The most free people on the planet are folks who realize they have options and refuse to be constrained to their current circumstances. That’s how slavery worked on people; Black people didn’t actually know that we could be free. It’s that whole breaking the chains of psychological slavery spiel. And it works in myriad ways.
For instance, ugly girl problems.
What are ugly girl problems? Glad you asked.
Ugly girl problems. noun(s). women who deal with repeated non-sense from men and refuse to exercise their option to NOT deal with such f*ckery for no good reason other than attempts to not be lonely
I can’t tell you how many women I’ve encountered who have asked for advice regarding various relationship situations where I’ve been more than befuddled at the sheer volume of non-sense they were willing to put up with. And while beauty is indeed a judgement call, most of the women in these putrid situations haven’t been busted. Which ALWAYS leads me to ask, “why do you have ugly girl problems?”
Look, I love all women. You all make me happy. Yay. But the fact is, aesthetics do exist. And there are ugly people and there are pretty people. Spare me the “there’s no such thing as an ugly person” when you ALL know that is just not true. You better take that sh*t to that other site. Anyway, my point is, I’ve never met an ugly chick with commitment issues. But you know what, I’ve also rarely met an ugly chick who settled for less than what she wanted. Now, it could be that their scope of attainment was different than others so maybe they aspired for something less than Idris Elba. This is not a judgment. But you remember that self-awareness thing I was talking about yesterday, quite a few facially challenged women (and men for that matter) are aware of their handicaps and make up for it in other ways. You see, sometimes compensation isn’t a bad thing.
But you know who DOES end up screwed? Attractive women who for some reason, act like what I’d ASSUME busted chicks would act like: being accepting of their circumstances for no good reason and then blaming the guy involved for doing what he can get away with. It breaks my heart. I met this woman a few weeks back at a party and she was running down this story about this guy who just wouldn’t give her more than she wanted, which was basically a real date. I listened to the whole story and at the end I was like, “I don’t see the problem here.”
Her: He won’t call me back.
Me: So.
Her: Why won’t he just act right.
Me: Because he doesn’t like you like and just wants to have sex with you. The better question is why do you have ugly girl problems? You are hot. Why are you okay with stayin in this situation with a guy who clearly only calls you for booty and YOU KNOW THIS. Why are you running after him when he’s not even looking for you? Stop it with the ugly girl problems.
That’s a paraphrase of beaucoup convos I’ve had. This is why a lot of women who are above-average don’t have a man. It’s not that they don’t have “a man”. It’s that they don’t have a man who acts right or gives them any of what they want. Or they’re just one in a line of chicks because they don’t want to be alone.
Here’s a word of advice to all the women out there who get attention from men and yet constantly end up dealing with the wrong dude for a long time – realize that you have options. I like brown, yellow, Puerto Rican, and Haitian. And most men do too. I don’t want to hear about no shortage. That only affects mudducks and goats without thunder. Why sit at a bar waxing philosophical with your girls about why the dude won’t call you back when you have some other guy’s number you could be calling.
I know we all get caught up. It happens to us all. We can’t figure out why we’re stuck on somebody. It’s human nature. But ladies (my Mercedes) if you don’t just look like a slightly better version of Precious, there’s a good chance that the dude you’re letting hit because you can’t find another guy isn’t the best you can do. Ugly girls stop at Baltic Ave because at least they made it that far and set up a hotel and play with thimbles. You can at least make it to Marvin’s Gardens!
So I ask you, good people of VSB, are ugly girl problems a real problem? Do you know attractive women who always end up in bad situations? Or is it just that the news has scared the hell out of women into thinking that if they don’t keep One-Legged Pete around they may never find another man since their degrees can’t keep them warm at night?
Am I sexxy?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka VITAMIN P aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
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{ 437 comments… read them below or add one }
You mean, Panda Sidepiece.
@Cheekie, I’m not mean? this post is uplifting and about overcomation!
@Panama,
“I’m not mean? this post is uplifting and about overcomation!”
Uh-huh. You are correct about this, though:
“Spare me the “there’s no such thing as an ugly person” when you ALL know that is just not true.”
Flava Flav told me to tell ya “Dats whats up.”
But wouldn’t you agree beauty is relative? I mean, yeah we can say someone is definitively ugly or pretty if MOST people say they are, but there will always be someone who thinks what you think is unattractive, is attractive. Except roach rappers.
@Cheekie, yeah i definitely think that beauty is relative. mostly to women though. only women would talk about how beautiful precious is as a person and think that translates into a lineup of models.
“only women would talk about how beautiful precious is as a person and think that translates into a lineup of models.”
*DEAD*
I’m not replying to this before I’ve had my breakfast.
Being an intentionally ugly man.
1) because it is an effective filter for pretty girls that don’t read often or very well.
2) when combined with an upscale lifestyle, women demand to know the secret of my happiness and charisma.
I must confess.
There are some people who’s helmet has been in too many full frontal crashes. Plain and simple.
This is why all babies are precious.
Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. (There are exceptions)
“Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. ”
For some reason they are the FREAKIEST people!!! I had alot of alcohol on a few occasions and the drank got the best of me. No true regrets just not something to write home about.
Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. (There are exceptions)
I’ve heard this many times from my male friends. Lmao. Pretty girls are a dead lay?
@SmartFoxGirl, they’re not all necessarily a bad lay, but when you spend your life being catered to, you dont go out of your way to learn how to be the pleaser. so yeah, some banging women blow in bed. DOUBLE ENTENDRE!
The devil is a liar but this is the truth! Let the overcomation begin.
@It Figures!, let the church say yaymen.
bwahahahaha! sidepiece.
I agree with him in part–yes a degree can’t hold you at night or meet your sexual needs. The problem may be that women who desire a relationship aren’t getting it from the man they want. Factor in deep feelings and it is a choice as to whether a woman will be willing to accept that–the flip side of it is why are so many brothers behaving so badly and capitalizing on our weaknesses? Is there character above reproach? I think not. In the final analysis a man will only go so far as you allow him too–and why are women allowing them to? Women have to go within to search themselves as to that question
You know, if you had written this about five years ago, you could have spared me several hundred hours of this exact conversation with a friend of mine and I could have all those cell phone minutes back.
Sigh.
@Anechoic, you can never get those minutes back. NEVA.
I pictured @Anechoic giving Panama the rollover minutes mom glare
Haha, loves it. That mom glare is the best. Perfection!
I’ll admit that I’ve (in my sordid dating past) allowed myself to deal with ugly girl problems. Loneliness is a manipulative b!tch and will make you do strange things.
However, I’ve decided to set the bar much higher for myself and stop settling for less than what I want and deserve. I suggest that all my fellow VSSs do the same. We are fabulous, divine, spectacular and magnificent (plus every other positive adjective you can think of) so we need to own that truth and creat lives that reflect it.
And yes, PJ you are indeed sexxy
“And yes, PJ you are indeed sexxy”
Yes, as much as a 3 can be sexxy. Good look, P!
@ Cheekie
His 3 plus my 7 makes a perfect 10 so I think it has the making of an excellent e-boodom
@MsEsquire77, thank you. i won’t let the haters (ahem, Cheekie) derail me and my sexxy threeness. thank you.
It’s impossible to hate on threes.
I agree completely. No reasonably attractive woman should complain about ‘ugly girl’ problems if they can do better. I’m sure at least one of the guys these women usually overlook has everything they want, just in less flashy packaging. At the same, where’s the onus on the guys that damage these women? Just a thought to consider…
Confession time (no Usher)…THIS was me my entire 23rd year of life. I always stayed with a side boo who didn’t want more than an occasional date (see chilling at the house watching a movie…and that don’t really count in the beginning) and booty. I tried to “cool friend” myself into thinking that’s all I wanted. Negative.
I woke up one day and went through my cell phone and deleted the guy’s number that I was talking to and have never spoken to him again. I just realized I was too damn fly, young and full of options to deal with such non-sense.
I still have that mentality, thus, I don’t deal with non-sense. But I see a lot of girls who do. I call it the dumb broad syndrome. Some of them have it temporarily and other just remain in the dumb broad category for life.
just read the post from yesterday.
get’s down on one knee….
panama will you marry me and have my baby?
@thatchic – that is so sweet. lol. what kind of ring you giving me? THEN i’ll decide. i’m materialistic.
@panama…what flavor ring pop do you like? you can get any flavor you want.
and did i mention i wear glasses?
@thatchic – i think its funny that we have managed to make chicks with glasses a hot commodity. lol.
viva la vsb.
You sure do got a whole lotta opinions re: ugly chicks to be a muthertruckin 3.
@Liz – three deez. LOL.
LOL
“You sure do got a whole lotta opinions re: ugly chicks to be a muthertruckin 3.”
This is true lol. And where did the 3 rating come from? Is it from a previous post or just your personal assessment?
Some hater came through the comments one day and said P is at best, a 3. So, it stuck. He wears his 3 with pride.
I propose that we nationally celebrate Panama’s threeness on March 3rd.
@Cheekie, how about we do it on my birthday…
JUNE 3RD BITCHES!!!!!!!!
National Panama Jackson Appreciation Day is tomorrow.
@Panama,
I was goin’ for the 3rd month, 3rd day deal but:
“JUNE 3RD BITCHES!!!!!!!!”
Oh right, youse a Gemini. I like ya’ll. Considering my mama is one.
Yes, we must participate in extra foolery tomorrow in honor of the Pandering Panda. And what a splendid occasion. Our Panda is growing up. Hopefully you age like fine wine and don’t become a 2.
Completely agree… I refuse to listen to girls complain about how crappy their guy treats them, if they treat you like trash and you stick around to tolerate it, that’s your fault. People, no matter how old they are, will always act like children… if they can get away with acting a certain way, you can expect them to keep acting that way.
Hello best friend! lol Are you talking about me, because you still listen to me talk about that fool! lol
I have to say this article was like looking in a mirror right after getting out of the shower. I saw me but it was a little blurry. I still talk to other dudes, date other dudes, and what not, but I definitely continue with the one that has “aint ish” tendencies. Wish I had a great, great reason but I don’t. I have to say I use the other dudes number….and my best friend can attest. I try to date other people.
Great post!!
Hello best friend! lol Are you talking about me, because you still listen to me talk about that fool! lol
I have to say this article was like looking in a mirror right after getting out of the shower. I saw me but it was a little blurry. I still talk to other dudes, date other dudes, and what not, but I definitely continue with the one that has “aint ish” tendencies. Wish I had a great, great reason but I don’t. I have to say I use the other dudes number….and my best friend can attest. I try to date other people.
Great post!!
********************************************************
Greetings to you! May I offer an insight? ‘Cause I’m going to, anyways… =)
Maybe, just maybe….sticking with the “ain’t ish” mofo happens because you’re most comfortable @ that level, know what I mean? I only speak it because I’ve lived it, homie. It’s like kickin’ it with SoujaBoy (is that the child’s name?) for months and then a Lupe Fiasco comes along to take his spot….now you’ve got to improve your OWN musical quality, feel me? Don’t worry….I’m here wit you during this period of realization.
And now, an ode to the both of us and women like us who need just a lil’ bit more time…..we’ll get it someday =)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVF4r3fLBrU
oh yeah…..I kinda just wanted an excuse to post somethin’ by The Five Stairsteps, so, um….yep.
Ya know what, P? I kinda saw a post like this coming when I listened to the podcast yesterday. I don’t understand why very pretty women have problems with seeing that certain guys only see them for their beauty and that is about it. A beautiful woman with a great head on her shoulders shouldn’t settle, but should also be smart enough to know a good man when she sees one. Not keeping some weak @$$ ninja around is not the end of the world. There are some very good men out there that will be the man you want him to be if you give him a chance. I could talk about this all night but I am about to lay it down. This time zone change is going to kick my butt in the morning but I was up watching the last two discs of the first season of the The Wire on DVD on my laptop and decided to check out VSB before I hit the sack. This is a good topic so I look forward to the feedback on here. Love the monopoly analogy. Hilarious.
The monopoly analogy was hilarious!
“There are some very good men out there that will be the man you want him to be if you give him a chance.”
Starting to believe this more and more each day.
“Ya know what, P? I kinda saw a post like this coming when I listened to the podcast yesterday.”
lol So did I. Does ‘P’ stand for predictable? *firedshots*
“There are some very good men out there that will be the man you want him to be if you give him a chance. ”
Out where? At CBG’s address?
“This time zone change is going to kick my butt in the morning but I was up watching the last two discs of the first season of the The Wire on DVD…”
First time watching it? How you liking it so far? Ain’t the best show evah?
@Cheekie, lol So did I. Does ‘P’ stand for predictable? *firedshots*
you love me don’t you?
@Panama,
“you love me don’t you?”
http://bit.ly/cBRObW
@Cheekie,
Nah, I’ve seen the first season of the Wire when it originally aired. I got the boxset and I am watching it season by season when I am on the road.
Enjoy!
I’m gonna buy the boxset myself soon. I want that dayum show for life. I caught onto it late and my coworker let me borrow his DVDs and I fell in love
with Stringer Bell.Not keeping some weak @$$ ninja around is not the end of the world.
When you are truly inlove, it does feel like the end of the world. I think love is what makes people stick around regardless of how they are being treated…the good thing is that it usually doesn’t last forever and the person eventually wises up.
*ekiss* lol
I think love is what makes people stick around regardless of how they are being treated…
This is that BS… Love is all in our heads…
Yes it is, all emotions come from our minds.
@SmartFoxGirl,
Being “in love” will make you do some crazy things and let you stay in some crazy situations. I’ve seen a lot of people do some stupid because they are in love, especially the dude I see in the mirror everyday.
