“how do i recognize a good dude? i mean, are there any signs and sh*t i should look out for?”
along with, “champ, how does it feel to be completely omniscient?” and “champ, is it true that you once ate an entire cake before your friends told you there was a stripper in it?“, these are probably the questions i’m asked the most frequently.
typically, these are questions young daughters are supposed to ask their fathers, but since big gay carl winslow is the closest thing to a daddy many black women have seen, knowing how to recognize a good dude is a skill that many of ya’ll (and “us” )seemingly don’t possess.
with this in mind, today the champ has decided to give you all a short list of three somewhat overlooked characteristics that all “good dudes” possess.
mind you, you won’t find pedestrian sh*t like “he loves his mama” or “he’s honest” or “he hasnt tried to bone either of my nieces“, or “he’s only had one charge, and that sh*t didnt even stick” on this list, since all of that should go without saying. no, these are three seemingly minor characteristics that are fool-proof tells…traits that all good dudes will own.
***also, please note that i said “good dude” and not “nice guy”. there is a difference. of course, being nice (at times) is good, but gary ridgway was nice to women too***
1. his close friends are also good dudes
there’s no surer sign, no more concrete indication that a man is a good dude than if his close friends are good dudes too. with no exceptions, every guy i know who i’d consider to be a “good dude” has nothing but other good dudes in their immediate circle. basically, if a guy is repeatedly telling you stories about his best friend, and this “best friend” sounds more trifin than eating food with utensils on the bus, run.
also, most good dudes have at least a few friends that they’ve known since childhood. ladies (and fellas), beware of the man whose close friends are all “new”.
you see, good dudes are good dudes because they have character, and guys who have character are usually also great judges of character in others. good dudes realize that high character friends are hard to find, which is why most good dudes will do everything they can to keep those other high character friends in their circle.
**this is also one of the reasons why men make better friends than women do, but thats another topic for another day (read: tomorrow)**
2. he actually likes women.
***please take a second to re-read this for ultimate resonance***
done yet?
ok.
this may seem a bit elementary and self-explanatory, but you’d be amazed at how many women i’ve known who were interested in and/or in relationships with men who hated their entire gender. (to be clear, by “hating women“, i’m not referring to cats who, ummmm, “pitch from the paint“, but perfectly straight heterosexual men who hold women in more contempt than pei mei)
good dudes like women. its that simple.
3. he has at least one “checker“
no, i’m not referring to a lonely ass board game, but, regardless of their age, all good dudes have at least one person who can “check” them if need be. whether its a parent, a former coach, a older cousin, a teacher, or whatever, every good dude has someone in their life that can put them in place if they ever manage to get out of pocket. vsb-er superwoman put it best:
“BEWARE of guys who have no family authority/or mentor figures they respect. If it’s not their dad, then their older brother, uncle, priest, boss, teacher, mentor – SOMEONE who can talk sense into him when he’s bugging out, or in need of guidance in difficult times…
if he is one of those people who ‘no one can talk to’, as is my a$$hole ex-bro-in-law, then stay far, far, far, FAR away…. a man who respects nobody will wind up disrespecting YOU.”
thats it (for now). fellas (and ladies), did i miss anything?
—the champ
Related posts:
{ 451 comments… read them below or add one }
whats trifling about pop tarts on the bus? I love pop tarts
and yes..
i
am
first
@Shay-d-lady,
GO SAT DOWN. Please. Do not pass go, and if you touch them $200, I’m coming for you.
@Luvvie, Hey i tried to meet you in the middle..my comment was posted after I read the full entry and my question was relevant …so give me my 200 …you oun know me jones!@!!!!!
@Shay-d-lady, but for real whats trifling about pop tarts? I mean toaster struedel on the go I understand its all flaky and will get erry where but pop tarts are really on the go friendly…..
@Shay-d-lady,
see edit and sh*t
I would also like to say that these traits go both ways…..concerning number 2 you need to add likes women and men..women that hate other women do so because of problems with themselves and women that hate men will never trust one I think the same goes for men….good job champ I totally agree with your list
Good points definitely…
The only thing I’d like to add is that good dudes usually come from good parenting. That parent (or parents) generally have a hand in keeping that dude even-minded throughout life…
@Mr. Smart Guy,
Some dudes are good dudes IN SPITE of their parentage. My bro is a dead beat irregardless (hehe) of his great parentage. LOL goes both ways
@Luvvie,
“irregardless”
MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@blackberry molasses,
dammit!! that “word” makes me want to punch things!
@shatani, That word makes me shake my tiny fists furiously!!!
@PBG, Shatani, BBmO
you all remind me of the eccentric English teachers from my high school.
@blackberry molasses, I like the word “irregardless”. Its just a little extra regardless-ness
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
to make sure that we know that theres NO regard?
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
ooh, i quit you.
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
I totally agree Peyso. It’s like saying “bestest” or “most beautifulest”. It’s all about adding emphasis and shyt.
@blackberry molasses, “MY EYES!”
ahahaha Not serious! lol
@Luvvie, I agree with that but those guys are bucking the trend by doing that…
@Luvvie,
Truer words have never been spoken! Co-sign!
@Mr. Smart Guy, I think this is true but I know some good parents with f!cked up kids andI dated a real good guy that came from the most f!cked up family I had ever seen..he is now happily married with a child teaching and coaching football…in the town we went to college in..once he got out he NEVER came back… I say all that to say that this one might not be as universal as the ones on Champs list…
@Shay-d-lady, I concur. Even good parenting can’t control how some kids turn out and vice-versa. One of my closest guy friends was ditched by both of his parents when he was 4 and almost went into foster care until his grandma took him in and I’ve never met anyone with a more genuine personality and good heart as him.
@Shay-d-lady, true but you could dispute #1 pretty easy too. You can be a loner and still be a good dude. Chances are though, you roll with a pack of good guys so it’s easier for you to be one as well.
@Mr. Smart Guy, I find that loners tend to have a lot of issues. To me, it’s a bad sign if you don’t have close friends. I can understand if you move to a new city and are just starting to meet people, but if you’re always a loner then it’s not a good sign.
@Leila, you’re right. Loners are more likely to be stalkers than stable. I just wanted to play my Pacino and be the devil’s advocate…
well my last couple of stalkers had LOTS of friends. actually, when i first met each of them, they were out rollin with their respective packs. dunno how “good” of friends they were but they were always out and about with the usual suspects.
so imho loners don’t necessary equate stalkers–cuz apparently stalking can be any weird @$$ negro with a job, degrees, and friends.
@GEMiniscing…, How da hellz you get enough stalkers to have a “last couple” of them bamas? What’s truly goin’ on? I am a’feared for you!
*goes to Prayer Cubicle to pull Gem’s file*
simple. i live in pittsburgh. nuff said.
@GEMiniscing…,
simple. i live in pittsburgh. nuff said.
i guess “stay classy, san diego” doesnt apply to you, huh?
@Mr. Smart Guy, hmm I dont know..loner doesnt mean you dont have any friends in my opinion….a person with no friends man or woman is suspect to me.not saying that means there arent some out there but I would agree that more often than not that person is crazy and not a ‘good dude”
@Shay-d-lady, Yeah. Loners scare me. I find they have trust issues. They have no friends cus they are incapable of trusting other humans. That’s a deep issue I’m not willing to deal with. OR they have no friends because they are such an awful person that nobody will be around them too long.
@Mr. Smart Guy,
true but you could dispute #1 pretty easy too.
no you can’t. this is indisputable and infallible and sh*t.
plus, even “loners” usually have one or two close friends.
@Mr. Smart Guy,
you know what, i thought about adding the “good parenting” trait there, but i know too many guys who had terrible parents but still turned out ok. instead of good parents, i’d say “at least one older male (living) role model”.
I co-sign on this list. #1 and 2 are really good indicators. I dated one guy who was still real tight with his boys from high school and they were all generally good guys. It was a definite plus for him.
Another sign that I look out for is how a guy treats you in front of his boys. The guys that I found to be good dudes are the ones who will act the same and show you a lot of respect. If a man feels the need to act differently or be disrespectful, then I’ll end it right there.
@Leila, Another sign that I look out for is how a guy treats you in front of his boys. The guys that I found to be good dudes are the ones who will act the same and show you a lot of respect
Co sign..dudes that try to play you to the left or dont wont there friends to know they like you are on some bullshyt and not good dudes…cause they are either gassing you up in private and labeling you as a piece of a$$ in public or they frontin and either way thats some bull
i had to tell that to my girls i was workin with….i dont know why we get taught that you know a boy likes you when he treats you like sh!t. nah…not cool!
@shatani, I think third grade.
@shatani,
I’ve been trying to figure the “treat’em bad to get’em” thing ever since I started liking girls back in the 5th grade.
Who teaches yall to like douche bags from an early age?
Let me know so I can smack them in the mouth!
@MDUBB,
crazy aunts and grandmas! “oh he just pulled your hair cuz he likes you!” that ish gets entrenched! and then when you end up in abusive type relationships you rationalize it because, “that just means he loves me” it is truly alarming! i have never told a little girl that information and ive had urges too, so you know its in there deep even though my rational mind knows better!
when i worked with the elementary age kids i made sure they knew that folks who hit you are punks with no capacity to use their words….you’d be surprised how well a 5 or 6 year old can understand that concept.
@shatani, the thing is though that doesnt dispute the point that he likes u though. he still pulls ur hair cuz he likes u, now r u willing to accept that type of affection?
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
true true. i think it still comes under the umbrella of not being able to use his words, but i feel what youre saying. we gotta teach our girls better….too many of them ARE willing to accept that type of affection. i mean i have to deal with this concept with a friend of mine…grownazz woman. smart, funny, gorgeous…but in this area of life, she’s dumb as a box of hair. and i dont mind telling her that!
@shatani,
“dumb as a box of hair”
*giggling my muddafuggin a$$ off at this*
@shatani,
Thank god for you then, teaching the chilrens the right way.
I try my best to treat women like their ladies and all, but I get tired of being downed for not being a donkeys butt to win their affection. By no means am I a push over or anything but it’s crazy how I’ll meet a relatively good girl, and it’s like she wants me to punch her in the mouth in order to show I love her, crazy!
I don’t want to punch you I want to kiss you, crazy!
@Leila, coooooooooooooo-sign!
Any guy that uses “personality A” in private and “personality B” in front of his friends is a douchebag. And should be punished.
@charli skipper,
“punished”? damn. dominatrix much?
@The Champ,
LOL! U’re stoopid!
A good dude is 9 times (plus 1) out of 10 does not brag about the nice things he may have unlike the Wackopotamus’ I met on safari (the bar) this weekend. A good dude doesn’t feel the need to advertise material wealth.
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
PLEASE speak on that. I can’t stand that!
@Luvvie, I hate that almost as much as the utter loser that isn’t doing diddly w/his life. Ugh.
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
i hope you kept your arms and legs inside the vehicle…you dont wanna get caught out there on safari!
agreed.
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
Sounds like you met a Diva Dude this weekend.
My condolences.
I hope you throat punched him.
@Relax, Relate, Alise, shucks, that’s how i used to get all my womeneses. i’d let ‘em know i had at least 1 to 2 hundred dollars in the bank.
@Panama Jackson, this made me giggle
@Relax, Relate, Alise, yes!!! I have been killing the ladies on this. Some of yall have got to stop excusin his nonsense becuase you REALLY are turned on by the three homes: two on the “coast” and one in MIA- yea well if he treats you like a mule what does it matter?..and it WILL never “get better” no matter what you do for him. I get tired of hearing women saying “he dont have to but I like to know he can”..well I cant take yo’ ass to the Bahamas or Cancun on your BD if thats a problem then fine, the dating process is working for me…cya!!!!
yea um, TOTALLY swagger jackin this topic for our blog tomorrow. If anyone asks, it was a pre-planned/tandem topic collabo kind of thing, LOL!! *blows kisses*
@Wise Diva,
mmmhmmm
I’ll be back in the morning to comment substantively. Still celebrating the EAGLES routing the MIDGETS soundly in their own house to the tune of 23 to 11. And congrats to the Steelers. Yeah, I said it.
