***as a service brought to you by verysmartbrothas.com, the brothas have decided to list their “unique” deal-breakers when it comes to the opposite sex, and would like for you all to do the same. note, these aren’t you garden variety “i can’t stand women with bad hygiene and goatees” types of pet-peeves that basically everyone shares, but quirky shit thats unique to you***
panama’s list
1. Women who only listen to one genre of music – If you’re entire catalog consists of “neo-soul”, Cash Money Records, or smooth jazz a la Kenny G, well you can count me out like New Edition. And while you’re counting, go on ahead and light yourself on fire.
2. To piggyback on the first one, women who only have 10 CD’s period - You clearly don’t care about music which means you have no soul. And if you have no soul that makes you Elvis. And I do not like Elvis. So….first, open up the medicine cabinet. Next, open the Ibuprofen. Then, OD on pills and finally, die smurf die.
3. Women who think fine reading includes Zane or Eric Jerome Dickey – Yeah, so…no.
4. For that matter, women who don’t own books – Unintentional ignorance is as much an STD as HIV. Much like that phat badunkudonk you’re carrying around, I’ll assume your lack of intellectual prowess came from your mama because daddy didn’t hit it right. Basically, I want nothing to do with you or your tainted ignorant smurfin’ gene pool.
5. Women who think Love Jones is the best Black movie ever – Mostly because it isn’t.
the champ’s list
1. smokers
(I tried dating a couple smokers before, but even going down on them has a bit of a cigarettey residue. it almost makes you wish that you were at a restaurant, so you could get a refund… )
“ummm, excuse me waiter, but I didn’t order this ashy-ass smoked saltfish. please send it back immediately”
2. women who don’t appreciate the value of a good comedy. i honestly feel that it’s a sign of a serious emotional defect if you ask someone to name their 15 favorite movies, and the list is comedy-less. for whatever reason, these types of women also usually have excessively hairy feet. i dont know what any of this means.
3. women who make annoying food choices (ie, eating pancakes without syrup)
4. women who (even in passing) mention an attraction to someone who I’ve deemed “unredeemable” in my head. (ie. jones, jim or owens, terrell)
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{ 152 comments… read them below or add one }
Alright, here we go…
1. Women who are name-droppers. It’s nothing worse than riding in a car with a chick and she has a personal story to tell about every damn artist whose song comes on. BUT, she swears she’s not a groupie…yeah, ok.
2. Women who think they are more attractive than what they really are. Pretty much they’re either delusional or in denial. Whatever the case, it’s a turn off.
3. Women who expect to be treated like a “queen” when they don’t treat their dude like a “king”. I don’t have a problem with laying out the red carpet treatment for someone I’m involved with as long as they reciprocate.
4. Women who associate with too many negative girlfriends. Sometimes the evilness bares its ugly head and creeps into our relationship. Time to leave after that.
5. Women who have nasty mothers. Like mother, like daughter.
1. Women who don’t know what a word like “persuasive” or “ravenous”, and then defend the fact they don’t know these high school words.
2. Monk had it right with women who want to be queen’s and don’t treat us like kings. Its give and take …
3. Women who won’t try new food. I don’t know, but I can’t stand a girl who always orders the same thing. Scared of new food … scared of life!
HAAA Panama, #3 is the killer! Please ladies…don’t read Eric Jerome Dickey and them! If I meet one more woman who says she enjoys reading and then exclaims that she loves “True to the Game”…(in the words of the late great Notorious B.I.G) “Somebody’s got to die!”
Monk, well put! For my first point I’d like to expand on your fifth point about mothers:
1. …Women with mothers who were beautiful (or looked just like their daughter when they were young) and are now old wretched hags. In short, mothers can be windows to the future.
2. Women who say “Ooh, I love Jazz!” When asked who their favorite artists are, they inevitably cite only Kenny G and complete the statement with “I don’t really know any of their names.” hmmmm…
3. Women who can’t kiss but think that they are raising the kissing bar. I once kissed a girl who was “tongue-tied.” Meaning the cartilage (or whatever it is) that is attached to the bottom of the tongue extended too far; rendering her tongue useless. She couldn’t extend her tongue past her teeth. To her credit…she kissed with such passion ,but unfortunately, the experience was empty ’cause she had a midget-tongue.
4. No women with midget-tongues! (unless she really is a midget, in which case, I guess it’s cool.)
that’s all I got for now..
Out of respect for time and posting I didn’t include some of my other pet-peeves…so I shall randomly pepper them throughout the day…
6. Non-AKAs who wear pink and green – because it really isn’t a good combination. if you don’t know better then you have no place in my life.
7. grown ass women who wear clothes with words on the ass – because you will wonder why i’m staring at your ass and my response of “i’ve been trying to read more” will offend you…you should just damn know better anyway. plus, you might ALSO think its okay to put asswords on your young daughter and any women who thinks that’s okay isn’t fit to be a woman i even speak to.
AKA or not…pink and green is a no-no…Those are colors of gum..
asswords..hahahahahah…come’on Panama…you don’t like the 10 year olds walking around with juicy on their jail bait asses!?!?!??!
silly tricks, asswords are for whores!
1) men who swear they have no insecurities, but do everything they can to make sure they never get one upped… by anybody
2) men who wear new balances
3) men with unkept facial hair.. facial hair in general tends to turn me off
4) men who cannot understand the importance of the color and pattern of their ties
5) men with pointy shoes
6) men who love their mothers too much
7) men who hate their mothers
9) men who will do anything for the pussy
10) men who dont draw their own lines because they’re so afraid to be alone
11) men who fall in love within the first month.
I think theres more but … that’s already too much.
wow..this is very specific
My list goes something like this
1. Black men that gave up on Black women…cowards!
2. Men who do not thoroughly wash and dry all places that grow hair.
3. Men who do not take care of their teeth.
4. Indecisive men…somebody needs to pick where we are going to eat..and it damn sure isn’t going to be my flaky ass.
5. Men who are looking for a “lady” Fuck a “lady”…hey I got to burp sometimes and I curse a lot so grow some balls and deal with it…
6. Metro sexual men…why don’t you go bang a dude and get out the closet…I need the space to hang my collection of strap-ons, asshole….
Wow Jess, you just singlehandedly eliminated an entire region of the country with #2.
