If video killed the radio star* and Puffy invented the remix, then technology is murdering relationships. Between text messages, instant messenging, and cellphone email, it’s impossible to get space from the very people we all need space from–the people we’re sleeping with.
(And building lives with, but big whoop on that one.)
In the good ole days—ya know, before 1998—the general order of things was that you’d talk to one another a few times a day to coordinate when you’d spend time together. That is how God intended it. Now?
Hell, it’s literally possible to talk to your significant other all damn day. Which is how Satan intended since he/she believes that relationships should all die a horrible and putrid death.
How are we supposed to build strong, lasting relationships when we’re forced to talk to one another all day long because AOL decided that instant communication was a good idea? It is not a good idea. In fact it is a bad idea. One of the most vital components of a relationship is space. Everybody needs it, whether you think you do or not. In fact, if you don’t need space you are a co-dependent f*ck who makes me want to throw jacks at kittens on the freeway. And of course, space can come in different forms but space is space, nonetheless.
And how, praytell, can one get space when you spend all day talking to your significant other? What’s worse is this…how exactly do you even bring it up that perhaps all that access isn’t a good thing? I’ll go so far as to say that most women probably don’t have a problem with all that access and in some ways relish it, or at least appreciate it. I’d guess that men don’t really care one way or another…after a certain point. Sure in the beginning everybody wants to talk to eachother all the time and type sweet nothings to one another and send smiley faces of mush. But at some point, that shit gets old.
Since women believe that what you did in the beginning should be what you do throughout eternity, no matter how realistic it may or may not be, you can’t go saying stuff like, “baby, I think we talk too much during the day.” This will make no sense to woman and she might look at you as if you have three breasts when in fact you’re dating a chick who wears a lower-case “a” cup who has none at all so she’s pissed twice.
This brings up an interesting point of debate. Why is it that women want and don’t want change at the exact same time? The f*cks up with that? Mature and change into the man that you know you can be but at the same time spend as much time doing the shit you did to get her in the first place…sure it’s a loose connection and bad math on my part, but I’m sexxy so there.
sticking out tongue
PS Please go see Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Not because I so, but because I said please.
“…inside you…i want to feel myself, inside you…”
*Yeah, I totally referenced The Buggles. Very Smart Brothas are cultured like that.
-PANAMA
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{ 137 comments… read them below or add one }
You know, the actual relationship is to some degree at fault for robbing women of those activities that were used to woo them in the first place.
When you were single, you had this extra time to spend trying to get at your girl. Now that she’s a part of your life, you have less extra time.
That’s my one cent. I’ll throw in the other later when I’m not so tired.
pretty good bargain for a penny
I totally agree with you because “absence truly makes the heart grow fonder”
I cannot stand someone always paging, texting, calling, hounding, me all day would really get on my nerves. Once a day is enough..and sometimes thats too much! lol
I think technology helps in the case of a long distance relationship. I think this is probably the reason why LDR’s are growing.
Sometimes I can get caught up in the constant communication loop. Not like I have a man right now, but just in general, I am highly connected to the web, and it’s easy to forget that not everybody is as connected or tied to the web as me. Go out, live life, then report back.
All this being said, I get irritated when a guy I like just won’t pick up the phone and call me. I don’t need texts, I don’t need e-mail, MySpace messages, IMs. Voice to Voice is always preferred. This coming from a chick who doesn’t use the phone much, otherwise.
Piggy-backing off the end of you statement, I think it contradicted the first.
I think technology undermines the idea of a “healthy” LDR. A telephone and a means of transportation are all really need to get it on and popping from a long distance perspective. If you are constantly texting, IMing, emailing, myspacing and facebooking, then what’s the point. And how does it serve anyone any good, especially us women.
It’s a cheap way of a man doing what he has to do to get the girl. Why not date technologically from a distance when all it’s costing him is his monthly internet subscription…naw they can have that. Call me, make plans to see and then let’s get it!
so wait, are you implying that there are some arbitrary costs required for a man to truly pursue a woman and get her? I think I get the effortless angle, but I am kind of wondering why you put a fiscal spin on this?
ABSOLUTELY…because men care about what they spend money on. It’s as simple as that, we as women will spend our money on just about any loser who makes us feel special for a moment.
Men on the other hand are very particular about who and what they spend their money on. So yes, effort and money go hand in hand. If a man is going to put any effort into pursuig a female that means money will more than likely be spent. Now the amount is relative, it could just be dinner or dinner and a movie, it could be a day trip to a beach, or in my experience far more extravagent gestures.
But men spend money to say hey, I got this, I can provide for you, you’re safe with me. And when you’re not worth their dime, you’re not worth their time. Don’t fall victim to the belief that the two are mutually exclusive.
I don’t know if you noticed but there are alot of men that throw monrey around. There are some men that money means nothing to and they are not necessarily rich. You putting too much weight on the value of money. I don;t think its wise to use that as a measure of value of a relationship or a woman.
