When The Levee Breaks
“Treat someone like an object, and they’ll behave like one.”
The objectification of women is a problem in current pop culture. For years, women have been used as mere visual trinkets intended to make men look more virile in videos. In song, women are usually relegated to derogatory and derisive terms like b*tch, ho, slut, Lil Kim, etc. As the objectification continues, the thought is that the men of tomorrow will view women less and less as equal partners and more as property and possessions to be owned and commanded. A recent study conducted by Tamar Saguy discovered this:
Leading a team of Israeli and US psychologists, she has shown that women become more silent if they think that men are focusing on their bodies. They showed that women who were asked to introduce themselves to an anonymous male partner spent far less time talking about themselves if they believed that their bodies were being checked out. Men had no such problem. Nor, for that matter, did women if they thought they were being inspected by another woman.
It stands to reason that as women feel objectified, they reveal less about themselves. To wit:
Saguy’s study is one of the first to provide evidence of the social harms of sexual objectification – the act of treating people as “de-personalised objects of desire instead of as individuals with complex personalities”. It targets women more often than men. It’s apparent in magazine covers showing a woman in a sexually enticing pose, in inappropriate comments about a colleague’s appearance, and in unsolicited looks at body parts.
Wow, that is tragic. And I’d buy it lock, stock, and barrel except…
…video hoes and hoodrats seem to have not gotten the memo. In the past three years, more video hoes have started spilling the beans on their trysts and triumphs, have hit the circuits to talk about how it feels to be objectified, and they seem to love it. Hell, very few even take issue with being called video hoes.
Okay, I have no proof to back that one up but like Chris Rock said, if you show up to work wearing a hoes uniform, you can’t be mad when somebody treats you like one. An entire cottage industry has grown out of video hoes making a name for themselves in entertainment. Think about it, mainstream America actually knows the NAMES of quite a few of them now.
Where dey do dat at?!!!?!?!?
Oh yeah, Oprah.
Zing!
From Superhead to Angel Lola Luv to Melyssa Ford, even to the Paris Hilton’s and Kim Kardashian’s of the world, reality TV and the public’s insatiable desire for gossip and non-sense, video hoes and women famous for their sexual (de) merits have caused objectified women to share more pieces of themselves than Jenna Jameson. Now, of course this study was done with women who didn’t know their male counterpart and when they felt the man was solely focusing on their assets, they spoke up less. So it’s not really an apples to oranges comparison. However, video hoes on the other hand have created an entire life out of exhibitionism and won’t stop yapping. The game is to be sold, not to be told, but they won’t shut their traps, flying directly in the face of this study.
And well, hoodrats, they just don’t stop yapping anyway and loves them some objectification. Use it or lose it. Though ironically, I’ve heard quite a few successful and professional women indicate that they realized the values their bodies had and that while it was still how they liked it, they would do best to benefit from the attention they received.
Now, I realize that a video ho is probably more prone to attention whoring given her desire to share her assets to the world for as many to see as possible anyway, so once again, apples and hand grenades, but I’m sure there is an entire segment of the population out there that not only relish the opportunity to speak more because of their assets, they look for opportunities to do so, and perhaps weren’t captured in the expansive 207 person study. The fact that they’re students doesn’t help either since they probably read and reading makes one more conservative.
So says Panama anyway.
Plus, when you factor that the reason for less personal revelation is because half of the women probably were saying, “I’m up here, thank you…so I’m a Scor…ah ah…focus…” After a while you just stop trying and exchange numbers so you can talk that way.
Note that men don’t care one way or another. Testosterone win.
Anyway, ladies do you tend to speak less when you feel objectified and how objectified do you feel on a daily basis? Further, to the guys, do you ever really just stare at a chicks boobs when trying to holler at her? It seems like it would be counterproductive to procuring the digits or BB PIN number?
Share, because sharing is caring.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
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{ 158 comments… read them below or add one }
I have a huge a.s.s
and I have had one all my life. As a child I absolutely hated the attention I received because of it. old chester, chester’s,leering from porches offering candy and shyt. Then Senior year of high school and college and I loved the attention. I loved walking in a room and knowing eyes were on me. I used it to my advantage. I did, I surely did. but the “dayum look at that ass” and the touches, and pinches got real old real quick and I found myself in the middle of heated altercations because of it on a regular basis.
As Ive grown I realize there is a fine line between being found attractive and being objectified.
To answer your question if the objectification is direct? I tend to be vocal about it, cut it short and let it be known that I will not accept that kind of shyt.
I dont have to deal with it at work as much but I also purposefully dress to camoflage my ahem.. assets at work.
Now when i go out to the clubs I also think my manner of dress, while still fly, is a lot more conservative than when i was younger… it might also have to do with the fact that my stomach is not as flat as it was back then either so I all those cut off, belly baring shirts are a t hing of the past….
have cut down on a lot of the touching and the more overt overtures.. but its still there…
@shay_d_lady, you wrote that whole thing just to brag on yourself, didn’t you?
@Panama Jackson, no because honestly its not anything im proud of.
and the older I get the less of an … asset it becomes.
Especially trying to move up the ranks in corporate America. In the south. How many big butt executives do you know? LOL
@shay_d_lady, there’s got to be a few. i ain’t checked out Debra Lee’s booty b/c i hate her voice…what she working with?
@shay_d_lady,
“I have a huge a.s.s”
i think i’m in love…i didn’t read anything after that, sorry.
@Carver The Great, I know, right!!?!? shay_d, How u gon say that and not have a link to click on for a look-see?
@DirtyJerz,
true, not trying to “objectify” you, but let us be the judge if your asset is huge…or not
sorry about the last half of that post.. i am not good at multitasking…
but I was trying to say that i think my more conservative dress has cut down on the more overt things but yeah ninjas still be trippin
The objectifying thing is pretty much why I never give my number to randoms in the street/club/whatever.
All you know about me is that I’m cute. I could be crazy, I could be diseased, I could be a stalker, I could have a peen, you just don’t know.
“Then how does someone get to know you?”
Just gotta get lucky and catch me multiple times I guess… or check for my digital footprint.
*shrugs*
<– Met current dude via online message board…he learned about me through my e-interactions and thoughts on my blog.
@KaNisa, All you know about me is that I’m cute. I could be crazy, I could be diseased, I could be a stalker, I could have a peen, you just don’t know.
this is what day time talk show TV has brought to the world. exposure to women with these problems.
so basically somebody has to stalk you in order to get to know you? in this case, im guessing a little objectification would be better, but i also didnt realize some people enjoyed being stalked.
learn something new everyday.
@Panama Jackson, It’s not stalking REALLY…I mean, I don’t come here every day, but I know what to expect once I come, and it’s entertaining enough to come back…same with the digital footprint stuff. Most of my relationships were cultivated via computer and/or co-op video games.
