between the economy, the cleveland cavaliers, and the blueprint 3¹, 2009 has largely been an anti-climatic year full of disappointments and epic fails.
despite this, there remains a number of things we can always rely on to come through in the clutch, a bevy of perpetually dependable people, places, and things that never, ever disappoint, and that always perform exactly how we expect them to.
here’s six
ron artest breaking news
between its hair, its haymakers, and its halftime hennessy, “ron artest breaking news” is the literal embodiment of the gift that keeps on giving. i’ve never been disappointed or unentertained after clicking on a headline with its name in it, and “ron artest breaking news” seems intent on keeping it that way forever
the support of sistas
seriously, if you’re a black man with even an inkling of, sh*t, anything, the list of things you can do to make sistas stop supporting you is shorter than kiefer sutherland.
soup with crackers
go ahead and laugh, but name another food more reliable than a bowl of soup with crackers. in my travels i’ve tasted f*cked up versions of pretty much every previously assumed unf*ckupable foods imaginable. i even once had someone bake me some sugar cookies that somehow ended up tasting like smoked salmon. soup with crackers, on the other hand, always comes through, always makes you smile, and, strangely, always makes you think about professional wrestling²
hoes
regardless of where, when, why, how, who, and what, you can always count on hoes to find unique ways to partake in some form of productive hotivity. you may call them many things (“hobby-horse” is my favorite), but “a disappointment” is never one of them³
the barbershop
*just a few of the things i received during last thursday’s weekly visit to east liberty kutz*
a fresh shape-up. a conversation with a crackhead about paul pierce. a slice from ventos pizzeria. two business cards, including one from a female barber i strongly suspect to be a lesbian pimp. stock tips. a convincing theory about the real reason bill cowher left the steelers in 2006 (apparently he got a sista knocked up. she got an abortion, but his wife still told him “we’re leaving pittsburgh or i’m leaving you”). a flyer for a party at a bar that burned down two days later. change for a 20.
the three-five minute early morning quickie
f*ck folgers, this has been and will always be the best part of waking up
anyway, we always have a ton to say about what’s making us itch or grinding our gears, but i’m curious: what else can we name that never, ever disappoints?
¹to be honest, once you realize that the blueprint 3 is just jay-z doing his best impression of a kanye album, its actually not that bad ²maybe this is just me ³unless, of course, she’s your daughter
—the champ
Related posts:
- lending a hand: the people, places, and things that helped us make it through puberty
- hay season: the people, places, and things that make me itch
- 5 very smart ways to help you stay faithful
- kobe and me: why we root for people to fail
- nttawwt: the vsb spectrum of gay things that straight men regularly do
{ 376 comments… read them below or add one }
I thought it was the media… they cut to commercials at random times during the fight tonight and I was grossly disappointed. So I guess I’ll stick to mirrors. Mirrors never disappoint me, what’s reflected in them from time to time (depending on which store’s dressing room i’m in) but other than that…. i have come to have an over all generally low level of expectation for just about everything, that way, I’m hardly disappointed.
@Ro, OOOo I was first! cool.
*please don’t shoot me*
@Ro,
Mirrors never disappoint me, what’s reflected in them from time to time (depending on which store’s dressing room i’m in) but other than that…. i have come to have an over all generally low level of expectation for just about everything, that way, I’m hardly disappointed
lol, i see someone took their narcissistic pills before bed last night
@Ro,
LOL, I love this comment.
VSBThin Mints
Free Stuff
Mike Tyson
Flavor Flav
Bobby Brown
Ming Lee–the chick who does my nails
@Ms. Smart,
AMEN on the thin mints!!!
and the stricken through VSB@Ms. Smart,
One time for the free stuff! I got a bag of Craisins outside of Macys the other day and it made me quite happy. Plus I was hungry. lol.
@Ms. Smart,
I like thin mints too, but for different reasons ::paging 8th Wonder::
@Ms. Smart,
is her name really ming lee? can someone have a more stereotypically asian name? thats like the tyrone jenkins of asian names
@The Champ, No, it’s not but I refuse to call her Ann.
@Ms. Smart,
lmao i was bout to say i call all the ladies that do nails in my salon by one generic asiany sounding name. their “american” names soooo dont suit them.
@Ms. Smart, i been telling folks for years that i’m totally thankful for the existence of Bobby Brown.
the way he managed to finagle a career as a singer despite not being able to sing gives me hope for all kinds of things.
Bobby Brown never lets me down. he’s always there when you least expect to provide you some kind of great story to tell your grandkids.
i mean who ELSE would slap Usher?
@Panama Jackson,
he slapped usher?
@The Champ,
I repeat the above question. O_o
@Cheekie, y’all don’t remember at Usher’s birthday party some years ago, Bobby Brown – an invited guest – gets on stage and throws Usher off the stage – at his own birthday party – for claiming to be the new king of r&b. i just assumed he slapped him too b/c it makes the story more interesting.
@Panama,
I don’t remember that at all. Ok, need to look up. lol
@Panama Jackson,
That’s reminds me of Gucci Mane slapping Plies in a club a few years ago. The story had a happy ending though because they were able to put aside their differences to create the classic joint “Wasted”.
@Legendary Dash,
Or Maino slapping Yung Berg.
Or Maino slapping some random kids from Pughkeepsie for the stage.
Or Maino slapping Lil Cease.
I likes Maino!
@Me fail english?,
One day Maino’s gonna slap the wrong person. He needs to take Martin’s advice (from the episode where Gina’s friend had the baby): “You’re getting too free with your slaps. One brought me back, but the next one will get you tossed up outta here”
@Ms. Smart,
I love Thin Mints! Any chocolate/mint combo is the bomb to me, though. It’s my fave ice cream, I love the girl scout cookies (didn’t they use to be called grasshoppers?), Andes (they got some BOMB cookies…just tasted them yesterday). It is yummy.
My fathers cooking, spending time with my fathead son who is 15 and thinks he knows everything. To bad he does’nt know that everybody DOES NOT look good in skinny jeans and my dogs excitement when I come home. These are just a few off the top of my head.
Please reply vsbs & sistas
@just X,
lol, you don’t hafta put that please reply disclaimer after every comment. it probably will actually make people less likely to reply
@The Champ,
you’re right. i was totally going to reply.
@The Champ, thanks i’ll try it tomorrow
Some things that never disappoint:
Shopping for shoes
Going to a NBA game – The energy is crazy and nothing compares to a game at MSG. It never disappoints especially when your team upsets another team.
Serious Pie – A pizza spot in Seattle – ranked #3 in the country for best pizza. It’s the best pizza I’ve had and I’m from NY.
Vancouver – I live 2 hrs from here and every trip to this beautiful city is always a good time
And VSB of course:)
@Leila, I do love going to NBA games here especially when people come out to support the Hawks. I guess I just like going to live sporting events in general they almost never disappoint. Even when the game is terrible the people watching is excellent.
@A-Town Genius,
People watching at a Hawks game is definitely entertaining,lol.
@A-Town Genius,
I guess I just like going to live sporting events in general they almost never disappoint.
you know what, though? i think that works for every sport, except professional football. nfl games are much better to watch at home than at the game, imo
@The Champ,
nfl games are much better to watch at home than at the game, imo
I agree. HDTVs are so much better and cheaper than they used to be. It’s a better experience at home now.
@The Champ,
Maybe I’m just lazy but the only thing I’d rather see live is baseball. I should mention that my football experience sucked because I had wack seats and the Meadowlands is a decrepit fogie of a stadium. Basketball, I was either in the box (which is truly the WORST seat in the house) or I was up close and just bored (it was a Knicks vs. Sixers game). Never seen live Hockey.
@Me fail english?,
i will ONLY watch baseball in person. there’s something very fun and entertaining about spending a few hours at the ballpark. but baseball itself i find boring as hell.
hockey is another sport i can only handle live and in living color.
@Me fail english?,
Live hockey is hype. I went to my first Caps game 2 years ago and lost my voice and was ready to punch random people, and it’s not just because we were playing Boston.
Yes, I just said “we,” meaning I actually follow hockey enough to do that.
@The Champ,
indeed. you cant get close up shots of those nice round @$$es at the games. nor do you get entertaining commentating (unless of course you’re like my dad and you bring a radio and headphones).
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
RIGHT! on the commentary and cute butts. Let’s not forget the stats, replays and those cute stock photos some guys have.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
you cant get close up shots of those nice round @$$es at the games
ummm, right
@Me fail english?,
you already know!!
@The Champ,
I like going to pro football games probably more than any other sport but I guess I might not like it as much if we didn’t have a dome here. Freezing at the game is not the move.
@The Champ, “i think that works for every sport, except professional football. nfl games are much better to watch at home than at the game”
I agree! I went to my first NFL game this year and honestly, I have more fun watching the games at home.
@Leila, YESSS!!! Shoes always fit & the higher the heel the sexier I feel!!
@TiP,
co-sign on the shoes and the heels!
~
@Leila, its time for a VSB confession.
i have NEVER been to a professional sporting event of any type. i did see Michael Jordan play once though. when i was like 9 he came to Germany on some USO soldier morale tour and played in a game with some US guys versus a German team. then he judged a slam dunk contest.
but nope…not ever.
i…suck.
and i hear vancouver is like the prettiest city on this continent.
@Panama Jackson,
Ok, get thee to a stadium sooner than later.
And yes, Vancouver is very pretty.
@Panama Jackson, “i hear vancouver is like the prettiest city on this continent”
It’s so pretty! I had no idea til I went, but it’s a place everyone should visit.
umm I dont know champ…. LOL I have had the misfortune of experiencing some extremely f!cked up soup.
Applebee’s french onion…I mean really,. beef broth, onions cheese? but somehow the cheese had the consistency of wet cardboard and the soup tasted like what I wuold imagine pureed beef bologna would taste like..
THE HORROR!
the things I can count on to not disappoint…
when in the mood to hear some rank dayum foolishness I can always look to my family, whose everyday goings on are far more ridiculous and unbelievable than anything Ive ever told yall about here.
sleep..man..sleep is always welcome, its always there when I need it… I mean sleep is God’s most perfect gift…LOL
and I just have to had I can routinely count on being disappointed by the perpetual state of healthcare.
my sis was in a car wreck a couple weeks ago. Leg got stuck, jaws of life had to cut her out of the car….she goes to the emergency room, Her knee is as big as Champ’s Head. They gave her 2 weak a.s.s advil and an ace bandage and told her to see a specialist. she could not bear any weight on her knee at all. I kid you not they gave her an ace bandage and dishcarged her. We had to act a dayum fool, during which times my momma told the nurse that she was ignorant and ugly(she used a lot more profanity) WE find a specialist that agreed to see her that same day.
