in his most devoted attempt to fight crime, the champ debuted the compass in may, providing the women of vsb with an infallible guide to decipher what men really mean when we’re talking to them. despite his efforts, crime has continued and nicky minaj is still alive, heart-breaking facts inspiring the champ to clear the lines of communication a bit more with the vsb guide to what smart men usually hear when women are talking to us because sometimes the distance between what you say and what we actually hear is farther apart than shaq’s eyes.
“we need to talk…later” = “you know you done f*cked up, right? but, although i know what i need to talk at you about will probably take less than 5 minutes, i’m just going to let you linger in anticipation for the rest of the day for the upcoming guilt ridden tongue-lashing you’re going to receive about something you still have no idea you even did.”
“i miss you” = “bastard, if you dont at least tell me that you miss me back, we’re probably not having sex again until the browns win another game”
“do you think she’s attractive?” = “i need to know which types of women you find attractive so i can start hating them for no apparent reason. i’ll also need this info to limit your contact with any of my girlfriends who might favor them.”
“whats your name?”/”hi” *with a smile*/”hi” *without a smile*/*a smile*/*any positive non-verbal interaction from a female stranger* = “i want your babies”
“i have a really attractive friend who’d be great for you” = “my friend has eight cats. five of them are better looking than she is, and, according to her last boyfriend, one of them is actually better in bed”
“do you like my new hairdo?” = “since you haven’t said anything about it yet, i’m assuming you hate it. but, if you say you like it, i’ll know you’re lying. basically, you’re f*cked.”
“how was your day?” = “did anything happen to you today that i can somehow segue into a 17 minute tangent about myself?”
“i have a boyfriend” = either “try harder” or “no offense, but i think you’re a homosexual”. no in-between.
(from a girlfriend) “i’m going out with my girls tonight” = “i’m going to go out, flirt with a ton of men, accept a bunch of free drinks, dance with my girls, grind with a couple guys like an extra in a freekey zekey video, and come home and take out all of my drunken sexual energy on you. you should be very happy with this arrangement”
“i usually get along with men much better than i get along with women” = “i’m a ho. no, seriously. i’ve held more wangs than a chinese cemetery.”
“kim’s boyfriend just got a promotion. he’s doing really well” = “you’re not going to be broke forever, are you?”
“i’m not really that hungry right now. what are you in the mood for?” = “even though i said i’m not that hungry, i’m probably going to shoot down your first three suggestions. my advice? pick a restaurant without pictures on the menu”
“i’ve had a really stressful week” = “i want your babies…on my chest”
i’m sure i’m missing a few. fellas, feel free to chime in.
oh, and ladies, what gets lost in translation with us? what do you usually hear when we’re talking to you?
—the champ
Related posts:
- mercy, mercy, me…please?: the four cruelest things women consistently do to men
- the compass: the vsb guide to what men really mean when they’re talking to you
- “is she cute?”: the one topic men and women never agree on…and why
- sadie’s suspect: four reasons why women shouldn’t pursue men
- pants on fire: 7 things we (men) like much more than you think we do…even though we’ll never admit it
{ 147 comments… read them below or add one }
i don’t know that i have anything to add now, except what does the have your babies “on my chest” part mean? and why have i been hearing so much about this nicky minaj person lately?
@charli skipper,
“babies “on my chest” part mean”
think about it…
@charli skipper,
how do you not get what that means? someone should demonstrate for you..can we get a volunteer? anyone?
@charli skipper,
and why have i been hearing so much about this nicky minaj person lately?
because the end of the world is near
@The Champ,
2012!
oh, i do have something. when i say, “i’ll call you later,” it usually means that i don’t particularly like or feel like talking to you today–because, h*ll, if i did, why wouldn’t we just talk now?– but by the same token, i recognize that you’ve been really sweet lately and I tend to want to support that.
@charli skipper, Chuuuuuch
@charli skipper,
when I was younger when a girl told me “I’ll call you later” I heard “you should try and bone that other girl you met until I get back to you”
@charli skipper,
“That time of the month” is no reason not to engage in chex. To me – wet is wet.
