co-authored by eva margolies and stan jones, “seven days to sex appeal” argues that sexual attractiveness can be a learned trait, a characteristic we can consciously improve without actually changing anything about ourselves physically.
a paraphrased quote from jones, taken from an interview with the dailycamera:
“understanding the subtle hints of body language and how it translates into sex appeal can be learned through coaching and practice. gender signals, which are distinctive behaviors that communicate femininity or masculinity, can be defined by how people sit, stand, walk and dress. they can be given the way people use their hands, voice, eyes and facial expressions”
basically, according to them, the only thing that matters when considering sex appeal can be summarized in the form of the second most-overused word in the hip-hop lexicon: swagger (“hate” and all of its derivatives and tributaries is still first). this, in itself, isn’t notable. what is notable is the idea that swagger and sex appeal can be taught and learned, the idea that a few tweaks and twists can turn barmaids to belles and geeks to gods.
so, vsb.com, is this gospel or garbage? bullseye or bullsh*t?
—the champ
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{ 267 comments… read them below or add one }
I think that it is innate… Most people have some attributes that are sexy. It’s just that some people have to learn how to emphasize the traits that makes them sexy. That “it” differs from person to person; just as what one person may find sexy another may find appalling.
I agree. I think sex appeal is like a number 2 combination platter at the carryout-more mumbo sauce please. But 95 percent of it is innate. At best a few lessons and tweaks and can turn a barmaid into Olga, the German Nanny sans mole… and a geek into that dude you just might let have a piece of your cookie, if and only if, you have your drought or beer goggles on. When people try too hard to swagger it’s both noticeable and sad.
“When people try too hard to swagger it’s both noticeable and sad.”
I know, right!? I can’t stand the feeling that I get when people are not being themselves.
Fakeassness is not sexy.
“But 95 percent of it is innate”
so if a person doesnt have it from birth, there basically nothing that can be done?
Hmmmm. Maybe plastic surgery can help those folks. But I think everyone has been given something at birth, its just realizing what I’m swaggin’ with ain’t the same thing you got.
Because the draw is beyond the physical ,its also a personality, wittiness, and that something that lights up a room. You can’t learn that…
For me: I have legs that people think are nice (that’s part of the 95 percent) I’ve learned what best accentuates my asset which are skirts and heels (that’s the learned 5 percent). But the fact that I am not walking around in booty shorts and 8 inch clear platform heels eating an ice cream cone at the bus stop because that’s just not in my personality; and the fact that I’m walking around living my life, smiling and saying hello when the situation dictates that makes up the other part of the 95 percent.
I mean there is no science here…just my personal opinion.
Amaretto says: “Because the draw is beyond the physical ,its also a personality, wittiness, and that something that lights up a room. You can’t learn that I mean there is no science here…just my personal opinion.”
Let’s get it in.
SWAG to me implies TALENT at having swagger. its like LEADERSHIP, you can teach/learn the skills but it doesn’t make you talented at it. you can enhance physical, personality, and mental attributes but you cant teach TALENT.
now what other people see in you is a whole nother thang. subjective…… perspective…….
there is no blueprint or model for who can and can’t have swag or leadership. we all have something/s we are NATURALLY talented with and you can only build on what you’ve got. however if you don’t already have the fundamental blocks to build from i don’t care how much teaching/learning you get it won’t be enough to become talented at it.
First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
Dummies – playboy bunnies, those wantin’ money
Those the ones I like ’cause they don’t get nathan’
But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever…” B I G
money or no money, rap or no rap, fat, ugly, skinny or not this dude had swag when it comes to the rules of attraction. (as it relates to magnetizing yourself to PEOPLE) i know many like him, male and female, famous, infamous, oblivious, physically ugly and easy on the eyes who’ve got IT.
Let’s review shall we.
someone can teach you the fundementals of basketball but it won’t necessarily make you TALENTED at it unless it was already in you innately. same goes for rhyme skills, accounting, etc. etc.
that’s what’s up, back to you VSB.COM
“we all have something/s we are NATURALLY talented with and you can only build on what you’ve got. however if you don’t already have the fundamental blocks to build from i don’t care how much teaching/learning you get it won’t be enough to become talented at it.”
This is the principle I teach from ( in my center for leadership) Everyone has the potential. There are some people that just have the innate fundamentals while others have to learn and practice(the basic principles to become talented at it.
The point the poster was trying to make is that everyone has their own unique swagger.
If more people where just themselves and worked with what they had rather than trying to “swagger jack” to be like someone else, people would be more receptive to them.
They wouldn’t appear to be fake or like someone who is trying too hard.
Everyone has a certain swagger. They just have to embrace themselves.
AMEN…sex appeal should NOT be effort…that’s the beauty of it…it’s your ability to draw attention, effortlessly…good point!
I agree…do what feels good and flows. I hate to see women who are putting so much effort into getting attention…it’s so unbecoming.
I tried to alter “my swag” one summer and it was an interesting experience.
I’m definitely a cute chick but I don’t do ultra fem makeup and heels and stuff most of the time.
One summer I was single and I was determined to meet someone. I glammed up — makeup, brought sexy clothing (nothing tasteless, but just not the real me), and got my hair did every couple of days (the Dominican specials….LOL).
Anyway, I looked better than ever, but I lost my swag because I was not myself. (I don’t like heels and extra girly stuff.)
I attracted lots more dudes, but they were not my type. They were guys who looked good (and were superficial and materialistic) and who liked women who looked good, but that was it. They had no substance.
Anyway, the high maintenance route took up way too much time and energy and I reverted back to my own cute, comfortable yet stylish swag.
However, I did learn that putting forth a little extra effort can go a long way. (I now wear make up more.)
i think it has some truth to it, but there has to be other factors involved! it is true that u can teach someone to be more confident in themselves, which will give them a boost in their swagger, but if they aren’t appealing in other ways and provide something of substance during that initial meeting, the swagger isn’t all that effective! the attention will be held for a mere second, but without personality, visual aesthetics, and conversation, they are off to the next with more swagger than you!
Don’t forget humor!
Okay…..humor too!! i do need a chick that can make me laugh!!! it eases the tension and the stress that the world places on us each and everyday!!
I knew you would agree
And CAN PLAY SPADES!!! That’s why we could never date!!! YOU GET BEAT TOO MUCH!!! HA HA HA HA!!!!
true…a pretty face will get you in the door…but then what? OMG this has happened all too often…I am fooled by the “representative” and when the mask cracks…it’s like Superman going from Clark Kent to SpongeBob Squarepants! and thus, they are fired and added to the DNA (Do Not Answer) section of the phone!
well, that is what i am saying….you have to have more to offer than the swagger and the pretty face….hell, i’m attracted to a credit score over 600!! i’m attracted to great conversation, i’m attracted to a woman having the ability to sit down and play scrabble or watch jeopardy with me (although she won’t beat me, it would be nice to try), i’m attracted to a woman who can enjoy the night in or the night out with me and knows that if i’m with her, then i’m with her, who cares about the chick that was all in my face at the bar…she didn’t get my number and probably not even my name….i’m attracted to someone who can laugh but learn from life’s lessons that are being taught each and every day…..i’m attracted to the real beauty in which God gave you; not the fake breast, injected lips, butt implants or the carved up nose….but what you were blessed with in that genetic code of 46 chromosomes….i’m attracted to the freak in the bed, but a woman everywhere else……i’m attracted to a woman who will help in saving my soul, but knows that we both might go to hell anyway for what we did last night….i’m attracted to a woman who has plans and goals (they may not be feasible, but at least she dreams of something bigger), i’m attracted to more than just the sex appeal, but won’t deny that that is what provides the initial attraction between us!! my swagger is only the knock at the door, but what separates me from the other guys who you didn’t let in is the substance i have to offer!! You could have looked through the peephole and see that he might have been cuter, but it’s the conversation and and the sales pitch that made you take the chain off and unlock the door to let me in!!!
damn…sans the credit score (that looks like gas prices thanks to the ex-husband) you are attracted to (drum roll please) ME…
lol….
ditto @ Good
my girls and I always talk about the property we already own in hell so I especially loved. “i’m attracted to a woman who will help in saving my soul, but knows that we both might go to hell anyway for what we did last night”
Damn, that was a little deep. I also liked the metaphor at the end. I agree substance is always needed at the end of the day.
