as we’ve stated before, part of vsb’s committment to crime fighting involves us making sure both genders communicate with each other more clearly. this feeling is particularly applicable in the world of dating and sex, where more signs and signals are regularly misread and misinterpreted than in terry mcmillian’s bedroom.
today, as another example of the champ’s altruism, we’ve decided to help our brethren out a bit with four sure-fire ways to know she probably wants to f**k you¹.
1. she invites you over after 9pm, and she’s dressed as if she’s auditioning for a spot on the panamanian women’s cricket team
every woman has “comfortable house clothes“.
every woman also has “comfortable house clothes that look like she’s about to film a scene for penthouse pilates“.
basically, if you can easily see that you’ve reached the “draws optional” portion of the relationship, it might be time to crack that cialis container.
2. you’re alone with her, and she pours herself another glass…and another…and another…
her doing this indirectly suggests three separate things:
a) she feels safe enough around you to not only be tipsy, but have you be fully aware of her tipsy-ness
b) she’s giving herself the “ok…stop being nervous. we’re gonna do this tonight, and he better not f*ck this up its gonna be great.” pep talk
c) she’s a lush
either way, its a flashing yellow light, so slow down, pretend to look both ways, record it so you don’t get charged with date rape, and go!
3. she volunteers to give you the perfunctory, pseudo-sensual “i just wanna see how much skin they allow me to touch” late-night back/chest massage.
4. she, ummm, tells you.
although you have to be particularly watchful for women latent sadomasochists and their teasingly terrible non-specific sexual double talk (“i just said i was horny. “horny” doesn’t mean i want to have sex or anything. i’m just horny, thats all”), sometimes, if you play your cards right, you might have made her vagina panties so brazilian rainforestey that she can’t help but tell you that she needs you to break her back. right. now.
5. she’s white
i know i’m missing a few. people of vsb.com, do you have any more?
¹i originally was going with “four surefire ways to know he wants to f**k“, until i realized that “he’s breathing. the end” probably wasn’t long enough
—the champ
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{ 409 comments… read them below or add one }
*dead* at the “vagina panties” …. ol’ boy was ridiculous…. ima need for him to have a script or something next time. lol.
uhmmm.. and Idk how men would know this, but if I purposely shave beforehand… there is a REALLY good chance that something is going down.
@Selah,
“uhmmm.. and Idk how men would know this, but if I purposely shave beforehand… there is a REALLY good chance that something is going down.”
Co-sign. lol.
@iloVEGrits,
yup… gotta always be prepared… but when i know a dude just has no chance, well… why spend all that extra time in the shower? LOL
@Selah,
if a dude has no chance why even invite him over / go to his house after 9pm?
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Sometimes u just want company.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Or sometimes you just wanna show off your pretty apt., or cuddle, or there’s a bug in the bathroom and someone’s gotta kill it.
@Me fail english? & Princess Mo
scandalous lol
@iloVEGrits, I co-sign!
@Leila, i concur.
@JamaicanGirl, i too concur
@iloVEGrits, I cosign the cosign.
@Selah, uhmmm.. and Idk how men would know this, but if I purposely shave beforehand… there is a REALLY good chance that something is going down.
co sign…I dayum near have to fight my husband off whenever he sees the “maintenance” supplies….not tonight hon just maintaining…LOL its like Pavlov’s dogs
@shay_d_lady,
lolol
@shay_d_lady,
LAMO @ Pavlov ….
hahaha that’s funny! But I agree with the “signs” like having a few drinks. I love giving a back massage cause I know later I’ll stratch the h*ll out of it! Mmmm…
@Alynrochelle,
I love giving a back massage cause I know later I’ll stratch the h*ll out of it!
lol, so basically you’re just preparing it for battle? (btw, by “battle” i mean “injury”)
@The Champ,
them back massage get me every time I just roll over and “ding, ding ding lets get ready to rumble” lol
@Selah,
exactly.
@Selah,
i co-sign this entire thread….
@Selah,
uhmmm.. and Idk how men would know this, but if I purposely shave beforehand… there is a REALLY good chance that something is going down.
so we should check your razors for recent activity?
@The Champ,
That could be from somewhere else (or for someone else), in which case, no dice!
@Me fail english?, touche. good point
@The Champ, I was fittin to ask the same question. When I walk in should i ask u to drop the vagina panties, just so i can see?
hush.
@The Champ,
No… do not snoop around in my bathroom. Please and thank you. lol
@Selah,
“uhmmm.. and Idk how men would know this, but if I purposely shave beforehand… there is a REALLY good chance that something is going down”
Another co-sign
*wet blanket alert*
1 and 2 sets a negro up for getting kicked in his jewels. The only way he will know if she wants to bump uglies is:
1. If she tells him (your #3),
2. She walks in the room butt naked, with condom in hand and straddles him,
3. He starts rounding the bases and she waves him in.
A girl can come to the door wearing a night gown; it don’t mean she wants to get busy. Could mean she was comfy in her house. And her getting drunk/being a lush is never a sign that chex ris on the immediate horizon.
A guy can be hopeful but if he gets too excited by those signs, he could get hurt. Or killed.
@iloVEGrits, co sign all the wet blanket statement…
@iloVEGrits,
you know what? that’s true. because, while i might do #1 and #2 when i want to wave a guy home, i will get dam* offended if i just happen to be doing 1 and 2 and he just takes it uponst himself to think something’s going down.
@charli skipper,
Assuming ish is never good.
@charli skipper,
This is woman logic
@Dorian G., i concur
@Dorian G., true
but all women don’t seem to see anything wrong with that logic
@Blacklaw,
lol. Must be true, cuz it made perfect sense to me!
@Me fail english?,
yal are just cruel, cuz it aint like you dont know what u doin….
LOL. Wait a minute! I thought she was talking about Champ’s #1&2. If she meant VEG’s 1&2 I cannot cosign this statement!
If I’m straddling anything, best believe we @ Club Wet-Wet tonight
@Dorian G.,
“woman logic”
the ultimate oxymoron
@The Champ, kinda like ” very smart brotha”, huh? LOL
Seriously, there’s no way to tell if we’re gonna give you some because we’re constantly changing our minds with every move you make.
@Dorian G.,
This is woman logic
Cosign. The ish women do is just wrong man….
@iloVEGrits, I agree and glad you said it and not me. I was sitting up here thinking how I’ve gotten as far as straddling someone’s lap while making out (albeit fully clothed) and had no intention of giving him any.
I’ve had a man’s member in my hand and no intention of giving him any. lol.
Soooo, guys there’s really no tell tale way of knowing.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“I’ve had a man’s member in my hand and no intention of giving him any. lol.”
There’s a special place in h3ll for women like you.
@An Island,
Cosign
@An Island, LOL. I told his a$$ I was celibate… but he begged me to do it so I did… He’s the dumba$$ that thought he was getting more bc of that. He should have listened, instead of getting his own self hyped up.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Haha. That’s what his punkazz gets.
In a similar vein, I hate when dudes ask to give you “special attn ” after you tell them no chex, as if that’s gonna make you change your mind. you can suck it dry, NO CHEX FOR U!
@Me fail english?, I’ve seen it change ppl’s mind, the problem is that ya women dont be consistent, across women and sh*t
@Me fail english?,
hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am not in the mood to get fired today Me Fail
@Peyso,
My bad man. We’ll try to have a meeting and coordinate this ish better.
@Me fail english?, Exactly!!!! And I am sure while it may have worked for him before, what is is good for the goose is not good for the gander. Listen to what I said man. lol
@Nicki Sunshine,
D@mn, you could’ve given the brotha a “hand occupation” or something…
That’s just wrong.
