I Come Bearing Gifts
So I fully intended to write more specifics about CNN’s Black In America special, but two things happened.
1) I got off work dumb late so I didn’t get a chance to re-watch the segments I wanted to address; and
2) I’m kind of over it.
So, perhaps I’ll get back to it. But today I’m going to answer a question that showed up in my mailbox. The Champ and I get relationship questions all the time. For some reason, somebody thinks we spit hot fiyah on occasion. For shame…anyway, here goes:
Why is it so common for men to cheat or at the least, let their mind and eyes stray while committed to a woman they’ve said they love? – Leslie K. from Dayton
Nothing excites me more than easy questions to answer that seem confusing to women but like so much common sense to men.
What’s been expressed here are the two extremes of male infidelity. On one end you have the minor infraction of the “wandering eye,” and at the other, the should-be nail in the coffin act of ultimate f*ckedupism: cheating on one’s spouse. I’m going to handle those two separately and assume that the middle ground can be filled in with your imagination and perhaps a few shots of Patron.
And no, that didn’t make any sense.
I’ll never understand why women swear to not understand the “wandering eye.” Especially when women are the perpetrator of said crime as often as men. Let’s get one thing clear and out in the open up front: T&A is everywhere and it’s not going anywhere. If you’re in Miami, it’s walking right in front of you in a thong with the words “ENTER HERE” on the little triangle part on the back.
If you’re in Fairbanks, Alaska, it’s wrapped under fourteen pounds of parka and thermal underwear, but it’s there. Oh yeah, it’s there.
As a man, am I supposed to pretend that breasts and thighs disappeared into thin air once we decided to commit to one another? I think not. A man looking at the eye candy roaming the streets is looking strictly because it’s there and it’s probably what we were doing when we saw you. Yes women, at some point, we liked your breasts too. We just happened to get used to yours and as we all know, men like new shiny things – preferably bouncy shiny new things.
The thing is, and this will get to the cheating part, just because a man is looking doesn’t mean he necessarily wants what he’s looking at. Sometimes, we are looking because its there. If I walk through the Times Square Subway stop and see a woman with a fishnet shirt on with nothing on under it, there is no way in Hell I’m turning away. And neither are you. You’re looking too. So let’s just enjoy it together and discuss the merits of fishnets later. Me looking doesn’t mean I love you any less or am any less committed. Chances are, I’m looking at her and then thinking about you. Okay, that’s a lie. But still, I’m with you; trust me to be with you. And tell your friends to cover themselves up because it’s introducing lots of unnecessary conversations into our relationship.
On the flip, it’s common for men to cheat because they’ve probably always been cheaters. There are two types of men out there: men that are given the opportunity to cheat and won’t, and those who are given the opportunity to cheat and will. There is no in between. All men have the option. Since I started writing this I’ve been propositioned twice.
Thing is, a man that’s cheating is one who was going to cheat from the beginning. He believes in commitment in as much as he believes in having somebody to come home to for stability’s sake. He could probably care less about anything else. He also probably does it because he feels he can and will get away with it, and any man who feels that way is probably with a woman who has made him feel like he could. We all worry about getting caught…the first time. After that, it’s just routine. Plus, it’s wholly possible that he is attaching no emotional context to his carnal exploits. And yes, that’s another talk show, but yes I believe its possible. He’s with you because he wants to share his life with somebody. He beds her because he needs a quick nut.
And that is all.
It was written.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST
165 comments
“If I walk through the Times Square Subway stop and see a woman with a fishnet shirt on with nothing on under it, there is no way in Hell I’m turning away.”
lol! A wandering eye doesn’t bother me if it’s not blatantly disrespectful. It’s one thing to glance but another thing to stare a woman down and talk about her t&a. Women will check out the guys too, but I think we’re more slick about it.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:08 am}
Thing is…in regards to what happened at the Time Square subway stop (which actually happened)…how do you not BOTH stare her down?!?!
It’s one thing to be like…”hey girl, nice rack? Doesn’t she have a nice rack, “insert girlfriends name here”…
I think women are more slick only cuz you realize what you’re doing a half-second before we do.
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“Women will check out the guys too, but I think we’re more slick about it.”
In addition, Women will CHEAT, but they tend to be more slick about it.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:10 am}
i think its well documented that women are just better at covering their asses when it comes to cheating…men, we don’t think of everything so we get busted…OR…
…we don’t care.
hmm…thats another talk show: are women more careful not to get caught b/c they stand to lose more if they do?
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ForReal {July 29th, 2008 at 11:03 am}
Real Talk. I think it’s both cause we stand to lose more AND we are just more careful off some old ‘if you’re gonna do it do it right’ type ish.
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Genius Khan {July 29th, 2008 at 11:42 am}
I’m on the celly today posting. …women don’t potentially stand to loose any more when cheating than a man. When Hetero men cheat they are cheating with women who are mostly aware of his infidelity and many times cheating on their sig other. The is not just a male thing Monk, Jack and anyone else who cares to read…
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Dayummm this was on point! Men will look all day long. If the last set of T&A on earth walked by me.. I wanna make sure I see them. I look all day with the female that I’m with. Just don’t disrespect her with a loud grunt. haha
Females always looking at other guys anyway.. they just do it way more on the sly than most men.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:11 am}
true…though i get the impression that men get more excited b/c the parts we’re looking at generally move. it requires more time to watch to see how high and low they go, and in which direction they move.
that shit requires time.
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 2:25 pm}
“Just don’t disrespect her with a loud grunt. ”
so a whistle is out of the picture too?
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Deviant {July 29th, 2008 at 5:02 pm}
I guess walking up and complimenting a woman on her jiggle is out too
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There is nothing wrong with looking since men are visual creatures. The issue is when that man crosses the line and violates his relationship by having sex with another woman. There is always a choice and a man who chooses to cheat by giving into lust for a piece of ass is a piece of selfish shit. I hate men who cheat. It’s not even safe these days. The possibility of contracting an STD should be enough not to cheat. But let’s ignore the physical risks for a second. What about the irreparable damage cheating will do to the trust factor between the man and his significant other? What’s crazy is that there is such a double standard when it comes to cheating. Many women I know will take their man back if he cheats but if the tables were turned, chances are that man will walk away from the relationship if he finds out that his woman was being dicked down by another man.
And women please stop with the man sharing. If you pursue a man who is involved with another woman, you are a whore. I don’t care if the man has a terrible relationship or wants to “leave.” If a man wants to leave his relationship, he will. Man sharing is not the business. Women need to stop making excuses or justifying having relations with a married man. If you are one of those people who justifying having an affair, just accept that you are a whore as well.
Man this topic has me burning up. I pray to God that I’m never cheated on especially if I’m married because our relationship will be over. The idea that my husband would violate our vows and share his body with another woman disgusts me. I would never trust him again. When I find the “one” I’m going to make it clear what my position is because if he cheats he will decide to throw away having a wife because I can’t tolerate cheating.
Here is my question in response to Panama’s post: How can we tell if a man will be a cheater? Are there any signs that we as women should look for? I also want to know if woman should terminated her relationship with a man who cheats or give him a second chance?