Oh come on, that’s not what I said. But let’s a take a look at the reality since we’re on it, Kobe cheated on his wife and bought her a $4 million dollar diamond to make it all better and it’s common practice to buy a woman a gift when a man has fucked up.
But I never said that the making of a relationship was based on how much money was spent, but what do men always joke about, “she better not order from the we fucking tonight side of the menu unless she’s ready to give it up.” Men put the same emphasis on the money they spend on dates.
I simply stated that LDR’s are handicapped by technology b/c it doesn’t require a man to put forth any real effort, which includes spending a little money to have a good time.
I completely agree with you Teacia. Men aren’t trying to continuously throw their money into a woman when if there isn’t going to be a significant return on their investment in the near future. That’s just a bad investment.
Now that I think of it Deviant, perhaps the ammount of money being spent is a good indicator of how the much a woman/relationship is valued by a man. Dudes aren’t just going to spend lavishly on a woman who is not of worth the time or money. *NOTE: I don’t exactly believe this but it is a theory that might have legs.
I’m just saying its not absolute in all situations. Money spent isn’t an absolute indicator. I’ve been around guys that drop 2 grand on a broad and not expect a hug while at the same time I’ve seen a man drop 50 and expect head immediately. Everyone don’t value money the same way is all i’m saying. Financial standing has nothing to do with any of that.
But yes for some men money spent is a good indicator bu then you go into what the goals are..is he tryin to get ass or does he really like her?
LDR require a great deal of effort on the man’s side its just not always an effort that cannot be quantified in reciept books. The finanical costs that do occur are not as oftenas your standard relationship but they are great i.e. flights, vacation time, gas. lodging
my bad i used a double negative
LDR require a great deal of effort on the man’s side its just not always an effort that CAN be quantified in reciept books. The finanical costs that do occur are not as often as your standard relationship but they are great i.e. flights, vacation time, gas. lodging
We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on this one. I think money spent is a direct correlation of how a man sees a woman. I don’t know many paupers who would drop a grand without expecting a hug but I do know that men pay for time.
When you’re asked out on a date do you expect to pay for it, absolutely not. Men will borrow money to take a chic out, because her time is going to cost him something. And I’m going to take it back to earlier days before the women’s movement and this gesture was the norm.
Men spent money in the past as an indicator of how well he would be able to provide for their possible future. True society has changed a lot since but the foundation of dating is still the same. Man meets woman, man asks woman out, man and woman go out, man PAYS, man and woman go their separate ways until the next outing and the cycle begins again.
time is actually a much more valuable commodity to us than money.
time, energy, verbal intercourse, mind, heart, time……
all more valuable than money
put the time is actually what you’re paying for…who said anything about money being valuable?!?!?
But* the time…(sorry it was a typo)
paying for time?
you pay for time with a prostitute or escort.
everything you’ve said points to money being the valuable commodity
“I think technology undermines the idea of a “healthy” LDR. A telephone and a means of transportation are all really need to get it on and popping from a long distance perspective.”
Teacia, are you referring to an actual established LDR or a continued weekend/vacation hookup that women usually convince themselves are LDRs?
There is a difference.
I find it funny that men think we convince ourselves of such notions when normally it’s your words and actions that encourages us to believe in a hope that arbitrarily exists…but that’s another tirade for another day.
Anyhow, I was referring to establishing a LDR. In most cases, you meet while out of town, or in recent years while online and you have to go from there. I believe that all that extra communication only prolongs the inevitable. Why spend all that energy talking to someone without knowing whether or not they wash their ass regularly, or keep a clean house. I mean really, talk it out, see if it’s worth the effort and take the next step to spend a little QT.
If it’s not your cup of tea move on, but don’t string women along with the hopes of something that has yet to come w/o knowing if you can even stomach her in person for more than a few hours at a time.
You’re new to the board, so I’ll excuse the gender confusion. But in most cases women do convince themselves, because they infer meaning from the things men say, whereas men generally say exactly what they mean.
i.e. If they don’t say it, they don’t mean it.
And what you’re describing doesn’t sound like an established long distance relationship. It sounds like a long distance courtship. ‘Cause if you’re still wondering if he’s washing his ass, you’re crazy to be claiming him as your own.
And men string women along for pussy, they could care less about tolerating them for more than a few hours.
Well the gender things explains a lot…
And of course there are cases, there are cases of both sides and we can argue that point for days, but instead I choose to digress.
There are a lot of things men DO say that they don’t mean. I give credit where credit is due.
And as I stated above I was referring to establishing a LDR. Most LDR’s start off on the wrong foot which is why they aren’t successful.
And as far as ur pussy comment goes, that’s exactly what I was saying. I just chose a more tactful way to say it.
I agree that there are cases on both sides but generally speaking, the statement holds for wo/men who don’t blatantly lie or aren’t clinically delusional.
I think our ideas of LDRs may differ. To me an established LDR is between two people who know each other well enough to attempt to maintain a relationship across state lines and time zones. They may have been separated by work or other circumstances but it’s not still in that early “getting to know you” stages. There’s already been weekend travel, etc.
