last week, vsb reader p. merchant forwarded us a link to john t. molloy’s “why men marry some women and not others“, a comprehensive statistical study examining each gender’s dating, mating, and marriage tendencies.
although marriage was the focus of his research, many of his findings translate for all people, matrimony-minded or not. here’s six of them
1. men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active father (especially to their sons)
2. all wives are trophy wives—men marry women whom they admire and like to show off (but not necessarily for their physical appearance)
3. men believe that they can size up a woman in 5 minutes. They’re usually wrong. If a man doesn’t call, it’s because he realizes that he made a mistake.
4. men don’t typically think of themselves as “dating” until after 4-6 dates
women typically think of themselves as “dating” after 2-3 dates, hence the problem
5. the fact that your man doesn’t bring you roses, but instead plops on your couch to watch TV and takes you for granted is actually a natural stage and the hallmark of almost all serious relationships—not a deal-killer.
6. the women who insist on being treated well are 2x as likely to end up marrying their man. no one marries a servant
so, people of vsb, what say you? which is gospel, and which is garbage? speak your minds and sh*t.
–the champ
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{ 379 comments… read them below or add one }
I do think men go out w/ women they like to show off. And they bone the ones w/ the “Buttafaces”. And the “dating” assumption is a killer. Folks be assuming too much ish. Until it is explicitly stated, you need to know you ain’t “booed up” yet.
With that being said, who’s gon be in DC for inaug? We need to do a VSB meetup!
@Luvvie,
I’m in…leaving Friday am
@Intellectual Hedonist, hmmph! so? and…
who’s gonna be watching the steelers with a terrible towel in their back pocket and an iron city beer in their hand?
@Miss Patterson, who exactly are these steelers?? basetball? american football? from where?, exactly?
@superwoman,
It doesn’t really matter because it’s all about the E-A-G-L-E-S . . .EAGLES!!!!! Philadelphia that is
@eff yo couch,
HOLLA!!!!!
Real football fans BLEED EAGLES GREEN!!
@blackberry molasses,
Real football fans BLEED EAGLES GREEN!!
i concur.most definitely.
@blackberry molasses,
bleed deez
@The Champ,
You want me to? Really? Cause I have my scalpel ready. But are YOU ready to lose your ability to bear children and grow a beard… these are the questions you must ponder.
Oh, and I don’t believe in anesthesia….
@blackberry molasses, you betta win this weekend or Ried/McNabb run is over sans a Championship
@superwoman,
who exactly are these steelers?? basetball? american football? from where?, exactly?
american football, and they’re from the best city on earth
@The Champ, and the best city on earth is……??????
if you were asking me, it’d be a toss up between dar-es-salaam and new york city… but that’s just me.
@superwoman, Don’t listen to the Champ. New York City is the best city on earth:)
@superwoman,
NYC is NOT the best city on earth. I reject that stipulation wholeheartedly. I don’t heart NYC, and I have a plethora of reasons.
Hate to shamelessly plug but I just wrote a post bout that b/c I visited it. http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com/2009/01/i-dont-heart-new-york.html
@superwoman, dar es salaam DEF! holla.
@The Champ,
The best city on earth??? Can you provide examples of why or how?
I love how you show love for Pgh out of obligation. I’m a loyal Steeler fan, but that’s about as far as my love extends for this place.
@Voiceofreason, really? no love for the Burgh outside of the steelers? not even with a basket of O fries and a bottle of heinz ketchup…not even with a perogie and a beer? not even with that twangy dialect in your ear and a landscape that’s been frozen in time so that you can go back to your childhood home and remember it exactly as you left it 16 years ago? my advice: leave and come back. the love will be much stronger.
@ Miss Patterson,
I left about 10 years ago and I’ve been back for about a year now. I’m extremely excited about connecting with family and friends that I couldn’t see when I was away and I love my cheap rent (I was in Queens before coming back) but other than that I’m just not feeling it here. I wish I could take everybody with me when I move again.
@Voiceofreason and Miss Patterson,
U know… almost all of my close girlfriends currently live in other cities and I get into this conversation all the time. I just think it depends on what ur looking for and what’s important to you. It’s definitely a chill laid back city. If you’re looking for fast a whole lot of paced night life, or a plethora of eligible gainfully employed black men (:-))… ur not going to find it here. Idk. I heart pgh. I have lived in other cities too (for short periods of time). I think that Pittsburgh is a very comfortable city to live in. Like your fave pair of jeans. Feels good and comfy. Not fly like a hot pair of stillettos – that’s Manhattan – or buppie paradise – that’s DMV (lol)… but warm and comfy. That’s the best word i can think of too describe it. Except for Equitable Gas. that company is the devil.
@Voiceofreason and Miss Patterson,
U know… almost all of my close girlfriends currently live in other cities and I get into this conversation all the time. I just think it depends on what ur looking for and what’s important to you. It’s definitely a chill laid back city. If you’re looking for fast or a whole lot of paced night life, or a plethora of eligible gainfully employed black men (:-))… ur not going to find it here. Idk. I heart pgh. I have lived in other cities too (for short periods of time). I think that Pittsburgh is a very comfortable city to live in. Like your fave pair of jeans. Feels good and comfy. Not fly like a hot pair of stillettos – that’s Manhattan – or buppie paradise – that’s DMV (lol)… but warm and comfy. That’s the best word i can think of too describe it. Except for Equitable Gas. that company is the devil.
@pgh muse,
There’s nothing wrong with Pittsburgh, it’s just not for me. It is a very comfortable place but there’s not enough going on here. I need a city with eligible black men with a lot going for themselves who don’t have a 2520 preference. And I’m essentially a homebody, but when I do go out, I need lots of options. Here you have to choose between a handful of bars and clubs and spend your time with 2520s or hood ninjas. The progressive Blacks here pretty much stay with in there own circles and don’t go out a lot. In fact the only time I see a lot of progressive Blacks in one place is at church. I think I got spoiled after I left because I went to and HBCU and moved to NY after I graduated.
@Voiceofreason,
I hear u girl. I truly do… i do try to post events around the city on my blog… I’ve been slacking… but it’s http://www.museacd.blogspot.com... and my sister said that the “Y” in Homewood is a great place to meet a man. They’re prolly all married. Lol… but she said it’s a lot of fine specimens that frequent it. And btw – my sister has good taste in men. lol.. not bullet holes, and stab wounds.
@pgh muse,
Cool. Good lookin out. And as for the Y in Homewood…I might have to go out of my way to start working out there. I can pull my Helpless Girl in the Weight Room routine. Lol. Well, it’s actually not a routine. I don’t know what I’m doing in the weight room and some guy is always walking over to me telling me the right way to use a machine.
@Voiceofreason,
I love how you show love for Pgh out of obligation
lol, no obligation here. despite my love for toronto, the burgh holds the number one spot. obviously, i’m not particularly objective, but i just feel like i can name more positive things about the burgh than any other city ive been to.
and, as far as the talk about their being no jobs, ummmm…
http://www.thepittsburghchannel.com/news/18438114/detail.html
@The Champ, “and they’re from the best city on earth”
i strongly advise against playing yourself.
@overit,
advise deez
@The Champ,
and they’re from the best city on ea
Lol… whoa. Did somebody drink their black and gold juice this morning or WHAT… musta been that sunshine cuz it couldn’t have been the snow or the below 0 with the windchill temps… but i’m not hatin’ The Champ. I heart Pittsburgh too
@The Champ,
Just because it gave me FlashDance, I heart Pittsburgh.
@superwoman,
who exactly are these steelers??
i live in America…and thats my question ALL THE TIME.
@Princess Duvet, heh heh heh, you make me laugh!
@superwoman, Steelers= American football team and winner of 5 superbowls and 17 division titles. From where? Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania…which happens to be the best city on earth (yes, the Champ was actually correct about this)
@Miss Patterson,
me me me me me!!!!! I lub my STEELERS!!!!!
@Luvvie,
Leaving Saturday morning for DC
Aight so far, IH and Luvtheshoes shall be in DC. I’m getting there on Friday evenint. Who else?
I totally agree with everything including the idea that men will marry the women that insist on being treated the well and those who have something going for them. I mean, why not, women are attractive to the same thing…at least I am
I don’t know about the plopping on the couch though…I think you have to look at the time frame on how that happens. So people are just trifflin..
#6 vs. #2: what if my definition of being treated well means not having to be anyone’s trophy?
maybe the answer is that this isn’t the blog for me…
@conundrum,
i dont really view the two as in competition of with each other. i can explain after ive had rest.
@Princess Duvet,
I second this emotion. Your man SHOULD be proud of you and SHOULD want to show you off and be seen with your a$$ in public. And because he is so pleased to be with you, he’ll move heaven and earth to treat you well, as long as you require it.
Otherwise, your his JO. And not the one he will admit or brag about having.
@blackberry molasses,
my sleepy a!ss thirds your second..this was nicely put.
@blackberry molasses,
*tambourine shake*
I 4th this comment. Or whichever number ya’ll are on now.
@blackberry molasses, you have no idea how you’ve solved an eternal enigma for me..
So that’s what she meant when she said “Why didn’t you tell anyone we were dating!!!” – jeez who would’ve guessd.
VSB: where domestic disputes are rationalised to your detriment
@blackberry molasses, i have to say that I agree here
@conundrum,
Welcome!!! **Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
and please don’t leave! VSB is a place for lively discussion and respectful disagreement. And occasional (okay, frequent) displays of complete ignance.
@blackberry molasses @ conundrum,
“and please don’t leave!”
…conundrum comeback here!!!!!
@Princess Duvet, @ conundrum,
and to that i will add…”don’t make me chase after you *neck swivel*”
welcome!!! *shooting gold stars*
it’s all good here in the vsb hood. i guarantee you will lol out loud ( a coupla times) by the end of the day if you stick around…
@conundrum, I think my SO is the baddest jawn that I have ever met and I will put her up against just about anyone else’s jawn and thus I will put up with/do alot to keep her
@Pey-SO,
Oh, how I long to be not only somebody’s “jawn”, but indeed, “the baddest jawn” he’s ever met. *sparkly eyes*
My day shall come, BBJ willing. Amen.
@Pey-SO,
That was soooo sweet, in ur own way. I love it
@Pey-SO,
I’mma have to ask you to STOP IT with your liberal use of the “jawn”…. makes my left eye twitch.
@blackberry molasses, i went to Philly for school and thats the one thing I learned
@Pey-SO,
@Pey-SO,
As a Philly jawn, I do not approve of non-Philly folks using that word.
But in this instance, you get a pass & a woorder ice.
@conundrum,
how do you define “trophy”?
@The Champ, yeah, that was my question actually. i think the definition of “trophy” is the key here. if you define trophy as strictly his dime-piece to show the world he got a dime-piece without even the slightest care about who you are as a person, then, ok.
however, according to the article, a man’s trophy ain’t 100 percent about her looks so much as it’s about how great a person you are and what great character you have…
basically, all the things women think men don’t give a f*ck about.