With the real life stuff, well, I suppose you would have to stalk me. It’s not easy to find me as I’m a work/home kinda girl. I even get my groceries delivered! (Them ishts are heavy)!
@KaNisa, I cosign on pretty much everyhting you said. That’s why I hate street holleration or even the idea of meeting a guy in a club. It’s not conducive to really getting to know me, and generally speaking it doesn’t mean we have anything in common besides going to a club and/or walking down the street on any given day.
@Liz, …yet. you mean you dont have anything in common yet.
hell, even if you meet a guy in church. all you know at that point is that you have religion in common. until you spend time talking to somebody you have no clue if you have more in common than church.
what that illustrates is that you place more weight on where you meet being indicative of who somebody might be. until we talk to anybody, ALL we know is that we were at the same place at the same time.
@Panama Jackson, Religion is on another level than “I want your number because you WEARIN’ that dress (at the club)/those jeans (in the streets)/those Spandex pants (at the gym)” …
Plus the venue does matter, especially if it’s a venue one doesn’t normally frequent (ie the club). I’m pretty sure a dude that goes to them regularly would not be my type, or I his, as I haven’t been to one myself in two years.
@KaNisa, let’s be real, women wear some questionable attire at church too. and no dude sees some random woman is like, i like the way that church dress covers up everything about her so i want to holler. human nature exists inside a church as well. men see something about a woman that intrigues them, and it CAN be the way her dress falls over her hindparts and decide to holler. he might approach you with a “God is good, sister…” but that DOESN’T mean his reasoning isn’t the same as the dude in the club.
now to the dude at the club, you’re ASSUMING dude is a club regular too aren’t you? hell, you dont go, how do you know he’s always there? it aint like you’re watching his every move to see if he knows everybody. until he approaches, you probably don’t know he exists.
and hell, what if it’s a club that focuses on live music he frequents? THEN is that different? he’s still always there and he caught you on the night they had so-and-so performing.
@Panama Jackson, I’m not speaking for all women, I’m speaking for me. For example EYE wouldn’t wear something suggestive to church. Also, you’re at church to party with God and other people who share that goal. If religion is an important part of your life, and someone else is also there every Sunday and is as involved as you are, then you’re likely to take him more seriously than the Ray Ray at Subway who held a 2 minute long conversation with you and asked for your number.
I didn’t say I knew about whether or not the dude at the club is there all the time. I just said a dude that frequents them probably wouldn’t be compatible with me.
Finally, it doesn’t matter with the venue is. If I have only had 5 minutes worth of conversation with you, you’re not getting my number.
(Yeah there are two of these…can we thread down a lil more?)
@Liz, Thanks Soror…and happy early founders day!
“Further, to the guys, do you ever really just stare at a chicks boobs when trying to holler at her?”
In my best Akeem voice, “I have seen it done before.”
@P., lol. you know, men don’t get a lot of credit for the restraint it takes to NOT stare at really nice boobs. you have to make yourself keep your eyes level with her face. i think women think its easy to do but it’s not.
we really appreciate boobs. its not even objectification, its genuine appreciation.
@Panama Jackson,
“men don’t get a lot of credit for the restraint it takes to NOT stare at really nice boobs.”
Church. Priest. Tabernacle.
@Carver The Great, I mean ya’l,l could at least go back and forth so that we kinda think you’re listening to some of the things coming out of our mouths. I don’t expect a guy NOT to stare but I do expect him to multitask or pretend he is!
I hate feeling like I’m having a convo with myself and I do stop talking but I also get frustrated. And me frustrated is never a good thing…especially if your a new boo…that will get you cut off quick!
@Carver The Great,
i concur!
I maintain eye contact, but lawd help me, I am a breast man. A woman’s décolletage is a sight to behold
and hold. I steal a glance on the low, like a gentleman should.@Shay,
Let the church say “Amen”. Preach on as I, too, follow in the footsteps of some lovely breastedess
@Shay,
” I steal a glance on the low, like a gentleman should.”
Co-sign
@sisanda, @Shay,
Yup. Then when she walks away…you start wondering them jawns look unleashed.
@Shay,
I do enjoy being the “objectee.” lol! AND I’m caribbean, so ah does wine meh bamsi so!
Panama, that make me a video hoe?
@Jackie, no, it makes you a woman who appreciates being appreciated for being a woman.
now if you show up to dance in videos with sprinkles and glitter on for a rapper who clearly looks like a dolphin…THEN you’re a video ho.
@Shay,
I have to look. I try to be discreet. If i don’t look I’m disrespecting God’s work. It would be like spitting in Jesus’s face if I don’t look. I htink my girl understands this. I try not to make her feel like a poster when I look.
@Deviant, If i don’t look I’m disrespecting God’s work.
lol, this might be the most honest and sincere, oddly ridiculous statement of truth ever.
@Panama Jackson, To be honest if my man said something like this, I would let him continue on doing it.. That was really so ridiculous that you can’t argue with it!
@Deviant,
If i don’t look I’m disrespecting God’s work
This is so funny!
@Deviant,
If i don’t look I’m disrespecting God’s work. Yes! Yes! The feminine form is a beautiful thing.
@Shay, How can we not look?!? It’s in our nature. Let me be the first to say “I enjoy the funbags”
i can see where the women in the study are coming from. if im talkin to dude and he is clearly more interested in the cleavage than the words coming out of my mouth, then why would i continue talking. he’s clearly not interested in whats on my mind, and the fact that i havent taken my top of expresses that im clearly not interested in what he’s got in mind.
do i feel objectified on a daily basis? yes. but that comes with the territory given the work i do. do i tend to speak less when im being objectified…not at work. yes, in regular life. im not interested in being anybody’s fetish and i dont like talkin to strangers anyway…
@shatani, he’s clearly not interested in whats on my mind, and the fact that i havent taken my top of expresses that im clearly not interested in what he’s got in mind.
both of those statements are patently false. just b/c he’s checking out your rack doesn’t mean he couldnt care less about whats on your mind. we can often multi-task. boobs and brains, we appreciate them both (snicker).
also, just b/c you dont drop the top doesnt mean you arent interested in what he has in mind. he might want to climb a mountain with you (no Lupe) that would require you to be fully clothed.
so cynical.
@Panama Jackson, “boobs and brains, we appreciate them both (snicker).”
I had to de-lurk and say…you ain’t slick….*side eye*
@Complex Simplicity,
Right? Lol!
@Complex Simplicity, what??!?! what did i say?!?!?
@Complex Simplicity,
aint slick AT ALL.
“I’m up here, thank you…so I’m a Scor…ah ah…focus…”
lol! I love having curves, but it’s a curse in the work place because it’s too much unwanted attention. The company where I work is over 90% men (IT company) and the women are constantly getting checked out by the men or hear inappropriate comments especially from the married men. I’ll still speak up though cuz I’m aggressive when it comes to work, but I see other women speak less.
