we all know the scene.
a scantily clad charlie baltimore doppleganger, in a huddle with other scantily clad and pseudo attractive phillies, sips on an 38 dollar community mojito at a nightclub while her and her girls continue to glare at every man in the club like they were beanie segel and the guys were bars of soap. while she accidentally makes eye contact with some soon to be extremely unfortunate chap, one of her blue tinted contacts shifts in her eye, causing her to blink. the chap interprets this as a come-hitherly wink, and approaches the crew of vultures, thoroughly unprepared for fury about to be unleashed because he had the audacity to approach them.
basically, eagle meets goat
although most of us would either fault him for not paying attention to the body language and general disposition of the horrific crew before he approached, or her for just being a prick, according to university of texas professors martie g. haselton, ph.d., and david m. buss, ph.d,…its nature and sh*t.
according to their study (paraphrasing),
“…men tend to overestimate women’s sexual interest, while women underestimated men’s willingness to commit. but, interestingly enough, both men and women were more accurate in rating women’s commitment levels…
…so why do men and women misjudge only certain cross-sex signals? they’re adaptive biases, say the researchers. according to the theory of natural selection—in which only the fittest survive—males who falsely inferred a woman’s sexual interest stood to gain descendants, and lost little if the woman was a suitable mate. “for ancestral men, it was more costly to miss a reproductive opportunity than to face rejection“, haselton explains. but females who were abandoned after consenting to sex suffered far greater consequences: pregnancy, reduction in mate value and having to raise a child alone. “for women, it was more costly to be deceived by men, so selection favored skeptical women,” he says, “leading to their continued skepticism about men’s willingness to commit.“
in a nutshell: guys appear to indiscriminately holler because the idea of rejection pales in comparison to the prospect of potentially passing up some new p, and women are hardwired to be teasing assh*les.
yup. sounds about right.
—the champ
Related posts:
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
for some reason I think this is bullshyt.. I mean its like chocolate syrup on pancakes… it sounds good in theory but in reality its too sweet and shyt inducing…
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:10 am
@Shay-d-lady,
chocolate syrup on pancakes sounds terrible in theory, and as the countries reigning breakfast laureate, i rebuke you for even mentioning that
Reply
shay Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:31 am
@The Champ,
“as the countries reigning breakfast laureate,”
cornmeal porridge and ritz crackers. i just wanted to run that by you.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:14 am
@shay,
cornmeal porridge and ritz crackers. i just wanted to run that by you.
next.
shay Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
@The Champ,
*signing off* rotflmao i guess nothing beats cream of wheat and toast
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
@shay,
you know how hungry that just made me?
shay Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
@The Champ,
lmao, i’m sorry. i’ll keep my food porn to myself.
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
@The Champ, (my dad’s breakfast, which he makes for us when we ask), scrambled egs with chopped up onions and tomatoes, with a side of plantains, fresh cheese or sour cream and a side of mashed refried beans. ***my own mouth is watering***
Reply
Yay Me I was first!!!! anyway I dont think the behavior itself is adaptive but humans and animals are adaptive, reactive creatures. I think its more akin to the pavlov’s dog thing you know conditioning and what not.people who have been hurt are often way more defensive the next go round, and guys who have gotten lucky off the “hey what the he.ll go for it” will continue to do it.. its not ingrained because that guy could get a chick home on some Im gone get you sucka type 1 leg shyt and that will make him way more discriminate the next go round…
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:12 am
@Shay-d-lady,
I think its more akin to the pavlov’s dog thing you know conditioning and what no
so you think this phenomenon has no evolutionary basis?
Reply
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
@The Champ,
I’m still stuck on this part—>Im gone get you sucka type 1 leg shyt and that will make him way more discriminate the next go round…
hee hee. I love that movie…
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
@SouthernGirl,
it is one of the top 15 comedies ever made
(yes, this is a future entry topic, btw)
I love the video. That eagle was gangsta. He cranked that goat.
The rest of the blog is convoluted gobbledy-gook. I do not support it, in neither content nor structure.
Bring us cookies, cake and candies w/Tampico Punch.
Reply
Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:31 am
@PBG, LOL at tampico punch… the if you like Sunny D you’ll love This version of citrus punch!!!
Reply
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:42 am
@Shay-d-lady,
Tampico Punch is heavenly. I drink it whenever I can. It goes well w/all ghetto snacks and meals, including grilled cheese sammiches, hot dogs and beans and toaster waffles.
Reply
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:44 am
@PBG, “including grilled cheese sammiches, hot dogs and beans and toaster waffles.
”
this sounds delish..
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:55 am
@Princess Duvet,
That’s some good eatin’, my Sista.
Beez Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:42 am
@PBG,
Don’t forget Rap Snacks! Back at the Ranch!
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
@PBG,
I knew it was no shakin my e-lust 4 U. *offers up round strawberry frosted shortbread cookies, twinkie, flamin hot fritos, fruit punch laffy taffies, tampico punch and pulls out flask filled w/ bombay to top off cup*
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
@WuDaMan,
Yes Wu, it was meant to be. A chick like me and a dude like you…we e-belong together.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
@PBG,
w/ my best Gerald Lavert impresion Come here Girl, Gimmie some *pulling PBG into teady bear embrace eyes closed puckering e-lips*
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Sooky sooky now!
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
@WuDaMan,
Yes, dear-heart, come to Mama. E-smooches and toasts w/Bombay and Tampico punch.
Why o’ why, did it take so long to e-find you?
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
@PBG,
I was scared. I got a no good ex fiance. & I wasn’t sure if I could share my hood culinary gifts so fast again. But you showed me no sense lettin em get stail up on the shelf like @ the bodega. *cues Simply Red* let’s dance. Here have a laffy taffy. These flamin hots is fiyuh!
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 9:57 am
@PBG,
Not the tampico punch. lol
Daaang that ish has probably like .05% actual juice in there. I can’t do it, it tastes so fake.
Reply
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
@miss t-lee,
Ha! If I was going for real juice, I’d pick Simply Orange or something. Nah, Tampico is what I go for when I’m looking for that special thing that only ‘hood drinks can bring to your life: massive amounts of high fructose corn syrup.
Reply
Relax, Relate, Alise Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
@PBG,
Tampico punch is up there with Jungle Juice for me, that stuff will stain a countertop or concrete, so I ain’t trying to even think of what it is doing to my esophagus…..
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
@miss t-lee,
“I can’t do it, it tastes so fake”
this, btw, is exactly what i said when 8th wonder tried to kiss me last weekend
Reply
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
I don’t recall you complaining about how things tasted before…
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
@8th Wonder,
thats because i had a cold, which nullified my taste buds
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Nullify deez.
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
@The Champ and 8th Wonder, I am giggling
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:13 am
@PBG,
damn…content AND structure? what…are my paragraphs faulty or something?
Reply
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:39 am
@PBG,
I didn’t get a chance to watch it b/c I was commenting from my Crackberry but WOWWWW!
That billy goat got SNUCK HARD! I mean… eagle straight got him by the NECK and dropped his ass down the mountain. That’s almost on some Tony Soprano type stuff…
Reply
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
@blackberry molasses, I didn’t even realize Eagles were capable of that ish. I mean I know they are predator birds but dayum that bird was bigger than the Billy Goat, and that was som old school mafia type jacking.
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:43 am
@PBG,
“The rest of the blog is convoluted gobbledy-gook. I do not support it, in neither content nor structure.”
werent you just yesterday singing the praises of niceness? now you called The Champ a gobbledygooker!
Not only that, but a convoluted one at that…
Did you just call him the c-word?!?!?!?!?!
*ring the alarm*
Reply
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Alarm deez.
VSB isn’t equal opportunity.
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
@PBG, you been sending tainted glitter??
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Blasphemy! My glitter is never tainted. But I have had a couple of days of VSB-blahs. Ya’ll need to do some dayum housekeeping.
Yep, women by nature conniving…and we do like to complimented and all that ish and yes ultimately we are going to tease and seduce until we can’t anymore, I don’t know why but we do.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:15 am
@Jac,
“I don’t know why but we do.”
i know why, but i’m not telling
Reply
don’t you mean “guys appear to indiscriminately holler because the idea of rejection is LESS worse than the prospect of potentially passing up some new p” since it’s more costly to miss a reproductive opportunity.
p.s.- hate is a strong word, but i hate you Champ. Happy Thanksgiving!
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:17 am
@Miss Patterson,
you’re right.
btw, i hate you too, pattiecakes
Reply
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:21 am
“hate is a strong word, but i hate you Champ. Happy Thanksgiving!”
I literally laughed out loud at this. Not an I hate you with friendly holiday greeting at the end, though…
Reply
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:48 am
@Miss Patterson,
Is “hate” the new “love”? Just asking…
Reply
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Word to Radio Raheem…
Reply
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
@AkShone,
*dead*
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
@AkShone,
RIGHT!! So what’s the new “four-fingered ring”??
“and women are hardwired to be teasing assh*les”
WOW..how did you get there? LOL
i mean really..leaps and bounds of the goat perhaps. Men need to learn how to read social cues. Normally women want what wants them (with a few desperado exceptions), add a little pixie and magic…..
And if he’s still shytin on the pot..i mean what the hell is she pinin’ away for.
i think its called “the self-preservation tease”.
Reply
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:53 am
Leaps and BOUNDS.
Do all men think this way?? Have we really done them so wrong?
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:22 am
@Jen,
yup. us men are like the borg. to quote gemie of the ocean, we all share the exact same cortical space
Reply
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:49 am
ummmm i never said that
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:16 am
@Gem of the Ocean,
i was referring to the comment you made yesterday about overit and cortical space, thats all and sh*t
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
and you did a very poor job of it. becuz “we all” wasn’t part of that comment. nice try tho…
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:34 am
@Jen, “Do all men think this way?? ”
it might just be champie poobah leading the goats…in a shepherd kind of way. how appropriate for the holiday season.
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
@Princess Duvet, “i ain’t no goat!”
That’s the newest song from Shepherd B and Fleece MC.
Also, its what LL Cool J screams out anytime somebody claims he’s the G.O.A.T.
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:59 am
“That’s the newest song from Shepherd B and Fleece MC. ”
lol…
i LOVE THEM…my favorite song is “gimmie dat feta nagga”…the most brilliant rhyme eva “spat”.
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
@Princess Duvet, my co worker just came in here and tried to give me the heimlich cause I was choking. That is is funny “my favorite song is “gimmie dat feta nagga””
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:20 am
@Princess Duvet,
“and women are hardwired to be teasing assh*les”
WOW..how did you get there? LOL
after roughly 100,000 years of experience and sh*t
Reply
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
@The Champ,
but seriously, why we gotta be @ssholes though? then what are the men who shamelessly holla at anybody regardless of social cues as they try to up their average, hmmmm?
Reply
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
@SouthernGirl, “then what are the men who shamelessly holla at anybody regardless of social cues as they try to up their average, hmmmm?”
misguided goats who have lost their way on the rolling hills of life…
us “conniving” women are “as!holes” tho..
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
@Princess Duvet, eh….maybe its the use of the word @sshole for women while men just get to place their bets.
it makes it sound like ninjas float over on glitter trailing gold stars and we just be shouting ‘off with their heads’ like ‘ol girl in wonderland.
if the word conniving is gonna be attached to it, that ain’t just us ladies. ninjas are conniving too. let’s just all be @ssholes then. lol.
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
@SouthernGirl, “let’s just all be @ssholes then. lol.
”
i endorse this dust ruffle to the utmostest LOL
i don’t agree with the “women are a*sholes” part. but the part that says that men will holler indiscriminately is right.on.point. many men are not able to observe context clues or gentle-but-obvious rejection and don’t know how to stay in their lane.
just today, a guy had the nerve to try to lambast me for standing him up, when we never had a date in the first place! if i say no to your first offer, then blink twice and walk away after your 2nd, then negro we are not committed! so, basically, after you choose to ignore a polite rejection, your a*s becomes eagle bait.
and that, children, is how nature intended.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:27 am
@charli skipper,
just today, a guy had the nerve to try to lambast me for standing him up, when we never had a date in the first place!
how exactly does this happen?
Reply
charli skipper Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
@The Champ,
see, Champ, Panama and Ro know what I’m talking about. So, there! lol.
I don’t really feel like explaining the whole thing, but basically, last week he asked me to the movies and i said no. then he said, “surely, you can go to the movies with me….” he basically convinced himself, i guess, that we had a date. then monday comes: “what happened to you saturday? where were you? you have quite the reputation for standing people up…”
Um…backup, dude. & Please don’t make me mace you. (I just bought this new mace and I’m itching to use it. haha)
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:51 am
@charli skipper, just today, a guy had the nerve to try to lambast me for standing him up, when we never had a date in the first place!
i fear this type of things happens far more often than we imagine it does. people tend to convince themselves that relationships are further along than they ever are, even if they’re non-existant.
which explains why i had to break up with a girl i was never dating that one time. or that time i was out on a date…that i didnt know was a date, until i was informed that it was indeed a date, though when i refuted the dateness of the date, i was told that we were indeed dating, whether i liked it or not.
Reply
Ro Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Guys do that ish too! I just ended an imaginary 3 month relationship with someone I had no idea I was dating…until lunch yesterday in which I was told “Its not you, its me.” I thought we were just friends. Unfortunately for him, I can be a complete arsehole and laughed uncontrollably almost spilling my salad that the good folks of Panera Bread happened to have fixed for a nominal fee (which I paid, just in case anyone thought that I let dude pay…nope, I didn’t.) Needless to say, the guy wasn’t pleased and has found a new imaginary girlfriend…lol!
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
@Ro,
I just ended an imaginary 3 month relationship with someone I had no idea I was dating…until lunch yesterday in which I was told “Its not you, its me.” I thought we were just friends.
hmmm. me thinks this story needs more people.
wait. charlie baltimore?
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:36 am
@charli skipper,
maybe shes hot? i have a vague recollection of high yellow with unnaturally red hair. am i mistaken?
Reply
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:50 am
@shatani,
PSEUDO-hot. lol
Reply
charli skipper Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:14 am
@Jen,
right! she’s hot “on paper.” and so obscure! personally, i would have gone with rolonda.
or arthel neville. lol.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:25 am
“right! she’s hot “on paper.”…”
You mean like, toilet paper? Cause that is the only thing that makes sense to me.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:29 am
@8th Wonder,
*crying*
She was hot by Notorious BIG standards…and that ain’t saying much.
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:30 am
@8th Wonder,
You mean like, toilet paper? Cause that is the only thing that makes sense to me.
lol…this made me spit out my free cookies and cream javalanche.
charlie b wasn’t attractive…but she was strangely bonable. i was never able to figure out why. it hurts my head just thinking about it, so i’m gonna stop
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Mayhaps because she was so small, that you can get really creative in the sack?
Still don’t make it right, but hey..
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Mayhaps because she was so small, that you can get really creative in the sack?
hmmm….good theory
charli skipper Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
@The Champ, “strangely bonable”? can someone please elaborate?
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
@The Champ, is there anyone that isn’t she was strangely bonable? or banable for that matter?
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:58 am
@8th Wonder,
charli baltimore… to this day i have never seen another black woman who was paler than a 2520. then again, if she shrank to about 4′11-5′1, and gained some weight, her name would be pinky.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Pinky (and pink people in general) disturbs me.
Oh, and hi e-fiance!
*hug*
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:18 am
@SouthernCharm,
this is true.
btw, am i the only one who’s never been a fan of pinky?
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:27 am
@8th Wonder,
*hugs back… a little tighter*
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:28 am
@The Champ,
Pinky was always just ooooooooooone twinky away… she just happened to eat the twinky. lol
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:36 am
“btw, am i the only one who’s never been a fan of pinky?”
Really??? I mean, I can see present day Pinky…but the old Pinky 30 to 40lbs ago…I don’t know, Champ.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:55 am
lukewarm on Pinky.
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
@SouthernCharm,
I’m gon’ need Pinky to take a desk job until she gets back down to fighting weight.
I’m just saying…she’s a bit over plump now.
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Really??? I mean, I can see present day Pinky…but the old Pinky 30 to 40lbs ago…I don’t know, Champ.
i was always “eh” with her. i dont know…she just never did anything for me
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
“Fighting weight?”
Hilarious.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 9:54 am
@shatani,
We was mad unfortunate in the head region.
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am
@shatani, charli baltimore is not hot. at all. of all the rap chicks, she’s definitely up there in the top 5 of unhottest, duking it out with Nikki D for the top slot.
she’s the poster child for light-skint points.
Reply
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
@Panama Jackson,
“…charli baltimore is not hot. at all. of all the rap chicks, she’s definitely up there in the top 5 of unhottest, duking it out with Nikki D for the top slot.
she’s the poster child for light-skint points.”
I agree w/your points, PeeJay.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
LMAO!!!!!
Dayum Nikki D? lol
Deviant Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
@miss t-lee,
*announcer voice* And in this corner, the not-so-lightweight from the land of DefJam… Daddy’s Little Girl…. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiki D!!!
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
@Deviant,
Daddy’s Little Girl jammed.
I can’t figure out if I liked that song because of Nikki’s rapping or the DNA Tom’s Diner sample.