@Panama Jackson,
My father always told me that a true trophy wife is a woman that it’s difficult for other men to get. You have to work hard to get her but she’s well worth it. It’s like the effort an athlete puts forth to get a real trophy.
@Voiceofreason,
good definition and sh*t
“5. the fact that your man doesn’t bring you roses, but instead plops on your couch to watch TV and takes you for granted is actually a natural stage and the hallmark of almost all serious relationships—not a deal-killer”
i rebuke this message in the name of every sectional, sofa bed, and futon in America.
@Princess Duvet, you shouldn’t
I would like to think that the author meant that if he doesn’t bring you roses all the time, like he used to in the beginning .
Look, the so-called “boring” parts of a relationship form the bulk of it’s existence, because it’s impossible for the intial fiery-flame-of-seemingly-relentless-infactuation to last for ever. I mean i love ma girl, but not all the time n sh*t, but i do love her.
So in a way him coming over to your place and plonkin on the couch is not a sign that he now cares less for you, but it’s a sign that he can now relax and enjoy all of you cause he’s assured you that you are all he needs and could ever want. And once in a while he’ll suprise you wit a rose n sh*t, and it will mean that much more…
(**waiting for the lynching team**)
@sisanda,
I will stand in the middle and protect you from being lynched because I agree with that statement. I didn’t quite get or like it at first. But then I realized that he felt at home, at ease, safe with me or near me.
There were days when he would call and ask if he could come by and he would spend the entire evening on the couch watching or not watching whatever on the television and I would be in another part of the house doing something else.
The biggest hurdles were when he we would be in one of his moods, and those are not his good moods, and would come over and say nothing. I was like why in the hell did he even bother coming over here. What gives?
But it all started to make sense. We got married soon after those instances started.
Now I am not saying this would be the case for everyone, it just happened to be mine and I agree with the statement.
I totally co-sign this. I have done this countless times with boyfriends that made me feel loved and safe, etc.
Sometimes I wanna be in your space while I work out my problems. Just don’t talk to me, lol.
@sisanda,
“Look, the so-called “boring” parts of a relationship form the bulk of it’s existence, because it’s impossible for the intial fiery-flame-of-seemingly-relentless-infactuation to last for ever. I mean i love ma girl, but not all the time n sh*t, but i do love her.
So in a way him coming over to your place and plonkin on the couch is not a sign that he now cares less for you, but it’s a sign that he can now relax and enjoy all of you cause he’s assured you that you are all he needs and could ever want. And once in a while he’ll suprise you wit a rose n sh*t, and it will mean that much more…
”
i gotta call bullshat..if the writer meant “if he doesn’t bring you roses all the time, like he used to in the beginning …” then he should have written THAT. I’m not looking for Aretha Franklin’s
“freeway of love..in a pink cadillac” EVERDAY.
But a man “taking me for granted” and ploppin his dusty a!ss on my sofa everyday is not what i consider to be a “hallmark” of a “comfortable” “settled in” relationship.
This writer dude just gave all men everywhere a bus pass to be lazy in relationships…and i would argue that if “comfortable” “settled in relationships” aren’t ALWAYS s a dozen of white callilies…neither is his permenant @zz print in my couch.
@Princess Duvet,
i gotta call bullshat..if the writer meant “if he doesn’t bring you roses all the time, like he used to in the beginning …” then he should have written THAT. I’m not looking for Aretha Franklin’s
“freeway of love..in a pink cadillac” EVERDAY.
although its not said explicitly, its implied with that statement.
the basic point is that, if you’re in a relationship and a guy is comfortable and willing to do stuff around you (watching tv, playing wii, eating bowls of bacon) that he could very easily be doing by himself, don’t take it as a sign of disrespect. it means that we’ve settled and have gone from the “win her” stage to the “keep her” stage.
also, if you look at the link, the very next statement says this:
“…but, don’t be a doormat. If you don’t complain, or, even worse, try to do everything for him, it will make him think you are just there for his convenience…”
@The Champ,
i did actually read the link..so much so I noticed that there was a little bit of “double writing” going on..
sitting on my couch and “taking me for granted” will have me “insisting upon me being treated well”..
it is the push and the pull that makes all relationships what they are. Perhaps I am splitting hairs, or perhaps the push and the pull is how people get what they want.
or maybe I need to re-read the article in its entirety.
@Princess Duvet, well they do say that reading is fundamental. lol.
@Panama Jackson,
fundamentally read deeze …
@The Champ,
“eating bowls of bacon”…..
you do this?? I am sad for your carotid artery and your liver.
@blackberry molasses,
not often. just once or two a week
@blackberry molasses,
I’m eating that right now. embrace the porky goodness
@Deviant,
sorry… I don’t dine on the swine
@The Champ,
Eating Bowls of Bacon, wow that sounds wonderful!
@sisanda,
Well Said and expressed my dear:-)
@sisanda,
I agree with you. Flowers are great sometimes, but sometimes I feel like men who are doing things like sending flowers all the time are trying to compensate for what they know they’re doing wrong. Maybe I’m just paranoid.
@Princess Duvet, yeah…i rebuke that message right along with you. sometimes the couch potato thing isn’t a good thing. i don’t consider this gesture a sign that your guy is ready to settle down with you. don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about reaching a certain comfort level with your mate, but complacency and boredom…not so much.
@Miss Patterson,
“i don’t consider this gesture a sign that your guy is ready to settle down with you.”
me neither…i have a friend who thinks it does though..to me it just means he followed your lead..and he gave you what you asked for..a “dating” situation where he “dates” you in your house.
@Princess Duvet,
Actually, this is the # I agree the most with. Men don’t do comfortable things around people they are not comfortable with. And if he’s comfortable with you, it means you two are closer…
Or maybe that’s just me. I don’t know. I need one more spoon of this cinnamon-y, pecan-filled, oatmeal goodness before making sense.
@Sula In Planning.,
“Men don’t do comfortable things around people they are not comfortable with.”
you right…random and anonymous se!x to most men ain’t comfortable… not at all.
I just don’t think that sitting up on a couch is a relationship indicator that he’s happy and in love. It means he’s comfortable, yes. It means you got a cool flat screen, cable and apple tv. I don’t think it necessarily ALWAYS means he’s into YOU.
Your couch, yes.
your behaviorable conditioning of what you’ve told him is OK..particularly early on..Yes to that too.
@Princess Duvet
So are you saying that chilling in the house can’t be seen as quality time.
I haven’t heard of too many men chilling at their JO’s house just because. In fact, I believe it’s quite the opposite. Once the deed is done, it’s time to bounce. To some chilling together in the house can be seen as quality time. Maybe not in the early stages but later on down the line.
We don’t have to go out ALL the time. It’s okay to sit down and just BE together without the pomps and circumstances.
@V Renee,
“So are you saying that chilling in the house can’t be seen as quality time. ”
absolutely. The problem is that a lot of dating and courtship BEGIN on women’s couches and they end right there too.
I just have a hard time believing that modern dating is taking people out and about doing great bonding excercises…and coming to a more steadied even pace chilaxin at home playing house.
Sadly women are being dated in their homes on their sofas YEAR ROUND…regardless of weather and hibernation.
maybe im a little old fashioned i dunno..
@Princess Duvet
My point is, sure in the early stages I can see where dates on your couch are not acceptable. But later on in the relationship, there will be times that I don’t want to do sh*t but sit at home on the couch with my boo, and have hot heavy s3x at the end of the night. Forget the rock climbing, museums, comedy shows, trips to the zoo and all that jazz. That’s all fine and dandy, but sometimes I want to chill…..with my man…..at home on the couch/bed/kitchen counter/bathtub/closet or where ever.
@V Renee,
Ok LMAO @ closet. BWAHAHA @ ur X-Rated boudoir face.
@Princess Duvet,
He’s into my couch means that I’m dating a man that can’t even afford a comfortable couch.
Hmmm… In that case, my problems are elsewhere…
It’s not the couch. It’s the time. Being in public is sharing time with the outside world, being together on the couch just being is time spent together.
Again, maybe it’s just me, but I do enjoy my downtime on the couch watching whatever with my head in his lap… Best sunday afternoon hangout if I ever saw one.
I’ve never thought of myself as dating anyone after 2-3 dates. that’s not enough time to identify ” crazy” or “potential stalker”. I call BS on that one.
And I do agree that no man wants a doormat… but he doesn’t want a nag either.
@blackberry molasses, ‘I’ve never thought of myself as dating anyone after 2-3 dates”
2-3 dates is still talking the phase for me. I don’t consider myself dating until at least after 6-8 dates.
@Leila, Yeah six to seven seems reasonable and plus I want to wait until it’s mutually stated. I don’t want to assume and look the fool.
@bholl, umhmmmm! ALLOW looking like some any idiot when dude starts talking about ” just friends” and “a bit of fun” “nice girl”.
@bholl,
Yeah, if one wishes to be not kept in limbo, they should initiate a convo, don’t assume and shyt. I’ve had experiences where I openly said I was dating others, but because I focused a lot of attention on her, she assumed I wasn’t anymore. Bad Mistake.
@Monk,
DITTO!
It MUST be stated that we’re exclusively seeing each other, otherwise Imma keep doing me. And while I think women assume more often than men, there are men who do the same.
Communication is Key dammit!
@Dom,
Communication is Key dammit!
I call T-shirt!!
@Sula In Planning
T-shirts haven’t been giving in a minute. There used to even be polls……what’s going on?
Or do they no longer think we’re funny :-/
@bholl,
very true
@blackberry molasses,
“I’ve never thought of myself as dating anyone after 2-3 dates. that’s not enough time to identify ” crazy” or “potential stalker”. I call BS on that one.”
Exactly. I’m calling BS as well.
@blackberry molasses,
I agree. I’ve never thought I was dating someone after 2 dates. You barely know the man after 2-3 dates. Definite BS….
@blackberry molasses, of course you or any of the other women on VSB ever said that they were dating a man after 2-3 dates, we all know that VSB woman are liar God’s gift to the planet. Lolol jk
@Pey-SO,
of course you or any of the other women on VSB ever said that they were dating a man after 2-3 dates, we all know that VSB woman are liar God’s gift to the planet
basically, lol.
@Pey-SO,
but actually, I’M not. Women who do this are desperate to label sh*t. Maybe I’m an anomaly. I don’t know. But I’m the type of chick who weighs her options on EVERYTHING and likes to keep her options open… and that includes relationships.
I didn’t consider me and my husband dating for a minute. For the first month and a half or so of our relationship, I openly dated 2 other dudes. I had a mental roster in my mind and he moved himself up to the top and maintained that position… that took about 10 dates. Then it was another 2 months until we got intimate. That’s when I was truly in “locked down” mode.
@blackberry molasses,
“I didn’t consider me and my husband dating for a minute. For the first month and a half or so of our relationship, I openly dated 2 other dudes. I had a mental roster in my mind and he moved himself up to the top and maintained that position… that took about 10 dates. Then it was another 2 months until we got intimate. That’s when I was truly in “locked down” mode.