She had a small fracture, a torn ACL and MCL.
the ER sent her home with an ACE Bandage…..LOL WTF? And she has Great Insurance!
@shay_d_lady,
cosignin’ on the sleep. mmmmmhmmmm. sleep. it’s what’s for dinner.
@shay_d_lady,
I think sleep is really the only thing that never disappoints me. Nevermind that I keep waking up at 5am for no reason and cant get back to sleep.
And c/s on the nasty soup. I’ve had some terrible French Onion. Again, how is this isht even possible? I think mine was at Ruby Tuesday or smthg. Also, the “soups” my father makes when he gets bored. Just all types of cut up hot dogs and pickles in that shet. Diced ham and cloves and whatnot. The crackers DON’T help.
@Me fail english?, I think mine was at Ruby Tuesday or smthg. Also, the “soups” my father makes when he gets bored. Just all types of cut up hot dogs and pickles in that shet. Diced ham and cloves and whatnot. The crackers DON’T help.
you have one THOSE dads…lol thats my grandma.
I cant tell the difference between her spaghetti, soup, or chili….
LMAO
@shay_d_lady,
LOL! Lemme find out your grandma got a son named Papa English. He can cook, but sometimes when we’re down to scraps, he gets creative. How ALL the dishes got the same color and consistency? Beef stew lookin like taco meat…
@Me fail english?, this is hilarious cuz i can relate. my dad RIP used to concoct some nasty a$$ shyt and really expect us to eat it… get mad if we didn’t. lmao
@shay_d_lady,
umm I dont know champ…. LOL I have had the misfortune of experiencing some extremely f!cked up soup.
Applebee’s french onion…I mean really,. beef broth, onions cheese?
thats your fault for getting off-brand ass soups.
@The Champ, lol
yeah it is.. I should have known better.. I mean it was applebees…LOL
@shay_d_lady, applebees was mistake number 1.
@Panama Jackson,
lol, thats like the first line in 20 percent of the police reports around the country
*A glass of wine – no matter if I am having a good day or bad day wine just puts me right in the middle and mellows me out
*My daughter calling for money – I’ve come to expect this call on Subday after noticing that she has posted a new crop of club pics on FB
*The police being called to any family gathering – someone is either fighting, about to fight or we are so loud that the neighbors think that we are fighting.
*A friend of mine will find a reason to argue and stop talking to me until after the holidays – I always mess her head up and show up with holiday gifts for her entire family in March. Her husband says she tries the same thing with him Lol.
*My best male friend will try & hit- If we spend more than 5 hours together. All of that ‘Brother’ crap goes out the window and he becomes a man and I am a woman. I actually time our activities and roll out before we hit the 5 hour mark.
Freshly laundered clothes. Feels good. Smells good. Looks good.
Sleep. I fell out at my desk today trying to work on this proposal (that’s still staring at me, not finished) and nearly missed my 5PM class. There were a few blissful seconds after I woke up, I didn’t have a care in the world.
Beer. The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
A good workout. Weights, cardio, or just time on the heavy bag. This might sound odd, but a good workout is damn near spiritual for me.
Scheweppe’s Lemon Twist.
@Shay,
Huh? How’d that end up all the way up here?
@Shay,
How’d that end up all the way up here?
thats what she said
@The Champ,
lmao good one.
“good one.”
thats what she said afterwards
@yaa,
Wine and workouts! I c/s both
@yaa,
*My best male friend will try & hit- If we spend more than 5 hours together. All of that ‘Brother’ crap goes out the window and he becomes a man and I am a woman. I actually time our activities and roll out before we hit the 5 hour mark.
this entire paragraph is hilarious
@yaa, *My daughter calling for money – I’ve come to expect this call on Subday after noticing that she has posted a new crop of club pics on FB
seeing as by the time my daughter is grown up, the means of keeping up with one’s child’s social life will probably be implanted in our brains…how does it feel to see your kids antics on facebook??
@Panama Jackson, I appreciate being able to see what she does but I do have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand I can see what she is doing while often times I feel like I am spying on her. I’ve only had to call her out once. Saw pics of her drinking so I talked with her about underage drinking & being responsible etc. She is a 20 year old college senior…but still!! On the flip side I have to constantly watch what I post as well.
@Yaa, Following your kids on Facebook can be good and bad. I’ve had to talk to both my sons about pictures posted on FB. They seem to forget that more folks can see that stuff than they realize.
But I do get to have an idea of how college life is going for my freshman ball player. Interesting indeed.
strawberry pop tarts
warm fuzzy blankets
hot baths/showers
starbucks
my job (because i’m still employed)
@cam1ll3,
I’m wit u on those hot showers! Outstanding!
@A-Town Genius,
i don’t care how poopy you’re day is going. a warm shower makes it all good for about a 1/2 hr.
@cam1ll3, you have poopy days?
my daughter has those, but i figure you dont mean them in the same way.
@Panama Jackson,
i’m certain i don’t mean it in the same way lol
@A-Town Genius,
Damn, these are pretty good. Sometimes I’ll stay in the shower for damn near an hour if I’m home alone. Do my whole exfoliation, lather, scrub, rinse, repeat routine like 4 or 5 times.
@Me fail english?,
i actually get quite bored in the shower if i stay too long. like, in the winter, i LOVE a hot shower but i cannot for the life of me stay in for more then 30min. ill try watching my hair, shaving my legs, exfoliating, etc. and by the time i get out thinking i done been in there for forever, its like 25min have passed lol.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
lol. This is another one of those places that I start talking to myself. The conversations can get pretty long too.
@Me fail english?,
I don’t care who is at home I’ll stay in that shower until I’m ready to get out. Usually it’s only about half an hour though maybe 40 on a good day.
this thread is getting a little out of hand
@cam1ll3,
amen to the starbucks!!!!!!!!! altho i had one unfortunate incident with an unknown barista at an unknown starbucks. it was probably my fault for stopping for the caramel macch (which wasnt macch-y enough) in breezewood on my way to dc.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
aww see…i don’t think i’ve ever had an issue with the ‘bux. the one time they screwed up (my tall toffee nut latte was forgotten in the shuffle) they hooked me up with coupons (that’s right, plural) for free beverages of any type and any size. aside from that, ‘bux coffee is a warm shower for me. just darker with whipped cream and caramel drizzled on top.
ok, this might be turning into another conversation. my bad.
Forgot to add a Maxwell performance! He never disappoints…
@Leila,
You must didn’t see him on the Grammy Nomination show last night on CBS. He performed MJ’s “Lady In My Life” and it was an horrendous rendition. Ne-Yo > Maxwell
@Monk, yeah, his performance wasn’t so hot. i think he expected to sing another song like, “thriller” and was like, “lady in my life”??? i don’t know that song.
F*CK.
@Monk,
Ok, I’m glad I didn’t see that. Woulda broke my widdle heart. I refuse to look at online clips of it too. Ignorance is bliss.
@Cheekie,
Yeah…I think I’m gonna avoid watching it as well. I would be too sad.
@miss t-lee,
I know, right! I will CRY. I know when to say no to curiosity and hard-headedness.
I can now say I’ve learned something from 2girls1cup. lmfao
@Leila, Co-Sign 100% on Maxwell. Hell who am I kidding, just looking at one of his videos, hell his picture never disappoints me and always makes me feel warm and tinggly.
Sorry just got in from arguing with an ASS who JUST wrote me a parking ticket when I had 9 minutes left WHILE TALKING TO HIM…then the cops showed up. So naturally Number 1 on my list:
Chicago Police Department
Chicago Politics
Chicago Taxes
Chicago Public Transportation
Chicago Parking Meters
Chicago Public Schools
Chicago Gang Violence
AND STILL I LOVE THIS CITY LIKE NO OTHER. I’ll be happier tomorrow.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
a parking ticket at 2 in the morning?
@The Champ,
Ticket Agents in PGH go off the clock? Who enforces the late night parking rules? Cameras?
@Me fail english?, Who enforces the late night parking rules?
Crackheads! lmao (i mean addicts hahaha)!
@pgh muse,
lmao sooooooooo true!!!!! i STAY illegally parking around the city of pgh after 6p. ive only ever gotten a parking tix between the hrs of 8a-6p. and usually theyre the cheapy $13 metered parking tix. i got one police p.t. but thats what i get for parking illegally at 4p while the cops were monitoring the construction zone across the street (i got too bold)
@pgh muse,
lol, yeah. once the sun goes down in the burgh you can park basically wherever you want. that includes sidewalks and random people’s driveways as well
@The Champ, that’s that Tiger woods plan.
@The Champ,
Yup, it happens in The Chi. We got one right after leaving the club (lights on were at 2am)…I took pics and ish tryin to appeal it because the sign was turned the other way so we couldn’t see it…nothing came of it though so…*kanyeshrug*
@Cheekie,
lol! After club tix are the worst! Me and my girls were feeling all cute walking back to the car, iggin some dudes tryna holla from their car. I guess they caught the “stank” vibe from us cuz as we get in our car bout to pull off on they asses, one of em says “Oh yeah? Well…
…THAT’S WHY YOU GOT A TICKET, HO!”
Lol. but
We didnt even notice the ticket up to that point. At least we aint get towed.
@Me fail english?,
Ouch!
Yeah, “not getting towed” is definitely the blessing in disguise when getting a ticket.
@The Champ, yeah that came out wrong. I meant to say he just decided to write me a ticket while talking to me. There is no way to make this long story short.
See whahahappen was…I had put in loot in a meter, but for some odd reason it gave me a max time till 8:49pm. Its free after 9. Got back about 8:40 to just wait to make sure they didn’t give me a ticket anyways (they overzealous with that sh!t in Chicago). See a cop, in front of my ride. I make conversation about apparently making the right decision to come back instead just hoping nobody gave me a ticket. We make small talk cool. I walk over to the meter while talking to this cat. Get another receipt. Walk back to my car, he knocks on my window and gives me a ticket. Its 8:47pm. Da FCUK??!!!
