in the past couple months, the champ has gone out a couple times to examine common clubbing behaviors and innocently grind on tipsy grad school asses. what he found surprised, shocked, aroused, and amazed him, especially the vast number of faux pas he witnessed every night
with this in mind, the champ has decided to provide you all with 13 tips on how to act when you’re out.
he’s not saying that you have to follow these to a t, but it would be wise to listen if you want to get into heaven.
1. yes, ladies. regardless of how aggressively uncute or swaggerless the guy might be, if he offers to buy a drink and you accept, you do owe him at least 90 seconds of conversation…unless, of course, he begins the convo by saying “this martini is dry, isn’t it? you know what i bet is the exact opposite? your pu**y”.
2. fellas, remember, female bartenders are like strippers. she’s nice to you because she wants a bigger tip…just not the tip you have in mind
3. if a woman is dancing while any of the following music is playing…
any dancehall reggae or soca
any bass music
any rap produced by any of the following people: lil john, mannie fresh, luke, swiss beats, scott storch, dr. dre, or just blaze
any song that could very easily be found on one of your college boning mixtapes
…the its perfectly ok to assume that she wants you to step behind her, and start grinding like you’re the pepper boy and her name is mashed potatoes to dance
ladies, if any of these songs come on and you just want to dance with your girls, sit your prissy asses at the bar and grind on the stools
4. fellas, if you ask a woman to dance/for a number/to buy her a drink and she declines, dont ask again, don’t ask why, and definitely don’t just stand behind her and wait for the song change to hopefully change her mind. find someone else, you f*cking lame.
5. fair or not, you will be judged on your attire, your demeanor, the mean, median, and mode attractiveness of your crew, how attractive you are in comparison to everyone else there, your drink of choice, and your walk…and each detail factors into your own personal baggability
if you can’t reconcile yourself with these facts then stay the f*ck home.
6. “hi” and its myriad forms (“hey”, “whats up?”, “hello”, etc) is still the most reliable pick-up line, and her first response to the initial “hi” is still the most reliable way of gauging sincere interest
7. ladies, if you’re in a relationship, make sure to reveal that little tidbit in the first 3.5 to 7 seconds of conversation. waiting longer than ten seconds to drop the bf bomb officially makes you an asshole.
8. everyone gets one “i’ve had waaaaaaaaaay too much to drink, and, if my crew doesn’t step in i’m probably going to end the night either in jail or with an std” mulligan per every 9 months. just one. after this, your crew doesn’t have any more babysitting obligations
9. unless a titty pops out, fighting isn’t sexy under any circumstances
10. fellas, its probably not a good idea to be noticeably hard before you even dance with the chick.
getting noticeably hard during your personal grind session? well, like sexual harassment, their reaction will basically depend on how attractive you are
11. ladies, if you want to get approached, separate and smile and they’ll eventually come unless you look like prop joe. its really that easy.
12. fellas, if you’re old enough to get into the club, you’re old enough to know by now that women are nucking futs lemmings. since you possess this knowledge, you should also be aware of the fact that if one member of a crew shoots you down, it decreases your chances of bagging someone else from that crew by 90%.
13. if approaching a group (three or more) of women to offer drinks, you must either only buy a drink for the one you’re specifically interested in, or the entire crew. no inbetweens
this…
“bartender, get these three right here whatever they want, and the other one, ummm, hmmmm. do you have any free corn chips or anything for her?
…isn’t cool. funny, but uncool.
i know i’m missing a ton. good people of vsb.com, would you mind helping a smart brotha out? what else should be on the list?
—the champ
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{ 424 comments… read them below or add one }
“3. it is perfectly okay to just go behind a woman and start grinding if any of the following music is playing:
any dancehall reggae or soca”
NO. NO. NO. As a person who goes to listen to lots of live and spun reggae and soca, I do NOT approve this message.
Dancing on my booty when not invited to do so will get a ninja stabbed.
“ladies, if you want to get approached, separate and smile and they’ll eventually come unless you look like prop joe. its really that easy.”
So true. If you add in the ‘stare, look away, stare and mutter a barely audible ‘damn” technique…you WILL pull him. This method is fail proof.
@iloVEGrits,
“Dancing on my booty when not invited to do so will get a ninja stabbed.”
Now THAT sounds like a T-shirt!
@RedBeanzNRice, Sounds like a mantra too…
@iloVEGrits, “3. it is perfectly okay to just go behind a woman and start grinding if any of the following music is playing:
any dancehall reggae or soca”
exactly…I dont give a dayum what music is on..
@shay_d_lady, ok! its like that one time you were @ a club in memphis, and Usher’s “Yeah” came on, and that rhino looking dude with the mike tyson tattoo came up behind you singing the whisper song….right?? lol. tell me a story!
@i’m overit, BOO,
Lmao. Sat down.
@i’m overit, BOO,
lmao @ your moniker. love it, sweetheart!!
@iloVEGrits, “3. it is perfectly okay to just go behind a woman and start grinding if any of the following music is playing:
any dancehall reggae or soca”
The hell it is…..Unless you ask me to dance and or your standing behind me when my fave dancehall song is playing and i start to back it up on you, it is not okay.
@JamaicanGirl,
I agree completely! Uninvited “D” on my backside is disgusting!
@Babs, Uninvited “D” on my backside always throws my rhythm off. lol.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Me too!
@Babs,
“Uninvited “D” on my backside is disgusting!”
as opposed to uninvited d somewhere else?
@Babs,
And it offends my sense & sensibilities
Now you know you ain’t got none of EITHER of those things anyway.
@iloVEGrits,
“Dancing on my booty when not invited to do so will get a ninja stabbed.”
lol at the image of a 3 foot tall guy literally dancing on top of a giant booty and ducking slash attempts. i think i need some toast
@The Champ, I pictured the same thing. Just with an actual ninja doin karate and sh!t
@Peysonic Temple #69,
LMBAO hell yeah bobbin and weaving and grindin all while duckin various stabb attempts
@iloVEGrits, Dancing on my booty when not invited to do so will get a ninja stabbed.
um…did you mean for this to be a pun??
cuz, stabbage is kinda the point.
@Panama Jackson,
HE wants to get “stabbed”….I confused.
Champ yer gettin’ sloppy. It’s Swizz Beatz, not Swiss Beats, Cupcake. That’s 2 nights in a row that somebody “corrected” you.
Yeah, I know…sloppy deez.
@RedBeanzNRice,
swizz deez
@The Champ,
HA! Coming w/ the unexpected DEEZ. Kudos
@Luvvie,
“Coming w/ the unexpected DEEZ”
this was my personal tag line from 1999 to 2003
@The Champ,
Ahahaha – ya got me. Didn’t even see that one coming!
Do not try to talk TOO much in the club. Ya know it is is loud being they generally play music in these clubs and sh*t which makes for a lot of HUH’s and WHAAAAA?’s …. keep it short exchange the numbers and keep it moving…
@Naturally Alise,
oooh yes and after exchanging numbers or buying me a drink, dont lurk or linger. It makes you look stalkeresque. that is the quick way to not get your call answered
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Men need to learn that more is less.
So many who had a shot inevitably do something to mess it up and then they get tagged as “Danger” in the celly.
Exchange numbers, walk off, maybe glance my way and smile a few times.
@iloVEGrits,
maybe glance my way and smile a few times.
lol, this sounds creepy as hell
@Naturally Alise, And don’t walk around on your phone in the CLUB. Don’t call me. lol. Send me a text to see if I’m in there.
@Nicki Sunshine,
LMAO! I got caught giving out a wrong number like two fridays ago. He was one of those “never say die” types that didn’t even care that I had a man. He wanted a number so I gave him one. He called it. It called him back…while I was standing by him with my hands NOWHERE NEAR my phone. Then e asked “what’s wrong with this picture?” I hesitated, and then said “YOU!” and walked away. I left the club ten minutes after that.
@Me fail english?, U have KILT ME at 9:59 am. DOA
That is the funniest recount EVER.
@Me fail english?,
OMGoodness. That’s hilariuos.
“Now you’ve officially been chopped and screwed”
@Me fail english?,
I nominated you for the shay_d_lady ridiculous story award
@Peysonic Temple #69,
“shay_d_lady ridiculous story award”
YES and YES. Glad to hear its being named after her.
@Me fail english?,
Damn. Thats harsh!
@Me fail english?,
Every time I have given the wrong number it has never turned out good. The person will either call the phone right then or I swear I’ll run into the same bamma at the grocery store or some sh*t the following week…. So now I just ask for their number or have even been known to say that I have no phone (even if the phone is in my hand, lol)…
@Naturally Alise,
LMAO. I dont know why I won’t learn cuz it very RARELY ends well. One time some Wendy’s worker ran out in the middle of cleaning McNuggets (or whatever it is they do at nite) and asked for my #. After refusing to take no for an answer, I told him he could have the number if he gave me and my friend food. I gave him a number and took the food. This fool had the nerve to call it as I walked away! He chased me down the street and snatched the food! It’s all my girlfriends fault. If she woulda wore some boots that fit we coulda booked on his ass!
@Me fail english?,
After refusing to take no for an answer, I told him he could have the number if he gave me and my friend food. I gave him a number and took the food. This fool had the nerve to call it as I walked away! He chased me down the street and snatched the food!
sounds like an episode of “when keeping it real goes wrong”
@The Champ,
I’m lucky to have made it out alive. The Hatians are an aggressive, war-like people. You should see them on Labor Day!
J/K (maybe…)
@Me fail english?
“Hatians are an aggressive, war-like people” one of my closest sorority sis is HAITIAN, she is all of 5 foot 1 and 100 lbs soaking wet and she definitely fits this description. We call her the WHOREMASTER… she will whore you out in a minute, get you to do things against your constitution and ish… SMH!!!!
