link of the week: cheapskate or great date

by The Champ

301 comments

1 Hostess { 07.10.08 at 12:15 am }

Am I first? Humh. I need to go to bed!

If you are broke, you need to date someone broker than you or way younger than you. This way, you don’t seen cheap if you go to a mid-day movie, followed by ice cream and window shopping.

If you are a grown ass man, you ask and pay. Dare I say, that the more into the woman the man is and the more he thinks he’s competing with other men for her affections (chex), the greater the chance that he will NOT even flirt with the idea of going cheap.

Another popular casue of big-spender-itis is that a lot of dudes KNOW they have no personality use the expensive date as subterfuge. WARNING: This only works on women who aren’t used to nice things. Women who are used to nice things won’t be moistened by a big dinner bill if it doesn’t come with a side of great personality and/or good looks.

Once the relationship is established, or even regular dating is going on, cheap dates can be cool ONLY if both people have enough personality to make them fun.

IMO, planning thoughtful dates trumps the costly dates. If you know a chick is into Civil War reenactments, and your silly ass still wants to date her, she will appreciate going to ‘insert place where war reenactments are held‘ no matter the cost.

Note: If you are a Black man and you go to a reenactment, I will not march to get justice for the crazy folks who kidnap you and make you their slave!

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Monk {July 10th, 2008 at 1:45 am}

“If you are a grown ass man, you ask and pay. Dare I say, that the more into the woman the man is and the more he thinks he’s competing with other men for her affections (chex), the greater the chance that he will NOT even flirt with the idea of going cheap.

Another popular casue of big-spender-itis is that a lot of dudes KNOW they have no personality use the expensive date as subterfuge. WARNING: This only works on women who aren’t used to nice things. Women who are used to nice things won’t be moistened by a big dinner bill if it doesn’t come with a side of great personality and/or good looks.”

A lot of dudes will try to break (way too much) bread and go out of there way on first dates, but experience tells me that going ‘all out’ on a first dates usually either make you look like a trick OR you end up setting the bar too high on some superficial shyt.

It’s never a good look.

A dude shouldn’t have to spend a load of cash to show he’s interested and I think most women tend to see through the “big-spender-itis” thing anyway…whether they’re used to good things or not. Unless they’re just a chicken head and if that’s the case, they’re not to be fucked with at all.

I agree with a grown ass man asking and paying, but I will say this goes both ways. If a lady is cool and confident enough to make the first move (aka “choosin”) then no matter how old fashioned one may be, there’s nothing wrong with a grown ass woman asking and paying also.

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don giovanni {July 10th, 2008 at 2:56 am}

@ Monk….I am in total agreement with you on this one!!

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:18 am}

“A dude shouldn’t have to spend a load of cash to show he’s interested and I think most women tend to see through the “big-spender-itis” thing anyway…whether they’re used to good things or not. Unless they’re just a chicken head and if that’s the case, they’re not to be fucked with at all.”

***jesus christ superstar***

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tiffany {July 10th, 2008 at 9:36 am}

Not “a load of cash” but don’t break out the 2-for-1 coupon until date 4 or 5.

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MsSula {July 10th, 2008 at 3:10 pm}

I actually find that quite funny… Well, if that’s the spirit of the date to start with…

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genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 10:12 am}

pimp pimp HOORAY!

i’ll see you at the players ball this year a pimp named Slickback. [Monk]

…and bring your A game.

Salute!

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Raqi {July 10th, 2008 at 10:21 am}

“Another popular casue of big-spender-itis is that a lot of dudes KNOW they have no personality use the expensive date as subterfuge.”

Yep, yep.

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Hostess {July 10th, 2008 at 11:11 am}

Monk:

A smart woman knows that if a man is breaking off major change for dates, but she goes to his house and he has pink (you ain’t paid your bills) envelopes around, he’s not really as financially secure as he wants to appear to be.

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 11:40 am}

“A smart woman knows that if a man is breaking off major change for dates, but she goes to his house and he has pink (you ain’t paid your bills) envelopes around, he’s not really as financially secure as he wants to appear to be.”

this is what shoeboxes were invented for

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don giovanni {July 10th, 2008 at 2:43 pm}

or file cabinets!!!

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Intellectual Hedonist {July 10th, 2008 at 2:52 pm}

LOL!!!

for the past year I have been renovating my house, literally stripped the house down to the beams and started all over. During various stages of the renovation I would invite someone I was dating over to my unfinished house to gauge their reaction. This has been interesting to say the least. Everything from offers to do landscaping to what I was/am doing wrong and why I should have done or do it differently. To date I still don’t have a kitchen.

I have ALL of my bills scattered on my dining room table, along with unpacked boxes (my kitchen) in the dining room. At times I have noticed that my date has literally gone through my bills. LOL!!!

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ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 3:49 pm}

My blood pressure went up just reading this. I wish a negro WOULD go through my bills…unless he got his checkbook out and is about to pay some!

That deserves a throat punch, Miss T Lee style.

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Intellectual Hedonist {July 10th, 2008 at 4:02 pm}

LOL!!!

I guess I don’t get mad at shyte like that, I told one guy anything he had touched would be forwarded to him for payment.

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ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 4:12 pm}

LOL..exactly! I had a dude do that once years ago…and then had the nerve to question me about what was on the bill. I told him since he was so concerned he should pay it. He did and never went through my mail again

GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 8:45 am}

Dare I say, that the more into the woman the man is and the more he thinks he’s competing with other men for her affections (chex), the greater the chance that he will NOT even flirt with the idea of going cheap.

the key here is cheap vs thoughtful…if (wo)man thinks (s)he is competeing with others for time and attention, the key is to distinguish yourself from the rest of the “team”… to do that, you have to be “different”…you have to actually LISTEN when they talk (instead of daydreaming about how good your nails would look in his back) and make mental notes of sweet things to do for/with them…people pay attention…when you pay attention…at least I do…

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Hostess {July 10th, 2008 at 10:59 am}

I don’t buy into the ‘distinguishing’ thing. You know why? Cus in my mind, other women don’t exist. A lot of women waste a lot of effort on trying to CAMPAIGN their way into the Tier One position. But my expreience tells me if you’re placed on the second string team, all the campaigning (listening, screwing, and giggling) you do won’t mean a thing.

I do not compete because too often women (moreso than men) get caught up in WINNING and never stop to seriously evaluate the the heck they’ve won. I don’t even show up to the game is I feel like I’m not the number one draft pick. I think this might come from having been raised as an only child. LOL Seriously, I’ve tried the other strategy and it didn’t work for ME. Now if it works for others compete and campaign away.

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Hostess {July 10th, 2008 at 11:26 am}

This wasn’t to GOODENess specifically but just on the topic of campaigning//distinguishing that WOMEN try to do.

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GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 12:41 pm}

@Hostess…I agree…I was just responding to the tought of competition…I don’t feel like I compete either…he approached me..so the team he had wasn’t cutting it in some way…and even there are othere sisters…so what? I may be casually dating others as well…add to that …that these sisters ain’t me…and VOILA…I am not tripping…either we click or we don’t…either you like my flava or you don’t… (shrugging) either way…I’m flattered…and I got to meet someone new…

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:21 am}

“If you are broke, you need to date someone broker than you”

i agree. you can date while broke, but, realistically, this probably isn’t the best time to ask out that lawyer chick you met in the elevator last week.