Thanks!!! I kept thinking about the door-to-door salesman thing….that’s pretty much what dating is like!!!
i had to come see what all the fusss was about.
ok ok DON G. in da house. cyber dap to you.
pretty slick there fellow.
ok let’s keep it moving people, nothing else to see here.
@genius: LOL- hmmm don’t like the attention taken away from you? you are too funny
it’s ok…..i only have a few moments of ingeniousness, far and few between…this was just one of them…..will have to wait until next week for another!!!
heh heh heh
“without personality, visual aesthetics, and conversation, they are off to the next with more swagger than you!”
Exactly Don.
you are so very welcome!!!
It seems over simplified. I think its the first thing needed to be sexy, but if swagger was all that was needed then every dude would learn to put a little lean in his walk and tip his hat like T.I. (not saying that defines swag … but u get the point).
I think the lean in the step is actually a major component of the quintessential black male swag. That and a solid mouthpiece. It’s all about walking that walk and talking that talk. In fact, my girlfriends and I have all but confirmed that in Chicago, the only thing dudes here have is their swag. Because when we think about it, we have yet to be impressed by their looks, earning potential or any other physical or material traits. Swag is the poor man’s version of power.
Sidenote: When did this term “swagger” gain so much popularity in hip-hop…it’ seems a somewhat recent phenomenon. And who should be credited with it’s coinage?
I have to agree with you on the tidbit about Chicago men. My friends and I came to that conclusion in college. The boys have game! Even the unattractive ones with not much to offer have a way with words and a way of making a woman want them. I think they teach it to them in 7th grade or something.
“I think they teach it to them in 7th grade or something.”
Shoot, probably before then. I remember this dude that use to come down every summer starting when I was in the 6th grade. Just mad cool for no reason. Had old women trying to talk to him around the 9th grade…
“When did this term “swagger” gain so much popularity in hip-hop…”
i think this is another one that you can credit jigga for. i may be wrong, but i think he did more than anyone else to popularize the use of that term
Champ, you are right. Hov, circa Bluprint (2001) – “I think I got my swagga back!”…ever since then it has become the essence of cool.
I heard the term “swagger” as in our product can “help you regain your swagger” on a hair club for men commercial. I almost choked on my reheated vsb omelette
Swag is the poor man’s version of power.
Great Scott!! I overlooked the glaringly obvious link from “swag” to “power”…I am shuddering as I am growing tired of this “S” word already, please people, lets pull out our thesauruses and get some synonyms in this piece! but I digress…as far as I am concerned…power is a double edged sword…in the wrong hands it’s the equivalent to a short cat, with Napolean syndrome, bad breath, a shiny suit and a booger in his nose trying to “holler”…it’s just WRONG!
“in the wrong hands it’s the equivalent to a short cat, with Napolean syndrome, bad breath, a shiny suit and a booger in his nose trying to “holler”…it’s just WRONG!”
ummm, who said you were allowed to leave the corner?
LMAO I was thinking the same thing! She’s been there long enough to build a fort now….
DANG! I thought I was let out of the corner! that was LAST WEEK! but since you want to act like that! I am still in the corner…I am commenting from my phone! so there! :p
“I am still in the corner…I am commenting from my phone! so there! :p”
good. that means that our wireless connection works. you’re allowed 4 bathroom breaks per day, btw
You can tilt the hat and wear the clothes, but if you don’t exude the confidence (swagger)….you’re just imitating….and not everyone’s confidence comes across to everybody in the same manner…..i’ve worn the disclaimer “i ain’t for everybody!!” for a long time and people know it!!!
I think it can be taught, but it depends on if the student can be taught. On top of that, yes I do believe human interaction and body language is a science, which can be mastered. Just look at all the body language analysts who came out the woodwork to comment on the Obama Fist Bump (dap). Who knew it was that deep? lol
It’s funny cause I was gonna actually forward a motion to include the idea of “swagger goggles” to the last post…that you can be blindsided by a dude’s swag as a reasonable cause to think he’s a good lay.
And I know he’s my namesake, but for God’s sake…please tell me why anyone would wanna lick the rapper? Swagger don’t cover up ugly and tear drop tattoos. Ugh! Swag must be learned behavior cause I’m still reeling that Weezy ain’t the same likkle boy on “Back That Ass Up” talking some, “Now, wha-wha-wha-what…Drop it like it’s hot.”
@Treezy, Weezy still does not have swag and he can’t get my “miss good stuff” EVER! Yuck. (puke face)
“Swagger don’t cover up ugly and tear drop tattoos”
please, try not to say that within earshot of liz. she might choke you through the internet
I was wondering who would say it…but I didn’t think it would be YOU! he looks like a fetus! no wait…a pirhana! no wait…a pirhana’s fetus! I love his hair…but I wouldn’t “bless his MIC” with somebody else’s moutpiece…let alone “lick the wrapper!” UGH… I guess we can say his groupies are wearing MARC JACOB GOGGLES!
But the boy can rap(when he’s not coked up and crazy)…I was listening to the lollipop remix with Kanye, and Wayne hits it hard at the end, I was like damn Weezy…and let’s face it anything he touches turns platinum…and we all know that success and status is sexy as hell, which is why all these chics be drooling over his ass. Although I do find him reminiscent of a gremlin…sprinkle a little water on him and watch him grow…lol.
girl but don’t feed that ass after midnight! lol
I agree, my man and I call that negroe “Spike” regularly and laugh at the dark scenes in his videos because he might be scarred of “bright light, bright, light” LMAO!
ROTFLMAO!!!! so that is what ya’ll do while practicing your spades signals??
now with all homo sh*t aside…..what could possibly be so sexy about him?? i’ve tried to figure that out many times before!! is it the fact that he will perpetually shed a tear for you whenever you need a man to cry with you, or is it that he will always keep you safe at night, warding off evil spirits by standing outside looking like a gargoyle??
but the little guy is confident!! plus he has money!! does that make him have swagger?? or is that a part of his swagger?? or does it have nothing to do with it??
“I was listening to the lollipop remix with Kanye, and Wayne hits it hard at the end, I was like damn Weezy”
eh, i beg to differ. as soon as kanye’s verse is done, the track suffers immensely. its physically jarring, actually. its like radiohead being the opening act for the povertyneck hillbillies
Definitely agree with you on that one!! Kanye killed it!!
Yeah, I almost choked on my spit with, “You better wear a latex/Cuz you don’t want that “I think I’m late” text”…wow.
“Swagger don’t cover up ugly and tear drop tattoos”
Say that again…I’ve argued with more chicks than a little bit about that gremlin being sexy. I still vote no.
I think sex appeal is a learned trait and people who are not physically attractive can definitely be sexy or have swag. I swear the fraternity guys at FAMU had a segment on swag why they were getting hazed. Some of them instantly transformed from geeks to beauty’s after they crossed and it had nothing to do with the letters they earned.
Most geeks or dudes that grow into their ugly that are now desirable because they now display sex appeal rather they observed others or just learned to be comfortable with their ugly.
In other instances, ugly people even find that one attractive quality and start over-emphasizing it, i.e. ugly girl with big butt may only wear close that accentuates her butt.
“Some of them instantly transformed from geeks to beauty’s after they crossed and it had nothing to do with the letters they earned. ”
you sure you werent wearing “greek goggles”?
Yeah I think she was killing those “greek goggles” because none of them transformed in my eyes and we were seeing the same guys.
Chile bye! You know good-n-damn well most chicks at FAM was down with the greeks. Hence why all the greek partiest were the best!
i’ve worn them too!!! always been stuck on them damn aka’s!!!
damn and aka should never be written or spoken in unison… I will need you to recant that statement.
