Paranoia is a motherf*cker. It causes you do all kinds of things. Just ask T.I. That dude had an arsenal of guns that would make Saddam Hussein jealous because he was paranoid that folks were trying to kill him.
I mean, he had ARMY guns.
Now, a little paranoia can be healthy. Just like many women can appreciate a man who gets somewhat jealous. (This has often caused me problems in life because I’m the least jealous dude ever. I live by the Goldie/The Mack rule, “You know the rules of the game. Your b*tch chose me.“ My life has always just seemed simpler that way. Ahem.) But unchecked paranoia and suspicion can make you do all kinds of things.
Things like what, oh great-italicized P?
Glad you asked.
We all know some chick (or dude for that matter) who’s sat outside somebody’s house trying to see if their boo was going to show up. Or nowadays, what with advances in technology, know folks checking Google Earth trying to locate their S.O.s juuuust in case they might have forgotten to mention that one pit stop they intended to make.
I’ve always thought it to be slightly insane to remain with somebody if you had to delve into the S.W.A.T. team manual in order to determine whether or not they were cheating on you. I mean, hell, think about all of the unnecessary energy that you’re expending for what is essentially a fruitless cause. Either you’re right and mad, or you haven’t found what you’re looking for yet. Face it, if you think they’re cheating, in your mind, they are and you’re just waiting to catch their ass. But why stay anway?
Oh what a tangled web we weave. And horsehair ain’t no joke either.
Paranoia.
Which brings me to my point. Courtesy of what I think is one of the most complex movies in the history of complexity, Baby Boy (this is all revisionist and based on how much fodder there is for actual relationship discussions of all types, not just romantic, we’re talking familial, romantic, spatial, gangster, thug, unstable creaturism, the list really goes on…) comes one of the oddest means of determining whether your man’s cheating or not.
Take a gander, a goose if you must:
Yvette: You been f*ckin’ around?
Jody: Nope.
Yvette: Let me smell your d*ck.
Jody: Go on with that bullsh*t.
Yvette: If you ain’t been whoring around, let me smell your d*ck.
So I have a few questions here. For one, do non-hood-rat chicks actually do this? Let’s even say you don’t have the ignorant convo up front but do it on the sly. Is this ACTUALLY a means that women use? I know some pretty hood women and have polled women I know and I was amazed by the amount of women who have said they’d be willing to stoop that low.
No pun intended.
Which once again, I have to ask, why? If you think you man is cheating, so much so that you’re gonna do a sniff test on his ass, you probably would do best to just roll on. Plus, I’m not mature enough to NOT thump you in the head one good time just for being down there on some negativity.
But perhaps that’s just me, though I suspect I am not a lone like Michael Jackson song accompanied by a video featuring the daughter of Elvis Presley.
(BTW, the Washington Redskins suuuuuuuuuuck. Thank you.)
With all that said, good people of VSB, to what lengths have you gone to determine if your significant other was cheating on you? Would you women do a sniff test? Are you insane? And who’s getting DJ Hero like I am????
Inquiring minds would like to know.
Just how far would you go to find out if somebody was cheating on you?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
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{ 170 comments… read them below or add one }
Thankfully, I can honestly say I’ve not ever suspected anyone of cheating so I’ve never had to resort to such measures.
But I have witnessed women I know standing in bushes on a dark street, doing slow drives past his house, etc.
@V.E.G., I did a drive by once at 4am, and sure nuff, he wasn’t home. I knew exactly who he was with, too. Confronted him the next day. He refused to confess but I knew he was lying. His lie was too stupid. It’s also happened to me, and yeah, I lied too. I find that folks rarely ‘fess up, even in couples counseling.
Now, Panama, for the more nauseating part of your post. WTH do you guys get ideas for these posts anyway, lol? 2AM in a bar? Geez! Don’t stop; they’re entertaining.
No, I personally never have nor knew a woman who did or admitted to doing the sniff test. I do, however, know of two men who did.
One was paranoid as ish and after finding out a neighbor had stopped by (she innocently mentioned this, flipped her down and pretended he wanted to have sex, then did the sniff and feel test. She broke up with crazy azz soon after.
In the other case, the guy who was family of family, merely wanted to see if she was still tricking for her crack addiction. He saw her hop out of a strange van, walked over to her, and kissed her. He could smell sex on her face.
*everyone go ewwwwl*
Later that day, he offered to put her in rehab. He told me this himself at their wedding. I’d like to say love conquered all, but after three goes at rehab, he gave up.
@Kit (Keep It Trill), men doing this seems strangely odd.
but only cuz i try to give women more credit than leaving behind…residuals…and stuff to be discovered. i usually assume most women to be better criminals than men when it comes to romantic affairs, but i suppose some women are just as dumb as most women think men are.
or just nasty. i think thats probably true too. nasty heffas.
@Kit (Keep It Trill),
OMG!!! I have to say I never did the sniff test nor did I ever hear about men doing it. I have more dignity to do a sniff test on a man. I do believe if he is cheating to just leave or confront him head on. No need for the sneakiness.
As for the men…that’s bugged man! I wish a nucca would do that to me!!! Even though they get 10pts for how slick they were in their efforts.
@V.E.G., you know…i’ve had a few chicks cheat on me…well, one was in high school and i was pretty much dating a chick who was a pass-around…so that one was my fault.
she also yelled rape to attempt to cover up her cheating. what an idiot. how dumb was i to date her.
the other chick who cheated on me…lol. this heffa told me two years later and i was like, “i know you cheated. why you think i stopped talking to you, kissing you AND sleeping with you. oh, and i stole your AMG CD. we’re even.”
b*tch betta have my money.