So we start talking (I start getting mad) about it, his buddies show up, they end up making accommodations for me in the back of their car for “making a threatening gesture” (which mind you was me walking IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION and throwing my arms in the air in frustration).
They open the door, ask me what the problem is, I tell them, they close the door, go talk to the other one, come back, give me “advice” on how to handle the situation (just contest it and it’ll go away and if not I can reach him at said precinct as he hands me his card), and tell me its a minor misunderstanding and tell me to go home.
Get home, realize later its the third ticket on my car, meaning they will boot it. Pull out the card, call the station, they tell me to come in today, I won’t, they tell me to go to the station and wait for him while they call him, and I do…and wait I did. He gets back, I tell him the shit needs to be dealt with immediately because its the third ticket and don’t want to get booted over no BS. I was too mad to wait and it made sense to me at the time. Argued and argued and well, ended up leaving (nothing was resolved) and paying the other tickets today. Moral of the story, don’t let friends borrow your car if they can’t pay the ticket. And of course, how do I say this nicely (since they let me go and all…this time) Chicago PD sux rectum.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
damn. ::hugs::
@cam1ll3, much appreciated. Me was broken earlier, me fixed now.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
L.M.A.O. @ this entire comment. whyyyyyy must i cry like reh dogg?? it totally gave me a flashback to mr. chi city’s run in with the police over a parking ticket.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcRWADEln80
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean, Damn you Gemmie, you got me watching reh dogg again LOL.
Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches never ever disappoint.
Lebron chasing some unsuspecting fast guard expecting an easy layup.
Beautiful women in the mall on Saturday
@A-Town Genius,
good list and sh*t
Co-sign the glass of wine.
Gumbo from Fishbone’s Downtown Detroit ( the one in Southfield is so-so)
Flannel Sheets
Bad Black Cinema/TV
Faith in ____. (insert your deity here)
A yummy pint of Ben & Jerry’s or Haagen Dazs
A good workout/run.
A good book.
Anita Baker, Sade, Loofah Vandross, and anyone else they play on the DeBarge station on Pandora.
NYC
A close knit group of friends/family or both.
@Nola Darling,
omg…b&j’s. i thought i was the only one that menaged with them!!!
@Nola Darling,
Never had Fishbone’s gumbo but I can see it being on point. Have to try it when I get back home.
@Monk,
It can be a bit salty at times, but it’s always worth it.
@An Island,
It can be a bit salty at times, but it’s always worth it.
are you talking about gumbo or p*ssy?
@The Champ
Gumbo. Sometimes the secret garden just ain’t worth it.
@Nola Darling
“A close knit group of friends/family or both.”
Couldn’t agree more.
Co-sign with the glass of wine…im having one as i type..
Lip Balm
The variety of things seen on public transit
A genuine smile
Finding money in a pocket or purse…etc
My Crackberry
stimulating conversation
@MizThickaDenThick,
Lip Balm
The variety of things seen on public transit
A genuine smile
Finding money in a pocket or purse…etc
My Crackberry
stimulating conversation
out of these six things, five of them would be even better if a crackhead were some how involved
@The Champ,
I’m thinking the one excluded is a genuine smile because when it comes to crackheads, “genuine smile” is an oxymoron.
@Cheekie,
Haha. Now you got me thinking of crackhead/lip balm scenarios.
Talking with my mom
Handbags (one day I will have an Hermes Birkin, lol)
Making my connecting flight in Atlanta’s airport
Handel’s (the BEST ice cream ever)
My Blackberry
The Dos Equis commercials
@pe. riche.,
“The Dos Equis commercials”
YES!!!! I love the most interesting man in the world.
Stay thirsty my friends…
[Said in a mexican accent with the gruffness of aged Scotch and cigars]
@miss t-lee,
I am actually in love with him. I had to choose those commercials for a Marketing project. It is that good.
-fresh rollerwraps and waxed eyebrows
-chips and salsa for hours with the bestie
-lunch, then a workout, then lunch with the other bestie
-family fights and devastation on holidays
-my on again, off again, long, late a*s disfunctional relationship with him, and his subsequent “we need to talk” declarations whenever it’s the wrong time, like clockwork
-someone upthread said mirrors. i would like to specify that to mirrors at Express stores. they’re unconditional. it’s like i can do no wrong. i could go look in one right now, wearing my night scarf and big sweatshirt and look fly. awesome way to trick me out of my money. but also cheer me up.
-mail from sallie and citibank. ugh.
-black people on the daily news, making me laugh and feel sad all at the same time
-wendy williams (don’t judge me. lest ye be judged. exactly.)
@charli skipper,
ooh, and first dates. i love first dates when n*ggas is actin all brand new.
@charli skipper,
oh, and michael jackson music. i don’t mean to be cliche by throwing that in, but seriously.
@charli skipper,
naw, em jay doesn’t disappoint.
@cam1ll3,
At first when I read this, I thought you meant em(inem) and jay(z)..lol!! They’re my favs but sometimes, I’m not so impressed.
@charli skipper,
i was thisclose to adding “when charlie skipper leaves multiple replies on her own comments” to my list yesterday, but i was hungry and decided to leave it at 6
@The Champ,
um…..but i stayed on topic today.
@charli skipper, that you did. things must be getting better for you.
@charli skipper,
YES to waxed eyebrows!!!! never disappoint at all. esp when you start lookn all freda kahlo and ish. perfectly arched brows bring all the boys to the yard.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
an eyebrow wax WILL bring all the boys to the yard. and i love how they try to act like it doesn’t. men are always all, “i don’t know why yall worry with that. men don’t notice eyebrows.” um…yas you do. you’re just not sophisticated enough to realize what it is exactly that’s unleashing all this fabulousness that’s goin on all up in my face right now.
@charli skipper, “-family fights and devastation on holidays”
I think the only holiday my family hasn’t turned into an emotional beat down is Earth Day. And maybe Secretary’s Day, but I’m not too sure.
@charli skipper,
“-mail from sallie and citibank. ugh.”
YES! In fact, two pieces of junk mail that came to my mama’s house (WTF…I haven’t lived there in 2 years) were from sallie mae and citibank. I especially hate the citibank ones that you have to tear at the ends of the envelope. Masquerading as a damn check. Eff you citibank. That’s why I’mma cancel their credit card soon. I paid it off. *washes hands of it*
What I know never disappoints:
-Indian food
-DJ Premier beats
-wearing Dunks, Forums, or Skys
-trips to New York City
-I remember a blunt always doing me right back when I smoked
-the auto show (can’t wait to go this weekend)
-anything at the nice price
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
DJ Premier
Good one. I remember years ago I was having a convo with a friend about the best hip hop producer of all time. He mentioned something about Primo being incapable of creating a bad beat. I was disagreeing with him and puttin up a strong argument…until I realized my examples werent actual Primo beats! Just those offbrand, no frills “Primo-esque” joints. haha.
@Me fail english?,
you know, will i agree that primo is the most consistent beat maker in the biz, he doesn’t make my mount rushmore of rap producers
@The Champ,
Well since people arent actually listing stuff that never disappoints and are instead just listing stuff they like, perhaps you can ignore the topic a bit too and list yours??
Im gonna go with Rick Rubin, Primo, Neptunes, I wanna say Dre…but do I really wanna say RZA???
Dre (much like Kanye) has been accused of putting his name on a buncha ish that he didnt actually create so I may have to throw this to Prince Rakeem. Honorable Mentions: Timbaland and Dilla.
@Me fail english?, The Neptunes on the producer’s MT. Rushmore??
that’s stranger than Complex Mag listing Jay-Z’s “Give It To Me (Just Wanna Love Ya)” as the best song of the decade. especially considering how every song in the their top 10 listed afterwards was probably better.
@Panama,
Definitely. Their stuff is actually varied enough (not always the heavy synth they put on mainstream rap) that across genres they can make dope ish.
@Me fail english?,
dre, rza, ye, timbo
@Me fail english?, everything I listed truly never disappoints me. If I throw on those kicks, I never look bad or feel uncomfortable. Primo on the track is pretty much guaranteed to hit even if the artist doesn’t fit it (dare I say Snoop, anyone?). All of my NY runs were fun some kinda way, Indian food always hits the spot even if I’m not in the mood for it, and the LA Auto Show has it all right there whenever I go.
@The Champ, i’ve had this argument with folks beaucoup times. actually with YOU beaucoup times. lol.
@ALL, I’m SO late reading this but Premier young ahhhhhhhh, a Primo beat was recognized off the rip back in the day, from Gang Starr beats and so so on and so on and so on til this day, so classically dope young…..Primo is one of my fav hop hop producers EVER!!!!!
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
-Indian food
-DJ Premier beats
-auto show
I don’t like Indian food. Everyone tell me how good it is but I just don’t see it. I haven’t had it in 10 years. Maybe it was the restaurants I went to? DJ Premier can do no wrong when it comes to beats. I wonder how a dude born and raised in Texas makes betas that aren’t typical of his region. He has been my favorite or one of my favorite producers since the 7th or 8th grade. I love the auto show also. Although for the first time in 20 years I didn’t go. I was depressed and pissed at the auto industry and really didn’t want anythig to do with it. I need to read about L.A.’s show. L.A. auto show is the best one outside of Detroit’s in the U.S. so if L.A. has a good show I know Detroit’s will be great.
@Humble_One,
Speaking of disappointment and auto shows…I’d like to make a public service announcement and let everyone know to NEVER, EVER go to a Funkmaster Flex auto show!!! That shet was so bad I felt insulted. This asshat literally had factory Hyundais on display… with people in ‘em! Sleeping babies drinkin orange soda and all types of dumb shet.
It was just a hood event. Shoulda known that from when I was walking up to the line and ran into mad ninjas I knew from high school.
@Humble_One,
I wonder how a dude born and raised in Texas makes betas that aren’t typical of his region
They call it talent I think.
And yup, you have been to the wrong Indian restaurants. Although it can disappoint, the ones that are well done are worth every bit of curry.
@Sula,
“They call it talent I think.”
