“it’s not you, it’s me”
the perfunctory “nice” way to break up with someone, these five words have become the king of all relationship euphemisms, a quick and easy way of masking anything from “i tried, i really, really did, but i just couldn’t get past that bite-sized pretzel stick you’re packing down there” to “i’ve seen your family pictures, and theres no way in hell i’m gonna potentially mix my sperm with your wretched gene pool“.
yes, i’m aware that there are times that “its not you, its me” really means exactly what it says. shit, i’ve actually said that to someone, and i actually was telling the truth, lol. regardless of the reasoning behind it, though, the person who’s being broken up with usually feels as if it is them, and nothing thats said or done can convince them otherwise.
thing is, although we claim to despise this cliche, are we really ready for the alternative? are we really prepared to hear the truth, or would you rather assume what that “truth” might be? would you really rather hear “i never really was attracted to you, but i started dating you because i thought your brother would be a good reference for me to use on my grad school application. now that i’m in school, i really dont need you around anymore. plus, your brother is way hotter” instead of “i need to figure some things out“? hmmm.
these are just a few of the many questions behind the break-up dynamic, a phenomenon addressed by gnarls barkley in their video for “who’s gonna save my soul”
quite possibly the best song of 2008, gnarls barkley examines the break-up act in their usual unusual gnarls barkley fashion, its premise a darkly humorous look at what sometimes happens to the break-upee.
watch.
discuss.
—the champ
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{ 189 comments… read them below or add one }
That was deep!
“…holding on to the false memory of what you & I once had…”
Guilty as charged…
It may seem safer to skim the surface when giving a person the reason why you’re breaking up with them. Tell me the truth–more than likely I knew it was coming to an end before you ended it. Don’t give me no cliche.
Now some folks can’t handle the truth. When I’ve ended it, I’ve come out and said why. I do recall a time where I did use the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech and that’s only because he was a really nice guy and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings too much. He made a better friend than my man.
“I do recall a time where I did use the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech and that’s only because he was a really nice guy and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings too much. He made a better friend than my man.”
what were your reasons?
The Champ there was no romance. I guess I needed a little spice. He didn’t make decisions. Grant it, I do like to have my way, but I also like for the man to take initiative. I don’t like “yes” men. I like a man with a backbone and he didn’t have one.
Wow Champ. I’m with Kitsune on that line “…holding on to the false memory of what you & I once had…”
Isn’t that what we all mourn after a relationship…the potential. But it’s crazy cause if it could’ve been great, if it was supposed to be great, then it would’ve been. Period.
Read a quote once, don’t know who said it, but it roughly went ‘if it was meant to be nothing you could do could mess it up. And if it wasn’t nothing you could do could fix it.’
“Read a quote once, don’t know who said it, but it roughly went ‘if it was meant to be nothing you could do could mess it up. And if it wasn’t nothing you could do could fix it.’ ”
I’m feeling that quote! Most def!
Love the quote… gunna use that one .
I definitely find myself looking back like woulda shoulda coulda… but i might as well move on!
we all try to make things look better than it is .. like turning shit into sugar… shaitwill never be SUGAR … but SUGAR can go to SHit
“we all try to make things look better than it is .. like turning shit into sugar… shaitwill never be SUGAR … but SUGAR can go to SHit”
this made me chuckle for some reason
“Wow Champ. I’m with Kitsune on that line “…holding on to the false memory of what you & I once had…”
ForReal…it’s kinda like…when you break up with someone and you remember all the good times you had. You create this false memory…and then if you hook back up it doesn’t take long before you say “oh yeah…THAT’S why I broke up with his/her ass!” LOL! Chalk it up to selective memory, I ‘spose…
“Chalk it up to selective memory, I ’spose…”
or good pu**y
“or good pu**y”
Mmmhmmm…that too.
amazing how we can romanticize the hell out of a jacked up relationship isn’t it!?
ok and the video ummm, it’s like Quentin Terrintino got kicked to the curb and made the storyboard for this song. I shall never look at broccoli again in the same away *oy*
“amazing how we can romanticize the hell out of a jacked up relationship isn’t it!?”
or, the flip side, look negatively at a good relationship just because it ended badly
wow. that was…………………………….
“…holding on to the false memory of what you & I once had…”
I have not had the ITS ME AND NOT YOU line used on me or neither have I used it on anybody. Its been all truth over here. But truth is the best answer. So we can get to the meat of the problem and maybe it can help them in the next relationship. You never know.
But what really got me is that she said she was going to take his heart and use it WHEN NEEDED then give it back. WOW. and women do we do this? men do you do this? I hear a AMEN in the corner
“But what really got me is that she said she was going to take his heart and use it WHEN NEEDED then give it back. WOW. and women do we do this? men do you do this?”
……….
I have learned one thing in my years of dating and relationships and that is how to get over a relationship, and simply the answer is to just get over it…that’s all…. and I can deal with or without an explanation, just rip the damn band-aid off and not do the slow lingering ass breakup, I’ll take a cliche over that any day…
“and I can deal with or without an explanation, just rip the damn band-aid off and not do the slow lingering ass breakup, I’ll take a cliche over that any day…”
I mainly agree with this sentiment except, I am a truthseeker, I really would like to know if I had been dating someone who was dating me for the graduate application hook up, cause that just means that I am not as good a judge of character as I previously though… and um, that is a problem!