@Leila, you know, i’m actually glad a gang of IT geeks are checking out the women that work with them. makes me feel like they keep condoms in their pocket protectors and really are normal people.
what? sue me. i like to think that even geeks get love too.
@Leila, haha girl I feel you. I work in the IT dept too and its mostly men.. old creepy ones at that. But hey they can’t get enough of me.. but it pretty much works in my favor. My boss loves me, and I’m pretty confident he wouldn’t fire me as everyone would hate him for taking away their eye candy LOL.
As a teen I really felt more objectified because I had a really nice shape..I would wear sweaters around my waist all of the time so I would get less attention, or so I thought. It didn’t really work. I would not speak up. Now, I will speak up. Do not stare at me or my assets if you dont want to be called out, because I will call you out on it. My problem is with men who are so dagon thirsty and uncouth that they don’t even try to hide the fact that they are objectifying you.
@QueenT, sweaters dont hid the booty. it just draws attention to it.
i mean who wears sweaters on their hips?
I’m wondering if I should feel bad because I love eye candy and objectify the hell out of men LOL. I even go so far as to call them pretty and pat them on the head when they get upset.
I think my personality and…menacing aura tends to dissuade that sort of behavior. I dress in a very specific way…it doesn’t tend to result in leering…think sexy librarian who will crack a book on your head.
If a man does it…I call him out without hesitation…I think it’s funny. I’m told my sense of humor is very off.
@Siobhan, I’m wondering if I should feel bad because I love eye candy and objectify the hell out of men LOL.
that’s how it should be. though if you tried to pat me on the head i’d try to pat you on the head and next thing you know guns would be drawn and the police would show up. and that never ends well.
@Panama Jackson,
Yeah…if you try to touch a black woman’s hair, without permission, of course I’m going to draw down on you.
Now I preempt all that by pinching your cheeks and telling you how adorable you look today and how I could eat you all up like the Big Bad Wolf…and looking very convincingly like I could
…are we sure that the “hoes uniform” nugget of wisdom was Chris Rock’s, and not from this Chappelle excerpt?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uscmRI9ZrE
@Penelope, now you know all black people look alike. how am i supposed to remember which one said it? i dont have the time to research every fact. lol.
@Panama Jackson,
quite true. I just wanted to give credit where it was due…I tried to debunk the Maya Angelou/”Every Woman Should Have” myth and restore the rightful fame to Pamela Redmon Satran…but since I’ve been so unsuccessful with that one, maybe karma could let me have this one?
There’s a thin line between being perceived as attractive and being objectified…and that line is constantly exposed by low-rider jeans.
I think as adults (myself included) we all have a level of responsibility that we have to adhere to, and it all starts with little intorspective question we should ask ourselves e.g :
1) Is it really necessary to wear this skimpy/risky to my job interview?
2) I’m a Medium size, do i really think anyone wont notice that I’m wearing a Size S wife-beater (both sexes)
We are all aware of the steriotypes or atleast the perceptions that other folks may develop when we dress in a certain manner, so why act suprised when they materialise.
I’ll still respect you, if you respect yourself.
Sidenote quote:
I’m not fat…i just have a different lifestyle
@sisanda,
“i’m not fat, i just have a different lifestyle”
loves it!!! thats gonna be my new quote on fb
@sisanda, so do you think most folks either don’t’ know or don’t’ respect that line between objectifying and appreciating attractiveness?
i kind of wonder if, as a man, objectifying women is just such an innate part of our psyche that there really isn’t much we can do about it short of forcing ourselves to view all women as nuns.
but even then…julie andrews was a fly nun.
@Panama Jackson,
I think the attraction part is toooootaly out of our control, how you interpret that atrraction to the person is tottaly dependant on your *ahem* level of home-training.
@sisanda, “I’m not fat…i just have a different lifestyle”
T-Shirt!!!!
@sisanda, We are all aware of the steriotypes or atleast the perceptions that other folks may develop when we dress in a certain manner, so why act suprised when they materialise.
I have a problem with this because to me it implies that I must always dress conservatively and if Idont the unwanted attention is my fault. I don think that because today I choose to wear form fitting pants, that gives you the right treat me as an object. To openly lust, pant and attempt to touch me.
thats some bullshyt. I appreciate my shape and I dont feel I should have to always hide it so that pressed dudes wont approach me.
@sisanda, I’ve always had a problem with the statement, “I’ll respect you, if you respect yourself.” I look @ it like, “I respect myself, thus I respect everyone else whether they respect themselves or not.”
No, it won’t be made into a song…BUT if I hold myself up to a certain standard why would I forsake that standard because someone else has no standards at all?
@LuckBALady @sisanda, Point LuckBALady…
And anutha thang- sometimes we like to dress sexy because we just like to feel sexy… it ain’t always for you boo.
@Yeah…SO?!,
But it is appreciated.
@LuckBALady, I’ve always had a problem with the statement, “I’ll respect you, if you respect yourself.”
I co-sign, I feel like this saying allows you to judge whether or not they are respecting themselves, and it really isn’t your place to decide.
I concur with a lot of the VerySmartSistas here. I am one of the few female system admins. at my hospital. I am also the only Black female in our department. Not that I think I’m Ms. Boobylicious or anything, but I guess I’m cute. However, I notice that my features seemed to get over-magnified in an all male setting. Feel objectified, much? Absolutely! Do I go mute when I notice it happening? HELL NO! Although the ‘Supa Angry Black Chick’ always seems to get attached to me for no real reason, I admit having some dude check out my boobage right in the middle of a damn convo, meeting, while getting some coffee etc..; that shite sends me into a HULK rage. We ALL have favorite aspects of the human body that we enjoy. This does not mean we are allowed to pick someone apart like a f*ckin’ cadaver and chew on the bits you like best!
Why/how are certain types of chicks able to turn themselves into the biggest chauvinist pigs ever by promoting the whole “I’m a hottie!” industry? Who’s giving these fools airtime? Oh yeah, Panama already mentioned one: thanx Oprah! Thanx Tyra! I gotta a gallon of Orange Haterade and some MadBitch Berry Punch in the fridge for both of ya!
P.s. Yeah, I know… Oprah does great charity work, let Chris Rock touch her hair on TV ‘n all that… but she still manages to praise some of the most whack ass people/events on TV= I’m still mad at her for going on about how great it was to see Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball(?!@ WTF!)
@GeekChicness,
“I’m still mad at her for going on about how great it was to see Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball(?!@ WTF!)”
LOL..you sound like me!! The ONLY movie I’ve like Halle in is “Things We Lost in the Fire.”
@Smiley Face, waitaminute, BAPS was a classic movie.
and let us not forget her unleashing the puppies in Swordfish. i bought that movie on DVD just for that scene.
@Panama Jackson, Glad to know I wasn’t the only one who did that!
