the financial dynamics surrounding dating are easily some of the most salient issues for our (with “our” being “21-35 year old edumacated and employed cats“) demographic.
does the man always pay?
does the financial responsibility lie with the person who set the date?
dutch dating, yea or nay?
should a broke adult ever ask anybody out?
these are just a few of the issues that regularly accompany this subject, and in “cheapskate or creative romantic? inexpensive dating can be memorable or dicey“, cristina rouvalis of the pittsburgh post-gazette tackles one of them: the “cheap” date
rouvalis gathers numerous quotes about this subject, and the general consensus seems to be that inexpensive and thoughtfully practical dates are great…occasionally.
Dating expert Nina Atwood said a cheap first date is OK for people who are really young — high school, college students or just out of college — but otherwise a warning sign for women. “A cheap date is OK if it is sprinkled in after nice dates. Otherwise it is a turnoff,” said Ms. Atwood, a traditionalist on men paying and the author of “Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid.
But for the cash-starved there are always ways around spending little without appearing cheap, says Stephanie Steiger, 40, who runs a singles group in Butler. She advises male friends who are watching their money to take dates to an opening at an art gallery, where wine and pastries are free.
“You can’t look cheap,” Ms. Steiger said. “You don’t take a girl to McDonald’s. You take her to a gallery crawl, where you look like you are spending money but you really are not. You put a little culture into your life.”
***champs note: we’ve discussed this subject in the comments here ad nauseum, and, along with the whole chivalry factor, i think one of the reasons why it keeps coming up is largely due to our unique financial situations. this (21-35) age range is usually the only time in most peoples adult lives where their potential income is just as, if not more relevant than their actual income, and this phenomenon definitely helps to shape our dating mindsets***
so, increasingly lascivious fine people of vsb.com, what are your thoughts? do cheap first dates work? should a broke dude (or chick) even bother dating? would a great first date make you reconsider romance with an otherwise mediocre potential mate, or is this question a giant oxymoron?
answer away
–the champ
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{ 301 comments… read them below or add one }
Am I first? Humh. I need to go to bed!
If you are broke, you need to date someone broker than you or way younger than you. This way, you don’t seen cheap if you go to a mid-day movie, followed by ice cream and window shopping.
If you are a grown ass man, you ask and pay. Dare I say, that the more into the woman the man is and the more he thinks he’s competing with other men for her affections (chex), the greater the chance that he will NOT even flirt with the idea of going cheap.
Another popular casue of big-spender-itis is that a lot of dudes KNOW they have no personality use the expensive date as subterfuge. WARNING: This only works on women who aren’t used to nice things. Women who are used to nice things won’t be moistened by a big dinner bill if it doesn’t come with a side of great personality and/or good looks.
Once the relationship is established, or even regular dating is going on, cheap dates can be cool ONLY if both people have enough personality to make them fun.
IMO, planning thoughtful dates trumps the costly dates. If you know a chick is into Civil War reenactments, and your silly ass still wants to date her, she will appreciate going to ‘insert place where war reenactments are held‘ no matter the cost.
Note: If you are a Black man and you go to a reenactment, I will not march to get justice for the crazy folks who kidnap you and make you their slave!
“If you are a grown ass man, you ask and pay. Dare I say, that the more into the woman the man is and the more he thinks he’s competing with other men for her affections (chex), the greater the chance that he will NOT even flirt with the idea of going cheap.
Another popular casue of big-spender-itis is that a lot of dudes KNOW they have no personality use the expensive date as subterfuge. WARNING: This only works on women who aren’t used to nice things. Women who are used to nice things won’t be moistened by a big dinner bill if it doesn’t come with a side of great personality and/or good looks.”
A lot of dudes will try to break (way too much) bread and go out of there way on first dates, but experience tells me that going ‘all out’ on a first dates usually either make you look like a trick OR you end up setting the bar too high on some superficial shyt.
It’s never a good look.
A dude shouldn’t have to spend a load of cash to show he’s interested and I think most women tend to see through the “big-spender-itis” thing anyway…whether they’re used to good things or not. Unless they’re just a chicken head and if that’s the case, they’re not to be fucked with at all.
I agree with a grown ass man asking and paying, but I will say this goes both ways. If a lady is cool and confident enough to make the first move (aka “choosin”) then no matter how old fashioned one may be, there’s nothing wrong with a grown ass woman asking and paying also.
@ Monk….I am in total agreement with you on this one!!
“A dude shouldn’t have to spend a load of cash to show he’s interested and I think most women tend to see through the “big-spender-itis” thing anyway…whether they’re used to good things or not. Unless they’re just a chicken head and if that’s the case, they’re not to be fucked with at all.”
***jesus christ superstar***
Not “a load of cash” but don’t break out the 2-for-1 coupon until date 4 or 5.
I actually find that quite funny… Well, if that’s the spirit of the date to start with…
pimp pimp HOORAY!
i’ll see you at the players ball this year a pimp named Slickback. [Monk]
…and bring your A game.
Salute!
“Another popular casue of big-spender-itis is that a lot of dudes KNOW they have no personality use the expensive date as subterfuge.”
Yep, yep.
Monk:
A smart woman knows that if a man is breaking off major change for dates, but she goes to his house and he has pink (you ain’t paid your bills) envelopes around, he’s not really as financially secure as he wants to appear to be.
“A smart woman knows that if a man is breaking off major change for dates, but she goes to his house and he has pink (you ain’t paid your bills) envelopes around, he’s not really as financially secure as he wants to appear to be.”
this is what shoeboxes were invented for
or file cabinets!!!
LOL!!!
for the past year I have been renovating my house, literally stripped the house down to the beams and started all over. During various stages of the renovation I would invite someone I was dating over to my unfinished house to gauge their reaction. This has been interesting to say the least. Everything from offers to do landscaping to what I was/am doing wrong and why I should have done or do it differently. To date I still don’t have a kitchen.
I have ALL of my bills scattered on my dining room table, along with unpacked boxes (my kitchen) in the dining room. At times I have noticed that my date has literally gone through my bills. LOL!!!
My blood pressure went up just reading this. I wish a negro WOULD go through my bills…unless he got his checkbook out and is about to pay some!
That deserves a throat punch, Miss T Lee style.
LOL!!!
I guess I don’t get mad at shyte like that, I told one guy anything he had touched would be forwarded to him for payment.
LOL..exactly! I had a dude do that once years ago…and then had the nerve to question me about what was on the bill. I told him since he was so concerned he should pay it. He did and never went through my mail again
Dare I say, that the more into the woman the man is and the more he thinks he’s competing with other men for her affections (chex), the greater the chance that he will NOT even flirt with the idea of going cheap.
the key here is cheap vs thoughtful…if (wo)man thinks (s)he is competeing with others for time and attention, the key is to distinguish yourself from the rest of the “team”… to do that, you have to be “different”…you have to actually LISTEN when they talk (instead of daydreaming about how good your nails would look in his back) and make mental notes of sweet things to do for/with them…people pay attention…when you pay attention…at least I do…
I don’t buy into the ‘distinguishing’ thing. You know why? Cus in my mind, other women don’t exist. A lot of women waste a lot of effort on trying to CAMPAIGN their way into the Tier One position. But my expreience tells me if you’re placed on the second string team, all the campaigning (listening, screwing, and giggling) you do won’t mean a thing.
I do not compete because too often women (moreso than men) get caught up in WINNING and never stop to seriously evaluate the the heck they’ve won. I don’t even show up to the game is I feel like I’m not the number one draft pick. I think this might come from having been raised as an only child. LOL Seriously, I’ve tried the other strategy and it didn’t work for ME. Now if it works for others compete and campaign away.
This wasn’t to GOODENess specifically but just on the topic of campaigning//distinguishing that WOMEN try to do.
@Hostess…I agree…I was just responding to the tought of competition…I don’t feel like I compete either…he approached me..so the team he had wasn’t cutting it in some way…and even there are othere sisters…so what? I may be casually dating others as well…add to that …that these sisters ain’t me…and VOILA…I am not tripping…either we click or we don’t…either you like my flava or you don’t… (shrugging) either way…I’m flattered…and I got to meet someone new…
“If you are broke, you need to date someone broker than you”
i agree. you can date while broke, but, realistically, this probably isn’t the best time to ask out that lawyer chick you met in the elevator last week.
Unfortunately I agree with this too. Folks with big money have bigger tastes. If you’re broke you’d better be THE absolute best catch on the planet in every other category. Or be Wesley Snipes in that terrible movie with Sanaa Lathan that I can’t remember the title of. Apparently he managed to lay the pipe on her ahead of her realizing he had nothing to offer.
I suggest doing that if at all possible.
Movie- Disappearing Acts
“Apparently he managed to lay the pipe on her ahead of her realizing he had nothing to offer.
I suggest doing that if at all possible.”
It works. Good d*ck will take you far.
“Good d*ck will take you far.”
this might be the new vsb.com tagline
Champ, to the corner! yeh i said it. i got rights in this piece too biotch!
“Champ, to the corner! yeh i said it. i got rights in this piece too biotch!”
know your place. liz is the pres of the west coast chapter. so any corner designations from out there would have to go through her first
chain of command (as a wire fanatic, you should know this already, lol)
this might be the new vsb.com tagline
Bet not!!!!
Put it on a t-shirt and I’d wear it. It should have the exact opposite design and color scheme of the ‘abstinent pimp’ shirt, and we can all pick our respective shirts and happily wear them side by side at the vsb barbecue
“Good d*ck will take you far.”
For real though and i’ve cum a long way baby.
heh heh heh (inhales) whoooo!
i mean metaphorically speaking. [or not] no not really. LOL!
that character played by Wesley Snipes also managed to beat the sh*t out of her too.
Yeah…that movie just made me angry.
**shaking my head**
Hostess comes out of her mouth with: “If you are broke, you need to date someone broker than you or way younger than you. This way, you don’t seen cheap if you go to a mid-day movie, followed by ice cream and window shopping.”
be honest with yourself cause you’re not fooling me; you specifically mean this speaking towards men asking and paying and this would not realy apply to women who are asking or paying? [on a date and regardless of the stage in relationship]
talk black to me.
Yeah. That’s EXACTLY what I meant. I am not hiding it. Unless I’m in an official relationship or dating the same man regularly, I don’t pay. Further, I don’t meet many men who think women paying for too many things is acceptable. Not only that, but my daddy and step-daddy always paid for things. I (and the men I date) recognize having responsible daddy and step-daddy means I have experiences/expectations that others of my sisters didn’t have.