*e-blushes at the e-kiss* lol
@Liz–You sure do got a whole lotta opinions re: ugly chicks to be a muthertruckin 3.
Liz, it’s too late for this!
“Liz, it’s too late for this!”
Or too early, depending on how you look at it. lol
sorry ya’ll. I am inebriated right now. don’t mind me….
I’m so gonna steal “ugly girl problems.” LMAO I’m also dying that Precious has now become the measuring stick that all ugly folks are judged by. Dayum homie. Anyway back on topic, too many times us ladies deal with redic bullisht just for the sake of having a cuddle buddy. Eventually you come to your senses and buy a body pillow and a 24 pk of AA’s. And just because I haven’t shouted us out in a while, what up team chunk?!
@miss t-lee
Have I told you lately that I.LOVE.YOU?!?! I’m a proud owner of a body pillow and a B.O.B that requires AAs.
GO TEAM CHUNK!!
*daps to you girlie*
You know what’s up.
Nothing like the real thing….you must agree. Once B.O.B’S batteries go out it’s D.E.A.D!!!!
@ just x,
Oh I’m trust, I’m aware there’s nothing like the real thing. I’m not trying to decieve folks. It’s like eating a handful of skittles, when you really wanted a steak dinner instead.
It will tide you over though…lol
@miss t-lee, i wanna give a shout out to all the Cancerians in the house! hellll yeah.
speaking of body pillows, i need one of those. (i’m stocked up on batteries) anyone know where i can get one in the Burgh? my homegirl had one in LA, they were very popular in her Chinese community. She always spoke so fondly of it. Now I want one.
girl doesnt pgh have stores?! theyre not hard to find. we’re not talkin about decent lookin brothas who can read AND write. we just talkin body pillows
You’ve got a point there, Gemmie. Wait who this? “gem of thr ocean” lol. So, um when are you taking me to the store? Cuz I need one STAT.
lol i’ll take you shopping for a pillow when i go shopping for a box spring and dresser! this wknd?
WOOP WOOP! Cancer over here!!!
@miss P, you’re a Cancer also? YAY!! Oh, and u can find a perfectly capable body pillow @ any big box retailer (got mine from Bed Bath and Beyond). “Cancer…and my name is Larry!!”. 10 cool pts to anyone who knows what song this is from.
@miss t-lee, yes girl I’m a Cancer. I thought we established our club back in ’08? Folks gettin’ old now, huh?
Gemmie’s one too.
Anywho…regarding your song reference. It’s “Float On.”
Girl I forgot about all of us Cancers on the board.
Woop woop indeed.
And good lookin’ on the “Float On”.
*singing* Float, Float On…
Hun, we in a recession. Save your duckets under the matress and get the rechargeable ones.
Hmmmm…I never thought about that. And here I was over ordering batteries on our office’s Staples account. CTFU
*scribbles a note to put on the fridge*
Eventually you come to your senses and buy a body pillow and a 24 pk of AA’s.
LMAO…girl don’t put out our secrets. I survived my break up with my body pillow and pack of AA’s. *putting sticky in purse to by another pack on the way home* Ssshh
Panama,
i’m not sure how you do it. You don’t know a damn thing about me and yet strangely in the past few weeks you have posted about three or four topics that are in line with what I have realized in my search for the truth about relationships over the past few months.
Just last week I told my friend about a guy who flat out told me “I just want to have sex” to which I responded with an emphatic and attitudinal no. He proceeded to tell me that most other girls would be ok with it, to which I responded that not only was his game weak, he can’t bucket me with chicks who don’t think they can do any better than him.
I say all this to reiterate and maybe even jump @thatchic in line and ask:
Will you marry me and have my baby?
Hey, have a baby by me, baby, you’ll be a millionaire…
responded that not only was his game weak, he can’t bucket me with chicks who don’t think they can do any better than him.
Classic! Dont know what the hell got the game twisted and men thinking they’re the prize to be won! Set Em Straight!
responded that not only was his game weak, he can’t bucket me with chicks who don’t think they can do any better than him.
I agree, a great line. I would have loved to see dudes face after you told him that.
I’m so glad that I’m out of the U.S.! Sounds like men are going crazy thinking that they’re some sort of prize. Really?! Hell, even 3′s think they’re a prize! If you put a level-3 guy in Zegna suit, he’ll still be a 3. This has nothing to do with “pretty” or “handsome” Ugly is as ugly does and stupid is stupid all day long.
“i’m not sure how you do it. You don’t know a damn thing about me and yet strangely in the past few weeks you have posted about three or four topics that are in line with what I have realized in my search for the truth about relationships over the past few months.”
He’s looking through your window…
@Cheekie, stop telling my secrets, Alicia.
@Panama,
“stop telling my secrets, Alicia.”
Stop looking like Toucan Sam, Swizz.
@Cheekie, not coincidentally, i’ve been mistaken for Swizz Beatz twice in the airport and have actually been asked for an autograph.
now, i dont think i look like Swizz (or Little X), but i did sign that autograph.
@Panama,
Ha, actually after I typed that I thought about it and was like, ya know, from the few pics and halfpics you have on the net, I could see someone mistaking you for him.
Oh, and good decision-making on the autograph signing. Everyone should be able to do that at least once, even if it’s not their own name.
@Resilience, well you know, it is my duty to kick the truth to the young black youth and anybody else from 8-80 who wants some.
who the f*ck want what??!
and two proposals in one day…cha-ching!
This post is just confirmation of what I have told myself for months. I had to overcome dealing with shrubs because I know I can do 10 times betta.
@action jackson, tell it! then be like Nike and just do it.
Thanks Panama Jackson for confirming the f*ckery that is my behavior. I’m working on it. Baby steps.
It’s a 12 step program…but trust me its worth it. You don’t even need Dr. Drew for this lol
@Tishia, no problem. pointing out f*ckery is what Tigger’s do best
I know quite a few “stuck” cute girls. My opinion on the bulk of the girls that i know…they thought they keep emotions separate from the physical interaction, but they couldn’t.
Hey, homie!
@YeaYeaImTheMan, hell even America can’t fully separate church and state…lol
Amen, Pastor Pandering Panny!!!
One good thing about ugly girl problems is that they provide good material for writing. I had a mentor once tell me that there was no such thing as wasted time. So, I can stop beating myself up for the mistakes (and ridiculous endurance of f*ckery) I made in my 20s and just be glad that I am who I am today.And on top of that, my memoirs are going to be so daggone goooood.
this is strangely like deja vu……….
yep.
there was no such thing as wasted time.
Like a great philosopher of our generation said:
….”Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted” …..
RIP John Lennon.
I’m trying to decide if I hate beautiful women with ugly girl problems more than I hate ugly girls who think they’re fine.
On a bad day, I think it’s the former.
LOL.
I hate when beautiful women have low self-esteem and ugly women think they’re a Vanessa Williams/Kenya Moore doppelganger. #FAIL.
I hate when beautiful women have low self-esteem and ugly women think they’re a Vanessa Williams/Kenya Moore doppelganger. #FAIL.
This is an epidemic…come down to Miyamuh, FL south of liberty city and you will see what i mean.
GIRL!!! i live near miyamuh!!! it’s horrible..!!
absolutely horrible!
lmao
Ugly women who think they fine showcase it more than pretty chicks that know they fine. It’s a conundrum.
Why shouldn’t ugly girls feel like they’re the $higg too?
No one is taking away their right to fell like they’re the ish, but they’re opening themselves up to criticism. It’s like a movie. You have a right to show it and Rober Ebert has a right to tell you it sucks.
Exactly, feeling and bragging are two different things. I feel like I’m a pretty smart mofo, but I’m not gonna go around parading in front of Stephen Hawking or MENSA or the like.
@P. i hate the ugly chicks who parade like they’re kerry washington. only because they make it a point to tell you how fine they are. at every opportunity.
This ish right here?!? Round of applause. I swear I just had this convo with my girls a few weeks back, and they would not stop yelling at me for giving my number to someone else when the guy I was “talking” to stopped answering his phone/responding to texts. All they kept saying was that I hadn’t been patient enough with him and that I might be passing up a good thing. But my answer was always the same. How many times does this cat have to ignore me until 2am on a Saturday night before I figure out this is just booty call territory for him? Now lemme forward this post to these chicks real quick so my point will now and forever be made.
@Dannielle – All they kept saying was that I hadn’t been patient enough with him and that I might be passing up a good thing.
this is why the relationship industry is a billion dollar industry. b/c women usually listen to other women. its a vicious cycle.
Hate to admit that this makes a lot of sense…hits a little close to home…like literally you were knocking on my door like the police with this one… *deep sigh*
pat for the panda…
@Ashleyg, i usually knock until the cops come knocking.
“Me: Because he doesn’t like you like and just wants to have sex with you.”
I think that I have uttered this same thing, in a more diplomatic “Champ-like” way to at least all of my girlfriends at one time or another. I can also admit they they have said the same to me (once or twice). In each of our situations there was always the hope that the punany would change the guy somehow (as if f@cking someone’s brains out could actually be achieved). I think a lot of us have to realize that you can’t change people. You can love them and nurture them until your glass becomes 1/2 empty, and they still will be the a-hole that you met at the party trying to steal a booty rub.
“In each of our situations there was always the hope that the punany would change the guy somehow”
No doubt, It’s powerful, but it ain’t that powerful…
Speak for yourself…wonder woman ain’t got nothin on me!
And the bidding for @sweetbee’s phone # and email will begin promptly in 15 mins….
*Just for the record, darlin’, I’m a VSB…
All VSB are welcome…this ain’t ebay lol
@sweetbee, lol. i’m mad that you’re up for the auction.
I would disagree. Sometimes.
Years ago, I was just messing around with a guy…neither of us wanted to be in a relationship.
We ended up dating 2 years and got engaged.
I broke up with him shortly after the engagement…he married a white woman.
…. and she is back!
I missed the V.E.G tales. 
“i like brown, yellow, Puerto Rican, and Haitian”
*LOVES the Tribe reference!!*
you see.. when i prayed this morning and i asked God to make me wiser.. i didn’t know He would send it this way..
i’ve dealt with my share of ugly girl problems.. it’s sad, i know.. it IS easy to get caught up thinking that there’s a shortage of men, so it’s easier to deal with captain “call after 2 am” cuz at least you know what you’re getting..
however, i say that if i’m dealing with it, then i’m aiding and abetting (sp?) this sort of behavior.. and then when i FINALLY set him free, he thinks that he can treat the next chick that way cuz i put up with it.. and that ain’t right.. soo nowadays i’ll just stop the foolishness upfront.. i’m 31 and a pretty cool 31 at that.. so if it’s not him or him then i’ll wait for the real thing..
i’m gettin tired, but i’ll wait..
We are the same age! I had the realization last year that I was allowing some major f@ckery to continue going on in H-town. I already know that when I said “no” there were 10 other women with “ugly girl problems” lined up that were saying “Yes, when, where, and what size condoms do I need to buy?” SMDH
“I’m gettin tired, but i’ll wait..”
Singing an old Negro spiritual for you. I’s mighty tired, too. But alas, off in the distance I still see a glimmer of hope.
@ Nick and Mrs. Dr. Evil
I’m 32 (33 in October) so I know your frustration but patience begats perserverance. I’m going to wait for someone great instead of being satisfied with someone mediocre. I’m not always happy with my singleness but I do have a blessed life and I’m not compromising that to keep my bed warm!
I feel like singin’ a chorus of “I Ain’t No Ways Tired” but I need to get ready for court so I’ll just hum a few bars on my way to the shower.
LUVS IT. I’m 31 too (32 in a couple weeks…’78 was a good year)!
I hate how some people have ugly girl problems and don’t realiz it until after the fact. It was ok for him to call you when he gets to town (he been there all day but still calls you when the birds start chirping) wants you to come meet him somewhere and then want to call me crying and mad because he hasn’t called you and you want to know how it is possible to get ‘rugburn’ on your knees in a car (pause/side-eye).
Fathers, please hug your daughters…smh
@Mrs Dr. Evil and MsEsquire77 and Jai..
i personally think we should get together and just wreck up a city… i’m running low of people my age to hang with.. #thatisall
as sad as it is to say.. i often feel like if i had other things taking up my time and energy, then i wouldn’t be willing ot put up with foolishness.. but since i’m not working, and my life is kind of in limbo.. then it’s nice to have something to look forward to.. even if it is like “crumbs from the table”..
@Jai.. ’78 was a GREAT year!!
just in time for the beginning of Mtv.. i haven’t been the same since!!
it IS funny, hindsight is always 20/20 (even if you wear glasses)
it does have something to do with fathers not instilling a sense of worth in their daughters.. the way a father treats his daughter is a blueprint for how she expects to be treated when she grows up..
it really is sad because even though i swore i would never be a product of the “i had no daddy” syndrome.. that’s exactly what i became (without realizing it) in high school…
but at least we grow up… thank God for that..
…just a personal “thank you” to all the 30+ ladies willing to share their frustraicience (frustration + patience) with dealing with these fellas out here! I’m 24 and I think I benched my own self about 2 years back, but alas….. =)
Also, don’t get me started on the trolls that think they’re the shit because they lightskinned and or redone…again #FAIL.
As a light-skinned negro I support this message. I’m only a 4, a strong 4(when I shave), but a 4 none the less. Many of my fellow light-skinned folks should take note of this.
@Wu Young, yeah i took notes and embraced my 3.
Hmm
I would go into my detailed dissent, but I think this post is anti panty panderer panama
Is trying to purposefully have a ninja come at his blog. He probably has his hit em up style post written
@shay-d-lady, what you talking about willis?
