unless you’ve been underneath aretha’s areolas a rock for the past 36 hours, you’ve undoubtedly heard about the domestic abuse scandal involving r&b megastars chris brown and rihanna, who are apparently attempting to follow in the star-crossed and dysfunctional footsteps of sid and nancy, ike and anna mae, and diddy and chapstick.
although the pop culturalist in me is i’m interested in seeing exactly whose image will take the biggest hit…
***my guess? in the pop community: chris brown. in the black community: rihanna. i’d bet a 20 to anyones 5 that this is exactly how it will play out***
…i’m not going to get all tmz-ey on you and discuss the minutia of the allegations. at the same time, though, the situation does highlight a relevant topic.
according to the rumors, brown’s actions were a direct result of him finding out that ms umbrella was out poning de river without an, ummm, raincoat…which eventually led to him getting drenched as well.
we’ve already discussed the potential dangers of retaliatory sullivan-esque window-busting, but whats continually ignored and dismissed is the scorned man. more specifically, what the hell is a scorned man supposed to do?
before i continue, i want to make it clear to the chicken littles out there that this isn’t a plea to take it easy on mr. kiss, kiss. i’m just using his situation as a segue for my main point. i don’t condone or support any type of domestic violence, ever. sh*t, i even spearheaded a short and ill-conceived movement a few years ago to have undershirts referred to as “lady massagers” instead of “wife beaters (***editors note*** the champ is lying)
with that being said, the plight of the scorned man is exacerbated by the fact that he usually doesn’t have many outlets. for instance, a woman usually has a safe nest of vulva scented feminine softness to land in if cheated on. although she may have to guard for chickenhawk wang buzzards thirsty for her leftovers, most woman can rely on a girlfriend or two to support her.
i mean, sh*t, theres an entire billion dollar industry complete with magazines and television stations (lifetime, oxygen, playboy) built around the idea of the downtrodden chick.
***lets put it this way: women scorned and cheated on is some melodramatic tear-jerking one-word titled (ie: “enough!!”) miniseries starring meredith baxter-birney and rosie perez. a man scorned and cheated on? its “forgetting sarah marshall”***
a man, on the other hand, usually has few to turn to, mostly because of the stigma of being scorned. where a scorned woman draws immediate sympathy because we been socialized to think that men in relationships will inevitably f*ck up, a scorned man is usually given five minutes of sympathy…immediately followed by some variant of “what the hell did you do to her to cause her to do this to you???”, which is then followed by “stop b*tching and man the f*ck up!!!. lets go bag some sluts”
if a guy admits to being cheated on, he then faces the stigma of having his sexual prowess questioned. this time, the five seconds of sympathy are followed by “i mean, if he was taking care of things in the bedroom, she wouldnt have cheated, right? maybe somethings missing down there”.
with this being said, again, what exactly is the scorned man supposed to do?
honestly, i dont know.
what i do know, though, is that although i continually jab at the existence of chick logic and the aura of impenetrable illogicisms permeating it, i do admire their (usually) stigma-less freedom to discuss sh*t like this with each other.
of course, i’m lying again. (***editors note*** no he’s not)
—the champ
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{ 454 comments… read them below or add one }
hmmm… he should perhaps talk to HIS girlfriends? the ones he knows for a fact he doesn’t want to sleep with, just to keep things clean… a good friend of mine turned to me when his S.O. cheated on him, stole from him, (then blamed it on their domestic worker, who he fired…), lied to him….
it was slightly strange initially to hear all this from a guy, but as a friend, you have to be there when your homey is going thru such pain..
as for chris brown…. Nx! no excuse for the nonsense. none! and didn’t he also come from a tough home life? therapy people – just say yes!!
@superwoman,
i second that emotion! go to therapy, dammit!
ive only ever had one male friend that would come and talk to me about how his gf did him wrong. that was awkward! not because he’s a dude, but because she was my friend too….i felt like i had to choose a side. i chose his cuz seriously, she effed his sh*t up and for, seemingly, no good reason!
none of my other male friends have ever admitted to being cheated on…i dont doubt they would talk to me about it though. they talk to me about EVERYTHING else…
@shatani, same here! she was also a friend of mine, but the way she did him was SO WRONG!! and lying to the point that s’one lost their job was unconscionable.
plus, i discovered eventually that i was also a victim of her web of deceit, she told me crazy lies too – and i had recommended her for a job based on that info… only to have the ish blow up in my face – so i WAS NOT impressed…
@shatani,
none of my other male friends have ever admitted to being cheated on…i dont doubt they would talk to me about it though.
ive still never had a guy admit to me that his chick was running around on him. this just isnt a conversation most guys have.
@The Champ,
I think most guys dont tell anyone b/c they just see it as karma and keep it movin….
@superwoman, “as for chris brown…. Nx! no excuse for the nonsense. none!”
I concur! There’s no excuse at all.
@superwoman,
“no excuse for the nonsense”
in concurence as well..take your ball (get it tested then treated) and go home.
start a therapy group. Champ seems to be big on “what about the men” messages. Start a public support group. btw..men do have informal support groups..ive overheard some very private tete-a-tete men had with other men about relationship issues, usually during like basket ball or something. But MEN TALK TO EACH OTHER.
@Princess Duvet,
..men do have informal support groups..ive overheard some very private tete-a-tete men had with other men about relationship issues, usually during like basket ball or something. But MEN TALK TO EACH OTHER.
See, this is what I believe too. I’m not saying that they haven’t been socialized to internalize somethings in some situations, but if every person with an XY chromosone didn’t talk about anything but sports/women wouldn’t there be alot more random mall shootings. You can’t internalize without something snapping eventually.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
“You can’t internalize without something snapping eventually.
”
I totally believe this too..TD Jakes had the movie which basically explored the themes of “waiting to exhale” for men. Men exhale. But here;s the thing, they don’t want OTHER women to see it, hell they don’t even want to let their boys know that they DO blow off steam. Instead they pretend like they dont really have any emotional outlets to save testosterone face..and still look like a man.
But thats the house they built. That’s not a woman’s fault. At the next exhale session they need to talk about why talking is so closed and stigmitized.
@Princess Duvet,
But thats the house they built. That’s not a woman’s fault. At the next exhale session they need to talk about why talking is so closed and stigmatized.
who said that it was the woman’s fault?
@Princess Duvet,
‘…face..and still look like a man.”
I think all this socially constructed definitions of a ‘man’ and all that it entails needs to be revised and quick. I don’t think it’s doing men and their health, or society at large any favors. Gender roles are basically all social constructions anyway. Boooo, another of my pet peeves.
If it wasn’t considered un-manly to cry/vent/actually express whatever emotions you had to keep your sanity maybe we’d have less dudes dropping dead at 40 or getting strokes and heart attacks.
@Princess Duvet,
That’s crazy cause I’m not like that at all.
I have a very small number of friends, like 4 at the most that I talk to about all that kind of stuff.
I’ve cried in front of them, confided in them, asked them for advice,etc.
If you don’t let it out, you’ll explode and start punching people in the face, ask Mr. Breezy he’ll tell you.
@superwoman,
I second talking it out with your female friends – that’s what I do for my guy friends. I’ve also started using my male friends for sympathy in the hopes that I’ll gain a better understanding of where I went wrong (and by that I mean why the a$$hole did what he did). So far it’s been mixed results, but I like having the perspective of both men and women on the topic.
@superwoman,
Dang..She cheated, lied, and stole!!!!
@Jenna Marie Christian, it was heeeectic, girlie!
i heart you for mentioning ‘forgetting sarah marshall’. i loved that movie. secondly, you’re right. men should comfort one another after being betrayed. seriously, why can’t you guys be there for one another the way we are? all it requires is ps2, a little pron, cereal and stinky boxers. that’s it. that’s what y’all need after betrayal. straight up maleness. no?
@Miss Patterson,
if they wash their boxers i would so go to that party! lol
@shatani,
…I’d bring the beer.
@Resident GRitS, yes we definitely need beer. boys never have any snacks. so, i’ll bring pretzels, hot flaming cheetos, and some chocolate.
@Miss Patterson,
OMG, I fully hearted you for the Flaming Hot Cheetos (fav), but now you only get a half-heart for the “sweaty balls” comment, lol. You took me from “YUM” to “BARF” in a matter of 2 seconds, lol.
@Miss Patterson, dudes dont like chocolate. the women done turned the pity party into something about them again …. lol jk
@osyeP,
HAHAHA
We always do!!!
@Miss Patterson, I guess I’ll be playing mom so that when ya’ll are done with your junk food binge and need some real food, I’ll be there.
@overit, ooh yeah. bring it! i’ll need a massage therapist too from all that video gaming. [miss patterson is faking like she knows something about video gaming]
@shatani, yeah you’re right. they should wash the boxers. i like the smell of tide waaaay better than sweaty b@lls. i’m nasty for saying that out loud.
@Miss Patterson,
it had to be said.
@Miss Patterson,
all it requires is ps2, a little pron, cereal and stinky boxers
so you suggest that guys should bond while sitting around in their boxers watching p*rn and eating cereal?
@The Champ
Ummmm that sounds EXTRA gay.
@The Champ, perhaps you should visit Morehouse on a random Saturday morning. maybe not p*rn, but definitely ps2, boxers and cereal. definitely.
@Miss Patterson,
I think there is some kind of law against sittin around with your boys in your draws. You gotta put on pants.
@Deviant,
I think there is some kind of law against sittin around with your boys in your draws. You gotta put on pants.
this law does exist in the manbook. its right underneath the part about “spending as little time as humanly possible naked while in a locker room”
@Deviant, i don’t know what to tell you cuz my ‘play brothas’ at morehouse did it all the time. they had shirts on, but they were definitely in their boxers.
@Miss Patterson,
Perhaps you’ve not noticed what the guys here have NOT been saying about said brothas. . .
thats crazy…i was having this conversation a couple weeks ago (well a variant) because a male friend of mine was telling me how this dude lost his ever-lovin mind and was stalking and threatening a female friend of his. i told him that men suffer more from break-ups that women do…and for just those reasons mentioned.
if the relationship is long term, i think its more devastating for the man. a woman has her girls….for better or worse, they will be there for her to cry and b*tch and plot and laugh and all the many stages we go through when mourning the loss of a relationship. she can go to her girls for comfort, to commiserate or to just listen to her talk about how she feels. who is gonna do that for a man? you think he can go to his boys and cry about it? he has no support because in all likelihood, his woman was his support. and for a lotta dudes, all that bottled up emotion can turn to rage and thats not pretty.
i think it sucks that the scorned man really has no outlet…i wish i had an answer, but i dont. boys are just not socialized that way ’round these parts.
@shatani, i think Champers needs a bff or something. i wonder if he and panama talk on the phone under their respective covers and discuss raising their children together and stuff. it goes like this:
C: sup? maybe panamina and champina can go to cau/spelman/howard and pledge together’
P: word.life
C: as long as my baby girl has enough waffles.
P: you know me, sharing is caring.
C: that’s what she said. diplomat out.
i hope they do, that would be so cute. maybe champers and pj are e-twins after all!
VSB: where boys talk into the wee hours of the morning about their futures, since 1913.
@Miss Patterson,
I need to get my black ass to bed, but I just wannna say that this WHOLLLEEE faux-echange betwixt Humpty and P-Money made my night. LMAO!! Thank you, Pattiecakes! I bid you all good nite
@Miss Patterson,
i’m mad at that entire exchange, catch-phrases and all. good sh*t, lol
seriously though, i do have people i can talk to if sh*t gets heavy, but many men dont. plus, even the ones that do don’t feel comfortable expressing sh*t aloud.
@shatani,
“a woman has her girls….for better or worse, they will be there for her to cry and b*tch and plot and laugh and all the many stages we go through when mourning the loss of a relationship. she can go to her girls for comfort, to commiserate or to just listen to her talk about how she feels. who is gonna do that for a man?”
Aren’t men supposed to be better friends than women?
@YGB,
certainly not in this area….
@YGB, “Aren’t men supposed to be better friends than women?”
I was thinking the same thing…. You would think that if they were, a man would be there when his boy really needed him, and not just to play Madden.
@YGB,
Aren’t men supposed to be better friends than women?
good question.
@YGB,
No.
@Luvvie,
Straight to the point! This made me chuckle!
@YGB
“Aren’t men supposed to be better friends than women?”
I think when they tried to promote this idea, they just meant men make better friends to women, not to other men.
@V Renee,
I think when they tried to promote this idea, they just meant men make better friends to women, not to other men.
nope
@The Champ,
I call a contradiction hearing on this one.
“what the hell is a scorned man supposed to do?
”
….I can’t even start right now cause Im too tired. But the poster “Rihanna” yesterday made a VERY good point, why are women publically DEMONIZED after an accusation around sexua!l assault, domestic violence or abuse. Rihanna giving Chris “the gift that keeps on giving” is speculation and SR isn’t exactly hard news.
So if women have their “safe havens” they often come with a leaky roof.
I can’t quite buy this scorned male bull shat yet.
@Princess Duvet,
“what the hell is a scorned man supposed to do?”
He’s supposed to know his place as a scorned man, and just be one. Bottom line. No fisticuffs, no crying to his homies, no asking his daddy how he kept his mama around for so long, no lurking in her bushes after midnight, trying to see if another dude is taking his place, etc. He’s supposed to just deal with it. Hello? Men are the hunters, and if they lose the intended prey, they keep on hunting until they make a catch. Bottom line. Plain and simple.
@RedBeanzNRice,
“Men are the hunters, and if they lose the intended prey, they keep on hunting until they make a catch. Bottom line. ”
or they start a movement for men who’d like to create their own insular emotional safe havens. And who want fair and equal treatment under the laws of love.
They want to have bake sales and cook offs, start a 501c3 organization draft the hemancipation proclamation and cry “aint I a man” from the mountaintops.
@Princess Duvet,
“They want to have bake sales and cook offs, start a 501c3 organization draft the hemancipation proclamation and cry “aint I a man” from the mountaintops.”
…and they shall call it The Metrosexual Movement. Funny stuff, Madam Dustruffle!
@RedBeanzNRice,
“He’s supposed to just deal with it”
lol, and continue to die at 52 because of years spent internalizing sh*t and not getting help, huh?
@The Champ,
Jesus be some high blood pressure pills.
@RedBeanzNRice,
Damn. You gon have some resentful sons when you tell them “Feelings are meant to be kept inside. If you have a wee wee, that is”
@Luvvie,
“Damn. You gon have some resentful sons when you tell them “Feelings are meant to be kept inside. If you have a wee wee, that is”
Only I’ll never know it, cause they’ll keep it inside. ; )
@RedBeanzNRice,
……. no crying to his homies, no asking his daddy how he kept his mama around for so long, no lurking in her bushes after midnight, trying to see if another dude is taking his place, etc. He’s supposed to just deal with it.’
Dang child, but they have little hearts that beat and emotions as well as penises. A little harsh no??? If the situation were reversed, I’m sure (not, really sure since I don’t actually know you, but we’ll go with that for the argument) you’d want your girl’s not to bottle all that toxic shit in anyway. Well, if we take off all the stereotypes and social expectations on male behavior off the table, doesn’t it go to reason since female and male are human beings they should both be feeling the same sort of crappy and should be allowed the same outlet options. Let’s let the men cry and vent, no social stigma attatched.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
In a nutshell and sh*t.
@Princess Duvet,
….I can’t even start right now cause Im too tired. But the poster “Rihanna” yesterday made a VERY good point, why are women publically DEMONIZED after an accusation around sexua!l assault, domestic violence or abuse. Rihanna giving Chris “the gift that keeps on giving” is speculation and SR isn’t exactly hard news.
two things:
1. this…
“why are women publically DEMONIZED after an accusation around sexua!l assault, domestic violence or abuse”
…is a great topic, and definitely worthy of discussion. thing is, its not today’s topic, and, to counter the inference i made from your comment, just because i chose to highlight another issue doesn’t minimize other issues present.