New Balances are the official shoe of the DC Metro area.
1. A man that can’t kiss me right…a bad kiss can make me want to hurl every time I see your face. This one has sent a many a fine man packing. Yuck.
2. A man that won’t dispose of bugs, small rodents, etc. that have violated my personal space. It’s important to me.
3. A man that tries to be prettier than me. I would like to be the pretty one in all my relationships.
4. Men that wear Wallys…I hate those shoes.
5. Men that regularly wear mandals (sandals for men that have straps and buckles and aren’t living near the beach. I mean really…
6. Arrogant men…there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Tread lightly.
8. women with neck tattoes – because you don’t believe in gainful employment. you are useless to me and should be slapped with a bamboo rod and some lightly gingered waffles.
9. women who still dress like 5 year olds that dress themselves – the whole creatively disheveled look is terrible. stop it.
I think I love you dear Panama…what if you want to be spanked with a bamboo rod and some lightly gingered waffles yet do not sport a neck tat…then what????
I agree with all you said ESPECIALLY the “Love Jones” and No comedy in the top 15 list…that is horrible…Comedy is everything people!!!
Queen, with all due respect, #2 is a bit problematic for me…I am hoping/sure that you don’t fall into this category and that you were just speaking hypothetically but this issue raises a new point for me…
4.(cont’d) Women who live with rodents and expect a man to dispose of them. The problem in that scenario does not exist with the man that won’t dispose of a “bugs, small rodents etc”…it starts with the woman who lives in such a way that would promote infestation. If cleanliness is next to Godliness than Nastiness is next to devilry!
Ok D*stroy…back up please…who said anything about promoting infestation?
No one wants a nasty chick. Because I can understand how this would raise a heck of a concern, let me clear go ahead and clear this up…
First, let’s refer back to the fact that I said ” bugs, small rodents, etc. that have violated my personal space.” That doesn’t mean they have to be in my house…that means wherever I am. I just don’t like them or want to deal with them. If I’m out in the street and a rat appears, I need you to make me feel safe and get rid of it or get me away from it.
Sigh…I am a very clean woman. However, let’s be real…bugs, spiders, crickets and things get inside from time to time. I’m not talking about roaches…I don’t have those. I’ve had birds come down my chimney. It is winter and it can happen. I happen to live in a basement, but generally if you live in a city apartment and your neighbor has mice, chances are you might see one.
Queen, touché. I understand…and just to be clear, if you were my lady and a rodent ran up on you…I would punch its lights out. Friends, again?
*wondering how much I’d pay to watch someone literally punch a rodent in the face*
oh, and neck tats. how the hell did I forget to mention neck tats? thanks p
D*stroy…I totally appreciate that sentiment. No hard feelings.
I would like to add one more to my list…
7. Cheap men. I’ll define cheap…we go in the grocery store and upon leaving you tell me I owe you 89 cents for a pack of gum (True Story) I’m ok with frugality, but cheap will send you packing. I’m not cheap…please don’t be cheap with me.
87 dollars. That’s it. I’d pay 87 dollars to watch someone punch a rodent in the face.
I’ll up you…37 cents…I say $87.37 is the PROPER price to pay for such a show. Aim square in the jaw…That is the PROPER way to punch a rodent according to PRITFA (punching rodents in the face association)
Champ–For 87 dollars, I’d let a rodent punch me in the face…and even call me a b*tch (well, let’s not get too crazy).
That was mad funny. I’d also pay to see that.
Queen… you owed him 89 cents? Oh my god LOL.
And Panama… good for the dc metro area. I’ve received opposition for my points of view from people down there. But this is New York. And New Balances are NOT hot. How are they possibly an official sneaker? Like dudes be wearing them with blazers and shit? No, I refuse.
I’ve turned many many men down because they stepped to me with new balances on. I half-heartedly apologize for my shallow choice.. maybe I can’t ever date a DC boy
Seeing as I’m not originally from DC I’m not sure how they became the official sneaker, however, I own 3 pairs myself. But tennis shoes with blazers is a bad look in and of itself.
Can’t really blame you though. We all have our things. I’d turn down a chick who had on a t-shirt that said, “I used to be a man.”
to each his own.
And D*Stroy – time’s must be hard. I’d have to go at least 100 before I’d let a rodent punch me in the face.
A women with a shirt like that is a gem…you really blew it on that one, Panama…Chicks with Dicks, always entertaining…
I haven’t read the others because I didn’t want to be influenced, or stifled. So I hope I don’t repeat EVERYTHING… but here I go…
1. Vegetarians and non-drinkers. There’s no way in the world. We have nothing in common. LOL
2. A dude who dresses or talks like he’s the mad rapper. Any “man” who wears his pants around his thighs and ends his statements with integers? Can’t do it. And poor grammar is a serious no-no.
3. A guy that gratuitously turns every statement into a double entendre, or reads a sexual connotation into everything.
4. A guy who is not funny… or smart. And I personally think you have to be smart to be funny. But even worse than that is a person who THINKS they’re funny and they’re not. Uggh.
5. Someone who laughs at things that are not funny (or that aren’t THAT funny) and doesn’t laugh at things that ARE funny (or doesn’t get them). If you think Martin Lawrence is the funniest man ever to walk the face of the earth and don’t understand why Curb Your Enthusiasm is hilarious… we ain’t gonna make it.
6. Someone slow. If I have to explain my jokes and if he never has a witty retort… =|
7. Someone who flirts with EVERYONE. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging someone who is OUTRAGEOUSLY attractive… hell, if that’s the case, I will acknowledge her. But giving every woman the eye and checking EVERYONE that comes in your path, out? That is such the turnoff.
8. Someone who says their age, and adds “and a 1/2.” LMAO
9. Someone with more that 2 kids. And I swear, it takes a lot for me to even say that. I would prefer someone with NO children, but… at my age… LOL
10. Someone who talks about their ex every 10 seconds, or who HATES their child(ren)’s mother. That connotes unresolved issues that I would prefer not to be involved with.
11. A dude with a roomate(s) of the two-legged or 6-legged variety.
12. A dude that curses or yells at his mother.
13. A dude that still gets paid by the hour. Ooooh was that wrong? Yeah, who cares. I meant it. LOL
14. A dude who doesn’t have a car or doesn’t have a driver license. I’m not a chauffeur, and past a certain age it’s inexcuseable. Period.