But that lingering is for the effing birds, son. I don’t wanna feel like we’re breaking up EVERY single time we speak.
Who speaks after a breakup. When I am out I am OUT.
Aside from a head nod and a wassup if I happen to run into her in public.
No, not AFTER the break-up… I mean during the break up. I like abrupt endings to shit, no need to let it linger and discuss it til we’re both blue in the face.
I HATE that.
(raising hand)
I won’t call you…but if you call me I entertain you for like a day or two just so you can get your closure…but after that…you are in the DNA section of the phone and get no love…what can I say..I’m a considerate dumper and shit!
“Date me! I’m a considerate dumper.”
Ha!!! I’m so telling someone that. I don’t know who, but dammit, I’m going to find a way to work it into a conversation. In fact, I think I shall list it as one of my strengths!
“Date me! I’m a considerate dumper.”
definitely a t-shirt
“Who speaks after a breakup. When I am out I am OUT. ”
i’ve still never been broken up with (knocking on wood) but if it did happen, i cant imagine the “why” mattering, and i would never ask
“but if it did happen, i cant imagine the “why” mattering, and i would never ask”
riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. you better knock on that wood a little harder.
i’m serious though. at that point, the only that would matter is that for whatever reason, she doesnt want to be with me.
its kind of like when you approach a chick at the club and she tells you she has a boyfriend. whether or not she’s actually telling the truth doesn’t matter…all that matters is that she wants you to think that she has a bf, a code for saying “i’m not interested”
ehh….agree to disagree. i have a hard time believing one can be that flippant about the end of a serious relationship, esp if you thought you were ‘in love’ with the person. even if you don’t ask the ‘dumper’ personally…it will continue to be nagging question in your mind how your love became suddenly and fatally unrequited. it’s just human nature in my opinion.
“even if you don’t ask the ‘dumper’ personally…it will continue to be nagging question in your mind how your love became suddenly and fatally unrequited. it’s just human nature in my opinion.”
oh yeah…i’d definitely wonder, but i cant see myself asking them.
http://i30.tinypic.com/34j3rzm.jpg
this is hilarious!!! where on earth did you find this? my favorite: the pie chart with “doin’ it” ” and “talking” (awkward right before doin’ it conversation). brilliant. if only it were this easy…lol
Oh, my, this was PRICELESS!
Is this work safe? I wanted to click, but I’m not that brave.
if by work safe you mean that there is no nudity or blatant sex~yes
Thanks IH…
this was hilarious.
it’s safe.
yeah…im always a big fan of any thing that applies pie charts and percentages to boning
Funny:)
yeah well -this unwillingness to communicate can get ridiculous. i had a guy i was flirting with just disappear on me, then resurfacing about 6 months later wanting to pick up where we’d left off… when i was like WTF, he was like ‘well, i didn’t want to to break up with you, coz i actually DID want you, i just wasn’t ready for a relationship – and i’ m incapable of lying, so i didn’t want a confrontation where it’d come out that i still DO want you – so i disappeared. but now i’m ready…’
i was like ‘um – no, papa, i cannot hang – your behaviour is beyond foolish.’
i mean, REALLY – the cheek!
‘well, i didn’t want to to break up with you, coz i actually DID want you, i just wasn’t ready for a relationship – and i’ m incapable of lying, so i didn’t want a confrontation where it’d come out that i still DO want you – so i disappeared. but now i’m ready…’
booooooooooo! just cuz you ready, does that mean I am? no call/no show will get you replaced on ANY job…I’m sorry that position has been filled…even if it hasn’t…you abandoned your position, you were fired and therefore in-eligible for re-hire…LOOK!… ROCKS!… KICK ‘EM!!!
LOOK!… ROCKS!… KICK ‘EM!!!
I smell a t-shirt…
“well, i didn’t want to to break up with you, coz i actually DID want you, i just wasn’t ready for a relationship – and i’ m incapable of lying, so i didn’t want a confrontation where it’d come out that i still DO want you – so i disappeared. but now i’m ready…’”
so you’re saying its not okay to say this, ever?
Hell nah…immediate and automatic forfeiture of all rights and privileges he might been extended at that point.
lol…ok
” i had a guy i was flirting with just disappear on me”
Superwoman sounds like he actually thought he could pick up where y’all left off. Men like that can’t be depended on. What if you got serious? Would he leave you at the altar?
I would want to know the truth! Especially if things were peachy Monday-Thursday, then on Friday, you talking about, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” WTF? Oooh, sorry, flashback! (Regrouping) Ok, but yes, I would want to know what went wrong. It can definately teach my something about myself and the type of men I attract/don’t want to attract for the future!
“I would want to know the truth! Especially if things were peachy Monday-Thursday, then on Friday, you talking about, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” WTF? Oooh, sorry, flashback! (Regrouping) Ok, but yes, I would want to know what went wrong. It can definately teach my something about myself and the type of men I attract/don’t want to attract for the future!”
in situations like this, usually he had issues before, but those issues were either kept to himself or ignored by you.
he didnt just wake up one morning like “you know what, i think i’m gonna hit the gym after work, buy some new toothbrushes, and maybe break up with as is”
True. He did say, “sometimes, I can be a real
d!ckhead and just don’t want to talk to anybody. But, I care about you too much to let that happen, so that is somthing I can work on.”