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Shelia {July 29th, 2008 at 4:15 am}
Muse good questions there at the end.
Once someone cheats, trust is broken. It’s hard for a relationship to bounce back from it. What’s that saying, “Once a cheater always a cheater.”
Some folks though do learn their lesson, but others if you let them get away with it once, they’ll end up cheating on you again. As you mentioned too many deadly STDs out there to be taking chances like that.
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sisanda {July 29th, 2008 at 5:55 am}
“When I find the “one” - there is no such thing as a soulmate, all you get is a mate. (Lol)
Before yall tear off ma head…I’m kidding…kinda
The problem i have with “The one” theory, is that we would have to be looking for someone whose near perfect, lives up to our expectations, perfect soulmate - i think that’s lazy talk! Relationships are not a paradise but a never ending work process, you’ll have to build your mate into “The one” and even then he’s gonna F**k up, because believe it or not he’s human.
As for the double standards, that’s true! But ask yourself this: why when a man sleeps with many women and goes & tell his boys, is he hailed as the man. Yet when a woman does the same, her own friends will call her a whore? we all conform to these double standards, it’s not an institution made by men.
So what exactly am i sayin? cheatin is wrong, even i can’t disagree with that. but unfortunately for women, it will take us losing the love of our lives over cheating before some of us stop. (just hope it aint you)
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JBoogie {July 29th, 2008 at 9:39 am}
“but unfortunately for women, it will take us losing the love of our lives over cheating before some of us stop. (just hope it aint you)”
Um, yes, how well I know this…
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GOODENess {July 29th, 2008 at 2:17 pm}
@SISANDA…I don’t subscribe to “the one” theory either…it’s really quite sad if you think of it that way….what if you met your “one” and weren’t ready to commit or passed him by cuz he was short or something? I think that the spirit of a person is compatible with other well suited spirits/personas/etc and they have a successful connection…
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Leila {July 29th, 2008 at 9:19 am}
“How can we tell if a man will be a cheater? Are there any signs that we as women should look for?”
It’s hard to tell if a man will be a cheater. Just looking at my guy friends, they all have cheated including the nice & more reserved ones, the ones would rather stay at home with their woman than go out with their boys. I really think it’s luck. There are signs though if a guy is currently cheating, usually their behavior & appearance change.
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ForReal {July 29th, 2008 at 11:10 am}
I agree, it’s loud guys ,quiet guys, guys you would expect it from and guys you wouldn’t. I think you need to take circumstances into account- if an overall ‘good’ guy tells you of a cheating incident in his past, look at the context: was he in college? in a long distance relationship? did she gain 300 lbs and refuse to try to lose it? etc. Those circumstances don’t make it right, but they are things i’d take into account. If he was remorseful about his actions and vowed to himself not to do it again, then i’d give him a chance. I don’t believe in ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’.
Now, if he is the type of guy who is just all around selfish, uncaring and cheated on his last girlfriend 2 months ago cause he was bored, well that negro isn’t to be trusted, for a variety of reasons.
It’s not extrememly difficult to tell if you are dealing with a ‘good’ guy or not..you just have to observe how he is in all areas of his life. If he cheats on his taxes, cheats his boss, cheats at spades and has no reason for it besides ‘he felt like it’, don’t get in line and wait for your turn.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:15 am}
“I also want to know if woman should terminated her relationship with a man who cheats or give him a second chance?”
To me this is a no-brainer, but I’m an extremist. I think you definitely should. If I get away with cheating once, and I’m not totally guilt ridden into changing my cheating ways, I’m going to do it again. Point blank. Period. If there’s no penalty so much as a slap on the wrist, why shouldn’t I cheat…
…if you say you’re going to leave and you don’t, but make me “pay” for a little while, but ultimately come back around…sure I’ll learn my lesson for a while, but I might be so inclined to do it again.
some may say this is extreme on some, everybody makes mistakes…yeah they do…but my question, how big a mistake do you have to forgive? what if they cheat and get somebody else pregnant? do you just say, “we’ll work it out” - like the chick in “Why Did We Get Married?” was allegedly going to do??
I’ll have to think on the definitive signs of a cheater…they have to be out there…
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Deviant {July 29th, 2008 at 10:34 am}
you referenced a Tyler Perry movie…painful
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 11:07 am}
I know…I’m sorry. I just did two Hail Mary’s and an Oops Upside Ya Head, in repentance.
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Deviant {July 29th, 2008 at 11:39 am}
how do even put yourself in a position to watch that movie? Jus seeing the dvd cover in the store gives me grey hairs
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 2:27 pm}
“I also want to know if woman should terminate her relationship with a man who cheats or give him a second chance?”
To me this is a no-brainer, but I’m an extremist. I think you definitely should. ”
*nodding head in agreement*
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sisanda {July 30th, 2008 at 2:28 am}
“you referenced a Tyler Perry movie…painful” - unforgivable man, infact it’s right up there with nigg’s wearing g-strings or doing “The homie”.
Panama repent some more man, infact my forgiveness lies within a bottle so head on towards your nearest bottle store (ladies do you see how forgiving men are!)
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Genius Khan {July 29th, 2008 at 11:49 am}
anyone is a potential cheater male or female and the longer you are in a relationship the more probable cheating is. …no fool proof way to know in advance. Lot of things you’re gonna do in thw future that u think today you will not. It is the minority who will always without fail remain monogamous. Just one black mans opinion.
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Miss Patterson {July 29th, 2008 at 2:46 pm}
yo! did you just feel that earthquake???!!! that was intense!
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Deviant {July 29th, 2008 at 5:04 pm}
i saw it on my gmail feed..how bad was it?
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Miss Patterson {July 29th, 2008 at 6:23 pm}
it was a 5.8 on the richter. it originated from chino hills but was felt as far away as las vegas. dang.
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I dont really trip if a man has a wondering eye..toward the females..that is.. if hes looking at some dude..then u might have a problem..lol
Men arent the only ones with a wondering eye, because many of my girlfriends have one just like I do.
…If your in the gym and this tall dark muscular KING walks past me all glistening with sweat..”u fo damn sho im lookin!!!”..lol That doesnt make me want my man any less..its just as you say “eye candy” . My man just might benefit from that later on that night..lol
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Shelia {July 29th, 2008 at 4:17 am}
“…If your in the gym and this tall dark muscular KING walks past me all glistening with sweat..”u fo damn sho im lookin!!!”..lol That doesnt make me want my man any less..its just as you say “eye candy” . My man just might benefit from that later on that night…”
Sho you right…nothing wrong with looking at a chocolate Adonis and going home to your man to reap the benefits.
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JBoogie {July 29th, 2008 at 9:32 am}
“If your in the gym and this tall dark muscular KING walks past me all glistening with sweat..”u fo damn sho im lookin!!!”..lol That doesnt make me want my man any less..its just as you say “eye candy” . My man just might benefit from that later on that night..lol”
LOL…I just said that in my comment before I read this! ‘Tis truth…and though he won’t necessarily know what caused it, he be pleased and thank me later on!