I don’t know if it’s “Ugly Girl Problems” or a fairy tale mentality that has many women screwed up. I mean, we are looking for the man to swoop in with a white horse. But we haven’t seen that many white horses in the hood lately. Shoot, we haven’t even see regular horses! So an a$$ with six pack abs can sometimes get in, simply because we don’t even know if this mythical creature called Mr. Do Right really exists.
**Please note I’m using “we” very loosely here. I know Do Right exists. I saw him once. He was hot. ***
“I know Do Right exists. I saw him once. He was hot.”
Co-sign.
I swoon for DoRight every d@mn time.
But for the record nobody ugly or otherwise has such a lack of options they have to settle for being treated like shyt.
I don’t understand why any woman let’s a man run all over her and use her. No one deserves or has to have that problem
I don’t understand why any woman let’s a man run all over her and use her. No one deserves or has to have that problem
Cosign….the same holds true for men…even us 3′s shouldn’t let women walk all over us.
I don’t understand why any woman let’s a man run all over her and use her.
Its low self esteem. So many women have seen daddy treat mamma like crap, or seen mamma put up with all types of nonsense to have a “father figure” around that women internalized the bs. We women dont know our self-worth anymore. Just look at the entertainment industry. Hell, look at that fake b-ball wife Royce whatever shaking her a** for Courtside seats.
Fathers seriously need to hug their daughters more.
Hi five on that!
Then how do you go about explaining to a girl she has ugly girl problems…because she is in fact ugly…No sweetie you are not a mixture of Beyonce and Alicia Keys ( without the gut full of human).
We really need to stop using Gabourey Sidibe aka “Precious” (at least use her real name) as a measuring stick for ugly…you know somebody is willing to hit that (and not because he got paid)
HAAAAAA@ the gut full of human….
I’m gonna have to steal that.
“We really need to stop using Gabourey Sidibe aka “Precious” (at least use her real name) as a measuring stick for ugly”
I personally don’t think she’s ugly (no homo)… she’s fat yes, but not ugly. Now there are some ugly women out there that we can definitely and should use instead… I’m just sayin.
@Yeah…So
I personally don’t think she’s ugly (no homo)… she’s fat yes, but not ugly. Now there are some ugly women out there that we can definitely and should use instead… I’m just sayin.
c/s…no Keyshia Cole’s mom…that heifer is ugly
“c/s…no Keyshia Cole’s mom…that heifer is ugly”
Let the church say AMEN! And don’t blame the drugs cause her sis is just as bad as the mom
I agree Precious ain’t really an “ugly” chick. She’s real big, but since folks always focus on the face of a big chick, fellas wouldn’t agree she got a cute face?
“c/s…no Keyshia Cole’s mom…that heifer is ugly”
Yeah, she look like the cryptkeeper on a Monday morning.
I personally don’t think she’s ugly (no homo)… she’s fat yes, but not ugly. Now there are some ugly women out there that we can definitely and should use instead… I’m just sayin.
I agree. I personally think Tiny (T.I.’s wife) is uglier than her…
@T
WORD!!!!!!
Okay! ugh… sorry *Kanye shrug*
Oh yeah, I am forever crackin’ on Tiny aka Droopy. The rogue lower lip needs to stay put sometimes…
@ Cheekie
RIGHT!
Naw, she ugly. http://fitatheart.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/gabourey-sidibe1.jpg
It’s okay though. If there wasn’t any ugly people we wouldn’t know what pretty looks like (btw, it looks like this: http://www.esquire.com/cm/esquire/images/Pr/paula-patton-1-0808-lg.jpg )
Are you kidding me? Paula Patton is the standard for you? Really… and let me guess you get you balls washed by two beautiful African handmaidens every morning too huh?
I think Tiny looks like Webby from DuckTales… Life is like a hurricane…
@Wu
I now have the theme song for Duck Tales in my head…and I love it!!
Thanks **muah**
Yeah…Tiny fell off the ugly tree and clearly hit every branch on the way down. She was even rough looking back in her Xscape days…check them ol’ videos, lost of blurry and far away shots…lol
“Tiny fell off the ugly tree and clearly hit every branch on the way down.”
LMAO!!!! Hilarious!!!
I personally don’t think she’s ugly (no homo)… she’s fat yes, but not ugly. Now there are some ugly women out there that we can definitely and should use instead… I’m just sayin.
I agree. I personally think Tiny (T.I.’s wife) is uglier than her…
_____________________________________________
Full agreement. Does she not look like a human version of Droopy? I know I’m not the only one…
I don’t think he was referring to Gabourey as the measuring stick. I see her and Precious as two different people. It is clear that Precious was shot to look as big and as black and greasy and as unattractive as possible.
To me, Gabourey only *slightly* favors the role she played in the movie.
Ya know, that’s a good point. She was mighty greasy in that film. So was that chicken she was fryin’. That ish didn’t even look edible. lmao
“no homo”…are we still saying that?
and why do we need an ugly measuring stick in the first place? So we can decide who deserves to be shat on more than the girls used for the pretty girl measuring stick?
@everybody, i understand that you all have good hearts. that’s admirable. but stop pretending that she ain’t ugly.
thank you and good night.
just b/c you sympathize doesn’t make her prettier. it means she was busted with sympathy. kind of like bone thugs-n-harmoney.
and yes Frankie looks f*cked too. And Tiny is also busted.
but face it denizens, precious is ugly. you can lie to me, but don’t lie to yourself.
ugly and fat are different and she is not ugly.
What Yeah…So said.
I’ve seen Gabby look super cute before when she was all over the awards shows/press. She’s not a dimepiece, but she’s not ugly to me. Miles may vary and all that jazz…
@ Panama
Sympathy ain’t got nothin to do with it. There are 3 types of fat attractiveness..
1. Fat with a cute face
2. Fat and your face is aiight (not bad enough to be ugly but not good enough for cute)
3. Just..damn…I’m sorry for you
So she falls into number 2 on my list*
*Now if she had Neffie or Tiny’s face..yea she’d be a 3 on this list
@all y’all…
she’s fat???
o_O
Damn! This is the emmer effing truth if I ever read it! THIS is the reason so many women are running around talking about n*ggaz wont commit! THIS is why my great looking and (most imoirtant) Great personality having girl friends end up “single” for so long. Damn shame they cant look in the mirror and see what I see: beautiful women with so much to offer who settle for the crumbs of a man b/c they dont want to be alone. Thats a smuggums problem!
Anyway, thanks for this post. I’m forwarding this immediately to the work email. Hopefully my girl will read this ish first thing in the morning and let it sink in for the rest of the day!
@Dom, you’re welcome
And whats even worse is an attractive woman with Ugly Girl Problems settling for sh*t from some man who is TRULY UGLY!
Like Tina Turner letting ugly a** Ike abuse her for all them years! It just doesnt make sense!
Like Tina Turner letting ugly a** Ike abuse her for all them years! It just doesnt make sense!
Very true. Ike was very tragic looking.
LOL @ “very tragic looking”
theft in progress…
@Dom
See…what I think Tina was mesmerized by Ike’s talent. Another example…Mary and K-Ci. That ninja would probably black her eye…she’d be in hysterics…and he’s start singing…
“Oooooooooh yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh Marrrrrry forgive me. I’m sorrrrrry babbbbby”
She’d shiver…panties moisted…and all is forgiven.
And quoting Deeds…K-Ci is tragic looking as well
That ninja would probably black her eye…she’d be in hysterics…and he’s start singing…
LOL Thanks for setting the scene. Vivid indeed. I cant imagine letting ANY man put his hands on me. But I’d have to be blind and stupid to accept abuse from either Ike of K-Ci.
@Dom
LOL, c/s…nobody is gonna beat up on me
But I could understand in those situations how they may have got caught up
*thinking* I WISH a frail ninja like K-ci would raise his hand to me…it would be going down in Chinatown b/c I’d kick his narrow @ss
Ike had tons of swag, was one of the most talented musicians of his era, had a huge part in the invention of Rock’nRoll, was tall and thin, and was a natural leader. For almost every woman I’ve ever known, that’s more than enough.
Are you saying that Ike was like at 1960′s JayZ?
I’ve been enlightened
“Like Tina Turner letting ugly a** Ike abuse her for all them years! It just doesnt make sense!”
this is funny tho.
I think I was dealing w/ a slight form of this a little while back.
Thank God I got over [it] & thanks Panama for speaking on it.
Damn it’s hard being average…
you’re not average.. “I believe in you!!”
I don’t know girl… have you seen his avatar? bwahahaha (I kid)
lmfao, I hatechu.
say “word!!”
LMAO!!!
corner………..now
@yeah…so
I just died a little on the inside with that comment! Thank You
What I say? lol… ok ok, truth be told- you’re a 3… lol
I read your site all the time, but I’ve never commented. I just had to on this one. This post was like the slap in the face I needed to wake me up. Love the site!
@Lynn, welcome and sh*t. and it was my pleasure to slap you.
no abuse.
First The Champ gets put on blast on This Week In Blackness, and gets lumped with Steve Harvey. Now Panama’s going to end up on Jezebel, compared to everyone who has ever appeared on Fox News, including Megyn Kelly. Yes, I’m psychic like that.
But honestly, it’s a self-esteem issue. And there’s nothing that can be done about that, because as that wise sage Katt Williams said, “It’s SELF-esteem.”
@I Am Your People, let them all eat cake!!!!!!
I know i’m ‘not ugly’, and have been told the same. But I find myself dealing with dumb ish because….well, I don’t really know. I guess because sometime it seems like all I am is a pretty face. I settle far too often and try to make too many things ‘OK’. I am trying to get out of that habit but it’s hard.
@Dee, you can do it!
GUILTY… but not ugly, lol!
Which ALWAYS leads me to ask, “why do you have ugly girl problems?”
Look, I love all women. You all make me happy. Yay
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! okay, this line just FINISHED me, okay??? i’m FINISHED!!!!
Possible Ugly Duckling syndrome:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1366390/the_truth_about_ugly_ducklings_and.html?cat=47
It all goes back to women having daddy issues in my mind. If the father or (father figure) was prominently and positively planted in their lives majority of this wouldn’t be an issue. Because Daddy would’ve told her she was beautiful every single day and taught her to not settle being treated like anything less. Will she make mistakes along the way??…of course, relationships are a learning process. But the foundation of what a good man is should be there to withstand the foolishness of what a bad one brings.
I like this article that you posted a link to. It was interesting and very true.
It all goes back to women having daddy issues in my mind. If the father or (father figure) was prominently and positively planted in their lives majority of this wouldn’t be an issue.
I approve this message.
Why did that article have me laughing at myself? I was chubby with training bra mantittitties, kinda short, in rustler and wrangler jeans (size 32 husky), with big red coke bottle glasses, and a jherri curl after they were out of style…being the bench warmer in every sport was enough to lose a weight and grow…I was decent by senior year. Then I went to the military after college…that final transformation (mental and physical) scared the shat out of me…everything…came together? 8 years later…things keep getting better. A chick I grew up with is in town and I scooped her from her hotel…and she wouldn’t stop smiling…let me cop high school pokes and everything. 420 is god’s gift to the world…and I’m most comfortable with attractive down to earth women (late bloomer) women and I’m in no hurry to get married….that article was the shat.
i can’t tell you how many times i get into this conversation with people.. and it’s so sad how many people don’t wanna hear it.. the absence of a father affects the core deeply.. and very few want to do the introspective work necessary to work on it not realizing how it’s going to affect them for the rest of their lives..
It effects both men and women, the absence of a good DAD, in equally important, but diff ways
the absence of a father affects the core deeply.. and very few want to do the introspective work necessary to work on it not realizing how it’s going to affect them for the rest of their lives
Whats even more upsetting is the fact that too many women nowadays say “I dont need no man, I can raise this baby by myself.” They dont realize they are short changing their child from the get go. When we think about it that way we can really blame the fathers AND the mothers who keep having babies with dudes who aint about sh*t.
Whats even more upsetting is the fact that too many women nowadays say “I dont need no man, I can raise this baby by myself.” They dont realize they are short changing their child from the get go.
You nailed it. This topic should be the next post…
While that root cause may be very true…whats a girl to do, when she is left to learn on her own, or worse has been abused etc and is still left to learn on her own?!?
..once you are grown honey you are still very much responsible for your actions and choices even when alot of us didn;t have the best examples or guidance coming up, hopefully folk have and are learning, without repeating lessons=same mistakes over and over. Its not fair but thats how life is, the world keeps turning, and God willing we keep growing, learning, doing and being better people.
Realizing our value as women and children of GOD.
I was just going to say that. The woman who wasn’t pretty but now is will never truly appreciate her beauty.
@ TX10
I agree. This is why I am so greatful my father is back in my life. He has abused drugs my whole life, and he has been sober for a year now. I can’t express how having my father has changed my life. I have always been known as the fat girl with the pretty face. So I constantly felt that if a guy is interested I have to take him out because at least he noticed me. This was my own issue that I had to grow out of. So having to find peace with who I am was tough when there was no daddy around to tell you how pretty I am. Now at 32 I would think I don’t need him, but GOD knew I did. My relationship with him is a blessing and I am finally putting the pieces of my life together:)
I understand where you’re coming from. It’s so hard not having a father in your life. My father never been in my life but I have many mother figures and they forever said I was beautiful and told me to define my Self and not wait for someone else to do it. I didn’t understand the importance of what they were saying until I started dating. That’s when I realized that I had daddy issues…With lots of introspection and self help book, teachings of Iyanla Vanzant, I came into terms with myself, became confident, and started doing everything different. I get approached by different types of dudes now (yup no mo Diva Dudes) and now I know I don’t have to settle down with a punk…
I like how the inches are now days….
