You are the father. But you aren't a relationship role model. Stop it.
Don’t kick your girl down a flight of stairs. Check.
Don’t stab him or cut off his Junior F. Baby. Check.
Do not under any circumstances drop kick his mother and then suplex her while doing a trapeze act. Check.
Do not compare her to Michelle Obama and say, “she supports her man, I’ll bet Obama gets to backdoor that Amazon!”. Check.
Say you made a mistake of not picking a certain girl when you’re “girlfriend” is on the way to talk to you. Check.
Cheat. Check.
When it comes to relationships, most of us know the big things not to do. Anything that causes bodily harm, mental anguish and/or agony, or you to end up an episode of Oprah, Maury, or that show I saw yesterday hosted by William Shatner is probably something that you really don’t want to do in a relationship. And you know this already. Congratulations, scholar. Gold star for Marcus.
However, there’s a whole other layer of subtle but ever-present daily cockups that occur from sea to shining sea. So I figure that with all of my intuition and knowhow (and knownothow) why not share share share. That way, you keep a man, and you keep a man, and you keep a woman, and you keep a woman. Yay. Plus, remember that crime fighting initiative that The Champ and I have been on? We just got our numbers back during Comstat and skillet scalpings are down a solid 23 percent in the past 3 months and I’d like to think that we have something to do with that. Please. And thank you.
Aw shuga no no no.
1) Say No to simple things in public
While I understand the need to say no when he “accidentally” tries to plug the wrong hole or she asks you to wear lipstick and you’re not in Clown College or from LA, if your girl asks you for a bottle of water at a BBQ and you’re closer to the cooler, you really shouldn’t say “no” and tell her to get it herself if she really wants some water. That just makes her look bad…in public and it’s a simple request that if fulfilled won’t result in a conversation later on. Really that’s what relationships are all about, doing what it takes to avoid the unnecessary conversations that you don’t want to have in the first place. And if anything, you don’t want your significant other to look like an idiot to everybody. Just say no to saying “no”.
Speaking of in public…
2) Call them out
Everybody needs to be called on their BS at some point. Just this morning, I called my cat out on her non-sensical ass insistence on meowing loud as hell until one of us beckons her. It really is that bullsh*t. However, I ‘d never do that around company. It’s just rude and its inside business, ya dig? Same with gf/bf. So what their being foreclosed on AND filing for bankruptcy. That’s your inside knowledge. Do you really need to bring that up when he wagers $20 on a football game and you feel he needs to fall back from that bet because of that little Chapter 11-style funny sh*t he’s going through? To his mother? Methinks no.
3) Openly question their decision-making ability
Look, I know that there’s no good reason to put chili pepper in cheesecake, but if your man is making the cake and somehow determines that chili pepper is going to give it that extra kick, well dammit, you ride out with that decision unless it might kill somebody. Later on, you are more than able to call him out on that BS (see #2) and make sure not to let his ass within 100 feet of an open range, but if he’s cooking for a group, you better drop that sh*t and roll wit’ it.
4) Pass the buck
In a relationship, whether you like it or not, you become a “we”. If you two throw a party and you don’t like her coaster party, you can’t be like, “well, personally, I don’t give a sh*t if you leave a ring on this fine oak piece of Amish furniture from Lancaster County, PA, but you know she be trippin’ so use a coaster, doggy snacks.” That’s just f*cked up. Take some ownership and remember #3.
Now, these four things will help you stay happy but good people of VSB, are there others? I’m sure there are. Do share.
Do.
Panamajackson? Tell him.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
Related posts:
- the lightbulb: 8 simple inner “voila!” statements that would make vsb (and every other relationship advice website) obsolete
- Youzealie: 10 Most Common Lies People Tell in A Relationship
- milk was a bad choice: 10 signs that you’re in a sh*tty relationship
- stages: three underrated relationship benchmarks
- are you an interracial relationship racist?
{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }
Hmm…I just live open and honestly so if I’m making mistakes *kanye shrug*
I probably am a little too honest when I’m involved. Apparently Men like the little white lies.