Hmmmm
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
@Deviant,
For some reason, I think Queen La, Remy Ma, even Lady Luck (she’s hungry…lol) could take Nicki D in her prime…in the ring or on stage.
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
@Panama Jackson,
“she’s the poster child for light-skint points.”
Indeed she is. She reminds of Sole’. She’s another one.
J. McFly Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 9:02 am
@charli skipper, charlie baltimore was ugly, I’ve seen her enough times in person she was not poppin’
Reply
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:52 am
@charli skipper,
I think she was the recipient of too many light-skinned points.
Reply
Well blah. Champ, I have officially lost my e-crush on you for this post. But I gotta admit, that goat/eagle joint was gangsta. It had me shakin in mah boots cause I’m a Capricorn. (goat) Who knew a bird was that damn fierce toward a land animal of that size? But I digress…
This whole “fact-finding” research was nothing more than a fantasized theory from two numskulls who had to come up with something to appease their government funding “gods” so they could continue to get “that paper”.
Take a stroll through the streets of Oakland, Sacramento, D.C. or the Bronx, you see the “mating ritual” everyday. And no, it has nothing to do with what those clowns are saying. Survival of the fittest? (subliminally, yes) But that’s not what it’s about. Please explain to me how a white woman (Martie) and a white man (David) would understand or could explain what goes on in the black community in regards to dating, mating, love and marriage. Inquiring minds want to know.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:35 am
@RedBeanzNRice,
“Well blah. Champ, I have officially lost my e-crush on you for this post”
lol…you’re quite a fickle crusher. damn, you’re worse than philly eagles fans. us capricorns need to stay together and sh*t.
also…
“Please explain to me how a white woman (Martie) and a white man (David) would understand or could explain what goes on in the black community in regards to dating, mating, love and marriage. Inquiring minds want to know.”
…there are some things that have nothing to do with race and culture and everything to do with evolution and biology. in fact, the most serious issues dealing with sex and mating completely transcend race.
Reply
RedBeanzNRice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:38 am
@The Champ,
Well, I disagree with that last statement, but I’ll let that slide now that I know you’re a fellow Cap.
Ok, crush back on! : )
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:58 am
@RedBeanzNRice, i do wonder how you think race transcends biology in regards to sex and mating…
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
It DOES primarily involve social rituals…
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
@Jen, maybe so, however, men have been chasing women since the dawn of time. granted, the game was way easier back in the BC days, you just clubbed a chick, took her home, and laid your game down quite flat…
now maybe, i’m biased b/c of my western ways of thinking and all, but it seems that over time the interactions of men and women, at their core, are more in the vein of biological needs and desires as they are about race and culture…basically, i’d think that the racial and cultural impacts are as a result of the nature of men and women…
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
@Panama Jackson,
This certainly seems rational.
I honestly have no opinion because this is not one of my areas of interest. I was just speculatively throwing ideas out there.
RedBeanzNRice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
@Panama Jackson,
I guess I should have been more clear. It’s not so much the biology of it. I’m referring to the approach, the interactions and the after effects. Those things are definitely cultural.
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
@RedBeanzNRice,
I’m referring to the approach, the interactions and the after effects. Those things are definitely cultural.
you know, i can’t agree with this either. of course, i know that there are myriad nuances between cultures with the sh*t you named, but its still basically all the same. theres no difference between “hey shorty” and “fancy a moment, darling?”
RedBeanzNRice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
@The Champ,
First off *dead* at the statement:
“theres no difference between “hey shorty” and “fancy a moment, darling?”
The difference is, if a brotha said “fancy a moment, darling?” to me I’d have to belly laugh at him, get up, walk out the room laughing, get in my car and go. But see – a brotha wouldn’t say that. There’s a cultural difference right there.
But I will concede partially to what you’re saying about the barest basics somewhat being the same.
And before I make any more concessions, (you wasn’t gettin’ no more any way) I was slightly inebriated when I read the post last night, so that’s the take I got on what you were saying.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
@The Champ,
While the function of the approaches are the same, there’s a real difference in cross-cultural responses.
And I have to say that brothers approach me quite a bit differently than non-brothers do. For some time, I responded to the different groups differently, as well.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:41 am
@The Champ,
I’m gonna have to ask you nicely to NOT bash Eagles fans, thank you.
**this is your first and last warning**
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:52 am
@blackberry molasses,
Sorry but if that shoe could get you another date to the super bowl you wouldn’t try to put it on w/ that wool sock like O.J. n the glove. smh
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:57 am
@WuDaMan,
I’m not even going to go there. Really. It hurts too much.
I love my team and all but seriously… WTF?!?!!?!
Andy’s gotta go
Donovan (Love him but..) he gotta go too
L.J. Smith and Reggie Brown, WHY ARE U STILL HERE?!!
*takes deep cleansing breath*
okay… I’m better now.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:23 am
@blackberry molasses,
What ever get the dope sick love coach out of there and let’s get it crackin.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
@WuDaMan,
you know, i said that 2 seasons ago….
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:58 am
@WuDaMan, “Sorry but if that shoe could get you another date to the super bowl you wouldn’t try to put it on w/ that wool sock like O.J. n the glove. smh”
this IS HIIIIIIIIIIIII the hell LARIOUS.
um…yeah, i suppose i could see that in theory. ive had many a man tell me that “its a numbers game” and ive seen it in action a couple times too. the idea of rejection is not nearly as bad as the idea that he might could get some and missed out….
as for women…teasing azzholes? um, okay.
*turns up Chopped and Screwed and nods head*
Reply
ladyb Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:35 am
(turns down “chopped and screwed)
I) tampico punch is great with rum – and i’m still thirsty after reading all these comments.
2) @ champ- i’m w/ pbg- sentence structure and content.
3) i’m sure that within the context of the article this argument made sense. out of context however, it is absolutely absurd for many reasons, including the lack of nuance (e.g. conditions under which this behavior is not observed).
anywho- happy thanksgiving VSBers! i’m going downstairs for some goat and tampico.
(cranks up “chopped and screwed”)
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:37 am
@ladyb,
before you get you goat, i’d like you to expound on this:
3) i’m sure that within the context of the article this argument made sense. out of context however, it is absolutely absurd for many reasons, including the lack of nuance (e.g. conditions under which this behavior is not observed).
Reply
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:52 am
@shatani,
how are you listening to this song and NOT having seizures?
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
@blackberry molasses,
lmao!! i just love it!! i welcome the grand mal!
plus i think the lyrics are hilarious…especially the second verse. t-pain KNOW he love some strippers. i wouldnt be surprised to learn that he’s never spoken to a woman whom he wasnt paying for her company!
i snicker at boys who think the stripper really likes him!
Reply
In layman’s terms, Champ, you summed it up right. Good job, fo’ real. You go to the head of the Evolutionary Psychology class.
Now, Eagle Fly Boi, I’m ready for some Jamaican Curry Goat with Rice & Plantains. Go get it. Me n’ your fans will waiting for you back at the VSB nest.
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:27 am
@Kit (Keep It Trill),
mmmm Plantains.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
@miss t-lee,
my mommy is here visiting me for thanksgiving and i came home from class to some curry chicken and rice…
gooooood times! house smellin all delectable!
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:38 am
@Kit (Keep It Trill),
thanks and sh*t.
and, ummm, i don’t do goat meat on tuesdays. thats luvvie territory.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
@The Champ,
word…i will eat lamb any day of the week though.
Reply
but really, women have to put up with A LOT from foolish men – I certainly do. i make it a point to always be smiley and polite to any man who approaches me when i’m out with my girls, coz i know it must be quite daunting…. but i lose patience when they send a friend to do the groundwork on their behalf… i mean, REALLY, if you’re gonna do it – then YOU do it, don’t send some bloody proxy!
this has happened to me TWICE in the past two weeks – first time, some guy sent his cousin as i was bidding farewell to my pals at the end of the night….and we’d been out for HOURS, mind you. at the end of something like 5 hours, only then does he have the courage to approach…. but only through his cousin. crazy.
second time was this past w/end, was at a wedding with my sister and some old college girlfriends – this guy sends his sister to ask if i’m at the wedding on my own, can her bro talk to me? and i nicely said ‘it would’ve been better if he’d just come up himself, i would’ve given him the time of day….’
half an hour later, i’m relating the incident to my sister and our gal-pals, and they were like… ‘wait, is it that woman in the purple dress and silver shoes????’ do you know it actually was!!!!
these siblings are ridiculous! how do you systematically send your sister out to talk to a bunch of different women for you??? and how as the sister do you even agree to participate in this nonsense?
foolish, foolish, foolish.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:39 am
@superwoman,
you had me at “bloody”
Reply
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:04 am
@The Champ,
“you had me at ‘bloody’”
same thing i was thinking… while picturing sharon carpenter.
Reply
superwoman Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:20 am
@The Champ, & Southern Charm…. you know i live to amuse you.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
@superwoman,
i know you do. this is why i keep you on speed dial
superwoman Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
@The Champ, i’m charmed…. you’re such a charmer. (simper, simper…)
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:11 am
@superwoman,
How old were these guys? I’m not the most out-going guy when it comes to approaching someone but being (or playing) the shy type to that extent where you send someone else to guage possible interest is doing a bit much. Very highschool-ish.
Reply
superwoman Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:17 am
@Monk, grown men!! the first one was about 30, the second guy was EASILY pushing 40… VERY high school-ish, i agree! and the worst part is, i LIKE shy guys!!
Reply
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
@superwoman,
As I alluded to, I’m a shy guy but there’s a line that borders between mature and immaturity and sending someone else to break the ice is immature in 2008. Yeah, I said it. Although I usually only approach women whom I’m interested in that show some type of interest in me, the simplest of people’s skills can break the ice and get the ball rolling.
In these situations, did you look approachable (as in enjoying yourself, easy-going, etc.)?
superwoman Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
@Monk, yip, i was actually on the dance floor when the guys sister approached me, so i was looking quite happy and open – and as i said, it’s my policy to always be polite and engaging to guys who approach me – even if i’m refusing to hand over my number – i’ll do it in a way that won’t have the guy swearing NEVER to approach a woman again.
and believe me, if i like you – you’ll know it. i can get SILLY – grinning like an idiot in your direction, making my way over to you just to make inane conversation, touching you lightly on the elbow, chest, forearm, and grasping your hand briefly as we make conversation – all in the name of establishing a connection – coz after that you’re mine, all mine. i’m very, very, very good at this. i think it works coz although not very smooth – it is very sincere, and therefore, i suspect – disarming.
Leila Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:20 am
@Monk, This happens all of the time, even with guys in their 20s/30s. In my situations, the guy usually sends the better-looking and more charismatic friend over. That’s why the friend is the one who usually ends up with the number.
Reply
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
@Leila,
This is straight sabotage and from a dude’s perspective, I can’t see it. Why would a dude set himself up like that is beyond my comprehension.
The only possible scenario I could think of is if after observing the female collective, the shy dude has his eyes on one particular chick and he sends his friend in to block while he rap with the one he’s interested in. Running that interference play might just alleviate the pressure from talkin’ to a chick who’s surrounded by a pack of wolves (read: haters).
Leila Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
@Monk, lol! In this situation, I was by myself at the gym. The guy was shy and he sent his friend to tell him that he was interested in me. It was a bad look because the first thing that I thought why did he send his friend over. It showed a lack of confidence.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
@Leila,
This thread gave me a blog idea, because it happened to me many times in the past and well… if you want to know the ’self threapizing’ results, g’on over there and read it. Should be up shortly.
Leila Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
@blackberry molasses, Thanks for the heads up. I’ll check it out.
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
@Monk,
The last dude that sent his friend over to talk to me got his a$$ embarrassed. I called both he and his friend over and scolded them right @ the bar like they were children for such foolywang behavior.
Reply
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
@PBG, lol. i ain’t mad atcha girl…
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
@PBG,
That’s actually your civic duty. I’m glad you let both of them know that that was not a good look. Hopefully, those brothas won’t try that again.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
@Monk,
i agree wholeheartedly! ackin a fool in public will get you disciplined in public.
overit Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
@PBG, I can see you doing this too..
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
@superwoman, i have a homegirl who was living in Nashville TN some years ago when Young Buck first hit the scene. well, Nashville kind of sucks (sorry Nash-villains) so folks hang out on some strip with a gang of restaurants and sh*t(or at least did when I was there)…anyway…long story short, my homegirl got approached by one of Young Buck’s henchmen, in Chili’s…on behalf of Young Buck. you know the game’s f*cked up when even famous people are too lazy (or p*ssy) to approach chicks…
btw, i never had this problem. mostly cuz none of my boys would agree to do something so damn dumb.
Reply
Deviant Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
“Nashville kind of sucks ”
@Panama Jackson,
What do you mean “kind of?”
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
@Deviant, you right. my bad.
Nashville all-the-way sucks.
superwoman Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
@Panama Jackson, it’s ESPECIALLY unacceptable when a celeb (however famous) can’t do their own leg work. coz then they come across as complete arseholes who’re sending their henchmen over to do the hard part.
what- i’m supposed to swoon at the sheer deliciousness of it all, and on recovery, trot over to you coz you are a sort of really famous person. and trash my dignity in the process, eh?… oh no, no, no. i am not the one….
Reply
I’m pretty shallow at first, I can admit it. Thing is, in the club, the not so attractive man is the BOLDEST man. If you are looking like something and I’m single, I will give you initial conversation because my whole purpose is to socialize (read: take applications). When Gargamel comes walking my way, he gets attitude and eye rolls. It’s not teasing anybody, the wrong man just picked up the signal I was emitting.
Reply
DJ Ed Nice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:45 am
@Nicki Sunshine,
lmaooooooo @ Gargamel … I haven’t heard that name in a while lmao
Reply
Leila Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:11 am
@Nicki Sunshine, “the not so attractive man is the BOLDEST man”
This always happens and he’s usually short. The good-looking men are always chillen…
Reply
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:25 am
@Leila, “The good {{{looking}}}} men are always chillen…
”
old country folk call it “stuck on stupid” I like this explanation better LOL
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:12 am
@Leila, Chillin and waiting on someone to holla at them!
Reply
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:17 am
@Leila,
Don’t you love how they threaten to “climb up there” and:
-change yo life
-give you the bidness
-show you some thangs?
It’s like, “My brother, you are 5′5″.”
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:19 am
@Jen, I just died. LMAO.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
@Nicki Sunshine,
i didnt die cuz ive heard it all!! lmao!!
Leila Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:26 am
@Jen, LMAO!!! I’m short (5′4) but one of my girls is 5′11″ and always gets hit on by really short men and they have all sorts of pick up lines.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Yes.
I am 5′11. The things I’ve heard really don’t even need to be repeated.
Men are ridiculous.
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
@8th Wonder,
I am 5′11. The things I’ve heard really don’t even need to be repeated.
yes they do. please repeat them
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
No.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
@Ocho Pan,
PLEEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEE
*sipping orange ginger kool aid sitting on the story carpet w/ grahm cracker*
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
i feel ya, miss wonder! im close to your height and the things the short guys say….man, dont make no sense! like seriously? you think that i want a dude that comes up to breast height AND talks mad foolishness? come now…
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Why do they think any talk of “climbing” is attractive?
So…not the business.
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Probably because they’ve actually “climbed” one before. I had a co-worker I used to work with that was about 5′4″ and ALWAYS had women who were taller than him…fine ones. That right there showed me that for every woman that won’t date a guy due to him being vertically challenged…there’s another who will. Last time I saw him, his wife was with him and she had to be about 5′10″.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:55 am
I hate to say it, but all short men should probably do this…for the children. Because he endured all that rejection over the years, his sons have escaped the threat of dwarfhood and, if fed properly, will be about 5′10″.
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
@Jen,
I still think that height is such a hot-button issue for women, that he is an exception. Not too many brothas at 5′4″ could pull this off. I personally think he pulls a ninja technique (silently getting in the good graces of women and they realize how awesome of a dude he is and sees past the height aka the 80/20 rule).
That’s just a theory though…maybe he just got game like that.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
@Akshone
i dunno…i think he must just be rather well-adjusted. i mean, if i met a good dude that was all i wanted/needed in a man and the only thing missing was the height? shiiiiiiit, i would be all over that! i know plenty of tall jackazzes.
the problem ive found though is that too many of these short men are suffering from the napoleon complex and really feel like they have something to prove. so they are moody like they PMSing. their issues get to a point where a girl just cant deal with the nonsense anymore. then they can say, women dont like short dudes. when in reality, your height was the least of your problems….
mssula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
@AkShone,
I am one of the few women who actually do not mind a short man at all.
I am still trying to figure out in my head, why height matters so much.
Then again, I am just 5′5.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
@mssula,
“Then again, I am just 5′5.”
You answered your own question…lol
mssula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
@miss t-lee,
But seriously though. What does height really do? I am very serious and curious, because I just don’t understand.
I am tempted to think it’s conditionning but that would be too easy a route to take (and a very wet blanket at that), but the ladies who have height specifics, why exactly do you?
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
@mssula,
I have height specifics because I am so tall. For me, it is a physical and emotional preference. First off, I enjoy wearing at least 3 inch heels, so I physically want him to be taller than me, so that I’m not towering over my man. Secondly, I like to feel like a woman. I love it when I can stand in my man’s arms and my head just rests on his chest naturally without me having to do some sort of crazy contortion to get there. Its also an authority thing. I’m not easily intimidated, especially by short dudes, and I think most women want a man they don’t think they can control and walk all over…and in MY mind, height plays a part in that.