I’d also like to add that if you’re dating a man who likes Chez-Whole-Paycheck and eats their regularly, he’s not being flossy when he takes you there. Also, most of the business owners I know seem to ‘expense’ their fancy meals (with or without a date). So having a flossy date with one of them isn’t a big deal because 1) that’s just how they roll, 2) they are expensing that shyt anyway.
Yeah. That’s EXACTLY what I meant. I am not hiding it. Unless I’m in an official relationship or dating the same man regularly, I don’t pay.
***I Know It Was The Blood***
Hostess thanks for being honest. i aint mad atya. i will however be glad when more women do away with the double standard genuinely, flip the script and be willing and start caking more brothers. could give a dam wether they write it off or not. hope you find another daddy IF that’s the style you like. my momma caked me a lil bit but i dont need or expect that from a woman however it would be nice to have sometimes and not be expected to feel like something is wrong with it. [just as much as you don't]
yeahhhh babbbbyyy.
GK: Do you expect a woman to come looking good? That costs. Do you expect to be the eventual HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD? Well, that title costs too. My dad and step-dad are old school traditional men. They take PRIDE in being able to provide for their family. A lot of women and men have NO EXAMPLES of these types of men. Therefore, they do it differently. Bully for them. Trust, while I might not pay for much, I do earn my keep.
Hostess asks: “Do you expect a woman to come looking good?”
A: yes.
Hostess do you expect a man to come looking good?
(the follow-up sentences below infer you expect for men to pay for the woman to come looking good indirectly by expecting that men pay for expensive first dates and all dates for that matter expensive or no)
Q: “Do you expect to be the eventual HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD? Well, that title costs too.”
A: yes. …and yes HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD does carry a price.
Hostess i’m sure you earn your keep. we are talking first dates here and i’ll be shit if i’m gonna accept that a woman has a sense of entitlement in this context just because she’s a woman. …as if i owe it to a woman to cake her out [blow big cash, got it or not] especially on a first date or feel less than a man if i accept her paying for a date.
a woman i’m taking out on a first date is not my family. i am not head of her household. 1st dates are in the infancy of getting to know one another. it’s not the money i have a problem with or the mansize responsibility, it’s the heir of entitlement stinking up the atmosphere.
i was lucky enough to grow up with my father in the household. …so i had the example of him providing for his wife and children. to this day if a girl meets him he encourages me to open the car door for her etc. he may have done it a lot of the times FOR MY MOTHER but i do so nowhere near as much for a woman im dating and less so for a first date. if you suggest i treat a woman i just met like i would my wife i probably wont be doing that. i’m not mad at me and i’ll sleep well tonight. start early, hate me now.
just wondering, what else do you feel entitled to from men? (1st date, dating him regularly and otherwise)
genius kahn-
“i was lucky enough to grow up with my father in the household. …so i had the example of him providing for his wife and children. to this day if a girl meets him he encourages me to open the car door for her etc. he may have done it a lot of the times FOR MY MOTHER but i do so nowhere near as much for a woman im dating and less so for a first date. if you suggest i treat a woman i just met like i would my wife i probably wont be doing that. i’m not mad at me and i’ll sleep well tonight. start early, hate me now.”
You usually have some insightful things to say, but this is some serious immaturity showing through right here. I would continute dating a guy who plans inexpensive dates but I would drop one real quick if I thought he was treating me cheaply.
If you are a Grown Man, your father shouldn’t have to remind you to open your girls’ car door, or walk on the right side of the street, or generally act like a gentleman. That should be ingrained in you from childhood. I dont have to plan on marrying a man just for me to treat him with some class. Its called self-respect.
“If you are a grown ass man, you ask and pay. Dare I say, that the more into the woman the man is and the more he thinks he’s competing with other men for her affections (chex), the greater the chance that he will NOT even flirt with the idea of going cheap.”
True. Just like a chick won’t look half-done on a date with a dude she’s digging.
I think people do better by only going on dates with people they dig, or have the potential to dig. Then the money and time spent, no matter the amount, isn’t considered a waste by either side.
Nice breakdown.
“WARNING: This only works on women who aren’t used to nice things.”
Confession: I got had by this. I wasn’t used to nice things, and I was completely bedazzled the first time I got taken out to a nice place, where I had to dress up. He was pretty, too, but I was so busy absorbing my surroundings and being stunned at what the dating world had to offer that I didn’t realize how little substance he had, until I took the 3rd-date bill and took him to MY favorite spots, which require conversation and similar frequencies. It was like deflating.
“WARNING: This only works on women who aren’t used to nice things. Women who are used to nice things won’t be moistened by a big dinner bill if it doesn’t come with a side of great personality and/or good looks.”
As a woman who once worked for a major brokerage house and was used weekly $200 lunches and $500 dinners. I am not impressed with a pricey meal.
The time, energy, and thought you put into something means more to me than the tab you pay for a meal or drinks.
If I have already spoken to you than you know most of my most enjoyable sites and sounds are free. Now if you want to splurge and take me on a gondola ride during waterfire (http://www.waterfire.org/waterfire-gallery/waterfire-gondola-twilight) than you win! Mostly cause you were paying attention, paying for the gondola ride is icing on the cake
A cheap first date to me, means McDonald’s or Wendy’s. That is not ok. Matter fact, that is not a date. Unless we are in the mountains somewhere where there are no nicer places, then no–first date being cheap is probably a no-go if you plan on having more dates with me. I have no concept of what a really expensive first date is, so I don’t expect the other extreme. Something respectable is cool with me, perhaps a step above Denny’s, or Ruby Friday’s (i.e. anything not a chain).
“A cheap first date to me, means McDonald’s or Wendy’s. That is not ok.”
Nope it’s not. It’s like you didn’t even try. For a few more dollars we could’ve went to Chili’s. GTFOHWTBS
Throat punch. For real.
“Throat punch. For real.”
you’re always throat punching cats. i think you have a throat fetish
^^^
It’s quite possible.
What about an exclusive chain like Maggiano’s??
Hmmm?? Hmmm????
I’m a chick that enjoys a chain restuarant, though ‘exclusive’ and ‘maggianos’ don’t go together in my head
I just had to google that. We don’t have these in my neck of the woods.
Similar to Olive Garden or Macaroni Grill I take it?
Yeah…and it’s exclusive for that very reason. If you live in a major city like Atlanta or DC there are a few or LA or NY or something…
I see—there’s only a few in each state they occupy…lol
Yes, only maggianos has more of a focus on ‘family style’ dining, though it’s not a requirement. They also have a bomb-ass apple crisp desert
Family style…I gotcha, that sounds like Buca di Peppo.
EXACTLY! buca-de-maggiano’s …lol
oooh. i love me some maggiano’s. when i went there i had family style with my family!
*smiling with thumbs up and a forced overbite grin*
yeah…i’d never heard of it until today also. but, admittedly, its also been established that i live in a vacuum
“its also been established that i live in a vacuum”
CAVE! you live in a CAVE, a vacuum means that you can hear (have heard). It is evident you live in a CAVE!
dam Champ lives in a CAVE? he can’t hear shit? dam dam dam…. LOL!!!!!
maggianos is cool. sssaight. i had the noodles and marinara w/sauteed shrooms. glass of merlot. it’s cool. but i don’t have a problem with all chains [like some folk] even the ones that haven’t penetrated the top 50 mkts yet. like maggiano’s.
Cave though! dam….. LMAO!
waaaaaaay better than the olive garden. the olive garden is like the mickey dees of italian food. maggiano’s has stuffed mushrooms and calamari with lots of garlic and tiramisu…*licking fingers* is it time for lunch yet?
Maggiano’s could pass i think. they got good marinara sauce. yum.
“What about an exclusive chain like Maggiano’s??”
Man!! You’re in the D/M/V and you’ve lived in ATL. You don’t HAVE to go to any of the APOSTROPHE ‘S’ spots. There are lots of similarly priced spots to choose from. Ethiopian anyone?
I love Ethiopian! I have to agree.. living in the DMV you can go to hundreds of different restaurants without every going to a STUPID CHAIN… men who take me to CHAINS never get a second date. You have to date smarter men.. there are plenty of ways to go out on a date and not break the bank. You can go to Miss Siagon in Georgetown and not spend more than 35.00 for two people now that’s a deal..
I think more people should think more outside the “chain” box.
I will only go to chains in the middle of the day.. and living in the DMV.. not even then..
Hell Sideline isnt a chain.. and it defintely isnt fancy
“I will only go to chains in the middle of the day”
do you have like a time cut off? is it okay to be in a chain at 6:15, but not 6:30? 5:45 but not 5:50? or does it depend on where the sun is in the sky?
Actually.. I take that back … in DC .. I never go to chain’s accept maybe on my lunch break… so if you need a timeframe between 12-3pm Mon-Fri.. thats when I will go to a chain..
I dont eat fast food. I cook my food or I go to a restaurant (that isnt a chain).
Does that clarify?
I sound hostile..
Tone: Jovial
“Tone: Jovial”
you know, i think jovial is one of those adjectives that should only be used to describe fat middle aged men (which i’m assuming youre not)
but yea, lol…i’m clear. no restaurants that can be found in other cities.
I’m just curious… what’s the problem with chains? Is it that it isn’t unique enough? You don’t like the people that go there? And it’s obvious that I’m not talking about fast food like McDonalds or what not.
madam west coast president liz, off topic request: please put The Champ in the corner. p.s.- can i least be vp of the west coast chapter? lol!
signed, the girl who’s been telling everyone she was the west coast chapter prez of vsb.
Are we talking about FIRST dates or dates, period?
*On first dates, I think whoever expressed interest (or approached first) should handle the check. Although, females have asked me out, wanted to pay, but I still offered to foot the bill in situations where I truly enjoyed how the date went on. If the date was a dud and she invited me, it’s on her.
*I definitely don’t think that men (nor women) should go ‘all out’ on a first date. A first date should be something reserved to something that’s cost-effective that you guys can really vibe and learn about each other. You may have talked on the phone a couple times, but the date is all about reading each other’s body language and picking up their vibe beneath calls and texts’.
*The key is not be a “trick daddy” trying to make an impression by flaunting whatever you have, but moreso make an impression by the thought and attentiveness that you put into it.