@AkShone, LOL. I did, but he thought he was getting some in addition.
@AkShone,
“hand occupation”
*dead*
@An Island,
HAHAHAHHAHA!!!!
@Nicki Sunshine,
I’ve had a man’s member in my hand and no intention of giving him any. lol. .
I’ma need you not to be teasing people like that. LMAO
@V Renee,
I like her style…lol
@miss t-lee, Thank you very much ma’am.
Yaw, he asked for it..
@Nicki Sunshine,
Yep…he did…lol
@Nicki Sunshine,
I’ve had a man’s member in my hand and no intention of giving him any. lol.
just curious, what do you store in place of where your soul would be? since you seem like a sensible chick, if i had to guess i’d say aluminum foil.
@The Champ, “just curious, what do you store in place of where your soul would be?”
all of my past lover’s souls ****evil laugh ****
Kidding. Dang Champ, I’m not that bad!
@Nicki Sunshine,
Is there no justice? SMH
I’ve done that too actually ..but didn’t even think of it as a “let’s have sex thing”…I was sleepily drunk and he kinda expected more than I was willing to do. Plus there was absolutely NO smoothness in it..
As far as straddling, that might get me in trouble..haha.
@iloVEGrits,
i definitely agree with these statements…the only surefire way of knowing is if she tells you either verbally or through sign language…
and if she is getting drunk, i suggest that you men leave the house immediately or take that bottle out of her hand so both of you can be fully aware of what is about to go down…or not go down….
@iloVEGrits,
wet deez
@The Champ,
that’s what she said!
…i’m sorry i had to
@PrincesMo,
i’m sorry i had to
…thats what champ said
@iloVEGrits,
sound like a tease lol
if a lady come ot my house ina night gown after 9pm please believe its goin down.
I agree about drinkin tho……………. untill yall start doin body shots then its goin dowwwwwn
Champ, shut it up – vagina panties? Really? Well, I guess they’re kinda like booty shorts, huh? Ok, you get a pass this time.
@RedBeanzNRice,
how many passes do i have left?
@The Champ,
2.5, now. But only cause you turned us on to Mr. Chi City. That fool is funny as all get out!
“i originally was going with “three surefire ways to know he wants to f**k“, until i realized that “he’s breathing. the end” probably wasn’t long enough”
this is funny and true most of the time.
And by most, you mean all-right?
@8th Wonder,
Yes.
“i originally was going with “three surefire ways to know he wants to f**k“, until i realized that “he’s breathing. the end” probably wasn’t long enough”
lol! This is true most of the time, but since I’ve moved to the west coast, it’s a lot harder to tell a guy’s intentions. They’re so laid-back and passive in their approach compared to East coast guys. I need some pointers here.
btw, I died at “vagina panties” lol…
@Leila,
I need some pointers here.
do they have penises?
@The Champ,
Naw us Westcoasters are jus super smooth its like playing poker you neva show ya hand unless you goin all in.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
so you don’t have penises?
@The Champ,
*snickering*
@The Champ, lol!
@The Champ,
no we have POLES!!
betta learn about it
cali is tha longest state in the US
bruhaha, “vagina panties”, Champ and his shenanigans cracks me up.
@JamaicanGirl,
lol, “vagina panties” is actually on vsb loaner from mr. chi-city. ***
***reply filed under “vsb.com sentences that probably couldn’t stand alone outside of vsb.com”
¹i originally was going with “four surefire ways to know he wants to f**k“, until i realized that “he’s breathing. the end” probably wasn’t long enough
This reminds me of the Chris Rock riff about women not understanding why dudes can’t turn down “the biz” BECAUSE EVERY MAN YOU’VE MET SINCE YOU WERE 12 HAS BEEN TRYING TO F**K YOU!!!!! (Very funny and true – I think, right fellas?)
Anywho….how to know she’s expecting (or down for) you to yank a track out:
1.) She tells you.
2.) She keeps putting you into compromising positions. eg – Straddling you on the couch while “watching a movie.” or “play wrestling” on the floor and she lets you pin her or she pins you and stays in that position for a minute.
3.) (or maybe 2A) Body parts that “fit together” are pressed against each other. Example: Maybe you’re shooting pool and her rumpasaurus keeps finding its way pushed up against your cockatoo.
That’s what I’ve got for now…more later…maybe….MZ’s sleepy….
@Madame Zenobia,
you’re right about that Chris Rock reference. I keep trying to tell people that boy is the TRUTH!
Women do get those tube steak offerings daily…
@BlkBond,
Chris Rock was real sayin “guys dont have female friends, they are jus women we haven’t fucked yet”
now thats some real a$$ Shizzzle. I dont have female friends if I aint hittin its a waste of time. Girls be boring anyways i couldnt imagine being just a friend lol.
@Madame Zenobia,
“This reminds me of the Chris Rock riff about women not understanding why dudes can’t turn down “the biz” BECAUSE EVERY MAN YOU’VE MET SINCE YOU WERE 12 HAS BEEN TRYING TO F**K YOU!!!!! (Very funny and true – I think, right fellas?)”
Don’t know about that one. There are some chicks,in the words of the Grinch , that I “wouldn’t touch with a 10 and a 1/2 pole” lol
@Double J,
I agree with you totally but just know that even though you won’t, someone will. I’ve seen it happen.
@Madame Zenobia,
Example: Maybe you’re shooting pool and her rumpasaurus keeps finding its way pushed up against your cockatoo.
*giggling loudly*
@Madame Zenobia,
rumpasauras cockatoo?! yall ninjas gonna make me lose my job. reason cackling loudly
@Madame Zenobia,
Body parts that “fit together” are pressed against each other. Example: Maybe you’re shooting pool and her rumpasaurus keeps finding its way pushed up against your cockatoo.
this reminds me of elevator poker
@Madame Zenobia,
” Body parts that “fit together” are pressed against each other. Example: Maybe you’re shooting pool and her rumpasaurus keeps finding its way pushed up against your cockatoo. ”
Not necessarily, that is just a way of checking the package!?!
*going back into hiding*
@Ms. T, if u really wanna check, i’ll show it to you, i think most guys who are not ridic small would too
@Peysonic Temple #69,
Lol. Men are like children or animals or smthg.
My mom walked in on me getting a boy to “show and tell” one time. I was 3.
@Me fail english?,
LOL! This is a shame. And a Fail.
@Me fail english?,
Did your mom whip that butt?
You say something to make me laugh everyday! LOL
Caught my lil cousins trying to play that game. The little girl initiated it and the little boy told on her. They are 4.
@Ms. T,
Naw, she wasn’t mad. She like, never spoke of it again. It’s her own fault tho if you ask me. This is what happens when you don’t censor the child’s movie/tv intake!!
Also, young pimp that I was, I had him nekkid as a jaybird and I was fully clothed. I’m selfish like that.
@Ms. T,
yea i like seein if the body parts fit that def means its goin down lol some girls do be checkin tha package grabbin the mic “if you touchin it you fukkin it” thas all i gotta say bout that
@BLUNTBLAZER,
noted*
I guess I will just have to start using my X-ray vision!
@BLUNTBLAZER,
““if you touchin it you fukkin it” thas all i gotta say bout that”
but what if I touch it and realize its not up to my standards? do I still have to fluck it at this point? I’m just saying… I dont like surprises and ish. Ima need to know if Ima lose you or not lol. I crack me up!!