I forsee us meeting y’all in Tampa.
@blackberry molasses,
wont it be fun to have a steelers v. eagles superbowl?? i think PA would have a conniption!
despite my home team losing (suckers) to the Stillers, i’m totally with the idea of a PA battle in Tampa.
@blackberry molasses, this season sucks a$$ ..all of my favs and even my back up team lost… I kinda wanna go for the Eagles but Mcnabb is such a BIATCH..I dont want to put any faith in him..but if he is going to win this would be the year..
@Shay-d-lady,
he has been showing a bit of the bitcha$$ness, but the man is still a good football player. I mean, he actually was able to have a passing game (barely) in the Meadowlands. The man as a cannon for an arm.
And in real life he’s an okay dude. Whose big, and tall and has wonderful feeling arms and… mmmmmmmmm **drifts away**
Oh, ooops, what was I saying?
@blackberry molasses,
It is ON!!!! Hear me!!!
)
HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO!!!!
@This Just In,
E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!!!!
It’s our time!
@blackberry molasses,
thanks and sh*t. the champ appreciates all steelers related compliments
@The Champ,
you’re welcome and sh*t. we still intend to bring the pain and make y’all cry like 4 month old babies, though. you have been warned.
@blackberry molasses, How about those Birds?
@blackberry molasses,if yall lose next week NO ONE will care about that game..hell at least I have watched the G-Men attempt to defend their title 3 Times-when the hell did the eagles ever win the Super Bowl….?
A GOOD GUY WORKS HARD AND DOESNT PUT ON AIRS…… i mean a good dude is really just a good person at heart…I think thats key…he treats everybody with respect and keeps it real..now that doesnt mean he doesnt get angry, or sad or do stupid shyt now and then…
@Shay-d-lady, yes, i agree. Just like us fellas have to remember that a good chick is still a chick and is prone to fits of chick logic, a good dude is still a dude and will occasionally do some d*ckhead man shiznic
nice work, champ! i can definitely get on board with that….it sounds like all the guys in my circle.
that he-man woman hater club is rollin deep though…i hadnt really noticed or paid attention to it before i guess. but its amazingly sad to hear some of these men talk. *smh*
@shatani, lol@ he-man woman haters club! but it’s so true.
A comment on #1,
It can be kind of tough to find a bunch of good dudes to hang with, many are loners that have 1 or 2 good friends who are good dudes. And it just seems like the list should be longer and should include the mother, sister, waitress thing. Those really are good barometers of the character of a guy.
@JayBilal aka QCSports,
i see what youre saying….i dont think the list should include those things cuz like champ said, they should be a given. but i have many male friends who have said the same thing. once youre out of school, making new friends becomes infinitely harder!
i always get the urge to set up a playdate for my guy friends that i know would get along, but i get the feeling that ya’ll (men) wouldnt like that idea.
my girl and i tried to play “bromance” with a few of our guy friends. one friend, in particular, is the bf of one of our girls. and since she and him live together, and both of them work (not lowly students like us), the dude doesn’t meet other guys often. so we always try to play match maker with our other guy friends. it was tough work at first. but we did make a connection and they’re buddies now. awwwww like at first meet.
my next mission: to find Champie his e-twin/e-soulmate so he can stop hating on the e-twinnydom/e-siameseness of me and overit. **I am accepting applications**
@GEMiniscing…,
playdate…bromance..matchmaker…like at first meet
all that just seems bromosexual to me
@Deviant,
**snicker**
@Deviant,
“Bromosexual”?
Tell my mama I love her, as I am now *dead*.
@Lil’T,
I cannot take credit. One one dude kept sayin it in Pineapple Express.
@Deviant,
yeah, he did!! and everytime i scroll past it here i go into fits of giggling. *teehee*
@Deviant,
all that just seems bromosexual to me
STOP IT!
@Deviant,
that was my intention. i’m so glad you picked up on it.
@GEMiniscing…,
bringing bromos together?
@Deviant, making the whole thing sound bromosexual. take what you want from that.
“once youre out of school, making new friends becomes infinitely harder!”
This is definitely true. In fact I read an article not too long ago that compared women’s ability to make new friends with other women much easier versus men’s ability to do the same. Now, how long the women stayed friends is another issue…
@AkShone, see thats the main point, women drop friends like every other week and for the dumbest reasons. Dudes can box it out and still be homies at the end of it all.
@J. McFly,
good point and sh*t
@J. McFly,
well, dang that aint all of us! i mean, im not saying its not me…i hold a grudge like its my job! but i know lots women who hold onto friendships and junk! lmao
@shatani,
Sorry Tani, more people are needed.
Women can stay friends for a long time, but I wouldn’t say that’s neccessarily the norm in comparison to dudes.
@AkShone,
the difference is that while women do have an easier time of making friends GOOD women don’t go around calling every nice woman they meet a FREIND. That is reserved for people you have a real connection with on a level deeper than “she has awesome taste in shoes, just like me.” Therefore they actually get added to the ‘friend’ roster as opposed to the ‘aquaintance’ roster.
I’ve noticed that since college, I have added 1 person to the ‘friend’ roster every couple of years. Since I moved around and traveled a lot after college, I call “friends” those people who I met, befriended and still have a relationship with despite the distance between us. We can not speak to each other for months and then call to check in and pick up right where we left off.
@blackberry molasses,
shoot, im still in school and i only add a couple to the roster every year…
@blackberry molasses,
“the difference is that while women do have an easier time of making friends GOOD women don’t go around calling every nice woman they meet a FREIND.”
it is written…
@Princess Duvet,
with spelling errors… LMAO
can you believe I was a semi-finalist in the National Spelling Bee in 5th grade and now I can’t spell for shyt
@JayBilal aka QCSports,
It can be kind of tough to find a bunch of good dudes to hang with, many are loners that have 1 or 2 good friends who are good dudes.
thats the thing…you dont need a “bunch”, but every “good dude” does have nothing but other good dudes in their immediate circle. it could be one or two or six or seven. quantity doesnt matter, just quality
i think it should also be said that a good dude can evolve (although, i dont see it much, i have seen it)…theres a guy that i know, who generally doesnt still have friends from elementary and highschool and with good reason! he and his friends were a bunch of little azzholes and they really havent changed….meanwhile, his family knocked some sense into him and he got his sh!t together and is really an upstanding citizen these days.
so, like you said…a good dude is a good judge of character and knows how to let go of things that are no good for him. i would inquire a bit more about the long term friendships just to see what all was goin on back then.
although, im so old now that even college friends are old friends now….i would call a decade of friendship and old one. that makes sense right?
@shatani,
i think it should also be said that a good dude can evolve (although, i dont see it much, i have seen it)…theres a guy that i know, who generally doesnt still have friends from elementary and highschool and with good reason! he and his friends were a bunch of little azzholes and they really havent changed….meanwhile, his family knocked some sense into him and he got his sh!t together and is really an upstanding citizen these days.
I agree with this. I know a guy who was a real life thug. But he has his life pretty much together now–good career, nice home, loves Jesus, treats women well. But he still has the same old friends who aren’t about anything, cheat on their wives, fight (grown a*s men, now) and don’t really mind getting arrested. He still gets caught up in multiple shenanigans with them. Okay, so, he can still be considered a good dude, but not the smartest dude.
@shatani, Was he evolving or just returning to his roots? You say his family knocked some sense into him. That leads me to believe that there was some piece of already there. He just strayed.
@Hostess,
good point…i dunno, i think the pieces are there with all of them in the beginning. but parenting and peer pressure and junk like that can turn the tide. his parents neglectful, he had more free unsupervised time than a kid should have and for a good 8-10 years or so, he and his friends got into some dumb ish. then his grandmother and a couple of aunts stepped in and moved him out of that environment and gave him some boundaries…and really gave him a reality check.
i think theyre all capable of straying. i dont know that turning roots and evolving are all that different…
I always check how a guy treats people in the service industry and other complete strangers. Is he respectful and pleasant to people he doesn’t even know, just because? I think that’s another indicator of character and being raised right…by somebody (or coming to some personal understandings w/maturity).
@PBG, yes, this is a big, big one for me! if you don’t treat wait-staff at restaurants nicely, you’re not getting any time from me. Also, we have a lot of street beggars and vendors in Jo’burg, and if you’re nasty to them, or ignore them, i can’t handle it. They are generally fine and move on if you say ‘so sorry, i have no change/am not buying right now!’, but to just ignore them as they’re at your car window in traffic is so cold and un-African to me!
and also, BEWARE of guys who have no family authority/or mentor figures they respect. If it’s not their dad, then their older brother, uncle, priest, boss, teacher, mentor – SOMEONE who can talk sense into him when he’s bugging out, or in need of guidance in difficult times…
if he is one of those people who ‘no one can talk to’, as is my a$$hole ex-bro-in-law, then stay far, far, far, FAR away…. a man who respects nobody will wind up disrespecting YOU.
great topic, Champie my darling – well done!
@superwoman,
“we have a lot of street beggars and vendors in Jo’burg, and if you’re nasty to them, or ignore them, i can’t handle it. They are generally fine and move on if you say ’so sorry, i have no change/am not buying right now!’, but to just ignore them as they’re at your car window in traffic is so cold and un-African to me!”
so, is that the African in me?? lmao…my friends are always like, “why dont you just ignore them?” because ive had a couple of instances where folks have gotten a bit pushy about the fact that i dont have no money….but it just feels weird to me to just pretend a person isnt there. i always say, no thanks or i dont have anything. and if i have it, i give it.
@shatani, you said – “but it just feels weird to me to just pretend a person isnt there.” –
this is EXACTLY the thing, my love…for example, one of the worst things you can do to an African is not greet them – to be ignored in that way is considered so rude and disrespectful – like you’re negating my very personhood and humanity by not acknowledging my presence with a greeting…so to ignore someone is a true diss.
when i first moved to the US, i used to greet every black person i saw – luckily i was at school in a really, really, really white town, so the local black folk actually did the same thing, and didn’t find my behaviour strange.
@superwoman,
and also, BEWARE of guys who have no family authority/or mentor figures they respect. If it’s not their dad, then their older brother, uncle, priest, boss, teacher, mentor – SOMEONE who can talk sense into him when he’s bugging out, or in need of guidance in difficult times…
this is a great point. good dudes all have at least one person who can point them in check when they f*ck up. you’re right…beware of the man who can’t/won’t hear sh*t from anyone.
@superwoman,
BEWARE of guys who have no family authority/or mentor figures they respect.
This is major for me. There has to be someone in your cirlce that inspires you. That has usually been a good barometer for “gooddudeness” over the years.
@PBG,
i totally agree, pb….however, i think like the mama thing and the one charge (that didnt even stick!), that should be a given. i dont think a person needs to “earn points” for behaving like a human being. it should be one more thing that you do because youre supposed to. like having a job and supporting yourself. like taking care of your kids. as chris rock would say, what? you want a cookie?
Your list is so on point. Still, I’ll add:
A good dude sees room for improvement in himself. He doesn’t just rest on being better than a stereotype.
Good dudes don’t see being decent human beings and HARD WORK DESERVING OF REWARDS. They don’t have to spend time considering if they should do the right things like tell the truth, take out the trash, raise their kids, stay out of jail, go to work on time…Well you get the picture. They, like Nike, just do it.
@Hostess,
preach!
@Hostess, i hate taking out the trash…..
great points.
@Hostess,
I have to cosign on this whole list.
My ex was a great dude on paper. My gripe (misunderstood by most) was that he really didn’t believe in improving what he was, personality wise. That really bothered me… so much that we had to break up.
my ex had this same problem. and he didn’t see why i had such a vested interest in my own self-improvement plan. always suspected me of trying to change him.
ultimately we broke up becuz he lied and cheated.
@Hostess,
I agree with the whole idea of seeing room for improvement. Dudes who don’t realize this are usually diva dudes.
@ ALISE – WACKAPOTAMUS!!! I LOVE IT! I wonder if he is any relation to (oh-so-common) LAMEasaurus Next I met 2 wks ago…he “accidentally” dropped his 5 figure ATM receipt in the middle of the pool table, only for me & my cuzn to “shark” his a$$ out of fiddy bux!