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:21 am}
“My man just might benefit from that later on that night..lol”
I’m not sure how I feel about this. Sure I wouldn’t know my girl was all excited b/c she was referencing some memory of a 15-second fantasy she had, but to hear this out loud…lol…I don’t know…for some reason…it’s giving me pause…
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utc115 {July 29th, 2008 at 10:30 am}
well Panama I am sure that you have come home before with a rod of steel and it wasnt because you were thinking about your girlfriend all day long. It may have been your secretary at work who knowingly bends over to let her twins hang out in your face or the woman in the subway with the fishnet shirt and stockings with a mini skirts. You are telling me that you havent been with one woman but thinking about another woman………
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Deviant {July 29th, 2008 at 10:35 am}
all that may be true but who wants to know that?
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utc115 {July 29th, 2008 at 11:11 am}
I didnt think that she was saying that she would tell her man that………..thats just the way the cookie crumbled. I dont think I would be like “Bay I am all ready and juicy because I saw this fine man at the gym today but its all yours.” WOW. NOT!!!!
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 2:29 pm}
“well Panama I am sure that you have come home before with a rod of steel”
im sorry, but “rod of steel” has had me laughing for almost three minutes now
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I agree, good posts, etc. but I dont see what the big deal on looking is…and I mean looking, not eye-f@ckin someone.
Ive caught myself looking at the same girl wanting to know where she got her shoes.
As for the guys, aja is right. A lil “eye candy” will cause a fun romp later on.
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Naw.
Not all cheating men are the “cheat b/c I can variety.”
There are the “I love my wife but she decided to give up sex after we had kids, ” cheaters.
There are the “We haven’t been in love in years but we’re staying together for the kids,” cheaters.
There are the, “I don’t feel like my wife/SO values me or wants to be with me anymore,” cheaters.
There are the, “I really want to get out of this relationship but I’m too much of a punk to just break it off so I’m going to do something to make her leave me,” cheaters
There are the, “I think it will improve my marriage/relationship,” cheaters.
And a host of others. Granted, however, the “I cheat because I can,” cheaters are the most egregious.
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 9:10 am}
“And a host of others. Granted, however, the “I cheat because I can,” cheaters are the most egregious.”
eh. i’d argue that theyre all equally egregious
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JJ {July 29th, 2008 at 11:40 am}
They r not.
Contrary to popular belief the other person can be responsible for folk stepping out. Cutting off sex, affection,respect can send someone out the door.
Particularly if the person is trying to work things out and the SO/Spouse isn’t trying too. And dissolving relationships aren’t always that simple. The cheaters aren’t always the bad guy…..many had help getting down that road.
Not all but many.
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ForReal {July 29th, 2008 at 12:10 pm}
I agree that they are not all equally egregious.
I disagree that one person is responsibile for another’s cheating. A person that has begun to withhold sex may set the stage, load the gun, put gas in the car, insert metaphor here, but the cheater is the one that has the final say in whether or not they take the action. I agree though that in some circumstances cheating is way more understandable than in others. To me, context matters but I know that’s not the case for everyone.
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Muse {July 29th, 2008 at 12:14 pm}
Champ I think it’s irresponsible on your part to even hint that sometimes cheating is justified. If there are problems going on in a relationship then both parties need to communicate. If one of the partners is acting shady then consider counciling. There is NEVER an excuse for cheating even if the partner cuts off sex. Perhaps the partner being denied sexual gratification should find out why they aren’t having sex. Women use sex as one of their means to get what they want. Perhaps the wife is tired because she is the one doing all the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children. Perhaps she isn’t finding sex enjoyable with her mate so prefers to abstain. There could be a variety of reasons but that’s why you try to work it out, not go off and cheat.
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 12:52 pm}
“Champ I think it’s irresponsible on your part to even hint that sometimes cheating is justified. If there are problems going on in a relationship then both parties need to communicate. If one of the partners is acting shady then consider counciling. There is NEVER an excuse for cheating even if the partner cuts off sex. Perhaps the partner being denied sexual gratification should find out why they aren’t having sex. Women use sex as one of their means to get what they want. Perhaps the wife is tired because she is the one doing all the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children. Perhaps she isn’t finding sex enjoyable with her mate so prefers to abstain. There could be a variety of reasons but that’s why you try to work it out, not go off and cheat.”
ms. muse, i think you need to re-read what i said, lol. i think all that camera research is messing with your reading comprehension.
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sisanda {July 30th, 2008 at 2:36 am}
“ms. muse, i think you need to re-read what i said, lol. i think all that camera research is messing with your reading comprehension.” - LMMFAO….
Yo sisa! ma-ffuker get this girl some vaseline, oooh girl i know he didn’t (sayed in a hood-rat-get-you-girls-ass-kicked tone)
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 12:56 pm}
“Contrary to popular belief the other person can be responsible for folk stepping out. Cutting off sex, affection,respect can send someone out the door.”
i agree that they can open the cheating door for them, but the persons still has to walk through. if its that bad…then just end the relationship.
i went over that in detail here:
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/cheat-shiiieeeeet/
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:25 am}
Yeah, I’m with the Champ here…they’re all egregious, if not worse in some cases. Some of those cases are blame the other person cheaters…some are rooted in insecurity cheaters…etc…thing is, they all are misplaced justifications for doing dumb shit. So perhaps you’re right…all men don’t cheat b/c they can in one sense…but in every one of these cases, they found a reason to cheat, then they found an option to justify it…they cheated b/c they could.
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I never got the looking thing. I look. I think it only becomes a problem if you look like you thinking aboout f*cking her later.
Then again, you could just ask her if she’d like to join in later for a little romp.
lol.
joking.
joking.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:25 am}
“joking.”
suuuuuuuuuuuure you are.
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 10:44 am}
I don’t think you’re joking…at all.
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JJ {July 29th, 2008 at 11:41 am}
Of course I am.
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If the man (or woman) knows that the cheating will in turn hurt his spouse, he shouldn’t do it (no reason). I don’t buy into that crap that the man doesn’t have any control so he cheats. It’s a myth and should stop right now. Men and women have the same desires and if a woman can refrain from cheating than so can a man.
I do think there is a “point of no return” and you should not allow yourself to get in a situation to get to that point. Cheating doesn’t just happen (which seems to be some folks number one excuse). The D doesn’t just mysteriously jump out and enter into someone’s VeeJay.
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sisanda {July 29th, 2008 at 5:38 am}
“Men and women have the same desires and if a woman can refrain from cheating than so can a man.” - Not true, infact it’s this myth that further disables woman from even coming close to “understanding” why men cheat.
Men and woman are not the same, cummon now even you know this, so why you spittin this blaspheomy!
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Shelia {July 29th, 2008 at 9:52 am}
Sisanda, lol…No, We’re not the same (thank God). No more trying to make excuses for why men cheat. They cheat because they want to or can, however you want to look at it.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:28 am}
Lil Wayne teaches us that we are not the same…some of us are martians.
Sorry, couldn’t stop myself.
One should never quote Lil Wayne. I apologize.
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am}
Don’t do that again.