Now, this is just my opinion. I’m sure there are many tall women who can care less about the things I’ve mentioned, and I’m sure there are men shorter than me who don’t concern themselves with any of this either, so hey, it depends on the person.
But it does annoy me when women who are 5′6 and below complain about only wanting men 6′0 and up, because I just don’t get it. As long as the man is TALLER than you, should specific numbers matter? Someone educate me….
Deviant Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
@mssula,
“I am still trying to figure out in my head, why height matters so much.”
It doesn’t.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
@mssula, I’m 5′6 and have dated guys who were my height with my shoes off… the first time, years ago, it was okay.. I tried it a few months ago and couldn’t do it. I need someone to dominate me. LOL.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
@mssula,
8th wonder– pretty much summed it up for me as well.
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
@mssula,
I agree with you. In 8th’s case I can understand hers too. I have never understood how a woman 5′1″ – 5′5″ will claim to not even THINK about dating a guy less than 6 foot…but in the same breath complain about how she can’t meet a man her type. Well, if tall women want a tall guy and short women want a tall guy…the vast majority of men that meet those other requirements you have beyond height are probably less than 6 foot. Then if you do meet a guy with the height requirements…he has to fit all of the other requirements you have…and if he doesn’t, then you’re back to square one. Vicious. Cycle.
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
“I need someone to dominate me”
the bidding for ms sunshine’s email and ip address will start at 12:01 am, wednesday the 26th
Leila Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
@mssula, I’m 5′4 and my boyfriend is 6′3. I’ve usually dated guys who are at least 6″1. I’m attracted to tall men and can’t really explain why. I’ll give shorter guys a chance while a lot of my girls won’t (One of my friends from DC only dates men who are 6″4 & up while she’s only 5′5).
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
“the bidding for ms sunshine’s email and ip address will start at 12:01 am, wednesday the 26th”
LMAO! That will be a Happy Thanksgiving.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
@mssula, I’m short too but I don’t really care to the point that 8th mentioned about short chicks not dating a guy less than 6ft tall. It’s not that serious for me. It just works out that way sometimes. Maybe cause I love basketball? *shrugs* Or maybe it also goes back to that protection thing.
My last SO was 6′4 and the guy I just stopped seeing was about average (5′9 ish). If you can put your chin on top of my head, we’re cool. lol.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
@mssula,
8th kinda summed it up for me….thats why tall men are my preference. i prefer big tall men…ive dated shorter skinny men. im always willing to give a guy a shot.
but i also know women with ridiculous height requirements. a woman 5′1 that will not date a man under 6′ and 250 lbs. im like, are you serious? like the man cant even be entertained as anything other than friend unless he meets these requirements. i dont understand what she needs all that man for…but you know, one thing i will say, she aint complaining! she has her standards and is waiting patiently for them to be met…now if she was b*tchin and moanin about not having a man, we would have to have words…
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:44 am
@Nicki Sunshine,
When Gargamel comes walking my way, he gets attitude and eye rolls
i never understood how some could be mad that someone else found them attractive. i mean, i see how a disrespectful approach could garner the terrelle pryor stiff arm, but i can’t see myself getting thoroughly pissed that courtney love tried to bag me
Reply
Dorian G. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:57 am
@The Champ,
Yo I was trying to explain this to the DC posse the other day, yet was getting hated on.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:22 am
@Dorian G.,
i know this is completely off topic, but i hafta say that i’m mad that easy eddie was the scapegoat for the wizards sucktitude this season
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am
@The Champ,
i guess they didn’t want to blame their season on injuries anymore.
Dorian G. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:33 am
@The Champ,
Listen, I like the guy. I really do. Is it all his fault? No. But there comes a time when 1. the team isn’t responding to its coach and 2. he’s taken them as far as they can go
Plus he was loyal to a fault to the veterans, like why Songaila plays 25 min at Center is beyond logical reasoning, starting Etan Thomas for 10 games when it is clear that he was overmatched since the surgery, i mean the list goes on and on.
Horrible substitution patterns, and just the team lying down and playing without toughness on multiple occasions. All that is coaching.
I wish him the best, most successful Bullet coach in my time. However, its time to move on.
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
@Dorian G.,
Plus he was loyal to a fault to the veterans
i agree with this. if the season’s in the tank anyway, why not play the young dudes?
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
@Dorian G.,
You weren’t gettin’ hated on. I just saw fear and/or doubt in your eyes, so I exploited it.
Next time you sit down w/me, step your confidence game up, because I promise, I will try you.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
*shots fired*
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:09 am
@The Champ, “i never understood how some could be mad that someone else found them attractive”
I don’t get pissed at a man paying me a compliment and WALKING AWAY… it’ s all that extra staying around talk. “Where yo’ man at?” “Why ain’t nobody snatched u up yet?” and he ain’t lookin like nothing.
10 times out of 10, Gargamel is not giving you a compliment and walking away..
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:24 am
@Nicki Sunshine,
I don’t get pissed at a man paying me a compliment and WALKING AWAY… it’ s all that extra staying around talk.
lol…so basically they have to say “hey, you’re cute” and then do their best usain bolt impersonation to the far corner of the club?
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:30 am
@The Champ,
usain bolt impersonation
*ctfu*
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
@The Champ, LMAO!
But yes, that is precisely what I need them to do… make room for that fine man coming my way!
A Plus Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
@The Champ, so you mean to tell me that if some hood rat approached you in the club and was like, “ooh champ, you so sessi and stuff, and you got a job and a blog, which means u can read and write and stuff ooohhh. ….(30 minutes later) so when you gonna take me to tgi fridays and what not….(20 minutes later) so where’s mrs. champ? when was your last relationship? do you have committment issues…..
if this happened every damn time you went to the club or out in public anywhere, this would not bother you?!?!
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
LMAO!
That’s actually the best flip-around I’ve ever read.
Please, all the VSB’s, read that scenario 100 times and realize that happens to most of us at least 1-3 times a week.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
@8th Wonder, AMEN!
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
@8th Wonder,
im sayin!! that was fabulous!! i wanna go tell someone that they are sessi now! lmao!
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
@A Plus,
which means u can read and write and stuff ooohhh.
This made me laugh out loud for real.
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
@A Plus,
Wait a minute, how would this “hoodrat” know all of this about Champ in the first place? This is at a club and we’re talking about the initial approach. Unless, you are talking about dudes that already know you and your situation. Did I miss something?
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
@A Plus,
this actually happened to me, twice in a two day span a couple months ago. once while i was wearing a vsb shirt, and a rosie o’donnell doppleganger slided next to me and asked if i was a “very smart brotha” and then proceeded to tell me that she liked “very smart big black brothas”. then, the next day while i happened to be wearing an obama shirt, i was stopped and practically acousted by a woman who looked exactly like wayne gretsky, who proceeded to tell me about how obama made her want to stop doing crystal meth. according to my cat, later on that night she was overheard saying to her girls “i’m gay…but i’d definitely sick his duck”
point being, this happens to guys too. instead of getting mad about it though, just be cordial, nod you head, and write about it on your blogs later on that week
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
@The Champ, “who proceeded to tell me about how obama made her want to stop doing crystal meth. according to my cat, later on that night she was overheard saying to her girls “i’m gay…but i’d definitely sick his duck””
I have tears! this was classic!
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
…I stand corrected, lol.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
“once while i was wearing a vsb shirt”
meaning…
“i wear a vsb shirt every time i go out in public…. except that one time i had on an Obama shirt”
overit Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
@A Plus, I’m mad TGI Friday’s had to be in the mix, lmao. Hilarious!
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
@overit,
I like their wings. They’re not pretentious.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
i can’t stand TGI Friday’s. i’ll go for drinks, but i’m almost always disappointed with the food and/or service, no matter what city or suburb i’m in.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
@PBG
i see you callin out PeeJay’s wangs!! lmao!
Leila Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
@The Champ, lol!
mssula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
@The Champ,
I totally agree. I don’t understand it either. Be rude to me and you’ll get the infamous side eye (or more like a mouthful). But the idea of being rude to someone just because they are not models, boggles my brain.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
@mssula,
its like that SNL sketch about how its not sexual harassment unless the guy is ugly. lmao
Dorian G. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:56 am
@Nicki Sunshine,
Um taking applications? Nah boo i picked up that “help wanted” sign when i walked thru the door lol
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:06 am
@Dorian G., Well awright daddy.
Reply
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:50 am
“the wrong man just picked up the signal I was emitting.”
Just out of curiosity. What was the signal?
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
@AkShone, I smile and when I dance (because I like to dance alone), I’m looking in your eyes, hypnotizing you with the hip action!
Reply
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
@Nicki Sunshine,
Lol, ok…I get it. So the gaze to the brotha you was lookin’ at got intercepted by Gargamel. You cast the net and caught a boot instead of the tuna, lol.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
@AkShone, Exactly!
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
@Nicki Sunshine,
I smile and when I dance (because I like to dance alone), I’m looking in your eyes, hypnotizing you with the hip action!
lol…ok princess jazmine
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
@The Champ, That’s what they call me. J/k, J/k
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
@Nicki Sunshine,
“Thing is, in the club, the not so attractive man is the BOLDEST man.
this has always seemed like common sense to me. He with the least to lose stands the most to gain.
thats why the unfortunate population are always the overconfident (or at least coming off that way, or like bullies) and loudest and most prone to give it the old college try for the hell of it.
For the UP, the numbers game is always worth it. Hollahollahollahollaholla and somebody’s wall will come tumbling down and your night is a success.
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
@Panama Jackson, LMAO. I think you just gave the best explanation ever.
” (or at least coming off that way, or like bullies)”
I’ve been bullied out of my number a couple of times. LOL
Reply
charli skipper Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
@Panama Jackson, yep. my best friend says this. hood guys and ugly guys have nothing to lose. so be prepared for them to come at you.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
@Panama Jackson,
i blame lamont sanford!!
http://rippdemup.blogspot.com/2008/10/lamont-sanford-true-black-american-hero.html
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
@Panama Jackson,
i blame lamont sanford!
Reply
Champ, I would have to agree with this article. Men are way more willing to commit then given credit for eventhough we’ve been known to hoe around and women are azzholes a good amount of the time. Women (of quality) will rather stab you in the side, kick you in the junk, and laugh at you than give you even a notion of having a chance. Maybe it’s just me, but I have seen many men tricked by the temptations of good (ohh boy).
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:46 am
@J. McFly,
Women (of quality) will rather stab you in the side, kick you in the junk, and laugh
damn. painful imagery, lol
Reply
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:19 am
@J. McFly,
“Men are way more willing to commit then given credit for…”
This is truth. Circumstance and timing plays a big part in committing, but it’s also a matter of the “right” woman. Many women believe that guys aren’t willing to commit when in actuality, he just don’t want to commit to her. It’s another sad case of denial.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
@Monk,
i completely agree. thats why the whole “im just not ready for a relationship” bull is not bought by this chick. the reality is, you just dont wish to be in a relationship WITH ME, but in the meantime wouldnt mine hittin it on a regular til you find the one you want to commit to.
Reply
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Why, this reminds me of a certain Bitter Film.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYqKucJTn2c
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:28 am
@Jen,
wow. that was hilarious
Reply
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:57 am
@Jen,
This was really funny.
Reply
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
@J. McFly, what do you mean when you say quality because that can go both ways. I’m guessing in this example you mean a quality of trifilin chicks.
A true quality woman will give a man chance if he comes correct and is working with at least a lil something. I’m not above giving a brotha a chance. But sometimes, fux it up though.
Reply
Miss Patterson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
@J. McFly, I still don’t understand how this article proves that men evolved into more committed mammals than we tend to give them credit for. I see how the article showed how selective women became the more ‘fittest’ of the species, but as far as the men it seems like this article is just saying that they continued to indiscriminately chase/bag other women (in order to avoid a missed opportunity). Did we not evolve independently of one another or is this article somehow suggesting that by virtue of a woman’s selectiveness men secretly became more committal. Help me to understand this…and bring the science fellas.
In other news, I had another vsb dream last night. We were all in a civil rights museum in Kansas City. Then we had a lock-in and brought sleeping bags and it was like something out of high school.There were bunkbeds and art projects, fig newtons and kool-aid. Peejay brought his girlfriend and we all prayed over the baby (in utero). She had on this dark floral dress and a thin tie rested just above her tummy. Then a few of the women took turns feeling the baby kick (we asked for permission). It was lovely. All the vss-ers gave her hugs and smiled. I’m not kidding. I know I’m strange and I don’t care. e-kisses and hugs to all of you -mwah. (me thinks i read this blog too much)
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
@Miss Patterson, thanks for the dream-state prayers for the baby and all…
hm, i help run the blog and i ain’t had one VSB related dream yet.
Reply
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
@Miss Patterson,
That is a kick a$$ dream right there.
Reply
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
@Miss Patterson, what did you eat before you went to bed, there is just a whole lot wrong within your dream starting with “We were all in a civil rights museum in Kansas City” of all the places this is where we were? Next time dream me in a warm and tropical location. Thanks
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Next time dream me in a warm and tropical location. Thanks
CTFU
Mmmhmmm… See this is a ‘Monet’ theory. It looks good from a distance, but when you examine it more closely its just a big old mess. Some of it may actually fit, but there are behaviors that are NOT exceptions to the rule that it doesn’t even address.
I am not going to claim to have expertise on the male side of this (however, if it is to hold, the why do men have lists of requirements to deem a female suitable in the first place? the very presence of requirements that not all women fit directly flies in the face of this theory), but women tend to have something I like to call a bullsh*t filter. We don’t want to deal with the BS, but we are not a$$holes either. Thus we come off as sending mixed signals, when in reality, (nice girls) are not trying to be pretentious jerks. We are trying to say ‘I’m flattered, but no thanks.’
Methinks the researchers are trying to explain why they were lonely for so long with this slightly cracked theory.
Reply
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 9:48 am
@blackberry molasses, “Methinks the researchers are trying to explain why they were lonely ”
Yep..Drs. Haselton and Buss needed something to justify their romantic failures…intellecutualizin up and thru the data about the one who got away.
sometimes thats how the cookie crumbles..if it wasn’t for lost love wouldn’t be no dam@n bridges of madison county adaptations..
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
@Princess Duvet,
i could do without the bridges, honestly…
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 9:50 am
@blackberry molasses,
“See this is a ‘Monet’ theory. It looks good from a distance, but when you examine it more closely its just a big old mess.”
LMAO!!! We used to call guys “Monets” in high school.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
@miss t-lee,
that is so Clueless!!! i love it!
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:50 am
@blackberry molasses,
Methinks the researchers are trying to explain why they were lonely for so long with this slightly cracked theory.
****officially congratulating blackberry on today’s first unadulteratedly blatant ad hominem reply****
Reply
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
@blackberry molasses, have you been watching clueless,lately? lol.
but this—>women tend to have something I like to call a bullsh*t filter. We don’t want to deal with the BS, but we are not a$$holes either. Thus we come off as sending mixed signals, when in reality, (nice girls) are not trying to be pretentious jerks. We are trying to say ‘I’m flattered, but no thanks.’<—is soooooo true.
Reply
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
@SouthernGirl,
Why not just say : ‘I’m flattered, but no thanks.’?? And smile when you say it?
That usually works for me. And if it doesn’t then eff them. They shall feel my wrath.
Reply
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
@PBG, we’re on the same page. i always try to be polite but some mofo’s, you just can’t be polite to.
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
@SouthernGirl,
My theory is that they were either weaned too early or suckled until they went to preschool (no lie, I had a kid like this once). But those are my theories on everything. *shrug*
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
@PBG, lol
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
@PBG,
girl, those theories have a point sometimes! and yes, i seent (thats right, seent) a kid walkin to the breast. talkin bout, mommy im hungry. um…no. go fix you a sammich!
I happen to agree.
Well, except for the “women are hardwired to be teasing assh*les” part. Men have less to lose and more to gain. While women have more to lose and less to gain from the exchange.
Its simple. Call me crazy if you must, but please turn down your I Am…Sasha Fierce. I can’t hear you.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:52 am
@RunGirl,
I happen to agree.
Well, except for the “women are hardwired to be teasing assh*les” part. Men have less to lose and more to gain. While women have more to lose and less to gain from the exchange.
…and this makes women inherent assh*les. duuuuuuh.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
@The Champ,
lmao…dummyface.
but for real, look at the terminology….the dude got some, the chick gave it up.
Reply
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:24 am
“Men have less to lose and more to gain. While women have more to lose and less to gain from the exchange.”
When I point out these obvious facts, I get the “How are you going to say that about women? You are projecting. Maybe that is true of the women you hang out with, but me and my girlfriends do not get pregnant, are not susceptible to disease and have never been emotionally attached to anyone other than ourselves.”
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:34 am
@Jen,
me thinks that many of your statements would be better received without the gallon of snark that occasionally accompanies them. possibly being right doesn’t give you (or anyone else) carte blanche to be an assh*le.
Reply
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:42 am
@The Champ,
You know, sometimes the truth makes you sound like an a$$hole. When you sugarcoat sh!t, you don’t do anything but unnecessarily expose people to e. coli. I feel that my frankness is, while occasionally dank, in everyone’s best interest.