2. i know sandrarose is a gossip bl0g, and not factual, which is why i specifically used the term “according to the rumors”.
@The Champ,
“thing is, its not today’s topic,”
i think my feelings are hurt. lol
@The Champ,
*Chortles*
@Luvvie,
Champers seems like he’s on some type of blog rampage today. aren’t these indiv. threads for people to go off on their own little side tangents.
cant i have my side tangent?
@Princess Duvet,
tangent deez
@The Champ,
*cackles*
@The Champ, my friend worked for Chris Brown and she came back months ago talking about “Rihanna is NUTS”. That’s all she coudl talk about. In my opinion, I don’t think it was an std, I think it was just a dysfunctional relationship.
Here is my thing, I know men can be foul, etc. But I have seen some women ASK for some ish. Yes I said it. I’m sorry, but you don’t take advantage of someone because you know they were taught they couldn’t hit you back, so you wanna be all “hit me muhf***a, HIT ME! You a lil B***” I have seen that play out and fortunately, I haven’t seen a dude hit a woman. All I know is that gender roles can only last for so long, eventually, a dude is gonna be like eff what I was taught, I’m teaching her a lesson.
At the end of the day, mutual respect is key. I just know that men always get the blame when there is a domestic dispute, and sometimes women just aint right.
Either way, I propose the Sat Down corner be re-named the CB and Rhee Rhee Sat Down Corner. Its the least we could do to pay tribute to their very public display of hot messtasticness.
@overit,
THANK YOU. I just kept reading, hoping that someone would point that out. Sheesh.
Sometimes, some women deserve to be hit.
YEAH I SAID IT.
In fact, once upon a time I remember having an IM convo where we came up with 10 or 11 really good reasons to hit a woman. I now need to update that list to maybe include “knowingly stepping outside of a platonic relatinship and bringing home the creeping nutbugs.”
I don’t know if that was the case or not, and I’m not saying that he should have hit her. But if it was, I understand.
@Nikiloveli,
Everyone is so off base with this, no woman deserves to be hit, if Rihanna was your sister or homegirl y’all would sing a different tune. Most people who say such things have never been victims or witnesses (which I said upthread too) to the horror that is any kind of domestic violence.
@Naturally Alise, I disagree with you. I’ve been a victin of DV, as I wrote downthread. My mom and aunt has been too. I’ve witnessed it, on multiple accounts. Most of the time, the women I saw get hit didnt deserve it, but you mean to tell me that the time my aunt hit my uncle with the car on purpose, she didnt deserve to get dragged out the car? Now, I’m gonna stand up for my aunt regardless of if her actions warrant a beating but let’s call a spade a spade. Sometimes ppl, both women and men, deserve to get punch in their damn mouths. However, I am not a proponent of giving everyone what they deserve. I dont and will never women for the same reason I try not to fight ppl who are smaller than me, I’m afraid I might actually kill a mofo. But to say some ppl dont deserve it, is a crock of sheeit
@osyeP,
im really perturbed that everybody (and sadly and most disturbingly women) got these off the wall exceptions about cars, tow trucks, guns, axes, Cyanide..the objective in these situations are to perserve your life and remove yourself from the situation..not to plot about how you gonna beat chick down..um she’s trying to kill you.
@osyeP,
What did your uncle do to your aunt that made her lose her mind and want to run him down with the car?
@Naturally Alise,
I’m not “most people,” and I stand by what I said.
@Naturally Alise,
THANK YOU NATURALLY!!
No wonder ish like this keeps happening! I mean ARE YOU SERIOUS? Asking for ish?
If she was that “crazy” why couldn’t he break up with her? Was it that hard?
Stuff like this is why I rarely have those kind of conversations. Women blow my friggin’ mind EVERY DAY with this stupid nonsense.
Anybody using hands needs to be dealt with BY THE LAW. Male or female.
“deserving to be hit”? Getthefluckouttaherewiththissh!t!!!
@Specialized Sula, i said a special prayer over this “she deserved it” thread.
@Specialized Sula, your comments is kind of perpetuating a double standard. When a women doesnt leave a relationship despite her being abused, we talk about the batter wife syndrome. However, you write “If she was that “crazy” why couldn’t he break up with her? Was it that hard?” Maybe he was a battered husband. Maybe the attack on his life pushed him over the edge, i think thats fair to say that if a woman threatens your life, you have every right to beat her down. I think my mom would say the same thing. This is also coming from a woman who tried to beat a random dude with a club b/c he called her a bitch b/c she stole his parking spot. If he would have fault her, could we really be mad?
@Peyso,
No.
In the battered wife syndrom, “the wife” is being abused so she is the victim. If he’s being the victim, he should use the same outlets provided for women. Either quit the relationship, seek counseling or call the police.
I do not have a double standard when it comes to violence. A human being who is being abused should resort to the course of action implemented by the law: call the police, get a restraining order, walk out, seek therapy. Do something that does not involve physically or emotionally abusing the other person.
And I’m not going to trivialize the very issue of emotional scarring caused by the cycle of violence in BOTH men and women by giving a two-sentence reply. The issue is too big and too complex.
And I even want to bet that Chris Brown didn’t know he was an “abuser” until it happened… but when it happens the appropriate sentence should be handed. The same should happen to a women who bust someone’s windows or pour hot grits or whatever else the crazy people do. You pay the consequences for your act.
The reasons why you acted that way may be legitimate, it doesn’t justify the act and shouldn’t remove the sentence. And I repeat this is the case for both MALE AND FEMALE.
Serial killers have good reasons too…. in their minds!
@Specialized Sula,
Yep, yep….that sounds about right.
@Nikiloveli,
“knowingly stepping outside of a platonic relatinship and bringing home the creeping nutbugs.”
this confuses me, lol
@The Champ,
I went off on a tangent in my head, and subsequently used the wrong word. Sue me.
“Platonic” should read “exclusive.”
@Nikiloveli,
we came up with 10 or 11 really good reasons to hit a woman. I now need to update that list to maybe include “knowingly stepping outside of a platonic relatinship and bringing home the creeping nutbugs.”
Will all women and men be privy to this 10-11 reasons that we’ll get them punched around like rag dolls?
What if the person throwing the punches thinks his/her reason for the assault is warranted but doesn’t fall within the 10-11 reasons? Is he/she given some sort of appeal period to justify it, or are we allowed at this point to go ahead and empathize with whoever received the black eye?
Tis a slippery slope this ’10-11 reasons’ biz? I think, to me anyway, it’s similar to all those clauses that come with empathizing with sexual assault victims. “Yeah, she/he was raped, but they were kinda skankily dressed. Maybe, they instigated the situation in some sort of sub-conscious level.” Slippery, jam covered slope.
my ex-husband acted like me leaving him was the end of the world. all these years later, he is still not over it. i won’t get into details about his behavior though…
@L,
“i won’t get into details about his behavior though…”
The ellipses are indicative of the fact that you WANT to go into detail, but you’re waiting to be prompted. So, I’m prompting. Give some details.
@RedBeanzNRice
I’m withcha. Details please.
i think that men do have pple they can talk to you…i mean, if they don’t have their boys to fall back on, then they might have a decent relationshop with their siblings which he could talk things over with…and i co-sign the idea of talking things over with their female friends… i don’t buy the b.s. that their real boys aren’t going to be there for them when/if they need to talk about some real sh$t…i mean if all they have is superficial boys that only care about going to a club or drinkin or whatever then what do they expect when times comes around for some real support? and while it may not always be the most comfortable or reaslistic avenue how being able to talk to an uncle/father/cousin? i’m mean somewhere along the lines men have someone they can lean on…no one is island, sorry not buyin it…
@maria,
i’m mean somewhere along the lines men have someone they can lean on…no one is island, sorry not buyin it…
you don’t have to buy it. just read some of the comments left by the men today as proof.
@The Champ,
What about y’all daddies and uncles and ish?
@Nikiloveli,
What about y’all daddies and uncles and ish?
theres a comment below that expresses my sentiments perfectly
“Yeah, they can go to their female friends that they don’t want to sleep with, but we know those don’t REALLY exist… unless you’re gay in which case… ah never mind. That’s a whole other convo.
To their father? He’s prally emotionally repressed his daggone self, especially if he’s old school. Same goes for other male relatives.”
@The Champ,
wow!!! i got “quoted”!!!
I would feel special except that I wasn’t cited
I keed, I keed…. I joke with you!!
@maria,
“i think that men do have pple they can talk to you…i mean, if they don’t have their boys to fall back on, then they might have a decent relationship with their siblings which he could talk things over with”
And all men are openly emotional creatures who love to discuss their vulnerabilities *side eye*
You got a good point. Men don’t have a support system like women. It’s the way men are raised, they’re taught to be tough and man up all the time……Chris Brown must have lost his mind though. Beating on Rihanna on the street and even biting her. There’s no excuse for ever hitting a woman…
@Leila, I would never hit a women but I must admit that I would shake the shiznic out of her if she gave me the herp. Would we be this up in arms if C Brown was on the DL and gave Ri Ri the ninjas? Just asking….
@osyeP,
Would we be this up in arms if C Brown was on the DL and gave Ri Ri the ninjas? Just asking…
hmmm. good question
@osyeP,
I am SOOOOO mad I was gonna say the same thing about the shaking! I decided not to post that, inlight of the topic today. Trying to be sensitive and ish.
Really though, there may never be an excuse for anybody to hit anybody. But the doesnt mean there aren’t times a mofo dont deserve a good smaking. Lets be real.
@osyeP, “Would we be this up in arms if C Brown was on the DL and gave Ri Ri the ninjas”
There’s a double standard. I remember a girl in school who choked a guy for giving her an STD and all the girls sympathized with the girl.
@Mia,
On some, “What did he do to her so that she’d act that way”
@Mia,
I remember a girl in school who choked a guy for giving her an STD and all the girls sympathized with the girl.
See I think this is some bulls**t. If a guy can’t choke his chick over this than damn skippy a girl shouldn’t be given the green light to do the same thing. The presence of the gift in a box and/or the fact that men are usually physically stronger than woman doesn’t make it alright to abuse them (and yes, that mess is abuse.)
I swear all this double standards that come with these stupid gender roles are going to be the death of us. I saw a documentary once on the plight of men that undergo domestic abuse, both in hetero and same sex releationships, and the percentage of those that actually reported it was really, really low. I believe it was around 10-15%. The percentage that received any kind of sympathy was even lower. Sad.
…there are too many versions to this story.
In the first article I saw, Chris and Rih-rih were seen at a party together…then a few hours and a few blocks later, he and “an unidentified woman” were seen arguing on the street where she was “left at the scene”. In another version, Rih-rih canceled her Grammy performance due to the contusions on the sides of her head, allegedly from Chris. Your third version is…scandalous, to say the least…but I feel like the story as a whole (all versions included) doesn’t hold water.
The sad fact is that regardless of the true story, CB’s career is scarred for life. Rihanna will likely be able to publicize her “victimization” into some magnificent recovery album and everyone will say how brave and strong she is for moving on. Chris definitely gets the short end of the stick.
I never did like them together…and, that’s not bitter, that’s real. I feel like the two of them were completely mismatched. Chris was the boy-next-door and Rihanna’s persona was overtly s*exual. One could argue that CB’s character was bound to suffer, regardless.
@Resident GRitS, “Chris was the boy-next-door and Rihanna’s persona was overtly s*exual.”
It’s all marketing and PR. I met them through work and Rihanna was really sweet, while Chris Brown was very arrogant in person.
@Mia, Chris Brown can be arrogant, being a teenager with the world at your feet can do that. But, I have heard from several people that while Rihanna is sweet, she is bipolar with her emotions and CB. Honestly, I can see it lol.
@Resident GRitS,
“CB’s career is scarred for life”
I beg to differ. Americans are awfully forgiving. If Michael Jackson could have a career after that first pedophile trial, and R. Kelly still goes platinum after pissing on a teenage girl, then Chris still has a chance at a very lucrative career even after beating a woman.
It’s a sad truth. Americans overlook a lotta sh*t in the name of celebrity-hood
@Luvvie, the vein in the back of my head is hurting because of this line: “r. kelly still goes platinum after pissing on a teenage girl” you are so wrong and so right.
@Luvvie,
And thats the truth. We are far too fickle to hold on to hate for a lifetime. Especially if you make a comeback hit with a killer beat.
@Dom,
LOL damn right. I ain’t gon lie. I knew R. Kelly as a pre-vert but I bumped TP2 & Chocolate Factory something serious!
@Luvvie,
It’s a sad truth. Americans overlook a lotta sh*t in the name of celebrity-hood
this is true. america loves a comeback story almost as much as we love to de-pedestal someone.
@The Champ, this is true. america loves a comeback story almost as much as we love to de-pedestal someone.
that is so true.
@Resident GRitS,
Rihanna will likely be able to publicize her “victimization” into some magnificent recovery album and everyone will say how brave and strong she is for moving on
I may be misconstruing you statement, but it reads like you don’t actually believe she was a victim in this situation. Chick may or may not have given him the Herp, but she was battered around by dude making her a definite victim. Was C. Brown wronged/victimized too ? I think so. Does it justify him smaking her around? NO.
It’s a slippery slope when we start placing gradients on what constitutes as appropriate instigators for any kind of assault.
@ofloveandotherdemons, you already came to a conclusion? were u there? we dont know what happened so lets just wait and see.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
“Rihanna will likely be able to publicize her “victimization” into some magnificent recovery album and everyone will say how brave and strong she is for moving on”
Ne-Yo will write all the songs b/c he is perfectly sensitive like that. His ballad game and heartbreak game is sooo proper. I’d probably buy that album. No, I would DEFINITELY buy it
@Luvvie
LMAO!!!! I would buy it too.
@Luvvie, lol!
@Resident GRitS, i think CB is pretty effeminate, and for that reason I agree that those two were extremely mismatched.
@Miss Patterson,
They’re kids! Literally, children, not even legal! You’re supposed to spend your youth dating wildly innapropriate people. Thats how you grow.
The only thing that always troubled me about their coupledom is the amount of time they spent together. It seemed as though they were attached at the hip. That didnt seem normal or conducive to a healthy relationship.
@Dom,
Umm… they are legal. CeeBee is 19 now (remember his Sweet 18th on MTV) and RiRi is 20.
And you’re right. Any couple that spends 366/25/8 together bugs me. Get up from under the nutsack and tits. Just come up for air or SUMFIN!
@Miss Patterson,
i think CB is pretty effeminate, and for that reason I agree that those two were extremely mismatched.
i always felt this way too. although they’re both around the same age, they never seemed like one of those couplings that “matched”. who knows, though?
does that even matter? why am i even asking? if a black blogger makes a bad analogy in the woods, is he still the champ?
@The Champ,
“if a black blogger makes a bad analogy in the woods, is he still the champ?”
no.
@Resident GRitS,
i agree that there are too many versions and too many ‘sources’ going on at this point. i just think it’s a sad situation that we don’t know the full extent of yet. at one point yesterday it was being said that he may have had bruises too and that rihanna has a temper and blah blah blah. who really knows?
i just think it’s unfortunate that this occurred. chris has a history with abuse and kids that grow up in situations like that often turn into abusers themselves if they don’t get the help that they need. i don’t condone anybody hitting anybody but i think they both need some help. because if you’ve got two people who don’t know when to back off things are going to explode.
but what is a scorned man to do? i happen to have guy friends who do have those support systems so i don’t see much of the ‘i don’t have anyone to talk to sad man syndrome.’ but these are usually friends (including me) that they have known for years–some since under roos, others in the early years like elementary/junior high.
so i think it just depends on the people in your circle. even amongst women, you know which girlfriend you can go to depending on what you need emotionally. some are better for laughs, some are better for tears, one is gonna talk you outta of ______ while the other one will be like, girl, let’s go! i think it’s the same for guys.
