Link/Email of The Week: Report Card.
In case you didn’t get the memo, men and women tend to think about stuff differently.
I know, shocking.
Well in today’s episode of link/email of the week, I’d like to toss something out there and see if men and women are viewing this the same way. I’m very much so interested in this. Perhaps I’m wrong and the disagreement/debate I’m having RIGHT NOW with my girlfriend is just my wayward thinking. Help me Rhonda, oh help help me Rhonda.
Gander:
Sometime late last summer, I went on a couple of dates with an attractive, well-spoken, and charming entrepreneur we’ll call Drew. Drew tended to ask me out for Thursday evenings, and yet, still be a little miffed when I wanted to be home by midnight. Not to be my mother, but it’s a school night! After a full day in the office, a full evening on the town can be a lot of effort. For what would have been our third date, and as an invitation to meet his friends, Drew left me a voicemail one afternoon.
“… Thursday night, if you can bring your A-game. Peace out.”
Peace out? Were we on the same paintball team? It wasn’t even the goofy signoff that got me. I remember being most taken aback by the bit about bringing my A-game. I have never been accused of being a bad time or bringing down the group fun quotient. Was insulting me really meant to woo me? Maybe. At the very least it was thoughtless and ultimately, a deal breaker.
-How To Lose a Girl in 10 Words, Heather Hunter, iVillage.com
Perhaps I’m just a Master A**hole, but I don’t see the big deal. In fact, I’m still searching for the insult. I pulled out GoogleMaps and everything. Now perhaps the voicemail wasn’t the best way to do it. But oh well. Oops. It’s only the third date, you get the massaged voicemails intended to cater to your inner good soul on date four.
From Ms. Hunter’s vantage, him telling her to bring her A-game implies that at some point in the 2 dates prior, she didn’t bring her A-game. My girlfriend shares this same sentiment.
I on the other hand don’t think that’s the case, necessarily. I think that it is wholly possible that he’s just telling her to bring her A-game to say…period. There is no before in his mind that says “well she kind of brought her C-game on that last date, I might need to remind her that this is a big deal.” Hell if she really sucked, there wouldn’t be a third date. Or…maybe their would, but it wouldn’t be to meet his friends, if you know what I mean.
Heh heh heh.
But I digress.
Dudes do it all a time. It’s just a reminder of the levity of the situation. When we go play ball, you’re gonna tell your boys to bring their best game…EVEN IF THEY ALWAYS DO. It’s just a means to drive a point home. Nothing more nothing less and generally it isn’t always meant to make you feel like you haven’t been living up to your potential. Now the case might exist where your boy has been stinking up the court, but in that case, when you tell him, it’s more a threat, and you probably won’t continue playing with him. See? No further dates.
And especially when dating…if she was REALLY slacking, would she even be on date number three? Granted, he might not have seen her naked yet, but still, men bore easily and if she really sucked (no pun intended), I’d never talk to her again after date two.
So good people of VSB.com, am I missing something here? Was what he said really that offensive or is she just being overly sensitive? Is this a chick thing where she’s just over-reading into his statement and its possible he really means nothing? Or is he just a jacka** like so many men before him?
Inquiring minds would like to know.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST
225 comments
ok P,
personally I feel like she just might be reading in between the lines too deep. It’s true…she wouldn’t be around for a 3rd date if he wasn’t interested…unless he’s on a serious mission for the panties. Plus, everyone knows it’s major to meet the friends…so duh…”bring your A-game” naturally. Friends are there to look at you under a scope(intimidate, make faces if u say dumb stuff, etc, etc)…for protection of thier “friend” of course.
My advice…be easy girl
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Gemini {July 17th, 2008 at 10:50 am}
I agree that she might have been reading into it a bit much. And he was right about guys getting bored easily and if he didn’t want to go out with her, he wouldn’t have called her for a third date in the first place.
I feel that him telling her to bring her “A” game, might mean he has the type of friends that might drill her–not to make her cry–but just to see if she’s the right person their freind should be dating. So he could have been warning her that his friends could get a little nosey, but she shouldn’t really worry about anything.
Really this all just goes back to us women in general reading way more into a situation than necessary.
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soulfirelp {July 17th, 2008 at 10:10 pm}
yeah she was overeacting a bit
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“… Thursday night, if you can bring your A-game. Peace out.”
I think she read into this one. Thats just the way men talk ya know. I mean she doesnt know who was going to be there and he was just giving her a heads up. Bring your A game. I mean really. And????
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Bougie1 {July 17th, 2008 at 10:12 am}
I think she did read too much into it as well, but I don’t like when guys talk to me as though their talking to one of their boys….. I mean don’t use the same verbiage you would use with them. I’m the chick you trying to chill with…
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i think this guy is still reading from his 5th grade flirting rule book. imo, this situation sometimes depends on the girl/guy vibe they have going on. sometimes the exchange is playful from the start. but i think that when men start talking to you like you’re their homie early in the game it’s a sign that he wants to a) keep you as a phuck buddy or b) phase you out. i’m only saying this because we’re talking about date 3, not month 3. in the later stages exchanges like this are cute and funny and just sort of roll of your back. but my experience has been that this kind of talk is a sign that he’s not exactly thinking “relationship”. …but then i wonder why the hell is this guy introducing her to his friends??? see boys confuse me. >(
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soulfirelp {July 17th, 2008 at 12:25 am}
things that make u go hmmm?!
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 12:40 am}
“but my experience has been that this kind of talk is a sign that he’s not exactly thinking “relationship”. ”
***cues Shirley Ceasar to sing “Hold My Mule***
EXACTLY!!!!
“bring your “A” game isn’t exactly pillow/courtship talk. He’s lookin for a cute “road dog” buddy. Not a girl friend.
All bets would be off for me. I also don’t appreciate a guy who is “wooing” me indirectly or directly using the words “dude”, “man”, “son” with references to me in the sentence.
If a man is really interested he’s not supposed to be talking to you like your his ace boom coon on the street.
Now I might make an exception (because I do have a little competitive streak) about bowling, checkers, and scrabble…so if its just me and him over a glass of wine. And he’s all like…”girl get ready for a mean game of scrabble..and bring your “A” game and your dictionary…well then thats just friendly banter (that might get me a little hot under the collar LOL)
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Miss Patterson {July 17th, 2008 at 12:50 am}
“If a man is really interested he’s not supposed to be talking to you like you’re his ace boom coon on the street.”
Exactly. ace boom coon talk= homie lover friend.
…esto no es bueno
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 9:00 am}
Thats not always true. I would think he is comfortable around her enough to speak to her as he speaks to everyone els ehe knows. Isn’t that a good thing? For me if you are the type of girl I have to watch what I say around or use another set of mannerisms I don’t normally use you won’t be around long if at all. Dont you want to be you man’s ace boom?
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 9:54 am}
I would think he is comfortable around her enough to speak to her as he speaks to everyone els ehe knows. Isn’t that a good thing? For me if you are the type of girl I have to watch what I say around or use another set of mannerisms I don’t normally use you won’t be around long if at all. Dont you want to be you man’s ace boom?