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Just X Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 6:32 am
@Siobhan, Hell Yeah we do! Don’t forget our receding hairlines,Bald spots in the back of our heads,and telling us that your mac & cheese will never be better than our mother’s.LOL
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Siobhan Reply:
February 11th, 2010 at 1:16 am
@Just X,
LOL at receding hairlines and bald spots…ya’ll can see that…why I gotta lie?
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atltx Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 11:28 am
@Siobhan,
Keep telling the truth…keeps us on our toes. Acting like you like musty deezes just to make us feel good about not wanting to take a shower twice a day.
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Siobhan Reply:
February 11th, 2010 at 1:17 am
@atltx,
I can’t LOL…must deezes LOL.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
@Siobhan, everybody likes being lied to as long as it makes us feel better about ourselves. at least that’s what my lyin’ ass cousin used to tell me.
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Siobhan Reply:
February 11th, 2010 at 1:23 am
@Panama Jackson,
Does it make me weird that if someone is telling me something good about myself I assume their lying or blowing smoke?
Ex. As a child because my Mother always said I was beautiful and introduced me as her beautiful little girl I assumed I must be ugly because why else would she always feel the need to tell me and others that? I was a suspicious little thing LOL.
I was on the phone with her on Monday to tell her I had decided to go to law school and told her to tell the person in the background at her job to be quiet. He asked who she was talking to and she said her daughter. He asked if she was cute and she said I’ll show you her picture in a minute because she’s beautiful.
My first instinct was to roll my eyes…
She’s a Mom…that’s what they do. My Dad tries to minimize her doing that because it makes me uncomfortable LOL.
So in conclusion…if someone says something nice I automatically disbelieve. When someone gives me a compliment I have to actively think of the correct response and not get uncomfortable.
Upon re-reading this I think it’s safe say it is weird.
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“I know that there’s no good reason to put chili pepper in cheesecake, but if your man is making the cake and somehow determines that chili pepper is going to give it that extra kick, well dammit, you ride out with that decision unless it might kill somebody”
lol! Food is one area where I can’t hold back.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
@Leila,
lol i never expect much from a dude’s cooking anyway. so if he wants to get crazy with adding his ingredients, thats on him. now, if it TASTES crazy, i might insist he just not waste food anymore and at least order take out.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
@Leila, that’s why so many of us go to jail…no support.
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Brklyn2Chi Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
@Panama Jackson, @ Leila,
And turn to White Women… Sad but true (Not me Though Lol… in all seriousness i don’t “really” fu*ks with the white meat)
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When your SO tells you in love about something you do that causes the rug burn feeling on their lovely parts, you shouldn’t mention how *insert name here* used to like it, especially not as an excuse for why you don’t need improvement.
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miss t-lee Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
@Happy Meal,
How did I miss this earlier? LOL
co-sign completely.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:35 pm
@Happy Meal, yeah, i think that would be the definition of “that bullsh*t”
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discuss with me anything sexual about your ex-boyfriends…im 35 and am divorced, i understand we all have pasts…
but i dont need the mental picture of you and an ex engaged in ‘69′…thank you very much
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Sula Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
@cbsepts,
Gotcha!
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- Arguing in public. It’s not worth it, and it makes both of you look bad. Just fold the issue up in in your head, and pull it back out when you all have time together, solo.
- Allowing / participating in the act of a person of the opposite sex trying to book you. It’s terribly disrespectful and even if your significant o. never finds out about it, it says alot about your own character.
- Calling your significant o. “stupid,” “dumb,” etc. in front of people. My bf makes this mistake from time to time. It might be cool between the two of you but, taken out of context, it could lead to an awkward aura around the two of you if someone takes offense.
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Men shouldn’t forget this one key thing: when the woman is happy, the man is happy.
Women shouldn’t share all the details of their freaky past especially if they don’t plan on engaging in those same activities or more with the new guy. Aint nothing worse than a guy whining and pouting ’bout how you let Tyrone ride the Hershey Highway but not him.
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atltx Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 11:34 am
@meka,
So…it sounds like you would be hiding something. What if the new guy asks if you are into something? You know what….I can tell this would be a don’t ask don’t tell thing. Hard to trust a person that thinks like this…don’t you think? When that shoe is on the other foot…
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Humble_One Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 11:35 am
@meka,
Why can’t he get it like Tyrone?