@A Big Butt and a Smile,
“That time of the month” is no reason not to engage in chex. To me – wet is wet.
lol, i see someone doesnt mine mayonnaise and ketchup on their cheese steaks
@The Champ,
“lol, i see someone doesnt mine mayonnaise and ketchup on their cheese steaks”
*dry heave*
@The Champ,
i think my heart stopped momentarily.
@A Big Butt and a Smile,
ooooo myyyy gooood!
@A Big Butt and a Smile, umm..no
@A Big Butt and a Smile,
oh, also, if i mention anything m*nstrual cycle related, it means that we won’t be havin chex today, tomorrow, or anytime this week. and i’m really trying to gross you out and turn you off on purpose so that you don’t try to lay a hand on me.
@charli skipper,
my girl says she only has to pull a tampon out a box and her husband just vanishes. lol.
@V.E.G.,
LOL
@V.E.G.,
This is the way I used to get money from my Daddy…just say you’re running out of your “feminine necessities” and he’d drop whatever was in his wallet, LOL
@mari,
LMAO!
@V.E.G.,
LMAO! A tampon is now the quickest way to say “dry week”
@Luvvie, um…no…The good Lord gave women multiple orifices for a reason…mkaaay.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
i’ll agree. some of the best head action i’ve administered has been during “visit week”
@camill3,
“i’ll agree. some of the best head action i’ve administered has been during “visit week”
…I think I love you now.
@charli skipper,
“oh, also, if i mention anything m*nstrual cycle related, it means that we won’t be havin chex today, tomorrow, or anytime this week”
***letting charli skipper know that she can expect her daily vsb “first person to completely disregard the topic” award in the mail sometime later today***
@The Champ,
wait! that was totally on topic!!
*scrolls back up to reread*
well, h*ll, there was no picture to guide me this time…ya know, i’m more of a visual poster…
i would be embarrassed but i just love awards so dang much. lol
lmao @ “whats your name?”/”hi” *with a smile*/”hi” *without a smile*/*a smile*/*any positive non-verbal interaction from a female stranger* = “i want your babies”
dead @” i’ve held more wangs than a chinese cemetery”
bravo, Champikins!!!! as much as i want to protest and defend my gender, this list is hilariously on point. and men say they don’t understand us… *smh*
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
Co-sign. He hit the nail on the head.
Also: love you claiming the name!
@V.E.G.,
LOL thanks, veggie!!
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
and men say they don’t understand us… *smh*
we do, we just have trouble accepting that the nonsense is real
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
LOL! Gemmie dear, is that you?
what women typically hear when men speak…
“” = “chex please”
that’s all i can think of at the moment…
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
EXACTLY.
“You look nice today” – as said by random stranger on the street = ‘chex please’
“Great presentation” – said by male coworker = ‘chex please’
“I want us to date exclusively” – said by guy you’re dating = ‘chex please’ AND ‘I don’t want you having chex with anyone else’
@V.E.G.,
“I want us to date exclusively” – said by guy you’re dating = ‘chex please’ AND ‘I don’t want you having chex with anyone else’
lmao yes!!! this happened to me recently *smh* i was blind at first and then was like “oh thats why you rushed the commitment thing lol
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
what do you all hear if we actually ask for sex?
@The Champ,
“Would you like to throat punch me now or later?”
lol
@The Champ,
i dont remember the last time a brotha flat out asked me for sex.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
i do. this dude, who i’d just met when i travelled to barbados, flat out said “Can i have some sex please?” i almost died laughing. maybe he was thinking, tourist, foreign country=passionate sex on the beach…yeh, um no
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
lol…agreed
We want babies on our chest?
@niteshiftnurse,
babies on the chest aka man’s baby cream on the chest
@cam1ll3,
why did this have to be explained?
@Deviant,
I am wondering this also.
