last week, panama blessed the vsb pulpit with 6 things that every grown a** black man needs in his life. since we’re ardent supporters of equal opportunity and sh*t, here’s six things every grown-ass sista should possess.
1. a hobby
“what’s the most important thing for a grown-ass sista to possess?”
you know, while others may respond to this question with goeswithoutsayings like “a job” or “an education” or “a passport” or “a genius-level command of their gag reflex“, an actual hobby that doesn’t involve meeting men or buying blahniks is usually the first answer i think of. nothing says “i’m grown the f*ck up” more than a woman who has genuine interests, enthusiasms, and curiosities, and actually makes time to partake in and pursue them.
despite this, there still remains a somewhat sizable sista sub-species of seemingly “grown” walking, talking, vagina zombies with no discernible interests infecting the dating game with their uninteresting-ass e coli, and i’m curious to find out how this happened. it’s almost as if they all took the exact same “how to be a hobbyless ho 101″ course their freshman year at howard
2. girlfriends
like i said before, when a woman tells me that she doesn’t really get along with other women, i interpret it as code for one of two things
a) “i don’t really get along with other women anymore because i’m a backstabbing b*tch who usually tries to steal their boyfriends”
b) “because i don’t have any friends, i’m going to expect any man i happen to be with to be my sole entertainment for the duration of the relationship”
seriously though, if you’re over 25, you’ve been on the planet long enough to cultivate at least one or two good relationships with someone else in your peer group, and you probably shouldn’t go around calling yourself a grown-up until you’re able to.
3. size, age, and situation appropriate clothing
- reason number 135 why every grown-ass sista should possess at least one good girlfriend: to put your ass in a figure four if you attempt to leave the crib like this
4. orgasm ownership
if you’re a sexually active woman, the “i’m completely and utterly clueless about my vagina and have no idea how to make myself climax” sympathy card expires a month after your 27th birthday, and you probably should pencil in a permanent reservation at the kiddle table during thanksgivings until your “too old to be shook by my own snatch” ass figures it out.
5. nice hair
whether you’re rocking braids or a baldy, a bob or a halle, deceiving weave or the “spelman pullback”, a grown-ass sista should know a) how to handle your do, b) which do is most appropriate for you, and c) how not to leave the house looking like one of those tragic maury povich mulattoes whose mothers have no f*cking clue what to do
6. a go-to dude
whether its her dad, her cousin ronnie, her grade school vice-principal, or vsb, every grown-ass sista should have at least one (heterosexual!) male in her life that’ll give it to her straight with no chaser whenever she needs to know “what does it mean when he says that he only wants to see me between 3 and 3:45am on the weekends?” and other deep insights about the mysterious male mind
anyway, people of vsb, what else should every grown-ass sista own before she earns the privilegde to call herself a grown-ass sista?
and, since we’re all here, who do you think is going to be the first popular recording artist that actually murders herself on stage during an award show because she’s trying to top a lady gaga performance? (my money’s on pink)
—the champ
Related posts:
{ 259 comments… read them below or add one }
Can u send a formal memo to Mariah Carey about having size, age, and situation appropriate clothing? CLEARLY, she’s hell bent on shopping at Forever21 when she aint beent 21 for 45 yrs. Thats ALL I ask.
@Luvvie, I second that memo. Poor thing still shops at Rainbow.
—–
I don’t understand women who don’t have friendships with other women. Something is wrong with that. Probably a slore….
We must master the orgasm.
Nice hair is subjective. Thanks for clarifying that nice hair is whatever works for you. Keep it healthy, kept, and clean.
Good job VSB. I love your lists!
@The Soleblog,
Probably a slore….
you know, i’ve found that this is true more often than not. i wrote this before, but, nothing says “i’ve held more wangs than a chinese cemetery” more than a grown woman with no female friends her age
@The Champ,
nothing says “i’ve held more wangs than a chinese cemetery”
I’m in need of resuscitation stat!
@Luvvie,
Lol, that woman does not believe in going a size or three up.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
A stove and a Lazy Susan is not really enough to get the job done nowadays. Both men and women’s pallets have advanced a lot of the years and we need more than greens, cornbread, and Salisbury steak.
@Legendary Dash,
Lol, I wasn’t aware. What the h8ll were folks using a lazy susan for when cooking? As mentioned below somewhere, I loathe cooking. I was seriously considering a raw food diet until I read up on it and realised the preparations for the meals are usually more involved than regular old heat. Plus, after three plus years working in the food industry and graduate studies in food science, let’s just say alot of the canned foods are not an option. Pretty much until the government actually starts producing solient green pills I’m phucked.
@ofloveandotherdemons, lazy susan is another name for a spice rack.
@Legendary Dash,
Both men and women’s pallets have advanced a lot of the years and we need more than greens, cornbread, and Salisbury steak.
lol, speak for yourself. i need “exotic food” like i need a thumb on my foot.
@The Champ, I agree with you on this Champ
@Luvvie,
Can u send a formal memo to Mariah Carey about having size, age, and situation appropriate clothing?
no, because that would put maybe 28 percent of the blog world out of business
@Luvvie,
“Can u send a formal memo to Mariah Carey about having size, age, and situation appropriate clothing? CLEARLY, she’s hell bent on shopping at Forever21 when she aint beent 21 for 45 yrs. Thats ALL I ask.”
Word. I guess she likes all things smedium. I mean, her man is smedium. But for real, though. She just look uncomfortable all the time. She embodies the word “cringe”.
1. Appropriate undergarments. I don’t want to see your panty line, your jiggly ass, your bumps and crevices and the such. Even skinny girls need some smoothness…call Nancy Ganz, Sarah Blakely or somebody. Know what undergarments go with what clothes.
2. A go-to dish. Know how to prepare food that calls for heat in it’s preparation.
3. Proper grooming tools. You may not always be able to make it to the nail salon to get your nails or eyebrows done…don’t go out of the house looking like a woolly booga…tame that stuff.
4. A emergency kit in your bag containing: feminine hygiene products, wipes, extra pair of draws, toothbrush…don’t get caught out there.
5. Per my mama…however much it costs to call somebody to come get your ass should a ninja act up and you have to leave or he leaves your ass.
@Sweet Magnolia Brown,
Co-Sign on Go to dish and appropriate under garments.
I’ll have to work on that emergency kit and grooming tools. I didn’t pick up those girl traits…someone else has to do these nails. lol
@Sweet Magnolia Brown,
5. Per my mama…however much it costs to call somebody to come get your ass should a ninja act up and you have to leave or he leaves your ass.
Or as my mummy puts, ‘Baby, you just be sure you have an exit plan. Just so you don’t have to kill a fool to get away.’
@Sweet Magnolia Brown, “A emergency kit in your bag containing: feminine hygiene products, wipes, extra pair of draws, toothbrush…don’t get caught out there.”
YES!! I dont understand women that dont carry purses. I carry big bags for a reason. I stay equiped with everything I need at all times.
@Sweet Magnolia Brown,
“Even skinny girls need some smoothness”
this, btw, is also the working title for amerie’s new album
@Sweet Magnolia Brown, great additions. especially the undergarments thing. I watch What Not to Wear on the regular (there was a serious marathon this past Saturday) and its amazing how the right bra and support helped some folks. they just all out in the world unknowing how to look.
As a grown woman who likes to know what younger people are saying, I say this: the other attribute a grown-ass woman ought to have is a little “mystery.” Leave the talk about undergarments and feminine products for all-women blogs. This blog is titled “very smart brothas,” and men don’t have need to know what you have in your handbag. Have some discretion.
Besides, why do you need to carry all that stuff around like a bag lady? If you’re having sex it should be with somebody who cares enough about you that he’s with you somewhere that you can take you clothes off and then take a shower afterward, such as, at his place or yours. Love and respect yourself beautiful, young sisters.
Good list! Also grown ass woman need to have 3 out of the 6 items on the “6 thing every grown man needs” including:
-Credit Card/Actual Credit Report
-job(excluding stripper, hooter hostess etc.)
-A dream/Aspirations(that doesn’t include marrying a baller)
@hehe, “-job(excluding stripper, hooter hostess etc.)”
I like hooters chicks AKA Howard undergrad chicks here in DC . . . they are rather entertaining . . .Once you get over 30 I agree you should probably be looking to manage the joint tho.