LMMFAO
@Naturally Alise,
Why does “nah, I’m good” not count as an option?
UPDATE: n/m, just read the Haitian story.
Maybe “got a boyfriend” is an alternative in those situations…
@Me fail english?,
Any chick that is STILL giving out wrong numbers need to really (wo)man up. There’s no call for that in 2009.
Im BACK!!!!! yes indeed Im back wooho at least for the next two months, im on parole and ish…
#7
men need to do that ish too.. don’t let me waste my eye lash batting and hair twirling on you and you got a girl, tell me up front so I can flirt with your friend
@Intellectual Hedonist,
I am so agreeing with you!
@Intellectual Hedonist, cotdamnit welcome!
@i’m overit, BOO, gracias
@Intellectual Hedonist, yay! my etwin is back! we got some catching up to do. ok, now what is this recycled post about? and if you say ‘recycle deez’, i will give you a roundhouse kick in your ‘deez’ at the vsb bbq.
@Miss Patterson,
“ok, now what is this recycled post about?”
ummm, the correct term is “enhanced”
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Welcome back, IH!!!
@Luvvie, thx Luvvie
@Intellectual Hedonist,
wecome back n sh*t
@WuDaMan, Wu Wu!!!!
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Im BACK!!!!!
you left?
@The Champ,
LOL
@The Champ, wait till I come to the burgh you will feel my wrath, and your little white fur kitchen rug will too… LOL
IDK what that was all about
@Intellectual Hedonist,
I agree!
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Well it’s about time! Welcome back, ma!
@RedBeanzNRice, thank you , thank you very much
@Intellectual Hedonist,
you’re back!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
@blackberry molasses, thank you BBMO
Inevitably, when I am out with my best friend a guy will hit on either me or her. When one shoots him down, he will hit on the other.
Men…do NOT do this. If the 2nd choice was interested, you have no chance after she sees you hit on her girl. Plus we talk about you after you walk away.
Also, a group of guys surrounding two or three girls like vultures is never segzy. We understand you need wing men but play it cool.
@iloVEGrits,
I understand this in theory, but what if one has a man, isn’t she the one who should do the courtesy of identifying herself for all intended purposes?
I hate when it’s two or more BAD arse women, and I make the wrong guess. That’s like a twisted version of price is right.
Bond.
@BlkBond,
I hate when it’s two or more BAD arse women, and I make the wrong guess. That’s like a twisted version of price is right.
i think you have an idea here. seriously, who wouldnt watch a show where a camera follows a guy around in the club, and he has to correctly pick who’s single and interested??? there could even be a bank like on “deal or no deal”
@The Champ, i think you’re on to something.
@Panama Jackson,
single people shouldn’t be in the club anyways they unless they have glow in the dark headband or sumthin. for real stay home and bone dont come out and see if you still got it
@BLUNTBLAZER,
lol@ headbands. Like we’re in some sorta tacky cult. Everybody’s lyin bout smthg in the club. WHy not us?
@The Champ,
VH1 is coming out w/ the brown & coontastic version. “Who’s a Baby Mama?” Fall 2009.
I’m sooo (un)sincere
@Luvvie,
i don’t have the strength to discuss this f^ckery. or the fact that gabby union in producing it.
@SouthernGirl,
Wait, this is for real? I thought this was a joke!
@SouthernGirl,
‘scuse me? who is green-lighting this shyt?
hmph….i really hope it is but so far that’s the word on the curb and ain’t nobody hopped up to say it was false and you know gabby be quick to say somebody lying on her.
as for who’s greenlighting this sh!t i’ve been asking that particular question about VH1 for years now. remember they used to not even play rap videos? now that hoes in every area code and musical genre.
@SouthernGirl,
Gurl I made this up.
But I did hear that Gabby Union is producing some show on VH1 for the fall.
@Luvvie,
I know you made the title up but I thought you were making fun of her show. lol. I think hers is based around the exes/baby mamas of athletes or some such nonsense.
@BlkBond,
Can’t speak for anyone else, but once a guy shows my girl attn first he’s dead to me. It could have been a 5 second convo for all I care. I’m still second best and that’s just not gonna cut it.
@Me fail english?, so you won’t talk to him b/c you feel he thinks you’re not top notch?
so it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with your own perception of how he views you?
@Panama Jackson, I can’t speak for me fail, but in my opinion, yep!
@Ms. T,
Thank ya ma’am. Who cares how fly he is if he only thinks I’m second rate? Plus, won’t he always be wishing my girlfriend was single so he could move to greener pastures??
“Who cares how fly he is if he only thinks I’m second rate?”
maybe your girl was just physically closer to him than you were, and he saw her first and sh*t. getting hollered at second doesn’t necessarily mean “plan b”
@The Champ ,
Haha. That lazy a*hole. He didn’t even think enough of me to walk the extra two feet? I guess he mighta thought we (me and my girl) were evenly matched but this would always bother me that my dude once looked at my girl in that way.
@Me fail english?,
Word to the wise!! I cannot even fathom the thought… so you liked her best but now you will “make do” with me? Screeech! No can do, sirree.
@Me fail english?,
Why does this remind me of that movie (escapes my mind right now) in which dude taps girl on the shoulder to get her attention, she turns and seems interested, and then he hits her with “Hey sista, can you tap the white girl over there for me?”
Hilarious.
@BlkBond, And what happens when you make the wrong choice on the show??? You lose!
@iloVEGrits, now i may be an exception but i did make a move on my 1st choice then after realizing her friend was a better choice a song later switched…… long story short me and girl #2 hit it off
@iloVEGrits,
I know right, like you are just willing to accept him treating you as seconds… Tell dude to GTFOH
@Ms. T,
I really wish women would get over themselves in this regard. Most of the time the choosing is a logical thing that maximizes the man’s success, and usually has very little to do with whether we view you as first or second rate.
@Dorian G., Ok,
I understand your point but I think if a man find my friend and I both attractive why not strike up a conversation with both of us, and then try to talk to the one who you think is feeling you? Then you may make the correct choice.
The G code (at least in my lil crew) is you can not talk to anyone who is interested in your friend, you can not talk to someone your friend is interested in, and you can not talk to someone your friend used to date.
@Ms. T,
Yes! You spittin da troofs today! There are plenty of fish in the sea fellas. If you pick one that doesn’t like you her crew is dead. Move on to the next group!
Sidenote: There are some girls that’ll still get with you after you went for her friend first. They are called sluts.
@Ms. T,
So let me get this straight. You think that every man you have ever dated/loved/and loved you back, didn’t think any of your girlfriends were sexy? Is that really the belief code y’all rolling with?
@Dorian G.,
No, I didn’t say that. My comment was for the meeting process.
Heck someone who I date may meet my friend,after we start dating, and think she is hotter than I am,but at that point he and she should know that they are offlimits to each other.
@Dorian G.,
” the choosing is a logical thing that maximizes the man’s success, and usually has very little to do with whether we view you as first or second rate.”
Very True.
Maybe I’m different, but I do not consider my friends off limits once I decide I’m not interested in a person. I’d feel silly telling my girl she can’t talk to someone because we flirted for five minutes or went out once and weren’t feeling eachother for whatever reason. I do, however, consider them a no-go once we have been seeing eachother for a while or if we’ve slept together ever. I, also, do not appreciate being second choice.
if you’re sweaty, don’t touch, or try to put your hyperhidrosis hands on me, just back up! speak to me from afar, i can lipread.
the staring kills me also, by staring you are scaring, not enticing me.
g’night frengs!
@overit,
I was at a party on Saturday and being stared at by a group of 3-4 guys. I could hear them talking bout me “are her eyes really green?” “dang, her feet are little” “she’s got long legs”
wth?
I was creeped out so I moved away.
@iloVEGrits, so unnerving! that kind of behavior brings out the BEACH in me, lol. i can be quite rude back.
@iloVEGrits, eek, i don’t understand why people think manic behavior is acceptable behavior.
@i’m overit, BOO, because so many clearly insane people are in relationships or married.
and believe it or not, but some misguided souls find pure insanity to be very attractive.
@Panama Jackson, sigh, i believe it. one of my girls is accepting donations cause her man is coming out of jail and NEEDS a party.
@iloVEGrits, dang, her feet are little
that comment makes my flesh crawl…
@shay_d_lady,
I hear comments about my feet being small from men ALOT. I am 5’5″ and I wear a size 6 shoe; so I guess that’s small for my height. But men notice. Some weird foot size fetish I don’t know about.
@iloVEGrits, i have no idea if thats really big or small, but just in general, anybody would notice somebody with proportionately small or large feet. something about extra small or big feet on people just seems odd. like God blinked or something.
@iloVEGrits,
“dang, her feet are little”
H*ll. They ARE freakishly small for your height. You like one of them Indians who bind their feet til they shrink.
Or your feet are the equivalent of Beetlejuice’s head when he got to Purgatory. Just lil
@Luvvie,
rude
@Luvvie, I wear a size 11 (yes I have a big foot) but I am also 5’5″ and my feet look proportioned to my frame…
@ iloVEGrits do you also have a small frame?
@Intellectual Hedonist,
I am deceptively sized. lol. I wear a 2 but for some reason folks always think I am a lil thicker. I think b/c my legs are long my feet look freakish. Dunno.
@iloVEGrits, see, just in that paragraph right there you’ve given us all a reason to stare.
@Intellectual Hedonist,
dam size 11 !!! at 5’5 gawd dam
@BLUNTBLAZER, yeah but I wear some FLY ass shoes.
@Luvvie, ok, isn’t the foot binding a chinese custom? you can’t be painting all asians with the same calligraphy pen!!