@mssmtaylor,
neva had that problem but valid point none the less
hmmm now that im married i just got ta turn over LOL…but on the real if I was trying to be coy I would pull the scratch my back move…and see it lets me know a lot about him..does he scratch on top of shirt, or reach under? does he ask permission before he reaches under….the perfect scenario is the do you mind if i lift your shirt? and then he scratches just a bit and does a slow fingertip barely brusing the skin rub and kind of leans in so his breath is tickling the hairs at the nape of the neck or center of your back…ummmhmmmm….misty water colored memories…….LMAO you turn in for the kiss and its ON!!!
@shay_d_lady,
Someone clearly knows what she’s talkin about!
@shay_d_lady,
hmmm now that im married i just got ta turn over LOL
Way to rub it in there, shay-d…lol
@miss t-lee,
Right? I so want that $ex on demand!
@Sula,
I feel you.
Or what I like to call “In house dycck”.
@shay_d_lady,
is this what I have to look forward to…b/c i would love to be able to just turn over…or better yet, when we’re spooning, push back a little, do a little bump and grind against him…ahh, good memories….
@N.I.A. naturally….,
ma’am!
@N.I.A. naturally….,
yes and that is how babies are made.
boxers be foreva havin that easy access door and if you layin down and she sticks that tail out at you n you discover whats missin under the shirt. nex thang all up in club wet wet
@BLUNTBLAZER, yes and that is how babies are made.
and thats what an IUD is for ! LOL
@shay_d_lady,
IUD?
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Intrauterine Device…. sheesh! Get your birth control game up!! LOL
@BLUNTBLAZER,
“Get your birth control game up!!”
Tell that to Captain Sperm-A-Roaming (Lil Weezy) wit his troop of kids
@BLUNTBLAZER,
iDIED @ club wet wet! Term has been oficially teefed. Thats my new name for it…lmao
dont yall get to excited there is a down side…what if you turn over and you were just turning over? LOL do you know how many times i have had to “lay real steal”? LMAO
@shay_d_lady,
HA! @ you playing dead like he’s a grizzly bear.
@shay_d_lady,
now that im married i just got ta turn over LOL
co-signing all up and THRU that statement. sheesh, somtimes i just have to be ‘barely conscious’
@shay_d_lady,
LOL @ the back scratch. i have def used this a time or 2…
@Gem-balaya,
I just start rubbin with the shirt on but I make it feel so good they be like hold up and let the top up. then you try ta work around the bra strap for a lil then u jus un hook it and then you jus stepps from home plate budddy
@shay_d_lady, all you were missin was a colorful diagram with arrows. lol
@Luvvie, you know I tries to help the people!! LOL
@shay_d_lady,
You’re a saint. Like Dorothy Mantooth
@Luvvie, LO effin L! iHEART anchor man!
@Luvvie, you are so foolish…. smh
um…lol @ number 5.
also, excuse me while i forward this list to somebody. lol.
but no really, why is it that the guy you wanna, um–get to know better–is clueless but other fools have to be pushed off with a shovel? i just had a date with this dreamy guy that i’ve known for months and he kissed me on the cheek. the cheek!? so, what? are we blood brothers now? ugh. i shaved for him. *no strumpet*
@charli skipper,
but no really, why is it that the guy you wanna, um–get to know better–is clueless but other fools have to be pushed off with a shovel? i just had a date with this dreamy guy that i’ve known for months and he kissed me on the cheek.
***insert phrase that rhymes with “fees gist not cat fento moo”***
@The Champ, I’m so mad I had to say that out loud twice
@Kindred Smile,
lol. me too. I hate when Champ gets clever. Luckily it’s not often.
@Me fail english?,
Zing!
But that was clever though.
@Me fail english?,
Shots fired
LMAO
@Kindred Smile,
“***insert phrase that rhymes with “fees gist not cat fento moo”***”
I was reading that like “what the flukk she just say”
hahahah
@Kindred Smile, i’m mad that i got it immediately. hmm.
lol, me too.
@The Champ,
“fees gist not cat fento moo”***
You’re such an arse…ctfu
@The Champ,
sigh i must be simple cuz i dont get it
@tnt,
he’s just not that into you.
@The Champ,
lol. i thought about that right after i made my post. *sadness!* i never liked his ghey a*s anyway.
@charli skipper,
but, honestly, who couldn’t use another blood brother? lol
@charli skipper,
hemophiliacs.
@The Champ,
“***insert phrase that rhymes with “fees gist not cat fento moo”***”
AWE.SOME.
@charli skipper,
goes both ways lol the chicks you dont want are always down to let you bang.
sometimes ya jus gotta go for it if you want it chances are a guy wont turn down chex from a coo chick. we have to wait for the green light so show him a sign or two.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
I think you think you have it all down to a science!?!
hehehe! just had to say that cause your answers are usually well thought out and have some kind of logic to them…. I don’t know if you’re right or wrong, but you say it like you know you are right.
And girls are fun!
@Ms. T,
Thanks !?! Jus speaking from experience. I think making sure someone is comfortable is a forgoten concept.
First, I gotta quit sleeping on Panama. The country, not my boy (What up Jackson).
Second: LOL@ #5, “I thought it was me!” (does BBD dance from the video)
Now on to the signs:
1. If she plays music from Prince, Jodeci, Anita Baker, Maxwell
2. She keeps talking during the movie
3. She tells you about a piercing she wants to show you. You are unable to see it with clothes on.
4. She keeps telling you that Karrine Steffans nickname is overrated.
5.She tells you she can take condoms off with an orifice
Yeah…I’ll be back, but that’s for starters.
Bond. BlkBond.
4.
@BlkBond,
“She keeps talking during the movie”
You do realize that a lot of women talk during movies, right?
@iloVEGrits,
I know. This applies when we are at home. And we’ve been watching the movie for 10 years. So much, that we know the name of the caterer when they list the credits. I can only expect to interpret this chatter as such a request for my man meat.
Or maybe it’s a new movie. With either result, I will take it as such. (Que: “Ego” by Beyonce)
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond,
I am oddly intrigued.
@BlkBond,
I can only expect to interpret this chatter as such a request for my man meat.
LOL
@iloVEGrits,
Lol. Yeah I didn’t get this one either. That’s like saying “if she eats up all the Oreos, you know she’s down to eff”
Huh? She’s probably tired of this same old wack azz movie. But if it works for you…live strong.
@Me fail english?,
i dunno there are some movies i have never finished if you know what I mean. Those are some good flicks.lol
@BLUNTBLAZER,
LOL, like putting Coming to America in the dvd player at 12:01, everyone knows that the end will not be seen.
@Ms. T,
lol yea those long movies neva get watched from start to finish thank god for dvd players you jus start where u left off might take a week to watch the movie but its lots of fun inbetween.
@BlkBond,
LOL ok I’m ashamed to say this…but I’ve seen SuperDome in action and I think she’s overrated as well…and yes I know what this implies…
*bows head shamefully*
@Ashley Neicole,
Why bow your head shamefully? I don’t think his point was about the girl’s opinion of her skills, but would you strike up this convo with a guy you had no desire to EVER be intimate with? Probably not.
@Me fail english?,
very good point
@Me fail english?,
yeah, i would…i’ve had that convo with friends before…granted, he probably wanted to chex me up, but i had no intention of showing him how overrated she really is….
@Ashley Neicole,
don’t be ashamed….
i’ve seen her, too, and she is overrated… there may be better chicks in the game who can blow better than her. he11, there are probably several VSS who can rock the mic better than notsoSuperHead…
@N.I.A. naturally….,
I say it all the time. She was good, but not the greatest. It wasn’t even that she was taking it all in, her hand coordination was on point.