So, I let him do his thing. Work on it, give him space when he did get in those moods and what not, but if everything was peachy those days, and then you realize you can’t do it anymore? You could have told me that Monday night! That’s all I’m saying.
i always get dropped off, i guess people feel like i cant handle the truth, whatever that might be. i feel like its kind of rude to just leave someone without saying why, but thats just me.
The fade, or the dropoff as u call it, is a sign of immaturity. Most likely it has nothing to do with you but what THEY are incapable or unwilling to do. Breaking up and telling the real truth can be uncomfortable. Weak people can’t do it.
Many men are allowed to get away with this because women don’t want to appear to care. So when we see them in public, we’re all cordial and shyt. But I have a different take. When someone dies, they literally just disappear. So when someone decides to do the drop off, in our minds, we need to pretend they died. That way, when we see them, we’ll be shocked, suspicious, calling Ghost Busters, and plain unfriendly.
It may sound harsh but it works. I had one die on me earlier this year. I mourned for a day, mentally sent cyber flowers (erased all of his numbers), and moved on.
“mentally sent cyber flowers” – LMAO. Loves it!
” So when someone decides to do the drop off, in our minds, we need to pretend they died. That way, when we see them, we’ll be shocked, suspicious, calling Ghost Busters, and plain unfriendly. ”
Lol! I like this, but I feel that its always much better to just say hi and keep it moving. Acting all unfriendly just shows that you may still be hung up on them.
But being too freaking cordial says, “It’s ok what you did. I am stupid enough to still offer you my good vibes–which we both know you don’t deserve.” I don’t get why we care what it looks like to THEM. A person needs to do what makes THEM feel better not what makes the OTHER person think they feel better. I say, if you want to look pass them like they’re Casper, do it. You don’t owe it to them to make them think you’re cool with them and their weak behavior.
Are you friendly to someone who tried to steal from you, skip in front of you in line, push you on the subway platform?? Hell, are you even friendly to the cashier at the Piggly Wiggly who was rude to you the last time you were there?? So then WHY would you want to be all smiley and “Hyeee” to someone who hit you with the relationship ‘fade’?
Now, I’m not saying to walk up to the person and pour a drink on them. But pretending they’re dead speeds the healing process like nothing else. Why? Cus when someone’s dead, there’s no talking, no wondering, nothing. They’re dead, you’re not. Now let’s go for ice cream!
“They’re dead, you’re not. Now let’s go for ice cream!”
Love it mayne!
I totally agree with this and I find it extremely difficult to be cordial in such a situation; so I don’t. Nothing to see here, let’s just keep moving…
oh yes, honey.. i have many a dead man walking.
“i feel like its kind of rude to just leave someone without saying why, but thats just me”
even if the why is “the thought of being with you sexuality makes me dry heave?”
Damn! Thats a harsh ass ‘why!’ Better to leave some things unsaid.
lol yes. some people dont know that they have certain issues because you act like you dont notice them. like for instance, body odor. what mofos seem to not get is the fact that if they can smell it, i can smell it too, so they need to work a little harder, change soap, change diet, whatever, to get that straightened out. if you dont tell them they have a problem, they think u dont notice it, and go on with their funky selves, but, like the truth, their funky self is a hard thing to tell somebody about…
*i think that qualifies as a rant*
*i think that qualifies as a rant*
it does. i’m guess you had an issue with a smelly suitor in the past?
I have never had the cliche’d line used on me, ever… usually I am the one in the driver’s seat… but if the shoe was on the other foot I would prefer the person be straight up with me… dont placate me. I am a huge advocate of keeping it 100!!! Hell even 1000 if you can!!
Whew!!!
“I will now treat each woman I meet with a passive aggressive contentiousness that will ruin relationship after relationship for many years to come.”
Well goddamn!! Change ‘women’ to ‘men’ and that shyt is ME!!! Thing is, the passive-aggressive contentiousness works wonders for getting men to pursue and eventually desperately want an official relationship with me. But once in the relationship, it’s that exact behavior that ruins the relationship. I need therapy.
PREACH! How do we remedy this? I think we’re afriad of something here. I can’t quite put my finger on it though.
Well step one is admitting there’s a problem. I am at step 1. LOL I’m going to look into this whole not being indifferent and disconnected once I get IN the relationship. I’ll report back to you when I get a new guy.
Are you indifferent because you don’t care? Or is it a more indifferent because you don’t want to get too involved and it not to work out?
I agree that indifference works with catching men. Whenever you act like you could care less whether they stay or go, they are on you like bees to honey.
Both. Plus, on some level I’m waiting for the ball to drop. I always end of having conversations with the man’s friends and/or family where they tell me he’s never behaved this way with any woman. Weeeeeellll, this right here let’s me know I shouldn’t get too attached because eventually, he will revert back to who he is–the man who doesn’t behave this way.
“Or is it a more indifferent because you don’t want to get too involved and it not to work out”
i think i’m here right now too.
“Or is it a more indifferent because you don’t want to get too involved and it not to work out?”
thats what i meant by dead inside on that earlier post
I have found myself doing this more and more lately as a result of a couple of drop offs– I’m also at step one and would like to remedy it. Especially cause I know better!
I know that I do it, too, because I’m waiting for the ball to drop. If it doesn’t, GREAT!, but if it does, I was ready- no use in putting my heart our there only to get crushed like a tomato under the wheel of a hummer…
“Thing is, the passive-aggressive contentiousness works wonders for getting men to pursue and eventually desperately want an official relationship with me. But once in the relationship, it’s that exact behavior that ruins the relationship. I need therapy.”