“I swear the fraternity guys at FAMU had a segment on swag why they were getting hazed. ”
I’m not so sure if it’s swagger (I HATE that word). For women and men at FAMU it’s a sign of status to pull a guy or girl who managed to “make the line” and cross (depending on the fraternity or sorority). When I was there I’d always hear things like, “He’s not that cute but he’s a Kappa.” Or, “I like him but I don’t know, he IS a Sigma.” Once you get to know a lot of those dudes, the swagger vanishes and the lameness shines through.
Good point!
What the hell were you doing up at 3:45 in the morning reading VSB?!?!?
Damn, dude! Stop clocking me. LOL. But for real, Nino woke me up and I decided to check out the new topic
Nino Pino…damn that dog got on my nerves and he peed on my shit, damn varmans!
“grow into their ugly” I love this saying and use it all the time.
“grow into your ugly”
another great t-shirt
Whew Hoo! Finally, I get a tee-shirt quote (kirsey/bowing around my office cheesing)
has it come to this? a tshirt quote is what we strive for? DAMN VSB!!!!!
yeah thats fly.
i guess i’ll have to throw in my 1/2 a peso….
um..i agree with those who spoke about having confidence.. if you are confident people tend to gravitate towards you. It’s also all about the personality. The most beautiful woman or man could have the nastiest personality..its kinda like having a mint condition 68 chevelle SS with a jacked up motor..beautiful on the outside..but u couldnt take it anywhere..lol
(i got a thang for muscle cars..lol)
Also on the flipside you could have a Aunt Esther look a like with a beautiful soul and you see how Woody was in love with her..lol
(just finished watchin a sanford n son rerun)
ugh..its late n im rambling..lol
*talk amongst yourselves*
“if you are confident people tend to gravitate towards you.”
i guess its the chicken/egg question. does confidence make someone attractive, or does the fact that theyre attractive make someone more confident?
I vote both, although in the case of attractiveness (?) making someone more confident, that confidence can transcend to arrogance.
*I know attractiveness is a word but it just sounds/looks wrong.
I think it depends on the person. I wasn’t as confident in high school, but right around my second semester of freshman year I grew into my beauty my confidence shot up. And now that I’m in my almost 30 yr old body and killing my almost 30 yr old swag, my confidence is skyrocketing(doesn’t hurt that i’m even prettier now than I was then). And let me loose these pesky 12 pounds, ol man it’s on. The chicken came first all day…and now I’m laying all sorts of eggs.
For some it’s the other way around…lol.
confidence needs reinforcement to stay confident. An ‘ugly’ person that has the ability to keep that reinforcement steady (through charm, but mostly through swag) will still remain attractive to the viewers eyes. Aesthetics dont always play a role, if the confidence overpowers the lack of — jayz looks like a camel, but I dont think theres a woman in the world who won’t buckle under his cool.
true swagger comes from early reinforcement. When your identitys being shaped around that confidence, it solidifies into your bones; however when youre past the age of like, 19, and youre trying to pick up swagger, its very forced and noticeable.
Im sure that the book will help people once they go PAST the confidence border… but the ultimate appeal to sex appeal is that it’s natural. One cannot successfully execute such minute nuances and signals when they’re constantly thinking about how they look, what theyre saying, how should my eyelashes respond to this question? Thinking too much shows through hestitation.
@Jess, I disagree, I would not get with Jay Z. Never. And, I have had my swag since I was a little girl way before the age of 19. By 19, my swag was overflowing.
I’m saying. Swag can’t be “developed” after 19. Swag happens early, and is rarely authentic unless it does.
confidence is sexy… there is this dude I know he OOOOOZES sexy. He is CONFIDENT, has a great smile, a great personality, dumb as rocks though.
But you look at him and he smiles and gets this coy look in his eye. mmmm just sexy! you just have to remember he isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Confidence is sexy. I know this one guy who’s real sexy and no matter where he goes, women are after him. He’s cute, but not the best looking guy in the world but he has charisma, confidence, intelligence and is a real good guy.
Champ asks:”i guess its the chicken/egg question. does confidence make someone attractive, or does the fact that theyre attractive make someone more confident?”
A: it CAN work both ways but the real question is: when you don’t have “looks”, do ya still have confidence or swagger?
if a still got IT then those are the people who truly have IT and no one or thing can take it away. your confidence should not always be at the mercy of your outer conditions. its all about the inner world.
I think confidence makes someone attractive. Hence, the term swag being overused these days. When someone says “He got swag” the listener still wants to know if he is cute. Swag is almost like personality more so than sex appeal.
i agree with ya on that one!! it can go both ways!! but that doesn’t just mean physical attractiveness enhances the swag…..it can be intelligence, dress, etc.!! i’ll be the first to admit that i’m not the sexiest or most handsome person in the world….but i’m nice, a little smart and honest….and i listen….and i’m confident in being who i am……i know how to use what i have to accentuate my swag!! sex appeal is the embodiment of all things considered….it all goes hand in hand with each other!!
Confidence DEFINITELY makes people attractive.
I’ve always believed tha sex appeal was mostly confidence. There are women who are beautiful to look at but don’t know it; not being sure of yourself can be a very unsexy thing.
It’s unfair because it’s so different for men. We as women are very forgiving. Swagger for me is all confidence, it doesn’t matter what you look like. Well that a lie cause lil wayne is not sexy. No not sexy at all.
“Well that a lie cause lil wayne is not sexy. No not sexy at all.”
lol…wow. its barely 9:30 and already three different people referenced lil wayne. i think we have a weezy problem
im mad that swagger is being used interchangably between genders. It doesn’t even sound right for a woman to have “swagger”…and how can you define the elements of what men and women really have an umph using the same word?? it feels weird.
“im mad that swagger is being used interchangably between genders”
yeah, you’re right. the only woman i know with “swagger” is diana taurasi.
its just a different dynamic, i guess. the guy even says it in the article
“Jones said there are certain traits that men look for in women — including confidence, supportiveness and approachability”
theres that “frapproachable” word popping up again
did they send you a free book??? LOL
I think I may just pick up a copy. Somebody here mentioned the “science” behind what is attractive and what is not, that part is fascinating to me.
lol, nah. just read about it here:
http://www.dailycamera.com/news/2008/jun/10/cu-prof-get-sexy-with-a-little-practice/
ok even though it boils down to the same ingredientS, it may feel better if a womans version has a different label. maybe X appeal. MAGNETIZED even
@ Nut. Thanks for saying that “Spike” is not cute regardless of his confidence.
Bullshit.
Either you have it or you don’t….swagger that is. It’s not a learned trait.
“Either you have it or you don’t….swagger that is. It’s not a learned trait.”
so, theres basically nothing a person can do give themselves more swagger? it all basically just depends on genetics?
I think genuine sex appeal is in your nature. It’s who you are. You have to be there mentally for it to flow naturally. I won’t go so far as to say it can’t be taught because it can in so many words. But it takes psychological training first. You believe therefore you are. Maybe??? When I was growing up my mother taught my sister and I how a woman is suppose to look, dress, sit, walk and even think.
And IMO sex appeal sometimes shines thru some little quirky habit or gesture that you the person don’t give much thought to. There are two habits that I have that have been labeled sexy by a few different men, however I am never really all that conscious to when I am doing them.
“And IMO sex appeal sometimes shines thru some little quirky habit or gesture that you the person don’t give much thought to.”
good point.
@Raqi
I find it odd the things men really think are sexy about me. Its usually forseen as flaws in my eyes but dudes be like, “now that’s sexy” and sometimes its the common sense crap that they find super sexy, i.e. like keeping a perm, dressing up for dates, or being a getting to know their family when you are in their presence.
“like keeping a perm”
lol, i dont think i’ve ever heard me or any of my boys say “damn, she got a sexy ass perm!!!”
i know what you mean though…just being facetious
I challenge you to use that on someone and report back.
“I challenge you to use that on someone and report back.”
hmmm…sounds like a plan. i havent used any intentionally ridiculous pick-up lines in a minute.
Elenda, my husband thinks it’s sexy when I am sitting engulfed in thought or whatever, I will trace the outline my lips with my finger or my glasses. At the time I will be so into what I am thinking about I don’t realize I am doing it. The first time I was actually made conscious of it was when he reached and touched my lip. When I looked up at him he gave that “I can take you right now” glare. LOL He later told me that he finds my little habit sexy.