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Complimenting her on something that you think is new, but she has been doing for ages, and you just have noticed is cause for an argument.
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“she asks you to wear lipstick and you’re not in Clown College or from LA”-
Do men from LA really wear lipstick???? Wow you learn something new erryday…LOL
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Dont choose truth over convience, particularly if the truth directly involves her hypocrisy, insecurity or uppercased lies. (never use “lie” in ref to her words or behavior) And never you mind in mixed company.
Men don’t inconvience a woman you’re not prepared to pay back for the inconvience at least 10 fold. And be prepared to apologrovel, publicly if need be.
Women, don’t insinuate or tell your man you are bi curious unless you plan on including him in on the experiment. Even so it may be the death knell to the “relationship.” O.k. Imagine him doing the same to you then.
Men be understanding but don’t imagine it in return.
Women it gives men who love you joy to make, see you happy but we not always happy about it. Yaa glee!
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MeteorMan Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
@I love you,
“Men be understanding but don’t imagine it in return. ”
For me, this is a quick way to get a pink slip.
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My ex used to have it bad about trying to front someone in public. That’s one of the reasons why we aren’t together. If I have an issue with you, I like to wait until we’re by ourselves to discuss it. Too bad he didn’t feel the same way.
Another no-no is to tell your business to any and every body. Everybody don’t need to know that I don’t let you hit it through the back door. Keep some things to yourself.
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Liryc Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 9:28 am
@Confessions of a Single Black Woman,
It really irritates me when my ex used to do that. It would be some random person and he would automatically divulge any and everything to that person, in addition to leaving out the fact that he did something stupid to cause said argument. Luckily for me we are no longer together and I don’t have to worry about it anymore.
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BKSweetheart Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 11:03 am
@Confessions of a Single Black Woman, “Another no-no is to tell your business to any and every body. Everybody don’t need to know that I don’t let you hit it through the back door. Keep some things to yourself.”
Girrrrrrrrl you aint never lied… My ex used to have a problem with oversharing…. even with complete strangers! And with his friends, forget about it!! Used to tell them every single detail of errythang!! I made the mistake in my younger years of including too many ppl in my relationship and its just not a good idea. Cause then you got people hating on your SO and now when you bring him/her around, ppl all looking at them sideways and telling you not to be with them, etc. Just not a good idea.
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Good post, Panama. All of these are on point-especially not calling your SO on their little lies or hypocrisy in public.
Let me add…
1. When your SO gets a compliment, you don’t have to take the credit for it. Example: Person tells your SO “that story/poem/paper you wrote was great” and you say “yeah, thanks to me.” WTH? Just let your man or woman smile and enjoy the moment.
2. Don’t make it obvious that you two are seeing a therapist by using some psychobabble terms. Example- both people can feel an argument coming on (in public, no less) and one persons says “my inner child feels that you are trying to be the controlling father/mother I never knew.”Again, WTH?
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“While I understand the need to say no when he “accidentally” tries to plug the wrong hole”
*throat punch*
I’ma let the folks who know what they’re talking about tackle this subject today…lol
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Keisha Brown Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 10:39 am
@miss t-lee,
co-sign. that ain’t no DAMN accident.
that is all.
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miss t-lee Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 10:48 am
@Keisha Brown,
LOL!!! Yep…they always swear it’s accidental though.
Ingrates.
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Humble_One Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 11:34 am
@Keisha Brown,
This reminds me of one time I got that hole by accident and she yelled out DOWN.
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Ideally this is a good list to abide by. Realistically, most of the time one or more of these rules will be broken at some point and time over the course of a relationship. The only one I will say, I would consciously never do because its just dead wrong, is embarass or call out a person in public, and tell personal business.
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Do not go thru your SO stuff without permission (no snooping). If your over 25 it is more than a bit childish and too helpless.
Who wants helpless in this age of eternal hope?
If you are man that does this you are not masculine. A man? Perhaps but not masculine. Nuff said.