But very good point really. It really goes back to “self” esteem…
“Spare me the theres no such thing as an ugly person when you ALL know that is just not true”
Why won’t people admit that ugly is real? These are probably the same people who give participation trophies for little league paint ball and are against teachers using red ink while grading papers.
Anyway, someone up thread nailed it (Dom I think) when they said fathers should hug their little girls more. This would help a ton. There’s nothing worse than a girl sitting and crying with her make up running into her fifth martini asking a guy friend to “Tell me I’m pretty!” when the dude she’s into won’t say it to her. There’s only so many times you can tell her that dude is a turd who only using you for horizontal diplomacy and nothing more.
What exactly are “Pretty girl” problems?
Why won’t people admit that ugly is real?
I’ll admit, ugly IS real. no denying it. In fact, there’s a girl who works in my compound who’s so ugly her face is called “The situation”. But ugly or not, women with SELF esteem who KNOW they’re beautiful on tha inside will attract someone looking for that internal butterfly. In some cases, that confidence can make them more attractive to some regardless of physcial features. I’ve seen it happen. Real talk. I truly believe that.
*nodding*
“there’s a girl who works in my compound who’s so ugly her face is called ‘The situation’.”
Yo… I’m dead @ this.
Yes, ugly is real, and to the bone.
Why won’t people admit that ugly is real?
You a fool for this, folk…as for pretty girl problems, they’re actually quite amusing. *In a Crocodile Hunter voice:
Cute girl probs (aka: CGPs) occur when attractive women draw unwanted and/or unsolicited attention from men (or women) who ain’t up to par. The perpetrators of such offenses will usually try to engage the woman thru an assortment of verbal cues, such as: “hey shawty”, “Sup slim”, “Excuse me Ms. Lady..”, or even grabbing the young woman by her hand/arm, waist, etc. While these men are not necessarily ugly, there’s usually a number of features and/or habits that make them unappealing to the attractive woman in question (i.e., wearing an oversized white tee, seemingly unemployed, trying to holler at a gas station w/ no sign of his own car, hygiene issues, etc.). More often than not, the attractive woman tries to ignore or cleverly escape such advances, often rendering a refrain of “oh, so it’s like that” or a verbal insult from said individuals.
I’ve had several female friends complain about situations that were obviously CGPs…I think most women enjoy receiving attention from quality guys (a helluva ego-booster), but not so much from these other men. I simply reminded them that being attractive can be a blessing as well as a burden: one must deal with the wanted attention as well as the unwanted attention. It’s certainly better than no attention at all.
@DG
C/S that whole post! I get tired of ninjas who “aint up to par” hollering. They are the bravest mofo’s on earth….I swear! Not nervousness at all.
Saturday a dude approached me…polite…humorous…good looking…all of his teeth were present…..
My boy effin c0ck blocks! I’m still seething about this. Clearly my boy doesn’t understand
that I don’t like himthat something very rare just happened to me. And instead of sharing in my joy, he ruined my moment!*mascara streaming down cheeks and class of Riesling in hand*
I get tired of ninjas who “aint up to par” hollering. They are the bravest mofo’s on earth….I swear! Not nervousness at all.
Why wouldn’t they be brave…they got nothing to lose…I call it the “lottery effect”…when you expect to win big, it doesn’t matter how much you spend/lose in your attempts.
I’m sorry ’bout your situation, although I kinda think you’re overexxagerating the rarity of guys approaching you (I can see your gravie…very pretty… so you ain’t foolin no one). Regardless, your boy did kinda do you dirty…
@DG
Scouts honor guy! And when I say rare…I mean a dude that’s not one of those “lottery” playing jokers. A dude who I’d actually give them time of day is rare. And thank you for the compliment
And yes he did! I just had to write about it on my blog,lol.
@DG
Walmart is a hot bead of this kind of activity.
I meant “hot bed”.
*f***in’ South Carolina public schools.
You know as well as I know that Wal-Mart is like a club w/ no cover charge…you can see all kinds of madness there…
“Why won’t people admit that ugly is real?”
It is most definitely real. And it is to the bone.
“The most free people on the planet are folks who realize they have options and refuse to be constrained to their current circumstances. That’s how slavery worked on people; Black people didn’t actually know that we could be free. It’s that whole breaking the chains of psychological slavery spiel. And it works in myriad ways.”, – Ahhhh, P-who’s a *3-this right here sums it up, if only we could keep remembering this right here we’d really be alright, in a whole bunch of ways, it truly is all about the options, sometimes we forget we have em *le sigh-you are seriously on FIYAH this week!
Ugly is fo real and relative to a person but there is that one mofo that yall agree he/she/it is one ugly mofo!
Preach panama!
While I think ugly girl problems are real I don’t think pretty girls have that issue. Ugly girls will deal with BS because of their lack of looks. Pretty girls have another issue that I can’t put my finger on. I’ve known pretty women that stay dating bums. The issue I see with above average women is their knack for liking dudes with poor character. I don’t get it. I have noticed that the qualities they like in men are the qualities that usually have a lot of BS that comes along with it. Me and my boys were talking about this over the weekend. We know 3 guys that are dispicable when it comes to character. At the same time they always have women chasing them. Not only that but the women they deal with can do so much better than them as far as the way they are treated.
Disclaimer: As a 1.5 and a member of the CHC for Sub 3′s I have no right to say who is ugly.
@Humble_One
what the heck is “CHC for Sub 3′s”?
@LaBakir
“what the heck is “CHC for Sub 3’s”?”
Actually it’s CLC for Sub3′s. It is the Charitable Love Club for unfortunate ninjas rated 3 and below. Panama and I are charter members.
@Humble_One
LMAO! You know what, guy? I’m happy I don’t know you in real life. You are too funny and I have a feeling you’d get me in a lot of trouble…as I have no control of my laughter.
Excuse me, do you have Djimon Hounsou as your avatar?
@Cheekie
“Excuse me, do you have Djimon Hounsou as your avatar?”
Yes I do. It’s a still from Amistad. Why do you ask?
“Yes I do. It’s a still from Amistad. Why do you ask?”
Because until I saw the ship parts (I’m ship illiterate, wtf is that called?) in the background, I thought it was you and was like “DAYUMMM, Humble a model!”.
@Cheekie
LMAO! I thought the same thing! I was like “This lying @ss ninja talmbout he a 1.5…pffffft.”
LMAO! I thought the same thing! I was like “This lying @ss ninja talmbout he a 1.5…pffffft.”
LOL. Honestly I side eye that ish every time I see it….I’m like Harpo across the table from Celie and Sophia: ‘Now that’s a LYE (lie)!!! “
2 or 3 being the highest, then I’mma believer. If not, no cigar. Tryna (yes, tryna) throw folks off…you all ain’t gotta lie.
“LOL. Honestly I side eye that ish every time I see it….I’m like Harpo across the table from Celie and Sophia: ‘Now that’s a LYE (lie)!!! “
2 or 3 being the highest, then I’mma believer. If not, no cigar. Tryna (yes, tryna) throw folks off…you all ain’t gotta lie.”
I know, right?! And you know how niccas sound (um…type?) like they foine? Humble_One type like he fine.
Exactly, Cheekie. Exactly!
So when he (AND P-himma’ 3) finally walks through the door…everybody’s like Daaaaayyyyyyuuuuuummmm….and a handful of us are off to the side like “I knew it!!!!” Lyin’ azzes…
I’m just saying, some of these dudes on here type like they have too much sense to rate themselves so low (overall). I tend to look at the big picture….though I ‘preshate the humbleness in his/their approach. Makes you wonder all the more what’s lurking behind…and THEY KNOW IT.
So yes, fellas….some of us already know the play, but it’s intriguing nonetheless.
Now say thank you for the compliments. (lol)@all y’all, well i am a certified 3. i didnt call myself that. somebody ELSE came on here and called me that. even PBG said i’m a 4 yesterday. i aint lying. i’m just self aware.
me and Humble_One, we just do what we can with what we got.
CLC 4 Lyfe bitches.
Smh. Still need more people.
And “neitha one-uh-you’s” still didn’t say thank you…(chuckle)
“And “neitha one-uh-you’s” still didn’t say thank you…(chuckle)”
I know! We just basically made it rain on their egos and not even one thank you. #nohometraining
I see why you respond with a firm “No” when asked about lubbing (loving) him. You just gave him an inch, ninja took a few yards. Ninjas.
….and Humble, I’m surprised in you. Not even a smile, head nod,
cat/dog lee’ me lone, kiss my azz witcha’ tongue out…nay-thanI’m crushed. :-/ ….my conscious is telling me to give em’ the benefit of the doubt….hmmmCO-sign!
I seem to continuously experience what you term as “ugly girl problems” and I know that I can do better….its not even the man shortage thing, because I rarely consider that and I am fine being single. I am not one of those women who constantly needs to be in a relationship…but, this last dude got me coming out of a real nasty divorce. I had a few concerns about him..but, he was soo different from my ex…and I got swept up a bit…but, I recently ceased all contact..things have been coming to a head for awhile…..Im back out there..I think, Im going to just lay low..and in my next relationship I will definitely not be putting up with “ugly girl” things lol..and I really am uncomfortable with that term..but, for the sake of this post..I will roll with it.
Sadly putting up with the crap has become so acceptable. If more women didn’t put up with the bs then more men would step up to the plate.
Although reading this post has made me think about past dealings with a guy that I knew was on some ol BS and the post has also validated other actions in dealings with guys.
This is true, & the fact is…Pretty woman fall for messed up no good men just as easily as an ugly woman. Pretty woman get lonely, desperate, and often settle…just like ugly women.
There is alot of ambiguty on this subject because most ugly girls dont know or except that there ugly. I’m not sure which of the 2 it actually is.
“most ugly girls dont know or except that there ugly”
This is soooo true….
Yes, you are sexxxy! I needed this. *allowing a glimpse into my real life* I just had a situation where someone did something ridiculous. I reached out to two friends and they were both encouraging me to have ugly girl problems. One is ‘fine’ by every man’s definition but she habitually settles for less. She is a poster child for UGP’s. The other, well let’s just say, she’s no major prize in the looks department.
As for why pretty women end up with UGP’s? It’s because the many times those men start off treating those women very well. Then once they get the women they go back to their old selves. The woman is confused and is trying to get back to how things were in the beginning. It becomes a vicious cycle. It’s like how drug addicts are always trying to get as high as they were that first time.
VSB: Changing lives one post at a time
It’s because the many times those men start off treating those women very well. Then once they get the women they go back to their old selves. The woman is confused and is trying to get back to how things were in the beginning.
this has been my experience with one person in particular. actually he’s the only guy who’s ever led me to be diagnosed with “UGPs”
I eluded to this in my post but your friends can be the biggest enablers when it comes to UGP’s. They will try to have you clinging to a crappy dude or a dude who specializes in crappy treatment because they feel like he’s a good catch and they wish they had him. Naw, bruh! Nope!
Uh that last comment had nothing to do with your comment. I hit the wrong ‘reply’ button.
@Ms. Smart – that’s a shame cuz you of all people shouldn’t be having ugly girl problems. don’t let your friends make you ugly.
Aww. I shall take that as a compliment.
“I’ve never met an ugly chick with commitment issues. But you know what, I’ve also rarely met an ugly chick who settled for less than what she wanted. Now, it could be that their scope of attainment was different than others so maybe they aspired for something less than Idris Elba.”
Ummm….I have to disagree with this statement! I don’t think this is an ugly/pretty issue, but more so a woman issue. I know several non-attractive women that settle for dudes that no one should even touch with a five foot pole and even though they are not the most eye friendly chicks they could do alot better if their self esteem was up to par. Nah mean….
I agree here *nods head yes*
“…not the most eye friendly chicks…”
Love the phasing; consider it stolen.
It’ll cost you 1 movie ticket to see Sex and the City. Please & thank you…hehe
*nodding profusely*
@It’s Orange Tigress Season 616 & T
Thanks for nodding
I accidentally posted this comment (reply) as a new one. LOL I hate that I can’t go delete effed up comments! grrrrr
Yo I hate that too. Once you click submit, all the eff ups are engraved…That’s why sometimes I don’t even comment because I’m notorious for typos and mishaps…
LMAO IKR…it sucks!
This post is SO real and very accurate. It makes me ask myself: Why am I putting up with ugly girl problems and reinforces for decision to cut “One-Legged Pete” off PRONTO!
signed,
miss young
I am finding that women across the board self image varies with so many different things.
In my experience if they are sick, despite there not being any actual physical manifestation of this (besides a cough or sore throat), they still feel very attractive. In fact, they will sometimes go out of their way to compensate for this, so paradoxically, you’d have a woman looking her sexiest in her best lingerie, but doesn’t want to do anything because she “feels” so unattractive.
Another example, I’m currently dating a 8.5/9. She happens to be 7 years older than me. Despite me being maybe 6-7, she’s still a bit worried about just how attractive I find her to be, given the age difference. Strangely enough, I’m not intimidated by the difference in what we’ve done with our lives. . . well a little, I wonder how much a poor graduate student can compare to not so poor fulltime employed guys but anyway. . .
In the past, I have met and gone out with attractive, independent women several years my senior with whom it was clear they were used to being taken out by men whose cars cost 10x what mine cost. Luckily my ’98 looks amazing and many are surprised when they learn just how old it is. Anyway, being a guy from a huge geek/nerd background, attractive, confident, women who are interested in you in general knocks you back a notch, but then I had to deal with the knowledge that she’d expect to be wined and dined in Mt Washington vs the southside and I had to then think “just how attractive am I to her when I don’t book the kind of paper she’s used to”? And despite knowing that the amount of money I make does not affect my physical attractiveness by much, psychologically, it does have an impact.
