1. a nurse at a hospital for albino roaches. the guy who rocks the michelin man costume outside of the jiffy lube on penn avenue every monday afternoon. the head dishwasher at tuesday’s state dinner. the person from alcoa in charge of nicky minaj’s ass-upkeep.
these are just a few of the things i’d rather be than a global celebrity. while the perks of fame and fortune are definitely attractive, i can’t fathom gaining them at the expense of losing the ability to keep even a modicum of privacy. while none of us know exactly what went on in tiger’s driveway thursday night, we can all bet on the fact this story will be perpetually regurgitated and recycled at least until 2010.
i even felt kind of bad for tiger for a minute last weekend, at least until i remembered that the number of square feet his home sits on is bigger than my yearly salary.
with that being said…
2. between shelly o’s ascension from national prominence to world icon, golfgate, and the steve mcnair incident, the whole “black men with money are better off with non-black women because they’re easier to deal with” argument has had a worse 2009 than kanye’s hair
3. apparently elin nordegren is a big jazmine sullivan fan. who knew?
4. i’m not a fan of calling people f*cking f*gs (no mcclurkin), but any grown-ass man pouting about the domestic battery double standard between the typical public reaction about golfgate and the chris brown case probably deserves that title.
yeah, yeah, yeah. i know hitting and scratching and busting blasian cats upside the head with titanium putters is wrong, regardless of gender. and, an episode of ‘law and order: special victims unit’ i caught on the usa network last year taught me that male spousal abuse is a very serious issue.
but, come on, man. you can’t compare an (approximately) 5’8′, 115 pound woman getting her ass kicked by a man who’s six inches and 60 pounds of muscle bigger with the world’s most dominant athlete getting chased out of his thirty-two million square foot crib at 2 in the morning by a swedish nanny, and you especially can’t use this as your basis for why “some b*tches need their asses kicked” (overheard in my barbershop saturday afternoon. admittedly though, while i don’t agree with the sentiment behind his statement, i do agree that some b*tches do need their asses kicked)
5. as of monday, november 30th, 2009, the list of black male celebrities who’d get the least amount of R.A.U.S.A.S (“relationship acrimony unconditional sympathy and support“) points with sistas reads as…
1. tiger woods. 2. michael jordan. 3. wesley snipes. 4. kobe bryant. 5 (tie). taye diggs, terrence howard, and that n*gga who played the father in ‘precious’
6. as of monday, november 30th, 2009, i’ve officially filed “since i’m not a billionaire, i don’t think i’d have any chance of getting the benefit of the doubt if any random legal mess occurred” as reason #137 on the champ’s list of “137 really non-racist reasons why i never have and most likely never will date a white woman”
—the champ
Related posts:
- i am (not) tiger woods (anymore)
- Cage That Tiger, Tiger.
- four completely practical and non-racist reasons why i never have and most likely never will date a white woman
- 7 things i’ve thought about erykah badu and her “window seat” video
- mission from mars: four things thought about “basketball wives”
{ 165 comments… read them below or add one }
I LOVE #3! LOL.
@harlemhoney,
i love lamp!!
@The Champ,
Do you really love lamp? Or are you just saying that because you saw it?
lol I guess it teaches that if u gone get a 2520 get a local one cause they don’t raise lightweights across seas! meanwhile I been laughing my a$$ off picturing how it went down lol
@shay-d-lady, you and me bof ….you and me bof
@shay-d-lady,
I totally agree those European raised ones seem like that ain’t no joke!
@shay-d-lady,
they don’t raise lightweights across seas!
lol, so you’re basically saying that america is home of the free, land of the not-so-brave white woman?
@The Champ, I think american white women (I am one) are very used to the mess that men bring, and so worn down by it that we don’t have it in us to react that dramatically. Maybe women from Europe actually expect men to treat them with respect and be faithful? LOL
Honest to goodness I didn’t know Elin had it in her….which brings me to the convo I’ve been having with friends: Will this be an OJ situation where all h*ll will eventually break loose or will this be a Kobe situation where ish hits the fan for a minute but a few years later its just a blip?
Personally, in athlete terms I’d lean to OJ but I really think its going to be a Phil Hartman situation. (If you’re unfamiliar: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phil_Hartman, go to death section)
Something about this doesn’t feel quite right a la OJ or Hartman. With Kobe (or Roethlisberger) you immediately got the gold digger/set-up vibe. With this and OJ/Hartman you get the queasy “Oooh, ewww….you know you effed up, right?” vibe. However this shakes out – its not going to be pretty and the squeaky clean, drama-free, robot-esque facade of Tiger Woods will forever be ruined. Which I think is unfortunate. I didn’t realize how much I appreciated him for being an amazing athlete that was supposedly above all the TMZ /Us Weekly blullshlict until this happened. I’m not gonna lie – in the long run this will probably tarnish him a little bit for me. Which may or may not be unfair – but it is what it is.
In VSB news: I’m completely co-signing #’s 1 & 2.
MZ Out.
@Madame Zenobia,
Personally, in athlete terms I’d lean to OJ but I really think its going to be a Phil Hartman situation. (If you’re unfamiliar: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phil_Hartman, go to death section)
so you think tiger is gonna get murked next to a swimming pool?
