongest people we know because of the drama they had to deal with and what they managed to raise us on. So I think a lot of women’s issues get left out of the relationship equations(psychologically anyway, not the “she’s just batsh*t crazy” stuff). We usually assume that women know how to be in relationships or deal with men when the truth is…a lot have no f*cking idea. All those same families with sons without fathers have women without fathers. Heck, when I do a non-scientific poll of the women I know well enough to ask about their fathers, about 75 percent of them have a soured relationship with their father, if they even have one at all. But that rarely gets mentioned and that impact carries over into dating lives. If you don’t trust your daddy, why would you be open to trusting other men. The one who’s SUPPOSED to want you bailed, so it must be difficult to really fully trust other men with your heart and soul.

How are you supposed to understand the dynamics of a man-woman relationship if you’ve never really seen one that didn’t include Bill Cosby or something called a Florida Evans?

Part of the reason women and daddy issues doesn’t get much burn is that for the most part, a lot of women succeed in other areas. She doesn’t know her daddy, but she has a Ph.D. or a J.D. or an M.B.A. and is a partner or an associate in some firm, etc. Despite the obstacles (and with the lack of a police presence all in that arse and because the WNBA pays less than a manager at McDonald’s), women with daddy issues can be just as accomplished and successful as they want to be. Lucky for us, women with daddy issues don’t tend to murder anybody because of them. They might bust the windows out of a car or go full stalker on you, but those aren’t even felonies. So who cares?

And the beat goes on.

It’s really tragic that “daddy issues” is more of a jokey scarlet letter we attach to needy and insane broads than something we really discuss because really, if the women are all insane, and the men are all going to kill at least 1/10 of a person apiece, who knows where our community is heading.

Then again, I’m pretty sure Oprah doesn’t know her daddy. Whoopi neither…but she doesn’t have any eyebrows.

I’m afraid of an eyebrowless community.

With that said, good people of VSB, how do daddy issues manifest themselves and do you think daddy issues get their just due? And what impact are daddy issues really having on our community? Hell ladies, do YOU have daddy issues? And my brothas, how have women’s daddy issue affected your relationships?

Sit on the VSB couch.

Do tell.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

By the way, I realize not all Black people have mommy or daddy issues. And that’s great.Rah rah rah, sis boom bah. Unfortunately, ALL OF US know at least 5 people with an absentee parent (if it ain’t you), that has some effect somewhere. Thank you. And yes, Panama can be a “serious” writers sometimes too!

Cage That Tiger, Tiger.

Panama Jackson — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 05:00:17 +0000

If you’re anything like me, you’re amazed that this Tiger Woods story still has legs. I figured it it would be over and done with before we hit December but nope. Apparently Tiger has more hoez than Vegas.

As of today, there are AT LEAST 10 women who’ve come forward as Tiger’s concubines. We’ve got cocktail waitresses, Hooters girls, a porn star.

Not to mention he was running raw in at least two of them AND sending nasty text messages. Tiger is a perv.

Quite honeslty, I didn’t think he had it in him. I’ve often views Tiger as that uber-goofy doofball who you’d point and laugh at who managed to make a billion dollars just so he could swallow his opponents and all that stuff. Now I think a lot of news sources and blogs are erroneously taking a race angle with the media coverage of his myriad cockups. I mean, its Tiger Woods and short of Afghanistan and health care reform (two constant and never-ending problems) news is really slow lately. Plus, most folks are probably like me and can’t believe that Tiger is a ho.

So I don’t think race is a factor in the coverage. However, far be it from me to think about the racial angle in this whole thing.

NOT ONE BLACK CHICK, TIGER????

I know that’s an odd angle to take with this, but really, it lends me to believe that he really doesn’t f*ck with Black people at all. Odd considering how Black people take every opportunity to claim him as a Black dude even if he doesn’t know it. See, what we do know is that Tiger loves him some new p*ssy. He loves it so much that he clearly can’t say no. Hell, in my office pool, I’ve got him with at least 5 more chicks who haven’t come forward. I almost think that his wife knows this but her whole thing was keeping it on the low. Don’t let it go public or I’m out and you’re gonna owe me LOOOOOOOOOONG dough.

