***the following is a revision of platonic shmetonic, which was originally posted april 2008. in light of a few conversations i’ve had in the last few weeks, i felt it was particularly apropos and sh*t today***
we’ve heard it before.
boy approaches girl, and girl is charmed by his subtly effeminate masculinity non-threateningly secure heterosexuality, the fact that he noticed she’s wearing seven’s jeans and his proper use of “eclecticism” and “pragmatic”. boy and girl exchange numbers, and after a month or so of coffee-house outings and a trip to banana republic, they become…friends. not lovers, not even the awkward “friends with benefits”, but friends. bff’s serving as each others de facto permanent back-up weekend companion, but never, ever, ever, ever, ever crossing that line.
sure, they’ve seen “chasing amy”, and are aware that the odds stack up against two like-aged, opposite sexed, available, un-asexual people staying strictly platonic friends even in tough economic times, but theyre different, and they prove their differentness by staying true friends, forever.
everyone has heard this story before. everyone has also heard stories about the green man, virginal latinas, and beer that actually tastes good. just like the three aforementioned inventions, truly platonic like-aged male and female close relationships do not and cannot exist…and i’ll give you six reasons why.
1. unless online or in college (two paradoxical universes where the usual rules and regulations of social discourse are thrown out of the window, like mop water and caustic midgets) men and women don’t actively seek friends of the opposite sex.
2. if given the opportunity, most men who aren’t in a committed and monogamous romantic relationship will sleep with pretty much any reasonably attractive woman.
yes.
any.
we may not actively want to, but, in the right situation, we happily would. that pesky “would” kind of has a way of always completely contradicting the whole “free from sensual desires” platonic thing.
“well, what if the guy harbors absolutely no physical attraction at all towards the woman?? a platonic friendship can occur then, right??“, i hear you asking, which leads us to…
3. no unattached man is going to willingly spend a good amount of his free time with a like-aged woman he is completely unattracted to, a fact which “fits”, especially when you consider that…
4. women (please note the lack of qualifiers) aren’t equipped to handle regular contact with a guy who finds her completely unattractive. don’t argue this. it’s science.
basically, i’ll watch an entire episode of “meet the browns” before 3 and 4 have any chance of occurring.
plus…
5. …even if you claim to be in the 0.1 percent of people where there’s absolutely no romantic feeling harbored by either side in your platonic relationship, you have to figure in “the champ’s law of averages and percentages“,
basically, if you spend more than 20% of your free time with someone of the opposite sex willingly, there’s at least a 50% chance that at least one of you will develop sexual feelings…or already has developed them but fears that they would be unrequited. the higher the percentage of free time, the higher the chance.
the equation is x(time percentage)* 2.5 = y(chance percentage).
according to that, if you spend anywhere over 40 percent of your free time with a platonic friend, then there’s anywhere from a 100 to 250 percent chance that someone wants to bed somebody. dont argue. its science and sh*t
since i’ve already established that we don’t actively seek opposite sex friends while we’re single, the only way two people in separate romantic relationships can become truly platonic friends would be if they happened to first meet each other after they both were already in the relationship, an impossibility due to the fact that…
6. …no man or woman is going to be okay with their significant other making new close friends of the opposite sex.
you know, I’ve considered the fact that maybe my platonic friend viewpoint is a bit jaded. this is most likely due to the fact that the one time I tried the very, very, very close strictly platonic friend thing, within a four year span caught feelings, nasty emails, and some very, ummm, “unplatonic” things involving a staircase, a blackout, and an empty bottle of moet eventually occurred. thing is, all that experience did for me is reinforce what millions of years of evolution has taught us…men are simple, women are nuts, and holden mcneil is a f*cking idiot.
—the champ
Related posts:
{ 248 comments… read them below or add one }
IF they ever are PF’s, at one point, one of them will want the other. It might switch from time to time, but one will want the other. As a result, the wanter will consciously or subconsciously use his/her ‘trusted friend’ power to sabotage the wantee’s current relationship.
I’ve had so-called friends decide, upon realizing that a dude waltzed in and got into a committed relationship with me, up and decide to start calling during the non-friend hours of 10:31PM and 10:31AM. Or they OBVIOUSLY look at me in a way that makes onlookers/my guy ask, “Did y’all ever?”
From a woman’s standpoint, I don’t see why dudes don’t get that if I say I don’t want to date them and tuck them in the Friendship Zone, that’s where they will stay. Yes, I know life would be easier if I liked them like that. But I don’t.
*jazz hands*
@Hostess,
“From a woman’s standpoint, I don’t see why dudes don’t get that if I say I don’t want to date them and tuck them in the Friendship Zone, that’s where they will stay.”
Because people (see: women) often say things and do the exact opposite.
@Jarrod Halsey,
Exactly. If I had a penny for every woman that said this or that and went back and did the opposite.
@Humble_One,
U’d have a pence
@Jarrod Halsey, Those flip-flopping heffas have made it hard on me. To this day I have never went back on my word. If I don’t like a dude for more than an occasional outing with no physical contact, it is what it is.
@Hostess,
From a woman’s standpoint, I don’t see why dudes don’t get that if I say I don’t want to date them and tuck them in the Friendship Zone, that’s where they will stay
yeah, hostess, maybe you personally don’t cross that line, but i know of many instances when the line was crossed, stepped on, spit at, and shanked
@The Champ,
the line was crossed, stepped on, spit at, and shanked
hahaha reminds me of playing football in the street. guys would put the ball on the line of scrimage and say 5 yards over and under spit and errthang. Then they’d huddle up and call plays.
@Hostess, It’s not that cats don’t get it. It’s just that it’s really hard to turn that off, for us.
@Hostess,
Dead@ “jazz hands”
But this –>Or they OBVIOUSLY look at me in a way that makes onlookers/my guy ask, “Did y’all ever?” <– is so true, it gave me shivers.
Remember how I used to tell you that I was in a platonic friendship many moons ago? Well champ I lied to you, and myself- all in the same breath lol. He is now married and wants me to be “friends” with him again. I’m like cam “tell that s–t to anotha sucka.”
I apologize to the vsb community for having to quote Cam’ron Giles to further prove my disdain for my so-called platonic buddy. I had to…
@meleka on the laptop,
“He is now married and wants me to be “friends” with him again.”
*throat punch*
Tell him to be friends with his wife.
*giggling*
@miss t-lee,
“Tell him to be friends with his wife.” – LMFAO cause real men don’t giggle
@sisanda,
You are correct sir.
Men don’t giggle.
@meleka on the laptop,
Remember how I used to tell you that I was in a platonic friendship many moons ago? Well champ I lied to you, and myself- all in the same breath lol. He is now married and wants me to be “friends” with him again. I’m like cam “tell that s–t to anotha sucka.”
see how easy sh*t would be if you listened to me?
that rhymed, didnt it?
lol… i have only male friend with whom i’m 100% sure our relationship is totally platonic (because i was convinced for the first 3 months that we knew each other that he was gay) which is kind of problematic as i spend a good 70% of my time with my male “friends”… but then again, i’m still in college so i’m hoping that these rules don’t apply to me.
but every single one of your points makes sense (although with 6, i’d say some women in my experience would still be mad at their man for having a female friend, even if they’ve known them for way longer)… le sigh. it’s frustrating because i highly value all of my friendships with my male friends, but being aware of the sexual dimension makes me have to be a little more cautious about the kinds of interactions we have (i.e. no sharing showers or trying on my new skirt in front of them), more so than with my female friends. i guess that’s just the nature of the game.
@puff,
“….no sharing showers or trying on my new skirt in front of them….”
ummm, you share showers with your female friends? you don’t happen to go to hustler u, do you?
@The Champ,
i’m currently on an exchange program there.
but seriously, i was kidding with the shower thing. a little.
@puff,
I’m going to steal a line from champ and say …………………………………………………………………………………… Cuz I just recently found out what that means.
@Dom,
What does it mean?
@Me fail english?,
Like really? I’m drawing a blank here.
@Me fail english?,
Sorry, Raising an eyebrow according to Champ.
I prefer to call it the What The F*** Face.
#6 can’t be truer. No new ni99as when we in a relationship. That’s a violation on many levels.
@Dorian G.,
i actually think a typical woman would be more upset about this than a typical man
@The Champ, Nope. Ur wrong.
I smell a re-hashed post.
Its all good Champeroo-sky.