@V Renee,
Yup, and if your dude doesn’t like hands it’s pretty much a waste
@Me fail english?,
dam the hands and the teeth i like all jaws and tounge and hella spit
@V Renee,
“It wasn’t even that she was taking it all in, her hand coordination was on point.”
thats vital. its not so much about how much you can put in your mouth as much as its about consistent wetness and tongue-lip-hand coordination. if done properly, it should be a perfectly messy symphony, a “cock concerto” if you will.
plus, its cool when you look down and it looks like she’s playing the recorder
@The Champ,
““cock concerto”
Champ you just kilt me lol
@The Champ,
Word. But if you’re getting flute action, b*tch gotta go.
@The Champ,
LMFAO!!!
You’ve spent WAY too much time watching chicky in action!
@The Champ,
*nausea!*
@The Champ,
LOL my friend calls this “grinding pepper” (via gary owens)
@The Champ,
naw if you sittin on the couch with the lights off and she showin you how smart she is with the head bobbin up n down it kinda gives a strobe light effect lol. Nuthin betta than blowin a blunt and gettin head at the same time
@The Champ,
how many times can I die today? I’m about to get fired for LOLQ (laughing out loud quietly)
@The Champ,
its not so much about how much you can put in your mouth as much as its about consistent wetness and tongue-lip-hand coordination. if done properly, it should be a perfectly messy symphony, a “cock concerto” if you will.
plus, its cool when you look down and it looks like she’s playing the recorder
i am all wide-eyed and ‘crikey!’ at this level of detail….. as we say in seTswana…”IYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”
@The Champ,
thats vital. its not so much about how much you can put in your mouth as much as its about consistent wetness and tongue-lip-hand coordination. if done properly, it should be a perfectly messy symphony, a “cock concerto” if you will.
LMAO! Yes, she must gnaw on the good wood like a beaver with perfect deep throat and wetness perfection ..
@Ashley Neicole,
Bless you woman.. (sheds tears of joy for the thought of her oral skills)
I guess it’s a good thing we haven’t met; Or else I would be constantly calling, emailing, vcalling, singing, dancing, etc. to get you to perform your tonguetastic feats of fellatio.
oh. i never listed my signs. um………….
1. if during the movie, i start off holding his hand and end up putting his hand on my thigh.
2. i like to feel men’s chests. like obvious gropage-ness. i’m trying to encourage him to…nevermind.
3. i do the regine laugh. “let him know that you’re interested and that you have *these*” lol
@charli skipper,
lol@ the Regine laugh.
@charli skipper,
Damn I miss that show! Tips and tricks for all of lifes problems!
@charli skipper,
hand on thigh- is it just me and my long strong arms or does it seem like when you sittin next to a chick and you put your arm around her to cuddle my hand ends up resting perfectly on a thigh. never fails.
Number 5 is so very wrong and you are probably going to go to hell for writing it, even though you marked it out. LOL
@One Man’s Opinion,
lol, welcome and sh*t
I like to do the looking up through downcast eyes thing, if that makes sense. The guy then usually breaks into a big grin.
Also, saying “I’m not having chex with you” with a devilish grin on my face, while dancing/hugging/leaning close sends the message, too.
Lastly, “what do you want for breakfast?” works, too.
Sadly, haven’t done any of these in quite a while.
@iloVEGrits,
People still do the breakfast thing?
@Ashley Neicole,
People still do the breakfast thing?
breakfast and sex are linked like mike and scottie and aretha and areolas.
“she wakes you up with breakfast” is one of the signs that you did your thing. i think we actually wrote about this some time ago.
@The Champ,
true dat if you do ya job you may go to bed with a superfreak but you will wake up to Martha Stewart. House smellin like I-hop and shizzz
@The Champ,
No I meant using the line “what you want for breakfast?”
Seems a lil outdated.
@iloVEGrits,
“what do you want for breakfast?”
Love this
@Me fail english?,
How have I never used this line before? It has officially been stolen.
@iloVEGrits,
Yeah, the “What do you want for breakfast” line is now being co-opted here in Naptown.
@iloVEGrits,
downcast eyes. downcast eyes? please explain.
@charli skipper,
It’s like you’re looking down but up at the same time. Kind of like shyly peeking up but your eyes are down. I can’t explain it. Not a side eye…but like an up eye.
::ctfu as i type this::
@V Renee,
Is it this?
http://blogs.voices.com/voxdaily/tweety-bird.jpg
Aside: I think Tweety bird has to be the most aggressively ugly cartoon ever drawn. I can’t believe so many chicks used to like his fugly azz
@Me fail english?,
vsb.com: where preschool pet peeves still prevail.
@iloVEGrits,
hahaha, the ol’ “we’re not having chex tonight”. Actually, the best way is for the guy to bring it up first, start pulling off her shirt, then say it before she brings it up. The combination of you not being available and reverse psychology never fails.
@iloVEGrits,
iDig ALL of these.
@iloVEGrits,
“im not havin chex with you” while grinnin lol
WHY do yall do this? or
“I know its almost midnight but im jus coming over to lay down and we are going to sleep ok”
YEAHHH right lol yall crazy with that
Forgot the:
“I’m not ready to call it a night yet”, bit.
@iloVEGrits,
i prefer to hear “you don’t hafta leave”, but i guess this works as well
@iloVEGrits,
or my fav phrase “so is this how the date is gonna end” hella grinnin. LOL one girl told me that I almost shed a tear like dam you had me hello
First of all, the Panamanian Women’s Cricket Team looks like my kinda posse… I’ve been needing a girls night out.
Secondly… May is National “Gasfermation” Month!
http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/news-and-opinion/Party-of-Five-44817027.html
(um… careful of the graphic for this page…its almost SFW if you scroll quickly, but you might get a major side eye)
Celebrate by getting your ‘self love’ on. The Church of Self Love (of which I am Deaconess) will be having… nothing. You should be self loving and we ain’t going to get in the way. I missed the philly party
Thirdly… how you know a girl is DTF (Down to F**k):
She tells you she celebrates National “Pastor-Nation Month” and “jokingly” suggests you all celebrate together…
@blackberry molasses,
“She tells you she celebrates National “Pastor-Nation Month” and “jokingly” suggests you all celebrate together…”
Conversely, fellas, telling a woman it’s National Steak and Blowjob Day might get you a swift kick to the deez
@Me fail english?,
“Conversely, fellas, telling a woman it’s National Steak and Blowjob Day might get you a swift kick to the deez”
I know rite!!! This is how not to get invited back over.
@blackberry molasses,
Secondly… May is National “Gasfermation” Month!
I’ve been celebrating all month and I had no idea.
@miss t-lee,
LMAO!!!!!!
@miss t-lee,
Dying laughing.
^5
@miss t-lee,
lol. me too. i guess its one of those holidays like hannuakkah or kwanzaa with ambiguous start and ending dates
@The Champ,
erydays a holiday lol
@The Champ, I too have been celebrating all month, heck twice a day on weekends. I even discovered a site with some very good videos that help, thanks to a follower on twitter, he twits the links to the new videos as their updated.
@JamaicanGirl,
and this follower is?
@tnt, freefilthytv, yup the name said it all.
@JamaicanGirl
see, you shouldn’t have even said that. i’m writing a post about how this celibacy shyt sucks balls, and the last thing i need in my life is some filthytv. i’m still gonna follow him though…LOL!!
@blackberry molasses, I love the superbad reference. DTF, get the PnVa-g
Here’s a few:
*Excessive kissing (touching or rubbing) on your “spot”.