@i’m overit, BOO,
“ok, isn’t the foot binding a chinese custom”
Thanks overit…I was about to say…lol
@i’m overit, BOO,
My bad. I take it back then. I meant the Chinese. I’s senile. I saw some special bout it a while back. Here are my apologies. I bring Curry as a show of truce
@iloVEGrits,
This is creepy as hell. They was talking about you like Thanksgiving dinner. It’s especially creepy when there’s more than one thirstbucket/weirdo in the group. Yikes!
@Me fail english?,
I told a girl I had the munchies and she looked like a bucket of chicken (nice legs, thighs and breast) she laughed and we went out for about 2years. lol
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Lol. She must’ve thought you was cute. No man that you’re on the fence about can win with this one.
@Me fail english?,
she laughed hella hard then we started choppin it up I was jus bein myself and it worked. no sappy lines *wha ya name what ya sign* -b.i.g.
@overit,
speak to me from afar, i can lipread.
why not just sign to each other at opposite ends of the lounge? or, better yet, morse code.
@overit,
“speak to me from afar, i can lipread.”
That comment seriously just made my day!
when i read “separate and smile”, i first thought you meant that or those….lol.
@Miss Patterson,
i thought he meant “those.” and i was like, “well if they weren’t separated before you left the house, then i really don’t understand what else can be done about….oohhhhh…” lol
@charli skipper,
AHAHHAHAHAA!!!
@Miss Patterson,
*marvin gaye playing in the background*
Aaaaaaaaaawwwee baby
no matter what they say never ever let that chick pay on the first 2 or 3 venues you go to together. even if she do that fake *ss reach in the pocket book (which dont have nothing in it but some lip gloss and a tampon) dont let it go down
@Blacklaw,
Someone taught you well.
@iloVEGrits,
Yeah…this kat is talking right…lol
@Blacklaw,
Please call your mama and daddy and tell them they have succeeded in raising a gentleman. Kthx
@Luvvie, in full disclosure i aint tryna have that thing thing dry up on me…dont nothin make coochie dry up on ninja like a chick payin before she has come to the conclusion that u worth a damn
@Blacklaw,
LMAO!!! I like ur transparency. And yes, it’d make the Love Pocket drier than Alise’s hair in an Arizona desert at high noon. Tee hee
Me spending the money isn’t the point. It comes down to you already wanting me to cater to U and I’ont even know whether you like silk or cotton yet.
@Luvvie, diggit
keep it cotton tho
stuff gotta breathe or none at all unless you on the subway, u will definitely need some buffer between ur bugina and the subway seat…shout to my new york heads
@Luvvie,
Interesting, in my case, I won’t make attempts to exclusively pay unless I’ve determined she’s worth it. If someone wants to pay for their food or drinks on our dates, I’m likely going to let them.
I’m pretty straightforward when it comes to some things, no ifs, ands, or bluffs.
@kamakula,
And this is why I don’t even pretend like I’m gonna pay. Let there be no confusion. I don’t do Dutch
@Blacklaw,
dont nothin make coochie dry up on ninja like a chick payin before she has come to the conclusion that u worth a damn
***nodding head***
@The Champ, Blacklaw
“dont nothin make coochie dry up on ninja like a chick payin before she has come to the conclusion that u worth a damn ***nodding head***”
Yall some busters.
@RedBeanzNRice,
bust deez
@TheChamp,
Bust your own.
@Blacklaw,
exactly. if, on the off chance i do have some actual money in there, it’s for my da*n bills or some cute shoes. and if you actually LET me pay, you’s a bi*ch negro for that.
@charli skipper, I don’t mind paying but its the thought that counts, besides if i pay and you didn’t even make an attempt to stop me, don’t even think about a second date.
@Blacklaw, *air five!
@i’m overit, BOO,
ok Todd (shoutouts to “Scrubs)
@Blacklaw,
UNLESS…you realize that the date and the chick is a bust anyway, in which case, if she offers, even only b/c she expects you to say “naw, girl, i got this”, then let her pay. it’s 2 books and a possible.
for one, she probably wont talk to you for the rest of the night (book 1), which means, what class?
you can just take her home and end the date (book 2) and then head to club and try to find a new breezy (possible book 3).
@Panama Jackson,
like jay-z quotes, theres a spades analogy for everything
@Blacklaw,
LOL! I’ve actually reached in for some lip gloss when the check arrived. I wasn’t trying to pretend that I was going to pay. My date quickly insisted he’d pay. From then on, this seemed like a nice little trick.
@Blacklaw,
shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i hada a first date with this one chick and we went out to eat I paid first time. Next time she broke out the gold card. I was like hella yea she a winner. yo no tengo un captin savem cape on.
@BLUNTBLAZER, i found food taste better when i dont pay for that ish
@Blacklaw,
I agree!
@Blacklaw,
Free food is the best food.
For the lesbians (NTTAWWT)
Don’t hit on women unless there is some indicator that they are down for the carpet munch.
I still have nightmares about the butch with a grill, cornrows and Sean John outfit who breathed in my ear “I like the way you dance”.
She was too burly to fight so I backed away in haste.
@iloVEGrits,
Studs are scary @ me. They always looking at me like they wanna eat me (no pun intended). EEK!!
@Luvvie,
“They always looking at me like they wanna eat me”
umm….that’s cuz they do.
@iloVEGrits, ok, now YOU need to sat down.
@iloVEGrits, Don’t hit on women unless there is some indicator that they are down for the carpet munch.
Let the Chuuuch say AMEN! These chicks be coming harder than men. Let it go… she’s just not into you.
@pgh muse, you know that is very true. Dom chicks are VERY VERY aggressive. in fact…
true story. at my club in DC, we used to do this lesbian night on Saturdays. worst tippers ever. anyway, it was like watching white people’s version of Blackness to the most extreme. these chicks went so hard as dudes it was crazy from the dap to the dress, etc.
but they ALSO went harder with the violence. the worst fight i’ve seen (and also had to be apart of breaking up) invovled like 12 chicks at this part. it started in front of the club, made its way into the middle of U Street…stopped traffic…one chick got her skull bashed in by two other chicks. it was so bad, our security, and myself and the owner, had to just say f*ck it, they’re acting like dudes, treat’em like dudes. we were throwing women around, holding folks down on the concrete until the police showed up, etc.
and since they were small, they were jumping on our backs trying to pull us off their friends and stuff. lol. it was quite the mayhem.
f*cking roaches.
@Panama Jackson,
“f*cking roaches.”
*dead*
@Panama Jackson, this sounds like a cheaters episode i watched…lol
@iloVEGrits,
I didn’t know Memorial wknd in MIA was also gay week. I could followed by some tough lesbians from 16th to 10th. They put their hands in my hair and kept talking about my accent. I kept looking straight ahead or down at the ground because I was scared they’d take me home with them and make me wash their panties
@Me fail english?, LMAO @ wash their panties. Bwhahahaha sat DOWN
@Me fail english?,
Hands in your hair? Thats a f*cking violation right off the bat. Somebody woulda got that @ss whopped on Collins!
@Dom,
You know what’s funny. I probably coulda took them (at least one of em) in a rumble too. I’m mad just thinking about it!
@Me fail english?,
Yeah, thats some bs. Even though I’m small and likely to get beat off size alone, I will still do my best. I believe in fighting dirty.
@Me fail english?,
They’d make u wash their BOXERS. Please get it right. The studs I knew in college wore boxers and wife beaters under everything.
@Luvvie, chicks be wearin underwear with penis holes cut out
knew this one chick who used to do that, she was pullin chicks like a ol school playa
mad she was on that homo joint cuz her body was crazy!!!!
@Me fail english?,
LOL you are too wild for that comment! LOL
@iloVEGrits,
“I still have nightmares about the butch with a grill, cornrows and Sean John outfit who breathed in my ear “I like the way you dance”.”
her name wasn’t “overit”, was it?
@The Champ,
her name wasn’t “overit”, was it?
BOGUS! U leave ZeeBaby out of this. lest you want the Pinstripe Mafia to come and cut the hems off ur NEW pair of jeans. >:-O
@The Champ,
you leave my e-child ALONE.
this is your first, last and ONLY warning. Next time ninja, I’m coming wit scissors in hand… for your hats and ties.
@iloVEGrits, I went to a gay club with some friends and me and my bestie was like “We go together tonight!” LOL Don’t come hit on nonadis over here.
do ppl still say pocket books?is it handbag now? school me
@Blacklaw,
Pocket book is very maw maw ish (that’s grandmother, for you northerners), but I let it slide. lol.
Purse works. But in a date sitch, she’s probably rocking a clutch. BUT, if you know the difference, you are unlikely to get any so stick with purse.
@Blacklaw, purse or bag, however bag is usually preceeded by the designer name. i.e Gucci Bag, Coach bag…
On ocassion I may say pocketbook
@Blacklaw,
I say purse. Pocketbook reminds me of checkbooks. All flat and inadequate. Where will my vaseline go? What about my lotion? And my pens? What bout my organizer? What bout my MacBook????
*wall slide*
Nope!
@Luvvie,
you need to carry a book bag for all that.
@iloVEGrits,
No. I just carry my FIERCE red crocskin tote. You’ve seen it. tee hee
@Luvvie,
“No. I just carry my FIERCE red crocskin tote”
One of my girlfriends has one of those. I laughed my butt off when I first saw it because she has tons of ish in there. She even puts her purse in it.
I’m thinking about getting me one.
@Luvvie,
“crocskin”
I totally read something else the first time…I know I’m not alone.
@Luvvie, according to my deduction skills you rock a jansport or northface @ all times. not cute luvster, lol. the vaseline can stay, as can the other small items..the macbook? leave it alone sometimes, *absence makes the fans grow fonder:)
like a couple days, not a bid.