”
I’m having YaYa sweaters custom made…do want the crest to go on the right or the left??
holla back..
@Princess Duvet,
Crests look best on the left chest. I’d like my sweater to be a v-neck cashmere blend. Size XS please.
@Luvvie, im’ma need a medium.
@Luvvie @SouthernGirl, coming right up Luvster & South G
@Luvvie,
I haven’t been quite able to commit to the Ya-Ya’s yet. I’m lookin’ and thinkin’ though…
@Princess Duvet,
well idunno about the other Ya Ya sisters, but my left boob loves to rock crests/broches/flower pins etc. We call her the ‘party boob’
@blackberry molasses,
“but my left boob loves to rock crests/broches/flower pins etc. We call her the ‘party boob’
”
1:15pm EST.. dead on arrival.
@blackberry molasses, hmph….how about when ninjas move you up and try to be slick about it? i bring up the topic (this was a few months in) and he’s looking at me all crazy and i’m tired of running around this bush cause he’s all, you know when you’re in a relationship with someone. and i’m like, the hell i do! i ain’t assuming sh!t! i am not that chick.
how was i supposed to know you were showing your cousins my pic when you were in baltimore last month telling them i was your girl, when you didn’t even tell me?!?!?! i don’t care how many hints you done dropped, how many times a week we’re seeing each other. it wasn’t directly stated so i wasn’t assuming it.
his point then was that at one point i had asked him if he was seeing anybody else and he said no. he asked me the same and i said no. so in his mind we had talked about it. to me, that was simply saying you weren’t seeing anybody else at the time-which could have been based on opportunity. not, i’m not seeing anybody else cause i just want to see you. does that make sense?
i need you to break it all the way down for me. maybe that was an attack of “chick logic” but i guess the follow up question of whether or not we were then exclusive was needed (in my mind) cause we were soooo not on the same page.
@SouthernGirl,
depends on your defining point. truly. every relationship, like the people in it, is different.
like i said, I like to keep my options open. Interestingly, so doess my dude. So when we started eliminating our other ‘options’ we knew something was a-goin’s on.
We did have a short (meaning 3- sentence) “conversation” about it, that kind of cemented it for both of us. We’re not ones for labels or symbols of relationship status. To a degree, we did the M -word thing for tax and insurance benefits and to shut our families the h3ll up.
So… the point… that hasn’t emerged…. COMMUNICATION is KEY. Your style of communication will vary, but both of you needed to be absolutely clear on the whole thing. I believe in using your words. I use mine alot… clearly from all the rambling above.
Did I even make sense? I don’t know because I’m pissed that I’m about to be in meetings for the next 3 hours.
@blackberry molasses, first, sorry about the meeting. i hurt for you.
second, regarding communication we are –>here<–
the first time when we had the ‘what are you doing’ convo in passing, i was asking because some jokes had been made about seeing other people or “taken spots.” and i can’t remember all the details now but some things had been said in passing that also had me thinking we weren’t quite there yet. and we’d had a convo early on when we started hanging out that we were going to do just that and see where it went because i had just gotten out of something and he was going through some stuff. so on top of all that and just being who i am, i really wasn’t trying to read more into it, you know?
so once i made up my mind about what i wanted, we had the second convo, and i was trying to iron out all the things that had been said as to what was going on between us. and he’s also one of those not “for labels or symbols of relationship status” kinds of people so that previous convo was enough for him. but i’m the opposite so it wasn’t enough for me so we were clashing.
i’m all about the communication. i just want to talk about the issue and get it out of the way so it doesn’t build up. and once things started happening that were contrary to the initial talk we’d had, i knew it was time for another. it was just that since we have different views, the time in between got muddled. a lot came out in that conversation and we both recognized that we have different styles. so he knows he has to talk sometimes, even when he doesn’t want to.
i am all about words and how people say things which can be bothersome for some folks because i take a lot of things literally because i know how i am and i am careful about the words i use and how i say things to people. so since it hadn’t been explicitly said, i didn’t claim it at the time.
@blackberry molasses,
I can’t exactly call bullsh*t on this because I know plenty of women (of all different demographics) claim they were dating someone that they never even really went on a real date with, let alone 2 or 3, in my lifetime I have done this, created a relationship in my head and convinced myself that it was. Thankfully, I have grown from that.
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
yeah, I had to go back and think about it, and one of my good friends used to think she was dating a guy after the 2nd date, and started talking about us (her friends) meeting him. Thank God she has grown out of that
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
was that friend me?? lol
i so used to be that chick
@all the women calling BS, i’m gonna go ahead and call bullsh*t, consequences, and repercussions on all of y’all too. now perhaps each and every one of you is an exception to the rule, but in my experiences, SO many women, upon deciding after the first date that they are feeling you, get it in their minds that you are actually dating, while dude things we’re just getting to knoe eachother. hell, i’ve had convos with beaucoup chicks that are friends who are trying to understand why dude ain’t acting right if they’re dating…after the 3rd date. hell, a chick i was dating hit me off with that before.
it’s another post in and of itself, but i’ve had chicks (more than 1) tell me within 2 weeks that they were in love with me.
now this isn’t to say that men don’t do this at all (the assumed “dating” or even gettin’ loose with the L word before it’s even plausible), but it seems that women are more likely to jump the gun. perhaps its due to the crappy dating landscape that maybe does or doesn’t exist for women, i don’t know, but let’s not pretend we don’t ALL know some woman who’s been ready to bet the farm on some man she’s been out with twice.
@Panama Jackson,
I agree with you. But as I said upthread I know some guys who do the same exact thing.
Actually, if we could take an honest opinion poll of men and women who are really feeling their date after 2-3 dates, I think we’d be surprised at how many men have the same feeling. Women are just more likely to admit it. Guys tend to keep it to themselves cuz they dont want to look like they got played.
@Panama Jackson,
Maybe I’m too simplistic but after 3-4 dates with another person, I consider it “dating”. Now that doesn’t mean we are an exclusive couple and I’m only dating one person. Chances are I’m dating more than one individual at a time. And I agree that for it to end up exclusive means there has to be some sort of conversation to establish that but generally speaking, if we are working past the 4th date, I would consider us “dating”.
Am I missing something?
@Luvtheshoes, no you’re not missing anything. i think in this scenario they’re using dating as a term to represent exclusivity. dating is dating to me. one date, two dates, three dates. so if i go out once with a guy we’re dating, but i might be also ‘dating’ other people. guys are better at this though…dating a lot of people at the same time you cast a wider net.
@Panama Jackson, shiiiiiiiiiit. Panama, i ain’t scared to admit it. i’ve gotten a little excited after a couple of dates and a good kerfuffle. it happens. i’m a girl, sue me.
@Miss Patterson,
what does kerfuffle mean again? it sound like something you’d get at a greek deli
I don’t agree with the stupid couch statement but I agree with the others. I tell my gal pal all the time to stop acting like vanessa bell calloway in coming to america….i mean it didn’t even work for her so why do you think it will work for you?
I see the sideways grin followed by a subtle chuckle he gives when I occasionally vocalize my needs/wants from him with resolute intensity. And although I can never say this to him out loud….I know he likes it.
@shay-d-lady, au contraire, Arsenio wanted to wife her up. Eddie Murphy was on some ole “find himself” non-sense.
plus he was colorstruck. you see he wanted himself a lightgirl.
And why is the google ad for this post
“Meet Married Women: Looking for discreet fun? Find hot married women right now.”
@blackberry molasses,
yes, i know i’m responding to myself… this is the last one. I read the entire article…. there are a few points I call SHENANIGANS! on, but I’ll get at those tomorrow.
G’night VSB Vampire Crew
@blackberry molasses, it’s a conspiracy and i could smell it from afar, they’re trying to kill of VSB like they did to the Black Panthers **shhhhh, don’t speak to loud, they’re listnn, they’ve tapped your keybourds too***.
You can’t have a site where Darkies get together and talk about improving their relations with their families and people in general, next thing these people will start to think smart is cool, and these Shaniqua’s will be trieng to graduate out of school…can’t have that now can we damintt.
@blackberry molasses,
“Meet Married Women: Looking for discreet fun? Find hot married women right now.”
someone needs to start doing a screenshot of the google ads, because i miss all of the good ones
@The Champ,
The one up right now says “Life is short. Have an affair.”
Google Ads be on bullshyt, ya’ll.
@PBG, i remember reading an article about a billboard somewhere that was causing all kinds of problems.
it said something like: Life is short. Get a divorce.
it was for a divorce lawyers firm. interestingly enough, i thought it was quite ingenious.
@Panama Jackson,
“Life is short. Get a divorce.”
Ironically, this was the epiphany I had on my first anniversary.
@blackberry molasses, i know, i know – i am NOT appreciating the ‘meet hot south african women’ one either! with the words ‘REAL PROFILES!!’ screaming out from under their sleazy photographs!
@blackberry molasses,
There is another ad that says “Life is short. Have an affair. 100% Ashley Maddison Affair Guarantee.” Is Ashley a matchmaker for homewreckers and a**holes or something?
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
*fell out of my chair*
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
*dead*
with a total of 4 kiddies with a 5th one due next month, he still brings me roses
he also is capable of sitting on the couch and watching football all day
however, this (watching sports) is what he likes to do, he also likes to cook dinner, clean up the kitchen and calls me up to ask me if I need anything b4 coming home
he changes diapers as well as watches ESPN 24/7
he writes me sweet little notes and buys me cards, just because he was thinking of me
i say boo at number five
@L, You have a good man:) The funny thing is I don’t mind if a guy watches sports all day. I grew up around a lot of guys and I expect it. I find it more strange if a guy isn’t sitting around watching sports, but this can be because I’m a sports addict too especially during March Madness.
@Leila, yeah, i can never get why women get fra about men watching sports- i mean, it’s the perfect time to read in peace!!!
@superwoman,
Neither do I! At least then you know exactly where his @ss is & u don’t have 2 wonder!
@superwoman,
Exactly…I don’t trip, normally I’m sitting right there watching…especially if it’s football.
@miss t-lee,
a big ol CO-SIGN
@miss t-lee, change that to basketball and i agree.
@superwoman,
My parents have been together almost 40yrs and Mother compares having Daddy in the basement watching football to when she would turn on Sesame Street for us when we were small:
“I know where he is and what he’s doing and I can have some peace in here for a few hours a day!”
That is hilarious, but so true. I was taught by both my parents to appreciate and respect a man’s sports time, for different reasons.
@Leila, “find it more strange if a guy isn’t sitting around watching sports, but this can be because I’m a sports addict too especially during March Madness.”
I am the same way. I have a friend who is the only guy I know who doesn’t know what “the game” was whenever I ask him did he watch “the game”. That is a real problem for me during college football season. I don’t think I could date a guy who didn’t watch sports.
@L, your last comment should have read “I mean his real to me”
(before someone goes in for the d*ck punc)Just kiddin…it’s always good to hear about brothers doing right by their woman, instead of always being told we aint sheeeiiit but random-seed-planters and purse-snatchers.