***Order of the Eastern Star***
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Miss Patterson {July 17th, 2008 at 10:08 am}
“Don’t you want to be your man’s ace boom?”
duh. of course. but he ain’t even her man yet. look, a lot of the brothas on this site are always saying that if a guy is really into you, you won’t need to be asking yourself all of these ‘questions’, and that there will be no room for misinterpretation. so, all we can gather from this scenario is that he left a lot of room for misinterpretation by her. ultimately it’s not about all of these specifics regarding his diction, or grammar, or slang it’s how did he make her feel all of those other nights? obviously, at the end of the day she didn’t feel like he was bringing his a-game. (btw, i think the original article is missing some detail. there’s no mention of the conversation where he said ‘i’d like you to meet my friends’…so we’re only left to assume how that was delivered…and one should never assume, right?)
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 10:18 am}
I’m learning that it doesn’t matter what a man does there will always be analysis. You could be married for fifteen years and there will always be some sort of analysis over soem random statement.
I don’t think any more detail is necessary. Just going off what was given it was a case of overanalysis. if it wasn’t this she would have gone off the deep end over the fact that he didn’t hold the door for her or he called her at 9:30 pm. No assumptions should have to be made because they are unnecessary. She should have just took the statement at face value and moved on. If she cannot she should have just called him back and asked him what he meant. Never assume anything.
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Monk {July 17th, 2008 at 8:07 pm}
Not true at all. Every man wants his woman to be his ‘Ace’ - aka: Ride Or Die Chick.
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 10:09 am}
“Dont you want to be you man’s ace boom?”
damn this is a blog post in and of itself…
the answer alex is: What is that one thing I never want to be to my man.
His friend YES. His Lover YES…
Miss Pat said “homie lover friend” different connotation altogether.
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soulfirelp {July 17th, 2008 at 12:55 am}
i see your point
in those beginning stages you(meaning I) do want him to be interested in me as his girl, not homie so words like (dude, son, etc)that can be read wrong. plus you don’t want to accept labels that aren’t flattering you as a lady
however, in the scenario above he didn’t use those terms i could deal w/it
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Conscience {July 17th, 2008 at 8:17 am}
…”girl get ready for a mean game of scrabble..and bring your “A” game and your dictionary…well then thats just friendly banter (that might get me a little hot under the collar LOL)
That sounds like something I would say. I am kind of a big deal in scrabble……..That is all.
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kamakula {July 17th, 2008 at 12:11 pm}
Hmm, I’m with you on that. . . especially since I said those exact words to some chick a few months ago.
And yeah. . she brought her A game and beat me by a few points. . . only computers at the hardest level usually manage to beat me. . .
So of course, being the loser, I had to give the massage. . .
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 9:53 am}
ace boom coon
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I have a migraine…don’t make me laugh…too late…that was funny!
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utc115 {July 17th, 2008 at 12:41 am}
i think it varies from man to man. or woman to woman. I know I am way sensitive sometimes but if I had received this I would have been cool.
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I think she’s over reacting. We women do that sometimes, see a whole bunch of crazy stuff thats not there. When we’re really feeling a guy we def. analyze every phrase and action.
If she had relaxed and thought about the situation rationally she’d have realized that no matter how he said it she was still being advanced to the next round. Women with real skill think emotionally first (as is natural to us) and then rationally second.
Honestly though, if she’s that easily offended by dude I dont think it was going to work out anyway.
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utc115 {July 17th, 2008 at 12:43 am}
“We women do that sometimes, see a whole bunch of crazy stuff thats not there. When we’re really feeling a guy we def. analyze every phrase and action. ”
I love that………its so true
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soulfirelp {July 17th, 2008 at 12:57 am}
i’ve been known as an overanalyzer in my former life
hee hee
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 7:50 am}
Dom: “If she had relaxed and thought about the situation rationally she’d have realized that no matter how he said it she was still being advanced to the next round. Women with real skill think emotionally first (as is natural to us) and then rationally second.
Honestly though, if she’s that easily offended by dude I dont think it was going to work out anyway.”
ur right on point Dom. too g-dam sensitive/emotional, overanalyzing every lil thing and her standard of expectancies/entitlement is also probably un realistic. if it wasnt this sityo it would have been the next dumb shit before he realized: “this bitc* crazy.
not that all women are like this but more women than men. (lotta gay men too) very very sensitive to emotional influence. i’m not tip toe-ing around on eggshells to meet this womans expectations. seem like women can see these things SOMETIMES in retrospect or when it’s not involving them directly and by then it’s too late.
done there been that.
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The Champ {July 17th, 2008 at 9:17 am}
“Honestly though, if she’s that easily offended by dude I dont think it was going to work out anyway.”
***pews***
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Without knowing what happened on the other dates, its hard to say.
I don’t like playing the guessing game, so if it would have been me and I wasn’t sure what he meant, I would have just called him back and asked him what he meant by “bring my A game.”
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utc115 {July 17th, 2008 at 12:46 am}
“I would have just called him back and asked him what he meant by “bring my A game.”
Exactly. when unsure ASK!!!! it doesnt hurt. It may not be what you want to hear but you will have your answer and all clarity.
Thanks VSB because you all are really helping me.
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 8:08 am}
Sheila and utc115 (maybe i’m making this too easy but…) i think what he meant by “bring your A game was:
you’re just one of the homies dude and i’m trying to let the rest of the homies see if you are cool/relaxed enough to start hanging with us. shit we might even get you a job on the construction crew we work on. we need a wheelbarrel pusher and a cinder block toter. now if you don’t come looking and smelling like a butch the entire world will stop spinning and nuclear bombs will end mankinds existence on this earth. it’s all riding on you my niacuh. so “bring your A game!”
see what’s so hard about that. it’s simple shit, common sense even.
however i can see how one could be confused because women often are not thorough or succint in expressing why an action is taken in a scenario like this. so she probably left out a lot of information from prior dates that was detrimental to you all analyzing this sityo. …and with it being so important and peoples lives hanging in the balance, i could see why you wouldn’t feel comfortable without the video footage from every communication/date. good catch govnuhs.
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Shelia {July 17th, 2008 at 9:17 am}
Genius Khan, it might be that he’s put you in “homie status” but yes it is confusing and a matter of interpretation. I can see that conclusion from that one statement…but it could mean something else.
I guess before getting pissed off by a statement like that, it’s best to get things clarified.
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Monk {July 17th, 2008 at 8:49 pm}
Too Funny GK!!
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“… Thursday night, if you can bring your A-game. Peace out.”
Now I’ve read all the other comments (and right now there aren’t that many) and I see what you ladies are saying, but the A game comment would not have been so harsh to me if it didn’t include ‘if you can’. I think that is not considerate seeing that I’m the person accomodating because this is usually not my partying schedule.
“Drew tended to ask me out for Thursday evenings, and yet, still be a little miffed when I wanted to be home by midnight. Not to be my mother, but it’s a school night! After a full day in the office, a full evening on the town can be a lot of effort. For what would have been our third date, and as an invitation to meet his friends, Drew left me a voicemail one afternoon.”
