I know this is a little early, but some of you all need all of the help and preparation time you can get and I love Valentine’s Day so I figured I should help share the love since so many folks HATE Valentine’s Day.
Zing!
1. Overall, Don’t be yourself!
Face it, being yourself is why you don’t have a date in the first place. Duh!! The best way to snag a date last minute is to basically recreate yourself into something you aren’t. Let’s say for instance you are a garbageman. Well, clearly that doesn’t sound so sexxy to the woman sitting at the bar. Most folks would tell you to say that you are a sanitation engineer. I’ll do you one better!! Tell her you’re a lawyer. You might not ever see her again anyway, so who gives a shit. Hell, tell her that you’re working reparations but can’t talk about the case because it’s a pending case.
For women, just tell random man that you were born to be a housewife and cater to your man. Hell, tell him that you have the song “Cater 2 U” by Destiny’s Child on repeat in your CD player and that it has been adopted as your theme song. You know, pretend you aren’t the ultra independent, ridiculously successful woman that you are.
2. Pretend to care about something you don’t care about.
This one should be really easy. Just walk up to said random individual and strike up a conversation with them about something you know very little about but are able to BS about well. Like, jazz, or life in general. For the fellas, start a conversation about how you’d like to make a difference in the world and how you’re life really isn’t about you, its about other people, and use as many song lines and titles in the conversation as possible. She probably won’t even realize it until the day after anyway.
Ladies, just strike up a conversation about why you think that Nas is the best rapper and that Jay-Z can’t hold his Moet bottle, This conversations will result in him doing all of the talking and you just having to throw out vague statements even if you couldn’t give a shit about what he’s talking about.
Instant. Date.
3. Do the exact opposite of what you’d normally do!
*EVERYTHINGS DERIVATIVE OF NUMBER 1*
Just like with number 1, essentially go out of your way to be the complete opposite person from who you normally are.
If you’re normally quiet, hell be the center of attention somewhere and draw the men into your web of deception. If you’re normally loud, be quiet and see if the women come to you. In fact…
4. If you’re a man, be the brother who looks pitiful because his wife/girlfriend/dog just left him!
Be pitiful. Go to the bar and put on a show. Make sure that the women notice you, but act like you don’t notice them noticing you. Make it seem like you’re world is coming to a complete and total end. Talk to yourself. Have angry conversations with yourself that start with, “I should have KNOWN….” Say how stupid you are at least three times and make sure that the women hear you. You have to really sell this shit though. You can’t just act pathetic, you have to BE pathetic.
In fact, pretend that your best friend just slept with your mother…THAT should f*ck you up REAL good!
5. If you’re a woman, just flash a dude at the bar/meeting/church service/what have you. I guarantee you’ll get some attention and a date.
This really needs no explanation. Just remember that you’ll now have a plethora of dates to chose from.
Choose wisely, mmkay???
6. Men…bring a BOOK with you somewhere.
You know, its really a shame I’m able to say this but, just read like 3 or 4 pages of said book. Go to a bar or something or somewhere that people look like they might read. Guaranteed, if you look friendly enough, some woman will ask you about the book you’re reading. If you are able to say something about it, you are GUARANTEED some convo, and probably enough to seal the deal.
7. Use poetry, more specifically this poem, and you’ll be A-O-K:
“My love for you is like a river
Like a summer breeze that makes my soul shiver
One look from you is more precious than gold…
…let’s go get some barbecue and get busy!!!!”
Oh yeah, and most importantly:
8) Don’t look like a brillo pad.
Thank you and good night.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P
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{ 242 comments… read them below or add one }
I died at don’t look like a brillo pad.
goognight.
@SouthernGirl,
Girl, you and me both! Like WTF Panama – a brillo pad? Really?
@SouthernGirl,
Oh my goodness…I did too…hilarious! Yes, please do not look like one…
@SouthernGirl, You made it that far? I died @
1. Overall, Don’t be yourself!
Face it, being yourself is why you don’t have a date in the first place. Duh!!