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Panama Jackson {July 10th, 2008 at 10:24 am}

Unfortunately I agree with this too. Folks with big money have bigger tastes. If you’re broke you’d better be THE absolute best catch on the planet in every other category. Or be Wesley Snipes in that terrible movie with Sanaa Lathan that I can’t remember the title of. Apparently he managed to lay the pipe on her ahead of her realizing he had nothing to offer.

I suggest doing that if at all possible.

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ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 10:32 am}

Movie- Disappearing Acts

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ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 10:56 am}

“Apparently he managed to lay the pipe on her ahead of her realizing he had nothing to offer.
I suggest doing that if at all possible.”

It works. Good d*ck will take you far.

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 11:43 am}

“Good d*ck will take you far.”

this might be the new vsb.com tagline

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Miss Patterson {July 10th, 2008 at 11:46 am}

Champ, to the corner! yeh i said it. i got rights in this piece too biotch!

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 1:14 pm}

“Champ, to the corner! yeh i said it. i got rights in this piece too biotch!”

know your place. liz is the pres of the west coast chapter. so any corner designations from out there would have to go through her first

chain of command (as a wire fanatic, you should know this already, lol)

miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 11:53 am}

this might be the new vsb.com tagline

Bet not!!!!

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ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 12:30 pm}

Put it on a t-shirt and I’d wear it. It should have the exact opposite design and color scheme of the ‘abstinent pimp’ shirt, and we can all pick our respective shirts and happily wear them side by side at the vsb barbecue

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genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 11:57 am}

“Good d*ck will take you far.”

For real though and i’ve cum a long way baby.

heh heh heh (inhales) whoooo!

i mean metaphorically speaking. [or not] no not really. LOL!

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Miss Patterson {July 10th, 2008 at 11:45 am}

that character played by Wesley Snipes also managed to beat the sh*t out of her too.

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 11:53 am}

Yeah…that movie just made me angry.
**shaking my head**

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genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 10:20 am}

Hostess comes out of her mouth with: “If you are broke, you need to date someone broker than you or way younger than you. This way, you don’t seen cheap if you go to a mid-day movie, followed by ice cream and window shopping.”

be honest with yourself cause you’re not fooling me; you specifically mean this speaking towards men asking and paying and this would not realy apply to women who are asking or paying? [on a date and regardless of the stage in relationship]

talk black to me.

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Hostess {July 10th, 2008 at 11:05 am}

Yeah. That’s EXACTLY what I meant. I am not hiding it. Unless I’m in an official relationship or dating the same man regularly, I don’t pay. Further, I don’t meet many men who think women paying for too many things is acceptable. Not only that, but my daddy and step-daddy always paid for things. I (and the men I date) recognize having responsible daddy and step-daddy means I have experiences/expectations that others of my sisters didn’t have.

I’d also like to add that if you’re dating a man who likes Chez-Whole-Paycheck and eats their regularly, he’s not being flossy when he takes you there. Also, most of the business owners I know seem to ‘expense’ their fancy meals (with or without a date). So having a flossy date with one of them isn’t a big deal because 1) that’s just how they roll, 2) they are expensing that shyt anyway.

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 11:16 am}

Yeah. That’s EXACTLY what I meant. I am not hiding it. Unless I’m in an official relationship or dating the same man regularly, I don’t pay.

***I Know It Was The Blood***

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genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 3:20 pm}

Hostess thanks for being honest. i aint mad atya. i will however be glad when more women do away with the double standard genuinely, flip the script and be willing and start caking more brothers. could give a dam wether they write it off or not. hope you find another daddy IF that’s the style you like. my momma caked me a lil bit but i dont need or expect that from a woman however it would be nice to have sometimes and not be expected to feel like something is wrong with it. [just as much as you don't]

yeahhhh babbbbyyy.

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Hostess {July 10th, 2008 at 6:08 pm}

GK: Do you expect a woman to come looking good? That costs. Do you expect to be the eventual HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD? Well, that title costs too. My dad and step-dad are old school traditional men. They take PRIDE in being able to provide for their family. A lot of women and men have NO EXAMPLES of these types of men. Therefore, they do it differently. Bully for them. Trust, while I might not pay for much, I do earn my keep.

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genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 8:19 pm}

Hostess asks: “Do you expect a woman to come looking good?”

A: yes.

Hostess do you expect a man to come looking good?

(the follow-up sentences below infer you expect for men to pay for the woman to come looking good indirectly by expecting that men pay for expensive first dates and all dates for that matter expensive or no)

Q: “Do you expect to be the eventual HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD? Well, that title costs too.”

A: yes. …and yes HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD does carry a price.

Hostess i’m sure you earn your keep. we are talking first dates here and i’ll be shit if i’m gonna accept that a woman has a sense of entitlement in this context just because she’s a woman. …as if i owe it to a woman to cake her out [blow big cash, got it or not] especially on a first date or feel less than a man if i accept her paying for a date.

a woman i’m taking out on a first date is not my family. i am not head of her household. 1st dates are in the infancy of getting to know one another. it’s not the money i have a problem with or the mansize responsibility, it’s the heir of entitlement stinking up the atmosphere.

i was lucky enough to grow up with my father in the household. …so i had the example of him providing for his wife and children. to this day if a girl meets him he encourages me to open the car door for her etc. he may have done it a lot of the times FOR MY MOTHER but i do so nowhere near as much for a woman im dating and less so for a first date. if you suggest i treat a woman i just met like i would my wife i probably wont be doing that. i’m not mad at me and i’ll sleep well tonight. start early, hate me now.

just wondering, what else do you feel entitled to from men? (1st date, dating him regularly and otherwise)

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Dom {July 10th, 2008 at 10:44 pm}

genius kahn-
“i was lucky enough to grow up with my father in the household. …so i had the example of him providing for his wife and children. to this day if a girl meets him he encourages me to open the car door for her etc. he may have done it a lot of the times FOR MY MOTHER but i do so nowhere near as much for a woman im dating and less so for a first date. if you suggest i treat a woman i just met like i would my wife i probably wont be doing that. i’m not mad at me and i’ll sleep well tonight. start early, hate me now.”

You usually have some insightful things to say, but this is some serious immaturity showing through right here. I would continute dating a guy who plans inexpensive dates but I would drop one real quick if I thought he was treating me cheaply.

If you are a Grown Man, your father shouldn’t have to remind you to open your girls’ car door, or walk on the right side of the street, or generally act like a gentleman. That should be ingrained in you from childhood. I dont have to plan on marrying a man just for me to treat him with some class. Its called self-respect.

ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 10:30 am}

“If you are a grown ass man, you ask and pay. Dare I say, that the more into the woman the man is and the more he thinks he’s competing with other men for her affections (chex), the greater the chance that he will NOT even flirt with the idea of going cheap.”

True. Just like a chick won’t look half-done on a date with a dude she’s digging.
I think people do better by only going on dates with people they dig, or have the potential to dig. Then the money and time spent, no matter the amount, isn’t considered a waste by either side.

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jess {July 10th, 2008 at 10:50 am}

Nice breakdown.

“WARNING: This only works on women who aren’t used to nice things.”

Confession: I got had by this. I wasn’t used to nice things, and I was completely bedazzled the first time I got taken out to a nice place, where I had to dress up. He was pretty, too, but I was so busy absorbing my surroundings and being stunned at what the dating world had to offer that I didn’t realize how little substance he had, until I took the 3rd-date bill and took him to MY favorite spots, which require conversation and similar frequencies. It was like deflating.