@IVR, That is so true that Hooter girls usually go to Howard. One of my friends used to work there.
@IVR,
is it just me, or are the actual hooters girls generally not what you had in mind when you think of hooters and hooters commercials? sh*t, rasheed wallace has bigger boobs than most of the hooters waitresses i’ve seen
@The Champ,
This is amazingly accurate. There must have been a lawsuit in the past or something. Matter of fact, I think I heard about it.
Also, Howard chicks are fine. As an alumnus, I approve this message.
Every woman needs that one Splackavelli.
A sense of humor.
Sensible shoes.
A budget.
Advanced kitchen appliances. Food processors, deep fryers, ice cream machines etc.
A wellness plan.
@Legendary Dash,
Advanced kitchen appliances?? I don’t have those!
I better work on that..
I knew I wasn’t grown yet!
@Legendary Dash,
Advanced kitchen appliances. Food processors, deep fryers, ice cream machines etc.
Or a takeout menu and a microwave.
@ofloveandotherdemons, Yuck microwaves are really only for popcorn. For variety and health’s sake people need to be able to hook it up.
@Legendary Dash,
I definitely think women should have that go to dish like someone else said and should actually get in the kitchen. But advanced kitchen appliances? Every woman just won’t cook like that. My game isn’t that tight yet. I’m working on it though…
@Legendary Dash,
Steam fresh vegetable packs and a raw food diet-two things that allow one to eat healthy and never have to light a stove. But I see where you are coming from. I can’t lie though, cooking is one of those thankless tasks for me; right up there with laundry.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
really?
maybe it’s that good ole Naija raising but once my mom realized I could wash dishes without breaking them (age 12) I’ve been in the kitchen. I was preparing full-course (7 or more dishes) Sabbath meals on friday nights AND doing my part of the chores only to turn around and hit up the laundry mart on Sundays because my folks did NOT do my laundry for me.
I used to hate/resent my folks back then, esp when they would be sitting on their lazy bums pointing out the spots I missed while vacuuming. But now, I love cooking and the smell of fresh clean laundry.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Ice Cream Machines? Who actually makes their own ice cream
@Deeds,
mormons, nigerians, and serial killers.
@The Champ,
Hey! I am not part of any of those groups but I make my own ice cream… and until you’ve tasted homemade ice-cream (and not Bluebell) you can’t knock it!!! *sticks tongue out*
@The Champ,
stop tryna play naijas. we (excepting sula) do not! make my our ice cream.
@lulu,
I am not even naija! Well, maybe by association, but not really!
@Sula
sorry! my bad.
@Legendary Dash,
Ok… I have advanced kitchen appliances (sans ice cream maker) but they serve more as countertop decoration than a functional purpose.
Does that still make me a grown-a*s woman?
@Legendary Dash,
“Every woman needs that one Splackavelli.”
This just made me LOL for 22 seconds…
@Legendary Dash,
Advanced kitchen appliances.
this sounds like some skynet type sh*t.
@Legendary Dash,
Advanced kitchen appliances. Food processors, deep fryers, ice cream machines etc.
I am in love with Kitchen appliances… Lots of women hate when they receive it as gifts, me? Please, I will take that red Kitchen Aid Food Processor, thanx much!
@Legendary Dash,
Dang I’m short two items on your list….i.e. no Splackavelli at the moment
and not one of those advanced kitchen appliances you speak of…but I also don’t have that kind of extra counter/storage space in my condo….does a foreman grill count as an advanced kitchen appliance by any chance????
@Legendary Dash,
What if you can just cook, and got skill where you don’t need the advanced kitchen appliances? Maybe a sistah just got a food mill and a mortar and a pestle and and make it happen beautifully! You might do it like ya’ granny taught ya…LOL…
I like this list!!
I’m sad a hobby wasn’t on the list (television doesn’t count) because I really think most women do not have hobbies. It’s like we wait until we’re married to discover things other than men, clothes, and ourselves. So I’d like to reiterate….GET A HOBBY!
According to this list I’m a grown ass woman. lol However, I know better. Just because I have 2 degrees; a job/career with benefits; a straight and gay male go to, a couple hobbies, ability to climax with or without a him (no comment on the gag reflex …. that’s too much info champ); some of the best girl friends on the planet; and even though I’m a size 00 – 0, and they don’t always make clothes small enough for me, I’ve figured out how to dress; or just because I know I suck at doing my hair so I pay someone every two weeks to do it (lol) all before the age of 30 does NOT make me a grown ass woman. I still have way too much to learn!
I’d like to add that EVERY woman should know what alcoholic beverage she drinks…how much she can drink without embarrassing her girls or her man….what she can NOT drink…and when not to drink.
I appreciate that the check list says I’m on the right track, though!
Gone.
@RunBabyRun,
“and even though I’m a size 00 – 0, and they don’t always make clothes small enough for me, I’ve figured out how to dress”
Same here! It isn’t always easy, but it can be done…not to mention having a good tailor comes in quite handy.
@MzKang,
A good tailor is a must! AKA a good grandma! lol
@MzKang & runbabyrun,
“and even though I’m a size 00 – 0, and they don’t always make clothes small enough for me”
shutup yall.
@charli skipper,
co-sign…lol
@MzKang,
Ok.. I’m not a size 0 (never have been and never, ever, ever will be), but I am short (under 5 feet) so I co-sign on the need for a good tailor. It can make any outfit go from looking “off the rack” to “made just for you”!
@RunBabyRun,
soooo agree with the knowing what your drink is.
had to learn that the embarrassing way. smh.
@RunBabyRun,
I’d like to add that EVERY woman should know what alcoholic beverage she drinks…how much she can drink without embarrassing her girls or her man….what she can NOT drink…and when not to drink. .
I AGREE!!!!!!
Ima need for people to know how to hold they liquor!
@V Renee,
That reminds me of that scene from Bridget Jone’s Diary when she was celebrating her birthday and saying she was glad she’s finally old enough to hold her liquor – cut to her falling out of a cab at the end of the night and puking. Hee-larious.
@Lil’T,
LOL!! I ♥ that movie and remember that scene. Bless her heart.
I guess from time to time, one takes an L. LOL
@RunBabyRun,
I’m sad a hobby wasn’t on the list (television doesn’t count) because I really think most women do not have hobbies. It’s like we wait until we’re married to discover things other than men, clothes, and ourselves. So I’d like to reiterate….GET A HOBBY!
ummm, are you surre you’re reading the right list? asking because hobby was the very first thing listed
@The Champ,
OOOps, I thought that was under “goeswithoutsaying”. Grown-ass woman should know how to read! hehe
@RunBabyRun,
I’d like to add that EVERY woman should know what alcoholic beverage she drinks…how much she can drink without embarrassing her girls or her man….what she can NOT drink…and when not to drink.
lol, i know a few people who need this forwarded to them. and by “a few people” i mean…nevermind
@RunBabyRun,
I’d like to add that EVERY woman should know what alcoholic beverage she drinks…how much she can drink without embarrassing her girls or her man….what she can NOT drink…and when not to drink.
I so agree. My closest girlfriend still hasn’t figured this one out and her baby is getting his driver’s license. Please learn not to embarrass us all.
it’s almost as if they all took the exact same “how to be a hobbyless ho 101″ course their freshman year
GodD**n budget cuts. They canceled this course the year before I started college. Shame, I was super psyched for it.
That is all.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
don’t fret too much. i think the university of phoenix offers it as well. this way you can learn to be a hobbyless ho in the comfort of your own home
Champ, I agree with the “need for Girlfriends”. Plus no dude likes being out and their girl runs into more Guy friends than they do. Side Eye.
1. a grown-ass sista needs a Grown email address. It’s not acceptable to send people evites and email from your email address at HotCheeksATL@email.com. Cut it out.
2. F*$& Me Pumps and/or boots. You need these for the times you want to surprise him with a meal wearing nothing but the FMP and a thong.
3. A SMILE!!… It doesn’t have to be all the time.. but when you look like you’ve given up on the ability and desire to smile ya just look scary. ex. why are you mean muggin at a comedy show or a baby shower.