Not only is he insisting on doing something that she wasn’t the happiest about, he was asking her to give more; her A game if she could. I think that we women over analyse because men tend to not be forth coming with the whole truth giving us no other choice but to guess what you mean. If I can bring my A game sounds like he is implying that I usually don’t but he wanted me to go out of my way to try. Maybe I am reading too much into this, but if I were in this situation it would be a deal breaker for me too. If I’m already being accommodating ( not too keen on the Thursday nite date but going anyway) for you to ask for more on the third date just means that when you get to know me better there will be more expected with little to no consideration for my feelings. It’s a sign that we are not compatible.
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Conscience {July 17th, 2008 at 8:28 am}
“Maybe I am reading too much into this”
I concur
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 8:31 am}
Nut makes the case: “Not only is he insisting on doing something that she wasn’t the happiest about…”
yep dude in the story seemed to always be insisting things. when i read that i knew he was too demanding.
good call govnuh.
another good catch Nut: “…but the A game comment would not have been so harsh to me if it didn’t include ‘if you can’. ”
here’s the quote from the parent text:
“… Thursday night, if you can bring your A-game. Peace out.”
this sentence fragment doesn’t offer things in context. this could be what is referred to as a ambiguous noun. …in which case it could have meant if you can come on the date at all but it’s best to choose the worst case scenario in these cases ladies.
or it could have been a playful challenge like telling a mathematical genius to bring his calculator to a math symposium. (of course she will although she may not need it) a playful challenge like telling Michael Jordan to bring his jump shot. (a cynical compliment) …but as i say it’s always best to choose the worst case scenario out of all the possibilities. …and if you can only think of the worst then that’s even better. right on point ladies.
i mean she told the dude explicitly she didn’t like going out and couldn’t stay out late on thursdays because she had class the next day. what an asshole. men r stupid. i mean if he couldn’t read her mind he defenitely should have known when she straight forward told the nicca. he stupid.
best of all she probably didn’t communicate succintly why she broke the deal and it serves him right. he should have known and know better.
this was a good one.
salute!
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 9:26 am}
I like sarcasm
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Unfortunately, I do feel like she was overreacting…..
If the 3rd date was just a dinner and movie then yes, perhaps feel a little offended, but meeting friends – BIG deal and by all means: BRING “A-GAME”. It is not to imply that she is an idiot: meaning she lacks the good sense to be on her best behavior and to make sure she is looking “on point” (OR SHE HAS NOT BEEN THUS FAR). It is rather a playful/tactful way to stress the importance of said situation: he LIKES you, he wants to impress his friends and ultimately he is seeking their approval – I mean envy.
I think what we as “girls” are responding to is the “peace out” portion of the statement. The girly, romantic, read too many books, watch too much television side of us wanted him to end the conversation by saying something eloquent, but let’s cut the dude some slack… how many times in the beginning of dating someone do we hang up the phone hitting ourselves in the head wishing we would having ended the convo better or recorded a better VM. Yes, as a 30-ish female dating another 30-ish male, “peace-out” is not my ideal phrase and should ultimately not be part of your repertoire, but I don’t feel it is a sign that he is not interested or is being disrespectful.
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Miss Patterson {July 17th, 2008 at 3:49 am}
@ bms. i’m not even reading into the whole ‘a-game’ thing…i guess it’s more the ‘peace out’ thing. i dunno just sounds sort of like he’s the kind of guy that would try to give you a pound or some dap after sex. i’m not sayin’ he had to get all midnight quiet storm on her a$$, but if this date is such a ‘big deal’ (& again who’s introducing friends on the 3rd date?) couldn’t he have at least spoken to her on the phone?
see, again this is where i get confused. this is not an across the board male mating call. some men use this laid back/we cool n shit approach to signal that they like you & want to get to know you, while others have used this same approach to say ‘hey wanna phuck? oh…and you cool as phuck, come kick it w/me & my boyz.’ ya feel me? does anyone feel me?
… peace, i’m out (lol)
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 9:27 am}
You are overthinking. Relax and put your feet up. Have some crown.
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:01 am}
@ Deviant…crown royal on ice???
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 10:07 am}
thats doable.
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:05 am}
PatteeCakes…I think you are looking too deep into something that ain’t that deep…now granted, we were given an excerpt to analyze…and that is exactly what is happening…but really…you typed that:
this is not an across the board male mating call. some men use this laid back/we cool n shit approach to signal that they like you & want to get to know you, while others have used this same approach to say ‘hey wanna phuck? oh…and you cool as phuck, come kick it w/me & my boyz.’
which is true…there is nothing acroos the bosrd on either side of the board…and everyone has their own rules…it’s like UNO…(er’body plays that game different!) but you can’t apply YOUR logic to someone else’s behaviors…this is where we (women) go astray er’time…just relax…and enjoy getting to know a man…you will never be able to do that if you are always reading between his lines…you feel me??
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 10:21 am}
*first missionary baptist taylorsville*
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Miss Patterson {July 17th, 2008 at 10:23 am}
“you will never be able to do that if you are always reading between his lines…you feel me??”
i do…and i don’t. i think i’m reacting more to my own personal experience with this type of scenario. except that instead of like this columnist i let things play out and i went on that date…and no it wasn’t pretty.
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AkShone {July 17th, 2008 at 10:36 am}
“You can’t apply YOUR logic to someone else’s behaviors”
- And there you have it…
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kamakula {July 17th, 2008 at 12:16 pm}
I thought that was a voicemail? If that’s the case, it sounds like he made an attempt to speak to her on the phone and her busy ass decided not to take the call.
Then she hears the message and nexted him out of her life.
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I (as the ultimate over analyzer) Think she was over reacting a tad bit.
My first reaction was maybe they going to play basketball or something??
Second reaction Ok so they go out every Thursday on work day and he knows she is laid back because its a work day so he cuts her a bunch of slack on date 1 and 2 but date 3 he wants her to meet his friends, for one thats a bit soon, but she shoulda been flattered because to me that says a lot about you (if infact he is actually as good as you described him to be)
So he is saying (IF YOU CAN) knowing she works hard and likes to go easy on a work week. So he can basically let his friends know she is a potential keeper.
I think he was nice about it, he coulda said woman u been slacken on ya pimpin and i don’t want your lazy a*s actin like u did on our first two dates so get cha mind right so u can meet the homies yo peace out!! NICCA!
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 8:06 am}
” think he was nice about it, he coulda said woman u been slacken on ya pimpin and i don’t want your lazy a*s actin like u did on our first two dates so get cha mind right so u can meet the homies yo peace out!! NICCA!”
Mik he coulda said that???? for real???
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miss t-lee {July 17th, 2008 at 8:20 am}
LOL!!! –Really…I don’t think he could have said that…
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Mikki {July 17th, 2008 at 8:32 am}
lol yall he COULDA!!