*Not stopping you as you inch your hand up her thigh until you reach the point where you clearly can tell she hasn’t any vagina panties on.
*She suggests that y’all “go lay down in the bed” as the confinements of the couch seems to be hindering her abilities to step it up a notch.
@Monk,
*Not stopping you as you inch your hand up her thigh until you reach the point where you clearly can tell she hasn’t any vagina panties on.
this is vital. when your hands are on autobahn status (no stop signs) its usually a go
@Monk,
hell yea my homie has a uncofortable couch but a pimp a$$ bed lol he also turns the heat up in his apt when females slide thru neva fails clothes start flyin off
@BLUNTBLAZER,
LOL! The heat thing works!!
@Me fail english?,
yea i tried it and it does work to remove at least one layer of clothing hopefully 2 lol
@BLUNTBLAZER, keepin that heat up is sooooo important women get cold all the damn time
@Blacklaw,
not in the bed they be like lil heaters im always takin covers off tryna not melt
@BLUNTBLAZER,
True…true.
“¹i originally was going with “four surefire ways to know he wants to f**k“, until i realized that “he’s breathing. the end” probably wasn’t long enough”
*crying*
Yep…would been one the shortest VSB posts ever. But, oh so true.
@miss t-lee,
“i originally was going with “four surefire ways to know he wants to f**k“, until i realized that “he’s breathing. the end” probably wasn’t long enough”
Actually, this isn’t always true. I’ve been married for a minute now but back in the day, I ALWAYS weighed the cost of The Act vs. the potential downside.
Quite a few times, the math didn’t add up and I passed. In retrospect, I’m glad I did.
Word.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
I gotcha.
You always gotta do the math.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
I feel you, but usually it takes a lot for them numbers to not add up. I mean you probably shouldn’t even be out with a woman if she don’t look like you’d smash.
@miss t-lee,
I once got asked by a gf, ‘how often do you like to have cecks?’ Before I could think or hear what she was asking I retorted, ‘how often am I awake?’
Now I think I was selling myself short…
@WuDaMan,
Hilarious.
@WuDaMan,
LOL!!
#5, haha, what?!? I realize it got crossed off, but I would just like to say it is not that easy…or difficult. If that makes any sense….
Either way, made me chuckle in an open-mouth, should I be offended? type of way.
@jg,
but I would just like to say it is not that easy…or difficult. If that makes any sense….
lol, it does…and doesn’t.
welcome and sh*t, btw
*dead*
*picks herself up off the floor*
Ok, now that I’m done falling out of my chair…
I’m a tease. With me, there is no sure way of knowing unless I give you the green light….meaning I take the condom out, I put it on and I commence to….well you know what happens at that point. I just like doing it that way. The anticipation is crazy. And if we don’t do the get-down that time around, it just makes it crazier, and therefore better, when we do get around to it.
@Ashley Neicole,
“I’m a tease.”
***getting vsb.com compass out of the closet***
“i’m a tease” = “i’m an asshole. no, seriously. i’m an asshole”
***putting compass back***
@The Champ,
I guess it’s different from man to man, but some men are the a-holes for being so easily teasable. Some guys all it takes is a hand on their leg or sitting in their lap and they’re all ready to hump. Some men just get hard when they see you. This is hardly the woman’s fault!
@Me fail english?,
I think getting hard is more about it being touched or stimulated in some way, like a natural reaction, but doesnt necessarily mean they want to have sex right then.
@Dom,
When I say hand on a leg, I didn’t mean touching “it” and when I say they see you, I meant just that. Just seeing you. And trust me, I can confirm there were hump-like motivations behind it. Men aren’t exactly subtle about that ish
@The Champ,
***getting vsb.com compass out of the closet***
“i’m a tease” = “i’m an asshole. no, seriously. i’m an asshole”
***putting compass back***
Champ you stooopid
@The Champ,
Believe me, men like the “tease” more t han they care to admit!
@The Champ,
LOL! I concur my good man…
“You ain’t gotta save mine. I want mine right now!”–Darius,Love Jones
Umn… when Istart asking bout your diet…. like your fruit and vegetable intake, mainly pineapple juice tho at a** o’clock (read: anytime between the hours of 10pm and 7am)
@Happy Meal,
“mainly pineapple juice ”
LMAO
@Happy Meal,
Ok I had to let someone else comment first because I wanted to make sure what I thought you meant is what you meant LMAO
@Ashley Neicole,
You can always count on me to comment first about pineapple juice…lol
@Happy Meal,
LMAO @ pineapple juice!!!
@Happy Meal,
Bwah!!
I had to put my man on a strict pineapple juice, mango and kiwi regimen when we first got together. He didn’t get it then…. he GETS it now.
@Happy Meal,
and no cigarettes!
@Me fail english?,
yea my girl told me blunts are bad for her protein shakes? I told her ill just eat more ice cream and to leave me tha hell alone.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
My bf is a big fan of the herbal arts as well and it really doesn’t show in my protein shakes. The Newports are a completely different story…Ugh!
@Me fail english?,
pobrecita! he prolly got you ingesting all kinda carcinogens
@Me fail english?,
thank you im sending this to her………….actually on sencond thought naw ill jus say i got the info from a reliable source lol
@Happy Meal, OH MY GOD!!! LMAO!
@Happy Meal,
one for my slow a** having to google damn pineapple juice. Who knew that cinnamon sweetens the mix, too?!?
@The Dutchess,
cinnamon
Oh yeah? I didn’t know that either.
*writes this down in her notebook*
@miss t-lee,
yea most citrus fruits should do a body good, n most veggies too…just stay away from asparagus, broccolli, and the usual breath killers (garlic n onion)….
I’m just saying, since most fellas would agree that no chex is complete without milk….what woman wants sour milk?
::sidebar:: this brings me back to the vagina panties post a la two days ago…that young brotha prolly has TERRIBLE tasting “milk”
@Happy Meal,
The milk’s gone bad!
ahahaha
@Me fail english?,
spoilt!!! completely spoilt!!!
@Me fail english?,
Excellent Chappelle reference!
@miss t-lee,
dam thas game lol yall females is serious my new girl has been droppin hints bout my diet and i didnt get it untill last weekend and yea i got it and she got it to. Protein shakes lol.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Hahahha. Glad you picked up what we was putting down…for your sake that is…
@miss t-lee,
*from the mountain top* “yes I see the light”
@Happy Meal,
*Here lays Luvvie. She came, she read (pineapple juice), she conquered (her fear of seeing them Glorious Gates)*
@Happy Meal,
YO! a 2520 put me onto this. She told me to start drinking apple juice. After I saw the benefit of her advice, I started drinking apple juice ALL day, everyday.
(**I miss you Xtina, you were soooo talented**)
@BlkBond,
ummmmm… stop throwin my gubment name around. kthnx
If she’s drinking THAT much, it might just be that he’s horny but sober, she’s not attracted to the man she’s sitting with. The more she drinks, the more she relaxes her standards.
@Hostess,
precisely……
@sugartits,
*sigh*
What up sugartits?
*dreamily day dreaming*
@Hostess,
Yeah but she’ll still let ole boy smash right?
Mission accomplished (c) W
@Dorian G., Can I just say that I hate you for your G.W.B. reference? I also hate that I immediately know what you were talking about.
Anyhow, I forgot, men don’t care how they got it so long as they got it.
@Hostess, my feelings would be hurt if i found out he had to get drunk first. Men, have you no pride?
Lowered expectations like a mugg!
I’d add play hard to get or stupid. There will be some invasion of space and kablooie. It’s on.