@Panama Jackson,
I loved AMG
The times that I’ve been suspicious, the truth came out or I caught their arses. I mean I feel that if I can’t trust a guy, I probably need to break it off anyways, so that’s what I generally do.
@chaoticdiva, how wise are you.
(btw, i generally don’t believe most of us on this site are as wise and sagacious as we claim to be)
In my younger dayz, did the drive-bys & stalking ish… BUT now… Absolutely nothing… Like the songs says “You man enuff to leave, I am woman enuff to let you go”. I refuse to waste energy trying to find out who/what he is doing.
@Brown iii s, co-sign. Been there, over it.
@Brown iii s, welcome (?) and sh*t
i’m glad you experienced growth. i personally know some chicks who’d still do the driveby stalking sh*t. without fail, hesitation, or remorse.
they need jesus.
The paranoia feeling is the worst because you can’t shake it off and have no proof that something is going on. I’ve never done the sniff test or followed someone but I have broken into an email acct (once) and cell phone when I was younger. Can’t say that I felt better after the truth came out but at least the feeling that something wasn’t right went away.
@Leila, now, did you feel guilty for hacking into said person’s information?
i feel like if you have no guilt then you are friends with Clarence Thomas.
@Panama Jackson, haha. Just a little. He still tried to deny the truth even when he got caught and tried to reverse it and accuse me of cheating with some celebrity that I met in Miami. It was too much for me and I was out.
Sniff test?? NEVER… Some things just aren’t worth lying about, and cheating is one of them. I’d just ask that he’d be honest with me from jump. I’d rather he talk to me about it and we come up with some sort of solution instead of him sneaking around behind my back. Cuz I won’t accuse him, but if it is shown to me that he can’t be trusted, then he’s gone…too late to talk it out at that point.
@trin-trin, I’d just ask that he’d be honest with me from jump. I’d rather he talk to me about it and we come up with some sort of solution instead of him sneaking around behind my back.
what kind of solution is there? don’t do it again? and all will be well?
just curious.
Once I suspect you’re cheating, all trust is out of the window. At that time, women should just bounce. B/c you will never really trust him, even if he swears he isn’t cheating, or he promises to never do it again. Personally, I won’t waste the gas in my car to do a drive by his house to try to catch him. And I don’t do nature like that to be all hiding in the bushes and shyt.
@N.I.A. naturally,
lol @ “i don’t really do nature like that”. cosign all the way.
@charli skipper,
I will cosign, your cosign.
@charli skipper,
yeah. despite what they say, stalking iS not sexy. no. really. it’s not.
@N.I.A. naturally, Personally, I won’t waste the gas in my car to do a drive by his house to try to catch him.
i’d agree with this when gas was 4/gallon. but its way more economical now to do this.
@Panama Jackson,
more economical, but enviromentally unresponsible. speed walking or biking, maybe?
i am guilty of looking thru phones and checking emails. i did so because dude was sneaking phone calls to his female bff (b****)who he claimed he had no feelings for. i knew better and it turned out i was right. a little paranoia never hurt anyone. i like to call that AWARENESS.
i once had a girlfriend who wanted me to validate her suspicion of her bf cheating by requesting that i smell the draws he wore on a suspected offending occasion. that’s my girl since we were in girl scouts but i’ll be daaaaamned. you sniffin’ the penis for anything other than mutual pleasure, then there’s a friggin problem. actually there’s a couple friggin’ problems: a) you sick as hell tryin to smell if someone else’s jayjay been on his ding ding and b)he a nasty bama for not washin’ his ass and comin home with someone else’s jayjay on his ding ding! at this point, the **** has gone too far. let it go. please.
@cam1ll3, LAWD. this comment killt me on so many levels.
@cam1ll3,
not ding ding
@flamboyantchiq,
yes. a ding ding
@cam1ll3, i am guilty of looking thru phones and checking emails. i did so because dude was sneaking phone calls to his female bff (b****)who he claimed he had no feelings for.
so the ends justify the means?
and this was a funny comment all the way around…
@Panama Jackson,
for me, the ends did justify the means. i’m not the person who plays inch high p i (she says as she digs thru the archives of sprint bills). truth be told i really am too lazy for that. this one time however, i needed to see it on paper instead of running about thinking i was simply being overly paranoid. and tho the short victory was more bitter than sweet, it allowed me to opportunity to call him on his bs.
I’ve never suspected anybody of cheating. Although, I did have to do some minor detective work to find out about my ex-husband’s drug use. He was with a girl almost immediately after we split, and possibly during, but as far as I know he was faithful. At least there’s not a shred of evidence, circumstancial or otherwise, to support that he wasn’t.
My minor detective work for proof that he was using went no further than looking in his bag after being gone for work for a week. I found all the evidence I needed with that one peek in his bag. Heck, he didn’t even bury it, his sh*t was right on top.
If I suspect your a** of cheating, that means I’ve lost trust, and that pretty much means it’s a wrap. I’m never going to let my suspicions turn me into someone I don’t want to be, and I don’t want to be that kind of woman, I’d leave first. Period.
@SaneN85, damn it, I meant peeked in his bag, not peed. That edit function is something else.
@SaneN85, ya know, i’m not sure what i’d do if i found out my girl had a drug problem. like i’d want to make sure seh got better…but i couldnt be with them.
i mean, she’d be getting high on MY supply.
I am making a special trip back to LA to procure my Wii from the claws of my 15yo brother JUST for DJ Hero.
As for the lengths we would go: if everybody just installed Google Latitude on they phones, we wouldn’t have to worry about where you been and when. Google knows all.
“I am making a special trip back to LA to procure my Wii from the claws of my 15yo brother JUST for DJ Hero. “
Liz, lol, I can relate to that level of game addiction.