And you are right. Every dude who is still in my circle of friends (and isn’t dating or married to another close friend) has expressed to me in one way or another that if given time and opportunity, it would be on and poppin’. D’ah well. At least I know my married azz can still get it (squirrel! Go ‘head if you wanna!)
@blackberry molasses on her Crackberry, “I smell a re-hashed post.”
i was going to say the same thing, but he made such effort with the new clip art. i guess we should all just let it slide. *snickering*
@Miss Patterson,
snicker deez
@blackberry molasses on her Crackberry, yeah weve been down this road a plenty!!
At least I know my married azz can still get it (squirrel! Go ‘head if you wanna!)
yes indeedy!!!!!!
@blackberry molasses on her Crackberry, is it sad that I saw the “it (squirrel! Go ‘head if you wanna!)” first and did the paw paw? I did read your comment tho lol.
@overit,
sad indeed… but funny nonetheless.
feeling too weak from 4 days of no food to be clever. maybe i should eat? but it HURTS to eat.
@blackberry molasses,
did you run a marathon this weekend?
@The Champ,
nope…. had strep throat. was supposed to be in the Broad Street Run. Spent that day doped up on ibuprofen and an un-named steroid.
Fun way to spend the birthday, let me tell you!
@blackberry molasses, aww, feel better my little bee bee!
i mean, as much as i have to, i just have to agree with this whole post. in college i had a bunch of male friends. so i was one of those people that woulda been like, “what, champ? hell naw.” but, yeah, latetely i’ve learned that, yeah….it’s gonna get awkward.
and in other news: chile, is anybody watchin “candy girls”? these skeezers…i never knew there was a seniority system to video girlism.
@charli skipper, candy girls is on air in south africa also, and i am sickeningly addicted!!! those women aren’t even that attractive, i’ve seen plenty, plenty FAR more beautiful girls walking the streets of NY, LA, Boston, etc… i mean.. really!
but still, i’m addicted…
@charli skipper,
thing is, college is really the only time when something like this can work. well, college and people you might have met online.
@The Champ, yea i have to agree. I met ole boy in college, and things became shaky after we both graduated and didn’t have that “dawson-lets climb into each other window and be friends” complex anymore. And by “dawson complex”, i mean i totally just made that up.
@charli skipper,
Candy Girls is my favorite train wreck! Why won’t she fire that useless assistant with her annoying ass voice??? Although I’m glad she’s here cuz last week when she was going off was funny. Haven’t seen last nite’s ep yet.
@Me fail english?,
OOOOHHH! wait til you see last nigh’s ep….
DRAMA. annoying assistant almost got that @$$ whooped. chile… Brooke does not play.
@CoCo,
Yeah I don’t know what that chick was thinking. How you gonna tell your boss, friend or not, that purposely sabotaged her employees during a job??
Danielle needs to stop being a nurturing, big sister type to these chicks and start being a manager. It looked like in this last ep’s previews SHE was the one taking the most hits. Da hell?
@Me fail english?,
someone please tell me how to watch reality television. i have tried numerous times but after 7 and 3/4 minutes my brain feels like the egg on the “this is your brain on drugs” commercial.
@Carver The Great!,
“my brain feels like the egg on the “this is your brain on drugs” commercial.”
That means it’s working
@Carver The Great!,
You and me both…
….but I can’t really say a thing because I’m an addict of “The Nanny”…
I agree with this post totslly. I have had 2 “platonic” relationships. Both guys and I are pretty close. The 1st occasionally requests to see my boobies, and I’ve been tempted a couple times (after a couple drinks) to show him…but haven’t. The 2nd recently told me that he was in love with me, completely threw me and I kind’ve been avoiding him since.
I think “platonic” relationship means simply “we haven’t slept together – yet.
@Imperfect, lol ummm the one who asks to see your boobies sounds like a guy friend I had back in HS.
-I’m usually not bothered if a guy friend says if he had the chance he’d like something but when they drop the love card I find it weird. Can’t blame you for avoiding him
@Imperfect,
“…The 1st occasionally requests to see my boobies…”
thats what friends are for and sh*t
@The Champ,
thats the #1 reason to have a female friend.
@Deviant,
Co-sign…..cummon now, that’s community t*tty as your friend i should get a couple of sneak previews and/or rubs…As a battered Tina once said, “What’s Love gotta to do with it?”
@Imperfect,
Lol. Girl, that first one aint no “friend”. Yall just been flirting/talking.
I think one of the problems with platonic friendships is that we don’t have enough vocabulary to describe the different types of relationships. Everyone that’s friendly toward you or who’ve you known for a minute and don’t hate is not your friend. Some of these guys are just regular ol’ acquaintances. Asking to see my lady parts would put a dude squarely in the realm of acquaintances as I don’t think any men who know me well enough to be a “friend” would ask me no slick ish like that.
@Me fail english?,
we don’t have enough vocabulary to describe the different types of relationships
sounds like a future vsb topic
@The Champ,
really champ?
because the list of future vsb topics should be longer than an albino midget clown’s arm by now and therefore, there should have been no need for this platonic friend rehash. but i’m just sayin’…
*snicker*
@SouthernGirl,
*sniggling*
@SouthernGirl,
and this is why I love you, oh sparkly co-CSO!
you know what i love? i love platonic relationships that are seemingly platonic until one of the parties relocates to a new city. there’s nothing like thinking you and your homeboy are ‘just friends’ until his last night in town when he suddenly discloses the fact that he likes you and wants to know if he can b.o.n.e. you the night before he moves. to that i say ‘you can get a hug and a peace symbol.’
by the way, this whole post makes me sad. the fact that it’s true makes me sadder. must there always be a repressed sexual agenda lurking between men and women?
@Miss Patterson,
‘you can get a hug and a peace symbol’…smdh. i’ve had to throw dueces to a few platonic friends. well until their “feelings” passed or i got serious enough with a dude that they felt uncomfortable comming at me. Those are the breaks.
@Miss Patterson, well I prove they do exist. maybe its the uncommon set of circumstances..1 male friend dated my female best friend, the other I dated his best friend. We developed friendships through those relationships. Our friendship has been tested by death, debt and foolishness but we’ve always remained strong. They are friends with my husband and we are like family. I am sure the thought has crossed their minds in our 15 year history of friendship just like there have been times when I thought it would have been easier if I could have just been with them but that had nothing to do with them and those feelings were never acted on. Now they are family, at all family events He.ll my husbands family even knows them.
@Miss Patterson,
“must there always be a repressed sexual agenda lurking between men and women?”
does a bear sh*t in the woods and wipe his ass with a boring ass blog?
@The Champ,
no.
@Me fail english?,
no deez
hmmm.. I disagree..and most of you vsb’ers no my stance and why but I will rehash for the new ones. My 2 best friends are male.. i have been friends with them since jr high school. We never dated, there has never been any kissing or s.e.x or almost se.x included in the equation. Both of them are attractive and I am sure both think that I am an attractive person . platonic does not mean unattracted but means relationship absence of romance or s.e.x…it doesnt mean if given the right circumstances you would or any of the other points you bring up. Those might be reasons a platonic friendship ends but not reason why they dont exist.
@shay_d_lady,
it doesnt mean if given the right circumstances you would or any of the other points you bring up
ummm…yes it does, lol
Those might be reasons a platonic friendship ends but not reason why they dont exist.
i would tend to agree.
Now this might sound like blaspheme, but i have some platonic male friendships and one of my best friends is a guy and there’s no kind of hidden agenda at all (we can both freely talk about the respective objects of our affections/crushes whatever with each other-and no neither of us is aesthetically challenged lol). We’re kinda somewhere in between jerry & elaine (though we were never had any kind of sexual relationship or anything close to that) and will &grace (although he’s not gay). We became friend in college and the relationship has remained intact and we still see each other regularly and spend lots of free time with each other. so champ, men and women who are platonic friends in college may be able to carry those relationships into adulthood. But i generally don’t think it’s true that men and women can’t be friends, i think that it’s true in many cases, but there are some men won’t just smash anything walking and value friendships with women because, in some cases, they can obtain greater personal growth from those relationships when compared to solely having male friendships.
@PrincesMo, YEAH!! its not just me!