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No More Heroes {July 29th, 2008 at 11:06 am}
“Lil Wayne teaches us that we are not the same…some of us are martians.”
…And we’re hotter than summer rain like Carl Thomas.
[prepares to be stoned]
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 11:08 am}
Good one…No More Heroes…hahha
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 11:16 am}
lol…carry on soldier. carry on.
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ForReal {July 29th, 2008 at 11:13 am}
What’s a goon to a goblin..hee hee.
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sisanda {July 30th, 2008 at 2:39 am}
“Lil Wayne teaches us that we are not the same…some of us are martians.” - LMMFAO…hahahahaahahahahahaha
My nigg…stop..my God…stop {are u not entertained!}
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 9:08 am}
“The D doesn’t just mysteriously jump out and enter into someone’s VeeJay.”
this happens to me all of the time. this is why i’ve named my wang “david blaine”
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Shelia {July 29th, 2008 at 9:53 am}
“this happens to me all of the time. this is why i’ve named my wang “david blaine”
The Champ, I have nothing to say to that–but can you tame that wang…I mean “david blaine.” LOL
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Leila {July 29th, 2008 at 9:25 am}
Women refrain from physical cheating more than men, but I know a lot of women who have emotionally cheated on their significant others including myself. Some people argue that emotionally cheating is worse because you share so much with a person other than your significant other.
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Shelia {July 29th, 2008 at 9:54 am}
“Some people argue that emotionally cheating is worse because you share so much with a person other than your significant other.”
Leila, I’ve also heard women say they would rather their man cheat with a hooker than a co-worker (both to me are deal breakers but I guess with the hooker they feel that its a one time thing but with the co-worker there may be a deeper connection).
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:31 am}
“I do think there is a “point of no return” and you should not allow yourself to get in a situation to get to that point.”
Two things to say to this here:
1) This is one of those common sense things that I think gets overlooked way too much in life. This is the very reason why married people tend to hang with married people. Single people will put you into single people situations. And single people situations usually end up with a titty in somebody’s mouth.
2) This is actually a sign of a cheater. If you’re man CONSTANTLY goes to the club every weekend he’s probably looking to tame a few shrews. Men don’t go to the club b/c they like to hang with their boys and get drinks together and celebrate events. Men go to the club looking to women who might get naked. Trust me, I work in a club, I see this shit on a daily basis. It’s like a scavenger hunt.
Once again, this is common sense that should be more common.
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 10:43 am}
“1) This is one of those common sense things that I think gets overlooked way too much in life. This is the very reason why married people tend to hang with married people. Single people will put you into single people situations. And single people situations usually end up with a titty in somebody’s mouth. ”
I was trying to explain this to my married homegirl. She didn’t understand why I didn’t want to hang out with her and her married couple friends. I told her…it just don’t look right. It could lead to complications.
She wasn’t picking up what I was putting down.
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ForReal {July 29th, 2008 at 11:16 am}
She wasn’t picking up what I was putting down.
Random, but I just love this phrase. I need to use it more often. I’ll sometimes substitute it with ’she wasn’t buying what i was selling’.
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Cheryl {July 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am}
and having a titty end up in someone’s mouth is bad. right?
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am}
If they are married, I’m gonna go with yes.
Especially if it doesn’t belong to his/her significant other…lol
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ForReal {July 29th, 2008 at 11:15 am}
Totally agree with number 1. Number 2, i think it’s true for some guys, but i’m aware of some that go without trying to bring home some ass. I also know guys that like to go to club with their girl, which i cosign on, so clearly we are talking about a different breed
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JBoogie {July 29th, 2008 at 11:25 am}
“If you’re man CONSTANTLY goes to the club every weekend he’s probably looking to tame a few shrews. Men don’t go to the club b/c they like to hang with their boys and get drinks together and celebrate events. Men go to the club looking to women who might get naked.”
Any woman who believes otherwise is naive and/or delusional.
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Shelia {July 29th, 2008 at 5:08 pm}
“This is one of those common sense things that I think gets overlooked way too much in life.”
Panama Jackson I agree with you.
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JJ {July 29th, 2008 at 11:50 am}
Women cheat too.
Especially now that they work outside the home in greater numbers. There is less risk that’ll they’ll lose everything b/c many have their own money.
And women cheat for similar reasons as well. Cheating is rarely Black and White. It’s never pleasant but it’s not always simple.
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Excellent post, Panama, as usual. Earlier tonight I completed an in-depth article that ties in with this perfectly. I think you’ll love it.
Hard Rocks Love - Lesson 1: Evolution Is A Bitch
~ Kit
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sisanda {July 29th, 2008 at 5:32 am}
As much as i don’t take your article as an excuse to cheat, i praise you for your in depth study on the issue. I really urge folks to read this ish, it’s The truth! (who actually came up wit that term I’m curious)
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You know what? I’m a simple creature, and when articulating my self i choose to use simple logic. It’s been said “A Woman needs a reason to cheat, a man needs a woman to cheat” - that’s all i’m going to say.
“There are two types of men out there: men that are given the opportunity to cheat and won’t, and those who are given the opportunity to cheat and will. ” - i disagree, my synopsis is “there are two types of men out there: those who cheat, and those who don’t have the means to cheat (money,looks,character etc.)”
So how does a man who has the means to cheat defy his biology = He F***N runs and never looks back. Let me put that in layman’s terms - no clubbing, no going to highschools, no talking to your girlfriends friends, no talking with yo siblings wives,no hanging wit yo boys, no going to the mall without yo girl and a leash, infact just go on and remove yo di*k and put it in yo girls purse for safe keeping.
Last reminder: Men are dogs, they are not the most subtle of creatures but yo always know when the f**k up. Females are cats, tell me when was the last time you’ve seen a cats droppings/excretion *answer* never, cause the cover-up they shit up.
Ok Real last reminder: When a man lies - he cheated on you, when a woman lies - that aint yo baby.
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 9:06 am}
“my synopsis is “there are two types of men out there: those who cheat, and those who don’t have the means to cheat (money,looks,character etc.)””
i’m mad you put “character” in there along with lack of money and uncuteness, lol.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:44 am}
“i disagree, my synopsis is “there are two types of men out there: those who cheat, and those who don’t have the means to cheat (money,looks,character etc.)””
for the sake of argument, i’m going to disagree with your disagreeance. any man can cheat. ANY. contrary to popular belief, there is always a woman out there who will f*ck you. now, it might not be the woman you want…but it can definitely be the woman you want…at that moment. even broke men get p*ssy. shit, some of y’all are dating financially strapped men right now.
hell, all he has to do is convince you that sleeping with him isn’t the WORST thing to ever happen to you…do you realize how low that threshold is?
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sisanda {July 30th, 2008 at 2:43 am}
“hell, all he has to do is convince you that sleeping with him isn’t the WORST thing to ever happen to you…do you realize how low that threshold is?” - hahaha
So it’s all just a matter of time my man, just a matter of time!