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miss t-lee {July 17th, 2008 at 8:48 am}
Throat punch…all I’m saying…lol
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there is a lot of room for assumptions and interpretations after reading this little blurb, so i can’t say who is overreacting and who is not. however, what stood out to me even more than the language of choice was the implication that she should somehow step it up before meeting his friends. this can be tricky because no woman wants to hear, “i’m going to introduce you to my friends/family/co-workers….can you look cute/be fun/be interesting?”…not a good look. we want to feel like you know we are already these things, so the call to step it up when meeting friends lends itself to subtle insecurities and questions about whether we are up to par (in your eyes) on an avg. day.
i know that guys like to have a beautiful/smart/charming (ect.) woman to represent for them. i don’t have a problem with that. as a matter of fact, i appreciate the opportunity to represent for my man. but i don’t want to feel like a trophy that he can dust and shine when company comes over. i want to bring my “a-game” not because he told me, but because i do that naturally. i want my man to have confidence in the fact that i will indeed do the wonderful me that i am, and that in itself is bringing my “a-game.”
maybe I’m the one who is reading too much into it, lol!
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The Champ {July 17th, 2008 at 9:21 am}
“however, what stood out to me even more than the language of choice was the implication that she should somehow step it up before meeting his friends.”
he’s not making this implication though. he’s just being facetious, which, admittedly, doesnt always go over well in text/voicemail
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kalia {July 17th, 2008 at 9:47 am}
i can see that……i agree that voicemail and text often leaves too much room for interpretation which just leads to rumination. so i guess the party leaving the message should stay away from ambiguous statements, and the person recieving the message should not jump to conclusions but chill out until they can speak with the person so see what they meant. i admit that i might think a little about what he meant by the message, but it wouldn’t be ‘make it or break it’ in terms of the friendship/relationship….
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:08 am}
@Champ.emotion is lost in text/email…but a voicemail? you can convey all the emotion you want…we only got a snippett of the message…and it was text not audio…so how can we correctly discern his intent…I maintain…she is tripping…
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It could be a few things:
*He might have one of those sense of humors where you can’t tell if he’s serious or not, but he’s usually joking. I am seeing someone like that and it drives me crazy! He’ll say something, I’ll get all upset and say, OMG! Are you SERIOUS?” And his response is always, “damn, it was a joke!” So, that’s one way to look at it.
*We also don’t really know how the first 2 dates went. She may have been a kill-joy the first two dates, looking at her watch every 5 minutes, asking, “how long are we going to be out?” and so on. Maybe he was determined to show her a good time and in order to do that, she had to be willing and accepting. Thus the term, “bring your A-game!”
*But here is my thing-since they’ve gone out 2 Thursdays, and were in the process of going out a third time, that’s three weeks. During those 3 weeks, I’m sure they’ve chatted on the phone, texted, emailed, SOMETHING! Something had to have been mentioned about the first two dates during those 3 weeks! The pros, the cons, the fun or lack of, what to do on the next date, SOMETHING! So, my point for bullet #3 is that she had to have picked up on something in those 3 weeks that would have explained the “A-game” comment.
That’s my take on it….
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 8:15 am}
I am seeing someone like that and it drives me crazy! He’ll say something, I’ll get all upset and say, OMG! Are you SERIOUS?” And his response is always, “damn, it was a joke!” So, that’s one way to look at it.
–
I dunno….haven’t you heard that saying that in humor there in lies the truth.
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As Is {July 17th, 2008 at 8:28 am}
Yes Girl! And I tell him that all the time! His response is always, “Nah, man. It was just a joke!”
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I’m thinking he can’t be serious about her. Not a relationship, maybe a cutt buddy–that’s why he’s was so casual with the “peace out” and “bring your a-game”.
I wouldn’t necessarily be mad about this message, but he would be downgraded to the FZ (friend zone) and I wouldn’t be worrying about Thursday nights anymore cause I’d be on the couch watching Grey’s Anatomy.
Just my 2 cents. lol
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 8:18 am}
right on.
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 8:37 am}
thats messed up
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miss t-lee {July 17th, 2008 at 8:40 am}
You really think so? I don’t. To me it sounds like he’s playing…not that he’s serious.
If you wanna play you play along, if you don’t wanna play, you kick ‘em to the curb.
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shay {July 17th, 2008 at 9:10 am}
“If you wanna play you play along, if you don’t wanna play, you kick ‘em to the curb.”
thats what im saying, everybodys acting like theres something wrong with a cut buddy… stuff happens like that sometimes, you dont have to jump on down the yellow brick road with every single person you are interested in…
i personally like being cool with someone before anything pops off. i feel like it helps it end smoother…
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 9:15 am}
“i personally like being cool with someone before anything pops off. i feel like it helps it end smoother…”
to begin things ….to end them????
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shay {July 17th, 2008 at 9:23 am}
no to just be mindful of the entire progression of the relationship instead of just living in the moment… almost like that “Like you’ll never see me again” song…
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The Champ {July 17th, 2008 at 9:23 am}
““i personally like being cool with someone before anything pops off. i feel like it helps it end smoother…”
to begin things ….to end them????”
lol…this is another topic all by itself
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 9:37 am}
Why even start doing something by preparing for its failure? I get when you prepare for the worst on a vacation or planning for retirement but dating?
I guess I have a different frame of mind when it comes to that. I live for the moment when it comes to dealings with womenfolk.
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Panama Jackson {July 17th, 2008 at 10:14 am}
Why even start doing something by preparing for its failure? I get when you prepare for the worst on a vacation or planning for retirement but dating?
I agree 100 percent.
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kamakula {July 17th, 2008 at 12:20 pm}
Hmm, I’d say planning for retirement is planning for the best. Planning for failure in that case would be prepaying for your casket and tombstone that says “Here lies Deviant, he died one day before retirement”.
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 3:27 pm}
I was thinking how some people stash money away in case of sickness or poorness. I heard it on one of those old people insurance commercials.
GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:14 am}
I’m thinking he can’t be serious about her.
serious like what? I mean is date 3 serious? I am lost a little bit…you mena like serious about getting to know her better? I think he is serious about that if he’s bringing her around his friends…I don’t bring just anybody around my friends…that’s FAM…you don’t just meet “management” all willy nilly…you have to wait until your application has cleared, you’ve had your interview (and physical), and your 90 probationary (representative) period has ended…then you meet management (to evaluate promotion potential) and take your badge picture!
LM(red)AO…joking but you get my drift…
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Dom {July 17th, 2008 at 10:24 am}
you don’t just meet “management” all willy nilly…you have to wait until your application has cleared, you’ve had your interview (and physical), and your 90 probationary (representative) period has ended…then you meet management (to evaluate promotion potential) and take your badge picture!”
LOL! Thats true! I hate it when dudes try to tell me when they’re going to meet MY friends. Im like “sh*t I dont know if Imma like yo azz next week, slow ya roll!”
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miss t-lee {July 17th, 2008 at 11:09 am}
I get where ya going with that.
But meeting friends doesn’t really mean anything to me. It doesn’t hold weight such a meeting the parents does.
Nahmean?