@Suga&Spice,
Girl, i died many small deaths but that was the one that really did me in.
I died at don’t look like a brillo pad.
goodnight.
This is awesome. I’ve been thinking about a similar topic – how to get yourself out of ANY and ALL valentine’s dates w/o repercussions.
Or perhaps we’ll just wait a couple weekends and I can write exactly how to do it. . .or how not to.
of course, this will all be based on what my friend. . .uh . . makaluka tells me.
LOL Makaluka?
Go sit down.
Solid List for those who want to go out.
I gotta say coming from a my point of view the only woman who goes out on V day with me is the significant other. Can’t waste money on a date on that day, so V day is only a holiday when in a relationship to me. Every other day of the year you can wow her with a Denny’s Grand Slam, COINCIDENTALLY on Tuesday February 3rd 2009,
But they expect more on V Day. Might set you back $100-$300. I say brothas sit it out this year. Spoil yourself, remember Vaj is available the other days of the year don’t feel pressured.
BTW you women who update your facebook status with hating V Day sound bitter, cut it out.
@James Nantucket,
true, women seem to take v-day as the exception to what is romantic rule – that it’s unexpected.
Seriously, which is more special, that I got you flowers the day after you came home mad that your boss chose that stupid switch at work for a promotion or that I got you flowers you picked out on a day you chose?
@kamakula,
that you got me flowers the day after I came home mad that my boss chose that stupid bish at work for a promotion
@kamakula,
Silly rabbit. You send the flowers TO THE JOB, so the stupid smitch turns green with envy. DUH!!
@Nikiloveli,
zac-i-tac-a-ly.
we right —>here<—
make sure you walk by the bishes’ desk with the ginourmous bouquet on the way to the kitchen to get some water and a vase for it.
@James Nantucket,
“BTW you women who update your facebook status with hating V Day sound bitter, cut it out.”
What’s the issue here? Hating VDay or updating the facebook status?
@YGB, being bitter in your facebook status.
All that “I hate vday grrr” or “I am so lost right now” or “…”
Facebook status is for fun things! Not sad things! Unless they really are sad like siblings dying etc… No dumb crap like crappy quotes about you being depressed.
@James Nantucket, BTW you women who update your facebook status with hating V Day sound bitter, cut it out.
Are women really doing that? My poor sisters…it is not that serious. Like kamkula says, I would rather the spontaneous flowers than the one’s he feels obligated to give b/c of a holiday….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982,
TOTALLY UNRELATED:
I saw your post on my site… last night. I’m horrible. I’m sorry. I will answer your question shortly.
@James Nantucket,
BTW you women who update your facebook status with hating V Day sound bitter, cut it out.
**nodding head**
@The Champ, don’t hurt your neck, Champ, with all that nodding.
i’m extra mad you said the ladies should pretend to be interested in a nas/jay-z debate (nas wins every time, i loves me some thug poet – plus he rocks ladies, not fellas).
i must be one of the few people who genuinely doesn’t care about v-day – i hardly even notice it go by. this year it might be a little trickier as my sister is getting married on the day and i’m going to be hounded at the wedding by people asking, “soooooo, when’s it your turn?” (my response – “can i graduate, please??????”).
more generally though, i don’t know why people care so much more about being alone on v-day than on any other day of the year. i’d be much more upset about being alone on christmas day or my birthday – and by alone i mean not having family/friends, not a keep-my-bed-warm buddy. maybe i’m just too young to be worried about these things – i may be singing a different tune if i’m 35 and still spending v-day alone. but for right now if someone (my JO) is available to jump on the good foot and do the bad thing before i fly off home next week, that’s more than enough valentines/mushy stuff for me, cheers very much.
@puff,
“..maybe i’m just too young to be worried about these things – i may be singing a different tune if i’m 35 and still spending v-day alone.”
Damn….I guess I should just go kill myself now.