If you are a woman and you do this, whether you find something or not your crazy (i’m, sorry, not pc….. neurotic) minds will not permit you to stop thus further destroying the trust and respect that is important to any worth-while relationship. Either man up and ask straight-up or man-up and straight up leave.
As you can tell I have been here before….not a good look.
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MeteorMan Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
@Dave,
“Do not go thru your SO stuff without permission (no snooping). If your over 25 it is more than a bit childish and too helpless.”
I agree with you completely. But homie, do you know how many times I’ve been told by a woman: “It’s in my purse. Why didn’t just get go ahead and get it?” o_O
Personally, I don’t venture through people’s things out of respect. For some women, they do it naturally. I’m not talking about ventures through your call logs. It’s due to some “what’s yours is ours “mentality.
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Dave Reply:
February 11th, 2010 at 9:45 am
@MeteorMan,
I have been confronted with the same thing, my dude. But that is with permission. I’m talking about mail, phones, pockets, and wallets, email without permission. I hear you about women….it can be endearing how women selectively open their lives once you gain their respect/comfort. However gender is not an excuse if I step out and get some ass. It can not be an excuse when you riffle through my things.
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A few words to the wise:
- Never vehemently disagree with your SO in front of others… especially on things specific to your relationship i.e. who does the most housework, how long you’ve been together, etc. I say vehemently disagree as in, its ok to disagree jovially or playfully or to have a healthy debate but when you notice its something you truly disagree on or the other person is getting a little ruffled, just drop it and talk about it later. No need to get into an argument in front of an audience.
- If your SO goes out of his/her way to do something nice for you but they do it wrong i.e. gets you the wrong flavor of koolaid at the store or cleans up for you and arranges things in a different order than you usually would… don’t bitch, don’t act all stank about it.. Just smile, say thank you and keep it moving. You can always go back to the store later and get the red koolaid instead!!
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Caballeroso Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 11:43 am
@BKSweetheart,
Your second paragraph reminds me of an ex from college. Being a broke college student, she mentioned she was hungry. I took her to Rally’s and bought her, not just a burger, but the whole combo. She threw a temper tantrum because the burger didn’t have cheese. It escalated to the point where she threw her keys at me (missed). SMDH!!
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miss t-lee Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 11:58 am
@Caballeroso,
You left her at Rally’s right?
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Caballeroso Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
@miss t-lee,
Had I known then what I soon learned, she woulda been footin’ it back to campus.
BKSweetheart Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
@Caballeroso, ungrateful beeatch!!! lol
miss t-lee Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:07 pm
@Caballeroso,
LOL!! Hindsight…
Ivyette Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
@Caballeroso,
“I took her to Rally’s and bought her, not just a burger, but the whole combo.”
You were just ballin’ out of control, huh? (LOL)
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Caballeroso Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:05 pm
@Ivyette,
fa sho!
Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
@Caballeroso, I’m not takin sides, but how exactly does that happen? Like weren’t ya’ll in the same car, didn’t she hear what you ordered before ya’ll pulled off?- veird
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Caballeroso Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:04 pm
@Yeah…SO?!,
She was the passive-aggressive type. Maybe she thought I was ordering that one for me…who knows…this was in the 90’s so the details escape me.
Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
@Caballeroso, she sounds like a riot… nothing like a bipolar chik to keep you on your toes
Sula Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
@BKSweetheart,
If your SO goes out of his/her way to do something nice for you but they do it wrong i.e. gets you the wrong flavor of koolaid at the store or cleans up for you and arranges things in a different order than you usually would… don’t bitch, don’t act all stank about it.. Just smile, say thank you and keep it moving. You can always go back to the store later and get the red koolaid instead!!
Word to the wise!!!
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Things I’ve learned that you shouldn’t do
-Tell your women that a chic you are cool with you wanted to bang back in the day.
-Tell me about what the last ninja and the ninja before that ninja did. If you feel that way leave me alone and go f**k with them.
- Put your SO on blast or show off your SO in front of family.
- Demand that your SO sacrifice for you when you aren’t willing to do it yourself.
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How can two people be together if they are ok with lying to or around each other…regardless of the subject?