Lil'T Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
@Jen,
The Champ is correct. There is a difference between “telling it like it is” and unchecked bashing for the sake of putting someone down. I think you take a little too much joy in calling people names. Now, I have been around the block a few times, and in my experience those who bash for sport tend to be:
1) miserable
2) low on self esteem
3) intolerant
As my pal Barack would say, “You can’t put lipstick on a pig.” Lest you take that statement the wrong way -
You can only disguise a faulty sense of moral superiority and meanness as provocative banter for so long.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I am not a mean-spirited person in the least.
You have no reason to pay any real attention to my interactions with people. But, I have never called anybody a name on this site or in real life unless they crossed that line with me first.
So, you can go on and calm down.
Lil'T Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
@Jen,
ummm, aren’t you posting on the World Wide Web?? How does it follow that no one has a reason to pay attention to your posts? That’s like making a speach with a bull horn and accusing the audience of listening in on your conversation.
I read both your comments in this thread, and I will say this: I often agree with you, at least partially. I don’t mind you voice of dissent in the slightest. I don’t think anyone else does, either.
I think the disconnect is this:
- you think that others are insulted/offended because they personalize your thoughts/opinions and feel unnecessarily judged.
- I’m trying to tell you that it’s not your opinions that offend, but the way in which you share them. Look again at your posts.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
You clearly misinterpreted the purpose of me saying, “You have no reason to pay any real attention to my interactions with people.”
I was merely being understanding of the fact that you do not keep track of every word that I type and that folks type to me. If you do not keep such tabs on my exchanges with folks in the comments section of this blog, then it is very understandable that you would not have noticed that I do not personally attack people until they have personally attacked me first.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Someone just pointed this out to me, and I think it is very true. The bit you said about “moral superiority” is very telling about the nature of your perception of me.
The voice of dissent is typically a small, quiet one. I am not a small, quiet type of person. People don’t like that. When I disagree with people, they personalize my views in a way that I have never personalized my disagreements with people. They take an expression of my disapproval of a type of lifestyle or behavior that they engage in and accept as the norm as an attack on their person.
And once folks start feeling personally attacked, they respond at levels of individual causticity that I have no reason to emit whatsoever.
I find this to be ridiculous because a circle jerk of cosignage is the dullest form of conversation.
I’ll say it again.
Once people start slinging mud, I have no problem tossing it right back.
Chances are you notice my response, but not the initial pitch because the substance of my opinions p!ss you off, too.
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
@Jen,
can i have your number?
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
@kamakula,
damn son, you mad smoooove!
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
@Jen,
I tell the truth ALL the time, about everything to anyone who asks. I am rarely described as “snarky” or “dank”. I am praised as one of the most compassionate and uplifting people many folks know or e-know. And I appreciate that to the fullest. Makes my life a lot better.
You may not mean to come off “b*tchy”, Miss Jen, but as you well know, intent follows the bullet.
But if you do mean to come off b*tchy, please, disregard my statements.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I would like to reserve this space to point out a couple of obvious facts:
-You have alluded to me being a b!tch and Champ has alluded to me being an a$$hole, and I have yet to respond in kind.
-People tend to agree with your truths a LOT more than they agree with mine. Could this be why your truths seem less “dank”? I think, “yes.”
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
@Jen,
I have NOT alluded to you being a b*tch. Because I don’t allude. I just say it. Seriously. Ask anybody.
And I would dare say that people tend to agree w/my truths not because I’m less “dank”, but because I am compassionate enough to make people comfortable with considering my point of view, if only for a moment.
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
@Jen,
Champ said this here:
“at the same time though, the cynic in me thinks that if a person with your obvious command of the english language (you’re a law student, right?) continually offends people, then maybe they’re not as innocent as i want to think.”
I can be very cynical myself and I do not believe at all that you are completely unaware of yourself here. You are too intelligent of a woman not to know. I see the “old me” all over you. Those of us who have mastered the fine art of acidic sarcasm and condescension are more than in tune w/the particulars of it, both in ourselves and in others. If we weren’t, we wouldn’t be so dayum good at it. So, from one bullsh*tter to another: PLEASE STOP. I see you.
I don’t wish for you to stop commenting here, Miss Jen, but I do hope you can see your way through to making as much of an effort to respectfully disagree here as you do to belittle, demean and disrespect VSB. And it only takes the desire to do so, in one so capable as you.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
I find it highly difficult to believe that you really think you are somehow less abrasive than me. Your comments are clearly dripping with sarcasm. The difference between the two of us is that I stop short of calling people b!tches who have never personally insulted me.
And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
And I go there because you seem to enjoy religion…or at least making light of it.
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
@Jen,
“And I go there because you seem to enjoy religion…or at least making light of it.
I sure as hell do enjoy making light of religion. Religion is nothing but empty ritual, dogma, and rhetoric, used to keep people in line who aren’t powerful enough to think for themselves and to decimate those radical enough to buck the system. Again, look what they did to My Lord @ Calvary. I have no use for the constraints of religion because the God I serve is so much greater than that and I am a living testimony to that fact.
And no dear, my comments are not dripping with sarcasm. I promise you, I would never even bother going that route w/you. I was as sincere as I can be. Like I said, I think you are highly intelligent which means I’d have to go head on w/a woman like you. No sarcasm, innuendo, suppositions or unfounded allegations. Raw…ok?
I never called you a bytch. I could, but I won’t. I will not come out of the character I’ve worked so hard to build up just to compete in some internet pissing match with you. It is much more important to me to stand on the side of right than it is to BE right, so I will let it go…here.
If you have any desire to talk to me outside of this blog (because really, I wouldn’t mind one bit and this needs to stop in this spot) I can be reached on YIM @ mzcat125 and AIM @ PBG125.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
I think it was obvious from The Champs’ initial comment that this would busybody, cosign and devolve into what it here has.
Unfortunately, I can’t HELP but defend myself from what is blatant hypocrisy. Some would call that a fault. I imagine you would, since you seem to equate self defense with p!ssing oneself, but I wouldn’t. If I’m right, gone girl! Do you.
You’re a self-described bullsh!tter. You also claim to tell the truth “all the time…”
The two seem to conflict, but you may just be more socially adept than me. Whatever the case, good luck bullsh!tting yourself and otherwise speculating; just don’t drag me into it anymore. I can’t hang.
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
@PBG, word is bond
i think there is a way to say virtually ANYTHING TO ANYBODY. most self-aware people don’t just read with their two eyes, most can extract tone and intent. The undercurrent is both distracting and harmful to real discourse that cause people to change their mind or know what they know for sure.
a little restraint might be in order if for nothing else but out of some respect for the house that The Champ, P-fiddy and Liz built.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
@Princess Duvet,
If either the Champ, P-fiddy or Liz so prefers, I will never post a comment on this blog again.
Takers?
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
@Princess Duvet, Jen thats not the point..at least not to me..im not an all or nothing type chick..
just one of ..
let’s co-exist.
with a little balance. I got some wet duvet’s in my linen closet but I always strive to come from a place of fellowship. Anything less, I think people can “read”.
why don’t we just work on balance. (along with setting the intention that we write (be it wet or not) seeks to inspire “positive” dissent with no other agenda but to engage peacefully.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Again, I am not a mean spirited person.
But, I do say what I say how I say it. I am not about to censor my thoughts for anybody, and I cannot control how other people read and personalize them. And I d@mn sure am not about to go around holding the hands of people who would assume I was stupid, prude, evil, ugly, bitter or any number of negative adjectives no matter how far I bent over to kiss their unthinking @sses.
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
@ jen
please chill with the dramatics. i enjoy having you around here, and at no point did liz, p, or i suggest that you bounce. i appreciate your viewpoints and your vocabulary (although it seems forced at times, i hafta admit this. btw, “circle jerk of cosignage” is a classic).
as much as i love that people get along here, i dont want that to get in the way of genuine debate…which was one of the reasons we started this site in the first place.
thing is, jen, i know that i have a tendency to be condescending. people close to me would always point this out to me, but i’d usually get defensive and reject that notion, usually with some variant of the statement “i’m right anyway, so it doesnt matter”.
it wasnt until i taught high school english that i decided i needed to make a change. the impetus? a parent telling me that her daughter was hesitant to participate in class because my relentless sarcasm hurt her feelings. i thought i was being witty and funny, but the realization that my snarkiness was seriously hurting this chicks feelings made me feel like sh*t.
i’m saying this because i see the same thing here. i honestly (want to) think that you dont realize how condescending your statements come off at times. you can be conscious without being cavalier and pragmatic without being patronizing.
(at the same time though, the cynic in me thinks that if a person with your obvious command of the english language (you’re a law student, right?) continuially offends people, then maybe they’re not as innocent as i want to think.)
ok, i’m babbling. my point is that i like having you around, but i’m asking you to turn the contemptuous tone down a bit. thats all.
oh, and i apologize for alluding that you were an asshole earlier. that was uncalled for.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
@The Champ
I am not being dramatic. I’m being cut and dry.
a. I can imagine wanting to retain a certain spirit in the comments section of one’s blog. Imagine (as opposed to understand) because I’M inclined to let grown people go wherever they want to go so long as they’re not breaking the law or invading one another’s privacy.
Clearly, though, it’s your world.
b. I’ve talked like this since I was eight. Literally. I don’t force anything about my presentation. Including tone.
c. As such, I have difficulty putting my finger on the “tone” to which you refer. And I will obviously not be able to turn something down if I can’t put my finger on it.
I suspect you MAY be referring to my sense of humor. But, if it really is so offensive to your readership that it needs to disappear, then I need to disappear, too.
pgh muse Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
@Champ,
lol… i think Jen should get to say what she wants. My $.02… ur blog
Lil'T Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:45 am
@The Champ,
Zing!
The best thing about this post is the fact that you shouted out professors from University of Texas at Austin.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:55 am
@miss t-lee,
i thought the best thing was the goat vid
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:29 am
@The Champ,
Nah….
Reply
but why do guys think that just cuz they approach us, we must acknowledge their presence. we have the right to be selective. and if you never learned the fine art of reading body language, that is not my problem.
Reply
superwoman Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:17 am
@A Plus, i agree with you, although i always make a point of being polite about the fact that i’m not going to be handing over digits. what gets me is when a guy starts to insist, or -the temerity! – ask WHY he can’t get my number!!!
because.i.don’t.want.you.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
@superwoman,
yes girl! whatchu mean, why cant you have my number?!!? uh…cuz i run this! lmao
Reply
Deviant Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:20 am
@A Plus,
why learn how to read body language when you dont have to? Plus when you at a club or a party chances are people are drunk. who cares about body language then? You just keep tryin till one says yes.
Reply
Relax, Relate, Alise Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
@Deviant,
hee, hee, that was pretty funny AND true
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:54 am
@A Plus,
but why do guys think that just cuz they approach us, we must acknowledge their presence
lol…this comment is funny and sad at the same time, kind of like pacman jones
Reply
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:13 am
@A Plus,
“but why do guys think that just cuz they approach us, we must acknowledge their presence.”
because we acknowledged your presence first.
Reply
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:23 am
@SouthernCharm,
Plus, there’s nothing wrong with being cordial and polite.
Reply
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
@Monk,
Being cordial and polite is what gets ugly people laid.
Niceness will take you a looong way, depending on where it is you want to go (to quote myself yesterday).
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
@Monk, You are absolutely right. I don’t know why a simple, “thank you, but I’m not interested” is so hard for people.
Personally, I only jump out of pocket when the man does. Otherwise, I’m polite, because…why wouldn’t you be?
V Renee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
@8th Wonder ” I don’t know why a simple, “thank you, but I’m not interested” is so hard for people. ”
I agree! And if you say it with a smile, it makes it even better. You tend not to get the “Well f*ck you too b*tch. I ain’t want to talk to your a$$ anyway” that comes when you throw attitude.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
“I ain’t want to talk to your a$$ anyway” that comes when you throw attitude.”
…or comes when you’re talkin to Atlanta natives. i’m really nice when it comes to entertaining the come-ons of dudes who i’m not interested. i let them say their piece, smile, and kindly decline an invitation to walk to their cars for a minute. but in Atlanta, don’t matter how nice you were with the rejection, the B word almost always was thrown out there.
but they want you to get loud and hoodrat on ‘em and prove them right. so it’s usually just best to continue to smile, God bless them, and keep on ’bout ya bizness.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
@Gem of the Ocean,
lmao…note to self: avoid atlanta!
nah, but seriously, ive only ever seen that “eff you too b*tch” stuff when a woman has politely declined…i honestly dont know any janky chicks that treat strangers like pieces of sh*t.
as someone said a few posts ago…crazy gone do what crazy gone do, regardless.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
any dude willing to jump outta pocket (btw–is this a little man quip?? like he’s so small i want to “put him in my pocket, pocket”?? just curious…) with you, Lady Long Legs, is brave!
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
@A Plus,
but why do guys think that just cuz they approach us, we must acknowledge their presence.
not sure where you’re from, but ’round the parts i tend to reside, it just seems like it may be in the best interest of most women to at least acknowledge the dude, or at the very least not try to make him look like a jackass. these ninjas are crazy these days throwing chicks in trunks and stuff…
Reply
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
@Panama Jackson,these ninjas are crazy these days throwing chicks in trunks and stuff…
true. but can one of ya’ll start a class or educate ya’lls boys that once a nice lady like myself acknowledges you and politley declines, then that should end the interaction. sometimes i feel like ninjas PURPOSELY try to make us act a fool.
Reply
Guys misinterpret signals a lot. I smile a lot and this is misinterpreted by guys as an invitation to come over and talk to me. I know that it’s difficult for guys to approach women, so I’m usually cordial and conversate with the guy but some men don’t understand when you say that you’re not interested. They keep trying to get the number and I have to repeat that I’m not interested a few times before they get it.
Reply
A Plus Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:21 am
@Leila, on the topic of smiling…
am i the only woman that doesn’t walk around with a permanent smile on my face?? i always get the “smile cutie, it’s not that bad”, or “you too cute not to be smiling” or some other bs
wtf?!?! i’m sorry, but i just think that i would look like a nut job if i walked around smiling all the damn time.
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:24 am
@A Plus,
I don’t smile…and I’m not starting.
Reply
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:34 am
@miss t-lee, Good. Too much smiling causes wrinkles in the lower face and sometimes even causes crows feet. Nobody wants those if you can help it. Just kidding but I have seriously been telling people on the street that not smiling is why Black doesn’t crack. I’ve gotten a sum total of 8 minutes of laughter from it.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:37 am
@Hostess,
“not smiling is why Black doesn’t crack. ”
Good theory girlie…lol
Dorian G. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:00 am
This whole thread is the foreward to the book “why black women are losing, part VIII”
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:19 am
@Dorian G.,
word… this whole thread sounds like the biological preface to yesterday’s topic
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:20 am
@Dorian G., Oh I’m winning and smiling. I just also like being an asshole sometimes. It’s fun.
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:27 am
@Dorian G.,
And yet, they STILL don’t get it. *shaking my head*
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:35 am
@Dorian G./Monk, Hey. I didn’t get to read nary a comment yesterday. What happened? Were women anti-smiling? Did someone curse someone out? Cliff notes?
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
@Dorian G., hell yeah. sh*t, if im not mistaken we did a whole post on smiling chicks and got so much opposition it was insane.
its almost like ninjas need a reason to be happy nowadays. or at least be happy with themselves. a smiling woman gets way more play than a non-smiling one.
and any of you chicks can feel free to disagree, throw your anecdotal evidence out, etc.
you will be wrong.
i dont care if you got a man now, you found the man who decided to holler DESPITE your sourpuss.
sourpuss…that’s kind of a double entendre.
V Renee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
@Dorian G./PJ
I would like the record to show that I believe in the power of a smile. It can work wonders. For example, our CFO yelled at our secretary about something I needed him to sign. Yet, when I went into his office regarding it with my smile on, he was the complete opposite and was smiling/joking with me.
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:44 am
@Hostess, “Too much smiling causes wrinkles in the lower face and sometimes even causes crows feet. Nobody wants those if you can help it”
enter..a little botox…this isn’t a good enough reason for me not to smile aka be happy shyt.
mssula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
@Princess Duvet,
That’s why you and me are going to create a separate congregation of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood…
Smiling is required.
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
@mssula, exactly i don’t understand this..and just remove men for a second..if being happy (by way of smiling) points to mental, physical, financial and emotional wellbeing..why in all God’s creation would you choose something different.
you can tell a man to get lost with a smile..its possible..and then you aint gotta be a whole bunch of nasty names as a result.
Lil'T Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
@mssula,
I’ll join your sisterhood as well. I’m still tryin to master the art of the scowl. The Mona Lisa smile is pretty much my everyday expression. Maybe cuz I’m always laughing about something (ok, someone) on the inside….
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
@Princess Duvet,
“f being happy (by way of smiling) points to mental, physical, financial and emotional wellbeing..why in all God’s creation would you choose something different.”
hmmm….maybe thats why i aint been smiling…i dont have all that wellbeing to be happy about! lol
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
@mssula, “hmmm….maybe thats why i aint been smiling…i dont have all that wellbeing to be happy about! lol”
chicken or the egg?????
its all rather cylical…me thinks. start “small”..you wake up tomorrow, that is something to be rather happy about considering the orchestrated dance of all the things that must occur in your body to make it so…and then almost like magic things show up…to sustain that happiness.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:26 am
@Hostess,
“Not smiling is why Black doesn’t crack.”