@The Champ,
At the very least he’s gonna get shanked. Its always the quiet ones, the ones you don’t suspect who have the crazy ish happen to them.
You. Are. A. Mess.
@ChaoticDiva,
A hot mess…..but Im loving it.
And yes this will be making the water cooler tomorrow.
@ChaoticDiva,
i try and sh*t
you know what? i don’t even have sh*t to say. i just approve this whole post.
okay, i do have something to say.#2 is my favorite. and its true. and i love it. and i love how elin went off on tiger’s wack a*s because now i officially can no longer accept any black man’s argument about how black women are crazy and white women are sweet and submissive. becky will try her damndest to bash your face in with your own golf club. and you and i both know it. the end.
@charli skipper, man whoever believed #2 TBW was a LAME …..LLS!!!
Where was Tiger going at 2:00 in the morning?
Why was his back windows in the caddy smashed up?
Why won’t he talk to the cops if he has nothing to hide?
What does his girl need with a 7 Iron at 2:00 in the morning?
That’s what he gets for messing with a woman while he is married!!!
@Xavier bryant,
Where was Tiger going at 2:00 in the morning?
-To get cigarettes…
Why was his back windows in the caddy smashed up?
-His other baby momma showed up at the house looking for her money or Tony Soparano. LOL!
Why won’t he talk to the cops if he has nothing to hide?
What does his girl need with a 7 Iron at 2:00 in the morning?
-You just never know. I’m sure he has them all over the house.
That’s what he gets for messing with a woman while he is married!
-Yeah, about that…
@Ivy St.,
@Xavier bryant,
Where was Tiger going at 2:00 in the morning?
-To get cigarettes… .
LMAO!!! That nic was just calling him, calling him. It was so bad, it had him hallucinating. He thought the fire hydrant was the 7-11. LMAO
@Xavier bryant,
welcome and sh*t
My Two Pennies
Im not gonna get all “Legally Negro” or anything cuz it would bore you to tears…..but just allow yourself a few moments to picture what went thru Tiger’s head………here is your law school fact pattern
Very athletic male seen lying on the ground outside his car which crashed at too low a speed to deploy air bags but was strong enough to have a professional athlete in and out of consciousness bleeding from his mouth. By witness accounts (victim and his wife), the first person to arrive on the scene was victim’s wife with a golf club in tow. Minor damage to SUV warranted a breaking of the back windshield (i assume because opening the hatch would have been too difficult) so that 125 pound wife could carry athletic man (roughly 200 pounds of solid muscle) out of “totalled” (slightly damaged) SUV . Police say victim had lacerations on his face……What r we to think Tiger was thinking bout?!
possibility 1: tiger in a fit of (i want my stereotypical asian inability to drive to be fodder for future snl sketches) inexplicable lack of focus from a man known for focus under extreme pressure crashed into a tree/fire hydrant and sustained some injuries and luckily his wife was there.
Possibility 2: wife whipped his a$$, scratches, lacerations, etc…broke out his car window……Tiger (and that Stanford education) said “I got golf tournaments and public engagements and a lot of money on my looking presentable…..I’d better try to cover this up” ran into a tree/fire hydrant….and probably sustained some real injuries too (fire hydrants, though comedicly moveable in cartoons are pretty well fastened to the ground)
Possibility 3 Tiger was in drastic need to depart from his uncannily drama free image and is in effect, “zapping” us…..which we know will go wrong (see Chappelle Show season 2)
Oh I cant wait for this to get a few days older so the jokes can really start……..Go black early Tiger and avoid the rush
@Blacklaw,
I’ll take door #2 Monty…
@Blacklaw,
smgdh #2
you hit the nail man
what did the onstar folks say?
@kingpinenut, TRANSCRIPT FROM ONSTAR
onstar: “hello this is onstar”
TWoods: “my wife is beating the crap out of me with my nine iron”
onstar: “I’m sorry sir, did you say nine iron? are you sure its not a putter”
TWoods: “(insert explative) I think I would know if it was a putter, they my own damn clubs”
@Intellectual Hedonist, LOL
@Blacklaw,
i’m thinking of going with number two as well.
@Blacklaw,
#2 FTW.
Think about it-who else would be able to turn away the cops twice during an investigation?
Now we just have to wait for Tiger’s swelling to go down and for them to get their stories straight. I know Earl must be doing back flips in his grave!
@Ivyette,
Think about it-who else would be able to turn away the cops twice during an investigation?
lol, thats some sh*t that really proves that money and class have begun to completely trump race on the american special privileges hierarchy.
LOL! I’d like to see the other 136 reasons on that list…
Christmas present!!
@NayNay,
me too
Me three, i bet she came out swinging and speaking Swedish. lol
@Jamaicangirl,
“she came out swinging and speaking Swedish”
if i had a dollar for every time a conversation with my boys started with that sentence…
Cosign on number 2! lol
The Champ and his acronyms slays me. lol
R.A.U.S.A.S (”relationship acrimony unconditional sympathy and support“)
This killed me! I try to tell my male friends, 2520′s will KILL at will. They got a show on Oxygen called SNAPPED to prove this! LOL
@Jade (not a prOn) Star,
OH SNAP! Yeah more black men who believe the submissive 2520 women stereotype should tune into each and every episode of SNAPPED! They should learn to watch out for those “submissive” types they let everything build up and then BAM!!!! Boom Bye Bye on your azz!