I am so goofy & think the whole SEDUCTION thing is so funny and embarrassing to the point that sadly I play little elementary school touching games to get me some –
**Can I Sit Closer Because I am Cold?
**Tickle Monster
**Can I Sit Closer Because This Movie is Scary?
**What’s that in your pocket?
**Can I Sit Closer Because I Can’t Hear You?
**Let Me See Your Hands.
**Can you Scratch My Back?
I cant believe I just listed these. I feel lame right now but it works
@Yaa,
Real talk. All of them would & or could get you some.
@Yaa,
What’s that in your pocket?
BWAHAHAHA! This sounds like something a creepy, old gym teacher would do.
@Yaa,
I cant believe I just listed these. I feel lame right now but it works
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it…lol
@Yaa,
Seriously sweetie, you don’t got to do all that.
@Yaa,
you got the green light all those would work on me
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Haha, A better question is what wouldn’t work on you
@Me fail english?,
right?
::deep gutteral chuckle so I don’t alarm my coworkers::
@Me fail english?,
ugly toes are a deal breaker so are weaves lol oh yea and ciggarettes just to name a few
@BLUNTBLAZER, LMAO!
Signs that I want to do the humpty dance…..
…going BRA-LESS
…wearing my super wett ultra juicy mega glossy chocolate flavored beauty supply sto (yes… i did say sto) lip glass
..anytime the laundry is done and there is fresh linen on the bed.. (something about new sheets on the bed does something for me)
…when i wake up
…when i go to sleep
…when i take a shower/bath
…after i eat
…when there is nothing on t.v.
…when i’m too broke to go anywhere
Hell, the only time im not interested in not doing the Hokey Pokey, is when I am doing something that will prevent me from doing it. Besides that I’m Game!!!
I think I am a little more aggressive than the average female. I don’t need a man to initiate intimacy all the time.
@Laneianna,
I need to see a pic before I can properly reply to this post
@Dorian G.,
Cosign. If that’s you Halle, I love you. If that’s you again Lady Eloise, I have a headache.
@An Island,
U brothas need to stop frontin like Lady El couldn’t get it
Maaaaarcussssssss…
heh heh
@Dorian G., realest post I’ve read
def. cosign
@Dorian G.,
CO-SIGN BIG TIME
@Dorian G.,
lmao. I f**ks wit you Dorian.
@Laneianna,
lol. You’re like a dude!
I just know what I like! LOL! I Don’t have any major habits.. So I guess sex is my vice.. I get very tense….. to release my frustrations, its either the gym, or sex.
@Laneianna,
Haha. Girl, you messin it up for the rest of us! That’s why whenever I tell my bf I’m sad, hungry, sleepy, stressed, etc. he always comes back with
“Sooo, ya wanna do it?”
And you’re from NYC. He probably used to date you!
@Me fail english?,
LOL!, Naww… I am from New Orleans!
@Laneianna,
Yes, the creole women…a wonderful species indeed…
@Laneianna,
…going BRA-LESS
yep…my tatas are not small, and if I go bra-less, it’s definitely b/c i wanna get it, and i’m trying to point you in the right direction….
@N.I.A. naturally….,
Ha! Ha!!! Ha!!!! See that there direction that the ta.tas are pointing towards? That’s where you need to be. I LOVE it!!!
@Laneianna,
CO-SIGN! Who has time for seduction these days? Just get nekkid…
@SxyScientst,
It’ll probably jump off every time.
@WuDaMan, Prolly? Under what circumstances does gettin nekkid NOT work? (taco meat hair, ginormous man boobs, and unfortunate faces not withstanding)
@SxyScientst,
Exactly! All this game playing. Most of the time men are taking their sexual cues from you. Nothing says “I’m DTF” like dropping thongs to the floor!
@Dom,
Nothing says “I’m DTF” like dropping thongs to the floor
you know, “dropping thongs to the floor” was actually the original title of “the bluest eye”, until toni morrison’s publicist convinced her otherwise
@The Champ,
that VIP spot in h3ll we’ve all been battling for just opened up for you….with bottle service
@The Champ,
LOL!
“Hell, the only time im not interested in not doing the Hokey Pokey, is when I am doing something that will prevent me from doing it. Besides that I’m Game!!!
I think I am a little more aggressive than the average female. I don’t need a man to initiate intimacy all the time.”
***the bidding for laneianna’s contact information will begin at 12:00pm est***
@The Champ,
*wink*
I think it is a misconception that women don’t prefer sex the way that men do.. I think a lot of the confidence women posess comes from their verility. A sexually confident woman feels powerful, and I am SUPERWOMAN!! I could have the time of my life with a ninja half coma-tose! lol! All he has to do is stay “motivated”!
@Laneianna,
hell….. even if he caint stay motivated…i’ma sure try to keep him there til he cries uncle
@The Champ,
raises arm to start the bidding lol
@The Champ,
**Takes a seat with bidding paddle pending verification of photos**
@Laneianna,
I thought I was the only one…. Anytime though I do have a bit of an affair with the holy herb once in a while but it just makes me get in the mood more n the SO knows when we both alone and we got some it’s going to be a longgggggggggg night
@Malka,
Don’t trip…… I try to minimize my intake of the “holy herb” immediatly prior to the humpty dance…… Cotton mouth is a buzz kill! I have been thinking about installing a 5 gallon breakroom water cooler next to the night stand for that purpose alone!
@Laneianna,
you can get it too lol
@Malka,
seein hearts and stars and moons and shizzz dam girl i like you
@BLUNTBLAZER,
like you tooo…… I agree on the cotton mouth, I just make sure I have something to deal with it….
@Laneianna,
I agree and sh!t. I dont have time for all the games. I’m too old for that ish. drop them draws ninja.
@Laneianna, That TV situation is the truth!
@Laneianna,
Please return ur YaYa Sisterhood sweatervest (with the patch on the left chest (the right chest). You making the rest of us look bad. LOL
@Luvvie,
right? Just opening up the Bat Cave and letting all kinds of secrets out.
btw… what does the YaYa Sisterhood have in mind for summer… cuz sweatervests ain’t gonna get it when its 95 degrees outside.
@blackberry molasses,
We can have Yaya Sisterhood tank tops for summertime. We gotta put the sweater vests away for the heat. Every woman needs THIS SHIRT
@Luvvie,
You will NOT take my DAYUM SWEATER-VEST!!! I’m sorry….. I Violated YA-YA-Sisterhood member rule #23423a …. Never under any circumstances inform or disclose the MEN of our intimate desires in totallity for it gives us power……..
*removes the patch on the left and hands it to Luvvie* … I’ma give you this patch TEMPORARILY because im not going to fight the code (and can admit to being wrong)…. But ISH you not gettin my SWEATER-VEST! *rolls my eyes @ Luvvie, and slugs off to do my YA-YA re-instatment community-service*
@Laneianna,
*side-eye* Mmmhmmm o_0
@Laneianna,
I’m all over that girl. AGREED! I just like to build up to it. I’m tellin yall, a perpetually horny female that makes you work for it will definitely reward you nicely when she finally gives in!
@Laneianna, Going braless SIIIIIIIGH I havent been able to do that since I was 9!! I could go with out the over the shoulder boulder holder now but this post was about ACTUALLY getting some right??