@ Champ…the list is on point, althought I don’t know how realistic it is to state that one can actually encounter an entire flock of the elusive “good dudes”, 3 and a possible kicking it together sounds more realistic…like The Wood or The Best Man.
I APPLAUDE the point about a “good dude” being aware/balanced/humble enough to know that living a step ahead of a stereotype isn’t as much a cause for praise/celebration as much as it is a way of life!
(*whispering* goes for “good chicks” too, but I won’t steal my “good dudes” thunder…they deserve some uninterrupted attention)
*fist to chin, batting eyelashes*
@GOODENess,
Just like Good dudes get a lil time in the waves or was it pulsars (ne way jurry is still out) of energy. So do the Good girls. I really like your way of thinking that people deserve their extoling spotlight for being who they are.
@GOODENess,
“he “accidentally” dropped his 5 figure ATM receipt in the middle of the pool table”
He needs to die!
@YGB,
lmao!! i dont know why, but there is a fierceness that comes across in this proclamation that amuses the hell outta me!
@shatani,
LOL! I just hav a very low bullshit tolerance level! Oh and I’m fierce like that!
@GOODENess,
Were those five figures were $107.53…?
*dead*
@blackberry molasses,
*Over and out*
@GOODENess,
@ Champ…the list is on point, althought I don’t know how realistic it is to state that one can actually encounter an entire flock of the elusive “good dudes”, 3 and a possible kicking it together sounds more realistic…like The Wood or The Best Man.
you know what though, one of the reasons why good dudes get so offended when they hear women complain about there not being enough good dudes to go around is because most good dudes can just open up their address book and find 8-10 other good dudes. still, i understand a typical woman’s frustration in this regard. if you’re thirsty, it doesnt matter how much water i’m hording if you can’t find my fridge.
ok…that analogy made much more sense in my head. just read on and pretend that this didnt happen
“you know what though, one of the reasons why good dudes get so offended when they hear women complain about there not being enough good dudes to go around is because most good dudes can just open up their address book and find 8-10 other good dudes. ”
LMAO…this is really true! I guess “good” is so subjective that women have various interpretations of the so-called elusive “good dude”.
@AkShone,
Or they’re so used to dealing with the bad dudes they don’t recognize or want a good dude.
and champ – WHAT DO YOU MEAN CARL WINSLOW IS GAY?????
crikey!
@superwoman,
As gay as a bedazzled belt!
@YGB, no man, you’re lying….. REALLY????? ooooh weee, what a mindf%*ck!!!!!
@superwoman,
yeah, reggie veljohnson is gayer than christmas morning (nttawwt)
@The Champ, did he come out recently – or has it always been known??? i mean… wow. just….wow.
@superwoman,
he’s been out for a minute. he doesn’t make a show of it… he’s just out and happy.
@blackberry molasses, hmmm, well that’s a good thing. glad there was no trauma to it or anything… it’s good he’s happy and stuff.
@The Champ,
Reggie and Uncle Phil were running a neck & neck race on the gheyness.
@miss t-lee,
wouldnt this be “sack & sack” instead of “neck & neck”?
@The Champ,
stop it
@The Champ,
Ewwwww.
*laughing uncontrollably*
@miss t-lee,
“Reggie and Uncle Phil were running a neck & neck race on the gheyness.”
Sh*t, I thought that they were a couple…
@AkShone,
They both sweeter than project Kool-aid. SMDH
@AkShone,
awww damn! uncle phil too!??! i cant handle this…
@AkShone,
Sh*t, I thought that they were a couple…
Eeew! The mental picture is just so eeew!
@AkShone,
Sh*t, I thought that they were a couple…
i heard the same thing, and also that paul mooney’s their pimp. there are some things you wish you could un-hear
1. Good dudes just “are”: They don’t constantly remind u that they are good dudes: “I take care of my kids.” “I pay my bills.” blank stare (wrct: Mik): Aren’t u supposed to???? They do good things without a second thought, even when no one is watching.
2. A good dude is loyal. He’s not telling you all of his friends’ business and not running yours back to them. (I know some gossiping arse straight men!)
3. A good dude is respectful to EVERYBODY: whether they are serving him his meal to the homeless man on the corner.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“1. Good dudes just “are”: They don’t constantly remind u that they are good dudes: “I take care of my kids.” “I pay my bills.” blank stare (wrct: Mik): Aren’t u supposed to???? They do good things without a second thought, even when no one is watching.”
Yeah I once had a dude step to me with that. I think he thought I was supposed to impressed.
I wasn’t.
*sniggles*
@miss t-lee, “Yeah I once had a dude step to me with that. I think he thought I was supposed to impressed.
I wasn’t.
*sniggles*”
Me too… I hit them with a “so do I?”
@Nicki Sunshine,
Exactly.
They normally give you a blank stare after that.
Then it’s time to exit stage right.
*chunk deuce*
@miss t-lee,
why have i had that exact same conversation before!?!? lol…including the exit stage right.
@shatani,
Sadly, there are TOO many of these kats rollin’ around.
@miss t-lee, I’m lacing my track shoes and doing a 50 yard dash outta there.
@Nicki Sunshine,
In the words of my governor Rick Perry…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4tWZNxnABk
(SFW)
@miss t-lee, That was the funniest clip EVER!!! He was all proper and slangish at the same time. I didn’t know that was possible.
@miss t-lee,
that was adorable!! i just wanted to pinch his cheeks! lmao
@Nicki Sunshine,
Your #1 is so very true. I am tired of the pseudo-good dude who is constantly complaining that women don’t like “nice guys” and that “nice guys always finish last”. First of all, how do you know you are a nice guy? Self-congratulory much? And those dudes usually have a hard time seeing their flaws because after all they are “nice!”.
I met one such. So much potential but he was blinded by his so-called “niceness” that he didn’t realize that women didn’t like him because his bathroom was dirtier than Grand Central’s, brushing his teeth more often would have helped him… a lot, and a beautiful mind did not always trump smelly arse clothes.
*sorry for the diatribe, this sometimes irks me to no end*
@Sula 2.09. Requirements Gathering Phase.,
“Your #1 is so very true. I am tired of the pseudo-good dude who is constantly complaining that women don’t like “nice guys” and that “nice guys always finish last”. ”
I just got done dating one. His “good guy” arse was nexted after he proceeded to grind on me after I cooked him lasagna (KNOWING that I am celibate until I find a good one) and then he left to take another biyotch to the movies.
He’s about a nice guy as Chucky was.
“that he didn’t realize that women didn’t like him because his bathroom was dirtier than Grand Central’s, brushing his teeth more often would have helped him… a lot, and a beautiful mind did not always trump smelly arse clothes.”
This kilt me! Never the hali (-tosis). EW.
@Nicki Sunshine,
This is exactly what I was trying to say in my comment, but I guess it makes sense that I wasn’t able to articulate it as well as you did, seeing as how I’m a good dude all and I don’t need to remind anyone that I am one and sh!t.
@MDUBB,
word word
@MDUBB, Why thank you sir… and I appreciate your unspoken good dudeness qualities.
Though I agree completely, I have to say that number 1 is not the best indicator of a ‘good dude’. It’s true. But I’m assumin that a lady who has difficulty pickin the good dudes, has difficulty knowing what a good dude is and won’t know if his friends are good dudes either
But I will add to the list that good dudes take care of their kid(s). And that is not limited to payin child support on time.
A good dude has girl friends that were once girlfriends. Women may date the bad guy, but they won’t maintain a friendship with him. This may seem like a bad idea (dating a guy who’s friends with the ex), but if he is a good guy, he also does not cheat
A good guy can admit fault. It’s essential to his growth. He can accept criticism and does not make excuses
@Imperfect,
A good guy can admit fault. It’s essential to his growth. He can accept criticism and does not make excuses
good point
@Imperfect,
taking care of your kids is a given. you make a baby, you take care of it. theres no question in that equation…no need for thought. its just the way it is. plus i know a couple of jackholes (just a couple though) who adore their kids and love their mothers and they are still triflin mofos when it comes to relationships. however, they dont meet criteria 1 and 2 that champ listed.
i think its even better when a good dude has girl friends who were never girlfriends…a man that can maintain a longterm non-sexual, non-romantic relationship with a woman that doesnt look like dennis rodman seems like a pretty decent dude…..
unless im missing something in that! lol
@shatani,
taking care of your kids is a given. you make a baby, you take care of it. theres no question in that equation…no need for thought. its just the way it is
It should be. But there are lots of men who walk abandon the children they make. And then the mothers (who prolly didn’t know what they were really in for) are forced to be the mama and the daddy.
@pgh muse,
i do understand that….but should be whats against the norm in our minds. he should be a bad dude because he doesnt take care of his kids….but i dont think taking care of your kids needs to earn you extra good dude points. its sad that our society is such that a man taking care of his kids is so uncommon that they are getting extra credit for stuff that is just the way its supposed to be.
@Imperfect, “A good dude has girl friends that were once girlfriends. Women may date the bad guy, but they won’t maintain a friendship with him. This may seem like a bad idea (dating a guy who’s friends with the ex), but if he is a good guy, he also does not cheat”
My current S.O. doesnt understand this at all….
@Imperfect,
A good dude has girl friends that were once girlfriends. Women may date the bad guy, but they won’t maintain a friendship with him.
I call it the Seinfeld-Elaine syndrome. It can be a good teller of the “gooddudeness” of a cat.
A good dude (like any good person in general) does good/nice things without the expectation of reciprocation!
And the Steelers look REAL tough. (There, I said it!)
@Jarrod Halsey,
“A good dude (like any good person in general) does good/nice things ”
i agree with this 100% particularly where single women are saying there are NO good single men out here.
You find good single men…where good things are.
@Princess Duvet, “You find good single men…where good things are.”
I tend to agree with that. However, sometimes a not-so-good man can be found where good things are, especially church, if he knows he may find a good woman there who assumes he is a good man just b/c he’s in church.
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
I don’t even consider church in this…and because of the NOT so churchly hug i got yesterday, this is EVEN MORE THE CASE.
I’m talking about community service and the like..things where good things are going on…..
whereby no one else might not even know you’re there, where you aren’t to get “cool points”..but where you are because it just seems like what you are supposed to do..
good single men ARE there, i’ve found very few exceptions.
church has NEVER counted here at least not to me.
@Princess Duvet,
i just wanna say sorry God…but organized religion has a tendancy to attract people with all kinds of messed up agendas..
***looks for my bus pass to hel!***
@Princess Duvet,
girl, you ain’t gonna get no bus pass. What you said is absolutely correct. Was BBJ’s ministry “organized religion”? Were the did the early church resemble what it looks like today? I think not.
You, my dear, showed a glimmer of your spiritual enlightnement.
@blackberry molasses,
thanks bbmo..i’ll use that bus pass for another day ..
@Princess Duvet,
well shoot, i must need a pass too….because absolutely agree!
@Princess Duvet,
No, this is absolutely right. The unfortunate part is too many men/women dont see how that could be true and end up getting caught up in some unholy mess via their church.
@Princess Duvet,
this is too true…
@Princess Duvet,
I totally agree with you on the definition of Organized Religion.
We can just look at Mankind’s history and realize that most wars were started on some “My God is better than Yours” nonsense.
@Princess Duvet,” and because of the NOT so churchly hug i got yesterday, this is EVEN MORE THE CASE.”
Yeah, I’ve experienced that “not so churchly hug” from both married and single men. So, I don’t ususally think of church as the place to meet good guys. I think church is the place bad guys go to pretend to be good.
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
“Yeah, I’ve experienced that “not so churchly hug” from both married and single men”
yep…but i guess its just being a man…lol..
@Princess Duvet,
I’m just gonna ask..where/what are these good things…that good dudes can be found doing…church, perhaps? (loud buzzer sounds) volunteering?I once met a man when I was volunteering at homeless shelter for teens…turns out his sh1t was court ordered…ummm…COURT ORDERED…and when I asked what did he do to end up in court or it be ordered, he all of a sudden didn’t want to tell me…even “good dudes” get speeding tickets and sh1t, but c’mon?