And you will soon discover that “tact” is not something I do.
I agree with your first statement, if giving someone the benefit of the doubt, then the table turns but men lie, it’s what they do. And they don’t even do it well.
Made most famous by, “I lie because I love you, if I didn’t give a damn about you I would tell you the truth.”
And yes, I’m thinking of new age LDR’s. The ones you’re referring to pertain to the good ole days of the early 2000′s, but now with the emergence of social networking sites and and a plethora of communication outlets, people are meeting abroad and establishing LDR’s. People are meeting up by chance on out of town outings and proceeding to attempt an LDR through these outlets.
Ok, I’m officially bored with the topic…let’s move on shall we…join me in the fine art of digressing.
“men lie, it’s what they do.”
Wow. I’m sorry you feel that way.
I’m not…because it’s a reality AND it doesn’t bother me or affect how I live my life.
And damn, the early 2000s are the “good ole days”?
Shit.
So ur not going to join me I see…lol.
I could definitely make case for technology killing relationships (as it does), but I think it depends on the couple. My girl and I are both crackberry addicts, who twitter and use email for both personal and business purposes. Granted, it is very much annoying talking to someone and having to repeat yourself because they’re distracted by a hilarious tweet from the confessionist, lol. That said, that’s what boundaries and rules are for. No blackberries at the table or in the bed, any other time is fair play.
I remember the old days when the only way to get in touch with your “boo” was to page them 1-4-3 haha..
“page”???
Oooooh and wee! I have seen a pager in a decade I remember when having a skytel was like having an iPhone.
Haha yeah me and my bf at the time loved our skytel two way pagers. We thought we were doin The Most with them joints.
I was too broke to have a skytel. I was still using morse-code, carrier pigeons, and smoke screens.
same here. i didnt own any type of wireless anything until 2002. i held out for as long as i could
We’re together all the time. Does this make us,”co-dependent f*ck’s?” LOL!
yes
Technology isn’t killing relationships. Crazy people are killing relationships.
Don’t overthink it.
‘xactly!
Too much access = crazy tendencies. You can’t give a women that much access and not expect for us to overreact to the little shit. That’s just not a reasonable expectation, we think that everything you say is about us, b/c we’re weirdly self absorbed like that…BUT you already know that.
“Too much access = crazy tendencies”
Preach!!!
Crazy tendencies are either innate or a product of insecurities.
You cannot blame your inner psycho on the Blackberry/iPhone/ Skype/Yahoo or any other technological means of communication…
That’s all you, baby!
There is a little crazy in all of us, I will be the first to concede that point.
And if I’m not mistaken, insecurities go hand in hand with living. To even think that you are immune to such deficiencies is a facade and a laughable one at that.
We all do crazy, and we can do it with the best of them. Some of us have to be pushed to the edge, others just need a bone to be thrown their way.
And btw, since I am new to the board, I’ll just put it out there…I don’t do attacked, because I attack back and I do it better than most!
“I’ll just put it out there…I don’t do attacked”
LOL!
“And if I’m not mistaken, insecurities go hand in hand with living. To even think that you are immune to such deficiencies is a facade and a laughable one at that.”
I do not suggest otherwise. I don’t make statements that I don’t apply/have not applied to myself. That would make me a hypocrite.
I’m just saying hate the crazy, not the gadget…
And I don’t attack people, that implies a personal agenda and I don’t know you personally. I do challenge viewpoints/perspectives that are different from my own. It’s in my nature to question.
And oh yeah…
If you want some, come get some! (That was a joke. I’m a lover not a fighter.)
moving right along…
LMAO! Good point Deviant, but I don’t know…perhaps everyone has a little inner psycho… however, channeling it through your PDA is where the problem materializes.
I must say Deviant, today you seem even more insightful than usual–which is really impressive since you always drop gems. But today, it’s like your seeing the matrix for what it really is. I’m trying to get on your level!
Thanks, D*
You do good on your own.
No need to stoop to my level.
I think technology breeds obsessiveness. We have 24 news, with tickers and scrollers on every channel we visit. We BLOG our asses off when we should be trying to be more productive at work(which btw is not only obsessive but addictive). We have access at our very fingertips to everything we need, personal and business. So someone please tell me why we would be immune to this obsession of excess access when it comes to relationships?!?!?
Now I’m not defending the crazy, only stating that I understand it. You can’t give anyone that kind of excess access into your life w/o expecting just a little crazy when it’s taken away w/o weaning back a little at a time. Just like getting into a relationship is transitional, sometimes creating space should be a little transitional as well(of course it depends on the seriousness of the situation).
Gadgets are just an outlet like any other for the craziness to shine.
Oh I meant no offense earlier, I was cranky as hell when I replied back…maybe I should have waited until after the PMSing subsided.
“I think technology breeds obsessiveness.”
i wouldnt say breed as much as cultivate
So how about Crazy people with technology are killing relationships?
And though I spun the end of this towards women, I actually think that men are probably 51/49 on the bad end of the technology invasion. Especially dudes with control issues.