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 12:00 pm}
parents huh? yeah I don’t to much eff wit the egg donor…but you won’t meet pops unless I am serious…you won’t meet the legacy unless there is some jewelry/”L” words have been exchanged…(unless we’re in Wal-Mart and you’re in Wal-Mart and we happen to bump baskets in frozen foods)…and I admit that friends don’t rank up there with the dad and the boy…but they are really close to me and it isn’t gonna happen all loosey goosey…def not on date (muhfuggin) 3!!! you’re dating ME not THEM, so let’s get that job together first…lol
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miss t-lee {July 17th, 2008 at 2:07 pm}
“but you won’t meet pops unless I am serious”
My Dad hasn’t met anyone since junior prom…lol
You know I don’t play.
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Ok, so here’s my take on it:
Meeting a guy’s friends is a big deal, men like to flaunt their women and wear her like the trophy(gonna get me in trouble i just know it) she is. He wants her to be on top of her game, not saying that she hasn’t been, but how would she have felt if she didn’t do anything extra special to get ready for their date and he sprung the meeting on her…she would have been upset that she was dressed to the nines to meet the friends or didn’t get enough rest and is cranky or various other things…there are a lot of things that we consider when preparing to meet a guy’s friends and I think this was his way of saying, “hey get to thinking cause the day is rapidly approaching…”
I don’t know but I get the most pleasure from knowing that guys are envious of my man, knowing that his friends are thinking damn you got a good woman, she’s smart and she looks damn good. Mind you, the way he said lacked a little tact, but in my opinion she’s just being a little uptight. And I’m assuming this man didn’t just change his slang overnight…I’m sure there were indicators of his speech well before the voicemail incident.
All she had to do was talk to him and let him know that she doesn’t like being talked to like one of his homies, then again her goal should be to be his friend. One of the cutest things(ghetto as it well may be) that 2 of my exes have said to me was, “are me my nigga…i need to know that you’re my nigga.”…and these were both college educated men. my simple reply was, “yeah im your nigga…lol.”
I say all this to say that if a man can’t talk to you like a friend without every word being overanalyzed then at some point he’s going to seek out greener pastures. Every man is different, she probably needs a man more refined who doesn’t use slang, that is if she’s going to get offended by something so small. Again I think he was just giving her a heads up…she’s making it much ado about nothing.
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 8:38 am}
dam check Squirt out…
so lacking in rigidity. how dare you!
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Teacia {July 17th, 2008 at 9:24 am}
lol…whatever genuis
…yeah being uptight is definitely overrated.
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Dom {July 17th, 2008 at 9:57 am}
“All she had to do was talk to him and let him know that she doesn’t like being talked to like one of his homies, then again her goal should be to be his friend. One of the cutest things(ghetto as it well may be) that 2 of my exes have said to me was, “are me my nigga…i need to know that you’re my nigga.”…and these were both college educated men. my simple reply was, “yeah im your nigga…lol.” ”
This is so true and I think alot of women miss this. I want my man to be able to talk to me about anything, uncensored, without having to watch his mouth. And I want to be able to do the same with him. I’d just take this as a sign that he’s really comfortable with me and enjoy that.
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Teacia {July 17th, 2008 at 10:42 am}
…now I don’t know if I would take this as a sign he was comfortable b/c we aren’t privy to the dynamics of their courtship. this was only the 3rd date, but did he always address her like this or one this a one time deal.
but in a relationship it shouldn’t matter, you should be able to be laxed around one another in speech.
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Panama Jackson {July 17th, 2008 at 10:00 am}
“Meeting a guy’s friends is a big deal, men like to flaunt their women and wear her like the trophy(gonna get me in trouble i just know it) she is.”
some of y’all are really just 4th place medals.
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 10:13 am}
“some of y’all are really just 4th place medals.”
damn P…but again why take a 4th place medal to show off. If I’mma take a medal its gonna be the blue ribbon.
so what are you sayin?
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 10:35 am}
nevermind…i read Champs blue explanation below.
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:16 am}
@Panama-sshole…that was a throat punch if I have ever read one! cold blooded…lol
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Teacia {July 17th, 2008 at 10:44 am}
girl he know he dead ass wrong for that one…lol.
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I guess I want to know why he is inviting her to meet his people on the THIRD date. Com’on yo that is a bit too soon if you ask me. Dude was trippin.
And of course I think she read too deep into it being too sensitive and all but that is what women do. But hey this is coming from a guy who is notorious for calling chicks he’s dating “dude” and no it does not mean I just want to be homies with you. It’s just a natural response.
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 8:27 am}
“But hey this is coming from a guy who is notorious for calling chicks he’s dating “dude” and no it does not mean I just want to be homies with you”
….here’s a song for you: Tom Jones (she’s a laday)
…learn it and love it. LOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGs5Js7FVHo
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miss t-lee {July 17th, 2008 at 8:33 am}
Not the Tom Jones!!!!
Hilarious!
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 8:34 am}
I love TOM!!!!
Im tryna catch him in Vegas..I think I would probably be his youngest fan.
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Conscience {July 17th, 2008 at 8:38 am}
LOL. This one chick I dated would always say “I’m not a dude” when I called her that. She was just mad cool so it slipped at first then when she would always come back with that response I would call her dude just to mess with her.
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Monk {July 17th, 2008 at 8:56 pm}
I’ve done this too…no malice involved. Just an on-going joke.
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Panama Jackson {July 17th, 2008 at 10:01 am}
me and my girlfriend both refer to one another as dude on occasion. shit happens.
then again, we’ve known eachother for like 11 years. so we been cool.
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:23 am}
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww!
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miss t-lee {July 17th, 2008 at 10:33 am}
That is different. You both have a history.
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 10:51 am}
That is different P and sweet. If I have 11 year history he might could call me lots of stuff…but on date 3…I’m a need you to woo me in non “BET(ese)” work cited Hostess.
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 8:43 am}
Conscience dares: “But hey this is coming from a guy who is notorious for calling chicks he’s dating “dude” and no it does not mean I just want to be homies with you.”
man or mankind in a sentence could never mean or include woman. it’s so disrespectful! how dare u refer to a woman you might be attracted to or date as such! have u no couth man. what an asshole!
you need to go to finishing school or at least attend the botillion or perhaps get on that show from a g to a gentleman. you lack common courtesy for a real lady.
i’ll be back after i remove this stick from up my ass. LOL!
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 8:52 am}
“i’ll be back after i remove this stick from up my ass. LOL!”
please PRETTY PLEASE leave it there….jk LOL
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Monk {July 17th, 2008 at 8:59 pm}
GK, you’re being faceitious, right?
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:18 am}
I guess I want to know why he is inviting her to meet his people on the THIRD date. Com’on yo that is a bit too soon if you ask me. Dude was trippin…
***the little old ladies in white that pass outn the communion juice***
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She is being overly sensitive. She saved him some time by not going out with him cause she would have gotten all bent out of shape over some other imagined slight
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Panama Jackson {July 17th, 2008 at 10:02 am}
yeah, that’s real talk right there. she seems ripe for sensitivitiness.
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If everything else was clicking on all cylinders with the two and him leaving a harmless voicemail was THE dealbreaker, he don’t need to phuck with her anyway cause it’s obvious the broad is crazy.