@shay_d_lady,
no, its not just you. until i went into my chosen field (which is very estrogen-heavy) pretty much all my closest friends were male. and i still have those friends…and although we dont live as close to each other and cant physically be in each other’s presence as we once could, i would bet money that none of them wants to sex me. and i dont want to sex them…that would just be…incestuous! do i find them attractive? absolutely. all my friends are hot! does this mean my female friends arent safe either?!?! *gasp*
@shatani,
Good point. This post does make men seem kinda gross. Like if they had an attractive female cousin…
I mean if they can’t turn the “I’d smash” switch off for friends, can they EVER turn the switch off? Not tryna be funny.
@Me fail english?,
“I mean if they can’t turn the “I’d smash” switch off for friends, can they EVER turn the switch off? Not tryna be funny.”
Yes you are!
*bhahahahhahaah*
@miss t-lee,
lol. Sad part is I’m totally serious. I feel like Champ’s saying that it’s very rare if not near impossible for men to deactivate their “I’d hump” button. Even if the chick doesn’t really do it for them. Men never cease to say some isht that makes me wanna give them free Roman showers.
What if it’s an attractive girls and then you find out she’s 16? What if it’s an attractive girl and then you find out up until last month she had a penix? And is that why men tend to be more homophobic than women? Cause if presented with the opporunity they’d totally take their shot. All men can’t be like this…right?
@ me fail english?
They aren’t. There’s plenty of them out there acting right, even if they don’t want to admit it.
@miss t-lee,
That’s what I was thinking, and it’s not like that’s the first time I heard it but that ish is saying alot. The first few examples were kinda extreme, but this just goes to show you that a some dudes, given the opportunity, would TOTALLY smash their best friend’s girl. *Frown*@ dudes not being able to deactivate the switch. Better friends my hiney
@me fail english,
“What if it’s an attractive girls and then you find out she’s 16? What if it’s an attractive girl and then you find out up until last month she had a penix? And is that why men tend to be more homophobic than women? Cause if presented with the opporunity they’d totally take their shot. All men can’t be like this…right?”
some men have more, ummm, relaxed “i’d hump” buttons than others, but of course there are circumstances where sex never even enters the picture. thing is, for most men, if a woman is a general romantic/sexual match (somewhat attractive, like-aged, not related, not a tranny), the i’d probably hump button is gonna be in play.
basically, being a “close friend” is great, but its not enough to get the “you know, i’d hump” button completely deactivated.
@Me fail english?,
That’s exactly what I thought.
Finding someone attractive doesn’t necessarily translate into “I’m going to smash”… What happens to cousins? I don’t know, I think it’s all lazy thinking.
@PrincesMo, but there are some men won’t just smash anything walking and value friendships with women because, in some cases, they can obtain greater personal growth from those relationships
I agree w/ this.
@PrincesMo,
three things:
1. “But i generally don’t think it’s true that men and women can’t be friends”
i never said men and women can’t be friends. you can be close friends. sh*t, even best friends, but you can’t call it platonic. unless, of course…
2. …you met in college (see reason #1). since you did meet this guy in college, its possible.
3. just because a guy would sleep with you doesnt mean that theres a “hidden agenda” to get into your panties from day one. all i’m saying is that, even if he doesnt actively try to, the “you know, in the right circumstance, i probably would” kills that whole platonic thing
i never said men and women can’t be friends. you can be close friends. sh*t, even best friends, but you can’t call it platonic.
i see what you’re saying. and yes, platonic isn’t a good word when sexual/sensual feelings are/have been involved, clearly. but i definitely believe men and women can be JUST friends — meaning there may be underlying feelings or thoughts of the contrary but the behavior and actions don’t betray that.
@Gem of the Ocean, i agree. i think its not so much the thoughts or feelings, but the actions that determine any outcome.
I would have argued with you about this in the past, but more and more I’m seeing that it’s true. I have one guy friend that has me stumped though. We met a couple of months ago and we hang out at least twice/week and talk just about everyday. He invites me to spend the day with him just the two of us and we’ll go out to eat, hang out in the park, or meet up for drinks, and talk about everything. He even mentioned taking a trip out of town, but hasn’t said that he’s interested in me or put a move on me.
@Leila,
not a curious case at all. Your “friend” is just waiting to make his move. NO dude is going to spend that much time with you, or take a trip with you for kicks and giggles…more like, licks and wiggles in mind, mkay?
I would bet the farm on it…and I don’t even own a farm.
@Hiptodagame,
way to introduce yourself with a great reply. welcome and sh*t (i think)
@Hiptodagame, licks and wiggles? lol, are you familiar with the sat down corner?
@Hiptodagame, lol!
last comment…
all of the things in Champs post are true if the relationships starts as indicated in the post..then yes there is a very small percentage of those relationship that can continue because in order for the guy/chick to approach you randomly there was at least 1 sided attraction present. Your post however totally leaves out friendships created through other means. Relationships that grow out of prolonged “non romantic” contact.. i.e. sisters boyfriend, cousins cousins, matriculating through high school, jobs, these type situations are ripe for platonic friendships and happen all the time. Most of the time they end as any other friendship does because you outgrow them etc. and let me also point out that if you have a platonic relationship for 5 years and then dude or chick falls in love that doesnt erase the 5 years of platonic friendship that you were able to maintain…its hard to maintain frienships period. I also think you have to define friend more strictly. and when you are more selective with the term you are more likely to hold on to the real ones, male or female……
@shay_d_lady,
two things and sh*t.
1. “and let me also point out that if you have a platonic relationship for 5 years and then dude or chick falls in love that doesnt erase the 5 years of platonic friendship that you were able to maintain”
people don’t “fall in love” overnight. if something like this happens, it means there have been latent romantic feelings all along.
2. as far as the “other means friendships”, to me it sounds like you’re describing people that are “cool” with each other, but not necessarily close friends.
i agree that its hard to maintain friendships. all i’m saying is that its even harder to maintain friendships when you’re hard.
ok, that made sense and was much more clever in my head
@The Champ,
LMFAO
Hard times-that’s when you need a friend the most
@sisanda, that’s enough outta you.
lmao yes indeedy yes indeedy!!
@shay_d_lady,
Your post however totally leaves out friendships created through other means.
Amen!
I’m still friends with some of my older cousins friends who have seen me when I was like 8. There are family friends with whom you grow up and that are like brothers to you. There are the dude your best friend dated back then and the whole crew stayed friends.
There are guys I’ve met in some group activity or the other (shared interest)…
There is a lot of “possibilities” left out of this picture.
If this post isn’t the story of my life (at least the current story)… I’ve been wondering about this myself now concerning a friend of mine, and we’ve been “just friends” for about 3 years now… His moms calls me her daughter, his girlfriend hated me, you know, the usual. We just never went… there. No “what-ifs” or “why did we never hook up’s”, just enjoying each other’s company and being there for each other just… because. We also have never spoken about the subject either, so I wonder… if and who should bring it up?
@Beez,
We also have never spoken about the subject either, so I wonder… if and who should bring it up?
how old are you, and how did you all meet?
@The Champ,
I’m 23, and we met in college through a mutual friend (it’s actually better hearing us tell this story together, we play off of each other, and weave tales of “stalking” and such into it, but back to the point…)We basically evolved into BFF’s (I heartily dislike that term) over the years, and he’s finishing undergrad soon (I finished last year.)
I almost wanted to boycott this RE-POST but, the pic is funny. I think that all of your assertions are dead on. I do think that people of the opposite gender can be good acquaintances, especially as people get older and settled into their own respective relationships, marriages, partnerships. People just have to respect boundaries and realize that there are lines that aren’t to be crossed. Being attracted to a person of the opposite sex (who is not your partner) is human… it happens, but as long as people keep that attraction in the proper perspective, I think people can be cool. Not bff’s though. That’s just weird.
If those two people are not already in relationships, but are each other’s Bff get a room already and stop playing games.
@pgh muse,
being attracted to a person of the opposite sex (who is not your partner) is human… it happens, but as long as people keep that attraction in the proper perspective, I think people can be cool.
i agree and sh*t
@pgh muse,
Yeah, I think MOST platonic “friendships” are just acquaintances you haven’t had a shot at twisting…yet.
That said, I disagree with the thing about women not being able to stand a man that’s not attracted to her. There are plenty of women who are turned off by guys who do the puppy dog thing or the lecherous “Damn you got thick girl” thing. That would make the friendship very annoying, unfunny and short-lived. I don’t even like dating thirsty guys. Why would I want one as a friend?
Also, I’ve had a few friends that were turned on to me as a friend by the very same things that turned them off from me as a “girl”. For instance, most of my male friends like the mature, very feminine, R&B diva type girls. I’m more of a competitive, loud mouth that cusses like a sailor girl. Conversely, none of my male friends are my type AT ALL.