Thanks…I was gonna let him make it on that, but I shoulda known it wouldn’t get past you…lmao
@Humble_One,
I don’t like Indian food. Everyone tell me how good it is but I just don’t see it.
same here. plus, it always goes right through me
@Humble_One, I miss when the LA show would start a few days before Detroit. Now they’ve moved it up a month, which is a little off because of everyone absorbed in buying gifts, but it still is worth the trip everytime.
The afterglow – you just let loose after some crazy got damn. Best feeling on earth.
Peyton Manning – since who knows when you know what to expect…same goes for Kobe Bryant
An authentic NY slice – will never steer you wrong.
Co-sign on PB & J sanwiches, they will always hold you down.
Yo mama (well most of us…it’s why we’re still here ain’t it?)
@Da Iceman,
With all due respect, Iceman…f*ck Kobe Bryant.
:::Walks away wearing “Team Lebron” t-shirt:::
@AkShone,
LOL. its funny how lebron vs kobe has become the new jay-z vs nas as the go-to argument where you’re required to pick a side and sh*t, even if you dont like basketball
@AkShone,
Is it the shirt with him (Lebron) crying?
No disrespect , Just funnin’:)
@Da Iceman,
total co-sign on Peyton, be it in commercials or on the field.
and to co-sign on AkShone’s comment, eff Kobe.
*walks away wearing a TEAM OF ME shirt*
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
Is that the shirt with him wearing the championship ring?
No disrespect… just funnin’ again
@legitimate_soul,
^My bad….championship “rangs”….plural.
Things that never disappoint…
1.Peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk
2. “Roses” by Outkast I still laugh when I hear that song.
@Ivyette,
1.Peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk
aunt judy, is that you?
@The Champ,
(in my best Darth Vader breathing)
Yes, I am your aunt.
@Ivyette,
that was kind of scary
@Ivyette,
::humming:: i know you like to thaaaank yo sh*t don’t staaaank but lean a lil bit closer see roses really smell like boo boo booooooooo
song gon’ be stuck in my head now. i guess it could be worse
Something that doesn’t disappoint, calling my mom and having her tell me all the crazy sh*t that my family is doing. I mean the drama never ceases.
I also have to co-sign on sleep. Man, its just wonderful, especially after a really long stressful day, or hell, even when I’m not having a stressful day.
@Deeds,
sleep is definitely the sh*t, and will always be my main sidechick
I’d have to say YOUR barbershop never dissapoints . . . going to random barber shops are hit or miss . . . unfortunately I’ve been doing this for the last 5 years . . .
@IVR,
damn. i feel bad for you. someone should make a list of good barbershops in each metropolitan area so cats new to the city will know where to go
@The Champ,
You should start a blog for it and sell ad space to Dax and Black Tail magazine. All you bourgie travellin ass ninjas would be on that site. Let Liz do the female hair care section. Yup!
@Me fail english?, All you bourgie travellin ass ninjas
This made me smile. And this is a great idea…dang u VSB **shaking fist**
audi 5000!
@Me fail english?,
It actually is a great idea! Me Fail, you don’t wanna tackle it?
@Sula,
lol. It’s all you girl! I might could do a 4 boros version (I’ll recognize Richmond County when I’m dead and cold!) but who are we foolin? My cheap ass aint travellin, much less payin folks to do the wash, set & blow I do for free.
@Me Fail,
But we could start a wiki page or something. People will volunteer information… and get points… or discounts at said barbers and justify why they are good barbers…. hmmm.
*puts on thinking cap*
@The Champ, “damn. i feel bad for you. someone should make a list of good barbershops in each metropolitan area so cats new to the city will know where to go”
They are right, that is a damn good idea. I even got some spots in Alaska to add to the list. Though I just came back from a Dominican spot in Columbia Heights (DC) and they were on point and open around lunch . . . I think I found my new spot . . .
@IVR,
Where is this spot in Columbia Heights? Is it on Park?
@Stank-0, “Where is this spot in Columbia Heights? Is it on Park?”
It was on 14th street and spring heading out towards Maryland direction on 14th. It’s a dominican spot so they also had a hair dresser, a phone card center and a little western union type deal.
*a good converstation with mom
*a good laugh at work
*R. Kelly’s uncanny ability to always take it too far
*The Cracker Barrel
*my dad’s geneerosity
@Stustustudious,
“*R. Kelly’s uncanny ability to always take it too far”
Let me guess you’re talking about that Pregnant song?
*snickering*
@miss t-lee,
As much as I hate this song…I like it.
D@mn you Sylvester the Molester!!!
@AkShone,
He has the uncanny ability to make you like a song that is absolute crap, such as one of my favorites “R&B Thug”. That mofo really is like the Pied Piper.
@miss t-lee,
“Let me guess you’re talking about that Pregnant song?”
Or Trapped in the Closet, Parts III-VIII…
… or “Feelin On Yo Booty”…
…or “Half on a Baby”…
His ignance knows no bounds.
@Me fail english?,
Have you heard “Religious” yet?
*snickering sommore*
@miss t-lee,
YES! I heard this BS driving to the gym the other night. I got so mad I started cussing myself. Ok, I was driving alone and I always talk to myself on long car rides. But still. That isht was awful!
@Me fail english?, whoa…”half on a baby” was actually not a bad song. it was during R’s “still trying to make legit music phase” but right on the cusp.
i swear, R.Kelly’s sole motivation at this point has to be, “let’s see what ELSE these ninjas will buy”
@Panama Jackson,
“i swear, R.Kelly’s sole motivation at this point has to be, “let’s see what ELSE these ninjas will buy”
I’m beginning to believe that as well.
He hasn’t got me for any change since TP3…lmao I refuse to go any further with his antics.
@Me fail english?,
Yes i was refering to all of these songs and more! But don’t leave out:
You remind me
Ignition
Hair Braider
Gigolo
Same Girl Remix
When a woman’s fed up
Dont put me out
Freaky in the club
and so on!
@Me fail english?,
I was just talmbout Kels and how I wouldn’t be surprised it he came out with a song of him singing an entire phonebook. Like, “Arthur Mooooooore, located on 145 S. Kingston Avenueeee-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! 555-0123, darlin’!” Trapped in The Closet was just a bunch of sentences of what was going on at the time as they were happening…no real lyricism. Ignant!
@Cheekie,
LOL
@Cheekie,
Haha. But there’s a brilliant spoof that my neice put me onto (wth is she doing on Youtube?!) called “Trapped in the Drive-Thru”. For that, I’ve forgiven Arruh.
@Cheekie,
Did you ever see “Trapped in the Cupboard” from MadTV?
Hilarious.
@me fail,
I’ve seen the glory that is Trapped in the Drive-Thru. Did you see the one with the stick-figure animation (I’m not sure if there are other versions) because it is m-effing ART.
@miss t-lee,
Nope, I gotta look that one up! lol
@Cheekie, T-Lee
Ima look those up this wknd!
Ron Artest, he’s like the gift that keeps on giving…crazy antics a plenty!
This quote right Champy, I can relate:
” i even once had someone bake me some sugar cookies that somehow ended up tasting like smoked salmon”
Once we had a lady at my old job bring in a chocolate cake with chocolate icing that she swore it took her 3 hours to make this cake, and we just HAD to taste it. What did it taste like? Nothing. I’m still in awe as to how you make a chocolate cake have absolutely zero taste. Hmph.
You asked:
“what else can we name that never, ever disappoints?”
Football on Sundays (even if my 2 favorite teams lose, which happened this last Sunday) it still makes me happy.
Chili and cornbread
A well made mexican martini w/ Herradura silver tequila
My Grandmother (she’s always got some crazy, funny ish to say. Especially when she starts talking about if she was 30 years younger she’d be trying to hook up with the kat that plays Delko on CSI Miami)
GFK lyrics- I saw you yesterday Champy quoting the 4th Chamber, too bad I was unconscious most of the day.
Sweaters/Towel fresh from the dryer
@miss t-lee,
“GFK lyrics- I saw you yesterday Champy quoting the 4th Chamber, too bad I was unconscious most of the day”
You like GFK? I can’t believe we actually agree on something.
@Humble_One,
Yessir. I’m a huge GFK fan.
@miss t-lee,
Ghost is the truth. Can’t wait for a GFK/MF DOOM collabo.
@ComicBookGuy, you know…while i think this has interesting potential….it ALSO has potential to be the most non-sensical recording in musical history.
@Panama Jackson,
You are right but if you heard “Angelz” off of DOOM’s Born Like This album, the nonsense of those two on the same track is the appeal of it. Their lyrical skills are so good that they can talk about the most off the wall sh*t and have it sound good. I like rappers that can make good songs without hooks. A lot of artists that rely on hooks to make their songs hit and it is getting rather annoying.
@ComicBookGuy,
I just think this would be bananas. (shouts to Ashanti!)
Good or bad, the collabo would be wild.
@ComicBookGuy & miss t-lee,
We are –>here<—- !
Loves me some GFK & Doom!
@legitimate_soul,
We really are. Since the DangerDoom joint, I’ve been DOOM isht and anything by Stones Throw Records, Madlib, Guilty Simpson, Lootpack…
Ghost is Ghost. Starks is the man.
@miss t-lee,
ive NEVER had or even heard of a mexican martini. sounds delish.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
It’s awesome. This is the recipe from my favorite spot…I omit the Sprite when I make ‘em though.
http://www.recipezaar.com/Trudys-Mexican-Martini-95987
@miss t-lee,
GFK lyrics- I saw you yesterday Champy quoting the 4th Chamber, too bad I was unconscious most of the day.
you know what? there has been a subtle change in his music since bulletproof wallies. he’s nowhere near as nonsensical now as he was then. still has a ton of energy and imagery, but no more “my rhymes are like ziti” type sh*t
@The Champ,
Maybe because he stopped rocking the dinner plate medallion and the giant eagle on his wrist? LOL
The lyrics definitely changed up after BW, but everyone once and a while he still wilds out. You feeling Ghostdini?
@miss t-lee,
True in the change in his lyrics. But I was always a bigger fan for his storytelling abilities. Plus, he’s cute.
@Me fail english?,
He’s even cuter in person. Trust me, his lyrics aren’t the only reason I’ve seen his show 4 times…lol
family…..love my family – the older i get…the more i love em
fall day in the oaks down by the water….
dark moonlit night by the same oaks by the same water….
a well shaped booty……magical
@kingpinenut,
“a well shaped booty……magical”
I agree. A nice round one with lift never fails. Shoutout to Lastarya, Serena Williams, and that girl I saw at Subway last night.
