So I came across this article on CNN.com and I’ll be damned if it ain’t perfect for our little corner of the Internet. Now, most of you have gone out on dates before. Some of you have not; it’s okay, you still have time. You’ll probably grow out of your face at some point.
Zing!
Them’s jokes. VSB.com only attractes the highest caliber of mirrorability. So. I maintain, most of us have gone out on first dates. Well, according to CNN.com, here are 6 things that you shouldn’t do on a first date (it doesn’t mention pulling out your schlong and attempting to place it on her forehead, but if you read between the lines…it’s there).
Gander.
1. Introduce unfamiliar grooming regimens into your routine. Never had a Brazilian wax? Today’s not the day to try it. Ditto to shelling out for that new, expensive, zit-zapping, wrinkle-eradicating, sun-damage-reversing miracle cleanser you read about in Allure. Sure, both of these things might work out well, but there’s also the possibility you’ll be left with festering scabs, ingrown hairs, or worse.
If you’re prone to festering scabs AND giving it up on the first night, then I’m with CNN.com. Just…ewww.
3. Get liquored up first. I know you’re tense, but guzzling three martinis before you meet him is not a good idea. You probably haven’t eaten all day and the combination of stress, hunger and booze is not a good one. Because I’m not completely heartless, you can have up to one glass of wine. But no more. Promise me — no more!
Do, however, get liquored up AFTERwards. What better way to break the ice than with liquor induced conversation. Plus it gives you a better excuse when you give it up on the first night….assuming of course you can’t find your panties and you decide to just let him touch your booty! Score.
4. Not eat if you’re on a dinner date. Women always think they look dainty picking at a small green salad with just a lemon wedge while their date plows through the surf & turf. Wrong. They just look sad, hungry and possibly eating disordered. Even if you’re spazzing on the inside, skip the bunny food and order a normal human-sized meal.
This is important. If you’re not going to eat, then we’re not going to a restaurant. Point blank. Period. We can just skip the theatrics and go straight for the funnin’. If you’re not going to eat like a rabbit (salad), then I suppose you may as well just f*ck like one.
6. Play make-believe. When you drop lies designed to impress — like claiming to be a Foucault scholar or are actually Johnny Cash’s second cousin — it’s pretty much a given that you’re going to get busted. Either your date will turn out to be some kind of philosophically minded smarty-pants and want to debate you, or he’ll be Johnny Cash’s third cousin, wondering why you weren’t at the last family reunion.
Eh, if you’re just trying to procure panties, just lie. It’s more effective. She probably wouldn’t date you if she knew the real you. Think, 40-Year-Old Virgin.
*******
I let CNN.com do the dirty work today, but what are some other do’s and don’ts for going on a first date? And yes, everybody knows one should “be themself” so keep that one.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka MR. MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK
ADMIN. NOTES:
1) The Champ and I will be featured on a Battle of the Sexes feature on Juice Radio Thursday swith Miz D and Real Talk Now at 730pm this evening. You can check out the show here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/juiceradio
Check it out as men and women discuss their gripes with one another. The Champ and I do this stupendously since women are all crazy.
2) The DC VSB Happy Hour will be taking place next Wednesday, November 12 starting at 6pm at Mahogany Restaurant and Lounge @ Bohemian Caverns, 11th and U Street, NW, Washington, DC. I’ll send more information out to everybody via evite with the emails that were sent to me. But mark your calenders. Next Wednesday. 6-10pm. I’ll try to come up with some drink specials too…
Related posts:
- How To Snag A Last Minute Valentine’s Date
- Is Age Nothing But A Number?: 5 Reasons To Date Somebody Older Than Yourself
- Link of The Week: Next.
- how to date a virgin (if you think you must) in 700 words or less
- four completely practical and non-racist reasons why i never have and most likely never will date a white woman
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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
Don’t tell your whole life dayum story. As much as I love to hear/tell a great story, I don’t want to get that deep into your history when we aren’t even “like that” yet. Keep the fare light, please and thank you.
I’ve marked my calendar for the DC VSB thingy-ma-jib. I’ll be down there, people-watching and drankin’ as usual.
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:07 am
“I’ve marked my calendar for the DC VSB thingy-ma-jib. I’ll be down there, people-watching and drankin’ as usual.”
Overit and I will definitely be in the house.
Yes Overit, I did just speak for you, lol.
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overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:37 am
Overit and I will definitely be in the house.
Yes Overit, I did just speak for you, lol.
lol, good call 8th. i’ll be there:)
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Lil'T Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Me too. If I can ever find my way out of PG….
lol.
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Do it Lil ‘T. I mean, we don’t want to upstage the Chi town happy hour but it prob can’t be helped;)
Luv ya Luvvies!
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I dont feel the Luv, Overit. I dont feel it not one bit.
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
You must feel it! I send glitter blessings every time you make me laugh at work, which is like every hour. We’ll make it up to you come January. IG chapters of the world unite!
Tani Joy Reply:
November 10th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
I’m with you, I don’t care that you were the MVP for your Jr high school team… Nicca you are 29, and unemployed. The NBA is not your friend lol
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you guys need to have an inauguration day bash….I am definitely planning on being in DC for that….
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Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:29 am
I was thinking this also.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:05 am
that is true…i’ll keep you posted…since SO many folks will be in DC we’ll have to do something or other…
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Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Damn, I’ve been calling around the DC area and damn near every hotel is booked.
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GOODENess Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
(light bukb goes off above my head) that just means that local VSB-ers need to start running security checks on us non-local VSB-ers so we can have sleep overs all over the DMV.. goodeness@gmail.com I am coming to an area near you and I need a place to crash, let’s UNITE here people…SI SE PUEDE! (and shit)
miss patterson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
monk, I’ll send you some links via myspace to check out for housing.
I havent been on a first date in so long…
I would say, Dont try any new lotions, creams, soap or makeup.. I did this before a presentation and broke out in hives…it was not pretty and I am sure that all that scratching made everyone else uncomfortable
Dont try out your brand new come f!ck me pumps…as I recall on dates you always end up walking some where and nothing pi$$es a man off more than a woman who did not dress appropriately and is complaining the whole time
a caveat to the comment above do dress appropriately for the occassion. If you are going to the zoo you do not need to be in skin tight skirt and 5 inch heels orbetter yet having to walk barefoot because you wore the wrong shoes that shyt is tacky as he.ll( I saw this up close and personal at the fair, I mean really? you at the fair in your video vixen best 5 inch heels and all?)
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PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:35 am
“I saw this up close and personal at the fair, I mean really? you at the fair in your video vixen best 5 inch heels and all?”
This reminds me of the chick I saw in the grocery store last weekend in high heels, leggings w/her tittays out in a low cut top. I was like “For real, club gear to buy frozen waffles?? Safeway got a dance floor in the back? Who’s spinnin’??”
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Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:40 am
Who’s spinnin’??”
DJ Clueless and Funk Master Mess
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:04 am
“Funk Master Mess”
L-M-A-O
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:38 am
lmao @ Funk Master Mess.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Funk Master Mess. Alise, u STOOPID! lol
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:16 am
Must’ve been Halloween…chicks LOVE to dress like hoes on Halloween.
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:19 am
Must’ve been Halloween…chicks LOVE to dress like hoes on Halloween.
you aint lying
I mean it always amazes me how many chicks come in 1 piece jumpsuits with a kitten head band or some type of black spandex tube dress talking about I’m cat woman or Im a video girl(wtf when did this become a costume).. no ma’am you a chick that is using halloween to be on some ho shyt at work…
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:32 am
you aint lying
I mean it always amazes me how many chicks come in 1 piece jumpsuits with a kitten head band or some type of black spandex tube dress talking about I’m cat woman or Im a video girl(wtf when did this become a costume).. no ma’am you a chick that is using halloween to be on some ho shyt at work…
shoutout to the H.H.I.C (head howes in charge)
Charles loves ya.
Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I need to work where u work
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:16 am
It was the day after Halloween, so if she was pulling “Halloween Ho-tivity”, she was not only a garden tool, she was a stank one.
And another place I think it’s inappropriate to have “The Girls” on display is an underground hip-hop show. My crew and I (yes, I travel w/my more people from time to time) saw 2 chicks in all their slore-y glory while everybody else rocked the fly comfortable look @ an LB show a week ago, looking like they had an agenda that had nothing to do w/enjoying the music. I just shook my head.
Oh, don’t have your tittays out @ church either.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:39 am
“And another place I think it’s inappropriate to have “The Girls” on display is an underground hip-hop show. ”
I agree.. not only this, but to a spoken word/poetry night… we have these monthly in my city and the girls who come in there looking like “after-the-show-its-the-after party” are so out of place. Takes me back to Sesame Street, “One of these kids just don’t belong here”. You can keep it sexy without throwing on the glitter and your tightest dress.
eff yo couch Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:40 am
“Oh, don’t have your tittays out @ church either.”
I can’t co-sign this, because looking at exposed tittays during church service keeps me from falling asleep
Lil'T Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I think you may be the devil. Like, for realz.
Although I did see a chick at church a few weeks ago with a mini-dress and hooker 6″ stilettos. No tittay action – but enough leg to incite extra prayer and a lap scarf from the ushers.
eff yo couch Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 9:34 am
“I think you may be the devil. Like, for realz.”
Yeah, my friends call me Lucifer, lol. Seriously, I know looking at T&A , should be the last thing on my mind during church, but what can I say . . .I’m a man. Any man that says they don’t look at that while in church is a damn lie.. Besides this is a neccessary evil. If it wasn’t for sister so&so wearing her stipper outfit to church, I probably would have been sleep and wouldn’t be able to hear the word . . .which is my main purpose for being at church in the first place. Well that and making in rain the the collection baskets. lol
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 9:54 am
lol @ the lap scarf
Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:27 am
sometimes u jus stumble into the church right from the club. i’ve done it before.
malaika Reply:
November 7th, 2008 at 8:44 am
shaggy’s church heathen making sense now? lol
Deviant Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
exactly. there is nothing else to do but glance at cleavage.
Lil'T Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 9:23 am
I’ve seen this too, PBG. It’s a tragic scene. To be honest, though, a few years (and pounds) ago it might have been me. (did I just say that out loud?)
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:11 am
And another place I think it’s inappropriate to have “The Girls” on display is an underground hip-hop show.
i fervently disagree with this. that’s the perfect place for it…
to quote apparently underground VSB fan favorite Phonte from Little Brother:
“…Even though ya’ll niggas might not cuss like me//
At the end of the night ya’ll just trying to f*ck like me…”
everybody’s trynna get their jollies so the chicks with the puppies on display are just speeding up the process…
some folks jollies just include croutons, chewsticks, and hemp. besides, breasts-on-display chicks are deep and like little brother too…
further, they’re groupies-in-training, they figure trying to sleep with a broke rapper with a famous name will springboard them to the rich rappers with big names…its a steppingstone.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Mmmmm….croutons.
PeeJay! Stop distracting me w/yummy food references! I stand by my assertion that over-exposed breasticles have no place in underground hip-hop! Save that shyt for Usher and T-Pain!
But being sympathetic to Eff’s plight, ladies, if you must @ church…sit in the back w/the rest of the sinners. I promise not to suck my teeth too loudly when you slide into my pew.
eff yo couch Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
“church…sit in the back w/the rest of the sinners.”
Yeap, the back row at church, I get some of my best sleep on that row
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
“further, they’re groupies-in-training, they figure trying to sleep with a broke rapper with a famous name will springboard them to the rich rappers with big names…its a steppingstone.”
A gateway lay…if you will.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
If someone is in church, who cares if there breasts are out?
It isn’t for us to judge. We got to remove the hypocrisy from organized religion and stop pointing fingers and elevating ourselves above God by judging folk.
that was the message from this Sunday’s sermon at my church.
A service at which I had some unintentional cleavage on display.
Deviant Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
let the cleavage be free!
V Renee Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
“It isn’t for us to judge. We got to remove the hypocrisy from organized religion and stop pointing fingers and elevating ourselves above God by judging folk.”
I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY! That’s one of my main problems with organized religion, the hyprocrisy in it.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
is that a damp quilt i see you totting, V.E.G.?? lol j/k (well, only slightly)
but i feel you. i sit in the third center pew so i don’t even see what might be going on in others parts of the church. too focused on praise and the Word. *waving hand* yes, lawd.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Slightly damp. lol.
I sit in the back to stay away from the judging elder woman who hold down the front.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
lol. what’s so funny is, at my church, all the old ppl sit in the back or on the sides. or downstairs and just watch the service on a big screen tv. it seems like the “families” sit up front. i get there just in time to see where the kids are sitting so i can sit behind them. the last time i sat in front of a row of kids i had cheeto dander all over the back of my white sweater (damn kids!).
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
girl…I’d have had to turn around and give those kids ‘the look’.
We have some old biddies that hold down the right side of the church…I avoid them, too.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
problem is. i didn’t know about it until AFTER service was over and my girl was like, that little kid left a nice little print on your back. i was RED hot.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I too have been guilty of the unintentional cleavage. Actually, I am a repeat offender. Then again, I could wear a potato sack and STILL coldn’t hide these puppies…. *sigh*
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
ewl… BBMo can’t spell today.
and i agree… like i said in the past judge not… our church has very laxed dress codes for a reason… come as you are before the Throne. He doesn’t see your clothes, He sees your heart.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I see yo’ heart too, BBMo! Put on a dang-on Dickey!!
lmao!!
No offense, but I LOVE clownin’ “The Chuch”. I can’t stand organized religion. I am probably the most irreverent person you’d ever meet when it comes to religion, and it just burns the h3ll out my Mama.