Another habit is when I am sitting with one leg crossed over the other, you know that sexy crossing LOL, I tend to let my shoe dangle. A couple men at work have commented on that one.
My youngest son’s father says I caught his attention by the way I sweep my hair back behind my ear with my finger. Somebody should have cut that finger off.
@Raqui
My silly little habit that has gotten attention is a pop-pop sign I make with my lips (kindof like when you finish applying chap stick) and a few men have told me I only do it when I’m horny. LOL, like it’s an unspoken sign. I noticed it’s true
Another compliment, men think its sexy that I walk on my toes. I never thought that crazy habit would be considered sexy, but it is.
I walk on my toes too @ Elenda. I never thought that was sexy but men have said I had a sexy walk.
Raqi says: “Somebody should have cut that finger off.”
heh, heh, heh…
‘Somebody should have cut that finger off.”
lol…damn
For some people a perm is sexy. I had a big afro when I met my husband and he was so attracted to it. After we got married he said he wanted to see me with a perm so I did for about a year or so. He liked it but was so accustomed to pulling my fro that he was upset when I would tell him he couldn’t touch my hair. And his bushy pillow was gone. Needless to say the afro is back and I have been told that it is sexy because with my natural hair I feel my most confident. Go figure.
Men being attracted to women getting dressed up is universal I think. As long as they are not waiting for you to dress, men perfer you to look nice when you go out.
My hubbie said I’m sexiest when I suck my bottom lip (only the right side for whatever reason) when I read. Men are funny. Just when you think you can predict what they will like, they surprise you everytime.
Went to amazon and actually searched inside the book. the chapters are: sexy ways to sitting, sexy stance and walking, attractive and feminine use of the hands, approaching alluring and vulnerable eyes, sexy voice and mouth, male signals and the courtship sequence, first date, sex appeal in the workplace.
I also took a peep inside the book. Some good stuff about how how to decipher when a man is interested so he can take the clue to pursue.
Some of it I’ve heard many times before. I think most women take clues from being a lady and a woman (and how to be alluring) from the first woman in their livees: their mama. Mine alway said that your sexier with all your clothes on. Men like to imagine whats underneath, so their’s not much need in showing EVERYTHING you got. Sometimes I listened to this, sometimes I didn’t. I did find that I got better suited men…when I left some things to the imgination.
Overall and not from reading. This is mostly “media training” brought to the masses: how to use your voice, how to sit and stand…thats what media trainers teach actors, actresses and others who are in front of the camera.
Worth a trip to B&B in my opinion. Its a different and more expansice take on what “I hope” everybody’s mama told them.
This is bunk! At least for women. You can’t teach women to be secksy. What you can do is teach them ways to distract men. Have an ugly face? Wear close to nothing. That will make men focus on the body and not the face. Reaching back into yesterday’s post, I guess you could call that The Distraction Goggles. Thing is, eventually, the dude will realize that she’s a swamp donkey. Goggles off! Also, if a woman does this, her attitude changes. She really starts to believe her hype and starts acting like she’s fine. Nobody wants a dillusional ugly broad around. It’s sad. It’s funny. It’s a sitcom waiting to happen.
For men, I could see how this would work. It would only need to be a short chapter. Developing a man swagger is easy. Step 1: Make some money or at least enough that the chicks you want think you have a lot of money. Then end. It’s just this simple because when a man gets two nickles to rub together and attracts the attentions of a 7 when his ass is used to getting 3′s, his swag gets extra loose.
“Reaching back into yesterday’s post, I guess you could call that The Distraction Goggles. Thing is, eventually, the dude will realize that she’s a swamp donkey.”
okay, “swamp donkey” almost made me choke on my cheese eggs and syrup.
finally a combination I can agree with, eggs and syrup are on point!!!
yeah, i decided to keep it simple this morning. i have a game tonight
ditto: cheese eggs and syrup are supa tasty!
eggs and syrup.
i just threw up in my mouth a lil bit. *swallowing*
Swamp donkey? I LOVE it! This made me laugh harder than boogerwolf (thanks ’cause I’m in a bad mood). I’d love to see a full list of hilarious terms used to describe unfortunate looking women/men.
We don’t need such a negative list. What we need is a list of things that people can do to not look so unfortunate. I’ll start.
1. Stay home.
2. Comb your hair./Keep a haircut.
3. Iron your clothes.
4. Wear proper foundation items. Jiggly is not the new secksy-men included.
5. Moisturize your situation. Ashy is never classy.
LMAO!!!! Stay home? I think I’d rather be called a swamp donkey than have some one assert that my looks are not suitable for the public.
I’d like to add to the list…find honest friends. Folks that let you come out looking crazy don’t love you.
“swamp donkey”
*crying* i have to find a way to use this in a convo.
I wish I could take the credit for swamp donkey, but Hostess used it in an earlier comment.
Don’t forget “Smell good”. That is ever-so-important.
6. brush/floss your teeth (bright red gums and visible film on your teeth are not a good look)
heh, heh, heh…
1. Stay home.
2. Comb your hair./Keep a haircut.
3. Iron your clothes.
4. Wear proper foundation items. Jiggly is not the new secksy-men included.
5. Moisturize your situation. Ashy is never classy
i love lists. seriously, it could a list of “grass types” or “topics that are always used in lists” and i’d still enjoy that shit.
Yeah, “swamp donkey” is classic. That may have to be my new insult to the ugly people that make me mad in rush hour traffic in the “A”. Thanks in advance for that one
“It’s just this simple because when a man gets two nickles to rub together and attracts the attentions of a 7 when his ass is used to getting 3’s, his swag gets extra loose.”
I’d say this new found sex appeal, swag, or whatever is based on confidence.
Some people are born with an “it” that naturally shines through. Others never had it and never get it. I think though that there are many people that have “it” inside but haven’t figured out how to tap into it. Confidence is a catalyst.
YES it is confidence. Something amazing happens to a man when he can pay all his bills and still have money left over for the club. It’s like his back gets a little stronger.
i think you are digging beneath the surface here. the difference between learning something that you don’t at your essence naturally and innately have and MAYBE even becoming good at it pales in comparison with someone who is NATURALLY talented at it. this is not to say that some one couldn’t have it NATURALLY but not discover it till later. theres a diff.
“sexy ways to sitting”
sexy sitting? wow
For the most part, sex appeal is natural but it can be improved through increasing one’s confidence and being more comfortable with yourself. Also, sex appeal can be improved through working out which improves how you look and feel about yourself. I’m a little wary of the book though, teaching one how to walk and sit etc might come off fake.
“I’m a little wary of the book though, teaching one how to walk and sit etc might come off fake.”
its funny…i can imagine someone reading this, and practicing “sitting” and “walking” by themselves in their apartment
@Leila. Nah, some of the prettiest people are far from sexy. Sex appeal just doesn’t come natural to some people.
I think it definitely can be learned. As someone who used to be awkward in every trait possible, there are things that can be done to upgrade yourself, but it usually takes having an open mind and open ears, and not being afraid to step out of your comfort zone sometimes.
I like the word improved…maybe its like a modern day charm school..where monique failed.
tonight im gonna see if I remember how to walk in heels with a book on my damn head LOL
“…but it usually takes having an open mind and open ears, and not being afraid to step out of your comfort zone sometimes.”
i agree. so much of male/female interaction is predicated on body language, and if you’re paying attention and able to pick-up on shit, i honestly believe you can “upgrade” yourself
You can definitely upgrade yourself but at times, you will actually default to your origninal self. You can’t fake swag.