@Panama Jackson,
..no
This is a funny subject because the women who are being objectified usually ask for it themself. When i wear my applebottom jeans i know people will be looking at my bum…can i blame them than for that?? I am the one displaying it so i should not be surprised when people react to it. That is completely normal!! Even i as a women look at women whom walk around half naked and stuff. I have a friend with the most amazing boobs and sometimes she wears something low cut and my eyes wonder of…hahaha…and believe me i am not into females!!
Objectification has never come to mind, cause i think it totally has to do with the way you display yourself and where you do it. Some women complain about men who do this and some just simply enjoy it. I wonder what the women who complain would do if all the men around them would stop objectifying them. Some will not admit it, but i think it would hurt them a bit. The same as walking past a constructionsite and no one whistles…hahhahaha…you would wonder..LOL!! Women have to start learning to except certain things about themselves and not be afraid to say that. It is ok to like that kind of attention, it is ok to dress a certain way if that is what you like, it is ok to be a feminist and be sexy!!! I would not want to be a vidoeho…not my cup of tea…still if someone else likes that and they dont hurt anyone while doing that…than let them be. Just dont like females that act a certain way and dont own up to it…want to act like they classy and ish. The people who start looking at every women as if they all are videoho’s and starts treating all females that way are ignorant and should be checked out.
@Rochelle, I wonder what the women who complain would do if all the men around them would stop objectifying them. Some will not admit it, but i think it would hurt them a bit.
there’s truth to these words. in an odd way its like nobody wants a jealous rage type of significant other, however, everybody wants their mate to feel a little jealous in regards to them.
except me, and its caused me more issues than a motherf*cker in all my relationships. i try to be jealous. i really do. lol. it just ain’t in me.
@Panama Jackson,
Yo, I second that to the 100th power. I have gotten into a few disagreements with my lady friends who were mad that I didn’t show any jealous tendencies.
@Rochelle,
I will have to agree with this… However, I think it’s more of a personality thing.
Some women don’t mind attention while others don’t like it at all. The first group will tend to interpret “objectification” as admiration and the second group will be more like to interpret “admiration” as objectification…
Personally? If the objectification ends up serving me? I am all for it, if not, you will definitely hear about it. I don’t get quiet. Heck, I am never quiet.
@Rochelle,
. I wonder what the women who complain would do if all the men around them would stop objectifying them. Some will not admit it, but i think it would hurt them a bit.
I have to disagree. First there is a difference between a man being attracted toyou and acting on that attraction and being objectified.
I dont think anyone would be upset if objectification disappeared today. Nobody likes being treated like a piece of meat.
When i wear my applebottom jeans i know people will be looking at my bum…can i blame them than for that?? I am the one displaying it so i should not be surprised when people react to it
also we are not talking about a mere reaction. if you were your applebottom jeans does that mean you want dudes to refer to you as “shorty with the big booty”
does that mean they have the right to touch that applebottom, pinch.
or approach you with dayum can i fit in them withyou?
Naw son, that shyt aint straight
As if women don’t do this? We may not think about it fitty-leven times a day like y’all, but when we do the experience is quality. If you had any idea of the thoughts we have and do not share with you in the workplace you would be truly offended (I’m giving mad side eye right now to my former co-worker). And yes, it’s a miracle that we were able to hold any kind of conversation because he was sublty checking out my assets and I was having full-on Zane quality chex with him on the copy machine in my head. But – I think we women are just better at covering those thoughts, lol.
In general, my cleavage and rump have never held me back. If you’re gonna stare, I’m gonna slide something past you that you might have said “no” to if you were paying attention. Also, I hate moving heavy things and have no shame in just standing next to a box pouting in heels. That ish works every time.
@Lil’T, panama jackson approves this comment.
@Lil’T,
Word. Life and Confettis.
One of my coworkers should have back pains considering the number of times I did him on our very uncomfortable conference table… well, in my head of course.
@Lil’T, But then men see that as manipulating them and that’s another stereotype. Women craving attention and pretending not to but then using that attention to get what they want. There’s no winning.
Sir Panama, I guess my first response was way too “angry black chick”. I just think the whole ‘video hooch’ movement only encourages men/folks to check the goods instead of checkin’ if somebody’s mind is actually functioning.
It’s especially more hurtful when there are VSSs walking around believin’ that that behavior is actually getting them somewhere.
….I still got that Orange flavored Haterade & MadB*tchBerry Punch waitin’ in the fridge for certain TV show hosts who still waste too much air time on aforementioned hoes and train wrecks.
@GeekChicness, naw, i totally understand your comment and agree. i just happen to also appreciate video hoes.
Yang Tzu, on his way to Sung, stopped for the night at an inn. The innkeeper had two concubines, one beautiful, the other ugly. But the ugly one was treated as a lady of rank, while the beautiful one was treated as a menial. When Yang Tzu asked the reason, a young boy of the inn replied, “The beautiful one is only too aware of her beauty, and so we don’t think of her as beautiful. The ugly one is only too aware of her ugliness, and so we don’t think of her as ugly.”
Yang Tzu said, “Remember that, my students! If you act worthily but rid yourself of the awareness that you are acting worthily, then where can you go that you will not be loved?”
@The Unameable, Notorious B.I.G. said this so much more succintly with, “..fat, Black, and ugly as ever…”
welcome and sh*t, by the way…
Pendergrass done died…i’m in mournin y’all…
@kingpinenut,
You too huh?
@miss t-lee,
yeah..i won’t be gettin sh!t done today…..
@kingpinenut,
Yeah…it’s real questionable right now.
@kingpinenut,
oh…and i objectify the HELL outta some phatback….
kryptonite it is
@kingpinenut,
i know…iCry…iSad
@kingpinenut,
You are def not alone..
@kingpinenut, you know, this is odd but hearing Teddy P died hasn’t had the same impact as some other deaths. not sure why. i mean i’m sad about it, and i’m rocking out to some old harold melvin and the blue notes right now…
maybe its b/c he’s been so out of the public eye for so long.
either way, RIP.
When I was younger and didn’t know what to do with the attention, it used to make me uncomfortable and I would get quiet hoping to just disappear or fade into the background. I’ve always have some backyard, then BAM 6th grade came and then so did the hips..oy vey.
In high school I was the baggy jeans, tennis shoes and T-shirt girl until 12th grade when I got tired of hiding..I still wore t-shirts and jeans but they fit this time, lol…being a cheerleader didn’t help either!!
On to college….fashion show!!! By sophomore year I was tired of the “dayum girl” “hey thickness” “thick shorty light light” and started keeping more to myself, stopped wearing skirts, started wearing sweats unless we have to go the Convocation Center..then the attention would start again.
Just got tiring…all that hiding under clothes two times too big when I wanted to dress up, wear a dress or a skirt in my size or hell even slacks. I used to get defensive and talk back, now I just ignore it.