Church…hmph! Controlling folks w/fear, rhetoric, ritual and dogma. That is NOT Christ-like @ all. I roll w/Jesus and his Daddy, that’s it. No extras.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Then again, I could wear a potato sack and STILL coldn’t hide these puppies…. *sigh*
I feel you BBM, I feel you. *smh and sighing*
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I could wear a potato sack and STILL coldn’t hide these puppies….
i so don’t have this problem
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
@Gem
you so don’t WANT this problem
the next time i have to buy a shirt two sizes too big so it will fit my chest, i will SCREAM. my tailoring bill is re-donkulous.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
well can you donate some my way?? lol
GOODENess Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
ok I won’t have the girls out, but I will rock some shorts or something depending on the venue and the weather.,.at RTB last year I had on SHOWTS but it was a 13 hour concert, outside in august…lol…but titties are for R&B shows not the TRUE SCHOOL!
REAL WOMEN HEART (and respect) UNDERGROUND HIP HOP!!!
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
I love you Goodie! I’ll throw on some shorts in summer in a minute!! We do sooo *heart* underground hip-hop!
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:06 am
don’t front. the Safeway in NE on Rhode Island is just as good as the club…same with the Giant on 7th Street in NW
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PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
OK, how did you know those were “my” grocery stores?? LMAO!!
kamakula Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
the publix i went to in tallahasse was featured in playboy as one of the top places to pick up chicks. informally known as club publix it was indeed the spot to grocery shop while checking out the chicks in high heels and low cut skirts.
anecdotally, there was another hangout spot in town called café cabernet. on wednesday nights, it acquired the moniker of café divorcé.
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Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Shay-d, I heart you for using “vixen” as oppose to the other word
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Don’t dress too provocatively I say. Leave something to the imagination, like for realz. I ain’t saying wear a potato sack, but in the stadium of life men are already thinking about sex, no need to put your titties on the Jumbo-tron, nah mean?
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:17 am
LOL I didnt have titays back when I was dating… but I got some girls now and boy they can be hard to contain sometimes…
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aja Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:07 am
I ain’t saying wear a potato sack, but in the stadium of life men are already thinking about sex, no need to put your titties on the Jumbo-tron, nah mean?
LOL..True dat.
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:08 am
“titties on the Jumbotron”
btw, this is also the working title of 8th wonder’s upcoming autobiography, detailing her time as a ballgirl with the memphis grizzles
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Ain’t no jumbotron around that can hold these sweater kittens.
And I luv you too, boo.
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PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Oh Lawd…I don’t wanna laugh @ the expense of my girl 8th Wondra!! Hold my mule!!
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Laugh on, PBGizzle, cause I certainly did.
Can’t wait to meet you next wednesday!
Now. Can you take this mule back? He smells.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I’ll put him out on Alise’s unicorn ranch.
Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
….for a nominal fee, please and thank u. My unicorn babies can’t eat no books….
KindredSmile Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Hehe love the name, Alise!
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first is my birthday! dand i’m tipsy and a lil sicky both not great for first dates. ddefinitely not sharing all of your crazy life story: ain’t nobody want to know about your uncle joe who creeped on his 3 wives and died when his heart condition was aggreviated by p*ssy galore, stripper wonder of scranton, pennsylvania. keep the conversation light and whatnot.
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aja Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:08 am
Happy birthday!
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MsSula Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:26 am
Happy Birthday!
May you have all the goat-filled pepper soup your heart desires!
And take care of yourself about that sicky thing.
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PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Happy Birthday, Puff!
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Happy Birthday
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 9:57 am
¡feliz cumpleaños!
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kamakula Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:09 am
ip ip ip hooray!
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puff Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:30 am
lol thank you!
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Dorian G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Happy Birthday
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:43 am
happy Birthday
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:47 am
APPY BAIDAY TOU, APPY BAIDAY TO U, APPY BAIDAY to u, Dear Puff, APPY BAIDAY TO U!!
*Takes a swig of Bailey’s*
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:01 am
hahaha youze a fuuuul
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Beez Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Happy Birthday!!! Hooray for November b-days!!
*sippin Kool-Aid: the red kind*
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:59 am
*pulls out half full flask from the desk and takes birthday swig*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!
The Guiness is on me!
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:09 am
happy birthday. may your birthday be an orgasmic one
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
i agree with this. have a great day!
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:26 am
happy birthday.
pop champagne and get arab money.
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:28 am
happy bday
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KindredSmile Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Happy Bday!
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V Renee Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
“Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea”
Oh wait, wrong song. I meant -
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Happy Bday to ya!
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genius khan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
dam puff u reality blogging today. “…aggreviated by puss*e.” fuk did u say? scripper wonder of scranton pa.?
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooo!
happy birthday wether we like it or not huh? now isn’t it?
salute!
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Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Happy Born Day Puff!! Mine’s the 16th!!
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GOODENess Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
HAPPY B(EARTH)DAY PUFF the MAGIC DRAGON!!
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miss patterson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
happy birthday puff!!
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Akin to getting liquored up, please refrain from gettin high. While I understand that some are more comfortable in this state, I was not comfortable being in Mr. High’s extra giddy presence.
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:41 am
I w ould ammend this to say no getting high or use of any drugs prior to finding out if your date is into this too… I mean if they are cool but if not you might want to let them know a little later that you smoke an ounce of weed a day.( my sister and her boyfriend (the one with the horse in the hood smoke like this thats how they knew it was love)…LOL
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Deviant Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
my sister and her boyfriend (the one with the horse in the hood smoke like this thats how they knew it was love)…LOL
they sound like good people
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:10 am
welcome and sh*t
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im_the_sweetest Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I would say don’t get high…. get buzzed. If I cant hit fresh flowers to calm my nerves… you can swig that shot, drink that good looking yet disgusting tasting fru-fru drink.
I am not advocating smoking an ounce, going to an upscale rest and ordering the entire menu with yo munchie having self, nor am I saying go to a dramatic movie or play and laughing uncontrollably at the death scene cause ol’ boy made “the face”.
But if flowers set your nerves at ease, go ahead and light on, inhale slowly and self regulate.
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V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
“But if flowers set your nerves at ease, go ahead and light on, inhale slowly and self regulate.”
Yes a toke or two can do the body good.
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I’d say just be creative without being a trick or coming off as trying to impress. Make it light-hearted, fun, and romantic if by previous conversations you want to take it there.
If there’s a common interest like say…real hip hop music, go to a show with some local cats who really get down. Follow it up with coffee, dessert, or a cocktail and you got a relatively inexpensive date where both parties have had a blast and got some time to get to know each other.
Or, if you establish something else of common interest (bowling, pool, festival, museum, theatre, etc.), do that. Something of activity is always better as oppose to just sitting at a dinner table.
Not to mention, you don’t wanna take a chick out and spend $57 dollars on each of your plates plus the bottle of wine for just sitting across from each other.
Be creative.
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Jay_Delicious Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:55 am
and how might one reserve a firs date with Monk?
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PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:03 am
“…go to a show with some local cats who really get down. Follow it up with coffee, dessert, or a cocktail…”
Change that coffee and desert to 4 wings w/extra mumbo sauce from Yum’s and you have increased your chances of a 2nd date w/PBG by about 61%.
*shrug* I’m just sayin’…I love chicken wings.
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Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:31 am
I got u on the chicken wings on ur 15th 21st birthday. deal?
Reply
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Oh, yeah…you’ve got a deal!
*pumps tiny fist*
YESSSS!!!
Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
I might have to call it off, due to your really really ridiculously small fist that you and Luvvie love to pump. lol jk
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Yums! I’m hungry now..
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
I gots to give it to you that is one superior yard bird pick. I mean it’s 1st ever dinner w/ 1st jr high school girlfriend crush dinner safe.
GF Dad; What piece of chicen do you want young man
Dude; Wing
GF Fam; *shocked eye*
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Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:30 am
I agree with the creativity, I’m like, “dang I like the movies, but not the first date Generic George or Bland Barry”….
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:02 am
movies on a 1st date is a no no for me. you can’t even have a conversation. i need to be able to assess something about your character and personality and that’s awfully hard to do when “silence is golden”
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Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:33 am
why ppl on here act like they dont talk to the movies? i take all my first dates to the ghetto movie theatre. the one where no one buys anything from the concession stands and everyone sneaks their food in. and we all scream at the screen. i wanna see how she reacts to the hood. u can learn alot about a woman by what she yells at the screen and what food she sneaks in.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:51 am
lol. i used to love going to hood spots back when i was in my own hood in cali. but now that i’m grown and living in a western pa city, i stay away from all things hood (except the bbq joint around the way–the wings are on point). here i go to the movie theaters that have plush cushy seats, cost $5 on the weekdays, have majority 2520 employees, and sell soft pretzels (not the gourmet kind, those suck). and i won’t front–i have been known to yell at the screen a time or 2.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:13 am
“why ppl on here act like they dont talk to the movies?’
to me, this is grounds for a shanking, especially if i havent seen the flick before.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I agree.
*shakes head*
Did I just say that?
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
on the other hand, you can go to a foreign film with subtitles.
this serves a dual purpose: for one, you CAN talk during foreign films b/c some of y’all ninjas can ONLY read outloud…
but also, you can find out if your date can read:
you: *administering test* what’d that just say?
him/her: ummm…ummmm…
you: spit it out, ninja!
him/her: ummm…um….my mind’s telling me nooooooooooooooo!
ole r.kelly lookin’ boy.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
“you: *administering test* what’d that just say?
him/her: ummm…ummmm…
you: spit it out, ninja!
him/her: ummm…um….my mind’s telling me nooooooooooooooo!”
DEAD.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
lmao Peej.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:41 am
“Something of activity is always better as oppose to just sitting at a dinner table. ”
aaaaahhh, creativity… Will you marry me??? LOL .
j/k
Reply
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Monk, this is a great list. i can appreciate the thoughtfulness in these suggestions.
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SouthernCharm Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Great list. I would also suggest experiencing something new together. No, you probably can’t take her virginity, but you can take her to that wine bar you’ve been wanting to check out for while. Sit back, converse, and just let that Red Riesling charm her panties off.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:47 am
wine bar?? Riesling?? i’m in love. dammit, SC, i need to know more brothas like you.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Red Riesling
as the resident Cornell Wine Expert (I took the class and drank my way to an A) I approve of the use of this varietal as an aphrodesiac….
White Merlot is also quite effective…
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Red Riesling–
i’m going to have to try this… i’ve only had white.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I would also suggest experiencing something new together. No, you probably can’t take her virginity
damn!
MsSula@Work Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
A man who knows his wine. <3
Roter Riesling is where it’s at.
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Good addition SC. I actually know a spot that has free wine tastings every Saturday during the afternoon. It’s a good way to break the ice and catch a buzz before doing something else.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:15 am
i too appreciate the creativity and i’m a *fairly* cheap date… my best first date ever was a long walk in the park on a sunny afternoon. we stopped at the playground, fed ducks, lounged on the grass under a big maple tree, then made paper boats and sailed them on a lake. it left lots of time for talking, getting to know someone and being able to just relax… afterwards we went for bomb ceviche (who knew that he knew about that?!) and dos equis at this little mexican place….
co-incidentally–or not, i married this person.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:48 am
awwwwwwww that is the cutest thing EVER!!!
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Do: Maintain eye contact when conversing, touch when appropriate, and make each other laugh.
Don’t: Look at everyone but your date, then attempt to remove her bra after engaging in lackluster conversation.
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:36 am
LOL how does one move from lack luster convo to bra removal.. I mean no in between did they pull the old yawn and around shoulders bit? I am trying to picture that scenario….LMAO all of the ones in my head are hilarious
so how bout that election
scoots next to you real close
sticks hand under shirt real fast
BAM fied on..
date over
LMAO
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overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:42 am
so how bout that election
scoots next to you real close
sticks hand under shirt real fast
BAM fied on..
date over
All I know is that ninjas was getting away with murder on Tuesday in DC lmao. This one dude would not leave the girl next to me alone like “man I’m so happy, I can’t stop hugging you”. I was dying.
Don’t: Look at everyone but your date, then attempt to remove her bra after engaging in lackluster conversation.
I wish a ninja would.
How you communicate is so key. Eye contact, listening and responding thoughtfully, as if you heard what I said goes a long way…and is just basic home training!
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kamakula Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:13 am
LoL, ah Tuesday night, the things I do in the name of President Obama. . .
kamakula Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:12 am
once the hand is under the shirt, the bra is off . . . unless you’re trying to trick a brotha with one of those that clasps at the front.
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puff Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:33 am
i know someone who can take a bra off without putting a hand under the shirt. i’d call him gifted if he hadn’t done it to me twice in public.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:11 am
What in the houdini hell….
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:20 am
I’m stealing this line… don’t worry, I’ll credit the source.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:15 am
i know someone who can take a bra off without putting a hand under the shirt. i’d call him gifted if he hadn’t done it to me twice in public.
i used to be able to do this too, but the milk incident of the summer of 07 has made me unable to pull this off now
puff Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:29 am
expound.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:48 am
no
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Everytime Champ says a plain “no”, I chortle. One word was never meant to be that funny.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Sounds like the Zoolander sityo where he could’t turn left or the character David Duchoveney played.
V Renee Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Whenever he says no, I just make up my own story to tie to the incident.
For example when he says “i used to be able to do this too, but the milk incident of the summer of 07 has made me unable to pull this off now”
The story is that Champ was feeling this chick who he used to have ummmmm let’s go with “relations” with. They lost contact with one another, and she popped back up in his life about 10 months later. He thought that they would just pick up where they left off at, so when she came to his house and sat on his couch, he tried his Casanova routine, slid his hand under her shirt to unsnap her bra. What Champ didn’t know is that the reason ol girl had disappeared for 10 months because she was knocked up and recently had a baby (which she failed to tell him about). Well once the bra was unsnapped, her breastess spouted out milk like someone had just took the cap off of a fire hydrant. Milk sprayed all over Champ, his couch, table, pretty much everywhere.
Since this incident, he refuses to unsnap bras on unsuspecting ladies.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
V Renee, that is actually what I imagined as well.