@GOODENess,
“I’m just gonna ask..where/what are these good things…that good dudes can be found doing…church, perhaps? (loud buzzer sounds) volunteering?”
i knew someone was going there i was gonna disclaimer this..and a court order is an exception AND can usually be ascertained in a conversation related to his passion about why he’s there doing xyz…
it could range from a shelter to habit for humanity to tutoring kids etc…it involves however “getting out of one’s self”. It also can be tied to personal hobbies linked to personal development.
@Jarrod Halsey,
And the Steelers look REAL tough. (There, I said it!)
Oh yes!!! They did.
@miss t-lee,
yes, y’all looked tough, but not NEARLY as tough as the Eagles. Sorry, but I had to say it. I mean, we defeated the top seed defending champs SOUNDLY in the Meadowlands.
But yes, y’all looked good.
@blackberry molasses,
Ya’ll looked good. I actually watched that one. Your boy McNabb did the fool with that Giants sideline phone bit…lmao!
@miss t-lee,
Eagles didn’t look THAT good. Giants’ offense didn’t show up. But the Steelers kept the ball away from the Chargers for all but :17 in the 3rd. That’s unheard of…
@Jarrod Halsey,
Hey….I was being nice….lol
@Jarrod Halsey,
you can stop smelling your black and gold self now. when you defeat the reigning champs, then you can talk.
@blackberry molasses,
I’m a Giants’ fan. Just giving respect where respect is due. Eagles played well, but they’ve played how they’ve played all season. Steeler’s played well all regular season and then STEPPED IT UP in the post season. That’s impressive…
@blackberry molasses,
ah… i understand now. Here’s a *HUG*.
Better luck next season.
@blackberry molasses, the cards all the way
….back home to their mommies crying because they got beat up by the Eagles.
Yeah, I was thinking that too.
@blackberry molasses,
I’m loving the way you rep our Eagles strong sis!
Which brings me to….
Strength of character = Good Man/Woman.
Eagles fans= Good Man/Woman.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
I was going to say that a good man is an Eagles fan because it means he recognizes greatness even when it doesn’t recognize itself. (woah, that was… Zen)
And you know I bleed green till I DIE.
@Jarrod Halsey,
And the Steelers look REAL tough. (There, I said it!)
for you, saying this was probably harder than me after a lap dance from bria myles, and i recognize that and sh*t
@The Champ,
No doubt. Now I can’t figure out where to just root for the best team left in the playoffs, keep it NFC East and root for the Eagles, or just hate on every team still left…
This is a bit creepy but, here goes. This weekend I had a 1/2 cecksual 1/3 thought provoking and 1/6 nightmare nap. But the thought provoking was the chick in the dreams preguntas por me. She was like ‘well what’s a good man?’ Then I woke up. Whew, what a dream.
N E ways. I think you are on board w/ defining Good Man. But I would ask though is he always good? Sometimes funerals are filled with the praises of a man’s good things. Only they are truncated in the mind of someone sitting there w/ a grumbled look on their face… I mean an Irish Proverb states, ‘The proudest of all men of all time would pull his hat past his chin when he comes up for review by his maker.’ I’m just saying last time I checked there was only one ‘perfect’ man he walked on water and got crucified. I guess my question is @ what balance a good man makes? Is it a 51:49 % split, or more? What say yee People who are VS?
@WuDaMan,
people (read: “women”) need to realize that good dudes are still men (read: “they still want to f*ck”) and they’re also human (read: “they occasionally f*ck up).
as far as the balance thing goes, i cant put a percentage on it, but i will say that good dudes have integrity. basically, you’ll get the same type of behavior from them regardless of the circumstance
@The Champ,
ah, integrity…thats a true indicator of a good dude.
i know i dont expect perfection, but im lookin for more than just a preponderance (51:49) though…
Good dudes don’t perpetrate (sp?).
“Perpetrate” and “Perpetrater” is a word that I’m bringing back in style for the ’09.
@Monk,
Good Form Good Monk!) purpletraitors need to be pointed out and sepearated from those haters n other Ill cats.
@Monk,
can we get an operational definition?
@shatani,
Purpletradders-synonymous w/ the skater people’s poser. That dude purpetratin he got a bently when it’s just a chrystler 300 with a b hood ornament and hub caps. Puhpetrate
@shatani,
Perpetrate = fakin’ the funk, using lies as alibies, frontin’
@shatani,
ah, i get it now…thanks guys!
Watch how he treats his mama……..
@KingPine,
This could be a minus not a plus. Extreme mama-boyness; not a good look.
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
i guess….my assumption is that the woman in question had already decided the guy was a man…
the mama interaction lets somebody know if he’s a respectful or disrespectful type….
hell even if you see the mama boy nonsense….you got the answer right there…..
@KingPine,
i dont think thats necessarily true. i know of women haters who love their mothers. ive actually heard a man say, in all seriousness, that pretty much every woman but his mother is a whore. and he seemed to really believe that. being respectful to his mother isnt necessarily a guarantee….
@shatani,
damn….smh…..i’ll have to take your word…lol
just seein/thinkin all wome are hos….smgdh
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
Welcome!!!
**Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
@blackberry molasses,
Thank ya kindly, (as I twirl in my diva dust)
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes, love the handle!….welcome!!! *shooting gold stars*
@SouthernGirl,
oooh. you got shooting stars now… do they have that awesome sparkly trail???
@blackberry molasses, girl yeah. i gotta keep up with the sparkly sistas 2009 upgrade memorandum
@SouthernGirl,
Thank ya maam, southern girl was obviously taken so I had to get creative and sh*t.
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes, lol
@KingPine,
I would add, watch how he treats other women, even those he is not interested in/attracted to– and children/youngins. This is a close relative of ‘likes women’.
Is he generally chivalrous without making a show of it?
Does he help older women with their groceries/ yard work?
Does he tell the little boys to stop picking on the little girl playing on the block?
Does he try to be an example to younger dudes and little boys without putting on airs?
Do little kids love to be around him? Co-incidentally, I think that small children (toddlers to age 5– after that, they are corrupted by school) are the best sensors of character. They have an inborn detector for good grown- up people. They may not know why they like or don’t like somone, but they just do.
@blackberry molasses,
all on point…..
how you treat people in general is what matters….
honesty, kindness, etc….
what you see….is in most cases…what you get….
@blackberry molasses,
you know i agree with every syllable! but that thing about little kids….that is dead on! and if theyre lucky, some kids keep that radar well into adulthood.
@blackberry molasses,
The question about kids is the absolute truth. I think in general if a guy loves kids and kids love to be around him, then he’s a good guy.
If he’s good with his cousins and younger siblings, neices and nephews, etc. then he’s sympathetic and only going to do you so dirty in a realtionship.
@blackberry molasses,
Do little kids love to be around him? Co-incidentally, I think that small children (toddlers to age 5– after that, they are corrupted by school) are the best sensors of character. They have an inborn detector for good grown- up people. They may not know why they like or don’t like somone, but they just do.
This is such a good point. And very true too. Young kids (and non-spoiled animals) have an inner radar that tend to direct them to inherently good-spirited folks.
@Sula 2.09. Requirements Gathering Phase.,
I think your on to something.
This can especially be true when dating a Woman with a child. Does the guy talk to the child like a new friend or like an annoying pest who’s in the way of sexy time with mommy.
I would tend to agree regarding a man’s friends, however, I take inventory OF THEM ALL, just as I would expect him to do of me.
Sometimes early on, “good dudes” have a tendancy to hide the “azzholish and or ho-ish @zz men” in their circle..and sometimes if a woman keeps her mouth shut, he will tell you about all or most of them in passing converstation; **phone rings**
“oh that was Tyrone, he’s having alot of trouble on the home front right now”.. LOL.
The one they gotta lie for about his whereabouts, the one that constantly has ALOT of drama etc. etc. etc. Since we are ALL the company we keep, the “friends in the attic” i want to know about too.
Perhaps I’m speaking for myself and my friends (of 6+ years), but good dudes aren’t always out in the mix at clubs, bars, etc. and aren’t always the extra-outgoing bursty type. They can go under the radar (not to be confused with downlow) cuz of this.
@Slim Jackson,
This is true. I have peeped that the dudes that are overly friendly and extra-outgoing tend to be fake.
@Slim Jackson,
oh yeah…good dudes are often very low key. they got nothin to prove…the outgoing, gregarious fun dudes are not always good dudes. but ive found that good dudes are always fun!
unlike nice guys, who can often be a bore.
I had to learn about cats with no friends. Every dude I know has friends. The handful of cats I knew that didnt have friends turned out to be funnystyle. A grown “good dude” usually doesn’t have a crew and has a few close friends. A “good dude” also doesnt always look to get over and take advantage of people.
@Humble_One,
““good dude” usually doesn’t have a crew and has a few close friends”
gospel…im a little leary of a man with a whole gaggle of negros…or maybe its the difference between associates, close close friends, and the work related posse..
im a little suspcious of anybody who thinks errydam@#n body is their ace.
@Princess Duvet,
amen!! i will admit that i throw the term “friend” around pretty willynilly….im a bit loose. but i know who my friends are and who the associates are.
i also find it unnerving when folks who are barely associates refer to me as one of their friends…and they do this with everyone. im like, i may be your friend, but you aint mine!
@Humble_One,
“A “good dude” also doesnt always look to get over and take advantage of people.”
Real Talk indeed!
Everything isn’t a hustle, which goes into what a person is willing to give without expecting something in return.
Giving of money and gifts could be an indicator but I would say it’s actually more about if they give someone the things they need(food, shelter, love, etc) or simply their time.
@Humble_One,
I had to learn about cats with no friends. Every dude I know has friends. The handful of cats I knew that didnt have friends turned out to be funnystyle. A grown “good dude” usually doesn’t have a crew and has a few close friends
**nodding head**
A good man recognizes all relationships take work and are willing to put in that work. (Friends, Family, Sig. others, et al
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ,
Thanks & sh*t, been lurking for awhile decided to come out and play.
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
now that you’re around we expect you to come out and play often.. that’s the VSB/VSS way!!
wow, this describes my cousin in print. we were really close growing up, but since i moved to the states lost contact. when i went back to visit him, he was the same old. now we’re back to close ass cousins who talk about anything. his friends were all awesome, hilarious and good catches. they hardly drank liquor and were in search of girls if not wifed up! while still being crazy 20 something yr olds.
another thing i would say is the ability to handle a situation. my cousin doesn’t “avoid” drama, but he knows how to handle it and how to not get killed. match that with guys who are willing to fight, but uses it as a last resort. it makes for a safe night at a crazy club.
now that i compare that to my best friend’s brother who we walked in on beating up his girlfriend…he doesn’t even have friends!
@jana.love,
my cousin doesn’t “avoid” drama, but he knows how to handle it and how to not get killed.
hopefully he’s young (under 22). i’m saying that because, the older a “good dude” gets, the better he usually is at being able to avoid drama
Champ I agree wholeheartedly with your post. Birds of feather do flock together. And a man who can’t speak about a woman without using bytch, ho, skank, trick has some really deep seeded character issues.
The constant ill-will and negative connotations about others and life in general are clear signs of an unhappy and bad dude and dudette.
@Raqi,
The constant ill-will and negative connotations about others and life in general are clear signs of an unhappy and bad dude and dudette.
**nodding head and sh*t**
I’ve been accused of being a good dude. I have an asshole for a close friend, but his arrogance hasn’t tainted me.
Some other signs he’s a good dude:
– he actually listens to your droning banter
– he tells you the truth even though you’re taken back and your little feelings are hurt. It stings now but you’ll appreciate it later.
– He says “you’re pretty,” you say “no I’m not,” he says “shut up.” Now that’s a good dude.
@CPT Callamity,
I’ve been accused of the same, can’t say I like being in the have not do gooder club, but what can you do.
The last one is especially funny to me. Ladies in general have bad habit of downing themselves verbally. “My booty’s too small”, “my breast are too little”, “I’m too tall”, “I’m too short”, “I’m too fat”, “I’m too skinny”, etc.