For example, lunch dates are pretty inexpensive for the most part and I like to use the element of surprise to make it moreso an EXPERIENCE. I might arrive at the spot early with a bouquet of flowers, let the host/server / or even manager know that I’ll be there with someone at a certain time (basically making a reservation no matter how low-key the spot may be) tip them to deliver the bouquet to our table as the server comes to serve us.
*Note: Make sure the server or host uses her last name as he hands the flowers to her.
We get seated, start small talk, all of a sudden she’s presented with flowers out the blue, her face glows, I know she’s excited, and a good first date ensues.
*Note: Flowers are just an example…of course before the date, you’ve already got a notion of what she likes and don’t like. It could be the server just bringing her favorite drink or appetizer without her having to order or ask.
This has even worked at coffee shops when I’ve arrived in advance with a ‘surprise’ such as a ‘Whatchamacallit’ candy bar. After we had drunk our drinks, dude came behind the counter with the candy bar on a tray and presented it to her.
Moral of the story…Great first impression using a little creativity trumps “We BALLLLINNNN’” on a first date everytime.
I definitely don’t think that men (nor women) should go ‘all out’ on a first date.
me either…save something for later!! it’s like throwing those sickening ass super sweet 16 parties…or immediately opening your freak bag the first time you have him over for cum-pany…WTF you gonna do next year if you went all out this year…there’s nothing to build up to if you put all your dating cards on the table on the first date…so again…don’t confuse CHEAP with THOUGHTFUL…
*cues up*
“The Honey” by Pimp C
Romance and being thoughtful trumps an expensive date for me everytime @ Monk. The candy bar coffe shop thing is hella cute; woulda made me smile.
I like nice resturants so when I ask for a date (yes I still date my husband) I always pay. It took him a long time to get use to it but he’s cool now.
“If the date was a dud and she invited me, it’s on her.”
being that i think i should always pay for the first couple, if i talked to the chick (who invited me out) on the phone and felt like it had serious dud potential, i’m not even gonna go.
I know right?! Mofos don’t talk on the phone before dates nowadays or what?
Right! Who goes out with total freakin strangers without a little phone/email convo first?
You gotta have some inital phone convo…other wise it’s gonna be a loooong evening.
ForReal…emails don’t count…I mean they count…as far as the exchange of information…but I need to hear a voice…a laugh…it makes everything more personal…I am a sucker for a MAN’s voice… speech, language, diction, tone/pitch and USAGE! Dallas cats talk like they have a mouth full of food and haven’t read anything that didn’t have pictures in it…I can’t stand a lazy mouthed man!!!
LOL..true, true. Diction and usage are really key to me. A man with no base in his voice isn’t too hot either. But I just need some communication to happen besides ‘what’s your number? see you saturday’ and the way people are talking it isn’t!
@ Goodeness~we truly are kindred spirits.
I love to hear a man’s voice, how he pronounces or mispronounces words, how deep or raspy his voice is, how he makes certain words roll off his tongue, and how he whispers EEEWWW LAWD!!!
“I am a sucker for a MAN’s voice… speech, language, diction, tone/pitch and USAGE!”
*doin’ the holy ghost two-step*
LOL Miss Patterson.
I get tickled every time my husband says ass in that deep bass pitch. He pronounces it ahhs. I tried for a long time to get him to say a-sah. I am the one with the European genes.
Yep—I wanna have a convo, hear your voice and make sure that you can understand my vocabulary.
If I say a big word I don’t want to have to explain what it means.
“Girl you talk Good!”
LMAO@ IH…
If you only know how many times I’ve heard that…ha!!!
Yeah and if you tell me i ‘talk really proper’ or ‘white’ then we know not to even waste our time going out! Though happily i haven’t heard that in a while. Now it’s just ‘are you from here? originally? you don’t sound like you’re from here’ LOL
ok so I shouldn’t have hung up on him when he told me that?
word… I use 5 dollar words in casual conversation…and I am asked where I’m from daily… “you don’t look/act/talk like you’re from the D lil mama”… (clearing throat) boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
“being that i think i should always pay for the first couple”
*catching the Holy Ghost*
a pimp named Slickback tellem. [Monk]
say it with me now, the whole thang:
A——–PIMP——-NAMED——–SLICKBACK
we sir are the last of a dying breed. LOL!
“*The key is not be a “trick daddy” trying to make an impression by flaunting whatever you have, but moreso make an impression by the thought and attentiveness that you put into it.”
According to three Siberian monks, Lil Wayne, and Dalai Ostrich:
“It ain’t trickin’ if you got it.”
A Pimp Named Pickemupnlayemlow
“It ain’t trickin’ if you got it.”
I was just thinking this. To the point I made earlier, if a dude is flossy on his own, he will be flossy on first, second, and forever.
Quick story:
Some years ago, my girl and I ran into two male friends at Stan’s (where they pour the strongest drink in DC). It wasn’t a date but three of us wanted to order wings. The fourth dude got up in arms refusing to eat food from a spot that’s “below street level.” Yeah, he said that! So we loaded up in his truck and he took us to a suitable spot. Why? Cus he has flossy, expensive tastes and his ass can easily afford FLOSSY. Now that I think about it, while we’ve never dated, he took me to my most expensive meal.
Broke and broke-ish people should stick with their own and avoid medium-pimping, pre-flossy, flossy, and extra flossy people.
“below street level.”
Throat punch on GP.
yeah…he might have even received a spleen kick from me. sh*t, i’m a guy who has a list on his fridge of when all the “wing nights” specials take place at different bars in the burgh.
i’m a big fan of the greasy spoon
Gotta love the 15 cent wing nights…lol!!!
*Broke and broke-ish people should stick with their own and avoid medium-pimping, pre-flossy, flossy, and extra flossy people.*
*wade in the water*
Nobody wants to hear it but I think it’s easier that way, everybody is more comfortable, and i think it goes for chicks and dudes alike.
“Nobody wants to hear it but I think it’s easier that way, everybody is more comfortable, and i think it goes for chicks and dudes alike.”
hmmm…i think, in the minds of most, this rule is limited to dudes. if this wasnt the case, broke chicks would never accept dates with wealthy cats
yeah, but i don’t think it’s a good strategy. if a broke chick is always going out with wealthy dudes, she’s always going to feel like a hood rat, never quite get comfortable with him, and always feel like she’s gotta be on her best behavior. Who always wants to feel awkward? Some chicks don’t care, but if I were in those shoes i would.
I was with you right up until….here:
if a broke chick is always going out with wealthy dudes, she’s always going to feel like a hood rat, never quite get comfortable with him, and always feel like she’s gotta be on her best behavior.
I feel you if you are actually a hood rat….but I know less than balling sisters who can hold their own in hood-less envioronments…and I know gutter chicks that have money…
“you can’t get Cristal with a Boone’s Farm mindsate” ~ phonte’ (LB nigga!)
no you wouldn’t take a girl with a lilac quick weave to the TUT exhibit at DMA, but broke doesn’t mean hood, ghetto or any other popular synonym…nah-mean?
True Miss G, i was being lazy with my vocab. I don’t necessarily mean broke per se, but i know you feel the sentiment i’m tryin to convey. It’s more of a mindset thing.
“Nobody wants to hear it but I think it’s easier that way, everybody is more comfortable, and i think it goes for chicks and dudes alike.”
Ha-haaa, but it won’t…
Co-sign…Stan’s does have some good, strong drinks. Their wings are good too for an underground spot.
“but broke doesn’t mean hood, ghetto or any other popular synonym…nah-mean?”
I agree!!!
The whole only date broke people sounds like a case of classism, which I’ve never been a fan of……
if anyone hasn’t they need to see this. FUN-E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9M89SCXA9Y
LOL!!
“Let us pray the pimp’s prayer…Lawd please pray for the soul of this b*tch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong Lord so that she might learn a ho’s place. Amen!”
yeah Hedo that’s some funny shit right? I’m going to buy the box set if it’s available when i get the chance. i can tell who’s at corporate and who’s not. some peoples got youtube blocked by the Draconian Thought Police. [well hell they're supposed to be working anyway.] wait till they get home and see that shit though Hedo. CTFU i promise.
@ genius~I love working for the Academe: nothing is blocked in the name of pursuing an education. LOVE IT!
well the pink ribbon plantation ain’t having it!! and I should be working…but…I’m not…(shrugging)
I rather go dutch on the first date..because if your not feeling the guy/girl..u can just chalk it up as a meal and mash out.. no harm, no foul!
Now if the brotha asks me out again.. then he’s obligated to pay..and vice versa.
Great first date option- A Farmers Market : Sometimes they have music, wine tasting and food all for cheap..in one place…cant beat that!
oh and if you get there early u can pick up a $3.00 bouquet of flowers * for the men* lol
have to remember that!!!
**taking notes**
with me, i ain’t into all the balling out to impress someone!! it makes no sense to do that when a first date isn’t guaranteed to go any further than the first date!! i’m not saying that i’m expecting to get anything from the first date other than good conversation, but the promise of a 10th date would be nice if i were shelling out $50-$100 per person for the first date!!
now i am a firm believer of the one initiating the date be the one who covers the financial cost of the date!! its only right and fair!! it all boils down to being considerate and understanding the financial situation of the other person involved!! while i wouldn’t put mcdonald’s on the top of my list for the first date, i wouldn’t have bacchanalia on top either and hopefully, my date wouldn’t be expecting it!! if you call me up and say why don’t we go out to dinner, i’m assuming that you are inviting me to join you and you have the expenses (although i will always have enough for my meal) to cover the check when it comes!! i wouldn’t invite you out somewhere and make you cover the meal without knowing if you have the means to cover it, so a woman shouldn’t do it to me!!
as a grown ass man, i have the resources to provide for me and to enjoy the comforts and the spoils my resources entitle me to!! Now if i wish to take a woman out by utilizing my resources, then that is my prerogative!! however, if and when i do ask for a woman to accompany me on a date, it is my choice as to where we go and how much we spend seeing that it is my money we are spending!! and while i am not cheap nor a spendthrift, i don’t wish to be taken advantage of my kindness and willingness to splurge a little!!! i wouldn’t do that to you!!
now whether a man or woman is behind the 8-ball when it comes to their finances doesn’t necessarily mean that they cant date or shouldn’t date or that we shouldn’t be accepting of the offer made by them!! there could be many factors as to why they don’t have the funds on hand as readily as you would hope they did!! unexpected and costly events arise without notice, which can prevent people from enjoying their finances like they want to!! if a pipe burst and i have to call the plumber and it cost me a considerable amount of the monies i have saved up in the disposable and emergency columns of my budget, then don’t expect me to really be asking you out and if i do want to enjoy your company then be prepared to enjoy a night at a place that won’t put me in the red!! again, it won’t be burger king, but it won’t be the atlanta fish market either!! i may just order a pizza and rent some movies or pull out the scrabble board and pop open some vino!! it may not be the 5 star treatment, but aren’t we supposed to be getting to know each other?? this gives us an opportunity to talk without the embarrassment of the spinach or chicken stuck in between the teeth!! there is always something better than trying to show off and break the bank in hopes it makes you look better in the eyes of the object of your affection!!
as for me, it doesn’t matter how much i spend on a first date!! if the personalities don’t click, then the date is a dud, regardless of the price!! some lessons come with expensive price tags, but the key is to learn the lesson and try not to repeat!!
oh, i almost forgot!! i’m always up for dutch!! it means that i don’t have to put out at the end of the night!!