First, iQuit you for mentioning the Hat’s Aretha and her mammoth mammaries in this time. And no I will not “Quit DEEZ!” so hush yo face.
b. IF it is true (although it is purely rumor at this point) that RiRi did give CBreezie herpeshia (c) LibraSong, then a swift roundhouse kick to the face to Rihanna would be understandable.
And kick me out of the YaYa Sisterhoo if yall want but IF (I say IF) its the case, then I may rock a “Free Chris” tshirt.
@Luvvie,
im mad you designin’ t-shirts already. lol
@shatani,
Luvster got one foot on a banana peeling and the other right out the YAYA sisterhood..btw i don’t know wtf a sisterhoo is ..lol.
@Princess Duvet,
LOL You know I meant “sisterhood” :p
@Luvvie, i can’t be sure since you all revolving door about this movement LOL..
@Princess Duvet,
she’s a woman that likes to exercise her options!
@Princess Duvet,
I love my womyn sisters and all that good stuff. The movement is only as strong as its weakest link, and if that link is scorching with a VeeDee, then I ain’t holding on to it.
Oh and *insert appropriate “The More You Know” PSA about the perils of Domestic Violence here* with Tracey Gold delivering the message before filming her next Lifetime film about a mentally disabled child who grows up to have Bulimia and Anorexia and then kidnaps a family’s newborn from the hospital before being raped and then framed for a murder.
@Luvvie,
I would so watch that movie.
@Luvvie,
You know I love you and your parched follicles, but it ain’t no excuse for a man hitting a woman or vice versa, if the herpes is the reason then shame on the both of their overexposed selves…
@Naturally Alise,
I’m sorry but ish like Herpes ain’t just an issue of betrayal but is a public health issue. And dooming someone to a life of warts is just… yeah naw. If they got violent for that moment, methinks them snapping off is justifiable.
Promiscuous Joe: “Umm… so I may have given you AIDS”
Me: *Shoots Joe in spleen* “Wait, whatchu say to me??”
Joe: “I meant herpes”
Me: *Roundhouse kick to esophagus*
Yeah… that would be one jail sentence that I will be fine with serving.
@Luvvie,
Well she been walking around with the “cold sore” for a hot minute, so why the delayed reaction?
@Naturally Alise,
Having a cold sore does not mean that one has genital Herpes. Unless she gave him head while her cold sore was active, then that ain’t how he got herpes (if he indeed has it and if it was indeed the cause of the spat).
@Luvvie,
Thank you for this!!! I have been trying to explain this to people repeatedly.
I truly believe that cold sore is the source of this particular rumor…
@Datalore,
Folks be like “eeewwww she has a cold sore! She must have the herp” Newsflash… the Herpes Simplex Virus 1 (the cause for cold sore) is not uncommon and just cause RiRi is light skinded, her cold sore looked like it was glowing and throbbing on her face (like the boy w/ the boil on Fairly Oddparents). Rihanna’s cold sore looked like it needed to be rocking a hat cocked perfectly to the left.
Po’ thang.
@Datalore and Luvvie,
Newsflash… the Herpes Simplex Virus 1 (the cause for cold sore) is not uncommon and just cause RiRi is light skinded
I don’t even think that Herpes Simplex 1 (and i could be wrong i may have to fact check) causes genital Herpes… they are two different viruses and simplex 1 – the version that causes the common cold sore or fever blister is not sexually transmitted, and is very contagious, but is not a cause of genital herpes.
@pgh muse
actually under a microscope, HSV- 1 and 2 are virtually identical, sharing approximately 50% of their DNA. HSV1 can easily mutate to become HSV2 and you can get HSV1 in your genital area from unprotected oral sex, just as you can get HSV2 in your oral area.
Long story short… there is no difference except the social stigma and perhaps severity of manifestation of disease.
@BBMo,
MESSAGE!
@Naturally Alise,
Girl, you are reading my freaking mind.
I am so appalled by those comments I think I’ve lost my mind.
I mean, really? A 19 year old beating a woman because she “allegedly” gave him herpes is excusable?
Wow, just wow.
@Naturally Alise,
I feel that both of them are at fault here (if indeed the story’s true).
If she had the herp before she got with Chris and knowingly gave it to him, then I can understand his reaction. On the other hand if u wanna partake in grown-up activities, then you must do so in a grown-up manner i.e. use protection!!!
@YGB,
Unfortunately standard methods of protection i.e Condoms, do not effectively protect against herpes simplex 2. Herpes can be passed through skin to skin contact and lesions do not necessarily need to be present for a person to be shedding the virus.
**getting of STI Public Health Practitioner Soap Box**
@blackberry molasses,
WORD. Along w/ HPV. Ish is scary enuff to make celibacy seem reasonable sometimes
@blackberry molasses,
So the only way a person can be safe is if they refrain from any human contact altogether?
@YGB,
Pretty much.
@YGB,
that or KNOW YOUR PARTNER, OPENLY DISCUSS YOUR SEXUAL PASTAND CHECK MEDICAL HISTORIES.
It makes me sad that people are willing to throw their genitals on the craps table without knowing their odds. Seasoned gamblers at least know their odds of crapping out.
Its not the sexiest or most comfortable thing in the world, but its a matter of LIFE and DEATH these days.
I’ve seen too many sad stories in my clinic to not be dang near puritanical in this respect.
@Luvvie,
First, iQuit you for mentioning the Hat’s Aretha and her mammoth mammaries in this time. And no I will not “Quit DEEZ!” so hush yo face.
b. IF it is true (although it is purely rumor at this point) that RiRi did give CBreezie herpeshia (c) LibraSong, then a swift roundhouse kick to the face to Rihanna would be understandable.
And kick me out of the YaYa Sisterhoo if yall want but IF (I say IF) its the case, then I may rock a “Free Chris” tshirt.
i’m mad that i completely understood every word of this. i don’t know if that means i’m getting smarter or dumber
@The Champ,
The answer is smarter, ye old egg-domed one.
@Luvvie,
lol@ a free chris t-shirt.
i think this might be cause for a chris rock type of shaking…but no hitting.
@Luvvie,
I’ll buy one. In fact…I’m off to Photoshop some ish right now, just in case.
“What is a scorned man to do?” is a great question. As soon as I heard he thumped her, I figured she cheated or did something that involved her and another man. That’s the only thing that will set off any “normal” dude to spazz on a chick like that. No. It doesn’t make it right that he hit her and for some reason bit her. Nonetheless, I see why he ODed. I’ve always said that men are extra-territorial and aggressive when it comes to their woman’s sexual goods. This is just another example of that. He’s just a dude like any of us here…prolly even less mature.
@Slim Jackson,
“As soon as I heard he thumped her, I figured she cheated or did something that involved her and another man. That’s the only thing that will set off any “normal” dude to spazz on a chick like that”
REALLY??? a woman’s indiscretion(s) is the ONLY reason??? So if he hits her that still makes him “normal”? Praytell what makes an abuser “abnormal” ? the frequency of activity? what exactly?
@Princess Duvet,
If he hit her, that means he lost his cool and ODed…the same way a woman will go throw hot grits on a man or try to cut his thang off. This post and my comment here having nothing to do with repeated domestic abuse. I’m just sayin’ everybody has their breaking point. And as I said in my last comment, him snappin’ cuz of her indiscretions doesn’t make it right. If we assume the rumors of the herp-dog transfer are true, then imagine how you’d feel and react if you found out you got one of the gifts that keeps on giving from your partner. I’m sure you wouldn’t be sittin’ and havin’ a peaceful conversation over tea and crumpets.
And even if you acted crazy, I’m sure it’d be excused or mitigated because of the circumstances/situation. You’d still be considered “normal”. Hmm, I smell Double Standard. *Tip toes away to avoid trouble**
@Slim Jackson,
i dunno…men particularly always preface this stuff with “im not saying its right”..yeah but if you was saying it WAS WRONG, you would just SAY THAT.
And why are we even going to the lowest common demoninator..SR and the likes HAVE BEEN WRONG.
So what if Rih Rih was the “real” and “actual” victim…no herp..no nothing..would we then be looking for “well she just popped off at the mouth too much”..
i just feel like most people NEED for Rihanna to have DONE SOMETHING. I don’t even think herp is an excuse, but what if she came back clean.
Then what? What else would we (read you) be looking for?
@Princess Duvet,
If there was no herp, then no, I wouldnt think it was AT ALL justified. I have seen domestic violence first hand and it is not a pretty sight. Nor does anyone “ask for it”, man or woman.
@Luvvie, just checking..that also includes she ACTUALLY was not sleeping with the “rapper who is also married”…
but im curious what Slim thinks too…what if she didn’t cheap or had the herp. then what?
@Princess Duvet,
If she doesn’t have the herp, and he whooped her like that, then that $50,000 bail wasnt enuff and he needs to get Adebisi’d in jail. Truly. Is that mean? Probably. Whatever
@Princess Duvet,
If she didn’t cheat and/or give him the Bumpy Johnson, then she better have said something about a deceased love one of his. Anything outside of that, and he’s got problems and needs some serious counseling. I’m trying to give him some type of benefit of the doubt, but I’m reasonable/logical and can admit when someone is just off their rocker or has serious issues.
@Princess Duvet,
“I’m trying to give him some type of benefit of the doubt”
Is that apart of man law that makes yall, first go to rumors of Herpes, then to her possibly talm bout his deceased twin flame, AND THEN AND ONLY THEN…he could be off his rocker and or have serious issues?
@Princess Duvet, It aint man logic but just like most of the women have jumped down the throat of C Brown before any real facts have come out or a trial or any of the things that often prove a person guilt or innocence have occured, we can give the man the benefit of the doubt
@Luvvie,
Not so.
@Princess Duvet,
i just feel like most people NEED for Rihanna to have DONE SOMETHING. I don’t even think herp is an excuse, but what if she came back clean.
eh. i wouldnt say most. plus, this is besides the point. although its true that there are people looking to scapegoat her by any means necessary, i think what slim is getting at is, in the HYPOTHETICAL case that she did wrong him first, the reaction isn’t surprising. i dont think he referring to riri and kisskiss specifically as much as any random couple in this scenario
@The Champ,
plus, this is besides the point.
this would completely fall in line with me being totally of topic today. LOL
@Princess Duvet,
i appreciate the tangents.
really, i do.
really
@The Champ,
Thank you sir. You’ve cleared this one up.lol.
@Slim Jackson,
oh hush it.
@Slim Jackson,
**Tip toes away to avoid trouble**
Don’t throw a rock, then hide your hand. Especially when you’re right.
@Slim Jackson,
A woman who throws hot grits on another human being is nuts, so is a man who hit a woman because of her own ‘sexual goods’.
I mean, are people real with this bullshat? I can’t believe what I’m reading.
@Specialized Sula,
I don’t think any of this is that outlandish. Regular people do “crazy” things all the time. Why you think people beat court cases with the “temporary insanity” defense?
Law and Order Jackson
@Slim Jackson,
Who are those regular people we are talking about? I personally don’t know any.
What about hypothetical scorned man’s male friends? Do guys really not talk to their boys about anything other than music/sports/sex/chicken wing/insert appropriate male bonding stereotype? If a man has a really shitty experience I would like to think his ‘boys’ would go out of their way to cheer him up or at least commiserate with him. It may not be the all out yaya sister hood of the travelling pants cry bitch and moan fest that we girls love, but hell some sort of love is shown to the scorned by his male compatriots.
With that being said, there are alot of sick people out there in the intraweb. Most of the comments I’ve read on the TMZesque and other random music blogs seem to place the blame squarely on Rihanna’s shoulder. On the blog Afrobella the author addressed the various steoroytpes that are being thrown about Rihanna’s Carribean roots and how they are being used by various commenters as justification of C.Brown’s actions.
I’m going to be a wet blanket and Capt. Obvious and just say that all this flack that Rihanna is catching is one of the main reason that victims (both female and male) don’t report sexual or physical abuse. It’s never ok. to attack anyone regardless of gender, or destroy their property. F**king hell!!! Use your words people.
They do say, Mrs M., that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are of course wrong, as you will soon discover…when I stick this toasting fork in your head.
@ofloveandotherdemons, I hear that, its never right to abuse someome no excuse.
Also women sumtime take the role as abusers and dont hear no ish about it. I kno I hit on plenty of boyfriends in the midst of anger. If they were to hit me back, all hell would’ve broke loose, I wouldn’t b able 2 dial the cops (along with cuzins brothers, fathers, and uncles) quick enough.
Which bring us back to the scorned man, what is he to do in that situation?
@Tasty Kake215,
Glad you kept it real here sis.
Real talk, dudes can and should never hit a woman. It’s wrong fundementally and a no-win when it comes to the law.
He’s just gonna have to bounce and take that loss. Maybe call his female cousins/sister. (see my comment downthread)
But I’m you addressed this. Everybody needs to keep their hands off of everybody in anger-no exceptions.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
“Everybody needs to keep their hands off of everybody in anger-no exceptions.
I’m a Luv(vie) not a fighter, but there are exceptions to the “keep ur hands to yourself rule”
Includes, but is not limited to:
*Putting my life in danger (i.e. doing something that affects my health adversely)
*Talking about a dead friend/relative
*Stealing my last bowl of rice (all bets are OFF) – lol I keed
@Tasty Kake215,
I kno I hit on plenty of boyfriends in the midst of anger
**reminding self to seat tastykake across the park from me at the vsb bbq**
@The Champ,
so when is mythical BBQ taking place? do i need to book an imaginary plane ticket and hotel? folks need pseud0-DETAILS..
LMAO
@blackberry molasses
LMAO!!! But really when will you bring on the pseudo details.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
I’m going to be a wet blanket and Capt. Obvious and just say that all this flack that Rihanna is catching is one of the main reason that victims (both female and male) don’t report sexual or physical abuse
**nodding head**
@The Champ,
I wholeheartedly concur…
I know this reason kept my mouth shut for years…and when the truth came out…I was still demonized.
Thank goodness I was a much stronger person by the time this occurred.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
And this is the reason why I e-loved you before I even e-knew you.
What is up with people trying to justify abuse? From male or female, it IS NEVER OK to hit someone else. There is self-defense and it comes with certain clauses. Until it is self-defense, freaking use your words or bl00dy walk away.
Sheesh! Learn to walk away or buy a punching bag or something. Jeezus!
@Specialized Sula,
You realllly don’t like violence do you?lol. Any siblings?
Sorry, I forgot to bleep out *rhymes with witch* in my previous comment and now it’s on hold in some intraweb purgatory. Just letting the magical elves that run the interweb tube-delivery system know. Thank you. I heart you like some soy based fro-yo
@ofloveandotherdemons, ha! ha! intraweb purgatory!
@ofloveandotherdemons,
I heart you like some soy based fro-yo
i think i just threw up in my mouth.
yup, i did. it was a waffle from yesterday.
@The Champ,
i think i just threw up in my mouth.
yup, i did. it was a waffle from yesterday
Haaahaaa, melodramatic much. There is nothing wrong with a little soy based love.
It is sad for them both. They are young people in the midst of a storm and I hope they have some folks with some sense looking out for them.
I feel for them in this situation. Our children end up in sexual relationships that they do not have the maturity or life skills to deal with. Battery in teen relationships is a growth industry.
Men are very insulated and do not have the support systems that women do. It is a sad fact of our society.
@M&M,
“Men are very insulated and do not have the support systems that women do. It is a sad fact of our society.”
hence, “hemansipation”?
interesting concept.
@M&M, that’s another thing! they’re both so young, having very mature relationship!
@M&M,
Why are people acting like Chris is 11 and Rihanna is 10? Who here at 19 & 20 (their ACTUAL ages) wasn’t in a relationship where they thought they were in love? If they were reg’lah people, they’d be in college right now. The way folks keep describing them, I’m picturing Huey & Jazmine from the Boondocks finding themslves at the local planned parenthood b4 their time.