I think it could work in the short term but isn’t sustainable. You’d revert back to your natural body language, manner of speaking, etc., at some point.
if it is an unnatural switch, I agree…but if it is a subtle change that makes a difference..for instance…a new bra (big ups to J.Scott on that butterfly bra baby!), a more flattering lip color, taking your clothes to the cleaners instead of doing it yourself…then it’s definitely something long term…
But do straight men really pay that much attention to the clothes? I mean to tell if they’re dry cleaned or home washed? I think the woman wering them might feel more confident knowing she put a little extra effort into her appearance. Having said that, I probably meet just as many or maybe more men when I’m walking around with jeans, flip-flops, no make-up, and a t-shirt on. I wonder what that means.
nah…the cleaners reference was for the fellas…a nice starched button down just makes a man stand a little straighter…
as for the low maintenance catching more men…that happens to me too (sans the flip flops, I wear cute shoes because I have uncite feet, know thyself!) that’s because the sex appeal/confidence is natural…and I’ve been told that if you’re attractive in sweats, you’ve gott o be a STUNNER when you put your effort in…(shrugging)
“as for the low maintenance catching more men…that happens to me too (sans the flip flops, I wear cute shoes because I have uncite feet, know thyself!) that’s because the sex appeal/confidence is natural”
you’re half right. yeah, the sex appeal might still be there, but the biggest difference is that you’re (women in general) more approachable when dressed down. this is why women usually get more sincere love in sweats and sneakers than they do when they’re rocking their 500 dollar heels.
its all about approachability.
@Good lmao at “know thyself!” Now that’s a t-shirt and a hat
I agree with the approachability theory. Men just feel more comfortable walking up to Gabrielle Union than Tyra Banks. Plus, they like the fact that you don’t look high maintenence.
“I probably meet just as many or maybe more men when I’m walking around with jeans, flip-flops, no make-up, and a t-shirt on. I wonder what that means.”
This is the ultimate, because we (men) know if she looks good in “jeans, flip-flops, no make-up, and a t-shirt” then she looks amazingly fine when “dressed up”, plus there is nothing like seeing a woman in her natural beautiful state. This is the side we’ll more than likely see on a regular basis.
Oh, honorable mention – women with pony-tails with a baseball cap on…sexy!
“Oh, honorable mention – women with pony-tails with a baseball cap on…sexy!”
damn, i get all warm and fuzzy just thinking about this.
I could talk about what gets me all warm and fuzzy but that could cause some heads to explode. Then VSB would be banned from the workplace for fear of managers discovering all the lazy employees by simply following the blood trail.
hey luv. sex appeal to me is more about the inner world and not the outer world that you describe. the outer world in terms of looks is not sustainable. i don’t care how much lipstick or what kind of bra you put on Methuzala’s wife. if she aint got IT she aint got it. the inner world is the only thing that is truly renewable and sustainable.
But it’s not either /or. It kills me how people (not you) act like an attractive person can’t read, hold a conversation, etc. just because s/he is attractive. I live in DC. There are loads of attractive smart people. Not only that, but they are down to Earth.
Speaking of IT, I think of Beyonce. In a sea of other attractive women, there’s something about B that makes you eye stay on her for just a second longer. I don’t think the other chicks in Destiny’s Child weren’t attractive. But compared to them, B had that IT.
LOL, of course the eyes lingered on B. I mean, if you were standing next to gumby and aneroxic chick the eyes would stay on you too.
true…I was speaking on HOW the OUTSIDE effects the INSIDE…looking better (to yourself) in turn makes you feel better…and when you feel better, you are by default more confident…ya feel me? I get your drift, I’m just saying…but I can dig it… you know I can…
BULLSEYE…kind of…
overall…I’m going to co-sign…I KNOW that “sexy” is a state of being…that permeates into a tangible manifestation called “sex appeal”, “swag”, or some other such shit!…I also agree that (at it’s best) it’s INNATE…something in your spirit that illuminates your awesome SWAG-NIFICENCE…however a cheaper, often less genuine form of “sex appeal” can be taught/learned…GEEKS to GODS indeed…in some cases, your “light” comes on after a life altering experience and your garner the self love necessary to raise your confidence and become more aware of yourself, hence more “sexy”…like a bad break up, the loss of a loved one, losing your job, relocating and reinventing yourself, etc!
OR
you can be exposed to a new school of thought that facilitates such growth…for example, pledging…I don’t know what it was about the “Ignut” Eta Mu chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Incorporated (chill at a flashback, throwing up that hammer) that transformed poorly groomed, bookish, awkward, stylishly-challenged undergrads to ICE COLD UnderGODS! lawdhamercy! but the change was DRAMASTIC (drastic+dramatic) and seemed have just awakened an aspect of themselves that was latent and un-nourished…that phenomenon isn’t as prevelant with sororities though…the ladies will not UPGRADE you…lol…
so there you have it…that’s my 2 piece and a pepper!
SWAG-NIFICENCE
hell i want that on a shirt. guess that makes me an arrogant bastard. nope. genuflect
I think I will make us some…let me call some folks…
im lovin it.
@ genius~can you call me at night and just read me to sleep? From the dictionary is fine.
sure luv.
lets start with M for mellifluous.
wait till we get to the R’s for ruff rugged and raw (metaphorically speaking)
I love the words that make the tongue roll or have the potential to get your tongue tied….mmm talk to me
mmm mmm mmm…speaking of reading…what’s up on the book club, your highness?
Bookclub/Movieclub projected start july 08. everybody welcome. i invited the ladies first because i like them and i know the men will come. meanwhile think of suggestions. stay tuned.
“@ genius~can you call me at night and just read me to sleep? From the dictionary is fine.”
ummmm…somebody needs to get a room.
or maybe just a strong-ass rabbit
@ champ~somebody needs to keep it moving
i know, right.
@ Ana B…damn…if he’s making “house calls” I want one!
mi casa es su casa mamacita.
ooh y hablas español tambien? todos mis deseos seran cumplidos.
@Good. Finally, someone who agrees that something about the greek (men) pledging emerges SWAG!
Sexual attracticveness can be learned but only to a degree. One can be taught how to carry one’s self in a manner that is more attractive to the opposite sex, but it will probably only go but so far.
Generally speaking though, I think sexual attractiveness lies in the eye of the beholder. Just like some women despise Lil’ Wayne, others may think he’s sexy. I’d argue that confidence doesn’t neccessarily translates to “sexiness” either. For one, I’ve always been attracted to that fine girl who didn’t really know she was all that fine – the lowkey fine girl if you will. She’s not insecure in her looks, she just doesn’t know how sexy she is though.
let us not forget that 9 times out of 10, women are also seeking confirmation that they are “bad” from other women…here is a secret most women don’t JUST fancy up for men. The best compliment I ever got on my favorite pair of heels was from another woman.
Ah, I feel you! Te best compliments I ever get are from ghey men! They know their stuff and they will let a person know when they aren’t ‘hittin on nuthin’.
Thats true…Every girl needs a gay (shoe/dress)husband..
i wonder why this same dynamic doesnt occur with lesbians and straight men. seemingly every straight woman has a gay guy pal in their crew, but, although i know a few lesbians, i’ve never had one in my clique.
thats my new project for the rest of the year: befriend a lesbian
It won’t work because lesbians are usually way too aggressive and vulgar–at least in the D/M/V. I won’t even get into the She-Ra Amazon lez of B’more. Those chicks act like the world is one big women’s prison! They’ll be tryna turn out the same chicks you’re trying to get. Too much obvious competition.
Ghey men aren’t as aggressively competative. Plus, they are helpful and into fashion and super honest.
Due to how homophobic straight men tend to be in general, the competition between gay men and straight women is pretty low.
Yes! I have had ghey men stop me on a number of occassions and compliment me on my walk. The funny thing is growing up that was the one reason girls didnt like me. I have a natural switch when I walk, always have. Men love it and women think I am showing off.
“and women think I am showing off.”
when you catching that kind of hate from a chick…you doin something right. That should be a highlighted chapter in this book… confidence real confidence is being able to give props to another woman…it don’t take nothing away from the “proper” or the “propee”. But a hater will always find something to hate themeselves for by way of you.
i say work IT.
Amen!
say that is girl!! I am complimentary to men and women…I recognize and appreciate effort…sadly…a genuine compliment, eye contact, and warm, honey smile are considered flirting in these parts…but I’m not flirting…I’m giving credit where it’s due…if I was flirting…there would be no ambiguity of the dance…
switch dammmit switch.