I’m constantly having to reaffirm that they are perfectly fine the way they are. It’s like they don’t understand that if they where in fact all jacked up, I wouldn’t be sitting here in public with them, holding there hand and what not, lol.
@MDUBB,
lmao! you wouldnt console your jacked up friend? not nice!
@shatani,
Sure I would…
just not in public, lmao
@MDUBB,
Yeah. I shot a friend a compliment on a picture the other day and she says “thank you, but I don’t like this picture” or something to that extent. I had to tell her to just accept the compliment and be cool. Dammit that frustrates me. If I say nothing then they’ll think I don’t give a sh*t!
i know many women (myself included) who have body issues. and it has nothing to do with how men view us. i’ve never had a problem “catching” a man. i’ve never had a man not want to look at me half (or wholly) undressed. i’ve had plenty of compliments.
but what dudes tend to realize is it’s not about them, it’s not about what they think or what they see. it’s about what WE think and how WE feel and how good men think we look or how many compliments we get doesn’t change that.
that being said, i don’t throw out the “i’m too [this and that]” comments hoping for a compliment from a dude. i keep my body issues to myself and try to deal with them at the gym.
@GEMiniscing…,
**Diva Dust v.2.0** for the Gemster!!
@GEMiniscing…,
That’s fine and dandy…just say “thank you” and leave the remaining fragments of rebuttal out. This wasn’t a body shot, it was a shoulder up self portrait in a car. Sometimes you ladies just need to take the compliment and chill.
@CPT Callamity,
im workin on it. i used to dispute all the time…i do it less now. i’ll take the compliment, but i cant say i believe it.
@shatani,
Good that your working on it. This all goes back to when I hear women moan and complain about “letting a man being a man.” Well, as men, we want to be able to compliment the woman in our company. No one said you have to believe it, just be appreciative that someone is paying you a RESPECTFUL compliment. It gets so bad sometimes that I almost think someone wants me to say “damn, bytch, you look phat den a mug!” or just ignore them flat out.
@CPT Callamity,
“damn, bytch, you look phat den a mug!”
I’m trying to figure out if their are men that really talk to women like this and have success, because that just doesn’t make sense to me.
@CPT Callamity,
i’m not arguing the “can’t take a compliment” point. i wasn’t talking about that. but what i’m saying is, some women aren’t always looking for male validation that they’re pretty. they themselves want to feel pretty when they look at themselves in the mirror. i got plenty of friends who love their rolls, cellulite, scars, stretch marks, small breasts, saggy a*s, etc but will “pretend” to hate it so that a man profess his devotion to her body and all the things he likes/loves about it.
i’m not that gal. i can take a compliment. but i don’t go fishing for them or accept them as “you’re fine the way you are”. when i see room for improvement, i get on the good foot and try to make it happen.
@GEMiniscing…,
What men??!! **Whips out blade**
You know i’ll love dat body all day and night..
@Tx10inch,
pump the brakes dude… Gem don’t do conjugal visits nah….
@blackberry molasses,
Damn BM,
Gem know i’m just messin…you like a big ole Guard dawg posted up on ya gurl. lol. I got luv 4 u though..lmao
@Tx10inch,
that’s my baby e-sis
maybe you haven’t been paying attention. i am protective of my VSS’s.
recognize and respect.
LMAO @ “big ole Guard dawg posted up on ya gurl”
that’s effing HILARIOUS!!! thanks BBMo for lookin out for your girl. and you right, i do not do conjugal visits. once you go in, i’ma go ahead and let Big Mike handle your lovin…
@blackberry molasses,
4sho. always try to. just jokes babygurl.
Gem..no e-luv today?
heyyyyyy e-boo * flirtatiously flips hair over shoulder* how you doooooin??
@CPT Callamity,
“- he tells you the truth even though you’re taken back and your little feelings are hurt. It stings now but you’ll appreciate it later.”
This is a good one.
@miss t-lee,
I just happen to be many of my friends’ most honest friend. If I didn’t give a rat’s hiney about em, i wouldn’t say anything. It’s sort of like when your parents would give you a spanking and then hug you afterwards and say “I’m sorry…”
@CPT Callamity,
“- He says “you’re pretty,” you say “no I’m not,” he says “shut up.” Now that’s a good dude.”
LMAO! i had that conversation yesterday…
@CPT Callamity,
haha!
- He says “you’re pretty,” you say “no I’m not,” he says “shut up.” Now that’s a good dude.
this is me and my man like everyday… its usually like “wtf is wrong with you… look in the mirror”
i love him
I feel the need to be the person who over simplifies the topic today, so here I go.
-He doesn’t lie to you
-He doesn’t cheat on you
-He doesn’t sell or do illegal things for money
-He doesn’t hang out every night until 4 in the morning, doing god knows what
-He has a job/actively seeking one
-He pays his bills on time
-He’s there for his kids regardless of whether he’s on child support or not
I really could go on and on. It’s a shame women can’t seem to identify some of the most basic signs that someone is bad and then turn it around and see the guy who is good.
@MDUBB,
What if he is all of these things, but he can’t do sexxxy times w/out being demeaning, drops everything when it comes to his momma, won’t have his girl’s lawn cut when he owns a landscaping company?
@MDUBB,
Those are NORMAL things ANY human being should do. It doesn’t make a person special.
We are looking for the special, unnoticed things that may signal the presence of a good dude.
@Sula 2.09. Requirements Gathering Phase. & FiveFivewithbrowneyes
I don’t have any dirt bag friends and that’s how all of us are, so I’m just speaking from my perspective. We’re also not closet crazys so I can’t speak on guys like that.
I’m merely raising the possibility that some females don’t notice these things because they are normal.
Based on the assumed lack of good men, I would say the guy who fits on this list is a rare find, or as you put it special.
By the way, “Special, unnoticed things”, sounds like witchcraft to me, what does he have to be a wizard or something.
The “good dude” term has been used so liberally IMO. Some dudes consider themselves “good dudes” when really… you’re an A-hole with delusions of “good dude-ness”.
@Ro,
“The “good dude” term has been used so liberally IMO. Some dudes consider themselves “good dudes” when really… you’re an A-hole with delusions of “good dude-ness”.”
***UKRAINIAN CATHOLIC NATIONAL SHRINE
of the HOLY FAMILY ***
lol
@Princess Duvet,
“***UKRAINIAN CATHOLIC NATIONAL SHRINE
of the HOLY FAMILY ***”
time of death: 10:34 AM
place: my office
BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
@blackberry molasses,
“Girl you know its true..”
ALL of the men i’ve met in the last what…14 or 15 years of active dating say they are good men. So as shakespeare said..something in Denmark aint..too right.
I mean what man is gonna roll up on anywoman and say: “Yeah you know I really am NOT a good man…but lets just go on a date anway”…all men THINK they;re good.
the final test comes in what he does not just what he says..
@Princess Duvet,
the same goes for women too….but yes indeed! i would enjoy the honesty of a dude that straight told me he was trife. lmao!
@blackberry molasses,
i would get into specifics but since other men read this blog…imma leave it alone..and do my new years resolution and ..just shut the fyck up sometimes LOL..
@Princess Duvet,
“***UKRAINIAN CATHOLIC NATIONAL SHRINE
of the HOLY FAMILY ***”
Chuuch!!!! With mass & sacraments
@Ro,
Some dudes consider themselves “good dudes” when really… you’re an A-hole with delusions of “good dude-ness”.
please expound.
@The Champ,
meaning they’re delusional. they think they’re something they REALLY, TRULY aren’t. their “good dude-ness” must be down with harry potter and the hogwarts gang because its visible to them… and only them (read: invisible, non-existent).
@Ro,
Agreed! See my rant above.
There are many of those going around.
I think a main trait of a good due is just a balanced life. He can go to work everyday and handle the personal business like bills and what not but still have some character to him. Being a supporter of friends and family.
Been gone for a minute, but I wanted to co sign your list.
Not that I consider myself a good dude or not, but I know I am very skeptical of dudes that “stopped” being friends with cats they knew from growing up. Only women “stop” being friends.
@Dorian G.,
forget about all that good dude sh*t, i just wanna know if you’re willing to make a wager for next weekend?
@The Champ,
Sure what you willing to put up? How bout a day’s post of any topic of my wishing…
don’t know what I have to offer in return, maybe a day’s post in form of me writing an ode to the greatness of the Steelers?
@Dorian G.,
hmmm…good question. maybe we should open this up.
people of vsb…in the likely case that the ravens lose next sunday, what should dorian g have to wager?
@The Champ,
Pic of him in a Steelers jersey/shirt with his hand up sayin their #1 (in a good way) to post on tha site.
whatcha think pimpin?
@Tx10inch,
The problem with this is that it requires me to spend money to purchase Steeler gear, which is not happening. Its a recession, everybody broke (c) Jeezy
please dont do that to my e-boo, he can’t handle that kind of stress.
@8th Wonder,
he’s your e-boo??? what happened to SC???
Damn twin!
Dorian has always been my e-boo n sh*t.
Aif pimpin pimpin!!! get it gurrrrl!! *high five*
Mayne, yall tryna get me caught up, lmao!
Aif wondra, you KNOW pimpin’ ain’t easy…
I am no pimp, I know of no such thing.
damn yall, lol.
@Dorian G.,
“but I know I am very skeptical of dudes that “stopped” being friends with cats they knew from growing up”
i can understand this..particularly if they are ALL missing..but if i was still friends with every single one of my homey’s from around my granny’s since 14..i would be in a world of trouble …with at least a few kids and no baby daddy around.
I respect a man who can “clean house” (with one or two friends) at least once in his adult life..whats the use in having a whole bunch of people around who are no longer a reflection of you..just to say you keepin it real?
and since we are the company we keep…?? what does that say about people who are in the friend collection business.
@Princess Duvet,
See but in that case, I don’t know one guy that would say he “stopped” being friends with those people.
You seperate yourself from them yes of course, because they’re not good for you, thats all part of your recognition of character.
But if I see a pic of a dude with another dude at a game or on his porch and he says “oh yeah, that’s Rich, my boy from elementary school. I stopped being friends with him last year”
Sorry but thats….o_O
@Dorian G.,
is it semantics or am i being retarded???
when you “seperated yourself” from Man Man you essence “stopped being his friend”….
this isn;t to say that if I’m out and about and I see Tarshamiqua-Fa’Brica, I’m not gonna holla at her. Or even chat her up at a family function, but just to be clear we “did stop being friends” and are “seperated”.
@Princess Duvet,
Maybe it is semantics thats hard to get across through type.
For example, when I moved back here this past year, I was hanging out with one of frat brothers, and he was showing me his house, and there were all these pics of him as a teenager at the beach, at six flags, and what looked to be wrestlemania with random people. I’m like yo who are all these heads you on vacation and ballin with?
He’s like oh yeah thats so and so we were friends from young, or thats so and so we grew up in the church together, or thats so and so from elementary school. Every last one of them was like yeah we were cool but last year, in college, after graduation (etc)…i stopped being friends with them.
I’m like huh how does that happen? He’s like oh you know, just stopped. Wasn’t in my time frame or he stopped coming out, or he got a girl…etc. Pretty much all reasons I attribute to women dropping friends like flies.
I knew then to keep my respectable distance and so far I’ve been right. Dude has proven to be mad flaky and generally sus in life.
@Princess Duvet,
I think what Dorian is trying to say (my understanding of it) is that, you can stop being close to a person but not “renege” or “deny” the friendship. That means either you’re a phony and a wannabe like Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Sheree, or you truly are a bad judge of character (you were going on vacations with said dude a year ago!). Either way, your good dude signals are a bit weak.
At least that’s what I got from Dorian’s explanation.
@Sula In Planning.,
“…That means either you’re a phony and a wannabe like Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Sheree…”
as resident vsb analogy and simile guru, in the future it would behoove you to use an analogy that both genders who actually understand. thanks and sh*t in advance
@Sula In Planning & Dorian
“I think what Dorian is trying to say (my understanding of it) is that, you can stop being close to a person but not “renege” or “deny” the friendship.”
i think i got it…but in the case of RHA..these are women for the most part they met last season or saw each other in passing on the street..that does not a friend really make.
maybe one of my new qualifiers shall be..”what is a friend” might be a real relative term to some. Might be as deep as being jumped into a life long gang to others. Maybe his answer might be just as good as a qualifier as “are all your friends “good”?