But reading it instead of thinking it was so much better.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
lmao! i had the thought of a breast-milk incident as well.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
“The story is that Champ was feeling this chick who he used to have ummmmm let’s go with “relations” with. They lost contact with one another, and she popped back up in his life about 10 months later. He thought that they would just pick up where they left off at, so when she came to his house and sat on his couch, he tried his Casanova routine, slid his hand under her shirt to unsnap her bra. What Champ didn’t know is that the reason ol girl had disappeared for 10 months because she was knocked up and recently had a baby (which she failed to tell him about). Well once the bra was unsnapped, her breastess spouted out milk like someone had just took the cap off of a fire hydrant. Milk sprayed all over Champ, his couch, table, pretty much everywhere.”
v renee, your name isn’t really k***i*d**e, is it?
V Renee Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
“v renee, your name isn’t really k***i*d**e, is it?”
Nope can’t say that it is. Or are you trying to be funny?
Do: Have a couple of conversations before going out together. And I don’t mean for exchanging directions either. Even if it’s supposed to be a blind date, make sure you talk to the person prior. There is nothing worse than wasting 2 hours of precious time entertaining someone extremely boring.
Don’t: Go to the movies. I think there is nothing worse than going to the movies for a first date. I am a movie junkie, I like to focus on my movie while in the theater. I can’t stand people who talk at the movies. Meanwhile, isn’t the first date supposed to be “get to know each other” time?
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PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:07 am
I agree, Ms. Sula. Going to the movies is the wackest of wack first dates. Sitting in the dark w/a stranger? Nah, I’ll pass. I’d rather hang out at the playground, ya know?
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:30 am
…that’s where I saw this cutie. This girl was swingin’ and she looked so fly.
sorry. couldn’t resist!
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Beez Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:57 am
It was the jam, though… and then they hit puberty.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I was hoping somebody couldn’t! Good job, D*Pain!
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
i saw these fools in concert once. *sigh* i lost my young mind that day. lol.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
you know, thinking about ABC reminds me of something. people often get on Jay-Z about being a not so good record exec, but people forget how bad Michael Bivins was at that shit. do you all remember the East Coast Family video? there were no less than 25 acts in that video and to date, only Boyz II Men, MC Brains, and ABC had any success. There was the group WhiteGuyz, Mark Finesse, and a bevy of other random arse groups that never amounted to jack sh*t.
yep, michael bivins blew arse.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Panama…how. could. you? “Michael Bivins blew arse”????? Are you crazy? How could you call the man that put one of the Bs in BBD an arse-blower? This is the same man that brought us such hits as “Candy Girl,” “Poison,” “When Will I See You Smile Again,” “End of the Road,” “Mr. Telephone Man” and much much more! HOW DARE YOU bad mouth an American hero! Sure he was last seen d*ck-riding Diddy on Making the Band as one of Puff’s b*tches. And sure this took place after Puffy prostituted New Edition for the umpteenth time. But Michael still deserves our respect!
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
he deserves respect for the things you mentioned, yes. but he was not able to translate that across the lines to the ECF. he dropped the ball on that one.
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
MC Brains had success??
I wonder if he would’ve called himself “brains” if he knew that in the future it would be the euphemism it is today…
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Going to the movies on the first date makes me uncomfortable… the seats are restrictive, I can’t show proper body language if I’m feeling you (and I don’t mean sitting on his lap. LOL!)
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:29 am
“(and I don’t mean sitting on his lap. LOL!)”
fantasy muchy much? Sunny?
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
I know. I’m always talking about sitting on someone’s lap….
Ahhh, celibacy… I daydream A LOT! LOL.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Yep.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
i understand. believe me i do.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
we know, gem. we know.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
a har har har har har.
Jen Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I LOOOOOVE dinner and a movie combos. You go to the movies first, then afterward go to dinner and discuss the movie. You learn a lot about a person based on their film selection/preferences, and movies always contain a lot of conversation starters.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
i like this too, just not as a 1st date. actually i went to the movies a few months ago with this dude as a 2nd date. after the movie i asked him if he liked the movie and he said “yes.” i asked what he liked about it and he said “it was funny.” maybe this shoulda been a 1st date and i could have spared myself the trouble of seeing him a second time. *smh*
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MsSula@Work Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
In a nutshell.
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
oh no gem! not the “it was good” movie response. smh…
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
i might as well have seen the movie by myself and talked to the wind about it afterwards. coulda been a good time.
@ Panama & the Champ
What’s up with January 20, 2009, when brother Obama gets inaugurated? I know I’ll be in DC that day and the night before. Will you guys be throwing another VSB get-together? If so I think you guys need to go all out and shyt. Drink specials, free buffet, strippers, the whole nine. This is cause for a celebration!!!!!
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:59 am
my bad, I didn’t read the comments before I suggested an inauguration party. but you know what they say about great minds.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:30 am
you know, now that i think about it…as much as i WANT to personally do something for this historic event…
…the due date for my OWN historic event is right in this area…in fact, her potential due dates have been stated somewhere between January 16-22.
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
okay… so when is the VSB baby shower… like seriously?
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
i actually think this is being worked on…without my input or approval in any way shape or form…
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
As it should be. Just lay back and receive the giftage! It’s a wonderful thang, trust me!!
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
“Just lay back and receive the giftage! It’s a wonderful thang, trust me!!”
oddly enough, this is exactly what i tell every woman i date right before we jump in the sack.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Oh.
Well, there it is. That’s why they’re all so disappointed 2 minutes later when it’s over.
It’s really not fair to you, seeing as how 2 minutes is probably a personal best.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh 8th Wondra….
you never disappoint me.
I literally guffawed, chortled and chuckled…
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
“Oh 8th Wondra….
you never disappoint me.”
That’s what he said!
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
From Baby Shower to 8th Wondra puttin’ on him!
vsb.com: where epic tangents occur on the daily.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
As long as its not from 8th Wondra puttin’ on him to Baby Shower, I’m fine with this.
Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
*DIED earlier so now rolling in grave laughing*
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
“Oh 8th Wondra….
you never disappoint me.”
That’s what he said…
vsb.com: where pseudochamps happens
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
“vsb.com: where pseudochamps happens”
I see you didn’t say anything about the 2 minute jab, though.
Pun totally intended.
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
This thread is the funniest shyt I’ve read all day…LOL!!
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Please let her be born on the 20th!
*sends glittery Jesus email*
Reply
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
this is a good comment for me to die on, i think. maybe glittery jesus can revive me.
…………………………………
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
yay for the baby VSS! born into the first year of the first black american president. she’ll be a special girl!
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
she’ll be better than all the other kids who were born in the Bush years.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
we all certainly hope so.
“You’ll probably grow out of your face at some point.”
Funty as hell.
I’m heated that I’m living no where NEAR the D.C. area right now… that’s ok, that’s ok. I’ll be going to Miami to celebrate my birthday on 11/14 and I’ll think about you guys.
Hmmmm…. what not to do on the first date.
1. Don’t text message other folks. I just want to feel like I’m worth a couple of hours, because I AM.
2. Don’t over do the cologne/perfume… it’ll smell like you are covering up for something.
3. Don’t bring up an ex…. I don’t want to hear it…..
3A. Don’t say anything like, “You’re nothing like my last woman…” That’s not flattery.
4. Do not say, “so next time you’re paying right?.” I have had this happen and that ninga did NOT get any second dates.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:10 am
i endorse this entire comment, you are on point!
and in addition to NOT bringing up ex-gfs, please don’t ask me why i’m still single or how surprised you are that i haven’t been snatched up. or go into why you’re still single. that irks me to no end.
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Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Oooooh, I hate, “ooooh grrrrrrl you finer than frog hair, why ain’t nobody snatched you off of your lily pad?”, sounding like Jerome…
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:29 am
lmao!! i’ve never quite heard it like this, but it’s annoying any way it’s said.
i think it’s safe to assume 1 of 2 things for why women are still single:
(1) crazy and deranged and every man has run away as a result.
(2) hasn’t found the right one.
by the end of the 1st date a man should be able to have a good idea of which reason it is, so there’s no need to ask.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
“Oooooh, I hate, “ooooh grrrrrrl you finer than frog hair, why ain’t nobody snatched you off of your lily pad?”, ”
OOOOOH, that was hilarious!
Thanks Gem! [I'm singing Gem and the Holigrams to you rit' now]
I get so sick of “why you ain’t got no man?” That I now lie and say I do have one…. unless he’s appealing to the eye of course.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
lmao Nicki you’s a fool!!
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Random Wannabe Mack-er: “Hey, ShawtyDreds, you fine as h3ll, why you ain’t got no man?”
PBG: [head ready to explode from the use of the word "dreds" in reference to my locs and his murderous rampage on the English language] “Because I don’t want one. And by ‘one’, I mean you. Buh-bye.”
The scene plays out at least 4 times a week in the Heart of The Chocolate City.
The end.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
“Because I don’t want one. And by ‘one’, I mean you. Buh-bye.””
I think I may want to use this…. I’ll be sure to prepare myself [and by prepare I mean tote a brick in my purse] for the expletives that will come after I tell them this.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I was called a “dyke broad” once over the summer. SMH. I said “Yes, yes, I am. Now gimme yo’ sister’s number instead, witcho bamma a$$!”
My BFF shoved me in the car and sped off, muttering “Dayum! Can’t take yo’ a$$ nowhere!”
We laugh about it now.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
“Yes, yes, I am. Now gimme yo’ sister’s number instead, witcho bamma a$$!””
LMAO… Wow.. I can’t believe he called you that. These ninjas get crazy off rejection.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
“Because I don’t want one. And by ‘one’, I mean you. Buh-bye.””
I think I may want to use this…. I’ll be sure to prepare myself [and by prepare I mean tote a brick in my purse] for the expletives that will come after I tell them this.
im_the_sweetest Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
TAKE NOTE: THEY are loc’s NOT dreads. The reference to my hair as dreads causes instantaous and uncontrollable throat punch and ear grabbing (you know, how grandma’ used to grab your ear to bring your head closer so that she could yell0whisper in you face.) yea that kind.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
THANK YOU!!
I keep sayin’ all this scruffy-a$$ Lil’ Wayne wannabes/black squirrel impersonators are bringing down the rest of us w/locs!! Know the history, please and thank you!
im_the_sweetest Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
WORD.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
i’ve never made this mistake as i usually wind up talking to friends about it without actually calling it anything now that I think about it. Or i refer to their hair the way i hear them say it. but can you please explain this to me? i don’t think i’ve ever heard anyone talk about the difference.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
“Dreadlocs” refers specifically to the Rastifarian religion and culture. They grew their hair out to look “dreadful” (think: Murs), and lived up in the hills and jungles while @ war w/the European invaders.
Or somethin’ like that. Let me ask my Mama and get back to you, so I can be 100% pacific in my response to you.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Thanks PBG. I was aware of the religious connection but I guess I didn’t put too much into it nowadays because I know it still holds a spritual meaning for some and others just like the way it looks or whatever. Appreciate you for the info/looking more into this.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
@ SouthernGirl: I’ve consulted both my Daddy and Mother (loc’d for 20 and 10 years, respectively) and they have confirmed my previous statements as truth.
My life lines rock!!
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
lol@at “my life lines rock!!*
thanks for looking in to that.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
“TAKE NOTE: THEY are loc’s NOT dreads.”
Interesting. I get where this comes from but when I rocked locs I called them dreads. And I’ve dated many dreads who prefer that term, as do I. Maybe I listen to too much reggae music.
Makes you go hmmmm.
im_the_sweetest Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Hmmmmm Veggie….. Hmmmmm…. Maybe because you are a native islander it is more natural for you.
But yes, Dreadlocks was the name given to bastardized that natural state of hair — Dreadful locks of hair. OR so I’ve read anyway…..
I rock loc’s cause there is nothing dreadful about them!
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Another November baby? Scorpios are the shyt!!
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Do not play on your phone the whole night. Your phone shouldn’t even come out of your pocket, put it on silent.
-JM
MrSwagger.com
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
My name is Nicki Suns I do endorse this comment.
workcite: someone.
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1. Don’t be yourself! If you’re on a first date and you’ve had several of them, followed by relationships that always end in the other person breaking up with YOU, DO NOT BE YOURSELF. Be that friend you have who is always successful in relationships.
2. Don’t bring a friend or family member. I once went out to dinner with a guy, then to a movie, He didn’t tell me his mother and sister were joining us. That was our last date.
3. Ladies, don’t reach for the damned bill.
Is Wednesday when I’ll get my VSB.com t-shirt??
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kamakula Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:16 am
1. A friend that is always successful in relationship*s* isn’t really really successful now is she?
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Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:40 am
great point
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:45 am
hahaha
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Now that is some Ver Smart sh*t right c’here!!
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Hostess Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Yeah. If you (not you per se) can only get one date and this other chick keeps date requests, significant others, and is married, try to do what she does cus whatever you’ve been doing, ain’t working.
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:19 am
“Is Wednesday when I’ll get my VSB.com t-shirt??”
……………………..
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Is Wednesday when I’ll get my VSB.com t-shirt??
no.
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Hostess Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
It was implied that award winners would get a t-shirt. Sarah Palin told me so!!! She also said y’all would bedazzle it for me.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Sarah Palin also believes in celibate chirren. One word: Bristol.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Sarah Palin also believes in witchcraft. Two words: Pastor Moothie (sp?)
malaika Reply:
November 7th, 2008 at 9:22 am
and the sad thing is that he’s kenyan. Two opposites huh?
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Sarah Palin believed she could be VP.
One word: O’Biden!!
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
LOL!!
1. LADIES: Dress like you will have to meet his mama that same evening. Anything you wouldn’t wear in front of his mama, don’t wear on the first date. Now is not the time for booty shorts or clubwear. GENTLEMAN: Dress like a grown man. Business casual at LEAST. No urbanwear. EVER.