@Deviant and co,
i am hanging my head in shame. i saw someone else ask and thought nsn was asking what it was as opposed to “is that what we want?” i’m usually such a good speed reader too. but at 4:30 when i’m half asleep…maybe not so good…apologies friends.
@cam1ll3,
Even I, the VSB resident unicorn, knew this. Then again, I’m observant.
@niteshiftnurse,
usually
“whats your name?”/”hi” *with a smile*/”hi” *without a smile*/*a smile*/*any positive non-verbal interaction from a female stranger* = “i want your babies”
LOL. true, in some cases. i throw smiley faces in most e-tawk. a lot of these made me laugh, thanks champ!
ps) i miss (some of) you people!
@overit,
I miiiiiiis you.
there was an Overit around these parts.
I knowed it wasn’t you.
@overit,
*sigh* U and me us neva part. I miss some folks ’round here too.
@overit,
miss deez
OK, and for the record, girls who say “i get along better with men”, should fo walk on a bed of rusty nails. no tet shot.
@overit,
please and thank you. my eBaby is so smart!
@overit,
*dap*
It’s such a bullish statement and most of the time is only used under the misconception that men like that sh*t just because they say women are nothin’ but drama.
My 2 pennies on what I hear
“Im really into women and gender studies/ im a feminist” = I like D’s, I like them often, I will put them in my mouth, Im not all that good at Oral D play so you will need to coach……..
“I don’t give head” = Im not good at oral D play so you will need to coach/i will gladly take head all evening long
I love sports” = I like D’s…and Ive been in a relationship with a guy who liked sports and Oral D play
“Im got a lot of work to do” = No D play tonite…..No I really mean that u need to get some vaseline and a sock of ur choice
“You remind me of my ex” = me and my girls gonna have a convo about u and the foul ish u just said/did
“you kinda look like my ex” = Ni99a dont think u the cutest i ever been with
that’s all for now
@Blacklaw,
lol. just, lol.
@Blacklaw, LOL! WOW!
@Blacklaw,
SMH
@Blacklaw,
““you kinda look like my ex” = Ni99a dont think u the cutest i ever been with”
*cracking up*
@Blacklaw,
“Im really into women and gender studies/ im a feminist” = I like D’s, I like them often, I will put them in my mouth, Im not all that good at Oral D play so you will need to coach……..
lol, this reminds me of the chris rock joke about abortion rallies.
if you haven’t heard it, too bad
@The Champ, One thing you know for certain about a chick getting one….lol
Him: (If first getting to know each other) “Let’s just go back to my place and watch a movie” = “Either a) Im too broke to actually take you anywhere or b) Really, Im just tryna cut”
And yeah- I dont trust a woman that claims not to have many female friends and gets a long better with guys… this makes me think YOURE the problem. Every woman needs a set of good female friends and if youre incapable of having any- you are probably a low down, dirty hussy.
@grayse, Him: (If first getting to know each other) “Let’s just go back to my place and watch a movie” = “Either a) Im too broke to actually take you anywhere or b) Really, Im just tryna cut”
Cook for you and watch a movie were interchangeable in my book and but the former worked so much betta.
“Every woman needs a set of good female friends” = Lets file this under…things that don’t exist/oxymoron/about as attainable as nirvana etc…
@HabitualLineCrossa,
“Every woman needs a set of good female friends” = Lets file this under…things that don’t exist/oxymoron/about as attainable as nirvana etc…
especially for hoes
@HabitualLineCrossa,
totes disagree. i’ve got a good set of girlfriends and the world continues to spin on its axis.
@VeronicaCorningstoneD, I can’t help but wonder…would your man, in a private convo with his boys, cosign your statement?
@grayse,
welcome back and sh*t, gray girl
i can only think of a non verbal right now–
the hug: strategically place bosom against chest and press ourselves against the male of our choice so as to provide him a preview of what he could be snuggling against should we choose to allow him bang our back out.
ok…a verbal–”let’s go slow this time…” aka “can we have some foreplay or are you just gon’ jump on top this time and pound away like john henry on the railroad?”