@Blue Skyez,
Not Boom Bye Bye!!! LMAO
@miss t-lee,
Oh yes! love me some Buju Banton baby! although I don’t agree with that message in that particular song cause some of best friends swing that way!
@Blue Skyez,
Yeah he got banned from a few clubs here a couple of months ago when he was touring on that song alone.
@Jade (not a prOn) Star,
why aren’t you a p*rn star?
Yea Elin wanted to whoop his ass….with his own golf club….and she got the back of the car too! Gangsta! I don’t think Taraji P. Henson is that hard!
@Da Iceman,
ummm i think taraji is that hard.
@cam1ll3,
Okay! That’s funny, a white women loses control and she’s “hard” a black women loses control she’s crazy, go figure.
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
That’s funny, a white women loses control and she’s “hard” a black women loses control she’s crazy, go figure.
you didnt know that?
@The Champ,
Or as Nicki Sunshine would say “hOrd”
lol. This just gave me a visual of an all white, all female remake of Menace II Society. That would be the isht, for the opening scene alone.
Elin: Whatchu say about my mama? You feel sorry for who?!? *busts shots*
*Tiger’s mother collapses behind counter*
I’m am so with you on #2, 4 and 6.
A woman scorned is a woman scorned…period. And she came at with his own clubs!
I didn’t even know you could turn away the police from questioning you and get away with it! That’s some bold/confident ish right there…
@datalore,
I didn’t even know you could turn away the police from questioning you and get away with it! .
If they don’t have a warrant or some type of legal document to force you, I don’t see why you can’t. Or you can always just not open the door and hide from them like they ‘The Witness’. LOL. At least that’s what I would have done.
@datalore,
“I didn’t even know you could turn away the police from questioning you and get away with it!”
Ahhh! The perks of money and fame. That’s what Henry Louis Gates thought he had.
@datalore,
Don’t you dare try it at home though.
That #5 list is spot on!!!
All I can say is I work with a chick from Sweden who I’m convinced is certifiable, so I wonder if Tiger knew how crazy ol’ girl was from jump.
I love her “I broke out the back window so I could help my husband out of the car” story. Classic.
@miss t-lee,
what is it that makes swedes nuts? i’m thinking its probably the cheese
@The Champ,
Not sure, maybe it’s all the ABBA?
*index finger on chin*
@miss t-lee,
I am willing to blame ABBA as well… (although I like them… LoL!)
@Sula,
I do too. ( don’t tell anyone…lol)
Lykke Li is my girl too!
@Sula, you think she was singing “If you change your mind, I’m the first in line / Honey I’m still free / Take a chance on me ” as she was swinging?
Cause if she was that song takes on a whole new meaning
@The Champ,
I’m guessing the hard azz beds and the small azz couches from IKEA.
i’m going to chalk this up to rich folks drama. now, where no one wants to see someone hurt in situations like these, i think deep down in places we ain’t tryna talk about right now, we as the general public take some granule of pleasure in seeing someone like tiger woods is subject to the same melodrama that your average john or janine is–takes that non-black-claimin-more-money-than-god-having tiger woods down a notch or two. aaaaaaand it was a white lady who took him down with his own club? this is almost a christmas miracle except it ain’t christmas and this ain’t a miracle–it’s life.
i will say this tho…the story reeks. somethin’s rotten in the cotton and if tiger or elin ain’t feelin’ like disclosing, so beez it. they’re still rich and i’m still not. it don’t make me no nevamind.
@cam1ll3,
“this is almost a christmas miracle”
BWAHAHAHAHA. This made me imagine a whole crowd of people in a snowy town square with one little white girls face lighting up as the camera swirls and ascends from her face.
BWAHAHAHAHA!
That’s what Tiger’s ass gets for cheating.
And I’d like to take this moment to say I ALWAYS knew white women (foreign & domestic) were just as crazy as the sistas. They just have a slower fuse.
@Me fail english?,
“And I’d like to take this moment to say I ALWAYS knew white women (foreign & domestic) were just as crazy as the sistas. They just have a slower fuse.”
…and their stories are reinacted by network tv actresses on lifetime while ours are half-a$$ relayed via Media Takeout (if at all).
Awwww…That is soo cute Tiger really believed the perpetuated stereotype/myth that little delicate snowflakes will put up with anything and won’t get hood bust your car windows and your head. mm mm mm. I hope he heals well.
@Blue Skyez,
That is soo cute Tiger really believed the perpetuated stereotype/myth that little delicate snowflakes will put up with anything and won’t get hood bust your car windows and your head.
i dont know he if believed all that, lol. i think he just wanted to wife some foreign blond p*ssy
I’m sorry but this story has me snickering all over the place. She got EXTRA hood on his azz, like “Ninja please {you know she called him one}. You aint about to sit up here and play me like boo boo the fool. AND I just had your black azz babies. Oh hellz naw”.