@i’m overit, BOO,
*GASP* I left my Jansport days in college. Besides, you’ve also seen my fierce red tote. Chic and fits ALL my stuff.
@Luvvie, Imma post a pic of the fly orange one I got goin on for the summer. a birfay gift from my bestie!
@Luvvie, I’m a fan of BIG ASS purses for all yo needs. LOL
@Blacklaw,
I still say pocketbook from time to time, but I’m special and I know that. I also call sneakers – Tennis shoes.
@Babs,
“I also call sneakers – Tennis shoes.”
I do too.
@miss t-lee,
Willing to bet a 100 yall call it pop instead of soda too, right?
@Dom,
NO, I say tennis too, and it is soda! Pop is a type of music
@Ms. T,
Words can have more than one definition. It’s pop.
@Dom,
no baby…it’s soda….lol You lost 100!!!
(I’m so not trying to instigate this soda vs. pop war again)
@miss t-lee, It’s “cold drink”…guess where I’m from. LOL
@miss t-lee,
*Shrugs* I tried
@ ChiChi
not hard at all…either NOLA or somewhere in LA…lol
@miss t-lee, Yeah, I think it should be pretty much common knowledge now. Post-Katrina. NOLA all day. LOL
@Babs,
And we call them Gym Shoes :-p
@Luvvie,
“And we call them Gym Shoes :-p”
Cause yall some squares.
@Blacklaw,
“Pocketbook” sounds like you enjoy spending your leisurely time watching Matlock.
@Cheekie,
LOL. Like he wears dungarees and trousers. Haha @ Coloredlaw
@Me fail english?,
lol, cant hate that ish was funny
@Me fail english?,
Wait a min. This:
“Haha @ Coloredlaw”
Coloredlaw? *DEAD*
me fail english, I wish I knew how to quit you!
@Blacklaw, I call it a purse!
side note the picture of the sista holding the glass is funny as hell to me i dont know why
@Blacklaw, that’s Champs ex
@Intellectual Hedonist,
ooo snap.
@Intellectual Hedonist,
In the words of Chitowners “TREATED”
@Luvvie,
HAHA. Treated like he went to the doctor.
@Luvvie, ya know, color me uneducated, but for some reason, i REALLY need a “-” between “Chi” and “towners”.
I just spend the past 3 minutes trying to figure out what the f*ck a chitowner was b/c i read it like chit-owner.
i couldn’t figure out if that was new slang or what.
my guitar gently weeps for my education.
lol
she got a face like “i dont care what you talkin bout..u tryin too hard. i already told you, you gonna get a bj lata”
Sorry champ
@Blacklaw, and that is exactly what the caption read when she sexted him that pic…
@Intellectual Hedonist, lol
champ catchin it while he sleepin
he gonna have some stuff to say when he come back
@Blacklaw, all he’s going to say is ___________deez. we are all hip to his lingo.
“you gonna get a bj lata”
btw, this statement is also number 6 on intellectual hedonist’s list of “15 things i need to say if i ever meet the champ”
@The Champ, now there is a list I would like to see. touche Champy
If you ask a lady to dance and she agrees please get your one dance and leave. Her saying yes was not an open invitation to dance with her all night long.
Also if you ask a lady to dance and she says, not right now but i will let you know when. Please do not do not come back every song and ask her if she is ready now. She said she will let you know.
@JamaicanGirl,
Please do not do not come back every song and ask her if she is ready now
lol, people actually do this?
@The Champ,
Yes…lol I had this Nigerian dude pull that ish once.
@miss t-lee, i dont know if that counts. we’ve thrown quite a few parties at my club where Africans, and particularly Nigerians were the patrons. the rules of normal partying seem to go clean out the window when the Nigerians hit the building.
@Panama Jackson,
You’re right. Completely different set of rules.
@miss t-lee,
See??? Dang! I weep for my compatriots
@Luvvie,
It’s okay girlie…I weep for my people daily as well.
@The Champ,
unfortunately, yes they really do.
@JamaicanGirl,
If you ask a lady to dance and she agrees please get your one dance and leave. .
AMEN!! I hate when you want to stay for 4/5 songs straight. That forces me to stop dancing with you, take 2 steps to the left and continue my 2 step…..without you.
@JamaicanGirl,
“Please do not do not come back every song and ask her if she is ready now. She said she will let you know.”
There’s nothing wrong with turning the guy down in a polite way without leaving any shade of gray. The definitive answer will alleviate any confusion.
I agree with all of these except #3…there is a respectable way to start dancing w/ a lady, and just going up behind her grinding on her is not it… unless she is on the floor and her knees are touching her elbows – then maybe she would be down for it… idk…
-I especially like #7 – so true.
-In addition it is never ever ok to try to cop a feel while dancing or be tryna rub her in all the wrong places. Men, learn some self control. It’s only dancing. I don’t care if it’s Back that AZZ up and she’s making it bounce like a basketball. It is inappropriate and will make her not like you or want to dance with you any more.
-also – if someone dances with you once that doesn’t mean that you stick to her like glue for every song. Dang, go mingle.
***side note*** I hope not to get fired from VSB for this but i missed yesterday’s post and HAD to add Michael Jackson and Naomi Campbell in the “Keep it in the Closet” video – no way Jacko is pulling Naomi Campbell. Not. in. this. life.
@pgh muse,
“there is a respectable way to start dancing w/ a lady, and just going up behind her grinding on her is not”
lol, who said anything about being respectable???
btw, if i included music videos in yesterdays list, i might have had to extend the list to 200
@The Champ,
If I wanted respectable, I’d be ballroom dancing. . . or perhaps bachata. Speaking of which, me and a friend were talking about our former cities and how there were places that would give lessons for about 90 minutes starting around 8 or 9, then have a couple hours of actual dancing afterwards. Anything like that in the burgh?
@pgh muse,
Cosign on Naomi and Mike! I was like ten when that video came out, and even I could see that ish was a fairytale. Mike kills me with that soft slap on the booty though.
Wouldnt know what to do with it if he got it…
“7. ladies, if you’re in a relationship, make sure to reveal that little tidbit in the first 3.5 to 7 seconds of conversation. waiting longer than ten seconds ”
IMHO, if I just outright tell a guy that I’m not single, he’s like “I didn’t ask you that ” or “but can’t you have friends.” Men who are trying to smash don’t care about my man.
Women; If you are going to wear slut gear (ain’t nothing wrong with it- do in moderation), don’t try to get mad if a man is staring at your breasts and butt or you get a couple of unknown butt grabs. Be prepared for it.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“Women; If you are going to wear slut gear (ain’t nothing wrong with it- do in moderation), don’t try to get mad if a man is staring at your breasts and butt or you get a couple of unknown butt grabs. Be prepared for it.”
IDK Nicki…I’m down for the stares and all, but don’t be grabbing me unless I ask you to.
Point.blank.period.
@miss t-lee, “IDK Nicki…I’m down for the stares and all, but don’t be grabbing me unless I ask you to.
Point.blank.period.”
I agree with you… it’s NOT cool. Let me rephrase bc I didn’t mean that.
Don’t be mad if a dude looks- because they stare. None of that, screaming “What thee h&LL is wrong with you nonsense.”
And be prepared for the grabs.
@miss t-lee, Point.blank.period.
**Air hi-fives**
that’s what I’m talm bout
@miss t-lee,
“I’m down for the stares and all, but don’t be grabbing me unless I ask you to.”
but, to paraphrase dave chappelle, if rocking a ho’s uniform, its only natural to assume that you’re a willing participant in hotivity
@The Champ,
Some men are just trife. I don’t have much booty and I never dress ho-ish and men still regularly grab at my butt. I’ve actually yelled at dudes and said “What the f*ck is wrong with you? There’s nothing back there!!!!”
@Voiceofreason, now see, if you say that you’re just opening yourself up to further convo b/c most guys would just grab you again and be like, “hmm, i disagree…you got enough for me to smack it up, flip it, and rub it down…oooooooooooh nooooooooo”
i miss BBD.
@Panama Jackson,
Yeah, that’s why I only did that once.
@Voiceofreason, ” I’ve actually yelled at dudes and said “What the f*ck is wrong with you? There’s nothing back there!!!!””
LMAO!!!! That is soo funny
@The Champ,
f^ck no. keep your d@mn hands to yourself.
though i only flash in moderation, i.e. if the girls are up and waving at folks i wear jeans. if the legs are out i wear a more covered up top-i understand staring. for the most part. but h3ll, even if i came out with a bikini top on like this one chick i saw once, still…stare all you want but keep your hands where i can see them.
that is, unless i make it plainly known that i’d like to participate in hotivity.
@SouthernGirl,
f^ck no. keep your d@mn hands to yourself.
lol, damn. tell us how you really feel next time
@The Champ,
“but, to paraphrase dave chappelle, if rocking a ho’s uniform, its only natural to assume that you’re a willing participant in hotivity”
No.
@The Champ,
What would be classified as a Ho’s uniform?!?
I don’t think I dress Hoish and I get grabbed ALL the time.
Should I just wear a sweater or gain an excessive amount of weight?
@Ivy st.,
Hey…gaining weight ain’t gonna stop ‘em from grabbing…Team Chunk stand up!!!
A sweater ain’t gonna stop anyone either…lol
@Ivy st., For me, I’m thinking when you show legs, butt and boobs off at once, instead of picking one.
Say, if you went to the club in a mini skirt with stripper heels and a tube top. TOO much. lol.
Also, if your thong is showing, that could be a h* outfit.
@Ivy st.,
“What would be classified as a Ho’s uniform?!?”
You REALLY know the answer to this. You just have to.
@The Champ,
preeech
“if approaching a group (three or more) of women to offer drinks, you must either only buy a drink for the one you’re specifically interested in, or the entire crew. no inbetweens”
You don’t know how far this will take you guys…seriously. Just don’t cheap out, you gotta buy whatever the crew was already drinking.