As one of the few resident 2520 posters, I’m gonna respond to #5 with another great Chris Rock bit….”Not talkin’ bout me!” hahahaha
@luvtheshoes,
***offering liz’s facebook friends list as luvtheshoes’s more people***
You know how people try to hint at what they want for a holiday or a special occasion. Well, here’s something I always wanted to do. Right around my birfday, I’ll slip this in his work mail with a high importance tag with a “wouldn’t this be a great present for a ninja’s woman?”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg
And maybe add a winking smiley next to my signature or some mess. Subtlety is obviously my specialty.
@Cheekie,
I can’t view Youtube from work but I really *heart* you if this is “Dwyck in a Box”
Step One: Cut a hole in a box
Step Two: Put your junk in the box!
Step Three: Make her open the box…
heh heh heh
@Me fail english?,
You are a wise sage and apparently psychic, because yes, yes it is.
And you have great taste.
Uhhh,while I can be a bit of a tease, when I’m actually ready, I just say it. Something really clever like, shall we have chex now? Or, perhaps we should bang now, or if I have one more drink…and then proceed to have another glass. I figure, by the time I’m ready, you’ve put in a lot of time and effort, so I’ll just give you the cookie. No more guess work.
Oh! And if you see me taking the 48 oz bottle of pineapple juice to the head…safe to assume without me saying anything.
@treble,
And if you see me taking the 48 oz bottle of pineapple juice to the head…safe to assume without me saying anything.
I like your style…lol
@treble,
takin notes
-buy hella bottles of pineapple juice
-fine a excuse to send ya girl to ya fridge and let her see your love for pineapple juice
i love this site
I agree. Uncovered, shaven legs are probably the most universal yellow light. 60% of the time it works EVERY time.
@J, what if your legs are naturally smooth and you never had to shave them…. like mine are? Does this mean you’re implying that I’m on a constant yellow light status? lol.
@J, +5 pts for the Anchorman reference
@J,
“Uncovered, shaven legs are probably the most universal yellow light. 60% of the time it works EVERY time.”
Ummm and legs that look like Monique’s should make any man’s pee pee flaccid. Looking like she rocking fur pants. Want proof?
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TrAM9QpkCQ0/SZi7YWZ_CRI/AAAAAAAAAh8/iAVjDyujB_w/s320/Moniques+legs.jpg
@Luvvie,
oh my goodness. she has the exact same legs as lebron james
@The Champ,
“oh my goodness. she has the exact same legs as lebron james”
*singing to the tune of “This Land is my Land”
This leg is your leg, this leg is MY leg. No wait thats YOUR leg… no wait, thats MY leg…
hehehe
@Luvvie,
Dear Luvvie,
My eyes HATE YOU.
Sincerely,
BBMo.
@Luvvie,
HAHAHAHA!
Bigfoot has been found.
Seriously, though, where is her MIND?! Why even go out in public looking ever-the-hotmess let alone AT THE RED CARPET.
@J,
welcome and sh*t
Everyone I’m interested in… will never see my place of residence until/unless I wanna do the hulu boogaloo. So they know, no matter what time of day it is….if I invite you over.. be prepared to stay a while.
@Ro, Kidnapping? I like the way you think…
@Ro, you are definitely bout the bizness
@Ro,
hell yea this aint mtv cribs if you come come prepared
I guess I am just a helluva a lot simpler than the average woman. I get naked. Why play games?
@Dom,
@Dom,
Oh, speaking of nakey time, I hear the “only wearing a trenchcoat” trick works wonders.
@Cheekie,
Only wearing a trench coat.. with some ridiculously high (yet professional looking) heels. I pulled that ish when I came home from work on V-Day.
@blackberry molasses,
Oh, yeah, the heels are definitely the cherry on top. Gotta have those.
@Cheekie, I like the nerdy glasses and trenchcoat combo with the heels
somethin bout freaky-nerdy that me likey
@Cheekie,
Still havent tried this one but I am dying to! Now that the weather’s warmer I feel more comfortable letting the girls out to play with minimal coverage.
@Cheekie,
You know I have always wanted to do that! LOL, but I live in the south, 95% of the time its hotter than a momofugga. I may get pulled over by the police for lookin suspect walkin round with a trench coat when its 1000 degrees outside.
@Laneianna,
I’ve also always wanted to do that. Haven’t found the mofo worth it yet
except this one dude who was already booed up.@Laneianna, you have to get a lightweight unlined trench. Its doable…or you can do it in the winter. Fishnet stockings add all the warmth you need
@SxyScientst,
Lol. This sounds like it’s coming from experience!
But yes, fishnets are amazing insulators…
@Me fail english?, yes…I got a red trenchcoat last year for my boo’s birthday…in DECEMBER! Wind was all up in my stuff…lmao!
@Cheekie,
i think the sexiest vision in the world is a fine a$$ chick wearin nuthin but a NFL/NBA/NCAA jersey. yeahhhh gets me erytime
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Yeah, ninjas say it’s especially hot if women wear their jersey (and nothin’ else) and bonus extra points if they’re an athlete and it’s the jersey they play in. After all, their name is on it. lol
@Cheekie,
yea i miss the old football days comin home from a game and ya main thang is sportin ya extra jersey when she answer tha door. BANG BANG BANG
@Cheekie,
ooook! i was SO thinking about pulling the trenchcoat this weekend. so i guess this is my confirmation that i need to go cop a trench fishnets and garters! sigh i <3s me some vsb
@tnt,
or get the ones with the line up the back…can be found at macy’s or american apparrel….just tryina help a sistah out.
but my tried and true are the thigh high socks..they stay on…but nothing else does
@Happy Meal,
Or the fishnets with the seam up the back. Straight trashy! And trash is fun
@Me fail english?,
Bonus points for embellishments… little bows, lace top, rhine stones…
@Me fail english?,
are you my e-twin?
@Happy Meal,
Methinks yes
@Dom, It works for women. For men…not so much. I went on a date once & decided to go bowling after dinner. I went home and changed. Met him back at his place. Dude opened the door BUTTERBALL!! I kept a straight face & told him I’d be down in the car. Needless to say I pulled off & threw his number away. DAMN WEIRDO FREAK!
Cosign on the women shaving body hairs, especially in the winter time, when we tend to let the forest bloom.
@Tate,
welcome and sh*t, and thanks for the “blooming forest” imagery
BLUNTBLAZER’S take
1) Hell I dont care what you wear if you/me comin over after 9:30pm its goin down if not dont invite me/dont come over cause Im not havin it.
2) Drinks are good hell I need a drink sometimes I like a woman that will drink/smoke sumthin wit me tells me that she can get on my level. hint hint: dont let a chick mix redbull in her drinks she will neva go to sleep and you will wake up to 2am head sessions. I felt like chef from south park “dam woman i just gave you good luvin 2 min ago”. Actually I demand a 5min break between chexin.
3)back rubs is where its at I make shure i lift weights before a chexin session so I can use the line “dam my back is sore” then they get to feel that strong back/shoulder/arms and it hammer time. Hand rubs are good to
4)she tells you – yea thats the best one right there I hate guessin I always wait for the green light dont want no uncomfortable situations ya kno. I like a woman that know what she wants and go gets it thas a go-getter
5) Sad but true snow bunnies luv to play
@BLUNTBLAZER,
i originally typed “she’s puerto rican” as number 5, but i already filled my monthly quota of puerto rican digs
@The Champ,
sad but true also add scorpio females and brazilians oh yea mexican chicks luv to get down
@BLUNTBLAZER,
OMG..as a scorpio i hang my head in shame!
everytime my bf comes over Im game.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
As a Scorpio woman, I’m afraid I have to co-sign w/this statement.
*de-lurking*
1. being extremely vauge in response to any chexual refrence.
ex. “Baby ive got some chocolate melting on the stove strawberries and some paint brushes. Shall we skip the strawberries?”