So, the solution to this issue is the same that it always is:
1. Establish for yourself your own evaluation and self worth and recognize that only you control it.
2. Learn to recognize situations where you lower your self worth and the root cause (you feel inferior due to educational status, money, age, etc)
3. Remind yourself of the people who know and treat you as you deserve (your friends) – and evaluate new people based on this filter (I have a post on a similar topic here [http://bit.ly/dmixfm] but pretty much it says if I don’t accept some BS from my friends, I should definitely not accept it from someone I just started dating).
-So let it be written, So let it be done!
Ugly girl problem? You be the judge.
In the last year, I’ve been approached and pursued by 3 married men. And, even after I’ve gut-checked their manhood, they insist. First of all, WTF? I’m an educated, single professional with inner and outer beauty and impeccable morals…how the fcuk does that translate to what-time-does-your-wife-get-home? I bring this up now because it happened AGAIN yesterday and I assume that the potential to get “caught up” that you refer to could manifest itself as future ugly girl problems. Is a single girl supposed to be perpetually single b/c she can’t trust anyone to be upfront about his situation? Damn!
C’mon, fam…I’m puttin’ my ego on the line for this one. What’s REALLY goin’ on? Holla back.
just because they try, so what LOL
“Punks jump up to get beat down”
Mf’ers wil try their hand young, thats not an indictment of you. LOL
You just shut that sh*t down out the gate and “mosy on off gracefully”
@ Its Orange Tigress Season,
LMAO…you’re right, but I suppose the better question is why am I ONLY approached or pursued by married men (to, ultimately, prevent UGPs)? You know you can only say ‘no’ so many times before ‘yes’ slips out – word to my virginity (1980-1999).
I think she’s alluding to something deeper. Her ego is asking, is all I’m good for is being some married man’s JO?
Once is crazy, twice is a coincidence, three or more and something is going on.
@ Stank O …..Something deeper as in why is she attracting unavailable men on the reg?
Only she can answer that, it is said ” like attracts like” and I have been thinking alot about that in regards to the last dude I loved was just stupid crazy dumb attracted to, but then I know the answer LLS
…what’s happening is these men are making business decisions about marriage and then start wandering when they find themselves in (relatively) unfulfilling situations.
*Intercom interrupts* “WILL ALL MARRIED MEN PLEASE EXIT THE DATING POOL. YES, EVEN THE SHALLOW END.”
these men are making business decisions about marriage and then start wandering when they find themselves in (relatively) unfulfilling situations.
How do you stay long enough to even figure this part out?
The way I speak/interact with married/engaged/otherwise in relationship men will prevent them from even stepping to me… and I don’t even have “impeccable morals”…
Are you only hanging out where married folx hang out? May be time for a change of venue.
Dang, now my recreation is restricted b/c I’m single? I understand your point, but that sounds like punishment, don’t you think?
this is EXACTLY what happens to me… and i’m SO sick of it.. the single ones won’t come close enough and the married ones LOVE me!!
they’d put on their finest clothes to walk into the office then wanna give me the wink and call me “pwincess.” and while some might be flattered that she caused a married man to “consider her”.. it just makes me disgusted.. and wonder why you thought it was alright to even suggest such a thing..
in those situations, i do look and wonder “is it even worth it?” but being single forever just is NOT in me.. i already know that if i was meant to live that life, that God wouldn’t have put the desire to be married within me..
but those married men annoy the H*LL outta me… so revolting..
@ Stank-O,
What’s going on is men are making business decisions about getting married…then dind themselves is (relatively) unfulfilling situations and come looking for single women w/promise. Once the ring goes on the finger, you must exit the dating pool. No, you canNOT chill in the shallow end.
@ Nick,
I would say that I’m glad it’s not just me, but I wouldn’t this ish on ANY body. It’s disheartening to think that some woman, somewhere is @ work thinking life is good and her husband is is across town in my face, promising the world. And, as optimistic as I am, its gets harder and harder to imagine myself married due to the number of men I run into who participate but (obviously) don’t BELIEVE in marriage. M’tired…
I believe this mirrors the plight of the fugly dude. He’s looking for a come up and figures that with hitting on the cute single chick, what’s he got to loose by asking. He may, in his opinion, luck up on the cute single chick with low self-esteem who is ok with having some freaky, no-strings-attached fun at this time in her life. He’d never know unless he makes the proposition. Somebody’s bound to say yes.
@Resident GRitS, wow, that sucks. but i’m confused as to how this keep happening to you too. I mean, damn. you can trust guys to be as upfront as you require. i think you just keep asking their status. some chap will come along without a marital attachment.
but i have no effin’ idea how you seem to be a married man magnet. where do you live, Des Moines???
…Florida.
that’s hilarious…
i’m in florida too!!
This post is right on time! I swore I’d leave my ex alone but I did some ugly girl sh!t–not out of loneliness but out of hornyness! Help me somebody!
@Pretty Cute
LOL!
Mind over matter…if you don’t mind…it don’t matter,lol
But seriously…I just try to roll w/ the out of site…out of mind theory.
I’ve been “clean” for almost 3 months…done gave up that narcotic. :p
Sh!t see me when you get to 6 months… dat sh!t gets crucial! *shivers*
@Yeah…So
Oh, I know…I’ve had long hiatuses before…6 months here…a year there
But I just can not have random chex…and I’m stubborn, so I refuse to go back to the last man. I need an emotional connection, ya know?
I have no problem keeping my love locked down…lol
Sh!t see me when you get to 6 months…
I’ll take your 6 and raise you 32 months…and counting….
Strictly by choice, no force.
WITHOUT toys.Makes for some intense workouts though. LOL
@Ms. Butta’s Worth
yeah girl…I always go cold turkey…no patch for me i.e. toys
“Makes for some intense workouts though”
*dead*
Strictly by choice, no force. WITHOUT toys.
In the voice of Lil’ Jon WHAT! That’s skills. I respect that actually. It’s been 14 months for me (by choice) and although I’m not ready to open sesame anytime soon, the toys are still around…
I’m empowered to go cold turkey now
Bwahahahahaaaaaaa!!!! at —> Open sesame. Damn. ROTF
I’ve been “clean” for almost 3 months…done gave up that narcotic.
A’ight Anna Mae! …now eat the cake!
(chucking at all of Ikkie’s references….Lol)
@Ms. Butta’s Worth
LMAO!
Don’t you die Anna Mae….Don’t you die b!tch. If you die…I’ll kill ya!
WTF?!!! I was watching that movie and started wondering who was worse….Ike Turner or Mister from Color Purple. Them ninjas was something else.
Definitely Ikie, mofo was crazy!!!!
Anna Mae shoulda dipped when his ex shot herself. Rule #1, if his ex tries to commit suicide in the next room after pointing the gun at you, just stay associates…
I vote that Mister was worse. At least Ike made Tina a star.
LOL. I’m still chewing on that one. They played those roles all too well…to the point that I began to wonder if both actors had a touch of Ike or Albert in them. I say its a tie.
@bougiefruit
LMAO! I’m saying though…Mister was chexing teenage girls. At least Ike wasn’t a pedo,lol.
@Deeds
This is true…I think I’m leaning more towards Mister being the worse.
@Ms. Butta’s Worth
My boy moms does NOT LIKE danny glover…just off the strength of Mister, LMAO!
Thanks! but it had been 5 months and i thought i was strong but matter prevailed over mind i guess. And dude lives 8 states over…..i will get it together soon…promise!
“It’s not that they don’t have “a man”. It’s that they don’t have a man who acts right or gives them any of what they want. Or they’re just one in a line of chicks because they don’t want to be alone.”
Naw PJ… dem b!tches is definitely alone. Trust me I know.
-Ugly Girl PROBLEM Reformed Reformist
* nods head yes * Phcukin with some dudes IS being alone, it truly is LLS, some mf’ers are like Phantom Menaces, not really there but phcukin wit them haunts you..smh, mf’ers like a mirage when you reach for it nothing but air, nothing tangible nothing to hold onto, or to hold you, smh…
“mf’ers like a mirage when you reach for it nothing but air, nothing tangible nothing to hold onto, or to hold you”
damn that was poetic- lol… Let the chutch say yaymen!
I tend to think hot women go through these kinds of problems because they only get involved with Top-Of-The-Food-Chain cats in the first place. Thing is, the finest girl you ever went to school with and knew growing up (hi, Letitia!) is just “another chick” to alot of *those* types of guys. Those dudes can pull 10 more girls just like her before the 4th of July, so her fineness doesn’t really mean much to him.
If fine women want to be treated like queens, they’d do best to deal with cats not at the top of the food chain, who would make absolutely sure to try not to fluck it up.
With numbers being what they are these days, thats not necessarily true about lesser food chain gents and their treatment of beautiful women o_O, the numbers thing etc has siced up a many a walrus LLS….but I do agree partially with Alpha male not being phased by beauty alone, its the quality of the connection, which starts in the spirit of two individuals.
Agreed.
I really wish people would develop the proper disdain due to men and women who juggle multiple men/women. It’s not a good quality. At all.
In my opinion, those guys are not Top of the Food Chain and those women tend not to be either — unless you’re talking strictly about superficial qualities (looks, money, fame, etc.) The way it generally tends to work out is that they’re both prone to bottom feeder qualities.
Example, most people would consider a guy like Tiger Woods “top of the food chain.” But for a smart woman he should definitely qualify as a bottom feeder — poor character and impulse control, no integrity, manipulative and selfish. And the type of women who go for men like Tiger (only because he’s rich and famous) tend to have bottom-feeding qualities too even though they may be super gorgeous.
The people in stable, long-lasting relationships tend to be average folks with plain old good character and integrity — who place anywhere from a 3 to a 8 on the attractiveness scale.
Men who go for the super gorgeous girl only because of her looks deserve whatever they get. Women who go for (supposedly top of the food chain) men who have poor character deserve whatever they get too.
We’re all adults and we ought to know better by now. And we definitely need to change the way we think in terms of who’s at the top of the relationship food chain.
@Inland Revenue
cosign 100%. I still don’t get how women/men don’t understand that dealing with the “dime” or “alpha male” comes with character issues. In matter of fact I rarely hear good character as a quality they are looking for.
Its like that guy that complains that all women are golddiggers but the only thing that he uses to attract women are mentioning his car or how much he makes. Also, the woman that intentionally goes for the guy that juggles a many women and then act surprised when he acts doggish.
Ummhmmm….its all in how you lead….especially with the “wrong bait”. No need in calling shullbit on the play when you end up with scavengers on your hook.
My name is Ms. Smart and I approve this comment.
yes. Beyonce…Alicia…Janet: they go for guys definitely not at the top of the food chain and fare well.
Halle should take a lesson.
Honey as hard as it sometimes is when you are in love with someone, I decided that I could not accept sub par/ugly girl treatment..there was a time or two when although I made certain things known, my standards and wants etc, there were not being met by a long shot, it was ALL about him o_O, just selfishness and a touch of narcissism to the umpteenth degree, and although I still love those folks, I love myself enough to not allow that kind of mistreatment not from him or anyone else ever again. You either step up or step off. Options a plenty,LLS but nothing that has really sparked an interest or even the smallest flame these days.*Orange Shrug* but I refuse to settle for someone breezing in and out my life young, when its convient for them or whateva , phuck that! You get a lil lonely from time to time but your dignity and self respect are intact.
Hopefully no one I only text during the cutting hours reads this post and comments.
bwahahahaha- jerk
There are sooo many people I need to share this post with right now. This post is similar to one I posted a few months ago. The ugly girl problems definitely exist. For some reason, a lot of women are scared to be alone. They rather put up with the bulls*ht then be alone, happy and stressfree. Ladies, take a look in the mirror; if you KNOW you can do better, than do so! And if that means walking away and being alone, then so be it!
i wasnt going to speak on the topic (too close to home, already had the convo last night on the ride home from SATC2) since im not a cookie cutter girl i dont exactly fit into the mold of “the pretty girl who always ends up with guys who mistreat her”. BUT true confessions shall now commence…
im a pretty girl. i like the way i look (tho i can see room for improvement). i KNOW im pretty. ive been TOLD im pretty. ive stopped traffic. ive caused a car accident. there is no doubt in my mind that men find me attractive and want me. most of the guys ive dated, and many of my male friends, have liked me MUCH MORE than i liked them. adoration and affection were never absent. ive always had the luxury to toss guys aside as a hobby because they didnt have what i wanted. no shortage of guys to choose from and i was enjoying the experience of dating new ppl…
…until i met him. my “mr. big”. a guy who i liked, who liked me, but didnt obsess over me like the other guys did. he started off perfectly charming without being TOO into me. he was who id been waiting for. a breath of fresh air. and after a few months of dating, things changed. never quite got back to being like the beginning. yet he was still allowed in my space, “just for fun” (and trust me when i say im not talking about sex, thats a minor part). thought i could handle not having a relationship (not being a priority, not having the time). i could still do my thing, right? but i had no one else to date. there werent any other suitors. and i liked having a consistent male companion. some one to cuddle and watch movies with, some one to have lunch dates with, etc. so i allowed myself to get caught up in the one suitor that was around (kind of). and then i became the one with the obsession–obessing over wanting him to want me, to want to get things back to how they were in the beginning, and wanting him to SHOW me that he liked me as much as he declared he did.
as i disect it, its NOT because i had low self esteem and i felt like i cant find any one else, any one better. its because i became compulsive about having control. my competitive, perfectionist, control freak nature drove me to try and make things work, make my “mr. big” tell me “im the one”. KNOWING i cant change a man. KNOWING i can only control myself. KNOWING im wasting energy. its like a disease really. and after all the time ive spent being selective about the men i allow into my personal space, and having faith that Mr. Right is will come so i dont have to settle for Mr. Right Now, i honestly dont know how i ended up there in the first place…..
i understand entirely what you mean…
it’s crazy because i KNOW i’m wasting my time.. KNOW i’m wasting my energy.. but if my heart could just understand what my head is trying to say, then it would be all gravy!
and i know that my Mr. Right won’t come along while i’m emotionally connected to someone else..
if someone had said “three years from now, this is what your situation is gonna be like”.. i wouldn’t have believed them.. but little by little, it’s like i’ve slowly been allowing and conceding and before i knew it, i was EXACTLY where i told myself i would never be..
and you can’t ever get that time back…
you’re right, you cant ever get that time back. but its one helluva lesson to learn from. and after all that time and lesson learned (no a.keys) its best you not make the same mistake twice.