But there’s no way i will let my girl hang around you tho, she might start getting ideas and say sh*t like “Why don’t you do that ?” …lmfao
@sisanda, this made me think of…
I WANT HALF EDDIE!!!!!!
Eddie Murphy was hilariously non-PC.
@Panama Jackson,
-I want what’s cominame!!!!
-What you want baby?
-HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I loved RAW. Like really, was about to leave my man at the altar for the DVD kinda love.
@L,
It’s great that he treats you like that. What do you do for him if you don’t mind me asking?
*rereading*
“4 kiddies with a 5th one due next month”
Nevermind.
J/K kinda.
@Monk,
What do you do for him if you don’t mind me asking?
*rereading*
“4 kiddies with a 5th one due next month”
Nevermind.
J/K kinda.
LOL
@L,
damn…i stopped at 4! keep on doin the do….
on a serious note nobody brought this point up:
“1. Men are attracted by the physical, but marry character.”
says it all to me….
@L,
You got a REAL good man. Better hold on to him!
@Ivy St.,
If them kids is like mine…he ain’t goin nowhere….hell it’s a struggle just to make it to work ( in all the good ways on most days )
“3. men believe that they can size up a woman in 5 minutes. They’re usually wrong. If a man doesn’t call, it’s because he realizes that he made a mistake.”
Aiight Champ – maybe I’m more than sleepy, but that statement is a contradiction in itself.
They BELIEVE they can size up a woman in said time, but they’re usually wrong, or so the statement states.
So if he doesn’t call, it’s because he realizes he made a mistake?
Which is the mistake?
He sized her up: Damn, she’s got a good head on her shoulders, I think I’ll holla. (wrong) Doesn’t call cause he realizes he made a mistake.
or
He sized her up: Damn, she ain’t worth two dead fleas – I’ll pass. (wrong) Doesn’t call cause he realizes he made a mistake.
Statement #3 makes no sense when it’s broken down.
Expound and sh*t.
Yeah, nevermind. I AM really sleepy. Oh Sandman, why must you punish me at only 11pm? *sighs* G’night.
@RedBeanzNRice,
I agree that it seems contradictory.
How does he manage to ever meet women if he’s wrong all the time?
@Resident GRitS, he’s not wrong all the time but just b/c we sometimes get something right doesnt mean we’re good at it and sometimes the signs can be so overwhelming that we HAVE to do the right thing.
Imagine if you were bad at directions but you thought you were good, you would always think that you were going the right away but then you would realize that you were actually going the wrong way. Sometimes the signs just say “this way to granny’s house in the woods” and you have no choice but to go the right away.
I hope that analogy made sense….
@RedBeanzNRice,
the point he’s trying to make is that a guy might show a ton of initial interest, but once he realizes that he’d rather eat beets than spend another moment with you, he falls off.
if you think about it, you hear woman complain about this all of the time, about how a guy was seemingly super into them for like a week or two, and then he just disappears.
plus, men approach multiple women. sometimes, we make mistakes
@The Champ, who doesn’t like beets?
@Miss Patterson,
humans with working taste buds
@RedBeanzNRice,
I think the basic message is: “If a man didn’t call, it’s because he found out he made a mistake”… i.e. he realized he was not that into you.
At least, that’s my understanding of it. (Oatmeal does do wonders for the brain.
)
@Sula In Planning.,
Wow, thank you Sula for reiterating what Champ already said. Much appreciation.
#1 is true. I have that complex of being that dad my dad never was. Playing catch?! I had trips to the sewing shop with moms…BOO! I hated that mess!
#2 is the truth for real! There are girls I wouldn’t mind seeing only on their back and at night. Women talk about men don’t want to settle…no we don’t want to settle with you. While I am up front about it and will let you know I will never date you…it’s hard…I know why men lie. LOL!
#4 I agree with this
#5 I have never dated a girl who was too bent on me being lovely dovey with gifts. I think spooning and a smack on the butt every now and then lets you know I love you.
#6 is the truth, act like a bustdown you will get the bust down treatment.
sidenote: Am I the only dude who comments on this site? It’s like I wandered into a Curves gym and don’t realize it till the 3rd visit
@James Nantucket,
there is a whole lot of estrogen all up and through this site, but as a full-time lurker, i appreciate reading comments from the men. keep ‘em coming.
I’m going to have to agree with #1 – when men are ready to get married, they do. They find a suitable girl and keep it moving. My friend just told me he was going to get married this year. At this moment, he doesn’t have a single woman on the horizon. He has a bazillion single Nigerian women for him to choose from so I’m sure I will be eating his cake by the end of the year.
Let me try to make a New Year’s resolution that I will be getting married this year. All holy heck will rain down, exes and losers will start coming out of the woodwork and I won’t have single date until the clock strikes midnight 2010. *smh*
@melodi,
There, there…(hands melodi a drink).
@Resident GRitS,
I know, right. wooh-saaa…
@melodi,
dearest… go directly to the Prayer Cubicle. Imam Overit and Deaconess PBG will be waiting for you.
guhl…. exhale!!!
@blackberry molasses,
I’m gonna hold her down in prayer!
*sends glittery Jesus emails to the Holy Infant*
@James Nantucket, your sidenote is hilarious. no, you’re not the only guy. but the men of vsb are a minority (sad, but true). stick around.
@James Nantucket i thought i would give an explanation to your sidenote my man:
1. Women love to hear themselves talk/blogg, talk/blogg, and talk/blogg…sheeeeiiiiit it’s been reported some of them do it all day.
2. Women don’t share the shortfall us men, which is to make sense when we talk/blogg, so they all just keep going and going in circles and fill up the VSB chat sheet, we then come here try to make sense of what’s being sayed…end up with a tumor, and sporadic fits rendering us incapable of further blogging.
3. Women move/blogg in hives.
**sidenote:Yo James man, tell my mother i love her and i left her some money in my All Star’s shoe box, right behind my Backdoor Slutz DVD collection**
@sisanda,
LMAO I can believe that they do run in herds around here. As for moms, you know I got you, but I’ll cop the collection before she finds it. No reason she needs to know her baby was a fan of Pinky aka Trex with pink hair.
@James Nantucket, I got ya back fam. I’m a dude
@Pey-SO,
@James Nantucket, I got ya back fam. I’m a dude
***giggling like a 4th grader at the ho-yay undertones***
@The Champ,
*agreeded*
felt like a pink hippo moment was bout to jump up
@Pey-SO, sorry. pause
@Pey-SO,
smgdh….i was gonna let is slide…lol but Champ called you out lol
@James Nantucket,
Some of us guys…sleep late man….that’s all lol
i’m with you on #5…..
curves…smgdh lmao
@James Nantucket,
Am I the only dude who comments on this site? It’s like I wandered into a Curves gym and don’t realize it till the 3rd visit
lol…this made me literally laugh out loud.
but, to answer your question, along with panama and i, there’s eff yo couch, d*stroy, dorian g, kamakula, deviant, west indian archie, peyso, dr. watson, genuis khan, wudaman, jarrod halsey, sisanda, monk, southern charm, j mcfly, mr.swagger, tx10inch, and a host of others whose names i’m forgetting now.
with that being said, though, this is a relationship-centric blog, and women tend to populate these types of blogs more than we do.
still, we could use even more male voices. start inviting people you know
damn, a brotha stops posting for a couple days and gets cut from the first string roster. . .
@kamakula,
that means you need to come out and play more, silly.
@kamakula,
what are you talking about? you’re in there and sh*t.
***hoping kamakula forgets that i have omnipotent editing powers***
@The Champ,
What’s even better is you put me in the middle, rather than the beginning or end so I end up looking like the crazy one who just didn’t notice.
@kamakula,
Heyyyy eBoo!! I’ve missed you!
@The Champ,
Correction. Deviant is not a dude.
@James Nantucket,
nah bruh, the brothas are on here and read religiously. it was actually me who sent the article to PJ and The Champ.
we just like for the women to go first and then we reply with the right answer.
and btw, this is my first post and sh*t.
@PFLoW,
Lawdamussy…
Welcome!!! **Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
Yes, I’m aware you are a dude (who is asking to be CRUCIFIED) and as you are aware, that don’t mean sh*t to me. Bask in the sparkly goodness.
@blackberry molasses, *sigh* ninja got on a white loincloth carrying a wooden cross…
@PFLoW,
welcome!!! *side-eye* you just ‘gon bust out the gate like that huh? lol. *shooting gold stars*
it’s all good though. cause then we come back and correct ya’lls delusions, misconceptions and demonstrations of man crap.
*palin wink*
@blackberry molasses,
What is Diva Dust…sounds like something a drag queen would say.
@PFLoW,
thanks and shit, again
I think I agree with all of these. Speaking as a woman who has, ahem, been proposed to thricely (and naw, I ain’t married…I got commitment issues), I think I know a lil sumthin – not that I was consciously doing things in an effort to get wifed – about what makes a man want to wife you.
My $2.00:
-men don’t necessarily marry the woman they love the most. They often marry the woman they are in love with when they are ready to settle down.
-most men want a complete ‘package’…but everyone’s priorities are different. If career achievements and smarts don’t rank high on his list, you ain’t gonna bowl him over with your credentials.
-A lot of women idealize relationships, thinking it is nonstop romance – flowers and the like and think the relationship is stale if their boo wants to always stay in and watch tv. So she starts tripping. In the mean time, her man is thinking they are in a good place cuz he can just chill with her. He is then caught off guard by the nag attack.
-A man will treat a woman well if she insists on it. Yes. But only if she leads by example: treating herself well. And dressing fly and keeping your hair done does not necessarily mean you treat yourself well. I challenge any attractive woman who can’t keep a ‘good man’ (key word ‘keep’) to look within and fix the cracks in her spiritual and emotional foundation.
-Lastly, yes…men do like trophy women. And there is nothing wrong with that. But don’t bet the farm that that is gonna keep him. There is always a better looking chick around the corner…or even a less attractive one…who may fill needs you aren’t. If a woman hangs her hat on her looks, she will get played. Halle Berry (not that she banked on her beauty…but two husbands and Christopher Williams cheated on her; something was missing there) should be a lesson to us all.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
PREACH! Your words r the truff!
@iloV.E.G.rits,
so true re: the Halle Berry and cheating S.O. effect -
i remember after the Eric Benet mess, she was on Oprah, talking about how she just didn’t seem to be good at relationships…
my auntie called me and my cousin up on some ‘ooooh, i’m gonna stop harassing you girls to get a boyfriend!!!! if Hail Bear (South African pronounciation of Halle Berry, heh heh) can’t keep a man, then let me give you girls a break, it’s just too hard out there!!’
we were like ‘errr, thanks, we think….’
@iloV.E.G.rits, i swear i will marry you maself, goddddd damniiiiit!!!
I found maself nodding at every one of those points you made.
@ Superwoman we don’t pronounce Halle Bary’s name like that..geeezzz…we pronounce it Hail Bearr (two r’s at the end woman, pay attention will you!!)
@sisanda, eish, aaskies, man!