@Humble_One, @kingpinenut,
I cain’t he’p but co-sign. It always makes your day.
- a nice hot shower
- discovering new music, new artists you love
- apple and cinnamon oatmeal mmmm =)
- good sushi
- a good workout
- travelling
…. also my dad’s wallet
@yanie.,
Your list reads exactly like one I would write!
Very few things beat listening to/discovering new music while eating sushi on vacation somewhere! Yum!
@yanie.,
welcome and sh*t
GOD and HIS AWESOMENESS and
Natures beauty, again thats the LORD’s doing.
That never disappoints, mmmmmmmm thats about it!
@OrangeStar616,
amen
preach on
@OrangeStar616,
I agree. Nature is some cool shyt.
@OrangeStar616,
“Natures beauty, again thats the LORD’s doing.”
I saw the best sunset the other day, I had to take a picture it was so beautiful.
@OrangeStar616,
Truth!
@OrangeStar616, and let the chuuuuch say, yay-men.
@Panama Jackson,
that made my day; it really did ha:)
@OrangeStar616,
Especially during the fall season! The various shades of colors that he leaves turn into alone is an effing sight to see! Wow.
A fresh Mani-Pedi with paraffin wax!…honey hush yo mouf!!!
A bubble bath in a quiet house…ain’t.nuthin.like.it!
My mama…she prays for me…nothing like a praying mama.
Borders…I can lose myself for hours in there and come out with like a million a five books ( I love Borders Rewards, lol)
@Smiley Face,
Borders…I can lose myself for hours in there and come out with like a million a five books ( I love Borders Rewards, lol)
Me, too. I have to stop myself sometimes from going in and buying a book just because I get a coupon in my email every week. lol
@ComicBookGuy,
LOL, I know that’s right!
@ComicBookGuy,
i used my coupons to buy milkshakes and sh*t from seattles best (yea, if you ask for it, they’ll make you a milkshake)
@The Champ,
They closed the Seattle’s Best at my local Borders’ … I prefer Half-Price books or Barnes & Noble anyways… Never been big on Borders
@Smiley Face,
I love Borders Rewards too! Ever since I signed up, I’ve NEVER bought a book/item for full price there. I always wait until the coupons, which come very often. Especially for the holidays! They are piling me with emails now!
@Smiley Face,
oooooooh parafin wax. ive never had one with a mani-pedi (oddly lol) but when i go to get facials. sooooo lovely.
- My loving family
- Krispy Kreme donuts when the HOT sign is on. Mmmmmm
- Southwest airlines. (As long as they continue to not charge for 2 checked bags and I am in the A boarding group)
- My granny’s Mac-n-cheese
- MAC Chintz lipstick. Cant seem to find another color better than this on me.
- Chocolate. In the form of cakes, candy, brownies and ice cream.
With 3 of the 6 being food items, it’s fair to say that yes, I am hungry over here
@RedPlum,
have you ever tried chocolate mac and cheese?
@RedPlum,
co damn sign on the hot sign. i miss tallahassee.
My things that never dissappoint:
Children laughing
God
A single shot of Patron
A glass of wine
Miami Bass, House Music, and Old School Hip Hop
Masterbation
The Beach
Sunsets
@TiP,
I like your list A LOT. Especially how the Patron follows God. LoL!
@Sula, Well hey, even if the Patron does disappoint its good to know God won’t! Lol!
@TiP,
masturbation really doesn’t disappoint, does it!! good answer, good answer.
-My daughter’s smile. No matter how bad I feel, seeing her beautiful smile just warms my heart. And whenever she calls me “Honey.” I mean she’s 3. I’m awed by the fact that she’s discovered a pet name for me.
-My mom’s cooking.
-Cosign OrangeStar616 on God and his awesomeness.
-one of my girls from college. No matter how old we get, how much time passes in between our talks, I can always count on her old behind getting into some ridonculous foolishness and crying about it as if she hasn’t been doing the same thing for damn near 15 years.
-The media. Seriously, I can always count on the media to entertain me by throwing some douche/poor sap/overpaid athlete*entertainer,*mediocre talent *politician under the bus and exploit what really should be a private matter for the person into a frenzied circus and then pretending that it’s something new that happened (oh and I love when they call psychologists in to speak on the matter like they can unravel the mystery behind it all and it just goes just reminds me that it’s not always good to have everything.
-My ex. Just when I’m ready to give him the benefit of the doubt, he says or does some goofy as hell atrocity that only serves to remind me as to why we are no longer married. Yay me : )
@Hershey’s Kiss, -My ex. Just when I’m ready to give him the benefit of the doubt, he says or does some goofy as hell atrocity that only serves to remind me as to why we are no longer married. Yay me : )
gotta love making the right decision, don’t ya?
@Panama Jackson, Absolutely! It makes me wanna breakdance every time.
Things that never disappoints Monk:
*Having a “bum” day – it’s nothing like having one of those days where you can really indulge in relaxation. I’m talking about absolutely NOTHING to do. No work, no cleaning, no laundry, no cooking, no responsibilities…just simply being.
*Red Lobster – This is probably the only chain restaurant that never has disappointed me. An Ultimate Feast and some cheddar biscuits works magic for me.
*Old School Hip Hop – The nostalgic feeling it gives me from hearing a classic joint I haven’t heard in a while is orgasmic.
*(speaking of which) Sleep after an orgasm. Nothing like drifting off into a coma-like sleep after my lady and I make whoopie.
*Family Vacations – Even if it’s a stay-cation, the love, good times, memories, and adventures of hangin’ with my fam are always cherished.
@Monk,
I can honestly say that I have never had a bad Red Lobster experience. That Ultimate Feast and the cheddar biscuits are exactly what that is.
@Monk, imma co-sign this whole list…
Except for Red Lobster. I’ve had dry crab legs (from the one in Monroeville lol) a time or two. Boo.
@pgh muse,
Yeah. Anytime I’ve tried fried seafood there I’ve left with a sad face. But I cant front on the biscuits. And Im not even big on bread
@pgh muse,
Here here e-twin. Save for Red Lobster, everything else in on point.
Especially the bum day. Can’t wait for Christmas to do this.
@pgh muse,
Except for Red Lobster. I’ve had dry crab legs (from the one in Monroeville lol) a time or two. Boo.
red lobster might be the only restaurant ive been to where the appetizers are like 10 times better than the entrees
@The Champ,
“red lobster might be the only restaurant ive been to where the appetizers are like 10 times better than the entrees”
You must not do The Outback.
c/s Orangestar on Nature.
Even when I’m getting bit up, sunburnt, having all types of allergic reactions and isht or I get scared because it’s too quiet out at night, I really am always happy to see nature, uninterrupted.
Other stuff that never disappoints:
-50 Cent interviews
-Holiday season in NYC
-Church ( I rarely go, but whenever I do, it feels go)
-Lenny’s chicken cheddar sandwich. Folks in NYC should check this out
-My mother’s Mac&Chz, Stew Chicken or Peas & Rice
-My own Red Beans & Rice, Potato Salad or Skirt Steak
-My car insurance rates since I switched from GEICO to Progressive
@Me fail english?,
“My car insurance rates since I switched from GEICO to Progressive”
Both of these companies tried to charge me a little over 10K a year for insurance. Both of them are crooks.
@Humble_One,
lol. Damn. I’m registered through my mother’s house (she has a garage and lives 15 minutes outside the city limits) but still. It’s a Honda (apparently the easiest car to steal) and I pay less than $900 annually. I really pity men when it comes to car insurance
@Me fail english?, really? I drive a freakin’ Dodge Magnum with a HEMI in Washington DC with on street parking.
and i only pay 1300 a year with full coverage and a soda on the side.
maybe i’m just sexxy.
@Panama Jackson,
I dunno why we have such high ass rates. I think it’s our close proximity to Jersey. Actually that’s probably the cause of ALL the biggest problems with this city, including those bum ass Knicks
@Panama Jackson,
Come to think of it, my rates are pretty damn good. All things being equal, I pay $400 less per year than you.
*icky shuffles all over yo’ ass*
@Me fail english?,
Insurance is expensive in Detroit. It didn’t help that I was 21 and driving a late model sports car. Fast car + youth+big city= dumb expensive insurance
@Humble_One,
i LOVE geico. and they love me. we have a great relationship.
@Humble_One,
10k a year? How many accidents do you get a year?
I barely pay $600 a year.
@Me fail english?,
*tummy growling*
I cannot cosign with you any stronger on h*es. It doesn’t matter what city you’re in, what region, what country, what continent. Don’t matter if its a business function, social gathering, wedding, funeral, hell even a bris. If you walk in and see this http://hudsonvalley.metromix.com/content_image/full/1040774/560/370 then you know its gonna be a good time.
No better end to a sentence of an invitation anywhere than, “…and there’s gonna be some h*es in there”
@Dorian G.,
No better end to a sentence of an invitation anywhere than, “…and there’s gonna be some h*es in there”
Church!
@Dorian G.,
No better end to a sentence of an invitation anywhere than, “…and there’s gonna be some h*es in there”
That’s usually when I appear out of nowhere like Snoop in Half Baked like, “Who said wha… Where they at?” lol
@Dorian G.,
“…and there’s gonna be some h*es in there”
LOL! That’s the perfect selling point.
“Hey, you wanna buy some crack?… there’s gonna be some h*es in there!”
“Really? I’ll take two.”
@AkShone,
*dead* @ hoes in the crack. You might not want those hoes…
@Dorian G.,
No better end to a sentence of an invitation anywhere than, “…and there’s gonna be some h*es in there”
As bad as that sounds, there is no truer statement.
@Dorian G.,
Before my brother will go ANYwhere with me or even come from out of town to visit his one and only sister I get the “Is it gon be some h*es there?” Question lol
@Dorian G.,
smh@ Hoes at a bris. Just got a visual of you actin sleazy in a yarmulke.
@Dorian G.,
No better end to a sentence of an invitation anywhere than, “…and there’s gonna be some h*es in there”
lol, seriously, anybody passing out flyers for a party should have that line in there somewhere
@The Champ,
Yep.