2. Smile, b!tches, smile. Your sexy look really just looks evil, so stop. Laugh, too. Even when it is not THAT funny. But not too hard. The point is to be pleasant; not to look like you are having a manic episode.
3. Act like you have home training. GENTLEMEN: Be gentlemen. Open all doors. Help her into and out of the car. Pull out the chairs. Ask her if she needs anything. If she seems like she needs something, volunteer to go get it. LADIES: Appreciate his gentlemanly behavior (e.g.: thank him when he opens the door; tell him you had a good time; etc.), but be a lady, also. Ask him if he needs anything if the time is ever appropriate. (E.g.: Y’all are at the movies, you have to powder your nose. Ask him if he needs anything while you are up).
4. Don’t argue with him/her. For what? You barely know this man/woman. If a contentious subject comes up that you aren’t ride or die about, just nod and say that “you understand that perspective.” Say your piece if you want to, but don’t turn it into WWIII.
5. Act interested. This is a multi-parter.
a) Don’t be on the cell phone with your crew and your mama. Don’t be texting all night. Hell, turn that h0 on vibrate and don’t even think about answering it in front of her. If you are expecting an important call, send it to voicemail, excuse yourself and call the person back outside of his/her presence or after the date. Limit the call to five minutes.
b) Notice his/her nice little outfit s/he picked out just for you or the scent that s/he’s wearing. Everybody likes to be paid attention to and complimented. And this is an afterthought, but
c) LADIES: TOUCH HIM. I’m not talking hand-holding, kissing and other forms of PDA here, but casual touching during conversation. Head on the shoulder at the theatre, even. These things are natural. Avoiding them is noticeable and makes you seem frigid and/or disinterested.
d) GENTLEMEN: Call her back the next day. Just do it. Stop playing games. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. It makes you forgotten.
6. One drink limit, you damn lush. This is especially true of ladies if she expects him to pay. Two only per his insistence. Three is NEVER okay.
7. GENTLEMEN: Pay. ALWAYS. No exception. Do not let her even consider paying. Seem genuinely surprised that she would even offer. LADIES: Be prepared to pay. Break out your credit card when the bill comes. He is not going to let you pay if he can afford it and is worth dating, but you look like a bad person if you don’t at least offer.
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:02 am
This list is the truth! You’d think these things would be obvious but they’re not. at all.
I’m married and my wife and I have “date night” on Fridays. We still follow all these rules (except the one drink thing since we aren’t first-dating– we prefer to get twisted…then freak nasty)
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:15 am
awwww date nights. that is so cute. good for you guys!
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Thanks! I used to resist the notion of date night. I thought it sounded too contrived and lacked spontaneity. But at the end of the day, I found that it is a great way to guarantee that we always set aside time that is strictly for romance and not just managing the day-to-day responsibilities.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:32 am
i hear that. with kids esp it’s hard to be spontaneous (so im told). even if you have to make time ahead of time, gotta keep some romance in the relationship.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:48 am
“with kids esp it’s hard to be spontaneous ” yeah it is super hard to get your spontaneous, midnight romping, freak-nasty-on when you have a newborn laying between you and your significant other.
eff yo couch Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:01 am
“yeah it is super hard to get your spontaneous, midnight romping, freak-nasty-on when you have a newborn laying between you and your significant other.”
You’ve been in my bedroom before?
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Let me slide you my bidness card…I’m a certified Baby Whisperer.
Pay no attention to that scratched out number on the back. That’s just my old weed/KFC hook up.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:47 am
*giggling*
He said freeknastie.
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Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Married people should definitely date more…if they still like each other.
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kamakula Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:19 am
business casual?
if we’re going to play scrabble in a coffeeshop, i’m not dressing business casual
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:23 am
LMAO! “if we’re going to play scrabble in a coffeeshop, i’m not dressing business casual”
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puff Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:36 am
***dead***
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Jen Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:48 am
You can’t put on khakis and a polo-style shirt for a first date?
*glares*
For a lot of the men I know, that is pretty close to their standard attire, and everyone knows you should error on the side of the conservative during your initial contacts with people.
I guess we can stretch my definition of business casual to include a well-fitted pair of jeans, but that is as far as I’ll concede.
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Hey…do guys even wear kakhis anymore? I haven’t rocked kakhis in a minute and I really don’t see brothas in ‘em at all.
Jen Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:36 am
My dear…there was just an article about the second coming of the khaki in the NYTimes the other day!
Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:49 am
The NYTimes said it about fashion, so it must be true lol jk.
Folk aint really rockin khakis though
Jen Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
To be fair, the article was about the Gap, not khakis. But it did have some kick@$$ name like “The rebirth of the khaki.” So, yeah, you are right. Folks not rocking khakis as much as they used to (to my chagrin).
But, flannel is mainstream again, so soon, they will be, too.
IVR Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
“Folk aint really rockin khakis though”
I admit I do rock khakis on casual fridays and all day this week since the election (my little way of bucking the system without getting canned). . . Not really to go out anywhere though . . . during the week I’m dressed up and on the weekends I say jeans a button down shirt and some shoes . . . unless im runnin errands. . . then its basketball shorts and timbos.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Hey…do guys even wear kakhis anymore? I haven’t rocked kakhis in a minute and I really don’t see brothas in ‘em at all.
rocking the khaki says something about a person. what exactly…i’m not sure. but i know it says something
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:35 am
i would feel weird rocking khakis on a date…unless them joints were cargos and i had a shirt with bob marley on the front of it…
…and we were gettin’ HIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Yeah. Kak-deez!
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
D*Pain and PeeJay just caused me to hurt my side LMAO @ these comments!
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
“everyone knows you should error on the side of the conservative during your initial contacts with people.”
Jen, I am gonna disagree. Shocking cuz I usually not emphatically at all of your posts.
But you should be yourself. And if yourself ain’t conservative then don’t dress that way. Being comfortable in your own skin is critical; this ain’t a job interview it’s a date. On the same note, if you are a conservative person DO NOT try to wear somethin ‘edgy’ or ’sexy’ cuz you think your date will like it.
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Co-Sign!!!! Don’t start frontin’ right out the box cuz when you get to the second date (if there is one) or third and start introducing your real self, what u’ll end up with is a “situationship” instead of a real relationship. I know ALLL about this right here.
Dorian G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Wow I think…I…love..you?
Great list especially #7!!!!!
At least do the reach, I just want to see you do the reach.
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Jen Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Thank you, hon. I just want to improve everyone’s dating experiences.
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Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Good Stuff Jen.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Jen, this list rocks. I wholeheartedly concur.
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:22 am
this is a nice list. i approve of this list. if this list was a chick, i’d bag it.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
“this is a nice list. i approve of this list. if this list was a chick, i’d bag it.”
And if this list was said chick, she’d slap you afterwards and run out in a huff and puff.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:27 am
my name is BBMo and I approve this comment
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SouthernCharm Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:39 am
This list should be printed off and notarized prior 1st dates. lol
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Luvtheshoes Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Jen – I will now be making this required reading for any potential suitors and for my, as of Friday, 13 year old son.
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im_the_sweetest Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I vote Jen for national date correspondant! WRITE HER IN! She speaks the truth, and inspires the masses.
This message is paid for and endorsed by the commission for better dates .
–”I’M THE SWEETEST AND I ENDORSE THIS MESSAGE”
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
“GENTLEMEN: Call her back the next day. Just do it. Stop playing games. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. It makes you forgotten.”
AmEN!
Can you publish this list??? Seriously… this is THEE Best.
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pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
This is an awesome list. I agree with everything except where i co-signed w/ VEG…
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But we know we’re crazy so its all gravy… men have no idea that they have no damn sense and that’s where all the problems begin… so ha!
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:18 am
i’d have to agree.
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:23 am
how can an admittedly crazy person judge whether or not someone has sense?
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Don’t forget gum or mints. Don’t text recklessly askin your girls or boys for advice while the person is there. Don’t ask about relationship history.
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Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:45 am
I think it was The Wood where they said you should only use Tic Tacs. I’ve been using them ever since.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
I forgot about tic tacs. This is actually the era of the Altoid. lol.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
U kno I went to the store the other day. Tic tacs are now $1. I almost fainted. WTF??? They were JUST 50cents not too long ago.
This is for the fellas:
Brunch (or breakfast): a morning/early afternoon date is unconventional. Find a obscure and sexy joint then break the ice over mimosa’s and waffles.
Pic-nic: nothing like being layed-up in the park or on the beach (depending on your locale) soaking in the scenery, sharing sandwiches and popping bottle(s).
Always have a plan B. If plan A falls apart you should be able to keep the night moving forward seemlessly.
Ask her to get dressed: Tell her that you want to do something a little different and that she should put on a cocktail dress. You should put on your good suit (assuming it is not neon and doesn’t have 6-12 buttons.) NOTE: Leave the tie at home (unless you have a skinny black one).
Follow these principles and you too can have your swagger on a hundred, thousand, trillion.
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puff Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:39 am
you got me at “waffles”. although i will add one caveat: if this morning is after club night, you might not want to see certain ninjas in the bright of day, if you know what i mean…
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:40 am
great suggestions, D*Pain!! esp the brunch suggestion–i LOVE brunch and there’s nothing better than breakfast foods and mimosas after noon.
unfortunately, brunch is something that only tends to happen with my bffs, who i see on rare occassions.
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Ivy St. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
I’m sure Gem, there is someone that would love to have brunch with you on Sundays.
If he’s busy, I’m always free.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
lmao i was offered an invitation to brunch this past sunday huh?? oops forgot about that one lol.
we should do brunch this sunday! pre-SFN celebration. or… just becuz. either way i’m down
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
great suggestions, D*Pain!! esp the brunch suggestion–i LOVE brunch and there’s nothing better than breakfast foods and mimosas after noon.
Me too Gem, and in Oakland the Wyndam Hotel has a great Sunday Brunch.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
*making mental note* i can always count on you to give good suggestions for spots to visit
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
glad i could help. I am going to stop thru Ava tomorrow nite if ur going to b out and about…
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
but of course i’ll be there! what time you coming thru?? i’ll time my arrival around yours so we can at least meet *e-hugs*
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:07 am
“assuming it is not neon and doesn’t have 6-12 buttons:”
Sounds like a Kountry (yes with a K) Easter suit…
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:53 am
there is a man at my church who does the “security” who wears a Kountry Easter suit every. single. sunday. with his 5′8″ 250lb self.
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:57 am
“with his 5′8″ 250lb self.”
Those dimensions in itself are troublesome.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
yeah…troublesome indeed. I guess if you are 5′8″ and two-fitty… you might as well wear as many buttons as you want. the more the merrier. ‘Cause frankly, the odds are not in your favor when it comes to procuring the bootaayy anyway. buttons or no buttons you’re f*cked. but not.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
lmao and lol @ “you might as well wear as many buttons as you want. the more the merrier.”
he’s actually very built/muscular. he’s just short. but he’s dark chocolatey, has perfect white teeth, and is bald so there are plenty women that be fallin all over him. maybe becuz they’re blinded by his loud a$$ suits, idk. everytime i see him i just SMH and think “not in that suit, brotha.”
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
LOL! That makes better sense. I guess if I were short I would want to be super-muscular too. I would want to be one big, short-@ss muscle with legs. But loud suits suck on anybody. any size.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Troublesome as h3ll! Dayum, son! Even I can’t see my way through all that.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Gosh, I want to marry you to.
WTF guys??? Are these original men only on the ‘nets cause they sure as hell aren’t in my area? LOL
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Thanks fo’ the luv, Nicki!
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
You’re welcome man… glad to spread my sunshine [read: legs] your way.
LMAO.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
You’re welcome man… glad to spread my sunshine [read: legs] your way.
LMAO.
vsb: where people add “LMAO” to add a light touch to statements they were 100 percent serious about happens
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
“Always have a plan B. If plan A falls apart you should be able to keep the night moving forward seemlessly.”
This is VERY important. Good shyt D*Pain.
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Hey. This is the only blog I can access from where I’m working today. How’d y’all pull that off?? It’s not your web address cus I have other blogs that aren’t on blogger, blogsome, wordpress and I can’t get to those. Y’all must have some super powers.
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Liz iz a maztermind
*shrugging shoulders*
Either that or them dog on glidder throwers.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:01 am
“Y’all must have some super powers.”
Same thing someone said when they saw Champ’s ginormous egghead. Champ is “the Brain” to Panama’s “Pinky”
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:04 am
You gone get e-stabbed up in here lmao
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:25 am
you know what, i actually took that as a compliment. must be that damn glitter on my toast
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blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I see my glittery/sparkly/starry sistren have been working overtime….
good looks ladies, good looks
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Thank ya kindly. I told Mr. Champs I’d bring him over to the Glittery Side.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I told Mr. Champs I’d bring him over to the Glittery Side.
ummm, no thanks. i’ll stay here on my side. i enjoy having a penis
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
You can keep your penis, Champ. But those cajones will have to go in my purse when you attend the monthly meetings.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
hee hee.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
That ain’t glitter, homie.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
LMAO! For some reason this silly-@ss comment made me laugh more than any other. Thanks!
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Well I owed you one for cracking me up all this week.
Coincedentally, if you take this:
“For some reason this silly-@ss comment made me laugh more than any other. Thanks!”
And change “silly @ss comment” to “very small peter”, you’d be expressing the sentiments of every woman the champ has “dated”.
Go fig.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
8th Wondra is on a ROLL! That’s good payback for all of Mr.Champ’s previous snarkiness.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
she’s getting better, i will say. i get prouder by the minute
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Damn. 8th is going hard today…lol.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:38 am
hmm…i’m not sure i can take being Pinky as a compliment….LOL.
pinky was constantly f*cking up Brain’s plans for world domination.
you callin’ me a perpetual f*ckup?!~?!?!?!?!?!