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Intellectual Hedonist {July 10th, 2008 at 1:30 pm}

“WARNING: This only works on women who aren’t used to nice things. Women who are used to nice things won’t be moistened by a big dinner bill if it doesn’t come with a side of great personality and/or good looks.”

As a woman who once worked for a major brokerage house and was used weekly $200 lunches and $500 dinners. I am not impressed with a pricey meal.

The time, energy, and thought you put into something means more to me than the tab you pay for a meal or drinks.

If I have already spoken to you than you know most of my most enjoyable sites and sounds are free. Now if you want to splurge and take me on a gondola ride during waterfire (http://www.waterfire.org/waterfire-gallery/waterfire-gondola-twilight) than you win! Mostly cause you were paying attention, paying for the gondola ride is icing on the cake

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2 Liz { 07.10.08 at 12:55 am }

A cheap first date to me, means McDonald’s or Wendy’s. That is not ok. Matter fact, that is not a date. Unless we are in the mountains somewhere where there are no nicer places, then no–first date being cheap is probably a no-go if you plan on having more dates with me. I have no concept of what a really expensive first date is, so I don’t expect the other extreme. Something respectable is cool with me, perhaps a step above Denny’s, or Ruby Friday’s (i.e. anything not a chain).

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 8:46 am}

“A cheap first date to me, means McDonald’s or Wendy’s. That is not ok.”

Nope it’s not. It’s like you didn’t even try. For a few more dollars we could’ve went to Chili’s. GTFOHWTBS
Throat punch. For real.

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:23 am}

“Throat punch. For real.”

you’re always throat punching cats. i think you have a throat fetish

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 9:25 am}

^^^

It’s quite possible.

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Panama Jackson {July 10th, 2008 at 10:25 am}

What about an exclusive chain like Maggiano’s??

Hmmm?? Hmmm????

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ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 10:34 am}

I’m a chick that enjoys a chain restuarant, though ‘exclusive’ and ‘maggianos’ don’t go together in my head

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 10:41 am}

I just had to google that. We don’t have these in my neck of the woods.
Similar to Olive Garden or Macaroni Grill I take it?

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Panama Jackson {July 10th, 2008 at 10:49 am}

Yeah…and it’s exclusive for that very reason. If you live in a major city like Atlanta or DC there are a few or LA or NY or something…

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 10:52 am}

I see—there’s only a few in each state they occupy…lol

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ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 10:52 am}

Yes, only maggianos has more of a focus on ‘family style’ dining, though it’s not a requirement. They also have a bomb-ass apple crisp desert

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 11:00 am}

Family style…I gotcha, that sounds like Buca di Peppo.

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GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 12:45 pm}

EXACTLY! buca-de-maggiano’s …lol

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Miss Patterson {July 10th, 2008 at 1:22 pm}

oooh. i love me some maggiano’s. when i went there i had family style with my family!
*smiling with thumbs up and a forced overbite grin*

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 11:56 am}

yeah…i’d never heard of it until today also. but, admittedly, its also been established that i live in a vacuum

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Intellectual Hedonist {July 10th, 2008 at 1:36 pm}

“its also been established that i live in a vacuum”

CAVE! you live in a CAVE, a vacuum means that you can hear (have heard). It is evident you live in a CAVE!

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genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 3:26 pm}

dam Champ lives in a CAVE? he can’t hear shit? dam dam dam…. LOL!!!!!

maggianos is cool. sssaight. i had the noodles and marinara w/sauteed shrooms. glass of merlot. it’s cool. but i don’t have a problem with all chains [like some folk] even the ones that haven’t penetrated the top 50 mkts yet. like maggiano’s.

Cave though! dam….. LMAO!

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Miss Patterson {July 10th, 2008 at 1:33 pm}

waaaaaaay better than the olive garden. the olive garden is like the mickey dees of italian food. maggiano’s has stuffed mushrooms and calamari with lots of garlic and tiramisu…*licking fingers* is it time for lunch yet?

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Liz {July 10th, 2008 at 10:59 am}

Maggiano’s could pass i think. they got good marinara sauce. yum.

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Hostess {July 10th, 2008 at 11:15 am}

“What about an exclusive chain like Maggiano’s??”

Man!! You’re in the D/M/V and you’ve lived in ATL. You don’t HAVE to go to any of the APOSTROPHE ‘S’ spots. There are lots of similarly priced spots to choose from. Ethiopian anyone?

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blackfemmefatale {July 10th, 2008 at 12:05 pm}

I love Ethiopian! I have to agree.. living in the DMV you can go to hundreds of different restaurants without every going to a STUPID CHAIN… men who take me to CHAINS never get a second date. You have to date smarter men.. there are plenty of ways to go out on a date and not break the bank. You can go to Miss Siagon in Georgetown and not spend more than 35.00 for two people now that’s a deal..
I think more people should think more outside the “chain” box.
I will only go to chains in the middle of the day.. and living in the DMV.. not even then..
Hell Sideline isnt a chain.. and it defintely isnt fancy

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 12:50 pm}

“I will only go to chains in the middle of the day”

do you have like a time cut off? is it okay to be in a chain at 6:15, but not 6:30? 5:45 but not 5:50? or does it depend on where the sun is in the sky?

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blackfemmefatale {July 10th, 2008 at 1:12 pm}

Actually.. I take that back … in DC .. I never go to chain’s accept maybe on my lunch break… so if you need a timeframe between 12-3pm Mon-Fri.. thats when I will go to a chain..
I dont eat fast food. I cook my food or I go to a restaurant (that isnt a chain).

Does that clarify?

I sound hostile..

Tone: Jovial

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 1:18 pm}

“Tone: Jovial”

you know, i think jovial is one of those adjectives that should only be used to describe fat middle aged men (which i’m assuming youre not)

but yea, lol…i’m clear. no restaurants that can be found in other cities.

QCSports {July 10th, 2008 at 4:18 pm}

I’m just curious… what’s the problem with chains? Is it that it isn’t unique enough? You don’t like the people that go there? And it’s obvious that I’m not talking about fast food like McDonalds or what not.

Miss Patterson {July 10th, 2008 at 1:28 pm}

madam west coast president liz, off topic request: please put The Champ in the corner. p.s.- can i least be vp of the west coast chapter? lol!
signed, the girl who’s been telling everyone she was the west coast chapter prez of vsb.

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3 Monk { 07.10.08 at 1:26 am }

Are we talking about FIRST dates or dates, period?

*On first dates, I think whoever expressed interest (or approached first) should handle the check. Although, females have asked me out, wanted to pay, but I still offered to foot the bill in situations where I truly enjoyed how the date went on. If the date was a dud and she invited me, it’s on her.

*I definitely don’t think that men (nor women) should go ‘all out’ on a first date. A first date should be something reserved to something that’s cost-effective that you guys can really vibe and learn about each other. You may have talked on the phone a couple times, but the date is all about reading each other’s body language and picking up their vibe beneath calls and texts’.

*The key is not be a “trick daddy” trying to make an impression by flaunting whatever you have, but moreso make an impression by the thought and attentiveness that you put into it.

For example, lunch dates are pretty inexpensive for the most part and I like to use the element of surprise to make it moreso an EXPERIENCE. I might arrive at the spot early with a bouquet of flowers, let the host/server / or even manager know that I’ll be there with someone at a certain time (basically making a reservation no matter how low-key the spot may be) tip them to deliver the bouquet to our table as the server comes to serve us.