@Dat Chic
No, but seriously.How do people live with e-mail addresses from middle school? I use gMail because I’m a g
@KayBeezy, Wow…they didn’t have email yet when I was in middle school….
@klysha,
me neither!
@Dat Chic,
I agree wholeheartedly with the FMP! I have some shoes in my closet that I bought with no intention of EVER wearing them outside the confines of my apartment walls, but knowing that they’d come in handy one day!!!
@Dat Chic,
2. F*$& Me Pumps and/or boots. You need these for the times you want to surprise him with a meal wearing nothing but the FMP and a thong.
the best is when its a workplace surprise
@Dat Chic,
“3. A SMILE!!… It doesn’t have to be all the time.. but when you look like you’ve given up on the ability and desire to smile ya just look scary. ex. why are you mean muggin at a comedy show or a baby shower.”
*dying* @ “mean muggin at a comedy show”.
Oh, and where the h*ll was PETA when that lady skinned snuffaluffagus blue haired grandma and duct taped her to her legs? Muppets need love too.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
“Oh, and where the h*ll was PETA when that lady skinned snuffaluffagus”
I can imagine a church full of muppets huddled around a casket crying while Kermit leads a stirring rendition of “Rainbow Connection”. There hasn’t been that much sadness on Sesame Street since Mr. Hooper died. Shame on your talentless ass Traci. You snuffed a happy muppet in it’s prime so that you could look a mess.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
‘I can imagine a church full of muppets huddled around a casket crying while Kermit leads a stirring rendition of “Rainbow Connection”. ‘
This made me laugh and feel a bit of sadness at the same time.
F*ck Traci’s boots…
@AkShone,
“This made me laugh and feel a bit of sadness at the same time.”
I felt the same way while typing that line. That sums up the range of emotions covered in that song. That and “It’s Not Easy Being Green” are two of the best songs ever.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
“Oh, and where the h*ll was PETA when that lady skinned snuffaluffagus blue haired grandma and duct taped her to her legs? Muppets need love too.”
The Snuffaluffagus crotch hair on her head scared them away.
Three more things!! (Could be wrapped up into 1 or 2)
1. Every grown-ass woman should have complete working knowledge of HER vagina!!!!
2. She should have the use of HER preferred contraceptive down pact! Fellow ladies, that means if he has to strap up you better know how to strap him!
3. Ladies, we all should stay strapped!!! Make-up bags hold more than make-up!!
@RunBabyRun,
Re #3, Are you referring to burners, gats, ratchets, biscuits, tools, whatever name is flaming up the freeway?
I realize the utility of protection, but not sure it’s a good look to be running around with a gun in your make up.
@Stank-0,
LOL no! Contraception=strapped!
I keep my gun in my garter belt! Come on!
@RunBabyRun,
oh okay. i was right.
@Stank-0,
i thought she was talking about condoms.
me and my dirty mind. geesh. lol
both of which i don’t make a habit of carrying around. maybe i need to reevaluate. lol.
@Muze,
Contraception = condoms, BC, Female condom, I don’t recommend carrying a diaphragm (who uses those?) but uhhh yeah keep that too lol
I don’t care what you use I’m just saying a woman can’t expect a man to be the only one prepared to get busy. I’m a strong believer in protecting myself from all dangers. So my razor blade is as important as a condom.
@RunBabyRun,
i made the condom comment before i refreshed and saw you had clarified for him. thus the “oh, i was right.” lol.
def with you on the razor blade. ninjas be crazy these days.
@Muze,
I hear “strap” I think pistol.
I usually say I have “protection” as a euphemism for condoms.
@Stank-0,
Re #3, Are you referring to burners, gats, ratchets, biscuits, tools, whatever name is flaming up the freeway?
i was wondering the same thing. i’m thinking “who the hell let madea on vsb?”
“when a woman tells me that she doesn’t really get along with other women”
I cringe whenever I hear this for the exact reasons you said. I have literally walked away mid-conversation from girls who say this dumb sh*t to me because they don’t deserve any friends, let alone
whatever I’m offering themmy company.@P.,
mid-conversation? damn, i’m scared of you and sh*t, lol
LOL @ Spelman pullback. Knowing one’s alcohol limit is important.. I’ve recently learned I have to re-define my definition of drunk now that I’m no longer in undergrad :-/
@Rae, drop of golden sun,
welcome and sh*t.
and yeah, everybody gets one “damn, i drank waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much” mulligan every six months. anymore than that and the next club you hit needs to be chuck e cheese
@The Champ,
lol co-sign. No one needs to see you yt-girl wasted @ Kiki’s fifth grade graduation party. Also knowing what booze works in which situations is always a must.
@The Champ, or the Sober Club located in the nearest church basement, AA meeting. STAT!
Alright, I’m sorry. Last one…
Everyone woman should own her self-worth, self-esteem, God-esteem (for all my Christian women), Self(God)-confidence…etc. Own it and never let anyone destroy it. It’s yours.
@RunBabyRun,
Hugs for that
@RunBabyRun,
Alright, I’m sorry. Last one…
thats what she said
@RunBabyRun, YES!!!! So very True!!!!!
Every woman should have…
1. A moral compass and relationship with God (something that goes beyond “goin’ to church”). Have values you believe in and live by them.
2. Three to four qualities in a mate that she won’t compromise on. This will help her to not waste her or his time and will help to prevent her ‘list’ from changing every time the wind blows.
@Ivyette,
“1. A moral compass and relationship with God (something that goes beyond “goin’ to church”). Have values you believe in and live by them. ”
I kinda think this is subjective too. One’s relationship with (a) God is dependent on where they are in their lives. Throw in the addendum of “or seeking a relationship with God” and it’s a winner.
@Ivyette,
2. Three to four qualities in a mate that she won’t compromise on. This will help her to not waste her or his time and will help to prevent her ‘list’ from changing every time the wind blow
i actually agree with this and sh*t
@Ivyette,
heavy co sign on 2. i’m working on 1, the relationship with God, not the moral compass part. Haha.
panama jackson,
hands down this is brilliance:
“an actual hobby that doesn’t involve meeting men or buying blahniks is usually the first answer i think of. nothing says “i’m grown the f*ck up” more than a woman who has genuine interests, enthusiasms, and curiosities, and actually makes time to partake in and pursue them.”
hmmm i think that directly and indirectly tackles ms. helena andrews’ trite subject. im just sayin…
champ, (excuse the mixup and whatnot)
hands down this is brilliance:
“an actual hobby that doesn’t involve meeting men or buying blahniks is usually the first answer i think of. nothing says “i’m grown the f*ck up” more than a woman who has genuine interests, enthusiasms, and curiosities, and actually makes time to partake in and pursue them.”
hmmm i think that directly and indirectly tackles ms. helena andrews’ trite subject. im just sayin…
@p.eden,
excuse deez
lol, seriously though, you’re right. no amount of degrees, culture, or looks can overcome you being a boring-ass chick
Every grown azz woman needs…
1, A set of good working ears- Meaning that these ears can correctly interpret what others are saying, They can take things at face value, they don’t switch words around and make nothing out of something. Since we’re on ears…
2. A elegant set of earrings for formal occasions- No door knockers, zirconia’s,
3. Real fruit juice- Meaning no drink or pop cluttering the fridge.
4. An overnight bag- Yes, you should have all the sh!t you need when you come over to my crib. Ex. tooth brush, hair wrap, t-shirt and socks(cause your feet always get cold), comb(so that after we finish our festivities you dent look like a wnba player, etc
5. A “It’s-Time-For-Me-2-Shut-The-F^ck-Radar”-You talk to much, you dnt know when to let it go. You’re not going to win this argument. You could possibly get you and me killed-radar.
6. A knockout move- for any negro that puts his hands on you inappropriately.
7.A tasteful cover-up belch-Make it come thru your nose or dismiss yourself, please.
8. A set of freaky text that always happen to get your guy going.
9. An appreciation for the female and male species.
10. One bisexual experience, Idk maybe that’s just me.
11. Something in you life that can rezero all your thoughts, because I know life is stressful and you cant go around eating people.
Over and Out
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
Real fruit juice? I mean really? I can understand not having the frig filled with soda and alcohol, but the only “drink” I keep in my frig is water!
That doesn’t make me any less of a grown-ass woman!