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damn, fishnets… i’ll never feel the same walking through times square ever again. maybe that’s a good thing, cos that station is stanky.
on the cheating, i refer to donell jones’ where i wanna be:
when you love someone, you just don’t treat them bad
if you need time to see where you want to be, let the person know. i’d rather somone told me that they’d rather leave me than hurt me by cheating on me (i’d be mad either which ways, but at least i wouldn’t have to go through the humiliation/STD testing with the former). i also have immense catholic guilt, so the brutal honesty route i’m suggesting might be biased. $.02.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:45 am}
i think all of that would work in an ideal world. unfortunately, what makes sense and is responsible also reduces the possibility of further p*ssy. and in that cost-benefit analysis, chances are that you’s gonna get lied to.
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ForReal {July 29th, 2008 at 11:19 am}
It sucks, but it’s true. That’s why we need to pay more attention to what’s going on around us and stop counting 100% on men telling us how they feel as soon as they are feeling it. It’d be great, it’s ideal, but unfortunately it’s a bit unreasonable.
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puff {July 29th, 2008 at 1:17 pm}
i know it’s idealistic… but how would just breaking up reduce the amount of p*ssy you’d get? i mean, technically, although you lose the secure ass, you’re also freed up to find new investments and get more p*ssy…
fuck, i hate that my job has me talking like a fucking accountant or some shit.
no offence, any accountants out there.
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ForReal {July 29th, 2008 at 1:22 pm}
LOL! You may open avenues for new P, but the in-house P, which you may really really like, is gonna go away. And all P ain’t created equal, so i’ve been told.
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Kit (Keep It Trill) {July 29th, 2008 at 7:17 pm}
Speaking of cost benefit analysis, Panama, Mother Nature knew what she was doing when she threw the cheat gene into our biology. Considering how small early tribes and villages were, if we had been 100% monogamous, everyone would be cousins within a few generations. Bad recessive genes (for inheritable conditions and diseases) would become predominant and eventually led to our extinction.
Those were our ancestors, and we have their cheatin’ ways legacy to thank or curse for this.
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Panama I agree. Period.
We all notice attractive individuals outside of our mate. We look and then we move on. It’s a foolish person that thinks just because you share some heartfelt exchange of life long promises and a mixture of consummating body fluids you become completely blind to the world around you. That’s preposterous. Notice briefly but touch never.
However maintain respect for your mate and marriage at all times. Just because I realize my husband is not blind does not give him a pass to gawk at other women in my presence. Never, ever, ever turn your head or even shift your eyes and watch another woman walk by. That is total disrespect. I wouldn’t do it to him and I will not accept it being done to me. When we are not together look if you must. I do. But like stated above, just because I look doesn’t mean I want to necessarily runoff and be with that man.
Now actually being with someone else…nothing justifies cheating. Nothing. I don’t care what it is. Nothing.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am}
practical approach. i like it.
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as far as the “wondering eye”, i’ve always found it best to just let your gf/wife know exactly who youre looking at, and preface it with a snarky remark. this way, she’ll probably join and stare too, thinking of her own snarky remarks.
example:
champ: “look babe. her ass is way too big for the rest of her body. its like an apple taped to a pencil!”
champs gf: “wow, you’re right. i wonder where she finds jeans to fit her”
champ: “who knows. she probably gets them custom made on whoreisland”
champs gf: “hahaha. you’re so funny, champ. want some head?”
champ: “sure”
see how easy that was?
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Jolie Fatale {July 29th, 2008 at 9:49 am}
I spit my iced coffee on my monitor.. THANKS … when I get my pink slip I will blame you..
I also blame this site for never getting any work done. I’m just glad I have my own office so it appears I get a lot done in the 9-12 hrs I am here.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:48 am}
hm…if you spend 9-12 hours at work, and DON’T get any work done…what are you actually doing??!?!!?
and as half of the reason you never get any work done…
…thanks!
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Jolie Fatale {July 29th, 2008 at 12:13 pm}
well i am here for 9-12 hours because every other hour is spent reading the comments and checking the site… ughhh..I’m working on increasing my efficiencies in both aspects.. i might have to start checking just once a day …
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Deviant {July 29th, 2008 at 10:32 am}
I’ll see if this works
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Miss Patterson {July 29th, 2008 at 12:19 pm}
……………..
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sisanda {July 30th, 2008 at 2:49 am}
“its like an apple taped to a pencil!” - Fuck you Champ I’m gonna use that line….hahahahaha…
“I also blame this site for never getting any work done. I’m just glad I have my own office so it appears I get a lot done.” - My exact sentiments!!! But like Tyrone i can’t stop man {I’m Rick James Bitch show me yo tities!}
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Strangely, I have no problem with a man I’m with admiring other women’s goods. I mean, honestly, if I see a good looking man, I will probably look. I won’t comment, but I’ll dayum sure look. I am highly secure in mine and figure, hell, he’s with me, so it’s whatever. Additionally, if he didn’t look, he’s either blind or gay in my book.
Now the cheating part…absolutely extreme, deal breaker no questions asked. Any healthy, self respecting person shouldn’t tolerate that type of violation. I’m not going to go into all the shades and nuances of the whys and what fors of various situations…but nah, cheating bad. Just looking=potential hottness in the bedroom later on.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:49 am}
Just looking=potential hottness in the bedroom later on.
this seems to be a running theme of women’s mindset…i’m gonna need an explanation on this one now…
I think I know the answer here, but I’d like to hear it.
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JBoogie {July 29th, 2008 at 11:03 am}
I speak for no one but myself…but here goes. I’m very visual, so I may get turned on by a man I see just like a man may get turned on by a woman he sees. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna go home and declare all this to to my SO…he really never needs to know that. I will take it and channel it in a good way. He gets the benefit of my admiration of the attractive person I saw earlier. I liken it to what happens when you watch porn with the SO…you aren’t really thinking about getting with the person on the screen…but the visuals turn you on.
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Genius Khan {July 29th, 2008 at 1:31 pm}
J Boogz this “visual turn on channeled to the S.O.” works for men who like going to the strip club although I don’t think u readily agree to this under these circumstances.
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JBoogie {July 29th, 2008 at 2:56 pm}
I might agree, depending on the kind of man he is…if he’s given me no reason to not trust him, then um, yeah…I’d certainly let him indulge from time to time.
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I used to get mad at the wandering eye, BUT realized that :
1.I must choose my battles and it just ain’t that serious in the grand scheme of things.
2. We can look at the T&A together and discuss, which is fun and turns on my man at the same time… works for me…
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 10:27 am}
1.I must choose my battles and it just ain’t that serious in the grand scheme of things.
I totally agree.
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 2:34 pm}
2. We can look at the T&A together and discuss, which is fun and turns on my man at the same time… works for me…”
exactly
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GOODENess {July 29th, 2008 at 5:13 pm}
1.I must choose my battles and it just ain’t that serious in the grand scheme of things.
2. We can look at the T&A together and discuss, which is fun and turns on my man at the same time… works for me…
@Alise…where you been all my life? I was thinking the same thing! lol
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sisanda {July 30th, 2008 at 2:52 am}
@ Alise, thank you thank you thank you
If only more woman took this aproach!