@Me fail english?, I’m more of a competitive, loud mouth that cusses like a sailor girl.
pgh muse, is that u?
@Me fail english?,
that said, I disagree with the thing about women not being able to stand a man that’s not attracted to her.
you’re wrong, lol.
@The Champ,
Wrong deez.
I have plenty of women friends, for one reason or another, I won’t ever try them…maybe it was something they said or something they wore one day.
HOWEVER
if any of them offered to share their “thoughts” or any similar activity, i would probably oblige…i can barely turn down a free drink and/or meal…you think i’m gonna turn down a free orga$m? I’m Clay Davis.
@Carver The Great!,
Clay Davis….another reason why The Wire is awesome
@Deviant,
clay davis is easily one of my two or three favorite peripheral characters in the history of television.
soo….. you agree with the post or not??
is a woman not really a platonic friend to you if she maybe quite possibly under extraordinary circumstances offered you some brain??
@Gem of the Ocean,
I’d say that makes her a better friend. I’d look out for her before the non-giving-brain-women-friends
LMAO
@Gem of the Ocean,
is a woman not really a platonic friend to you if she maybe quite possibly under extraordinary circumstances offered you some brain??
platonic friends don’t exist remember? hehe
Define “like aged”. Why? Because I have a mentee who over the last ~15 years has become a good friend. The mentor-mentee relationship remains and the fact that she is almost 20 years younger than I cements us into “the platonic friend zone”.
Otherwise, I have to agree with the post. I tried it, it failed on numerous occasions, I learned not to try again.
They only seem to work for me in regards to Champ’s point #1 and I would add “.. or if there is a LOT of distance between the two and if you do not see each other a whole lot”. Does not mean the desire is not there, you just are not in proximity to act on it.
@OnceMore,
because I have a mentee who over the last ~15 years has become a good friend. The mentor-mentee relationship remains and the fact that she is almost 20 years younger than I cements us into “the platonic friend zone”
yeah, i wouldnt consider you two to be like-aged. welcome and sh*t, btw
IDK Champie. Ain’t everyone meant to get down.
Platonic happens.
@miss t-lee,
no it doesn’t
@Deviant,
LOL!!!! Where ya been? I love that you came outta lurking to try to dispute me.
@miss t-lee,
I’ve been M.I.A. cause I actually had to do work during the day recently. The stimulus package has stimulated my workload.
@Deviant,
“The stimulus package has stimulated my workload.”
You know I’m sniggling right now, right?
I looked at the title of this post and instantly looked for atleast one sentence I disagreed with…but failed. Well played sir. Well played.
@Jarrod Halsey,
thanks and sh*t
does this theory also hold true for the gays? like two homosexual men or women who are reasonably attractive cannot be platonic friends?? and if it doesnt, why is that?
its funny, i have these close male friends, who ive seen go down this road with their other “platonic” friends and im the one saying, bad idea. and im the one saying, i told you so, afterwards! lol….
@shatani,
does this theory also hold true for the gays?
next time i talk to a gay person i’ll make sure to ask them. btw, by “next time i talk to a gay person i’ll make sure to ask them” i mean “who knows?”
Men and women can be friends. The problem is that most dude can’t put their d**k in check. I have a homegirl that I find attractive. She is a good person too. Will I try to hook up with her? No. Why? Because I don’t want to marry her. I would just want to smash. I value her friendship more than a nut. So I don’t go there.
The problem is that most dude can’t put their d**k in check.
hello!
@Humble_One,
I tip my hat to you, sir.
@Humble_One, Good man!
@Humble_One,
“I value her friendship more than a nut.” – Lock stock and two smoking gun barrels my man, i guess that’s what it boils down to
*Le Sigh*
Why is it so hard to believe two grown opposite sex adults can conduct themselves in a respectable fashion around eah other and maintin a friendship that does not cross the line?
I have a best male friend whom I’ve never crossed the line with nor do I want to. We’ve been friends for years and nothing outside of normal friends has ever happened. And NO he is NOT gay (actually has has a gf for some time now), and NO he is not secretly wanting to smash me or pining away for me…nor I him. This is really not a difficult task.
@Jada,
Why is it so hard to believe two grown opposite sex adults can conduct themselves in a respectable fashion around eah other and maintin a friendship that does not cross the line?
again, i didnt say that this couldn’t happen. you can have a close friend of the opposite sex. all i’m saying is that its not “platonic”.
and, ummmm…
“and NO he is not secretly wanting to smash me or pining away for me”
how can you be so sure?
@The Champ, I agree with The Champ. You never know. I’ve had a close guy friend for 12 years and always thought we were platonic friends. Then he called me recently and told me that he regretted us never getting together. I had no idea…
I’ve gotta agree with this.My S.O. has lots of male friends and more often than not she finds that they like her. Given theirs a lot to like, she likes AND understands basket ball and football, well read, well spoken, she’s good looking, smart and funny. On top of all that she even plays X-Box…and she thinks its SO odd when she finds out some random dude that she thought was just a friend is secretly not just wanting to “hit the sweet spot” but wants to be the man in her life. I stay giving her the side eye and laughing at her when it happens but come on…a lot of dudes wanna bone anything walking half the time so if you actually have attractive qualities on top of good looks…they are tryna be in there like swimwear.
@ESQuared,
I stay giving her the side eye and laughing at her when it happens but come on
its always interesting letting your s.o. know that each of her male friends would sleep with her if given the opportunity. its like telling neo about the matrix for the first time
@The Champ,
“its always interesting letting your s.o. know that each of her male friends would sleep with her if given the opportunity. its like telling neo about the matrix for the first time”
Not the matrix…
@ESQuared,
my bf is NEVER surprised when one of my “friends” tells me the sordid truth
i honestly try to believe that we are platonic until the bitter AWKWARD end.. *sigh*
@CoCo, ive started to think theirs some sort of grace period. like you meet and chill for a while, nothing serious, a couple movies and drinks and sh*t. its not until the stuff gets personal (ex boyfriends, fantasies, and talking about other wise deep and abstract concepts that relate to life){you know the stuff that could get a guy interested} that he starts to like you.
sexual attraction if your attractive is a given, but if you can keep all your interactions shallow it keeps you hard to read and to risky to approach. (or at least thats one theory) lol
i think platonic relationships can and do exist. having sexual feelings or thoughts about some one of the opposite sex is completely natural and quite innate — we (humans) are, afterall, animals. the difference between us and other animals, is that we have a prefrontal cortex that allows us to think before we act and put ourselves in check. as some one mentioned up thread, the main problem is that ppl choose not to check their sexual urges. it’s very easy to be sexually attracted to a friend because they are some one who you are comfortable with, who you trust, and who you enjoy being around.
saying NO ONE can have a platonic relationship is like saying EVERY ONE cheats, which just over simplifies human interactions. just because you are in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you aren’t going to think sexually about some one else or find other ppl other than your SO attractive. it’s what you do with those thoughts and feelings that matter.
i have 2 close male friends who i consider platonic. because we are not romantically or sexually involved. one of those friends has openly admitted he’d “do me” if the chance presented itself. but he’s a freak and has sexed many of our mutual friends just out of curiosity and wanting to fulfill his sexual desires with ppl he actually trusts (lol). the other friend is a guy i actually used to “date” (if you want to call it that) and even swapped saliva with (but no chex). things didn’t work out on a romantic level but we are still good friends. we look after each other, check up on each other, share our thoughts and feelings. and since we agreed to be “just friends”, we haven’t been more than that since. now, i’m not saying he NEVER thinks about me in a sexual manner anymore (because quite frankly, i don’t know), and i sometimes think “i wonder what things would be like if we got back together”. but i don’t think that diminishes the platonic-ness of our current friendship.
with each of these guy friends of mine, we BEHAVE as just friends. we respect the friend zone boundaries because those are the rules that were agreed upon. and these friendships have lasted many years without any “slip ups”. and to me that is true friendship — one built on respect, trust, and understanding.
@Gem of the Ocean,
off subject but reading what you said made me think of something…how do we know animals don’t think before they act? We have no way of knowing whats on an animal’s mind before it does something. Just something that popped in my head. I’m one of those that thinks we really aren’t all that different than any other animal when it comes down to it. We (humans) just like to think we are.
you’re right. we don’t know if animals “think” before they speak. but we do know most animals don’t have all the same structures and strong connections that we do that allows us to inhibit or exert control over other brain regions to allow us to make “executive” decisions.
but, that said, i never said animals aren’t smart or incapable or “thinking”. but animals typically act and behave to survive. humans don’t have to use their brains just for survival.