@cam1ll3,
the hug: strategically place bosom against chest and press ourselves against the male of our choice so as to provide him a preview of what he could be snuggling against should we choose to allow him bang our back out.
reading this was oddly arousing.
i think i need to finish my toast
All I have early on is this:
If a woman throws out anything about how “busy” she is, she either is out to make herself look important, declare the male speaking to her beneath her/not worth her time, or both.
And if she gives you curt answers to pretty involves questions, you’ve lost her interest.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, touche on the curt answers!
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
curt answers from someone you’re interested in? hell
curt answers from someone you’re already with? heaven
The Champ’s got a point there. That’s part of the Chappelle/Rock rule of relationships. We just want good sex, good dinner, and for her not to have diarrhea of the mouth.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Chris Rock put it as “Food, Sex, Silence.”
Spot on Champ, Spot on…
@Da Iceman,
thanks and sh*t
How in the world does stressful week equate to babies on my chest?!?
@BrownEyedPanther,
They always looking for a reason to put knutt somewhere.
@miss t-lee, knutt
Hahaha @ knutt!
@miss t-lee,
this is correct
@BrownEyedPanther,
for us, you telling us that you’ve had a stressful week means that you want us to provide a stress reliever, and to us “stress reliever” = “sex”.
creative baby placement is purely optional, and included in the post for entertainment purposes
LOL @
“you know you done f*cked up, right? but, although i know what i need to talk at you about…”
I’ve been known to TALK AT as opposed to TALKING WITH or TO a guy LATER…. ’cause he done effed up.
good one.
@NIC,
thing is, i dont think many women realize that once you’ve reached “talk at” mode, most men, well, smart men at least, go into “dead stare while we’re thinking about leaves or fantasy football” mode.
“we need to talk…later”
This is my favorite…lol I love to keep a kat in suspense.
@miss t-lee,
when I hear this my brain does this
“she isn’t gonna tell me now? Does she know I’m not gonna care what she is mad about later? Even if I try to care I’m gonna be annoyed with her she couldn’t spit it out then. It will take the sum total of my willpower not to rip on her for doing this.”
Thats what I’m thinking.
@Deviant,
*snickering*
@miss t-lee, Don’t get mad if I forget we need to talk cos unless u gon say what u wanna say…I ain’t thinkin bout that mess. And if you not sure bout when u coming back to work…there are temp agencies out there…and a lotta fulltimers were once temps…
@HabitualLineCrossa,
I’m laughing ’cause you totally went off on a tangent with that 2nd part of your comment. You musta caught a flashback or something…lol
Kudos.
@miss t-lee, I used to creep with a girl that held out on her man. I swore then…a girl try to ration the kitty, to play some BS games…that to me is giving me a pass…straight up!! And yeah, I told every girl I dated that point up front. “I don’t play woman I quit school cos of recess”
@HabitualLineCrossa,
I knew it.
@miss t-lee,
“This is my favorite…lol I love to keep a kat in suspense.”
LOL, hells yeah. Go all Alfred Hitchcock on them niccas!
@Cheekie,
hitchcock deez
@The Champ,
Yeah, but unlike a Hitchcock film, your suspenseful deez does not have a satisfying ending.
@Cheekie,
Yeah, but unlike a Hitchcock film, your suspenseful deez does not have a satisfying ending.
*snickering*
Him: “I’m not really into traditional dating, I just go with the flow”
Means: “we’ve been dating for three weeks and you still haven’t slept with me, what are you, a Mormon?”
Him: “I can tell you’re a woman with standards”
Means: “After I drop you off I’m never calling you again. Loosey Lucy’s kids are at her mamas house and its go time.”
@8th Wonder,
Him: “I can tell you’re a woman with standards”
This also works interchangeably with “I’ve never met a girl like you before” and/or “you’re different from the girls I usually date”
@8th Wonder,
LMAO @ Loosey Lucy’s. A d*mn mess!
LOL!
How about…”I have a boyfriend” actually means just that. Men, are always trying to read too much into that statement. It means what it means. You could be perfectly gorgeous and all of that, but if I’m in a relationship (and happy), I am not interested…period.
