So the discussion about women having a thug phase got me to thinking about the fact that people tend to have types.

Correction.  We have what we think are our types and the folks that we actually end up with.  I’ve come to the conclusion that normally the folks that we think we want and who we tend to end up don’t generally coincide.  Like I said, for a time Esther Baxter look-a-likes were my type, but I can honestly say that I’ve yet to date a woman like Esther Baxter.

For shame.

Somebody hand me a shoulder to cry on.

*Liz handing me a shoulder*

Thanks.

Anyway, a while back somebody pointed me to this email with this “article” about relationship radars.  Actually its more a question and advice column :

Q: I’m very concerned about my daughter. She is very strong and successful in many areas of her life except one. She keeps picking guys that are just no good for her. She even knows she does it and just can’t seem to stop. I even took her to see the musical “Why Good Girls Like Bad Boys.” She thought it was funny, saw herself in it, and still can’t seem to change. Is she the only one like this? How can she stop what she is doing to herself?

I see lots and lots of women and men with this kind of pattern

There’s even a name for it, and

Think back to the last time you watched The Weather Channel or the local weather on the news. Remember how the radar was able to pick up the storms and lock onto them? Well, each of us has an internal radar that picks up and locks in on certain kinds of people.

I call this process our “relationship radar.” If we are lucky, and/or if we have worked at it, our radar picks out people who are potentially good for us, and things work out.

Unfortunately some folks have faulty relationship radar that predictably chooses people who will eventually cause them pain. Here’s what I mean: if your daughter were to go to a party with 100 guys and there were two of them that were her “type”, her faulty relationship radar would pick them out in about five minutes tops. She would even find the other good guys “boring” or just “too nice.”

How many of us know men and women who constantly pick the wrong types?  Hell, how many of you are dating the very person you hoped you’d never date?  Actually, many of us on here seem very self-aware and prone to not dealing with non-sense.

Good d*mn job.

Anyway, the concept of the relationship radar got me to thinking about my own.  I definitely  have had a type.  If there was a crazy broad within 3 feet of me, I was attracted to her (assuming she was attractive, ugly attracted broads don’t really do it for me).

And when I say crazy, I mean the chick who swears she won’t get into Heaven without me by her side, which, if you think about it, would further her crazy since we all know I’ve got enough Hell points to ensure that I get to ride a G5 to Hell.

Crazy chicks of all type were running amok in Panama’s City.  Word.Life.

At some point I seriously had to re-evaluate what the hell I was doing to attract the looney bin b*tches.  I never did figure it out but I did turn up my own insanity that way my uberloon would repel the mediocre crazy broads and keep the chicks who wanted adventure around.  I think it suited me well.

Besides I’m Surfboard P, there’s no room in m life for a chick who plays with fire.  Literally (I dated one of those too).

So folks, what keeps popping up on your relationship radar - basically, is your sh*t broke?  And if it isn’t a good thing what have you done to change that?  Even better, does anybody have a radar that only finds GOOD QUALITY? Or are radars generally reserved for the worst case scenarios?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST

And by the way, I went back and revisited my Teena Marie collection.  I won’t say she sucks (I apologize) but she does not sing better than Beyonce.  And a hit song (on in her case songs) does not a good singer make.  Word to Cassie.  She’s white, her ability to do runs is limited.  Some folks don’t care for all the histrionics and stuff and that’s fair…however, raw ability, Beyonce is blowing her the.f*ck.out.  It was written and I have spoken.

It’s Friday.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Everybody’s had a person in their life that they wish could have be erased from memory. This movie depicted this concept and theory flawlessly to me.

Not to mention, you get Kirsten Dunst in her undies for a good segment of the movie. Not that I find her particularly attractive, but whatever. Skin is skin. Unless said skin belongs to Grace Jones or Angela Lansbury, in which case, you can have it.

Carl Thomas also felt this way and did his best impression of a person who could sing in his first single, “I Wish I Never Met Her”. And despite the fact that Carl Thomas sounds like ass vocally, the sentiments are quite apropos. Been there done that. Wish I never did what I done done. Like Shawty Lo, except spelled “dun dun”.

Thing is, I have maybe one person that I wished I’d never met. Hell, I’m pretty sure I told her at some point. But there was no crying for her Argentina. Truth is, though I wished I’d never met her, in some way, she helped to contribute to the sexxy beast that I am today. So perhaps wishing I never met somebody is a bit extreme.

However…there are definitely SITUATIONS that in retrospect I wish I would have changed. Hell, if I had my current wisdom I wouldn’t have made many of the mistakes I made early on. Like the time I knew my ex had cheated on me but I chose to “not believe it”. If I had the chance to go back, I’d have just dropped her ass that day I figured it out instead of hanging around for more months of insane boredom and inexperienced domegame. Sh*t, I could have had a V8. Because of that chick I ended up passing up a chance to have my way with Beyonce before she met Jay. And that’s not true at all, however it made for a better story than it started out as.

For the hell of it: Butteryfly Effect.

So, good people of VSB.com in the Kingdom of Smartness, what would you do differently? Any blemishes from the past that you’d like to Proactiv away or decisions that probably just weren’t so hot that your current wisdom wouldn’t let happen even if Mel Gibson was directing your life’s story?

-VSB P

“hey champ…”

the anonymous questioner from platonic shmetonic asked yesterday in an email,

“…why do all the bad boys and urban models stripper-types always seem to get all the spoils? is there any hope for the good guy and the nice girl? are we forever doomed??”

i wanted to write back “of course not“, but, in reality, when every man with a voicebox wants a stripper, every black women wants a thug, and even the churchgoingest “baddest chick in the game” marries a former drug dealer, that would have been an outright lie.

“good” guys and “nice” girls have become the proverbial red-headed retarded step children of american culture, dropped and dismissed, disgraced and defeated, discarded and defrocked . regardless of where you look, there’s concrete proof that they also consistently get the short end of the romantic stick. it’s always been true, and will probably always continue to be. these facts are inescapable, like anton chigurh or a timely case of public transit bubble guts, right?

right?

wait…right?

wrong.

other than the greeting card, theres no bigger ongoing scam in american culture than the idea that truly good guys and girls finish “last” romantically.

i have myriad facts to prove my claim, but for the sake of time and space, i’ll only dive into one

a faulty definition of “first”

we have to re-examine this definition of “first”, because if all the good people are finishing last, someone has to be “first”, right? well, if you define “first” as “getting more attention from the opposite sex, and appearing to have more dates and/or prospects“, then yes, maybe those with a bit more of an edge, a bit more swagger, a bit more potential danger, and a bit more superficial sex appeal finish “first” more often.

thing is, if bagging more chicks or scamming more dudes into taking you to ihop is your definition of “first”, then maybe you’re really not all that “good” of a person anyway!!

but, if by finishing “first” you mean “having more success finding sincere and loving and compatible mates, and sustaining positive romantic relationships“, then i couldn’t stress “no” strong enough. everybody, regardless of their status and disposition, has difficulty finding this, and i’d even argue that the “not-good” guys and urban models bad girls have the most difficulty, because of the never-ending game and ubiquitous trust issues that come along with that territory and leave them perpetually bitter and jaded.

maybe they won’t win the first couple of sprints, but in the marathon of life, i’ll put my money on the good guy and the nice girl to finish “first”. maybe that trophy at the end won’t be exactly what they desired, but it aint all about the “trophy” though, is it?

—the champ