There are so many more… but I’m up to 13 already!!!!
Are you serious about #2?
Who talks in sentences that end in integers???
When someone finishes a conversation and says, “One.” Horrible.
My ex got paid by the hour. He is a lawyer. And he lies. A lot.
Funniest thing I have read today?
Unintentional ignorance is as much an STD as HIV.
Classic shit.
(Working on my list)
But I will say I hate all mouth noises that are not sexual, or speech (excluding ebonics.)
Jess, I aint madatcha…New Balances are an excellent reason to dismiss soemone…no apology necessary. I’m also a New Yorker and they have been unacceptable since 1998. Speaking of footwear…
5. Women in Uggs (or Ugg-esque boots). The Ugg movement has simply gone too far, especially when women are wearing them with tights and tanktops in the summer (Cali women love to do this). When did having some hot @ss feet become the summertime fad?
oops, I mean 14. LOL
1. Smokers. Sorry I had to bite that one but I REALLY can’t stand it. I once had a guy tell me he didn’t smoke but the few times we kissed I could taste the yuckiness. I told him that if he doesn’t smoke he should see a dentist b/c he clearly has a problem LOL.
2. Passive men. Ex:
Guy I just met: I want to see you
Me: What did you have in mind?
Guy I just met: Uh, I dunno it’s up to you
3. Men whose idea of an apology is, “I’m sorry if you felt ______ by what I did/said.” Uh, I’ma need you to take ownership of the deed or just not apologize at all.
5. Diva Dudes [(c) Dyoung]
I HATE that “apology”.
And weak dudes are the worst. Man up. If i have to tell you to man up, it is pretty much a death sentence. For sure.
15. A man who screams…when he’s scared that is. LMAO If he gets alarmed by something, he should never, for any reason, shriek, or scream like a woman. Thanks.
10. women who don’t curse – cuz i motherf*cking do.
11. women who get offended easily – cuz i motherf*cking don’t. seriously, NWA is my favorite rap group of all time and i love richard pryor and off-color humor and i will offend your sensibilities at least twice a day, unintentionally.
12. women who insist on going-green – my car has a v8 engine and a hemi. i’ll hug a tree, then use a gas guzzling lawn mower to cut the grass around it.
at the same time -
13. women who think its okay to litter – you should just perish. panama says just perish.
like I said..ME thinks I love you, asshole !
1. Men who wear contacts to make their eyes a lighter color. You are not Terrence Howard or Gary Dourdan. Men that do this usually follow up with an S-Curl. I can’t stand that either.
so so so good…This will be in my top 5 no-no’s for men…Only ladies should be so vain…or gay
wow, there’s one that’s actually at the top of my list, that I basically forgot completely about. eff everything else I said, the top of the list, the champ’s number one unique deal-breaker happens to be conspiracy theorists. words cannot express how much I loath women (and men) who think every effing thing is a plot against them, and will believe anything about anything….except the actual truth. basically, if I see you, and you believe that bush blew up the world trade center by remote control, and that 8 jewish bankers in hong kong control all of the worlds finances, and that the only reason the spurs made it to the nba finals last year was because of connection between tony parker, eva longoria, and ABC (an actual theory I’ve heard) just turn around and walk the other way.
actually, forget that. just stop living.
seriously, I hate conspiracy theorists so much that my heart rate just went up while I was typing that comment, and I think I might have a slight erection
One more thing…a man who refers to being alone with his child as babysitting. You can’t babysit a child that’s supposed to be with you.
hahahahahaha
LMAO! Champ, I completely understand…the thought of taking that rodent down with a two piece and a biscuit took me to that same place. A place I don’t want to return to.
5. Women who want a good man but don’t have sh*t to offer one even if they were able to find him. No good man is looking for dead weight…step your game up, then holla.
you know, I don’t think “loath” is strong enough of a word to describe my feelings about conspiracy theorists. I think “abhor” and “execrate” fit much better.
oh, and I just confirmed that it wasn’t a slight erection, just a bit of a pants tent
oohooh…i got one for the fellas:
women who say they don’t give head – shut up trick, swallow.
see, that’s both offensive and ignorant. SCORE!
1) really bad teeth. I can’t do it. Teeth don’t have to be perfect, but you can’t be toothless.
2) drugs. definitely not me at ALL. I got a medal in the 5th grade for being a super D.A.R.E. student. this means no smokers either, mostly because it’s annoying.
3) Atheists. I love Jesus. No compromise.
4) men who don’t know when or how to code switch.
5) bad spellers, or bad writing altogether. We cannot communicate if I can’t telegraph what you are saying.
D*Stroy — thank you. They’re hideous.
And panama, blazers *scratches that out* sport jackets and a good, subtle pair of dunks can really work as a casual outfit.
While we’re on the subject of fashion:
12. Men who don’t give a fuck.
Sorry. Flip flops, sweatpants and a faded ass polo shirt does not an outfit make. Don’t come to me looking like you’re ready to take out the garbage. Cool points lost.
13. Men who wear too many colors at once. Anything above 3 bold colors in the same outfit is against my religion. In the same realm, mean who don’t wear the right colors together. Mustard silk tie is sexy; mustard silk tie with orange-tinted leather shoes is.. not.
And shout outs to these:
4. A guy who is not funny… or smart. And I personally think you have to be smart to be funny. But even worse than that is a person who THINKS they’re funny and they’re not. Uggh.
5. Someone who laughs at things that are not funny (or that aren’t THAT funny) and doesn’t laugh at things that ARE funny (or doesn’t get them).
2. Passive men. Ex:
Guy I just met: I want to see you
Me: What did you have in mind?
Guy I just met: Uh, I dunno it’s up to you
1. Stupid women who think they know about the Arts.
- If you have never seen something, please don’t act nouveau and think that you do know, because you’ll embarrass yourself.
2. Worldly women.
- If my boy’s little brother has seen you tip-toe out of his cousin’s bedroom at 3am and you’re on the way to my crib… Might as well do a U-turn, love.
3. Chumps.
- Women who don’t have that fight or that passion and I can run over them all day. They’re chumps.
Liz-regarding bad teeth, I second that emotion.