“most women don’t JUST fancy up for men.”
future vsb.com topic, btw
“For one, I’ve always been attracted to that fine girl who didn’t really know she was all that fine – the lowkey fine girl if you will.”
yeah. undercover cuties are definitely the shiznit
“For one, I’ve always been attracted to that fine girl who didn’t really know she was all that fine – the lowkey fine girl if you will. She’s not insecure in her looks, she just doesn’t know how sexy she is though.”
Awwww…me too, that reminds me of this girl I used to work with. She was SOOOOO fine, but was so modest about it and she was nerdy-cool, wore nice little glasses and she was really sweet (sweet girls are my weakness)…yeah, some dude wifed her up real quick.
unconcious humility or in some cases low self esteem. (two diff things) i prefer unconcious humility. i like to see a woman who without all the enhancements at her stripped down base looks gorgeous from the inside out.
@monk. Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is swag.
“Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is swag.” Excellent point, but just like we all can agree that someone like Halle Berry is beautiful there are some people that just have it then there are the “in the eye of the beholder” types
Since I haven’t read the book – I don’t know what is said throughout it. However, there are some folks just plain born with it – then there are folks that stepped into it. I think it can be learned, but not everyone can learn it. There are simple little things that we all can do to make ourselves appear more desirable (and I’m not talking about 100 crunches a day).
I tried to explain it to a faux-friend of mine who gets mad at me because if we are out together I get hit on more than she does. She takes it as a horrible insult because I’m fat and she’s lil miss perfect body. She’s also a raging heffatina and emits this heffatina like vibe.
BTW – I put the * in b*tch because in my very odd dream this morning panamajackson yelled at me for cursing in the blog and getting it banned from some backwoods university. I’m gonna go thru and put heffatina instead of b*tch.
But to sum it all up – I had a very odd series of weird dreams this morning – sex appeal aka “swag” can be learned but not by everyone.
“BTW – I put the * in b*tch because in my very odd dream this morning panamajackson yelled at me for cursing in the blog and getting it banned from some backwoods university. I’m gonna go thru and put heffatina instead of b*tch”
vsb.com: we’ll haunt your dreams
haha. That could be the new tag line…
hug yourself Cheryl.
did that and more, honeybunz.
Cheryl you are my new e crush….I love it
Oh and just to add some academia into this discussion, there’s a thing called The Golden Ratio. This is what I think of when I think of people who just have IT. It’s not a swagger. It’s literally that thier face shape and measurements are the shyt.
http://www.intmath.com/Numbers/mathOfBeauty.php
I believe this accounts for a lot of those under cover pretty people–the ones who don’t KNOW they are appealing. They don’t have to do anything but walk into the room. The angles on their faces do all the work that others have to learn to do.
This is a great pick up line…
” DAMN …baby I just ran some numbers on your face, with my scientific calculator…and we are congruent like a Mother f$%%k$r….
And you know what? If someone rolled up on me like that, he and I would from that point on, be FAST FRIENDS…And maybe lovers. I’m a nerd and I heart other nerds.
But check it, did you see that they explain the beauty of a flower using the ratio too?
Meeee tooo…if a man stepped with a pie chart and a decent explanation and could draw that shyt on a martini napkin…well..anyway…im not very aggressive but that would lite my panties on fire. FOR REAL.
yes I did peep that flower thing. very very interesting.
Y’all reading this fellas?? We like MATH!!!! No seriously. It’s kinda hot. And to help y’all who think we only like you jangalinging your BMW keys in our general direction, here’s the start of a list of things women really do like, contrary to what men’s mags (and your stupid friends) tell y’all.
Math
Complete sentences
Quoting fine lit
“Quoting fine lit”
GIRRRRRRRRRRRRL yes I’ll take any man who could tell me SOMETHING ANYTHING about (one or more of) James Baldwin, Shakespere, Tennessee Williams, Jane Austen, hell Sherlock Holmes….. Dr. Suess …humpty dumpty(sike) lol
nawl but math/science boys are my little weak spots too. Even the little cocky ones who think they could bring the internet to its knees in 7days.
@Hostess, You should have put “complete sentences” in quotes and underlined it.
Houston we’ve grown a brain. …but errrr ahhhh 1 week later that money and the BMW looking good to ya huh. women don’t know what they want. you’re smarter to figure out what you don’t want. cause at the end of the day with women its: too much is not enough. quote me spell my name right.
“Houston we’ve grown a brain. …but errrr ahhhh 1 week later that money and the BMW looking good to ya huh. women don’t know what they want. you’re smarter to figure out what you don’t want. cause at the end of the day with women its: too much is not enough. quote me spell my name right.”
Yeah ok…weren’t the one talking up top about stripped down bear bones, beauty from the inside out..ain’t nan fab woman I know going to get fancied up…to be stripped down bear bones…to rock her fabness. If women don’t know what they want…men don’t either.
Bwhahaha @ drawing a chart on a martini napkin….yeah he would definitely have a shot at the fastandfurious
Comeback Girl asks G. Khan:
“Yeah ok…weren’t the one talking up top about stripped down bear bones, beauty from the inside out..ain’t nan fab woman I know going to get fancied up…to be stripped down bear bones…to rock her fabness. If women don’t know what they want…men don’t either.”
yeah that was me. i know plenty of women who dress up just to get undressed and i must say, i like it. my point was that if i only see a woman with “her face on” then i only see the illusion. that doesn’t mean i dont want her to dress it up. i do want to know what she’s working with at her essence. (no make up, no enhancements etc.) i’ve seen women getting on the elevator when i’ve gone to work early and didn’t recognize who they were. ( ya know, before the war paint and shit) yes. …and the irony of it is that PEOPLE often find out what they want by way of finding out FIRST what they DONT. this has been a test of the emergency dont get it twisted system. we now return you to you regularly scheduled programming.
“…PEOPLE often find out what they want by way of finding out FIRST what they DONT.”
This right here is the truth. I shall use it in my post on Friday! I’ll be sure to cite you. Thanks!
I agree about that “face” ish…the most genuine compliment I have ever received was…”damn queen, you look just like yourself!” from a lover first thing in the morning…it made my day! I swear…I’m so simple I’m hard!
ok wait I smell an inconsistancy;
” i’ve seen women getting on the elevator when i’ve gone to work early and didn’t recognize who they were. ( ya know, before the war paint and shit) yes”
the hell….aint no woman going to the office AND put on FULL war paint (not touch up). If its a night/day issue with the face, that goes on before you even hit daylight.
Come on now…don’t play “fashion fair” in the MAC/channel sandbox.
Comeback Girl says: “the hell….aint no woman going to the office AND put on FULL war paint (not touch up). If its a night/day issue with the face, that goes on before you even hit daylight.
Come on now…don’t play “fashion fair” in the MAC/channel sandbox.
technically you’re right, i can’t say if it was half done or completely undone. it was undone enough for me not to know initially who she was and i work in the same office with her 5 days a week. cute. that oxygen channell sanbox thing but errr ahhh i’ll do you one better. i see women driving to work getting made up in the rearview mirror, feeding the baby a bottle in the backseat, eating an egg mcmuffin and talking to you on the phone, perhaps. is it really a stretch for you to think that i haven’t seen a woman patching up drywall (slick for applying make-up) before they got to work. you don’t have to answer that, its rhetorical.
i went in early, maybe she thought she would miss everybody so early. suprise!
ok genius I’mma let you slide on that but meant Mac/chanel…not sure how the Oprah’s oxygen channel got into all this.
familliar with this one and i like proportianate (don’t have to have mega booty or titzilla) but to me swag is more about what you cant see. (x factors) inner world.
( head down raising my cell phone with the light on in agreement Sankofa style…)
I feel you I think….”Baby I love this thing about you…I can’t see the shyt…but I LOVE IT.
So true. Beauty is science. People with more symmetrical faces are seen as more attractive.
I don’t think it can be taught. It’s something you’re born with and it develops over time.
Either you have it or you don’t.
The people who have don’t even know they have it– truly have it, and the people who think they have it, don’t have any at all.
Can swagger/sex appeal be taught?
Yes? No? Maybe.