Things that never disappoint:
God, of course
Ralph Lauren
Funnyordie.com
Google
Sean John Unforgivable – Diddy must have conducted Pavlov-type experiments before releasing this years ago. To this day, females are conditioned to salivate upon catching the scent
Good, live music
Gza – I dare someone to find one wack verse Gza has ever spit.
Hand sanitizer
A fresh cut – Piggybackin off what Champ said, there’s nothing like getting out of the chair with a fresh cut. Haircuts are therapeutic to us men. They make you feel like a new man.
@SouthernCharm,
Cosign 110% on that Unforgivable…wooooo lawd!!!
@SouthernCharm,
“Sean John Unforgivable – Diddy must have conducted Pavlov-type experiments before releasing this years ago. To this day, females are conditioned to salivate upon catching the scent”
This wasn’t really a PD scent for me. I liked I Am King better.
@SouthernCharm,
Gza – I dare someone to find one wack verse Gza has ever spit.
That man should teach a course of lyricism.
@SouthernCharm,
Word to Ralph Laurern. I don’t think I will ever stop wearing Polo rugbys. I started in the early 90s and never stopped. He needs to retro the Polo Sport rugbys of the late 80s/early 90s.
* God…He’s so amazing…
* quiet time alone
* a good laugh
* my sandz
* n*ggas on the news
* my dog…he gives me hi-fives when he thinks he’s in trouble…so cute
* convos w/my uncle…he called me a 5 star sistah on Thanksgiving…he’s 73…LOL
*fried catfish w/ mustard
* Troy Polamalu’s hair
@This Just In…,
“* Troy Polamalu’s hair”
Mmm hmm.
@This Just In…,
* Troy Polamalu’s hair
not until you put him on the list did I ever ponder this and I 100% co-sign…his hair is unicorns, rainbows, fairy dust and coconut oil!
@This Just In…,
Troy Polomalu and that hair is my man crush! There are some men who can definitely do long hair without looking ultra-feminine, trying to be prettier than you or like a pimp. He’s one of em’. *swoon*
There are a few things, places, people and things that never disaapoint me.
-Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back
I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this movie but after 30 years i’m still not tired of it.
-Air Jordans III & IV
These two shoe represent so much to me. As far as i’m concerened I could wear theses two shoes (with Nike Air on the back and in original colors from 1988 and 1989) for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t need any other shoe.
-Simply Lemonade
I am fighting a 4 year addiction to this stuff. The only lemonade i’ve had that can compete is the stuff at Hot Dog On A Stick.
-Mainstream Hip-Hop up to 1997.
While there were wack dudes and studio gangstas at this time the hip-hop community held artist to a higher standard. When I listen to some old songs I’m amazed that it got regular spins on the radio. A song like that would be considered underground today.
-Muscle Cars and Sports Cars
I’m still look at a 1968 Shelby Mustang the same way the first time I saw it. I’ll never get tired of hearing flowmaster mufflers or a Ferrari revving at 7,000 rpms.
-Looney Toons and Woody Woodpecker
-Fighter Jets
-Pizza Papalis – best deep-dish pizza in the U.S.
-You Tube
The only place where I can watch a videos of Cubana Lust and switch and watch interviews and speeches of Stokely Carmichael and Fred Hampton.
@Humble_One,
I am fighting a 4 year addiction to this stuff. The only lemonade i’ve had that can compete is the stuff at Hot Dog On A Stick.
^mmmmmm, Cherry Lemonade!
-Mainstream Hip-Hop up to 1997.
While there were wack dudes and studio gangstas at this time the hip-hop community held artist to a higher standard. When I listen to some old songs I’m amazed that it got regular spins on the radio. A song like that would be considered underground today.
^You need to come to ‘Cream of Beat’ in the Bay. They don’t play nothing past 97′ and it’s the trufff!
@Humble_One,
-Muscle Cars and Sports Cars
I’m still look at a 1968 Shelby Mustang the same way the first time I saw it. I’ll never get tired of hearing flowmaster mufflers or a Ferrari revving at 7,000 rpms.
I was watching HDNet channel and I saw commercials about some race car shows and a documentary on a old race car restorer dude, and I thought about you and your slight obsession with muscle cars. Lol!
@Humble_One, -
Looney Toons and Woody Woodpecker…..cosign, the old school original joints!!!
Just gonna say thanks for the shout out of the sisters…we foolishly are more supportive than a Victoria Secret bra
@jessica,
no problem and sh*t
-Newcastle Brown Ale. Whether I am home or anywhere else in this country, this beer never, ever lets me down
-Enter the Dragon. This is my all time favorite that I have to stop and watch.
-Coming to America. The most quotable movie that makes my side hurt from watching.
-A good smoked brisket. Being a Texas boy, a good one of these will give you the Itis quick.
-Talking to my grandmother. She’ll be 90 in a few weeks and she reminds that I am not as big an idiot as I think I am sometimes.
-Anything produced by DJ Premier. I honestly have not heard a bad beat by him before. Plus he attended my alma mater, PVAMU.
-My niece. I remember when she was born and now she and her twin brother are going off to college next year. Still the funniest person I know.
-Early episodes of Family Guy. You know, when Stewie was trying to take over the world, and not being borderline gay like he is now.
-Collard greens made by any woman on my mom’s side of the family. Need to know how they make them so good.
-Progesso Chicken Noodle Soup and Saltines. Gotta cosign with Champ. This combo never, ever fails.
PB&J – As an adult, I see why I had a steady diet of this from ages 4-6.
-I Won’t Complain. A gospel song that always touches my heart. Either my mom ends up crying or I do.
-G-Unit Saturdays of Shade 45. Whoo-Kid is a fool and 50′s call-ins are hilarious.
-The Dallas Skyline. I get warm and fuzzy when I see it now. Ain’t no place like home.
@ComicBookGuy,
“-A good smoked brisket. Being a Texas boy, a good one of these will give you the Itis quick.”
oooh I had some fantastic brisket on Saturday, it was a rough drive home…lol
Feel ya on the I Won’t Complain, it never fails to make me cry.
@ComicBookGuy,
Early episodes of Family Guy. You know, when Stewie was trying to take over the world, and not being borderline gay like he is now
Right? What in the Seth McFarland hell is going on? I loved my Stewie crazy in Pinky and The Brain kinda way…
And c/s on good Texas smoked brisket. I went to a friend’s family for 4th of July in a small town near Galveston. His pimpified uncle was tending the pit: best brisket I have ever had, ever. It was just delicious. My Texas adoption was fully complete that day. Lol!
Kids – (mostly from 2 – 7) they tell it like it is. If you’re fat, ugly, stink, etc. they will let you know. Innocent and funny.
Family Functions – you’re guaranteed good food and endless laughter. Especially when the old folks get wasted and your 70 year old uncle is talking about what he’s going to do with the blue pill in his pocket.
Fried chicken, ginger ale and chocolate chip cookies – Regardless of what mood I’m in these fav foods never let me down.
@CoCoDelite,
Kids – (mostly from 2 – 7) they tell it like it is. If you’re fat, ugly, stink, etc. they will let you know. Innocent and funny.
Absolutely! They don’t have a care in the world. If I need a pick me up, I always go and talk to the kids at my work. Never fails.
@CoCoDelite,
Kids – (mostly from 2 – 7) they tell it like it is. If you’re fat, ugly, stink, etc. they will let you know. Innocent and funny.
this is true. there’s nothing funnier than watching a group of 8-10 year old boys ripping on each other
a productive bathroom break…
a cheesesteak from Delasandros in Philly…
banana split ice cream by Haagen Daz…
Petey (my b.d0g.f.) excitement when I come home…
the smell of a clean baby…
the sight of my made bed…
a call from an out of touch friend…
@numbah 5,
banana split ice cream by Haagen Daz…
I just wrote that on mine! I love it!
@MzKang,
it’s like crack covered crack…
honorable mention to vanilla swiss almond!
@numbah 5,
Co-sign on Vanilla Swiss Almond. You just gave me a happy flashback of me and my mom:)
@numbah 5,
“banana split ice cream by Haagen Daz…”
You know what, I never tasted this. Then, I saw an ad for it just recently and was like, “I gotta have this!”. Don’t think I’ve seen it in grocery stores here though. I’m gonna look though because it sounds effing incredible.
@Cheekie,
You will not be disapointed, trust…
*My momma’s home cookin’
*Not waking up to an alarm clock
*My sis & nephew acting a fool and making me laugh hysterically
*New shoes
*Freshly laundered sheets & towels
*Strawberry lemonade
*Haagen Dazs banana split ice cream
*The beach
*Sunrises & sunsets
*Paseo in Seattle
*Traveling
@MzKang,
this list sounds like the perfect vacation and sh*t
I KNEW you’d come around on the BP3!!
@Jackie,
technically i havent. i mean, if anything, its proof that kanye is easily the most important person in hiphop right now
*Hank Williams asking if “I’m ready for some football” on Monday nights.
* The Martini’s at the Centaur bar in Downtown Detroit.. Oh how I love you.
*My clear blue “buddy” that hides on the top shelf of my closet.. Oh how I love you too.
* Warm sheets and cool pillowcases
*A vacation to Myrtle Beach in May
*MAC Studio Fix and Two Faced’s Lash Injection Mascara
*Issey Miyake perfume
*Dunkin Donuts Coffee
*My true blue friends
*My mom-awesome
* A turtleneck, “those jeans” and a great pair of boots
*My *talented* ex
@Thunder*Bringer,
welcome and sh*t
~ Haagen Daz Coffee ice cream with a sprinkle of cinnamon
~ Blue Bell homemade vanilla ice cream
~ Jamaican coffee
~ Kids laughter
~ high thread count sheets
~ Cashmere (the good stuff, not the $39 version…it’s either super thin or pills up EXTRA quick )
~ my BFF co-signing on…my whole life. Whatever I decide to do or not do, she is right there ,down for whatever. Of course I’m the same way about her
@EbonyI,
“my BFF co-signing on…my whole life”
Thank God for my two BFF’s. Since we were kids they’ve been willing to literally risk life and limb riding out for me (even when I’m full of it) and vice versa. I love these girls to death!
@Me fail english?,
i think it’s a huge blessing when you’ve got those one or two that have seen you thru it all. no matter how far apart you might be or how long you go w/o talking, your sister from another mama and mister is there with whatever you need. that’s good ish.