@Princess Duvet,
From my understanding Sheree and Nene were friends from back in the day. Then Sheree supposedly (in her mind at least) hit the big time and alladasudden Nene was no longer “friend material”…
But it may all be speculation. She just comes off as phony nethertheless.
He lives in the land of Oz, rides his pet unicorn to work at the top of the rainbow and always smells of peppermints and roses. (obvs. having a little trouble with the lesser sex. argh!)
@GiGi,
damn…who stole your pop tarts this morning?
welcome and sh*t, btw
@GiGi, *sigh* are we ‘gon have to put you on translator patrol? lol.
welcome! im’ma give you a *platinum-trimmed shooting gold star* cause you seem to be in need of some extra BBJ lurve today…
Y’all know how I love a list….
I knew he was a good guy when:
1. The first time I truly spazzed out (darn bills) he just held and rocked me til the worst was over. Then he helped me systematically go through my bills and develop a plan of action.
2. All of his exes want him back. Like, all of them (don’t make me cut a bytch…)
3. He hangs mostly with his fam, and they’re cool too. Married or in LTR’s.
4. Forget his mama (she’s far away). He’s nice to MY mama.
5. He cooks without me asking when he knows I’ve had a long day. Considerate mo-fo.
6. He’s proud to show me off to his friends and fam.
7. He includes me in work-related social functions.
8. He’s true to his word.
9. He joined me at 5am to catch Black Friday sales.
10. He did extensive intertet research to find condoms we could both use (I’m allergic to the latex, and those trojan supras are made for 2520′s – extra small. Solution: Lifestyles Skyn non-latex. Best. Condoms.Ever)
11. If he asks me out he already has a plan in mind. We can skip the 25 minute “Ummm, I don’t know – what do YOU want to do?” conversation.
I’ll add others as I think of them.
@Lil’T,
Does he have any cute brothers? Lol.
The only thing that scares me about men like this is that sometimes they’re making you build a false sense of security. They do all these beautiful things so you can’t imagine them doing real dirt. My girl had a man like that. He was almost perfect until he wasn’t. When he cheated on her it almost made ME cry.
@Voiceofreason,
The hardest thing for any person, man or woman, in a relationship is to develop trust.
Its so easy not to when you hear BS about people doing eachother dirty all the dam* time, but its not fair to be side-eyeing a dude for actually being good.
@Dom,
excellent point. thats a mean catch 22 right there…
@Voiceofreason,
What meaningful relationship can you be in with anyone where you can’t get hurt? It took some soul searching, but I came to the conclusion that I am terrified of being hurt – and that my previous relationships have been real shallow because of it. Fun, but shallow.
I’ve accepted that there is risk involved in trusting someone. He’s worth it, though.
@Lil’T,
Awwwww. Like I said before, does he have cute brothers? Lol.
@Lil’T, you are not ‘gon break my gangsta today!
@Lil’T,
“10. He did extensive intertet research to find condoms we could both use (I’m allergic to the latex, and those trojan supras are made for 2520’s – extra small. Solution: Lifestyles Skyn non-latex. Best. Condoms.Ever)”
Oh my god! Thank you SOOOOOOO much. Damn Latex!
@Dom,
I don’t know why everyone doesn’t join the “No Latex” movement. Even if you’re not allergic, who wants to smell like old parade balloons when the deed is done?
@Lil’T,
Lol, ewww! I think there are a lot of women out there who are allergic to latex and just dont recognize the symptoms. I’ve reccomended a switch to many of my good friends.
The supras are mad small though. One dude was like “you have sex with white men dont you?” LOL.
Imma look for the Lifestyles and see how those work out.
@Lil’T,
Even if you’re not allergic, who wants to smell like old parade balloons when the deed is done?
*effin dead!!!!*
LMAO!!!! Trust me, I wrote that down, for when I step back in the game, I’m definitely trying them jokers. *thumbs up to you*
@Lil’T,
Word!
I’m on my non-latex shtick!
@Lil’T,
lmao!! well, i’m not really in the game at the moment but i’m ALWAYS taking down notes to ensure a great comeback.
@Dom, Ummm. One word.
Lambskin.
@Slim Jackson,
Lambskin does NOT protect against std’s – the material has holes big enough for viruses and other nasties to get through. Polyurethane and polyisoprene are the best options.
@Lil’T,
Ditto, thanks for breaking that down for Slim. I’m always open to suggestions but Lambskin just is not an option.
@Dom,
word! im glad im not the only one paying attention in health class (or wherever the hell i learned about lambskin!)
@Lil’T,
awwww, LilT loves that bamma! how sweet….now, lets talk about his friends. they flock together right?!? imma need me one. STAT! lol
@shatani,
Guuurrrrl, first off – I see you’re using bamma correctly (as in, whenever the heck you feel like it!)
Secondly – he has 2 cute cousins in the uurrhea. One is married, the other is in a relationship. Ain’t that always the way? He has more fam out in FL, though…
@Lil’T,
dang! that shole is always the way!
and yay! i used bamma right! its just not the same unless its you though…like miss t and the throat punch!
@Lil’T,
This is beautiful.
@Lil’T, loooooove the list!! witty and fun. and many characteristics i’d love a man i date to have. esp a man who treats my mama well.
@Lil’T,
Awwwwwww… Lil ‘T love her man. I had a similar list in mind but decided to be more general with my co-signage.
@Lil’T,
How I lub you Lil’ T!
Especially your #2 and #3 ring true.
My dude’s best friend is his cousin. Obviously, they grew up together and will be each other’s best man.
And them exes. I tell ya. Them exes. *smh*
@Sula In Planning.,
you sound like you have a story to tell, Ms. Sula. Methinks you should spill it. Do you need me to rally the troops for a drive-by throat punch?
@Lil’T,
Girl, you know the ones. The “friends” telling you what a great dude he is. Bytch, I know, that’s why I’m with him. Now, scat!
There is one in particular that is begging for a good throat punch or two… but I’m cool. Letting kids be kids.
He’s OK with being in the “friend zone” and having a close friendship with an attractive woman. This is because in some instances being physical with a “good girl” would destroy a quality friendship. It wouldn’t be worth it unless he’s serious about pursuing a relationship.
@Voiceofreason,
I thought I was the only dude like this. Well me and a couple of my homeboys. Its good to see dudes putting good people before their d**k.
@Humble_One,
Men like this definitely exist. I have a definite five in my life (I have others but I’m not so sure where they stand, lol). They’re like my brothers. They look out for me and they’re truly good dudes. I’m really grateful for them and Champ’s right. They’re better friends then some of my girls.
@Voiceofreason,
i can definitely co-sign that.
@Voiceofreason,
LOL @ this
@Dorian G.,
Most men would. The ability to do this separates the best from the others in my opinion.
@Voiceofreason,
Ok I’ll bite…
“He’s OK with being in the “friend zone” and having a close friendship with an attractive woman.”——-On the surface this looks like an ok statement. But really what does this mean? Friend Zone directly implies being put in a zone you didn’ t initially intend. So in other words, I’m trying to court a woman, she obviously is not into me, but pulls the lets be friends card, and I’m…ok with this? LOL @ that dude cuz he’s either lying to you or himself.
“This is because in some instances being physical with a “good girl” would destroy a quality friendship.”—————I agree, except that your first sentence and your second sentence had nothing to do with each other. This sentence implies that you and friend zone dude are in fact…FRIENDS. But in the truth you’re not friends, your a failed courtship in which dude is trying to save face. Thus rendering this second statement what they call a red herring.
“It wouldn’t be worth it unless he’s serious about pursuing a relationship.”————This is just a huh? What wouldn’t be worth it? The chex? But didn’t he pursue a relationship and then get turned down, thus the friend zone? This is a complete circular arguement.
Maybe i’m reading it wrong but here’s how it looks to me:
A good guy is a guy that tried to get with me but I wasn’t feeling like that on a physical level, but he’s cool enough to be friends with and he doesn’t try to sleep with me. <———————– This is lunacy in trying to rate a “good guy”, and thus my LOL.
@Dorian G.,
I think you’re reading in to it too much. Isn’t it a fact that there’s no such thing as a platonic relationship, especially when the woman is attractive? So if that’s the case, male and female frienships USUALLY start with a failed attempt at something physical. The men I’m referring to are in my opinion, true platonic friends. They’re men I’ve never dated, and they’ve made no attempt to date me or pursue me in anyway. And I never said I find them physically unattractive because that would be a lie. And not to sound arrogant, but they don’t find me unattractive…most men don’t. In a nutshell I’m saying that a “good dude” has no problem being friends with a woman without attempting to pursue her s3xually. He can actually think with his brain and not his dyck. It’s relieving for women when men are good to us, because that’s just the way they are, and in my opinion it proves they have stronger character than others. I think you saw “friend zone” and automatically assumed it was a bad thing and I don’t think it is.
@Voiceofreason,
“In a nutshell I’m saying that a “good dude” has no problem being friends with a woman without attempting to pursue her s3xually.”
I can agree to that.
See, don’t listen to 8th, I’m not an ass.
i was gonna call sheninagans on your friend zone comment, until you qualified it with…
“In a nutshell I’m saying that a “good dude” has no problem being friends with a woman without attempting to pursue her s3xually.”
i can agree with you now
@Dorian G.,
Lol. OK, babes. And by the way it’s OK to be an a$$ sometimes
@Dorian G.,
And I’ll give you a little advice. It’s never wise to analyze statements until you have the facts to support your analysis. If you have the option, ask first and comment later.
You’re welcome.
@ Dorian G.
*smh*
@8th Wonder,
But i’m your favorite ass
Says who?
Hmmm, I’ve noticed a few traits in what I think is a good dude.
1. a good dude will clown you when you are buying into your own hype a little too much. because a good dude will keep you grounded.
2. a good dude will roll out of bed and pick you up from the car dealership when you take it to the shop instead of having you wait for the shuttle to work.
those were two i thought of. Happy 09 y’all.
@Jeandra,
also a good dude is actually upset that you didnt come to him when you needed help. ive gotten a bunch of “why the hell didnt you call me??!?!”s over the course of this craptacular winter break ive had….
@shatani,
ole independent bama… Do you know there are women on the side of the (dark, lonely) road changing their tires while wearing high heels and a party dress at 3am? (flashback to Lil’ T circa 2005) Know why? They didn’t have a soul to call. If you got somebody to call you betta call him next time!
@Lil’T,
i know, i know…im sorry!! i am truly blessed in that i have phone book full of people i can call in times of need…but i take too much after my mama…thats the ole independent bamma you should be mad at!
when i told my friend i bought a bus ticket to go pick up my new car, he was pissed! but it honestly doesnt occur to me to “bother” someone with stuff. i know. i suck.
@shatani, giiiiiirl…you gotta know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. dude left his job to take me to pick up my car way cross town. and we were fighting at the time.
i was/am that way but sometimes you just gotta ask…
@SouthernGirl,
yeah, my other friend was like, why didnt you ask me?? i woulda come to take you….im like, uh…its friday and you live in new york. im in philly going to delaware…i was really supposed to trouble you with this? it just didnt even occur to me to ask!
@shatani,
that’s an excellent one. I’ve gotten a tongue lashing, and not the good kind.
@shatani,
It feels really good when a guy reacts that way.
@Jeandra,
i definitely agree with number one. then you know he is honest and cares generally for your well being (he doesn’t want you to be clowned by others… so he appoints himself to do it)
a good dude won’t mind being affectionate towards you in public. this doesn’t have to mean slobbing you down; it can be subtle, like putting his hand on the small of your back. it’s just something to show that he doesn’t mind if others see him as “taken”.
@laylah,
Co-sign. Nobody has time for the “lovers in private, who the f*ck are you? in pubic” type bammas. Been there, done that, left him at the picture show.
@laylah,
great point! Any man can be a “good man” behind closed doors. This shows he is your (not meant to be overly possessive) good man.