And about Google, can’t you turn off that feature on your cell phone?
@Kit (Keep It Trill), yes you can. at which point you are GUILTY AS CHARGED!
@Liz,
OR….you just don’t like the level of information that Google has on you. they know your gubbment name, address, IP address, credit/debit card #s, etc.
And Google Latitude is only good up to 500 meters. That’s alot of distance.
@Liz, so you mean to tell me if a guy you are seeing refuses to either give you his email account password, or let you go through his phone…then he is guilty of something?
@Liz,
why you takin’ the wii from the baby?! that’s just mean! lol
and at the point where i use the little locator things on the cell phone to find out where you are, i start to feel a little dirty. just a little.
i’ve only done something out of character once in my life. i did the drive by. needless to say the relationship didn’t last much longer past that point. i could never see myself doing something like that ever again. i feel like if you’re gonna cheat you’re gonna cheat. what’s done in the dark always comes to light.
@Tunde, also, what you do in the dark is also a lot funner to do in the light if you use a camera.
@Panama Jackson, true true. lol
been a few years back but:
Since I worked at a large telecom company I found myself working with one of the engineers to clone this guys phone so I could see all incoming and outgoing texts and calls. It was as I sat there with the screen up trying to figure out names to go with numbers, I was done.
Folks are gonna do what they’re gonna do. Not my role to go all CSI on a brother. If I suspect, I will ask. If you lie, I will leave. Done.
@OneChele,
that is the ish.
I havn’t been pushed to that level thankfully. but who knows in the future. I have however been a part of the scheme, I work @ a bank, so i was able to see that this fool was up in vicki’s with his debit card and she didn’t get anything THEN he went to the movies, tgif and VIP (p%rn store) and still…my homegirl got voicemail when she called. this was about 3 yrs ago, coulda lost my job over it, never did, thank god! never again!
i also was part of a drive by. we stalked out dudes house movie style, dunkin donuts, cigs, ding dongs and notes. then she broke off his body kit in the middle of the night. this one ended up with her pregnant and me no longer being her friend cuz she kept messing with that fool!
@OneChele, Since I worked at a large telecom company I found myself working with one of the engineers to clone this guys phone so I could see all incoming and outgoing texts and calls. It was as I sat there with the screen up trying to figure out names to go with numbers, I was done.
you know, it doesnt surprise me one bit that somebody’s tried to do this. what does surprise me is that at no point did you ever think, ‘what the f*ck am i doing with my life where i have to CLONE a phone in order to find out who my man is talking too.’ i need a new life.
yeah, thats what surprises me.
btw, that’s some hoodrat sh*t that they’d want to do but wouldnt have the resources to do.
speakign of which, why do hoodrat chicks even bother. they aint leaving their men anyway, cheating or not. its all like a formality. i know he’s cheating. and knowing is half the battle.
*ding*
problem is, after they figure out half the battle they just put their weapons down and have another kid.
@Panama Jackson, maybe women just like having their man around to bust his balls about cheating. A lot of them have zero interest in seeing someone else, no matter how much greener the grass really is.
….looks like a topic to leave to the girls…..
Then again, in light of the Steve Phillips story, I do have a take. It was said that the 22-year-old production assistant he cheated with was all over his teenage son’s Facebook. And as much as we hear about hardcore stalking as a crime, we also hear so many females (and some dudes) admit to dancing around other people’s Facebook, Myspace, Blackplanet, BLOGS, Goggling their names, looking for dirt for later use of some sort. As much as “stalking” is a dirty word, hilariously enough, everyone’s doing some of stalking, staking out, casing out, vetting, or background checking another person. Same people who want privacy don’t respect the privacy of others. And it doesn’t even rate as going too far because people are doing it every single day. People are obsessed with finding sneaky ways to know something about a ninja, so a whole lot of you instead of asking this person straight up go to the lab and do your homework because you want the edge the person him/herself won’t readily give you.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, according to one of my ex girlfriends, its not stalking…its reconnaissance.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, naw…you know dudes do this a lot. men be just as bad as women when it comes to finding out if their girl is cheating.
thing is, once we find out we turn INTO women and get all emotional and start killing people.
@Panama Jackson, nah, I know guys do it too. But when I wrote those initial words, it was because of how this topic is in a woman’s wheelhouse, as women more obsessively debate cheating among each other and with men. The subject “Why Men Cheat” comes up 10 times as often as “Why Women Cheat” or “Why People Cheat.”
And the things women do when they get to their ultimate fear, discovering a man cheated, make that man wish he killed her and put him out of his misery.
first of all, i can’t be smellin nobody’s ding ding. because i don’t want to smell the natural essence, so i KNOW i don’t wanna smell anything that would be left if you’ve actually been with somebody. um…no.
i have been known to check a facebook/email account though. but i do/did that more because i’m bored than because i suspect anything. it’s just like a habit. i check my email. nothing interesting, so i check your email. the end.
@charli skipper, LOLOL. Loved this comment.
@charli skipper, girl you know you smell ding ding.
lol.
not sure why, but that was fun as hell to type.
@Panama Jackson,
it’s fun to say too. try it a couple times…not amongst your male friends tho. you might get some looks.
@charli skipper,
i like the way you think!!!
Ayo, Black is the new Black. Jackson I’ve polled some women too (No KY) and in a taste test 10 to none, my Whopper beats your Big Mack. You know the rules.
I’ve suspected women of cheating and I suspect it was paranoia. (No Sherlock) I’ve cheated on some women and was paranoid about it until I remembered that we don’t have a commitment in the 1st place. It was her trying to guilt me into a relationship. You know, like you too old for this. I’m old enough to know who and what I like and to what extent. I was old enough to keep it 100 from go. Some women have all manner of bull ish test to validate their insecurities. This is not to say that there instincts are always wrong but many times so. Paranoia is a lonely bicth and I try not to fcuk with her.