*Note: Make sure the server or host uses her last name as he hands the flowers to her.

We get seated, start small talk, all of a sudden she’s presented with flowers out the blue, her face glows, I know she’s excited, and a good first date ensues.

*Note: Flowers are just an example…of course before the date, you’ve already got a notion of what she likes and don’t like. It could be the server just bringing her favorite drink or appetizer without her having to order or ask.

This has even worked at coffee shops when I’ve arrived in advance with a ’surprise’ such as a ‘Whatchamacallit’ candy bar. After we had drunk our drinks, dude came behind the counter with the candy bar on a tray and presented it to her.

Moral of the story…Great first impression using a little creativity trumps “We BALLLLINNNN’” on a first date everytime.

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GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 8:48 am}

I definitely don’t think that men (nor women) should go ‘all out’ on a first date.

me either…save something for later!! it’s like throwing those sickening ass super sweet 16 parties…or immediately opening your freak bag the first time you have him over for cum-pany…WTF you gonna do next year if you went all out this year…there’s nothing to build up to if you put all your dating cards on the table on the first date…so again…don’t confuse CHEAP with THOUGHTFUL…

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 8:49 am}

*cues up*
“The Honey” by Pimp C

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Nut {July 10th, 2008 at 9:21 am}

Romance and being thoughtful trumps an expensive date for me everytime @ Monk. The candy bar coffe shop thing is hella cute; woulda made me smile.

I like nice resturants so when I ask for a date (yes I still date my husband) I always pay. It took him a long time to get use to it but he’s cool now.

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:25 am}

“If the date was a dud and she invited me, it’s on her.”

being that i think i should always pay for the first couple, if i talked to the chick (who invited me out) on the phone and felt like it had serious dud potential, i’m not even gonna go.

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K. {July 10th, 2008 at 9:40 am}

I know right?! Mofos don’t talk on the phone before dates nowadays or what?

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ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 10:22 am}

Right! Who goes out with total freakin strangers without a little phone/email convo first?

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 10:43 am}

You gotta have some inital phone convo…other wise it’s gonna be a loooong evening.

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GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 12:50 pm}

ForReal…emails don’t count…I mean they count…as far as the exchange of information…but I need to hear a voice…a laugh…it makes everything more personal…I am a sucker for a MAN’s voice… speech, language, diction, tone/pitch and USAGE! Dallas cats talk like they have a mouth full of food and haven’t read anything that didn’t have pictures in it…I can’t stand a lazy mouthed man!!!

[Reply]

ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 1:03 pm}

LOL..true, true. Diction and usage are really key to me. A man with no base in his voice isn’t too hot either. But I just need some communication to happen besides ‘what’s your number? see you saturday’ and the way people are talking it isn’t!

[Reply]

Intellectual Hedonist {July 10th, 2008 at 1:11 pm}

@ Goodeness~we truly are kindred spirits.

I love to hear a man’s voice, how he pronounces or mispronounces words, how deep or raspy his voice is, how he makes certain words roll off his tongue, and how he whispers EEEWWW LAWD!!!

[Reply]

Miss Patterson {July 10th, 2008 at 1:38 pm}

“I am a sucker for a MAN’s voice… speech, language, diction, tone/pitch and USAGE!”

*doin’ the holy ghost two-step*

[Reply]

Raqi {July 10th, 2008 at 1:58 pm}

LOL Miss Patterson.

I get tickled every time my husband says ass in that deep bass pitch. He pronounces it ahhs. I tried for a long time to get him to say a-sah. I am the one with the European genes.

miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 2:03 pm}

Yep—I wanna have a convo, hear your voice and make sure that you can understand my vocabulary.
If I say a big word I don’t want to have to explain what it means.

[Reply]

Intellectual Hedonist {July 10th, 2008 at 2:10 pm}

“Girl you talk Good!”

miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 2:23 pm}

LMAO@ IH…
If you only know how many times I’ve heard that…ha!!!

ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 2:27 pm}

Yeah and if you tell me i ‘talk really proper’ or ‘white’ then we know not to even waste our time going out! Though happily i haven’t heard that in a while. Now it’s just ‘are you from here? originally? you don’t sound like you’re from here’ LOL

Intellectual Hedonist {July 10th, 2008 at 2:38 pm}

ok so I shouldn’t have hung up on him when he told me that?

GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 4:26 pm}

word… I use 5 dollar words in casual conversation…and I am asked where I’m from daily… “you don’t look/act/talk like you’re from the D lil mama”… (clearing throat) boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 10:24 am}

“being that i think i should always pay for the first couple”
*catching the Holy Ghost*

[Reply]

genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 10:14 am}

a pimp named Slickback tellem. [Monk]

say it with me now, the whole thang:

A——–PIMP——-NAMED——–SLICKBACK

we sir are the last of a dying breed. LOL!

[Reply]

Panama Jackson {July 10th, 2008 at 10:28 am}

“*The key is not be a “trick daddy” trying to make an impression by flaunting whatever you have, but moreso make an impression by the thought and attentiveness that you put into it.”

According to three Siberian monks, Lil Wayne, and Dalai Ostrich:

“It ain’t trickin’ if you got it.”

A Pimp Named Pickemupnlayemlow

[Reply]

Hostess {July 10th, 2008 at 11:24 am}

“It ain’t trickin’ if you got it.”

I was just thinking this. To the point I made earlier, if a dude is flossy on his own, he will be flossy on first, second, and forever.

Quick story:

Some years ago, my girl and I ran into two male friends at Stan’s (where they pour the strongest drink in DC). It wasn’t a date but three of us wanted to order wings. The fourth dude got up in arms refusing to eat food from a spot that’s “below street level.” Yeah, he said that! So we loaded up in his truck and he took us to a suitable spot. Why? Cus he has flossy, expensive tastes and his ass can easily afford FLOSSY. Now that I think about it, while we’ve never dated, he took me to my most expensive meal.

Broke and broke-ish people should stick with their own and avoid medium-pimping, pre-flossy, flossy, and extra flossy people.

[Reply]

miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 11:33 am}

“below street level.”

Throat punch on GP.

[Reply]

The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 12:00 pm}

yeah…he might have even received a spleen kick from me. sh*t, i’m a guy who has a list on his fridge of when all the “wing nights” specials take place at different bars in the burgh.

i’m a big fan of the greasy spoon

[Reply]

miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 12:05 pm}

Gotta love the 15 cent wing nights…lol!!!

[Reply]

ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 11:36 am}

*Broke and broke-ish people should stick with their own and avoid medium-pimping, pre-flossy, flossy, and extra flossy people.*

*wade in the water*
Nobody wants to hear it but I think it’s easier that way, everybody is more comfortable, and i think it goes for chicks and dudes alike.

[Reply]

The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 12:04 pm}

“Nobody wants to hear it but I think it’s easier that way, everybody is more comfortable, and i think it goes for chicks and dudes alike.”

hmmm…i think, in the minds of most, this rule is limited to dudes. if this wasnt the case, broke chicks would never accept dates with wealthy cats

[Reply]

ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 12:21 pm}

yeah, but i don’t think it’s a good strategy. if a broke chick is always going out with wealthy dudes, she’s always going to feel like a hood rat, never quite get comfortable with him, and always feel like she’s gotta be on her best behavior. Who always wants to feel awkward? Some chicks don’t care, but if I were in those shoes i would.