@laylah,
I know I’m a good dude because I’m always down for some “public relations” if you know what I mean. LOL
@eff yo couch,
aaand this is why your permanent seat is in the “ig” corner!
@eff yo couch,
LMAO.. u know u ain’t right.
@laylah,
This also the trait of possesive and crazy dudes too. Why does anyone other than you need to know he is taken?
@Humble_One,
i dont know that its about others knowing he’s taken…but when a man goes out of his way to make sure it DOESNT look like he’s taken thats a problem. what i got from her comment was about being okay that it looks like youre together….even if youre not. for example…a male friend and i were walking down the street and it was icy and i didnt have on appropriate footwear…so he was holding my hand and there was no issue with that. kwim?
@laylah,
This is on a case by case basis. From many guys standpoint, this can be a slippery slope from affection to possession. Again the intent needs to be out and out respect. But you also need to know ‘how’ he is showing his respect for you and base judgement on that.
Wow. Awesome post. You earned your title today, The Champ.
Good people do good things, right? So i think a sure fire sign of if a dude is a good dude is how he treats you when u are down. Does he try to lift u up and offer support? Or does he walk away. And also will he sacrifice of himself for you. That is a big one. Will he give up what’s important to him in his life to accomodate you. That’s a tell-tale sign.
Oh! And HOW ‘BOUT THEM STEELERS!!!
*** that’s a raspberry to all the haters lol. Except for Gem. I offer you a hug and condolences .
@pgh muse, what haters, girl? i gave the steelers their props… and offered early condolences after we whup y’all 3 weeks from now.
@blackberry molasses,
lol… Alright now BB Mo’! Ya’ll have to get passed the Cardinals first… and isn’t that in Arizona??? Good luck with that. A PA superbowl would be the BIZNASS though… truly. I personally know several homes that would be divided on that weekend lol.
@pgh muse,
Who are the Cardinals anyway? So they got hot at the end of their season… they didn’t get THAT hot. It wasnt like it was challenge for them to clinch their division… look at who is in it. The Raiders, The Rams and the 49ers… oooh, that was TOUGH.
But yes, a PA superbowl would be that BIZNAZZ. And we would have to win. The universe commands it. Hayle, we already got the World Series.
@blackberry molasses,
The universe commands it. Hayle, we already got the World Series.
true true… that would be cool… kinda like a city of Champions.. oh! We already had that title, in like the 70′s
“Except for Gem. I offer you a hug and condolences .”
thanks pookie poo but i’m not mad at all. i like the Stillers!! i’m sad my Shawgers (as my nephews pronounce it) lost but i’m happy for the black and gold!! i’m supporting them all the way now–PA battle in FL needs to go down!! yay
@GEMiniscing…,
Yay! A black and gold convert!!!
@pgh muse,
she ain’t no convert… she’s a bandwagoneer. her team lost so she’s gotta get on the bandwagon of the winner.
(sorry e-sis, but you know I’m right)
s’all good. had the Eagles lost i may have ***extremely painfully begrudgingly*** supported the Giants. NOT!!!!!
I would have had State over Conference loyalty all the way. I just have more respect for the Steelers.
pah-lease!!! you clearly don’t know me very well if you think i’m a bandwagon fan. i’ve rooted for the Stillers since i moved to Pgh. i’m a big believer in hometown love. i don’t like the Stillers more than the Shawgers (and yeah i’m sad they lost), but i give props where props is due. my daddy always taught me to respect a team’s skill even if they weren’t “my” team. and i’m genuinely happy for a team on the road for “one for the thumb”.
i can give you a 2 teams i genuinely support (unless they’re playing MY team) but don’t consider myself a “fan” of:
-Stillers… i live here, been to many of their charity events, met many of the players, ex players and coaches, and they are a great franchise. got nothin but love and respect.
-Colts… i looooove TD (starting in his days with my Bucs) and Peyton is my dude! he’s the least attractive 2520 dude i’d be happy to lay a smooch on.
I didn’t read today 200+ comments and since everyone on here is “very smart”, I sure some of yall has already listed the qualities that I was thinking of. So in my true fashion, I decided to think outside of the box.
A Good dude will fart in your presence of you and take the blame – I always say you can’t trust a woman until she releases gas in front of you, the same can be said for a man.
Question: is a good dude a man that sleeps around? If so, then a lot of our grand daddies would be considered good dudes since they never let any trollops come in between taking care the of the family.
@eff yo couch,
what if he farts in his car and puts the window lock on so you are trapped in there with that ish. is he still a good dude?
@laylah,
I don’t know, but thanks for the suggestion. I’ll let you know how it turns out
@laylah,
what if he farts in his car and puts the window lock on so you are trapped in there with that ish. is he still a good dude?
i think this is called “the dutch oven”
@The Champ,
I thought the dutch oven was when you farted under the covers and pulled them over someone’s head. Not that I would know anything about it….heh,heh.
@Lil’T and The Champ,
Ummmm… ewwww. Reading this made me almost upchuck a lil bit. Gross.
@Lil’T,
youre right…maybe champ is discussing the mobile dutch oven! im mad he put on the child lock so you cant roll your window down. have your hair all stank and sh*t
Let me get on my soapbox 4 a sec.
You know i got love all my VSS’s on this board (specially my e-shorty) but I really don’t think MOST women want a “good dude” because it’s been mentioned many times in previous threads, you don’t give him a chance to make a really good impression. I was reading an old post on “red flags” and what consitutes them. And i gotta say, it made ya boy shake his head and laugh cause most of the VSS’s on this board canceled out quickly a potential “good dude” off seemingly simple gestures .
*disclamer* Not sayin I do these things but 4 instance:
- Calling to see if you made it home ok after the club — yeah, he might want to smash that same night, but he also just want to make a good impression too.
- genuinely calling once too many times to see how your day went..etc, etc. (can be annoying but hey..stay focused)
-Doesn’t go out much – You probably met dude at a point in his life were all of that clubbin don’t appeal to him anymore. Been there, and he done all that. He bout his money now, and his chillin with gurl.
-Doesn’t get Seinfied — Won’t get me (Come on now..really?)
-Don’t want a relationship — Just tryin to smash (I know plenty of good dudes that just wanted to smash and it became something more and significant (this rarely happens, but sometimes you just gotta take a chance right? lol)
-He’s into me too much — she thinks ..Stalker! run girl run..
He was thrown in the “stalker corner” for not being an daily azzhole to you and actually caring enough to care. (if that makes sense)
I know plenty of females that have passed on dudes that REALLY had they ish together because he was just too nice or didn’t have an edge or a certain swagger (which granted CAN be important) No chemistry/No relationship, but i digress..
I’m kind of rambling but my point being, if your main goal is to find that dude than you look past those intial petty red flags that might prevent you from finding that right one until he PROVES that you were right for havin the cops taze his azz. Just my opinion.
A “good dude” against a female who feels she’s “up on game” doesn’t stand a chance.
*kicks soapbox in tha corner*
@Tx10inch,
“-Doesn’t go out much – You probably met dude at a point in his life were all of that clubbin don’t appeal to him anymore. Been there, and he done all that. He bout his money now, and his chillin with gurl.”
Going out does not equal clubbing! I know I’m being pedantic but hey…
@YGB,
pedantic?
i dropped out in the 2nd grade.. pls explain.
@Tx10inch,
Preach, brotha-man. PREACH! Many women think this way – we don’t want to be played, and we quickly learn to be on the lookout for any sign of “Mr. Wrong”. It starts innocently enough:
Early on your heart (and probably legs) are wide open. Some bamma hurts you. Hindsight being 20/20, you look back and see that he put all kind of red flags out that you missed.
Ok, lesson learned. But the next dude has different game. Soon enough your list of “red flags” is longer than your arm (and his dangalang). Not wanting to become a hermit, you continue to date and have relations, but for some reason your emotions are locked up tighter than Obama’s nomination.
Enter Mr. Good Dude. This bamma gets obliterated by the emotional walls, instant suspicians (yeah, I just made that word up) and constant vetting from family and friends. He moves on to greener pastures.
2 things may help break this cycle: 1) you get exhausted from maintaining surveillance on your walls and finally let the right guy in or 2) Mr. Good Dude is also Mr. Persistent and breaks your walls down. Either way, you have to learn to let go and trust someone, which is almost as easy as pulling off the old Kid and Play dance step where you jump over your own leg.
@Lil’T,
True..True.
@Lil’T,
I co-sign 100%….
*smh*
@Tx10inch,
I agree with this list so much. I think a huge problem with ladies is that we forget that men are people too. And good men will expect a lot of the sames things from us that we ask of them. But that comes from being jaded, and having been caught up with a few not so good men.
@Tx10inch,
jumping on the co-signage and love bandwagon. if i paid attention to all my little non-sensical requirements, i wouldn’t be happily boo-ed up/murried/wifed/ the Mrs.
@blackberry molasses,
yeah, i know yall be hurt and ish..but EVERYBODY ain’t out to dog u out. lol. I think women should have standards/expectations in place and give a brotha that’s interested a chance to meet them (if you feelin him) but don’t cut him off from tha jump cause you he called u the day after you met him or some ish..smh.
@Tx10inch,
-Doesn’t go out much – You probably met dude at a point in his life were all of that clubbin don’t appeal to him anymore. Been there, and he done all that. He bout his money now, and his chillin with gurl.
you know, i actually received an email this weekend linking me to a study that basically said that when men involved with a woman “act” settled (ie: wanting to just chill on the couch with the girl on the weekend instead of taking her to some salsa club) its actually a sign of him being ready to commit completely.
not sure what my point is here. just wanted to add that and sh*t
@The Champ,
That sounds about right. Although he may not be ready to commit to HER! Cause we all know tha minute they break up he gonna be up out somewhere to see if he still got it can still “pull somethin”. lol. but it’s signs of definently ready to chill and move on to something mo stable in life..
@Tx10inch,
i gotta wet this duvet up one time though..i tried to contain myself…but this is hard to read from someone whose measured their schlong and put it to a state..LOL
i think sometimes THAT throws women off too..even the tongue and cheek of it all..i have a “gentlemen” caller who is a text book good dude..but his conversations are rather …how shall i say..ironic???
i had to put that out there..sorry..tx
@Princess Duvet,
or it could be the exact measurements of how you like your cheese steaks…if thats the case disregard..
@Princess Duvet,
It’s all good Princess..We all grown up in here. lol
It’s all fun ya know? There is “truth” to tha name but just cause I’m having fun with it doesn’t mean I’m not a “good dude”. All that pimpin ish I was on earlier on VSB was mostly 4 giggles.. That’s the beauty of the net. You can develop and have relationships with folks from all ova have fun and still get to put your true feelings bout thangs out there. Trust, there’s ALOT more to people sittin behind a computer screen than what they write on it…I like 2 think i’m one of them. but you good wit me though. good 2 here from u.
@Tx10inch,
“All that pimpin ish I was on earlier on VSB was mostly 4 giggles.. That’s the beauty of the net. You can develop and have relationships with folks from all ova have fun and still get to put your true feelings bout thangs out there. ”
10 inches of fun, i gotta call a little bs on this tho..just as you read the VSS’ lamenting on stay at home dudes and other stalkerish behavior..
the bottom line might come down to people really connecting with whom they connect with..
A “welcomed phone call” from Tyrone to make sure you got in ok…could be Worrisome Willis from another where all chemistry and attraction ARE NOT equal..you touched on this a little in your beginning thread.
as for laughs and giggles..i would tend to agree..but i think truth is all up and through humor more than we give credit for.
@Princess Duvet,
lol. u callin BS on my handle or u calling BS on me?? either way…lol.
@Tx10inch,
no Im calling bs on what you wrote about the VSS’
“You know i got love all my VSS’s on this board (specially my e-shorty) but I really don’t think MOST women want a “good dude” because it’s been mentioned many times in previous threads”…
Now regarding your 10 inch “cheese steak” being shats and giggles with some truth..i would tend to sort of agree…however..i do believe that the pimpish type shat does mask lots and lots of truth…but you are a man and men do talk about their dacks…
.. the bottom line happens to be that women “relax” some requirements when he’s battin 1000 in the chemistry department.