I think men get our signals crossed when we are trying to find out from you, what the status of our relationship is. Like, “Are you dating anyone else” that means “You’d better NOT be dating anyone else!”. Anytime we ask you how you are feeling about us, we are trying to find out how we rank in your life because we probably want to make it exclusive……
@QueenT,
there is a reason why men think this when a girl says “I have a boyfriend”
@Deviant, Do tell…..
@QueenT,
“How about…”I have a boyfriend” actually means just that.”
***asking queent to read the comment left by blue skyez below***
“i usually get along with men much better than i get along with women” = “i’m a ho. no, seriously. i’ve held more wangs than a chinese cemetery.” LMMFAO!!!!!!! Champ u a fool for this one.
Anytime she tells me just how much she doesn’t subscribe to typical (negative) female thought/action/feelings = She gon keep frontin till she gets to squat on the d!ck, then reserves the right to change back to her default (the aforementioned negative traits) setting…
@HabitualLineCrossa,
Anytime she tells me just how much she doesn’t subscribe to typical (negative) female thought/action/feelings = She gon keep frontin till she gets to squat on the d!ck, then reserves the right to change back to her default (the aforementioned negative traits) setting…
lol, its funny how a little pipe can change things in a big way
@The Champ, “lol, its funny how a little pipe can change things in a big way”
Ain’t it though? Why waste months spendin paper, listenin to lies and hoping she is being honest with you/herself when you could just bone? Its a cost effective, efficient, and rewarding truth serum.
FOR ME “I have a boyfriend right now” really means “I don’t even want to waste my time on you. Don’t try harder, just go away.”
@Blue Skyez,
This goes for me as well.
“But I just want to friends. You can’t have friends anymore?” = “I don’t respect the fact that you may be another man’s woman. I’m still going to try and cut, because I’m low down type of ninja.”
@Blue Skyez,
lol, sadly this is a very accurate translation
“i’m going to go out, flirt with a ton of men, accept a bunch of free drinks, dance with my girls, grind with a couple guys like an extra in a freekey zekey video, and come home and take out all of my drunken sexual energy on you. you should be very happy with this arrangement.”
Truer words have never been spoken.
Champ, you are truly dashit -n- sht.
@SexyCool,
i try and sh*t
Me: Are you married?
Him: No.
Me: Are you seeing someone?
Him: I date.
Translation: I’ve got a chick or three that I’m boning. But I wouldn’t mind working you into the rotation. Just get in where you fit in.
My new question: You’re single, huh? So, if we were out on a date, would there be anybody that could possibly come up and curse me out and try to fight you or show up with some hungry babies?
@SexyCool, Co-sign!
Cut to the chase.
@SexyCool,
All I ask is this:
Are you so involved with another woman she’d be mad if she knew you were out with me.
Answer I get 9/10 times: Well, no one should be mad….
yeah.
uh huh.
@SexyCool,
HAHA, sadly we’re gonna have to work that new question into more and more dates.
@Cheekie,
Girl…you gotta ask these two questions and a slew more.
I mean a whole slew!!!
“crime has continued and nicky minaj is still alive”
Speaking of Nicki Minaj, though I’ve heard her rap before, I never really saw how she “performed” until one of the cyphers during the BET Hip-NOT Awards. Um, why her eyes bugged out like A Bug’s Life? She looks like she was having a formal seizure. What’s with all the crazy faces? Part of her schtick?
Anywho.
“do you think she’s attractive?”
- I never understood why women ask this. I mean, I guess I can see a convo about if he thinks [insert celeb here that he'll never ever meet] is attractive or not, but just a random chick? I’ont really need to know that. I’ll take your eyes popping out of their sockets Looney Tunes-style for my answer. I mean, if ya ask him, 8-times-outta-9, he’s gonna lie. But, not unlike hips, eyes don’t lie.