@iloV.E.G.rits,
this is some good stuff. I read that link a little further (lots of stuff) but one of the things it said was men are attracted to the physical but marry character.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
men don’t necessarily marry the woman they love the most. They often marry the woman they are in love with when they are ready to settle down
good point and sh*t
@iloV.E.G.rits,
Slow Clap.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
you should copy, paste, and save your comment as “The Realest Sh*t I Ever Wrote” lol… good points.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
**Virgin Mary(s) of Guadalupe, Fatima and Lourdes and St. Cyril of Alexandria Parish**
In case you didn’t notice, I concur. Wholeheartedly.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
good points…major co-signage
@iloV.E.G.rits,
If this comment was a drug, it’d be oxycontin. And if I was a tragic inner America suburban boy, I’d crush it and snort it. THAT is how awesome it was.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
AMEN
@iloV.E.G.rits,
*platinum stars*
@iloV.E.G.rits,
“-A man will treat a woman well if she insists on it. Yes. But only if she leads by example: treating herself well. And dressing fly and keeping your hair done does not necessarily mean you treat yourself well. I challenge any attractive woman who can’t keep a ‘good man’ (key word ‘keep’) to look within and fix the cracks in her spiritual and emotional foundation.”
***peeps out from under lurking covers***
waving embroidered hankie while yelling YOU BETTA PREACH GURL!!!
my mother always taught my sisters and I that while what is on the outside may initially catch their eye, what is on the inside is what will steal their heart.
“3. men believe that they can size up a woman in 5 minutes. They’re usually wrong. If a man doesn’t call, it’s because he realizes that he made a mistake.”
I think this one is crap. Sorry men, but I don’t think you figure you you’ve made a mistake until you’re already deep inside the woman’s heart or after you smash. LOL.
“men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active father (especially to their sons)”
I think men’s biological clock starts ticking in relationship to their friends…. My buddy’s friends are all getting married, now he’s feeling the pressure.
I also think men also don’t start looking for a wife until they feel like they have done everything they want to do, including after the career highpoint, when things start to flatline.
@Nicki Sunshine, I’,m gonna have to disagree, us men, felt we made a mistake the night after but sometimes we still call b/c hey we can prolly smash and if most women’s heart and vagstash were connected then their hearts wouldnt get smashed when we do the horizontal tango
@Pey-SO, “sometimes we still call b/c hey we can prolly smash”
D@M men, I tell ya!
@Pey-SO,
*snicker* @ vagstash
@Nicki Sunshine,
“3. men believe that they can size up a woman in 5 minutes. They’re usually wrong. If a man doesn’t call, it’s because he realizes that he made a mistake.”
I think this one is crap. Sorry men, but I don’t think you figure you you’ve made a mistake until you’re already deep inside the woman’s heart or after you smash. LOL.
***cutting and pasting comment from above***
the point he’s trying to make is that a guy might show a ton of initial interest, but once he realizes that he’d rather eat beets than spend another moment with you, he falls off.
if you think about it, you hear woman complain about this all of the time, about how a guy was seemingly super into them for like a week or two, and then he just disappears.
plus, men approach multiple women. sometimes, we make mistakes
@The Champ, “about how a guy was seemingly super into them for like a week or two, and then he just disappears.”
Now, this I can understand… that five minute thing was throwing me!
Champ…this is like your shortest post ever. AnywayI agree with most of the list. Men have to fall hard into love (or get her pregnant) to really want to get married, sometimes I think a woman can be leaned into the idea. Men don’t lean when it comes to forever.
I think people are getting married too early in their relationships now-a-days. Give your relay some time to develop before taking the plunge.
@J. McFly,
Your Fly is open McFly – Sheeiit there’s Ye quote for every aspect of life hey
“Men have to fall hard into love (or get her pregnant) to really want to get married” that ish had me laughing for an eon, but it’s kinda true man.
@sisanda,
Actually…it’s the damned truth.
@J. McFly,
Champ…this is like your shortest post ever.
lol, i know. that was intentional. every other entry this week was in the 600-800 word range, so i figured i’d tone it down a bit today
@J. McFly,
“Men have to fall hard into love (or get her pregnant) to really want to get married”
This does seem to be the way nowadays. This makes it tough for women who refuse to play those types of games with their/their childs life.
Being a woman I can’t tell you why men choose to marry who they marry but I can tell you what my husband and other men I know say that they do and don’t like in women.
One thing I have heard my husband say time and time again is men really don’t care about the same things that women, rather a lot of today’s women think make them such a great catch.
He tells one of his female cousins that married minded men size up women based on their wifey properties. Yes she must have a working brain, a logical opinion and can carry on a meaningful conversation but eff having her own house, mega money and a Harvard education. It doesn’t carry as much clout as some women think that it does. LOL And he always say “and no men are not intimidated by a woman having those things.”
I had the house and my own money when he and I got together. But that was because heck I have to live somewhere. I have to pay my bills. It was never meant to be a tool of prestige. It’s just me being responsible and grown and sh*t.
I have more to say but later…
@Raqi,
One thing I have heard my husband say time and time again is men really don’t care about the same things that women, rather a lot of today’s women think make them such a great catch.
yeah, we’ve discussed this point ad nauseum. it seems like alot of us (and by “us” i mean…) dont wont to believe it though
“the fact that your man doesn’t bring you roses, but instead plops on your couch to watch TV and takes you for granted is actually a natural stage and the hallmark of almost all serious relationships—not a deal-killer”
This needs to be tatooed on all women. Aside from the occasional “Just because” flowers or celebratory good deeds, you definitely shouldn’t expect constant (or even consistent) romantic gestures from your man. Even the good ones. All that stuff is for special occasions. You got all that stuff in the begining because, hell, just SEEING you then was a special occasion. But once you become a part of our lives, the real love will be shown through mutual respect, honesty and open communication. NOT Godiva Chocolate every week.
“Valentin cards and birthday wishes? Please!
We on another level of planning, and understanding…”
@Jarrod Halsey sayed “hell, just SEEING you then was a special occasion. But once you become a part of our lives, the real love will be shown through mutual respect, honesty and open communication”
what he actually meant to say **Cough,had he the protein capsules enclosed in the thermostatic scrotum sacks,cough, cough** is “hell, just SEEING you then was a special occasion. But once you become a part of our lives, you become part of our furniture”
**I know, i know I’m askin for death like a Saudi girl with an exposed ankle, take me now Jesusssss**
@sisanda,
**I know, i know I’m askin for death like a Saudi girl with an exposed ankle, take me now Jesusssss**
You are killing me…lmao!!!!
@sisanda,
**I know, i know I’m askin for death like a Saudi girl with an exposed ankle, take me now Jesusssss**
lawd!!!!!! i just can’t. *falls the f^ck out*
@SouthernGirl,
BWWAAHAHAHA! oh the imagery. that po’ saudi girl.
@sisanda,
I quit you. I’m just… done
But once you become a part of our lives, the real love will be shown through mutual respect, honesty and open communication. NOT Godiva Chocolate every week.
@Jarrod Halsey,
Shyt, they’d be lucky if they get a Hershey’s kiss
@eff yo couch,
“Shyt, they’d be lucky if they get a Hershey’s kiss”
coldddd as ice man…lol
but true
@Jarrod Halsey,
I don’t think it is the actual Godiva product, but the idea that you thought a man thought enough to do something special. It doesn’t have to be something materialistic. He could surprise her with dinner every now and then. The list is endless. If you are in a relationship, you should be willing to do something extra every now and then. I as a woman have no problem doing it and so I’d hope my SO would do the same.
@Ivy St., I think thats what Jarrod is saying….
@Pey-SO, Is that really what he is saying? I read that he needs to WAIT for a special occasion before he wants to do something extra. I also understand that
“But once you become a part of our lives, the real love will be shown through mutual respect, honesty and open communication. NOT Godiva Chocolate every week.” means he just wants to be boring. Respect, honesty and even open communication should be a natural human interaction. You should treat anyone you meet this way. I want to feel special on more days then just my B-day and Valentine’s day.
@Ivy St., I think we are both trying to read what isnt there. While I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt, you’re not. I think he is saying that he will do things just because but just because isnt every damn day
“I as a woman have no problem doing it and so I’d hope my SO would do the same.”
@Ivy St.,
As the Rev Jesse Jackson would say . . .
I’m not that baby’s daddyKeep hope alive!@eff yo couch,
“As the Rev Jesse Jackson would say . . .
I’m not that baby’s daddy Keep hope alive!”
**dead**
@eff yo couch,
Damn it, Eff!!! You gon owe me a new monitor. U best leave, ol’ greasy haired Jesse alone.
@Ivy St., i think that’s part of the problem (assuming it is a problem). many women feel that their man should view things as they do, when really, how often does that happen?
one thing we all know for sure is that men and women are completely different in our trains of thought.
i remember when i saw “the breakup” and they had that whole convo about doing the dishes and jenifer aniston was on some, “i want you to want to wash the dishes” mess…women always want us to WANT to do things, which seems to mean more than actually doing them. our desire to want to do things makes you all more happy than actually doing them….
and i think for men, we just don’t look at things that way.
initally, like Jarrod said, we want to do all of those things b/c just getting to know you is that exciting. you make us want to do it, because we’re excited about the prospect of you. at some point, we know you and we do things, whether we want to or not.
my comment is losing its point and i have no idea what i’m talking about anymore so…
Viva la Obama.
@Panama Jackson,
I agree w/you PeeJay.
A good man doesn’t want to do the dayum dishes.
A good man wants to make his woman happy, and if doing the dishes makes her happy, he will do it.
And the real problem comes in when a woman either can’t see his motives or refuses to accept them because they don’t line up w/her Chick Logic. I don’t know how many times I said on this site that a bunch of the BS between us will cease and desist when women stop trying to hold men to female standards.
As country-fried as he is, I’m going to get Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man” because nothing is more valuable to me as a woman than insight from an experienced man.
“Stop talking so much and listen, and then you can think and do”,/i>…my Daddy’s most sagacious statement ever.
@PBG,
I was actually thinking about getting the book too. I’m glad I’m not the only VSS in this boat. He is country and he does wear some loud ass suits, but… he does have some nuggets of wisdom about men. Cause he’s been at it for 50 some odd years.
@PBG,
No man needs to wash my dishes. It would be nice if he could at least rinse his plate after eating the 5 course meal I just cooked for him. My point is as an adult, I feel like men know what makes a woman smile. I won’t say all but MOST women will appreciate flowers even if they were purchased on the side of the highway. I’ll even appreciate soup cooked for me out of the can. My point is men expect to get ___ or want to be pleased in X manner. Why should I as a woman know what a man likes and he not be expected to know what I like? It’s not asking him to think like me, I’m just asking him to meet me half way. I may have lost the topic, hence me not being married. LOL!