@EbonyI,
Blue Bell homemade vanilla ice cream
I think Blue Bell is one of the numerous best kept secret of Texas. Forget B&J and Haagen Daaz (sp?), Blue Bell is where it’s at.
@Sula,
They don’t know giiiirl.
I remember when my uncle lived in New Mexico, everytime he visited he’d buy like 10 1/2gallons of Homemade Vanilla and some dry ice and would take it back to last him until his next trip…lol
the things that never disappoint the Great Panama Jackson…
-coming to america – i can watch it literally every day and it still never gets old or less funny than the time before (same with forrest gump, or menace 2 society, well not funny, but you know what i mean)
-jay’s reasonable doubt/atcq midnight marauders/de la soul is dead/cube’s death certificate/dre’s chronic – no matter what, none of those albums ever get old to me and listening to them all is like listening for the first time.
- maxwell’s “ascension” – man that song right there, ninja. that song right there?
- 50 cent interviews – he’s currently the only artist for whom i will listen to any interview he’s giving
- U Street in washington dc between 10-3am on a friday or saturday night – you are guaranteed to witness some sort of foolywang. it’s impossible not to.
- soul train – i can actually watch multiple episodes of soul train and be as giddy about watching those horrific (or sometimes great) dances and outfits. always a go to when i cant find anything else on. thank you Centric and (gulp) Debra Lee.
- my daughter – man, her little smile can make even the worst day seem like the best day of my life
- Morehouse /Spelman homecoming – its my go to feel good event of every year b/c somehow, it feels good to be home
- the Atlanta skyline – something about seeing it come off the horizon on 20 east from austell just makes the world seem right
- my paycheck – i love it like a fat kid loves cake
- checkers – those damn spicy chicken sandwiches are like little pieces of heaven
and BP3 as a jay’s kanye album? hmm…i think we talked about this before and in some ways i agree. though i tend to think Kanye picks better beats than the ones on bp3. bp3 just sounded real…consistenly blah. i mean i love ‘already home’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘doa’ and ‘run this town’ but other than that…
now…Common’s Be? THAT’S a kanye album parading as a common album.
@Panama Jackson,
Centric is the isht!
@Panama Jackson,
“-jay’s reasonable doubt/atcq midnight marauders/de la soul is dead/cube’s death certificate/dre’s chronic – no matter what, none of those albums ever get old to me and listening to them all is like listening for the first time.”
Death Certificate vs. Amerikkka’s Most Wanted vs. The Chronic
One of the hardest questions to answer that has never been answered. Maybe there is no answer?
@Humble_One,
I will attempt to answer. I will wager Death Certificate beats the other 2, for the Life/Death side concept (back when cassette tapes were the ‘ish) and “No Vaseline” (one of the best beef diss tracks ever) and “My Summer Vacation” (I crave this song: “My homie got shot, he’s a goner, Black. St. Louis ninjas want their corner back…”) . It was and is everything hip hop is supposed to be. Lyrical, beat intensive, conceptual, creative, fresh, hard hitting, relevant, and political.
@Panama Jackson, cosign on Soultrain….especially the really vintage episodes….went to a party on U St. one day and they were playing old soul train clips all night…I could barely dance for watching them and trying to imitate hte moves….
@Panama Jackson
“-coming to america – i can watch it literally every day and it still never gets old or less funny than the time before (same with forrest gump, or menace 2 society, well not funny, but you know what i mean)”
Coming to America is a classic, but I’d rather watch Boomerang every time.
@Panama Jackson,
i love it like a fat kid loves cake
how much love is that exactly??
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
“how much love is that exactly??”
Just ask a fat kid.
@Panama Jackson,
“maxwell’s “ascension” – man that song right there, ninja. that song right there?”
‘Cause I-iiiiiiiii can’t live. my. life, girl…with.out you here by my siiiiide.
Sorry, had a moment. But yeah, that song is…mmm.
@Panama Jackson,
though i tend to think Kanye picks better beats than the ones on bp3. bp3 just sounded real…consistenly blah
thats the thing. i think he made a half-hearted attempt at making a kanye album, which is actually kind of sad when you think about it
@Panama Jackson,
i cosign common’s BE being an ‘ye album.
@TiP,
self love!!!!! yes!!!!
@Stustustudious,
another member of the church of one-handed glory
“the support of sistas”
Yessir! I know brothas always talmbout how sistas be like, “Ya’ll niccas ain’t sh*t!” and making a brotha feel salty sometims, but best believe a sista will probably say it WHILE holding you down. We may cut you with words (tm Aneesa from Real World), but we gots your back in the long run if we love you.
“what else can we name that never, ever disappoints?”
The VSB family. There is not ONE day that goes by that I don’t at least crack a smile (at worst) or die laughing (at best) while reading something here.
@Cheekie,
The VSB family. There is not ONE day that goes by that I don’t at least crack a smile (at worst) or die laughing (at best) while reading something here.
this made me smile and sh*t
@ ComicBookGuy & miss t-lee,
Ya’ll my kind if people! I love brisket…and pastrami
@legitimate_soul,
Word?
You good people in my book.
*daps*
@miss t-lee,
@legitimate_soul,
It’s suppose to snow in the H tomorrow. If I had the time, I would have no problem being out in the snow slow smoking a brisket for 4-5 hours. Gotta love it.
@ComicBookGuy,
They talking ’bout we gonna get snow too.
I will believe when I see it, but then again that’s what I said when it snowed in ’07.
Look at the Texans getting excited about snow…lmao
@miss t-lee,
Funny thing: I was in Michigan for about two days last December. Snow everywhere. Flew back home to the H and it was snow everywhere. It happens and it has been happening every year down year for about 5 years now. Not surprised, though. Houston had a really dry summer, not a lot of humid days, so I expect snow and rain all winter.
@miss t-lee,
Ha! In your face T-Lee. It was 67 degrees and sunny in NYC this morning. I knew I was bound to get the not shet end of a stick with you someday!!
*Cha cha slides all over yo’ ass*
@Me fail english?,
Yep I’m hating right now. Full hater mode indeed.
It was 33 this morning…definitely some bullisht.
*sings Hate, Hate onnnnn
@miss t-lee,
Actually, ATX is slated to get more snow than us… so by ricochet, San Marcos might get some.
@Sula,
Which is crazy because they almost never get any.
When I was 5 it snowed down there for like 3 days straight, we got pictures of us trying to build snowmen…LMAO
@miss t-lee,
My coworker just came from outside saying he saw some flurries. I’m in denial like Cairo, hmph. It is NOT snowing.
@Cheekie,
I’m sorry homie.
@ComicBookGuy,
*Mouth watering at the thought of brisket slowly smoking
doing it’s thangfor 4-5 hours*Tiddie Balls (& any other accidental female nudity) Truth be told it just don’t matter (unless it’s a kid, relative, worse kid relative*creapy shudder*) Oh yeah I’ve seen raisin tiddies too.
Okay grown up grass on the field accidental female nudity.
Did yall know Maine is a topless state? It’s legal to go topless in public in Maine.
For me dresses n kirts
big slice pops
smiles
@WuDaMan,
I’ma add lil kids gettin high on that iced cream.
@WuDaMan,
New York City is a topless city as well.
@Sula, Hey boo
@WuDaMan,
Hey u.
Tomato Basil Soup from Nordstrom Cafe….that’s all I got for now….really wishing I had a bowl for lunch
@klysha,
ive never been there. how are the rest of their soups?
@The Champ, haven’t got a clue…once I tried the tomato basil I never bothered trying another
@klysha,
I was in love with this stuff too, until I looked up the calorie count on a full bowl (don’t ask about that bread thing they add on top). I am sticking to chocolate and peanut butter ice cream for lunch now.
*”Black Bush” or “Hater’s Ball” episodes of the Chappelle Show
*pastrami and brisket
*Yaphet Koto’s hair in a movie (they put the most ridiculous wigs on him and Sam Jackson)
*Prince’s hair being whipped
*my sneaker fetish
*Walking Lake Merritt (especially on a sunny day)
*Your Alma Mater winning the big game and/or homecoming
*Shopping when you got money
*Feeling “freshly dipped like the first day of school”-Cappadonna
*Ghostface guest appearing on your song
*Kool Keith having a funny lyric/line/verse
*My parent’s love (RIP Mom)
@legitimate_soul,
lol@ Kool Keith and Ghostface.
I’d say hearing “…featuring Andre 3000″ NEVER disappoints.
Also, Black Rob randomly appearing at a show where he wasnt booked. This has happened to me more than once. Always a pleasant surprise
@Me fail english?,
Touche’! Andre 3000 does do GREAT guest appearances! I’m also glad to hear Black Rob is doing better! He killin’ the mic too?…excellent!
@legitimate_soul, & Humble
LOL!
Well technically…no. He still appears to be in the throes of an epic battle to pull the monkey of his back. He mostly just shows up in between sets when the real performers dont come on time and does “Whoa”. Sometimes his verse from “Let’s Get It”. I think he’s hoping if he does a good enough job someone will scout him and he’ll get paid or smthg.
Last I heard G. Dep was doing “astronaut” type things and on his way back to jail.
@Me fail english?,
Awww, dayum! *thinking back to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh70uctnUpQ&feature=related Five Heartbeats scene * Poor Black Rob & G Dep. Thinking Puffy is poison like Mario said: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z3bLRPOlrw
@legitimate_soul,
I can’t see Youtube at work! But this BEST not be
Nights like this..I wish…that raindrops would fa’ha’ha’ha’ALLLLLLLLL
Because I will surely die.
@Me fail english?,
I’d say hearing “…featuring Andre 3000″ NEVER disappoints.
Yes ma’am!
@Me fail english?,
Black Rob has resurfaced? Any site of G-Dep?
@legitimate_soul,
“*Yaphet Koto’s hair in a movie (they put the most ridiculous wigs on him and Sam Jackson)”
I really hate that you made me laugh this hard…lol
@miss t-lee,
*dap* u feel me doe’…..
Ok, now that I got some morning duties out the way…..
the way the I feel after an intense workout 1 to 2 hours plus never disppoints….a hot shower or bath after, never disappoints.