@Heavanly1, i think he means have real grape juice not grape ‘drink’
@Dee,
“I want that purple stuff!”
@Heavanly1,
Quite frankly if you had real fruit juice you would have been less offended.
I like Simply Orange, personally. Thanks in advance
@The Hallway/TheSunk, welsh’s white grape juice is my ish….
@Dee,
I loves me some welsh’s white grape juice, too. And ice cold? HEAVEN.
@Dee,
I concur, ice cold until its slushy…Shhheeeeiiiit
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
Funny list. And yes I also agree about the “drank”. Nobody’s mad if all you have is filtered water. But if all you have is grape drank and faucet water? LOL, for some reason this is the m.o. of my girlfriends with the hyper children that no one wants to babysit. For goodness sake, get a dang Brita.
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
“5. A “It’s-Time-For-Me-2-Shut-The-F^ck-Radar”-You talk to much, you dnt know when to let it go. You’re not going to win this argument. You could possibly get you and me killed-radar.”
Major Cosign! Every time I think about that scene in the movie Crash where things could have gone so much more smoothly for ole boy if she had just stayed in the truck and shut the F up I get pissed. I’m getting emotional about it as I type this.
Going a step further, that “Shut-the-F-up-Radar” should also be equipped to recognize and alert when she’s been babbling on for 15-minutes about something the guy on the line with her couldn’t care less about. If I can put the phone down, make a sandwich, come back, pick up the phone, and she never recognized that I was gone and is still talking…she talks too much.
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
i was going to make a comment about your list, but then i clicked on your link and saw that pic of vicki 6, and, well, the comment just didnt seem as important anymore
@The Champ,
Lol. What was the Comment?
@The Champ,
That was Sinnamon Love BTW
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
“Sinnamon Love”
That info right there told me I didn’t need to click on this at while I’m at work…thanks!
@miss t-lee,
The pic is subtle, its not too risque miss t-lee. But please take a gander when u get home
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
I will check you when I leave the J…lol
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
11. Something in you life that can rezero all your thoughts, because I know life is stressful and you cant go around eating people.
I like this.
I must admit, I’m nowhere near grown (the big 2-0 is coming up in a little over a month…can’t even drink legally, yet) I feel like I can add a lil sum’n to this list:
1. A sense of humor that isn’t limited to hating on other women. (see any episode of Bad Girls’ Club for an example).
2. An appreciation–if not a love–for reading. Nasty ass Cosmopolitan, Us Weekly and YBF do not count. You actually need to own books…with chapters.
3. Friends who don’t TeXt LiKe tHiS. That’s irrelevant, but I care not. It makes me want to reach through the phone and smack you across the face with your glitter-encrusted flip phone.
4. General knowledge about sports. I’m not saying you need to make a fantasy football team, or actually give an ish about the results of the NBA Draft, but having no idea who’s going to the Superbowl this year is just ridiculous.
5. Own “stepping out” attire that is not from Rainbow, Rave, Body Central, or anything of the sort. If you can’t pronounce the name of the material you’re wearing, chances are you look like you’re for sale.
@ILoveme2,
“Friends who don’t TeXt LiKe tHiS”, this Sh!t infuritates me, I can actually say I hate it.
N It was hard for me to figure out how to ride the metro, too.(Inside comment)
@The Hallway/TheSunk,~most of my friends get a pass. They are over 40 and technologically challenged.
@ILoveme2,
bwahaha @ the texting one. oh man. i’d disown any friend who texts me like my 14 year old students do. i swear i would. and i get on them about it too.
and the reading… and owning books with chapters… amen.
@ILoveme2,
“3. Friends who don’t TeXt LiKe tHiS. That’s irrelevant, but I care not. It makes me want to reach through the phone and smack you across the face with your glitter-encrusted flip phone.”
This is life biggest conundrums. Like, I bet I’ll figure out the meaning of the universe before I figure this out. Like, doesn’t it take LONGER to type like that? Isn’t the point of the iFuture to do things quickly?
@ILoveme2,
good list and sh*t. it sounds like you’re very close to making it to grown-ass adulthood
Good points Champ.
I just turned 25 this past Saturday and I’m trying to transition out my seemingly eternal adolescence. People still mistaking me for 17/18 years old due sometimes to my overly nice seemingly naive nature and my young looking face. I’m still working on the female friends thing. I get along great with other women, I just keep picking users and abusers to be friends with. I have a pretty weak judge of character, not really, I always choose to ignore red flags/gut feelings and try to see the good in everyone. With some people its like looking for that good in the daytime with a flashlight.
SO a grown A** woman definitely needs: A great judge of character not only for friendships, but all relationships including romantic ones. Leave the mess and drama of poor characters for the youngins.
@Blue Skyez,
I get along great with other women, I just keep picking users and abusers to be friends with. I have a pretty weak judge of character, not really, I always choose to ignore red flags/gut feelings and try to see the good in everyone
does this affect how you pick guys as well?
Oh and a grown a** woman should know how to do her own natural makeup without looking like sparkly clown.
@Blue Skyez,
so the edward from “twilight” look isnt a good one?
Good list!! I don’t trust women who don’t have gfriends either. I also don’t trust women with too many male friends. I don’t buy that “he is my brother” bs.
I would add: an Ob/Gyn, a good bra, enough money to pay for your own meal on a date, condoms, a black dress, a tool box, the ability to change a tire & at least one “toy”.
@Yaa,
*applause*
@Yaa,
just one bra? thats kind of nasty, isn’t it?
@Yaa,
yes, yes and YES!!
70% of women are wearing the wrong size bra (I used to work in a lingerie store.. smh…). Quadruple-boob is NOT cute. If you have to invest over $100 for that ONE bra that turns you into a Victoria Secret model than do it. It is an investment that will have you enjoying many returns.
Gosh! VSB has been so on point in the New Year.
I didn’t have many female friends until I got to uni. because many of the girls at my high school were basic and I didn’t have time for that, so that requisite should be judged on a case by case basis. That being said, now I have a circle of 4 girls who for better or worse are in my life, so I’m blessed.
I just turned 23 and I’m kind of okay with not being or not being considered a grown ass woman, although I hit about 4/5 on this list so go me
Additions:
A GAW/S should not refer to herself as such. If you’re grown, people will know by the way you live and carry yourself. And there are a lot of people who confuse stuff with substance. I’m happy your list included character traits too
Also I’d add a dictionary. No one wants to hear a so-say “grown” woman using words like “conversate”
Let’s go ahead and throw a subscription to a “good”magazine. I know that’s subjective, but don’t call yourself grown and all you read is Glamour, Cosmo etc. throw some in The Economist or Foreign Policy in there as well.
@KayBeezy,
Let’s go ahead and throw a subscription to a “good”magazine. I know that’s subjective, but don’t call yourself grown and all you read is Glamour, Cosmo etc. throw some in The Economist or Foreign Policy in there as well.
i’ve always wondered if there are any women’s magazines on the market that have both superficial stuff and great writing like a gq or an esquire or even a details?
@The Champ,
i’ve always wondered if there are any women’s magazines on the market that have both superficial stuff and great writing like a gq or an esquire or even a details?
Marie-Claire fits that description to a t. And yes, I subscribe.
@Sula,
Now you already know I absolutely LOVE Marie Claire. It’s the only women’s magazine that I fucx with.
@V Renee, I adore Marie Claire also. I’ve had a subscription for many years.
@The Champ,
Jane used to be good. They’re no longer in publication though.
@miss t-lee,
omg I used to fcuk with Jane hard! That and Blender…(sigh)
@miss t-lee,
I used to LOVE Jane. Love love love that article. I think I got the basics of how to change oil from that magazine.
@ VeronicaCorningstoneD/@V Renee
I was so sad when Jane went away. This has happened to me a few times, fall in love with a mag, start subscribing, and it folds up.
I also miss Honey (the original, not the website) and Vibe Vixen.
@The Champ,
I was going to say Marie Claire or maybe Vanity Fair? *and the latter is a stretch*
I read Esquire and GQ because they’re full of knowledge, not as smart as these VSBs that I know via the internets, but good nonetheless.
@KayBeezy,
I stan for GQ!!