@Black is the new Black,
Great point. But if you wasn’t still playing the field. Say you was letting everything ride on black. You think that sully slut named Paranoia (Palmetta’s older sister as a matter of fact cuz Too much Paranoia will leave you w/ Palmetta sticky ssa)?
@WuDaMan, actually in this particular type of scenario its called GUILT dear, not paranoia, its the guilt of the guilty that makes you suspect the innocent.
@OrangeStar616,
Eff plus. In my scenario, I was paranoid that I was being followed by Girl M to Girl N’s house. Why? Not guilt. Tanqueray. The only guilt was a tactic employed by Girl M to make me feel guilty, for not giving her a promotion. Ruined. No commitment. No paranoia. Black is the new Black. Holla back.
@Black is the new Black, so you thought you may have been followed by one chic to another chics house, but wasn’t?…ok….and the first chic tried manipulate you into committing which made you paranoid to begin with..ok…
that doesn’t negate what I said to Wu tho, many times when a known cheater suspects the innocent of cheating, its because of guilt which was my point TBW…….but thanks for clarification I guess…..
a song for the topic, Riskay “Smell yo Dick”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruef7aYCEbc
enjoy!
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
I came into the comments thinking that I should post this. But then I thought it might be too much – even if it is right on topic.
Then I thought -’ This is VSB and when am I ever going to be able to post this link and have it be so on point?’
But you beat me to it. lol
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
I remember watching that vid on C+D.
Hilarious.
@miss t-lee,
Ah…I was late…horrible.
@VeronicaCorningstoneD, yeah, i almost posted that video and titled the post with that but i figured that would turn this already pseudo NSFW site into a total NSFW site.
i think videos like this are a lost art and that’s the one downfall of BET’s attempts at decency…the loss of BET:Uncut and songs by guys named Joker the Bailbondsman
@Panama Jackson,
Have you heard the vocal stylings of Geisha?
Her song called “Sh*tin’ on you H*e” is a classic. I think she would have been perfect of UnCut.
*sarcastically laughing.
@Panama Jackson,
I miss uncut. so many epic acts of coonery to observe…
I know a chick who demanded sniff test after her man was spotted visiting another chicks dorm room. They didn’t break up though and everytime I saw them I’d imagine the scene in my head.
@Superior motherload, welcome (i think) and sh*t
btw, your handle sounds like a dope pr0n name.
@Panama Jackson,
Thanks! (I think) lol!
@Superior motherload, my ex did the same thing, then told me to take off my boxers and began to sniff them. All this was hilarious at this point. She gave me a condom (I’m thinking makeup sex) and we proceeded to get it on. After the session, she insisted on pulling it off. I let her do this but watching her real close thinking she gone try to impregnate herself or something (I trust NOBODY implicitly) but all she did was look at the volume of my shit then hand it back. I found out later that she was checking to see if any of my spartans had been deployed while I was away from home. Things stopped being funny at this point. Any time I would leave without her, when I came back she would run and hug me, and linger…I thought it was her missing me, she told me later she was sniffing me and looking for signs that I’d been around another chick. Then random lint rollers on my clothes as I walk in the door to see if I had other women’s hair…yeah she had to get fired. We best friends now but she turns PSYCHO when she falls for you.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
LOL! “to see if any of my spartans had been deployed” I’m so dead. Psycho’s make good friends BTW.
I’ve done some snooping, checking his messeges, etc. But nothing really heyctic. A friend of mine on the other hand, when her man was acting real shady, once went to his place(she didn’t tell him she was coming mind u)and waiting for him to come home. In the dark.
After about 2 hours of waiting she came to her senses and text her sister about this madness she was doing. Suffice to say, she ended up accidentaly sending that text to her man. They broke up soon after- but they never spoke about that text.
@mateosmuse, so why did they break up? lol
@Panama Jackson,
they broke up because it wasn’t working, he needed space, etc etc. Turns out he was seeing someone else behind her back for about 9months, so ole girl was on point with her suspicion.
They still never ever talked about that text that exposed her insane a$$ for waiting for him in a pitch dark apt just cause u wanna catch him out. Lol.
This is a female topic…but I must give y’all a little advice. It’s really not that serious. Why must y’all stay stuck on letting us “be men” while the woman plays the doting companion that’s oblivious to her own desires? That role is really starting to get old. Yeah…momma and nem taught you to be a good little girl and deny your passions so you can be a good wife and mother. Let me be the first man to announce that I’ll take a real woman that won’t stand for the bullsh*t over a fake female that won’t acknowledge who she is anyday. Y’all know what you gettin yourselves into…it’s cute for a man to be a man remember? Pure stupidity. Are y’all really that ashamed of acknowledging who you are and being respected?
@Atltx, My SO expressed that exact sentiment a few years ago. He was bothered that so many of his homegirls would complain about cheating boyfriends, but then not call them on their BS or just leave. He said so many women accept any type of treatment just to say they have a man and don’t want to be single and wait for a decent man to come along, it encourages said men to treat them badly.
Of course when IIIIIIIIIII take his advice and call him on his BS (not cheating), he wants to act like he forgets that soliloquy.
@Lili, selective memory is the breakfast of champions. (no champ)
@Atltx, some of us don’t have that problem LLS and are not afraid to set standards and have the resolve to stand behind them!
Sniff test?! Really???!!! I mean I don’t think I would degrade myself to that sounds doggy like. You know like when dogs sniff each other. Anyway I’m so sleepy. Warning do not go see Paranormal Activity that junk will be messing up your sleep for a few days.