@Smiley Face, so your body has made you more “shy” b/c of the attention? like the study suggests??
btw, “thick shorty light light” is hella creative. i mean, you’ve got to give points for that. the second “light” addes a certain something to it.
@Panama Jackson,
Not “shy” per se…just less vocal in certain situations
@Smiley Face,
“I’ve always have some backyard, then BAM 6th grade came and then so did the hips..oy vey.”
That reminds me of my 7th grade luncheon. It’s when I truly realized the power of the donk. I was a tomboy in grammar school so I didn’t really dress up unless forced. I wore this red form-fitting dress and this one boy got that POP-EYE look and was like, “Dayum, [Cheekie], got booty!”. I cranked my neck to check out my goods and blushed like a mofo. I sat down for like most of the luncheon. Didn’t even get up for seconds
even though that chicken and dirty rice was the bomb.@Smiley Face,
(In my silky southern drawl) Shawty Light-Light, did you go to Hampton?
ROFL….you ladies really have to lighten up. Yes, there’s a lot of guys that are over-the-top thirsty, but what a lot of women have to understand is that the “tastefully sexy” work outfit that you bought yesterday, will not only be seen by your dream boat of a man in cube down the way from yours. You can pick and choose who you are attracted to, but you can’t pick who can’t whose attracted to you.
If you are half way attractive, we will look…even the one you think ain’t lookin’, is. Bottom line, we love ass. We love tits. Your husband, boyfriend, and yes, yo daddy all love ‘em….and even while they’re with you, with just the warp speed glance that they give women at the mall (or your fine ass girlfriends), that millisecond that we took that mental picture, its a good chance that in a man’s mind that you are butt-ass-nekkid. Sorry, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. Doesn’t make you an object….it’s just how we remember names.
Girlfriend: DirtyJerz, Tomika’s coming over. You Remember Tomika?
DirtyJerz’s Mind: Oh, you mean Tomika, with the magnificent perfectly round boonky!? nice!
DirtyJerz Voice: Word? aiight.
LOL
@DirtyJerz, “You can pick and choose who you are attracted to, but you can’t pick who can’t whose attracted to you.”
Can you really?? or is that something determined by nature etc?? just a thought
@OrangeStar616, if it was nature , then women would pick one of the gentlemen pictured in yesterdays post. They’re probably nice guys, and I’m sure they’re single (LOL) but because you have a CHOICE, you probably opt out. and from the looks of those guys, that’s might be a great move.
@DirtyJerz, my thing is you really don’t have a choice, attraction is a strange animal, you are either attracted to someone or you are not, you can’t tell yourself hey I am going to be attracted to this dude altho he does nothing for me physically or any other way etc LOL it doesn’t work that way,,,,,,,,theres really gray area there, altho you can be attracted to folk for a myriad of diff reasons outside of the physical……… conclusion its ALL chemical, thus nature.
@OrangeStar616, what chemical turns you off from a dude in a royal blue suit with 18 gold buttons and matching shoes and dookey breaf? it’s called choice.
jk…i get your point tho
@OrangeStar616,
YES, you can pick who you are attracted to.
@DirtyJerz,
As a grown woman..I can understand this..but as a 12/13 year old, no, not so much when you walk passed a older boy or grown azz man as he mutters “dayum, light skin got azz”.
@Smiley Face,
I don’t co-sign any foolishness like “dayum,light skin got azz”, “hey shawty” hissing, licking your eybrows, etc. That played out with freaknic…and doing it to someone other than an adult can and should put you in handcuffs.
@DirtyJerz, Doesn’t make you an object….it’s just how we remember names.
LMAO. So wrong, but so true.
Big Booty Judy is the perfect example.
@Panama Jackson, ^^^flipping thru his mental slideshow for Big Booty Judy…Ah, yes….Judy!
Further, to the guys, do you ever really just stare at a chicks boobs when trying to holler at her?
No, I don’t. Of course i approached her because she has a body and I find her attractive. But that is where it stops. I admire you from far away but not while I’m talking to you. How can a woman take you serious if you can’t look her in the face when you talk to her? I’ve never been a dude to stare at a woman like that. The problem that I have with the objectification of women is that it seems to hinder some women’s development of personality. For some reason I seem to run into too many women with huge @sses and tata’s and can’t hold an intellectual conversation. having a body and being attractive doesnt affect all women this way. But it does affect a significant number. When you have men adoring, chasing, spoiling, and catering to you for your looks since you were a pre-teen or teenager it can come out to be a bad thing.
@Humble_One,
Co-sign!
@Humble_One,
“I admire you from far away but not while I’m talking to you. How can a woman take you serious if you can’t look her in the face when you talk to her? I’ve never been a dude to stare at a woman like that.”
Awww….Humble One. I heart you for this!
@Humble_One, yeah, i agree. that’s ALSO why i think so many extremely attractive women are as vapid and boring as an untouched canvas.
i think that some women get so used to being attractive and getting attention because of it, they forget to develop personalities (just like chicks with bodies). not for nothing, i know a GANG of chicks from college STILL trying to find a man and a lot of them were considered lookers. its actually kind of socially interesting. all these hot chicks from college lonely at age 30.
i think Congress should commission a study on this…
@Humble_One, OMG I must be in church cus yall speaking the TRUTH lol
Ok great post and insights firstly..I have to say I find it very sad that alot of these brawds willingly reduce themselves to their body parts and are proud of being groupies essentially and hoes SMH boy it really speaks to the mind state of alot of folk and the world today……
I do not feel objectified on daily babsis because I do not present myself as an object, my looks just scratch the surface as far as who I am, as a person and unique individual.
I’d much rather being admired for my mental capabilities and originality/personality than my looks alone, while its nice to be considered attractive by the opposite sex and sometimes the same sex, LOL I don’t BANK on that, you know what I mean…..now I am not gonna say I never felt objectified because I have even by someone I loved, I felt like a prop at his functions @ times, something to make him look good, while other dudes lust after you, and sweat him etc….
Now its one thing for dude to be proud to have you on his arm and want the world to see how fortunate he is to have you, its another to feel like a party favor or a wind up doll/toy etc, the former I have no problem with, represent represent, LOL, the latter, well, theres no love in that!
@OrangeStar616, wind up toys are cool though, are they not?
yeah, i think there’s a fine balance somewhere for everybody. everybody likes to be objectified somewhat, even 3′s like me. generally, thats the key to finding out more about people.
you objectify then they hit you with the personality and whoop, there it is.
whoop there it s.
@Panama Jackson, LOL, you done dusted off the 69 boys LMAO
You asked,
Anyway, ladies do you tend to speak less when you feel objectified?
No, I don’t speak any less. One of my junior high/ high school nicknames was “nalgas”. So that ain’t nothin new. It’s actually pretty much hilarious to me when kats can’t talk and get all speechless.
@miss t-lee, I think thats cute , when a dude is “glamoured” (thx True Blood) to the point they trip over words, are obviously nervous or just get stuck when in your presence etc, that makes me giggle
Smart dudes will peep out the ASSets before approaching to speak.