@nia,
oh no, don’t do that! it’s gonna be ok
“Woo wooo woo, woo woo woo…”
@nia,
omg i’m sorry!!!!
i just set myself up to be a sixty year old lonely a$$ cougar prowling lower east side bars for men come valentine’s day 2040
@puff,
Wouldn’t you be a bit younger than 60 in 2040?
@puff, thank you! Have we forgetten the Ether?? “Were you abused as a child, scared to smile, they called you ugly?
Well life is hard, hug me, don’t reject me” LOL, holla! I can talk about Nas all day, matta fact he right here next to me…ok, let me stop.
Now for my random story. Whenever people on here say they dream of VSB or ppl on here, I raise a brow…so, WHY, in my dream,was I in a cop car, chasing a white bronco and a suspect named..wait…”Jim Jones” who looked like dude from Naughty By Nature, can’t remember his name. I was so mad! And of course, I was thinking “self, why are you dreaming of Jim Jones??”
Maybe its cause I haven’t been on here as much lately:(
@overit, you know you dream about us more than that! and just for that little comment, i’m going to personally call you everytime i have a vsb dream! not that i have them that often.
NOT a white bronco!!
i mean, a BRONCO tho??? do they even still make those???
@overit,
and by “jim jones” you mean “the champ” right?
I have never thought of Valentine’s day as a holiday…it is a created day, conjured up in the minds of corporate marketing execs who want to make money off of saps.
I’m just sayin.
I have NEVER had expectations for that day and, when in relationships, I get a little perturbed that my man goes through so much trouble. I mean…we eat at nice restaurants often, why should this day, because it’s Feb. 14, carry so much weight? I like to give gifts so why are there such high expectations for a ‘super special’ gift on Feb. 14?
I mean, aren’t birthdays and anniversaries enough? Then they added that stupid Sweetest Day to the mix (a day I have never in my life acknowledged. When my then boo told me happy sweetest day a year or so ago I literally said ‘huh?’)
Anyhoo…enough venting!
I was making plans with a new boo for next weekend and, during the conversation, realized it was Valentines Day. I wanted to back out and ish. Dating and relating is hard enough, without adding commercial holidays into the mix.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
I too always wondered WTF “Sweetest Day” was actually about.
I figured it was some made up holiday…lmao
@miss t-lee,
Sweetest Day? I never heard of this. From the sound of it I guess I aint missing much…
@Dom,
I only knew about it because I’m regularly at the Hallmark store…I don’t observe it, and I’ve yet to find someone who does. lol
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweetest_Day
@miss t-lee,
Ohhhh. I love wikipedia. I guess I can get behind the idea though. I have such a sweet tooth!
@iloV.E.G.rits,
Don’t give them fodder! I hate when men make the “Hallmark holiday” argument. Fuggalldat! Your azz ain’t saying that come Mother’s day! Gimme my damn chocolates!
@Nikiloveli,
LMAO at ‘gimme my damn chocolates’.
def. t-shirt worthy
LOL indeed!!
mother’s day and father’s day are just as arbitrary as Vday. if you don’t celebrate one, why celebrate the others?? same arguments apply–EVERYDAY should be mom’s/dad’s day, blah blah blah.
i, for one, make sure that i tell my mother as often possible that i appreciate her not exercising her right to abort and that i’m glad she gave up smoking and drinking for the duration of my gestation. and if i see something she’d like, i buy it for her and send it to her–no occassion necessary. but she gets SHOWERED with flowers, cards, and other material possessions on Ma’s day (and bday, xmas, etc). dad, on the other hand, gets gifts and the luxury of being left the hell alone–his one true desire.
@Gem of 6Burgh,
“i tell my mother as often possible that i appreciate her not exercising her right to abort and that i’m glad she gave up smoking and drinking for the duration of my gestation.”