“and, since we’re all here, who do you think is going to be the first popular recording artist that actually murders herself on stage during an award show because she’s trying to top a lady gaga performance? (my money’s on pink)”
I hope it’s Pink cause that @#%!*…
Anyhoover,
With the innocent spirit of the 7 yr old Barbie playing all day me & the 10 yrs younger looking baby face (no whip appeal) current me, I don’t really get into all the “I’m grown” thingy {even though I’m waving hi to 30} sooooo… with that said, I’d say every grown ass sista should possess acceptance that she can no longer deny being a grown woman.
*sigh*
@Made In Hawaii,
I’d say every grown ass sista should possess acceptance that she can no longer deny being a grown woman.
way to get all zen and sh*t, o-ren
The ability to say what she wants or does not want from her SO. You shouldn’t be a “grown a*s” woman still using subliminal signs to show that you angry. If you can’t say what you want or don’t want with some valid reasoning behind, you need a little more work on your people skills.
“My peope skills are way better than your’s n*gga!”
@Kirk Lazarus,
yeah. a grown ass woman should have figured out by now that guys dont usually take hints and sh*t. their communication with us needs to be about as subtle as beyonce
A GAW should have some general knowledge of current events, and politics. She should also have a “cause” she believes in & devotes time to other than her so and herself…(Big Bros-Big Sisters, Mentoring, Habitat for Humanity)..She should also have the power to forgive , and let ish go..(I know this is a tough one I still have trouble with, sigh*). She should also have some knowledge of music..(not including gucci, wayne, or whomever is current*), and history..not just Black History (although today is the first day of our month-shouts out to Black Folks )SMH@the fact that we STILL only get one em effin month ….and last but not least
@ KayBeezy- Co sign 100% at the CONVERSATE comment..really WTF?
@bajanflchick,
She should also have a “cause” she believes in & devotes time to other than her so and herself…(Big Bros-Big Sisters, Mentoring, Habitat for Humanity)
does stripping count?
Great post. Props on using the term “too old be shook by her own snatch” in the blog. Snatch is an underused gem of a word.
My money is on Pink killing Gaga on stage in some weird 2520 pop performance. When this happens she should be presented with a Presidental Medal of Freedom for doing so.
Every sister should:
1. Have enough sense to not let their family run their marriages/relationship/life. Your mom, sister, father(see # 4), and your cousin Peaches aren’t always right. S@”t, the seldom are.
2. Know how to shoot. I’m not saying that you carry a gun in your purse but do keep one in your home for protection. You don’t have to be Sarah Connor but please be able use a gun to deal with break ins and such. Besides a chick with a gun is like a 5 point bump on the sexy meter.
3. Please have sense enough not to give your children a f@&ked name. While grabbing lunch on Saturday a lady in the next both called her son Kal-El. This upset me thusly making my rib platter undesirable.
4. A strong relationship with a father or father figure. The man you love will thank you for this.
5. A Reason to Be.
6. A celebrity crush that you will admit to your mate. I’ve come across female friends, coworkers, and my family members who get a little pissy when their men have a celeb they dig. The “Am I not enough woman for you?” convo isn’t cute. Yes, your boyfriend is eye-balling Keri Hilson. DO NOT give him the insecure side-eye for this. Admit to wanting Lebron to beat and everything will be fine. You will not be judged for this.
@Wuyoungforever Agent of M.E.,
my Godson’s name is Kalel. prounounced Kah-lel. what’s wrong with that name? his father is Indian, so they compromised. could’ve been Mohinder.
…plus that’s superman’s name! lol
@Muze, The Indian spelling and of Kalel is cool. Thank the lord for no Mohinder! I was shocked by the name however. I shouldn’t have been. I substitute taught a little boy named “Icarus once. I just hope little Kal-El from the restaurant doesn’t have a clever bully when he gets older.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
Icarus? noooo. lol
i taught a little boy named MahNiyga once… prounounced “my nigga.” …but that’s a whole other blog post. smh.
just had to take up for my baby. he already is getting flack for having “girl hair” down his back at his school. po’ thing.
preschoolers are so mean. lol
@Muze,
“i taught a little boy named MahNiyga once… prounounced “my nigga.” …but that’s a whole other blog post. smh.”
o__________O
Please tell me he wasn’t born and/or conceived after Training Day was released.
@Muze, Little Icarus was also dumber than a pile of sawdust.
@Muze, SMH at MahNiyga. I don’t know whats worse that or Tisha Campbell’s sister naming her baby Nina Minaji.
@cheekie and deeds
LOL well he was in fourth grade a couple years ago, so i’m hoping it was before Training Day… too lazy to do the math. he probably thought he was being called every time denzel said that in the movie though. smh.
nina minaji… noooooo.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
What’s wrong with Icarus?
It’s Greek.
@Big Man,
Well, hopefully Little Icarus won’t be as dumb as the Icarus from the Greek mythology… and actually listen to his elders!
@Big Man, Nothing wrong with the name Icarus unless you pronounce it eyekaruss. Coupe that with the fact the little dude was in the fourth grade and couldn’t spell his name. Then it’s just f*&king tragic.
@Muze,
Thank you for pointing out that’s Supe’s name!
@Wuyoungforever Agent of M.E.,
Great post. Props on using the term “too old be shook by her own snatch” in the blog. Snatch is an underused gem of a word. \
no problem. i hadn’t used “snatch” in a minute and figured i needed to dust it off and pull it out of the closet today
to couple add..
a basic tool box and know how to use the tools in it…
matching unchipped crockery, cutlery and cloth napkins…
a good set of cookware
at (the very) least 2 sets of good quality bedlinen…
a lint remover…
discreet pearl earrings…
one friend of a different ethnicity..
good spelling/basic maths/command of english language
@london, I have everything but the cloth napkins. I live alone and dont have a formal dining room situation so I’m good. when I do I will though
Well according to this list I make the criteria for a grown ass woman. I should hope so at 26.
Anyway, it is so true about a woman that doesn’t get along with other woman. One of my very good friends recently had to break off a friendship with someone that she recently met in med school because she was talking with her boyfriend. We soon realized that she really didn’t have any other girlfriends. She never talked about other friends from undergrad nor did it seem like she had a core group of friends when looking at fb pics.
@Deeds,
One of my very good friends recently had to break off a friendship with someone that she recently met in med school because she was talking with her boyfriend
that seems pretty harsh, doesnt it?
Gotta love that Traci Bingham…hot dayum mess!!!!
Great list Champie.
I would like to add
an identity
common sense
@miss t-lee,
an identity
common sense
Yup!
@miss t-lee,
Gotta love that Traci Bingham…hot dayum mess!!!!
you know, there was a period of about 15 to 18 minutes back in 1997 when i had a huge crush on her
@The Champ,
I’m sure you’re not alone. I mean, she was the one dash of color for you guys on Baywatch.
@miss t-lee,
Word.
A grown ass woman should posses everthing that she requires of a grown ass man.
With a few exceptions i.e. swangin mandingo.
@Godiva,
swangin mandingo.
this sounds like the name of a gay bar in gary, indiana
@The Champ,
“this sounds like the name of a gay bar in gary, indiana”
LMFAO. This amount of foolery ain’t right on a Monday.
A style and etiquette book…no seriously. I have seen women eat more beastly then some men in an upscale restaurant…out of control. Also, I have seen men hold the door for women strangers (as they should) and the person not say thank you (as we should).
In terms of a style book, I don’t think many women understand the concept of dressing for your body type. Also, not many women understand that low rise jeans should be worn with low rise panties meaning not a thong.
@Tahirah,
Also, not many women understand that low rise jeans should be worn with low rise panties meaning not a thong.
lol, i think they understand, but they jut dont give a f*ck
@The Champ, well crack kills and a thong a and muffin top is not the hottest couple
What happened to Traci Bingham’s @ss? It’s not there.
I’m not a woman so i don’t have much to add to this. Just off the top of my head i know there are two things I want a grown @ss woman to possess.
1) The ability to provide for herself. A grown woman should not believe or be looking for someone to provide for her. Adults should be able to provide for themselves. There is something wrong with an adult that feels their well being is someone else’s responsibility.
2) A grown @ss woman should be aware of the history, social issues, politics, and conditions that create the world she lives in.