@Gem of the Ocean,
saying NO ONE can have a platonic relationship is like saying EVERY ONE cheats, which just over simplifies human interactions. just because you are in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you aren’t going to think sexually about some one else or find other ppl other than your SO attractive. it’s what you do with those thoughts and feelings that matter.
apples and hand grenades.
in a friendship, the moment either party harbors any romantic or sexual feelings about the other, it ceases to be platonic. it doesnt matter whether either party acknowledges or acts on those feelings. if they’re present, its not platonic. to analogize, its like saying a straight virgin is gay because he hasnt actually had sex with a woman. in this sense, thoughts take precedence over (in)actions
maybe there needs to be a new word to describe the type of friendships you have (personally, i’d go with ignis fatuus), but platonic definitely isn’t it.
it doesnt matter whether either party acknowledges or acts on those feelings. if they’re present, its not platonic.
i completely agree and it was wrong of me to use that term. i guess it has become analogous to “we’re just friends” when in reality it doesn’t match up. and it’s true (as previously stated up thread), we need more words to describe various relationships.
so i agree with you that they are NOT platonic friends. but i stand by the fact that they are JUST friends. and men and women can certainly be “just friends”.
For me, if I ‘m going to be platonic, the reasonings are simple:
1. She ain’t all that but she’s nice
2. She might share a common interest, good convo but she doesn’t look good.
3. Our personalities clash but strangely it evens us out (don’t ask, all I know is it works).
I personally don’t hope to find or look for platonic female friends because I have absolutely no use for them. I guess I’ve never been one of those people who wake up on a Saturday and enthusiastically scream “oh goodie, such a nice day, I ought to call up my platonic friend Rayneesha and go frolicking downtown.” It just doesn’t work that way.
@CPT Callamity,
plus, you’re not a brit (i think).
Word is bond CPT. I mean us guys pick friends that can help us be better us’s. Someone who can challenge you @ being you. & if you strait you ain’t trying to be like no chick. Woosaah.
@CPT Callamity,
LMAO@ “Oh goodie” and “frolicking”
Yeah I never sought out any friendships with males cuz I just don’t give an eff what yall think (just playing…sorta). I grew up in a house full of females so the only men I really check for are my Pops and my Pookie.
My friendships just kinda fell in my lap.
@CPT Callamity,
You’ve got me *crying* on frolicking.
@miss t-lee,
I know…I have a warped vocabulary.
@ The Champ
Nah, 100% D.C. Dude who watches too many Guy Ritchie Films.
@WuDaMan
Simple science my friend. She can make me better if she’s contributing something, but I don’t call up platonic friends to just hang out. It’s pointless. I’m usually trying to smash if I’m going to be spending that type of time. Hey, I admit it.
@CPT Callamity,
Dude who watches too many Guy Ritchie Films.
Isn’t he so underrated? Snatch has got to be like one of the best films ever.
Speaking of weird, underrated and great british movies, In Bruges had the funniest line ever (y’all indulge me I just watched it this week-end):
A great day this has turned out to be. I’m suicidal, me mate tries to kill me, me gun gets nicked and we’re still in fookin’ Bruges!
Best quote I’ve heard in very long time. Just needed to share.
Dag nab it. I needed to read this and have flyers and the url available to me last april! Shyt I could have used it in 06! Nah I needed this one back when I started liking girls which was probably fresh out o the womb… Ah well the milks in the mop already.
I really agree w/ the post. I got a question too. This theorm is based in the truth of human nature. Sehx is craved just as much as your next breath is. MOF the desire to have sehx is located in the same place you crave sleep food n air n shyt. So back to my question. Is this something that as a society we should work against? I mean should monogamy be a cultish/comunal thing to do?
Oddly enough I’ve heard old schoolers say that ‘back in the day you could go jitterbuggin together and go home and think nothing of it besides going dancing w/ friends.’
@WuDaMan,
Is this something that as a society we should work against? I mean should monogamy be a cultish/comunal thing to do?
are you asking two separate questions, or just one question phrased two different ways?
@The Champ,
Same question. Skip the religios stuff. Should society move away from monogamy all together? If we did would that be a step in the backwards direction? I mean as a species we been to the place where guys can be the stud of the tribe. I’m just trying to ask the question w/o the pronouns.
@WuDaMan, I really think this is an interesting question… but wouldn’t that be us giving into our lower natures?
@pgh muse,
not so much lower as much as primal
@WuDaMan, u have fun friday night?
@pgy muse, shytchyeah
@WuDaMan, lol. good! i want some details about the prty after I left!!
@pgh muse,
yeah
@WuDaMan,
I think there are very few people (men included) who actually want a polygamous society. Men like to hump a lot of different women they don’t necessarily want to be responsible for feeding all these chicks and their kids, spending q.t. with all the children, financial burden of 3 or 4 households on the one dude. I’m not sure women have had the power in the history of Western society to dictate a monogamous norm, which means men must’ve came up with it.
@Me fail english?, I’m not sure women have had the power in the history of Western society to dictate a monogamous norm, which means men must’ve came up with it.
This is hilarious Me Fail! I was just having this convo LAST NIGHT! pgh muse is that u again?? Ne who, monogamy benefits MALES! Know why? Cause back in the day of the Bible and all the Holy books the MOST rich, powerful men had the pick of the litter as far as wives were concerned. Solomon had 700 alone… who knows how many those in his court had and so on and so forth. If only the richest, wisest, most powerful men deserved to have a beautiful, congenial wife, who was left for the men who were mere mortals? Or farmers or something??? Straight scraps! Monogamous relationships evolved out of there not being enough women to go around after the rich and powerful men took their choice of wives. this is just a portion that I read of some history in some book… but it makes sense to me!
@pgh muse,
Good point. The women were definitely getting a raw deal.
Pun intended.
@pgh muse,
See? Now yo’ isht is coming out!!
haha
@pgh muse,
Also, that is an excellent point! If Reggie Bush and Dwayne Wade could have their choice of wives, who’s really fcuking wit Gary Coleman? That’s just not fair!
@pgh muse,
Monogamous relationships evolved out of there not being enough women to go around after the rich and powerful men took their choice of wives
this is actually true. most men wont admit it, but monogamy in regards to marriage benefits us much, much, more than it does women
@pgh muse,
News Flash! Rich and Powerful men still do have the pick of the litter. It is still a struggle and men (if they haven’t clamped them down by age 27) still do have to pick through scraps!
@Me Fail
my e-twin is Ms. Sula, so u must be my younger, more fabulous e-doppelganger 
@Cpt Callamity, True. Just imagine if one man had the stature to marry (meaning if u tried to sleep w/ her you would get stoned) 700 Halle Berrys and Beyonces – And that’s just the man @ the top not to mention the men in his circle. I know that Reggie Bush has his choice – but he still can’t marry 700 women. The playing field is a lot more level w/ one man one / one woman.
@pgh muse,
I’ll take it.
@ CPT
I disagree with this. Rich & powerful men still have the pick of the litter, but very few of them keep their extra chicks on the side as long as they keep their wife. Sidepieces may stick around for a season, but they eventually look for someone who’ll admit to being the father of their children in public, spend the night with her and introduce her to mama.
They’re not off the market forever like they would be if these guys made them 2nd and 3rd wives. I’m not gonna touch the single women over 27 being scraps thing though. That seems kinda harsh and I just don’t agree.
@Me Fail and Cpt Callamity, I’m not gonna touch the single women over 27 being scraps thing though. That seems kinda harsh and I just don’t agree
I agree Me Fail! Cpt… think of all the young beautiful women that you had the chance to marry in years past… not saying I know u like that, I don’t, but I’m sure you’ve had a few… and now u feel like ur wading through scraps… if u are in ur late 20′s early 30′s the dating pool just shrinks as people couple up and start families… it just is what it is. The women ur dating aren’t scraps. They are your PEERS! and men don’t bare the physical remnants of children… so these women are just seasoned. Like u
@pgh muse,
Exactly. I know a couple of single women over the age of 27 that aren’t scraps in any sense of the word (not by looks, mileage, attitude, etc.) The one thing they have in common is they don’t get out the house much, don’t have a big enough social circle to meet quality men or spent too much time on a loser.