When courting someone, everything doesn’t have to be overly romantic. “Bring your A-game” or “Peace out” could just be tongue and cheek. He could’ve been at work or some place where getting all sappy and shyt on the phone would be inappropriate. Maybe he don’t like leaving lovey dovey voicemails that chicks tend to save and playback for themselves or their friends on occassion (Don’t front, some of you ladies KNOW you’ve done this).
She’s reading way too much into this especially if that was the ONLY thing that told her he wasn’t diggin’ her like that.
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Dom {July 17th, 2008 at 10:02 am}
“Maybe he don’t like leaving lovey dovey voicemails that chicks tend to save and playback for themselves or their friends on occassion (Don’t front, some of you ladies KNOW you’ve done this).”
Im so guilty of this! I do it all the time. I dont play it for my girls but I damn sure keep sending them to myself and play them over and over again! The best part is my guy knows I do this and leaves messages specifically for me to play over and over!
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 11:08 am}
““Maybe he don’t like leaving lovey dovey voicemails that chicks tend to save and playback for themselves or their friends on occassion (Don’t front, some of you ladies KNOW you’ve done this).””
so you talk to me like I’m a dude on the corner…so my friends won’t think you’re into me???
ok cool.
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Monk {July 17th, 2008 at 9:18 pm}
It’s not about talking to you like a dude, it’s moreso just not being sappy and shyt on the phone.
What if his mom’s was present? He might not wanna leave that message saying , “I’m really looking foward to seeing you cause I had such a blast on our previous dates. I’m diggin’ you and I want my friends to dig you too so bring your A-game cause I’ve been braggin’ you up and shyt.” He might not wanna say that in front of moms or co-workers or others (period) just yet. It’s only a third date.
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I think it is HIGHlarious how all the female’s comments are long as the phuck…….That is all.
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 9:41 am}
thats symptomatic overanalysis. Just for a short phrase. it makes me chuckle
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i think the context is important than his actual statement. one of the first things the author says is that homie continually got “miffed” about her not wanting to be out all times of night on thursdays.
in which case.. she has already shown that she’s down to compromise by even doing the thursday-night date thing and he, by continuing to ask her out on thursdays knowing it’s not the most convenient for her, isn’t compromising much at all.
and if I’m already bending to your will, you for damn sure don’t need to tell me which game to bring. just be glad i’m showing up.
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boom {July 17th, 2008 at 8:47 am}
* i think the context is more important than his actual statement.
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miss t-lee {July 17th, 2008 at 8:53 am}
in which case.. she has already shown that she’s down to compromise by even doing the thursday-night date thing and he, by continuing to ask her out on thursdays knowing it’s not the most convenient for her, isn’t compromising much at all.
and if I’m already bending to your will, you for damn sure don’t need to tell me which game to bring. just be glad i’m showing up.
::applause::
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 9:06 am}
“and if I’m already bending to your will, you for damn sure don’t need to tell me which game to bring. just be glad i’m showing up.”
::ovation:::
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The Champ {July 17th, 2008 at 9:25 am}
“in which case.. she has already shown that she’s down to compromise by even doing the thursday-night date thing and he, by continuing to ask her out on thursdays knowing it’s not the most convenient for her, isn’t compromising much at all.”
good point
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Nut {July 17th, 2008 at 11:11 am}
Thank you boom. I said the same damn thing and got roasted. It just seems like the most practical answer to a situation that we all are making assumptions about.
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kamakula {July 17th, 2008 at 12:46 pm}
in which case.. she has already shown that she’s down to compromise by even doing the thursday-night date thing and he, by continuing to ask her out on thursdays knowing it’s not the most convenient for her, isn’t compromising much at all.
She said that she gets miffed at being kept out beyond midnight, but does not mention whether or not she communicated the reason for this to the guy. For all he knows, she may have a midnight curfew any other day of the week.
Also, how do we know he’s not compromising here? He may have some schedule that puts his most free time on a Thursday night. She should be happy he’s showing up.
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Monk {July 17th, 2008 at 9:24 pm}
I concur, kamakula!!
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boom {July 18th, 2008 at 6:27 am}
I suppose it’s not logical to think she would have communicated the reasons behind her Thursday-night hesitations to him (the guy she is interested in dating). I’m sure she decided it was better to let him think she mysteriously turns into a pumpkin at midnight. (And actually, I believe she wrote that homie was the miffed-getting party in this scenario.)
And, if he has a schedule that puts most of his free time on Thursday nights and he continually asks her out on.. Thursdays nights, please do tell where and how he is compromising.
As far as the idea that she should be happy he’s showing up, I’d certainly hope he’d show up if HE is the one asking HER out lol.
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I think we as women have a bad habit of overanalyzing everything and thinking that guys are deeper than they really are when reality what you see is usually what you get. In this case I think she was hasty. I would have looked at is as a compliment that he wanted me to meet his friends more so on the details of bringing my A game.
Now I would really love the advice of 2 verysmart brothas… I just finished a post on threatening guys to get a date and would love your take on the situation.
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The Champ {July 17th, 2008 at 9:26 am}
“Now I would really love the advice of 2 verysmart brothas… I just finished a post on threatening guys to get a date and would love your take on the situation.”
is this a threat too?
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Eb the Celeb {July 17th, 2008 at 9:29 am}
LOL… no… I would never threaten 2 very smart brothas… its the dumb ones you have to threaten in order to get anything done
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The Champ {July 17th, 2008 at 10:12 am}
lol…ok.
i read your post. i tried to leave the comment over there, but for whatever reason i wasn’t able to. here’s what i typed:
if he was that interested he would have asked you out already. its that simple. in this situation, no good can come out of you pressing the issue, unless, of course, you’re just trying to f*ck.
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Eb the Celeb {July 17th, 2008 at 10:28 am}
OK… so I just disregard all the comments left at my spot about actually telling him what I want…and just keep it moving… ugh… I need to get me a sugar daddy… their always down for a date… Let me know if you have a daddy or uncle or something because they dudes my age are the worst. Do they have mail order husbands like they do wives? LOL
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The Champ {July 17th, 2008 at 10:47 am}
“OK… so I just disregard all the comments left at my spot about actually telling him what I want”
yea. i dont know what the hell they were talking about over there, lol.
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 11:04 am}
Eb jokes: “Do they have mail order husbands like they do wives? LOL”
yep my 35 yr old homie just adopted/sponsored a 18 yr. old from Jamaica. …but it goes both ways old young.
get ya money right if you want one.
heh heh heh (inhale) whoooo!
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 9:39 am}
Eb the Celeb requests: ““Now I would really love the advice of 2 verysmart brothas. I just finished a post on threatening guys to get a date and would love your take on the situation.”
now i may not be 1 of the 2 smart brothas u are asking. hell i’m probably not even smart. allow me to demonscrate:
as a man, i create lines that aren’t even there to read between as some very smart sister generally mentioned a few posts back. (salute!) so in keeping with that dic* logic of irrational thinking being trumped by my proclivity to emotionaly influenced responses, i would automatically assume the worst in your statement/post on “…threatening guys to get a date…”
i assume you mean that literally (of course without going to see your post, so manly) …for sure meaning: a woman threatening a man to take her out. i could have read your mind and palced the correct url in the search bar but that would have been far to easy. (ima man what did u expect)
long, short:
threaten - to express a threat against
to announce the possibility of in a threat.
threat - An expression of an intention to inflict pain, injury, evil, or punishment.