@Humble_One aka The Market,
What happened to Traci Bingham’s @ss? It’s not there.
it was stolen by the same thief who took lil kim’s face, foxy brown’s hearing, maia campbell’s sanity, karyn parsons career, and any other quality stolen from popular women that black men used to crush on in 1997.
@The Champ,
that’s funny as hell…don’t forget nona gaye’s sobriety and lisa nicole carson’s sanity as well….
i’m a woman and i thought nona was stupendously beautiful….
I think every grown woman should be able to converse, and not just in the workplace, without cursing, on a daily basis. I think its completely tacky and classless to hear a woman dropping the f-bomb or saying s**t, b***h and the alike routinely.
@ChiLove,
I think its completely tacky and classless to hear a woman dropping the f-bomb or saying s**t, b***h and the alike routinely
unless its in the bedroom, in which case, its warranted and expected.
welcome and sh*t, btw (i think)
@ChiLove,
aw fuck that…..
damn and shit…sometimes you just gotta say what.the.fuck….
i’d just say, if that is the ONLY way you can express yourself, you’re fucked.
LOL
Loving the list. Major side-eye to women who don’t have any women friends – like, seriously? Get away from me, lol. I would add:
1. The ability to speak to your man without screaming at him – even when you really want to scream on that bamma.
2. The ability to represent your s.o. well at company events, make yourself at home with his family and chill with his boys. P.S. this requires 3 totally different skill sets. Be ready.
3. The ability to get your job done without becoming the “angry black chick”. Yeah, someone may call you that, but only YOU know when you’ve crossed that line. And sorry, but permafrown as defense mechanism ain’t really the hotness either. Your face is gonna STAY LIKE THAT! lol
4. The ability to let go and let….God, your man, your momma whoever – handle something. Martyr is not the new black.
5. A McGuyver kit – that box that’s stashed in your trunk that has everything from tire changing tools to a brush and some lipstick.
6. The ability to let go of whatever hurtful crap your mom/boyfriend/hater friend said or did to you and move on. Acting an azz at 40 because of the mean things your 6th grade peers said is….well, a little sad.
7. A comfort level with your skin color, hair length and booty size.
@Lil’T, my good friend needs to learn #6. she is still hold grudges from elementary/high school. whatever happened was FIFTEEN years ago. FIFTEEN! The other party has grown up, why can’t you?!
@Lil’T,
Martyr is not the new black
I want a tee-shirt!!!
#6 is THE TRUTH!
@Sula,
Memo:
I would like to place an order for said t-shirt to distribute to many black folk.
Thanks,
Management
@Lil’T,
2. The ability to represent your s.o. well at company events, make yourself at home with his family and chill with his boys. P.S. this requires 3 totally different skill sets. Be ready.
co-sign.
nods head……..
How to have without posessing.
How to decide without emotion.
Sense to know that having a pu**y is not a “get out of jail free” card. But it is, but it ain’t, aww Fu*k, it is. (Shhhh, not really except for brief moments and those decisions can be overturned & clit, I mean quit claimed.
A disposition that’s soft on the outside but strong on the inside.
Healthy self-esteem not built on any external thing/s.
How & when to self administer a healthy dose of “Settle The Fu*k Down.”
Knowing that there is no real Gender Equality and that there should be re Human Equality.
Knowing that you’re the best regardless.
The sense to know that if everybody here is right or wrong or if she has any, none or all of this, that she ain’t got sh*t and the world don’t owe her sh*t.
@Triple Crown,
I like your list.
And this –> A disposition that’s soft on the outside but strong on the inside. <— sounds like stuff my father would say… to me. Lol.
i think everyone pretty much covered it, but off the top of my head…
a pair of black sensible shoes…
workout gear that is appropriate for the gym. ie NOT your 6th grade oversized mickey mouse tee turned inside out. i’mjussayin.
a vocabulary that isn’t 50% expletives. cursing like a sailor is NOT sexy.
some ‘act right’ in any social setting …meaning i can hang with her at my boss’s 50th birthday party and not look over and see her dropping it like it’s hot with his 18 year old son Chad.
thanks.
@Muze,
“a vocabulary that isn’t 50% expletives. cursing like a sailor is NOT sexy.”
Major Co-Sign. I have a friend who swears in this manner and can’t figure out why her husband, who was an actual sailor, gives her the gasface when she opens her mouth.
the ability to take responsibility for yourself. i have a friend who can never say “I effed up”. It’s always some external force or another person. No, sometimes it’s just you.
A couple outfits so you are prepared. My mother *always* has to go shopping when she has to attend an event. she really has no clothes…i’ve looked in her closet. my dad, on the other hand, has some go-to suits, and dressy causal outfits. he can be ready to go in an hour.
@Dee,
A couple outfits so you are prepared. My mother *always* has to go shopping when she has to attend an event. she really has no clothes…i’ve looked in her closet. my dad, on the other hand, has some go-to suits, and dressy causal outfits. he can be ready to go in an hour.
lol, i know a couple not yet 30 year old women who have already started the “mom jeans + sweater = an outfit for every, single event” phase
Knowledge of self
-who and whose you are
-knowing what works for you and what doesn’t on ALL fronts
Like I have about 1.5 good female friends and that works for me that pack/pride doesn’t LOL
Self confidence, no breakdown needed
@OrangeStar616,
“Like I have about 1.5 good female friends and that works for me that pack/pride doesn’t LOLZ”
Thank you, I thought I was alone in this. I have a few good female friends.As I’ve been reading I’ve been thinking “So I need to have what, 6 really good female friends?!” Lord, I can’t even imagine that. I can go out sometimes with a larger group of women, but I ain’t tryin’ to have 18 different people up in my business @ once. People talk and sh*t!
@lovin’ me,
Exactly. I have 2 BFF’s. We’ve been friends for 22 years and 11 years respectively. That’s all I need.
Everyone else is on straight acquaintance status.
More than one bank account. You should have at least a savings and a checking account. Save that cash checking and shoe box stashing shit for the teeny boppers.
Since we’re on finances, hmmm…how can I put this…a foundation for your future. My company provides us w/ life insurance…when I expressed that I already had my own policy, my boss was floored. I also have a Roth IRA as well. I’m not balling, but I make due w/ what I have.
A mean jab. I’ve never had a dude tell me I hit like a girl…thanks Dad.
Multi-tasking skills.
Capable of being self-reflective. Shit we’re not perfect…and we all probably have a few “issues” we need to sort out. Own it, don’t deny it…it’s not the end of the world. I can’t stand when people are so judgmental, yet can’t look at themselves who they are.
@La Bakir,
“More than one bank account. You should have at least a savings and a checking account. Save that cash checking and shoe box stashing shit for the teeny boppers.”
Most def. I also can’t stand to see women (or people, period) who claim to be grown standing in line at the currency exchange every payday. Dayum, get a bank account! Your rubberband holding your wad of bills does not security make. STOP IT.
Hi all, here is my list:
1. A lil black dress
2. Be gainfully employed
3. A vibrator
4. A drivers licence
5. General knowledge
6. Medical Aid
7. A good sense of humour.
That is all…for now:)
@mateosmuse,
are you canadian?
@The Champ,
Lol, no I’m South African. Why?
@The Champ,
LMAO!! I am. And I approve this list. ; )
Oh and matching underwear and lingerie
@mateosmuse,
YES!!!
i have a friend that i had to MAKE go out and buy all new undergarments when she got a man because she didn’t own ANY matching ones. how does this happen?
@Muze,
Somebody failed her in her formative years.
@miss t-lee, @mateosmuse, i admit i don’t have many that technically match, but that’s because most things in my size are offered in just black and white. Lane Bryant has a good selection of solid colors, so usually match one color that appears in my bottoms to my bra. but I have exactly one real ‘set’
@Dee,
That counts as a set girlie!
I know all too well about LB. I’m in their demographic as well.
@miss t-lee,
I agree that the matching colors counts as a set. And yeah, they may be off a bit in shade if they aren’t the same brand or from the same line or something. But, I kinda doubt a (hetero) brotha would look at your underwear and be all, “Um, your bra is kinda reddish brownish, but your panties are clearly burnt sienna. That don’t match. Instant peen shrinkage.”
@Muze,
I have no idea but once u reach a certain age u need to have matching undies. Especially if u have a man. Com’n Son!
good list. i always side-eye women also who say that they don’t get along well with other women for the reasons you listed. i would add a couple more:
- a black dress that fits you perfectly.