Wow… good introspective self-analysis…
I believe that people want what they can’t have. Deep down, I also believe women are the choosers, ultimately. You said that you never had any trouble getting guys and that you have always had suitors. A guy ended up being interested in you and you chose.
Thing is, guys with game, players, or what have you, are good at picking up on when a woman is more into them than they are into said woman. They’ll show just the right amount of interest, affection, spend time, etc, that it takes to keep the woman around for whatever purpose. It doesn’t mean he really did the choosing. He was never planning to “choose” in the first place. The woman still holds the power of choosing b/c once you realize, “he’s just not that into you,” then you can stop worrying and wasting time & energy on someone who isn’t really trying to pursue you, or be a suitor.
Guys used to actually court women… which meant they actually put time, effort, money, energy, etc, into pursuing the women we really wanted. The game has messed things up b/c we use courting tactics, but don’t have courting intentions… which has confused and messed a lot of women up… which is why a lot of women who are good catches have ugly girl problems.
i hear exactly what you’re saying. and i dont disagree.
@SouthernCharm
Guys used to actually court women… which meant they actually put time, effort, money, energy, etc, into pursuing the women we really wanted. The game has messed things up b/c we use courting tactics, but don’t have courting intentions… which has confused and messed a lot of women up… which is why a lot of women who are good catches have ugly girl problems.
Can you put that on a billboard? THE TRUTH
Gem.
I’ve been lurking for a few months but this is the first time I’ve felt compelled to respond.
I was exactly where you were a few months ago. My “Mr. Big” was so masterful at his game that he even forged a relationship with my mother; offering very humble and contrite explanations for not being what I deserved and needed him to be. Anyway, a year later and after he finally admitted that he Purposely placed things (work, friends, recreational activities) in between us so that he wouldn’t want a relationshiop with me, I totally cut him off. Now, I feel free and back to my previous, fabulous self – my swagger is back.
Gem, do what you have to do to get your swag back! Online date, go to a Que cook-out, look at the Face Book page of the used-to-be-the-finest-girl-in-highschool-but-now-has-3-baby daddys-and-5-kids profile pictures. Just don’t let him back into your life without a ring.
lol thanks for the cheering. my new and improved swag is about to make a fabulous and glamorous comeback. just you wait.
but a QUE cookout would be the wrong place for it to debut. smh & lol
i see we need to meet up for another cocktail hour. um…pencil me in.
oh lord, why?
girl power? hey, did someone say Que cookout? Um…that’s twice in two days. I think one is in our future. woof?
Wow.
I wanna copy and paste your entire post for future reference… This is what happened to me, lowkey. I’m past it, and over him (for the most part), but every now and then I need some reminding that I deserve much more, and being selective (aka waiting lol) is what’s best for me. lol Thanks gemmie!
uh you’re welcome? lol happy to put myself on display to serve as an example of where NOT to be.
@Gem of the Ocean,
the BEST post as this is me to a T. Every word. I always had my pick but found myself liking the ones that didn’t “sweat” me. Case in point, the current guy I’m dating…I realized that I liked him and hated the fact that I did when I invited him over for movie watching, spooning, etc…and he said he had to do laundry. !! Who does that??? Ugh. I’m getting red flags but I keep spending time with him. It’s damn trickery I tell you!
I wish I’d had this post when I was 19, 20.
What makes me saddest about the gems of life that are consistently dropped on this site and a few others that *may* be on a VSB level is that sadly, most people who really, really need this stuff aren’t getting it.
(sighs)
Great post PJ!! You know I used to have this issue when I was younger.. But I had a revelation around age 25 or so that I didn’t have to accept sub par from ANYONE. I don’t care how good they think they look or what they got, I’m a human being and I deserve at least common courtesy and respect. Guys will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. If you come with the no nonsense attitude from the door and refuse to compromise your self respect and morals, he will quickly weed himself out if he’s just looking to hit it and keep it moving. Cause ninjas aint trying to work if they dont have to. Bottom line. No guy is going to voluntarily work for it. Just the way sh*t is.
Quick story.. Many years ago, I played ‘the other woman’ to a guy I was madly in love with. I knew he had a girl but I like him so much that I was grateful just to be around him. He would come through to ‘hit’ and I would go through with it even though it made me uncomfortable and I wanted more. Looking back I realized how I had low self esteem and allowed him to use me because I was so infatuated with him. I was happy for any little crumb and didn’t realize that I deserved more than to be just a booty call.
So fast forward a few years. We lost contact besides the occasional e-mail or text for years up until the past year. Lo and behold, he tells me he’s married and now has a kid… by the same chick from before. So he tells me he wants to see me and ‘catch up’. I remembered what that used to mean but I humored him because I knew there was no way he was getting his grubby paws on me. So we hang out, everything’s all cool and friendly, he didn’t try to push up, etc. So I felt pretty good afterwards like maybe he’s matured. The VERY next day, he sends me these text messages saying how much he misses ‘it’ and wants to see me and then had that AUDACITY to ask me to call out the next day from work to play hooky with him and was saying all this chexual sh*t he wanted to do..
I was blown away!!!! First of all negro, you’re married and just had a baby.. Second of all, we haven’t spoke or been together in YEARS and you think you can just show up one day out of the blue and get those kind of privileges!?!?! Like you just got it like that??? Third of all, I’m a kind of a big deal at work, you think I’d just take off on a whim for your azz!?! The sh*t wasn’t even that good anyways. And lastly, (not to sound full of myself) I make d*mn near six figures a year and you think you can come at me LIKE THAT!!??!?! I mean he presented it like it was an offer I just wouldn’t be able to pass up.. Like ‘oh, thank you for giving me the privilege of being able to ride your d*ck again after all these years’
So basically i wrote him back cursing him the f*ck out and told him never to speak to me like that again. I told him the game done changed now buddy, I’m not 23 anymore.. and that he will speak to me like an adult and treat me like a woman not some jump off. And just to add that last gut punch in there, told him there’s dudes way above his league (we’re talking Goldman Sachs status) trying to holler and wine and dine me on the regular, why would I settle for some booty call sh*t from him!?!
Ugh… n*ggas make me sick… Ok so that wasn’t so quick. Just needed to vent!
I’m mad at you…why did you just base a great deal of your personal worth on professional accomplishments when talking about this.
What about saying…dude…you’re married with a family…I’m not immature like that anymore…as a matter of fact…meeting with you was a bad idea in the first place…have a nice life and don’t call me anymore.
You KNEW he was gonna try something…you knew what role he had you cast for. Wait a minute…I’m actually kinda pissed. So…you allowed a married n*gga to upset you. That occurrence counts against us single guys. So now you just earned another piece of baggage that we gotta carry by no fault of our own. That’s not fair.
You do sound good on paper though…I ain’t gonna lie.
Cosign, folk…and this…
“You do sound good on paper though…I ain’t gonna lie.”
….way to finish it off (I was thinking the same thing my d*mn self)
I appreciate it man…I was hoping I wouldn’t be the only one to notice. She probably is good people.
Well thank you
No i hear what you’re saying but I wasn’t upset at what he said strictly based off my salary, accomplishments, etc. that’s just looking at it from a perspective of principle. He immediately tried to relegate me to jumpoff status after everything I’ve done to improve myself and my life over the years since we last hung out.
But that aside, I’m an attractive girl, smart, fun to be around (i think) so what in the blue f*ck would make him think I would settle for that sh*t. I know we used to do whatever back in the day but that was like 4 years ago. It just really hurt and upset me that he wouldnt have at least used a little more tact in coming at me like that. If he had been a little smoother in approaching the topic, i still would have said emphatically NO but I wouldn’t have been upset. i’m a cute girl, its to be expected lol.
@BK Sweetheart, No i hear what you’re saying but I wasn’t upset at what he said strictly based off my salary, accomplishments, etc. that’s just looking at it from a perspective of principle. He immediately tried to relegate me to jumpoff status after everything I’ve done to improve myself and my life over the years since we last hung out.
i know what you mean. but word is bond…i know a couple six-figure jumpoffs. just wanted to put that out there.
@Panama Jackson
“i know what you mean. but word is bond…i know a couple six-figure jumpoffs. just wanted to put that out there.
I really need to move to DC
you know I was gonna say that what I do for a living, doesn’t begin to define my worth or value as a human being and a black woman.
That comes from a much higher source and me iiving it, from the spirit….
I haven’t gotten through all of the comments yet so forgive me if this has been said.
I agree less attractive girls get a decent guy and will call it a day.
For the better looking women with ‘ugly girl’ problems, part of the issue may be that prettier girls want prettier – HAWT – men. Even if they aren’t so nice or aren’t giving them what they want. They may overlook the great guy in generic packaging for the flashy stuff.
Personally, I always date guys who are (to me) as cute as me or cuter. But, I will pass on them if they are fools. I don’t like man drama – mine or anyone else’s. Dumping hotties, though, has left my less cute friends asking “What was wrong with him’?
A girl is damned if she do, damned if she don’t.
veggie tales!!!!!! long time no see!!!!!! you were missed
I agree less attractive girls get a decent guy and will call it a day.
There is an article somewhere in the blogosphere about this theory… if I could only find it…
LOL, wow Panama. I don’t want to say if i’m hot or not (lol) but I will say that um…*clearing throat*…i’ve been told I’m hot. But err..not conceited. We all have been dissed by a man at one point in our lives. My 2010 motto is NO MORE PRETTY BOYS. I had to scream that…sorry. I have always had a man who was aesthetically pleasing and i realize that they can sometimes play games the most. What I mean is: they know they like you, but try to make you chase them, show you enough affection to keep you around, without playing themselves by their boy’s standards (who are single), yada yada yada. I’m done with pretty boys…*as I text my boris kodjoe look alike* C’mon Panama, you already know the reasons why a woman will put up with a man’s ish. I will list them:
1) He is fine!
2) He lays the pipe better than a plumber
3) He is fine!
4) He lays the pipe better than a plumber
5) He is fine!
You get the point
I stayed with my ex (10 years) for many reasons, two of them are he is fine and everytime i threatened to leave he would lay it on me til i couldn’t speak…let alone say “i’m leaving you”. Don’t judge me.
i’m so proud of you for spelling “aesthetically” properly..
MUAH!
lol Thx…we are VSS. Plus my name starts with Smart.
Are you sexy? I can’t answer that last question for you, but you sure are randomly freaking hilarious.
@CocktailJay, welcome and sh*t.
i’ll take randomly freaking hilarious. lol.
Thoughts on pretty girls with ugly girl problems…
Girls that have been pretty for a long time without trying to be more than just be pretty…get used and abused. No substance…cool with being tail for hire…that’s what you exude…that’s how you get treated. That lifestyle wears them out by late 20′s early 30′s and they want better…but, they just deal with cats that want to deal with them to escape rejection…which pushes their self esteem even lower. She can tell who likes her and she entertains those cats and doesn’t even know how to act with a “decent” guy. It seems like it’s easier for them to just ignore what’s better for them…like they refuse to believe they deserve better. Ghetto, thuggin, domestic abuse, violence love my azz…
Let me be blunt…if you want the respectable gentleman…quit looking for tricks…you can’t hoe and host PTA meetings at the same time. That shat just don’t add up. Get some got damm self esteem.
i know so many women with this affliction. it’s sad really because no matter how much you tell them that they don’t have to put up with said b.s. they still do anyway. maybe they have that thing stacy dash has and sees themselves as ugly even though the world hardly sees them that way.
Stacy Dash does not see herself as ugly… she’s just got that “I’m to pretty to chex” AKA Halle Berry complex.
have you seen her recent interviews where she states that she needs a man to define how beautiful she is? it’s really sad when you think about it.
I’m sorry men are gullible when it comes to pretty women… what chick that thinks she’s ugly you know is gonna do a FULL SPREAD half-naked?… exactly.
Helluva post. Wish I would’ve read this about six years ago … ugly girl problems, indeed.
@It’s Orange Tigress Season 616 & T
Thanks for nodding
Opps that was suppose to be under reply…
F***!
I definitely don’t have UGPs (at least I don’t think I do). I think I have Lonely Girl Problems, meaning I have a high self worth but lack of dating/attention blinds my overall filter.
I won’t settle for playboys that cute and charming. My problem is that I have a tendency to fall (or almost fall) for intelligent and ambitious guys. Where’s the problem??? They are usually A) uggos to the 4th degree B) 80% gay C) punk @ss drama queens. I know this beforehand but I like the attention they give and their awesome resume. I even start to think, is A, B, and/or C really THAT bad? Yes…
@bougiefruit, welcome and sh*t (i think)
this comment actually made me laugh out loud. good job.