*giggle slash upward glance” idk….imean…you know…i guess…chocolate is good…”
Your in there.
2. Her “vagina panties” mix playing on the sterio and shes in a nighty at 6 in the after noon and then she quietly ask you.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” (now i know this one seems tricky and fellas we like to play aloof so we dont come off thirsty) but just go ahead and say, no…i want to watch you.
Im pretty sure your in there.
3. if you have a key and she invites you over and shes “popping the pepsi can” when you get there
GET ALLLLLL THE WAY UP IN THERE! B@!!S DEEP!
Say Word.
@ESQuared,
my temporary e-boo is comin’ CORRECT. (pun sorta intended.)
@blackberry molasses,
Thank you e-Boo. (gives e-Hug) {…..among other things…..}
@ESQuared,
**whispers**
meet me in the e-supply closet… t minus 5 mins
@blackberry molasses,
Up above is obviously the e-way to let you know she wants to hit. haha
@ESQuared,
YOU’RE BACK! yay and sh!t to bite the champ
My 2 pennies
!) when regular witty remarks make her real giggley….I can be funny but I a chick will get extra laughy when she want play
2) when a girl gotta keep gettin up and go to the bathroom (dont know what she doin but I think checkin the freshness date)
3) Non sequitur conversations that reveal how she like to be (insert hear) touched, rubbed, kissed, spanked, “cunnilingused,” f***ed…
4) Chick at least 3/4 white
@Blacklaw,
2) when a girl gotta keep gettin up and go to the bathroom (dont know what she doin but I think checkin the freshness date)
not exactly….
@blackberry molasses, speaking from experience? Always been curious about the constant bathroom visits but never remember to ask….aint tryna pry
@Blacklaw,
well, some women could be doing that. idunno.
but being the woman I am… I’m prally celebrating National “Pastor-Nation” Month, in preparation for the main event. I bees like that sometimes.
@blackberry molasses,
hAHA. That’s what I was thinking.
Bathroom visit=”prep time”
Esp. if it’s HIS bathroom she’s in. How she gonna freshen up with some Old Spice?
edit: Yes, I said Old Spice. I’m sleeping with your Grandpa
@Me fail english?,
i keep women friendly products in the bathroom
i.e. wash cloths, baby wipes (sometimes chex is but a booboo away), powder, women friendly lotions, lubricants, real fluffy towels, radio (see booboo reference above), shower cap so a chick aint gotta mess up her hair f++kin with me….
lol@ wash cloths being listed among the women-friendly items.
I hope you keep all that outta sight. I’d be thinkin you had a girlfriend if I saw all that stuff
@Me fail english?,
keep women friendly products in the bathroom . Good Job.
I hope you keep all that outta sight. I’d be thinkin you had a girlfriend if I saw all that stuff .
And this thought may cross my mind too. But then I would just think he was getting his Katt Williams on.
@blackberry molasses, either way you goin in the bathroom is improvin my odds
@Blacklaw,
I’m looking in your cabinet to make sure there aren’t any anti-psychotic meds…
I’m just speaking for me…lol
@miss t-lee, Ima start puttin marbles in my cabinets so I know whats good
@Blacklaw,
Let me know how that works out for you…lol
@Blacklaw, Tears at the thought of opening dudes cabinet being a snoop and a gang of marbles just fallin out!!!!!!!!!
@Blacklaw,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ,
damn good blog
biggup
@Blacklaw, 2) when a girl gotta keep gettin up and go to the bathroom (dont know what she doin but I think checkin the freshness date)
Uhmmmm maybe she got a bladder infection or something??
And if she is checking the “freshness date” that many times…it aint fresh!
This post is hella funny. I have experience all of these signals from a woman. My favorite is the “let’s watch this in my room. I want to get comfortable” line. Hell, I’ve used it myself. It’s usually followed by the “you sure got on a bunch of clothes” line.
@KRUSH,
this sounds like a set up from ‘The Wood’.
@KRUSH,
“let’s watch this in my room. I want to get comfortable”
basically, to summarize most of these comments, “women doing everything she can to let you know that she’s comfortable/letting her guard down” = “vagina panties”
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Homerun signals
1) comin over after 10pm = score
2) give a tour of your house and you show her the bedroom reallllllll quick but she desides to sit on your bed =score
hint if you lay/sit or touch my bed for longer than 2 min its goin down
3) she asks if you have a shirt and boxers she can wear = SCORE LIKE A MUGG
4) finds a hat of yours and sports it the rest of the night = score
@BLUNTBLAZER, the boxers and shirt are more likely if you keep that heat on hell….an absolute must
@BLUNTBLAZER, LMAO at “SCORE LIKE A MUGG”
ive got another.
“Can you come take a look at something in my room real quick? It hasnt been working right in a couple days.”
The fact that she didnt tell you before hand what it was so you could say “i dont do electrical” or “plumbing isnt my thing” (unless its that BPL kind of plumbing) means shes trying to get you in the boom boom room.
(translation (for those who dont know) {hoping not to get modded for this} BPL= Big Pipe Layer.
Word. Life.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
“SCORE LIKE A MUGG”
My spidey sense tells me you are from the bay area
@Happy Meal,
SI senorita East Palo Alto california thats where im frum
@BLUNTBLAZER, Yeah….O….Kay
@Yaa,
wha lol you cant handle tha truth?
If I fall out laughing at something you say that isn’t even half funny, I’m pretty much game.
I’ve laughed soo hard that I had to stretch my body all the way out over a Laffy Taffy joke.
I used to loove when my college roommate would have company downstairs in our townhouse. I could just tell a guy, “C’mon, let’s go upstairs to my room” without being too inviting.
If you catch a peek in her oversized purse and you catch a glimpse of a scarf, boy shorts, panties and a toothbrush. She has plans for your arse.
@V Renee, Yes that’s a Ho Pack right there. I wanted to give em out as Xmas gifts. I still might
@Kindred Smile,
hahahhahaha @ “ho pack”
You just made my day
@Kindred Smile,
LMAO. A ho pack is pretty much the same as a travel bag.
@V Renee,
lol, that’s true. Guess it depends on your intent.
@Kindred Smile,
lol. Perfect name.
@Kindred Smile,
Ho Pack… LOVE IT
@V Renee, lmao at yall women folk with them scarves, head wraps and everything else yall use. Ive never done the horizontal samba and her hair has been intact enough to be saved by a simple scarf. maby after a shower and a whole new routine of trying to get it back right a scarf is in order but i think i would feel like i hadnt done my job if you were that functional and thinking about the status of your hair. lmao
@ESQuared,
The scarf is for AFTER….when you try to salvage it for work the next day.
this entire blog and all the responses have made me realise that i’m not halfway as subtle as i think i am…
oh dear.
in fact, i’m pretty damn obvious. here i was thinking i was being all smooth and slinky… eish….i am shy.
This is hilarious..especially about a man with a pulse…so true.
hmmm…I can add one.
5. She sits on top of you while you’re talking.
I had to let a guy know this weekend that it was time. Once I straddled him he got the hint.
No time for games..
Um, dang. I forgot the last time I got or even hinted at wanting some. (In fact, I’m trying to keep it that way for a while.)
Then again, one observes Solobration* Month (*that’s what I call it, anyway) year-round.
This post is a hoot!
Um, dang. I forgot the last time I got or even hinted at wanting some. (In fact, I’m trying to keep it that way for a while.)
Then again, one observes Solobration* Month (*that’s what I call it, anyway) year-round.
yeah #1 was on point.
smdh