…in which case i don’t negotiate with terrorist.
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Eb the Celeb {July 17th, 2008 at 10:24 am}
hahahah… threaten in a lighter sense of the word… not literally threaten… everytime I say something this dude thinks its a threat… I’m a taurus and he’s a taurus so we’re both always on the defensive… so know it wasn’t literal but it did look like a threat and sound like a threat but it wasnt a threat…lol
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“…and as an invitation to meet his friends…bring your A-game”
IMO means be on your best behavior to impress my friends. Or I have bragged you up to my homies so don’t let me down.
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:26 am}
@Raqi
***high five…booty bump…and a JJ Evans “DYNOMITE!!!”***
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I’m not offended by the A-game bit. I say bring your A-game guys all the time…and I was quite convinced it was just a turn of phrase. (though I do agree a bit with miss t-lee)
What concerns me is 1. He can’t find any other night to go out with her during the week, as my good friend boom says if a guy really likes a girl he’ll date her on Sunday mornings if thats the most convenient time for her. Take a hint he’s not that interested.
And 2. How not fun is he that she NEVER once wants to stay out past midnight on a thursday. Cause honestly, when you’re having a fantastic time with someone WORK be damned. TIRED be damned. You’ll be willing every once in a while to lose track of time.
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No More Heroes {July 17th, 2008 at 9:02 am}
“Cause honestly, when you’re having a fantastic time with someone WORK be damned.”
I agree, especially on Thursday night. You have the whole weekend to recover from lack of sleep if that is what she’s worried about.
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miss t-lee {July 17th, 2008 at 9:09 am}
I agree with points 1 and 2.
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shay {July 17th, 2008 at 9:26 am}
“Cause honestly, when you’re having a fantastic time with someone WORK be damned. TIRED be damned. You’ll be willing every once in a while to lose track of time.”
*flatbush ave between church and foster (you gotta find at least 15 churches on either side of the street)*
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I thought he meant that she should bring her STAY UP PAST NINE card. But, he also doesn’t seem like he’s Mr. Relationship. Unless you’re a night janitor, club owner/manager, bartender, pimp, or crackhead, your ass should be home by 10 on a week night!!! So this guy might be Mr. Good Times.
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V Renee {July 17th, 2008 at 9:30 am}
Exactly!! Although I don’t know about 10:00, that’s rather early, but nonetheless WHAT DOES HE DO?
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V Renee {July 17th, 2008 at 9:33 am}
Drug Dealer perhaps?? Entrepreneur is too vague for me.
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Hostess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:16 am}
I don’t exactly have to be to work at a certain time or at all. I don’t sling rocks or ice. (Hee-hee. I’m tryna speak BET-ese) So technically, I could have stayed out past 9 on a school night. But I don’t like being tired the next day. Nor do I like LOOKING tired. Plus, I’m not hanging out till the wee hours of Stephen Colbert with some man who is not my man.
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Panama Jackson {July 17th, 2008 at 10:06 am}
what about a prostitute. if the pimp can be out past 10, shouldn’t the ho be out past 10 too??
just asking cuz i be letting my h…never mind.
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Hostess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:19 am}
It goes without saying, hoin’ is a 24/7 job. It’s kinda like military active duty. You gotta be ready to rock and roll all the time.
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Does he not have a job that entails him to be at work in the morning? Do his friends not have jobs that require them to be at work in the morning? If so, what line of work are they in? And can I get in where I fit in?
Why all of these Thursday night dates? Did he already have dates lined up for the weekend? I need more information!!!
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miss t-lee {July 17th, 2008 at 9:36 am}
Why all of these Thursday night dates? Did he already have dates lined up for the weekend?
This is what I’m thinking…lol
Or a wife or a girlfriend.
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Panama Jackson {July 17th, 2008 at 10:08 am}
i mean truly, any chick you ONLY see one night a week isn’t somebody that joggles your jollies. when you’re really interested in them you tend to make more time to spend with them. which is why meeting his friends is baffling. sounds to me like they’re on “one-on-one-no-outside-contact permanent status where all dates are at her house”
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:32 am}
i mean truly, any chick you ONLY see one night a week isn’t somebody that joggles your jollies.
I gotta blow the whistle on that one…they are only at date 3..and I don’t know about this geeked-out-hyper-sensitive chick from the link, but my time is premium…if you get one day a week when we first start “talking” count yourself lucky…ESPECIALLY a weekday? man…you will damn sure be someone I am liking real hard! I got a day job, I’m an intimacy consultant, I spit, and I am an active mom…you gotta get in where you fit in up over here homie! so “bring your A game”…”peace out”…ha!
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Dom {July 17th, 2008 at 10:10 am}
What does any of that matter? Women need to get out of their own damn way and stop niggling the situation to death! When you have to start asking “well, what about hsi boys dont they have jobs, and where do they work, and what are their hours?” You’re doing TOO much!
Women keep over analyzing ish and half the time they be analyzing themselves right out of a man!
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 10:16 am}
Dom made up the word: “niggling” LOL!
“When you have to start asking “well, what about hsi boys dont they have jobs, and where do they work, and what are their hours?” You’re doing TOO much!”
LMBAO!!!! again.
PREACH!
“Women keep over analyzing ish and half the time they be analyzing themselves right out of a man!”
Testify! Dam Dom, u snapping.
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Dom {July 17th, 2008 at 10:34 am}
@ GK
I really cant believe this post has descended to madness so quickly! I knew women took ish overboard but damn! Shoot, if I was a dude reading this post I’d prob. swear off women for at least 2 weeks! Lol!
Also, Niggling (adj)- 1. petty; trivial; inconsequential: to quibble about a niggling difference in terminology.
I think it fits this post most appropriately…
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 10:48 am}
dam Dom i just looked it up. it’s a recognized word and shit. learned a new one today but im kinda mad cause it might have some roots in the word nigge*. like nigge* rigging and shit.
perfect usage though. Salute!
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 10:49 am}
nigga* gon be mad when i start saying they are niggling and shit. LOL!
hott steaming….
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Hostess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:22 am}
The work thing doesn’t bother me because as you get older and farther in your career, you don’t really work by the clock. Not only that, business owners usually don’t have to be anywhere in the AM–except if they have a meeting. But most times, their admins set their meetings after 10:00AM.
~Hostess
Business Ownere Magnet
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V Renee {July 17th, 2008 at 2:38 pm}
Women keep over analyzing ish and half the time they be analyzing themselves right out of a man!
Correct me if Im wrong, but wasn’t the point of the post to “analyze” the situation. I could be mistaken, but Im fairly certain that was why this link was posted
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Nut {July 17th, 2008 at 11:22 am}
Good point at V Renee. It just seems like he’s tring to cut and paste her into an already very busy schedule. If he really wanted her to bring her A-game it would be on a nite when she wasn’t so tapped out.