You are a genius.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
@Jen, Or wrong.
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
@Panama Jackson, Hush up. The first time I said it to a white person, they didn’t know to laugh or if I was serious. Being an asshole is fun.
A Plus Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
@Panama Jackson, don’t get me wrong, if i see a cutie when i’m out, i will definitely give him the eye and show the pearly whites. but when i’m in the grocery store on aisle 5 looking for my cinnamon toast crunch, i do not need a smile on my face. and when i’m on the q train from brooklyn to manhattan, i got to have my mean gangsta grill on so the rats and weirdos don’t try to snatch me up.
and on another note, i give the brothas of vsb a lot of credit. i’m assuming that most of you are upstanding gentlemen that know how to approach a female. but i don’t think yall understand some of the stuff that gets thrown our way.
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
@Panama Jackson,
YOU KNOW THAT WAS HILARIOUS.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
@A Plus…. TELL IT! There’s a difference in walking around mean mugging and just being. This just happened to me 20 minutes ago on my way back in to work!
I was walking up to the building thinking about how lame the Jewel is for not having the main ingredient I need to make my stuffing and how I’m now going to have to go to the store tonight on my way home. Just thinking, not mean mugging. And it’s cold so I’m trying to get my tail inside. Some guy coming out of the building says, “smile miss lady, blah, blah, not that bad, blah” and some other nonsense I didn’t even acknowledge as I went through the revolving door.
Damn it, just say hi if you want to and then I’ll smile and say hi back. But stop telling me sh!t like that.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
“There’s a difference in walking around mean mugging and just being.”
and this here, i think, is the main problem. why are we assigning negative meaning to neutral stimuli? and is there no room for the idea that one might be happy despite not having a grin plastered across your face?
girl, what happened to you is my BIGGEST pet peeve. as someone who is constantly in thought about some such nonsense, to be snapped out of my reverie by something like that will usually just piss me off. if you wanna say hello or crack a joke or something, thats cool. i will probably crack one back. but dont start our interaction by disregarding my feelings and asking me to behave in a way to make YOU comfortable before i even know who YOU are.
mssula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
@Hostess,
“not smiling is why Black doesn’t crack.”
…and also why we are dying of high-blood pressure…
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
@miss t-lee,
“I don’t smile…and I’m not starting.”
youre my heroine!! LMAO!
i guess im just gonna lose then. its very sad. i smile and laugh when im amused. and when im not, i dont. im doomed to a life of lonely spinsterhood.
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
@shatani, “i guess im just gonna lose then. its very sad. i smile and laugh when im amused. and when im not, i dont. im doomed to a life of lonely spinsterhood.”
im rebuking this message for you. i wish people would understand how language is tied to outcome EVEN IN JEST.
shatani Reply:
November 28th, 2008 at 1:29 am
@Princess Duvet,
thank you for protecting me!
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:13 am
“Am I the only woman that doesn’t walk around with a permanent smile on my face?? I always get the “smile cutie, it’s not that bad”, or “you too cute not to be smiling” or some other bs”
I think women take this waaaaay too literal…9 times out of 10; this is an ice-breaker statement. Something to insight conversation…I highly doubt dudes (at least I don’t) expect women to walk around with a permanent smile on.
I’m not even saying that I do this, but sometimes I don’t think women realize the complexities of approaching a woman that you’re genuinely interested in…So, yeah sometimes a dude may say something (and I’m talking respectful approaches) that may seem a bit unorthodox, but hey most of the time we are the ones taking the chance on approaching…whereas, generally women don’t approach dudes…there are exceptions to the rule, but generally…nah.
Reply
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:26 am
@AkShone,
Co-sign.
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:36 am
@AkShone,
but sometimes I don’t think women realize the complexities of approaching a woman that you’re genuinely interested in
i was thinking about writing about this in the near future
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
@The Champ,
You should. I think it would shed light on the intricacies of the chase.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
@AkShone,
i would enjoy being enlightened on that.
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:38 am
@AkShone, “I don’t think women realize the complexities of approaching a woman that you’re genuinely interested in…So, yeah sometimes a dude may say something (and I’m talking respectful approaches) that may seem a bit unorthodox, but hey most of the time we are the ones taking the chance on approaching…”
And this is why I’m always pleasant to a dude who approaches. Even if I’m completely uninterested, I will walk him to a place where we aren’t in the spotlight and tell him that. I have seen women throw the palm of their hand in a man’s face. Is all that really necessary?? I’ve seen women tell men they have a boyfriend before the poor guy gets a chance to say hello. I’m like damn! What happen to common courtesy?
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
@Hostess,
I applaud your tactfulness. I always tell female friends of mine and my sister that if a guy approaches you respectfully, and you’re not interested; you should always turn him down in a way that he still feels respected as a man…he’ll respect YOU even more.
Are there a$$holes who will be offended…sure, but there’re a$$holes in every aspect of life.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
@AkShone, I too follow the same rule of thinking as hostess but like I said upthread, what do you do when the guy isn’t trying to hear the nice, polite turn down? Seriously, what’s your take on this and how to handle it?
Yes, some men will take it and go. But I, like many women have had men just start acting a plum fool. Pulling on me/my arm/hand, trying to force himself on me to dance from behind, namecalling, etc. and then that’s when being polite goes out the window.
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
@SouthernGirl,
In those cases, by all means breakfool, pull-a-kick-doe, (insert-your-regional-vernacular here) whatever it takes to make your point if you feel disrespected. I was making the point of a positive reaction from a respectful approach.
Now, I couldn’t possibly put myself in the shoes of a female and I’ve seen some of the disrespectfulness some dudes do when their advances are not met with cooperation. On the flip side of things, I’m sure my VSB brethren as well as myself have been on the receiving end of a tyraid from a woman we had the best intentions on respectfully approaching and she went off on some disrespectful tangent or displayed a stank attitude, when she could’ve just been a lady and respectfully declined the advance. Basically, I’m saying sometimes…sh!t, happens and people can be a$$holes about things…it’s a dice-roll, lol.
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:49 am
@AkShone, One other thing about smiling. I smile. But it’s only because I’m having conversations with myself. Remember, I’m a delusional sociopath.
When I’m not smiling, I also don’t walk around with a scowl and knitted brow. There’s an in-between point women can work with if they don’t want to smile all the time. Stop wrinkling your brow all the damned time. Stop walking around with a tight ass mouth all the damned time. Most women don’t even realize they’re walking around all frowned up like ‘Ester’ looking all types of unpleasant and unhappy. If they soften up a wee bit, they’ll look pleasant and at least content.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
@Hostess,
“Remember, I’m a delusional sociopath.”
My name is Panama Jackson and I approve this statement.
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
@Panama Jackson, That was a reference to a comment a few posts go.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
@Hostess, dammit. reading is fundamental.
A Plus Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
@AkShone, I think women take this waaaaay too literal…9 times out of 10; this is an ice-breaker statement.
9 times out of 10, the guy uttering this to me only has 9 teeth…but i dunno, maybe it’s just me…
RedBeanzNRice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
@A Plus,
“9 times out of 10, the guy uttering this to me only has 9 teeth…but i dunno, maybe it’s just me…”
Nope, it ain’t just you. I too have fallen victim to Snaggletooth.
Deviant Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
@RedBeanzNRice,
Y’all need to stop tripping. Dental Maintenance is high. Even with benefits.
I’ve seen some unfortunate mouthpieces on men AND women alike.
Smiling is not beneficial to all.
RedBeanzNRice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
@Deviant,
“Smiling is not beneficial to all.”
That statement made me crack up. Dental insurance is not so high that you can’t get ya fangs cleaned every 3 months. Raggedy mouf people irk me to NO END – those are the only ones that should be permanently exempt from smiling.
Deviant Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
@RedBeanzNRice,
Some folks need more than just a cleaning. They need implants, braces, bridges, a constant dose of Binaca, etc…
At 2Gs a year, max., some people really need to work that FSA to their advantage and put a down payment on some veneers.
RedBeanzNRice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
@Deviant,
“Some folks need more than just a cleaning. They need implants, braces, bridges, a constant dose of Binaca, etc…”
True, but we’re not talkin bout crackheads.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Dental Maintenance is high. Even with benefits.
indeed. but there’s a lot to be said for dental health and overall health. that coorelation between poor dental hygiene and heart disease is no joke!!
i guess dental health is another branch in the survival of the fittest pathway.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
@Gem of the Ocean,
I did a study with the chronic disease folks and the risk factor assessment folks and the correlation between dental health and EVERYTHING ELSE is astounding. I have seen a rotten molar turn into a leg amputation. Its not a joke.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 26th, 2008 at 12:35 am
BBMo–i knew you’d back me up on this one!!
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
@RedBeanzNRice, LMAO!!! *SMH* Bad teeth are a turn off.
Leila Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am
@A Plus, “i just think that i would look like a nut job if i walked around smiling all the damn time.”
haha. I’m not smiling all the time, but my friends are really silly so we’re usually joking around and laughing about something.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
@Leila,
me and my friends are the same way. my co-worker and i cant be near each other for more than a minute before we are off on some jackassery and laughing like morons. that said though, im not always with my friends and i dont have voices in my head that regale me with stand-up comedy…
superwoman Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:52 am
@Leila, yes, that is also a problem i have…
Reply
Ro Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
@Leila, I smile. I’d say about 76.8%, I smile 100% of the time. I smile and sometimes ask myself…”why the hell are you smiling?” Which only makes me laugh and smile some more.
I can’t help it…I’m a generally happy person who smiles…. sue me!
Reply
mssula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
@Ro,
Go Ro!
It seems like being happy these days is an offense. Well, I can’t help it if I am.
So yes, bring on the tribunal.
*bright smile full of glittery dust for ya
*
Reply
temps Reply:
November 26th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
@Leila, once again this a topic that is all about the same thing manifested differently.
Women miss signs once in the relionship and they cost yall way more than a dude hollering at what he may see as a jumpoff.
I know so many women AFTER the baby is born now claiming the father is a twit.
Sweetheart he was a twit the day before you met him and was one when you said you loved him and is still one now as a dead beat dad.
I dont know what lies yall fall for or what these men do to yall but yall stay have no shows babies and then only see his “wrongs” so after the fact.
I’d rather get rejected hollering at a woman than have a baby with her and she turns out to be the Baby Moms Pac had in Poetic Justice.
I always ask these baby mothers what was so official about him that you had to have his kid and move him in, if NOW he’s such a wuss?
Talk about missing the signs!!!!
Reply
It’s science. How can I argue it? Actually though, I believe it’s true–save for those women who have allowed Essence and Cosmo to teach them to not be selective. Have I ever mentioned that Essence is the downfall of reading Black women? I may have to blog about that today.
Taken from a real conversation I had with a long-time frociate:
Him: Her ass came over and wouldn’t let me hit.
Me: Just cus she came over doesn’t mean she wanted to screw.
Him: She came over AND she wasn’t wearing any socks.
Me: …
Other dude around: Damn dog. How’d you mess that up.
Me: No socks?
Him: I take hints where I can. If a broad comes to my house wearing less clothes than normal, she wants it.
Other men: Yeah!!!
Me: Dude. It’s MAY!!! She had on sandals! I have on sandals. I don’t want no parts of none of y’all.
Reply
IVR Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:39 am
@Hostess, That’s OD, what she going over there for if she aint trying to get down. I guess I cannot see this happening . . .
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
@IVR,
ive actually apologized to a dude for goin over to his house all late at night with no intentions of “gettin hit” lmao!
i honestly wasnt even thinking about it….i went over, we watched some football, talked some smack, popped in a movie….then i left. i had a great time, but my manfriends were like, damn girl. thats cold blooded!
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
@shatani,
in my defense though…he never made a move!
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:42 am
@Hostess,
Soooooo
no socks means, I’m down to give some up.
Wow…Who knew?
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:57 am
@Hostess,
Have I ever mentioned that Essence is the downfall of reading Black women?
please expound
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:01 am
@The Champ,
Essence is wack. Mindless drivel.
Reply
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am
@miss t-lee,
Can you have a meeting in the ladies’ room and spread this message? I don’t personally have a problem with Essence as I’m not a reader, but I do find that women who take it as the Bible tend to be troublesome.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:43 am
@Monk,
LOL.
Trust, back in the day (my high school days early to mid 90’s )and even before Essence used to be respected publication. Somewhere around the turn of the century it got more tabloid like with a few beauty/s*x tips thrown in. Next they’re doing articles with Kim Porter on the cover telling me how to empower myself. Get out!!!!
When my last paid subcription ran out 2 years ago, I left them alone. I let the Vibe subscription run out as well (after almost 15 yrs as a subscriber)…just craptacular.
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
@miss t-lee,
Yeah, I always respected Essence as a great mag (I used to always read my ex-girl’s), but it does seem to be on some other ish the last 5 years or so. I was kinda shocked at the one a couple of years ago that read “Do Black Men Still Want Us?” boldly cast across the front of the cover. I was in some grocery store and saw that and was like, “What the f*ck????”. I wanted to cover that ish up with a Guns and Ammo magazine, lol.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
@AkShone,
“Do Black Men Still Want Us?”
You understand what I’m talking about.
Total hogwash and sensational headlines does not make a magazine.
Some chick on a “Something New” tip probably bought it based on that story alone…lol
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
@miss t-lee,
i feel you miss t…although, i do still read essence for their financial advice. im tryin to be a young black millionaire and they always have something in there about saving, investing, starting a business etc.
the dating/sex advice though…please!
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
@Monk, any woman that takes any magazine as a bible is troublesome. take the tips, flip it fit your life and keep it moving.
Relax, Relate, Alise Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
@miss t-lee,
At least it aint Sister2Sister magazine, now that is that bullsh*t, it is like Jet and Right ON Magazine had sex and that was their offspring…
KindredSmile Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
@Relax, Relate, Alise, I had no idea any of the magazines you mentioned are still in print. See? I learned something today…
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
It’s not quite as bad as sister2sister, but it’s bringing up the rear.
I hadn’t read Jet in years until this past year, my Auntie bought me a ticket to Ebony Fashion Fair and I got a free 6 month subscription with the ticket, and I was like…if I had paid for this ish I would been p*ssed.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
@miss t-lee, lol. I only read jet and sister2sister at the salon. er’ now and then s2s got some good stuff in it, you just gotta flip through the crap. once they had an interview in there with amel larrieux and i about fell out.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
@SouthernGirl,
“amel larrieux ”
Really? That is suprising.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
@miss t, yup. i was floored. shocked. bamboozled. hoodwinked. plymoth rock landed on me.
and it was a nice, multi-page article. alas, anything so spectacular has yet to happen again.
Relax, Relate, Alise Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
@miss t-lee,
hee hee, you went to Ebony Fashion Fair, did you wear some Black Opal makeup, a leopard dress & hat, and a feather boa?
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
I almost wanna kick you for insisting that ish…
Absolutely not. LOL!!!!
That is sooooo not my steez. I think my Auntie just wanted me to go with her, so I did. It was my 1st time attending, and it will probably be my last.
I saw a year’s worth of tacky outfits in one night.
Comedy I tell ya, comedy!!!
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
Hey, hey now, U-Dub! Check your tone on that Black Opal. Their foundation is the best of my entire life!
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
@Relax, Relate, Alise, And if it was orange, it would be afro-centric, by default.
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:21 am
@The Champ, See Miss T-Lee’s comment.
Reply
Dorian G. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:04 am
@Hostess,
This discussion needs more context. What time of the day was she coming over? Under what pretenses?
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:18 am
@Dorian G.,
Yeah it kind of reeks of FOX news journalism.
Reply
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:27 am
@WuDaMan, I don’t make up the news (like fox). I just report it. All the men sitting around agreed that socklessness equaled chex (with a s). I think the root of their beliefs is inline with the article. Men would rather believe any minor thing is a sign women want them.
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:23 am
@Dorian G., I’m thinking it was still light outside cus it was summer. Hold up! Why am I even explaining this? Are y’all tryna say no-socks = wanna put out??
SHE HAD ON SANDALS!!
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:26 am
@Hostess,
doin’ my best faux Johnny Cochrin (rest in peace) impression.
Was there stockings involved. I once heard that if a person shows you their bare feet they are sending a signal that they want to be intimate w/ you. I actually heard that from a good girl. Good church going girl. What say you??
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:28 am
@WuDaMan, First, I hate you! Second, no stocking were involved. She had on sandals. Women don’t wear stocking with sandals. Third, you probably also heard that women who wear thigh-highs want to do IT too but don’t want to bother taking off stockings.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:37 am
@Hostess,
LMAO
What ever women know good n well that thigh highs mean she want’s to get married. From the whearing of the garder to the ‘trying to make me think that I want to take off her garter and throw it to my salivating pit of horndoggy homeboys who know that wedding crashers was not a myth. Every woman also knows that if you throw in a couple garters and a corset it makes for a phunky psexxxy good time.