I am not expecting a man in this case to think with chick logic.
i agree with you, Ivy.
men too often get passes for being “men”– whatever the f*ck that really means. just becuz we (women) think, act, and operate differently doesn’t render men incapable of doing things that we like every now and again.
sure, having a “good” man who loves and cares for you is generally enough to put a smile on a woman’s face just by them being the last person she sees and night and the 1st person she sees upon awaking. but that isn’t what keeps the spark in a relationship. “just enough” or “the same ol same ol” really ain’t good enough nor should anyone accept that.
just cuz a man doesn’t like, want to do, or typically think about doing the nice or little things that make women happy doesn’t mean he shouldn’t strive to do more than what’s expected.
low expectation having/achieving muthafuggers make me sick. so i don’t give out “becuz you’re a man you are excluded from ___” passes. if that’s what it takes to get/keep a man, i guess i’ll claim spinsterdom now.
@PBG,
I agree with this wholeheartedly:
“I don’t know how many times I said on this site that a bunch of the BS between us will cease and desist when women stop trying to hold men to female standards.”
Many women won’t accept that fact that not only do they not understand men, they also disturb, even ruin, relationships by trying to put men into their boxes. Some don’t realize they do it.
I am by no means an expert on men but I think I understand them better than others (having two brothers and no sisters and being one of only six girls in a family with 28 cousins has gifted me with a little insight)…it continues to amaze me how stupid even my smartest girls can be when it comes to relating to the male mind.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
Many women won’t accept that fact that not only do they not understand men, they also disturb, even ruin, relationships by trying to put men into their boxes. Some don’t realize they do it.
I will agree with this wholeheartedly. But i think it works both ways. And men are lazy. Not all men — just 89.9%. I think it’s part of our job to make them better.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
And I also think that instead of passifying (not saying that anyone suggested this) them I think it’s part of our job as women to make them better. Behind every great man is a great woman and can’t nothing inspire a man like a woman.
@PBG,
You got a smart Pops
Same thing I tell the lil pines…
@Panama Jackson,
Naw homie, your comments are not losing it’s point you hit it right here on the head when you said,” men and women are completely different in our trains of thought.”
My girl got my name tattooed on her a few years back and I have yet to do the same. So the other day she just let it all out about how she’s upset about it blah blah blah blah. Anyway it took me almost 2 hours to explain to her what you just said in a matter of minutes. You would think someone in there 30′s would get this. Oh how the world would be a better place if women just understood that men are just different and if Jim Jones didn’t rap.
@eff yo couch,
When ur girl got ur name tattooed on her, did you feel any extra pressure to stay with her? Im just curious.
And the only man’s tattoo I’ll ever get on my body is my son’s (and even then. That lil knucklehead may be bad as hell and make me wanna scratch off the tat errtime he pisses me off).
P.S. I dont have a kid yet but I know when I have one, he gon be a fool.
@Luvvie,
“I dont have a kid yet but I know when I have one, he gon be a fool.”
H3ll, apples don’t fall too far from the tree…
@Luvvie,
No I didn’t feel any pressure to stay when things got rough. Plus we was already together 2 year before she got the tattoo.
I was thinking that she’s going to look stupid if our relationship doesn’t work out. But don’t tell her that, lol
@eff yo couch,
LOL u said it, not me. So are you gonna get her name tattooed on u?
And for anyone who has a partner who tattooed their name on their bodies, how did you feel about it? Honored? Creeped out? freaked out?
@eff yo couch, did she just do it or did she tell you first? point being, did you ask/tell her not to get the tattoo? or if you didn’t know, what was your reaction? Just wondering….
@ luvvie
no, but I might get her name tatted on my ring finger like how Beyonce and Jay-z did. That was kind of romantic and shyt.
@SouthernGirl
She got my name tatted on her for my birthday, so I had no clue about it. I would never in a million years ask someone to do that. When she first showed it to me I was shocked to say the least!! And I’ll admit I was thinking “I hope she doesn’t expect me to get her name on my body” lol. It did boast my ego a bit. It’s on her back, so I really enjoy seeing it when I’m
tapping that from behindrubbing her back.@eff yo couch,
Is the tattoo of ur name big on her back?
And BTW, you dumb for that tapping from behind comment
@ Luvvie
No it’s not that big. It’s actually located on her left shoulder. It’s about the size of a regualr tattoo on a person’s arm.
@Luvvie, you’re fired. i was like “there’s a luvvie junior?!” you really had me going there for a second.
@Jarrod Halsey, “You got all that stuff in the begining because, hell, just SEEING you then was a special occasion. But once you become a part of our lives, the real love will be shown through mutual respect, honesty and open communication.”
My last relationship was the exact opposite. My boyfriend at the time didn’t bring me flowers for the first two years. He was a good man and he did a lot and it wasn’t a big deal to me because flowers, chocolates, etc never really showed me real love. Real love is about being there, commitment, making the person feel important, etc.
To paraphrase a line from one of the best movies of all time Snatch: Thinking is a very dangerous action, so (ladies) try not to do too much of it.
Forget everything the champ has posted here and just concerntrate on your head-game, eventually someone will marry and wither away with you, even if they don’t you’ll still be way ahead.
**Let me get out of here before someone sends me to the Gallows or the nearest pig Farm**
@sisanda,
Let me be the first to welcome you to the corner (no HBO series). Those flames located on your left if is Hell
@sisanda,
BTW – co-sign
and Snatch was a great movie!
@sisanda,
Just because you mentionned my favorite movies of all time, I’ma blow you an e-kiss.
Now, onto read the rest of the entry.
@sisanda,
Yes. You allow me to officially welcome you as a permanent inhabitant of The Corner. You will receive your Welcome Packet in email in 4-6 weeks. Orientation starts at noon on Monday. Oh, and bring your own sack of rice. We running low and the tours I’ve been giving have not brought in any dough. Ol’ cheap *ss tippers.
@sisanda,
I’m putting your name @ the top of the Prayer List in the Cubicle.
A man should never get so comfortable that he can’t bring a woman roses from time to time. He doesn’t have to show up at the door with them every night but why start a certain way and change. I think this is how relationships end. People in them get so comfortable that they aren’t willing to work at it any more.
Analogy/large question: Would a man want a woman that in the beginning gives him great mind blowing s3x everyday and then all of a sudden just starts sitting on the couch and (not being in the mood) spreading it out so that there are weeks in between sessions?
Moral: Start the way you intend to keep it and or end it.
@Ivy St., I think it was on Singleblackmale.net where they had a great post about baselining your relationships
@Pey-SO,
Yup I read the baselining blog and it was a great one. I agree. Folks need to stop acting like Rico Suave in the beginning, then become Tyrone Biggums as the relationship goes on.
Thats like you staring off like Stacy Dash. Then by year 3, you’re looking like Whitney circa 2005. Just… no. It ain’t fair.
@Ivy St.,
Co-sign
That why when I get involved with a new chick, the first thing I do is smack her. Why you ask? I do that so she can’t say I changed or say I’ve always treated her good.
When is Camron going to come back, lol
@eff yo couch,
“That why when I get involved with a new chick, the first thing I do is smack her.”
LOL! I’m not the one! You might just get smacked back if you find the one. Please try and do better.
@eff yo couch,
DAMMIT. You need to stop making me do “GP Corner Sendings” on you.
@eff yo couch,
LMAO. I can only quit you so many times. I wonder what is tougher than quitting… Deading, maybe?
@Ivy St., i never read the post about baselining relationships, but i’ve had more than enough convos with my boys about being the victim of your own damn doing.
i know beaucoup dudes who’s excitement early on was overbearing (i’ve been that dude) and when things change (AS RELATIONSHIPS AND LIFE ARE PRONE TO DO – you’re not even the same person you were when you two met) all of a sudden the woman starts complaining about the way things used to be.
so my plan, like eff yo couch – only not at all – is to do the complete bare minimum in the beginning and if that keeps her, start slowly treating her like a queen b/c she’ll appreciate it more.
LOL.
i’m only mostly joking.
@Panama Jackson,
Very true statement. I have a hard time understanding this “he was not like that in the beginning” stuff. Often the beginning was 15 years ago. How can someone be/do the same after 15 years. And isn’t the relationship at a different level 15 years afterwards?
It would be so easy for women to just say. Look sweetie, I like flowers, I like having them in the house so it would be nice to receive them from times to times. Or just find someone who does bring flowers all the time.
I don’t know, it seems like pointless rhetoric to me most of the time.
@Sula In Planning.,
I’d be a little leary of a man who brought me flowers every Monday (as a friend’s ex used to). It is too automatic. And routine. Real romance…showing someone you care…means, to me, taking into account what is going on at that moment and reacting accordingly.
@Sula In Planning., flowers are expensive. like 30 bucks without the vase. i’d rather him save that money and spend it on real sh*t like going to the dentist and getting his feet checked. i like non-decaying teeth and healthy feet. but on a serious note, i’d rather be surprised with little things. things that tell me he’s paying attention. like my favorite snoopy snowcone flavor…stuff like that.
Also from the link:
10. Women who put effort into looking their best are more likely to marry than those who don’t
11. However, men find women who are active and don’t spend all of their time primping more attractive
Talk about contradiction…I guess we need to look the best we can while being active too.
Being a woman, I can’t disagree with any of these points – and in my years of dating, I must say that I believe them to be true.
@Tazzee,
10. Women who put effort into looking their best are more likely to marry than those who don’t
11. However, men find women who are active and don’t spend all of their time primping more attractive
how so? its basically just saying that men like active and attractive women, who take pride in their appearance but dont make their appearance the end all, be all of everything
wow, some of these things seemed so well…obvious. i did especially enjoy #6. as women, we need to not settle but instead make respect a must and not a maybe.
@from the desk of…me,
Welcome!!! **Diva Dust v. 2.0. ™**
@from the desk of…me,
Welcome to the land of the VerySmartFolks! On one side is the PrayerCubicle, staffed by Deaconness PBG and Imam Overit. All yo’ probs can be helped w/ emails to that Sweet Alabaster 5 lb 7 oz. Brown Baby Jesus. We calls him BBJ around these parts
To the other side is the “Sat Down Corner”, and is a place we hope you don’t get sent. You will receive a “Ho Sit Down” Gift Basket upon your arrival if you ever get sent there.
Then last but not least, is THE IG Corner (or just “the Corner). Here is where the most ignant folks get sent. Say hey to Aif Wonder, Eff yo Couch, Goode’s ghost, and new member Sisanda.
Thats bout it. Enjoy ur stay and tip your tour guide.
@Luvvie,
Look, is Jesus alabaster or brown?
Make a choice.
@8th Wonder,
*sniggling*
@8th Wonder, Don’t depend on Luvvie for that answer. She’s probably been swiggin’ on that Bailey’s of hers.
You know the answer. Mmmmmhmmm, you do.
@from the desk of…me,
welcome!!! *shooting gold stars*
re #2: I don’t know why women don’t understand this.
re #4: BUT if he doesn’t acknowledge that you’re dating by date 15, y’all asses probably aren’t dating, especially if he’s under 32.
re #5: I don’t know about this one. I think men love my couch cus it’s comfy and sits right in front of my big ass flat screen, fancy cable, video games and surround sound.