“whats your name?”/”hi” *with a smile*/”hi” *without a smile*/*a smile*/*any positive non-verbal interaction from a female stranger* = “i want your babies”
- STOP. THINKING. THIS. Better to go in with the idea that she doesn’t and be pleasantly surprised than the other way around. Otherwise,
feelingsego will be hurt.“i usually get along with men much better than i get along with women”
- Are there men out there that actually find this attractive? Because, that’s what women are saying it for. It’s really ridiculous. Downgrading your own gender is not what’s sizzling on the road. Also, your boo don’t wanna hear about you hanging around a bunch of sausage.
What I hear when men say anything (incl. “hi”, “bye” and “Can I interest you in a round of DJ Hero”:
- “My miiiinds telling me nooooo, but my body’s, my body’s telling me yessss.”
@Cheekie,
Downgrading your own gender is not what’s sizzling on the road.
so women say this to impress men? hmmm, interesting and sh*t
lol btw, i wonder how much further we’re gonna take the “hot in the streets” joke. i think we should stop at fricasseeing on the cobblestone
@The Champ,
“so women say this to impress men? hmmm, interesting and sh*t”
That’s what I believe. What else is there to gain from saying it to a guy? I think women say this to earn “cool points” from guys. Guys are always
whininglamenting about women and their drama, so women who say they don’t deal with them broads are trying to say they’re the exception and that they don’t like drama either. When what they’re really saying, to me, is, “I don’t like myself”.ETA:
“lol btw, i wonder how much further we’re gonna take the “hot in the streets” joke. i think we should stop at fricasseeing on the cobblestone”
Oh, forgot to add that I support beating this dead horse until its head ends up in someone’s bed for pissing off a mob. It’s funny to me.
@Cheekie,
Kudos to you for referencing the GF. Love it mayne! That was caliente on the causeway.
@miss t-lee,
Bonus Round Points to you for adding alliteration to your “hot in the streets” joke. lol
@miss t-lee,
“caliente on the causeway”
Luv it. These could be regionally specific, too.
And Cheekie: I like beating a dead horse until the beast is resurrected, transforms into a unicorn and flys from the window. We do this at work…often.
@Cheekie@ V.E.G.,
Aw…thanks ladies.
Yep…let the beating commence, wait…that sounded wrong.
“do you think she’s attractive?” = “i need to know which types of women you find attractive so i can start hating them for no apparent reason. i’ll also need this info to limit your contact with any of my girlfriends who might favor them.”
man o man i fell for this one in such a bad way. my ex asked me who i thought was attractive that went to school with us (this is while we were just dating and before we had a title). me being a dumb ass actually told her. all of a sudden she is beefing with said girl for no apparent reason. women, i tell ya.
@Tunde, Oh, Tunde…tsk, tsk, tsk.
@QueenT, lol i was young (well not that young) and naive.
@Tunde,
She totally painted you into a corner.
*giggling*
@miss t-lee, yeah and i fell for it hook, line and sinker. i won’t make that mistake again though. lol
@Tunde,
Yep…I wouldn’t suggest doing that again.
“i usually get along with men much better than i get along with women” = “i’m a ho. no, seriously. i’ve held more wangs than a chinese cemetery.” .
Maybe it just means she was a hardcore tomboy gowning up coupled with missing out on adolescent female friendships because she went though puberty at 10 and ll of the girls hated her ’cause she had bests and hips and they were still shaped like little boys.
I’m just saying
@A Big Butt and a Smile,
Maybe it just means she was a hardcore tomboy gowning up coupled with missing out on adolescent female friendships because she went though puberty at 10 and ll of the girls hated her ’cause she had bests and hips and they were still shaped like little boys.
or maybe not
@The Champ,
*rolls eyes*
@The Champ,
Or maybe it means she really hates drama but happens to live in Atlanta, so like-minded females are few and far between.
I’m just sayin’.
Utter confusion.
Here’s what I hear:
We should talk about our relationship – womp womp womp womp womp womp waaah.
How come you don’t…. – womp womp womp womp womp
I want a relationship – I need something to make me feel better about giving you the cooch for no charge at all.