[Reply]

GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 12:57 pm}

I was with you right up until….here:

if a broke chick is always going out with wealthy dudes, she’s always going to feel like a hood rat, never quite get comfortable with him, and always feel like she’s gotta be on her best behavior.

I feel you if you are actually a hood rat….but I know less than balling sisters who can hold their own in hood-less envioronments…and I know gutter chicks that have money…

“you can’t get Cristal with a Boone’s Farm mindsate” ~ phonte’ (LB nigga!)

no you wouldn’t take a girl with a lilac quick weave to the TUT exhibit at DMA, but broke doesn’t mean hood, ghetto or any other popular synonym…nah-mean?

ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 1:06 pm}

True Miss G, i was being lazy with my vocab. I don’t necessarily mean broke per se, but i know you feel the sentiment i’m tryin to convey. It’s more of a mindset thing.

AkShone {July 10th, 2008 at 12:15 pm}

“Nobody wants to hear it but I think it’s easier that way, everybody is more comfortable, and i think it goes for chicks and dudes alike.”

Ha-haaa, but it won’t…

[Reply]

The Queen {July 10th, 2008 at 12:11 pm}

Co-sign…Stan’s does have some good, strong drinks. Their wings are good too for an underground spot.

[Reply]

V Renee {July 10th, 2008 at 2:28 pm}

“but broke doesn’t mean hood, ghetto or any other popular synonym…nah-mean?”

I agree!!!

The whole only date broke people sounds like a case of classism, which I’ve never been a fan of……

[Reply]

genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 11:59 am}

if anyone hasn’t they need to see this. FUN-E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9M89SCXA9Y

[Reply]

Intellectual Hedonist {July 10th, 2008 at 1:18 pm}

LOL!!

“Let us pray the pimp’s prayer…Lawd please pray for the soul of this b*tch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong Lord so that she might learn a ho’s place. Amen!”

[Reply]

genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 3:34 pm}

yeah Hedo that’s some funny shit right? I’m going to buy the box set if it’s available when i get the chance. i can tell who’s at corporate and who’s not. some peoples got youtube blocked by the Draconian Thought Police. [well hell they're supposed to be working anyway.] wait till they get home and see that shit though Hedo. CTFU i promise.

[Reply]

Intellectual Hedonist {July 10th, 2008 at 3:56 pm}

@ genius~I love working for the Academe: nothing is blocked in the name of pursuing an education. LOVE IT!

[Reply]

GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 5:06 pm}

well the pink ribbon plantation ain’t having it!! and I should be working…but…I’m not…(shrugging)

4 aja { 07.10.08 at 3:21 am }

I rather go dutch on the first date..because if your not feeling the guy/girl..u can just chalk it up as a meal and mash out.. no harm, no foul!
Now if the brotha asks me out again.. then he’s obligated to pay..and vice versa.

Great first date option- A Farmers Market : Sometimes they have music, wine tasting and food all for cheap..in one place…cant beat that!

oh and if you get there early u can pick up a $3.00 bouquet of flowers * for the men* lol

[Reply]

don giovanni {July 10th, 2008 at 4:54 am}

have to remember that!!!

[Reply]

The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:26 am}

**taking notes**

[Reply]

5 don giovanni { 07.10.08 at 4:53 am }

with me, i ain’t into all the balling out to impress someone!! it makes no sense to do that when a first date isn’t guaranteed to go any further than the first date!! i’m not saying that i’m expecting to get anything from the first date other than good conversation, but the promise of a 10th date would be nice if i were shelling out $50-$100 per person for the first date!!

now i am a firm believer of the one initiating the date be the one who covers the financial cost of the date!! its only right and fair!! it all boils down to being considerate and understanding the financial situation of the other person involved!! while i wouldn’t put mcdonald’s on the top of my list for the first date, i wouldn’t have bacchanalia on top either and hopefully, my date wouldn’t be expecting it!! if you call me up and say why don’t we go out to dinner, i’m assuming that you are inviting me to join you and you have the expenses (although i will always have enough for my meal) to cover the check when it comes!! i wouldn’t invite you out somewhere and make you cover the meal without knowing if you have the means to cover it, so a woman shouldn’t do it to me!!

as a grown ass man, i have the resources to provide for me and to enjoy the comforts and the spoils my resources entitle me to!! Now if i wish to take a woman out by utilizing my resources, then that is my prerogative!! however, if and when i do ask for a woman to accompany me on a date, it is my choice as to where we go and how much we spend seeing that it is my money we are spending!! and while i am not cheap nor a spendthrift, i don’t wish to be taken advantage of my kindness and willingness to splurge a little!!! i wouldn’t do that to you!!

now whether a man or woman is behind the 8-ball when it comes to their finances doesn’t necessarily mean that they cant date or shouldn’t date or that we shouldn’t be accepting of the offer made by them!! there could be many factors as to why they don’t have the funds on hand as readily as you would hope they did!! unexpected and costly events arise without notice, which can prevent people from enjoying their finances like they want to!! if a pipe burst and i have to call the plumber and it cost me a considerable amount of the monies i have saved up in the disposable and emergency columns of my budget, then don’t expect me to really be asking you out and if i do want to enjoy your company then be prepared to enjoy a night at a place that won’t put me in the red!! again, it won’t be burger king, but it won’t be the atlanta fish market either!! i may just order a pizza and rent some movies or pull out the scrabble board and pop open some vino!! it may not be the 5 star treatment, but aren’t we supposed to be getting to know each other?? this gives us an opportunity to talk without the embarrassment of the spinach or chicken stuck in between the teeth!! there is always something better than trying to show off and break the bank in hopes it makes you look better in the eyes of the object of your affection!!

as for me, it doesn’t matter how much i spend on a first date!! if the personalities don’t click, then the date is a dud, regardless of the price!! some lessons come with expensive price tags, but the key is to learn the lesson and try not to repeat!!

oh, i almost forgot!! i’m always up for dutch!! it means that i don’t have to put out at the end of the night!!

[Reply]

The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:29 am}

“some lessons come with expensive price tags, but the key is to learn the lesson and try not to repeat!!”

***”everythings alright now” (one of the songs in “jesus christ superstar. this will be a theme for the day, btw)***

[Reply]

6 Liz { 07.10.08 at 5:04 am }

Is there a distinct difference between going dutch (you paying only for what you ate) and splitting the check (just splitting the final bill 50/50)?

I actually think there is. I don’t have a problem splitting the tab 50/50, but I feel like Dutch is going out of the way to be like “naw, i didn’t order your appetizer, so YOU pay for THAT. I am cool on just my entree.” Thoughts?

I also like when I offer to pay, the guy still throws in a 20 or something, just to be nice.

[Reply]

don giovanni {July 10th, 2008 at 5:23 am}

nothing against going dutch or half on the bill, but if i know my expenses at that moment aren’t right where i want them to be (for whatever reason) and i only order a $10 salad and you order a $35 meal and $20 worth of wine, then half on the bill seems a little unfair!! i’m not saying make an itemized listing of all purchases, but this might be a time we go 30/70 or 40/60 instead of the 50/50!! and again, i don’t have to worry about putting out at the end of the night!! there is a difference, but it’s what you make of it!!

usually when a woman offers to pay, i’ll take the tip or something like that!! but what is so funny to me is that in this world of independent women, i have been asked why wouldn’t i allow them to pay and then get put on nookie punishment when i let them!! and it has happened to other guys i know so it wasn’t just me!! explain to me why that happens??

[Reply]

miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 9:00 am}

i have been asked why wouldn’t i allow them to pay and then get put on nookie punishment when i let them!!