The worst part of this is that of A B and C, C is the worst. I can on a date with an ugly Biggie Small (pours 5 ounces of my 40) with a lazy drooling eye who has a Prada murse and would still give him a chance if he had ambitions and a degree. But once he starts talking about his ex, I’m shutting down until I finish my steak.
deep thoughts (#nojackhandy) @ the title.
there is a very simple reason for this. low self esteem (and clearly that’s the key issue if she’s sticking with a dude that doesnt deserve to be stuck to/with).
and since we’re told that inner beauty shines through, someone with a young, sad and blue heart/mind/spirit/soul/essense is going to suffer from ‘ugly girl syndrome’ (not really feeling that name/title..but alas).
i know we’ve all seen a good looking person with someone WE percieve as being not good looking enough to be with them. it may be that person wants a constant ego boost, less worry that someone is gonna try and poach their SO, less worry their SO will stray and cheat etc..
at the end of the day: loneliness and societal pressures can be a bi*tch. everyone has weak moments. some have theirs last longer than others.
Amen and Amen, Panama.
This was, originally, my response to Gem of the Ocean, but I figured I’d just make it an actual comment:
I believe that people want what they can’t have. Deep down, I also believe women are the choosers, ultimately. Most women never have any trouble getting guys and always have suitors. A guy ends up being interested in a woman and she chooses.
Thing is, guys with game, players, or what have you, are good at picking up on when a woman is more into them than they are into said woman. They’ll show just the right amount of interest, affection, spend time, etc, that it takes to keep the woman around for whatever purpose. It doesn’t mean he really did the choosing. He was never planning to “choose” in the first place. The woman still holds the power of choosing b/c once you realize, “he’s just not that into you,” then you can stop worrying and wasting time & energy on someone who isn’t really trying to pursue you, or be a suitor.
Guys used to actually court women… which meant we actually put time, effort, money, energy, etc, into pursuing the women we really wanted. The game has messed things up b/c we use courting tactics, but don’t have courting intentions… which has confused and messed a lot of women up… which is why a lot of women who are good catches have ugly girl problems.
Well put… but since you brought it up. Why would a guy go through all the trouble of taking a chick out, pay for dinner… you know “courting tactics” without the intensions of getting the girl. A waste of time and money I’d say… not that I’m complaining- I appreciate a free meal (no Precious) here and there, but I am confuddled.
It’s only a waste of time if you’re trying to actually wife a chick… it’s never a waste of time when booty is the goal.
Also, we only put in as much effort as you demand.
Let’s say I really don’t have “courting intentions” but just want to smash… but all we did was watch a movie at your crib a couple of times, and I took you to Chili’s (lol) before I smashed… then you really didn’t demand much. So I really didn’t have to put much effort in.
*tear*
@SouthernCharm I agree to some extent, but what about when the man shows interest, the woman chooses him, and he gets what he ultimately wants…SEX. Happens all too often, then he discards her like it was nothing.
To quote my girl Jill Scott…
“After being chased, I’ve been dismissed…as just an object, something to play with…You have managed to turn me, from a woman of substance, to this.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl5qxE7gWyY
Soooo many of us women can relate to that statement right there!!!
@TheOpinionated1,
That’s where the whole courting tactics without courting intentions comes into play. He can do some nice things and show some interest in order to get you interested, but he was never planning to wife you in the first place. You gave him what he wanted. Key word: Intentions.
@SouthernCharm Ok, I feel ya on that, and I agree, but as far as women having the upper hand, I think that we do when it comes to sex, but when it comes to relationships men do.
My thoughts are…whoever wants (whatever it is) the least has the upper hand, that’s why they say marry a guy that loves you more than you love him. (That’s if you want the upper hand) I think people gotta also realize though, with that situation, that he may love you more at first but the table can always turn around on you at any time and you find yourself being the one w/o the upper hand.
Whoever wants it the least?
I see what you mean, but if we both frontin like we’re not interested then we’re playing games. I think the safe bet, for women, is to just do you and let the guy show what his real intentions are. Some women allow themselves to get open too easily. We’re both taking risks… you getting open & me wasting my time. Just gotta take more calculated risks.
@SouthernCharm Yea, I don’t too much agree with the whole “marry someone that loves you more nonsense” because I think that you can’t go though life trying to calculate evrything as if life is one big math problem. You gotta go with the flow.
If you end of loving him more…so be it…hey, that’s a risk you take with love…Loving someone means putting your heart on the line to possibly be broken.
Man!!!! You’re making me want to write!! i’m gonna have to bring my laptop to work with me tomorrow!!!! LOL
The same thing with chivalry and being a gentleman,
its ALL in the intent/motives/ the spirit in which you do things, isn’t it?????..the devil is a perfect gentleman until…………….
The game has messed things up b/c we use courting tactics, but don’t have courting intentions
I see what you mean. Now how can women know when the courting is intentional nowadays???
I see what you mean. Now how can women know when the courting is intentional nowadays???
You can’t. As men, who knows if we’re actually not wasting our time either. We’re both taking risks, but we just gotta take more calculated risks.
Guys used to actually court women… which meant we actually put time, effort, money, energy, etc, into pursuing the women we really wanted. The game has messed things up b/c we use courting tactics, but don’t have courting intentions… which has confused and messed a lot of women up… which is why a lot of women who are good catches have ugly girl problems.
I co-sign this!!!
Pardon me for not reading through all the comments, maybe someone else answered this.
But P, can we really classify these issues as “ugly girl issues” if you’ve already acknowledged that “ugly girls” rarely suffer from them?
@Trenton Famous, i was wondering if anybody would pick up on that paradox. however, i mentioned that they’re the issues we usually assume ugly girls would have (even if they dont).
Great post PJ!!!
I’d pretty much come up with this conclusion a couple of years ago, but 1 (um maybe 2) guys have caught me up in chasing after them. But going into my 30s (my bday is today BTW!!) I am promising myself to remember this and not settle for less than I desire. Thanks for the reminder.
Welcome to the dirty-thirty club!!! Happy Birthday (throws up confetti and balloons)!!!
Happy Birthday!
@ OC,
Happy Birthday!
@ Jai,
I’m really holding back with a ishtload of laughs, but WHO is that avatar pic of? And is it male or female?
**and you are so wrong if that is someone you know; like damn (lol but not really)**
It was my ‘i know I’m too fcuking sexy’ pic (pause). I had to preserve my sexy so I switched the pic up!
Y’know, I was gonna ask if there were two Jais on here…cuz one has a really cute avatar…then I noticed this one, and it’s like a total departure from the @Jai avatar I grew accustomed to seeing…like WTF???
Still me, just switching up the avi (the blond pic is my sexy pic..LOL)
I see, I see…this must be the Glamour Shots sexy version of you…lol
(On the real, that new avi was really toying with my emotions…I was feeling all kinds of hoodwinked…bamboozled…even led astray…)
I switched it back (just for you DG)!
@OftenConfused, well good doggone happy birthday to ya.
Wassup, Pandering Panty Panama, 3P for short. Good post, looks like you pulled up some pretty girls w/ ugly girl problems skirts today. Way to go.
Now the problem I have w/ pretty girls w/ ugly girl problems is that they will be just trounced and dogged by some Nothing-Assed fool for years and then want to give a decent guy the hardest time in the world and make him jump through Cirque de Soil fire hoops to even smell the pannies. So it’s just easier for the decent dude to put on his dog suit and join the crowd. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!
No, some times you just have to be reminded that some guys are actually good guys… lest I remind you- most dogs tend to roll-up in good guy clothing.
Sounds good in theory but from many of the comments from the current and former UGP folks. The cure seems to be not to take it anymore. But how is it fair that someone whose twice the man of the dog will have to work twice as hard as the dog to get the same treat?
that’s just life… if you’re the right one for her she’s only gonna be blind to that for so long, right? Hang in there kid
Cirque de Soil
that would be Cirque du SOLEIL!!!! *smh* sorry im a bit of a fanatic. hate to see it misspelled.
Damn VSS! Okay, my french is a little rusty! You didn’t have to yell it! geesh!
lmao my bad!! i told you, im a fanatic. i just got carried away!! e-forgive
Your definition for ‘ugly girl problems’ doesn’t define a problem, but rather, women that are seemingly afflicted with such issues.
@excusemethen, well excuse me then.
Literally Laughing out Loud. She/He/It told you! Hmmph!
Interesting post, Panama. I saw the humor behind your reasoning with the UGP references….but I’m sure we all know the above tendencies are non discriminative when it comes down to looks.
Lack of self worth runs deep. Sure, those who weren’t raised in a more grounded and loving two parent environment, run a higher risk of looking for love and validation in all the wrong
facesplaces. However, I am noticing more and more of those who were raised with such a privilege are prone to such ills as well. Could it be that they possibly did not receive enough attention growing up?….or that they’ve become accustomed to receiving a certain amount of it? Dunno.But I do think there is another factor in this equation. Fear. The fear of being alone can lead to an overflow suitors blowing up her cell to schedule a dinner date or a late night cap….to the fear of being hurt, so she shuns the idea of entertaining a serious relationship. Its really a double edged sword for folks with this mentality.
So this just boils down to the individual and how they’ve allowed life to deal with them, instead of being an adult by taking full accountability for their own isht. We have so many folks just taking whatever they can get….as if a fraction of somethin’ is betta than nathan thought process in regards to relationships. There’s a fine line in compromising and allowing yourself to be taken for granted. And with all of the hoopla of “at least s/he gettin’ paid (self dignity and character be damned) hogwash, its no wonder such a tumorous disease is spreading like wildfire. I mean, yeah, all live and learn at our own pace, but damn…we have more and more grandmama’s glorifying such self inflicting behavior in their daughters and grands….well, shu’…..its no wonder.
But all that to say….we can sit here and point fingers all we want, blame other folks for our own baggage, but as it as already been stated: a person can only do what you allow them to do. And like I said, folks are just scared and some are truly lost…..and then there’s that percentage of individuals who just don’t give a dayum either way you slice it.
I myself still believe if you uggglllleeee on the inside, you’re just as tow-up (torn up) on the outside. I’ve never really been into flawlessly handsome dudes as a serious mate for myself….sure you’re easy on the eyes, but…. I neva (really) liked yo’ pretty ass anyway.
A man’s actions shown through character, integrity and self discipline will make the average Joe lot frickin’ hot in MY EYES.
lotlook@Ms Butta’sWorth
“. I neva (really) liked yo’ pretty ass anyway.”
Don’t steal my lines. And I better not here you talk about making change out of someone’s arse.
Don’t steal my lines. And I better not here you talk about making change out of someone’s arse.
Chi-ching!
Oh, it was? Sowwy….I take you have something against pretty mofos too? ….and that was Nino’s. LOL
@Humble_One,
I just thought of something….since I can’t let go, why don’t we share it? Cool?
What about a girl who is pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside? A man will treat her bad once he realizes she is truly ugly…then she will start to complain, etc. SO…okay i forgot my point.
What about a girl who is pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside? She still ugly. But then, some men really do love “batches”…so…..
Besides, some of those same women are the ones complaining about they’re aren’t any good men out here. Like heyal! Pure shullbit I say. Sadly, it will take her even longer to realize she IS what she attracts and therefore invites into her space. To quote a friend of mine…”hope she likes cats, cuz she’s gonna need em.”
LOL at forgetting your point.
Like heyal! Pure shullbit I say.
ROFL!!
Besides, some of those same women are the ones complaining about they’re aren’t any good men out here.
Amen! I almost bite a hole in my lip to keep from telling these women the truth.
Sadly, it will take her even longer to realize she IS what she attracts and therefore invites into her space.
I really like your comments. They’re always spot on. Can we be e-buddies?
Aw shucks… thank you, T. e-blushes
You got it. E-buds it is.
great post. i often wonder why so many women (and some dudes) choose to settle for ish. people just need to go after what they really want.
don’t know how I feel about the slavery metaphor though. there was a whole system in place to keep you enslaved even if you wanted/tried to get free (slave codes, torture, public executions, forced illiteracy, government support, etc etc.). you’ve got a lot less holding you down when it comes to relationships.
Am I sexxy?
Yes you are Panama owwww!!!!
Today’s post made me happy:)
First, 2 sexxy posts in a row? I see you, PJ. Honestly, I think many black women really buy into this inferiority complex of believing they shouldn’t have the best, and they have to settle for garbage. So, once they get a man, any man, they hold on to him so tight. It’s pathetic really. A lot of women need therapy, because they obviously have issues loving themselves
Second, WTF is going on with twitter people going in on VSB? I just logged in a minute ago, and some fool is talking smack. You fellas are doing great work, because it seems VSB gets a new hater everyday. Keep up the good work!!
Seems nobody has been able to say much to us directly though. They can stay in the backchannel if they want. *kanyeshrug*
@N.I.A., yeah i actually dont feel like i’m doing a good job unless somebody is talking sh*t about me. apparently i’m masochistic like that
N.I.A. naturally June 2, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Second, WTF is going on with twitter people going in on VSB? I just logged in a minute ago, and some fool is talking smack. You fellas are doing great work, because it seems VSB gets a new hater everyday. Keep up the good work!!
That was me going in on the VSBs with my new blog “Why 3s like Panama don’t have the right to use the phrase ‘ugly chicks.’”
But with success comes haters, and may all us bloggers on here (yes, I’m all uppity after one week of blogging) get that kind of hate and the pageviews that come with it.
Off topic: I heard the most ghetto-assed gospel song (It’s got to be at least two years old) and the lyrics are something like “I’m going to pray for my hater today,I want some healing for my hater today.” Anyone heard that song before? Anyway, it goes out to the VSBs and Liz
@I Am Your People, wow, an admitted hater. LOL. who actually stated straight up that i was going in on y’all.
and you’re right, with success comes haters and b*tcha**n*gganess. but such is life.
and thanks for the song shoutout. that sounds like a song from The Boondocks.