Once this kat was trying to impress my BFF by offering to buy us another round. We were drinking Patron margaritas already and he asked what we were drinking. We told him, he ordered and when the bar bill came he looked all shocked. My BFF and I just laughed and paid the bartender and told him, “don’t worry about it, we got it.”.
He didn’t get the number.
@miss t-lee,
I thing the Great Eff Yo Couch once stated, “cheap lickuh is for suckas”
@WuDaMan, where is eff your couch?
@WuDaMan,
Eff sounds like he knows what he’s talking about…lol
@WuDaMan,
Poor me some Grey then.
I got my glasses today ninja!
@Ivy st., Work the monkeys first. You got to see the grape to duck from the grape. LOL
@WuDaMan,
***shots fired***
@miss t-lee, you know, i quite buying drinks for women a LONG time ago once i realized how expensive drinks were. for every drink i buy for a chick that’s one less i can buy for me.
at least i’m guaranteeing myself a good time. that chick might be on some, “thanks and roll” technique. in which case i’ll have to follow her around and ask her for sips all night to make sure i catch my buzz. that’s not a good look.
@Panama Jackson,
“in which case i’ll have to follow her around and ask her for sips all night to make sure i catch my buzz.”
Glad to see you’re back PJack…lmao
@Panama Jackson,
“which case i’ll have to follow her around and ask her for sips all night to make sure i catch my buzz.”
hehehe! Too funny! But I wish a mofo would, I would just give the drink back to him and say thanks but no thanks!
@Panama Jackson,
I concur. If I’m buying a drink, best believe we have already been vibing for a minute. I don’t do the whole buying a drink in exchange for some of your time thing. My time and conversation is valuable too. Hopefully, you’re not the fool in the club thirsty and broke.
@miss t-lee,
No offense to you and your crew but this is retarded. I gotta drop $80 at the bar for ONE phone number?
@Dorian G.,
I don’t about where you are at, but in my part of the country , these 2 drinks did not equal $80. Hell –it wasn’t even $25…lol
I understand your sentiment though, get in where you fit in…:)
@Dorian G.,
“I gotta drop $80 at the bar for ONE phone number?”
Nope. $150 – recognize.
@RedBeanzNRice,
Shiiiiiddddd…
Honestly, would you really want a sucka dude like that that’s buying EVERYBODY in the club drinks?
@Dorian G.,
Nope, but don’t offer to buy a drink if you don’t know what I am drinking, or are being cheap! I am supposed to say oh well since he is buying me a drink I will switch from margaritas to a budweiser! Please!
@Ms. T,
Thank you ma’am.
Ladies, once in a while go to the club or lounge alone. Men love that ish.
@VeronicaL,
Yeah, they seem to be really impressed by that. I’m not sure why.
@Voiceofreason,
because a woman out by herself (or even with just one other chick) acts differently than one who’s with a crew.
@The Champ,
hell yea chick act diff without their body guards
@Voiceofreason, and no evil, offensive linemen esque homegirls to fight through just to get a chance to possibly, if the weather is right and the moon is high, maybe, ask politely for your number
@Peysonic Temple #69,
LOL! Yeah, I can’t stand those chicks. The other night I was having a conversation with one of the fliest men I’d seen in a loooooong time, and my girls had the nerve to try to pull me away b/c no one was trying to holler at them at that particular time. That’s why depending on who I’m with I have no problem leaving the group.
@Voiceofreason, those are NOT your friends! real friends would have recognized the flyness of said man and made their arses scarce.
@SxyScientst,
Yep.
@SxyScientst,
Exactly! Those are haters in waiting. Get rid of em!
@SxyScientst,
I probably should have said the girls I was with instead of “my girls.” My girls never do ish like that. I drove myself to the club that night; if I’d been with my girls they would have left me with him.
@VeronicaL,
good point and sh*t
@VeronicaL,
TRUE TRUE!!!! I love going out by myself. It means free dranks all night! Men will practically stand in line just to talk.
@V Renee,
Yes ma’am. Not to mention you get to walk around the club and do you. No one to look after and ish. For safety reasons (no close parking lot to the club) I like to meet ppl there or just go with my guy friends. That way you have buddy to walk back to the car with.
@VeronicaL,
Such a good point. I’ve been thinking about doing this. The action ladies get just from stepping away from their group is great so just imagine if there isn’t a group to speak of. Of course, this can be a blessing and a curse, but when dealing with a club, that’s what you’re getting into. Sometimes it’s worth it.
@Cheekie,
You should do it! I’ve noticed that the pros out weigh the cons depending on the establishment.
@Cheekie,
You definitely should do it. Men have told me it also shows that a woman is strong and confident. Some men like those qualities in a woman.
@vlogan and Voiceofreason,
Noted and noted. Will do.
@vlogan,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ,
Thanks and sh*t.
@VeronicaL,
“Ladies, once in a while go to the club or lounge alone. Men love that ish.”
This is a good one.
“ladies, if any of these songs come on and you just want to dance with your girls, sit your prissy asses at the bar and grind on the stools”
Why do we have to be prissy b/c we don’t want some nasty, random, sweaty fool grinding on us? And you know what? I’ve noticed it’s usually men that are either really young, unattractive, or a little too old to be in the club/lounge who take advantage of an opportunity to run up on a woman when one of these songs comes on.
Fellas, if we’re dancing with our girls take that as a sign that you need to stay away. We know we’re more approachable when we’re alone. We’ll take a walk to the bar or the lavatory if we want to give you an opportunity to talk or dance with us. And another thing, if we’re not making eye contact with you, that means we don’t want any contact with you.
@Voiceofreason,
Why do we have to be prissy b/c we don’t want some nasty, random, sweaty fool grinding on us?
because.
@The Champ,
That’s not an answer. Do better.
@Voiceofreason, hmm…problem with this is, though you might be the one chick who doesnt want any male attention, my guess is that at least one in your crew does, even while dancing with your homegirls.
the key is to pick the right one.
the best means to do this is to walk up to the click and look at all the chicks. most will look at you with the gas face but one will lock eyes with you in a “i’m the low one on the totem pole and i’ll do nasty things to you, but i look like myself so nobody wants me to do nasty things to them…so i’ll settle for a dance, mmkay?” manner.
you just dance with her.
@Panama Jackson,
“most will look at you with the gas face but one will lock eyes with you”
That goes back to my statement about eye contact. It’s an important key to figuring out whether or not a man has a chance with a woman or vice versa.
If you get saught out after the initial interaction. They want to beat asap.
@WuDaMan,
LOL! WRONG!
@Ivy st.,
Wha?! LMBO! if they don’t have a real reason to fumble up out o they mouth. It’s on.
Ladies: don’t try to sample my drink unless you’re trying to make it happen…it’s not as cute as you think.
Cosign #7: You cannot chill over here with your man having arse, you scaring all the other single women away! GTFOHI!
Female Bartenders are like strippers: the small talk in between you doing tricks does not make me one. I know you’re at work–so, I’m taking none of this seriously unless there are overt signs…
When they (used to) play chex songs (i.e. Akon’s “I wanna f*ck you”, Akinyele, Love in Club remix, etc.) and you keep mouthing it to me, licking your tongue or performing fellatio w/ your straw, how ELSE was I supposed to take it?!?!
If I am in a part of the room w/ absolutely no one within 3 feet of me, and you come stand next to me…am I supposed to think you REALLY just want to know what cologne I have on? (Pimp C voice: you gon’ smell me!)
If you grab the package in the club, you have given me permission from hence forth to pull it out and place it anywhere I like. Yeah, anywhere.
PSA:Stating that I look like someone you have/had a crush on, will likely result in me crushing the inside of you.
That is all…for now
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond,
“If you grab the package in the club, you have given me permission from hence forth to pull it out and place it anywhere I like. Yeah, anywhere.”
Women actually do this? Tacky.
@Voiceofreason,
Women actually do this?
Yes…lol
@miss t-lee,
yup kinda catches me off guard but it gives you tha right to return the favor and palm sumthin
@Voiceofreason,
Yeah, sometimes they’ll outright grab it. Guess they don’t wanna be ‘surprised in vienna’ as my homegirl says.
Some just ‘accidentally’ rub it. two or three times.
Tacky? maybe…but (keeping with the UGK reference) You ain’t neva seen/how BlkBond/be rollin’ so clean…–interpolation from the classic album, Ridin’ Dirty, Pinky Ring
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond,
“Guess they don’t wanna be ’surprised in vienna’ as my homegirl says.”
Or I say…”test drive”
*sniggling*
@BlkBond,
No offense to you babes, but as far as I’m concerned, nobody’s that clean, fly, sexy, whatever.
@Voiceofreason, i know a woman who pulled a dude’s schlong out in a club.
guessing she had nuts under chin at some point.
word to The Chronic.
@Panama Jackson,
Or on top of her nose. Lol!
@BlkBond,
“(Pimp C voice: you gon’ smell me!)”
I love that quoted the late great Pimp C.
@BlkBond,
this –> PSA:Stating that I look like someone you have/had a crush on, will likely result in me crushing the inside of you. <– just made me cackle and scream with delight. wait….just realized how that last part sounded. lol. whatever.
@BlkBond,
“If you grab the package in the club, you have given me permission from hence forth to pull it out and place it anywhere I like. Yeah, anywhere.”
NOT AT ALL, I was JUST checkin!
@Ivy st., so if u checkin, can i check too?
@Peysonic Temple #69,
Depends on what I find when I check.
@Peysonic Temple #69,
Lol. What are you gonna check for? If you can feel anything thru her outfit you gonna be mad you put your hand down there!
@Me fail english?,
LMAO! You are on point!