$.02
@Joppie, yeah, but we always want a better view.
The female body in all it’s forms is a beautiful creation. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and damn it, I’m gonna behold it. With that said, I get it; women do not want some dude ogling them all day. I understand and respect that. To that end, I make a conscious effort to maintain eye contact during conversation and steal glances to fuel my fantasy’s when she’s not looking. This limits my chances of offending her or worse yet, catching a sexual harrassment charge. I’m willing to make this compromise.
Let’s stop kidding ourselves though, when we see something we find visually appealing, we look. For women, this tends to be shoes, for men this tends to be women and the “assets” thereof. It’s regretful that this admiration has to now be labeled “objectification”.
Unless she’s been living in an Amish community all her life, chances are that she is aware that: a) men are visually inspired creatures, b) men are usually more direct with regard to what they want, and c) that men desire sex. So when she wears that plunging neckline, tight ass sweater, or hip-hugging dress, if she’s got any sort of intelligence, she will know that it’s going to get male attention. That’s probably why she wore it to begin with…simply to fuel her self-esteem at the expense of some hapless guy- only to get offended because the guy could not cleverly enough conceal his appreciation of her form or because that particular guy was not appealing to her.
It’s a sad day in America when the hungry dog gets kicked because the woman got bitten when she kept offering him a steak before jerking it away. At what point does personal responsibility become a factor in this equation?
@Caballeroso,
“Unless she’s been living in an Amish community all her life,”
You know them Amish kats be like ooooh…you got a beautiful neck, or that’s a sexy azz ankle girl!
@miss t-lee,
LMAO! you crazy!
@miss t-lee,
I hate that I adore you.
@Caballeroso, stolen glances are sooooooo sexy, I sees it all LOL, looking when trying not to be obvious, I love that esp when there is a mutual attraction and you tryna keep it in check cause best believe inthoise instances we steal glances too
@OrangeStar616,
Yes! I play the stolen glance game as well. Wonderful and engaging conversation about current events, and once she is not looking I am checking her out.
Now I want to ask the VSSs about wearing chexy clothes that accentuate their -ahem- a$$ets out and about. Most of do it for self-esteem purposes, right? So us men can marvel at your beauty? Because that is mostly the assumption I am working under.
@Soula Powa,
For me, it’s 50/50. 50- because I feel good wearing it and I know it’s cute,the other 50- for ya’ll to look.
@Soula Powa, I was about to say, I dress for me first, its something I enjoy, its something I do rather well, my fashion is my art, and then whoever else appreciates the style well thats a bonus, but I think we are all guilty of say when buying denim, if it don’t make the ass look right, then whats the point LLS
@Caballeroso,
I agree, but women are not just checking out shoes. Men just aren’t as visually appealing as women, which is why women are used so much more in advertising and marketing. But when you men do have something to show we look. Some of y’all are filling out your slacks better than others, lol.
@Lil’T,
You’ve been spewing the gospel all day!
@Sula,
Girl, that front package can turn a “3″ into a “10″. Real quick.
@Lil’T,
*snickering loudly*
@Caballeroso,
It’s not about appreciation…it’s the delivery of the appreciation. I’d rather hear “Miss lady, you look nice today,” over “Cotdayum, how you get all that azz in them jeans!” That’s not the business..at all, lol
@Caballeroso, you bring up an interesting point. a lot of women do wear certain clothing to attract male attention. but i wonder if they would get as much attention if they didnt rock the tight ass apparel.
heck, i’d wager guys would STILL approach. we do have our imaginations, ya know.
@Panama Jackson, I love it more when dudes approach me in “plain” state as opposed to glammed out……. and when I do put it on, POW!!!!!
BUT mofos are known to phcuk with some bama ass brawds LLS, mentally and gearwise LOL so gear really don’t factor in that much with alot of men, its what’s underneath, NO? but that will play out eventually too when thats all there is( soley physical etc) even with ya’ll men LOL
@Panama Jackson,
I’ve gotten more play when I was in sweats/head scarf just running to the store than a little bit. Going out attention is nice, but you kind of expect it. When you look busted it’s like, “And why are you trying to holla?” lol, must be the booty.
This is why I’ll never name my little girl Judy. If she’s built anything like me she’ll end up as that year’s Big Booty Judy.
@Lil’T, I think its because we are more approachable dressed down, less intimidating and it carries a lil more weight when they see me regardless of the attire LOL
As Shay-d mentioned upthread, there’s a fine line between being admired for your physical appearance and being objectified. Respect and the appropriateness of the comment or gesture separates the two. “You look nice today” will probably be taken better than “Girl, come sit on my face witcho sexy a$$” even though the guy who said the first comment could’ve been thinking what the latter one stated out loud.
I believe women play up their most attractive features to look nice and to garner a certain attention. Not just attention whores and video models, but most women (read: 99%). Whether it’s showing some cleavage or wearing the right dress or jeans to accentuate one’s curves, women like to be found pretty or attractive. A lot (read: All) women would feel a little self-concious and maybe insecure if no man EVER commented on their physical appearance. It’s all about dudes having tact when they do it.
I’m not sure if what I just typed has anything to do with anything.
*shrug*
@Monk,
“Respect and the appropriateness of the comment or gesture separates the two. “You look nice today” will probably be taken better than “Girl, come sit on my face witcho sexy a$$” even though the guy who said the first comment could’ve been thinking what the latter one stated out loud.”
Exactly…
@Monk, yeah it makes sense.
it’s all in the presentation.
@Monk,
“Respect and the appropriateness of the comment or gesture separates the two. “You look nice today” will probably be taken better than “Girl, come sit on my face witcho sexy a$$” even though the guy who said the first comment could’ve been thinking what the latter one stated out loud.”
Word. I can’t control what’s going on in your head, and frankly, I don’t even care. It’s what you say outloud that determines whether you get the mean-mug or flipped bird or miss t-lee special throat punch. Just like men always defend their gross comments with, “Well you shouldn’t be wearing that” well, in response to men whining about women getting mad when you disrespect them, I say something similar, “You shouldn’t have disrespected me”. You can think all kinds of nasty things…that’s safe territory. The word “tact” is ut there for a reason. Apply it in life.
if it was nature , then women would pick one of the gentlemen pictured in yesterdays post. They’re probably nice guys, and I’m sure they’re single (LOL) but because you have a CHOICE, you probably opt out. and from the looks of those guys, that’s might be a great move.
I don’t condone any foolishness like “dayum,light skin got azz”, “hey shawty” hissing, licking your eybrows, etc. That played out with freaknic…and doing it to someone other than an adult can and should put you in handcuffs.