Hold up. A D.A.R.E. medal…we didn’t get D.A.R.E. medals, just a bogus certificate. My school must have been bootleg. lol
Males that….
1. Have permanent Gold teeth in their mouths. Anyone who is willing to get that caught up in a fad are just doing way too much for me…..so yeah facial tattoos and other highly visible body art is just doing too much.
2. Exhibit overzealous behavior on first dates…..trying to help me eat my food, taking my coat off for me, ordering my food for me, and trying to get too touchy feely is a definite pump the brakes move.
3. Consider magazines to be books….Sports Illustrated, King, Vibe etc…
4. Cannot carry on a decent conversation….for they either talk too much about themselves or the connection between what they are into and what I’m into just cannot be made regardless of how sweet or attractive they are.
5. CANNOT KISS! Or just plain don’t like too. Passion is so important…not on the first few dates but in general.
6. Sag their pants and wear dress like length white t-shirts.
7. Have no potential because they have no goals (short term or long term)….they only see and care about the moment.
8. Harass me about my religious beliefs. Respect that I’m agnostic and I will respect what ever philosophies you prescribe to about the ‘here and after’.
9. Do not have understand the concept of empathy.
10. Think that I would even begin to take them seriously based solely on their material assets (fancy cars, expensive penthouse suites etc).
11. Brag on their sex game. Come up with something more astute and fascinating then how you well you THINK you can fuck.
12. Have bad hygiene. If you don’t brush your teeth, wash your clothes on a regular basis, wash your hands when you leave the bathroom, and wash your ass on a daily basis then homie…im good. Ass rot and stank ass breath is never an asset in my world.
GASP I LOVE LovetoLaugh’s “babysitting” comment. THAT IS A HUGE PET PEEVE FOR ME!!! I soooo agree!!! Big up on that one!
@The Queen: Medals were reserved for special students like myself LOL. Hahah. I can’t remember specifics, I just know like 3 students in my whole grade got a medal, everybody else got certificates.
Thanks, XQUIZZYT1. I agree with #4 on your list. A guy who isn’t funny simply won’t do.
I find it interesting that the ladies are the ones with the lengthiest lists. I wonder what a man would be like if they did not exhibit any of the pet-peaves that have been listed. I mean damn…for example,according to these lists he can’t wear 90% of existing foot wear options, can’t love his mama too much but can’t hate her, can’t remove a woman’s coat on the first date, can’t give other women the eye, wear sagging jeans, he must be intelligent, quick whitted and funny (but he better not laugh at stuff that is not funny). He can’t be too pretty but have a keen understanding of style. Must drive and can’t have roommates. He must be a street exterminator. He can’t be passive but can’t be too assertive either(ie ordering a woman’s food for her). Must drink but can’t be a vegetarian. Worst of all– he can’t even brag on his sex game! Lol (damn, give a nucca somethin)!
ROFLMAO… I know it’s such a thin line between acceptable and unacceptable. This was hilarious to see you put it all together, and even more hilarious that I nodded at everything as you checked it off… LMAO I like a take charge man, so he can try to order my food for me, but if I don’t like it, I’ll change it if necessary. Oh, wait, and he can brag on his sex game if he’s telling the truth!!!! LOL
But you know what men can do??
Be freakin’ awesome!
That’s what I am.
I have no point again. Hold me.
LOl @D*stroy. Damn, after reading that paragraph I felt bad for ya’ll. My list is pretty short. Other things I think I can compromise. DEALBREAKERS meaning I just *CAN’T* do it. I suppose everything else is negotiable.
Ok…here’s one for the fellas…
6. A woman who attempts to use sex to get what they want. In the words of Willie D, “…your pussy ain’t no more important than my dick miss!” Don’t expect me to do anything “special” for you just cause we had a bomb-ass time in the sack. A lot of cats who are P-whipped have given the false impression to some women that their stuff is golden and has hypnotic powers. Sorry, but it doesn’t.
“A dude that still gets paid by the hour.”
Guess that rules me out since I get paid by the hour… of course my rate is $100/hour, but I guess that doesn’t matter
Not to me, but I’m sure it matters to someone… so here’s your 1040 and a cookie. =)
Trust me, I’m in professional school now so I’m all for the billable hour!!! And when I graduate and hang up my shingle, I wouldn’t answer the phone for less than $300 an hour!!! But yeah, for the people who take things extra seriously, I can add an addendum to that effect… qualify it somehow… but I’m sure almost everyone got my drift! =)
Why are some of the guys taking the ladies’ list so personal? We didn’t take any of yours personal…
“Why are some of the guys taking the ladies’ list so personal? We didn’t take any of yours personal…”
good question…
1) Women who refuse to watch The Big Lebowski….I’m not saying they have to enjoy it, but watch it…
2) Women who smoke cigarettes (yes I qualified it…if you want to smoke crack it’s all good…just don’t smoke cigarettes!)
3) Women who don’t have a good reason for not liking rock and roll or guitar based music….
4) Women who refuse to ever make a decision about where to eat
5) Women who make every question/answer session feel like 20 Questions/the SAT…a straight answer is good…the Killa does not like the chase….fuck your “hard to get”…..
K., with respect to taking lists personally…I must admit, Jess’ pointy shoe comment really cut me deep. I just like ‘em…gosh.
Oh…okay
6) Women who make long lists!! It’s called being concise!!!!!
9. Men who don’t like women who make long list!
LMAO… tell him Dessa. LOL
The Killa’s heart weeps….LOL
I wholeheartedly agree with Panama and The Champ’s lists. My addition would include:
Women with tattoos – I can deal with something small and discreet like a butterfly on your ankle, but anything more yells trashy to me.
BOOOOOO…what about an eagle on the crotch…that is classy and patriotic!
I stand corrected.
this made me lol. I’ve seen some beautiful tattoo work. It’s the poorly-thought-out tattoos that make me laugh. and tramp stamps are always great for judgement
Let’s see.. who gets the gass face!!
1. Men who don’t/can’t dance..
I need to know u can keep a beat, I need to know what im working with up front. Nothing more embarrassing than dancing or whatever with a brotha who
has NO rhythm.