“some lessons come with expensive price tags, but the key is to learn the lesson and try not to repeat!!”
***”everythings alright now” (one of the songs in “jesus christ superstar. this will be a theme for the day, btw)***
Is there a distinct difference between going dutch (you paying only for what you ate) and splitting the check (just splitting the final bill 50/50)?
I actually think there is. I don’t have a problem splitting the tab 50/50, but I feel like Dutch is going out of the way to be like “naw, i didn’t order your appetizer, so YOU pay for THAT. I am cool on just my entree.” Thoughts?
I also like when I offer to pay, the guy still throws in a 20 or something, just to be nice.
nothing against going dutch or half on the bill, but if i know my expenses at that moment aren’t right where i want them to be (for whatever reason) and i only order a $10 salad and you order a $35 meal and $20 worth of wine, then half on the bill seems a little unfair!! i’m not saying make an itemized listing of all purchases, but this might be a time we go 30/70 or 40/60 instead of the 50/50!! and again, i don’t have to worry about putting out at the end of the night!!
there is a difference, but it’s what you make of it!!
usually when a woman offers to pay, i’ll take the tip or something like that!! but what is so funny to me is that in this world of independent women, i have been asked why wouldn’t i allow them to pay and then get put on nookie punishment when i let them!! and it has happened to other guys i know so it wasn’t just me!! explain to me why that happens??
i have been asked why wouldn’t i allow them to pay and then get put on nookie punishment when i let them!!
These chicks are crazy. If you offer to pay after I try to pay, I always let the dude pay and I don’t get mad about it.
Wow.
“I also like when I offer to pay, the guy still throws in a 20 or something, just to be nice.”
ummm…yeah. i like random 20 dollar bills being thrown at me too
Champ fires back at Liz: “ummm…yeah. i like random 20 dollar bills being thrown at me too.”
good luck with that Champ and if t happens 8.75 times out of 10 it’s an empty gesture. you were supposed to say: that’s ok i got it. …and without any hesitation she pulls it back. [thinking in her head he better had gotten it right hmmm] most women have major fuc*ing entitlement issues most of the time. 8.987 times out of 10 to be dam near exact. heh heh heh (inhales) whooooo!
Genius have you ever had a woman ask you out and offer to pay? Did you insist on paying or did you allow her to get the bill? Would it make you uncomfortable to let her pay? Honest questions.
Nut interviews the khan:
Q: Genius have you ever had a woman ask you out and offer to pay?
A: Yes both
Q:Did you insist on paying?
A: on a very few ocassions.
Q: …or did you allow her to get the bill?
A: most of the time i allowed her to pay on these comparitively few ocassions. {compared to the times i’ve asked and paid}
Q: Would it make you uncomfortable to let her pay?
A: no not really but it depends on who she was and the surrounding circumstances. (i know, i know few women have this problem if thy’ve already decided to go on the date) …and like my home Giovanni the Don said: just cause you pay for a couple of meals doesn’t mean i’m gonna throw that dic*. (no wink) it’s gonna take more than a fancy assed meal to ride THE SCREAM MACHINE!
it’s been fun but if you’ll excuse me i have a spaceship to catch. direct any other questions to my publicist.
genius khan has left the planet.
I agree…it’s usually an empty gesture…I ain’t even gonna offer to pay for the water if I know I don’t really want to…that’s ridiculous!
LOL! u sir better watch ur insinuations…
“LOL! u sir better watch ur insinuations…”
is this a threat?
* I agree that whoever asks on a first date pays. And i don’t ask men on dates. I always have money and offer to contribute in case he feels differently than i do, however. But I also know if our views differ on this point, there is no need for a second date.
* I think whoever does the asking gets to choose the activity. It’s nice to get input, but it’s the guys (or askers) final call.
*It’s hard to get to know people when they aren’t comfortable so any first date situation that engenders discomfort (too cheap or too expensive) is bad.
“* I think whoever does the asking gets to choose the activity. It’s nice to get input, but it’s the guys (or askers) final call.”
*** “Gethsemane(I Only Want To Say)”***
Man should pay for at least the first three. And from there the initiator should pay or at least be prepared to do so. You should wing it from there. Mutual matches can go dutch.
I have issues of indecisiveness with some of this entry. I agree with being cheap will leave a bad taste not only in your dates mouth but also their perceptive reservoir. And one surefire way to avoid that is by staying in your league. Dating with common pursuit.
Growing up I was told constantly to live within my means. That goes for dating also. Someone mentioned yesterday, I think it was on here, about when a guy gets with a woman just to find out her style was not her own. She really can’t afford the representative that went before her. Face value can be the devil. Now does that mean she shouldn’t date at all? No it doesn’t. It simply means she needs to be herself and date within her means.
I said all of that to say when you lead with a $$$ date you only come out looking like a simpleton when you can’t maintain. If you got a $50 pocket get yourself a $50 date.
I don’t think there is such thing as not being financially capable of dating. That’s just unfair. There is a guy out there that will never see $20 an hour as long a he lives. But he deserves to be loved also. Not every one can work on Wall Street. So date and mate accordingly.
Now on the real cheapskates…yeah cheap is a very bad look.
And Champ my friend Doc says to tell you she will see your “wang in the mouth” with a “why did I just spend the last three minutes dreaming I was sucking out the core of a kiwi?”, and raise you a “and why is my mouth sticky” for you men folks that fail to follow thru.
“And Champ my friend Doc says to tell you she will see your “wang in the mouth” with a “why did I just spend the last three minutes dreaming I was sucking out the core of a kiwi?”, and raise you a “and why is my mouth sticky” for you men folks that fail to follow thru.”
hey, there are worse things that can happen than waking up with a vajayjay in your mouth, lol
Raqui spells it out:
“…And one surefire way to avoid that [cheap dates leaving a bad taste in your mouth and fronting skewing a daters perception of you] is by staying in your league. …So date and mate accordingly.”
women date up all the time and many times continue with that person or others [out of their league FINANCIALLYand otherwise] without the stigma that a male does. if i HAD TO bet with my life, i would say you as a woman have done so a time or eleventeen.
speak ye to the double standard that makes it more tolerable for a woman to date up [from the womans side] than a man who attempts to date up while dating out of his league. (FINANCIALLY especially)
at the end of the night, when all dates and monies have been tallied and time shall be no more:
all dates are cheap dates for women. [their purses and pocketbooks]
genius khan has left the planet…
Ya know, this is a very true sentiment. One thing I took from the Hostess initial comment was that dating within your means is a onesided bet. That only works for men. Since most women don’t really pay for shit anyway on initial dates, what is within her means anyway?
A dude might blow his was (lol) on a chick he doesnt even get a second shot with and for the chick, she got a night out on the town at a nice restaurant, etc. She got culture and he got a wave goodbye.
Brothas Against the Unnecessary Culturizing of Broke Women or
BAUCBW
And that’s why you shouldn’t spend $$$ on a woman you are just getting to know.
Why do men put yourselves through that? There are more to impress than with the cost of the outing.
I laugh at guys talking about they spend $200-$300 on first dates just to come up empty. $250/date times 7 first dates a year = Sucker. LOL (just kidding)
But yeah, creativity and excitement does count.
say that good shit Raqi…first dates are “getting to know you” dates… I can get to know you without taking your ass to the symphony…shit…the museum (except the TUT exhibit) is usually free…
culture these!
(I think I would make an AESOME dude!)
Panama we got whittle that acronym down.
BAUCBW
Brothas Against the Unnecessary Culturizing of Broke Women
Brothers Against the Unecessary Caking of Ho’s.
BAUCH
i don’t know ladies and gentlemen help us out here….
while we think: story.
i’ve got a good friend who is very competitve. i’ve always been a light weight magnet when it comes to the ladys and he has gone thru a coupla failed marriages while i was chillin. so he just finished school and has a high paying job putting people to sleep before surgery. well recently we went out and this girl and i were checking for each other and before i could finish surveying the room and get a drink he picks up on the rhythm i’m catching and goes over and buys her and her girl a drink. anyways the night rolls on, he still cakingem. 3rd drink the chick [fine lil slimmy] walks up to the crowded bar area right next to where i’m sitting and waits to buy a drink. [she right in my face] so i kinda enclose her between my legs and i’m checking the vine right and when the waiter brings the drink she starts fumbling in her pocketbook unfolding, digging, looking…. she finally scrapes up enuf and takes a sip. i’m still watching [she right in my space] so she asks; where u from? A: earth. what you do etc.
well the convo goes on and i tell her where i’ll probably be on the morrow and maybe she wants to meet me and have a drink. she snaps screaming you didn’t buy my drink just now so no i wont blah blah blah blah womp womp womp. im’like dam this psycho bitch expected me to pay for her drink. it suprised me although it shouldn’t have.
anyways i was where i said i was going to be the next day taking my supper and look who shows up. she gave one of the best smoothies i’ve had in a while. no buying drinks, caking nothing. i love it when this happens.
a few things here. a false expectation and sense of entitlement. (somethings we should expect and be entitled to but)
…and my homey cake master ice, who was there too had to bear witness to strength of my pimp hand. [metaphorically speaking]
first of all that girl is crazy. secondly “she gave one of the best smoothies i’ve had in a while” – does a smoothie mean what i think it means. if so, dayem! wtf? in the restaurant or back at your crib?
Was the smoothie in the bathroom?
I’m just curious. LMAO!!!
So…the moral of the story is, don’t spend change when you can get it for free.