These chicks are crazy. If you offer to pay after I try to pay, I always let the dude pay and I don’t get mad about it.
Wow.

[Reply]

The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:33 am}

“I also like when I offer to pay, the guy still throws in a 20 or something, just to be nice.”

ummm…yeah. i like random 20 dollar bills being thrown at me too

[Reply]

genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 10:31 am}

Champ fires back at Liz: “ummm…yeah. i like random 20 dollar bills being thrown at me too.”

good luck with that Champ and if t happens 8.75 times out of 10 it’s an empty gesture. you were supposed to say: that’s ok i got it. …and without any hesitation she pulls it back. [thinking in her head he better had gotten it right hmmm] most women have major fuc*ing entitlement issues most of the time. 8.987 times out of 10 to be dam near exact. heh heh heh (inhales) whooooo!

[Reply]

Nut {July 10th, 2008 at 11:44 am}

Genius have you ever had a woman ask you out and offer to pay? Did you insist on paying or did you allow her to get the bill? Would it make you uncomfortable to let her pay? Honest questions.

[Reply]

genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 12:28 pm}

Nut interviews the khan:

Q: Genius have you ever had a woman ask you out and offer to pay?

A: Yes both

Q:Did you insist on paying?

A: on a very few ocassions.

Q: …or did you allow her to get the bill?

A: most of the time i allowed her to pay on these comparitively few ocassions. {compared to the times i’ve asked and paid}

Q: Would it make you uncomfortable to let her pay?

A: no not really but it depends on who she was and the surrounding circumstances. (i know, i know few women have this problem if thy’ve already decided to go on the date) …and like my home Giovanni the Don said: just cause you pay for a couple of meals doesn’t mean i’m gonna throw that dic*. (no wink) it’s gonna take more than a fancy assed meal to ride THE SCREAM MACHINE!

it’s been fun but if you’ll excuse me i have a spaceship to catch. direct any other questions to my publicist.

genius khan has left the planet.

[Reply]

GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 1:02 pm}

I agree…it’s usually an empty gesture…I ain’t even gonna offer to pay for the water if I know I don’t really want to…that’s ridiculous!

[Reply]

Liz {July 10th, 2008 at 11:05 am}

LOL! u sir better watch ur insinuations…

[Reply]

The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 12:05 pm}

“LOL! u sir better watch ur insinuations…”

is this a threat?

[Reply]

7 ForReal { 07.10.08 at 7:08 am }

* I agree that whoever asks on a first date pays. And i don’t ask men on dates. I always have money and offer to contribute in case he feels differently than i do, however. But I also know if our views differ on this point, there is no need for a second date.

* I think whoever does the asking gets to choose the activity. It’s nice to get input, but it’s the guys (or askers) final call.

*It’s hard to get to know people when they aren’t comfortable so any first date situation that engenders discomfort (too cheap or too expensive) is bad.

[Reply]

The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 10:01 am}

“* I think whoever does the asking gets to choose the activity. It’s nice to get input, but it’s the guys (or askers) final call.”

*** “Gethsemane(I Only Want To Say)”***

[Reply]

8 Raqi { 07.10.08 at 8:11 am }

Man should pay for at least the first three. And from there the initiator should pay or at least be prepared to do so. You should wing it from there. Mutual matches can go dutch.

I have issues of indecisiveness with some of this entry. I agree with being cheap will leave a bad taste not only in your dates mouth but also their perceptive reservoir. And one surefire way to avoid that is by staying in your league. Dating with common pursuit.

Growing up I was told constantly to live within my means. That goes for dating also. Someone mentioned yesterday, I think it was on here, about when a guy gets with a woman just to find out her style was not her own. She really can’t afford the representative that went before her. Face value can be the devil. Now does that mean she shouldn’t date at all? No it doesn’t. It simply means she needs to be herself and date within her means.

I said all of that to say when you lead with a $$$ date you only come out looking like a simpleton when you can’t maintain. If you got a $50 pocket get yourself a $50 date.

I don’t think there is such thing as not being financially capable of dating. That’s just unfair. There is a guy out there that will never see $20 an hour as long a he lives. But he deserves to be loved also. Not every one can work on Wall Street. So date and mate accordingly.

Now on the real cheapskates…yeah cheap is a very bad look.

And Champ my friend Doc says to tell you she will see your “wang in the mouth” with a “why did I just spend the last three minutes dreaming I was sucking out the core of a kiwi?”, and raise you a “and why is my mouth sticky” for you men folks that fail to follow thru.

[Reply]

The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:37 am}

“And Champ my friend Doc says to tell you she will see your “wang in the mouth” with a “why did I just spend the last three minutes dreaming I was sucking out the core of a kiwi?”, and raise you a “and why is my mouth sticky” for you men folks that fail to follow thru.”

hey, there are worse things that can happen than waking up with a vajayjay in your mouth, lol

[Reply]

genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 10:05 am}

Raqui spells it out:

“…And one surefire way to avoid that [cheap dates leaving a bad taste in your mouth and fronting skewing a daters perception of you] is by staying in your league. …So date and mate accordingly.”

women date up all the time and many times continue with that person or others [out of their league FINANCIALLYand otherwise] without the stigma that a male does. if i HAD TO bet with my life, i would say you as a woman have done so a time or eleventeen.

speak ye to the double standard that makes it more tolerable for a woman to date up [from the womans side] than a man who attempts to date up while dating out of his league. (FINANCIALLY especially)

at the end of the night, when all dates and monies have been tallied and time shall be no more:

all dates are cheap dates for women. [their purses and pocketbooks]

genius khan has left the planet…

[Reply]

Panama Jackson {July 10th, 2008 at 10:36 am}

Ya know, this is a very true sentiment. One thing I took from the Hostess initial comment was that dating within your means is a onesided bet. That only works for men. Since most women don’t really pay for shit anyway on initial dates, what is within her means anyway?

A dude might blow his was (lol) on a chick he doesnt even get a second shot with and for the chick, she got a night out on the town at a nice restaurant, etc. She got culture and he got a wave goodbye.

Brothas Against the Unnecessary Culturizing of Broke Women or

BAUCBW

[Reply]

Raqi {July 10th, 2008 at 11:06 am}

And that’s why you shouldn’t spend $$$ on a woman you are just getting to know.

Why do men put yourselves through that? There are more to impress than with the cost of the outing.

I laugh at guys talking about they spend $200-$300 on first dates just to come up empty. $250/date times 7 first dates a year = Sucker. LOL (just kidding)

But yeah, creativity and excitement does count.

[Reply]

GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 1:09 pm}

say that good shit Raqi…first dates are “getting to know you” dates… I can get to know you without taking your ass to the symphony…shit…the museum (except the TUT exhibit) is usually free…

culture these!

(I think I would make an AESOME dude!)

[Reply]

genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 1:12 pm}

Panama we got whittle that acronym down.

BAUCBW

Brothas Against the Unnecessary Culturizing of Broke Women

Brothers Against the Unecessary Caking of Ho’s.