*hiss*
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MsSula@Work Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Wasn’t it the other way around? The Brain too dumb to realize that Pinky was actually smarter than him?
That was the analogy right, 8th?
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
**Pretends she didn’t read that and refrains from futher picking on her huggie-bear…but still walks away quietly snickering**
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
huggie bear, huh?
hmmmm…. explains so… much.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
only in the e-world and shyt.
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
**Pretends she didn’t read that and refrains from futher picking on her huggie-bear…but still walks away quietly snickering**
alright now e-harmony!
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Pusha Man is playing on repeat in my head right now…
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
um…naw. pinky was a happy-go-lucky f*ckup who was oblivious to his nincompoopery who unintentionally thwarted every one of Brain’s plans.
Brain just wasnt smart enough to get a new partner.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
“Brain just wasnt smart enough to get a new partner.”
So you saying the Champ needs to go find another VSB,
Pinky, P-Money?Ivy St. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
LMAO! *hands a hat to Champie poo poo*
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Save the expensive restaurant trips for the 3rd & 4th dates
or until you get the drawsThis should be common knowledge but here’s my famous top 10 first date do’s and don’ts . .
1. Never order from the dollar menu
2. Let her super size and get cheese if she wishes
3. If she orders the kids meal don’t ask to take the free toy home your bad @ss kids
4. if she decides to super size, don’t ask to share her 56oz drink
5. Don’t use coupons, but if you have to hide it between your money or pass it off to them on the sly
6. If your paying with plastic make sure you have enough money on your card. Also do this if you plan on using a gift card to pay for dinner.
7. Don’t put hair samples in your half eaten food, and complain to the management so you can get a refund
8. If your going to a non-fast food franchise (i.e. Fridays, Chilli’s) then it’s not a good idea to tell the restaurant staff it’s your date birthday. You might get a good laugh while the entire staff serenades your date with some stupid variation of “happy birthday”, but this is not a good look on the first date.
9. If your going the Golden Coral or the Chinese buffet, don’t knock people over to get to the food, scream to your date that the staff just put out a fresh batch of chicken wings, or pile mountains of food on your 2 plates
10. Never suck your teeth or make blow air in anger when your dates orders something expensive off of the menu
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:41 am
HOLY SH*T! LMAO!!!! This is an all-time classic! I’m going to print this sh*t and raise it up into the rafters.
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Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:54 am
I have broken rule #10 on a few occasions. I hate it when ole girl wanna go ahead and order some stupid large meal knowing she aint gonna finish it today. Then gonna go and take it home. I agreed to pay for your meal today, if I wanted to pay for your lunch I would have asked you to lunch the next day too.
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:09 am
LOL! In college I took a chick out for dinner. I had a miserable time. But to make matters worse… as I was taking her to her crib she asked me if I could buy her Chinese take-out for later. Apparently she didn’t have any food at home (mind you she lived with her parents). HOLY SH*T! I said “No.” And drove her dejected, greedy, broke-@ss home in utter silence. Shutting her the-f*ck-down may have been the most enjoyable part of the evening.
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:21 am
See, this is when women need the throat-punch.
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:46 am
and a swift kick to their hind parts
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
that chick right there needed the Riley Freeman Clause applied to her…. which states
“Why can’t I just give that h* money and she can go grocery shoppin’? “
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:55 am
lmao @ “I agreed to pay for your meal today, if I wanted to pay for your lunch I would have asked you to lunch the next day too.”
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Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
“I agreed to pay for your meal today, if I wanted to pay for your lunch I would have asked you to lunch the next day too.”
Peyso, in college I knew chicks who ordered extra shyt to take home to their roommate. That’s just foul.
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overit Reply:
November 7th, 2008 at 12:06 am
Peyso, in college I knew chicks who ordered extra shyt to take home to their roommate. That’s just foul
i think this is precious.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:58 am
9 & 10 have me in stitches
btw eff you makin the 12 a road trip or would it be a better idea to ride the train? What say yee?
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I would love to go, but I doubt I’ll be able to make. But if I was going I would probably drive down there . . .last time I checked you can’t smoke on the train. lol
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:27 am
10. Never suck your teeth or make blow air in anger when your dates orders something expensive off of the menu
when this happens, i usually just try to have a cock-eyed staring contest with her
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:40 am
this list should be in projects everywhere.
7 out of 10 hoodrats endorse this list.
3 out of 10 hoodrats can’t read and don’t know that list they are endorsing, but they agree.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
dead
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Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
This is the funniest shyt I’ve read since the last time I said “this is the funniest shyt I’ve read”!!
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I am COMPLETELY hating that there’s a DC VSB meetup next week. *Putting curse on the function with 2 forked fingers a la Celie in “Color Purple”*
Until you do right by me, someone at the VSB meetup will go home with a UGMO (aka a quasi-modo lookalike).
*Sprinkles hate dust*
*Makes dramatic exit*
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puff Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:55 am
i just about died at “*Putting curse on the function with 2 forked fingers a la Celie in “Color Purple”*” i’m going to need VSB to quit killing me and resurrecting me only to kill me again. my heart can’t take it much longer
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Hold up Luvvie hows about the even sweeter revenge have one in the Chi. Let’s say Friday or Saturday night Turkey day weekend?
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:24 am
with all three of you…fun.
*snicker*
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:34 am
*Mean-mugging 8th (not-so) wonderous*
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:55 am
LMAO! Luvvie! Say it ain’t so!
KindredSmile Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Stifle, 8th! Hating @ss hater!
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Oh snap, Kindred’s coming, that’s 4!
Can I get 5?
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Five.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Sorry, V-dot, I included you in the original count of 3.
We’re still at a 4, people.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
aww dayum.
Where’s SouthernGirl? Doesn’t she live in the Chi now????
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
We shall call it the “Live Five” VSB mini-extravaganza.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Well my brother and sister gonna be there too.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Then a jolly good time shall be had by all.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
I’m here!!! *raises hand*
im_the_sweetest Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Five!
wait six…. oh hell i lost count
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
YEAAAAHH!! Sweetest!! I aint seent u in a hot minute. Its time we reunite.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s been a while. Can’t wait.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
there are a few more vsb-ers in the chicago area (treezy f, kamilah, and tzerai to name a few)
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Hey Mr. The Champ…
Are u going to get the Pgh Vsb meet and greet crackin’? I need a reason to come outside
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Are u going to get the Pgh Vsb meet and greet crackin’? I need a reason to come outside
yeah. this is gonna happen sometime in december, although there should be a few of us at ava on friday
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Yes. I am going to stop thru
Yay! (don’t mind me being excited… i DON’T go out enough)…
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
looks like you all literally…
…need more people.
zing!
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
lol… true…
**sadly dejectedly looking at DC, Chi-town VSBers**
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
That’s right SG! Tell him to play nice
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:24 am
U coming to the Chi for Turkey weekend?
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Yup shole is.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
We are gonna ask you to refrain from using the word ’shole’ when you get to Chicago.
We prefer “I’m is”
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
You know good n well you got some mississippi cousins that use ’shole.’ Don’t act like you new V.E.G.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I ain’t go not people from Mississippi. We are New Orleans born and bred.
lol. My grandmother said this once to somebody with such force…had me thinking folk in Mississippi were just all kinds of wrong.
Okay…shole gets a pass.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
No worries V.E.G. I’ll leave it here in the great state of Philadelphia that is closing the pools in the summer, some libraries, ain’t gone be plowing cleaning or salting side streets, laying off 220 ppl, and cutting a week of pay. Obama n the senate please fix the economy.
blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Wu,
peoples next to me are sweatin’ hot gravy over Mayor Nuts*ck’s, I mean Nutter’s announcement.
I too am wondering if I am immune… then again, my job is paid by the feds…
d@mn though… closing up the libraries, public pools and cutting police overtime… they are BEGGING for a h3llish summer…
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
BBMo I’m from Gary Indiana. I ain’t never scared. Plus I stay around the way from him. BTW I saw him leaving World Cafe Live Tuesday night. I shook his hand he seems short to me. but they’ll never find him or his pets or some compromising pics will threaten to surface.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I use “sho”, as in “sho nuff”. Wu, you may get a pass
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Sho Nuff is a karate master. He had the glow.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
AAAWWW sh*t!! *Doing the footwork* We gon have us a party in the city of wind.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Hecks yeah! *Checking the sale paper for red solo cups.* Watch out city of broad shoulders. (see I can infultrate their party and then we can do all the fun stuff they didn’t and or can’t in D.C.)
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
then we can do all the fun stuff they didn’t and or can’t in D.C.
i’m a little scurred to ask what you mean by this wu. lol.
i imagine intentioned fun that turns to chaos like that time vanessa went to have “big fun” with the wretched on the cosby show.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
lol good point SouthernGirl
I was thinking along the lines of Harolds Chicken, Kenney’s ribs, Suzie Qs. Stuff indigenous to Chicago. I’m going to be checking my email. I have a subscription to something called UrbanDaddy and if what the suggests sounds hot. I’ll suggest it. I’m already thinking of the deep fried bacon w/ country gravy place.
im_the_sweetest Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I got the hot sauce and krunch curlz…. oh yea and my old school house tape…. YES TAPE.
Bang-bang-bang
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I’ll bring the NowNLaters, the Baileys, the jollof rice and the IG
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
So we will be hungry at this party and without music because we won’t be able to play this tape-thingy sweetest mentioned.
Oh lawd.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
V, u aint offered to bring nuthin. U could fill in the blanks.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
LMAO!
The food and drinks and entertainment? I got to do more than fill in the blanks. Sheeet…I need to bring the paper and the pen!
Okay. I will add a wing box and catfish platter from Harold’s.
KindredSmile Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
In the spirit of Chi-lovin, I’ll share my extensive Kool-Aid collection, including such rarities as Jamaica, Mango, Watermelon-Cherry and Sharkleberry Fin. It’s not a game with the Kool Aid game.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Harold’s…mmmm…
The absolute first place I went when I visited Chicago last spring was to Harold’s to get wings w/mild sauce.
Imagine my surprise to first see these tiny-a$$, baby chicken wings that huge city is passing off to its citizenry (DC wings= pterodactyl wings), and then discover that mild sauce is almost as heavenly as mumbo sauce! I must return one day!!
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
LMAO at the baby chicken wings. lololol.
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Luvvie, I too am so mad I am hissing, I even contemplated cancelling my thursday class so I can drive down on Wednesday and drive back Thursday. WRONG! JUST WRONG! but I seriously may cancel Thursday class
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PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
What is this hate dust of which you speak, Luvvie???
It must be made of the ground up bones of dead black squirrels!! Sinister, I tell ya!
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Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
….and eye of newt.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Hate dust is the ashes of a dead black squirrel ground up with the teeth that fell out of the mouth of a crackhead.
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PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
oh.my.damn.
Luvvie…you’s a dayum fool!!! LMAO!!
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
So for this Chicago VSB min-extravaganza, we need a theme. I say we call it “Coloreds for THAT ONE”. lol Who’s with me??
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Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
….crickets… LOL!
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Only cuz Obama just won NC. will you get this pass.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
gawd.
I can’t believe I know you.
lol.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
So… umm..is that a no then??
hehe you kno u LUFF ME!!
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I’m w/ you Luvvie. It’s better than the “we’re voting for the (insert n word here)” I actually heard a story from a colored door to door poller who was told that by some 2520 voters in Ohio. smh the IG is loose and rabbid
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MsSula@Work Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Let me join the movement.
*sprinkles resentment powder all over the DC dwellers*
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overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
resentment powder is the new glitter!
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
“resentment powder is the new glitter!”
Overit, its actually “Hate dust”. Resentment powder is really “hate dust” diluted with some “Johnson & Johnson’s” baby powder. It still contains the ashes of a black squirrel and the teeth of a crackhead.
Same stuff, less strength
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Luvvie STOP! lmao, ashes of a black squirrel? ashes to ashes, dust to dust..black squirrels get no love on here.
Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
thats bootleg if you got to be stepping on the hate powder…. dang son….
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
*Clears throat*
*Steps on soapbox*
*Get megaphone*
Calling ALL chitown VSBers!! We shall be having our extravaganza thanksgiving weekend. Email me at Luvvie20(at)gmail dot com so I can contact you with info on where the party’s gon b at.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
yay!
*leaving vsb to email luvvie and hoping this party actually happens cause i gotta put a face to the name of my fellow shamelessly ignant vsb’ers*
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KindredSmile Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
YESSS, Lawd! Please know that I’ll do my best to make this shindig happen… even if it means kicking Luvvie offa the IgVille Couch, which is due for another cleaning anyway.
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
interestingly, a long time ago, we had a DC bloggers joint where we banned cameras b/c all of us had jobs where we weren’t supposed to be blogging. lol.
so don’t nobody be trynna take my picture at the DC joint…
in fact…let’s see if anybody can find Panama. and PBG, IVR, and Hostess for that matter…don’t be pointing a ninja out!
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
At least we know to look for a mixtie who might be rockin a vsb tee. For PBG, I will close my eyes and try to feel for glittery essences. I will depend on 8th and her wondras to find Hostess and IVR.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Oh sure, give me the hard ones. You know you can find P. Daddy’s arse cause he works there, and you can just spot PBGizzle by her small mutant hands.
This is some bullshyt, son.
IVR Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=49079705
I don’t know if that is going to work but that’s me. . . but thats me. (to take away the suspicion)
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
It won’t be easy to find PeeJay, I promise. One time I was at his establishment all night and NEVER saw him until I had to hunt down my credit card that my drunken a$$ had left at the bar by mistake.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
I want to meet Deviant All 24 5 of em. N learn the art of the tiddie grab. “I WANT THE TIT” btw where is McGhee?