*cues up* Tela “Sho Nuff”
the smoothie took place in the car on the way to the honeycomb hideout and thats where the smashing took place. “getting chose” [especially by a badass chick] has happened to most men every once and again and it comes with lil to no effort. [by definition] she’s still a volunteer staffer till this day and i can see in my homies eyes the amazement when he happens to come over and she’s here. its equivalent to a veritable hattrick in hockey. …hole in one, triple double.
that night i earned a certificate in shagging. LOL!
honeycomb hideout
I know too many people who use this term.
LMAO
@genius khan…why did this make me want to coem see you? lol you are still one of my favorites…I read this…I loved this…damn…(big grin) that’s all I got…
Genius something about your writing seems extremely familiar. The things you say and how you say them. I have read you posting under a different name on another blog that I read.
Raqui you’ve felt my spirit before on another blog. do tell luv? i do from time to time crash other sites. …but what site and what other name???
yeah the broad was nuts for goign bad on you for not buying a drink…wtf? you shouldn’t have let her anywhere near your milkshake…but as a man…turning down head, from a “badass” chick is not an option…ever! and I can appreciate that…. (wink)
yeah it’s apparently all about the conquest…
glad you enjoyed the read cause i enjoyed the write. wink right back at ya soft ass goody good.
Genius the thing with double standards is you got to get in where you fit in. See you would have never found me trying to date (fluck) like a man. There are things men can get away with and even be crowned for that we women will be scoffed at for and come very close to being stoned in the village courtyard.
Life is what it tis. LOL We can’t help it.
And yes I have dated up. And out. And down.
“Genius the thing with double standards is you got to get in where you fit in. See you would have never found me trying to date (fluck) like a man. There are things men can get away with and even be crowned for that we women will be scoffed at for and come very close to being stoned in the village courtyard.”
i agree.
This goes back to the statement I made the other day.
Ninjas be out here in the streets raising the price of pu$$y
There is no need to spend a lot of money on a chick you don’t even know. BBD warned us all about a big butt and a smile and baby I am sorry butt hat does not get you a dinner at Ruth’s Chris.
I am all about inexpensive dates. Not because I don’t have the money moreso because I don’t know your a$$ so I am not willing to make a big investment in the getting to know you phase early in the game. You got show me a little personality and dare I say interest before I pull out some real money. There are plenty of inexpensive diggs in most mid to large size cities that will allow for an intimate conversation without breaking the bank.
Oh and @ Hostess
“Another popular casue of big-spender-itis is that a lot of dudes KNOW they have no personality use the expensive date as subterfuge. WARNING: This only works on women who aren’t used to nice things. Women who are used to nice things won’t be moistened by a big dinner bill if it doesn’t come with a side of great personality and/or good looks.”
*HIGH FIVE!*
This is so true. Chicks need to beware of the ninja dropping major coin early on. I doubt if he has much more to offer than that.
Dropping major coinage on a first date…not impressed. I’m actually watching you very closely to see if you really are able to roll like that, or if you’re trying to hide other less than desirable “attributes”
“There are plenty of inexpensive diggs in most mid to large size cities that will allow for an intimate conversation without breaking the bank.”
this is true. cats gotta do the research
“Chicks need to beware of the ninja dropping major coin early on. I doubt if he has much more to offer than that.”
True. Dudes that lead with the ‘gold’ get ‘dug’. And chicks that lead with the a$$ get f*cked. smh at all the people that set themselves up like this and then get mad when it works.
Chicks need to beware of the ninja dropping major coin early on. I doubt if he has much more to offer than that.
and he probably has a delusional “daddy” complex too! (just my experience)
Maybe I’m just old school, but the man ALWAYS pays for the first two dates, regardless of who asks (this is also assuming the dates go relatively well.) This is non-negotiable.
As far as cheap first dates, I just can’t. I live at home. I have no excuse for not being able to pay for a nice dinner or two.
“As far as cheap first dates, I just can’t. I live at home. I have no excuse for not being able to pay for a nice dinner or two.”
yeah. back when i lived with my parents, i’d regularly do fish market or cheesecake factory first dates. now its “hey, lets meet at borders. they have the best hot chocolate”
LMAO. N*gga you stupid!
If I shell out, she’d better put out.
Like my grandma say…
P ain’t free.
LOL.
You gotta pay to play!
Ummmmm rrrriiiiigggggghhhhhttttttt…………..
^^^^
Did you just do the Nipsey Russell ala Wildcats?
*dying*
i’m just gonna give you props for your screenname, a homage to the best numbers man of all time
does the man always pay?
If you’ve asked me out, yes I expect you to pay. Especially if it’s a first date. If we continue to date, I will eventually start asking you to do things and therefore I will pay for the outings that I suggest. I will still expect you to pay for most of the dates though.
does the financial responsibility lie with the person who set the date? Most of the time, yes.
dutch dating, yea or nay? If I’m going dutch, we are obviously friends. Yes you may be a male and we’re going to breakfast/lunch/dinner, but if I’m doing in my pocket after I eat—most likely we are friends, and friends we will stay.
should a broke adult ever ask anybody out? Depends on how creative you are.
do cheap first dates work? It can—be it coffee or just hooking up at an ice cream shop to talk, it could work. The point is not to make it look like a cheap date. There is a fine line…LMAO
should a broke dude (or chick) even bother dating? Yes—broke chicks gotta eat. CTFU
would a great first date make you reconsider romance with an otherwise mediocre potential mate, or is this question a giant oxymoron? IDK—this hasn’t happened yet.
“should a broke dude (or chick) even bother dating? Yes—broke chicks gotta eat.”
you hafta admit though, “broke dudes” and “broke chicks” are apples and oranges
miss t-lee’s edict: “If we continue to date, I will eventually start asking you to do things and therefore I will pay for the outings that I suggest. I will still expect you to pay for most of the dates though.”
so you expect men to do most of the asking?
if so, (assuming you both continue whatever-ing each other) how much more should he asking for your liking? (percentage estimate please %)
I believe that the man should ask the woman out at least for the 1st couple of dates. It lets me know that you’re interested in me and you’re wanting to spend the time.
If I ask you out, you already know I want to spend time with you.
I guess a better way of explaining it would be if I see something interesting that I would like to do ( museum exhibit, concert or something) and it was out of the blue, say like tomorrow, I would ask if he wanted to go and I would get the tickets.
Since you asked for a percentage, I’m gonna go with 72%.
72% seems reasonable t-lee. probably wouldn’t even NEED to do that if i felt you were genuine. it’s the heir of entitlement that stinks in my nose. [you've smelled this attitude or given it before, we all have] with me, humility in dating and a willingness to genuinely roll princely or pauper-ish will make me determined to give you my best. [that doesen't NECESSARILY mean spending wildly] face it you’re already with me, im with you; how fly is that!
“If I’m going dutch, we are obviously friends. ”
Huh? Are you speaking first date, 15th date or any date?
Unless I ask you out, this would be any date.
“Unless I ask you out, this would be any date”
even with a bf?
You didn’t say bf.
You said dates and dating.
This is a little different.
If it’s a boyfriend—things change.
And what may I ask will be your role in that type of dating relationship? To just show up and look pretty? You know pretty gets to be common after a while.
“To just show up and look pretty? ”
Exactly.
::snicker::
I dont think there should be any rule at all, people need to do whatever they feel comfortable doing. Assess the situation and respond accordingly. The girl I’m currently seeing paid for every date we went on for the first couple of months, because she knew I was laid off when she met me. She decided I was worth getting to know and so she shouldered the responsibility. Where most women would run, she rode out for me and that showed me that I wasnt dealing with a run-of-the-mill woman.
“The girl I’m currently seeing paid for every date we went on for the first couple of months, because she knew I was laid off when she met me. She decided I was worth getting to know and so she shouldered the responsibility. Where most women would run, she rode out for me and that showed me that I wasnt dealing with a run-of-the-mill woman.”
sounds like you found a keeper
Yep, which would be great if I was ready to settle down…
*smh*
Ain’t that a chocolate chip cookie.
“Yep, which would be great if I was ready to settle down…”
yeah. i know the feeling.
LOL I hope you know that you have just ruined her generous spirit for all men after you. Sheesh. lol
(the set up)…champ ~ sounds like you found a keeper
(the punchline)…NMH ~ Yep, which would be great if I was ready to settle down…
(the truth)… queen ~I hope you know that you have just ruined her generous spirit for all men after you.
***noah AND the ark***
Naw, that’s some bullsh*t!!!
She decided I was worth getting to know and so she shouldered the responsibility. Where most women would run, she rode out for me and that showed me that I wasnt dealing with a run-of-the-mill woman.
You right, you right there were no heros in this scenario. Rode it out for you indeed!
yep. ditto.
“Maybe I’m just old school, but the man ALWAYS pays for the first two dates, regardless of who asks (this is also assuming the dates go relatively well.) This is non-negotiable. ”
I’m old school as well, which means that I DON’T ask men on first dates. I will initiate convo with him, but I feel that asking HIM doesn’t really indicate his level of interest. Plus, I’d be wondering if he agreed just to “get out of the house” so to speak. Everyone I’ve ever dated indicated THEIR interest first, shy or not. So of course, they’ve paid for the date. I, of course, would offer to put SOMETHING on it, but the decent ones told me not to even think about it.
As far as the cost of the date, I think $50-70 dollars is not unreasonable for a first date (dinner, maybe drinks, a movie, etc.) If we went to a gallery opening or other cultural event, cost is not an issue-creativity is. After we’ve established mutual interest and gone out a few times, there is no problem with the person initiating the outing (male or female) paying for expenses. This at least should show that both parties have some sort of means (watch if they pay with credit, though).
At this stage in the game for me, I’m not one for nonsense. I roll on a certain level and I expect the man to roll on a similar level. If he doesn’t, we won’t work, and there’s no need to be bothered. I prefer to be single, always have money, and enjoy myself rather than coupled up and broke any day.
“I prefer to be single, always have money, and enjoy myself rather than coupled up and broke any day.”
i was with you up until this line. what does this have to do with dating?
Probably not relevant to the convo at hand…but I tend to run ahead in my thought processes. But I’ll expound on what I mean. If you date someone long enough, one or both parties will start to believe/assume that you are an “item”. When that happens, certain other things come into play. If one person can’t afford to “pay and play”, so to speak, then the other feels “trapped” within certain limitations. For instance, last week I was talking with my ex’s wife. She told me a story about the first year they dated, where there were supposed to go to Atlanta together. He claimed he would buy the plane tix. However, at the time, he was barely able to pay his bills…so of course he didn’t buy the tickets. When she found out, she was po’ed…because she’d already taken time off and everything. So in essence, he couldn’t “pay to play”. She forgave him (that in itself is another story) but that would have been a wrap for me. So (yes, I’m long-winded) that is where I was going with that statement. I like to travel, so I’d want someone who could afford to do the same. If he can’t, no need to bother, because that means he can’t share a major interest of mine. And I’d rather find this out early on, than later down the road.