“Where do I sign?”
*autograph in progress*
I don’t know about this one…
Technology has it’s place in the relationship and like I told my students about their calculators…
(yes they let me sculpt young minds)
“it’s just a machine. it only does what you tell it to do.”
I agree with Liz about the LDRs you get all the perks of a
lovelust letter a la Dangerous Liasons minus the waiting or the gayness…The problem is that this instant communication technology also enables the stalker that would otherwise lay dormant within some guys and girls.
I’ve had the same person call me 15 (yes fifteen) times (and left at least 7 messages )because I didn’t answer my phone (which I’d accidentally left in the car). And they thought that type of behavior was
not indicative of a lunaticacceptable.But to answer your “fine print” question, it’s not strictly women who want change and stability at the exact same time. The situation you’re describing comes from the man’s perspective of “mission accomplished” once he’s achieved his target: the woman and the woman’s perspective that “this is what being in a relationship with him will be like”.
Clearly those are two different views.
Oh yes, you are spot on. There are definitely two different views on the procurement of booty, er, entering into a relationship.
I think that is another pure example of the differences b/w men and women.
Oh man, where do I begin.
Seeing as how I literally IM my friends all day at work, I have to say that I am an advocate for technology.
Now having said that, I am not a fan of technology when it comes to dating. I use myspace and other sites as a place of expression and usually I am expressing whatever the hell is going on in my personal life,(which has been known to cause a few problems) but it’s my perogative.
I hate when I get a text after business hours, pick up the damn phone and call. Don’t IM me, don’t email me, and please don’t text me…but I’m a little old fashioned in that sense.
Now to answer the direct question, it’s simple. Women are constantly maturing and moving forward, so yes we want change, change meaning progression WITHOUT taking away what we’ve already established to be habit.
We are creatures of habit, we live for consistancy and schedule, and I believe that has something do with the nurturer in us. We need to provide and to be provided a sense of stability…so don’t hate on the creature, hate on the creator.
See … I musta been meant to be born a man. My ex (the one who dumped me because God told him I was possessed) STILL TO THIS DAY AS OF 27 MINUTES AGO sends me texts or calls to question why I don’t call him as much as HE thinks I should. Now, before he and I shared living space (and before God said I was a demon), I would talk to him on his way to work, on his first break, on his lunch, on his second break and on his way home. After we moved in together (and still before God proclaimed my demoncy) I would get up at the ass crack of dawn to make him breakfast before he went to work. Talk to him at least once on his way to work, the first break, the lunch, the second break, on his way home and then when he walked thru the damned door.
Looking back, that was a smidge excessive. But I was in love and shit. I mean it annoyed me to some degree. I mean its bad when the whole office knows at 917am I will be on the phone and not available for 10 minutes.
Now that I’m all demonic and shit he still calls me wondering why he and I don’t talk like we did in the past.
Yes, I do realize he is crazy.
I’m all for space. I want you up under me when I want you up under me, and I want you to go play with your friends because you are probably on my nerves.
As for the topic of the blog – I like technology. I like texting. I can have a conversation with you via text while watching Dirty Jobs or Mythbusters and not have to really miss anything of either.
And if I didn’t have the internets, what would I do at work?
So um…if you don’t mind my asking…how does it feel to get told that you’re a demon? Clearly you’re a little bitter, but somehow I don’t think that really sums it up.
Though I suppose it’s like someone breaking up with you b/c God doesn’t think you’re good enough.
Actually…demon’s worse.
I’m not really bitter anymore. It comes out when I get one of his phone calls complaining I don’t have time for him anymore. I got one of those phone calls this morning on the way to work. It has been 7 months since he broke up with me – I think it is time him and his God move on.
And to be serious for a moment – when he broke up with me and told me the reason I was like THE FECK?!?! I took it more a long the lines of I wasn’t good enough and shit and it caused a wee drop in self-esteem. I came out of that quickly (and the sadness that came along with the whole thing), and by quickly I mean about 3-4 months because he still called me everyday at the same calling schedule and telling me stories of demon casting and told me because I had a sinus infection I was possessed by lust spirits and that I needed to be exorcised and he could do that etc etc etc.
Once I realized that his synapses weren’t synapsing properly I healed and have worked on moving on.
I’m more bitter that I still love him than him saying God said I was a demon.
I’m more or less accustomed to being called a devil (she-devil, white green-eyed devil, etc), but the demon kinda hit me funny and not in haha kinda funny.
Cheryl,
That dude is crazy, for real. Anybody who is receiving direct communication from God is only two minutes away from being in times square wearing nothing but shoes and a sandwich sign that says “God is coming: Are you ready?” You should thank your lucky stars that you are outta that situation. From the sounds of it could have been a lot worse.
Just wondering but was this the first sign of this crazy evangelical side of him?
Dude went from normal to nuts like instantaneously. One evening we had a conversation about being “religious” vs. being “spiritual.” A couple of weeks later he wanted to cease sexual activities while he was on his “spiritual journey.” The no sex lasted 2 weeks. One week after that God said I was a demon and he moved out (and now lives in the church). It was about a month from the initial conversation to the move out.