@Luvvie, this –>The way folks keep describing them, I’m picturing Huey & Jazmine from the Boondocks finding themslves at the local planned parenthood b4 their time <– made me howl with laughter.
but i think it’s what you said actually…yes they are legal and whatnot but they are young. every college age kid doesn’t have their sh!t together and doesn’t act as mature as they should in certain situations. even for those of us that were more together or had a better head on our shoulders can look back at our late teens/early 20s and realize some mistakes we’ve made. especially behind some guy or girl we were feeling at the time.
@M&M,
welcome and sh*t
@M&M,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
@M&M,
Oh snap! I’m late and sh*t!
Welcome!!!!
**Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
@M&M,
And that’s the point I wished everyone would have made. They are kids having a very mature relationship they are ill-prepared to have. Relationships are not easy. When you are a teen, you should date and just overly enjoy yourself. Not be subject fodder for the TMZs, and People magazine. All of these put tremendous pressure on an already delicate matter.
I think Therapy should be mandatory for any child actor/singer/ whatchamacallit celebrity.
I didn’t know she might have gotten dude wet, now I understand! She deserved to get got! LOL! Just Kidding, not really, but I am, here’s why…
Responsible person…
Break up with her then write a song about being single and you don’t have to call, sell 5 million, then come out with a subpar follow up album and marry an old lady that everyone makes fun of you about.
His move…
He is too close to white people so he will be judged as a woman beater. When you are someone like Jeezy you can smack and chick and keep it moving. When you are pop music, naw you lose. He flew off the handle.
What a man should do…
I don’t hang around idiots who say things like “If you handled it in the bedroom” and I have never been cheated on. I gotta say it might hurt your ego but if you don’t have sense enough to surround yourself with male friends who have sense enough to know that women cheat etc… Then you need new friends. All you have to do is yell, curse her out, kick her out, and move on. Smash a few auxiliary broads and keep it moving.
@James Nantucket,
“When you are someone like Jeezy you can smack and chick and keep it moving.”
No he can’t.
@James Nantucket,
I don’t hang around idiots who say things like “If you handled it in the bedroom” and I have never been cheated on. I gotta say it might hurt your ego but if you don’t have sense enough to surround yourself with male friends who have sense enough to know that women cheat etc… Then you need new friends
this is a good point, but this is much easier said than done.
@The Champ,
this is a good point, but this is much easier said than done.
I thought there was a plethora of good dudes out there (hoping of course that good dudes wouldn’t say things like “If you handled it in the bedroom”)
@YGB,
I thought there was a plethora of good dudes out there
there are. even so, its still tough for any guy (“good” or “bad”) to freely admit to sh*t like that to any other man, even if he has the assurance that he’ll be stigma free. socialization is a b*tch
@The Champ,
And women are the complicated ones?? Sheeeit!
Responsible person…
Break up with her then write a song about being single and you don’t have to call, sell 5 million, then come out with a subpar follow up album and marry an old lady that everyone makes fun of you about.
…and then send her to brazil to get plastic surgery…
@Gem-nastics,
Mrs. Ursher sent herself to Brazil after being turned down by an American plastic surgeon
@Luvvie,
I wonder what she was having done? She already has plenty of ti-tay.
@Dom,
She was getting lipo and tummy tuck. Guess her stomach was lookin like face of Eeyore
@Luvvie,
Why must you test the skrenf of my Kegels so?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
@Luvvie,
She was getting lipo and tummy tuck. Guess her stomach was lookin like face of Eeyore
i swear i died a 1001 deaths for this. I’m done.
@Luvvie, do not disrespect my 100 acre wood friends with such unnecessary comparisons.
@Luvvie,
Too through! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
@Gem-nastics, “The 30-year-old R&B star married Foster in August 2007. They have two young sons, 2-year-old Usher Raymond V and 2-month-old Naviyd Ely Raymond”
I still need to know where Naviyd came from?? And is Naviyd like David and supposed to rhyme with Raymond??
@overit,
Naviyd – How is this name even pronounced?
@YGB,
easily
“bull-sh*t”
@The Champ,
BWAHAHAHAHA! I laughed so hard & so long I was actually dizzy for a few seconds!
I like Chris (kinda) but I LOVE Rihanna, and first off I gotta say I don’t think that herpes rumor is true. Yeah, she’s a bit of a hoe (hell, even her townsfolk and Fred Durst said it. If Fred says a chick is a hoe, believe it – he KNOWS hoes – being one himself) but I think this herpes thing is a drummed up charge.
Now, him putting his hands on her? All I can say about that is that I WISH I was there when it happened, cause his lil ass would no longer be a dancer. How could he, with TWO broken legs? DV is NEVER acceptable. I gotta give him props for turning himself in though. Even though he only did that because he KNOWS what he did, and he wanted to take his penal licks before they were forced on him. Yes, that’s admitting guilt, but face it – he’s guilty.
Well damn, I’ve digressed and I don’t know where to find my original thought. Damn this vodka. Sorry about that.
G’night. ; )
@RedBeanzNRice, How you know he’s guilty? Were you there? Ppl turn themselves in, guilty or innocent, when there is a warrant for their arrest.
@osyeP,
I surely was not there (see the outcome above had I been there) To my knowledge there was no warrant out for his arrest, kind Sir. Perhaps I got the news from an unreliable source.
Peyso, are you feeling backwards today?
@RedBeanzNRice,
Actually, there WAS a warrant out for his arrest. Let TMZ be your guide.
If he didn’t turn himself in, it would have been even more embarrassing for him as LAPD shows up at his crib. Why do folks think someone admits guilt by cooperating with the law?
People: “Mmhmm he got a lawyer TOO quick! That negro just told errone he did it.”
@RedBeanzNRice,
Yeah, she’s a bit of a hoe (hell, even her townsfolk and Fred Durst said it. If Fred says a chick is a hoe, believe it – he KNOWS hoes – being one himself)
ah yes. i forgot that hollowed fred durst was one of the synoptics. who could ever forget studying the gospel of limp bizkit in sunday school.
Chris Brown needs to get his a$$ beat. No one knows what really happened, but no man has any excuse to put his hands on a woman (unless she’s putting her hands on him and he’s defending himself, then he can shake her real good and let her know that she’s crossed the line and she’s about to get her block knocked off), but other than that he needs to find more constructive ways to deal with his anger. He could have had a break dance fight-a-thon with Omarion or something. Or listened to her song Unfaithful while eating chocolate ice cream and crying until the wee hours of the morning. There are many many things that men can do to release those negative emotions. He’s lucky that Rihanna ain’t me… cuz that would have been the LAST time for that bullshyt. The reason why men don’t have “support” systems (although they have the same support systems available as women do and choose not to utilize them) is because its still a bit socially acceptable for a man to put his hands on a woman. And that should never be the case. People over look it, and try to find blame with the woman. And so many females aren’t taught to defend themselves against men although the sad case is that women have to defend themselves against men more than they have to defend themselves against anyone else, and the men around would rather co-sign a man beating a woman’s a$$ than be the protectors that their supposed to be that it’s just a cycle. It’s like it’s something that women just have to endure. But it’s not, it’s unholy and CB is a young man. If Rihanna had some people that would handle that appropriately he would have learned his lesson and thought good and hard before he did that shyt again. Herpes or not, when ur playing with fire sometimes u get burned (literally).
@pgh muse,
“Chris Brown needs to get his a$$ beat.”
agreed…
that dance a thon shit..and eatin choco ice cream while cryin…hell naw
the brother should have just walked away…plain and simple
@pgh muse, I’m gonna comment on everyone’s post who said he needs to get his arse beat. Let’s save the behind whooping until we know what happened?
@pgh muse,
The reason why men don’t have “support” systems (although they have the same support systems available as women do and choose not to utilize them) is because its still a bit socially acceptable for a man to put his hands on a woman.
i can’t agree with you here. wait, actually i could agree with you, but i’d be lying, lol
@The Champ,
Ok, maybe it’s not socially acceptable. But it doesn’t spurn the community outrage that it should. And men who are women beaters are not shamed by other men, as they should be. People turn blind eyes and maybe give the woman shelter and a place to sleep, but what is the consequence to him for that behavior? Using physical violence and aggression to solve problems or control people should be shameful and inexcusable, for both sexes.
@pgh muse,
Amen!
@pgh muse,
I e-lub you.
The dance-a-thon bit was hilarious.
I am not condoning Chris’s “alleged” actions BUT if I was in his shoes, I’d imagine I’d go completely apesh!t also…. Just get my orange jumpsuit ready.
@Nicki Sunshine,
orange jumpsuit, lol? someones been watching too many of those bet women’s prison movies.
@The Champ, LMAO!
My theory with Riri and Breezy is this, Riri was looking at all those gossip mags & internets sites talking about Breezy & and all his jumpoffs in Paris and where ever else he was touring without her and she was on some break yo windows out you caa b/s.
Lil Breezy wasn’t feelin it told Riri kick rocks. And it was on from there. I’m sure Riri probably fought with him, no doesn’t give him the right to hit her. But he seems like a immature lil boy and that’s what lil boys do.
And what should a scorned man do? Go sat the hell down, think of what Keisha, Trinka, Monika, et al you did wrong that caused you to get paid back. The bottom line is you reap what you sow; so stop sowing b/s.
@Fivefivewithbrowneyes,
And what should a scorned man do? Go sat the hell down, think of what Keisha, Trinka, Monika, et al you did wrong that caused you to get paid back. The bottom line is you reap what you sow; so stop sowing b/s.
Amen.
@pgh muse & Fivewithbrowneyes
I’ve got to jump in here and throw the flag on this and a few other comments I’ve read here today.
First off, real dudes don’t hit women. Period. No exceptions. That’s what your sisters & female cousins are for. (…or maybe that’s just they way the women in my family get down.)
Secondly,
There are dudes who’ve been treated all KINDS of badly by women for no reason at all. These dudes have never wronged “Keisha, Trinka, Monika, et al”
so they shouldn’t go ‘sat the Hell down and think of the bs they’ve sowed’ b/c they haven’t sowed any…
…Their problem might actually just be that they got caught out there by a trifling woman.
Period.
Not saying that every woman out there is trife, but they’re out there. Let’s not turn a blind eye to them, relieve them of culpability and then act as if dudes are the only gender that is capable of foul isht for no other reason besides the “never give a sucker an even break” type mentality.
What dude REALLY ought to be doing is seeing what about him attracts this type of woman, rectify that and then be more discerning about his choice of female companionship.
Bottom line is that bad women happen to good men the same way that bad men happen to good women.
Word.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
I agree with this entire post. As women, some of us are quick to defend another woman, mostly b/c we know men and other women will throw her to the dogs under the bus. But, there are some shady @$$ females out there who treat good men like $h!t, not b/c those men sowed it, but b/c those females are garbage themselves. And I agree, men and women who attract these types of people to them need to figure out what is it about their character, their personality, that attracts garbage.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
I just feel the same ways as PA Negro. I don’t think there is EVER a cause for a man to haul off and hit a woman…that also includes triflin women.
btw…i don’t necessarily feel like there are lots triflin women as much as there are people period motivated by competing interests. People do dumb fycked up shyt to protect some kind of agenda.
Usually people with similiar fycked up moral codes meet each other under a stary moon and commence a relationship. Thats usually how it goes.
It doesn’t deserve an @zz whippin ..just somebody getting wise and bouncin. Btw thats the worst thing in my estimation. And ive said it here before.
the worst thing you can do to somebody period is leave them alone. Without further discussion. bounce. for always and forever. amen. beatin @zz doesn’t make alleged herp go away. It still makes you a carrier, but with a broken fist or a busted eye.
@Princess Duvet,
If I came across as thinking I believe these women deserve to be beaten, I don’t. So, I guess I agree with you and Philly
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
no you didn’t..i was defending triflin women and suggesting that triflin people do often get to gether and form one “perfec”t union.
@Princess Duvet,
i don’t necessarily feel like there are lots triflin women as much as there are people period motivated by competing interests. People do dumb fycked up shyt to protect some kind of agenda.
eh. call a spade a spade. some muthaf*ckers are just trifilin as hell. their only interest and agenda is to continue to be trifilin.
@The Champ,
“eh. call a spade a spade. some muthaf*ckers are just trifilin as hell. their only interest and agenda is to continue to be trifilin.”
co-sign
@The Champ,
This sounds a little angry, The Champ. U need to vent a little?
@Princess Duvet,
I am feeling the Ya-Ya love from you today sistren. And you said everything I wanted to say only better.
@Specialized Sula,
“I am feeling the Ya-Ya love from you today sistren”
wait you dont feel the YaYa love everyday from me???
anywhooo…i think you said it best really.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Bottom line is that bad women happen to good men the same way that bad men happen to good women.
True indeed. I have been chastened
@pgh muse,
“Bottom line is that bad women happen to good men the same way that bad men happen to good women”
don’t you think “good” and “bad” are completely relative terms though. do really “good” women go about the business of meeting “bad” men or does hindsight make one bad and one good.
@Princess Duvet,
Ummmm, yeah. I will agree with “good” and “bad” being relative. I think that all people err, and that people need to have coping mechanisms in place and a foundation in wisdom so that they can do the least harm to themselves and others in any given situation. With all that being said (:-)) I think that there are LOTS of women who don’t have the foundation necessary to make good choices for themselves, and can perpetuate the negativity that is in and around them. These women can become predators. And there are some (maybe not lots lol) men who are naive, and green and can be taken advantage of by women. I know this happens.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Not saying that every woman out there is trife, but they’re out there. Let’s not turn a blind eye to them, relieve them of culpability and then act as if dudes are the only gender that is capable of foul isht for no other reason besides the “never give a sucker an even break” type mentality.
What dude REALLY ought to be doing is seeing what about him attracts this type of woman, rectify that and then be more discerning about his choice of female companionship.
Bottom line is that bad women happen to good men the same way that bad men happen to good women.
***nodding head***
I’m not going to get into the Rihanna/CB talk. Domestic violence is wrong, and we’ll hear more about the story as time goes on.
As for men and a support group, I think most men who have real men as friends, do have a support group. If he doesn’t have male friends, he has his best girl friend, or his siblings to support him as he goes through his time of bereavement or “bescornment”. And if a man has none of the above, I suggest getting some therapy. Talking to a counselor, someone who doesn’t know you or your situation and can give completely unbiased advice, can be helpful to all adults, scorned or not.
On that note, clearly C. Breezy and Rihanna will need therapy now, if they didn’t need it before.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
And if a man has none of the above, I suggest getting some therapy
therapy also carries a large stigma, and, to be honest, many times the type of men who could benefit most from it may not be able to afford it (which is another issue itself)
@The Champ,
I agree with the part about not being able to afford it, which is very unfortunate…However….
F@(K a stigma….the black community has some real issues, and praying to BBJ for peace, while ignoring these emotional and psycological affects these issues have on the individual and the community will not prevent the issues from festering. A person holding on to emotional and possibly psychological trauma is a ticking timebomb….ask the kids at Columbine and VA Tech about it.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
I agree N.I.A. And that’s often the issue that is not being addressed.
Violence begets violence that begets more violence. Always.
What should a dude do?
Mope around, sulk and cry. Yeah I know, most kats probably wouldn’t admit to doing that, and you know what? You don’t have to. Just get that ish outta your system somehow.
If things went wrong it wasn’t necessarily you. Who says the guys always get blamed for a chick acting outta pocket?
As far as Chris and Pon-de Fivehead goes, it’s just sad all around. I’m sure Chris will take the biggest loss, seeing as Wrigley has already dropped his endorsements. Pon-de Fivehead will write a new song and come back on top.
“Diddy and chapstick”.
Stop it…lol
That kat was on CSI Miami last night…so, so sad.
@miss t-lee,
Pon-de Fivehead made me snicker for a good 123 seconds. nice job triplet.