“I like to travel, so I’d want someone who could afford to do the same. ”
i mean, if something like traveling frequently is that important, why cant you do it yourself? just tell him “hey, i’ll be in alaska this weekend. see ya when i get back, babe”
actually, nevermind, lol. that shit wouldnt work
i don’t have a problem with someone not being able to afford to travel, just don’t front like you’re gonna take me somewhere and then come up short. this inevitably turns into an argument where i look like the one who has high expectations, when in fact HE was the one frontin’ like his name was p-diddy when he’s really more like craig mack. it’s says a lot about a dude when he tries to impress a woman with false promises…a lot!
does the man always pay?
No, but most of the time.
does the financial responsibility lie with the person who set the date? – Not necessarily. But when I do plan a date (which doesn’t happen early on) I prepare to pay but the guy usually does anyway.
dutch dating, yea or nay?
Generally I think one person should pay for the date. Then the other person could pay for the next one, etc. I prefer that to dutch for the most part. Sort of related to this – I find it hilarious that guys who want to go dutch are usually the ones asking if I know how to cook from jump. Um, if women are supposed know how to cook then men are supposed to pay for dates, jackass. NEXT.
should a broke adult ever ask anybody out?
A perpetually broke adult shouldn’t ask ME out. If you’re just having a tough situation right now, that’s another story. Unless you’re resourceful and fun enough to plan low-cost or free dates, sit your azz out of the dating game until your money sitch improves.
should a broke adult ever ask anybody out?
“A perpetually broke adult shouldn’t ask ME out. If you’re just having a tough situation right now, that’s another story. Unless you’re resourceful and fun enough to plan low-cost or free dates, sit your azz out of the dating game until your money sitch improves.”
**Bedside Baptist**
**Bedside Baptist**
**crying**
Why all the attention on how much the date cost? What about quality dates? Can we get a poll going? What was the best cheap/inexpensive date you’ve ever had?
Mine would be this: first dinner at the park, dusk picnic with candles he cooked. Then we went to watch his friend finish a Mural (which was dope because there was music and other people out there to socialize. I got to meet his friends). Then he pulled out a projector and we watched Breakin on the wall outside (yes I said breakin. I like that movie bump whatcha heard). I liked that date mainly because he was so prepared. He had everything even down to the bug spray.
Needless to say, I like the outdoors and he ran with that. Being an attentive date trumps a baller everytime.
“What about quality dates? Can we get a poll going? What was the best cheap/inexpensive date you’ve ever had?”
this might be a future entry.
shit, it might be tommorrows, lol
shit, it might be tommorrows, lol
Might as well save it for tomorrow.
the trick with dating while broke is to be creative. ethnic food and a museum trip or gallery crawl = a bomb low-budget first date. if a dude was like, let’s hit this indian/ethiopian/korean/vietnamese/nigerian spot on buford highway, then hit the high museum i’d be smitten.
(actually, i’d be like “um, who’s driving? those spots are kind of far and gas is high. in fact, i know of a korean spot right by the doraville MARTA station and we can take the train to midtown.”)
whats wrong with non-ethnic food? steak and eggs can’t be sexy?
At 2am, yes…at 7pm…hayle naw.
Hmm…really? So you mean you shouldn’t intentionally eat that shit if other venues are open?
What if you live in DC where there’s a carryout on every corner? And their steak and cheese joints are bomb? Like Sunny’s on Rhode Island Ave in NE??
Or the Eddie Leonard’s on Good Hope Rd in SE (RIP). That stuff is good at any time of day!
“At 2am, yes…at 7pm…hayle naw.”
this reply deeply saddens me
me too
I think its just more along the lines of:
$15 for indian food = full meals
$15 for “american” food = tourist trap status ass ok ass meals
if the food is cheap but still delicious (im assuming panama’s list has delicious grub).. then who cares? shes high on the endorphins anyway. but you have to compensate the cheap for delicious.. its always a compensation.
exactly jess. and again: the creativity quotient. applebees = same ol’. two steaming bowls of bibimbap = kind of different (unless your date is korean).
now if you did steak and cheese sandwiches, you need to plan a picnic in the park followed by a photo walk or a foreign film or dirty madlibs or something … lol. or maybe do hot dogs and roller derby.
my point is that if you can’t/won’t impress with cash, then you need to impress with originality, taste, or knowledge.
bibimbap…yum! today’s post has made me so HONGRY!
Dayummm.. I knew i should’ve read this before I went to bed. Cheap dates are possible, and can be good. I know single dad’s and divorced peeps who do this all the time. I actually suggested to a friend last week to have a saturday lunch date. I suggested a sandwich shop, ie. potbelly or a good deli. I see the 21-35′ers out at the bowling alley, the zoo, putt-putt golf, and and even hanging out eating ice cream. There are soo many places you can go if you get creative. Two broke people are two broke people even if they aren’t on a date. It’s the thought that counts, and if ya can’t get past the brotha being practical then she might wanna think about someone else.
“I suggested a sandwich shop, ie. potbelly or a good deli. ”
apparently it has to be an ethnic sandwich shop though
I don’t mind.. Order me up a pork ear sandwich and some hot sauce. Or even a hot link..I’m all over that.
” pork ear sandwich ”
I had never seen one of these until May when I went to Louisiana. We went to some off the beaten path place and we went in and it was taped to the menu.
Pig Ear Sandwich $1.00.
My response.
Wow.
I see the 21-35′ers out at the bowling alley, the zoo, putt-putt golf, and and even hanging out eating ice cream.
you ain’t never lied…I love the summer sun…and in TX we eat sno-cones all summer long…there is one by my house that doesn’t close until 11pm…I LOVE to walk over there…get a spiderman/starbusrt cone and walk (and talk) to the park on a beautiful MIC CITY summer day! and sno-cones are like 3 bux for a 32 oz!
goody! let’s go putt-putt golf! i’m silly, that just took me back to 2nd grade.
YAY!! the ones down here have go carts and batting cages and er-thang!!!!
I am with you on this one Good. We have a place in ATlanta called Malibu Grand Prix and I love it. Batting Cage, putt putt golf, go karts and Arcade games. Thats the shit to me. I love being a kid and its relaxing (outside of the kids running around) but I love kids so it doesnt bother me.
But you dont have to spend a butt load of cash on a date. Like Katt Williams said “WITH THE PRICE OF GAS NINJA”.
A picnic at the park is even cheaper and romantic. Come on. Atlanta has screen on the green. Talk about free.
I love Malibu Utc!!!!! Screen on the green was super wack this year. Who wants to see Big Mama’s House in the park? I can watch that shit on Peachtree TV.
Maybe it’s just me, I was so disappointed. ‘The Wiz’ last year was off the chain.
My perception of what constitutes a date has been changing. I personally no longer go for the typical restaurant type date. Instead, what I’ve been trying to do for dates is to take the person along with something that is more of interest to me – whether it is a particular movie or theater production, or inviting someone to some rare bookstore to see if I can find more books by John Bellairs. That’s not to say I don’t do the traditional date stuff too, but I’m leaning towards a lot more variety than that.
That being said, so what really constitutes a “cheap” date? Is a date cheap because I didn’t have to spend a lot of money for us to have a great time or is it cheap because I took you to a cheap version of a traditional dating venue?
If we’re both really into Shakespeare and I find out about something going on somewhere really cool that we’d both (on our own) probably goto that turns out to be cheap (free), is what’s really in the girl’s mind afterwards, “Damn, kamakula really is tightfisted with a buck”? I’d venture the answer is no.
I think the “cheap” date occurs when both parties go out somewhere with the thought that it’s going to be one. If I’m out having fun, I don’t necessarily think about how much money I’m spending (or not). I think if someone is genuinely having as much fun, both as a result of the activity and as well as from enjoying my presence, the question of whether or not the date was cheap would not even come up.
“If I’m out having fun, I don’t necessarily think about how much money I’m spending (or not). I think if someone is genuinely having as much fun, both as a result of the activity and as well as from enjoying my presence, the question of whether or not the date was cheap would not even come up.”
good point
I don’t care about how much a guy spends on a date, I’m more interested in the quality of the guy. We can just go for coffee and I’ll be happy as long as we have great conversations and great chemistry. I’m seeing a guy now that’s going through a bad financial time because of the worse economy we live in now. Last weekend, we spent the day at the beach and had a great time. We only spent around $4 on ice cream.
@ Leila that’s what I’m talkin about. Don’t judge a good guy off what kind of $$ he spends on the date.
this is so random, but your screen name just reminded me of this joint called “Leila’s Fine Food Cafe” in Atlanta right near Morehouse. It’s closed now…but this one guy i dated used to take me there all the time…it was good and greazzy!! baked chicken, mac &cheese, sweet lemonade havin’ goodness! Attempt to tie in to today’s topic: it was good date food for $5/$6 and everybody had itis and a smile. good times, good times.
am i the only person that has more fun sitting on park steps with my date the first day than eating, drinking, etc? eating hot dogs and shit. Maybe its because i grew up poor, but people watching makes for more fluid conversation than candlelight and each others eyes
“am i the only person that has more fun sitting on park steps with my date the first day than eating, drinking, etc? eating hot dogs and shit. ”
you’re not
JESS I feel you…I grew up waaaaay below the poverty line…I delight in the little things…I can tell if you are not on my page more quickly if we keep it simple…all the bells and whistles drown out the sound of the truth…
it doesn’t take much to make a happy person, happy!
jess you’re on point. this would be a good starting point simple and if it bounced to somewhere else for a bite so be it.
salute!
the topic of who pays and where we go has never been an issue for me. from the time i was in college until now i’ve done my share of footing the bill and i’ve dated many a broke brothas. so, as long as creativity is in the mix i’m a happy camper. however, i have learned from elders that the old school approach (first 3 dates) does let you know who is just trying to hit it and who might (just might) be trying to get to know you. alot of guys just date bcuz they’re bored and want some ass after a meal.