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V Renee {July 17th, 2008 at 2:36 pm}
**Stop the press** - In regards to the comment about his boys and where they works - they were just jokes folks. I know everyone doesn’t have to be at work early in the morning……duh!
I just find it funny that Thursday night seems to be the only night that he’s available. It’s not the fact that it’s ONE night a week that’s suspect, but that Thursday has been deemed to be their only date night. Seriously if I was her and I had made it clear that I didn’t like going out on work nights (this isn’t true for myself – please believe I kicks it weeknight or not) and he knew this, I would suggest a weekend night. If I accommodate you (date 3 or not), Ima need you to accommodate me!
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To be honest, I was really looking at the screen sideways when reading this. I mean, she is getting bent out of shape over a tongue & cheek comment…really??? That’s a dealbreaker??? To say she’s over analyzing would be an understatement. I still think their overall interaction is vague, but they had to have some sort of connection if this is date three. I mean, lighten up! If going out on Thursdays are such a problem…don’t go. If you’re so quick to cut the dude loose due to his lack of tactfully saying goodbye and a playful comment, you couldn’t say, “Hey, I really like spending time with you, but due to my schedule, Thursdays are not good for me.” What, is he gonna brush you off because you can’t go out on Thursdays…nah, if he’s into you, he’ll make those accommodations. He’s the entrepreneur…he’s use to having contingency plans when something doesn’t work from a scheduling aspect. If she let him go over that this early in the game I say good riddance…seems as though he would’ve had an uphill battle with an 80 pound backpack coming upon the horizon.
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He didn’t put that much thought into his words, nor did he think about every natural and unnatural reaction to them.
But women are generally hyper-sensitive about the words said to them (as opposed to what they say to/about others).
She can either learn to deal with it, or leave.
If she “deals” with it, he then has to mind every thing he says, for fear of making her fret over what he said casually.
No win situation for either.
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The Champ {July 17th, 2008 at 9:53 am}
“He didn’t put that much thought into his words, nor did he think about every natural and unnatural reaction to them.
But women are generally hyper-sensitive about the words said to them (as opposed to what they say to/about others).
She can either learn to deal with it, or leave.
If she “deals” with it, he then has to mind every thing he says, for fear of making her fret over what he said casually.
No win situation for either.”
***http://www.mt-ararat.org***
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a few things:
1) he thinks she’s banging. not “wifey”, but banging. this is the only reason why a guy would introduce some chick he’s barely dating to his friends.
2) admittedly though, the thursday night dates and the “peace homie” sh*t does suggest that she’s been placed in the f*ck-zone. he thinks she hot, wants to smash, and wants to show her off before he seals the deal and eventually cuts her off.
3) even if he hasnt placed her in the f-zone, she made the right decision. her stickuptheassedness combined with his nonchalance makes for a terrible match. if it wasn’t this she’d find something else to be upset about
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Hostess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:24 am}
Her ’stickuptheassness’ was her instincts kicking in. It’s likely that she just doesn’t feel right about the situation but she isn’t confident enough to trust her instincts. Instead, she uses the A-Game statement as her Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card. BTW, her instincts are right. He and her are not on the same page. If she has to use his comments as justification to bounce, so be it.
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Teacia {July 17th, 2008 at 10:40 am}
…totally agree on this. which may have something to do with his nonchalant tone. i’m assuming he knew that they weren’t compatible either and like Champ said decided to introduce her to his friends to show her off…who knows.
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 10:43 am}
Hostess this is probably a likely assessment/possibility: “He and her are not on the same page. If she has to use his comments as justification to bounce, so be it.”
it’s just that you’re always so good at speaking directly to the heart of a situation especially when dealing with the men you’ve dated such that there is no confusion. (i.e. good communicator)
unfortunately a lot of women will not do this. somehow the circuitry gets scrambled and the feelings get pretzled and they start communicating in the secret KGB Komitet gosudarstvennoĭ bezopasnosti ‘Committee of State Security.’ code.
it’s enough to choke the collective military intelligence of the Kremlin. (including the remote viewing dept.)
http://www.answers.com/remote%20viewing
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JBoogie {July 17th, 2008 at 11:24 am}
2 SNAPS for the remote viewing reference, GK…
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genius khan {July 17th, 2008 at 2:04 pm}
J Boogz in the house. thanks J. remote viewing. i can study the weirdest shit sometimes.
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 10:33 am}
“he thinks she’s banging. not “wifey”, but banging. this is the only reason why a guy would introduce some chick he’s barely dating to his friends. ”
I just etched this in my diary.
re instincts totally agree with Hostess…thats God talking..every day all day.
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K. {July 17th, 2008 at 10:37 am}
re: #1 - some guys bring random chicks around their friends for no other reason than they are with their friends all the time. That’s why I don’t understand why chicks get excited over meeting a dude’s friends.
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JBoogie {July 17th, 2008 at 10:40 am}
DING pick it up!
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oh geeez, breaking news, men won’t always say the perfect thing. She can’t seriously be offended by his (poor?) choice of words. I doubt this one phrase uttered by a dude reflects any deep seated narcissistic personality. She may want to rethink dating if one false move has her wigging out. Your man will often say some effed up things to you, and probably won’t even realize it at the time. Deal, or don’t, but spare yourself the agony of finding the hidden meaning. More often then not, it ain’t hidden or there ain’t no meaning.
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 10:04 am}
someone should email her to tell her she sucks
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 10:38 am}
“Your man”
that really is the operative word…and the above doesn’t est. that he is quite hers. In fact he wont even commit to a weekend date…so in that case “Peace Out” and “Bring your A Game” is rather telling in this context.
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Wise Diva {July 17th, 2008 at 11:34 am}
I think it is telling, if it is accompanied by douchebag behavior.
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The Comeback Girl {July 17th, 2008 at 12:01 pm}
” if it is accompanied by douchebag behavior.”
so incessant weekday dates to constitute douchebag?
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Let me comment before I read comments…
I don’t see a probelm with the “bring your A game” comment…it’s his friends…that’s a big deal…he wants them to like you…so he is letting you know he wants you to make a good impression…after all…family are the friends that you chose for yourself…
however…it’s the “Peace out”…that threw me for a perverbial loop…I just don’t like to be addressed like a homeboy…we can be cool…friends…but not homeboys…
neither of which is a deal breaker…I’m not nit-picky like that…now if he was like “aight my ni99a” or “holla atcha boy” at the end of the voicemail…then I would have to say something…in a joking (but ni99a I’m serious) kind of way…but that’s about it…
bottom line…I think she was over-thinking it…period
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 10:01 am}
I clown anyone for saying “peace out” to me. Its not 1994. I didnt even say that when it was 94 cause I thought it was a cornball thing to say.
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GOODENess {July 17th, 2008 at 10:37 am}
but even so “peace out” ain’t no deal breaker…she was looking for an out…and got it…she’s undateable and should just stop looking…
(rolling neck, sucking teeth, arms folded)
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Deviant {July 17th, 2008 at 11:18 am}
i agree witcha
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