And so it was.

No wonder Buick dropped him. They probably couldn’t afford to keep paying Tiger’s pals.

But back to the Black thing. I have this odd theory that if you don’t appreciate Black women, you just cannot appreciate Black people. I know it’s weird, but even my own mother is white and she raised me, largely by herself, for the first six years of my life in some of the whitest parts of the country. Yet today, you can’t tell me Black women aren’t the most beautiful, wonderful beings on the planet.

I understand people have preferences and its likely that Black women aren’t even paying attention to Tiger (that wouldn’t surprise me, I’ve yet to meet a Black woman who ever thought Tiger was hot), but still, it seems odd to me that with all the thick thighs and banging Serena style bodies running the globe, he’d always choose a white woman. That just seems odd to me since if you’re gong to cheat you MIGHT AS WELL cheat on something thats gonna provide a fantasy or something at some point. He basically kept banging his wife with wigs on.

I know Oprah was at his wedding, hell that might be the only Black woman he even deals with. But who would hit that?

I suppose what I find most interesting harkens back to this problem we have in the Black community of supporting our own even thru foolishness (see Kelly, Robert Sylvester or Simpson, Orenthal James). We find a way to support people thru some of the most ridiculous of circumstances even if we know they did wrong because they belong to us. Perhaps its one of those situations where nobody will beat our kids but us. But what the hell do you do when you’ve supported somebody for so long who’s made it clear that they really don’t want no parts of you?

While I think that Tiger just likes white p*ssy, I think that it goes deeper than that. Perhaps its because his daddy is Black and he didn’t have a Grandma Nana to show him positive Black women. I don’t know.

I’ll throw it to you all, do you think there’s a deeper issue that’s materializing with all the women that are showing up? Does Tiger really just prefer white women?

Does Tiger really think that he ain’t Black which is why all his womens aren’t either??

Did you even think Tiger had it in him??

Rumble.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

BTW, I’m fully aware that its a good thing that no Black women got caught up in this non-sense (thus far), but I still think its odd. Everybody knows that if you start plucking everything in sight you start to experiment with different flavors. Except Tiger, he’s all white wine.

The Afterparty: Obama’s America One Year Later

Panama Jackson — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 04:00:00 +0000

It’s been a year and some days since most of us witnessed a day we never thought would come, at least not in our lifetimes. That night and the subsequent weeks leading up to inauguration felt great. There was a certain quiet (or in some people’s cases, not so quiet) pride that most of us in the Black community walked around with. Whether you agreed with him, voted for him, or even liked the man, his seemingly comet-like ascendance into the Oval Office was something every Black person could look to as a source of inspiration and pride.

I remember right after the election, there was this certain knowing amongst a great number of people that the election of Obama meant more than just the rise of one particular Black man. It was bigger than just him. Obama’s win, and the following spotlight placed upon him, his life, and his family was going to signal to the Black community and Black men in particular that there was hope and create a new way of thinking. With Obama in office and doing the unthinkable, we couldn’t use the same old tired excuses and in fact, we should all want to do better. As Black men, our time to shine was now. Go forth and make a difference and be the change you want to be. Don’t just talk about it, be about it. If Obama can, you can too.

He’s every man and every man was/is Obama.

It’s one year later.

CNN ran a story last week entitled, “Is Obama inspiring Black men to step up?”, where they talked to numerous Black men to get their take on what they’ve done (or not done) since Obama took to the national stage. Like I said, the day Obama won, it seemed like everybody was ready to hit the streets with dreams and inspiration and kick the truth to pretty much anybody that wanted to hear it. And it seems like he has. On paper anyway.

Seems to me that some of that energy and excitement from Obama has worn off – not even some, most of it. He’s just the President now and people pretty much look to him as such. Of course, people still buy Obama memorabilia but what about the dreams that he inspired and the motivation. What about the change in the Black family dynamic away from the alleged mother-headed household to the Huxtable model. Hell, blogs referencing the Huxtables blew up after the election. Everybody wanted that life…that Obama life.