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considering i look at girls/think about sex/watch porn just as
much as men do, i would be a bigass hypocrite if i got my pannies in a bunch over him looking at another female while hes with me cause chances are im looking too. now if he goes and asks for her number, i would have to speak up.
now, as for the cheating, if your man cheats on you and you take him back, he is not gonna stop cheating. if you messing with somebody who is cheating on someone with you, he is never gonna stop cheating. if you with your man and you find out he is cheating, unless you can deal with a cheater, leave him alone cause he is never gonna stop cheating on you.
ima go out on a limb and play devils advocate. although they are rare, there are women who dont tie any emotion into certain relationships. can someone tell me why they are never factored into the “quick nut” equation? like, if a female is with someone and she sleeps with another guy, why cant she be going for the quick nut? we all think of the girl who hooks up with someone already in a relationship unrealistically thinking he will stick with her and not cheat liek he is doing with her to his current relationship, but do we ever consider the females who know its not that serious and just get it in for the hell of it? or do we not think the female mind is capable of this?
ima dodge the tomatoes at this one: what if a single female is messing with a married man for the quick nut? what if she just don’t give a damn about neither one of them? is that that much harder to swallow than if it were a single dude messing with a married female for a quick nut? we always see the female in a bad light no matter her intentions nor the situation. this draws on what the previous poster mentioned earlier as far as the double standard and the stigma females have, which men dont suffer from.
and for the record, both scandalous men and scandalous women are equally scandalous. both are capable of the unthinkable, and we should never put anything past anyone.
its a cold world out there.
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 10:29 am}
its a cold world out there.
Shouts out to Carl Thomas…lol
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Deviant {July 29th, 2008 at 10:40 am}
I thought GZA said that. In fact I’ll say he did cause he is higher on the totem pole than Carl Thomas.
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am}
True…I forgot about GZA’s song.
Ranks much higher.
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am}
“what if a single female is messing with a married man for the quick nut? what if she just don’t give a damn about neither one of them?”
i dont think it matters. if you know youre dealing with a married man then your complicit in your yampdom. there’s no varying levels of triflinocity. if you know, you’re equally as guilty and…and…
“…yes they deserve to die and i hope they burn in hell…”
lol..sorry, i just watched black snake moan the other day and had a samjack flashback.
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Deviant {July 29th, 2008 at 11:15 am}
i liked that movie
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shay {July 29th, 2008 at 11:40 am}
i was never trying to justify things, i was just tryna highlight that women are more damned if they do and damed if they dont than men.
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JBoogie {July 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am}
Has used dudes for the quick nut…ain’t saying it was right, but it was what it was.
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MsSula {July 29th, 2008 at 11:57 am}
“It’s a cold world out there”
I promise. We all need North Face parkas.
And I agree with your whole speech.
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 2:37 pm}
“ima dodge the tomatoes at this one: what if a single female is messing with a married man for the quick nut? what if she just don’t give a damn about neither one of them? is that that much harder to swallow than if it were a single dude messing with a married female for a quick nut? we always see the female in a bad light no matter her intentions nor the situation. this draws on what the previous poster mentioned earlier as far as the double standard and the stigma females have, which men dont suffer from.”
all parties are equally janky
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Considering the fact that I made my views on the subject known in one of last weeks postings, and was damn near attacked for it, Im not going to say too much.
I just think people need to broaden their ideas of relationships with their SO. Just because he’s all yours today does not mean he will be entirely yours tomorrow. Cheating happens, weather we want to admit it or not, and we just have to figure out what we’re going to accept and what we’re not.
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V Renee {July 29th, 2008 at 11:51 am}
Dom - I agree 100%. To this day, I’m still waiting for someone to show me a couple where 1 person has not cheated throughout the entire cours of the marriage/relationship. And what about situations where the man may “claim” that he hasn’t slept with another person SINCE he’s been married. I’ve heard that before. So anything that may have occured before he tied the note didn’t count??
At some point throughout a marriage, I am willing to bet that cheating has occured - whether a one night stand, real deal relationship or somewhere in between. Maybe one of the parties in the relationship never found out about it, but it doesn’t mean that it never happened.
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kamakula {July 29th, 2008 at 12:36 pm}
i’ll tke this bet
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 2:40 pm}
i’d happily bet a months pay against whatever you three put up, and be even happier when i walk away with my winnings.
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V Renee {July 29th, 2008 at 2:45 pm}
Terms of bet - They must have been married for at least 10 years. And the claim must be able to be justified - whether thru a lie detector or truth serum.
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kamakula {July 29th, 2008 at 6:34 pm}
BTW Champ, I’m not sure how you are involved in this bet. And what three people are you talking about?
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I never really understood why women get upset that their man looks at other women. Hell, I look at other women. Women are beautiful. I’ll even point one out. “Dang baby, isn’t she HAWT?!??” And that isn’t a loaded question, it is quite ok for him to say “Hell yeah she is!”
I heard once that the level of a man’s faithfulness is inversely proportional to the quality of his options. He is more faithful when ugly women toss pussycookies his way and less faithful when hotdamnfine ass women toss the snatchbiscuits in his direction. I don’t know if I follow that line of reasoning. My brother says men are only as faithful as their options. But I think that women are only as faithful as their options as well. I also don’t think men cheat more than women do. Men just get caught more.
Once we fall in love and get all committed n shit - we don’t put blinders on. He will still see that tramp with the table top ass walking in a skirt that wouldn’t cover a baby’s ass, and she will still see that fine ass man in the suit with the platinum “F” cuff links that you just KNOW stands for F*CKIN FINE. Damn he was a nice looking man.
Anyhoo, nice topic PJ.
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JBoogie {July 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am}
“I never really understood why women get upset that their man looks at other women. Hell, I look at other women. Women are beautiful. I’ll even point one out. “Dang baby, isn’t she HAWT?!??” And that isn’t a loaded question, it is quite ok for him to say “Hell yeah she is!”
Right! I have no prob looking at a woman and complimenting her, just like I’d look at a mud duck and be like “um, DANG she’s not cute”. Like I said earlier, any man who doesn’t at least look at an attractive woman is either blind or gay. And since I’ve never dated a blind man…
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am}
Hell, I look at other women. Women are beautiful. I’ll even point one out. “Dang baby, isn’t she HAWT?!??” And that isn’t a loaded question, it is quite ok for him to say “Hell yeah she is!”
you do realize that we don’t KNOW that’s not a loaded question right? if your dude hesitates and stumbles its b/c he’s trying to figure out if he’s being set up.
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Cheryl {July 29th, 2008 at 11:15 am}
Nah, trust any man I am with knows its not a loaded question with me. If he doesn’t know from jump he learns quickly.
I have an appreciation for beautiful things, and quite honestly there is nothing more beautiful than a woman. However, that man this morning with the cufflinks was running a very close second.
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MsSula {July 29th, 2008 at 12:07 pm}
Cheryl for president!
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MsSula {July 29th, 2008 at 12:06 pm}
I never really understood why women get upset that their man looks at other women. Hell, I look at other women. Women are beautiful. I’ll even point one out. “Dang baby, isn’t she HAWT?!??” And that isn’t a loaded question, it is quite ok for him to say “Hell yeah she is!”