@blackberry molasses,
I can’t even take credit for that…I think it was Fresh from crunktastical that calls her that all the time…lol
@miss t-lee
“That kat was on CSI Miami last night…so, so sad.”
I didn’t see it. How was it? Did he just play himself and call it acting?
@V Renee,
“Did he just play himself and call it acting?”
Basically.
He was trying to play a defense attorney at that…lol
@miss t-lee,
i still maintain that diddy is one of the most entertaining screen presences of all-time. he single-handedly made “making the band” (the edition with the rappers) the best reality show season in television history.
@The Champ,
I’ll give you that. I watched it–it was the only season of “Making the Band” that I’ve seen.
You know why? ‘Cause Dylan spit that hot fyah!
Man, KUCF Rumors!!
It’s too much speculation going on around this whole thing to really form a solid opinion without knowing all the facts. I’m reading all this shyt about CB needs his ass whooped or RiRi deserved it for giving him the herps, when NO ONE but them really knows what’s going on with their relationship. N*ggas acting like omnipotent know-it-alls…media reporting shyt only to retract it later.
*smh*
Damn.
‘Nuff about that.
Anyone thinking that men has the same support system as women when it comes to these issues are fooling themselves. Of course dudes have their boys, can get counseling, and all that, but we’re wired differently. Men who seek help for things that society believes they should just “man up” about will always be looked at with the side eye.
@Monk,
My male friends do have that support group. My best guy friend has 2 brothers, a frat or 2 who are like blood, and if he can’t go to them, he knows he can come to me. F*(k society. If you need to get something off your chest, you need to do that, instead of holding it in, and allowing it to infect your spirit.
@Monk,
Anyone thinking that men has the same support system as women when it comes to these issues are fooling themselves
I understand what you are saying Monk. Men need other men to show compassion in times of emotional turmoil. That is how they will best learn to deal with things. Too many men are so out of touch with their feminine sides that they don’t know how to deal with their emotions constructively. So they self destruct. I have a brother, and what I find to be most unfortunate that when he was (is) going through it and looked for comfort and support he got the absolute WORST advice from our father. That macho shyt is passed down generationally. My father was raised to be a certain way by my grandfather and passed this way of thinking to his son… my brother has good sense enough to want to break the cycle but I hear you.
Man scorned? Insert any Tank album. Suggested tracks:
Maybe I Deserve
I Hate U
Heartbreaker
I’m the Reason
But of course Tank likely beats his women, which makes his music even more fitting for the scorned man. He’s written one too many songs about the subject. People don’t just make that sh*t up.
@RunGirl.,
I was listening to “Maybe I Deserve” the other day. I just realized some of his lyrics are about choking the gf.
@Dom, you JUST realized that?!?!?!? that’s why that song gets on my last nerve.
@RunGirl.,
But of course Tank likely beats his women, which makes his music even more fitting for the scorned man.
isn’t tank like 5’1? whose ass is he beating?
@The Champ,
Napoleon complexes are rampant among habitual abusers.
…but isn’t CB, like 6’2″?
@AkShone, yeah, he’s a tall one.
@AkShone,
The complex refers to any pathological feelings of inferiority. And no one has labeled CB a “habitual abuser.”
…that we know of. But, I see you point.
Wowzers! First of all let me say I’m against any man punching or smacking a woman. But if I just found out she gave me da bump virus…Huh? I would of lost it a little bit. Grabbed her up and gave her a good Harlem shakeup. Real talk if that’s the case Chris has every right to be angry. Stop being politically correct seriously..Not to forcefully harm a woman but if she gave him a std that she knew about..wow! That’s totally disrespectful..If this is the case ..I’m not mad at da boi C. Brown..She will think about it next time she decides to give another dude a std..Tell dude put on a raincoat! ..Sorry if this comes off ignorant but there is no sympathy for a dude if he go and tell his boys..”Yea she gave herpes”..What real man is going to shout..Why Ri?..man you going to be hot! Before you judge that man just think of if you were in that situation….hmmmm
@Dy,
“She will think about it next time she decides to give another dude a std..Tell dude put on a raincoat!”
I’m sorry but nobody needs to be told this! If you’re hittin’ it raw then don’t act suprised when ur azz catches somethin! Same goes if u’re letting some 1 hit it raw!
@Dy
See this is my thing regarding the STD. Anytime you sleep with someone you risk catching something – feelings, diseases, nuts, the holy ghost….anything.
You take chances when you have se.x. Yeah you are going to be PISSED if you catch something, but it’s a risk you take. ESP. when STD rates are so alarmingly high. People have sh*t.
The herp is one of those things that can be hard to diagnose, because sometimes people DON’T know. It may lie dormant in their body and they never know. Sh*t if the herp rumor is true, for all we know, he could have given it to her. Who knows??
@V Renee,
“Anytime you sleep with someone you risk catching something – feelings, diseases, nuts, the holy ghost….anything.”
Not the holy ghost! LMAO!!
@V Renee,
Amen to this whole post.
@V Renee,
Ok yea it’s definitely a risk and people do have stuff in dey systems. However if you are aware of the nasty stuff u have going on in your body…Please tell a brotha then! A simple “What are you doin’ Do you have a condom?” would work..if you don’t want to say…”Hey I have the package would you like to put a condom on..” seriously! You don’t have to put your bizness out there but it’s disprespectful to your partner for you to knowingly know u have something and offer you nasty business to him…
@Dy
Oh I wholeheartedly agree that if you know you have something, to tell the other party. And I also believe you need to protect yourself. I was just saying that there are some who don’t know…….and condoms don’t protect from everything. Especially diseases that start with an H – HPV, HSV
@V Renee,
Motherfriggin’ cosign. Why do people even formulate this as a reason to do so? Are they serious?
“although the pop culturalist in me is i’m interested in seeing exactly whose image will take the biggest hit…
***my guess? in the pop community: chris brown. in the black community: rihanna. i’d bet a 20 to anyones 5 that this is exactly how it will play out***
I agree with you Champ. It’s alrady starting to go this way, even without people knowing all of the facts. And unfortunately, domestic violence and sexual violence against black women doesn’t seem to garner nearly enough sympathy and support from the black community.
And, this may be an odd question, but, I’ve in the C-Club for a while now, and thus out of the loop. I’m confused…do people not use condoms anymore? Of course, the herp rumor is just that, a rumor, but are these children really going around raw?
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
I’m confused…do people not use condoms anymore? Of course, the herp rumor is just that, a rumor, but are these children really going around raw?
Eckzeckelly! If indeed she gave him herp, then he stupidly took it!
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…., as noted in an earlier post, you cant get the herp even with condoms
@osyeP,
I assume you meant you “can” get it with condoms. Yeah, that’s what they told us in HS $ex ed. However, I find it highly unlikely that teenagers or adults who are catching and passing STD’s are doing so while using protection. Do guys use condoms during head, do girls make him put one on…probably not. IF, and that’s a big IF, she gave unprotected dome, then gave C.Breezy unprotected dome, then, I think my question stands….And the herp is not the only thing that can be passed orally….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…., Yea, thats what I meant…
I think I want to wait for more details before passing judgement. Did he beat her up, did they get into a fight? Sometimes we act like men are not people. If a woman slaps a man and he pushes her away, is that violence? Should men be rocks that sit there and just take whatever is passed on physically simply because it’s being delivered by a woman? Those are not rhetorical questions. I really want to know what people think. Obviously, I am against the beating up of females, giving black eyes and all the other stuff that clearly falls into battery. I just want to know where the line crosses. Do we as women have free reign to push our men around safe in the knowledge that because they are men they can not hit back? I would like to see Rihanna because I know the media has a tendency to hype things up. Like where those bite marks from some sort of sexual activity they might have engaged in? I really do not see a young man stopping in the middle of an argument to lean over and bite a female in several places. It’s just too bizarre. Basically, I feel there is more to this story. Where is Rihanna’s mom in all this. Why were they going around playing house and they are not even old enough to drink. Celebrity is really becoming an awful thing.
@undercovervixen,
“Do we as women have free reign to push our men around safe in the knowledge that because they are men they can not hit back? ”
What woman does this?
Hell, I ain’t crazy…everyone has their breaking point. lol
@miss t-lee,
trust me. they are out there. and then wanna get mad and call tyrone and nem when he finally snaps back.
@undercovervixen,
“If a woman slaps a man and he pushes her away, is that violence? Should men be rocks that sit there and just take whatever is passed on physically simply because it’s being delivered by a woman?
No! The women who do this need to stop thinking it’s okay. Just coz some men walk away, doesn’t mean that they all will – you just might get your azz handed to ya! Me personally, I don’t hit nobody and I damn sho won’t tolerate nobody hitting me!
@YGB
“Me personally, I don’t hit nobody and I damn sho won’t tolerate nobody hitting me!”
I’m so with you on this point. Everyone keep their hands to themselves! My daddy always told me to never let a man put his hands on me and to never hit a man thinking he wouldn’t hit me back.
@V Renee,
My Dad told me something very similar.
@YGB,
Me personally, I don’t hit nobody and I damn sho won’t tolerate nobody hitting me
Word to the wise!
I am saying it for ALL people who use violence!! WHY???? There are songs about “busting windows” and “scratching cars” and other senseless acts of random violence. The thing is it’s NEVER OK! NEVER!
If she hit him first, he should have called the police or his agent or whatever.
I feel like I live in an alternate world… where violence of all kinds is NOT the way to go.
Ghandhi be a helping hand!
@undercovervixen,
one would hope ppl can talk stuff through and resort to physical violence.
that bein said….if a woman raises her hand in anger…i warn her to think twice…. note I am not speakin hypothetically – I will lay her ass out if she hits me plain and simple.
but i do my best to never reach that point…it’s only happened 2x…w/ different women….
no comment on the bitin….that’s just some craziness right there
@KingPine,
*not* resort to physical violence.
@KingPine,
“I will lay her ass out if she hits me plain and simple.”
This sentence is scary @ me. *ducks behind desk*
@Luvvie,
Just don’t hit and we’re cool
Like I said….it’s been a rare event….thankfully
@KingPine,
“that bein said….if a woman raises her hand in anger…i warn her to think twice…. note I am not speakin hypothetically – I will lay her ass out if she hits me plain and simple.”
What a very puzzy thing to say. I don’t like you anymore.
@RedBeanzNRice,
Would it be better if I said nothin?
@KingPine,
No, it would be better if you realize that you’re a man, and men should not put hands on a woman, regardless. Even if you weigh exactly the same, you will always have the strength advantage over her, and will always deal more physical damage.
Now, if she hits you, or tries to hit you, one of two things should be done. 1. Restrain her (not hit) or 2. Walk away. That’s what a real man would do.
Besides that, there’s no reason to deal with anyone who tries to get physical in a relationship anyway – it’s best to just keep it moving.
@RedBeanzNRice,
all due respect….we need to be talking about men and women treatin each other with respect….period.
If that happened the physical violence wouldn’t be happenin in the first place.
@KingPine,
it’s only happened 2x…w/ different women….
so two separate women have hit you, or you’ve hit two separate women (or both)?
@The Champ,
Two separate women were about to hit me…. I warned them… no hit happened on either side.
I do my best to treat ppl like adults women & men. I don’t beat on ppl if i don’t get my way….so I don’t expect to be beaten on.
If it does get physical, I’m not go out 1/2 half way. My father taught me fight physically only when you have to do it….and do it to win….
@KingPine,
“My father taught me fight physically only when you have to do it….and do it to win….”
And that includes women? Who the hell is your father – Mike Tyson?
@RedBeanzNRice,
Nah…but he is from Texas.
@KingPine,
We don’t play that ish here. My father warned me about ever hitting men, period. But he also told me “if you’re man enough to hit a man, be man enough to get hit back.” Keep your hands to yourself.
That said, he NEVER put his hands on my mother.
@KingPine and @Nikiloveli,
my father is more of the “if he thinks he’s man enough to put his hands on you, then he should be man enough to take this bullet in his chest.”
Granted, I’ve only had to hit a man b/c he decided he wanted to cop a feel or 2 after I told him to stop it, but if he would have hit me back, he would have died that night….
@NIA, I’ve only had to hit a man b/c he decided he wanted to cop a feel or 2 after I told him to stop it, but if he would have hit me back, he would have died that night….
This is what i’m talm ’bout. (Maybe not the death part) but men need to know how to respect women. Plain and simple.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…,
My dad and yours probably went to the same school.
But the thing is, it was never even a conversation we had. Like it probably never occurred to him that I would be attracted to the type… or that the type even existed…
@Specialized Sula, my dad and I never had that convo either. But I know how he feels about men who hit women and children…if he knew about some of the ish I or my girlfriends had experienced, he would flip out. Hell, if he knew what some of the men were saying on VSB today…smh.
@undercovervixen,
welcome and sh*t.
btw, this…
“Sometimes we act like men are not people”
…is one of the themes i try to get across on this site.
@undercovervixen,
Welcome!!!
**Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
@undercovervixen,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
I don’t believe in men hitting women…..BUT I do believe that men have the right to restrain women if the woman is out of control. And restrain can mean choking a broad.
I believe that men should NOT hit women, but I would be lying if I said I haven’t seen situations where a man had to defend himself just to get away. Often it’s not a full blown punch, but instead trying to hold her down so she can stop swinging on him. I have seen instances where a man has literally tried to run away from a female, but she’s on his back scratching, punching, hitting and biting. I’ve seen girls mace a guy and swing on him.
And let’s not forget that there are women who TRULY believe that hitting = love. I was listening to the Monique show the other week and this chick called in and pretty much said she equated physical abuse with love. That she would beg her “baby daddy” to hit her and do everything she could to provoke him, including hitting him with objects, trying to force him to stay when he tried to leave. She did say that eventually she had to take a step back and do some self-evaluation because she was pregnant.
With that said, I do believe that women need to stop hitting and abusing men too. We always talk about men abusing women, but I have seen the opposite occur many times – where the female is physically and emotionally abusive. And this kind of ties into Champ’s male support system. Can you imagine a man telling his boys, like “Yeah Teresa keeps beating my azz. What should I do?” Yeah I know the easy answer is to leave and evaluate ones self, but that’s common sense and we all know that common sense is NOT common at all.
@V Renee,
I agree wholeheartedly with your post. In a perfect world men would never have a reason to hit women, and women would have the good sense enough to suck eggs when necessary and talk out a situation when the smoke clears (and men would have the good sense to know that working out a situation does require communicating and wouldn’t try to hold their strength over women as a way to keep their women under their thumbs). But if a woman attacks a man and he’s defending himself then unfortunately what happens happens.
@pgh muse,
Forgive me, but after hearing 3 accounts of domestic violence or damn year in the past two weeks ( two friends of mine; all resulting in one arrest) in all cases, the man was assaulted first. Me personally, I believe in self-defense from whomever, man or woman. I’ve seen a growing number of heavy handed and aggressive women to the point that all that “your’e not supposed to hit girls” ish is out of the window. If she raises her hand and it connects, I’m splitting her dome to the white meat if she persists. People might frown upon me for saying that but this ish has to stop.
@CPT Callamity, I’m with you on this one. I was a victim of DV. My ex-girl at the time, read my instant messages with another girl. She came and found me at the let out of a party, and slapped the bejeebus out of me. She left a scar on my cheek and the taste of blood in my mouth.Ladies what should I have done?
@osyeP,
Walked away… i know it hurts and is painful to your pride and all that, but unless she kept hitting u and you had to get her off of you the best way to handle that would be to roll out.
@pgh muse, I kinda stood there in shock, and luckily a female friend of mine got between us but i think its a bit unfair to ask all ppl to react that way.
@osyeP,
I think you handled it very well. That female that you were dealing with obviously was begging to get her arse whooped or thought u wouldn’t touch her. Either way she’s an idiot and if you have sisters or female cousins, they coulda handle that for you. But I don’t think it’s too much to ask other ppl to react with restraint and good sense before they do stuff… we all have to suck shyt up and think before we do stuff that we’ll regret. U did the right thing.