Google = Big Brotha. Gmail Google Maps Google street view. Google android phones all in their scheme to take over the world according to the Microsoft loving IT guy at my job. Did you notice how they spam you with ads specifically related to your email subjects and contents? the IT guy also brought this to my attention oh well I don’t have anything to hide so I’m not worried.
@Blue Skies,
I for one welcome our new Google overlords.
@Dorian G., me too…me and my homegirl were trying to start a church where Google was our god.
Googlologists, if you will.
@Panama Jackson, the scientologists have been fined. Are you sure this is what you want to do. What about Googlegistlation, do the politicians even know what the Google is. By the way I just had pan fried beans. And Injera. Injera is fermented rice flour, smells like gin.Hmmm….
@Entebbe 104,
Thanks to that post, I started following you on Twitter sir. Genius must be rewarded.
@Panama Jackson,
take me to your leader.
I’ve been cheated on a few times but I believe that if someone wants to cheat on you in teh first place, then they obviously don’t wanna be with you so I’m not gonna lose sleep over it. I would hire a private detective or tap my man’s phone if I could get away with that but in reality, I would just go with my instinct and ask him outright. I’m usually right when I think a guy has been cheating and I’ve also guilt tripped them into confessing too so that’s the route I’d take.
@Marian Hanson, so you’re dudes usually come out and admit when they do?
dang they’re honest. men lie, women lie, numbers don’t.
unless your man or woman is named after a number in which case that whole axiom goes straight out the window.
Sniff test? Men who know how to cheat will not fail this test. The ‘ f**k me now test ‘ works almost perfectly for the Cheatie to find the true allegiance of the alleged Cheater. It is my belief that unless you are on a triple dose of Viagra you will definately need a refill before you go up another slidey tunnel with enough enthusiasm to replay a personal best(PB*). And anyway this is a method that will obviously satisfy both parties. We cheat. We cannot stop doing it until probably pencil jeans are outlawed together with WunderBra.
* Estimate Fondle to orgasm time + Orgasmic threshold actualization.
@Entebbe 104, Of course, you’d have to do that KNOWING he was just up in someone else. I don’t know bout you, but that thought makes me shudder.
@Sanen85, welcome to the world.
@Entebbe 104, what? I understand not knowingly being with someone who was just with someone else, but to intentionally do that ish to prove something does not seem worth it. If I live in some sort of fantasy world where I willingly walk right into the oversharing of juices, I’d prefer to stay there.
@Sanen85, I meant where I don’t willingly walk right into oversharing.
@Entebbe 104, not sure why, but this comment entertained me immensely. good job.
welcome and sh*t
@Entebbe 104,
This would only work if I was caught sneaking out of the ladies room in some club or her sister’s room at her parent’s house or her aunt’s room while we were on vacation, or the ceiling fan harness while at the . . .uh, nm about that one. Anyway, aside from that, f*ck me now will result in her getting f*cked. . . now.
@kamakula, i s there something you are not sharing, what diet you on? Please share.
@Entebbe 104,
I’m on the poor graduate student diet.
The way it works is you prepare to eat only when you remember that you need to eat – usually, this hits you around 10pm.
So, it’s 10pm and you think it may be a good time to eat for the day. Where are you located? If on campus AND you have enough change, you can buy a bag of chips from the vending machine.
If off-campus and you are at home, you can warm up some ramen or cook some pasta.
If off-campus and not at home, you do a mental check of your bank balance, decide that McDonald’s probably doesn’ t take checks and the chinese place probably still remembers last week when 4 of your 5 credit cards got rejected, and just go without for the night.*
*If this happens during a holiday and you’re within 50 miles of your parents or parents of friends, you go there and raid their fridge.
Paranoia is a muthaf*ckaaaa! Shiiiit, ain’t no need to be acting all crazy and sniffin stuff (What? C’mon!) if you think they’re cheating on you, be upfront and ask. You should know your S.O. well enough to decide by their answer. Then again you could be wrong. Shiiit you might not even know them at all and they’ve been having a real family for years and you just a jump off. Hahaha, Paranoia is a muthaf*ckaaaa!
While I’ve been a little too naive and trusting in relationships to suspect cheating I am by natural nosy as hell and done some snooping. Back when Sprint kept picturemail and text messages online I hacked my guy’s account (fellas don’t use your initials and bday as a password. I like a little challenge). I’ve been guilty of checking someone’s phone before. But my fav is what I call “soft stalking”. Similar to stalking, but for those of us to lazy to do anything other then look online. Google and offender searches are a must and thanks to social media it’s uber easy to bust someone. “So I thought you were staying home all weekend. Oh, so that’s not you in that video on facebook getting a lap dance in a hot tub?”
@CindyFBaby, video phones and social media SHOULD have f*cked up the cheating game but its remained amazingly resilient in the face of newer technology.
cheating is here to stay!
@Panama Jackson, cheating has such a negative connotation. Sharing on the other hand…
Nah…I haven’t smelled anyone’s thang, or sat outside waiting in the bushes to “pop like a jack in the box” (dmx). Totally not my style.
I mean, if you’re that paranoid and waiting for the other shoe to drop why are you even still messing with him?
@miss t-lee,
*dap*
That’s the bottom line. I truly think if you have to resort to such measures, you already know the outcome. And even if it turns out you’re wrong, there’s clearly some trust issues going on that need to be dealt with.
@Cheekie,
Exactly.
It’s all about the trust. If I can’t trust you, we’re definitely not going to get very far.