So let me get this straight. He said God told him you were a demon and he still calls you?
Did you ever ask him why he makes it a practice to call demons? Or why he’s upset that a demon isn’t calling him? Is your ex named Constantine?
He told me God told him that I was demonized. He told me demonized means basically a demon has taken over me but he is confident that I personally am not a demon.
After we broke up we still spoke several times a day. Eventually I got to the point where I didn’t always answer his calls and not return them with the same frequency. He called me on this and I had to remind him that he had dumped me. Then he brought up the whole “Can’t we be friends?” thing.
This morning when I answered his call I had not spoke to him in several days. I still have to have some type of communication with him because we started a business together, it now has been incorporated where he and I are the only shareholders. It has come down to me advising him he either needs to purchase my shares or I am selling them. He is trying to work out a way to handle that. I thought he might have been calling me about a business issue, but I was mistaken.
It appears as though he has a lot of things he needs to sort out. In any event, it’s a good thing you’re no longer with this person. He seems like a headache.
I have two questions:
1) Why are you still answering the phone for this guy? – obviously he is crazy and conflicted as he is communicating with a “demon” against God’s will.
2) Is he from TX?
1 – The only reason I can gather is because I am a glutton for punishment? I still have feelings for him. I no longer want him back tho.
The other side of this answer is I am obviously stupid. Not totally stupid, but if you knew the rest of the stuff you would agree.
2 – No, not from TX he is from Virginia Beach, VA.
Well self-proclaimation can only mean one thing…
That it’s true?
That it’s as true as you believe to be.
“I think, therefore I am.”
Never think such negative things about yourself. You can not let this man go because you keep telling yourself you can’t. You keep answering his calls because you keep telling yourself to. And if YOU think you’re stupid, can you imagine what he thinks about you.
End the cycle, do better…be better…try a more positive approach to your situation. God gave you an out, see it as a blessing that he did not allow you to stay with a man who could belittle you in the ways he has.
Gurrrl, it’s called a break-up because it’s broken, it can not be fixed, let it go, keep it moving…have some dignity and pride in yourself and let him go.
They say you can’t help you love, I tend to disagree. When people show you who they are the first time, believe them…and RUN!!!!
LOL…ok so now I’m preaching on a whole other subject. I’m sure you’ll find the strength, courage and desire to finally move on.
I’m responding so you know I read your response Teacia and didn’t ignore it.
But I can’t respond in a manner I deem appropriate.
I understand.
he brings shame to my homeland
It sounds like he really wounded you deeply. I don’t think that anyone who makes silly decisions while under the “veil” of love is “stupid.” That is the nature of love. You have to make yourself completely vulnerable to another person and trust that they will not misttreat you. But it could have gone either way. This could have worked out to be your soul mate– if he wasn’t crazy as hell. I find that you often can’t tell that a relationship is doomed until it fails.
I just hope that you don’t allow yourself to remain scarred and carry baggage into your future relationship(s). Too many people do this.
Finally, it sounds like you need to have a very honest conversation with yourself about your self-esteem and how it was affected by the relationship b/c although you said you bounced back the subsequent statements would say otherwise. You need to to get your swagger back.
Yeah I don’t do baggage, so I won’t become involved with anyone else until I am fully healed.
I’m good on self-esteem. I called myself stupid because 7 months later I am still doing some of the same things I did for him when we were together. It may not have been stupid on my part THEN, but it certainly isn’t smart NOW. I’m still doing them because at this moment it is easier to still do them rather than deal with the comings of not doing them. Trust tho I will reach the point where doing them is no longer easier, and once I reach that point I’ll stop doing them. I say them like its a list – its just one thing. But still.
I won’t subject the next man to problems the ex-man caused.
don’t do TEXAS like that…there is a propensity for biblically fanatical behavior…but not all WHACKOS for CHIRST are TEXANS! (the majority) but not ALL! as a TEXAN, I am slightly offended…lol…not really, just had to defend the roost!
I only asked because I have only heard of this level of fanaticism from one other person and they are from TX.
(And sadly they are related to me)
“Guns don’t kill people…PEOPLE kill people.” That’s how I feel about technology killing relationships. In having that initial conversation about enjoying “space from each other”, there should be some mention of constant communication via technology so there’s a limit put on it.
As for what you said about women wanting change AND wanting us to stay the same, at the SAME time, I agree wholeheartedly. It’s just one of those things we have to attest to their species.
realest shit that has been typed today! it’s not the availability…it’s what you do with it…you have to lay the foundation up front…and there “should” be less issue on that side of the ball…
This post is (as usual) dead on. I think the real root of the issue, though, is not technology or any other communication medium. It is woman’s insatiable desire to talk. Interestingly, the audience doesn’t truly matter…they just need to talk to someone who will listen. It just so happens that a boyfriend/husband/jumpoff is the one person who can’t avoid the on-going dialogue because of the potential consequences (ie no sex, silent treatment etc).