2. Men with jacked up grills..i.e. teeth. Great dental hygiene is a must for me. Please call 1 800 DENTAL!
3. Men who assume that women don’t like sports. I know sometimes you may feel we’re “invading” ur territory…but get over that please…cuz I scream louder than the guys at a Warriors or a Raiders game!
4. Men who smoke..anything!!!.. If I can smell you before I see you..there’s a problem!
5. Men with lame ass pick up lines..not cute..get a clue and be yo’self.
6. Men who have lack of common sense and/or intelligence. I’m not saying you have to have a Ph.D. I just want someone I can hold an intelligent conversation with and who has their own, well thought out opinions.
7. Men who play video games/computer games all the time..I just don’t see the point!
That is all..
these are all personal lists, nobody was supposed to roll these all into one ball. relax peoples
D*stroy… Why is it okay to hate furiously one kind of shoe, but not the other just because you wear it?
killa cal: you know, if a gun was pointed to my head and I had to choose between dating a chick who smoked cigarettes everyday, or one who smoked crack once a month, I’d probably choose the crack smoker as well
Wait a damn minute! Have you ever heard a crackhead refuse to smoke a cigarette?!
Cigarrette Smoker: “Hey Ms. Crackhead! Would you care for a cigarette?
Ms. Crackhead: “Oh NO… no thank you. I don’t smoke cigarettes, those things will kill you!”
Let the record show… I hate Dessa. ROFLMAO
uh… wow, you guys obviously have never hung out with a crackhead.. but okay, to each their own
champ and killacal – um…you would REALLY rather date a crackhead? i feel like crack is like murder…you do it once you’re a crackhead. mostly b/c i can’t see a reason where a chick would only smoke crack once a week. i heard that shit is like pringles, you can’t pop just one.
then again, i heard that from a crackhead so ya know there’s a credibility issue and all. lol.
this is a good point…okay, duly amended….crack and cigarette smokers have no chance with the Killa!
I have just two:
1) Independently Dependent Divas (IDDS) – …in a nuthshell…the type of woman always screaming she doesn’t need ish from a man and can do bad all by herself…but consistently makes error judgements and expects the world to stop and help her out of the situation (also…rarely even bothers to even look in the direction of the bill when out on dates.).
2) (PABT Shoes) Peek-a-boo toed shoes – All or none ladies, all or none…For some reason whenever I can only see 2 and a quarter toes when you are wearing PABTs, I can’t help but think the other 2 and three quarters look like rotten Vienna sausages.
Hey Now! PABT Shoes are what’s in style right now! I think the real problem is women who have no business wearing them because they have one toe that is just way too long, and it just happens to be located in the exact spot that has a hole! That long toe isn’t being peeked at… it’s usually hanging outside, just chillen, catching a cool breeze!
I completely agree about the PABTs. I utterly hate them. I don’t care if its the style … its a borderline dealbreaker.
Day-me…oops… I mean Champ, some conspiracies aren’t really theory; some of them are actually true, but ya kind of need to be a part of the “truth seeking” club to weed out fact from the “oh my gawd you’re f*ckin crazy”! Some people don’t believe that secret societies exist, but they do, and many have been around B.C. So, if you’re one of the people who would rather be sheep-ishly blind and dream of rainbows and fluffy clouds or possibly basketball, then you probably wouldn’t enjoy getting your world turned upside down by finding out too much unknown truths about your perfect well adjusted world. I guess for some it’s like accidentally finding porn that your mom & dad did back in the 70′s… you’d rather just pretend like it NEVER happened!
thing is, I’ve kissed a smoker before, and I figure that crack residue won’t taste any worse
tzerai: I’m just glad you used acroymns. I love acroymns.
dessa diesel: see, that’s where me and you differ. if I found old porn featuring my parents, only one word would come to mind: extortion
I beg to differ! Crack has a very pungent bitter smell/taste. How do I know?! I’ve lived around enough crackheads in my past to know these kinds of things. Now which one is worse; bitter stank tarts or smoke?!
LOL@ extortion!
Okay, so here’s my short-list (and none are personal, because I steer clear of it!):
1. Men who have teardrops tatted on their face. lol. As a matter of fact, just add all men who aren’t currently mentoring or something and have gang related tats.
2. Men who have baby mama drama, and or have baby drama AKA unruly children who they believe are perfect little angels who can do no wrong. Meanwhile, those little angelic bastards have been plotting the death of daddies new girlfriend before they even met her… and the ring leader is *drum roll* you guessed it, their mama.
3. This goes without saying but… men with bad hygiene. If anything on you smells like day old garbage then you’re truly not my type.
4. Men who can’t rap very good at all but insist on tormenting the world with their dreams of rap stardom. They go to the studio all the time. They’re way past their prime, selling cd’s out the trunk of their car, always hanging out in clubs & bars and telling you “baby, I’m not there to party or pick up on chicks, this is what I do! *kiss* Now let me go to work”… and he’s been “working” for the past 10-15 years but hasn’t made ANY progress because he simply SUCKS?! Come on now… give me a break!
3. I apologize in advance! Black men who have kids by white women. Don’t ask me why… I’m not racist, but I simply don’t like the thought of starting a family with someone who’s previous kids might have superiority complexes! Ya’ll know the whole “I’m mixed therefore I’m like SOOOOOO freakin better than everybody syndrome!”… and the sad part is… I, like many black people, am I product of two “mixed” parents. Trust me, my mom KNOWS she’s finer than YOU! lol. (disclaimer: I realize that all mixed people do not have this complex, but with my luck I simply can’t run the risk.)
4. Men with rat tails or whatever they call it in your neck of the woods. You know that long tail of hair they have at the back of the head, and for no apparent reason. YUCK. Cut that sh*t off!
5. Men who embody ARTSY stereotypes! As an artist & poet I am completely turned off and annoyed by men who are just so FAKE! “Peace & Blessings my nubian sista, may the artistic Gods be with you!” Shut the hell up! Who talks like this all day long! (Trust me The Champ knows I can get deeper than the deepest deep, but COME ON, cut the crap… there’s a thin line between Truly being a deep thinker & being a quack! (always wanted to use quack in a sentence!)
6. This is honestly #5 being continued. Men who try to get my attention by sending me ridiculous poems written just for me, because they think the way to my heart is to flatter me with poetic steretypes!