@miss t-lee, or you could just get a reality show or something and fake your son going up in a balloon. there’s so many options for trustless relationships nowadays. 8 kids and the whole nine and sh*t.
Tekken 6 is out today. There are no other games that matter.
@Deviant,
I didn’t even know they still made Tekken.
@Dorian G.,
It’s a classic though.
@Dorian G.,
My favorite game. I got the Tekken 5 update when I got my ps3. I’ve owned every one since Tag Tournament and have been beating people up since the first one. I don’t really do the music games I need games with a touch of violence. If I can’t break faces or blow stuff up the game sucks to me.
@Dorian G.,
Dayum, me either. Gotta check that out…
i cracked my ex’s yahoo password and looked through his email account
and then i emailed women he use to mess with to see if he still was messing
with them..yes I am crazy…deranged…and proud of it.
by the way he was cheating…
and his security answer for his superhero was
Ice T
@flamboyantchiq,
for some odd reason this made you a million times sexier in my mind.
@Dorian G.,
really? It make me think…run far away
@Deviant,
Clearly you don’t know crazy = snapper (the good kind)
@Dorian G.,
I’m aware but I’m too old to be worried about some chicks crazy.
@Dorian G.,
omg!! a good guy friend told me that too!! crazy chicks have the goodness…i was like so wait, not-crazy chicks have the half-ass? he said no but somehow it wasn’t quite as enthusiatic as when he talked about the crazy chick’s stuff…
@flamboyantchiq,
*cracking up that his security answer was Ice T*
@flamboyantchiq, i cracked my ex’s yahoo password and looked through his email account
and then i emailed women he use to mess with to see if he still was messing
with them..yes I am crazy…deranged…and proud of it.
as long as you know it, i cant really judge you for it. but just in case…it bears repeating. you are crazy and deranged.
Nope. Never never did the sniff test. Never will. Its not that serious. Besides a man is going to do what he wants to do. You can sniff test, tree block or whateva…..its not going to deter him. He will just find another way or try to lie his way out of it….and I find, that sooner or later, what is done in the dark is usually brought to light in time…just wait.
DJ Hero is a must. Played it in Best Buy, I can see losing my job, friends and family over this lol. Except 2 bones for a video game???? To quote the great Jeezy “its a recession, errybody broke”.
To the topic at hand however, I’ve definitely done the drop by. I was in a long distance relationship, and you know sometimes its good to just…know. Like you P, I’m also a very non jealous dude, and that has gotten me in trouble a couple times because I’ve been told by women that they want a little crazy jealous. Unlike you, its not because I’m trying to replay out a scene from a blaxpoitation flick, but because I think they’re too many other people on the planet to go crazy over just one. And no she was not cheating, she was actually peacefully sitting on the couch sweatpants, hair tied, chillin with no makeup on eating ice cream.
@Dorian G., yeah it is expensive.
on another note…am i really the only who who plays out blaxploitation flick scenes in public? i swear i’ve said, “yo’ b*tch chose me” outloud numerous times. i do the drug commission scenes from willie dynamite all the time.
“wiiiiii-llieeee…get with the program…”
OH SNAP I DON’T EVEN DO VIDEO GAMES LIKE THAT & I’M GETTING DJ HERO!
I just ask. If it’s sounding funny. I ask, If I’m satisfied w/ the answer so be it. If not the feelings of frustration may get to me & I may press for more answers but the end result is there. I’m out.
…… kudos for stating the obvious in regards to the Skins, wow, who knew we were having some serious issues, organizationally on down??? *kanyeshrug*
Thanks for that!
Never have I done anything you described P in regards to suspicians of cheating not even as a young girl, now I will say this, if something in your intuition is telling you something ain’t right, then chances are it ain’t right….. but I am not going to those kinds of lengths, to find out for sure what the universe is trying to tell me all along, everything done in the dark will eventually come to light, now will I be around still in said situation, probably not LLS
@OrangeStar616, kudos for stating the obvious in regards to the Skins, wow, who knew we were having some serious issues, organizationally on down??? *kanyeshrug*
Thanks for that!
you’re welcome.
“For one, do non-hood-rat chicks actually do this?”
DAYUM. I’mma NEED you to stop eavesdropping on our (my sis and I) sisterly convos. This makes two — count ‘em — TWO, posts in a row that had to do with a conversation we just had this weekend. We were going to at a “kickback” (just watched a dayum Baldwin Hills marathon out of boredom a week ago) at our cousin’s house and she was telling me about this dude (I guess he is her BIG) and his hodom. How his girl actually DID ask to smell his d*ck. Now, I don’t know how hoochie-fied she is since I don’t really know the chick, but from what I could tell, she ho’s it up too. They just ho* on each other.
Now, I don’t know the outcome of this, but I thought it was funny that I experienced (from afar) a Baby Boy moment. Those are always fruitful.
@Cheekie, do people know what day and age we are living in???
All this random phcuking and numerous partners etc SMH
ETA:
Oh, also I’m sadly witnessing a divorce going on at my mama’s next door neighbors’ crib. Now these two were the epitome of Black love. Been together for so long, but still young…maybe mid thirties. Anyhow, my mama started seeing women going to the crib when wifey wasn’t there. And this one time, she caught him bringing a woman in the house and she gave him DIRECT eye contact. He saw her saw him (make sense? lol). In their HOUSE? With two KIDS! Ultimate disrespect.
Anyhow, a few weeks later, my mama gets a letter in her mailbox from wifey asking can she talk. Lo and behold, they are getting a divorce and wifey was asking mama to look after her since she’ll be single with two kids. My mama definitely obliged…they had gotten close.