Just goes to show you that hood is a state of mind. And I bet he never thought he would see that side of the golf club. She aint the one, the two nor the three to be phucking around on.
::snickering::
@V Renee,
they definitely have hoods in sweden. where the hell do you think all those damn meatballs come from?
@V Renee, hahahaha I know she called him the n-word or at least the term was running through her head!
The thing is, at this point in his career/life, I’m not even sure it’s arrogance due to the fact that he got himself a white girl or because he has so much money. I really think it’s more of the latter. I mean he’s Friggin’ Tiger Woods! He can do whatever he wants–as he did by turning the police away not once, but twice! When you have that much money and fame, it is really hard to stay grounded and humble. And let’s just be real, most married folks take the one person they vowed to honor, cherish, and love til death do part for granted anyway. A woman scorned is a woman scorned. We are going to have to stop believing that hormones and chromosomes are racially/ethnically/culturally biased. And Jade (not a prOn) Star, I completely co-sign on that Snapped!
@Hershey’s Kiss,
When you have that much money and fame, it is really hard to stay grounded and humble.
do you think money and fame changes you, or merely gives you the opportunity to be who you always wanted to be?
@The Champ, I think definitely more of the latter. I think most folks at their core are very insecure and that insecurity plays out in different ways. Once an insecure reaches the level that fame and money provide, they are free to fill their insecurity with all kinds of crazy sh*t to hide their flaws/voids/fears/whatever. So definitely it plays out with you being able to be and do whatever you have always wanted to.
Who woulda thought that Elin was that Gangsta? Note to self to never mess with any Swedes.
@Leila,
lol, she probably got even more hype after watching ‘smoking aces’
@The Champ,
lmao…that kat was a lil hard man. shoooot who am i foolin’. that kat was alot hard.
CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT A 2520 IS? i THINK I KNOW BUT I’VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT TERMINOLOGY BEFORE…THANKS
@just X,
2520 is a euphemism for white person.
welcome and sh*t, btw
@just X, the 25th anf 20th letters of the alphabet are Y and T. 2520 = Whitey.
My gf’s mama called this the night of. She asked where a married man needed to be goin at 2 in the morning?
A lawyer friend said this is ammo if he wants the young’ins because he can show she is an unstable person. You can’t win for losin.
Also, do pre-nups generally have a fidelity clause in them as well? As in if person x is around
skeetingcheating that it voids the pre-nup agreement?@Stank-0,
She asked where a married man needed to be goin at 2 in the morning?
my guess would have been to get wendy’s, tampons, or condoms
*Peeks in. Realizes still hungover from last night, and doesn’t know what anyone is talking about. Goes back to TPS reports*
@Dorian G., “*Peeks in. Realizes still hungover from last night, and doesn’t know what anyone is talking about. Goes back to TPS reports*”
Werd . . . heading to google my d@mn self.
@Dorian G.,
And I thought I was the only one… I am like, Uh? When did this happen? Wha?
VSB, keeping the
drunkenmasses updated.@Dorian G.,
lol, this sh*t happened on thursday. ya’ll been hungover that lng?
@The Champ,
ya’ll been hungover that lng?
Try been drunk that long. Lol!
The whole situation is puzzling at best, all the conflicting reports got me all confuzzled and sh*t… but like someone upthread said, this is some rich people sh*t… Being able to dodge the police on an interview? C’mon Son! … must be nice…
@Naturally Alise,
this reminds me of that chapelle skit where the tables were turned and tron was allowed to turn himself in whenever he felt like it
We don’t have a crispy clue what the truth is…..but I know this much:
-If I needed to free a person out of a car and breaking a window is the only way, I go for one closest to them with hurting them.
-Why do people cheat with broads that aren’t even that fresh? He couldn’t find a proper video vixen or something?
-Sometimes it seems like professional sports types get married just to cheat. Because if they didn’t and were just single players (double entendre), too many women would gun for them financially.
-I always thought him marrying some white woman (a Swedish one at that) was cheesy…and Tiger is kinda cheesy like that anyway.
-For his sake, I do hope this turns out like the Kobe situation (without buying a $4M ring–though Kobe could say “that ring is your future alimony, byetch!”)
-How is it Tiger hits a fire hydrant and doesn’t set off one of those ill geysers? Do those only happen in L.A.?
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
-Sometimes it seems like professional sports types get married just to cheat. Because if they didn’t and were just single players (double entendre), too many women would gun for them financially.
That is a very interesting observation. When you really look at it, you would think it is very true as well.
@ComicBookGuy, yeah but single or not, that level of power and success, draws certain types anyway, it doesn’t matter to alot of women if the dude is married @ all.
Its better to remain single than to cheat!
@OrangeStar616,
“Its better to remain single than to cheat!”
No its not. At all, in any category actually.**
** From a celebrity perspective, I do not condone cheating in any of its demonic forms.
@OrangeStar616,
I feel ya on the not cheating thing, but it is kinda odd that rich or well known men pop up married sometimes just to appease their image so they don’t come across as players or even gay.