Dayum…I guess I need to add myself to this list too. Though I would say that once in, I swing back and forth between indifference and ardor. That’s all confusing for them, and then I get accused of not caring, yada yada yada.
“I need therapy”
Don’t we all… don’t we all…
I 2nd this…lol
You have to break up nice. Otherwise you run the risk of bodily harm. I like to keep myself intact…lol really I’m only half-joking though.
Ever see that Seinfeld episode?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=kOx5647VRs4
Yes!!! i love that episode (then again i love every episode…)
Me too!
Glad to know there’s more than a few of us out there. I have the DVD’s and everything—I have a problem.
then i think we all have ‘a problem’…another one of my faves is george’s preemptive break-up in order to gain the power back in the relationship. lol…i luv george.
I’ve got HAND!!!
you know, you can make the argument that george is the funniest tv character of all time.
I think you’re right.
I could go on all day with the quotes…lol
That’s a very solid argument…
“I have good parking Karma”…. but seriously though, I do.
Lol!
Miss T Lee,
I’m LOL. Seinfeld is so funny. I just saw that episode a few nights ago with crazy George.
Damn, I wasn’t ready for the video…deep.
Anywhoo, I’ve never used the “it’s not you, it’s me” line…I prefer to be honest. Usually, before we’ve gotten to a break-up point, I’ve already expressed my issues to him several times prior. If he chose to listen…great, a stay was issued. If not, the break-up happens…the end. There is no lingering, nada…I’m done. I have no problem being friends or whatever, but until a reasonable amount of time has passed. But yeah, truth is my m.o. and I’m sticking it…
To your point, I think women mention things and give the opportunity for improvement. I have only been officially broken up with once. But I can say that even in the unofficial ones, I felt like the guys kept their true feelings to themselves and by the time D-Day came, they’d fully made up their minds and there was no working anything out.
I completely agree Hostess, I’ve seen men do this more than women. I think it’s pretty sh*tty not giving someone the chance to fix what’s wrong if they can and if they want to.
but it may not be anything “wrong” it may be just that they don’t see a future with you for whatever reason…I think we have to understand that when someone breaks up with you…it doesn’t mean you aren’t a good person (or something is “wrong” with you) it just means you weren’t a good person for them…real talk…
Right. I’m of the opinion someone expressed earlier…if it was meant to be, nothing could have broken it. If they bounce, CLEARLY they weren’t the right one, so um, holla.
I feel you Goody and J. I was the one that shared that quote earlier and i agree with it 100%. I just don’t like the idea of finding out someone doesn’t see a future waay after they figured it out already. I’ve found guys aren’t as timely with sharing that info as they could be.
OK, so I think the key for us ladies, is to shut the hell up. Stop showing our hands so much. Stop all this silly open communication. Has anyone ever told a man he needs to work on X, he does it, and they live happily ever after and never have any more issues with X?? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Therefore, we need to stop giving men chances for improvement. They are who they are. If we can’t deal with it, we need to step and stop trying to inspire them to be better men (or the men we want) for the good of the relationship. We need to play it like them. Sit around, notice something we don’t like, something non-negotiable, then start interviewing replacements. Once we have some potential replacements lined up, dump him. Better yet, just stop calling.
Disclaimer: As someone who has done this to a couple dudes, you only want to do this if you are moving to another state. Ninety percent of the time when you do this to a man, he b*tches up and next thing you know, you’re carrying a box cutter and investigating how much time you’d serve if he attacked you and you shot him 8 times. I made the mistake of doing this to a man who had a legal right to carry a gun and have a whole, human size safe in his house full of guns and gun making materials. What was I thinking??
@ Hostess..
gun making materials.
whiskey tango foxtrot….do we make guns these days? really? hell nah! that would have been the red flag for the kid…was he also stock piling non-perishables, and wearing a foil cap? armageddon much?
But it makes women more bitter if the man doesn’t improve when she is trying to tell his ass to fix the shit. That shit right there causes us to harbor resentment. Then we have this fool trying to hustle AFTER the game is over… hate that!
holy cow are you psychic?
Oh yeah, definitely men can be a bit different than us in that regard. They make their minds up…and then it’s a wrap. They spring some isht on you…and then you’re left to pick up the pieces…or just stop calling and you’re left to wonder why. At this point, I wouldn’t even bother with the wondering…a little time passes, I delete numerals, and keep it movin’.
“Has anyone ever told a man he needs to work on X, he does it, and they live happily ever after and never have any more issues with X?? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Therefore, we need to stop giving men chances for improvement. They are who they are. If we can’t deal with it, we need to step and stop trying to inspire them to be better men (or the men we want) for the good of the relationship”
Ha! There it is. You think you doing dudes a favor telling them how to fix things and they looking at you like ‘damn, when you gonna quit bitchin?!’ Gotta learn to love it or leave it i guess.
Sometimes they do fix it, but you aren’t the receipient of the improvement – the next chick is
*faints*
Yep…this did happen with my immediate past ex…wifey got the benefits AT FIRST (til his rep disappeared of course lol). By then, she was hooked, so she deals.