You’re a mean person – You won’t let me have my way.
@CPT Callamity,
“We should talk about our relationship – womp womp womp womp womp womp waaah.
How come you don’t…. – womp womp womp womp womp”
I’m always amused when folks hear the Charlie Brown teacher whenever someone is yapping at them.
@Cheekie,
I hear it often, normally from kats I’m not trying to entertain, and my step-mom.
@Cheekie,
Well…I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard those lines quoted and exactly what is on the other end. I’ve had people that I wasn’t even that deep with saying “discussing our relationship” (i.e. I want one with you and I need to find out why you aren’t budging). Then when there is something about my personna that they want to change, they’ll phrase it in the form of a question instead of outright telling me what’s wrong with something I’m doing.
men: “I can’t talk right now” = “i’m servicing myself” or “i’m servicing someone else”
men: “i miss u” = “i wanna f*ck”
men: “i don’t really feel comfortable with pdas” = “i got a couple hos running around these parts and if they catch us we gonna get beat down”
men: “do i really NEED to meet your parents?” = “dang, i gotta do ALL that just to get unlimited access to the p*ssy?”
men: “i’ma call u right back” = “talk to you on the rising”
men: “i need some space” = “keisha, monique and dem b*tchin about me not spending enough time with dem”
men: “it’s not you, it’s me” = “it’s not you, it’s me”
that’s all for now folks
@nikki87,
dammmmnnnn. all true! (sadly)
Woman says: “Do you want a big family?” Man hears: “I’ve got seven kids and you’ve got a good job, we’re a perfect match.”
Woman says: “I cheated on my ex-husband, but he treated me wrong. Don’t judge me, y0u don’t know my situation.” Man hears: “I cheated, and when I’m mad at you, I’ll do it again.”
Woman says: “My kid/mom was sick this past weekend which is why we didn’t go out.” Man hears: “I like you because you’re stable, but I like this other dude more because he’s funny, I went out with him instead.”
Woman says: “How would you feel if I wanted to wait 6 months before we start having chex?” Man hears: “Do you just want me for chex?”
Woman says: “My ex-pro football player fiance’ cheated so I took the $20,000 engagement ring and threw it into the lake in front of his friends.” Man hears: “I’m a fiscally irresponsible, gold-digging, drama queen…you should run now.”
Apparently, when I say “No babe not tonight,” my boyfriend hears “Try me again in ten minutes. Persistence counts!” Must be those small ears of his warping my words…
“I don’t ask for much” loosely translates into “i’m easy to please, just comply”
WOMAN says: “I’m looking for a man who will just treat me right.”
MAN hears: “I need a man who has plenty of disposable income to spend on me.”
WOMAN says: “I need you to spend more time with me.”
MAN hears: “I don’t have any friends to hang with, so forcing you to choose me over your friends might make me feel better.
WOMAN says: “I don’t see what the big deal is with Beyonce.”
MAN hears: “I can’t see any angle to critique her hair, shoes, clothes, bag, grammmar, musical success, husband, or life choices, but I still can’t stand her so I need something to say.
WOMAN says: “I don’t see why all these girls are so hung up on marriage”
MAN hears: “I’m over 30 or damn close with no good prospects on the horizon so its defense mechanism 101.”
WOMAN says: “There are no good single black men available.”
MAN hears: “There are no good single black men available that want me”
@The Champ
Thanks!!
@VeronicaCorningstoneD right! it IS possible… I love me some men, and my male friends- but there is no substitute for a set of ride or die homegirls!!
@grayse,
agreed. that bond is irreplaceable. i do keep a couple male friends around tho. i need man-perspective sometimes.
I hear
Wah wah
wah Wah wah wah
Man says: We don’t have to do anything. I just want to see you.
Woman hears: PSHHHTTT. Whatever . We’ll cuddle for a few minutes so you get all relaxed and start feeling sentimental-like…..Just so you know, I am going to put it on you every which way, make you lose your effing mind, and then next time YOU will be the one calling ME for some!