If my ass is starting to gain weight…call me on that shit…you letting me be “comfortable” is going to lead to you hating to look at my ass and blurting out that I can’t hit that spot no more because my stomach is in the way. Then you’re pissed becasue of sexual frustration and I’m devestated because you just told me my dack was too little now. I’m just saying…avoid shat like this and be upfront about everything.
And since we’re on the subject…to the ladies…a bootydo is not sexy…exercise and push away.
And how in the hell yall let one dude do something and tell the next dude he can’t? SMH
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Ivyette Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
@atltx,
“a bootydo is not sexy…exercise and push away.”
I think I know what this is, but…um…what is a “bootydo”?
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
@Ivyette, so wait it’s not a dance?
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Ivyette Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
@Yeah…SO?!,
so wait it’s not a dance?
I don’t know. At first I thought it was a saggy arse…but now…..0_o
miss t-lee Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:37 pm
@Ivyette,
*color me confused*
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Ivyette Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
@miss t-lee,
“*color me confused*”
Makes two of us.
Ash Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:45 pm
@Ivyette,
I think it means your tummy shouldn’t stick out further than your “bootydo (booty does).”
atltx Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
@Ivyette,
Ash got it right…Thanks Ash!
@atltx-
I’m not saying that a woman should ever lie about her sexual past. I’m saying that you may not need to know every detail about how she used to party naked at the local sex club.
@Humble_One-
In my opinion, women like to keep certain things for the special men. BJs might be regular but certain things like butt chex or salad tossing is reserved for long term relationships. For example, an ex asked me to toss his salad and when I told him that I was saving that for my husband, he said “But didn’t you say you’d done it before?” He wasn’t my husband or long term enough for me to reconsider.
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The Hallway/TheSunk Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
@meka,
Toss salads, a man asking for his salad tossed= Super, Uber Gay.
YUCK.
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:34 pm
@The Hallway/TheSunk, UBER GAY!!!
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i can definitely agree with number one. like why would you say no? to be an asshole or just to act like a b*tch? that’s not a good look.
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“Look, I know that there’s no good reason to put chili pepper in cheesecake, ”
LMAO!! Our local paper just posted a recipe for a Margarita Tabasco Cheesecake. *side eye*
Coincidence?
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Cheekie Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
@miss t-lee,
Tabasco in some dayum cheesecake? o_O
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miss t-lee Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
@Cheekie,
If I had not have read the recipe, I would not have believed it.
What ‘da heyll?
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Never divulge to a group setting what heinous or immature act(s) you have done to your S.O. behind closed doors
Like farting in bed and then shoving her head under the covers….
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
@MizzouLegend, that’s grounds to be murdered.
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MizzouLegend Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
@Yeah…SO?!,
Should I feel shame because I’m not suprised that the guy in question did this?
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:39 pm
@MizzouLegend, no, I don’t believe in feeling ashamed- I do however believe in REVENGE- so I hope you got ‘em good…
Ooooo – like telling him you want a kiss then belching in his mouth- those are AWESOME… especially b/c they can still taste it after the joke is over.
MizzouLegend Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
@Yeah…SO?!,
I wasn’t involved and the guy in question is one of my boys. He’s an ahbitual line stepper when it comes to relationships.
Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
@MizzouLegend, Oh he definitely deserves a mouth belch and a-swift-kick-in-the-@ss.
*Frowning at the picture of Mark Sanford* He actually mangaged to bring even more shame on my state.
Never insult an SO’s parents in front of them in public. It doesn’t matter if their mom is actually the hag you describe her as or there pops looks and acts likes a Eddie Kane Jr. The parents have to remain off limits.
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One thing you most definitely shouldn’t do in a relationship:
Lil’ Wayne.
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PDA already makes me kinda nauseous, but PDA in front of my family- GROSS. No slapping my @ss, slobbing my neck or fondling my boob thank you… not that it don’t feel good but I hate to see other people’s PDA (heeve) so I can just imagine how everyone else standing around us feels——> dirty.
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MizzouLegend Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
@Yeah…SO?!,
So what are acceptable forms of the PDA?
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
@MizzouLegend, eye contact
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MizzouLegend Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
@Yeah…SO?!,
eye-contact or eye- f*ck*ng?
Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
@MizzouLegend, eye contact- as in barely acknowledging you even know the other person
Dee Reply:
February 12th, 2010 at 10:07 am
A kiss on the cheek is acceptable….otherwise you will get called out about NOT doing that.
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@atltx-
You feel strongly about that, huh? I could feel the heat coming from my computer. Lol!
I don’t quite get why chicks think the bootydo is cute especially when their shirts are too small.
Bootydo=gut
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atltx Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:34 pm
@meka,
Pet got damn peeve to me…why lie?
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Ivyette Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 5:19 pm
@atltx,
Ohhhh….it’s a gut thing!
So is there a gut to arse ratio?
(Doesn’t apply to me, I’m just lookin’ out for my more girth endowed sistas) lol
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Never brag to your SO how nice it is to be working from home cause of the snowstorm while they’re at work BWAHAHAHAHA *evil laughter*
(I would never do such a thing
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Come on y’all! A bootydo is a gut/large stomach. As in “you got more gut than your booty do” or something like that.
Also known as a FUPA.
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Caballeroso Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
@meka,
Dang! The education is on up in here today…
Urban Dictionary:
Bootydo = When the stomach sticks out more than the Bootydo.
FUPA = Fat Upper Pubic Area.
Who knew!
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atltx Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:38 pm
@Caballeroso,
FUPA? Damn…LOL…that might hurt some feelings. Your pubic area is mushy? Bwahaha
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BKSweetheart Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
@meka, i thought it was “your gut sticks out further than your booty do” LOL… I’ve also heard “tittydo”
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Cheekie Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
@BKSweetheart,
*dying @ tittydo*
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Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
@BKSweetheart, I’d like to submit the weeneydo… can we get that in rotation?
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Sula Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:48 pm
@Yeah…SO?!,
I vote for that.
Example: “It’s a sad day when you encounter a weeneydo”
Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
@Sula, or
We were about to get it poppin til I saw his weeneydo. ugh
Well, I knew it was something about that stomach area sticks out more than your booty do. Lol.
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@Yeah…SO?!
I’m loving “weeneydo!” That’s much better than “bootydo.”
Plus I know a few dudes with weeneydos. It’s sad really.
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atltx Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:52 pm
@meka,
See…if yall quit lying about dudes gettin fat….such things will cease to exist. And just how in the hell is this possible?
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Hanging out with friends (a double date type event, no less) and my SO’s friend turns to his girlfriend, pointing at me saying (loudly),
“See! That’s the way that outfit is SUPPOSED to look…that’s why I told you not to buy it!”
Yeaaaaah, ummmm…awkward!!!
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Sula Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
@Tenchi,
Wha??? But if he had the guts to tell her that with you guys there, it means it has happened before… and hey, if she likes it, I love it.
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“3) Openly question their decision-making ability”
Unless she f*cks up during spades, then you have every right to do this and
possiblyprobably end the relationship right there.Reply
Yeah...SO?! Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
@P., it’s just a game- smh
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MizzouLegend Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
@P.,
A game of cards is a litmus test to see if a relationship is on solid ground
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atltx Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
@MizzouLegend,
A good spades game will make you cuss anybody out.
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MizzouLegend Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
@atltx,
Any spades game will make a person cuss… A BAD SPADES GAME will make you cuss anybody out.
@Ash
that is correct.
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Why did you have to bring the Ammish into it? Why???
Yo, I hit ‘em when they come to MD, with all their bomb ass desserts and old world outfits, bless them.
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Great post! I had a small infraction recently when my lady decided to say something really passive aggressive while in the presence of her parents. I can’t recall what she said, which is an indication of how important it was, but I was extremely annoyed that she would do something put my business on the street like that… I could have taken the high road and had a quiet little conversation about it later; however, I am a low road kind of guy. Therefore, I called her a$$ out in front of her parents, which in retrospect was a major no no. So now pops thinks I am Ike Turner! Smh.