**ring the alarm** smh
“But I can say that even in the unofficial ones, I felt like the guys kept their true feelings to themselves and by the time D-Day came, they’d fully made up their minds and there was no working anything out.”
theres a reason for this. women typically get EXTREMELY defensive when a guy theyre seeing points out a fault or makes a suggestion, so instead of saying anything, we just keep shit to ourselves until it gets to a point that we cant take it anymore.
even though it might seem like it comes out the blue, we’ve been broken up with you in our minds months before it actually happens
basically, (women) if you dont want shit like this to happen, don’t get all bent out of shape about constructive criticism.
Interesting because this bent out of shape expectation was built before me. I don’t actually get bent out of shape. Remember, I’m all about passive aggressive contentiousness.
“Remember, I’m all about passive aggressive contentiousness. ”
lol…you’re right. i forgot
If they know how to deliver “constructive” criticism, then I’m cool.
“we’ve been broken up with you in our minds months before it actually happens”
that makes me sad…
why stick around? do u really think ur doing me a favor?
and from personal experience the “constructive criticism” comes as a reason after the fact, never as a warning before…
Shay, please trust and believe that doesnt have a damn thing to do with any favors to you. They want you to continue doing THEM the favor of screwing them until they find new booty.
“Shay, please trust and believe that doesnt have a damn thing to do with any favors to you. They want you to continue doing THEM the favor of screwing them until they find new booty.”
nah, i wouldnt say this. sometimes you wait around to see if stuff has a chance of getting better, and sometimes you really just dont want to hurt the chick, so you keep putting it off. it doesnt matter whether or not you any immediate npp (new pu**y prospects)
by the time D-Day came, they’d fully made up their minds and there was no working anything out.”
Women do this too Cham and even have another man already waiting in the wings. I call it having a good exit strategy. I’ve got homegirls who cry about needing closure. A friend who got divorced bitched about wanting closure after the divorce and I asked her if she had received the divorce decree in the mail yet. She said yes and I said, well you’ve got closure. Moving right along.
“Women do this too Cham and even have another man already waiting in the wings. I call it having a good exit strategy.”
I know a few women who do this. I was just talking to one of my close friends yesterday and she’s getting ready to leave her husband and she already has the next guy lined up.
well…I’m e-pouting becauase the plantation’s machine doesn’t have the necessary player for me to see the video…I don’t have administrative clearance to download one…and my phone is low on memory so I can’t view it there…I am salty about all of that…but I LOVE the song…so I will say…
don’t tell me pretty lies…truth can be ugly..but it’s real…like me…I have only ever been actually broken up with once…(the rest of them were either me dumping them or I got cheated on so it was over by default) and even then he did the infamous fade out…and after a “WTF grade are you in?” text message from me…he fessed up and apologized about dropping off like a 5 year old…he gave me truth…that my “persona” is too strong for him, I am not a girly-girl like he is used to, my sexual nature intimidates him…and (the kicker) I’m so cool it was like kicking it with a homeboy…I was fine with that, because I take each connection as a learning experience…and from that I learned…(tapping index finger on chin, looking toward sky) I learned that I can be a lot to take and that my “persona” is an acquired taste…which I already knew…but after I called him out, he admitted it to my face (well my phone) and it was refreshing, actually…not gonna change it though…he wasn’t strong enough to handle me…so I would have bailed on him, had he not bailed first…I guess a break up is harder if it’s someone you still like and THEY quit YOU…
I am not a girly-girl like he is used to, my sexual nature intimidates him…and (the kicker) I’m so cool it was like kicking it with a homeboy…
Throat punch.
Especially on the intimidation part.
“I’m so cool it was like kicking it with a homeboy…” Did his name start with a ‘D’?? No seriously!
nah…his name was Heneef…since he doesn’t read…(internet or otherwise) I think I am safe in admitting that! lol
“I’m so cool it was like kicking it with a homeboy”
i’m sorry, but this is ALWAYS a lie. not a lie in the sense that the statement can’t be true, but a lie in the sense that its a reason why someone would break-up with a person
Yeah, I kind of figured as much. I was like “What, he wants a b*tch that’s only cool when they smash?”
As I wrote the other day, when this happened to me, I looked at one of the circles he ran in and sure enough, those wifes, girlfriends, and fiances were women who were, how’d you put it, “only cool when they smash.”
i’m sorry, but this is ALWAYS a lie. not a lie in the sense that the statement can’t be true, but a lie in the sense that its a reason why someone would break-up with a person
@champ…I know…that’s why it’s the kicker…I believe the “persona” excuse though…I know I am alot to take…but I heard a quote today at a funeral that went…
“give the world the entire weight of WHO you are, and let THEM deal with it”…
I am proud of me…so he couldn’t take it…he moved around…better sooner than later I always say…
I couldn’t watch past him cutting his heart out. Too early in the morning for all that!
“It’s not you it’s me” can be better than the truth depending on what the truth is. If it’s something that the person can’t change then there’s no point in beating them down with it. There’s someone out there who will like them for whom they are.
If it’s something that they could work on (if they want to) then DO tell them the truth!
““It’s not you it’s me” can be better than the truth depending on what the truth is. If it’s something that the person can’t change then there’s no point in beating them down with it. There’s someone out there who will like them for whom they are.”
**nodding head**
Oh yeah…I didn’t watch the video.
Something about Gnarls Barkley that makes my stomach hurt, and not in a good way…
::snicker::
Ce-lo Gnarls looks like the black Uncle Fester. The creepy and the______________
The Adams family.
I don’t necessarily hate Cee-Lo. I actually met him once when he was back with Goodie Mob, real cool dude, signed my wristband and errythang.