But dayum, my heart sunk upon hearing that. Of course they had several ongoing problems anyhow
with him being a typical controlling cop and everything, but wow…Definitely a case of a picture-perfect couple on the outside… *sigh*
@Cheekie, DAYUM. I’mma NEED you to stop eavesdropping on our (my sis and I) sisterly convos.
if y’all would stop talking so loud maybe i would
@Panama Jackson,
You’re right.
Journals have been read. Sidekicks glanced at. No stalking HOWEVER I have been in the right place at the right time on more than one occasion.
@Deviant,
You just “happened” to be there right?
*giggling*
@miss t-lee,
Seriously, yes. Call it a gift.
You do know that someone made a song and video called “Smell Yo Dyck” right? Search Youtube…it’s out there SMH.
BTW P, DJ Hero is okay (although I talk sh*t because I rock real decks)…wait until Numark comes out with their DJ Game. The controller is better and the feel is a bit more realistic.
@CPT Callamity, while i’ve also dabbled in DJism (its impossible to run a club with unlimited access to turntables and an expensive PA system and not start to dabble) but it still seems cool as a game.
i’ll check out the DJ joing from Numark. i imagine it would be way more authentic.
@CPT Callamity,
“The control(ler) is better and the feel is a bit more realistic”
LOL. Sounds like you’re talking about condoms.
a…….i could care less..
b…that dog would have a foot upside the head
@kingpinenut, Yes Sir.
I’m man enough to admit, that I’ve done some female ish in the past. This all went down when myspace was king of social networkng. Anyway, my BM was checking her email on my laptop and had forgot to log out. So I went to myspace and clicked the “forgot my password link” so I could get her password emailed to her. She’s hacked into my account several times, so I figured why not give her a taste of her own medicine.
Like I’ve heard on VSB “don’t go looking unless your prepared”. I found out she was doing me dirty.
@Eff yo couch, so how did that saga end?
@Panama Jackson,
I stayed for another year and a half and now I’m single
sniffin his junk is just FOUL! especially if u’re right and he’s been all up in some chick and didn’t get time to hose down…smh! i don’t do stalking although i have been tempted a time or two. i just question and listen to what he gotta say, give him the benefit of the doubt. he might think everything’s all good but i’ll be watching him…like a hawk! i’m kinda like miss cleo except the complete opposite. all truth shall be revealed unto me…sooner or later
@nikki87,
“i’m kinda like miss cleo except the complete opposite.”
*snort*
Oh me, oh my. Sniff test and SWAT tactics. What a post.
Firstly, I think you’re right in that paranoia has led to the demise of what were otherwise successful relationships. I however think that for otherwise sane people, it’s a pattern of behavior (or rather, misbehavior) on the part of the maybe cheating partner that makes you start questioning them and pulling out the SWAT tactics. Only in romantic comedies does it turn out that he’s been spending all this time with Heather and coming home smelling of Timotei shampoo) because he’s having her help him paint a picture of you to be presented at your 12th wedding anniversery in front of the Queen, ya know?
Question you asked though- what lengths would you go to? For where I’m at, it’s relatively easy- just ask the right questions to the right people (small town and isht ). Plus, I’m one of the shadier vss’s in here I guess as if I noticed a pattern of behavior that was indicative of cheating, not only would I investigate, I’m not above showing you that I am snooping. I sure would. As God is my witness. As they say, just because you’re paranoid, don’t mean you’re not not being followed- so, be wise like a serpent (it’s in the Good Book people). You were given instincts for a reason.Use them- I mean, I always am a bit surprised whenever you hear that “But I never suspected a thing!” from soon-to-be-divorced wife. So go ye forth, and use your tools and skills (whatever they are). Gen.ital warts, chlam.ydia, HIV-AIDS, gon.orrhea, syp.hilis, crabs, leprosy abound.
@Wanjiru, i love it when folk use the Bible to justify their practices. lol.
seriously, i really do.
Tangentially: I heard this story from back in the eighties when in Uganda, the NRM govt was stamping out Amin-era sanctioned rape of civilians by soldiers. There was a woman who was raped by soldiers and the guy in charge assembles all soldiers in the region for an identification line up. She could not visually ID the perp. So, this guy who is referred to in official documents only as an “overly eager sergeant” offered to sniff an ENTIRE platoon of soldiers. Soldiers were ordered to drop trou, and, yeah, the sniff test was born in Africa.
moderation su.cks
I did paranoia one time…I checked homeboys’ text messages when he was in the shower. Saw some ish that was waayy to open for interpretation; then realized that I was being driven by a man that wasn’t even worth it! WTF?! Naw son, you not gon’ drive ME crazy. I broke up with that chump…and found out later that he was the dude that always ookin up wit eryone else’s chick…or sister…or cousin, knowing good and hayle well he had a woman at home. So glad I dodged THAT bullet.
The sniff test…naw, I’m good. If I can smell cooch on yo peen, eff you and the nasty heffa you was hunchin.
I have a question:
For all of the ladies on here who have hacked into their S/O’s e-mail, phones, etc… How did y’all manage to do this? Was it easy?
Y’all sound like extras from the movie, Swordfish. LOL
@SouthernCharm,
My brother’s ex girlfriend hacked into his voice mail account through Sprint. All she did was call customer service posing as his wife and they gave up the info.
@miss t-lee,
That’s messed up on Sprint’s part. Bad business.
@SouthernCharm,
Yep…I’m sure someone got fired for that.
She of course proceeded to whyl out with said information.
@miss t-lee,
o_O @ Sprint. Did they verify last 4 digits of social security or anything like that? I mean, how easy did they make it for her? Wow…
@Cheekie,
Shooo. I’m not sure. She probably did have that information (last 4). But still, I’m not understanding why they would just give your info to anyone who is not the account owner. I mean, anyone could call posing to be a husband/wife…etc. No bueno.