Is it regressive of me to now be thinking which of my celebrity crushes I could pull in as a second wife?
Heh, heh, heh
@pgh muse, dang…I’m over 27 (32 to be exact) and I don’t consider myself to be scraps…almost all of my friends are 30+ single, successful, and beautiful as well. Unfortunately it seems like all of us are in a sense the ones competing for “scraps” (see: the 11 or 12 eligible attractive single black men over 30 with good jobs/no criminal record/and no baby mama drama).” Thank goodness I genuinely enjoy my single life. The older I get the more I realize that coupled life really does benefit men more (especially if you’re already financially secure). Therefore I leave the active man hunt to my other single sisters.
@Me fail english?,
this reminds me, Big Love is a GREAT show on HBO. i wonder if there will be another season hmmm….
@Gem of the Ocean,
Ooh and the Kite Runner was great! Funny, seemed authentic enough for my non-Afghan self, and poignant. It stayed pretty true to the book too. Highly recommended!
@WuDaMan,
Dude, people can’t handle multiple relationships like that. If you’re juggling more than six tig ole bitties, you’re doing too much.
If you’re juggling more than two, you’re doing too much. One man. One woman. One God. One relationship.
You do too much, and you’re not going to raise your kids properly for sure. Hell, you might not even raise them at all because you’re too busy bumping uglies with women who aren’t their child’s mother.
That’s how you end up on Maury Povich or Cheaters. SMH.
Just my thoughts…
@thismayconcernyou,
This comment gets a gold star.
@miss t-lee,
*bows humbly*
@thismayconcernyou, Truth…. the way the LORd intended for human beings, and surprisingly quite a few other species!!!
@thechamp,
Good post. And while most of this is truly on point, I disagree with the overall notion that platonic friendships can’t/don’t exist.
All you need are two people who actually have sound morals (I know that’s hard to find). Anyway, here’s my take on making Platonic Friendships work from the male perspective …
43. Guys With Platonic Female Friend Issues: http://tinyurl.com/cv6lds
First I’ll say, “I apporve this message”!!Secondly, in my younger days I found it embarrasing to try to bump uglies with somebody you were actually cool with. Its awkward. Dropping hints and all. So yes I agree if you spend enough time with a friend of the opposite sex things are bound to happen. In the words of Stacy from Menace 2 Society “you spend enough time in that motherlover I know I’d be trying to tuck!” Words to live by
@GainesvilleGreen,
welcome and sh*t
@GainesvilleGreen,
I draw most of my inspiration for daily living from “Menace”. You’d be surprised how often “I got these cheeseburgers” is a perfectly appropraite response.
Truth….I concurrrrrrrrr!!!
We actually covered whether men and women can truly be friends in my radio show this past Sunday!Click HERE
Hmm, very appropriate blog pic with the banana and monkey…man and woman dynamic.
I always love the exchange between Harry and Sally when she presents a hypothetical “What if you weren’t attracted to the woman, then what?” and Harry deadpans “Oh we pretty much wanna nail them too”. But, then I came across your number 3:
“3. no unattached man is going to willingly spend a good amount of his free time with a like-aged woman he is completely unattracted to, a fact which “fits”, especially when you consider that…”
(Sort of) Unfortunately, this is true. There has been studies done on people having friends of equal level attractiveness. That usually groups of friends are on the same scale in terms of beauty.
Allllla this is Gospel. Specially 3, 4, and 6. Funny how this has come up recently with me as well. Maybe its the whole spring time vibe making folks in the mood for luv? Everybody looking for a new boo since the weather is getting hotter.
Anyway, I have a close male friend who I’ve been cool with since high school. We chill all the time and are very close. Its never been more than a friendship thing but within the span of two weeks he’s made seperate comments about what it would be like if we dated, what it would be like if he were trying to sax me, and what it would be like if we were married. We definitely need to spend less time together.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Except when I said it before.
Carry on, VSBers.
@PBG,
**waves**
Hey Pretty Brown!!
what about a guy who’s best friends with his ex-gf, but has no feelings for her? is this possible? isn’t this playing with fire?
@Miss Patterson,
I’m guessing this guy would probably still hump, assuming the act won’t re-spark any unwanted attraction from her…but even if he did think that, since when does that stop ppl???
@Miss Patterson,
If he didn’t still have feelings, they wouldn’t still be friends.
I’m all for the clean break.
@miss t-lee,
I agree. If I was dating a guy w/ a great relationship with an ex, I’d know it wasnt going to last long. He obviously still has lingering feelings.
@Dom,
Yeppers.
heres another lil interesting bit someone sent me a short minute ago……Subject: Single’s Week – Friends – by: G. Craige Lewis
The EX Daily Word for March 25, 2009
“Single’s Week – Friends”
1Cor. 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. But, because of fornications, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
Christians should date for marriage. After all, why in the world would you want to go out, enjoy someone’s company, and become emotionally involved without there being hope for more? That’s a very bad investment of your time. You can hang out with your homies, or your girlfriends if you just want to have fun. If you like to seek companions of the opposite sex without being hopeful for some kind of future, then you need to search yourself and find out why your same sex friends aren’t enough. What things can’t you do with your friends that you can do by random dating? I tell young women all the time, the only difference between being with your girls versus being with a guy is sex! And the same goes for guys that like hanging with women all the time. Don’t play those kinds of games with yourself and others. If God is in you and you are a good person, then you better believe that whomever you spend time with will begin to desire you if they are of the opposite sex. Whether married or single, it can happen!
If you are a “good catch” then you have to be careful with yourself.
If you are what men or women desire, then you have to protect them from you! You may just want fun, but those you are “hanging” with will definitely want more and you may create a situation where they begin to invest more and hope for more. And if you are spending time with them, eating with them, going out with them, then they will develop serious feelings for you and will get hurt. Don’t get me wrong, there is always a period of friendship that comes before actually dating, but you must make sure that you are not leading a person on just for their company. And furthermore, you may be placing a block in your own path when you do find Mr. or Mrs Right! If you are not ready to commit and marry, then take yourself off the market and hang with your same gender friends. If you want to marry, then don’t lie and pretend you can deal with just being friends with someone you are enjoying. Don’t lead folks on because you need to be seen with someone or by someone. Make sure you search yourself before going out and allow God to speak to your heart and not jump into anything. You wanna protect yourself from igniting a flame that may burn you both.
Suggested Reading: Rom. 14:13, 1Cor. 8:9, Gal. 5:13, 1Tim. 5:14, 1John 2:10
This Daily Word is now a DVD. “The Power of One” A Message to Christian Singles Go to: http://www.exministries.com/po1.html
(c)2009 G. Craige Works All Rights Reserved
@OrangeStar616, this reminds me of a book my pastor gave me called “I kissed dating goodbye”. It made a similar argument and stressed the fact that there is no such thing as casual dating. Inotherwords that there should always be a motive and ideally that motive should be preparing for marriage. (not adding notches to your bedpost).
@miss patterson,
“there is no such thing as casual dating. Inotherwords that there should always be a motive and ideally that motive should be preparing for marriage. (not adding notches to your bedpost).”
PREACH!
And another thing. I HATE that song “Birfday Chex”!
@Me fail english?,
“Girl you know I, I, I!” That song is an inferno of a mess.
@Voiceofreason, lmao @ “Girl you know I, I, I!” , i was so mad when i first heard that.
what scares me about these ignorant songs is that before long, they have me hoppin out my beeeeeeeeed and sayin wassup to myself in the mirror.
*smh*
@overit,
How could you possibly start your day without putting your swag on? Swag…it’s more essential than deodorant.
i thought it was stupid when i 1st heard it. now i sing and shimy too it lol
@Me fail english?,
SAY WHAT? There is a song about this? Jesus be a proper lyricist for some people. iCant.
@blackberry molasses,
Yes girl! Allow me to impart upon you the depth of his lyrical genius.
“It’s yo birfday so I know you want to ri-i-ide out/Even if we only go to my-y-y house.”
The next Diane Warren. Seriously this ish is my twitter status right now and I’m getting mad just looking at it!
@Me fail english?,
I am going to FULLY resist the urge to look this foolywang up on YouTube simply because my defenses are low and thus I am more susceptible to unreasonable f*ckery such as this.
I will pray for the purge of this nonsense from your consciousness. You’re welcome.