If he can feel something, it’s either pulled pork or another jimmy.
@BlkBond,
“Ladies: don’t try to sample my drink …”
Da hell? Girls really try to put their backwash in your drink?!?!
This is the nastiest isht I’ve heard in a while. I’d be pissed!
@Me fail english?,
I would be beyond pissed…who does that?
@Me fail english?,
LOL. For real. Nasty fools! Next thing you know, there will be a Patron flu going around.
@Cheekie,
eff that… just a pandemic of the HERPS
@blackberry molasses,
*shudders*
Ladies, if you know your outfit will not allow you to sit, walk, stand, dance, or breathe b/c it’s too tight and too short, then don’t wear it. Less isn’t always more. Keep your azz covered. Please and Thankyou….
@N.I.A. naturally….,
So let it be written.
I am one of the rare people who goes to the club to dance. I love to dance, because I am good at it. I don’t mind two-stepping with a dude to random songs but whne my ISH comes on (usually some sort of dancehall or soca)…gimme nuff room. I would NOT like to dance with ur sweaty, gangly, offbeat ass. Effin up my rhythm.
Don’t hold my hand while I’m dancing…or at any other time for that matter.
Don’t hold my hips or waist when you’re trying to move past me. I’m only 5’3″. Your center of gravity is not that low.
Ladies, don’t face-fight me if you see me in VIP. These dudes are not as fly as you think.
Fellas, if you’ve been drinking, pop a mint before you start talking. Alcohol (esp. mixed drinks) makes EVERYONE’s breath stink IMO.
Fellas, if you’re in a cipher it is rude to just assume that the ladies present won’t be partaking in the festivities. Puff, puff, pass my ninja.
Ladies, if you take off your shoes and leave them on the floor, don’t expect anyone to kiss your arse cuz they stepped on your shoes, feet or whatever. It’s a risk you took.
Fellas, if I walk away from you mid-sentence don’t follow. And please don’t wait for me outside of the bathroom.
Fellas, don’t strike up convo at the bar unless you’re buying me something.
@Me fail english?,
“I am one of the rare people who goes to the club to dance. I love to dance, because I am good at it.”
Not rare at all…lol Remember we’re going out when you make it down this way.
*Ricky Bobby*
@Me fail english?,
“I am one of the rare people who goes to the club to dance.”
You are the type of people I love to go clubbing with. This ain’t a lounge, it’s a club. Get like Fall Out Boy and dance, dance!
Challlaaaaaange!
@Me fail english?,
Ladies, don’t face-fight me if you see me in VIP. These dudes are not as fly as you think. .
Face fight??? BWHAHAHAHA
@Me fail english?, “Fellas, if I walk away from you mid-sentence don’t follow. And please don’t wait for me outside of the bathroom.”
not really related but i found this funny b/c a few weeks ago i was at this spot in DC and this chick was just yapping away…like on motormouth status so i just said, “look, its clear you have a lot to say, but i’m sexxy”
and walked off.
lol. good times.
@Panama Jackson,
*DEAD* And for that I will make sure I club with you when I’m in DC. And I’m taking T-Lee with me!!
@Panama Jackson, I been facebooking too much. I wanted to hit the like optiona nd walk away. hahahaha
@WuDaMan,
Hahahahahaha!!
@Me fail english?,
“Fellas, if you’re in a cipher it is rude to just assume that the ladies present won’t be partaking in the festivities. Puff, puff, pass my ninja.”
I can tell you go to the real reggae spots
@Peysonic Temple #69,
thas my kinda chick
right there i loves me a chick that can roll one up that is a hella rare endangered species
Don’t try to catch me by surprise and take my picture while I’m mercy dancing with your friend. It’s not the business.
@SouthernGirl,
LOL! As of late, I can’t even be persuaded to give someone a mercy dance.
@Ivy st., girl, he caught me at a good moment. lol. the dj took it back to the 80′s and me and my girl were dancing and acting like straight fools when these two guys came up and started dancing with us. we were having fun so we just went with it.
but then the friend pulls out what must have been the FIRST digital camera ever and he swings me around (we were facing the opposite way) and i see a flash. ninja what?!?!? *insert me snatching the camera, seeing said picture and trying not to cut this fool.* delete that sh!t immediately.
@SouthernGirl,
LMAO! I hate when dudes you don’t know want to take a picture with you so they can put it on MySpace and caption it “Look at these hoes all on me. A day in the life…”
Real talk, I took a mercy pic a couple years ago (which turned into damn near a photo shoot!) wit some dude and his friends at a car show. Next thing I know, turns out we know ppl in common and this fool is perpetratin like we “talk”. He had me on his myspace with no captions so ppl could just assume whatever. I was PISSED!
@Me fail english?, see, that’s exactly the type of sitch i’m trying to stay away from. lol.
Good list, Champ.
(more) Word to the homies:
1. I came to the club to dance. Sweat out my hairdo type dance. If I’m gettin’ it and you’re obviously dying to dance with me, step up and DO SO. Don’t stare at me salivating waiting for your best opportunity. This IS your best opportunity. If not, someone else will step in and hog all the dance time. Which has happened. This ninja (who was a great dancer but required shoes lifts) danced with me for like 4 straight hours. My silly arse didn’t sit down once. It was fun, though. Anyhow, Mother Feelin’ Loose Goose moral is: don’t miss opportunities. Take a chance.
2. Don’t hold 4 drinks in your hand then proceed to dance with me. I’m already sweatin’ like a tramp in church, don’t need to be even moister than I am. Besides spilling drinks on me will only make me dry where it matters.
@Cheekie,
“I came to the club to dance. Sweat out my hairdo type dance. If I’m gettin’ it and you’re obviously dying to dance with me, step up and DO SO”
I agree but don’t step up to me if you see your dance skill aren’t up to par. *clearing throat WU*
@Ivy st.,
LOL. Yeah, good point. I guess I’m talking about those fools who think they’re too cool to dance when really they’re just lame and came for a peep show with a 5 dollar cover.
@Cheekie,
Damn just 5$?!? I’m a grad student, I need more! lol
@Ivy St.,
And to top it off, the cover charge wasn’t given to ME, but to the doorman/woman. lol
@Cheekie,
dudes dont dance no more we jus throw our hands up and let yall grind on us its easy
@BLUNTBLAZER,
That is probably why most of them are dancing ALONE.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Well, by dancing I half-meant grinding. That goes without saying with our people. lol But, then again, a ninja gets extra points if he knows how to actually dance.
@Cheekie,
its not like back in tha day where we had actuall dances like the runnin man, cabbage patch, whop etc. reggae clubs ya gott know the dances rap clubs shiiiiiiii you jus stand and throw ya hands up let tha shorty grind u and you good.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
I’m mad at mofos that just stand there, though. Just standing there and looking down. DO. SOMETHING. Gonna have to check your pulse if you just standing there. lol
I suspect most of the women that are listed in this club etiquette piece would have to be Pedestal Pattys … Who is Patty? Glad you asked …
http://thismayconcernyou.com/2009/05/31/vii-pedestal-pattys/
My addition:
1. Don’t be surprised if you catch a case after you spit your drink on a woman because she won’t give you her number for the third time, Larry Johnson of the Kansas City Chiefs. [True Story]
2. Don’t think that your drinks for the night are on me, just because I pop a bottle. You didn’t win the championship. And it’s too damn late to join my bandwagon for the night. Go get some other ninja to sing that T-Pain song for you. Not my damn $300 bottle. Thank you.
If you are standing next to a woman and/or staring at her while she’s at the bar buying herself a drink and you have no intention of buying it for her, don’t even bother trying to talk to her…unless she didn’t see you. If you make it apparent that you don’t believe she’s worth your $10, she won’t find you worth it either.
@Mercedes,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ,
Thanks! Enjoying the blog!
@Mercedes,
co-sign! If you watched me get myself tipsy plan on watching me walk right past yo cheap/too po’ to be at the club arse at the end of the night!
Seriously, #7 is crazy. Why must I wear a t-shirt that says “taken” or say “I got a bf” as soon as I am approached. Hell, I wanna dance and have fun too. Especially, if I am out alone. There has got to be another way.
@El,
It’s probably because 99.9% of the time, their approach isn’t just about dancing. Their intent is “get at you”, so they figure it’s bogus as hell to lead them on. And is wasting their time when they can be
huntingscoping out other chicks.@El,
Screw what they want! Dudes don’t say things like “Ok, just to be upfront, I’m just tryna hit and quit.”
Hell no! They let you think whatever you want as long as they think they’re getting to what they want. Women would be much happier if they relaxed and did this too
@Me fail english?,
” Dudes don’t say things like “Ok, just to be upfront, I’m just tryna hit and quit.”
Some do…actually I prefer that.
It lets me know upfront if I wanna deal with your arse or not…lol
Saves everyone a lot of time.
@miss t-lee,
Well shut my mouth wide open. I respect that. I’m still not telling dudes I got a man til I’m done with em.
@El,
“There has got to be another way”
you want it to be one way. but its the other way
@The Champ,
Come on man, I need this job!
One more: Fellas, when you’re trying to maneuver yourself past a young lady in a crowded club, you don’t have to grab/hold her waist to maneuver past her. While you may think you are being “smooth” with this, please keep in mind that some women don’t like to be handled by strangers. “Excuse me” works just fine.
@Mercedes,
“One more: Fellas, when you’re trying to maneuver yourself past a young lady in a crowded club, you don’t have to grab/hold her waist to maneuver past her”
true. a scalp palm works even better.
@The Champ,
lmao hell yea whas wrong with touchin the back saying excuse me yall trippin we aint grabin cakes or milkshakes so be coo
@BLUNTBLAZER,
If I’m “trippin” b/c I don’t want every Tom, Jon, and Ray-Ray unnecessarily touchin’ on me…then okay fine by me, I’ll be that.