BAUCH

i don’t know ladies and gentlemen help us out here….

while we think: story.

i’ve got a good friend who is very competitve. i’ve always been a light weight magnet when it comes to the ladys and he has gone thru a coupla failed marriages while i was chillin. so he just finished school and has a high paying job putting people to sleep before surgery. well recently we went out and this girl and i were checking for each other and before i could finish surveying the room and get a drink he picks up on the rhythm i’m catching and goes over and buys her and her girl a drink. anyways the night rolls on, he still cakingem. 3rd drink the chick [fine lil slimmy] walks up to the crowded bar area right next to where i’m sitting and waits to buy a drink. [she right in my face] so i kinda enclose her between my legs and i’m checking the vine right and when the waiter brings the drink she starts fumbling in her pocketbook unfolding, digging, looking…. she finally scrapes up enuf and takes a sip. i’m still watching [she right in my space] so she asks; where u from? A: earth. what you do etc.

well the convo goes on and i tell her where i’ll probably be on the morrow and maybe she wants to meet me and have a drink. she snaps screaming you didn’t buy my drink just now so no i wont blah blah blah blah womp womp womp. im’like dam this psycho bitch expected me to pay for her drink. it suprised me although it shouldn’t have.

anyways i was where i said i was going to be the next day taking my supper and look who shows up. she gave one of the best smoothies i’ve had in a while. no buying drinks, caking nothing. i love it when this happens.

a few things here. a false expectation and sense of entitlement. (somethings we should expect and be entitled to but)

…and my homey cake master ice, who was there too had to bear witness to strength of my pimp hand. [metaphorically speaking]

[Reply]

Miss Patterson {July 10th, 2008 at 1:53 pm}

first of all that girl is crazy. secondly “she gave one of the best smoothies i’ve had in a while” - does a smoothie mean what i think it means. if so, dayem! wtf? in the restaurant or back at your crib?

[Reply]

miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 2:57 pm}

Was the smoothie in the bathroom?

I’m just curious. LMAO!!!

So…the moral of the story is, don’t spend change when you can get it for free.

*cues up* Tela “Sho Nuff”

[Reply]

genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 3:54 pm}

the smoothie took place in the car on the way to the honeycomb hideout and thats where the smashing took place. “getting chose” [especially by a badass chick] has happened to most men every once and again and it comes with lil to no effort. [by definition] she’s still a volunteer staffer till this day and i can see in my homies eyes the amazement when he happens to come over and she’s here. its equivalent to a veritable hattrick in hockey. …hole in one, triple double.

that night i earned a certificate in shagging. LOL!

[Reply]

miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 4:18 pm}

honeycomb hideout

I know too many people who use this term.
LMAO

GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 5:13 pm}

@genius khan…why did this make me want to coem see you? lol you are still one of my favorites…I read this…I loved this…damn…(big grin) that’s all I got…

Raqi {July 10th, 2008 at 3:07 pm}

Genius something about your writing seems extremely familiar. The things you say and how you say them. I have read you posting under a different name on another blog that I read.

[Reply]

genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 3:58 pm}

Raqui you’ve felt my spirit before on another blog. do tell luv? i do from time to time crash other sites. …but what site and what other name???

[Reply]

GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 5:15 pm}

yeah the broad was nuts for goign bad on you for not buying a drink…wtf? you shouldn’t have let her anywhere near your milkshake…but as a man…turning down head, from a “badass” chick is not an option…ever! and I can appreciate that…. (wink)

[Reply]

Miss Patterson {July 10th, 2008 at 7:11 pm}

yeah it’s apparently all about the conquest…

[Reply]

genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 8:52 pm}

glad you enjoyed the read cause i enjoyed the write. wink right back at ya soft ass goody good.

[Reply]

Raqi {July 10th, 2008 at 10:41 am}

Genius the thing with double standards is you got to get in where you fit in. See you would have never found me trying to date (fluck) like a man. There are things men can get away with and even be crowned for that we women will be scoffed at for and come very close to being stoned in the village courtyard.

Life is what it tis. LOL We can’t help it.

And yes I have dated up. And out. And down.

[Reply]

The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 12:09 pm}

“Genius the thing with double standards is you got to get in where you fit in. See you would have never found me trying to date (fluck) like a man. There are things men can get away with and even be crowned for that we women will be scoffed at for and come very close to being stoned in the village courtyard.”

i agree.

[Reply]

9 Conscience { 07.10.08 at 8:21 am }

This goes back to the statement I made the other day.

Ninjas be out here in the streets raising the price of pu$$y

There is no need to spend a lot of money on a chick you don’t even know. BBD warned us all about a big butt and a smile and baby I am sorry butt hat does not get you a dinner at Ruth’s Chris.

I am all about inexpensive dates. Not because I don’t have the money moreso because I don’t know your a$$ so I am not willing to make a big investment in the getting to know you phase early in the game. You got show me a little personality and dare I say interest before I pull out some real money. There are plenty of inexpensive diggs in most mid to large size cities that will allow for an intimate conversation without breaking the bank.

Oh and @ Hostess

“Another popular casue of big-spender-itis is that a lot of dudes KNOW they have no personality use the expensive date as subterfuge. WARNING: This only works on women who aren’t used to nice things. Women who are used to nice things won’t be moistened by a big dinner bill if it doesn’t come with a side of great personality and/or good looks.”

*HIGH FIVE!*

This is so true. Chicks need to beware of the ninja dropping major coin early on. I doubt if he has much more to offer than that.

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JBoogie {July 10th, 2008 at 9:37 am}

Dropping major coinage on a first date…not impressed. I’m actually watching you very closely to see if you really are able to roll like that, or if you’re trying to hide other less than desirable “attributes”

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:38 am}

“There are plenty of inexpensive diggs in most mid to large size cities that will allow for an intimate conversation without breaking the bank.”

this is true. cats gotta do the research

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ForReal {July 10th, 2008 at 10:43 am}

“Chicks need to beware of the ninja dropping major coin early on. I doubt if he has much more to offer than that.”

True. Dudes that lead with the ‘gold’ get ‘dug’. And chicks that lead with the a$$ get f*cked. smh at all the people that set themselves up like this and then get mad when it works.

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GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 1:13 pm}

Chicks need to beware of the ninja dropping major coin early on. I doubt if he has much more to offer than that.

and he probably has a delusional “daddy” complex too! (just my experience)

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10 Jarrrod Halsey { 07.10.08 at 8:49 am }

Maybe I’m just old school, but the man ALWAYS pays for the first two dates, regardless of who asks (this is also assuming the dates go relatively well.) This is non-negotiable.

As far as cheap first dates, I just can’t. I live at home. I have no excuse for not being able to pay for a nice dinner or two.

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:43 am}

“As far as cheap first dates, I just can’t. I live at home. I have no excuse for not being able to pay for a nice dinner or two.”

yeah. back when i lived with my parents, i’d regularly do fish market or cheesecake factory first dates. now its “hey, lets meet at borders. they have the best hot chocolate”

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Jarrod Halsey {July 10th, 2008 at 1:56 pm}

LMAO. N*gga you stupid!

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11 WestIndianArchie { 07.10.08 at 8:51 am }

If I shell out, she’d better put out.

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 8:57 am}

Like my grandma say…
P ain’t free.

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Conscience {July 10th, 2008 at 9:01 am}

LOL.

You gotta pay to play!

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V Renee {July 10th, 2008 at 9:25 am}

Ummmmm rrrriiiiigggggghhhhhttttttt…………..