For me, fancy restaurants are too much pressure anyway. let’s save that for something really special or rather for SOMEONE really special. if anything helps me to determine who is really bringing IT it’s chivalry, good conversation and a compliment about how good i look (smile). i’ve never been impressed with the trick daddys bcuz as my grandmother used to say ‘n*gga, do you have a savings account?’ folks who are responsible with their money is way sexier than droppin a 100 bones on one night. think about it, back in the day when all our people had were blue collar jobs and barely a h.s. diploma do you think they were trippin’ about this nonsense? no! (or at least i hope not) they went to the movie show for 25 cents, the ice cream parlor, they made out in the park or the juke joint and everybody was happy. let’s all go back in time and get our lovin’ on at the juke joint.
***damnit to hell vsb! i’m disabling my internet after this, this site is crack! back to work!****
*if anything helps me to determine who is really bringing IT it’s chivalry, good conversation and a compliment about how good i look (smile).*
Couldn’t agree more. chivalry is hot.
*think about it, back in the day when all our people had were blue collar jobs and barely a h.s. diploma do you think they were trippin’ about this nonsense? no! (or at least i hope not)*
Actually, yeah, i do think people were trippin. The criteria may have been different, but this is just how people roll- class issues aren’t new or unique to us.
i feel ya…the more things change the more they stay the same. but my grandpa was broke (youngest of 8 kids) i think he only had one pair of shoes and he was deaf in one ear, but he swooned the sh*t out of my grandma with 2 quarters and a smile, and she was sprung like muhfuggah. they were married for 58 years until she passed away.
That story makes me smile.
Thats so sweet!
Dom, its khan here. my pops doesn’t have to teach me how to treat a lady. …and I don’t always open car doors for a woman and no i don’t treat every woman I took on a 1st date the exact same way I would a wife. …that doesn’t mean I treated them shabbily either or with less than gentlemanly courtesy. but just because I wore a White shirt didn’t make me personal valet or a hand and foot servant. and just because my car is yellow don’t mean its a cab. and just because I’m hospitable don’t mean I am a welcome mat. what irks me is an heir and attitude of haughty entitlement burning the hair in my nostrils.
“lovin’ on at the juke joint. ”
this will be the offical name of the first vsb.com bbq
So the question becomes, whats the magic number? At some point a relationship matures past the “Yeah Baby I’m totally into Eric Jerome Dickey novels” stage. So once you’ve REALLY gotten to know each other(and you’re still interested in breaking bread), what percentage of the time should a man reach for that little leather folder? 50%? 90%?
“At some point a relationship matures past the “Yeah Baby I’m totally into Eric Jerome Dickey novels” stage.”
Please note after a statement like this is made a relationship is not maturing with me. lol! I think in a relationship the rules are different. But seriously, when you’re actually “with” someone it should be 50/50 and it doesn’t have to be a wine & dine situation. We should still go out (bcuz being the down-low gf doesn’t fly with me) but that should also be the time when things get really creative i.e.) use your imagination. There’s a ton of free sh*t to do in every city. [ok, i'm really done now]
“But seriously, when you’re actually “with” someone it should be 50/50 and it doesn’t have to be a wine & dine situation. ”
***”whats the buzz, tell me what happening”***
Lets be honest though, the 50/50 date split is a rarity. And even when you find a woman who’s willing, her wallet only springs into action the 50% of the time when our meal is presented in a paper bag.
After the first date I always make an offer to split the bill or pay the tip. I only offer once per date so once you tell me no we are all set till the next date.
the 50% of the time when our meal is presented in a paper bag— you’re hilarious! this made me laugh out loud. but anyway, i guess i am that rarity.
“…when you find a woman who’s willing, her wallet only springs into action the 50% of the time when our meal is presented in a paper bag.”
you Capitalist Pig! LOL!
lubbs the name. with your commentary i can see you don’t care about pissing women off either.
Boy I sure am happy I’m married, and met my wife in college! Dude if Chilis and Friday’s is too cheap in today’s dating market of 4 dollar gas, lay-offs, downsizings, and chapter 13s then if I was single I would just date my hand. Either that or after the first date we would have to do the chill at home thing or sumthin’. Do women realize that a one night date at a nice restaurant with drinks could start to approach 125? If dude is even making 40K (which is doing well in the southeast) That’s like 10% of take home pay for ONE NIGHT! Dude is bring his lunch to work for the next 2 weeks on some peanut butter and jelly type steez. I’m all for taking the woman out somewhere nice but if you ain’t feeling a 25 dollar dinner then I wounldn’t be feeling you
“Do women realize that a one night date at a nice restaurant with drinks could start to approach 125? If dude is even making 40K (which is doing well in the southeast) That’s like 10% of take home pay for ONE NIGHT”
i really dont think many of them do realize that. especially when you throw in gas prices, dating definitely aint cheap
125 is alot of cash though, lol. i think the most i’ve spent on a first date was 95-100, and this was back when i was leaving at home.
“95-100″
wtf? now that’s just foolish. you could’ve put that in a mutual funds account or something. ….lol
@Miss Patterson DAMN! Now that’s some sexy talk!
Yeah. I forgot where this convo was had before, but a first date in NYC is pricey as hell. Pricier if its on a weekend. $13s for a simple drink, $40 per person for a meal and dessert. Bam, youve spilled over into the hundreds after 1 hour of sitting down.
QCSport my very first date with my hubby was him making lunch for me at his place. Highly inexpensive, nice atmosphere and great conversation. Now that’s a good way to go. But then again by the end of the afternoon we were born day nekkid on his couch doing the marcarena mojo.
Oh well.
Wow! Hubby had All-Star game like Lebron James
raqi, you gotta write some of this stuff down in a memoir..and then publish it. you have the cutest stories about you and your hubby. i’d buy it!
Actually I keep a personal journal and it has all kinds of stuff in it. But it contains the good, the bad and the horrific. LOL
those are the best ones..I would buy it too…love owning all kinds of works of people I actually have access too…
See what I mean! Just like Ed Wunczler said “Bitches love Text’n!” Well guess what? They love dudes that cook too! That is why I practice my Gordon Ramsey game at least 3 times a week! Check out what I made last night: http://www.channel4.com/food/recipes/chefs/gordon-ramsay/stuffed-chicken-risotto-recipe_p_1.html
Watch the video: it will make you wish you had some right now!
Buck you cook!!! That is the sexiest thing a man can do for a woman. I would much rather a date cook for me than go to a resturant.
Love the Boondocks too.
‘that’s n*gga technology’ funny as hell!
…1st date lunch cooked at his spot. Raqui again i hope you alls happy days far outnumber your bad days together. you are super cool for accepting the invite and he was supercool for inviting. you guys are a phenom. stay married and keep making happy.
i can count the relationships that seem like what you describe on 3 fingers.
btw ur crushing my jaded attitude on todays marriages witya lil happymeal tales and shit.
“Do women realize that a one night date at a nice restaurant with drinks could start to approach 125?”
I feel for guys, especially the young ones now. I went to dinner and a movie last week and it cost $50 for my date. Thank goodness it was a good movie, but still.
Well my ideal dates may look cheap to the simple man. But whatever, it works!
Normally I will take them to a movie or maybe a stroll in the city to my new favorite spot, The Canadian Embassy! (Fuck Canada but I love their Embassy! Just go over there if you ever get a chance and you will see why.) Then I follow that usually with a dinner I cooked myself. Women appreciate a man cooking a good dinner for them more than spending lots of money on one. At least in my experience. This serves a dual purpose since I already love to cook, I would have probably made the same dinner with or without the lady.
You know what….who am I kidding? I don’t date….at least not conventionally. I am a bouncer, the rules aren’t the same for me. I hang out, cook (but only because I was already going to do it), and fuck. I have never had to put on the big balla hat and pay big bucks for a nice time with a woman. And I have been with the whole spectrum, from the project chick to the Government department head. I don’t know what you regular people go through. I am sure Panama can back me up on this one though, just like we said it before, Working in the club is like an alternate universe. Everything looks normal but the rules are just different. Being a bouncer or manager is like being in the Matrix and you are Neo. While everyone else just sees people, we can see the code! <—–That last part felt a little geeky, but fuck you if you can’t see how perfectly that analogy fits the situation! LOL!
*I am a bouncer, the rules aren’t the same for me*
This is interesting to me. How and why?
It comes from a lot of different factors that we talked about a while back when we had the whole “goggles” conversation. Suffice it to say that a lot of women are abnormally attracted to Bouncers and Club Managers.
Cool, i’ll read up on it.
and DJ’s…lol
Don’t ask how I know.
I know how you know…but don’t ask me how I know you know…LM(red)AO
“I hang out, cook (but only because I was already going to do it), and fuck.”
bb, you should just go ahead and create that t-shirt on your own. dont even wait for us to do it
LOL! I’ll leave it in the queue of T-shirts to come. I like to think that all T-shirt worthy comments made here are the property of VSB.com. Just put it in quotation marks and put my name in small print underneath it like:
“I hang out, cook (but only because I was already going to do it), and fuck.”
-BigBuck
That way I can get my props and deny I said it at the same time!
I think BigBuck under that comment makes it an even better shirt… lol…it fits…
While everyone else just sees people, we can see the code! <—–That last part felt a little geeky, but fuck you if you can’t see how perfectly that analogy fits the situation! LOL!
I can see how perfectly that analogy fits the situation…but….ummm…we can still do that other part right?
(I SO couldn’t help it… I tried…but the force is strong in this one!)
LOL! You already know you have an open invite GOODStuff…I mean GOODENess! You need a plane ticket? I got you! LOL!
@BigBuck…quit bullshittin…lol…you just got done fussin bout droppin major dough on “dates”…and you type “plane ticket” in my direction…handle that then!
I didn’t say i wouldn’t drop an cash to make things possible that I really want! I just wouldn’t spend any money on you after you get here! LOL!
as long as you can make sure I’ve got somewhere comfy to lay my head…I think the money after I get there is a non-issue…I mean shit…you cook and shit anyway…
So I thought dating, especially first dates are supposed to be all about getting to know that person….to see if there is any real chemistry that can be discovered through real one on one time spent with each other. I didn’t know it had much to do with how much money was spent on a first date at all. First dates mean everything but that to me…..can I connect with this person, is this person funny, is this person respectful, can this person carry a real conversation.
Granted I don’t want to be at mcdonalds however that has way more to do with the fact that Im a fast food snob (fast food is grossening to a lot of us vegetarians) but I’d be so with a box of microwaved stouffers mac and cheese and a park bench if the conversation was cool and the weather was nice.