- to learn how to do her own nails and pedicures or at least visit sue kim on the regular.
-a versatile shoe/heel game.
- different smell goods. perfume, lotions, body wash, etc.
@Tunde,
- different smell goods. perfume, lotions, body wash, etc.
yea, this is crucial. cant go through life smelling like new jersey and period panties
@The Champ,
that made me throw up in my mouth a little.
@The Champ, this looks like a good place for a stick up.
A grown woman should either know how to hold her liquor OR just not drink at all. I don’t see how any man would trust their woman anywhere if she is a sloppy over indulgent drunk.
@Naturally Alise,
I don’t see how any man would trust their woman anywhere if she is a sloppy over indulgent drunk..
yea. this is exactly why i dont date aka’s anymore
“every grown-ass sista should have at least one (heterosexual!) male in her life that’ll give it to her straight with no chaser whenever she needs to know “what does it mean when he says that he only wants to see me between 3 and 3:45am on the weekends?””
Hopefully, a grown-ass sista is grown enough to know this by the time she is grown-ass. lol
“and, since we’re all here, who do you think is going to be the first popular recording artist that actually murders herself on stage during an award show because she’s trying to top a lady gaga performance? (my money’s on pink)”
Maybe Beyonce. Look at her tryna rock out last night! She gettin’ some of that Gaga aura misted unto herself.
Grown-ass womens need to:
- NOT listen to TEETH Harvey and NOT view him as a all-things- relationship savior.
- Avoid “Of Love” shows.
- Avoid Baby Phat cards
- Avoid The Champ
@Cheekie,
“Maybe Beyonce. Look at her tryna rock out last night! She gettin’ some of that Gaga aura misted unto herself.”
It was misted through that wind turbine huh?
@miss t-lee,
“It was misted through that wind turbine huh?”
lol, yep.
Speaking of which, I kinda evilly hoped that Kanye would show up and interrupt Gaga making a speech. Like, he’d run up on her lettin her finish and whatnot and then her hand ornament made out of Wolverine claws would poke him in the eye. That one moment would’ve made the Grammys actually good.
@Cheekie,
LMAO…it would have been a moment for real!
@Cheekie,
avoid deez
@The Champ,
I — like every other grown ass VSS — plan to. For health reasons. Thanks for the warning, Champie!
@Cheekie,
please let’s stop listening to steve harvey…ok i did reread his essence piece today but the sole thing he has to offer in my view is….
it might take two or three wives to get to the one that’s right for you…
when you have been married three times you can figure that even if the women had followed the advice in his book, they’d still be divorced
he’s now 50….of course he’s ready to appreciate a good woman
but let’s see how it goes…..
WTH is the spelman pullback?? Just a ponytail??
You know I started to think of what i could add to this list and then I read some of the previous comments… I think this question is subject to interpretation and personal viewpoints. I don’t think owning a box of condoms or reading the Wall Street Journal everyday makes you a grown ass anything. Cause you can have all the hobbies/interests in the world and still be a f*cking douche (male or female)
What makes someone grown in my book is someone who:
- is financially independent
- pays all their own bills
- has a checking account and a credit card
- doesn’t need to be in the company of anyone (male or female) all the time and is comfortable just spending time alone
- someone who doesn’t NEED to be in a relationship with someone in order to be confident and secure
- is confident and secure
- knows how to present themselves both professionally and socially
I can keep going but I got a meeting w my boss in 5 min… gotta go chat up “THE MAN” lol
@BKSweetheart,
i was wondering what the Spelman pullback is too…
bc when i was there, i was flyy. i’mjussayin. lol.
@BKSweetheart,
WTH is the spelman pullback?? Just a ponytail??
i got this term from panama, actually. its basically just a regular ponytail you’d rock to class or target or something
@The Champ,
I thought it was a ponytail that was off to the side a bit. lol
All this talk of shoes, knowing when to STFU, wearing appropriate clothing LOL! Do we even need to discuss that?.. I guess I’m more conservative/nerdy than I thought…any whooooo
A grown Sista should:
1. Have sufficient computer skills: don’t have JoJo from down the block come by to help you do your internet banking and ish! Keep your info locked-up MATRIX style! You should be able to handle simple OS and browser updates without getting flabbergasted. At least have a go-to NERD.
2.Be able to hold down a job for more than 2years= no more job hopping. After 25/27 yrs.=you have enough motivation, working skills to build a good reputation at your place of employment.
3. You own a passport! Traveling up and down both ends of Flatbush Ave. (the junction area and the Kings Highway end) doesn’t count as traveling to the edges of the Earth.
4. You can argue like a grown-up> i.e. no more crying, huffing/puffing, (in the case of domestic issues) no more denying an SO some booty just to make a point. Just stick to the facts ma’am!
5. You can defend yourself physically and mentally: i.e. some person tries to put a stronghold on you= you give yourself a fighting chance w/ some sort of karate move, scratch, punch etc.. Someone tries some mental abuse ish= you let them know ASAP that you have absolutely NO TIME for THAT!
6. You own not only underwear that fits you properly for everyday functions, but some decent lingerie set/cutie pajama sets for when you’re having some booty time with your man…a.k.a. give up those ratty Mickey Mouse boy shorts that r too tight for your butt and disappear into CracksVille.
@GeekChicness,
4. You can argue like a grown-up> i.e. no more crying, huffing/puffing, (in the case of domestic issues) no more denying an SO some booty just to make a point. Just stick to the facts ma’am!
**nodding head**
@The Champ,
Sorry, that ish will never happen.
That will happen when men relinquish the promiscuity double standard.
So, never, ever, ever.
So… the older I get the less birthdays mean (age really is nothing but a number it seems). Turning 18 meant I would be charged as a legal adult, 19 was my first birthday away from home and the first time it was warm enough for me to go to the beach, 20 (which is next week) has yet to yield any meaning for me and 21 will mean Grandma’s rum cake recipe… definitely looking forward to 21.
But, if having so much “kid” left in me means I get to feel no shame for loving my first snow day as a college student, or playing football at midnight when it snowed on Saturday, I am all for it.
@J. Delicious,
…okay, lol
Here is a list I think encompass what I think every woman should know and have by the time they are 30 (which should mean “grown”)… It’s been passed around quite a bit, but still holds enough substance to keep going. See here
@Sula,
That’s a list I can get with.
I know I’m late, but I’m still laughing at the term “Spelman Pullback” — I have evidenced this coif while attending one of their local fundraisers. High comedy, Champ.
Now, to the question:
1) At least a middle school boy’s working knowledge of the three major U.S. sports (football, basketball, baseball) While you might be able to get past the MLB, it just makes Sunday’s on the couch a more viable option…in return, consider me more than willing to study up on some HGTV or your favorite sappy TV sitcom.
2) SELF-esteem. That’s right…Katt Williams WAS NOT joking.
3) Pure, unadulterated CHARM. Even if you’re not the finest lady in the room, or just not as cute as Zoë Saldana…having a great sense of humor or well-timed wit will get you almost as far as a high-quality shoe game. You know how there’s one girl in the room who seems to have the attention of several guys — and she’s like a ’7′, though a crop of other ladies in the room are all talking amongst themselves — and all of them are 8′s or 9′s…?
You guessed it…she’s a charmer.
@3rdCoast,
You guessed it…she’s a charmer.
or just easy, lol. i guess that would make her even more charming, though, huh?
@The Champ,
Ri-i-i-i-ight…I understand how easy might be tempting (it IS a recession)…but a little labor for something worthwhile never hurt anybody. I’m electing to hold out for quality in the ’10.
Clean toes and finger nails! ’nuff said
1. Do your own laundry. I knew a girl freshman year of college who sent stuff to the dry cleaners the entire year AND when it was time to move out, did not know how to re pack everything. Apparently her parents had packed for her. She actually broke down and cried. I was so disgusted, I walked away even though she was my friend.
2. Someone said, and I loosely paraphrase: Don’t let your life/relationships/etc be decided by family, friends, etc.
I co sign 100%. I made this decision when I decided not to go to med school after undergrad last year against my parents’ wishes and I haven’t looked back since.