@Gem and Voice,
I hate that song with every fiber of my being. Mainly because I can’t stop singing it in my head. And since that fight (read: slaughter) only lasted two (read: 1.5) rounds we spent the rest of the fight party singing screenless karaoke and that song was one of the favs.
(The boys were tryna watch “Wolverine” while we re-enacted “Hungry Eyes” from Dirty Dancing…because they’re antisocial jerks)
@Me fail english?,
That song just played on my Yahoo Radio. Its growing on me. Then again I like most cheesy pop songs. “Kiss me Through the Phone” is my current corny fav!
@Dom,
I can tolerate “Kiss me Through the Phone,” but I despise “Boyfriend Number Two.” I can’t even listen to the whole song.
@Voiceofreason,
I heard that “Boyfriend Number Two” ish over the weekend. I was like…really? You’re for real? Seriously?
Wowzers.
@miss t-lee,
I blame the b.s. that went down in the 90s these kids grew up during that erra and well this is what it was doin. mh mh mh
@WuDaMan,
Yes. This is why we shoulda stopped R. Kelly when we had the chance!
@Me fail english? and the rest of you secret Pop Garbage Can Lickers…
I know it’s been a while since I frequented the (non) hallowed eHalls of VSB, but WTF is wrong w/ya’ll??
Please, stop publicly claiming affection for these cacophonous lapses in judgment they’re passing off as songs on the radio nowadays, ok?? Don’t do it for me…do it for the children.
In the name of BBJ and all that is glittery,
Amen.
@PBG,
Girl you know I-I-I/ Girl you know I-I-I/ Woooo-ooooo-oooooo (in spooky ghost voice)
Both of my best friends are guys and we have always been JUST friends. More like sister/brother actually. I’m always bothered by people who say you can’t have platonic friends cuz it makes me wonder if everyone is ho-ish and has to try and hit everybody they come in contact with.
And that REALLY disturbs me.
@CreoleInDC, I’m not ho-ish at all but the men who have befriended me in the past did so because they were attracted to me, that was the underlying motivation…….I didn’t think they were ho’s either…….I guess it has been done, like you some folk can have those friendships, others not so much*shrug* doesn’t make them whores, makes them human and subject to all that goes along with including the laws of attraction, even if its not acted upon.
@OrangeStar616,
In my world there are just lines you don’t cross and once you cross them…you can never continue on with the friendship because it’s been disrespected. They have always been exactly as they are today thank God and I have never had to worry about any silly ish from them. It would have TRULY never come up. I’m the type of chick that knows exactly the type of vibe I’m giving off and I’ve always been the type to say what is exactly on her mind so no one ever had to wonder “what if.” If I liked you like that…you’d know. Simple.
@CreoleInDC,
So your homeboy bffs are unichs?
@WuDaMan,
LMAO!
@WuDaMan,
oh heyll naw…lmao
@WuDaMan,
*sigh* You just can’t win for losing. It’s eunuch, not whatever in the hell you typed. One day you are going to get it all right and I’m going to pick my jaw up off the floor and send you a “GOLD STAR FOR MARCUS!”
And no, I’m certain they aren’t as neither of them have ever had problems getting women. One is currently married to one of my favorite women on earth and the other is about to get married to someone I adore.
Our relationships have always worked as friends and we have always been there for each other.
@CreoleInDC,
Well I guess that day ain’t today. Ah well. Thanks for commenting late cuz I got to bask in thinking I had a zinger for a long time.
@CreoleInDC,
It’s ho-ish to find yourself segzually attracted to someone? Really? How so?
@PBG,
My point is that you can’t be attracted to everyone and there needs to be boundaries. It’s like when hetero men say they can’t be friends with gay men. I’m like…um…just because you are a man does NOT mean a gay man is automatically checking for you. Get over yourself. The same as guys can be friends with guys they can be friends with girls. Only ho-ish folks are gonna try it with every.dang.body they have access to. Um…no. Not possible.
@CreoleInDC,
I don’t recall the point being made here that folks will try it w/everyone, or that one would be attracted to everyone. Attraction isn’t always initially segzual. That’s how they become friends to begin with. But I believe it’s perfectly normal if the closeness evolves into something more. Natural, even.
*shrug* I don’t know. Folks be trippin’.
I still have to disagree because I find it difficult to believe that every guy I’m friends with has at some point wanted to be more than my friend. I have platonic relationships with quite a few guys, and the thought that ALL of them have thought about me with in a s3xual context makes me kind of sick. I’d like to think my male friends are my friends because they like my character and personality, which in my opinion out shines my level of attractiveness.
Also, it was great hanging out with all you VSBers on Friday! We’ll have to do it again sometime.
@Voiceofreason,
you to VOR. Good times! Good to meet u too 
@Voiceofreason,
How do you date if the thought of someone wanting you for more than your character and personality makes you sick?
What makes you think that character and personality aren’t enough to make someone want to bone?
@kamakula,
It’s not the thought of SOMEONE that makes me sick, it’s the thought of men that I consider platonic friends. And although I’ve never heard of anyone wanting to get all up in someone’s personality, I’m sure it happens.
@Voiceofreason,
I like the way you think. Reasonable and rational. Yup. You’re my new best friend. Call me every 5 minutes.
VOR ..its always whats inside (the spirit, quality of character personality etc) thats makes the outward appearance shine brighter or can seriously detract..whats funny is that is where folk get caught up…the initial physical attraction is what beckons them, and who of who I am that traps them even when I am just being cool, no attraction to them on my part………..but like I told Creole some folk can can have those types of friendships some folk cannot
@OrangeStar616,
LOL! My friends became my friends in college because I had a car and they didn’t. Simple. LOL!
So I struck a nerve with 27+ = scraps. In all fairness I wasn’t trying to say all, I’m just saying as one of the men described “(see: the 11 or 12 eligible attractive single black men over 30 with good jobs/no criminal record/and no baby mama drama)” it feels like that sometimes. Besides…when I mention the fact that I’m in my early 30s and unattached, it’s not uncommon to hear “well you gotta get them early.” Most women that i know (keyword:most) who are above the age of 27 either were married, have kids (or both) or are uber-busy careerwomen which benefits me none. I’m only speaking for myself though…the other cats on here might have different experience.
@CPT Callamity,
I think you’re digging yourself into a deeper hole. You should quit while you’re somewhat ahead…lol
*Proud to be scrappy.*
@miss t-lee,
Eh, bring it on…I need something to do on this dreary day.
@CPT Callamity,
Nah…no entertainment value here.
I’m just saying there are plenty of us single ladies who are going through the same thing that you are, in trying to find a suitable mate. Yet, we don’t consider you kats scraps if you don’t make the cut.
@miss t-lee,
As a coupled up 24 year-old, I just don’t get why men over 30 think they’re some great prize and they’re female counterparts gotta have some sorta disease. I’ve seen women say the opposite too. That once you’re at a certain age, all the men are gay, married or in jail. As someone closer to the so-called “wonder years” of dating, I’d like to take this moment to remind everyone that dating sucks at EVERY age. It is ALWAYS hard to find someone you like! Unless, maybe you went to HBCU or something. Then there was probably a nice sized pool of eligible bachelors/bachelorettes for 4-5 years. Either that, or you just aren’t very picky.
@Me fail english?,
‘Cause it’s a good Black Man shortage…you ain’t know?!
*with intended sarcasm.*
As someone closer to the so-called “wonder years” of dating, I’d like to take this moment to remind everyone that dating sucks at EVERY age.
Thank you very much for reminding the folks. At 24, I could literally write a book on the Fu**ery I have seen in this dating game.
As for the HBCU thing, the game is serious there too. At my school there was like 35 women to every one man. I never dated any of the men in my collge, always dudes from other schools.
@CPT Callamity, I know plenty of unattached, never been married, single, never had children uber-busy career women, who wouldn’t mind being less busy for the right man. Don’t say that these women don’t have anything to offer you. They are still women. I’m sure if things jumped off in the right way compromises could be met… I think that depends a lot on you and what you want from a woman.
LOL @ the picture b/c that’s exactly what’s going on in these so-called platonic relationships – one party is simply waiting (and in some cases, plotting) to devour the other! :-p
I used to be naive enough to think that guys were content with just being my friend b/c they felt I was smart, funny, down-to-earth, etc., but I’ve been disappointed several times after a guy I thought was a friend stopped calling after we had “the talk”. You know, the one where you have to let your friend down gently after he randomly confesses his undying love for you and marital plans… lol. Now obviously these guys didn’t see me as just a friend, but I wouldn’t have been so blindsided if they hadn’t been playing the friend card for 6 months – 1 year (I feel like that’s a long time to go without telling someone how you feel about them…and no, the signs weren’t there).