But perhaps I’m shortsighted. Truly, I wonder if we’ll see the effects of Obama’s presidency in the near term anyway. Real change takes years. Major state colleges were only integrated 50 years ago and we still have de facto school segregation in places. Same with housing, services, etc. But the seeds of change should be planted. Maybe some of us are kind of too old to change and the real change will come from the younger people who have so much promise in their eyes and have been influenced by the way everybody felt by Obama’s win.

I have no clue.

So I wonder, good people of VSB, have you witnessed any change since Obama was elected? Is the Black community any different than it was a year ago? If so, how? Or is it too early to even be able to tell? Is the economy in too much of stalemate for real change to even be realized at this point?

Basically, where are we now, one year later?

The floor is yours.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

1984 and more: how important is spreading the (right) seeds?

The Champ — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 04:01:48 +0000

two things immediately came to mind when hearing about the chicago high school where one out of every seven female students are pregnant

1. between this and the derrion albert story, i probably should have added “raising a child in chicago” to my list of things every grown man is scared to death of.

2. a conversation i had while visiting with my parents last weekend to wash clothes, go grocery shopping in their freezer, and see how they were doing. it began with the usual pseudo serious ribbing about not settling down or having a family yet that mothers are prone to have with their handsome sons. my dad then interrupted us with some silly non sequitor about one of the women he supervises. apparently this person’s daughter just celebrated her 22nd birthday and already has five children, and, from the way the mother talks about the daughters situation to my dad, each of the kids probably just should have been named “no chance”.

the convo then went in a different direction, as my mom lamented the fact that neither i nor any of my close friends have any children yet, but these fertile hoodrats are popping out kids by the bushel. basically, how will black america prosper if people like you (educated, no records or missing teeth) are waiting longer and longer to maybe get married and maybe have one child while d-block and chardonnay are producing a new seed every 14 months?

although she was half-joking, she brings up a valid point. as much as we love creating blogs, stores selling 8 dollar cupcakes, and internet p*rn, our main purpose here is to procreate and continue the species. if this trend continues, we (the very smart brothas and sistas) will basically make ourselves extinct, or at least so overrun by swarms of oddly-named hood spawn that extinction wouldn’t seem like such a bad idea

anyway, very smart brothas and sistas, how do you feel about this?

do you think that “people like us” are obligated to start having more children, or is this too eerily similar to the “selective engineering” that hitler was in favor of?

and, although this would never, ever, happen, in your heart of hearts, would you be opposed to some 1984 type sh*t? (forcibily enacting the reproductive limitation or mass sterilization of all the d-blocks and chardonnay’s?)

—the champ

That Sounds Stupid To Me, Vol. 1: Morehouse College Gets A Dress Code.

Panama Jackson — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 04:00:15 +0000

If you frequent this site you know I went to Morehouse and love my alma mater dearly.

However, this is some bullsh*t.

(By the way, I really didn’t mean to do two HBCU posts in a row. I know how some of you folks feel about the HBCUs around here.)

Apparently, the higher ups and our new President, Dr. Howard Franklin, feel the need to ensure that the image of the Morehouse Man and the reality of the Morehouse Man are one and the same. To wit:

“Appropriate Attire Policy”. Based on Dr. Franklin’s conceptualization on the Renaissance Man, specifically his expectation of the “well-dressed” man of Morehouse, the policy will set a campus-wide standard for student’s attire.

The policy outlines 11 expectations pertaining to what students should not wear while on campus. Instead of requiring certain articles of clothing, as a typical dress code would, the policy details those articles of clothing deemed unacceptable for students. Some of the expectations discussed in the policy include to prohibit wearing “sagging” pants, women’s clothing, and headwear.

Now slap me silly and call me Susan J. Elmo, but I’m really curious about this need to outlaw women’s clothing. Granted its been years since I was at the ‘House but I do not remember anybody actually walking around looking like Lady Gaga or anything. But hey, you never know with these kids nowadays.