@Hostess,
these are all great reasons to love a couch. does it have fluffy pillows too? n*ggas love fluffy pillows
@The Champ, Fluffy pillows? CHECK!! An assortment of beat and meat? CHECK. I have ‘frociates’ who try to conveniently roll though on Sundays.
@Hostess,
what the hell is beat and meat? wait…do i even want to know the answer to this question?
@The Champ,
::seacret snicker::
@The Champ, that should have read BEER and meat. Damn. Get your mind out the gutter.
Very interesting articles and although many of the points mentioned seemed very superficial and shallow..they definitely hold a great deal of truth about the search for a husband/wife.
Happy Thursday Everyone!
@Jenna Marie Christian,
is today a special thursday or something, or are you just being magnanimous?
@The Champ,
Hello There Champ… I’m just magnanimously speaking. I generally open or close every note, text, post, memo..etc with a Happy (insert day of the week)…
Jen
@Jenna Marie Christian,
well, thanks and sh*t. i enjoy magnanimousness
“Lemme break down this little slogan…so you can figure out the path that I’m rollin!” —Cold187um (Above The Law) – Untouchable.
My rebuttal is as follows:
1. I still have problems with the bio clock thing for men. Some dudes are built like that whereas some of us aren’t panicking and rushing a damn thing. My clocks is digital and I muted the sound.
2. Truth to this. Do you see a lot of fat brides? How about dudes getting married to real ugly women (unless they are ugly themselves)? If we can’t take you anywhere in public without children having to have their eyes shielded and dogs barking, we’re not walking you down the aisle. Think about it…if we choose a mate, who is a reflection of ourselves, if she is anything less than desirable or attractive then it is a subliminal defeat —-i.e. “this is all I can get.”
3. Two minutes for me. If we don’t call it means you never gave us any reason to.
4. Truth to this. I’ve had women after roughly 3 weeks to a month as “so what are we?” They also began to get pushy which was the kiss of death.
5. Unrealistic expectations…no way am I consistently bringing you flowers even in this 20 degree weather! Can you consistently bring me beer? Too bad I don’t get too comfortable over women’s houses. I don’t ever feel at ease, especially if she’s the type that can’t sit still.
@CPT Callamity,
i’m just jealous you’re somewhere where its 20 degrees. i dont think it’s reached 20 in the cave for five days now
@The Champ,
Weather Channel is reporting where i am @ 30 and it’s expected to be in the teens to single digits tonite. Either way, it’s really too damned cold for ole Captain Callam to be out gallivanting an bringing flowers all Don Juan like.
@CPT Callamity,
its soo cold here our condo association left us memo’s advising us to keep a trickle of water running in our sinks so that our pipes don’t freeze.
yeah…. that’s what i like to call B*TCHCOLD.
And I call SHENANIGANS on mother nature. WHY was it a damn winter nightmare driving through SJ to get to work (I d@mn near spun out TWICE) and then I get to Philly and it is BONE DRY.
@blackberry molasses,
I would actually like to see snow, but yeah that is cold.
Ya know…this is supposed to be the time where everyone is bunned up and snuggled up in the house during times like these. I didn’t do the legwork back in November or October to make it happen so oh well…
@CPT Callamity, I bet if u tried fam, u can snatch up a jawn who got cut from another team on waivers
@Pey-SO,
That depends…but I’m not going out in the cold hunting for a free agent. I’ll wait until draft time. At least then I know I can get a quality prospect.
@The Champ,
Well, then I’ll make you jealous with my 42 degrees weather then…. That I find mighty cold by the way.
*brrrr*
@The Champ,
Sheeeiiiit…out in Naptown, it was negative nine on the commute in. Supposed to be down to fifteen below tonight. Watch out East Coast, it’s coming your way!
@The Champ,
I gotchu ALL beat. IT’s currently -26 in Chicago. I had to rant bout it on my blog today. Ish done pissed me OFF!! I’m moving to Fiji!
@Luvvie,
I am in the “Chi” also… Don’t get me started on these North Pole Temps we got going on here…and girl I swear if we get one more snow…..
@Jenna Marie Christian, hmph….this weather is really hurting my feelings and insulting my southern hospitality. this is some b^llsh!t!!!!!!!!!
@SouthernGirl,
Oh, Dang SG – I’ve never seen you so testy!
*quickly pulling out cardboard stars and gold glitter spray paint*
Bootleg gold stars are on their way to you! Duck though – I had some problems getting the edges smooth.
@Lil’T,
uh uh…. bootleg stars too?!?!
you like the “Pssst, over here!” Guy, ain’t ya!
What else you got in that coat, woman!?
@Lil’T,
this weather will give you an instant attitude. today the weather is -17 in Chicago and with the winchill it is -30
@Luvvie, MINUS 26. OH HELL NO.
@CPT Callamity,
“so what are we” lol
I dont see anything wrong with asking this especially after like 5-6 mos, but not 3wks.
@mssmtaylor,
That’s the problem I have. It’s never 5 or 6 months and it damn sure doesn’t get there with that question being asked. Let’s say I have a non-sexual relationship with someone for 5 to 6 months…it usually doesn’t blossom into anything. Now a sexual relationship 2 months in, and you begin to hear plans for next year for a long trip away and shite like that. Then again, I have a very dysfunctional dating record so pay no attention to me.
@CPT Callamity,
Then again, I have a very dysfunctional dating record
I was about to say….
@Sula In Planning.,
Waiting for that weren’t you?
@CPT Callamity,
Somewhat…
@CPT Callamity,
“Can you consistently bring me beer?”
You ain’t never lied! lmao
If a woman can do this for me, we truly have a bond. That goes right along with “don’t have to as for it” head
@MDUBB,
Oh dip! Don’t have to ask for it dome? Sh*t! Is that like “don’t have to initiate it” sex? I don’t think I would know what to do with myself if it were that easy. When I lived overseas I had a landlady that would bring me beer. She was a sweetheart (in a non-sexual way) but that used to make my day a lot better. Then my azz came back to the states….
*fume*
@CPT Callamity,
“Don’t have to ask for it dome? Sh*t! Is that like “don’t have to initiate it” sex?”
hmmmmm… **ponders**maybe that’s why my nickname used to be “Perpetual Proposal” among my sisteren… they didn’t believe i’d go through with it this time.
Nah! Couldn’t be….
**waves at V.E.G.**
@blackberry molasses,
Good girl…good girl…
@blackberry molasses,
Let the church say Amen!
Let me break it down for you wild slow b*tches.
@Arafat Khadafi,
Timing, Physical, Mental
The Natural/Spiritual Laws are always at work. If we only understood them perhaps we could use them although if I could use this knowledge powers for good I probably wouldn’t
@Arafat Khadafi,
care to expound?
@The Champ,
I wish I had time. Perhaps another day. Actually working.
@Arafat Khadafi,
Dude, put down the blunt and come with something that we can understand please.
@MDUBB,
LOL! I’m so sober right now its not even funny. Happy hour tonight though. Catch me after that if you think that comment was surreal. LOL!
@Arafat Khadafi,
I’ll be here, but by then I might be drunk! lol
@Arafat Khadafi,
Khan Man, is that you?? lol
@Luvvie,
Do you know me? Who is Khan Man? Arafat Khadafi here.
HAPPY FOUNDERS DAY TO MY BEAUTIFUL SORORS OF ALPHA KAPPA ALPHA SORORITY IIIINNNNNCORPORATED!!!!!!!!!
imma comment in a minute…. he he he.
)
@This Just In,
oh gosh
@This Just In,
@thechamp hater.
@Liz,
co-sign
)
stop hating Champie!
@This Just In,
Happy founders day to you, Soror! (Normally I lurk in silence, but today marks a special occassion).
And a special skee-wee to Lizzie
!
@almondjoy,
igging the AKAness and basking in my Rhoyal Blue and Goldness
Welcome!!! ** Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™** Now that you have de-lurked, we expect to see more of you. Its what all the cool kids do
Seriously though.. Happy Founder’s Day to y’all. My maid and matron of honor are AKA’s… some of the best girls in the world.
@blackberry molasses,
Ooooh, girl you done messed up now! All I needed was some back-up to stage a raid of the Diva Dust 2.0 factory, didn’t even realize it was right under my nose! I wonder if we can get some pink and green ski masks, we’ll be the fly version of Set It Off….
@Lil’T,
Ha! I’d like to see you try. My Drop Squad is ruthlessly efficient. Ye have been warned.
*grumbles* Knowing good and well, I done offered her a position in Sparkly Sistas, LLC but nooooo… she wanna bootleg n sh*t.**
Ol’ tryna bootleg Diva Dust ™ and its sparkly loveliness lookin’ gal… HMPH!!
@almondjoy, lol…im’ma ignore the reason why you are delurking and send some *shooting gold stars* your way anyway. welcome!!!
@almondjoy,
Yay! My LS delurked herself today! hahahahah.
Helloooo there, Soror! Happy Founders Day to you too!
@This Just In,
Skeeee-Weeee Sorors! I just got my hands on the limited edition AKA doll that they sold out of this past summer (thanks, Mom)…..she’s too cute!
Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Happy Founder’s Day to ya! I shall be doing the two-step to celebrate my day tomorrow.
@This Just In,
Thanks Soror! Happy Founder’s Day to you too. (And all the other AKAs on here) Skeeeeee Wee!
As a woman, I agree with all of these. Especially #5. Personally, I would rather have lilies, but once I get to a place of comfort with a man I care about, I don’t expect him to continue to court me the way he did when he was just getting to know me, and trying to impress me. At the later stages of the relationship, fowers, little gift, etc. can get boring if that’s what he’s been doing since we first started dating. He should be comfortable enough to come over and watch MNF w/o having to bring over flowers every week. I’ll rather he bring the beer and food. That way, we can be comfortable together, b/c at that stage, I will no longer get glammed up just b/c he’s coming over. At that stage of the relationship, we will both like each other and appreciate each other more without all of the pomp & circumstance that goes into initial courtship.
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
Agreed.
A little music video that reminds us of the softer side of things. This link contains some graphic material.
Face “High Notes”
http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh9682ejtU38kmoFzu
Lol, that #5 is causing a lot of chaos here. So, ladies, let me let you in on a secret. I don’t plan (excepting your birthday) the times I bring you roses, or that book you’ve always wanted but could never find, or the weekend I cook you breakfast in bed just like you told me 3 months ago. . .
I do these things because they happen to occur to me. I’d be somewhere and think, hmm, I want to find that book for her today. Or I’d wakeup and think, wow, we have a long weekend. . .and she’s still sleeping, she’d totally love. . .
So, in my opinion . . . there’s nothing to worry about #5 wise, it’s not like you could predict when it was going to happen before. I’m never going to be the dude that brings flowers to every date or each time I stop by your place. Frankly, most of the time, I just don’t think about those things. So, whenever I actually do something “romantic”, it is a special occasion.
Besides, if it happened all the time, it would no longer be romantic. Guy taking out the trash every day – expected of him. Guy sneaking love notes into your purse once a month – romantic.