@Princess Duvet,
Maybe I’m a “good dude” who’s had a change of ways toward “good women”? U saying that people can’t change simply bcuz they having a lil fun with people on tha net that they don’t know personally and that don’t know them? and BTW
- I cosigned “truth” on the name
- and i cosigned 100% on the relaxing bcuz of chemistry department. I ALSO mentioned that in my thread…
@Princess Duvet,
“Maybe I’m a “good dude” who’s had a change of ways toward “good women”?”
i’ll give you that…in fact..im fascinated by the woman that actually inspires “this change of ways”…sometimes its timing, sometimes its age, sometimes he’s just tired, sometimes its the woman, sometimes its all the above..
namaste
@Tx10inch,
***whispering to Princess Duvet with hand cupped over mouth***
Never trust a Big D* and a smile girl…
@pgh muse,
LOL!
*finger over lips* sssssshhhhhh!
i kid, i kid..
@Tx10inch,
lol. u silly.
@Princess Duvet,
Exactly!
@Sula In Planning.,
so much for my shut the fyk up resolution…
@Tx10inch,
you know you my e-boo and all, but i gotta handle you (and not in a 10inch kinda way) on this…
everytime i let a reg flag go, it ended up biting me in the a*s in the end, and i wasn’t even turn on! there are certainly things i will not let pass. you aren’t gentlemanly towards me or other women? you gets a NEXT. you’d prefer to sit on your ass rather than go to the theatre, museum, hiking, rock climbing, botanical garden seeing with ME?? you gets a NEXT. i mean, on the silly side, i do raise my eyebrow at dudes who don’t like The Office but there’s no deep meaning– just a curious look, not a deal breaker.
i’m not willing to compromise on certain traits or characteristics “good” dudes have just becuz they may be a good dude. that’s not to say i think you’re NOT a good dude, it just means you’re not the good dude for this good gem. and that’s MY prerogative to pick and choose as i please.
i don’t think i have unrealistic or illogical expectations of a man when it comes to relationships. but i don’t believe i should give every good dude a chance just cuz he’s a “good dude”. period.
@GEMiniscing…,
you said that way better than i could! co-sign!
@GEMiniscing…,
True..true.
But you know..I was watching tv and Tarajii P. Henson (with her SEXY azz) was promoting her Brad Pitt flick and said something so sincere that it really stuck with me since I’ve heard it. “Love like you never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching you and attack every one of your dreams with passion!”
Through all of her struggles and heartaches with men and her goals for her life she said that passion keeps her life going.
Not sayin that you or anyone else here doesn’t, just thought the “Love like you’ve never been hurt” part was very powerful 2 me. MUCH easier said then done..but powerful.
this has nothing to do with not loving like i’ve never been hurt!!!!! my personal space is sacred and not everyone is allowed in it. so when it comes to love, and being loved, i take that very seriously. i’m tired of the game playing and dating just becuz a guy asked and he’s a “good dude” or me just in it for a free meal. i want all that a good, wholesome, committed, loving relationship has to offer but i don’t take that lightly. every good man is not FOR me.
so until the right good man comes along, Gem will continue to blow her whistle and throw red flags on bad plays.
@GEMiniscing…,
True, true..
**looks around 4 red flags at my feet**
can’t throw a red flag at a man who’d send me e-flowers just becuz it’s monday *flashes a cheesy grin*
@GEMiniscing…,
It just comes down to the fact that the word ‘good’ is really subjective. It comes down to where you’re standards are.
Most of the people that post on this blog have relatively high standards. But as Gary Coleman taught us. ‘ …What might be right for you, may not be right for some…’
@Tx10inch,
He was thrown in the “stalker corner” for not being an daily azzhole to you and actually caring enough to care. (if that makes sense)
I know plenty of females that have passed on dudes that REALLY had they ish together because he was just too nice or didn’t have an edge or a certain swagger (which granted CAN be important) No chemistry/No relationship, but i digress..
umm…I did this to a dude.I still feel bad.BUT in my defense he used to used to randomly break dance in public, and dedicated a Jackson 5 song to me during one of his presentations. Now, in hindsight, I should have just given him a stern talking to, and then given him a chance.However living in the moment and all….I didn’t.
He was a good dude just type crazy.
@Rita,
umm…I did this to a dude.I still feel bad.BUT in my defense he used to used to randomly break dance in public, and dedicated a Jackson 5 song to me during one of his presentations
I think you might get a pass 4 that one….lol
*Me thinking outside of the box*
A good dude will take all of his R Kelly CD’s/songs out of his CD/ MP3 player
@eff yo couch,
^^^^underrated reply
@eff yo couch,
LMFAO!!! so beautifully random! i choked on my soup, thank ya very much.
but for real, that man is disgusting. any guy who does that is a saint in my book!
@eff yo couch,
Seriously though. That’s a truth.
@eff yo couch,
I’m guessing any “good” woman would do the same? I’m slowly making my way around to it but dam*ed if that man didnt make some great music.
Its so hard to say goodbye…
@Dom,
i thought i was the only one!!! im finding it so hard to let go. if its any consolation, he never got any money from me! illegal downloads all day everyday…
@eff yo couch,
lmao. Seems like you’re Ready will neva be the same… i tell u.
@pgh muse,
LOL! So True!
a good dude appreciates all the good things in his life, like VSB.
thank you VSB for making your this plain looking website. No wild flashing advertisements, no pop-ups, no neon colors, just plain black and white text! Genius! My boss just walked into my cube and had no idea that I was goofing off online. For all she knew, I was writing an email. So thank you again VSB
@eff yo couch,
lmao. i’m down wit u eff..
@eff yo couch,
MAD COSIGNAGE… my office door is always open and people just saunter around to my desk. they have no idea that i’m playing around on here (while reading their research proposals that make NO SENSE WHATSOEVER)
@eff yo couch,
amen I’m with you!
@eff yo couch,
thanks and sh*t.
@eff yo couch,
Lol, this is a good one. I stay on VSB and my three bosses are none the wiser.
@eff yo couch,
I am so often on here that I truly understand what you mean. Thanks VSB. My boss probably thinks this is some kind of .NET gurus website where I’m perusing for answers to my woes.
Good job!
@Sula In Planning.,
Even military network computers don’t block this site!
@MDUBB,
Now that’s what’s up!
A good man will share the big piece of chicken with you and not act like u pulled his gotdang teeth out to make him do it. So that means he gives graciously.
@pgh muse,
*SMH* I have a long way to go.
Btw, what movie did this come from? I’m usually good at identifying these things
@eff yo couch,
The Brothers.
@eff yo couch,
some random black rom-com with Gabby Union and Morris Chestnut.
**the genre and stars were a total shot in the dark, but I will be $100,001 that i’m right**
@pgh muse,
lmao.. my house @ dinner last nite…i’m staring at my piddly a$$ lunch getting mad. hee hee. But, Steve Harvey does a bit about all a man wants is the big piece of chicken.
A good dude is passionate (or at least great interest) about something other than God and me (or his momma, or his friends, you get the drift).
That may be a good dude to me, but I think it tells me that the guy has some depth.
@Sula In Planning.,
I can feel you on this. Does Madden college edition count as a passion? If so, my dude is VERY passionate! LOL!
@Lil’T,
Madden does count. Now replace it with FiFa (whatever edition) and you got one of my dude’s passion.
. They actually nowadays plan Friday FIFA hangouts, like we do Chick Flick Night. They buy drinks and foodstuff for that purpose.
*smh*
@Sula In Planning.,
i gotta cosign i asked this question once and ole boy, thought i was talkin bout se!x. !!!! lol
but people period have a hard time answering this..so i can kind of undertand why a man would too.
@Princess Duvet,
That is very true. Talking about it might not be easy but if they have one, you would def feel it. They might not even know it themselves (yet) but it’s there.
@Sula In Planning.,
“but if they have one, you would def feel it”
this is hotter than hot to me…some men talk about their dack, that doesn’t do much for me… a man’s passion (outside of the bedroom) gets me every.single.time.
@Princess Duvet,
right…i have difficulty answering it. i often say that im passionless.
@shatani,
“i often say that im passionless.
”
??? are you sure about this?
@Princess Duvet,
im sure that ive said that…im not sure that its true though…
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/page2.html
@ The Champ…
Where did u find such a site?
Good Men:
-Love God.
-Aren’t pushovers. They are resolute, steadfast and confident.
-Don’t care who gets the credit, as long as the job gets done.
-Won’t run at the first sign of trouble. When everybody else (including your sorry-a$$ SO/homeboys/homegirls) bails on you when times are hectic, he’s in your corner.
-Knows his worth without being cocky about it. (Goes back to being confident and self-assured.)
-Has low tolerance for BS. Doesn’t mean he’s always serious but generally has too much to do to be bothered with nonsense.
-Has goals and is working towards them.
-Are careful about who they let in their circle.
-Are good followers as well as good leaders and when they do lead…
-They lead from the front.
-And, as I’ve previously stated upthread, good men generally root for the Philadelphia Eagles. (alright; I’ll even allow for some good men being Steelers fans, but absolutely NO LOVE for dudes who are Cowgirls fans. Ever.)
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
this whole list is the bomb diggity..with the exception of the sports stuff..i hear crickets..but otherwise..good job.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Yup, anybody who is a CowBoys fan and not related to one player (even then) gets the automatic side eye. If they are a fan of TO on top of it, then it might even warrant a throat punch.
Good list!
@Sula In Planning.,
I agree.
With the throat punching part definitely…lol
@Sula In Planning.,
Definite co-sign on the TO throat punch. I’ve posted before about detesting TO and those who think he’s the ish. My theory is it goes somewhat to what T.P.N. is talking about…if a man is confident and self-assured, he’s not going to praise a whiny, arrogant yet insecure attention hog like TO because secure men give the side eye to those types of shenanigans. I would definitely pause to give somebody the “good dude” label if he’s a TO fan (not automatic red flag, wild cherry flag even but a most certain pause from consideration.)
@Luvtheshoes,
Did you see his new work out book/DVD?!
SHENANIGANS!!!!!
@blackberry molasses,
What?…when did this happen….is this entertainment or for real?
@Rita,
Word! I really hope it’s facetious. That Diva Dude can not be serious with this BS!
@Rita, oh it is very real.
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/TOs-Finding-Fitness/Terrell-Owens/e/9781416595120/?itm=1
actually, this ninja has like 6 books. including an autobiography. bitcha$$
@blackberry molasses,
ridiculous. I will continue to believe that he is an illusion for all my days.
I will buy LL’s Platinum Workout,you know,for the coffee table……
@blackberry molasses,
Sheeeeeeiiit…does he talk about how to deal with **cough**suicide/overdose**cough** attempts in the book, too?
how about socially conscious? I dont mean the over the top afrocentric type, but a dude who donates his time to poverty reduction, or say an activist in darfur conflict can indicate that he cares about stuff beyond his immediate world. But this only works if the lady appreciates this type of idealism.
@postmodern pwnage,
I think this is a most attractive trait in a man. So much so that it can get a lady in trouble cuz there are a lot of poser’s out there.
@postmodern pwnage,
Well, it’s really great when it’s done selflessly and truly real. Not as some badge to be worn and proudly shown off.
But I have to agree that I am a sucker for a socially conscious (I will even take socially aware) man.
@ 40 Tx10inch
-Don’t want a relationship — Just tryin to smash (I know plenty of good dudes that just wanted to smash and it became something more and significant (this rarely happens, but sometimes you just gotta take a chance right? lol)
For me this is an automatic disqualification. I understand that good dudes are still dudes who want to have sex. But if you go into a relationship with the intent ‘just to smash’ it kinda screams LACK OF CHARACTER to me
The ‘checker’ one is crucial for anyone of any sexuality and gender. I can’t emphasize that one enough too. We have all learned that one the hard way. And ideally, they have multiple checkers and of different genders too. That’s hella convenient.
Cause trust, my girls call me out on shit I usually already know. It’s my boys who really fuckin call me out and remind me that being bossy is a full-time job, not a mere title I can toss around.
{ 1 trackback }