@DirtyJerz, my thing is you really don’t have a choice, attraction is a strange animal, you are either attracted to someone or you are not, you can’t tell yourself hey I am going to be attracted to this dude altho he does nothing for me physically or any other way etc LOL it doesn’t work that way,,,,,,,,theres really gray area there, altho you can be attracted to folk for a myriad of diff reasons outside of the physical……… conclusion its ALL chemical, thus nature.
I was just talking to a friend last night about how his compliments always focus on some physical attribute. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy the occasional self esteem boost but it’s disheartening when the only thing a guy seems to notice about you is how cute your a$$ is in your jeans.
Panama, why you gotta write this post the day I get creepy grins thrown my way just because I’m wearing an office dress that just so happens to hug my booty just right. Ah well, hoping that foine guy upstairs sees me. More than likely, the creepy guy down the hall will see me first. It’s the price I gotta pay, I guess. *kanyeshrug*
But yeah, men can stare all they want, just don’t cross that proverbial line.
@ Panama
I’m not speaking for all women, I’m speaking for me. For example EYE wouldn’t wear something suggestive to church. Also, you’re at church to party with God and other people who share that goal. If religion is an important part of your life, and someone else is also there every Sunday and is as involved as you are, then you’re likely to take him more seriously than the Ray Ray at Subway who held a 2 minute long conversation with you and asked for your number.
I didn’t say I knew about whether or not the dude at the club is there all the time. I just said a dude that frequents them probably wouldn’t be compatible with me.
Finally, it doesn’t matter with the venue is. If I have only had 5 minutes worth of conversation with you, you’re not getting my number.
Being objectified, especially in the workplace, can be a gift and a curse. Being attractive (and nice) goes along way ‘specially with 2520 upper management… So it can work in your favor when it comes to dealing with people as they will be nicer to you, go out of their way to help you and can even help advance you through the ranks a little faster.
HOWEVER, the other side of that coin is that should you advance through those ranks, other people that might have got passed over will think that you only got to where you are because you must be screwing someone or because of the way you look. And sometimes it can be hard to get people to take you seriously when your dealing with the “old boy network” in corporate america.
I don’t mind being objectified if it works to my favor and I’m not expected to give anything in return. My boss is a 49 yr old Italian guy and we’re cool as hell. He was straight up with me and basically said, you’re an attractive girl and in the business world, you have to use what you got. And I know exactly what he means (no perv – he’s not saying sleep w anyone) hes saying that you have to use whatever edge you have to get what you need and get ahead. And I believe thats real as long as you stay true to and dont devalue yourself.
@BKSweetheart, all of that depends on WHO you work for LOL I had an Italian supervisor once and he told me I shouldn’t have to work, I should be on the cover of Vogue etc, LOL Frank was the coolest and wasn’t nasty or trife, he hired me cause of my smile.
Now these mofos where I’m at now in my immediate group, haters, LAMES and rednecks,
I do speak less if I feel like I’m being stared at or objectified. I speak less because I don’t know the person’s motives or thoughts and in the looking, glancing or leering (perhaps in some cases it’s not intentioned to be disrespectful), they didn’t communicate with me. They never gave me eye contact, looked at me as a person, or even said “hello”. So I keep it pushing. Plus the more leering and objectifying glances can make you feel VERY uncomfortable and sometimes the idea is to just keep it moving to avoid anything unpleasant.
Per yesterday’s post, I posted in part about how L.A. didn’t play. Now while I was putting a little humor in the situation, that is the absolute truth and as a young lady walking home from school alone, navigating public transportation, etc. etc. you become aware of all that could go wrong. I have seen some really skeevy things and unfortunately see some of the worst behaviors. One minute you on the bus (high school age and looking age appropriate) and a man is staring you down and the next you see in your peripheral vision he is masturbating in front of you on the public bus. I know that was just one nasty and disturbed individual, but an accumulation of events and experiences does leave an impression on you at a young age to be careful and to be aware. I used to wrap by coat around my waist to cover my butt, or have my coat as a security blanket or any a number of behaviors where on one hand you feel it’s not that serious, but on the other you don’t want to attract too much attention especially when you are alone. Hence, the “ice grill” or “don’t eff with me” face sisters have as a defense mechanism because they just want to come and go safely.
As an adult, brothers seem shocked if I speak at times. This is especially true at the gym. They’d act as if I was trying to holla because I acknowledged them in the stairwell when I passed him. Maybe I’m just not up on some of the conventions of gym etiquette, but I would think to myself ‘Really? Come on, son! Relations between sisters and brothers are THAT bad where I can’t even acknowledge you without being looked at sideways?’. I am not the sistah going to the gym just to meet a guy or give that impression, so I learned to keep it pushing and get my workout on. Plus, at my gym, which is more family oriented, their girl is there so they probably freaking out over an innocent “how ya doin’!” when I meant no harm.
I also may not speak if I wasn’t spoken to first, because sometimes the objectification is just that. They got a glance, it was worth looking at and that is it. He ain’t trying to holla. He simply appreciated the view. Sometimes I find humor in seeing a guy turn his head (whether it’s me or someone else), think he’s being smooth, and it is totally obvious. However, if they wanna holler or feel compelled to, they will. Sometimes when the glance from a brother is appreciated, my experience has taught me to allow the man to decide to or muster enough courage to speak first.
All that said…I’m hella friendly and quick to bust into a smile or laugh.
@legitimate_soul, I feel you on the safety issues. I had a childhood/adolescence that reads like an Oprah Winfrey (written, produced, and directed) TV mini series or movie. I got the leering, touching and comments, from male family friends,a male cousin, step daddy, high school military recruiters and such. I thought I was safe. Realized I was not. So to take chances with a stranger is too dangerous a thought for me to entertain. A man starts acting crazy aggressive esp. with physical attraction or sexual energy radiating from his pores…I am quickly heading in the opposite direction. I watch the news, I don’t want to get beheaded and thrown in a suitcase because some psycho though we had something going because I spoke to him too long or was too nice after he acted inappropriately.
When it comes to objectification I think the real conceptual agurment is sexual intimidation vs. sexual attraction.
I think for many women objectification = sexual intimidation.
Men use objectification as a tactic to make you feel uncomfortable so you will be forced to acknowledge them.
It’s also seen as a way to “dominate” the opposite sex.
And the sad thing is men know objectification is inappropriate but justify it as sexual attraction, which is complete BS.
Then you have women who think objectification = sexual attraction.
These women find worth and validation when men holla at their body parts.
For them it’s also a way to “dominate” the opposite sex. (i.e. Women who use sex (body parts) as a weapon)
And for most they never learn the true meaning and use of sexual attraction.
cosign @legitimate soul
I, too, speak less if I feel I’m being objectified out of safety reasons. As a woman, you never know how far a guy will take things, esp. if he is a stranger on the street.
On the other hand, I’m at the other end of the spectrum, in comparison to most of the lovely ladies on this blog. I’m a blk girl w/o the assets, so I constantly hear comments about not having an “ass” or not having “tatas.”