@miss t-lee,
Exactly! She had to have had the last 4 of his SSN… and that is kinda scary b/c anyone can call posing.
@SouthernCharm,
I hear from third hand sources who prefer to remain anonymous that it’s the test questions that get you all the time. So if your password is correctly hard e.g. Wh0$eY&u#rDaddY! but you lazily chose “what is your mother’s maiden name” as your forgot your password? question- then yeah. It’s easy. Allegedly and circumstantially presented as hear say-evidence.
@Wanjiru,
Oh, and PS. crime fighting tip- Mozilla will give you up with the quickness if you choose “save my password” for your accounts. So, even if you log off, one can easily go to tools-options-security-saved passwords and it lists for you in Times New Roman, font 12 what the saved passwords are. And people tend to be typical in their password use- so if goldfish23 shows up as the common password- chances are it’s the password that someone is using for FB, yahoo etc.
@SouthernCharm,
i didn’t hack his cell phone…he was in a circumstance that took him away from home for being ignorant (interpret that how you may) and i had to collect his belongings. in doing so, i wanted to see who his last call was to (at the time he was on the phone with his bff b****every waking moment with her crying about how bad her man treats her). and this time was no different. at that point i just looked at the texts and got an eyeful of “are you going to let me finger this and that” and “have your way with me” and “when she (meaning me) leaves, you need to let her know that i (meaning her) had nothing to do with this.”
PJ asked me earlier if the ends justified the means…i’mma stay with “yes”.
I can’t imagine doing a sniff test. I’d just ask them up front. If after they’ve answered (NO) and I still feel like he’s hiding something then I just leave. I won’t continue asking because I don’t want you to sin and lie to me. And even if you’re not cheating the trust is lost (and so is the relationship.)
@Ms. Hall (forever loyal to the Redskins and Marion Barry),
I like you, and me too in reference to the name addition, all day LOL
@OrangeStar616 & Ms. Hall,
I too am a loyal Redskins fans. We need a hug.
Am I in moderation because I’m a Skins fan? Haterz.
@Ms. Hall,
Hate the Skins owners for taking play-calling duties away from the head coach 6 games into the season! LOL. They literally brought back someone who was calling Bingo back in to call plays. Not to mention the Skins shot themselves in the foot with all of those turnovers.
DJ Hero? Um yeah, my son’s birthday is next week so its totally on his birthday list. Luckily he wants it too but I was buying it anyway as a gift for him because Momma plans on whupping his butt in it. (That and embarrasing his 14 year old self by dancing around the room to some dj mixes)
Sniff test? In the past, I’ve sniffed some offending draws when they were going in the laundry but that’s all I can claim. However, as a paralegal I’m well aware of the vast amounts of public information available if you know where to look. As stated above, its not stalking; its doing due diligence on potential mates.
As a mother, I need to make sure you’re not wanted on any outstanding warrants, had any domestic violence incidents, actually have a drivers license, etc.
OrangeStar616,
No, you’re right. I just wanted to clarify my position in case it was any reference to your point. Black is the new Black. Holla back. Thanks for lacing it up.
BNB
@Black is the new Black, its all gravy BNB…..
As my mother always said “What’s done in the dark always comes to the light” Now that I think of it I always hated that damn saying cuz she was always referring to my sneaky ass *sigh*
Ok Slightly sidetracked. My thoughts.. there is absolutely NO need to chase your man/ woman around to see if they are cheating on you. If they are then either they are they smart enough not to get caught or they get lazy and slip up. If there is no proof then I’d rather not add the extra stress to my life.
~hi my name is contagious and I’m a cheater!
I have never done any of these things but I have wanted to:
1. Check emails, just because all my friends do.
2. Scroll phones, just because I want to be nosey.
If it gets to the point where I want to do drivebys at your house, I would want to break up.
Yo, seriously…what is the point of the sniff test, right? Nine times out of ten if you suspect someone of cheating, they are? I mean seriously…that alone says the relationship is lacking trust on one end or the other. You called it perfectly. Definitely gonna come back and check out what you have to say. When you get a chance, check me out. I’m gonna refer my folks here cause it’s worth the read. Big ups to my verysmartbrothas.
I guess I’ll never know if im being cheated on beause I refuse to go snoopin around emails, stalkin anybody’s house, and sniffin “pang wang”. If I’m not confident in my relationship I express it to the person I’m with. Usually when I try discuss my feelings of discomfort in the relationship his answer lets me know if I need to break it off. If he gives me some bulls*** answers like “you watch too much lifetime “ or “You trippin…you on your period?” then I’m out cuz that lets me know he’s not serious. But for those women who go through all of that to catch your man cheating does that give you closure once its over? Do you ever ask why? If it were me I would get more closure out of asking why than to catch your man at some woman house at 4am, cause a scene(that’s when the Haitian jumps out and start going off in Creole), and beating his (and the stragg he’s with ) a**
Maybe I’m naive…someone enlighten me
@CreoleSoul, But, to be fair, when PMSing some of us do get overly paranoid. I know I’m sensitive about all my relationships, even friendships, before my cycle.
Maaaaaan…. on sum real… i have NEVER heard of anything like that in reality. I know a plethora of hood bitches, and I think they were misrepresented a great deal by the actions of Taraji’s character in Baby Boy… i forget her name. But HELL NAH!! If u think your man is cheating that bad, leave his ass. Even if i did suspect my partner of cheating, this method would have NEVER occurred to me. I’m interested to know how a man would react if this were ever to really happen to him. If he’s innocent would he stay and put up with it? SHIT… even if he is not innocent. That shit is ludicrous.