And I bet that women would say that since they stop at the thigh that is where she wants him to stop too…
btw I hate you too don’t know why trying to figure out why. But in the meanwhile I am enjoying it.
signed WuDaMan (hate embracer)
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:37 am
@WuDaMan,
“once heard that if a person shows you their bare feet they are sending a signal that they want to be intimate w/ you.”
Get outta here…
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:39 am
@miss t-lee,
Real Paraphrased talk.
hm
*folding arms w/ stiff upper lip*
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:47 am
@WuDaMan,
*side eye*
Jen Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Women do this, too.
I have heard woman convince themselves that men wanted to marry them and have them carry their babies because the man:
-put a smiley in a text message
-looked at her while she passed him the salt
-let her have a highlighter
-mentioned the fact he had a mama/nephew/granny/other random relative during casual conversation
-caught the pu$$y she had been throwing at him for the past 2.5 years
Everybody believes what they want to believe. It is pretty sad, actually.
Reply
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:43 am
@Jen, AMEN. I know a chick who dated a dude who is Catholic. He said, casually, he’d probably never marry a Jew. She started the process to convert to Catholicism. Upon last check, they still aren’t married and her Jewish parents are still pissed.
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am
@Hostess,
Dayum.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
@Hostess, sounds like some Harlem Nights, sh*t.
“I have got a girl who’s p*ssy is so good, if you threw it in the air, it would turn into sunshine…”
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
@Jen, Well said Jen
Reply
shay Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
@Hostess,
wats hysterical about that is i never wear socks. and by never i mean seldom.
Reply
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
@shay, Then you are a sockless harlot! According to their logic, you want it from every man you see.
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
@Hostess,
Okay for real. It would have to depend on weather she took those sandles off. If she took those shoes off in his presence. He phaulked up or didn’t want her.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
@WuDaMan,
wu, you cant be serious! so if i woman comes to your house and is at some point barefoot that means she wants “sing into the microphone”?? wow! you really do learn something new everyday.
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
@Hostess,
btw, did you know that “the sockless harlot!” was the secret service’s nickname for tipper gore when clinton was in office?
Finally, a post the women folk can’t turn (even at the expense of less comments) lol . . .you are all CRAAAZY! I still love y’all though.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:11 am
@IVR,
Finally, a post the women folk can’t turn (even at the expense of less comments)
the jury’s still out on that one, lol. i wouldnt put it past them
Reply
Monk Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:35 am
@The Champ,
Never put it past them…lol.
Reply
miss patterson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
@Monk, a$$es just a$$es! Yeah I said it!
That video is simultaneously disturbing and gangstah. I had to watch it a couple of times. That bird is the chick who hasn’t gotten any for a long time a la yesterday’s post. Just vicious.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:58 am
@Slim Jackson,
That bird is the chick who hasn’t gotten any for a long time a la yesterday’s post.
lol…damn, you’re right. i should have posted it yesterday instead
Reply
This post is on point.
There are always exceptions to the rules, but…
“…men tend to overestimate women’s sexual interest, while women underestimated men’s willingness to commit”
…is true in most circumstances.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
@Monk,
thanks and sh*t
Reply
Yo i’m not sure where you found that video but what type of Eagle is that? Clearly not the eagles that just came into baltimore and got viciously molested like they were doing a bid at sing sing.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:12 am
@Dorian G.,
i wanna say bald.
it makes me feel a little better knowing that our national bird is gangsta
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:15 am
@The Champ,
I’ve seen other videos of eagles. Not only are they gangstar but they are adrenalin junkies too. When the guys compete for mates they have a in air tallon battle / dare devel contest / nose dive. They release the claws just before time to pull out of the nose dive.
Reply
Dorian G. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:16 am
@The Champ,
Nah its not the bald. Its actually kinda ironic cuz our national bird doesn’t attack anything its own size or bigger, is one of the least adaptive of eagles, and can’t survive in the slightest change in its natural habitat. Great symbolism huh?
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:20 am
@Dorian G.,
but their pretty big them selves. I mean a 6′ wingspan gives it a pretty big schmorgasboard to choose from.
mssula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
@Dorian G.,
Ironic… or very telling.
I’m just saying.
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
@Dorian G.,
When just about everything else is smaller than us, why do we need to adapt when we can just eat them up?
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
@kamakula,
excellent question!
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:12 am
@Dorian G.,
OOOOOooh SNAP!!!
I totally blame the doped up coach.
Reply
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:13 am
@Dorian G.,
I posted a warning to Champ upthread, and the same warning (slightly amended) is being extended to you.
Don’t mess with Eagles fans… we are a “passionate” bunch.
**this is your first and last warning**
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:39 am
@blackberry molasses,
please. if you wanna hide from an eagles fan, all you hafta do is dress up like the lombardi trophy.
ya’ll never seen one before, so you’d have no idea what to even look for
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:45 am
::snicker::
dayum.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
@miss t-lee,
et tu, miss t?
you know Steelers fan, we DID beat you guys.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
@blackberry molasses,
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
@The Champ,
I was going to come back with some snarky response, but I do have a sense of humor. That was funny.
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
@blackberry molasses,
*taking bow and sh*t*
Jae Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
@The Champ, **blank face @ the Eagles jokes**
Don’t eff with my birds.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
@Jae,
hello fellow Eagles fan. **Diva Dust ™ ** how art thou?
wilt thou be participating in the ‘black out’ on thurs?
Jae Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
@blackberry molasses, I already have my black pants and top pressed, and I I hate to iron!
The things I do for my Birds.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
@blackberry molasses,
um…whats the blackout on thursday?
im indifferent towards the eagles…i dont wish them any ill though. is that good enough? lmao
ThePhiladelphiaNegro Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
@The Champ,
That’s foul dude. Funny as sh!t, but foul as hell.
So if this post has a ‘message,’ some suggestion to our future actions. And we deem prehistoric people’s ideals not relevant to our society’s dating and mating selection. The ladies need to stop this shyt; side eying men and creating hocus pocus reasons for not messing w/ approaching guys. Now mind you ladies this will take some intelligent design on your part as you will need to learn to either a. not drink or b. learn to stay forebrain decisive upon inebriation. Cuz when you drink your hind brain becomes more dominant in the decision makin (I saw this on discovery channel one time).
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
@WuDaMan,
thank you, wu.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
@The Champ,
whycome we are the only ones that need to make a change though?
Reply
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
@WuDaMan, The Discovery channel is a lie! The forebrain always makes the final decision. It just must take into account what is going on in the midbrain as well as other internal cues. Maybe if men were using their forbrains, then women could relax (JUST for once) and not have to make all the decisions.
If you see she is “inebriated” maybe now is not the time to try and holla.
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
@Ivy St.,
AAAAaah what ever in the words of Barry Bathernath ‘I’m drunk your drunk everybodys drunk.’ Did I say I saw the show a long time ago?
And if the forebrain is now listening more intently to the midbrain isn’t that some sort of a deviation from the norm. Listening more intently to the more primal part of the brain becoming more instinctual isn’t a deviation from the sober state? I say this is a biological system that has too many variables to consider. Not to say that what we are mentioning isn’t important and influential. Just that there may be more factors involved.
Reply
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
@WuDaMan, Like how long ago? 20 years ago when we didn’t know an eight about the brain what we know now? LOL!
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
@Ivy St.,
lmao I’ma stab you lol (these are strictly idle threats) and it was a somewhat old movie then. But it had some good points how when your drunk and your face gets red can be confused w/ a lip errection. and how if ole girl gets up after coitous n pees you ain’t her ideal mating partner.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
@WuDaMan,
that last part is a real eye opener!! lol
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
lmao exactly, Ivy!!
and since when did the rhomencephalon ever have any control over our cognition?!?!?! who needs the hindbrain anyway?? ok ok well i guess it’s kind of important since it is the center of all things homeostatic, regulating breathing and what not. but cognitive behaviors?? i think not!!
WuDa–you need more people/ scientists/ informative tv channels/ and brain regions.
please and thank you
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
@Gem of the Ocean, I love being on the team with you Gem.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Ivy’s 50% + Gem’s 50% = CNUP’s 100% black pop.
you’re the best half a Gem could ever have!! *hugs*
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
And if the forebrain is now listening more intently to the midbrain isn’t that some sort of a deviation from the norm.
where do you get your information from?? i’m really curious lol. the prosencephalon/forebrain always “listens” to the diencephalon (all senses but smell go thru this region) and the mesencephalon (center of motivation and habituation). the diencephalon/hindbrain is what allows us to execute our behaviors through movement, amongst many other non-cognitive functions.
ok. i’m tired of talking brain nerdiness.
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
@Gem of the Ocean, I loved this exchange, BTW.
VSB.com: Where smart people go to play.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
lol there’s a lot of ish i don’t know about. so when i see a chance to educate the masses in an area i’m quite comfortable with, i take it. everybody benefits from good brain* [knowledge]!!
*pun intended any which way you likey
Unrealted, but still needing to be said…
How come someone didn’t tell me Kanye was singing all up and through this album? I pray that the chick who screwed him over will be so moved by his album that she takes him back. Cus he’s effing miserable.
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
@Hostess, um…its been ALL OVER EVERYTHING that he was singing thru the whole album.
you need to stop listening to old people radio stations where every hour is the quiet storm and they play lots of will downing and kem.
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Yeah…and they leaked most of it hella early.
That kat is tone def, I can’t take it.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
@miss t-lee,
im so hurt by that quiet storm comment! everybody loooooves tony brown!
so, where can i get these leaked songs?
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
@Hostess,
It’s prolly compounded w/ loosing his Mama.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
@WuDaMan,
that was my thought as well…i kind of expected this one to be a bit melancholy
Reply
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
@Hostess,
I’m having an argument with one of my boys about this right now. He says that Kanye & Weezy are experimenting and stepping out of their shells by doing this type of music. I say it’s crap b/c it’s cool if you “experiment” on a song or two, but no one wants to hear a whole album of that crap!
1 song for his deceased mother. the rest are about an ex-girl… who he left.
Reply
mssula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
@SouthernCharm,
PBG explained this some posts ago.
Hip-Hop 101. He might be talking about the industry (and by “might”, I mean “is”)
But the mom’s heartbreak is real. The whole album radiates with his pain. Poor baby.
Reply
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
@mssula,
kanye’s album isn’t hip hop.
mssula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
@SouthernCharm,
I was saying PBG’s explanation was Hip-Hop 101.
Personally, I go for great music whether it be hip-hop, trip-hop, not-hop, pop-hop, you get my drift. And I tend to give props where they are due (like in the case of 808s & Heartbreak).
Our need to label and compartmentalize thing has the potential to sometimes make us miss great stuff…
And isn’t the title self-explanatory: it’s about heartbreaks and music recorded with/through 808s. That’s exactly what you get.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
@mssula,
And after all he is from Chicago. It’s about time somebody brought back the blues.
Anybody going to see that Chess Records movie?
KindredSmile Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
@WuDaMan, the only way I’ll go see that movie is if it’s a matinee, I’m drunk, and surrounded with a posse for running commentary.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
KS—I’m with you.
It would have to be free and I’d have to be seriously bored.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
@KindredSmile & T-Ree,
I hear yall ain’t nothing better than watching a movie inebriated w/ lots of roasters in attendance w/ you than a good movie while inebriated w/ roasting friends all around. ahahaha but really I think it’s not going to be so great but I like the blues and I’m going drunk or sober.
V Renee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
@WuDaMan
Last time I went to a movie drunk, I was miserable. I will NOT be doing that again. When Im under the influence I need to be moving, I can’t be stationary, in a dark theatre……….now if this was an empty theatre and I was in the back row with a young sexcsy chad, than that’s a different story.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
@V Renee,
Yo, this is one of my new fav pasttimes. Cuz there is this movie theatre that has a bar in it. I go to the movie w/ just enough buz to make me want to drunk txt. and enjoy the show. Disclamer I too used to have to have some place to dance and move around after intoxication came on but now I can sit and enjoy the buzz. And I’m old
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
@WuDaMan,
where is this famed theatre with the bar? i likes to get my sip on to a good flick.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
@Blackberry Molasses,
You mean to tell me you ain’t been to the bridge??!! I think it’s 40th and walnut, it may be chestnut but it’s in definately on 40th street. Bar got a kitchen n errthang. Oh and they have assigned seats that the usher will show you to too.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
@WuDaMan,
egads the BRIDGE?
neveryoumindthen.
bad memories.
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
@mssula,
I think certain artists/rappers get passes off the strength of their names. If a local artist, known for rap, put out that same album, it would be considered garbage juice. Nothing wrong with experimenting on a song or two, but not a whole album! Kanye is not a singer. T-Pain, although watered down, can actually hold a note. He just throws that autotune on there b/c it’s his gimmick.
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
@SouthernCharm, AMEN!!!! One song, sure? Two? M’kay. But the whole damned things?? BTW, Beyonce’s CD is triple ass-trash!!! I’m gonna go back to uh, listening to my old ppl’s music. *eyeroll @ Panama*
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
@Hostess, now Beyonce’s album does suck, but that’s largely b/c she hasn’t the foggiest of how to pull of a concept album. Further, everybody who’s tried that particular concept (the split personality sh*t) has failed at it for the most part. Plus, Beyonce aint really deep enough to make a truly moving album.
As much as I love her (and we all know I do), I don’t know that she has the range and depth to truly deliver a great album on her own. For one, she can’t figure out the line between pop and art that allows her to be commercially successful and artistically risky at the same time…she tried with the BC Jean song “if i were a boy” and most folks think the BC Jean version is better b/c it sounds more believable.
Then again, when Beyonce made “Flaws And All” I think she was heading in the right direction b/c that song was motherf*cking perfect. So basically, she needs to get with whatever writers and producers she worked with on that song and lock herself in the studio for a month and its possible, she could make a truly moving album befitting of her voice.
oh yes, and eyeroll deez.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
“she tried with the BC Jean song “if i were a boy” and most folks think the BC Jean version is better b/c it sounds more believable. ”
The BC Jean version is much, much better.
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
@Panama, Have you heard the Go-Go version of Flaws and All??
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Peej, i agree with you on the B bit. but quite honestly, i am perfectly content with her not having soulful moving, lyrically deep, life changing songs. i’m cool with the club hits i can dance to–not just booty shake but really move and groove. she makes fun music. and i love it and i love her. even some of her ballads are cool. in general i think she’s fun to watch perform. i’ve seen her live and she was on fire. the chick is talented and makes me want to step my stiletto game up.
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
@mssula,
“Our need to label and compartmentalize thing has the potential to sometimes make us miss great stuff…”
The pressure of expectation ruins the divinity of the purest of things. Things need to just happen the way they need to happen for whomever they need to happen. Mr. West needed to make that album, and I don’t hate it. I honest feel like this vulnerability stands a refreshing juxtaposition to his usual overt cockiness. The dude is indeed, human like the rest of us. Me likes.
mssula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
@PBG,
In a nutshell.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
@SouthernCharm, I actually like the album as a whole. Now in its parts, there are songs I can definitely live without (Paranoid, Bad News, and Streetlights come to mind) but as a piece of art, I like it. It’s probably one of the most effective albums I’ve listened to in a while at conveying the artists emotions. It’s pretty masterfully done from a production standpoint.
I feel that a lot of folks are going to liken this album to other rappers tendency towards trying new stuff like Andre 3000 and to a much less enthusiastic degree, Common…and not let the artist just make music he wants to make. I don’t mind whatever folks are doing as long as its good. We have this tendency to want to box folks into the genre we like for them and when they step outside of it we can’t stand it. I know gaggles of folks like that right now and message boards are full of them.
And I’m not saying everybody has to like it either, but many people’s reasoning for not like it has been pretty absurd. “it’s auto-tuned, so it sucks” but folks will bob to T-Pain’s material all day.
Thru great pain comes great art. Whether or not people will get it, like it or appreciate it is yet to be seen, but this album is great art. It takes a risk and puts all the emotion on front street.
Reply
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Eminem’s early work quite clearly conveyed his desire to kill, maim, snort, and f*ck.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
@kamakula, yeah it did…lol. and i’d put The Marshall Mathers LP up there as a very focused work of art that had classic potential if it ended at track 11. Unfortunately, Eminem didn’t have an off switch and put 7 more tracks on it. But had he just ended the album there with 11 tracks (and throw “Kim” on there for its sociopathic leanings and b/c it actually gave you more insight into him as a person) it may have gone down historically as one of the more introspective albums…ever. It’s lauded as his best work, but it got kind of kerfluffy and wasted at the end.
But Eminem is one of those cats who wears his heart on his sleeve and I’d say we’re better off for it. I think Eminem (much like Ice Cube) needs controversy to be effective as an artist. I think Kanye is always going to be his own best controversy.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
@Panama Jackson,
“We have this tendency to want to box folks into the genre we like for them and when they step outside of it we can’t stand it…
Thru great pain comes great art. Whether or not people will get it, like it or appreciate it is yet to be seen, but this album is great art. It takes a risk and puts all the emotion on front street.”
co-sign
the best artists throughout history, musical or otherwise, generally embraced their demons to produce great works. Think of some of the most famous that went through their ‘periods’. They were engaging their muses (positve, negative, painful, self-destructive) and sharing their interpreations with an often less than understanding world.
I’ve always said art is one of the best forms of therapy.