But I guess Im weird and shit because I thought that was what first dates were supposed to be about….discovering connections.
“But I guess Im weird and shit because I thought that was what first dates were supposed to be about….discovering connections.”
no…you’re just weird and shit because thats who you are, lol
Champ
Get off my nuts.
“Get off my nuts”
T shirt anyone?
“Get off my Nuts.”
lubbs it.
First date discovery zones…Parks.
this reminds me of Panama’s post “Friday Fun in the Summertime”…Parks, where not to go if you don’t wanna get sprung. stay clear of the parks. lol…
yeah you need to put yourself on VSB punishment…you are quoting past posts like a muhfugguh…VS-B dat crack!
yes, i agree. i need to go offline for at least a week or two. *smh*
When i was in my early twenties and still in undergrad i was very aprehentious bout approaching women i foud attractive because of my finacial sitiuation. I wasnt broke per say but i didnt have a car and any date i would go on the woman would have to drive. I could affford really nice dates and had a few during this time. But the types of people i hung around and the women i found attractive seemed to place a very high value on material posseseions. Now my younger brother is going through a simular sitiuation i loan him my car whenever i can but what do the ladies on this site think of dating guys without cars.
“what do the ladies on this site think of dating guys without cars.”
i think this depends on the city you live in
I dont know i dont think black women like the idea of having to pick a brotha up or meet him some where even in a city with good mass transit. Im from Chicago and the only women i met that were willing to meet me somewhere were out of town college chicks; and they kinda had a fetish fro riding on the train or some shit. But generally speaking a chick from the city wasnt having it.
I live in D.C. and you are right, for me the thought of dating a guy without a car is unappealing. In high school when i didn’t have a car either, we could ride on the bus together and it was cool. But that’s not the situation now. And i know people making 6 figures that don’t have a car for reasons that could be considered legit, but i’m just not feeling it, so it’s not all a cash thing. But i think opinions on this will vary wildly.
yeah … in NYC: not a problem. that’s what subways and cabs are for.
in ATL? problem. buses run when they want to and the train doesn’t go everywhere. having a car / bike / scooter is kind of mandatory.
i personally ain’t coming to get you unless you’re on the way to wherever we’re going. but you can meet me there fo’ sure.
tiffany, you’re right about nyc (and this is what i love about the city) and you ain’t lying about the atl and their sometimey ass bus schedule. i’m sort of the original and last standing pedestrian (in otherwords, without a car in every city i’ve lived in except for a short time in atlanta). so…i guess in my situation i’m flexible with either option for daytime dating. once the sun sets somebody needs a car…or good martial arts skills & a nice build.
once the sun sets somebody needs a car…or good martial arts skills & a nice build
u r silly as hell…lol…
I have dated men in Boston, NYC, and locally and I have to say locally you best have your own transportation, but in a major city because of the greater access to public transportation I wouldn’t consider it a problem
The city really matters. In New York, it’s easier to take the train most of the time. Even if traffic isn’t bad, parking is a big pain. It can suck though if you’re in a city where it’s hard to get around. I’ve dated guys in the past who didn’t have a car and I drove. It was no problem.
“what do the ladies on this site think of dating guys without cars.”
I’ve made exceptions, but really here in TX, you need a car. Public transportation sucks (in my city), you can’t get around as well as you would in maybe NYC or a city with a subway and a great transportation set up.
If I always have to come pick you up this will get real old–fast. My last bf had this problem, but this is not the reason we’re no longer together.
@ unk t…first of all “aprehentious”?? really?? that made me giggle a little…too cute…
and as far as dating men without cars…it does depend on the city…in MIC CITY I am not really excited about dating a pedestrian…in response to petro-terrorism, I park and ride…and I am approached by brothers on the DART daily…my given vs requested phone number ratio is pretty low…but I ask if they are parking and riding or just riding…it matters because there are no buses in the part of town I live in and I don’t want to have to shoulder the transportation responsibilities alone…
on first dates, I like to meet you at wherever we’re going…safer…less pressure if it doesn’t go well…and if you can’t get there on the bus (the way you were getting around before I met you) then you can’t go! handicapped people don’t like to be treated like they’re handicapped…(I’m just saying)
“the women i found attractive seemed to place a very high value on material posseseions”
RING THE ALARM!!!!! I know I am five years late but I think this is one of the big problems we overlook. Men who continuously persue the sort of woman who is materialistic and then get mad about them being materialistic! These women usually have some sort of accoutremants that clue you in on where they are coming from and y’all ignore it! THATS WHAT YOU GET! I can’t go holler at a dude at a Yankees game wearing a Yankees hat and jersey, and then get mad to find out he likes baseball!!!
This question was made for me since Im quite possily the cheapest person I know. Given that I refuse to pay full price for damn near anything, I can’t see spending a whole bunch of dollars on a first date.
I also don’t expect my date to spend a whole bunch of money either. I have much more fun walking and talking than sitting in a resturant trying to figure out how to keep the conversation flowing. To me, the best first dates are the ones that involve a little more thought than making a reservarion at Chez-Stuckup & Faux.
In response to Capitalist Pig’s (Lol, love the name) question, when Im seriously dating a guy I dont mind paying 40-50% of the time. If its someone you’re dating then most likely it doesnt matter who pays as long as you get to spend time together.
“I have much more fun walking and talking than sitting in a resturant trying to figure out how to keep the conversation flowing”
i agree…but in the eyes of many people (male and female) “impressing” is a bigger priority than “having fun”
But cannot the height of the fun be what makes an impression. Or rather it should be.
I agree. The most impressive part of any date is learning something reflective of their personality, not their wallet. I probably wont remeber how much the meal was, but if I learned my date had a wierd foot fetish I might be intrigued.
Dom I have lunch maybe about 3 times a month with my husband. I know the situation is a bit different because he already got me. But we did this before the nups. We will pick up a 12” sub at Publix, a bag of cape cods and a couple of soft drinks and go sit in the park. Just watching the different types of people and what not creates some of the most in-depth conversations. You can learn about each other when they express their opinion about just every day stuff. And then when all else fails we make out. LOL We save the money pits for the more special occasions.
But yeah, cheap doesn’t have to always mean shoddy. Just inexpensive.
“We will pick up a 12” sub at Publix, a bag of cape cods and a couple of soft drinks and go sit in the park. Just watching the different types of people and what not creates some of the most in-depth conversations.”
One of my tests for a dude that I have dated a few times is to see if he can do simple, or do a hole in the wall spot, or even a hood spot. It lets me know how comfortable/uncomfortable he will be in certain situations.
The ex and I used to do Chinese food and Scrabble, at least once a week.
@Raqi
So true. Ive never had a date drop a bunch of bucks, but in general the whole $ situation makes me nervous just because I know men and women have so many pre concieved notions about money.
And IH, one of my fav dates is Monopoly, drinks, and pizza! All I need is to be fed and get my competitive juices flowing and Im all set!
You see this is where a lot of brothers mess up. 80% of the impressing is done before you ever get the digits, or you would have never got them. So it’s really over kill when you are trying to further impress them with the first date. just be easy and be yourself, have a couple laughs, a couple drinks, cook something, then teach her how to make pound cake! It’s a very simple formula! Just remember, she wants it! That is why she gave you the number! it is now up to you to capitalize on that fact! Women only like to pretend that it has nothing to do with sex. But everyone knows that a woman evaluates the sexual potential of a man in the first 3 seconds of meeting him. If he is not deemed worthy of naked Jiu Jitsu, he gets no further consideration. Sure you look at other qualities like personality and what not, but only AFTER the freak in you has had her say.
Sure you look at other qualities like personality and what not, but only AFTER the freak in you has had her say.
***EarDrum track 10***
Wassup Good!!! I love that whole cd, stop playin’.
right but that was the “holy” one…LOL…
@CHAMP
but in the eyes of many people (male and female) “impressing” is a bigger priority than “having fun”
over here (on the GOOD-ship Lollipop) “having fun” is “impresssive”….you got the math because I was diggin you on some level…just don’t make me regret it! so simple, it’s hard!
I never understood why its ok for some women to blatantly use men for “meals”. I listened in horror to my sister and her friends tell all these stories of being hungry and calling up some poor sucker and he would take them out. Then they will call the dude afterwards and be like “thanks, but I think we should be friends”. This never seemed right to me, but apparently its a standard thing among college females.
Dorian you said “college”.
This is the type of mentality that makes dating that much harder for women who are actually interested in the guys that are used!
I think if you cant afford to pay for your meal, you shouldn’t bring your a** on the date!
Champ WiseD put out a challenge once over at her spot to see who could come up with the perfect date on a $40 budget. People would be surprise what you can put together if you just put your mind to it and stop opting for the every day usual quick fix and mundane. But that was before the gas crisis. But still…
@QCSports {July 10, 2008 at 4:18 pm}
“I’m just curious… what’s the problem with chains? Is it that it isn’t unique enough? You don’t like the people that go there? And it’s obvious that I’m not talking about fast food like McDonalds or what not.”
I dont do chains because here in the DMV I dont have to. I can either cook for man on our date or we can go to one of the many restaurants in the area that are minority owned, startups, etc that have unique cuisine you couldnt find anywhere else or down home cooking that you wont find at a Friday’s or Maggiano’s where everything basically comes pre-packaged and tastes the same around the country.
My point was that in dating it doesnt have to be expensive but it should be creative or a different experience. There are many non-chains in the area where you will come off cheaper and have a better experience..
not about the price.. its about the thought put into it..
but i DONT DO CHAINS .. accept for the exceptions mentioned wayyyyyyyyyyyy above ..
On the real I took a woman to a grocery store for a date. Hate if you want to but if you ever go to a Wegman’s you will understand why it was a great idea.
Buck i’ve done those grocerystore dates too homie. Whole Foods my spot. tellem to meet you on isle 13.
i think this whole thing summed itself up to
1) if you have no money, you better have creativity and a lot of substance
2) if you have no substance…………… you better have money.
1) if you have no money, you better have creativity and a lot of substance
2) if you have no substance…………… you better have money.
***vishnu***
I have a $150 giftcard to Anthony’s Pier 4 in Boston that I’ve been saving for the “special someone.” Ladies?
u r too cute to me….CLASSIC!
Dating is a hot topic. The topic of going dutch has come up with me and some friends. I reposted a blog entry I did on the topic of dating and going dutch: http://sheliagoss.com/2008/07/09/best-of-the-best-should-you-go-dutch/