@V Renee,
“I don’t believe in men hitting women…..BUT I do believe that men have the right to restrain women if the woman is out of control. And restrain can mean choking a broad.”
I dig you V, but this whole part was discrepancy upon contradiction. Restraining is not choking. It is forcing your arms to be unusable by holding it behind your back or just grabbing them. To go all the way to choking is officially abuse b/c one can asphyxiate and, well, die.
Po-po: “How’d she die?”
Man: “It was self-defense. She slapped me nd I had to restrain her so I cut off the air flow to her brain”
Hell.No.
@Luvvie
LMAO. I agree. I’ll replace choking with shaking/holding her hands down.
I wouldn’t be suprised if they ended up back together.
@V Renee,
me neither
Controversial statement of today:
She probably deserved it.
Moving on…a scorned man can do nothing but be scorned or go on a murder spree.
@CPT Callamity,
Moving on…a scorned man can do nothing but be scorned or go on a murder spree.
I agree with u. Minus the murder spree.
@pgh muse,
A male being scorned still leads to problems. With no outlet, he either takes that anger inwards or lashes outwards. This society has made any sign of masculine aggression a crime and then end result is men carrying this anger around. Think volcanic eruptions…
@CPT Callamity, With no outlet, he either takes that anger inwards or lashes outwards. This society has made any sign of masculine aggression a crime and then end result is men carrying this anger around
This is very interesting. Especially with the way the black male is feared and demonized, but I want to know what you mean by male aggression?
@pgh muse,
When I say male aggression, I mean any bit of assertiveness that can be perceived as forceful even if a natural action or reaction. Men fighting other men with their fists, to me, is a natural exchange that sometimes resolves issues in a very natural way. Take away a man’s ability to do this and you have a more passive-aggressive and incomplete release that manifests itself in other erratic behaviors at times. This is why sports is a “safe” release for assertion and aggression, but that doesn’t apply to all men and their situations. Think: muzzling a dog while duck hunting. But I digress…I can’t get out what I truly want to say on this page.
@CPT Callamity,
No I understand u. And I hear you. That’s interesting to think about period. Good points.
@CPT Callamity,
“with no outlet” describes the root of MANY of our social problems.
@WestIndianArchie,
Yes it does and having been in a school of soon to be adults, it raises a great deal of concerns for the next generations.
@CPT Callamity,
She probably deserved it
can’t agree with you there, man
@The Champ,
Didn’t expect any agreement with it and it was actually a very tongue in cheek blurt on my part but I don’t know the whole story. She might actually be the exception to the rule but occasionally I here cases where that sentiment reads true. We are in a society where all are created [sarcasm] equal [/sarcasm] right?
@CPT Callamity,
We are in a society where all are created [sarcasm] equal [/sarcasm] right?
Yes we are equal. We are different, and our differences should be valued, enjoyed, and celebrated… but we are equal and need to be respected. Short of Rihanna putting her hands on him, there is very little she could have said that forced him to punch her in the face. Like I said up thread…. for that he should be handled.
@pgh muse,
Oh and giving your lover a sti isn’t equivelant to her putting her hands on him???
@WuDaMan,
hmmmm… Herpes can be dormant in a person’s body for a long time,like someone up thread said, he could have given it to her for real. Before people do things that they can’t take back, they need to take a moment to reflect. And no, i don’t think the way for him to react to that would be to punch her in the face, i don’t know what he should do. But punching her in the face wasn’t going to take the herp away.
You are missing my point. Your point is eye for equal eye circa your ‘he should be handled’ statement. What I’m saying is that he didn’t pass the first lick. So what’s the equivelent eye for her if she gave the sti. And many a sti can be inside a woman and unbeknownst to her contageous.
@pgh muse,
Might not have taken the herp away but I there are a couple of things we have to bear in mind:
1. Still much of a nasty stigma against HSV although it is quite common.
2. C. Brown is 19 years old…maturity and rationality isn’t full circle yet. Not excusing his actions but kids do dumb sh*t.
@pgh muse,
No, my point isn’t eye for an eye, my point is that for a man, hitting a woman short of self defense shouldn’t be an option. The only way this wouldn’t be an option for CB in the future or for any other man is that there be severe repercussions for doing it. I understand that it’s possible she wronged him, but he’s playing the grown up game too… and when you throw ur genitals out on the table sometimes there are physical repercussions. Sometimes people get pregnant, sometimes you get stds… this can happen to a virgin. Have sex once and BOOM end up with a disease. Yeah, it’s unfair – but do i think that it makes it ok for him to punch her in the face? Not at all, Wu.
@ CPT Callamity,
2. C. Brown is 19 years old…maturity and rationality isn’t full circle yet. Not excusing his actions but kids do dumb sh*t.
I’ll agree with this… wholeheartedly. He is a kid. And in this situation her brothers or uncles or father should be merciful in the a$$whoopin’ they deliver, but I think one should definitely be delivered. Same as if it were a male with a crazy female girlfriend – he should round up his sisters, cousins, whatever and they should let that female know that there are repercussions for certain behaviors.
@pgh muse, I’m not talking about what he did. I’m asking you say she knew. Say she didn’t know she had a sti… What should be her serious and real physical repercussion? By all means there are real consequences for his actions but that will be decided in the court of law. I’m saying people who get and give sti’s aught to show their weapon’s license to get busy. Cuz there are sick people out there going out like that.
@Cpt Callamity,
but kids do dumb sh*t.
…and should be paying the consequences for the dumb sh*t they do.
The earlier one learn about consequences of acts, action-reaction, that sort things the better society as a whole is.
@ Wu,
If she knew that she had herpes and spread it openly she’s already living with her consequenses. Her relationship is prolly over, she has an incurable disease, she got punched in the face… not to mention a tarnished reputation, and lord knows what else. People will be talking about her and her herpes for years to come. And if she wants to have children one day its possible that the disease can be spread to them in the birth canal. Vengence isn’t ours Wu… she’ll have to live with this situation for many years.
@pgh muse,
I still can’t see your vigilanty styled justice system. The police are paid to fight. And vengence isn’t your cousin Ray Ray n yo Brother n em either. Because if she ‘got hers’ for passing the first lick(the herp) why does he deserve a lick for passing out a lick that she ‘deserved?’ and who is going to get Ray Ray and Uncle Charles for passing licks. unh unh violence begets violence.
@ Wu,
U are right. Violence is wrong and violence does beget violence. But, and this might just be me, things of the home and of the heart sometimes need Swift attention. Swifter than what the courts can provide. What if Rihanna was your daughter? I’m sorry, and I do understand what you are saying and I have some compassion for Chris Brown… especially if he got the herp from her. But he is a man and she is a woman. Men shouldn’t hit women period. We all have things to suck up in this life… we all have challenges that we face. A woman has to deal with the fact that she may have to hold her tougue outta respect for a man… and a man may have to deal with the fact that he has to hold his fist outta respect for a woman. It’s just how it goes.
@ Wu,
And i also want to say this about the family intervention on behalf of a female relative that needs it. I equate a young man getting roughed up by some family members for putting his hands on a female family member to being similar to punishing a child. You don’t want to spank your baby EVER… but u know that if you don’t nip some things in the bud that child will run all over you. The same is to be said with men and domestic violence. Until men learn how to really respect women, any incidence of domestic violence needs to be soundly dealt with. And it prolly doesn’t even need to go to court after that bcause the young man in question will know better.
@pgh muse,
but pgh… Chris Brown is an adult in this country. he can do what he wants. He don’t need your people beatin on him like he they child. Now when the cops come and he beatin then he get what he get from the police within the confines of the law. And just as he would ‘get it’ from the police. So would your fam for jumping on him. Have some respect for the laws of the land cuz if they catch you that’s how it’s gonna go. Check out the full youtube of Jerimiah Wright’s sermon Chickens have come home to roost. The one he got a lot of media flack from.
@Wu,
I understand what you are saying about respecting the law and everything. Chris Brown is a grown man and he made a grown man decision to punch someone else’s daughter in the face. Rihanna isn’t his property. Respecting the law is all good, but I know myself and my family, and if I walked up in my house and my brother was present, or certain uncles I have were present and some dude blacked my eye… I could tell them all day long to wait for the courts or I called the police. And they might passify me and say ok… but does that mean that the person that punched me in the face wouldn’t get the beat down? No it does not, and you know what, that is LOVE. I wish every female had men who had their backs like that in their lives because maybe they would have more respect for themselves. They would know that it’s not a man’s place to abuse them, period. If Rihanna was me or my daughter, Chris Brown would KNOW that if he beat on her there would be problems. Now if she chose to stay and they continued to fight then the fam may wash their hands of it because the family did it’s part. But I stand on the ground that Domestic Violence is out. None of the women in my family stand for it. He needs to work out his anger more constructively.
@pgh muse,
I’m not contesting that he is wrong for putting his hands on her. Careful of if then statements. They are conditional and if your ‘SELF RESPECT’ is conditioned on someone else respecting what you wouldn’t then good luck w/ that. Let this one marinate in what ever way you want. ‘Obediance is better than sacrifice.’
@pgh muse,
& if your fam needs to fight people on your behalf. I’d like to suggest some other methods for the expresion of their love. Emphasizing on the ones that fall within the confines of the law.
I wouldnt necessarily say that men dont have any support systems at all. They still have friends and family just like women.
The difference is most men will turn to another woman for an emotional outlet. Instead of calling up their boys they call up their cousin/best female friend/mother/sister etc. Probably because we’re better at sympathizing with their situation and can boost their ego a bit.
There’s never an excuse to hit a woman, but I also feel like sometimes women take that too far. Purposely adding fuel to the fire because they know the man CANT hit them. Everyone has their limit as to how much sh*t talking and instigating they can take before they flip. Sometimes walking away isnt an option.
On this whole Chrihanna deal, I think its sad all around. We should wait to see what the facts are before we make any final judgement.
@Dom,
Probably because we’re better at sympathizing with their situation and can boost their ego a bit.
and by “boost their ego a bit” you mean “give them sympathy panties” right?
@The Champ,
Noooo! My best guy friend called me last year crying his eyes out about some silly broad. I felt like it was my job to comfort him, listen to him, and also remind him that he’s a great catch.
I also took him out to a few new spots and offered my services as a wingwoman. He cant have my Vickies, but I can help him get someone elses!
I still to this day think my first girlfriend cheated on me, but I can’t prove it. So my solution is just hate her soul with every cell in my body, but still be nice to her whenever I’m contact with her.
You just have to get over it, nothing else to do.
@Cornell Westside,
So my solution is just hate her soul with every cell in my body, but still be nice to her whenever I’m contact with her.
this sounds complicated
@The Champ,
and complicated ain’t us.
Just wanted to note… there is a disconnect betwixt the mens and women folk about this support system thing.
Some of the women seem to think that men DO have the support system waiting in the wings to help them nurse their wounds after being done dirty… the men are saying “yeah, we have boys, but we don’t do what y’all women do with our friends”.
Therein lies the disconnect. Women and men are not the same ‘type’ of friend. Women are socialized to share their feelings, not be ashamed to show emotion and to talk out their issues. Men are socialized to internalize, ‘man up’ and if need be, take it out on a heavy bag, the b-ball court or a bottle of liquor–maybe talk to their Higher Power of choice.
However, in this age of ‘awareness’ men are starting to feel that maybe they DO need some kind of outlet to talk out and deal with their issues. But with who, when, where how and why?
Someone said upthread that more often than not, a man’s woman IS his emotional sounding board… but if she is the one who did him wrong, now what is he to do?
Be honest people, if you knew a guy who was consistently ya-ya weepy when he got his heart broken by some girl, wouldn’t you be giving him the SERIOUS SIDE EYE?? Because ‘real men’ aren’t supposed to do that.
Yeah, they can go to their female friends that they don’t want to sleep with, but we know those don’t REALLY exist… unless you’re gay in which case… ah never mind. That’s a whole other convo.
To their father? He’s prally emotionally repressed his daggone self, especially if he’s old school. Same goes for other male relatives.
Their boys? Perhaps, if they are the type of guys who really talk like that. But even they aren’t that common.
Therapy? We all know how openly accepted psyciatric care is in our community. Nobody wants people to think they are ‘touched in the head’ because they are seeking out professional help for their issues.
So, I truly do feel (though as a woman can’t completly empathize with) the conundrum faced by our menfolk.
I personally am going to take the step to socialize my sons to know that it is okay to want to talk about your feelings, because the last thing I need to do is visit my son in jail because he snapped on some broad.
Just my musings…. carry on.
P.S.
I’m leaving CB and Ri-Ri alone because despite the situation’s “train wreck appeal” it really is none of my dayum bidnazz…. but that doesn’t mean I won’t snicker accordingly. Just being real.
@blackberry molasses,
“Some of the women seem to think that men DO have the support system waiting in the wings to help them nurse their wounds after being done dirty… the men are saying “yeah, we have boys, but we don’t do what y’all women do with our friends”.
im tryna figure out EXACTLY what we women do thats so different from how men communicate with each other.
If I talk about my feelings over shoe therapy or he on the basketball court…how exactly is the mode better? Its just different.
Just because its different doesn’t necessarily mean it doesn’t exist. And I know men who DO HAVE SUPPORT SYSTEMS…but don’t necessarily going around talking about them.
now i would tend to agree regarding traditional therapy for people of color period. And as it relates to stress related disseases and illnesses, black women ESP. don’t necessarily have a complete and total one up on that either.
@Princess Duvet,
“Just because its different doesn’t necessarily mean it doesn’t exist. And I know men who DO HAVE SUPPORT SYSTEMS…but don’t necessarily going around talking about them.”
I didn’t make myself explcitly clear. I’m not saying that it doesn’t exist. But how COMMON is it? I would argue that 95% of women who aren’t EB’s have at least one friend/family member that they air their issues to, but can the same proportion of men REALLY say that?
@blackberry molasses,
“but can the same proportion of men REALLY say that?
”
Every man I’ve ever dated had these exhale relationships and conversations. Some I was very privy too. Of course when they got around women folk the dynamics would change. PC conversation would come out. But I gathered that they talked and rather in detail.
Sure they weren’t sitting in a circle singing cumbiya songs, but they knew the state and status and “strongness” of their respective inmate relationships with their buddies.
I also notice that men talk in codes. And they commune DIFFERENTLY. My father’s family owned a dealership and a mechanic shop. Recently i rolled up in there and aint nan work being done. They were sitting around TALKING…and about WOMEN.
just because women don’t see it..(or want to BE something that they can’t honestly fufill (a man’s complete and total sounding board) doesn’t mean it doesnt happen in a way you don’t suspect. I guess my point is its not exactly LIKE US. its different.
@blackberry molasses,
and how does one in fact truly examine men’s support networks knowing that men communicate differently and knowing that most men aren’t necessarily inclined to say “yes me and my buddies talk about our feelings and whats on our hearts and in our souls” Men don’t talk like that.
But I’ve heard about some very serious therapy sessions going on in barber shops, car shops, garages, back yard barbecues, water coolers, cubicles…that aren’t necessarily defined as “male therapy”…but its still usually cathartic. and im disturbed that those kinds of communities aren’t seen as bonding experiences and ways in which men get stuff off their chest.
@Princess Duvet,
And I know men who DO HAVE SUPPORT SYSTEMS…
I do know them too… Actually, I know a lot more of them with support systems than without.
Perhaps, I do live in alternate world after all.
@Specialized Sula,
Praise the Lord (PTL) i’m over here thinking well maybe I really don’t. Maybe they all pretending. Maybe what Im seeing isn’t really male bonding and support maybe its just surfacy male relationships.
i maintain that what we do see IS DIFFERENT. And its hard to really measure cause men are guarded about their feelings anyway..there not gonna tell you that their playing golf..to go and spend time with Darryl to have that boy time..at least i hope not.