3. Minding your own business. I can’t stress this enough. If something someone is doing isn’t tangibly affecting your quality of life, there is no need to comment. Minding your own business = increased happiness.
@lulu,
To paraphrase The Champ, if your number #3 became true, at least 56% of the Blogworld would vanish… and I would be happier.
If folks could just care about what concerns them, Prop 8 would have failed… and I can go on.
In fact, minding one’s business could provide us with a way to ensure eternal world’s peace. Seriously think about it?
Too many comments to read through, but did anyone mention a Vibrator yet?!? You know, for when the grown-ass brothas are no where to be found! Sizzleeeeee, ahhh!
This list is excellent The Champ! I agree with it 100%. I am a virgin and I know what touches feel good and ones that do not! It kills me how some sexually active women do not have a clue! I will say having the courage to say what is you want without hurting someones feelings is key. Having the courage to be yourself is a great possession.
I like the other list as well where the sister mentioned learning about sports. Studying something that is new to give you a well rounded attitude. Everything can’t be about fashion or gossip! That makes you interesting if nothing else!
@Natasha, how YOU doin…..
@Saule Wright, LOL fine thanks. How are you?:)
super co sign on the list and all the comments. having knowledge of your box really cannot be stressed enough. if YOU dont know what feels good how the fcuk is he supposed to? my godmother is a nurse who worked at planned parenthood and when we were discussing my chex life she said “good! I’m so happy for you and so glad you’re not one of these dizzy b!tches who comes to me and figure out why their boyfriend can’t “give” them an orgasm”
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
chuuuuuuch
A gym membership that actually gets USED for more than just the two weeks before her girlfriend’s wedding or that trip to the beach.
1. a hobby
co-sign. I’m glad that was put out there. Damn… Knit, play sudoku, something…
Can I add what things a grown-ass woman should not have?
1. An active Black Planet account. Really though?!?!
2. Gold teeth…
I would add to the list:
-A before 40 health/check-up plan
-A lawyer/an accountant
-A 401K account/stock portfolio/life insurance plan
-A checking & savings account
-Out-of-work funds in addition to severance and unemployment checks
- Good credit/credit report score
- Respect for self, respect for others and responsibility for all your actions.
- A great therapist, because relationships (romantic, family, friends) should not be the only place you go for advice and self-reflection.
- Knowledge of the U.S. government at the federal, state, and local level. You also need to know who is in office and how s/he affects your everyday life.
- Know that moving on does not mean letting the person(s) that hurt you back into your life. It’s ok to completely remove selfish, inconsiderate, amoral people from your present and future life. Like MJB said no more drama.
- Know that you will outgrow people. You don’t have to stay friends just because you went to the same school all those years ago. And you don’t owe them an explanation as to why you’ve moved on.
- Know that you don’t need to be a part of a “mean girl” clique to have good friends.
- Know that you deserve to be surrounded by people that respect, appreciate, and support you for who you choose to be.
- Know the difference between “having” a man vs. “having a relationship” with your man.
@divalive,
I also approve this message.
Especially the out-growing people. Just because you were friends from back in the day, doesn’t mean you are friends now or will be in the future. It can be hurtful in the short term, but better in the long term.
PREACH ON BROTHA!! I’ve been trying to tell my girlfriend the same thing for the past few weeks. She wants me to be her exclusive “best friend” and i cant handle that. No female friends, No hobbies and im her BFFL.. chill
I got tired of reading and someone may have already said this–
But EVERY GROWN A WOMAN should have
A 401K
or some sort of retirement fund that is not a Crown Royal bag under the mattress or a shoe box in the closet.
no matching bra and panties until i started doing the do after several years of celibacy. also an ugly robe and no cute pajamas…it happens…and yes, especially if you are on the well-busted side….
i don’t know how y’all feel about links but for my lane bryant sistahs….herrroom.com, hipsandcurves.com, fredericksofhollywood.com (not all skeezy and there are a lot of choices in larger sizes)
fantasie and freya are fabulous for bigger bra sizes they make gorgeous stuff but you will be paying for it….
but your matching sets will be to die for…
Hmmmm, I think I may be the resident older woman on this site…does being a grown ass women mean you need to give up the young’un’s blogs?
But I enjoy hearing the debates on relationships and sexuality because no matter how old you get it is what it is….
I think that some of you have made some great points and if you truly achieve all those things by a certain age, you’re doing all right and I salute you!
Now if I were advising some younger women, which I do in my real life, I’d say a grown ass woman needs:
A trusted hairdresser (can’t believe no one said this) nail technician, gynecologist, accountant, especially if you are an independent contractor or self-employed, handyman if you own or rent a house, (still looking for that one myself) dentist, and herbologist, or holistic doctor, because medical science is b.s. and when you get older, maintenence and prevention are key
Know what clothing and hairstyles flatter you and have an outfit that suits a formal event, a nice dinner, a sporting event, a job interview, a wedding and a funeral
Relationships with family and friends that are good enough that you can borrow money and get it back, you have access to a car if you don’t own one, you can get pet-sitting, babysitting or food-shopping/errands done when sick, and can make a 3 a.m. emergency call and someone will not just answer but drive across town or across the country if you are in dire need….
If you can’t cook a decent meal, at least know a good restaurant/takeout joint that delivers
Something that is your very own and has nothing to do with your man, kids or family…that you do or like just for yourself…
To be OK with your flaws as well as your assetts
The ability to forgive…and be forgiven
A passport because what, you’re going to restrict yourself to the US Virgin Islands and Hawaii for a vacation for the rest of your life?
Something to talk about beyond Beyonce’s changing weaves and Drake’s new CD
An appreciation for things of value both material and not
A good lover and a true friend – hopefully both if they’re not the same person
The realization that no matter how much you fuck things up or what mistakes you’re making or have made or wherever you are in your life, you can reach higher, be stronger and do better…..
take it from me, a grown ass woman for sure…flawed, beaten up a little bit, but still standing….
thanks for the stage….
I gotta cosign most of what I’ve read and include:
ALWAYS, DANG IT ALWAYS have cash on your person (my daddy, SO and bestfriend will haunt you down and beat you about the knees and ankles if you don’t!
Have traveled abroad…(no Mexico/Canada do NOT count if you’re over 30!)
Have the ability to be able to debate intelligently without invoking God, your “mother~witticisms” or your limited history on said topic.
*Adjusting my Big Girl Panties…Just made the “grown woman” jump to having/owning female friends (I have them, but the chick friends I have don’t do that weird, cultish “on-the-phone-everyday/all-in-yo-relationship-business/stand-in-for-yo-mama -thing) after it was pointed out to me that my FB (yes, FB) population was primarily male…we talk about music, comic books and shtuff* shrug…
lol….. all my underwear is black… and matches my most of my wardrobe too…
black works all day every day for me….
i love a coloured boot/shoe though…
djm….my late teens and early 20′s were in the 80′s… sade had a massive influence…
Champ, I’m interested in knowing how willing men are to commit to a woman who possesses 6/6 qualities listed above–not to mention the wonderful attributes about a woman not captured in your article. Do tell…
@Tally,
GREAT question!
What’s a spelman pullback?
@Lela, a pony tail girl lol.
Not the Howard comment though.. let’s say she went to Hampton. lol
Great posts, and great comments!
I would also like to add a good sense of proper social ettiquette.
Examples: know how to eat a canape (hors d’oeuvre) with a wine glass in your hand, know how to decline/inquire politely said passed canape is offered, the place setting for a 3-course sit-down meal (salad fork, dinner fork, soup spoon, dessert spoon etc..) how to converse with anyone and everyone in a room from the president of the US to the president of a bank to the president of the Rotary club.
You never know where life is going to take you – so being somewhate prepared for whatever life throws your way will help.
Other things could include:
-a will
-knowledge of your parents will/life insurance policies/wishes for old age care
-proper hangers for your clothes
-knowledge that as you get older, you must make your purchases with the long-term in mind. your clothing, shoes, makeup are investments. $25 dollar boots that need to be constantly repaired are no longer a sweet bargain.
-a wardrobe that can be worn/applied to at least 2 different aspects of your life. Ex: A top that can be work and after-work appropriate. Dinner with your man or dinner with your man’s momma appropriate.
{ 2 trackbacks }