7. Men who have almst NO body hair. This scares me. Even Baby Face has a little bit of peach fuzz!
7-a. Body Builders! Nuff said!
7-b. Men who think they’re prettier than me, OR men who actually are prettier than me!
#5 hahahahaha! Indeed my nubian princess….my response is “go f*ck yourself…my nubian king ” and #3…I love this…I am mixed, I have had the “complex” wrongfully attributed to me and yes…I am racist and have a nasty ol’chip on my shoulder..hahahahaha
I almost forgot… and this is a big one.
8. Grown A$$ Men who use too much slang.
another…
Rebublicans & Men who are entirely to Liberal! Can’t we find a happy medium! As a moderate person, I’d prefer someone a little less extreme.
I cannot date a republican. Wow. I forgot that. Out.
okay, so like four of those made me laugh aloud, especially this:
“7-b. Men who think they’re prettier than me, OR men who actually are prettier than me!”
Interested in knowing which one’s you found funny.
*sigh* did you notice how long my “short list” is?!
this one…”4. Men who can’t rap very good at all but insist on tormenting the world with their dreams of rap stardom. They go to the studio all the time. They’re way past their prime, selling cd’s out the trunk of their car, always hanging out in clubs & bars and telling you “baby, I’m not there to party or pick up on chicks, this is what I do! *kiss* Now let me go to work”… and he’s been “working” for the past 10-15 years but hasn’t made ANY progress because he simply SUCKS?! Come on now… give me a break!”
…especially since i was thisclose to listing “starving artists” whose art effing sucks” as one of mine, lol
Please tell me you like my art!
lol…i do. i’m actually referring more to the chick that calls herself a “singer” or a “poet” but hasn’t actually sang a song or written a poem in months. it’s like the delusional high school kid who says he wants to go to the nba, but didn’t even try out for his schools team, lol
Ahh…yes! Pathetic, but check this out though, All of those pathetic people with delusional labels can be taught by moi to become a professional for the very low price of $87 dollars a week… no more than the price of watching someone punch the lights out of a rodent!
OFF TOPIC! I think I had one drink too many when numbering my list! Can you fix that?!
though they are numbered these are in no particular hierarchal order…
1. Men who will use the words boo or ma as a term of endearment, guess again, its not endearing.
2. Men that will not go down. RECIPROCITY!
3. Unless you live in NYC, a man without a car of his own. I mean you aint got to be pushing a Bentley but really Drive something.
4. A man that treats waitstaff, bartenders, or other people in service positions with total disregard. Clear indication of superiority complex.
5. men who always talk about how good they eat the pussy, what are you overcompensating for.
6. A man that does not know his shortcomings, i.e. the magnum should not also cover your balls
7. Indecisiveness…(previously mentioned)
8. men with multiple baby mamas
9. Men that can not dance
10. Men that don’t drink alcohol, unless you are a recovering Alcoholic.
11. Men in recovery (for anything)
12. Men who brag about pledging a fraternal organization that they never became members of.
13. Men without a job
14. Men who think I am an anomoly, and continue to ask why I am not married.
15. Anyone that uses words incorrectly. i.e irregardles…. They loose all credibility
I agree with #2. Men who don’t go down should be banned and sent to Alcatraz.
LOL! Ana, this list is f’in hilarious! #6 had me in tears..”the magnum should not also cover your balls” Yikes…that is a really bad look! haaaa
hahahahahahaha…balls…hahahahaha!
There is debate on #15. Yes, one should use regardless or irrespective, but irregardless is becoming more mainstream by the day.
1. Girls that are shorter than 5’4. I’m 6’2 and I like full body hugs too.
2. Girls that aren’t upfront with whether or not they’re interested. Since most chicks aren’t going to make the moves, I have to do so. Then your polite-thinking ass gives me your number knowing full well you’re not going to answer the call. Just don’t give it to me at all. I’m not fragile. I have better things to do.
3. Girls that can’t make a decision on where to go/what to do. I understand that some of you like the man to take charge and make the decisions on these things, but if the words “now it’s your turn to pick a place” come out of my mouth, it means that you better damn well come up with something.
4. Girls whose lives end once they get a boyfriend. My life isn’t ending just because I’m now with you. The 20 hours I spend in the lab may drop slightly to 19. . . but certainly not 4-5 so you can have me every waking hour. Keep your friends, go out, have fun and. . .
5. Don’t have panic attacks if 12 hours or a day goes by without you hearing from me. . . or if I go someplace and don’t tell you. . . You can ask me what I was up to later, but there is a reason I didn’t come with a lojack subscription.
6. Girls with unrealistic relationship expectations. Look, the “one true love” thing does not exist. You and I WILL have arguments, even if I have to make them up myself. So, if you think that disagreements are a sign of serious problems and will fuss and fret over every argument we ever have waiting for the floor to fall out from under you. . . umm, yeah.
6. Self esteem issues. Look, if I’m with you, it’s because I think you are a goddess. I don’t mind reminding you of this on a recurring basis, but if you consistently put yourself down, I’m going to start thinking you’re no longer just looking for some verbal loving, but actually have serious problems. I’m still too young to have my own children, so I’ll just send you back to your parents.
7. Girls who’d complain EVERY SINGLE TIME about the toilet seat. Look, the way I see it, why should I always have to flip the seat? When I get up in the dark to goto the bathroom, I have to check that it’s up. Well, when you get up in the dark, you better be checking that it’s down. I have a large amount of patience and I’ll generally acquiesce to little things like that despite not seeing any fundamental reason why you are correct. However, if I must use the b-word to describe your comments to me over the subject, you have gone too far.
8. Girls who cannot enjoy your company silently. Now, I can understand when we’re first getting together, silence at this point generally is a sign of nervousness. But once we really know each other and are together, you really should be able to spend time with me without thinking something is wrong if a whole hour goes by without me saying a word to you.
9. Girls that want to tell me the exact details of some problem 100 times. Look, I heard you the first few times. If you’re having some sort of computer problem, chances are, once I know you well enough, I don’t even need to hear from you what it is that you were doing in the 30 minutes prior to and 30 minutes following the problem. Now, being the nice man that I am, I will listen to this. However, if I am tired, frustrated with my own work, or have already heard the story 10 times, my patience will be severely strained and I will do what it takes to stop hearing the words. That means if you don’t stop talking when I ask, I’ll just go someplace else. When that happens, DO NOT PANIC. I don’t hate you, I just need some time to recharge. However, that also means when I’m back, you cut it with the same story.