Anyway, I have a beef with this new policy on a principle level. For one, college is a time for self-expression and self-discovery. Attempting to limit the scope of one’s dress seems kind of counterproductive to what college is all about. For b, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig. We’ll get back to that one in a minute though.

Forget about the fact that it’s Morehouse for a second. The fact that any school college or university would take it upon itself to limit the clothing choices of its student body is kind of troubling to me. To me, it assumes that they have no concept of what is appropriate or that a bunch of 18 to 22 year olds who are learning about life should be forced to view themselves through only one lens. While I can understand the disdain for sagging pants, I think that its a fad and trend of the culture right now. Fads end and when folks get older and start looking for jobs, they come to their senses and pull their pants up. It happens to most of us reading Black men. We all eventually learn to know better.

But I also have an issue with this whole “image” thing that we in the Black community are so obsessed with. The reason you incorporate a dress code is so that these men can uphold one particular image of what a Morehouse Man should be. The great thing about Morehouse and one reason it’s so successful and well-known is because of the variety of individuals who’ve come out of Morehouse. And all that starts with things as insignificant as establishing your own identity through dress early on in life. Catering to this “image” is putting the school above the individual when its the accomplishments of the individuals that have placed Morehouse at the pinnacle of the Black community in the first place.

Plus, these are grown ass men that you’re telling how to dress. On just a surface level, what does that say about the quality of the individuals you’re bringing in that you feel a need to explicitly tell them what they cannot wear on campus? Not really giving them much credit, are they?

But it all comes back to image. To the old vanguard, there is this pristine image of a Morehouse Man and the new administration wants to make sure that the current crop looks the part at all times, which is great, but once again, you can put a thug in a suit, but then all you have is a thug in a suit. Morehouse is a school, much like other HBCUs that builds character and we all grow by being at those schools. Attempting to limit something like clothing and individual style (face it, that’s what dress codes do, they limit styles for certain people) does nothing but stifle growth.

Anyway, I’ve said my peace and I’m a grown ass man who doesn’t go there anymore. But my free-dressing compadres of the VSB, what are your thoughts on this, on a larger scale? Does it seem necessary to have to provide a dress code to grown men? Is it reasonable? Or is this just more Black pandering to an “image” as opposed to the reality?

Say you, say me.

What say you?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

how to date a virgin (if you think you must) in 700 words or less

Panama Jackson — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 04:00:06 +0000

Hi, my name is Panama Jackson, OPP. You may remember me from such How To guides as, How To Keep Your Pimp Hand Moisturized if You’re Allergic To Aloe Vera and How To Stay In Your Traffic Lane When Your Woman Gets Out of Pocket In The Car and You Have To Do Something About It.

That last one is a bestseller and is responsible for the reduction in traffic accidents in Oakland, Chicago, and Memphis.

Today we’re going to discuss a phenomenon that sweeps every man’s consciousness at least once or twice when he’s about 22 years old: How To Date a Virgin.

Yes, at some point in every man’s life, he’s convinced that he’d like to date a woman who hasn’t been around the mulberry bush. All of us men are naïve enough to believe at some point that we’ll be able to date the woman that nobody else has touched.

Well, as anybody who’s ever dated a virgin can tell you, it’s no easy chore. I should know; I’ve dated one- for two years. And what with the rate of STDs flying around the Black community, it’s not completely out of this world to think that dating a virgin is a good idea, if anything, just to make sure that you’re not catching a chick with an ignited crotch-rocket from being the wick for too many firecrackers.

That analogy worked so much better in my head.

Smartly, very few women have ever stated that they’d like to date a virgin. Apparently, women don’t like being the teachers. Ironic given the fact that most women are teachers…and sleeping with 13 year-old boys.

Gar.

Anyway, dating a virgin requires a lot of finesse because face it, you’re not getting any real lovin’ during the duration of your duress. So here’s a quick little guide for how to survive your virgin’s constant attempts at “purity”.