I just feel like he’s trying too hard sometimes. I did like “Closet Freak”.
i went to a goodie mob concert once in atlanta and he mooned the entire audience…my eyesight has never been the same since and i still flinch when i see his face. why Lord? why???!!!
OMG!!!!! That is an assault.
I would have filed charges.
there’s so good way to break up. whether you use a cliche or tell the truth the recipient of your break up speech is going to obsess over the details of the relationship and how he/she could have done better, won your affections a little longer, etc. I’ve done the breaking up a few times and it sucks…it doesn’t make you feel empowered, it just sucks. I’ve never used the it’s not you it’s me speech nor have I received it. I have received the “I’m a really f*cked up person right now & I can’t lead you on anymore” alternative and the “it’s you…you just don’t understand me” speech. The latter is my favorite.
“I’ve done the breaking up a few times and it sucks…it doesn’t make you feel empowered, it just sucks.”
yeah. breaking up with someone is never, ever easy, at least not for me. once you get over that initial guilt (which could take months), though, it can be a bit liberating, especially if its something that you’d been putting off for a while
I pretty much have been the ‘breaker-upper’ in most circumstances…and no, it’s never easy, especially when the other party refuses to let go. In the one case where I was the recipient…oh that isht HURT. Even though we’d only dated about two months, it hurt.
yea i had to break up and unfortunately cuss out once. very long letter, very hard thing to do… and he was 7 years older than me… it took a while for him to stay away, too. i think he was crazy…
sometimes videos get the concept right. and this video, got that whole concept right on the money. i know i’ve been there…and i’m sure i’ve been sitting on both sides of that table. at least in the minds of others…
thing is, when i break up with people, i’m generally done to the nth degree so i dont keep their heart…or rather, i don’t give them any reason to maintain hope. if they do, its due to their own disillusionment. however, sometimes that line b/w reality and fantasy becomes blurry…
not sure i’d call this song the best song of 2008. it’s the best song on a not so hot album and this video was extremely well executed.
baggage is a bitch.
i dont think im quite on his side of the table but i know i have been on hers. i am going to try and not be that way though.
“baggage is a bitch”
can I get this in a tan baby tee, with LV fabric block letters for the font…thanks
LOVE IT!! I use to tell a guy the only baggage I accept is Louis Vuitton…
” the only baggage I accept is Louis Vuitton…”
Bougie1, I’m filing this one.
Thanks Shelia!! It’s the truth though… I was in a bad relationship for a few years and I worked HARD to get rid of the bad thoughts and stereotypes and walls from it… So thats the last thing I need to deal with….
“I will now treat each woman I meet with a passive aggressive contentiousness that will ruin relationship after relationship for many years to come.”
The reason this sticks out so much is that I believe this very statement is the core detriment of modern dating in today’s society. No one wants to be vulnerable to another for fear of the perception of weakness, which just reverts back to that time or times that you were that shell of a person after that relationship you had that really mattered…ended; especially if it was not intentional on your part.
So what do we do?…we make a personal promise to ourselves to not ever be put into that situation and feel something until we are sure the other person feels more, as to not be at a disadvantage. Does that fix the problem? Probably not…know why? Probably because that person you’re involved with or potentially getting involved with has the same plan. So there is the proverbial vicious cycle…a power structure between two people who are more concerned about being hurt or “made a fool of” than establishing a meaningful relationship…sort of like the hurt that hurt made.
So there is the proverbial vicious cycle…a power structure between two people who are more concerned about being hurt or “made a fool of” than establishing a meaningful relationship…sort of like the hurt that hurt made.
This is Truth.
And nothing but the truth.
I’ve come to the realization that I would rather admit my true feelings and “put myself out there”. It’s always worked for me. I hate the whole let me act like I don’t care when I really do care. Life’s too short for all of that. I aint scared of love nor rejection.
“I hate the whole let me act like I don’t care when I really do care. Life’s too short for all of that.”
Trust me–I know from experience. We were both playing the”tip-toe” around the subject game for more than a year and he died unexpectedly. That’s one thing that still bothers me even 3 years later, that I was being too much of a hard azz to actually say how I felt.
That’s rough miss t- sorry to hear that.
yeah, me too.
hearing about shit like that does make you reevaluate your own apathy
Thanks ForReal and Champ.
“hearing about shit like that does make you reevaluate your own apathy”
I hope it does.
i’m sorry to hear that miss t, but i completely understand your “hard azz” approach at the time. it’s hard to be appear vulnerable when you’re not sure if your feelings will be reciprocated…esp as the woman.
Yes ma’am.
i tried living that way, and it just became exhausting, but who knows, maybe i’ll go thru a cycle of not caring and caring until i get it right…
This is why I believe that when someone loves you, you have a huge responsibility. A lot of people go around trying to get others to fall deeply in love with them first. But very few people understand that if someone falls hard for you and you don’t fall as hard or at all for them, you have their outlook on love and relationships in your hands.
Good point Hostess I have never thought of it that way…. wow! Whole New Spin!
Good stuff. Definitely a whole ‘nother way to view it.
“But very few people understand that if someone falls hard for you and you don’t fall as hard or at all for them, you have their outlook on love and relationships in your hands.”
“with great power comes great responsibility.”