First, I think we should get it out of our heads that people are born sexy. I have yet to see a sexy toddler and I hope I never will.
No one is born with swagger it’s developed. And, yes, confidence has a great deal to do with how you present yourself to others. But no one is born confident. Or maybe everyone is and then we’re taught to doubt ourselves.
In any case, sex appeal is not objective. So the idea that a book can teach you how to be sexy is ridiculous. But the idea that a book can teach you how to be more confident is not that much of a stretch. It may be a waste of money to some but if that’s what you need to help you feel good about yourself then …cést la vie
“I have yet to see a sexy toddler and I hope I never will. ”
i think beyonce is trying to change that
http://gawker.com/5008395/beyonc-tarting-up-young-girls-too
That was awful! Beyonce should get charged for every little girl that gets raped/molested while wearing her crap!
Naw. The parents should be charged. They buy the clothes. Plus, child molesters don’t actually care what the kids wear. No matter what the kid has on, the molester thinks the kid is flirting with them, sexy, and a whole host of things I’ve heard on L & O and my true life crime dramas. LOL
the responsibility lies with the parents. If they aren’t doing their job then they are part to blame. I’m a little miffed at Beyonce, this just shows poor character on her part.
they going to far Buck. remember Jean Benet Ramsey? they had that lil girl looking like a side show trick at 4 & 5 however many years she was.
im sorry i meant “they had Jean Benet Ramsey looking like a $2 saloon whore.”
@Genius (SMH) leave the dead alone. Have you no shame?
I recently traveled accross country (by plane) with my one year old nephew. He is adorable, and I am not saying that because he is my nephew, he truly has it. There was not one flight attendant that didn’t flirt with him, he also got hit on by several women that sat around us, ticket agents, baggage agents, we even got a rent a car upgrade because of him. I was like damn maybe I should travel with him more often (not really). But it wasn’t just because he is adorable, he has a good demeanor (he’s a happy baby). He smiles, and plays, he flirts back. He FLIRTS back! At the age of one he already knows that (even with unattractive people). I was amazed. Even when he cried on the plane (during one of our legs) the flight attendants were going out of their way to help him be more comfortable. I have traveled with young children before, this doesn’t happen all the time.
I say all this to say that sex appeal is mostly innate, it can be learned but that learned piece is all a front. It’s mostly innate.
my 4 year old son is a chick magnet too…and he’s very smart, so he flirts back! gives compliments and all that!
I have a 3 year old niece that has a natural switch in her walk and this gleam in her eyes (that everyone in our family has).
She can flirt better than some grown women… her mannerisms are bananas.
my 5 year old and 6 year old neices (sisters to the nephew) have it too. I had just never seen it in a one year old.
“There was not one flight attendant that didn’t flirt with him, he also got hit on by several women that sat around us, ticket agents, baggage agents, we even got a rent a car upgrade because of him.
you sure the airline wasn’t “air pedophile”?
I agree. I think toddlers have swag. Sometimes it is truly in the eyes and smile. Not saying I would try to molest a toddler but you can tell that they are cute or will have sex appeal at an early age.
i used to be a sexy toddler (front)
now i’m just a handsome skank (back)
mens t-shirts
it’s gully, now isn’t it?
2 vsb quotes slightly altered & combined. sorry don’t remember exactly whose
I haven’t seen a sexy toddler but I have seen some that a cuter than others. Those kids are going to be more accepted and probably have an easier time building confidence. And they’ll have a greater change of securing their confidence earlier than the little mud duck baby.
“little mud duck baby”
Do you have kids? Are you planning on it? ‘Cause you just cursed them with that…
I don’t have any but I I plan on having some. I have great genes. But if by some chance I wind up with a freakishly ugly daughter (cus ugly boys are easier to work with), I will dress her ass very well, make sure she’s the smartest kid in the tri-state area AND make her take ballet to shape her body. I have thought this through.
Do people really know their kids are ugly??
I always thought that EVERYBODY thought there little chicken was the best little chicken in the world.
I really do believe you can LOVE the ugly out of a child.
Yeah. They know! They know! I’ll put myself out there. I was bald as a river duck as a baby. My head was HUGE. So were my eyes. And for the first couple months, I didn’t even look Black. I wasn’t ugly so much as I was odd looking. They didn’t even take too many pics of me until my body caught up to my head and eyes AND I got some color. My mother dressed me in the finest things…Then, at about 9 months, my ass up and got cute and she went from buying all my baby clothes at Prince and Princess to buying them from regular old Hudson’s (Marshall Fields).
I must confess, I wonder if my kids will be funny looking. Because I have an affinity for funny looking dude with big head and large hands. But they all have that lil something that turns a chick’s head
@comeback. I don’t think people know until their kids get older. For some reason they are in denial about that babies being ugly. They are still stuck on “does the baby look like me or him?”
@Hostess, Don’t forget to keep her hair tight
LOL @ Do you have kids? Are you planning on it? ‘Cause you just cursed them with that…
“little mud duck baby” lol
I agree that cuter kids will be more accepted, but, kids can build their confidence in other ways – sports, music, etc. I think you build sex appeal in some ways, but some ways are just natural. There are countries that are known for having sexier people than others (“Brazil”). Is this something taught or in the genetics? It could be a combination of both, but I think most of it cannot be taught, especially in a book.
Ha. So ugly kids who are in neighborhoods where sports programs have been cut out don’t have a chance. Sheesh. It’s a cold, cruel world. Breed carefully people!
“Breed carefully people!”
another t-shirt
@Champ. That should be the first shirt off the line. That is a powerful message that people need to memorize before reproducing.
lets get it in.
no sex appeal is not objective its subjective.
the real question is; does the person thats doing the judging see it in the subject when you take away all the outer benchmarks like beauty, eye shape etc. to me its more about the x factors and the inner world which may manifest in an outward sign like a glance, a walk, a gesture….
the outer…encourages the inner…if you feel like an ugly step sister, you maybe so conscious of it that you don’t allow your inner Cinderella to shine through, because she may be rejected due to her rugged exterior…but when she dusts off that crunchy candy coating…it’s time to go glass shoe shopping!
bringing to the stage, the princess of imagery, the dutchess of lexicon, the chick who put the chocolate in kisses and the softness in spots. yall put ya hands together for Mic Cities own Good Good GOODENess gracious Lawd Have Mercy girl look at yo self wit all dis here:
…but when she dusts off that crunchy candy coating…it’s time to go glass shoe shopping!
squeeze yo self.
(blushing…beaming…and blushing some more)
It can be taught, but when taught it needs to become a way of life so it looks natural. People can spot a fake a mile away. Enhance your God given attributes and leave the rest to someone else.
I think to a degree confidence/sexiness/swagg can be taught but you gotta have the sexy gene lurking somewhere.
It’s the difference between Steve Urkel and Stephon Urkel. The difference between BITH Morris Chestnut and The Brothers Morris Chestnut.
A little confidence goes along way and if a man or woman can grow into who they are and exude “I’m the shit but not stuck up” from every pore- they can be damn attractive even if they are physically ugly.
I do not think the key lies in teaching someone to sit and walk in ways that attract others, its more in how a person truly feels about themselves.
I have dated plenty of ugmo’s who were sexy as hell to me.
“BITH Morris Chestnut”
eww, that just wrong all day long.
“It’s the difference between Steve Urkel and Stephon Urkel. ”
WOW! I was thinking the same thing when I was thinking about this post.
as a person who as personally tapped into my inner setssie in my later years, i must agree that setssie cannot be taught or learned, it is already there and must be released. all my life i been poor and filthy (well not literally, but suttin like that), but always managed to be popular and never understood why. there was always “something about me” that nobody could ever figure out.
these days im still working that “suttin” that i’ll just call mojo for now. but i have seen alot of very attractive people who “just cant get it right.” male and female. i have a former friend who i think is settsie as all get out and he has the same mojo issue i did (only i was 17 and hes a grown man). unfortunately for him he thinks talking with a sigh and phrasing his words like a fortune cookie makes him seem sexier when i think its just dorky (not to be confused with nerdy, which is darn SETSSIE)… will he ever find his inner setssie? who knows. is inner setssie important is the grand scheme of setssiness? heck yea.