@ComicBookGuy, IMAGES are illusions dear, seldom are things as they first appear!
and Dorian G you lunchin if you think otherwise LLS
@OrangeStar616,
I take it you are a woman, apologies if you’re not.
But seriously from what standpoint is it better to not be married as an established 30something celeb?
1. Your pockets are more straight when married
2. You have a well defined home unit
3. With that you have a well defined hierarchy for women
4. Presumably you married someone you love*
5. Presumably you married someone who is trustworthy*
Again from that perspective, cheating is small potatoes compared to the pros of being married.
* Thats why a lot of celebs marry other celebs, and pro athletes marry high school sweethearts.
@Dorian,
I’ll bite.
-You dont have to sneak around your own house (since most of these wives probably arent, or will not admit to being, down for an open rel’ship).
-You dont have to pay half your shet if you get caught.
-It’s harder for a girlfriend to “Shaunie O’Neal” you than a wife.
*Unlikely so I won’t list it as a real reason: But I just found out that a husband is responsible for child support of any children born to his wife during their marriage…even if he can prove they’re not biologically his. WTF?! Is this just certain states??
@Me fail english?,
But I just found out that a husband is responsible for child support of any children born to his wife during their marriage…even if he can prove they’re not biologically his. WTF?! Is this just certain states??”
Not sure if it is just certain states, but there was a case like that in a town up near Dallas, where a guy was getting divorced from his wife, it was proven that the kids were not his (through DNA tests) and he still has to pay child support until they are 18. The judge said something about it being unfair to cut off support to the children since they hadn’t known any other father in their lifetime.
I didn’t think it was possible either, but after seeing that case, I know that it can happen.
@Me fail english?,
-You dont have to sneak around your own house (since most of these wives probably arent, or will not admit to being, down for an open rel’ship).
Remember that majority of cheating is purely for sport (read: new skins), so really there is rarely any true sneaking in the first place. When you rich, powerful and married, any broad that u smash will know you’re rich, powerful and married and act accordingly.
“-You dont have to pay half your shet if you get caught.”
You don’t have to if you do get caught. You think the majority of ni99as caught cheating had to come off half? Please, Magic and Cookie still together and he brought home the monster.
“It’s harder for a girlfriend to “Shaunie O’Neal” you than a wife.”
No its not, your home is her home, she ain’t trying to mess that up either. You have to OD really to make your wife look into life altering waves.
@Dorian,
“When you rich, powerful and married, any broad that u smash will know you’re rich, powerful and married and act accordingly.”
Tell that to Steve McNair (oh wait…) or any dude that boned Superhead.
“You think the majority of ni99as caught cheating had to come off half?” Not sure about the “majority” but I’d like to know Steven Speilberg/Johnny Carson/Nas’s thoughts on this subject.
“Your home is her home”
Juanita Jordan may tell you otherwise.
@Me fail english?,
“Tell that to Steve McNair (oh wait…) or any dude that boned Superhead.”
RIP to the brotha, but you kinda proving my point. You listed one outlier and another chick that flipped the script and got paid off that. 98% of times you don’t even hear the story, cuz the rules to the game never change. From a strictly statistical standpoint its well worth the risk that you won’t get caught to begin with.
““You think the majority of ni99as caught cheating had to come off half?” Not sure about the “majority” but I’d like to know Steven Speilberg/Johnny Carson/Nas’s thoughts on this subject.
“Your home is her home”
Juanita Jordan may tell you otherwise.”
^^^All these cases you just named were people who OD’d. Juanita tried to close her eyes to it for 20 years but Mike got more and more savage until she had to draw the line. For every 1 you name there are 15 other dudes out there with a loving responsible woman raising his kids in his house, who are gonna support him when he gets old, and are turning a blind eye to him getting a bj every now and again when he’s away on business. Its so much better to be married if you got that much too lose, honestly.
How do you know they’re outliers? Just because WE dont hear the story doesnt mean the wives never catch wind of anything.
You act like celebrity marriages are built to last in the first place. The divorce rate among regular households is around 70%. Even if celebrity couples are more likely to “make it” (which I’d strongly doubt) they still cant be doing much better than 50%.
How you know Nas, Jordan, Speilberg, Costner, O’Neal, Murphy OD’d? Did you live in Neil Diamond’s bedroom as well?
None of what you’re saying makes a good case for why sneaking around and gambling half your assets is a good alternative to just staying single and risk Bossip writers calling you a player. Worst. wager. ever.
@Me Fail English?,
“None of what you’re saying makes a good case for why sneaking around and gambling half your assets is a good alternative to just staying single and risk Bossip writers calling you a player. Worst. wager. ever.”
You’re not thinking about this all the way through. Men don’t change, we haven’t ever changed. Rich, powerful men certainly ain’t changing. As a man, and a rich powerful one you are gonna want to have kids, you are gonna want to have a wife, you are gonna want to have a legacy. Not to mention that its normal to want to be in a peer group similar to yours, as well as the natural fears of loneliness and need for loving companionship as we get old. All of that requires a good wife. A woman that is gonna be there through thick and thin. Its a far bigger gamble to try to go the Derek Jeter/Tom Brady route and stay single and hope to catch some form of true love in your late 30′s, than it is to go the Grant Hill/Kevin Garnett route and marry the chick thats been there from jump and just do your dirt on the side*. So far so good for Jeter, but Brady already caught the baby mama drama, and luckily Gisele ain’t from here so even tho she famous she may still have some sort of ride out left in her dna.