If we switched that up and I snuck the notes into your purse every day and took the trash out once a month. . . I’d bet I’d probably get the extra special goodies only on trash day.
*Note, kamakula is not responsible for any abusing of the concept of picking one thing to make scarce for the purpose of inciting an amorous response when you do something you could care less about.
@kamakula,
Besides, if it happened all the time, it would no longer be romantic
this is a great point. for all the talk about us getting complacent, women do too. behaviors that were “uncommonly chivalrous” or “romantic” at the beginning can (and do) get taken for granted. if you’re buying your girl flowers every week, the first week its “immediate head”, the fourth week its “hmmm. i wonder what we should name ur grandkids?”
the 20th week?
“damn…where the f*ck do you expect me to put all these damn flowers???? you think i got a greenhouse in my bedroom, n*gga, damn!”
@The Champ, ““damn…where the f*ck do you expect me to put all these damn flowers???? you think i got a greenhouse in my bedroom, n*gga, damn!”
I start thinking that by the second week.
sidenote…Moderation is a beast…I didn’t even use any profanity….
@kamakula,
I agree with you. I prefer those romantic moments I didn’t see coming. I have much more appreciation for the man who remembers I wanted a certain book and bought it for me, or that I like a particular artist and bought the cd for me. I can do without the routine flowers…I prefer the thoughtful and spontaneous.
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
I agree
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
Agree as well. That’s what makes it special and sh*t.
@kamakula,
If this comment was a “h!oe”..and I was ice berg slim back in 1960, I’d pimp slap it.
@Princess Duvet,
“I’d pimp slap it.”
in a yaya sisterhood kind of way..
@kamakula,
Well said.
@kamakula,
*sigh* I think i just fell in e-crush all over again. HEYYYYY boo!!! *winks* . Where’s my monthly love note at?
I don’t agree with most of the list, but for us men, someone needs to make the case for the end of freedom.
@WestIndianArchie,
Could you please expound? I am curious to hear this (and think your write-ups are hilarious
)
haha.
In my view, No real man
- doesn’t want children (they’re right)
- shows off his woman to others (they’re wrong)
- isn’t right “enough” about a woman in 5 minutes (they’re wrong)
- think’s he’s exclusive with a chick after 6 dates (totally wrong)
- maintains the 1st 3 date fantasy world of backbreaking favors and parlor tricks that the chick wants (right, kinda)
- succumbs to a woman’s demand for marriage (totally wrong)
From the p.o.v. of a realist – if a young lady follows these rules, she’ll get the guy that they describe – but not necessarily the one for her.
@WestIndianArchie,
Everybody loses their freedom though WIA, it’s called prioritizing…
@pgh muse,
Women are (seemingly) happy to lose their freedom for the a husband they can count on, but most of all children.
You can’t really say the same for a self-sufficient man.
A woman’s life is love, and man’s love is life. (c) Lil Bro
@WestIndianArchie,
Ehh… if the right balance is struck both parties can be fulfilled and satisfied, I think. Just my .02, but I do very much understand where ur coming from. BELIEVE me. And a woman’s life is love till she wakes up from her delusion / fairytale that’s been shoved down her throat since she was 2 (him too)… and then it’s up to both of them to make things work as best they can.
@pgh muse, as my friend says “Disney is part of the larger machine of self hatred”. funny, but true!
all this happily ever after, and homeys puttin on yo lost slipper. STOP THE MADNESS.
SKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
*ahem*
Thank you.
@Liz,
*throws pinky up and hands Liz a bottled water*
There was a comment earlier about the lack of/need for more male voices on VSB, which lead me to wonder:
Where in the world is GK? Has he been round these parts? (I do think I sense him up in here today, though).
He always had a way of driving home some solid points while keeping my brain in shape with his literary gymnastics.
“argument is built for revealing the truth not so much creating it.”
@iloV.E.G.rits,
true dat …sometimes I would have to take a starbucks moment and reflect for minutes upon minutes…but he did used to channel the Confucius up in here..and some confusion too.
@iloV.E.G.rits, where is Yung$$$ D*Pain??? That’s all I want to know lol. At least Yung$$ claimed to be of our world, I can’t begin to imagine where other life forms go when they are not on VSB.
6. “the women who insist on being treated well are 2x as likely to end up marrying their man. no one marries a servant”
I have not read all the comments, so I apologize if that has been discussed. I agree with most of the list, except for # 6 (see, I be rhymin even if I dont want to, SEE ME!). Some men DO want “yes” women, and some women have no minds of their own.
Sad truth.
2. all wives are trophy wives—men marry women whom they admire and like to show off (but not necessarily for their physical appearance)
I agree with this statement 110%! The same thing applies for women and their husbands/SO’s. We don’t want to walk around and show off somebody who is only fun to look at…he has to have something extra…something more than nice smile and fresh edge up. We marry/date a man because we admire who he is and what he’s capable of doing, and what he does….oh and because we want to make everyone else who doesn’t have him wish they did….or at least someone like him.
5. the fact that your man doesn’t bring you roses, but instead plops on your couch to watch TV and takes you for granted is actually a natural stage and the hallmark of almost all serious relationships—not a deal-killer.
One word: GAHBAGE…taking your woman for granted should never be a natural stage….ever.
@This Just In,
I’m not saying I want flowers everyday (being overly romantic is slightly annoying…I mean, what comes after “immediate head” as a means of being ever so grateful?)…because I don’t….my crib is the place where flowers go to die…so no…don’t do that….but DO NOT take me for granted…that’s just unacceptable.
okay…now that I’ve responded to myself…
@This Just In, I think everyone is reading that part wrong. I think what they mean is when the flowers everyday turn into the flowers every week
@Pey-SO,
I think the “take you for granted” part is what grabbed me the most. The extra romantic gesture isn’t necessary everyday…or every week for that matter…but don’t just fall all the way off. Dig?
I agree with everything on the list except for #1…
Maybe it’s my mood… or the 3 hour arguement that I was just in… but I find that Black men may claim to want sons before the have little girls… and after they have girls they lose their everyloving minds. #1 says that that men want to parent their sons. Bullshyt. They may want to parent their sons… but they love their daughters… It’s hell or highwater for their little girls (for the fathers who don’t just say fcuk it that is).
@pgh muse,
co-sign, I always said I wanted a basketball team full of boys. But God saw it fit to bless me with a daughter and she’s my little princess. Now I do have a little boy too, that I’m grateful for. But I will admit that I treat them different. I’m very rough with my son (tough love and shyt) but if one single hair was pulled from my daughter’s hair, you can bet your last dollar that I daddy will come running to her rescue.
@eff yo couch,
Right… and it’s great that your love your kids. Both of them… but er um, I bet that shyt makes ur woman’s pressha go up a bit.
@eff yo couch,
LMAO…. I was just thinking to myself that you so daggone IG, its hard to remember you are a daddy too… that being said… you got pics of your kids in your Corner digs?
@blackberry molasses,
I got pics of my bad @ss kids up on my facebook page
I think most of the reasons are fair (not saying I agree but in accordance with Chris Rock “I understand”). The bandwagon I’m not jumping on is the one about your man not bringing you roses (no.5); yea not so much. Go hard or go home (to your own couch-lol).
xo, Jewels
@Jewels,
welcome and sh*t
I married my wife (high-school sweetheart) for a number of reasons. A number of which were:
-We were best friends.
-She had a fully developed relationship with God. At the time, I really didn’t and even though we’re of two denominations (She’s Catholic; I’m Baptist) I was able to watch and cultivate my own relationship through her example.
-We understood each other and allowed for the other person’s BS.
-Although I’m not a showy kinda dude by nature, I felt that I could take her into any setting and she would shine (attractiveness, intellectually, etc.)
And one of the most attractive things I found in her was….
-She was truly interested in what I thought and felt.
I’ve always been more of a listener than a talker so through the years I’ve done a lot of listening to women’s problems and isht. Don’t get me wrong: these were cool and down to earth women but, what I noticed was that they never seemed to be as attentive to my interests/concerns as I was to theirs.
I felt like I had their back but couldn’t actually say whether they had mine.
Sh!t is too real out here to be messing around with someone who won’t ride for you.
When the wolves and snakes of the world bare their figurative ‘teeth’ at us, I have to be able to look you in the eye and see you looking back at me like ‘yeah, I’m with you Ni99a.’
Feel me?
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Love this!
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
That was hot FIYAH!!
No, seriously, I truly appreciated reding that. Food for thought and sh*t
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
I think this comment will set the record for having the most panties being thrown on stage. lol
but I do feel you. It’s good to know that you have someone by your side that understands you and will ride for you.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
awwwww…..
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
this is a great comment…
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Well, dam. Put my panties on the stage as well.
Hey, can we make that the new rating system for approval from the VSS’s? Number of panties thrown on stage?
@Lil’T,
Hey, can we make that the new rating system for approval from the VSS’s? Number of panties thrown on stage?
***scribbling in note pad***
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Adding my panties to the stage, great read; got all teary eyed and sh*t.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Special Victoria Secret’s panties thrown on stage.
Yup. Great comment.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Wow, I’m lmafo cause my ex wife is like the exact opposite of all that.
I’ll use this list for wife #2 i suppose, lol
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro, dagnabbit I FEEL you.
That was beautiful. I pray to Allah/BBJ/Yahweh and nem that you and your wife stay this commited.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Your very being is what lets me know that I am not going wrong in my refusal to settle.
I will be just fine up on this porch in my rocking chair, snapping beans and talking to my 3 cats until the right Sweater Vest comes up in the yard.
I agree with most of this article but as a 30 year old mother who is married to THEE most wonderful man for 6 years, and having been proposed to by but declined to marry 2 other men, I think one would say I’m the marrying kind. I know what my husband and married men I know say they need to marry someone
1. A woman they respect (this does not mean some ole church girl but just someone that particular man respect for whatever reason)
2. Someone who likes them but does not need them. (Men like you to call them Daddy but they don’t want to play your daddy)
3. Someone who they can see mothering their offspring (just cuz you happen to mother his offspring does not mean you met this. He has to have seen you as someone he wanted to do this, not someone who happened to do this)
4. Someone who is loyal and trustworthy (men place loyalty in high regard. that’s why so many of them like dogs as pets for pete’s sake)
5. Someone who is passionate (this translates beyond the bedroom) – passionate about life (men don’t want to be the center of your universe) AND in bed is a plus (men have a fear post marriage or post kids they will never have sex with you again. You have to prove them wrong to keep them)
6. Someone who works at maintaining the same physical appearance they nabbed their man with originally. However you man likes em – skinny, slim, thick, etc…he wants you to remain the way you were when he fell for you. He needs to see throughout your dating that you have not slipped. (I know dudes who met what would otherwise be the perfect woman but in the course of dating she gained 10 lbs. Now she could have been borderline anorexic but to him, she is changing and men don’t like that. They fear once they marry their wife will blow up, especially after kids
i will assume that the word “choose” is missing from “women who get married.” i don’t do any of that stuff, and yet i could have been married once (possibly twice) by now if i was inclined to do it.