Ok so enough is enough….I just had to have a VSB.COM intervention with my homegirl b/c she officially spends more time with you guys on here yapping away than she does on yahoo iming me…this has to stop you hear me fellas…cut it out with your quirky and entertainingly ridiculous dialogue and let us all get back to our regular schedules of shooting the shit at work by myspacing and iming…
I tell you i’ve had it up to HERE with you guys…lol!!!
Up to where exactly? Are we talking knee level? Thigh level? Chest level? or all the way up to the neck?
Knee level…I can’t seem to stay away either..damn, damn, daaaaamn!!
@Teacia. Man, that intervention didn’t work. I am so damn addicted to this site right nah! I gotta change my name going forward so I won’t look like a groupie. Tomorrow, my name will me. Sass- E! LOL
*be
Man, that edit screen is hard. WTF?
I dont necessarily think it is taught. I think it is discovered. You find that thing in you, you become comfortable with it and learn how to work it and parlay it into aspects of life.
For me it happened when I was about 8 years old. (yeah I remember it) Up until then I was a little shy and insecure because I was thicker and darker than all the other little girls plus I wore glasses. The one day I realized i was also bigger and smarter than those little bitches. So I got tired of being picked on and used my mouthpiece to remind them I was smarter and my size to make sure they knew they couldnt beat me. The next thing I knew I had parlayed that into being the intriguing, sometimes over-confident, and often a little vain chick I am today.
Funny thing though was once the girls started hating me and calling me names the boys started loving me.
“I dont necessarily think it is taught. I think it is discovered.”
PERFECT!
you can only discover whats there to be discovered. if its not there you just looking. that’s just one black mans opinion.
true…the statement illustrates/supports the “appeal is innate” side of the argument…charisma is indigenous…and all that sh*t like that there…
@Sugar. I think everybody knows exactly when they realized they had swag. For me, it was 4th grade when I was coined the cute new girl AND I was growing out my Easy E curl; you couldn’t tell me nothing! !!!!!
Taught. . . to some degree yes. But even then, this is more a question of perception than reality. If I suddenly start pulling more girls, does that mean I’ve “learned” something? That I’ve become sexier? Etc? Maybe yes. Maybe no. To someone outside looking in at me, they’d say yes.
Now, when I’m out looking to meet someone new, I’m looking first at physical attraction. It’s bullshit to pretend I can somehow learn enough about someone else in a random outing (at night) where the initial attraction would be something other than just based on looks.
Now, say there are two identically hot girls out there that I want to talk to. I look over at one, we make eye contact, I smile, she smiles back. I look over at the other one, she glances at me, then continues looking somewhere else. Guess who I’m going to go talk to?
A lot of the initial attraction game has to do with the signals you give off. I’m only going to talk about those women give to men since I’m still figuring out the ones us guys need to give (ladies. . help a brotha out – who knows, you may be on the receiving end one day. . . )
Anyway, so, if you’ve got a girl that thinks she is shy and doesn’t smile at the guys she’s interested in and always looks away when some guy looks her way and has closed off body language (sitting facing wall instead of towards people, always staying in your group of female friends instead of separating yourself from time to time (making it easier for a guy to approach), arms folded/crossed, etc – if you change this behavior, generally, you’ll start having more people come up to you.
Does that mean you are sexier, you’re more attractive? Well, yes and no. Physically, you did not change. But those subconcious signals are also inputs to our attraction circuits.
Look at it this way. Take two identically endowed women wearing different tops one day. Seeing breasts and nipple outlined under a cotton shirt on a nice summer day seeming to be straining to break out can generate an explosion of lust in a guy. He looks over at identical endowments not similarly coiffed, and nothing.
Sometimes, it’s more about the presentation. There is nothing fake about it or deceptive. When you smile at me, you’re just as nice as when you were scared to look at me. All the qualities that I’d have liked had I gotten to talk to you are still there.
That’s my three cents. Damn the rising gas prices, even my thoughts are more expensive.
“That’s my three cents. Damn the rising gas prices, even my thoughts are more expensive”
actually, this was more like a quarter. its excused though, since you’re at pitt
Wait. . . shouldn’t you guys be paying ME for this?
BTW, I still get the emailed follow-up comments even though I’m not checking the box.
@Kamakula (sp?). I agree with you whole-heartly. I am far from being the prettiest girl in the any room (only because some dudes go straight for the ass); however, I am so freaking friendly and approachable, it’s a curse. It natural for me to smile at people who acknowledge my pressence. My confidence wont allow me to look away when someone looks at me. These are not things that have been taught to me, it’s just natural. I am going to have to renig on my earlier statement. Swag might just be a natural thing when dissecting body language.
Also, I better raise my price on my thoughts as well with these gas prices. So that was a nickels worth. HA HA HA.
You know, we should meet up some time and talk about forming some sort of organization to take care of our financial interests in posting here.
The Champ and Panama may be able to boss us around but as a united force, the “men” won’t be able to keep us down
wow…i think just about everything has been said. but i would have to say that sex appeal in and of itself is something that both men and women possess innately. imo, your sex appeal is directly proportional to the development of your own self-worth/esteem. there are some fairytale exceptions to the rule like the cinderella story…the fairy godmother comes along and gives you the right dress/hair/shoes but i think it’s when you feel good about yourself and have a healthy self-image that makes the opposite sex attracted to you. a man can tell you you’re sexy but if you don’t believe it yourself, your appeal [to him] will only last so long…and vice versa.
i don’t think a book can teach you how to be sexy, but it may be able to teach you how to stop downplaying your innate qualities.
if you feel sexy inside & out, 9 times out of 10, someone of the opposite sex will think the same thing.
A corollary to this is that people are attracted to . . . contentment. When you get to the point where you’re happy with yourself, you’re happy with your life, you’re not actively trying to look or find someone, that’s when you start noticing the looks from people around you. Or guys (or girls) start approaching you out of the blue.
That is the true meaning of “be yourself”. It’s about enjoying yourself in everything you do without worry about what others think. An easy way to envision this state of being – think about how you act/feel when you’re just hanging with some of your closest friends versus when you’re at an interview.
cogent.
I’m usually an observer, but I’ll weigh-in on this one.
YES…swagger can be learned, and IT IS learned. Show me a newborn infant w/ swagger, and I’ll show you a gas station in teh U.S. w/ regular unleaded $3.00.
Notwithstanding what me & my fellas call “The Trinity of Attraction (TOA)…
1) “Cute” (head to neck)
2) “Fine” (shoulder to feet)
3) “Sexy” (your gray matter)
…the concept of swagger is actually the learning and adaptation the EACH PERSON attempts to master, working w/ the TOA that they are dealt. You may be hella-cute, but could use a little road work (gym). You might be hella-fine, but your Wunderlich score (educate the ladies, VSB) could be pathetic! What swagger does is seek to compensate for the TOA imbalance that EVERYBODY has, and bring out the best in what you got.
Now, like I said at the beginning…it’s learned. A lot of it is based on exposure, and trial and error. As young people, we’re all mostly naive, brutally honest, and complete corny. While we may carry some of the character traits of our parentals. You only learn and develop swagger through interaction. The more you develop it the better is usually gets, that also means not doing the same B.S. repetitively. Swagger is also a quality of versatility, because one of its signs is also being able to use it with different people, and different environments. Just ’cause you’re a Fonzie/Fonzette in your hometown doesn’t mean you have it…buy a plane ticket, or get some bus fare, and see if your rap works elsewhere…and I mean out-of-state or country.
The cool thing about swagger is when you see a person that society might normally dub as “undesirable”, and you see their swagger give ‘em pull. Or even better, when you have a friend who you knew way back who was swagger-LESS…you watch them come up over the years…then you reminisce w/ ‘em on how cornball they were back-in-the-day. And AGAIN, we all were.
This is why the words “grown & sexy” are put together so d@mn often…’cause by the time you’re supposed to be “grown”, you just might have developed some swagger, which will afford you the luxury of “sexy”.
hm, very well put.