And lets not just keep it on athletes, don’t forget politicians, heads of industry, even respected clergy. Essentially if a ni99a got money and power, he got h0es. I didn’t see Hilary Clinton making power moves trying to take half off Bill. I ask you again what makes you think the game ever changed?
* I’m not gonna speak on those brothas beautiful marriages, I don’t know if they have stepped out or not. I was just using them as examples of people who claimed their queens early and married them.
I never said anything changed. I suspect Hillary stayed cuz she needed a little leverage (read: the most popular American president since…) to get the Senate and presidential seats she wanted. And just to be completely clear, you don’t have to get a divorce to have a completely failed, loveless nightmare of a marriage. You don’t have to be an NJ or SC governor to eff yourself royally following an affair. If you’re modelling your future marriage after these closet gay, “sex addict”, pedophile politicians you’re already missing the point.
And Tom Brady has no more drama than a lot of married guys except he only has to pay child support as opposed to child support plus alimony.
Again, all the pros (kids, companionship) you’ve listed could be achieved with a live-in girlfriend except it won’t be as easy for her to stick you for the palimony. Oprah and Steadman, Gloria Steinem and her dude and a few other shacked up folks have LONG outlasted their supposedly “more stable” married peers.
Bottom line: If you’re not planning to respect the sanctity of marriage, if you know going in that you’ll be reneging on your vows you’re better of just staying away.
@OrangeStar616, your take is one of many indications of how much of a capital crime cheating is to women. Starts to sound like there’s more at stake for a woman (in her mind anyway) than the “sanctity of marriage” or even the possibility of disease.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, you know betrayal my friend is a hurt like no other to the heart and mind of any human being, but for MOST men inronically, its something they will not forgive, much more so, than a woman…….
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
i actually agree with orangestar. we (men) take cheating much, much, much worse than women do. its no contest
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
-Why do people cheat with broads that aren’t even that fresh? He couldn’t find a proper video vixen or something?
easy access and low maintenance.
@The Champ,
Here’s my question to Tiger about this chick. If Nat’l Enquirer and TMZ are right that:
a) he’s cheating
b) he’s cheating with the chick they found at the airport
…Tiger played himself messing with that tacky broad. Definite downgrade.
@Me fail english?,
Ok the question was actually “why her?”. I havent had my vitamins yet.
@Me fail english?,
I used to think that the motto for cheaters was “You can’t mess with someone that doesn’t look AS good, if not better than the person you have at home”.
I’ve come to learn that it is usually the EXACT opposite of what happens……I haven’t figured out why though. Maybe they are uber secksy, and it doesn’t translate over camera……or they just do unimaginable acts. LOL
@ V Renee,
“or they just do unimaginable acts.”
I think this has like 98% to do with it.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
reference your question #2: Why do people cheat with broads that aren’t even that fresh? He couldn’t find a proper video vixen or something?
a guy friend once told me “show me a beautiful woman, and i’ll show you a kneegrow that’s tired of ckufing her.” you’d think cheating would involve upgrading but it ain’t usually so. cheating mostly involves (lack of) attention or some attribute that you’re missing at home. and yeah, tiger’s lil jump off? busted like tommy chong’s bong site.
man folk really don’t understand the costs of fame young, shit is $evere………….but mofos chase fame like their life depends on it, esp in this reality TV day and age i.e all these fake ass celeb wanna be’s, perfect example the couple that crashed Obama’s State dinner..shit is pathetic, but very telling of the thirst level of alot of people honey…SMH…. and what they think fame will provide
@OrangeStar616,
lol, your comment sounds like a bunch of choruses on a kanye album put together in one paragraph
@The Champ, well he is gemini like moi’ LLS
smh….
smgdh…..
i ain’t got sh!t to say…..
neither do tiger
@kingpinenut,
y’all know onstar recorded the whole dayum thing too
@kingpinenut,
I’m sure. Watch an employee release the tape or state “it’s public record” and they had a “legal duty” to release the tape and cooperate with authorities. They be lyin’ to kick it…. Then folks gonna rethink On Star in case it’ll record when someone is doin’ dirt or record something embarassing when someone is in a vulnerable state of distress. Can you imagine if On Star had other situations on tape? For example, Teddy Pendergrass (no shade on Teddy)…
@legitimate_soul,
“For example, Teddy Pendergrass (no shade on Teddy)…”
Ooh! You being messy! LMAO
@miss t-lee,
Gurl, you know if On Star recorded that situation the tea would have been SPILLT (SPILLED)! I got more on this, but I digress (and let me hush).
*Hope you don’t mind the “Gurl”. I meant in the most pleasant and sisterly of ways:)*
ok really I was just throwing confetti on Gchat and thought of yall so I stopped by to see what was up and y’all have spiffied the place up so much, moved on up like George and Weezy and ish. I wish I could contribute to the convo but I dont know what in sam hell is going on since I been in the middle of the pacific ocean for 6 days.