I’m sure you can see a pattern between many of my deal breakers. Oh and
10. I don’t need another mom. It already annoys me when she wants to clean up my place when she visits. Besides, you don’t need to be that nice to keep me. Hmm. . .maybe I shouldn’t be releasing this info
I love number 8. I soooo agree. I’m more of a dudish kind of woman, so I don’t understand a dude that needs me to talk to them 24 hours a day so that he feels secure. And there are no 5 words that make me cringe more than “Can I talk to you?” And if we’re riding in the car, is it so wrong that I want to just listen to music and sing along? Me having to constantly lower the volume to entertain questions that are clearly unimportant and sometimes even rhetorical gets annoying. =)
#8 is so important to me as well! If I can’t feel alone in a mans presence when we’ve been together for a little while and we’re hanging around the house, then I simply can not be with home. I hate feeling like I can’t breathe! I need lots of alone time so it’s crucial to sometimes feel “alone” even when my man’s around.
This brings me to another one. I can’t be with a man who wouldn’t be able to hold his own at a family function or any function. We can check in with each other or what not, but if he can’t integrate and feel comfortable meeting new people or chillen by himself with a plate of food then he’s way too insecure for me.
spell check “then I simply can not be with him.”
“7. Girls who’d complain EVERY SINGLE TIME about the toilet seat. Look, the way I see it, why should I always have to flip the seat? When I get up in the dark to goto the bathroom, I have to check that it’s up. Well, when you get up in the dark, you better be checking that it’s down. I have a large amount of patience and I’ll generally acquiesce to little things like that despite not seeing any fundamental reason why you are correct. However, if I must use the b-word to describe your comments to me over the subject, you have gone too far.”
i did actually witness someone fall into the toliet. well, i didnt actually witness it, but i heard it and i had to help her out. it was nighttime at her apartment, and she assumed that the seat would be down, so i guess she just sat down without looking.
moral of the story: never piss in the dark
I’ve been on the barbed end of a tongue lashing that followed a few minutes after I heard the splash. However, #7 still stands.
Dang Kamakula! I co-sign every word you just said.
i have no peeves to add because they’ve pretty much have been covered. however, i am vexed that the sis doesn’t like brothas in new balance. owning a pair for me is a prerequisite for dating. new balance cats are adventurous…
adventurous? …how?
deal breakers:
1. men who lie about things that matter – like how many women you’re sleeping with. example?
him: it’s just you, baby.
me: right… cuz women often ask when they’re gonna get some of your good loving again before they sleep with you…
2. nasty men – who, after you’ve commented and explained, do nothing. example?
me: there are fruit flies in your kitchen area. you should probably take out the trash and clean up as they are attracted to garbage.
him: yeah, it’s on the list.
**one month later**
me: there are fruit flies in your bathroom!
him: it’s still on the list, i’ve just been busy.
me: i’m leaving and never coming back to your apartment. EVER.
3. men who aren’t sure if they’re gay but want to date you while they figure it out, just in case they’re straight.
4. men who “hate john legend” because they have concluded that he’s gay. do you hate luther vandross, too? when does the singer’s sexuality actually become relevant to the music? and while we’re on it, what’s the deal with loving kells even though he sleeps with children and there is evidence to back up these claims?
5. men who say things like, “you women really need to stop with this INDEPENDENT crap,” to a woman who has her stuff together: pays all her own bills Iincl. rent) and sometimes helps her friends pay theirs, is in graduate school, has savings, etc.
6. men who don’t understand the importance of my time. don’t ask me at 6pm what i’m doing tonight – every night for a week. make a plan, damnit! schedule some s*!
7. men who call but don’t leave messages on gp. why call?
8. men who ask a bunch of questions before they tell anything about themselves. questions include your: name, age, status, kids, where you live, where you from, how your man “let you come out the house looking like [something good].”
9. men who have suspended licenses because they have so many unpaid parking tickets… so can you come scoop them or hang out at their house?
10. men who only hang with their boys. example?
him: wanna meet for drinks at bar x wed?
me: sure
**wed eve**
me: hey!
him: hey! you remember my 10 closest boys from the neighborhood, right?
make that speeding tickets, LOL!
Gah! I HATE the speeding ticket one! I recently learned that one the hard way….but honestly, how grown up are you that you a) not only speed a lot and get caught but b) don’t pay your tickets in a timely manner that you get suspended/arrested for your delinquency? I don’t have time to be concerned about you and your legal problems. Grow up!
“men who call but don’t leave messages on gp. why call?”
because, unless its a dire emergency, we generally hate leaving voicemail, and figure that since you probably have caller ID, you’ll call back and see what we wanted.
you know what, i should probably change all the references to “we” to “I”. i just hate leaving fucking voicemail
actually, i fucking hate voicemail too. since we’re cussing and all. lol.
could u at least send a fucking text? “hey you” works WAY better than a missed call with no vm…
On #4 – have you seen John Legend in the Bailey’s commercials? Dude is a champ!
okay, a guy who thinks your ride is flyer than his and wants to floss your sh*t. yes, this is twice a true tale.
LOL, you too? My car ain’t even all that fly either, but he had taken it around, had his boy in my front seat pushin the seat back all low and far :-\ That was the first and last time I let some dude drive my car (besides my Dad).
I had met this guy at a party and he walked me to my truck and the first thing out of his mouth was, “yo, you gotta let me drive this…” needless to say, i never returned his calls. I dated a guy who never wanted to drive his car but my truck. That was a very short lived relationship, especially when brother man didn’t want to contribute to the gas fund. Yeah, I have a truck between home depot, lowe’s and my outdoor habits, I needed it!!!
NEVER EVER let a man drive your car without you in it! Rule #1!
forgot one or two
men that say,”you speak too proper” or you have too much education.
men that after not communicating to me in any way (phone, text, email, smoke signals, pony express) for 4 weeks, expect that I have been sitting around waiting for him and that I have not moved on. Get a CLUE!
another one;
women who actually intensely believe in astrology…
“Yeah, even though he’s locked up right now, I know we’re a great match cause he’s an aries and I’m a leo, which is great cause you know we leo’s are hard to tame, and it takes a strong aries man to do it.”
lol…yeah, like he’s the only aries in the world! That’s so dumb. If she’s hell bent on dating according to astrology, she could date one of the aries that’s not in jail!