@blackberry molasses,
“I personally am going to take the step to socialize my sons to know that it is okay to want to talk about your feelings” coupled w/ personal responsibility.
That’s what I don’t understand…where is the “This is what I did; It was my choice”? in all of this….
Oh…..I’m still laughin at CDD btw….all afternoon. They think I’m crazy up here.
@KingPine,
Exactly. My children will know it is okay to say “I’m hurt and need to talk about it.”
Co-incidentally, I didn’t grow up in this type of home. African parents are not… touchy feely. Unless they come to the U.S. and take psych classes.
I’m glad I could provide you chuckles and chortles with the CDD. I aim to please.
@blackberry molasses,
Amen to this whole post. Me personally, I find a man that feels comfortable enough to be vulnerable very appealing and not suspect at all. It’s unnatural and wrong to expect anyone to shoulder the burden of everything all the time without support.
@pgh muse,
I agree wholeheartedly.
@blackberry molasses,
if this comment was a p*rn message board, it would be blackgirl online
@The Champ,
thanks…. I think?
@blackberry molasses,
**Two thumbs up**
“with this being said, again, what exactly is the scorned man supposed to do?”
Drop his knees (pause)…and pray.
Re: Chris Brown
Okay, so I hear Wrigley’s suspended his contract (not surprising). So why are they playing his commercial more than ever? Every five seconds I see his arse kicking a package of Doublemint in the air. Wait a minute…that explains it. He’s even violent towards a pack of defenseless gum. Heathen!
Also, I never cracked up as hard as I did when someone posted at a message board, saying that Chris Brown probably hit Rihanna with this: http://enveeapparel.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/picture-1.png
*DEADNESS*
Seriously, though, he’s a punk for hitting her. His tall, giraffe butt.
@Cheekie,
Drop his knees (pause)…and pray.
AMEN to this. This should be first and foremost!!!!
@pgh muse,
Doesn’t work for everyone so there needs to be more widespread solutions than just that.
@CPT Callamity,
For me and this is just imho, prayer is the first step in working out a sticky situations because leaning on the wisdom of the creator will never steer you wrong and will only steer you right. Having a spiritual life, imho, is essential for all of us.
@pgh muse,
I’m not in total disagreement with your opinion as far as having an “outlet” but I and a few others don’t think in those terms but to each their own. In other words, IMHO, there are some non-theological factors that need to be brought to life in situations such as these, but that’s just my opinion.
@CPT Callamity,
there are some non-theological factors that need to be brought to life in situations such as these
Oh sure, absolutely. I heard what you were saying in your post about male aggression and I find it to be very interesting… but in all things the creator is central cuz whether u believe it or not, in all things the creator is central. You as an individual can be on board or not….
@ Specialized Sula,
Thank you for translating, e-twin
@CPT Callamity,
You can call it meditation, or a minute to gather your thoughts (which prayer really is after all).
Time to self to ruminate over something that went horribly wrong is what every human being should do, male or female.
@Specialized Sula,
That sounds a lot more pliable. I just consider it thought in general, which a lot of people fail to do.
@Cheekie,
OMG! Tears! Death and all his friends @that link!
I woke up this morning with the Doublemint theme song stuck in my head.
@Dom,
Chris Brown’s Doublemint song has been in my head ALL day. They need to stop playing that commercial so often because now I’m more tuned into it due to what happened with him.
@Cheekie,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ,
I’ve commented here before (but still, just recently) and you welcomed me. Just losin’ me in the sea of 5 million members and ish. I gotta work on that not happening again.
If a man is fortunate enough to have a close female friend, that’s who he can talk to. My male friends have no problem discussing relationship issues with me INCLUDING when they’ve been cheated on. All men need at least one woman in their life that they can call a real friend. My suggestion to the fellas: Don’t try to fuch all the attractive women in your life! Put forth some effort to get to know some of them. You’d be surprised at how many women are excellent problem solvers. A lot of us not only possess logic; we use it, and we’ve NEVER used “chick logic.”
Your other outlet is to recite Ghost Face Killah tracks and dance angrily in your mirror. Pretty Tony has DEFINITELY been dogged by at least one woman and has no problem sharing his pain. If you’re not in to Ghost Face you can listen to some other artists. I’ll provide a list of helpful songs.
Gerald Levert – Thinkin’ About
Tank – Maybe I Deserve
D’Angelo – Shyt, Damn, Mutha Fucha
Oran Juice Jones – The Rain
Prince – I Hate You
If you need more songs, holla at your girl!
@Voiceofreason,
Good advice!
@Voiceofreason,
“Your other outlet is to recite Ghost Face Killah tracks and dance angrily in your mirror. ”
This imagery had me cracking the phuck up!
@V Renee,
Especially “Wildflower”.
Good times…lmao
@Voiceofreason,
A lot of us not only possess logic; we use it, and we’ve NEVER used “chick logic.
***offering reason the champ’s address book so she can have more people to help her with this argument***
@The Champ,
Maybe it’s my itis kicking in, but I’m a bit confused. Are you implying that I’m right? Or are you implying that I’m wrong and need assistance if I want to prove my assertion?
FYI…I think I may have so many male friends because I do my best to fight chick logic (though I’ll admit I get weak sometimes and can’t resist it so I’ll take back the NEVER part of my earlier statement). That might also be the reason why some women get irritated with me (I refuse to side with a woman just b/c we’re both women). As soon as I start thinking irrational girly thoughts I stop myself. I think it’s because my pops refused to tolerate having a daughter who uses an absurd thought process.
Wow @ these comments…
How do you help the heartbroken homie? Let him sulk for a few days. Congregate at his place. Get him sloshed and trashtalk that skank. Cosign until he passes out. Next week, yall take him out of the house and Back to the World ft. Tevin Campbell. Something with the possibility of estrogen, maybe Hooters. Randomly look at him and shout “Hey ninja, F that B!” Like a rally cry or something. Release of physical energy may be next up. Hoops, firing/driving range, the club, ping pong, whatever.
Think the Vegas trip in Knocked Up. Great example.
@Herb,
The characters in Knocked Up came to the realization that alot of their behavior was wrong on that impromptu Vegas vacation. Some folks need to pause and look at what they did wrong in a relationship before they decide it’s OK to go buck.
@ Herb,
Sounds good, do you have friends like that? I sure as hell don’t.
@CPT Callamity,
Yes. Yes I do. We have had to “go get that ninja” on many an occasion. Ol’ relationship sucka lookin boy.
@Voiceofreason,
Since when were we validating the wrong or rightness of anything?
Married guy was a snitch. They had to get high off the shrooms before he could have his epiphany on said relationship.
@Herb,
Maybe it’s just me, but if your S.O. pisses you off you should stew in your own juices unless you’re faultless. Especially if you’re the one that brought on the problem. Man logic: “I know I was wrong but so what! Fuch her!”
@Voiceofreason,
“Let him sulk for a few days.”
@Herb,
So why do men need several one night extravaganzas after sulking? Why not take the high road, tell her how angry you are and what you think of her (respectfully), admit you’ve been wrong in the past and agree to a fresh start (and really mean it if you want to maintain the relationship)? I feel like if you have to vent, don’t do anything that would lead to further relationship problems.
If you just don’t care and you want to let her go then by all means, go to Vegas, Rio, Miami, DR, Pittsburgh (if you want an easy snowbunny), wherever.
@Voiceofreason,
You need a man, with, sen suh tivvv uh ty, a man like Tresvant.
Why do women need bon-bons and Lifetime??
Why must I chase the cat?
Why didn’t JadaKiss follow up Why?
Stop using reason on ordinary people! They dont know which way to go!!!
@Herb,
“Stop using reason on ordinary people! They dont know which way to go!!!”
I keep forgetting that not everyone can be as extraordinary as me! And I don’t like sensitive men. They can’t handle me.
@Herb,
And as an answer to all your questions (please take note that mine were legit and yours were, well…yours)…
Women don’t need Bon-Bons. I don’t know anyone who eats them but Peggy Bundy and she’s not real. And we don’t need Lifetime. Oxygen and WE are perfectly acceptable subs. Lol.
You must chase the cat because if you didn’t people would assume you don’t want a cat. Get it?
Jada didn’t follow up with “Why?” because he asked all the questions he needed to ask the 1st time around.
Any more questions?
@Voiceofreason,
+20 lols
And I get it. Youre right. That IS what we think about people who dont chase the cat.
@Herb,
And that’s what I know my male friends to do.
It’s very surprising that so many males on this site don’t have that. Does that tell us something about the demographics?
@Specialized Sula,
Friends, how many of us have them?
“There’s always a reason to hit somebody…just don’t do it!” – Chris Rock
Perhaps he should have just “shaken the sh*t out of her” instead…
@Cornell Westside,
Would you suggest shaking the shyt out of her? Seriously?
@Voiceofreason,
of course not…but if he’d have done that instead then they wouldn’t have missed the Grammy’s and he wouldn’t have had to turn himself in and we wouldn’t be having this discussion.
@Cornell Westside,
Or an even better solution. He could’ve driven away and left Pon De Forehead on the sidewalk.
I didn’t hear about the gift that keeps on giving aspect.
But I have learned in my many years on this lil floating rock, not to comment on 3 subjects – domestic violence is one of them.
@Cheryl,
what are the other two?
@SouthernGirl,
race and religion
@Cheryl,
You’re right about domestic violence. No one knows the truth but the parties involved. Speculation never helps.
I wonder why nobody made a fuss when Eddie Winslow was allegedly abusing Superhead??? Nevermind. I know why.
I am ever amazed at the twisted logic of those that can denounce the men in this type of situation, quickly pontificating on how quickly/thoroughly/assuredly he should get his azz beat…and go on to speak about how wrong it is for someone to put their hands on another.
Adding insult to injury (literally), we proudly croon with Jazmine Sullivan about “Busting Windows out of Cars,” and salute the likes of Lorena Bobbitt, but are quick to pull out the Lifetime party line (“It’s never okay!”) when the shoe is on the other foot. Somehow, in this post-Feminism era, it has become socially acceptable for women to abuse, berate, and otherwise desecrate men to the point where it’s taken as entertainment.
I don’t condone domestic violence in any form, and in a perfect world we could all use our words and share gumdrops under the lollipop tree. However, it is human nature to physically defend ourselves against perceived threat. If you’re going to willingly perform actions which would cause a person to perceive themselves to be in imminent danger (emotional or physical), then you need to recognize that there is a point at which nurture gives out and nature takes over. There’s a reason why our founding fathers put a “fighting words” clause in the Constitution.
Maybe “it’s never okay.” But sometimes, I understand.
@Nikiloveli,
Nudge, nugde, wink, wink… there ya go!!!
(that’s Monty Python speak for — YUP)
@Nikiloveli,
feelin’ dat!
@Nikiloveli,
I am ever amazed at the twisted logic of those that can denounce the men in this type of situation, quickly pontificating on how quickly/thoroughly/assuredly he should get his azz beat
I am one of these people and I feel the way I do because of the differences between men and women. Most men (men that I know anyway)don’t really feel threatened by a physical challenge from a woman. When a man and woman fight it’s never a “fair one” unless she picks up bat or a weapon. If a woman puts her hands on a man then he should restrain her unless she is beating his a$$, then maybe he should do more. According to the report (and that’s all we have to go by) they were VERBALLY sparing and he punched her in the face. I don’t know where u come from, but where i’m from he woulda got his a$$ beat for that. Mad or not, if she didn’t put her hands on him, she wasn’t posing a real threat to him and he overstepped his boundaries.
@pgh muse,
I wasn’t speaking specifically about this situation, as I don’t know the details and have no desire to research them. I simply try to resist double standards and snap judgements in general, particularly as they pertain to the male/female dynamic.
“When a man and woman fight it’s never a “fair one” unless she picks up bat or a weapon.” That falls in line with my point. When you pick up a weapon, it evens the playing field. You cause that person to feel endangered, and should be prepared for the consequences.
@nikiloveli,
I read the rest of your comments on the thread and I agree with what you said on a lot of points. There are definitely things people can do to provoke retribution. And there are women who do things to provoke the anger of men. I’m not disagreeing with that at all. But at the same time, like Rihanna should have been respectful of Chris Brown and his maleness, he should have been respectful of her and her femaleness. I don’t care what she said to him. He’ll always be bigger and stronger than her and hitting her because he’s mad just shouldn’t be an option. Short of him really being in real physical danger from her, hitting her shouldn’t even really be a consideration.
@Nikiloveli,
salute the likes of Lorena Bobbitt
Eff that cow! I would never salute anyone who actually cut a d1ck off! Well unless the man is a paedophile or rapist.
@Nikiloveli,
I agree. It’s definitely a double standard, and it works on both sides. There was a Jazmine Sullivan post a while back, and I seem to remember a lot of the men thinking that she or any woman who caught her man cheating or otherwise disrespecting her, was wrong for exhorting to busting windows and ruining personal property…however, the same men and women think a man can be pushed too far, and he can & should defend himself.
Like I said, I agree with you. It works both ways…men and women can both be pushed to far. Mutual respect is the best way to go.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
However, there is a BIG difference between busting windows and busting heads open…..
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
There is to US (women), but men are on some other level when it comes to their whips. And let’s face it, we attack the car precisely BECAUSE we know it will hurt him more than we ever could physically.
@Nikiloveli,
I have to ask you, Niki, how would you feel if your daughter told you that some dude punched her in the face? Would your first thought process be that maybe she deserved it? And I don’t mean any snark or disrespect at all. I really want to know.
@Nikiloveli,
Thank you…someone gets it!
Chris Brown will be fine.
Assuming this is his 1st run in with the law and the prosecutors aren’t trying to make an example of him, amd that he has competent representation, he shouldn’t get any jail time.
For people mad about that, the alternative is more black men jail for longer periods of time, more post-jail issues – esp employment, and a bigger prison-industrial complex.
As to his career, plenty of black singers have done far worse and their careers haven’t suffered. Ike, Mike, Robert, Miles, Marvin, Snoop, Tupac, et cetera.
Both results are the results of patriarchy not valuing women enough to destroy the men who are accused of harming them. (Rihanna, I predict, will be the punchline of many a barbershop joke)
As to the idea that men in general don’t have a visible support system like women – that is true.
But as to what a man is supposed to do when scorned?
I think the care regimen is summed up in two words
Man Up!
If you agree with the idea that men paint the world with a limited emotional palette, then the concept of a support network is incompatible.
Being self reliant and independent goes far beyond holding down a job, owning a house and car, and knowing how to build a fire.
@WestIndianArchie,
“As to his career, plenty of black singers have done far worse and their careers haven’t suffered. Ike, Mike, Robert, Miles, Marvin, Snoop, Tupac, et cetera.”
Yeah, but none of them were dating an “R&B princess” handpicked by someone as powerful as Jay-Z.
@Voiceofreason,
Jay-z is fading off..his next album should be called the fadeout! I agree with voiceofreason. This ultimately will not affect his career. Chris Brown is a young dude and he makes good music that is appealing in the pop/hip-hop culture. r-kELLY be raping lil girls and people still buy his albums and support him..
@Dy,
Jay-z is fading off..his next album should be called the fadeout
LOL. are you saying he should just be like f*ck it and title it “fade to wack”?
@The Champ,
yea …lol and you know how big of a fan I used to be of Jay..But recently Jay just sells b/c well Jay sells! His old work is classic and his new work sounds like he go to practice and do his job but he really don’t be working on his game…
Jay is Rasheed Wallace to me right now..
@Dy,
I’m just saying Jay has a lot of clout in the industry. It’s possible that he could do some damage to CBs career.
@Voiceofreason,
Jay Z couldn’t bury Nas nor could he promote Bleek. Won’t even go into his dismal performance as head of Def Jam, much less his lack luster records since coming out of retirement.
Just remember that the record industry has been full of women for some time now, yet misogyny is the order of the day.