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
LOL!!! WUDA! (*that was said in the Ludacris fashion)
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
PJ, I know what you looks like, I seent your picture.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
lol@ seent
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
I’ve seen your pic
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
well then, you guys will have to find out who me and 8th are then! Muahahaha
- Don’t beep the horn when arriving at your date’s place. Get out of the car and walk up to your date’s place.
- Don’t talk too much especially about yourself or always turn the other conversation to yourself when the other person is talking.
- No talk about the exes.
- Don’t eat like a slob.
- I may be old-fashioned but the guy should pay for the first date.
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:10 am
“Don’t beep the horn when arriving at your date’s place. Get out of the car and walk up to your date’s place.”
What if she lives in a dangerous neighborhood and you left your bullet proof vest home?
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:34 am
LMAO! Yeah, there’s no reason to get bucked-down over some stupid sh*t. I mean seriously, if you are a woman and you know that your neighborhood resembles Beirut…you shouldn’t even have a muhfugga come to the crib. Meet him in a neutral, crime free zone. REMEMBER: Stray bullets have no names.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:42 am
little known Panama fact, my neighborhood in Atlanta was affectionately referred to as Beirut by all of my friends.
basically, nobody visited me more than once.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:44 am
“nobody visited me more than once.”
LMAO!
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:59 am
many neighborhoods in atl are like that. in which one did you reside?
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Adamsville. off of MLK near Allen Temple. Zone 4.
a person on Georgia’s 10 most wanted person’s list was found in my complex. he was nice though…never shot me once.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Sheeeiiiit. All you had to say was that you lived off MLK. I’ve never been to ATL but I know that every American street named after Dr. Martin Luther the King has its fair share of gun/crack slinging going on.
Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
off MLK in justabout any town let’s you know the deal!
Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
@D*Pain – it actually was an alright neighborhood when you got past all of the crime and drugs. lol.
true story…not one but TWO people got shot on my backporch. also, i literally lived next door to a crackhouse. one of my cracked out neighbors broke into my car, stole my sh*t then rang my door bell to sell it back to me. true.story. and i still miss that neighborhood. cuz it was mine mostly, there’s no good reason to really miss living there.
“…on the streets of the Westside, I slap 5…”
“…this well known flow man i got this sh*t from Simpson Road/Adamsville, Bowen Homes, Center Hill, and Zone 4…”
“…I’m Westside certified, go where the f*ck I wanna go…”
T.I. puts on for my (part of the) city.
and by the way, when i’m in Atlanta, i give the rapper tour to include Bankhead (Bankhead Courts, Bowen Homes, the Bluff), and the rest of the Westside (MLK, Adamsville), the SWATS (Campbellton Rd., JJ’s Rib Shack, the Beautiful), West End, and College Park. if you throw in an extra thang of wings, i’ll take you to Decatur and the Old Fourth Ward (Jeezy’s adopted home).
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
dang, Peej. you’re taking me back to the good ol’ days. i had some friends who stayed in adamsville. well, i had friends in hoods all over. except my spelman gfs–they stayed in buckhead or burbish areas (i even stayed out in lithia springs my senior year)
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
@Skateboard P. Jackson,
Yo, that is wild. Sounds like you were in the home of the original gun clappaz. Did you get your ish back from that feind or what?
Also, crackheads used to steal my dad’s bushes and sh*t. That is… until he chained them down. You ever seen a bush chained down before? not pretty.
Jen Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Your neighborhood had zones?
DAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMNNNN.
That just sounds wartorn.
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
You know what? Simpson Rd. and MLK don’t get its properly due respect. Everyone screams “Bankhead” but I’m definitely a firm believer that Simpson is mo’ hood.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
MLK in New Orleans and Chicago are both hot spots for slangin and shootin.
Interesting MLK in Chicago runs through the south side and disappears once you hit down town…no MLK on the northside. Mmmhmmm.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Don’t even get me started on MLK in DC. Can you say “Souf-Eas”?? Not even my “walking errywhere @ night”a$$ will venture over there past dark alone. That’s some shyt I do uptown and uptown only!
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
MLK in New Orleans and Chicago are both hot spots for slangin and shootin.
you ain’t lyin’
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
PBG your a walker? I walked to school from second grade through college one time after ……zzzzzzzz and that’s how I got this spot here on my ……….zzzzzz
PBG wake up Ike n Tina is hungry.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Ha! My last date told me I lived in a nice neighborhood as we were pulling out to leave and I said “Oh yeah, it’s been very quiet since the triple murder a few years back…”
He was laughin’ his a$$ off until he got a gander at my stony face of “Ninja, I’m serious. That shyt really happened!”
But yeah, it has been quiet since then.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
HAAAA! Nothing like a triple homicide to break the ice…
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
I tell people all the time that I live in the middle of Asian gang territory… though there has not been a shooting in my neighborhood in years.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:58 am
*choking on laughter*
Jen Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:16 am
I wish he would. He would be sitting out there honking all night. And when he finally came to his senses and walked to the door, he’d be knocking for half an hour.
“I SEE YOU IN THERE. I CAN HEAR THE TV. I CAN HEAR YOU ON THE PHONE! ANSWER THIS DOOR, GIRL.”
At that point, my neighbors would probably phone the police.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
- Don’t beep the horn when arriving at your date’s place. Get out of the car and walk up to your date’s place.
i co-sign all over and under this point. when i was living at home, it was a requirement that my dates not only come to the door, but come inside and speak to my father (this was upon my mother’s insistence). my dates would always get into convos with my dad, sit down, and i’d be standing up tapping my foot like ummm can we go??
but i’d like to also add to this–walk your date to the door of her place when the date is over. i recently went on a date where at 11p i walked 3 blocks back to my crib solo. tragic.
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Ivy St. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Gem, after reading your comments for today, I think you should have your dates come to VSB. That way they won’t be repeat offenders and learn from their own mistakes.
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
“i recently went on a date where at 11p i walked 3 blocks back to my crib solo. tragic.”
i was tempted to snark about the “dangers of walking alone in north oakland” here, but this is actually pretty bad.
how does this happen? did he intentionally drop you off on fifth or something?
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
lol no, like i’d have just hopped out the car. we were in oakland (bldg next to my lab) to see a play. we met up after work. since he takes the bus into to work he had to take the bus back home. i offered him a ride in my car which was parked at my apt 3 blocks away with the logic “not only can i give you a ride to your home, you can walk me to MY home so i don’t have to walk thru oak-town at night by myself.” instead, he opted to catch the bus heading down 5th. and after i picked up my face from the sidewalk, i proceeded to head towards craig.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
He sucks!
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
right?! i told my mom and she was like “oh no. he’s no good. next!”
but truth be told, he and i are in a negotiating stage. i might could work with him….
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
after you sit him down and give him an etiquette lesson i hope…that sh!t is just wrong.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
oh please believe we are going to have a dos/don’ts convo. i am in the works of creating a powerpoint on what he needs to fix (yes, there are some other things he’s received poor marks on–but he has such great potential). it’s for his own good. even if i reject him, he needs to do better with the next girl.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
oh please believe we are going to have a dos/don’ts convo
eh. this is a good idea in theory, but…wait, actually, this isnt even a good idea in theory
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
lol @ powerpoint. be careful of them potential having, good on paper ninjas. but soldier on Gem in your quest to make it better for you or the next girl.
*salute*
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Champie–i don’t really care what you say about the matter it’s gonna happen regardless (he’s really diggin me so i know he’s gonna at least listen), so thanks for your 2 cents but you need it more than me.
SG–thanks lol. i’ma soldier on. i hear what you’re saying. but since he’s really interested i’ma see what we can manage. if it don’t work out, it don’t work out. on to the next…
kamakula Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
wow, a free invite to your place and he just bolted. . .
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Kamakula, the resident VSB.com opportunist, lol…
kamakula Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
I’m just saying, I wouldn’t let an attractive woman wander around Oakland at night on her lonesome. And if it happens that I want to freshen up just as we arrive at her place, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind me stepping in just for a couple minutes, and since I was already here, she might as well give me a tour and since we’re both arrived in the bedroom, we might as well. . .
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
*smh*
I heart you, Kamakula, I really do.
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
And this is why I fux with Kamakula…lol.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
lol!
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
awww kam, you think i’m attractive?????? *ignores rest of kam’s comment*
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
you know what though, after reading it, i can understand him not wanting to get a ride from you. alot of men might feel a certain way about a women theyre dating giving them a ride somewhere. its almost like power has been usurped or something. not saying its right…but i understand.
with that being said, though, he still should have accepted the offer
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
i’m not upset he didn’t accept the ride offer–i am very aware of the male ego and do my best to respect it. i’m more upset he didn’t acknowledge/accept the opportunity to walk me home as a damn safety measure. he coulda caught the 71a from my place, there’s a stop right in front of my bldg. hell, i’d have waited there with him until the bus came.
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
gem, i think you’re my e-twin, i get tired of co-signing on all your comments lol. he totally should have accepted the ride, especially if there was a stop near your house.
here is my problem, how much time should you spend explaining something you think a date or SO should already know? some things i feel are common sense, and it frustrates me to have to explain them. i guess it depends, but since you might could work with him, break it on down.
and holla at 8th and i (now here i go volunteering her presence) we should be around fri!
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
*e-twin hug*
well we all know common sense ain’t so daggone common. and not all men were raised to make gentlemenly qualities a habit, sometimes its an afterthought. which is why i’m willing to point them out. and i guess i just take it upon myself to educate those who i think need it. a great guy (on paper) needs to know when he’s effin up on some straight “duh” type stuff… besides, i’m in NO rush to be in a relationhip. i like to take things slow. and in this slow process, ppl have chances to redeem themselves. i have a problem cutting dudes off completely, except of course when they break into stalker mode.
and yaaaay for friday!! what’s a good place to hit up?? gotta check to see what my girl has planned for us (she coordinates ALL my visits, like minute-to-minute lol) but i’m down to mack n hang with my VSB-ers too.
Ivy St. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Don’t talk too much especially about yourself or always turn the other conversation to yourself when the other person is talking.
Talking about yourself is a good thing but too much of it does become a bad thing. I dated a MBA student who spent the whole date telling me about his previous jobs and how he wanted to start a great deal of start-ups. This wasn’t that bad, but then he started to go into great detail about how he’d go about running this business. So for 45 minutes he talked about his business plan.
On top of that he asked me to pay for the date… confused. Men please be willing to share the conversation.
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
I dated a MBA student who spent the whole date telling me about his previous jobs and how he wanted to start a great deal of start-ups. This wasn’t that bad, but then he started to go into great detail about how he’d go about running this business. So for 45 minutes he talked about his business plan.
On top of that he asked me to pay for the date
i still don’t think you’re telling the truth about this story, lol
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
ohhhhhhhh but she is. i know dude. it’s that serious.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
just about every guy i’ve dated this last year has talked about himself and his job at lengths on the 1st dates. if i opened the flood gates by asking you certain questions pertaining to your life and career goals, feel free to ramble. but asking you “how was your day?” is certainly not an open invitation for you to give me a verbal curriculum vitae attached to your 5-part philosophy on “how to be a stress-free workaholic”. we could have had an email date for all that.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
man, i don’t even like to talk about my job…at work.
IVR Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
“man, i don’t even like to talk about my job…at work.”
EXACTLY! I have to take work breaks. . .do a lot of BS . . .do a little work. . . back to the BS. . . otherwise I would go insane!
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
“man, i don’t even like to talk about my job…at work.”
Yeah, the work talk really should be limited on a first date.
6. Play make-believe. When you drop lies designed to impress — like claiming to be a Foucault scholar or are actually Johnny Cash’s second cousin — it’s pretty much a given that you’re going to get busted. Either your date will turn out to be some kind of philosophically minded smarty-pants and want to debate you, or he’ll be Johnny Cash’s third cousin, wondering why you weren’t at the last family reunion.
This also goes for ninja fronting in someone else’s ride or crib. See the wack @ss movie “Sprung” for an example of this.
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Word…and don’t wear another person’s clothes either.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
i hope this only applies to the fellas. cuz i wear my bffs clothes all the time. i’m like their blaxican barbie, they like to dress me up.
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Well, in that case………I guess it’s cool. The mental imagery of a Blaxican Barbie supercedes all rules of dating conduct. You get a pass! However, I should note that this rule, in general, transcends gender lines. Bottom Line: Wear your own sh*t! Cause what happens when you’re homegirl/boy isn’t around to upgrade you for the evening???? You’re going to look a hot @ss mess and you’re date will be the victim of the old bate and switch.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
lol my clothes aren’t tragic or raggedy. i just don’t have enough different outfits (due to the tragedy of my grad school budget). so usually i’m at a friend’s house in my “what to wear” panic mode and they pick out clothes from their closets to give me “ideas”. and since i always say “i need to do laundry” they let me walk out their spots with their clothes.
i love my friends
and damn the bff with the best wardrobe who moved back to chicago!
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
“damn the bff with the best wardrobe who moved back to chicago”
Who is she? Where does she live? We are constantly looking to add to our possee of fly chicks. lol.
Don’t worry Gem: the VSB Shoe Whore Emergency Fund check is on the way! We feel your pain.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
lmao @ “the VSB Shoe Whore Emergency Fund check is on the way! We feel your pain.”
thanks!!! the kid is in need!!
but yeah, she can’t be your friend. i am going to be greedy and not share my VSB friends with my “other” friends. lol but we might need to meet up next time i’m in town for a visit
i miss the chi
BBMo Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
this shoe whore just bought 3 pair of the cutest things ever…. including a pair of pretty purple satin peep toe pumps
*how’s that alliteration fo yo a$$?*
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
How about I really, really want a “Blaxican Barbie” now? She sounds beautiful! I’d make her a ton of outfits and have mad fashion shows!!
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
lmao!! will you take a life-sized one?? becuz i’m sure i could make time to be your model
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I can only make doll clothes. My hands, they are tiny.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
damn your tiny hands!