If men could avoid the phonecalls and incessant talk without their being any severe backlash…we would.
“It is woman’s insatiable desire to talk.”
my second favorite comedian patrice o’neal said that women need to realize that we (men) feel the same way about our time that women do about their vaginas. basically that forcing us to talk incessantly again our will was “raping our time”.
LMAO! I have had my time raped more times than I care to mention! By now my time is nothing more than a two dollar hooker.
LOL!
OMG! “raping our time” I LOVE that! and it’s SO true…again…I have been told I’m a man when it comes to these things…so I am not at liberty to agree or disagree with this statement…
Come on now, I know men who are just as bad as women, who will keep the conversation going for hours on end as well. I think it’s a test of intellectual compatibility.
If you feel that a woman is saying something you can relate to than you will not be bothered in the least about the lentgh or frquency of the conversations. If I talk to you about sport stats, and then switch up the conversation to politics, and then on the current plight of (Black) America, most men who have a common interest will listen and do so intently, and ACTUALLY participate in the discussion.
True but when you started venturing off onto topics of hair, nails, Ashanti’s new video, etc…I’m going to eventually shut down.
But why would we do that, that’s what our girlfriends are for. And more than likely, you will have no idea what the hell I’m talking about anyways.
Then again I don’t do superficial conversations with men and maybe this isn’t directed towards women like me.
I should have read this first and saved my finger strength for something else, huh?
Right On! like the magazine…
D*,
I have to deviate from the norm as the name suggests and say that “insatiable desire to talk” does not apply to all women.
I know plenty of Chatty Charlies and you probably do too but their conversation actually interests you.
If a women had full blown conversation about sports and sex, this would not be an issue.
you know, i’d personally commission a study showing exactly how many people within the 18-35 year old demographic have allowed myspace and facebook to create serious static in their romantic relationships. my guess would be at least 35-40 percent.
Good point…I never thought about that.
Yeah…that’s definitely on the books, I didn’t have enough time to tackle that one head on…it’s a monster all on its own.
Hm.. do it
I bet the percentage is more than that…the last 2 relationships I had ended because, I caught my EX cheating on MySpace…scenario 1, she was his “friend” but was all relationship’d up with MY man on HER page…scenario 2, she hit me up asking my man’s name and described his new place to me in detail…I don’t blame MySpace for this…I blame it on boys with men tendencies with a “game” that is less than tight! eventually they would’ve been caught in real life either way…the internet just saved me a few weeks!
Wow.
He was a dumbass.
THEY were dumb asses…there were TWO different dudes…LOL…
I agree, I think the percentage is much higher. I haven’t said anything to anyone I was dating who had a space page but much has been said to me, but shit it’s my space…if we’re not exclusive, get over it and step ur game up!
And if we are exclusive and I’m showing my ass, then maybe it’s time for you to keep it moving.
So true. My friend has a saying, “Myspace…ruining relationships one click at a time.”
another t shirt in the making
again, one of these days we’re gonna have an entire entry devoted to t-shirts. maybe we’ll let everybody vote on the best saying, and actually get them printed out
And sometimes the only way you can have a conversation in a relationship is via IM.
No really. I lived with a man for 2 years that couldn’t tell me sh*t to my face because I ‘get too emotional.’
Instead, he’d tell me via IM that I made him miserable and that he have more fun with your friends than he did with me, but, no, no, we shouldn’t break up. No, instead I should change. Again. And despite the fact that I accepted his two kids (which is why I don’t date men with kids), caved on my lifelong refusal to shackle myself to another person get married, and moved from my apartment into his place.
If we hadn’t had IM, I’d still be trapped in an ugly situation trying to talk his a** into getting some therapy rather than cutting my losses and moving on — cuz he sho nuff wouldn’t have told me any other way…LOL.
I second the motion on not dating a guy with kids. I have a kid myself, but I dont like other people’s kids. And the IM communicator definitely had to go. The IM should be reserved for cyber-whispering sweet nothings into your computerized ear.
yeah, i broke the rule for him because it is extremely hard to find attractive, educated, single, child-free black men between 30 and 40 — and i mean ‘single’ as in ‘never married.’
and then i have the _nerve_ to want them to be compatible with me too? that’s too much work … LOL.
Space is wonderful. As a woman I relish in it, because half the time I am with my “friend” I want to give him a roundhouse kick to the face anyway. I do agree that myspace/facebook is the cause of many relationships ending in destruction. I eventually had to delete my “friend” from myspace, because said friend was one second away from receiving, said roundhouse kick to the face, fo’ sho’!
Why are you spending time with a “friend” you want to roundhouse in the face?
OK!!
Well the McLovin is good fo’ sho’. Until I can fill that position, he has to stick around!
Well the McLovin is muy excellente’! So for now I just have to suck it up and hold my karate leg down until someone can fill the position!
hmmm I can’t say I ever kept fucking a girl after I have determined I can’t stand her presence. Dislike makes my dick soft.