Took the words right out of my mouth.
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GOODENess {July 29th, 2008 at 5:07 pm}
I never really understood why women get upset that their man looks at other women. Hell, I look at other women. Women are beautiful. I’ll even point one out. “Dang baby, isn’t she HAWT?!??” And that isn’t a loaded question, it is quite ok for him to say “Hell yeah she is!”
@Cheryl…SO glad to know I am not the only one that does this…last night I was on the phone with a new friend…and his boys interrupted our chat to ask “Alicia Keys or Janet Jackson”…I chimed in “Janet!” but he was all “Alicia!” because she is not plastic like big penny…so I agreed…and our conversation gravitated toward that for a while…it was cool…
I compliment good looking women just to break the tension so he can look…like…”baby…I love her shoes, don’t you?” or something like that so he can feel free to “eye f*ck her”…it’s harmless…unless of course he says “I f*cked her”…lol…then it’s the T-LEE special…
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the wandering eye…………………..how can I get mad at a man for looking/staring when I know I am prone to do it. I mean your eyes dont have to stay there all day but God gave me eyes to look and I am going to keep looking.
On the other hand that wandering eye has caused you to cheat so…………that means you were looking too long. I think cheating is a no no. I cant say I have done it myself but its a no no. It eventually comes back to bite you in the butt. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW is what the bible says and I believe.
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The wandering eye…lol, another unfair male advantage. I say this because how often do you walk down the street and see the size of a man’s package wrapped tightly in the crotch of his tight pants? How often do you see a man’s dyck accidentally fall out of his shorts? uh…never! On the other hand I see ‘cold’ bra-less, bouncy women walking down the street all the time, or women with their pants so tight you can see every contour of their ass and vajayjay. Not fair. I’ve rarely been in the company of a man who can’t control his reaction to the opposite sex, but I only have a problem with it if he can’t be discreet about it.
As far as cheating goes, well…I have been cheated on
and all I can say is looking back I should have trusted my 6th sense a lot sooner than I did. There’s really no type…however what I’ve noticed in my own experience is that a man who longer shows affection towards you except in the bedroom may, just may, have ‘moved on’ physically. I’m not saying that if you and your guy aren’t always holding hands & running through wheat fields that he’s stepped out on you, but what I AM saying is that when the lust factor disintegrates, sometimes it’s a sign that the relationship has too. This may sound a little over the top, but I think a lot is communicated by a man in the way that he looks at you, stares at you, etc - to me it says a lot about his yearning, his desire and his passion towards you (or lack of). Generally, as a woman I think we like this ‘look’ to stay the same as it was during the ‘honeymoon phase’: when one look from your guy makes you wanna get naked. I hope this makes sense…
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am}
“I say this because how often do you walk down the street and see the size of a man’s package wrapped tightly in the crotch of his tight pants? How often do you see a man’s dyck accidentally fall out of his shorts?”
Not often enough for my liking….
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JBoogie {July 29th, 2008 at 11:28 am}
I’m just saying, if bike shorts came back as a style for men…I wouldn’t be mad LOL. I wasn’t quite old enough to appreciate them the first time around…
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 1:16 pm}
I was…and it wasn’t as good as you think it was…lol
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JBoogie {July 29th, 2008 at 2:57 pm}
dayum…spoil my fantasy lol
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 3:21 pm}
Here’s proof.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdZVgKv_HzI
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Panama Jackson {July 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am}
“because how often do you walk down the street and see the size of a man’s package wrapped tightly in the crotch of his tight pants?”
my guess is that if you saw this he’d be wearing skinny jeans and you’d probably think he was gay.
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 11:05 am}
my guess is that if you saw this he’d be wearing skinny jeans and you’d probably think he was gay
He could be an International Male catalog model…
Don’t ask how I know.
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GOODENess {July 29th, 2008 at 5:01 pm}
@T-LEE….yeah he could be…but you know most of the men that shop that store are gay too right? lol
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 6:02 pm}
Yes…but like we’ve been discussing…it never hurts to look…:)
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Miss Patterson {July 29th, 2008 at 11:06 am}
“my guess is that if you saw this he’d be wearing skinny jeans and you’d probably think he was gay.”
true, but you get my point. we (women) rarely get to gawk at anything more than a face, unless we’re at the gym
on the other hand, many homeless men have inadvertently shown me their wangs…excuse me while I gag…
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sisanda {July 30th, 2008 at 3:54 am}
“many homeless men have inadvertently shown me their wangs…excuse me while I gag…” - hahahahaah..LMMFAO….sheeeieet…naaaaa
Miss Paterson you almost got me fired at work, yall should put a warning sign before your comments: “The following comment may cause temporary paralysis and uncontrollable laughter, which could enduce epyleptic fit, read cautiosly!!”
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Cheryl {July 29th, 2008 at 10:59 am}
i have actually witnessed a weenus falling out of man’s underoos. He had the ultra sag going on, and was acting retarded with the karate moves, and his wang popped out of the lil opening in his boxers.
Yes, I looked. I gave a thumbs up and told Kawan his tallywacker was waving to me.
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GOODENess {July 29th, 2008 at 5:00 pm}
@cheryl…
this prompts GOODENess’ random completely useless factoid of the day:
Did you know that the “weenus” is the skin on your elbow???
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Cheryl {July 29th, 2008 at 6:19 pm}
have you ever looked at the skin on a man’s elbow and compared it to the skin on his balls? type similar.
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ForReal {July 29th, 2008 at 11:25 am}
Makes sense to me.
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WuDaMan {July 29th, 2008 at 2:21 pm}
Unfair mm I don’t think so. Cuz women’s multi-tasking ssaes still be thinkin of ole boy. As visual as men are we ain’t the ones thinkin of somebody who ain’t there whe we got armful o woman.
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 3:13 pm}
^^^^
That’s some great insight.
Appreciate it.
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Brutally honest..took my breath away for a second.
My spouse cheated- while we were going through counseling in hopes of making our marriage work. Without a doubt the most devastating thing Ive ever experienced. Looking back- he was that man that given the opportunity- would most likely cheat. Needless to say- can’t wait for my divorce to be final.
If he cheated during the 5 happy years of our marriage I am unaware of it- but I don’t doubt it. I don’t trust a man not to cheat- hell we are all human. I trust my man to know his limitations and boundaries and not overstep them or allow anyone else to overstep them.
As far as the wandering eye- everyone looks. Just be respectful while doing it. If a fine man walks by I will certainly look- but I wont make you feel bad while doing it.
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Miss Patterson {July 29th, 2008 at 11:28 am}
sorry to hear that cyn. i agree with you on all points.
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I never really got into the wandering eye thing, probably because I do it. I actually make jokes about it or point out the women to him, I know his type. He respects me enough to know when to stop looking and I do the same thing.
Now the cheating this, one of my girlfriend’s mother said that men will probably cheat, its how you address the issue that matters.
Now, I am firm believe in making his a$$ suffer for it. I actually read a book which gave me an idea about it. If your man cheats and you find out, which most women already know when something is up, you get to cheat on him. The key is that you found out for sure. In the book, the husband agree to this because she was going to leave him. Now, in reality this is not going to happen.