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
What about Creole Barbie?
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Why did I just get the spook imagery of that wicked, red-haired Creole woman in Lolita Files’ book “Child of God”??
I’m gonna pass on the Creole Barbie. Her is scary @ me! *shudders*
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I hope you don’t take off runnin if we ever meet…
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
“Her is scary @ me!”
That just made me laugh so hard that I expect a write up on my desk in the morn. PBG, U is funny to I.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
lol. i liked that book.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
@ Luvvie: One of my kids (either birthed, babysat, volunteer,contract or salary) used to say that if they saw somebody spooky. I have had so many kids around me over the years I cannot remember which one said it, but it was ALWAYS hilarious!
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Blaxican Barbie may be next. They have a Blasian (Kimora’s Barbie)
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
i don’t want to see that movie ever again. even for an example of what not to do…lol.
Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Aint nothin wrong with borrowing a shirt from ur homeboy, its just when u start borrowing whole outfits like shirt, shoes, and pants.
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
LOL! That is hilarious…something about dudes rocking outfits just kills me everytime.
I can just imagine.
D*Pain: Hey homie, can I borrow that outfit you wore last thursday?
Homie: Which outfit?
D*Pain: You know…the one where you paired that pink button-up with those fitted distressed jeans and prada shoes. Oh yeah… and I’m gonna need to borrow those shades you wore, too. That outfit just aint the same without ‘em.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
***chuckling***
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Champ, I thought you’d feel me on this.
As a matter of fact, I was laughing to myself the other day about the time when you went on a tyrade about a n*gga at a BBQ who wore the full FuBu Harlem Globetrotters outfit. LMAO!!!!!! Priceless.
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
As a matter of fact, I was laughing to myself the other day about the time when you went on a tyrade about a n*gga at a BBQ who wore the full FuBu Harlem Globetrotters outfit. LMAO!!!!!! Priceless.
lol…that, and the clowning session that followed, was one of the 16 best moments of my life.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Fubu harlem globetrotters outfit??
I would have had a Roast fit. Roasted so much I’da fallen to the floor in a seizure b/c my brain would be cracking on him faster than my mouth could repeat it.
I’d die of over-roast. My epitaph would day: She came, She saw (fubu abomination), and she keeled (of overactive stream of consciousness).
I’d like the Color purple to be played at my repass. And I’d haunt FUBU man forever.
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
This is the funniest shyt I’ve read since the last time I said “this is the funniest shyt I’ve read” before the the time prior I said “this is the funniest shyt I’ve read”.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Real men wear ‘outfits’?
I thought y’all just had clothes that sometimes color coordinated.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
i’m sayin’….
Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:52 am
The car thing is the worst, and I don’t even judge folks about their cars, it just ain’t that serious…. and if you feel you must front in someone’s ride at least remove incriminating/identifying evidence…
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i have a tip FOR THE MEN OUT THERE: when you’re askin girly girl out for a first date, do not, i repeat, DO NOT, under any circumstances, offer to go ‘chill at a motel’. no no no.
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PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
What the eff kinda date is that? Sounds like a solicitation to me!!
In which case, always ask if he’s a cop.
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Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
cole, u stupid!
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
“i have a tip FOR THE MEN OUT THERE: when you’re askin girly girl out for a first date, do not, i repeat, DO NOT, under any circumstances, offer to go ‘chill at a motel’. no no no.”
What about hotels? Some hotels have really nice Restaurants and bars inside of them. Plus if you get too drunk, you can always get a room to
have wild kinky sexsober yourself upReply
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Right!!
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
welcome n sh*t
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Don’t talk about your ex too much or at all if you can help it. Nothing worse than finding out you are sitting across the dinner table from a person who has enough emotional baggage to fill up the restaurant.
Women…don’t order a bunch of sh*t and then fail to eat it. That is rude….And taking home a seperate order or a doggy bag for your kids is straight tacky!
Don’t be late or waaaayyy too early. Be on time.
Don’t inform me that we’re doing a “dine -n-dash” at the last minute!
Don’t talk on your cellphone for more than 4 mins in a 2 hour time span….And if you know that you’re the popular type who gets a lot of phone calls, then put your lil sidekick or whatever you have on vibrate; that way i can at least fel like I’m the only one all up in your world for a few hours.
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
And taking home a seperate order or a doggy bag for your kids is straight tacky!
i usually like to give my dates an extra order of “kids” for her doggy bag, but they usually just end up wiping them off with a lukewarm rag
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Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
eeewwwwwwwww, champie you so bad…
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overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
i usually like to give my dates an extra order of “kids” for her doggy bag, but they usually just end up wiping them off with a lukewarm rag
champ, you’ve reached your predictable comment quota for the day. thank you.
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pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
champ, you’ve reached your predictable comment quota for the day. thank you.
bwaaaa!
The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
champ, you’ve reached your predictable comment quota for the day. thank you.
i make the rules here, over it.
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
i make the rules here, over it.
whateva fearless leader, this aint no dictatorship! jk, actually my day would not be complete without a “that’s what she said” and 8th’s requisite comeback. do carry on.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Hey if I can get corner deemed so can The Champ
———————>
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This one goes to women i have dealt with: Dont ask me out and expect me to pay. I know that men should normally pay for the first date but thats cuz men normally ask for the first date.
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I totally agree with this. If I ask you, then I’m paying, period.
And yeah, after we’ve been on a few dates, I have no problem asking and paying. I’m dope like that.
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Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
I like u
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
*winks*
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
I have no probs paying for a date, and have done so before. It’s usually met with my guy thinking I’m joking. But when the check comes, and I snatch it up, he’s like “Wow. Ok”
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Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
“Dont ask me out and expect me to pay. I know that men should normally pay for the first date but thats cuz men normally ask for the first date.”
This is real!!
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Damn Panema! Gem and I will be in DC on the 15th. Who has happy hour on a Wednesday?
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Layla Lounge has a nice one. And so does the Park at 14th, but Layla generally has more people.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
i think that was a direct question like, “Panama, why in the hell would you have a happy hour on a Wednesday…”???
i don’t think they understand how DC works…ninjas here have happy hours on Christmas. lol. DC is like happy hour/lounge happy.
but they do make a good point…i will consult my schedule to see if i can make a friday work…as in next Friday…
but as of right now, its on Wednesday. lol.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
i know right. could have at least consulted our schedules before making the plans. sheesh.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
me.
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Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Better question is who has happy hour on a Saturday?
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
i believe she meant the 14th. we’ll be rolling up in Goldie Hawn-da friday afternoon. woo hoo!!
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overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
my heart hurts whenever you mention Goldie Hawnda..my hawn-da was totaled…head on collsion, she had no papers.
wall slide…..
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
awww that’s terrible. woo woo woo. woo woo woo.
gotta love hondas tho
On a totally unrelated note, I just answered my first request for advice on my new blog. VSB got mad props on the premiere entry, since ya’ll are the ones who got me all hyped to dole out advice on the intrawebs in the first place.
vsb.com: where shameless plugs aren’t so shameless after all.
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The Champ Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
i likes and sh*t. good job
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PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
**glitter**
You know it had to happen.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
YAY PBG!! I just finished leaving a hollering ass comment. Forgive me but I’m glad to see you gotchu a blog.
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V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
/.
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Fellas, this is for you cats looking for a wife, not trying to do #’s
I know you worked hard procuring the #. Chatting about mindless things during the day, running off your daytime minutes.
So it’s finally time to get her out on the town, and she talking about some gourmet spot like TGIF Friday’s or Chili’s. (If she say Cheesecake Factory, spin the Caprice back around the block and drop her “i got my masters @ Spelman” a$$ at home)
If you don’t like wine bars, tapas, art house flix, and Asian fusion restaurants – don’t go to that kind of thing on the first date.
As your relationship goes you can branch out and experiment, but your first date should be her introduction to *your* world. Not you pretending to be into the stuff that she likes. You can’t escape who you are. And if she’s not impressed with your real life from jump, she won’t be riding with you.
Ultimately she has to like your lifestyle. If she thinks she can “upgrade” you, tell that Beyonce – “to the left, to the left”
As for the date
1) Plan it out – tell her what to wear given what you might do. But don’t tell her everything.
2) Don’t give her too much say at all. (it’s your world afterall).
3) Pay for everything (it’s a signal of your willingness to take care of her)
Now if you get to the spot and She too siddity to bring her pum pum shorts and enter the Dancehall Queen contest, or She worried about getting her nails messed up eating up some crab – she’s not for you Ras.
Plenty of dudes get broke trying to be Denzel when they’re actually Bokeem
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V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Because of this:
“She worried about getting her nails messed up eating up some crab – she’s not for you Ras. Plenty of dudes get broke trying to be Denzel when they’re actually Bokeem”
I have developed an e-crush on you. Sigh.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
As your relationship goes you can branch out and experiment, but your first date should be her introduction to *your* world.
i think this is great advice! i love to be introduced to dude’s world and the things he’s really into. it is so sexy to see a guy in his element, in control, and happy to show me what he’s about. i love it.
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overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
yes, passion is sessy.
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WestIndianArchie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
And when you’re happy, i’m not unhappy!
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
*blushing*
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I, too, just got an e-crush on WIA.
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Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
” trying to be Denzel when they’re actually Bokeem”
And Bokeem really do look like his name should be Bokeem, I’m gonna start calling played out, typecast, wanna be thugs “Bokeemish Ninjas”…
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MsSula@Work Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
I don’t know about this —–>some gourmet spot like TGIF Friday’s or Chili’s.
Chili’s is gourmet? Since when?
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Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
*salute*
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drink special suggestion – crown & coke no ice
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
I say we drink something appropriate for a funeral. Cuz it may be the death of my mind’s ear sound/image of you all’s e-voices and e-faces.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
you know, that’s one of the risks of doing happy hours when the entire community is virtual…you put faces and voices with names and comments…
then you start saying, “maaaaaaaan, she was LYING” or “he KNOW he ain’t pulled no woman lookin’ like Kermit the Frog and Grace Jones illegitimate legit child.”
it can be scary. lucky for you all i’m sexxy. well not you WuDaMan, but lucky for everybody else.
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
You right lucky for you, you sexxy. Cuz it’s about to be winter time and big brothuhs is once again in season. Plus I gots pretty hairs n smile nice w/ good teeth. disclaimer so I been told
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
P.,
then you start saying, “maaaaaaaan, she was LYING” or “he KNOW he ain’t pulled no woman lookin’ like Kermit the Frog and Grace Jones illegitimate legit child.”
it can be scary. lucky for you all i’m sexxy. well not you WuDaMan, but lucky for everybody else.
LMAO! P., I am going to pray for you, bruh. I might even light a candle and use some prayer ointment too. Cause you are a wild boy.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Just what in the name of Jesus, Mary and JoJo is “prayer ointment”???
IVR Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
“then you start saying, “maaaaaaaan, she was LYING” or “he KNOW he ain’t pulled no woman lookin’ like Kermit the Frog and Grace Jones illegitimate legit child.””
Aren’t most of the normal posters here facebook friends of the site anyway?
Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
But from experience old pictures, photoshop, low light, distance pics and creative angles have caused many a disappointment….
IVR Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
“But from experience old pictures, photoshop, low light, distance pics and creative angles have caused many a disappointment….”
ahhh. . . got it
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Yeah all them VSBers who spend posts talking bout how Stacey Dash is their twin and how they have the personality of Will Ferrell shall get outed.
Hope the VSB bbq and meetups aren’t full of some hunchback looking, Dane Cook humorless mofos. That would ruin VSB for me.
Or it would make it better b/c my comebacks will ALWAYS be “Just stop. You need more people. in fact, I saw your people. THEY need people too.” Could be AWESOME for me.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
oh ye of little hands, are you ensuring that you yourself don’t need more people?! are you a VSB-Star!?
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Oh ye of Yella Persuasion. I dont brag much bout my appearance (not online, anyway. In real reality, not virtual, that is another story).
And VSB-Star? Iunno. am I?
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
I dislike the use of “Yella Persuasion”
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
bwuahhahaha then get a tan ahaahahah
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Thats why I dig you, Wu. lol
Monk Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
“Oh ye of Yella Persuasion”
I’ll actually take this as a compliment Luvvie.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
my comebacks will ALWAYS be “Just stop. You need more people. in fact, I saw your people. THEY need people too.” Could be AWESOME for me.
dying on the inside…
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Or it would make it better b/c my comebacks will ALWAYS be “Just stop. You need more people. in fact, I saw your people. THEY need people too.” Could be AWESOME for me.
LMAO. Luvvie, I can see you doing some shyt like that. After a couple of regional happy hours, and someone makes a self promoting statement, I can see you hitting them with a:
……………………………………………………………………….
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
LMAO!!!
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
“Yeah all them VSBers who spend posts talking bout how Stacey Dash is their twin and how they have the personality of Will Ferrell..”
Somebody did that? Who compares themselves to the Dash? That’s setting yourself up if ever I heard it.
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Somebody did that? Who compares themselves to the Dash? That’s setting yourself up if ever I heard it.
You aint lying. Comparisons should be for other people to make, please don’t try to lead people’s perceptions. It usually ends poorly.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
No one compared themselves to the Dash per se. But there have been posts that have had 500 comments of nothing but people saying “I’m awesome b/c I am a brickhouse, got Tass & ititties, can cook, will freaknasty, sh*t rainbows, birth unicorns and pee glitter”
Not verbatim, but you get what I’m saying. lol
Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
LMAO @ birth unicorns!!!
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
LMAO!!! Luvvie! What’s wrong withcu?! LOL!
However on a serious note…I might show up to the D.C VSB happy hour (from the NYC) in some timbos a durag, my boxerdrawls and a bag of cheetos.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
at least you’ll be easily identified.
some random: “who the hell is that strollin up in the joint looking a H.A.M.??”