“Dislike makes my dick soft.”
another t-shirt
I thought you said you were a girl…in my previous statment where I said “I find it funny how men(meaning you)…”
And then you said something about gender confusion and I was like I could swear he was a dude on killacal’s page. Oh well, I guess YOU just misunderstood me, but that was the tone of the day.
There’s been no misunderstanding.
Oh and we are good for keeping the dick around when not liking a man. Shit, it’s hard to find someone to hit in the right spot, and when we find it…maaaan, it sho is hard letting go.
Girl I feel your pain, if there is no emotional attachment and you’re just looking for a replacement, I say ride on!
Quick question: Has anyone ever met someone over the internet? Did it work out?
I have always maintained that internet-dating was for people with social-ineptitude. But considering the scores of people who do it…that preconception is probably untrue. Either way though, cyber-dating has delivered a major blow to relationships.
I guess it depends on how you met them via the internet. There’s a difference between meeting someone of eHarmony or match.com, vs maybe someone hitting you up on a social network or something over mutual interests? I think pple who date via dating sites are socially inept.
Hmm. . . am I socially inept? I guess if by socially inept, you mean that women aren’t falling into my arms the second I look at them, then yes.
Perhaps just being the way I grew up using the internet, I don’t see meeting people via the internet as being too different from meeting people randomly somewhere else.
I mean, that would suggest that anyone whose ever met someone through anything or anyone else – a mutual friend, some work or other organization related activity, the gym, rec center, or anything that brings together people of common interests must themselves be socially inept.
Except by definition, engaging in activities where you interact with people who share some interest or connection is the definition of being social. . .
I find it interesting how people view the internet as being the final act of desperation for people to meet others – as if there are well established alternate means of doing so in the first place. . .
I agree with you totally. I meet men in some random ass places, including stop lights, gas stations and ferry boat rides. So why is it crazy to meet a person online.
I am quite the social butterfly and although I never approach anyone online directly, I have entertained the notion of hooking up offline and in a couple instances with great success(speaking the physical sense on this one)…a girl has her needs to.
Anyhow, I don’t think…I think the topic of online dating is overrated. At the end of the day we’re all just people ineptly connected to our cyberboards while being moderately productive at a day’s work.
Yep…yours truly met and began dating a chick I met online thru my other website. Now, there were extenuating circumstances in that we actually found out that we had common friends in real life (which was kind of scary) so a sense of familiarity was present.
And it worked until it didnt. That’s all I’ll say about that.
“It worked until it didn’t” Im stealing that, I will however cite you whenever I use it. LOL
yeah the people who go to dating sites/myspace/whatever to date are the same ones who look for wives at the bar. the ones who stumble into relationships through like blogs, forums boards etc — ive been there, many of the people on this site have, that’s like forming a bond over someone at a school or library. The internet isnt really the internet anymore, it’s a parallel form of life
you know, i think that someone who goes on myspace or facebook with the sole purpose of finding a relationship and/or procuring some a** has some issues, but if it just happens (which happened to me) i dont think its a bad thing.
also, for whatever reason, i tend to look sideways at guys who belong to sites like match.com and eharmony, but women get a pass. i really have no idea why i do this
Yeah, chicks get a pass. I kinda feel sympathy for them. Like…”Awwe, you’ve exhausted all of your options and now you’re last hope is through eHarmony.” Or “Awwe, I’m sorry boo, but you are never going to find a man looking like that…you better get a subscription to eHarmony. And don’t forget to post your homegirl’s picture instead of your own.”
For men, I’m more like “Damn, dawg, how did you let the situation get this far gone?! You should shoot yourself…it’s for the best.”
I’ve dated a guy or two I’ve met online but I don’t do dating sites, I don’t think anything is wrong with them but I have no problem drawing attention on a daily. But back to the aforementioned suitors, either we had a mutual friend in common who brought us together or we just shared common interests and beliefs. None of them worked out but it had nothing to do with the internet.
I mean let’s be real, how is it any different than a man approaching us in the frozen food section or while pumping gas. You never know what you’re going to get. The internet allows people to meet and share beliefs and interests who would have never gotten the opportunity otherwise.
for the past year I have been internet (dating) meeting people. When I initially started my myspace it was not for that purpose but I have since met some men in person that I have met on myspace, because I have exhausted all my resources in RI(whole other story), and since I am in the process of leaving the state (within the next year) I am willing to date within a 6 hour drive from where I currently am, I know it seems extreme, but after what I witnessed at a club in Merland this weekend, at least on line and via phone I can dismiss (kindly let sdown) the men that cant even hold a conversation with me without, being groped, or feeling ogled, or being subjected to slurring henessey breath, or have to throw a drink in his face or have my girl run interference.
the most significant romantic relationship of my life (so far) began on the internet…we were in a cypher on BlackPlanet of all places (back in 2004) and I dusted him off! he had never been lyrically dominated by a woman before, and we hit it off as friends…then the visit…and fell in love…fast forward 3 years…he was one of the afore mentioned “dumb asses” caught cheating on MySpace…I also think that E-LATIONSHIPS are more sensitive to online communicatio/social networking sites etc because they know that it not “just the internet”…ya dig?
it also leaves too wide of a berth for miscommunication. im a big texter =\
Agreed.