–stan lee
we make a personal promise to ourselves to not ever be put into that situation and feel something until we are sure the other person feels more, as to not be at a disadvantage. Does that fix the problem? Probably not…know why? Probably because that person you’re involved with or potentially getting involved with has the same plan. So there is the proverbial vicious cycle…a power structure between two people who are more concerned about being hurt or “made a fool of” than establishing a meaningful relationship…sort of like the hurt that hurt made.
AkShone being all well versed and eloquent…”the hurt that hurt made”…the beautiful struggle…
“two people who are more concerned about being hurt or “made a fool of” than establishing a meaningful relationship…sort of like the hurt that hurt made.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Funny Story I read in the paper this AM:
Jilted bride wins $150,000 from ex-fiancé
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 07/24/08
A Hall County woman who sued her ex-fiancé for calling off their wedding has been awarded $150,000 by a jury, according to a WSB-TV report.
RoseMary Shell said she moved to Hall County from Florida, leaving behind a high-paying job, to join Wayne Gibbs. She also said that she has suffered emotionally and financially since their break-up in 2007.
Gibbs said he paid off $30,000 of Shell’s debt during their engagement and also took her on trips. When he found out Shell had even more debt, he canceled the wedding. He notified her by leaving a note in their bathroom.
The jury awarded Shell the $150,000 Wednesday.
“People shouldn’t be allowed to do that and hopefully he’ll think twice before he does it to someone else,” Shell told WSB.
That is DEEP. I wonder if the note in the bathroom said, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
WOW
Hmmm…was that 150k to cover the cost of the wedding that had already been paid for?
There’s no way in hell she should get 150k (aside from wedding costs) just b/c she got dumped. You’re allowed to leave a relationship @ any time…especially after paying off 30k of someone’s debt only to later find out that they have more. Sounds like some dishonesty was going on.
Leaving a note was pure bitchassness though, damn!
Spoiler Alert!
(remove stick from ass before reading)
Elle_6 this is the news i was reading with my breakfast this morning on break-ups.
Whore Sells House
…compliments of D. Masterson (excerpts)
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/palmbeach/sfl-0626singlemominternet,0,3682003.story
in Dicks words.
A single mother in Florida by the name of Deven Traboscia is selling her house and herself on eBay for the low, low price of $840,000.
Did I say low price? I meant outrageous price!
In her own words, prospective buyers are paying $340,000 for her two-thousand square foot home, and $500,000 for her unknown square foot vagina — which she’s already used to pop out two kids. Doesn’t sound like a great deal to me.
I’m not here to debate this to degrees of whoredom. And nothing is wrong with any of that! Unless the money being exchanged is $500,000 more than it should be! There’s nothing wrong with prostitution, but there is something wrong with overpaying.
If you read Deven’s justification for this promotional sham, you’ll find that she intends to hold out for “true love”. In woman terms, that means she reserves the right to put out until a yet to be determined sum is negotiated — and then paid. In man terms, she’s a fuc*ing cocktease. Buyer beware!
For every decade a girl ages after 23, her value drops by 100%. That means that at 42, Deven Traboscia has priced herself $500,000 more than her market value. And don’t even talk to me about condition because from I can tell she’s as used as they come. Let’s look at the facts. She couldn’t keep at least one man happy (if the father of her children happens to be one man. It could be two!), and she failed at internet dating. Internet dating is the female equivalent of fishing with dynamite. Men on those sites are so desperate, they’ll pay just for the prospect of paying for sex. If a whore can’t find a steady customer to take care of her two-thousand foot mortgage payments there, then something is wrong with her.
And something always is. The only women on internet dating sites are delusional pseudo-career types who forever sit on the fence of feminism. They’re too useless to commit to their jobs and earn self-reliance, and they’re too arrogant to submit to a man and earn happiness. Quote the shit out of that last sentence because is the very nature of women.
You can call it chivalry, you can call it romance, you can call it “true love”, but what it really is is the exchange of money for sex. Period.
the original craigslist ad
http://florence.en.craigslist.it/vac/725787925.html
Good Lord Mr. Khan. This is ridiculous. I don’t know what exactly it has to do with breakups but all I can say is WOW! This can’t be for real. This guy and maybe even you should be reported to the Online Office of Standards and Practices if it wasn’t so raunch. I can’t stand it but I can’t turn away. LMBAO!
Why was this hilarious to me?
“Gibbs said he paid off $30,000 of Shell’s debt during their engagement and also took her on trips”
I can’t say I blame him for calling it off one bit.
After he paid of 30k of her debt, they should have been at City Hall or the Justice of the Peace getting married.
::shaking my head::
He notified her by leaving a note in their bathroom.
Reminds me of SATC when Berger broke up with Carrie with that post-it note.
i’m sorry. i can’t. don’t hate me.
Classic bitchassness!
LOVE THAT EPISODE!! It was truly a sh*tty day for her…
Yes, her day could not have gotten any worse!
That was so sucky…I mean, that was pure and unadulterated b*tchassness…especially after he’d come to HER place the night before to “kiss and makeup”…fool wanted “one for the road”.
Yep. Especially after the I love you exchange.
this is bullshit.
“RoseMary Shell said she moved to Hall County from Florida, leaving behind a high-paying job, to join Wayne Gibbs.”
This is where she made her first mistake. She shouldn’t have quit her job and moved until “after” the wedding. Her ex-fiance was generous enough to pay some of her debts and it sounds like he had good credit and she didn’t. Finances is something that should be discussed prior to marrying someone. The woman may have been dishonest about how much debt she was REALLy in so he felt cheated. He was wrong however to break up with her with a dear john letter/note.