I agree with The Champ – I learned that guys, especially if they are 21+ with a career, are not looking to add new female friends to the roster. I feel like unless you all became tight during college or you grew up together (and even then, feelings can start to grow as folks’ bodies start maturing), dudes are not approaching females and consistently hanging with them simply b/c the chicks are cool w/good conversation…they either want to date them and/or have sex with them. Point blank.
@6. …no man or woman is going to be okay with their significant other making new close friends of the opposite sex. – You’re damn right it’s not okay! And let me find out my man was the one who initiated this “friendship”….. :-O
@MissJ82,
See, you get it. Not living in denial or just plain ol’ land of “Iown Even Know Alla Dat Yet”. It’s a continent as big as Eastern Europe, but not as hairy.
@MissJ82, Ah yes a sane woman…
In regard to #1: Women do seek out men for ‘friendship’. This is simply code for: prospect. You know, if the guy they are currently dealing with behaves badly, you become the priority.
#2: Absolutely-especially if that man is in the drought. Like, if it’s been a few months without sex….dudes will beat the brakes off whatever. That’s when they start rationalizing with that questionable logic: “It all feels the same” or “We all look alike in the dark”….nah. lol…
#3: Agree completely. I think as a guy the longer you hang around this unattractive person, there is the risk of becoming interested. Can’t have that. There is also the risk that other people will believe you are more than you are. You cannot be out and about with a buggerwolf simply because she is funny and witty. Just. Don’t. Do it.
#4: Chuurch. If you are not attracted to this woman and she is attracted to you, good luck. By default you will almost certainly have to have sex with her. She will do everything short of killing you to get your attention. I roomed with a female (long story) once. We fooled around sophmore year in undergrad, but this was years later. She kept making hints about being horny sometimes, etc. I ignored them. She started eating all the food (I bought), not paying he half for bills (she told me once that she only used the phone one time in a particular month, so she would give me 65 cent for the call…WTF?!), I came home to find her buck naked on the floor watching aqua teen hunger force eating my cinnamon toast crunch out of the box one day. I was shocked. My pop kept saying, “Boy you better give that woman what she wants..” Um, no.
#5: What? lol. I agree about spending more that a certain percentage though…
#6: You are correct. I can’t see someone in a relationship being cool with a new ‘friend’. Lord knows there was a 2L I wanted to be BEST friends with…lol. She was practically engaged though but DAMN…I digress.
The platonic is possible-however, you will need to limit the amount of time you spend. Friends from a distance I guess.
Bond. BlkBond.
AYE!! (what up T-lee…)
@BlkBond,
LOL….Aye!!!!
@BlkBond,
“I came home to find her buck naked on the floor watching aqua teen hunger force eating my cinnamon toast crunch out of the box ”
*Jaw on floor*
Who’s sexually deviant, 9-year old little brother does this?! And…
…did you pull up a seat or what?
@Me fail english?,
I was exhausted from work, to the effect i almost fell as soon as I got into the living room. Then I saw her naked and I just thought it was a bad situation. I wanted a shower and the bed that day. It could have been Janet Jackson from the pleasure principle video on that floor and I would have still gone to sleep. Yeah, that tired…lol
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond, roflmao @ # 4. Wow. She was a freeeaak!
@BlkBond,
OMG! LMFAO Youre lucky she didnt just “take it!”
@BlkBond,
LMAO! @ “I came home to find her buck naked on the floor watching aqua teen hunger force eating my cinnamon toast crunch out of the box one day. ”
OMG…I’m so glad everyone with some sense has left the office by now because I bust out a hearty laugh at this one….. ummm so you weren’t down for some cinnamon toast crunch with your chex….
I’m late, but I call BULLSH*T on the Champ! Hello? You’re monogamous friends with Gem, right? So, your spouting is utter nonsense. See: #3
“3. no unattached man is going to willingly spend a good amount of his free time with a like-aged woman he is completely unattracted to…”
Spades takes up a good amount of time, Humpty.
@RedBeanzNRice,
shots fired….
Champ…I soooo disagree with this blog. I said it when you first post it and since it doesn’t seem as anything has changed, I will say it again. You speak only of your limited experiences…and the experiences your friends and family members have shared with you. But I guess not this friend….my best friend and I met in high school and we dont lust over each other, want each other, or anything. In fact he was the only guy permitted to stay at my moms house over night..yes he was given special permission because he was not only a friend but more like a cousin or brother….everyone considered him to be family….and I talk about the past not because something drastic has changed but merely because he recently moved out-of-state and guess what…we are planning a group summer vacation! A real life success story lol…12 years and going.
But he isnt the only one Champ….what about the times you meet someone and you exchange numbers only to realize that neither one of you feel that spark and realize it before the 1st kiss and all other nonsense…and decide each party is still mad cool and decide to just hang out? Its weird and doesnt happen often but it does and can happen..and has….to me.
If I think about it I probably have more male friends then female friends…and Im not sure if most of them have come from college and only a few have come from online……some are frat that I’ve become super close with post college….others are friends from the neighborhood that I have grown up with and some are just people I’ve met through Americorps and CORO.
I think its silly to place limitations on when and how you can make friends…..true friendships come about in the most random places…..like standing in line for a shuttle for a marathon….no that didnt happen to me but i could have lol….i just get antisocial during 6am-10am daily.
…..and I say all this not to disagree with you completely either…some guys and girls who claim to be friends really do like each other but I dont think thats the golden rule…like at all.
@buboniccalypso, hahaha. I agree with the Champ 100%. No offense but you don’t sound mature enough to state otherwise. He is missing some important facts(and grammar) but he’s got it right the first time. It seems men are smarter than women give them credit for like the guys who clearly have you played(and lined up). Often women seem to think men only think with their penises, these guys are obviously smarter than that.
Don’t think so much with your vagina.
PLATO
“Oh no, not by friend!” *clutches pearls*
YES! Your muthafruckin’ friend too. Psshh.
Never underestimate the power of basic human nature.
VSB.com: Where babes in the wood frolic & romp with much innocence and gaiety.
@PBG,
bwwwuuuauuaauaaaaahahahahahahahahah!!!!!
& why beer got to be such a bad situation? I like beer it smells like drunk or high to me. uh.
I’m going to go out on a limb and agree with this post. Except, I would like you to accept my additive:
Platonic friends often at one point were attracted to each other, but they have just settled on the fact that its probably not going to work out, and moved on from that notion.
I have a couple (literally 2) platonic friends, and at one point, I’ve liked them, they’ve liked me (obviously not at the same time), and I somehow ended up being little sister they wouldn’t dare even casually mention my sex life. So yea, its possible, but generally is a result of some crazed condition.
…although there are the Will and Grace types. But do you count gay men as men or women, psychologically speaking.
Also, would you count lesbians with lesbian friends platonic?
mr. young, long time no see
i liked this post.
that is all
Every woman who responds to the platonic question gives proof that platonic relationships do not exist. Yet some are determined to fall into the pattern of believing in it exists. The reason relationships start out platonic is simple. Woman aprechiate respect from the “opposite sex” as they deserve respect. Women also like to be aprechiated by the “opposite sex”. Your partner really should be your friend right? Makes sense.
Platonic friends of the “opposite sex” do not exist. Does male attention feel good? Uh yea.. It’s supposed to feel good, why would we want it any other way. Is it right? Not if you are in a committed relationship.. On the other hand the so called male friend will say it is right. If you are in a relationship or not this is how we get our foot in the door. This is our stepping stone to possibility.
Some men will take advantage of this knowlege to their advantage. Some dudes are players, some genuinly just think they are the guy who will make you happy. As soon as we cross that line of respect for a woman to friendship women should know the interest there is more than friendship.
Will a man admit it? In most cases no they won’t. Why? Simply put, it f***s up any chance they might have.
Do men in relationships do this? Yes, for many reasons.
Platonic relationships between (hetero) opposite sex are sexual by nature. Why is it important to have a platonic balance with your partner? It is the difference between being treated as sexual object and being treated as sexual being.
To base a relationship on the physical side of sex is an immature outlook on healthy relationships. Sexual nature and identity goes beyond our physical form.
Platonic relationship ~ do not exist(hetero/opposite sex)
{ 1 trackback }