I have to admit…there are signs I absolutely REFUSE to date…and ironically enough, Aries & Leo are the only two on that list! HA!
Men who pass gas in my presence on PURPOSE and think that sh*t is hilarious. NOT FUNNY…and very rude and inconsiderate. How dare you force someone to smell your funk.
hey, farting IS funny!!!
Wrong answer! It stinks! As a aman who refuses to kiss a smoker you should very well understand this concept! Shame on you day-me!
thats apples and oranges.
i think farting is funny…
unless the guy is lactose intolerant and has just had a milk shake…
Another, Men who have absolutely NO talent & or hobbies. Suddenly I’m the only thing he does. That’s too much pressure. Back up off me homey… go do something other than cling on to me 24/7.
Okay… last 2 for now.
1. Men who don’t have a open mind or refuse to do anything outside the box. I listen to all kinds of music and etc. I can’t stand a man who says things like “That’s white people music, I don’t listen to that sh*t”.
2. Prude men… or overtly religious men who have a long list of things they refuse to do. There are so many things this kind of demeanor affects, but most importantly they’re usually really boring in bed and afraid to get freaky.
many of my deal breakers have been listed but here’s some more
1) men who are suprised when I say I DON’T have kids
2) men who graduated college years ago but wear fraternity paraphernalia frequently
3) guys who can’t wear clothes that DON’T display the designers name across their chest…..and guys with embroidered jeans
4)men who are ULTRA deep…..I am not serious all the time so you don’t need to be either
5) men that can’t swim…I know some black folks are afraid of water, but my man can’t be
6) men who are “food nazi’s”…if you don’t like to eat something that’s fine but don’t talk about me when I decide to order a burger and fries
To take #1 further: They are surprised that you don’t have kids but these guys have a multitude of children and have the audacity to still try to holla. *Sigh*
hahahaha.embroidered jeans…so classy (and gay)
OK… so can you please make an exception… because the only one that I have a prob with is the Love Jones one… Ok it might not be the best black movie…but I do feel it is the best black romantic comedy. Its my fav… sigh and you not agreeing… now on the contrast of music… is there a such thing as having too many CD’s… I mean I keep them organized by genre and region so that I can find what I need but my collection is really out of control. Its worse than my grandparents records growing up.
Now…I’d love to take back what I said about Love Jones…but I can’t. I just can’t. sorry…however i’m probably like you b/c i have a gazillion (over a thousand) CD’s and none of them are in order either…me and you??
we see eye to eye there.
don’t do it, stand your ground, Panama…Love Jones represents all that makes me wretch about fake ass pretentious Blacks…Well actually that movie with Taye Diggs and Nia Long ..some shit about a wedding…that movie actually made throw up appear in my mouth…Love Jone just made me gag a bit…
Surely you didn’t just utter blasphemy about The Best Man?!?! I wouldn’t be the serial monogamist I am TODAY if not for that movie! That movie is the gift that keeps on giving!! The term ho-asis!! I mean come on!!!!
yes…I had to brush my teeth and use mouthwash to rinse the vomit out of my mouth…then I had to hit the pipe for a bit to repress the memory and pray earnestly to God that Blacks stop making pretentious bullshit…God awful movie, although ho-asis is such a great word…I believe I will work it in a conversation today….Thank for finding something redeeming in the film!
I don’t know you, but by virtue of your words we are destined to be arch-enemies! If you were near me I’d slap you with a white glove and demand satisfaction at dawn with muskets!
then satisfaction YOU shall have…meet me on the west side of Houston, My musket is in the shop but I wear white gloves daily to protect my “jazz” hand so Im ready!
not taking that back shows you have character. Im almost turned on. A man with character….
the two best black romantic comedies ever are “boomerang” and “love, sex, and eating the bones”
this is not debatable
Is that the one with HIll Harper and he has a porn addiction?
mmmmm…Hill Harper (Homer’s voice)
7) (man I’m about to become a hypocrite, getting into woman space with this long list)….women who don’t get the joke….the Killa ain’t explaining NOTHING, not sarcasm, not movie lines, not one liners….if you don’t get the joke, you are incompatable with the Killa…I am not a teacher!
men that refer to themselves in the third person.. jk
I was thinking about the list I made the other day and I realized that it was hard to come up with deal breakers that went beyond the obvious such as personal hygiene and lack of common sense and personality…thus I thought it would be more fruitful to name the DEAL MAKERS….you know the things that get me hot and bothered.
1) My kind of handsome/goodlooking
2) Men with a few interesting quirks
3) white socks, athletic flip flops, hoop shorts, and wife beaters…in public (i dunno why but it works for me)
4) neat locs…I LOVE LOCS….it fuckin turns me on like crazy
5) men that make me laugh and smile without even trying
6) men that I can be myself around and can be themselves around me
7) juicy lips and nice smiles
9) nerdy dudes that have a good balance on intellect and social skills
10) guys that can see past today and tomorrow…they have real life goals
11) VEGETARIANS!!!! You might just get it on the 3rd date if you dont eat meat or fish lmao
12) simple yet trendy style…..you know converse all stars, Levis jeans, and hollister or triple 5 t-shirts.
13) CONFIDENCE! Not cockiness….just believe in yourself and who you are.
14) I love a man that can write and picks up a real book every now and again.
Welp, my deal-breakers have all been mentioned already, but there’s one thing I just have to add.
CHAPPED LIPS.
Lawd have mercy.
If a guy ever leans over for a smooch with crusty chapped lips I may have to fight him. Don’t do it.
wow I think this has gone beyond “name your deal breakers” to “complain about all the people you used to date who rubbed you the wrong way ewww”
I think there really needs to be some moderation here. I thought this was a forum for very smart brothas. Not to exclude women but it’s not anything new to hear women spout a list of criticism of the opposite sex. It almost comes natural. I wouldn’t be surprised if you tallied the comments and the items listed by sex and saw that women dominated the responses.
…and I think you need to understand the concept of this blog and its purpose. The only moderation needed is by men who make comments such as yours.