However, please see #10 for the exception to this rule; again this also depends on how attractive you are!
@The Champ,
A scalp palm? Maybe I’m getting the wrong visual but this seems like you’re mushing the girl. That’s an automatic rumble.
@The Champ,
“a scalp palm works even better”
Is a scalp palm you grabbing her by the back of her head and pushing her out of the way?
@Ms. T,
For some reason I always thought that was a mugging.
@V Renee,
I thought it was too, but I just really am clueless about what a scalp palm, so I figured maybe that is the northern terminology????
vsb.com: where the concept of facetiousness is foreign
Don’t bring me a drink. If you want to order me a drink, Ima need the bartender to give it to me. Not you. I see the roofie residue on your fingertips. Real or imagined. Either way I see it.
@V Renee,
Oh, most def. This is probably the most important comment on here. I’m getting my drink straight from the bartender. Don’t bring it to me, I’m walking up there with ya. I ain’t brand new.
@Cheekie,
“Don’t bring it to me, I’m walking up there with ya.”
Yep.
@V Renee,
co-sign’s with sincerity. This is the damn truth.
@V Renee,
Co-sign.
And it probably doesn’t work on all women, but ya know what I like? When men just hand me the cash and tell me to get it myself. Just stay where you are and give me the option to come back. (I’ll always come back and dance with you, even if you’re ugly). The bonus is that if you’re already drunk, you can take the cash and pretend to go the bar. Lunch money for the next day! The most I ever made that way was $60 last November. woo-hoo!
@Me fail english?,
When we were in Louisiana last year my girl made it out with $85. I was rolling…lol
@miss t-lee,
Get’em! My goal is $100. Gotta get my weight up tho.
@Me fail english?,
“And it probably doesn’t work on all women, but ya know what I like? When men just hand me the cash and tell me to get it myself. Just stay where you are and give me the option to come back. ”
Ya know what, when I first read this, I was thinking I wouldn’t like this. Like, ninja don’t send me on no errands. And it kinda turns me on when they order it for me (not to be confused with getting it for me…like I said above, straight from the bartender)…taking control by asking me what I want and flagging the bartender down.
But…
Thinking about the future lunch money kinda won me over. lol
@Cheekie,
And who doesn’t like lunch?
@Me fail english?,
Exactly.
@Me fail english?,
LMAO @ you making $60 in the club!
@Me fail english?,
There are dudes who actuall do this?? This is sad, very sad. No more rap music for these dudes…they’re simpin’ more than R&B cats these days. *smh*
OMG!!!! #4!!!
“4. fellas, if you ask a woman to dance/for a number/to buy her a drink and she declines, dont ask again, don’t ask why, and definitely don’t just stand behind her and wait for the song change to hopefully change her mind. find someone else, you f*cking lame.”
Man, dudes cannot take “no” for an answer in the clubs! That’s why I hate going out! After you say no the first time, they’ll linger around, talking ish under their breath! Since I said no, I’m “stuck up” and “really missing out!” OMG! NO MEANS NO!!! Damn, I feel like a freakin’ victim in the clubs!
Thank you for putting #4 in the mix! NO MEANS NO!
@As Is,
“Man, dudes cannot take “no” for an answer in the clubs! ”
Cause they’re drunk-thinking. And when that happens “no” translates into “I’m wearing her down”. I say mace ‘em.
@RedBeanzNRice,
I say mace ‘em.
The visual of this just made me lol.
Might not like #3, but you pretty much should expect some asshole to get up on you when dancing in the club. Unless you tearing that chair up. LOL
@ChiChi,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ, I’m new, but not brand new. I’m a regular lurker.
So the irony was almost lost on me, but I just realized that I met the current bf at the club (one year strong as of Sunday!) and he broke several of the “rules”:
-leave me alone after one dance
-don’t hold my hand
-don’t follow me around
-wait for eye contact or a signal across the room
-don’t get the drink without me there
-puff, puff pass
This ninja was a habitual line stepper since the very beginning! Haha, I would email him a link of this isht if it wouldn’t incriminate me…
@Me fail english?,
LOL!!! just goes to show that the club “rules” don’t apply to every person in every situation….
@N.I.A. naturally….,
LOL!!! just goes to show that the club “rules” don’t apply to every person in every situation….
true, lol. the reaction you get when breaking most rules basically comes down to “how attractive are you?”
@Me fail english?,
“-don’t hold my hand”
I actually meant to reply to this one when you mentioned it upthread, but I have to say I actually love when ninjas hold my hand. Specifically, when they’re behind me and they grab each hand, our fingers interlaced. It has to happen in small doses, of course. Some fools don’t know when to let go.
I meant to ask, how exactly was he holding your hand?
@Cheekie,
I don’t like guys hold ing my hand as I dance, cuz they often eff up my rhythm or try to raise my arms higher than they go! I also think hands, hair and mouths are the dirtiest parts of ppl’s bodies and get pretty grossed out by any contact with…
When I first met my bf I was actually walking past a a few of his friends that were tryna talk to me. So he just grabbed my hand ( I guess to claim his territory) and held on to me for the rest of the night. It was cute when he did it tho cuz he’s handsome.
@Me fail english?,
“or try to raise my arms higher than they go!”
John McCain syndrome?
@RedBeanzNRice,
Haha. I’m on the smaller side of avg, so when I slip on the isotoners dudes be actin like they ‘ont kno I just lost like 3-4 inches of height.
@Me fail english?,
Lol, oh, ok, I get it now. Cause I was like “what’s wrong wit ole girls limbs?” And all I could visualize was McCain desperately tryna wave at folks.
@Me fail english?,
yea i hope to god my breezy neva discovers this site or its ova for me
Ladies, if you find that your shoes hurt you so badly that you want to take them off and dance barefoot, its clearly time to take your ass home.
Fellas, pay attention to a woman’s body language. If she wants you all up in her face, holding a convo on the dance floor, you’ll know it. If she doesn’t, you’ll know that too-just don’t chosse to ignore it.
Young sir, I realize we’re all attractive. You already spoke to one of us at length and was told she was involved. It was all peace, until you decided to move away from her, slide down to the next one of us and yap her ear off for over an hour while she tried everything in her arsenal other than “Get the fluck away from me” to get you leave. And one more thing, once you leave, don’t come back later with your wingman and get him to ask us all why we weren’t feeling you (Yeah, this happened to us this weekend, and it ain’t cute).
Ma’am, you’re too fat for that dress, and your girls knew it, so maybe you should club with people who actually like you.
@8th Wonder,
Ma’am, you’re too fat for that dress, and your girls knew it, so maybe you should club with people who actually like you.
i see this a lot in NC, and i cannot understand you would let your girl walk out of the house looking like a poorly stuffed sausage. i would never let my girl walk out the house looking a mess in ill fitting clothes. Actually, i understand completely, and those big girls need better friends….
@N.I.A. naturally….,
“sausage”
This was the nickname my brother and I gave my step-mom back when we lived at home. She wore some of the most ill-fitting azz dresses…
**sigh.. checking Expiration Date**
I’m too old for this post. I been out the ‘clubbing’ game for nigh on 3 years…
The only time I go now is to celebrate a birthday or a bachelorette.. and usually my ball and chain is in tow.
And every single time I go, the whole exercise irritates.the.f*ck.out.of.me.
iCan’t with ‘clubbing’
BBMo, over and out.
@blackberry molasses,
don’t even worry about it. that’s usually when i go too! lol. every now and then i get the urge to go out and dance just for the sake of it but most times, there’s a reason.
@blackberry molasses, I was never in it- I am from Utah ha ha ha!. . . hence why it is so amusing. I love to just scan the scene- the guys that circle the club, the guys on the outside, the women on the inside, women on women, my dancing, what actually is the purpose these days? Just a piece of A#$, or a date, or what? I go to dance- but the whole scene. . . and don’t even get me started on the public health risks- shoot.
clubtalk
1) is it wrong for a girl that jus gave you her # to see you get 3-4 other chicks #’s. Is there a unkown rule that you can only get 1 chicks # per club.
2) there needs to be a 3 song dance limit. After a mix of three songs im ready to SWITCHHHHH (house party 1) unless shawty is a ten
3)best place to get ya holla on is in the parking lot after the club. yea ill be dat ni99 leanin on my car lookin for tha tenderoni’s.
4)ladies dont ask a guy if he wants to buy you a drink. the answer will always be no unless shawty is a ten.
5) no chex in tha bathroom please i sware the bathroom turns into a porn studio half tha time. and yall wonder why the line be so long.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
#1, I don’t think it’s wrong. I kinda assume dudes are out there getting numbers, but if I actually see it happening you’ll be the last one getting called back. So…just don’t get caught. Esp with a buncha different numbers. Then I’ll just get back to you when it’s convenient, and that may be like 3 wks later. Some dude hung up on me for that. Serves him right tho. He knew I wanted to talk to his friend!
@Me fail english?,
one chick tryna ta flip out on me like what are you a playa or sumthin? I felt bad. but not that bad. lol. I mean why get mad i barely even kno her and might not even call her even tho i got the #.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
“3)best place to get ya holla on is in the parking lot after the club. yea ill be dat ni99 leanin on my car lookin for tha tenderoni’s.”
Parking lot pimping lol…I know plenty of kats who only go to the club to chill in the lot.
@miss t-lee,
you dont have to scream ata chick either plus you get to she her uner the light instead of in a dark club. I hate ugly surprises. No strobe light chicks (chick that look betta in the club then outside the club)
@miss t-lee,
Nothing like the let out! We used to do this in college all the time. No cover charge, and you get to see ALL the guys as they leave the club.