Didnt realize Tiger’s woman had beat him, heard about the accident though, damn shame what happened to that dog
PEACE!
@Intellectual Hedonist,
“damn shame what happened to that dog”
LMAO!!!! I love you for this IH.
@miss t-lee, you’re welcome
I’m here all week
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Didnt realize Tiger’s woman had beat him, heard about the accident though, damn shame what happened to that dog
LMAO!!! I know I own it on DVD, but I am guessing you caught Coming to America on BET last week, too. The one good thing I have seen on BET in years.
@ComicBookGuy,
“damn shame what happened to that dog”
hahahahahaha!
@ComicBookGuy, um no, I haven’t watched TV in like 5 months. Coming to Americaisms comes naturally for me, I speak fluent Coming to America. I must quote CTA at least once a day damn shame these folk round here don’t know what I’m talking about educated 2520′s (someone get me off this ship)
@Intellectual Hedonist,
I just peeped your blog. Pretty cool experience you got going on and shame on anyone who can’t speak Coming to Americanisms.
“Make sure he is bathed throughly. Oh, Thank You Your Majesty.”
LMBAO!!!
@ComicBookGuy, to Qoute Champy “thanks and sh*t”
@Intellectual Hedonist, Hey I just peeped your blog too. I’m a Semester at Sea alum – Spring 2002. That is all.
@Yonnie3k, hi *waving*
@Intellectual Hedonist,
although i’m kind of shocked that they let you back in the country, welcome back and sh*t
@The Champ, technically I am not back in the country I get back when we port in Hawaii in 4 days. I will let you know if something happens, or if I need to be bailed out
@Intellectual Hedonist, Can I just say that I think this quote has made me reach my happiness quotient for the day?! I love Coming to America. And doesn’t it suck when you quote it around folks who have no idea what you’re talking about? I’m not violent, but it does inspire me to give a quick open hand slap to the face just for wasting the comic genius of a perfectly good line.
@Hershey’s Kiss, I do what I can. You’re welcome
apparently now the florida highway patrol is requesting a search warrant to see the medial files for tiger woods’ injuries. i say let that man live. he already got his ass beat by his wife.
one thing i don’t agree with is black women who say thats what he gets for dating a white woman. isn’t tiger part white himself? why shouldn’t he be able to date a white woman? race aside, he can date who he wants. i think he made the mistake of effing with a crazy broad. i doubt that was the first time she exhibited such signs or showed signs of being a few cards short of the deck.
@Tunde,
I think “white” is like the one thing Tiger isnt/ That said, (though they may exist) I cant think of any sistas that would be genuinely interested in a dude like Tiger. So I’m sure even if he was looking, they’d be few and far between. I mean what kind of women chill around golf courses? White and asian I’d bet.
As for Elin being crazy…I’m not so sure. Who’s to say this is the first time she caught him pulling some BS? Ok, I guess that doesnt make her any less crazy if this was the first or fifteenth time. But Tiger should get equal crazy points just for that slow ass crash and stupid ass story. If the airbags didnt deploy, what hit your face? He was probably in the midst of tellin stupid ass lies just like that when she went for the nine iron. And the rest was history. They deserve each other.
@Me fail english?,
I love this whole response. lol.
@Me fail english?, so true he puts the corners on a SQUARE chile, God bless his heart…..
@Me fail english?,
“I cant think of any sistas that would be genuinely interested in a dude like Tiger.”
You already know.
@Me fail english?,
I cant think of any sistas that would be genuinely interested in a dude like Tiger
Why is that? (I genuinely want to know your take on why).
@Sula,
Because I dont know any. Aside from agreeing with the statement above that he seems really square (not even nerdy, just plain lame),he also seemed to be adamant in the beginning of his career about distancing himself from the black community. (willing to play clubs that excluded “us”, insistence that he be called Cablinasian, a term which by it’s very construction emphasizes his “asian-ness” and kinda masks anything else).
Do you know a lot of black women that pine over men that remind you of Tiger Woods?
@Me fail english?,
Do you know a lot of black women that pine over men that remind you of Tiger Woods?
I might… Lol! Then again, I know weird black women (including yours truly)… so it’s certainly a very small percentage and not that surprising…
@Sula,
lol. Real talk: Tiger is physically unattractive, arrogant and boring IMO. I just dont see how he pulled ANY kinda woman that cares enough about him to bust out windows at 2am. Hahaha
@Sula, no harm but you actually like Woody Wood Pecker looking dudes? LLS, that was my cartoon tho, maybe second to Bugs Bunny, thats my nucca LOL
@OrangeStar616,
No offense taken. Yeah, I kinda dig people based on a whole lot more than looks. And I don’t think Tiger Woods is bad looking at all. Shoot, black women are dating Flava Flav and Lil’ Wayne… There is a lot worse than Tiger Woods out there, imo.
@Me fail english?,
I have a confession. Back in high school, I used to LOVE me some Tiger Woods. Me and one of my friends used to argue over who’s man he was. LMAO
@V Renee,
LMAO! I’ve never heard of Tiger even making anyone’s list. Come to find out there was a whole Tiger fan section.