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One thing I hate more than anything is when couples fight in front of me. And then ask my opinion, as if I’m really about to sit there and give my opinion. There are few things that are so serious that you must debate them in front of an audience. I also hate when women play the HELL outta their men in public. There’s just no need…
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@ Atltx, you are smart and brave for bringing up this vital point. Bootydo is a don’t. I wish more black women would realize it was 10 years ago when they could get away with not working out and still be banging. Yes, you still got your booty but it don’t look the same and now it’s shaped funny.
@BKSweethear, you so right about not be grateful for random acts of kindness gone wrong! I have had enough bad dinners to say, ‘when they try, you should shut up and chew fast’.
Cold, burnt broccoli isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
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The SO and I have this facade that we keep in public, I might shoot him a dirty mcNASTY look, but I dont speak on things until we get into that closed space in the car.
I hate to be embarassed, so I rarely make an ass of myself, but when I do if he were to call me on it I’d be pissed. I’d pull the new guy drill. Someone makes a joke about you, everyones laughing, even the new guy, so you call him out *ahem* I mean he IS new.
F*ck is YOU laughin at? I’ll kick your ass…FYI
Thats how I do the SO… “you’re supposed to be on MY team JACK!”
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How about don’t do an interview in Playboy talking about I’m like sexual napalm…errybody don’t need to know all of that…..I’m looking at you John Mayer….
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Rule #5 Don’t Knock the Hustle
An alarm goes off at 445 a.m. I turn it off and lay there. 5 minutes later i commit to rising. Making my way out of bed, i am pulled back. An unintelligible voice asks, “where you going”? Forced back into the man nook, i explain that i have to do laps at the pool before work. I’m pulled tighter as his lips tell my neck that I should sleep in, “you train hard all the time, take a break”. I fight temptation, grab my goggles, and go.
Do i want to stay in the captivity of a warm bed and muscular arms? Yes. Do I want to win gold medals? Yes. I cannot do both.
We know you mean well but please support your partner’s quest for world dominance. It’s rough out there.
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empirestategirl Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
@Angel,
That’s a good one….and good luck to you in that quest!!!
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#6 – After Angel’s
Don’t state the obvious unless it’s helpful.
As in my dude saying to me after several years apart – “What happened to your ass?”
(Hello, I got older and I work a sedentary, office chair gig.)
My response: I’m gonna work on that…
His response: When did you ever have one?
Oh no my nicca, did I mention that your hairline is thinning and that you still haven’t gotten your grill fixed from that little sports accident?
That’s a no.no.
Also saying blatantly disrespectful shit to an SO in your own home, but in front of SO’s friends or family….NOT COOL
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Don’t ask your SO about their friend more than 2 times a day…i.e. did you talk to (friend) today? How is (friend) today..that starts looking a little suspicious.
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lol@ the tags at the end of this post….
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@ empirestate. OMG! at “your hair line is thinning”. They are so quick to call us out but will never, ever, ever, ever, address their ’shortcomings’
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Don’t tell your mama, best friend, or favorite play cousin about every little fight/issue unless you really don’t plan to continue the relationship any longer. Nobody wants to be around your people if they are always getting the side eye because they know all the dirt. Be careful what picture you paint of your SO for others to see. People love drama and if thats the picture you show them they will only expect more.
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Do not:
1. Out me in that ’she’s so shallow’ tone, and make fun of me coz I dance to Beyonce tracks- infront of yr underground mc friends.
2. Turn down my invitation to go watch Saul Williams perform next week, act all condenscending about my excitement, then turn up at the actual show- WITH FREE VIP TICKETS- that u got from yr boy, then turn around and rub that ish in my face -talking ‘i was bragging about going’ when u now damn well i asked u if u wanted to go with me to begin with. Of all the selfish, mean-spirited shyte to pull!!!
Damn, i think i’ll stop right here- this post is bringing up shyte i thought i’d dealt and let go off.
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@shiobhan
I have the same problem. I’m always told I don’t know how to take a compliment, bc really I don’t. I always think it’s a trick, or a setup or something to lower my guard for whatever is really coming. I’m doing better though.
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Yeah that’s the worst….don’t call me out in public cause you WILL get told when we get to the car….LOL…and keep playin might get told right then and there depending on where we at……and saying no just to be saying no, nahhhh that’s not cool either.
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