The way a A fly and fresh to death ensemble flows falls and drapes on a fit body, never disppoints..that joint on SALE esp never disappoints or any fly item @ a vicious price LOL
being pulled together, fit, polished, and having great personal style, never disappoints.
being Gemini never disappoints LOL
My love of arts, sciences, language, never disappoints
pampering, like Smiley said never disappoints
A fresh relaxer NEVER disappoints
Encountering interesting cool folk who sow seeds of kindness @ those moments needed most, never disappoints, almost like angels, and always on time…
theres more, but thats all for now
@OrangeStar616,
sometimes you can read a persons comments and get an idea how they generally feel about life. i wouldn’t be going out on a limb to say that you’re a generally happy person
@The Champ, I don’t know if I’d say happy, cause happiness IMHO comes in moments, it happens in moments, memba I’m gemini too LOL, mood changes, change period are a constant for me, but some folk have said repeatedly there is a light in me, around me, about me and I think thats what you see even in cyberspace
PMS induced cravings for Salt and Sugar never disappoints…..
..the only time of the month I might eat reg potato chips,UTZ salt and vinegar, YUM or really any UTZ variety,
Pizza,
Wings and Mumbo sauce form China WAll, the small wings fried hard, salt and pepa on the fries, with two mumbo sauce on the side pls,
and Chocolate like peanut chews, and mini reecies out the freezer etc YUMMY….I choose my indulgence ONLY for two days per PMS week, and only one or two of these things LOL
my list of things that don’t disappoint are:
*my mother-she is truly my rock
*twizzlers
*my dvr
*southwest-they need to add more cities though
*naps-they’re not just for children anymore
@Tunde,
*my dvr
Lucky you. That selfish hoe lets me down EVERY F#$KING TIME. Every time!
I never get to see the end of anything. Or it takes like a good 30 seconds to start recording after a set time. My sister told me hers has been randomly erasing stuff lately.
@Me fail english?,
Are you with Comcast?
@Sula,
Haha, my Comcast joint def did all that. I got FIOS now though so I’m good.
@Sula,
lol. Nah. I got Cablevision. Same shet! This aint neva happen with DirecTV. smh
-God’s grace and mercy
-the vent under my bathroom sink
-Nyquil
-unexpected good book or article
-Hip-Hop: only the real ish
-morning wood on my thigh
-mastubation: if no morning wood is available
-Tom & Jerry: when they didn’t talk
-the poo you take after a night of drinking and drinking
-light skinded rum and cokes
-mom’s cooking: she making pot roast today!!
-my dad’s voice when I’m having a bad day/week/boyfriend
-my homegirls i ain’t never had to break up with
-kisses on the back of my neck
@Nikkisix,
“-morning wood on my thigh”
I appreciate women that appreciate this.
@Nikkisix,
-the poo you take after a night of drinking and drinking
LOL
@The Champ,
It seems that cognac is the main type of alcohol that maked you do this.
“i even once had someone bake me some sugar cookies that somehow ended up tasting like smoked salmon.”
Dog, I bought some sugar cookies from Wal-Mart a while back that tasted like… not sugar cookies. I literally did not think it was possible to f-up sugar cookies, but I stand corrected.
Things that never disappoint me:
Apple juice
College football
Prince’s guitar
Timb boots – I’m a Maryland boy, what can I say
The OriolesMambo sauce, except when they use too much ketchup
History
Ignorant/hilarious club music – I’m referring to Baltimore Club, not Gucci Mane or some sh*t
Co-sign on Twizzlers & free stuff
@P.,
Dog, I bought some sugar cookies from Wal-Mart a while back that tasted like… not sugar cookies. I literally did not think it was possible to f-up sugar cookies, but I stand corrected.
people who miss up sugar cookies really need to be shot. well, maybe not shot, but they should be forced to go to some type of baking camp or something
@P.,
lol. Baltimore Club Music has to be some of THE singly most ignorant shet I’ve ever heard.
Is Baltimore the uber-refined metropolis that graced us with “Dcik & Balls”?
@Me fail english?,
“Is Baltimore the uber-refined metropolis that graced us with “Dcik & Balls”?”
I think that was Detroit. The same place that gave @ss and bitties.
@Me fail english?,
Yeah it’s mad ignorant, but I grew up with it. Besides, we all need an escape to ignorance in our lives. Isn’t that why we listen to post-SDE Cam’ron? Though I’ll admit I don’t feel club (and go-go) as much as I used to.
Baltimore isn’t uber-refined at anything except murdering and crabcakes. For what it’s worth, the second far outweighs the first. Somehow I forgot to put seafood on my list.*
* = only seafood from the state of Maryland. I once committed the 8th** deadly sin of getting a crabcake when I was in North Carolina and well… just don’t do it.
** = the 9th deadly sin is getting a cheesesteak outside of Philly. I also meant to put cheesesteaks on my list.
@P.,
Intense cosigning on the whole “buying regional foods out of the region” thing. NEVER eat a cheesesteak out of Philly or eat a crabcake that’s not from Maryland — it will only lead to tears and disappointment. I had a crabcake in Gettysburg (the night before the huge re-enactment, which is a whole ‘nother story)… that ish was heartbreakingly bad. Whichever crabs died to be made into that crabcake have the right to be salty.
Things in my world that are so very consistent, you would think they are imagined:
-My dad calling me by my pet name –> warm and fuzzy feelings followed by wondering what “nugget of wisdom” is heading my way.
- Traffic jams on US59 between Edloe and Main exits (in Houston, TX)–> I mean there is always traffic at that spot. I really mean always… most of times for no reason at all. It’s almost like cars are afraid of what lays beyond the “hill” and drive extra slowly because of that. I don’t know, but you can always count on that.
-My baby sister recount of any events –> she is hilarious. I mean you might have been there when the event happened, but listening to her retelling the story makes you laugh all over again.
- The Saturday Morning Sauna Crew at my Gym –> It’s always the same group of folks, give or take 1 or 2. You have your 2 older Vietnamese ladies side-eyeing all the youngins with the loud music, lol, the uber big black dude being all animated in the middle of the Sauna and telling you TMI about his bodily fluids/functions, the “ever wise spend more time in the sauna than in the gym” dude dispensing shitty advice and commenting on anything news related. You also have your lady coming in the sauna with her (Mercedes) keychain talking about her latest trip to Singapour and her husband buying his mom a diamond (insert random expensive item here)… I mean that crew never disappoints. Every saturday morning, I get my entertainment fill with them.
- Fried ripe plantains (aloko) with grilled/fried fish –> The awesomeness of this dish can only be tasted, not described. No matter who makes it, it’s going to be good. I mean it’s plantain, fish and grease. Awesome!
- Randall’s grocery store prices –> you can always be assured that the grocery price is triple what you would find at any other grocery store. I wonder how they stay in business.
- Reruns of Inuyasha on adultswim. I mean at some point, I wanted to be Kagome. LoL!
- Sunday Bummy Afternoons watching Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (or anything really) and sipping some good wine –> That sh!t right there, I say that sh!t right there? Motherf’in priceless!!!!
There you have it, stuff that never disappoints in my little patch of the world.
@Sula,
- Sunday Bummy Afternoons watching Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (or anything really) and sipping some good wine –> That sh!t right there, I say that sh!t right there? Motherf’in priceless!!!!
^5! You ain’t neva lied! I love me some “No Reservations”. That man made me want to go to Columbia! I also loved that he came to Tha’ Town when he visited San Fran.
@legitimate_soul, I LOVE Man vs Food the best!
@OrangeStar616,
LOL…Man vs. Food makes me feel ashamed and dirty for watching it (but I watch it). That ish’ is ‘ignant, but some of the food… I want him to cut me a lil’ piece of it…lol
@legitimate_soul, yessssssss I be hungry as sh*t watching that show plus Adam is cool and makes me laugh and we bout the same age, 34/35!!!
@legitimate_soul,
I am with you. I’ll watch Adam, but sometimes the magnitude of the food just grosses me out a little bit… I mean I think he needs to detox or something, that’s way too much food for any one person to consume…
(but I swear sometimes those BBQ joints be callin’ my name!!
)
@OrangeStar616,
I can’t do Man vs Food. I seriously think homie will die soon. He took his shirt off one episode, and his body looked like it was on it’s last legs.
No Reservations is great. It made Saudi Arabia look like a decent vacation destination.
@Legendary Dash & OrangeStarr616,
I saw the previews of him hitting up an old nemesis challenge and he was sweatin’ and looking like he was going through child birth. It made me worry about his health too. How many seasons can he push himself like that? I just turned 34, so yeah….we about the same age.
I love that on “No Reservations” he always has a quality, authentic person familiar with or native to the area to give you the real deal. Someone with street cred and respectability amongst the people there. He is thorough.
Ya’ll watch Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman? Ohh Wee……
@legitimate_soul,
i am comforted to see that i’m not the only one that watches andrew and anthony. i knew i loved my vsb and vss…
@Sula, Fried ripe plantains (aloko) with grilled/fried fish –> The awesomeness of this dish can only be tasted, not described. No matter who makes it, it’s going to be good. I mean it’s plantain, fish and grease. Awesome!
This has to be a moment of e-twin bonding… YUM!
“my daughter – man, her little smile can make even the worst day seem like the best day of my life”
So sweet…kids are the best!
The 1st 2 weeks of The NFL and NBA seasons.
Parking lot pimping for frustrated single moms after youth sport games.
Club Pregaming.
Grilled cheese sandwiches.
Fox News. I loves me some Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity.
Classic episodes of Looney Toons.
@Legendary Dash,
Grilled cheese sandwiches.
Those should never disappoint, but somehow I tasted a Grilled Cheese sandwich that tasted like, well sock water or something. How can a GRILLED sandwich be soggy? Ugh!
Me fail english?
It is exactly that scene….LMAO
Oh, and correction: Maronzio, not Mario on the 2nd link
I love, love, love your blog. I found it through a Twitter friend posting over the Thanksgiving holiday and I am hooked!
Let me see, things that never disappoint…..hmmm, well my vibrator. It never, ever disappoints (as long as it has fresh battery). Sometimes I even use Ron Artest as my inspiration while using my vibrator.
GOD
Sleep
Hot showers
Coco butter after a hot shower
Foot massages
Morning nukie
Wine( but not the headache in the morn)
VSB & SBM
Finishing a good book
MY BFF