Many men cannot handle the fact of their women being with someone else, just like women think emotional cheating is a lot worst than just physical.
But in reality relationships are so much work on both ends. I heard somewhere that in relationships you have to think about how much its worth it and anything worth having is worth working and fighting for. Plus, the song by Van Hunt said it best… “I rather be in hell here with you”
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The Champ {July 29th, 2008 at 2:44 pm}
“Now the cheating this, one of my girlfriend’s mother said that men will probably cheat, its how you address the issue that matters.
Now, I am firm believe in making his a$$ suffer for it”
theres only one right way to do this: bounce.
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WuDaMan {July 29th, 2008 at 3:10 pm}
Man talk about it. When somebody does something that is obviously to anyone w/ a sane mind “out of order”. They are acting out and subconciously want just that. So give it to em shake the dust of their land from your feet and don’t look back. Who knows you may turn into a pillar of salt.
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GOODENess {July 29th, 2008 at 4:57 pm}
theres only one right way to do this: bounce.
word…like a rent check 2 days before payday!
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Shelia {July 29th, 2008 at 5:18 pm}
“Now, I am firm believe in making his a$$ suffer for it”
{theres only one right way to do this: bounce.}
Exactly The Champ. I know someone who found out her husband cheated on her, threatened to leave him, but after he begged and apologized, she didn’t leave. Guess what happened? He did it again. Last time I counted, he cheated 3 times and those are the times he was caught. I’m at the point now I don’t even let her talk to me about it because I know she’s not going to do anything about it. He cheats because he cans and he knows she’s not going anywhere. Now if she (and their 3 kids) would have left him the first time, he might have straightened up because he love his kids and don’t want to be seperated from them.
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WOW! I can’t believe you actually wrote this. I so agree with the fact that men cheat because they can.
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“1) This is one of those common sense things that I think gets overlooked way too much in life. This is the very reason why married people tend to hang with married people. Single people will put you into single people situations. And single people situations usually end up with a titty in somebody’s mouth. ”
Truer words have never been spoken.
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haven’t read comments yet…
the “wandering eye” is NOT cheating…if you are breathing…you are looking…so get over it…I don’t feel the need to mount every person I am attracted to…it’s called restraint and that (and the opposible thumb) is what separates us from the animals…looking doesn’t mean touching…
but cheating? ni99a really? …in the words of the eloquent philosopher MISS T-LEE…”throat punch”!!!
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miss t-lee {July 29th, 2008 at 1:58 pm}
Good looking out there miss Goodeness!!
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WuDaMan {July 29th, 2008 at 2:14 pm}
Goodness you been to sensai T-Lee’s dojo!?! You know she don’t show no mercy right.
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WuDaMan {July 29th, 2008 at 2:17 pm}
So everybody is saying look but don’t touch rule.
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Shelia {July 29th, 2008 at 5:20 pm}
WuDaMan, as long as you have sight you’re going to look…now when it goes past looking then that’s a problem.
You can look without being disrespectful to your mate.
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DagniTaggart {July 29th, 2008 at 11:37 pm}
i dont understand the ‘look but dont touch’ rule. earlier it was said that men are visual creatures and that is why they look.
to a man with that logic i would say: we all have eyes… we are all visual creatures. but you are correct in stating that men have a choice…. not just to cheat or to avoid emasculating themselves by demonstrating their obvious lack of self-control…. but also with regard to looking.
looking leads to longing, lusting for that which does not “belong” to you. doesnt mean that you arent gonna see some things…. but if you have no intention of seeing it, if you arent so casual about viewing it (you know… checking ‘it’ out just cause you know its ‘there’ under 14 lbs of parka and thermal underwear) then when you do run up on it, you are more prone to turn away at the travesty that someone would feel comfortable coming out the house in a fishnet dress, and not focus on what can be seen through the fishnet.
i dont think that fear of getting caught or of contracting a std should be a reason not to cheat. fear of reprisal like contracting a STD never stopped nobody from nothing…. people who live in fear are not only not having sex but they arent eating either. havent you heard?? tomatos could kill ya!
i think ppl male and female should exercise self-control and demonstrate loyalty to their mate even in private…. on all levels…. even in the dark corners of the mind.
ppl cheat way before they sex someone else. but if we cant even figure out when to suspect we’re being cheated on or worse yet what to do when someone is disloyal to us then ‘to look or not to look’ is the least of our problems.
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Ssssoooo… cheating aside… ’cause I’m not down with that by anybody for any reason.
Let’s talk about the looky looky.
I get that men have the wandering eye, because women can definitely put their goodies on display for all the world to see.
But even if they don’t. You’re human. You’re gonna look. And we women *have to* accept that. BUT, are men really able to accept it just the same? Say their girl blatantly looks at another man like a big hunk of man-goodness right in their faces? Can they just accept that? I don’t think so. I think that’s part of the reason women are so “slick” about it.
I don’t think the male ego could take it.
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Ummm yeah correct-There are two types of men out there: men that are given the opportunity to cheat and won’t, and those who are given the opportunity to cheat and will. I just believe that the female you looking at is a McDonald’s hamburger meal and I am a steak dinner with the ceaser salad and triple fudge chocolate cake for the desert and the finest wine of your chose type of female to you. We all stare and say YUMMMMY that right derr-yeah. now. that looks delicious but the issue comes in when I or you look and say well “excuse me…can I sample that…Yeah I never tried this before. I think I will leave the steak meal for the hamburger meal.” Then houston…yeah we got a problem b/c the steak meal is no longer a steak but demoted to a wholesome hamburger meal w/ watered down kool-aid and who likes that anyway. You just got to know that in your relationship you got your man and that man got you. People leave b/c something is not right or they are just simply greedy and being greedy is glutonny and that results in obesity and we wouldn’t want that now would we. Anywho…moral of story is look but don’t touch and don’t stare like its your time to die and you need to take it all in. Just breathe
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lol.. women *shakes head*
we lot are considered the most overly sensitive, overly analytical, 0verly attached lot - and, deservedly so.
actually, *you* lot.
i’ve never subscribed to such naivete; never will
such clear logic has few comparables…
no, really..
why do you women attach so much importance to cheating?
it’ll happen, if it’ll happen
if it doesn’t, good for you
if it does, good for you
still not getting it??
alright
sit tight, hunker down, and read slooooooooooooowly
bottomline:
a man will cheat if he fucken wants to cheat
a woman will cheat if she fucken wants to cheat
what every last one of yall needs to remember is,
it
is
just
sex
i repeat, for the benefit of all:
it. is. just. sex
get the hell over it
my personal philosophy has always been:
as long as you remember and demonstrate that i come first always, then please by all means g’head and have some damn fun (safely, though!!)
as long as i remember and demonstrate that you come first always, that you’re the one i’m coming home to, that you’re the one i care about, and you’re the one i want to get over a particularly bad day with, and you’re the one i want to celebrate achievements with … (surely you’re picking up on the pattern of significance, right??), then y