Its just sad that sometimes, some of them let their demons consume/destroy them in the process.
the artist in me appreciates you for this
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
well, if you like it then cool. i won’t over-generalize by saying that since i don’t like it then other real music lovers shouldn’t. however, reasons for not liking it aren’t necessarily absurd. it’s just simple:
production is nice…
kanye can’t sing though…
throw some autotune on it…
nope. still can’t sing…
*thumbs down*
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
@SouthernCharm, interestingly, the singing is probably the part i pay the least amount of attention to.
now, thats partially b/c i dont think he’s trying to “sing” sing. like he’s more attempting to harmonize his words than he is trying to pull a Luther. to me that doesnt take away from the powerfulness of his words.
for instance, if you listen to ‘Welcome to heartbreak’, what he’s saying on that joint, and essentially all of the traps he’s laid for himself and how its put him in the position he’s in now…it’s moving. or at the very least it enables me to get past the fact that he can’t sing.
the effects and such (not just the auto-tune) he puts on his voice give more layers to his emotion to me. it kind of distances him from the actual music and puts him in more of a disaffected damanged space. it’s weird…but to me the autotune (and additional effects) help convey the emotion he’s trying to get across…to me anyway.
and when i said absurd, i didnt mean your specific reasoning, but many folks are like…this joint sucks b/c its called 808s and heartbreaks.
i’ve actually read that on a website i frequent.
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
@Panama Jackson,
I agree w/your statements here, PeeJay.
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
@Panama Jackson,
These are accurate statements and I tend to agree.
PBG, the Over-Agree-er Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
@Panama Jackson,
I don’t agree w/you that much. That was a comment ghost.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
@SouthernCharm,
hole up
no where in there did i say that i liked it.
i’m an artist (writer) and i understand that 1) different directions scare people, 2) an appreciation can be had without actually “liking” something, 3) not all art is good and 4) being pidgeon-holed sux.
pgh muse Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
@SouthernCharm,
nope. still can’t sing…
*thumbs down*
CONCUR!!!
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
@Panama Jackson, Yeah X 3! And what does this all have to do with the price of water at The House (formerly The Penthouse)?!
This man, as Danity Kane would put it, is DAMAGED. I’m not feeling his sing-whining. Where’s the rap-whining?! I am not saying I want anger. Maybe if I’m ever effective in breaking up, I will listen to this and it will mean something. Right now though, it’s getting scrolled through real quick on the iPod.
Meanwhile, his singing does actually make me think I could have been a singer. I belt out a mean Z-flat!
Oh and I think it was Sista Toldja who accurately likened T-Pain to a garbage pail kid!
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
@Hostess, now you’re more than welcome to not like it. I know lots of folks who don’t care for it at all. But how you gonna knock that man’s means of creative expression. Now I do wonder why all these rappers decide they want to sing, but at least all the ones who have been (semi) successful with it have been actual artists…
nobody likes Ja Rule’s singing or 50 Cent’s for that matter.
and what does this have to do with the price of condoms in malaysia?
simple.
leave him be.
RedBeanzNRice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
@Panama Jackson,
“and what does this have to do with the price of condoms in malaysia?”
Thank you ever so kindly. I was looking for a replacement to “What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?”
I shall name it Panama, and I shall use it frequently.
thehealer Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
@Panama Jackson, I was waiting for someone to kickoff the debate on this Kanye album. Why do hip hop fans complain about hip hop dying and then get upset when an artist tries something different? 808s and Heartbreak is a much more accomplished work of art than Graduation. Outside of Flashing Lights, Stronger, and Can’t Tell Me Nothing, Graduation was safe and predictable. If people want to listen to an artist make the same album repeatedly they should buy 50 cent cds. Kanye used Autotune, haunting beats, and desperate lyrics to express himself in a way that he couldn’t through rap. “Say You Will” on its own made the album worth purchasing.
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
@thehealer,
“Kanye used Autotune, haunting beats, and desperate lyrics to express himself in a way that he couldn’t through rap. “Say You Will” on its own made the album worth purchasing.”
great way to make a welcome and sh*t
thehealer Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
@The Champ, thanks. the posts the past two weeks have been extra on point.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
@SouthernCharm,
I say it’s crap b/c it’s cool if you “experiment” on a song or two, but no one wants to hear a whole album of that crap!
I agree.
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
@miss t-lee, et tu t-lee?
somehow i thought you might actually like it. apparently, i was wrong. lol. you win some you lose some.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
@Panama Jackson,
I like some songs…but I have to break it up. I can’t listen to the entire album at once. Maybe it will grow on me, maybe not. I’m not the biggest Kanye fan to begin with. I like songs of his, but I’ve yet to own an entire album of his material.
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
@miss t-lee,
so the consensus is the album’s trash? lol
what if usher, who raps from time to time, happened to want to put together a concept album with him rhyming? and say that album was put together to convey a mood like say, “kick drums & kickin’ it?”
unfortunately, this has already happened. shout out to black ty. it’s like tyrese took the jody character from baby boy and made him into a rapper. naw, n*****, you got cricket service. join verizon and get more people.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
See, e-fiance, this ish right here:
“unfortunately, this has already happened. shout out to black ty.”
is why I’m saying I do.
Tyrese…go sat down.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
@SouthernCharm,
Yeah that Black Ty ish was a mess.
You asked
“what if usher, who raps from time to time, happened to want to put together a concept album with him rhyming”
I didn’t even like Ush’s new album, so that goes without saying.
This is like Queen Latifah singing jazz standards. Ain’t nobody checking for that.
It’s a fine line when you step outta your comfort zone.
pgh muse Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
@Miss T-Lee,
I didn’t even like Ush’s new album
I swear i am the only one. Hear I Stand (the song) is like one of my new favorite slow jams! i love it!
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Every time i hear an “art” argument, I’m reminded of that scene in the wedding crashers where John (owen wilson) is talking with Secretary Cleary (chris walken) about Cleary’s “weird” son & his paintings:
John: You know, some people call that art
Cleary: It’s CRAP!
Grand opening. Grand closing
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Every time i hear an “art” argument, I’m reminded of that scene in the wedding crashers where John (owen wilson) is talking with Secretary Cleary (chris walken) about Cleary’s “weird” son & his paintings:
John: You know, some people call that art
Cleary: It’s CRAP!
Grand opening. Grand closing.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
“Trading Places” was okay…but I wasn’t feeling many songs. It was no Confessions.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
naw, n*****, you got cricket service. join verizon and get more people.
and this is why i am an SC fan!!
8th…. watch ya back son…
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
*Looks at Gemmie and raises her left hand*
Naw boo, how bout you just watch the ring.
thanks.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
well until i see a marriage license, the ring don’t mean a thing. *doing the snake*
These bootleg sex “studies” are so full of crap I want to scream! Who’s conducting the great majority of these studies? Men. “Me man, me strong!” “You woman, you weak.” “Females who were abandoned after consenting to sex suffered far greater consequences: pregnancy, reduction in mate value and having to raise a child alone.” Bullsh*t. Which century are we living in? Anyone ever hear of birth control pills? Condoms? Sponge? Diaphram? IUD? The BC patch? Hysterectomy? Vasectomy? DeproVera? Hell, combine them all if you have to. Social conditioning and tradition tells men, especially black men, that it is their job to want sex all the time, yet it tells women to suppress their desires for sex. News Flash: Women want sex as much as men! Maybe she just doesn’t want it with you. As humans we are insatiable creatures. And we’ll always want what we can’t have. Women are taught to not “give it up,” and there’s no pressure on us to “get some”. However, if we act on our desires we called a hoe. Now on the flipside, men are taught to get as much as possible, no matter the cost, because that‘s “what a man does” and if he doesn’t “get some” he’s weak and quite possibly gay. And so the chase begins!! But, should you happen to get her pregnant (black men) run like hell! If a woman wasn’t called a whore for bedding men the way the men bed women then these little studies will reveal something quite different.
Reply
IVR Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
@Kenya, “As humans we are insatiable creatures.”
Women are insatiable creatures
Men want:
food
sex from a good woman – very subjective of course(which drives most of the other things men “want” but not really for themselves)
entertainment
*ready for the onslaught*
Reply
Lil'T Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
@IVR,
*ready for the onslaught*
This is a funny mental image for me. But I can’t disagree with you this time.
Reply
Kenya Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
@IVR, Not true. Women and Men are insatiable creatures. Looks like you have listed your top 3 wants…i’m sure there are a ton more, but I don’t expect you to admit it, it wouldn’t be quite “unmanly” of you.
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
@Kenya,
iew quit projecting. Men are easy. He named some of any human being’s basic needs as deligated by his hypothalimus. There are only a few more like sleep n water.
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
@WuDaMan, Hypothalimus=hypothalamus. Gem would be proud to know we have another neuroscientist on our hands.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
@Ivy St.,
Actually I’m a Chemical engineer w/ an emphasis in biomedical engineering. And I’ll take all the extolling I can get. My Ma still wants me to be a surgeon. And I’m all like that is so inefficient. When I can create a device and help millions @ once.
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
@WuDaMan, How will you create a device without some understanding of the biological system? I have the argument with engineers all the time. When will you guys every get it. Long live the biologist!!!
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
@Ivy St,
If you guys could ever learn something from us circa inteligent design. We could get to the top of mount Biology and say we did that. Oh to get the bio med emphasis I did the A&P I,II, Bio I,II, b-chem, o-chem I,II. So I been there I’m just getting old.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
oh WuDa, i e-<3 you so!
as a student of the almighty central nervous system, i have to come in and fact check just a bit. can’t be havin SP-style “facts” running up and thru this thread.
that said, i’d argue that the hypothalamus has little to do with the delegation of sex, entertainment and the seeking of food. the nucleus accumbens is responsible for those things, as it’s the brain region involved in pleasure and motivation. this brain region will be responsible for the conferring of my degree.
im just saying…
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
@Gem of the Ocean,
i think mine might be broken. im finding it difficult to work on my dissertation! lol
IVR Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
@Kenya, “Not true. Women and Men are insatiable creatures. Looks like you have listed your top 3 wants…i’m sure there are a ton more, but I don’t expect you to admit it, it wouldn’t be quite “unmanly” of you.”
I will have to disagree with you . . and I am not one of the men that post just to be manly . . . I like to think I am very honest with myself and with the VSBs and VSSs (trust me, ive shared) . . . but thinking about it, there is nothing that I want (or can think of right now) that falls outside of those 3 categories . . . water of course . . . sleep, if I didnt have to I wouldn’t . . .
Deviant Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
@IVR,
gotta agree with this
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
@Kenya,
You see it’s these kinds of comments that keep us divided.
“You got have respect to get respect” by Daddy Tang
I’m just saying you gonna write off the research because of the gender of the researchers?
Reply
Kenya Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
@WuDaMan, Not writing off research because of gender, but i do write-off “research” that is biased. And most of these sex “research” studies are conducted by men. “Females who were abandoned after consenting to sex suffered far greater consequences.” Let’s rule out unwanted pregnacy as a consequence. Now what are the consequences? And why are we “abandoned”? Is it abandonment if we want him to leave after consentual sex? These studies read like we always want a ring, babies, and a house with a white picket fence after sex. Not true. Sounds like bias to me.
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
@Kenya,
Okay I think that these were historical study. Recognize the time constraint. They are talking about pre or early Homo sapiens men and women. And based on Darwin’s evolution these thoughts have permeated the subconscious of modern day women. Now be you so in tune w/ your subconscious mind that you can make said statement?
Kenya Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
@WuDaMan, “Pre or early Homo sapiens men and women”= practically irrelevant to what’s happening in today’s dating game. They didn’t know any better.
And who was Darwin? Another man conducting psycological/scientific studies in the 1800s…
Yes, I am in tune
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
@Kenya,
lol I don’t like that dude either (Darwin). I think that the post is saying just what you just said. What they did is not relevant to today’s dating world. So why should women behave in these relatively uneducated customs from a relatively uneducated time?
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
@Kenya,
ummm…welcome and sh*t
Reply
YOU KNOW i’M MAD FOR HAVING TO SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN TO POST MY COMMENT HUH? LOL OKAY .. THE DATING GAME IS HARSH AND POINTLESS THESE DAYS WHO CAN DISECT IT?
Reply
RedBeanzNRice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
@GO B,
“THE DATING GAME IS HARSH AND POINTLESS THESE DAYS…”
Pointless? So how do you propose we find long lasting relationships without first dating? I mean hookers cost WAY to much per hour, let alone everyday for a year or more.
Reply
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
@RedBeanzNRice,
Negotiation between parents?
Reply
KindredSmile Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
@kamakula, H*ll naw! Heaven forbid I let my Mama pick out my mate – I’d end up with Slickback Ivanhoe aka Terrence Howard or some other knee grow that looks good on paper, but is way too zesty for my soul.
RedBeanzNRice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
@kamakula,
I gotta co-sign wit Kindred. Cause I know if my mama picked out my man, I’d be linked to Sam Cassell or Shabba Ranks’ doppelganger. Shew..I know what my daddy look like, and she picked him. No thank you.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
“Shew..I know what my daddy look like, and she picked him. No thank you.”
*collapses*
Here lies the 8th Wonder. Gone but not forgotten….
RedBeanzNRice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
@8th Wonder,
*grabs the paddles, applies them to 8th’s chest, turns em up to 280 and hollers “CLEAR”*
Come back 8th Wonder, you will not die on me damn it!
Princess Duvet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
i feel a some type of reiki-e-fengshui is in order..what are people going through ????
“THE DATING GAME IS HARSH AND POINTLESS THESE DAYS WHO CAN DISECT IT?”
wow…im thinking all the laws of attraction are in full EFFECT.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
@Princess Duvet,
awww, youre not gonna get all “the secret” on us, are you?? lol
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
@GO B,
lol…i’m just mad that the only letter not in caps was the “i”
Reply
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
@The Champ,
wow, nitpicking and sh*t
Reply
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
@kamakula,
nit-picking, nothing. i cannot read all caps. not right away. makes my eyeballs hurt.
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
@The Champ,
thats what happens when you hit the shift son!
Reply
Could it be that men just pick up on the signs that feed their ego or what they want to believe? Because yeah, who would really not be interested in you? What is the likelihood that EVERY man misreads the signals sent out from a woman?
NICE, FRIENDLY, and SMILES, is not equal to or greater than INTERESTED! Just venting from personal experiences.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
@Ivy St.,
thanks for sharing, ivy
Reply
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
@The Champ, Are you trying to play me? Do better…
Reply
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
don’t even get me started on venting from personal experiences. you of all ppl know i can be overly friendly to any person that talks to me, which is how i end up with stalkers.
and quite frankly, if i do put on the rude, dont-bother-me ‘tude, i get the “i think you’re sexy when you’re mean”. like, really?? are you serious??
so in short, all signs i give make men think i’m interested in them. if i’m nice, they think i’ma let ‘em get a whiff. if i’m a b*tch, they take it as a challenge and try to bait me even after the splash of harsh words in their face.
some men pick up any and all signals as a GREEN LIGHTS.
ok i’m done. i don’t know the point of this comment but it just needed to be said. thank you for reading. good night.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
@Gem of the Ocean,
if youre a hot chick, everything you do is a sign that you want men….you might as well just accept it, gemmykins!
Reply
An observation here. There have been a lot of
Just because I’m smiling and nice and friendly does not mean that I am interested.
Let me let ppl in on a little secret, guys walk right by plenty of nice, friendly, smiling women everyday and say nary a word. If you get approached, it’s because he’s interested in YOU.
So, if you want guys to stop walking up to you and starting conversation, you need to make yourself less attractive as a potential mate/wednesday night/bedpost notch/fb. I suggest herpes of the mouth outbreaks painted on with makeup each time you go out.
Getting rid of the guys with herpes who are interested is left as an exercise for the reader.
Reply
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
@kamakula, LOL! @ Herpes of the mouth outbreak.
Do guys really walk past smiles all the time? I’m not talking about the lady serving you your food or handing you your drink. I don’t think women want them to stop approaching. They should stop reading into the friendly smile AFTER the approach (BTW, if you smile, I smile, they are called mirror cells. It is a natural human response). If I’m interested you will know and it won’t be because I smiled at you.
Reply
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
@Ivy St.,
How will I know? How do you know? I’ve known guys who persisted after getting shot down who are now in relationships with class one snipers.
Or think about it this way, I think you are the most awesome person to walk the earth. I want you to at least feel that way about me. We chat, we have fun, but you turn me down. Now I need to decide. Do I walk away and forget about this awesome person I met or do I try and figure out what it is about me that turns you off? Maybe your last bf wears the same hat that I do and you just couldn’t take that. Perhaps you don’t like that I’m clean shaven (and it just happens that I had a job interview that day, normally I’m scruff mcgruff).
Sometimes, people aren’t willing to let one go without a fight.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
@kamakula,
these are good questions and sh*t
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
@kamakula, “Sometimes, people aren’t willing to let one go without a fight.”
Trust me, I know. I get it all the time from ALL of my guy friends. You can’t convince someone to want to be with you.
There have been guys that I haven’t dated that in hindsight, I should have given a chance but at the time they just weren’t doing it for me. The me at that time point wouldn’t have been good for them. A man should want to be with someone that appreciates them. If you are really for me, then I should know. I’d like to think that love and relationships aren’t as hard as we make them. Either you do or you don’t.