I’ve heard these comments so often during puberty and beyond that I intentionally cover up or dress more conservatively to try to avoid hearing a man talk about my body in that way. Although, I still get the leering looks from older men (i.e. 56 yrs old and up), because some people tend to think I’m in high school.
@Cherry_Darling, girl its all in how you work what you got (c) MJB!!!
@ Panama
Chuuuuurch! to your whole Post. Soooo true!
Reading these comments, I think I am missing the point.
So Panama, can we have a standing definition of objectification? Because I am wondering if the “body parts” have to “remind” s3xual activities for it to be considered “objectification”? Because I am not sure we’ll see many women complain if someone calls them “Hey pretty eyes” or “chocolate”… Heck women have been using cinnamon/mocha/butterpecan/whateverfoodcolor CutiePie as handles for as long as the Internet existed… So does the body part have to have a direct link to s3xual thoughts for it to be objectification?
Somebody help me out here.
@Sula,
I think that objectification happens whenever someone reduces your existence to a body part or feature. Admiration is great, but if we can’t even hold a conversation or you can’t refrain from saying something nasty I am offended and will begin charging you by the look.
@Sula,
I think a good place to start is Wikipedia. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification
It partly states: The term may also be applied to a person, in which case it refers to regarding or treating the person as ‘a thing’ or object, separate from their personal attributes or characteristics.
Ha, I was waiting for somebody to say that. That has my favorite quote “Titties poppin’ outta her turtle neck…”
Yeeah I think there is a distinct difference between “looking” and raping someone with your eyeballs.
There is a subtle glance, and then there is the asshole following behind you on the train station yelling “Good Googlay-Mooglay, Look at that Boot-ay”
I typically do feel insecure, and dirty if Im being blatanly objectified. Especially if its in the workplace. I fully understand that men are visual creatures, and I can let the first boob glance pass. But if you keep on acting like my eyes are located on my nipples. We cannot converse.
Not like I walk around with hard nipples all the time but…..you know
The flip side of this is aging. I have big tatas….but I’m 44 now and they ain’t sitting up like they used to (thought I do wear good bras) and I got a little more fat on the middle than I did when I was younger. I absolutely hated the objectification when I was younger, especially at it related to catcalling and harassment on the street. But when it dead stopped, that was a moment of absolute truth for your girl. However, all things being equal, I much prefer being able to walk the streets without the constant harrassment, but sometimes do miss the assessing eyes that I used to get easily. What’s disgusting to me though is how many grown ass men give my teenage nieces that eye, although they are clearly underage. I don’t give a damn what any man says, there are some teenagers that are questionable but not my girls. I’m sure that when I’m not ice grilling them down, the catcalls are there as well, though most won’t be so disrespectful as to do it in my face, but there are always exceptions. It’s really truly some grimy ass perv dudes out here.
I’m fine with being objectified these days. After almost four years of celibacy, my younger lover is probably objectifying me all day but I don’t give a fuck. I’m feeling like he invented sex and I’m just learning what it is LOL
I feel there is a difference between appreciating my assets and leering and objectifying. If I get a smooth, quick, glance and a nice smile and we can have some intelligent conversation I’m cool. If your tongue is hanging out of your mouth and the drool is splashing on my blouse and your convo consists of “where you stay at”, “damn gurl you so fine”, “or some crap like or “are you a model?” or “you look like Halle Berry but thicker” I’m not talking, I’m not making nice, I am going to take a step back and do a military style turn and walk away.
As a woman I want to know I am found attractive, that you appreciate my even white teeth, my smooth clear skin, that I brushed my teeth, even my shape (I’ve been working out and trying to tone up…ya know?) but, I don’t want to know that you are imagining me bent over some item of furniture while you pull my hair and you don’t even know my name…To answer the question if I am being ogled….I am pretty much silent, it makes me uncomfortable, fearful and it makes me feel like you are objectifying my body so much that if my head fell off you wouldn’t notice. I hate feeling like I am not a sum of my parts but simply my parts.
I’m objectified by men whether I wear a swimsuit or a choir robe. It’s just going to happen because that’s how attraction is supposed to work. The problem is when men start being disrespectful. That’s the point when I check them. Now, many women I know or have watched have been in the same situation and didn’t check the guy that was being disrespectful, whether they were shy or they just didn’t know how. I think that everything comes down to how you feel about yourself and how far you let men go with their disrespect. I don’t think any woman sets out to be objectified. Most lack male attention growing up and are compensating for lost time. That is why we have so many abuse cases and women willing to be “the other woman.”
I’ll be honest w/ you guys and myself…I really like attention. I mostly only think of it as objectification when I think a guy is too unattractive or too old. Those are the instances where I feel uncomfortable, self-conscious of my attire, or like I want to run away (and I do tend to speak up less then, so as not to draw more attention). However, this is from a woman (can I call myself that at 23…really?) who’s never had anyone try to pour champagne on her, toss some bills in the air over her head, been called a bitch, whore, or ho to her face (minus, of course, the angry rejected at a bar) or anything that could be perceived as similarly deprecating.
Thing is, I’ve been the skinny, tall nerd my entire life. Despite my physical assets – long legs, big breasts, small waist, pretty face in the “aw you’re adorable, are you 18?” way (seriously pursued by men 40 and older, in other words) – I’ve been so reduced to my grades, test scores, and academic achievements to the point where I’d often start wondering if I was even a sexual being at all…and not some robot (a type of objectification?). Not to mention my two best friends who have long been aware and confident of their effects on men look like variations of every 20-something black man’s dream (ass-to-waist ratio, thick thighs, gorgeous faces, the whole shebang so far as I’ve seen), and I’m the baby of the group. Needless to say, I often relish in sexual attention (especially flirting) when I get it.
The way I see it is this: I have yet to meet a man who appreciates everything about me (and vice versa). Until that day, I’ll just enjoy (on whatever level) the guys who like me for my intelligence, the guys who like me for my body, the guys who like me for my personality, etc. They will serve their purpose, and I’ll provide at least the very same in return. This isn’t some ho’s decree or anything b/c I’m definitely pretty selective. I just think, in the most general terms and excluding particular circumstances, so long as a woman doesn’t feel disrespected or uncomfortable there shouldn’t be a problem.
@E.Jay
I think you’re not grasping the whole concept of objectification.
What you like is attention. What you don’t like is UNWANTED attention. And sounds like you have yet to learn how to deal with unwanted attention.
But make no mistake objectification is NOT just unwanted attention.
Know that attention (wanted or not) can lead to possible objectification.
And as you grow into a beautiful, successful woman that has received her fair share of attention you will be better able tell the difference between attention and objectification.
It was asked in an earlier post how we should define objectification. I think a good place to start is Wikipedia. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification
Even as a “woman of a certain age”, that has received her fair share of attention, I read this from time to time to remind myself. Cheers!