Touche and shet.
@Me fail english?,
That said, (though they may exist) I cant think of any sistas that would be genuinely interested in a dude like Tiger.
i was thinking the same thing. i mean, i would have been SHOCKED if tiger ended up marrying a sista. some guys just give off the “black woman are great and all, but i don’t really check for them and they dont really check for me” vibe, and he’s one of them
@The Champ,
Yep. Exactly.
@The Champ,
“black woman are great and all, but i don’t really check for them and they dont really check for me”
lol. That’s EXACTLY what’s in the thought bubble above his head, in my mind.
@The Champ,
But make no mistake about it, I’m sure Tiger’s black woman portfolio is far more impressive than 99% of ni99as anywhere on earth.
@Dorian G., The Champ:
Tiger Woods, because there are $s associated with his name, can pull MOST black women anywhere despite his being “the unchecked for” k ind. If he was just that little nigglet playing golf in the hood with no endorsements…prolly not.
@CPT,
Couldn’t disagree more. “Most black women anywhere” are NOT prostitutes. $s be damned
@Dorian G.,
Negative.
@Dorian G.,
I’m sure Tiger’s black woman portfolio is far more impressive than 99% of ni99as anywhere on earth.
lol, sh*t. i’m no stringer bell and sh*t, but if we’re talking about “every n*gga on the planet”, then my black woman portfolio is more impressive than 99 percent of them n*ggas as well.
@The Champ,
LMAO, I was secretly giving myself props too. But you get what I’m saying, lets not be too cute out here, Tiger’s avg for black women is probably around a 9.3 or so.
@Me fail english?,
But Tiger should get equal crazy points just for that slow ass crash and stupid ass story. .
BWHAHAHAHA.
I would have loved to see how this all played out. I wonder if they have security cameras that caught it. I would give all the money in my pocket ($1.54) to see that tape.
Ditto to #5 and please keep #6 in heavy rotation. Perhaps as a footnote or added note to every post from here until forever. Why black men STILL don’t get it, I’ll never know. At least Jasmine busts windows, loves you in the next stanza, and you’ll know how to handle her bc more than likely- like most black women- her bark is much bigger than her bite. Just love us and let us be great.
Champikins, your statements are often a bit complex, compound, and crowded. this post was full of such statements. my head hurts more reading these than reading Peej’s random tangents. geez louise.
BUT if i read them correctly (and there’s a 49.3% chance that i didnt), i agree.
that is all. back to my soon-to-be-reviewed grant… good day folks!
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
I said the SAME thing this morning. I thought it was me. *smh*
tiger woods will be just fine why?
1- For almost a decade now, that guy had this clean golden boy image going on for him..i mean tiger woods was more corporate than corporate america which explains why his fan base is made up of mostly upper middle class-middle age white guys who dont mind spending thousands of $$$, wearing uber-ugly khaki shorts somewhere in some heavily secured gold ressort just to watch the black guy who knows how to play golf
2. if at all this issue ends up being a domestic violence issue triggered by cheating allegations then tiger ends up high up there in another league with other luminaries who before him had their own fair share of marital woes but who for reasons unknown to me enjoy some near-Godly admiration…bill clinton anyone? geez does anyone know that guy has the highest approval rating of any living former president? seems like monica lewinsky never existed, i dont know maybe this whole thing will bring some new fans to the PGA, and make tiger more human than he appears
3. the whole white women are more sweet and calm and black women are ghetto is quite frankly something of an urban legend to me, in other words its not true .Men will be men and women will be women regardless of race, i shall stop here for noe
i mean to say golf ressort..sorry
@Me fail english? – OMG youre wrong for that!!!!! LMAO!!
I gotta’ add that ITA with #1 and #2. I care nothing of fame or infamy, as it will most likely turn into. Yes, there are so many countless examples that that “easier to deal with” excuse is that b.s. some tell themselves. Everybody got it in em’.
LMAO at this whole post….but especially #2 
I love this blog!
Number #1 makes me love it even more and makes me think that the champ and I should me up nd just get married lmao
I love this blog!
Number #1 makes me love it even more and makes me think that the champ and I should me up and just get married lmao
Stories about the “mysterious” Mrs. Woods:
http://sports.yahoo.com/golf/blog/devil_ball_golf/post/Just-who-is-Elin-Nordegren-Woods-anyway-?urn=golf,205643
Forgive me, but:
Looking at the pic of Tiger above, is it just me or does Tiger Woods have no edges? I’m just saying, his hairline is hurtin’ in the game. It ain’t quit like Stevie Wonders, but you know it isn’t a clear edge. It ain’t quite right. Or am I just used to men (white, black, asian, etc.) with stronger edge lines, even if the hair is receding?
Thanks to Wanda Sykes, the best analysis of the Tiger Woods situation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttZSjajdRd8
@Champ- I think Rihanna’s heavier than 115. She’s too thick to be that light. Chris Brown is only 6′; that fool sure aint no 6’2”. Now this is purely a comment of semantics, cuz Chris was obviously wrong for his actions. But that skinny fool can not have 60 lbs of muscle on Rihanna. No way, that would make any sense, when you’d see them in pics together.
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