Lol! I’m sure she knew you’d appreciate that one day. I think anti-abortion, non smoking, non-crack head moms are the best kind to be!
lmao!!!!! my mama can drank (i was 22 before i realized my mom ever had enough to get LIT) and she smokes cigs. so things coulda turned out REAL TERRIBLE for the kid. fetal alcohol syndrome and nicotine addiction at the age of 1day is NOT the business. my mom rules!!
@iloV.E.G.rits,
I mean, aren’t birthdays and anniversaries enough? Then they added that stupid Sweetest Day to the mix (a day I have never in my life acknowledged. When my then boo told me happy sweetest day a year or so ago I literally said ‘huh?’)
basically, the entire romantic “industry” is a ploy to make men broke
@The Champ,
Why do men keep chalking this up as a woman thing? Men get showered on V-day, too. At least, men that are with the right women do.
Also, there’s no need to go broke in order to celebrate one another. Witcha bitter azz. LOL!
@Nikiloveli,
Men dont care if we get anything. We wont get mad if you dont get us anything. They dont make any valentines themed stuff that any man wants. Why do you think that is?
@Deviant,
On the contrary. There is quite a bit of Valentine’s day stuff for men. Have you passed by a Victoria’s Secret lately? Here’s a secret for ya: Lace ain’t that damned comfortable. Neither are stilettos. That ish is for Y’ALL.
“My love for you is like a river
Like a summer breeze that makes my soul shiver
One look from you is more precious than gold…
…let’s go get some barbecue and get busy!!!!”
HAHA Lovin the Fresh Prince reference. Jazz was ahead of his time.
Matter of fact you might as well use those old pick up lines Will had too. Girl I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y’all!
I could go all day
@A-Town Genius,
“Hey baby, I noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to put you on notice that I noticed you too.”
@nia,
“Girl you must be tired cuz you been running through my mind ALL day!”
“Girl, if God made anything that looks better than you, I hope he kept if for hisself!”
I <3 Fresh Prince. And I <3 Panama for making that reference!
@Pretty Please,
welcome and sh*t
@nia,
Girl you look like a plate of GOOD GAWD! wrapped up in some HAVE MERCY! wit a side of MMPH!!
Valentine’s Day should be everyday. And since I’m alone this year (by choice might I add) I am going on a weekend excursion with my other single and fabulous friends. Eff a Valentine’s Day!
@Ange,
Eff a Valentine’s Day!
Definitely a t-shirt.
let’s be for real. Vday should NOT be EVERY day. ish just isn’t romantic if its ALL the time.
most ppl celebrate Vday becuz its an excuse to do something sweet for your “boo”, shower them with gifts (if thats your thing), and just go all out being corny and romantic. woman complain ALL THE TIME that men don’t do enough of the “little” things and romantic stuff and men complain that women too often expect them to “think like a woman” and do ish they (a) don’t wanna do or (b) don’t typically think about doing. Vday solves this issues for all parties!!!!!!! men have a designated day to do all the sh*t his girl complains he doesn’t do 361 or 362 other days a year (assuming he does similar things on bdays, annis, and xmas). why are there women who wanna take that away from him?!?!?! so complicated, i don’t understand…
i personally like Vday, whether i have a man or not (which is usually the case). i usually go out for dinner and drinks with my girls to celebrate life and love. i send Vday cards to my friends and family. while i love them everyday, i’m not going too call, email or use postage on them everyday. and if i had a man, i hope he would enjoy “celebrating” Vday as much as i do. he doesn’t have to spend a lotta money. a hand-made card covered with stenciled hearts and a homecooked meal (turkey-burger helper is easy!) will do. and since im not big on chocolate candies he can be the dessert
@Gem of 6Burgh,
and i will be…
heyyyyyyyyyyyy
@Gem of 6Burgh, and since im not big on chocolate candies he can be the dessert. etwin score! i aint big on the chocolate candy, but melanin i can work with.
hayyyyyyy!
tx10inch, contain yourself!
lmao!!