@miss t-lee,
Before I was even old enough to get in clubs, I used to parking lot pimp. It was actually great. Party in car, music blasting, dancing. All the amenities of the club, but for free. And you didn’t get hot and sweaty. Hair looking like you barely survived a monsoon.
@V Renee,
LOL!! Yes ma’am.
I sat in the parking lot of too many hole in ‘da walls.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
“4)ladies dont ask a guy if he wants to buy you a drink. the answer will always be no unless shawty is a ten.”
Agree 100%. Asking a guy to buy you a drink is tacky and will always make me suspicious, even if shawty is a 10.
@Tyrone,
I agree! I think it is tacky to ask a man to buy you a drink, if he wanted to he would.
@Tyrone,
Yeah I agree. Don’t ask. It makes you look thirsty. Literally and figuratively.
@Tyrone,
Agreed. Even if you’re a 10, that’s an easy way to turn me off, not get a drink, and excused from the conversation.
I’m glad I’m married.
Life in the clubs sounds brutal. Men don’t know the half of what’s happening with ladies.
@Big Man,
They don’t wanna know. They just want some booty, and maybe some breakfast.
@Big Man,
I’m just glad I never been that dude to STAY up in the clubs like that. Not.A.Good.Look.
Rule #4 should be amended and #13 rewritten with strict requirements for who is allowed to utilize it.
In general, a guy should not put himself in a position to buy women drinks. You can ask what they are drinking to make conversation, but that’s about all you should be concerned with. What is the point in buying her a drink?
Showing her you are generous? Tell her about the time your buddy in college got his wallet stolen the day before class and really needed that $200 textbook the next day.
You want to show you have money? That is pointless. People notice incongruities all the time. If you have money, you dress like it. *Note, an exception to this rule is a person so rich, he wipes with Benjamins.
Umm. . what else. . . you want to get her drunk? Chat her up, let her go and have chumps buy her drinks. If she’s really interested, she’ll be back.
Think about fishing. Sure, you could go all out, buy the latest rods and reels, the most expensive engineered fishing bait, the latest in clothing technology and yet the quality of your catch is the same as the guy who knows what he’s doing.
@kamakula,
CLEARLY you have NEVER been fishing.
@kamakula,
You can ask what they are drinking to make conversation, but that’s about all you should be concerned with. .
Ummm Ninja if you aren’t about to buy me a drink, do NOT ask me what I am drinking.
@V Renee,
That is interesting because in all my times out, I’ve never had a woman buy me a car. . .
@kamakula,
“I’ve never had a woman buy me a car. . .”
LOL!!!!
I don’t mind if someone asks what I am drinking though.
@kamakula,
You know what, I can’t really recall asking a guy in the car/bar/lounge what kind of car he drove either.
Hmmmmmmmmm. I guess I see why I didn’t.
Terminator kamakula, EXCELLENT!
*cue next stage screen*
Someone’s old school enough to remember the Terminator 2 arcade game.
Men, don’t try to freestyle in my ear OR sing the song that is being played!
@Ivy St.,
Awww. He was tryna serenade you! That was sweet
@Me fail english?,
That’s how you took it? LOL! I was thinking… LAME!
@Ivy St.,
Haha, yeah I was tryna look on the bright side. It is pretty lame. Especially if he was singin some dumb isht like “you remind me of my jeep”
@Ivy St.,
Did you hate this because his breathe smelled like hot dog water?
@Cheekie,
Lmao!
WHAT is your obsession with hot dog water?! This is like second time in as many weeks u mentioned it.
U. ARE. KILLING. ME!
@Me fail english?,
It’s probably because it’s one of the top worst smells to me (i.e. causes gag reflex) so anything that smells bad I liken to that. lol
Fellas it’s aight to pay. Just know what you paying for…
@WuDaMan,
& want what your paying for…
I like gettin some cut without payin. I mean, I know quality comes with puttin a extra couple dollars on it, but If I get some on the strength Its like gettin gucci for the low low
You can tell all your homies “Ni__a you wouldn’t believe what I paid for this ish ryt here!”
I quit going to clubs with huge groups. I usually go with one other friend and we usually have a ball. I have an addition and a question:
Went to the club and I had a drink in my hand and was two stepping. A guy came up to me and grabbed my arm and waived it in the air therefor spilling my drink on me and the girls standing next to me. The whole time I’m screaming STOP and pulling away but he won’t let me go until I got male intervention. That is a muhfreaking no-no. This happened on U Street. Hope it wasn’t at your spot.
Also, this whole, me and my friend are going to dance with you at the same time thing has got to stop, I am not the cream in your oreo and I do not “do the homies” or you for that fact. Umm, DC has an aids epidemic, I’m surprised I’m out here without my face mask.
Question:
WTH are you supposed to do in a club by yourself? Its not that I don’t have the confidence to go, I’d just be bored out of my mind without a friend to laugh and dance with.
I am just thrilled to find this blog. . . wooohoooo! As one who is the unassuming Snowflake in the DC area I would also like to add to your list. . . that if I am the only white woman in the club yes I have most likely had a couple introductions to the black male- you won’t be the first. Come up with a new line other than “Have you ever been with a black man?” I don’t just typically “show up” on “black night” at the club unknowingly. Furthermore, just because my A%& is white does not give you more of a right to grab it excessively.
Also I had the most RIDICULOUS situation this last weekend- don’t be a joker and pretend you are from another country when it is really easy to google your name when you head to the bathroom to check yo self at my place. Just because I am the only white girl AGAIN does not mean I am a damn FOO! We probably know a couple of the same people. . .
Lastly. . . since I am in public health you [the blogger] should ALWAYS advise your readers of strapping up. . carrying the rubber with them just in case we are taken with a brotha’s Swagg or drunk enough to put out. I am positive your readers will assume that would be a Magnum but it would be great if you could put out the message as often as possible!
Love the BLOG!!!!
I’m one the few males that go to the club to dance. I lived in DC (so I was paranoid about skeetin on the residents) so I wouldn’t try to holla at the club.
I ain’t been in a minute (grad school keeps a ninja busy and broke) but I love to go to dance. If a woman can dance I’ma try to get as many dances as I can.
I don’t buy drinks at the club, I ain’t no sponsor. If you can afford the cover (it’s usually free for women anyway) you can come outta pocket for your drank.
Zip, zero, stingy with dinero” Jay-Z
I have asked women to dance and I seem to get better results just walkin up behind and makin it happen.
@Stank-0, HA HA HA HA HA HA- let me just say- the debt I have incurred is unacceptable and the grad school I have basically just finished at has left me jobless, skill-less and HEAVY in debt I will give you 2 guesses. . . I pick up every penny and every fare card I find on the ground! So I when I do go “out” [to the club] which is about once every 3 months- I will dance with about anyone to get a free drink- double standard- SURE! Furthermore, I NEVER pay a cover- and when I went out this last weekend I asked for the “recession special” and it WORKED! I do actually have a great time, so you have fun, I have fun. . . but DC guys. . . all I know is I would love to see all of these men that I see at the club in the community! What can I say I am in public health running job corps for the youngin’s out of my studio. SO ANY BLACK MALES lookin to be a mentor CONTACT ME! I DARE YOU! You don’t even have to spend THAT much time- just cut your club time down by ONE hour a week!
oh the club…..
just about all the comments have been dead on! In addition to the waist-touch, fellas DO NOT grab me by my fcukin wrist! until you introduce yourself you. are. a. stranger. and a stranger grabbin on me is likely to get shanked. also ladies, we all like to drop it like it’s hot from time to time, but there’s no reason for you to be on your HANDS AND KNEES at the damn club. i mean between the spilt drank and ninja sweat…. *shudders* You may as well let him pull his di*k out and just bang you right there.
Also, don’t put my hand down your pants…gross. And no you cannot “take me in the back” or anything of the sort.
nay_atl,
longtime lurker, first-time poster
@nay_atl, yay for delurking!!!
@Liz,
haha, thanks!
@ #1. I say it should be about five minutes of convo. But I also think a man shouldn’t be dumb enough to buy a woman that isn’t his date a drink, so there you go. Guys, definitely don’t buy a taken chick anything, that’s her dude’s and her girls’ job.
@ #3. How about these disinterested women jut stay at home and click to NBC to watch Conan/SNL?
@ #4. Yeah, guys, please stop effing it up for other dudes. Just find a dip who’s with it, or find another night spot.
@ #5. I tend to go alone…not really a “up under my crew” kinda cat. Beyond that, I clean up nicely enough….
@ #6. Keeping it simple and not corny or super-street/thugged out goes a long way. Get in and get out.
@ #7. These broads should come with their man, stay up under their girls, or refer to #3. Don’t ya dare look available, because guys are tryna get chose.
@ #11. It would also help ladies a lot if they not get all deep into their damn cell phone.
@ #12. Effing with that big pack of broads is a damn shell game with just one turn. Pick the disinterested/taken one, you’re kcufin’ DONE, son! Already enough intimidation with the lunch bunch sizing you up.
@ #13. See #1, unless you’re ballin’ outta control, feel lucky, and just don’t give a damn.
Only new tip I’d offer is that it’s perfectly peace to be a ghetto ninja and drink before you get in. But as George Michael would say, if you’re gonna do it, do it right! Keep the Eclipse cocked and ready…
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, Sir, I am not trying to win points with you. . TRUST me- but seriously I would just like to give you a nice side hug- since I don’t know you like that. . . I think women don’t give men enough credit for trying or putting themselves out there. I really like NICE GUYS. No really I DO! I nice young man I have been tryin’ to date (ha ha) said to me the other day “do you want me to fail?” It really took me back a few notches and made me check myself. Here he is a brother- working hard and trying to do the right thing and I have to “come at him” a certain way as he says. . . so I think you are right on many of your calls. . . women need to make the men that are just trying to approach women feel better about the whole situation.