There’s that whole lack of tone thing.
Sometimes you don’t feel like typing “lol” or “j/k” and next thing you know your “joke” is an unintended downer in the conversation.
the flip side is that (s)he can’t give you “The Look That Makes You Want To Smack Him/Her” so you’re forced to react to his or her words.
I agree that space is good and technology is messing up relationships. If you talk all day, then you have nothing to talk about the end of the day.
WORD! “If somethings on your chest, then let it be known, see I’m not your every 5 minutes all on the phone!” (Black Thought!) HOW IN THE HECK-CK+LL are you gonna ask me how my day was? you KNOW how it was cause you were texting/emailing/pic messaging/MySpace-ing/calling/STLAKING me all fuggin day! do you get ANY work done? how do you earn your paycheck??! I mean damn…I send you a :-* (text kiss) cause you were on my mind and you took that as carte blanche to “rape my time” all day?? and then want to “see” me later?? HELL NAH! NILL YO’SELF (NIGGA+KILL=NILL)
LOL! I am trippin’ off of you equations… But I agree. I never understood why some people have to call their sig. other all day every day. That would get on my nerves. I don’t even like talking on the phone, I would rather do most of my communicating in person. Even then, I still don’t want someone hanging off my tits.
One thing about it if you start off text messaging, instant messaging etc at the beginning of your relationship, you sure better keep it up. Too much of any thing can be a bad thing; however on the flip side, there’s no reason why there should be a communication issue with all of the communication tools that are available.
I highly recommend placing a moratorium on technology for someone you are dating. It’s very easy to fall into the habit of IM/blog/Twitter communication, thus sucking the mystery, coolness, and general novelty right out of a potential romance. The world wide web should be such that you guys can stay in your own lane, uhh for the most part.
It’s interesting because I adore geek boys, but I think if I actually started dating a technosexual, we may actually have to have the tech talk, ie. lay a little ground rules. I refuse to have a real life argument about facebook floozies being all silly online with my man. If there are insecurities already looming, technology will only exacerbate the problem.
So…in a way, it’s a blessing and a curse, because you would want to know ahead of time how psycho the dude/chick is, you know? Before property is damaged, pets are tortured, etc. It’s not our mama’s dating scene, ya’ll!
*tangent* you had me at “exacerbate” my second favorite word in the English language which coincidently rhymes with my first favorite word…”vasillate” which both rhyme with… you just made my morning. Thanks
What I really wanted to comment on is, “I refuse to have a real life argument about facebook floozies being all silly online with my man.”
I have had friends that have deleted their “Facebook”, and “Myspace” profiles because, “People in relationships are above that”, which to me is code for “I/He/We couldn’t handle all the hoochies/dudes he/she kept befriending or reading the comments that they left on his/her page”.
Ana, I know of at least one friend who did that very thing. Not because his girl was suspicious but because her cousin was all in his business like an undercover operative.
i explicitly forbid my ex from joining twitter while we were together. and when we broke up, i had to unfriend/de-contact him *and all of his friends* on flickr, facebook, and yahoo 360.
that’s a whole new world conversation there too. who do you let join your digital circles?
“i explicitly forbid my ex from joining twitter while we were together.”
Why? And did it work?
why? because that was my playground where i hung out with my friends all day.
i treated it like a physical space. just like i don’t want you all up in my chick cave or he wouldn’t want me in his man cave, i don’t want him all up in my social site.
just because i know you IRL doesn’t mean i have to be your friend/contact/connection online.
did it work? yeah because i could talk about him freely … lol. i don’t think he’s joined to this day.
“Why is it that women want and don’t want change at the exact same time?”
Women (and men for that matter) want the good things to stay good and the not so good things to improve over time. Let’s call it eternal optimism shall we?
In terms of technology ruining relationships…eh, maybe. I think there are plenty of people that are using technology to kill their relationships. However, if you are involved with someone you consider one of your best friends…how could you not talk to them? Now that doesn’t mean you have to text them to say, hey, I just went to pee. Lol But the convenience of being able to reach out to someone you love is nice.
Honestly, in my experience, the person that texts me with a smiley face that makes me roll my eyes…I didn’t like him so much anyway.
I enjoy texting friends and family with ridiculous comments about dumb sh*t I hear throughout the day, and when involved with someone I may do that too. I think its just like with everything else, moderation. I also enjoy sending the occasional, “Just thinking about you”, “thinking about you made me smile today”, or “Good Morning, Good Night” text. However, I have to agree with other people that have already stated, if you are not the kind of person that likes to be on the phone or bothered with cute texts or IM’s throughout the day you have to let her/him know that in advance (i.e.communicate). After all isn’t that what having all this technology is really about? Another means to more EFFECTIVELY communicate
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