@Voiceofreason,
I think what takes everyone aback with Chris Brown is his squeaky clean image and that’s why people are assuming his career is over. I mean, that’s why Doublemint
hassemi-has him. Then again, that’s just sponsorships…no corporate brand (especially those that appeal to a huge demographic…one that includes families) is gonna touch him for a good minute.That said, his rabid fans ain’t goin’ no where. There is already mass support in his corner with their “she musta done something” excusable mess.
@WestIndianArchie,
As to the idea that men in general don’t have a visible support system like women – that is true.
But as to what a man is supposed to do when scorned?
I think the care regimen is summed up in two words
Man Up!
If you agree with the idea that men paint the world with a limited emotional palette, then the concept of a support network is incompatible.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I agree.
@WestIndianArchie,
Excellent post, as usual.
Both results are the results of patriarchy not valuing women enough to destroy the men who are accused of harming them. (Rihanna, I predict, will be the punchline of many a barbershop joke)
This is so real. It really saddens me that there are women on here who think that Rihanna could have possibly deserved for Chris Brown to punch her in the face. That’s sad.
@pgh muse,
IMO, it’s not a question of whether this particular woman deserved to be hit by this particular man. I just wholeheartedly reject the school of thought that allows SOME women to believe that they should be able to get away with ANYTHING, and not suffer consequences, physical or not.
It’s already been admitted that men have limited emotional intelligence to begin with, yet they are expected to continually suck up whatever is directed toward them, though they are provided little to no options for release.
All I’m saying is you shouldn’t poke the bear. If you choose to do so, knowing the consequences? Well, let’s just say that I will be one less candle at the midnight vigil.
@nikiloveli,
It’s already been admitted that men have limited emotional intelligence to begin with, yet they are expected to continually suck up whatever is directed toward them, though they are provided little to no options for release.
I am going to respectfully disagree with you, sort-of. I think that men have just as much emotional intelligence as you and me. Men and women have complimentary differences, but to think that men are alien to us or something like that isn’t right at all. Men just aren’t as trained to tap into their repressed “female” emotions as women are able to tap into their “masculine” ones. Working on getting men better support systems and better educations in themselves in imperative. But I agree… women do have to learn to shut the kcuf up sometimes… we all have to learn how to co-exist harmoniously with each other.
@WestIndianArchie,
Both results are the results of patriarchy not valuing women enough to destroy the men who are accused of harming them. (Rihanna, I predict, will be the punchline of many a barbershop joke)
And that’s why I appreciate your posts. You dig right through the heart of a problem.
@WestIndianArchie,
“…that men paint the world with a limited emotional palette, then the concept of a support network is incompatible.”
In your opinion, as an XY holder (I’m assuming you’re a guy, if not Mea Culpa, and ignore the question), do men really have less emotional capabilities than their female counter parts or do they repress most outward display of these emotions? For example, if a guy is cheated on by someone he loves does he not feel as betrayed, hurt as a girl put in this position? I’m really curious about this. I know you can’t speak for an entire gender, but I would love to know your ,and other male commenters in here, perspective on this.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
It’s hard to say.
The male psychology around “emotions” is such a weird thing. What are emotions? Which ones are we talking about? How are most men alike? How are they different?
You wanna see some boys get emo?
- pet store to look at puppy dogs – no
- watch a chick flick – no
- hit up a baby shower and change some diapers and play with toddlers – no
^^All that stuff will affect a typical female.
A dude?
Go to a championship game between hated rivals. You’ll see the gamut of emotions amongst all kinds of guys. Happiness, Rage, Laughter, Sadness, Depression….
*Personally I don’t get the hub bub, “we” didn’t lose – those multi-millionaires with the Bentleys and model chicks lost. And i’m sure they’ll be fine*
Then again this nurse I used to holla at called me broken, so what do I know?
Back to the break up – If she breaks up with him
- she already checked out the relationship months ago, so she might feel a teensy bit bad about him, but she’s busy getting her back broke by the next cat.
- he of course didn’t see it coming. “oh we had our problems, what couples don’t, but…..”
1) Cats lick they wounds and if they got some game, go bag 10 other chicks, the mistaken belief that New Pudding cures all. (I’m guilty)
2) Cats brood and then fall into a deep depression, cause she was “the one”/”perfect”/”unique” and they couldn’t possibly replace her. (I’m guilty here)
3) focuses on self and channels all of that energy into something (see modern technology and the progress of civilization generally)
4) an unfortunate symmetry
her – she breaks up with him – she hurts
him – she breaks up with him – she’s gonna hurt..a lot
Chick might break out your windows, but there’s tons of cats in the penn doing bids cause they ended some lives. (not me, I got too much going for me)
I’d sum up to say
- Of course men have feelings
- There are a lot less things out there to get the out pouring
- But once pushed into an emotional zone, dudes have a bunch of different responses, many that don’t seem to have female analogues.
If that Chris Brown boy and lil’ big head Rihanna girl had just written me a letter, I would’ve gotten ALL that mess cleared up months ago and we’d be reading about their engagement and debating why they’re too young to get married (cuz you know we’ll ALWAYS find something to talk about concerning these starlets) instead of why he’s smacking her up.
Honestly, this is a non-issue to me. I’ll reserve my angst and other emotion for the women w/children and no resources, dignity or support (let alone lawyers) who will sleep in the House of Ruth and My Sister’s Place tonight.
Rihanna’s money from her “singing” career will save her.
What will Tasha or Kim from around the way do?
And for those interested, the two teenagers in question were allegedly spotted out together AFTER he posted bail.
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
yup. i read this too –> the two teenagers in question were allegedly spotted out together AFTER he posted bail <– and then it somehow never got mentioned again or since.
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
What will Tasha or Kim from around the way do?
i hear this… and about them being out… I believe that to. her with her black eye, and him… well… if it was me, him with his lumps lol.
@pgh muse, i don’t think i can take one more reference to lumps today.
sadly, tasha and kim would prob be doing the same thing: being seen in public with him the next day. or somebody’s daddy/brother etc would have paid ‘ol boy a visit.
Concerning the scorned man, here is a convo I just had via IM with a good friend of mine
me: –do you think you have a support group/supportive friend to lean on if J acts up, the way a woman has a support group if her man acts up?
basically, people whom you can show your emotions
G: –yep
me: –i thought so
as a man, do you think you’re the exception to the rule?
G: –not at all
plenty of men have a support group or network of friends they can talk to (be it one friend or multiple) for advice
the thing that my stop various guys is the feeling of being vulnerable
me: –i agree.
could I post your comments, w/o names of course to VSB
today, the post was about men not having an outlet, and I disagreed, but a lot of men seem to not have it
it was interesting to see some of the men say they don’t have that
and sad, actually
Sent at 2:55 PM on Tuesday
G: –I’m not suprised and sure you can
I thought you were pumping me for info
me: –lol
naw, i already knew how you would answer, i just wanted to see it
G: — I don’t think a lot of men may realize what they have around them
furthermore, men and women reinforce that some aspects of needing a support group to vent or release to aren’t manly.
by saying that you have a support group, you are admitting weakness of some type and emotion
…essentially that you may have a time where you just lose your sh?! and that isn’t manly
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
Ha ha ha ha!
I just called a couple of my friends as well to just check that I was not living in La-La-Land.
And our conversations were very similar…
@Specialized Sula,
LOL!! I IM’d another one of my male friends, and he said basically the same as G. We are not living in La La Land….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
G: — I don’t think a lot of men may realize what they have around them
AMEN!
@pgh muse,
Maybe because they are not socialized to recognize, embrace and utilize it. If they don’t recognize it, does it still exist? Especially if that network doesn’t even acknowledge itself?
I’m trying to support my brothers who may be struggling with this. I still believe that the proportion of men who may feel like that definitely outweighs the proportion of women who may feel like that. What do they need to do?
I’m hearing a lot of back and forth about the existence said network, which some more enlightened/empowered men are aware of, but what about the men who aren’t aware/able to recognize and partake? Do we just say…”Ay, dummy, wake up!”
@blackberry molasses,
i think ‘Ay, dummy, wake up’ might work. maybe. even if they don’t recognize it, it still exists. people are always ignoring the thing that’s right in front of them and don’t realize it until they are forced to or have that come to jesus moment and see that the thing they are missing has always been there.
i think a lot of men miss it because they don’t know how to categorize it or think it too closely resembles female relationships. meaning, they might not come out and express how they get down with their boys in times of crisis because it might be viewed how they think we (women) “typically” react in crisis, i.e. crying, throwing fits, etc. but falling into a talk over a ps3 game, while playing ball or just hanging out is also a form of expressing oneself. does that make sense?
*shrug*
@SouthernGirl, if half the ppl dont know it exists, for all intents and purposes it does not exist. I think dudes have been socialized not to see this network that they can lean on. I feel that most dudes do have a group of ppl that they can lean on now they must be taught to lean on. I can have the best library to do my research, but what good does it do if I dont know how to use it. If it was just as simple as going and using the library we would have librarians
@osyeP, but that’s just the point. there’s a difference in it not existing and people not realizing it exists. i think we’re pretty much in agreement but your statements are conflicting because you say this –>if half the ppl dont know it exists, for all intents and purposes it does not exist I feel that most dudes do have a group of ppl that they can lean on now they must be taught to lean on. which is the point i was making above.
you’re right about guys being socialized not to recognize this. now unfortunately, some guys really might not have anyone. but to use your analogy, it’s the difference between not knowing the library exists versus knowing that there’s a library downtown somewhere but you don’t know how to get there, i.e. ‘dummy wake up’ or let’s go take a ride and i’ll show you how to get there.
@osyeP,
that’s all I was getting at.
I’m going to be the Devil’s Advocate and ‘betray’ the Sisterhood of the Vag right now but I’ve noticed something today….
Women are on here saying what they are saying about men… AND THEY’RE NOT MEN!
But let men start talking about what women are, aren’t or should be and all hell breaks loose.
I call double standard and my stomach can’t take it
**turns in Sisterhood Crest before it gets snatched away**
@blackberry molasses,
Double Standards happen all the time on this blog, mostly against women, but today it’s mostly against men b/c of the topic. Don’t throw in your crest….
VSB… where double standards take their lunch break….
@blackberry molasses,
Probably my case is cultural (one of the friends I called is asian, the other one is west African) but in my case, the ratio is different that what is described.
To those who do not have that support, I don’t really know what to say. Is it because they don’t have friends? Or is it because they don’t want to talk to their friends?
If it’s the first case then there are a lot more issues to deal with… If it is because of the second reason, then I can’t want something more for someone than they want it themselves.
I personally don’t stigmatize men who are able to show vulnerability. I actually seek such men. A man is a human being before being a man. Based on that knowledge, if a man by fear of being “stimagtized” by society refuse to talk to his friends, then there is very little I can do to help him, is there?
It is sad that there are men walking around with no outlet for their emotional burdens, but unless they actually start sharing it, what can I do?
I know the men in my family are talkers. I had a 3 hours phone call from my cousin in London last week-end about how his broad is doing this and that to him. And we talked and he vented and he felt better afterwards.
The only thing I can do for the ones I don’t know is redirect them to PBG’s blog. They can vent anonymously if it’s so bad for their “swagger” to do it differently.
*shrugs*
@blackberry molasses,
I agree.
@pgh muse,
thank you, that was all i was trying to say. i prally won’t be at anymore of the sisterly meetings since i’m about to get banned for what i just said… oh well.
@blackberry molasses,
Lol… awww, BB Mo’. U know u still got ur yaya card. U watch the BET awards last night? i just wanna talk about my GIRL Anita Baker… lawd… i was in awe. really.
@blackberry molasses,
I think you will get banned. You made a good point. I can look at my friends and their up-bringing, and I can understand why they utilize their network the way they do. It is definitely a learned skill. And don’t even get me started about if there is no father in the home, or the father is emotionally distant….
Society is a b!t@h, and has done a number on our men. I hope I have sons so I can teach them better.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…,
I meant… I don’t think you will get banned. My bad….LOL!!
@blackberry molasses,
awwww….woo woo woo…*hands bbmo a Special Sparkly Sista Ya Ya Card*
i was agreeing with you but if that’s the case we might both be out. lol.
@SouthernGirl,
thank you SG… we sparkly ones stick together and continue to spread the goodness.
Ok off topic but VSB officially cannot have a good topic tomorrow bcause if ya’ll do I might get fired…
write about… ummm…something boring.
thanks.
@pgh muse,
“write about… ummm…something boring. ”
Yes, the topic should be “Wheatgrass: Healthier than soy?”
**reposting because it NEEDS to be seen**
I’m going to be the Devil’s Advocate and ‘betray’ the Sisterhood of the Vag right now but I’ve noticed something today….
Women are on here saying what they are saying about men… AND THEY’RE NOT MEN!
But let men start talking about what women are, aren’t or should be and all hell breaks loose.
I call double standard and my stomach can’t take it
**turns in Sisterhood Crest before it gets snatched away**
@blackberry molasses,
I turned in my Yaya Sisterhood badge already so its whatever. I agree with you though. There’s a lot of self-righteousness going on with people acting like men should be robots in not only the way they deal with pain, but when pain is inflicted upon them.
Sometimes, when you are hit, your reflex is to hit someone back. Now I’m not saying I condone, but I can understand. And cant nobody tell me that there are NO circumstances where a man should put his hands on a woman. People have breaking points afterall. And I’ve seen some women try to fisticuff their man. And are shocked when they get thrown down by said man. Adults (both men and women) must be ready to face consequences of their actions. You touch me, and I may touch you back. Man or woman. We can’t use the shield of “I am a woman, you can’t hit” to let us act a fool and go bananas on a dude. Windmilling and whatnot
This is outside of the whole Chris and Rihanna thing b/c at this point, I’ve just made them hypothetical figures. B/c they might as well be John & Jane Doe. So before folks start saying “well you don’t know what happened in that car”, I aint really talmbout them. So refrain. kthnx
@blackberry molasses,
bout time someone said it.
What are men “supposed” to do? Nothing. Suck it up. Move on. What actually happens is different. Men are socialized to keep emotions to themselves. To present a strong well-together front. Plus, in many ways, we are just as repressed sexually as women. This is because so much of the definition of manhood or being a good man is directly tied to a man’s sexual performance and ability to satisfy a female partner.
We’ve discussed this a while back. But there was a study I linked to that showed after a divorce, men were more likely to kill themselves than women. There were a couple theories why – that women have more support groups, that men tend to “lose” more when a relationship ends (emotionally, children, “financial investments”). But there was also the implication that when it comes to killing oneself, men tend to be more successful than women. Why? Because when we decide to do something, we go out and do it. We swallow a shotgun. Women tend to take ways out that really are cries of help, they slit wrists, attempt to overdose on pills, all of which are easier to botch and have someone come “save” you than pulling the trigger on a large gauge in your mouth.
I think the same applies here. A man’s reaction goes one of two ways. He’s either able to bottle it up or he reacts violently. Either way, it’s a decisive action.
@kamakula,
That’s just how men are. Men want to get to the point (end point in particular). Women want to see smell and collect the flowers along the way. And dealing with feelings is complicated tedious and can be drawn out. Simply put no quick fix for hurt feelings. Or they are subjective. Real talk in today’s society there is no serious incentive for a man to get married these days. Almost everything you can get from a woman while being married she is already giving while dating…
Okay real answer here. Dudes got to find themselves a ‘cookie’ person. Someone that they can talk to about stuff. Talk to em and stall out the ill feelings. Deal w/ the woman on her shadyness and leave her alone (she may just be a level of shady you can’t and don’t want to deal w/). Should the break up come out then hey morne that and keep it moving. The getting over it is very important as to keep you from being that bitter brother w/ packs to move (never a good look in a new relationship). Don’t project this shady woman’s deportment onto the unsuspecting new broad. 1. she doesn’t deserve that 2. she isn’t that until she shows you she is that w/ you.