I can’t tell if this is a compliment or an insult to VSB lol
Isn’t this ugly chick behavior too, though?
@TheOpinionated1 – it was just a joke. I wasn’t one of the haters on Twitter, but I’m mad I missed the tweet roast! I’m 100% pro e-Thuggin’
I just saw a recent picture of dream, in a tight wife beater OVER a white tee. He not only had a baby with C. Milian but he is also married to her. Cue Ronald McDonald “Do you believe in magic”. Phuck yeah, because if Hamburglar can find love without settling, then d@mmit so can I! YES WE CAN!!!!
ROTFLMAO at your entire post but that Hamburgular reference was a killa. Dang, you right! I definitely see the resemblance.
LOL….I call him the madd platypus LLS
But I concur YEssss we can!
Feels for the ugly girl w/ugly girl problems……..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL GEMINI, ESP the JUNE VARIETY!!!!!
Man, man, man. This is a good topic with good responses. Well, here goes.
No woman should settle. No man should settle. If you feel you have options, explore them, before you make that final decision of that special someone. If it ain’t meant to be, move the hell on. Life is too short and you only have one go-round with it. If you are a beautiful woman, meaning that you are told that and you feel confident in your overall physical attractiveness, be happy that you are at least pretty. There are women that aren’t as fortunate, unfortunately. If you are a pretty woman with ugly girl problems, there is probably a good chance that you have the personality of a thumbtack. Read, get a hobby or hobbies, watch a foreign movie, buy Dark Side of the Moon, do something that adds substance to you. I guarantee you that if you have a personality that is deeper than a kiddie pool, you may attract a better quality of men. If you are a beautiful woman with a wonderful personality and are single, stop b*tching and stop looking. I don’t mean to be preachy, but God has a plan for you to be with a good man. Just let it happen. In the meantime, do what makes you happy. You are beautiful, intelligent, and just overall wonderful. Men are going to be drawn to you like a magnet and you know it. You know what you like. You know what you don’t like. Stick to that and don’t deviate from it. I don’t mean stick to everything to the T. That’s impossible. Just don’t settle. If you let a man treat you as a booty call, he will treat you as a booty call. You let him know from jump that you deserve to be treated with class and respect, he will either move on or get his stuff together to step to you correctly. A good man is not going to come on a white horse. A good man could change your tire in the rain, offer his seat a bar and keep it moving, bump into you at a bookstore or the guy that helps you get the box of cereal from the top shelf. If you feel something, a thank you and a smile if you probably all it takes to get the ball rolling.
Alright, I’m done.
Preach on… Lol
I died a slow death @ personality of a thumbtack… A thumbtack though?
Sooo…you do realize that if you keep making such fabulous responses you WILL have to meet (then marry) me, right? I’m willing to relocate for love because there isn’t a darn thing keeping me in Maryland.
Seriously though, responses like this are why the VSSs are always calling you a unicorn. You are such a sweet spirit and you (and the other VSBs) give me hope so thank you darlin’
My pleasure, my dear. It shouldn’t be false hope either. There are a lot of good dudes out there.
Very nice. This happens to be one of those things that sounds better coming from “one of you’. **nod**
CBG, how do you manage to top every comment you write with the next one?! I swooned at your entire comment, especially this:
“A good man could change your tire in the rain, offer his seat a bar and keep it moving, bump into you at a bookstore or the guy that helps you get the box of cereal from the top shelf. If you feel something, a thank you and a smile if you probably all it takes to get the ball rolling.”
This spoke to me because it is SO true. And it is really a hopeful message for allllll the single ladies (put yo hands up!).
Thank you for being you, darlin’.
You are so welcome, Cheekie. All good women, especially funny ones like yourself, deserve a good man but until that time comes, enjoy being yourself, so when a man does come along, the only person he has to compete with loving you is yourself.
AW!
Ya know what CBG, you know how I never tell Panda I love him? I’mma tell you. I love ya, man!!
thank you… from me, to you…
you’re such a sweetie…
@ComicBookGuy,
I have to go to bed but reading your comment and blown away. That’s straight forward, to the point, yet meaningful. You have so much insight. I needed to read that…I think we all did.
Good looks stop at the skin. My mom caught me looking in the mirror too hard one day as a teen and I never forget she gave me a talk..to the point: Looks attract but personality keeps. There has to be something below the surface so you are right to say that we need to do something to add substance to ourselves.
If you continue to talk like this, you are going to have serious stalker issues on this blog cause I’m sitting here wondering…where he at? and is there more like him? lol
Get in line SmartFoxGirl! CBG has a strong following of VSSs and I’m electing myself the president of his fan club
Our first order of business: collect a DNA sample and start the cloning process.
Your comment made me cry. You said everything that I had ever wanted to hear from a man. Thank you and I love you too because you have reminded me that true love is everywhere and anywhere. I am going to take it whenever it is offered, no matter the source.
Absolutely HILARIOUS! you are 100% right…#cosign!!
the only way beauty is relative is when it’s Jay-Z or Lamar Odom. They are clearly NOT attractive, but the GIANT diamonds in their ears and GIANT zillions in the bank and GIANT Bentley’s outside make them relatively cute…or all those who find them attractive just GIANT bags full of Summer’s Eve.
Miss a day miss a lot.
Women are women – ugly or pretty. We all have days when we feel like Halle and days when we feel like Precious. If a man catches you on a Halle day, he better come correct. If he catches you in a Precious kinda mood, well, who knows what might happen. *See Dream and Milian
great article, but I think it misses a very important point, i.e, the pink elephant in the post, lol. This all comes down to self-esteem and unfortunately sisters are suffering from a lack of it in large numbers. Your value as a woman and a human being can never be based on your looks, that’s why so many attractive womn have ugly girls problems, because good looks doesn’t mean you value yourself or you know your worth. As a result, you will pick up the pennies that are thrown at you instead of going for the gold you deserve.
I think a lot of begins with a woman’s first relationship with a man – the relationship with her father. When daddy doesn’t love you and tell you you ar beautiful and valuable you are more likely to fall for the b*s. You have to know deep down that you are worth more than you settle for. It has nothing to do with looks, and everything to do with self-love.
Leticia comes to grips w/her ugliness in a very special episode of Blossom. But Joey still takes to the dance. Later, they find her body on the side of the road but no one talks about it. Not even Six.
Ok so the attractive girl CAN do better. But HOW does she do better? I mean, if she could do better, wouldn’t she be with the better option? A girl wants what she wants. Say she doesn’t have that option B, or option B would be settling, then what?
Nevermind, I just read comic book guy’s post.
I think my love of you guys, is bad for my health and it’s reeking havoc on my friendships! This was spot on, damn!
This is just a test….
“philosophical with your girls about why the dude won’t call you back when you have some other guy’s number you could be calling.”
Then that makes the guy who answers have ugly boy problems right?
If she only calls you when the guy she really wants is out boning someone else, and you tell her to come over so you can rub her feet and make her chicken noodle soup, and she leaves, feet freshly rubbed and full – without having sex with you, Cake Daddy, doesn’t that make the man an equally lame duck?
Ugly girl problems are real, but i would also like to add that depressed people have a more realistic view of themselves and others than the non depressed (clinically proven fact – im a psyh nerd). Why? Because we need to delude ourselves to be happy. Why is that fact relevant? Because people who deal with the bullshit delude themselves into thinking its gonna change. Ugly people (also known as the depressed) are honest with themselves and their situations…
and yes, you are sexy…
Disclaimer: This is going to sound terrible, but I don’t mean it to be. I think this problem arises when attractive women listen to advice from their, um, less attractive friends. By demanding to be treated like they should be (not saying less attractive women should be treated badly, but they often put up with more), their friends make them feel high maintenance or like they are being snobby, so they try to give the dude a chance. Then it’s like, WTF, why is my cute ass putting up with this mess from this dude who is clearly not all that? Yea, pass on that. I’ve learned to figure out which of my friends have self esteem issues and I no longer listen to their relationship advice. Just saying.
This article really helped me. That mock conversation is one I have had many many times….finally seeing the light.
All good points but the guys who dig me? Are rarely the ones I dig. And no I don’t have a thing for bad boys. But these days it seems like guys are either douches or pu$$ies. Where’s the middle ground?
(Raises Hand) I have an unwarrented case of ugly girl syndrome. I think I first caught the bug as a teenager when I had my first boyfriend. Since then I’ve had an ongoing battle with the disease which usually flares up with especially bad boyfriends or girlfriends. It’s mainly in remission now but everyday is a struggle.
HAHA, But seriously though I had to realize why am I putting so much time and energy into someone who isn’t doing the same?
1. Why do some men start acting up in the first place? Most guys need to man the hell up.
2. This “men thinking they are the prize to won” is sickening…If he is not actively pursuing CONSISTENTLY, then I must say farewell.
3. The self-esteem/self-image theory is a lil played out. If you keep running into the same situation regardless of your esteem, you may start to think that this is all there is. Moreover, a lot of women find men who treat them like queens CONSISTENTLY and yet have low self esteem and feel they don’t deserve it…There is a such thing as LUCK and DESTINY…
I’m personally done with relationships at the tender age of 22…..because I just dont see the point….I feel happier single.
^Oh yeah, and btw, I have dated mostly “good” good-for-a-lot things men and yet they mess up horribly. I have normal standards, so I just give up because I’m too good for the nonsense. Like seriously. Not to sound arrogant….but seriously.
@Talk, I hope you like cats.
No I don’t like cats….
I personally believe that most women in a relationship are dealing with some BS……
And I believe in destiny, so to me there is no such thing as spending 25 years with the wrong person….
It’s not a whole lotta good out there…
And I do generally think that I am too good for men (not interested in women, sorry.)…..so in honor of my self, I bow out.
Ok, all joking aside. You are 22, slow down. I know you are all hurt right now but believe me, we all think we know everything when we are that young (not trying to be condescending, though I know it’s coming across as such). Instead of bowing out, take a long look at your self and assess why men don’t value you as a prize. What are you putting out into the atmosphere that is apparently not prize worthy. If you are constantly being approached by trifling guys perhaps a slight adjustment to your attitude, dress, makeup, or hang out spots may be in order.
In other words, don’t be a quitter! Only losers quit the race in first couple of minutes, hell only losers quit period. If you want to quit fine, do it and recognize what you are. The truth may be you believe YOU’RE NOT good enough for the men that you want so you have decided to drop out. If so, cool. But let’s call a spade a spade and if at 22 you are done with relationships and cats, you are a quitter and are not fit for any decent man to spend time with anyway.
see reply
1. I don’t know everything.
2. The self-assessment started some time ago. I am a reserved, matured, kind, compassionate, generous, listening, spiritual, respectable and respectful woman. My physicality, face and body, is respected and appreciated by men. I have chosen men of high moral character above all. I rarely flirt and I purposely don’t make a lot of male friends because I don’t want to hurt feelings. I would say of course, like almost everyone, I have made mistakes in dating like being too open too early. However, I have even been hurt in an instance where I showed just enough interest with a man who was really into me. There is no man to date who I have dated who does not see me as prizeworthy. I usually date older men because most men my age are neither emotionally or mentally on the level. This may sound arrogant but most men within a month of hanging with me will start to think of marriage….maybe not seriously yet but possibility.
However, all of them have messed up big time in more subtle ways like not getting me things for holidays for lame excuses or call me infrequently. I have not even known any of them to cheat or play around (but they probably did who knows.) And considering not only my relationships, but the relationships of my also-responsible sisters, friends, mother, aunts, and female associates and the mistakes of ALL of their fathers, men just screw up regardless of how good the woman they have is. If someone does not agree with that, then they must live in some sort of alternate reality (which i would actually like to partake in).
I will just say that many of the men I have dated or been in relationships with were good men….even GREAT men. My dad is even an exceptional man and yet he has screwed up and I wonder how my mother deals with. I am not looking for an infallible man. I am not looking for a man who will not make mistakes. But to make mistakes REPEATEDLY despite several requests to cease and desist? I can not take it. The couple of good marriages that I knew of, in one the man was cheating on work conferences and in another a perfectly GOOD husband and father up and abandoned his wife with 5 small children. That’s stress.
So either loneliness will kill me or my man will kill me….I know which I prefer.
^Oh, when I say they start to think of marriage…I do not mean they say I should be wifey or they start saying they want to marry me. It’s just how they take me, as a very very rare breed of woman, that I know and usually several months later they will say that they had thought about such for a while. Granted, I take none of them terribly seriously , only seeing a future with them as a possibility. I do however take their assessment of me seriously.
Moreover, the whole idea of dating several people has never appealed to me. I do not want to continue to date men and be very disappointed. The idea of leaving a man every time he effs up is really starting to get annoying. Basically these types of discussions are really saying to women dump that guy, this guy, the other guy and so on. I’m personally tired. I deal with some of the best men life have to offer in terms of character and goodness. But they mess up. I do not want to keep leaving. I want something that will last, and many people get lasting relationships because they deal with the BS. Lo and behold, they come out winners because they get to stick around for the good times. <—sometimes that is the case.
My greatest solution is to stop dating period and pray to God specifically for what you want and be resigned to a life without a man yet have faith for what you asked for. Why be resigned? Because you don't know if God's will is for you to be alone. Yet have faith? Because God wants to provide you your hearts desires. The ideas may seem like a dichotomy but such is life.
Hi im an average sized girl, with not so perfect teenage skin. yet I hooked up with the hottest guy, and now we are kind of a couple. I don’t know how to hold on to him and what he see’s in me. I really like him.
Good post!
I wish you had touched on the “stay with whoever cuz they don’t want to be alone” thing. I’ve seen women do that way too many times because they just don’t want to be alone
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