I don’t think he should have paid her any money though because if that’s the case, I need to go sue my ex-fiance for the heartache he caused me. Let me see if there’s a statues of limitations on it…LOL
I remember someone dumped me and in attempt to make me feel better said… “well, at least I showed you a good time…”
Oh hecky naw!!!
okay…………..purpose of that statement??????
he’s definitely a bad breaker-upper.
“I remember someone dumped me and in attempt to make me feel better said… “well, at least I showed you a good time…””
lol…this made me choke on my bagel, butter, and bacon
MAN CHAMP!!! I cant even express the contempt I hold for that a$$hole today… and like always he called a month later trying to apologize for his actions and wanted to restart the relationship!!! Like GOODEness I told him to kick rocks… but with NO SOCKS!!
and like always he called a month later trying to apologize for his actions and wanted to restart the relationship!!!
oh…they always callback…lol
Yes they do!! Always!! Now me on the other hand if i ended it I don’t call because you probably deserved to be told to “take a bow.”
don’t they though…somehow they’ve “seen the light” lol.
thats one thing guaranteed in life like death and taxes
yeah, that and ‘break up sex’…lol
“well, i didn’t want to to break up with you, coz i actually DID want you, i just wasn’t ready for a relationship – and i’ m incapable of lying, so i didn’t want a confrontation where it’d come out that i still DO want you – so i disappeared. but now i’m ready…’”
so you’re saying its not okay to say this, ever?
errr.. NO, Champ!!! it is very definitely not!
*shaking my head*
I’m beginning to have my doubts about you…
“I’m beginning to have my doubts about you…”
ha! you should have been had doubts.
ooo wow champ.
Hola VSB! Great topic Champ, this one couldn’t come at a better time. I just broke up with my sweetie and i really didn’t want to let it go but felt i had too. We started out as friends for awhile and decided to try the relationship thing, but it really wasn’t working from the start. I’m a attention hoe, so i need quality time with the one im pursuing. If he does not reciprocate then i go else where. Not saying i would cheat, but i make myself extremely busy so i wouldn’t have to think about spending time with him. That really didn’t work, because it causes him to think that im sneaking around on him. Which lead to a few arguments on why he shouldn’t be looking through my cell phone and driving by my house late at night. He does not trust me. Eventually I had to break it off because I felt it was headed in an unhealthy direction. Plus I valued our friendship and felt that we could at least preserve that. Now that we’re apart we hardly ever talk and I miss him a lot. But I said all this because the person doing the breakup isn’t always the bad guy. I think an important part of growing in relationships is realizing (or seeing the red flags) before you go down that path of heartache again. The truth is always better, however if you have to use some lame excuse to maintain your sanity or just be cordial…then do it. Especially if it has to do with someone’s bedside manner or something..that’s just plain mean…..
“Hola VSB! Great topic Champ, this one couldn’t come at a better time. ”
thanks and shit
did you just turn her sugar to shit or her shit to sugar… lol… I need to go home.. long day at work ..
shit is such a universal word.. and shit!
Well, been mostly on the girl’s side of the table… But been on the guy side once… And BOY, did I feel like Karma was a bonafide b!tch that day…
I love Gnarls Barkley/ Geekyness cool at its ultimate best.
I think I am always the one doing the breaking up (and/or ditching). I gave one of my ex’s an ultimatum (gotta love those) and when it didn’t go my way, I left. Are ultimatum’s fair? Not really. Was the ultimatum what I needed? Yes. Because 4 years later, I am happy with my decision. It probably shouldn’t have been an ultimatum method though. My other strategy is just to slowly fade to black. Eventually he fades, or he initiates the final talk.
Even if someone is man enough to hear the truth, am I woman enough to tell the truth? Probably not at this stage in my life.
“Even if someone is man enough to hear the truth, am I woman enough to tell the truth? Probably not at this stage in my life.”
this was very insightful, lizzard
thank you Champ!
“My other strategy is just to slowly fade to black.”
This is usual strategy. Sad, but true.
when I first heard the album this was hands down my favorite record. I love this song!
Eb can I get a copy
When I was younger, I used every excuse in the world so I wouldn’t hurt the guy’s feelings, mostly reasons like I needed to focus on school/work or it just wasn’t the right time for me to be dating. It was too hard to tell the guy the truth, especially for the nice ones. Now I’ll be more truthful if it’s a serious relationship. I’d like the truth in return too, so I know the reason for the break-up.
i think yall broke the video..cuz i cant see it!
and this blog is cutting me way too deep to comment..lol so ill catch the next one..lol
This video has to be the one of the most accurate, psychological portrayals of a breakup I’ve ever seen. It was pure genius. Thanks for sharing it.
with me, the truth will always set you free!, no matter what!
i don’t mind hearing the truth because it gives me the opportunity to right the wrongs within me!!! plus, there is a higher respect level there afterwards, especially if i have been honest with you in regards to us!!
my thing is that i trust more than i should!! i’ve been the victim of infidelity and all, but that still doesn’t stop me from trusting wholeheartedly because i want to have faith in the woman i am with!! at times, yes, the truth will hurt but having the truth before it comes to the light will guarantee that i will respect you later on in life!! our paths will surely cross again and it would be better to have me as a friend than a foe!!