1. Stock up on plenty of Jergens.

‘pinchin’ nurses a**es while i’m j*cking off with jergens’

I’m just saying. If you’re dating a chick who “doesn’t go all the way” you’re going to spend more time choking your own chicken than you will cooking any actual chicken. Of course, you’re probably messing with a chick who “does everything but go all the way”. By the way, I hate these chicks with the passion of 4 rusty trombones playing Mozart’s 2nd to last final symphony.

2. Get some very interesting hobbies

The only reason a man will ever think he needs to date a virgin is because he swears that he wants a woman who hasn’t been off the block (they all have). Thing is, at some point in every relationship, you’re going to need to be exploring eachother’s territory. But if you’re dating the chick who’s as undiscovered as Vespucci’s namesake, you’re going to have to fill the time in other ways. I suggest picking up crocheting. You’re already not sleeping with your girl, which makes you gay, might as well be the gay dude who crochets too. Or knit. Both gay, but definitely time consuming.

3. Work out like crazy

Gonna have to release that raw energy somewhere. Methinks that was a pun.

4. Take some time to develop the inner you

Face it, you’re going to have a lot of time to reflect on who you are as a person now that you’re not participating in the old lickemhighlickemlow. Somehow people have equated abstinence with fasting as some sort of spiritual cleansing. Yeah, no. But you can read a lot of Chicken Soup books and pray to Buddha and look for your own spiritual awakening. Especially since you won’t be awakening to any morningwood-lumberjack scenarios.

5. Just don’t do it.

I mean really, why in Sam Hill would you do that to yourself anyway? Seems like a bad idea.

So my compadres and compadrettes, would you ever date a virgin? Why or why not? Hell, have you? And what personal hell did it cause? Or, were you the virgin hold-out?? Why?

Jam on it.

Jelly.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

extra, extra: the five biggest breaking news stories in black america in the past 25 years

The Champ — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 04:01:17 +0000

from michael jackson’s unexpected and sudden death to janet jackson’s unexpected and sudden breast, there have been numerous events in the past 25 years that have had a particularly strong resonance in the black community.

today, as a service from vsb.com, the champ has decided to list the top five. enjoy and sh*t

***in reverse order***

5. the oj ordeal (june 14, 1994-october 3, 1995)

you know, the more i think about it, the more i think this actually had more resonance in white mainstream america.

although the entire country was captivated by this trial, i really can’t recall any black people genuinely feeling anything other than shock that he actually got off, and i definitely didnt see the widespread joy that, according to every news channel, was going on in our neighborhoods. like blacks who celebrate kwanzaa, the black who celebrated the oj verdict is still an urban legend to me

plus, jim jones killed nicole brown simpson anyway

4. the rodney king beating (march 3, 1991)

and

3. the LA riots (april 29, 1992-may 4, 1992)

while there have been bigger news stories, i don’t think i’ve ever seen a single clip more times than the footage of a coked-up defenseless rodney king getting his ass kicked by four cops. you can even argue that its the single most famous amateur footage in american history, even more than the zapruder film.

as far as the riots, a part of me felt a perverse amusement watching that unfold. it was like watching an unedited version of cops mixed with the biggest food fight ever, and the surreality of it all had me captivated.

the “amusement” quickly ended though, when seeing reginald denny pulled out of his semi and brutally stomped unconscious, reminding me of exactly how real that sh*t was

2. hurricane katrina (august 25, 2005-present)

its been four years, and i’m still too saddened about everything that happened down there to write intelligibly about it. sh*t, just thinking about watching “when the levees broke” still puts a lump in my throat.

1. president-elect obama (november 4th 2008, at approximately 11:00pm est)

honestly, since that night everything else to me (his acceptance speech, the inauguration, his eerily efficient fly-killing abilities, my life, etc) has been anti-climatic. i guess thats par for the course when you’re a witness to the biggest news story in black american history. (yup. i said it)

i know my list is right, but since liz my contract requires me to ask if i’m missing anything, i need to ask…am i missing anything?

—the champ