1) “How will I know?” You will know because a mature woman will let you know. Good communication is necessary for any relationship to work. talk about it and stop looking for signs.
2) “How do you know?” I will know.. well… because I’m me.
3) you shouldn’t have to change who you are for anyone. That should be *a clear sign* that you are not the one… keep it movin.
It’s not neuroscience.
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
1) A mature woman will let me know. So does that mean I should only go after mature women? But going by personal experience, that would imply that the women I approach are largely not mature. That being the case, we have a dilemma.
2) I’m not looking for a perfect match. One reason being that I don’t even know what exactly constitutes a perfect match for me. So you have not way of knowing whether the you 10 days ago would be just as good for me then as you now.
3) Not sure I agree fully with this. People change who they are for their parents, friends, jobs, etc. I don’t think wearing a different color hat changes who I am. I also don’t think people are that worried about changing others. Think of all the guys you know who moved in together with a woman. Now, tell me how many of their apartments or houses remained the same before and after the move. I’m talking furniture, reading material in the bathroom, color of guest towels.
Relationships necessarily bring some change with them and not all change is bad for you. Yes, you may say “you should change yourself for you, not someone else” but seriously, if you think about it, we’re more likely to make changes because someone else said something to us first than because we thought about it on our own.
I mean, if a guy keeps hearing “No I won’t go out with you, your breath stinks”, shouldn’t he change that rather than trying to find the girl that will appreciate his halitosis?
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
@kamakula, “I mean, if a guy keeps hearing “No I won’t go out with you, your breath stinks”, shouldn’t he change that rather than trying to find the girl that will appreciate his halitosis?”
I agree with you. What I meant is that you shouldn’t have to change you. I mean small things of course (shaving more often, dressing up for dinner, using proper English in front of my parents). I agree everyone changes for their SO. In order for a relationship to work everyone must make a change. I’m just saying, you shouldn’t have to be the ONLY one making them. If one person doesn’t like something about you, there will be plenty more that will. Don’t change for someone until you know they are worth changing for.
I didn’t say anything about a perfect match. I don’t believe in them myself. You should be able to find someone that compliments most things about you.
Let me think about this some more. I’ll get back to you.
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
@Ivy St.,
Right, my point is that if I think I’ve found such a person, does it make sense to let them go so easily?
I mean, I have no problems dropping it if we only talked a bit and you seem interesting and attractive, but I know almost nothing about you. However, we have a great conversation, have a lot in common, both single, it seems like we’re having a good time, I realize “wow, I really want to get to know this person”, it’s much harder to put the brakes on that.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
However, we have a great conversation, have a lot in common, both single, it seems like we’re having a good time, I realize “wow, I really want to get to know this person”, it’s much harder to put the brakes on that.
just becuz 2 ppl have it going on in their own right and also have a lot in common with each other, doesn’t necessarily mean they should be together. i think the problem is when one person is being persistent, and the other isn’t feeling it.
i run into this problem a lot. guys who i think are great, just not for me. yet they are totally into me and wanting to sign marriage documents within a few weeks of knowing each other.
i guess what i’m saying is, if some one doesn’t want to make it work, why keep pressing the issue to try and convince them otherwise??
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
i see what youre saying kamakula…but you should not have to convince anyone to love you. if they cant see and appreciate the awesomeness that is you, then that’ll just have to be their loss. they will have to speak longingly about kamakula, the one who got away.
kamakula Reply:
November 26th, 2008 at 4:23 am
Gem and shatani,
you both make good points, but from the view of a guy approaching a girl, just because it’s possible that things won’t work out doesn’t mean I should quit at the first sign.
So, while I agree there is a limit to this, I couldn’t just leave things as they were at a first rejection from a person with whom I sense great potential. They could be having a bad day, busy week, or whatever.
This being said, I’m talking about situations where you don’t get a definitive “not interested”. In those, I see the outcome as already determined and unlikely to be changed by anything you do in the short term.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
BTW, if you smile, I smile, they are called mirror cells. It is a natural human response
lmao i sooooo <3 you Ivy!!! you represent all that is good in the neuro world.
p.s. i was reading about mirror cells in my book, “The Pleasure Center”. and it’s fascinating to read about when we (primates) first start to recognize ourselves in the mirror. blah blah blah… i’m done now lol
Reply
overit Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
@Gem of the Ocean, I loved the “It’s not neuroscience. “
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
@overit,
i prefer “its not rocket surgery”
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Another thing, a lot of this piggybacks on the idea that there are these one, two, or three “ones” out there for us. That we will know them as soon as we’re in the same room, much like the way the highlander detects the presence of another immortal.
To further stretch the metaphor, this belief requires that the one (or ones) will be attracted to each other and somehow migrate to the same locations (unless they just don’t care) much like the highlander and other immortals seek themselves out.
I’ve got news for you ppl, if you continue along this path, you will find at the end of your life, like the highlander, that there will be only one. You.
Reply
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
@kamakula, I heart you Kamakula. Well said!
Reply
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
@kamakula,
this is one of the greatest breakdowns i have ever read. it should be copied & pasted for further study. lol
Reply
IVR Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
@kamakula, Truth right there . . .
Reply
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
@kamakula, Highlander? Wow. And it all made sense.
Reply
AkShone Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
@kamakula & Ivy St.
Great dialogue…really good.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
@kamakula,
there can be only one!
Reply
Miss Patterson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
@kamakula, , i consider myself somewhat of a vsb scholar and if i were to form a thesis based on the information i have gathered from men on this site (a small population as it may be) i thought that there weren’t enough of these ’smiling’ women. which then leads me to believe that a smile if given to the right (or in this case wrong) man can give him the signal that your interest is mutual. i’m always hearing/reading on this site that it’s about approachability. men are attracted to women who are approachable. a smile signals that, correct? so, if i smile which i usually do because i’m giggling to myself about a ralph wiggum quote at the bar/or giving the obligatory black nod & smile and then a fugly guy approaches me, am i an a$$hole for saying “thanks but i have an [imaginary] boyfriend”? i don’t pounce, i don’t shank them in the neck…so why is that wrong? and for the record it’s never because he shaved/wore the wrong hat/starched his clothes too much it’s because i’m genuinely not attracted to the guy.
Reply
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
@Miss Patterson,
Venerable scholar, in regards to your dissertation, let me put forward the theory that a lot of the approachability talk from men stems from complaints voiced by VSB women and implied in the topic starters posted by the nominal VSBs themselves that women feel there is a lack of available, eligible, and possessing of qualities that educated black single successful independent women want – black males. And that the few that exist are, to use the vernacular, skeedaddling over to women of other races and creed.
Indeed this then prompts the men to respond, nay, retaliate with, “well, if you smiled more, i’d holler”. (Again, note my usage of the vernacular).
Reply
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
@kamakula, Indeed this then prompts the men to respond, nay, retaliate with, “well, if you smiled more, i’d holler”.
They’d talk to a fine chick, smile or not. They won’t talk to one they don’t find attractive.
Also, I don’t get this notion of a shortage of men. Maybe because of where I live, places I go, etc. But I have NEVER felt a shortage. No shortage of smart, ambitious, attractive, job having, baby-momma-drama-less dudes all over these parts. AND, all I hear is them saying there aren’t enough QUALITY women around.
IVR Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
@Hostess, “all I hear is them saying there aren’t enough QUALITY women around.”
You must live in Alaska . . . THIS place is full of talent. . .
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
@IVR, I live in the DC-Baltimore area.
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
@Hostess,
<citeThey’d talk to a fine chick, smile or not. They won’t talk to one they don’t find attractive.
By definition, all chicks on VSB are fine.
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
@kamakula, By definition, all chicks on VSB are fine.
You tryna get some cyber booty by throwing that BS into the ring?? All I’m saying is that MOST women who think they are fine/think all men are intimidated by them look like the offspring of a short booga-bear and a tall swamp donkey.
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
@Hostess,
I could throw out terms like tongue in cheek . . . but I’ll let my post stand and deliver as is.
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
@Hostess,
Also regarding cyber booty, I refer you to Chris Rock’s platonic friends/new p*ssy routine.
SouthernCharm Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
@kamakula,
Professor K, what data have you collected to support your claim? I suggest we conduct a field study where we take a group of men & women, and place them in a setting that encourages social interaction. However, instead of giving the experimental group (women) a placebo (smirnoff black or white zinfandel), we will provide them with experimental doses of patron and 151. The control group (men) will receive the normal placebo of patron & 151. Music will be added as needed.
PBG Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
@SouthernCharm,
I volunteer for this study.
This BS is why I’m glad I ignored all my homies’ collective rants about me settling down earlier on in my life. I watched a lot of bruhs in my circle go through this whole ‘cat and mouse’ crap on the regular and never cared for it. I tell my wife that I thank GOD for her because from DAY ONE, she only wanted me to be the only way I know how to be….
Real.
Not a whole lot of wasted pretense, ‘wait two days before you call her’-type nonsense and other related wackness.
A real man has no time or use for this. He’s too busy beacause his grind is heavy and he’s trying to find a good woman to build something with.
I’ve always been of the mindset whereas if you come with the realness, a good woman WILL make her way towards you. If not, that’s HER loss. Don’t calling her out of her name and quit chasing her! Have some dignity and self-respect. You did your part- Keep it moving. Brethren, let them seek YOU out for a change. (And they DAMN sure will-trust me.)
I never was one for trying to slick talk/pimp talk/fast talking a woman. (I don’t trust ANYBODY who talks too fast in general; It’s as if they’re trying to get something past me and you’re not going to do that. I make my living sifting through people’s BS.)
Concise. Deliberate. Resolute. This is how REAL men operate and that’s what a REAL woman goes for.
Reply
The Champ Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
…waiting for it….
Reply
pgh muse Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
@The Champ,
lol… that was funny. i’ve been lurking and not commenting cause i’ve been been hella busy…. this is a great post Champ! I agree with everything that the Illadelph (i love this) Negro said… I think that it’s more socialization than biology that has men and women acting the ways they do. I think that men do perceive friendliness as an invitation to something else (i’m a friendly girl and many an old a$$ man has taken my smiles and banter as me cracking on them yeah right) i don’t know why. and I don’t think that women are a$$holes or teases… men need to pump their brakes a bit. Oh… and Gem! I’m going to post events of the week on my blog tonight ! send me and email so I can contact u. http://www.museacd.blogspot.com
Reply
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
dang girl, where you been at?!?!?! i’ma holla at you for sure.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
I have to give this whole comment applause.
Especially
“I never was one for trying to slick talk/pimp talk/fast talking a woman. (I don’t trust ANYBODY who talks too fast in general; It’s as if they’re trying to get something past me and you’re not going to do that. I make my living sifting through people’s BS.)”
and
“A real man has no time or use for this. He’s too busy beacause his grind is heavy and he’s trying to find a good woman to build something with.”
Thank you.
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
@miss t-lee,
im trying not to gush, so i’ll keep it to myself! but i do wanna take this post for a surf and turf dinner at the sizzler and get to know it better….
that is all.
Reply
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Brethren, let them seek YOU out for a change. (And they DAMN sure will-trust me.)
I don’t think I’m old enough to qualify for this yet. Also, I don’t want to get to that age and still be playing the seeker/seekee roles. I think this is a program into which men get grandfathered.*
* I’m making strong attempts to not end my sentences with a preposition. (Everytime I write this, I find it strangely ironic).
Reply
shatani Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
@kamakula,
*snicker*
Reply
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
***standing ovation***
::resisting urge to throw Diva Dust ™ at a grown a$$ man::
Reply
ThePhiladelphiaNegro Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
@blackberry molasses,
Thanks for the love sis. Yo, and as a fellow Eagles fan, I’m feeling real stressed out about our football situation right now. We fo’ real getting ready to go back to some Rich Kotite/Bobby Hoying, mediocre-a$$ ball right now.
Reply
Lil'T Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
I’m not gonna say anything about Donovan’s face when he got benched. Priceless.
Still not as good as TO’s tears of b*tchazzness, though.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
@Lil’T,
“sniff that MY quarterback!”
gawd, he.makes.me.SICK.
V Renee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
@blackberry molasses
I like to say that line for GP all the time. It will always crack me up.
Bless his heart.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
yo, why was my husband mad salty on Sunday. He called me back (I was at a baby shower watching football… HA!) to apologize.
The Eagles and their mess are threatening to break up a happy home!
Lil'T Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Oh, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So many good points:
2 days to call – who promoted this wackness in the first place? Call me right away, it’s cute. Just don’t call like 5 times right away….that’s stalker-y
fast talkers – same feeling, for the same reason. why do some guys think we’ll be tricked by this ish? (ok, ok. I know someone fell for it.)
A man who approaches me with some real sh*t and is not too greasy has a one up on everybody else, no matter how tall/good looking/flashy. Slick/smooth doesn’t do it for me. Then again, I hear 30 knocking quite loudly…
Reply
Hostess Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro, I like this.
Basically, act like you have some damned sense & you’ll meet sensible women who will appreciate you.
Reply
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
@Hostess and Philly– yes
Reply
I’m not reading through 400 c0mments today, so forgive me if this has been said already…but Champ speaks the truth. Men and women have been programmed to think in the manner that the study and the Champ described for hundreds of thousands of years.
Even though the advent of birth control, Sex & the City, Supahead and books by Zane have freed a lot of women of their sexual constraints, thousands of years of preconditioned thinking/instinct is not going to just go away…Which is why men will continue to pursue, and women will continue to lead us on that chase.
Oh yeah, that poor billygoat never knew what hit him!!! Sam Eagle meant business!!! LOL
Reply
kamakula Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
@ListenToLeon,
You know, you could just scroll up a bit and read my comments. I could see not reading 400, but reading 10 wouldn’t hurt.
Reply
ListenToLeon Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
@kamakula,
Ok. I’ll stop being lazy, since you have taken the time to illustrate that they’re worth reading.
Reply
The article captures the theory well, but the actual practice is more complicated.
As I’ve said before, most men go through an approach calculus.
- how fine is she
- Is that real? If not real, what man paid for it?
- what’s my nervous/anxiety level
- where did I put the tic tacs
- is she with her friends
- is that her cousin/gay hairdresser or her husband
- how much time do I have
- do I still have that Boone’s Farm @ the crib?
- did I get more toilet paper?
- will her family trip cause we could be 2nd cousins
You put this through the calculator, and only approach when you think you’ll be successful.
What can tip the balance? What are the signals that she’s ready to approach
- an additionl 3.4 nano second of eye contact
- she smiles
- she winks
- shows some leg/cleavage
- does the psuedolesbian dance with her friends (pink toes only)
- flips the weave/extensions
- stirs her drink with her finger
- blinks
- breathes
She look good in all black.
So you man up, push through the funeral procession, and holla @ her. On some, let me wipe away those Tears of Joy.
Since her kids is looking at you, on some, “he ain’t my daddy, daddy’s in the ground” – you got to spit respectfully if people are in view.
Personally, in said situation, I like to make it rain. A fat roll of 30 ones, (Jamaican currency is like 6 to 1 usd) will have Granny n’nem wallowing on the ground like pigs in a sty.
As the melee ensues, you can spit a name, grab her by the hand, and move her out of there, so you can discuss your future together out of view of the haters.
Her job is of course to play coy, like she didn’t wear that tight-up-skirt with you in mind.
She’ll protest and try to shake you off, but it’s just part of the mating dance. She’ll even try to get the law involved, but real rap, she needs a strong man, strong enough to resist arrest and restraining orders.
It’s your job, your duty even, to allay those concerns of hers aside. As a universal rule, they love persistence. She puts up a wall, and you break it down.
Reply
Lil'T Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
*panting, wiping eyes*
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Soopa stoopid, son!
Reply
WuDaMan Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
Real Talk and if it could go down in slow motion it would be even cooler. Now if Bravado ever needed a P. R. person this post would be it. I just hope the military doesn’t steal it. Like those marines comercials.
Reply
miss t-lee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
Since her kids is looking at you, on some, “he ain’t my daddy, daddy’s in the ground”
Oh wow…lol
Reply
Ivy St. Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
@WestIndianArchie, “She look good in all black.
So you man up, push through the funeral procession, and holla @ her. On some, let me wipe away those Tears of Joy.”
LMAO!
Reply
ListenToLeon Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
@WestIndianArchie, That’s some cold business! LOL
Reply
pgh muse Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
Hilarious.
Reply
RedBeanzNRice Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
@WestIndianArchie,
“As I’ve said before, most men go through an approach calculus.
- do I still have that Boone’s Farm @ the crib?”
Priceless. I love it – lmao.
Reply
V Renee Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
@WestIndianArchie – Your scenarios are always hilarious.
Good sh*t.
Reply
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
W.I.A.– you always know how to put the right spin on an interpretation of the post lmao.
great work!! *clapping*
Reply
@WestIndianArchie,
This post is hillarious fam. I see the whole thing playing out like a Kardinall Offishall video or something…
Reply
Damn, that eagle got gangsta and the music just added to the hilarity of it! This was ridiculously funny! I wish I could understand what they were saying!
Reply
If women were more consistent about what they like/don’t like then men wouldn’t play the numbers game (read: indiscrimantly holler)
Hate the game…
Reply