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 9:30 am}

^^^^
Did you just do the Nipsey Russell ala Wildcats?
*dying*

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:45 am}

i’m just gonna give you props for your screenname, a homage to the best numbers man of all time

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12 miss t-lee { 07.10.08 at 8:56 am }

does the man always pay?
If you’ve asked me out, yes I expect you to pay. Especially if it’s a first date. If we continue to date, I will eventually start asking you to do things and therefore I will pay for the outings that I suggest. I will still expect you to pay for most of the dates though.

does the financial responsibility lie with the person who set the date? Most of the time, yes.

dutch dating, yea or nay? If I’m going dutch, we are obviously friends. Yes you may be a male and we’re going to breakfast/lunch/dinner, but if I’m doing in my pocket after I eat—most likely we are friends, and friends we will stay.

should a broke adult ever ask anybody out? Depends on how creative you are.

do cheap first dates work? It can—be it coffee or just hooking up at an ice cream shop to talk, it could work. The point is not to make it look like a cheap date. There is a fine line…LMAO

should a broke dude (or chick) even bother dating? Yes—broke chicks gotta eat. CTFU

would a great first date make you reconsider romance with an otherwise mediocre potential mate, or is this question a giant oxymoron? IDK—this hasn’t happened yet.

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:47 am}

“should a broke dude (or chick) even bother dating? Yes—broke chicks gotta eat.”

you hafta admit though, “broke dudes” and “broke chicks” are apples and oranges

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genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 9:49 am}

miss t-lee’s edict: “If we continue to date, I will eventually start asking you to do things and therefore I will pay for the outings that I suggest. I will still expect you to pay for most of the dates though.”

so you expect men to do most of the asking?

if so, (assuming you both continue whatever-ing each other) how much more should he asking for your liking? (percentage estimate please %)

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 10:00 am}

I believe that the man should ask the woman out at least for the 1st couple of dates. It lets me know that you’re interested in me and you’re wanting to spend the time.
If I ask you out, you already know I want to spend time with you.
I guess a better way of explaining it would be if I see something interesting that I would like to do ( museum exhibit, concert or something) and it was out of the blue, say like tomorrow, I would ask if he wanted to go and I would get the tickets.

Since you asked for a percentage, I’m gonna go with 72%.

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genius khan {July 10th, 2008 at 9:02 pm}

72% seems reasonable t-lee. probably wouldn’t even NEED to do that if i felt you were genuine. it’s the heir of entitlement that stinks in my nose. [you've smelled this attitude or given it before, we all have] with me, humility in dating and a willingness to genuinely roll princely or pauper-ish will make me determined to give you my best. [that doesen't NECESSARILY mean spending wildly] face it you’re already with me, im with you; how fly is that!

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Raqi {July 10th, 2008 at 10:54 am}

“If I’m going dutch, we are obviously friends. ”

Huh? Are you speaking first date, 15th date or any date?

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 11:07 am}

Unless I ask you out, this would be any date.

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 12:10 pm}

“Unless I ask you out, this would be any date”

even with a bf?

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 2:08 pm}

You didn’t say bf.
You said dates and dating.
This is a little different.

If it’s a boyfriend—things change.

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Raqi {July 10th, 2008 at 12:25 pm}

And what may I ask will be your role in that type of dating relationship? To just show up and look pretty? You know pretty gets to be common after a while.

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 2:07 pm}

“To just show up and look pretty? ”

Exactly.
::snicker::

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13 No More Heroes { 07.10.08 at 9:30 am }

I dont think there should be any rule at all, people need to do whatever they feel comfortable doing. Assess the situation and respond accordingly. The girl I’m currently seeing paid for every date we went on for the first couple of months, because she knew I was laid off when she met me. She decided I was worth getting to know and so she shouldered the responsibility. Where most women would run, she rode out for me and that showed me that I wasnt dealing with a run-of-the-mill woman.

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:48 am}

“The girl I’m currently seeing paid for every date we went on for the first couple of months, because she knew I was laid off when she met me. She decided I was worth getting to know and so she shouldered the responsibility. Where most women would run, she rode out for me and that showed me that I wasnt dealing with a run-of-the-mill woman.”

sounds like you found a keeper

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No More Heroes {July 10th, 2008 at 10:12 am}

Yep, which would be great if I was ready to settle down…

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Miss Patterson {July 10th, 2008 at 11:51 am}

*smh*

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miss t-lee {July 10th, 2008 at 12:01 pm}

Ain’t that a chocolate chip cookie.

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The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 12:11 pm}

“Yep, which would be great if I was ready to settle down…”

yeah. i know the feeling.

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The Queen {July 10th, 2008 at 12:19 pm}

LOL I hope you know that you have just ruined her generous spirit for all men after you. Sheesh. lol

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GOODENess {July 10th, 2008 at 1:20 pm}

(the set up)…champ ~ sounds like you found a keeper

(the punchline)…NMH ~ Yep, which would be great if I was ready to settle down…

(the truth)… queen ~I hope you know that you have just ruined her generous spirit for all men after you.

***noah AND the ark***

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Nut {July 11th, 2008 at 2:06 am}

Naw, that’s some bullsh*t!!!

She decided I was worth getting to know and so she shouldered the responsibility. Where most women would run, she rode out for me and that showed me that I wasnt dealing with a run-of-the-mill woman.

You right, you right there were no heros in this scenario. Rode it out for you indeed!

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Miss Patterson {July 10th, 2008 at 7:15 pm}

yep. ditto.

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14 JBoogie { 07.10.08 at 9:33 am }

“Maybe I’m just old school, but the man ALWAYS pays for the first two dates, regardless of who asks (this is also assuming the dates go relatively well.) This is non-negotiable. ”

I’m old school as well, which means that I DON’T ask men on first dates. I will initiate convo with him, but I feel that asking HIM doesn’t really indicate his level of interest. Plus, I’d be wondering if he agreed just to “get out of the house” so to speak. Everyone I’ve ever dated indicated THEIR interest first, shy or not. So of course, they’ve paid for the date. I, of course, would offer to put SOMETHING on it, but the decent ones told me not to even think about it.
As far as the cost of the date, I think $50-70 dollars is not unreasonable for a first date (dinner, maybe drinks, a movie, etc.) If we went to a gallery opening or other cultural event, cost is not an issue-creativity is. After we’ve established mutual interest and gone out a few times, there is no problem with the person initiating the outing (male or female) paying for expenses. This at least should show that both parties have some sort of means (watch if they pay with credit, though).

At this stage in the game for me, I’m not one for nonsense. I roll on a certain level and I expect the man to roll on a similar level. If he doesn’t, we won’t work, and there’s no need to be bothered. I prefer to be single, always have money, and enjoy myself rather than coupled up and broke any day.

[Reply]

The Champ {July 10th, 2008 at 9:51 am}

“I prefer to be single, always have money, and enjoy myself rather than coupled up and broke any day.”

i was with you up until this line. what does this have to do with dating?

[Reply]

JBoogie {July 10th, 2008 at 10:14 am}

Probably not relevant to the convo at hand…but I tend to run ahead in my thought processes. But I’ll expound on what I mean. If you date someone long enough, one or both parties will start to believe/assume that you are an “item”. When that happens, certain other things come into play. If one person can’t afford to “pay and play”, so to speak, then the other feels “trapped” within certain limitations. For instance, last week I was talking with my ex’s wife. She told me a story about the first year they dated, where there were supposed to go to Atlanta together. He claimed he would buy the plane tix. However, at the time, he was barely able to pay his bills…so of course he didn’t buy the tickets. When she found out, she was po’ed…because she’d already taken time off and everything. So in essence, he couldn’t “pay to play”. She forgave him (that in itself is another story) but that would have been a wrap for me.