VSB-er: “oh that’s just D*Pain, he’s harmless. we think.”
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
@Gem,
LMAO! That comment was truly outrageous. Truly truyl truly outrageous!
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
First of all I am 6′6″ so I got legs for days baby! And you better believe that these scraggly suckers are a sight to behold when I put on my boxers and tims. I’m talking bout sensual seduction…duction. Please believe me!
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
no buddy. that proposed “outfit” was truly truly truly outrageous!! and with a bag of cheetos no less?? just be sure to wash your hands before touching folks lol
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
LMAO D*Pain!! i sooo <3 your spunky self (in a totally non-home-wrecking way)
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Thanks Gem! You’re pretty spunktastic yourself!! Haa!
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
LMAO I jus cackled so loud it echoed all in the office. The image of a tall ass black man with skinny legs that look like the number 11 and some cartoon boxers just popped in my head. And let me tell you, it made my day.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
lmao luvvie you kill me dead of laughter daily. i’m not sure i’m ready to meet “live in living color luvvie”. i don’t think my lungs would hold any air.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Luvvie you is the illest. lmao
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
LMAO, Luvvie you are a mess! In a good way lol.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Ahh yeah, I feels ya. Welp, it should be interesting!
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
ya’ll r all hilarious… this whole piece right here is pure.comedy.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
i was saying the same thing to Champie the 1st time i tried his attempt at making spaghetti. not seeing actual physical appearances and hearing actual voices might ruin VSB for me. i have an image of all the regulars and i like the image i’ve constructed lol.
at the same time i want to (in person) witness Luvvie snap off, peep the prints of CBG’s wet blankets, see the look on PBG’s face when some one calls her locs “dreds”, and the list goes on and on and on. i’d also like to measure PBG and Luvvie’s hands to see whose are tiniest.
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V Renee Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Maybe people should submit pictures ahead of time, so there aren’t any “surprises”. That way when someone comes in looking like Shrek, you won’t laugh in their face…..although I would probably still laugh.
I kid I kid (not)
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
lmao!! i’m not so much as worried about ppl being busted (altho if it’s unexpected i might lose my face to the floor upon 1st sight of such a “shrek”). i just created my own visuals and audio of VSB-ers based on their web-personalities. and that’ll all change once i meet the real person.
kinda like seeing a movie based on a novel. some films don’t do the characters you imagined in your head justice. i’m a damn good mental cast director and usually end up disappointed.
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
I have at least 100 pics on my Myspace for anybody who needs a pre-gander. And PeeJay can tell all of ya’ll that (a) I am not horrid and (b) I would look ridiculous with big ol’ man hands.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
LOL Well im not as much of a hater in real reality as I am in virtual. I know how to ack (sometimes) in public. lol. Unless I see something roastable. At which point, all bets are off and I go into Roast Tourette’s.
My more people: VEG or Kindred. Altho, those light skint heffas have the tendency to sell me down the eRiver sometimes. Maybe I need more chocolate friends.
V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
“light skint heffas”
What is with this bitterness and venom??
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
You know I heart you yella IGs!
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
bwuahahahaha
“(it doesn’t mention pulling out your schlong and attempting to place it on her forehead, but if you read between the lines…it’s there)”
this should probably be number one… lol
hmm… i don’t think ladies should try out a super new outfit or hairstyle… go with what works and feels comfortable…
oh, and definitely don’t try and avoid sex on the first date by wearing granny panties because that just makes for weirdness later on…
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
What’s wrong w/ granny panties. Unless you whereing em to hold that pad… smh
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Corner. Now.
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Damm… *puss n boots eyes stammering* you gonna come get me later?
Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Shrek is a solid date movie.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
“Shrek is a solid date movie.”
Unless ur date looks like Fiona. Then you’re just making fun of her. And thats not nice.
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
8th Wondrous, you cant jus be sending folks all willy nilly to the corna. You lucky WuDa has earned himself an all expensed paid trip. We still gotta pat him down b4 he come in.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
I blame that internship @ the mill and the movie ‘the aristocrats.’
btw Luvvie that ain’t no contraband heheehe them lil hands is ticklin me.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
“We still gotta pat him down b4 he come in.”
Well that’s not much of a punishment, now is it?
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
No! It’s not.
btw wasn’t that comment corner worthy?
grrrrr!
Yeah baby! Yeah!
Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
that is funlarity if i’ve ever heard it… corner statement indeed
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I don’t know w/ that nickname you sound like you there already. Nomdeplum check hommie.
Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
i still luvs ya wu, i was trying to invite you over to the corner with me on the low, now you done blown up the spot….
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
& I U even if you do like unis & started the glidder movement, Norf Cackilackie did get rid of the Dole and went Obamanation. So I gots lub for the Aleas having Alise. btw did I get that right you is up there w/ peetie pablo either way I loves both Carolinas. Jus beautiful country w/ incredible people. I say everybody from vsb retire to the carolinas.
Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
well we do have redeeming quality of Little Brother & Ninth Wonder and Big Daddy Kane stay in Raleigh and shyt, lol…
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
ctfu I thaught so lol….
btw… still waiting on happy hour in atlanta!
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
…and chicago
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
SouthernGirl, scroll up. There’s a VSB chitown extravaganza in the works for Thanksgiving weekend.
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Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
and brooklyn
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IVR Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
“and brooklyn”
Werd. . . at Juniors . .. id drive back home for it.
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pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
ewwwl… i have a Juniors hate rant…
so i was all siced (we say it too DC peoples) to go to the “famous” Juniors in BK my first time there… uh… what’s up wit’ the beets and pickles? that’s nasty. And why is the food DRY?… the cheesecake wasn’t even that good. Holla @ Gullifty’s if you want some good dessert (Gem, Killa K, Ivy… all those who r able). I was really disappointed.
IVR Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
“ewwwl… i have a Juniors hate rant…
so i was all siced (we say it too DC peoples) to go to the “famous” Juniors in BK my first time there… uh… what’s up wit’ the beets and pickles? that’s nasty. And why is the food DRY?… the cheesecake wasn’t even that good. Holla @ Gullifty’s if you want some good dessert (Gem, Killa K, Ivy… all those who r able). I was really disappointed.”
Hmm. . . I havent been to Junior’s since I was young . . . and I dont even eat cheesecake. . . but it was a trademark of Brooklyn . . . That’s unfortunate.
pgh muse Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
that’s ok, IVR, i don’t blame u… I blame Puffy for making dude walk there in the first making the band… ever since then i wanted some Juniors Cheesecake cuz i assumed it must be like heaven melting on my tongue… so of course when i got there and had some and it was … so so… i was swoll (does ne body else say this?)…
Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
are there any NC VSBers up in this jawn?
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Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
i feel i’m the bol who introduced the word “jawn” to this jawn
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blackberry molasses Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
and for that, I am MAD at you….
that word makes my a$$ twitch.
“bol” bothers me too… wtf is up with Philly slang?
*not really mad, but the word irks me to no end*
PBG Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
You notice I haven’t said it anymore since it got me put on Diva Dust ration! I can’t have that.
BBMo Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
see girl… dats why me likes you… you know what you want. that Diva Dust ™!!!!
****sprinkles****
overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
actually Peyso i thought the same thing lol.
Hmmmmm… what to do or not do on a first date???
Don’t be extra… anything. Relax… and enjoy it if u can.
DON’T HAVE S*X!!!
Don’t drink too much (see #2)…
Don’t have a first date at ur own house (like cooking for him or something), make him take u out.
Ladies, make sure you have ur own money, transportation, and weapon just in case that ni99a gets too far outta line.
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FYI, I just received this in an e-mail and thought I’d share:
FYI, for those of you who are interested in attending President-elect Obama’s swearing-in ceremony:
I just checked the government’s website for the January 20, 2009 Inauguration ( http://inaugural.senate.gov/2009/index.cfm ), and found out that you have to have tickets to attend the swearing-in ceremony. They will be distributed by your Senators and Representatives. Be sure to contact their offices ASAP to see how you can get tickets (there’s already a waiting list in my Representative’s office).
Also, PLEASE, PLEASE tell your friends that this appears to be the only government-approved way to get tickets. I see that there are a lot of “swearing-in” ticket scalpers already, and I wouldn’t want anyone to buy fake tickets.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
WOMP. Mayb I’ll go to DC just for the parties and the good times that are PROMISEd to pop off as a result of the good cheer of Obama’s inaug.
I must find someone’s couch to crash on
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Alise in Chains Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
ditto, i need a couch too, DC folks holla at ya girl!
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Peyso Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
the cheapest ticket that i saw when i searched was around $1000
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MsSula@Work Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Are we talking flight tickets?
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
My 16 year old niece is her state’s high school rep to the inaugural, she was upset that she was too young to vote, she actually volunteered and canvassed for the campaign in Idaho. She was the first one to call me after the announcement. She couldn’t even speak, she was crying.
I can’t wait to see her
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Again w/ the weeepie comments IH?! Get in the corner!
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overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
The corner is getting pretty tight don’t ya think Wu?
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I don’t know apparently I been in here too long to notice. Hows about you let me know when you hit that suckah. Get in the corner!
Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
The corner aint for crying folks. We send em to “Cool Off” station for that. Its to the left, down the hall, take a u-turn and sat down.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
**shaking head looking @ tattered chlothes** What happened did… did I send people to the corner? Noooo Whyyyyy
*wall slide*
Iiiiii””mmmmmm Ssssoooorrrryyyyy!!!!!!
8th Wonder Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
NOT THE WALL SLIDE!!
L.M.A.O.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
I don’t know what came over me. Hopefully it wasn’t IH or GoodE. This ain’t even my house & I’m up here sending people to the corner.
Jesus be some manners.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
*clapping for IH’s niece*
awwww that’s so special and wonderful! congrats to her. i know she’ll love every minute of the experience.
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On a date. I’ma be on time. I’ma eat something good unless we got the butterflies I’ma eat something good. I’m the master of picking some great fair to consume from any menu. I’m into people so the alone thing won’t get you too far unless butterflies. It’s prolly easier for you to slum off the energy fed me via a crowd. Laugh, preferably not nervous laughter but laugh no less. Question, be inquisitive. Dare I say it be daring. Impromptu is my middle name. I ain’t never scared, but if you start something w/ somebody that ain’t me you better be.
btw I hope the Obamas get a pit bull or Rottweiler
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
btw I hope the Obamas get a pit bull or Rottweiler
LMAO
Me and wifey was just talking about how life in the White House is going to be different since Barack’s liitle ones are moving in. If that was my family moving in, I would them to take all them antiques and expensive shyt out the freaking house and put in in public storage. Because when my kids start breaking shyt (and they will) I don’t want to be responsible nothin.
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
That is some real flupuckerin talk right there. Cuz you cain’t keep black kids out of noffin. circa BeBe’s kids
lol smh
oh did you see Michelle is moving her Mama to D.C. to help out w/ the kids.
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V.E.G. Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I just love that there is gonna be vaseline, pink lotion and a gold flat iron in the white house.
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Yo this made me smile n shyt
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
YESSS for vaeline nd the gold flat iron.
NO for the pink oil lotion. I hope Michelle Obama ain’t using that greasy, pore-clogging potion. Maybe she’s upgraded her life to Carol’s Daughter or Qhemet Biologiques.
In fact V, I’m insulted that you think our First Lady is walking around using 100% mineral oil in her upper follicles. Shame on u.
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overit Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Pink Lotion makes me sneeze.
MsSula@Work Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
cftu @—->using 100% mineral oil in her upper follicles
You are tew much, dear.
WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
I likes that tew girl. It’s ceksay!
JOB ALERT
The government is hiring people ASAP. No experience. $50/hr to help Bush pack his shyt up and get the fcuk out the White House. Call 1800-fuc-bush for more information.
^^^That was a text message I thought I’d share with the good people of VSB. I wouldn’t be surprised is most of you seen this already. lol
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This was just as bad as the one telling 2520s to report to the field for orientation, that is a personal fave.
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Eff reporting to the field, tell them to report to cleaning the damn toilet bowl and that’s after I finish doing number 2 without flushing and eating Taco Bell and drinking a big @ss up of strawberry milk!!!!
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WuDaMan Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
BBBWWWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH @ the strawberry milk!
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Well I had a girl tell me how long I had to marry her.
She said a man has 10 months to marry me or I’m out.
That’s probably not good for a first date or second or third for that matter.
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MsSula@Work Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Whoa. I gotta respect her gansta.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
“Whoa. I gotta respect her gansta.
”
Naw that aint gangsta. That bish is crazy.
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Today’s Public Service Announcement:
1. Take her to a decent restaurant:
I’m sorry but Red Lobster, Chilli’s and Olive Garden are not nice restaurants. Although they are listed in the Official Guide to Black Folks 2008 manual, they are NOT acceptable. Contrary to popular belief, most non-chained neighborhood restaurants are priced comparably. Plus the aforementioned restaurants do not actually cook your food. Most of it is flash frozen and microwaved. Therefore, if you take me to any of these establishments, your nooky procurement efforts will be best described as Palin-esque. (read: doomed for failure)
Rant over.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Dontchu BLASPHEME them chedda bay biscuits!!! Take it back!!!
They are great grub made in the oven of awesome!!
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shethankshecute Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Ok the chedda bays get a pass but only for lunch witcho hoodtastic girlfriend. In no way shape or form do I endorse the above statement.
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MsSula@Work Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Them cheddar biscuits are “to go” fodder and nothing else!
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shethankshecute Reply:
November 6th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Word life son.
I wish I could come but I’m down here in the deep south fighting of the upset red necks..LOL Good Post btw.. you are crazy!
Go B.
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Don’t try to act like a big shot and order something that you cannot pronounce. lmaooo I would like the Fillett Megnon… Can I have the Sayvignon Blank…. Is your Skrimp Scrampi fried? Nextttt date please! This will be your last date w/ me.
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