2 things: (1) i prefer a man’s chocolate skin to overprocessed chocolate candy any day. give it to me daddy!! (2) imagine how hard (*giggle*) it is for Tx to contain his 10in if he’s thinking of ME. let him be!!
@Gem of 6Burgh,
E sis….BEHAVE YOURSELF!!!!
(you making me want to go home “sick”–he he)
@Gem of 6Burgh,
I’ll take Chocolate-on-Chocolate for $200, Alex. Best of both worlds.
@Gem of 6Burgh, thanks. now i have “chocolate” on the brain.
BBMo– if i’m blessed with “chocolate” for Vday, i can’t make any promises…
Niki– sho you right! chocolate covered chocolate is indeed a tasty treat.
Miss P– you’re welcome. like milk, chocolate does a body good.
@Gem of 6Burgh, you’re like me in that sense. i’m usually not hooked up on that day either, but i like sending cards to my friends. last year, i messed up. i made cards (cut out hearts & everything) but they never made it to the post office. my only problem with vday is how obnoxious it is. the grocery stores, pharmacy and dept stores all look like someone threw up pink and red all over the place. and it starts like 3-4 weeks before the day even arrives. c’mon folks it’s not xmas!
unlike you, i like the ridiculously over-done pink and red decorations at stores. it makes me smile. cuz i can’t think of anything but lovey dovey-ness and how fun and cute it would be to get even 1% of the crap they sell. and remembering back when i was in love (damn i can remember that far bac??), all i saw was a haze of conversation hearts and roses. *smh* love love love….
but yeah i’m corny so corny holidays like Vday just make me happy.
@Miss Patterson,
i made cards (cut out hearts & everything) but they never made it to the post office
this sounds like the beginning of a really sad and uninteresting story. thanks for not expounding
@The Champ,
re: “this sounds like the beginning of a really sad and uninteresting story. thanks for not expounding”
Jesus, hold my mule!
**dead**
@The Champ,
Laughing my arse off!!
@The Champ,
“this sounds like the beginning of a really sad and uninteresting story. thanks for not expounding”
Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!
@The Champ, i hate you Champ. really i do. from the bottom of my vulva.
@Miss Patterson,
“i hate you Champ. really i do. from the bottom of my vulva.”
**______________flatlines____________**
@Miss Patterson,
oh snap!!!!!!
*Crying*
“Don’t look like a brillo pad”
t-shirt nominee
@Fivefivewithbrowneyes,
i agree
CRACKING UP!!!! #6 – I have fell for this one. A dude was sitting alone in a restaurant reading a book. It was crowded and a bunch of cute women around and dude was just reading his book. I was intrigued and felt like he was a challenge. I had to get his attention!!
Oh and sorry I am a hater of Valentines Day but not what it stands for. I hate that a dude that I am dating needs a reminder on when to buy me my favorite shyt!! Give me chocolates on a random date March 8th, July 23rd, November 1st!! Maybe I just think too much and should take the corny card or tacky cheap box of chocolates….but still it just bothers me.
@Yaa,
ITA! The fact that someone spoils you on VDay means nothing if they wouldn’t do the same on a random day!
@YGB, so basically its not the day I have issues with…its the man LOL.
@Yaa,
You said it not me!
@Yaa,
A dude was sitting alone in a restaurant reading a book.
he was in a restaurant reading a book? thats either great game, or a sign that you’re a sociopath (or both)
“My love for you is like a river
Like a summer breeze that makes my soul shiver
One look from you is more precious than gold…
…let’s go get some barbecue and get busy!!!!”
Ahh Rafael de la Ghetto…
Anywho, my daughter’s been my Valentine for the past few years. I don’t want her to be one of those girls who get depressed every year because she has no date, so I’ve designated myself her lifetime Valentine. Besides, I there’s noone on earth I love more.
Hell, fact of the matter is even if I were dating, my man would take the backseat to my babe anyway (which is precisely why I’m not dating).
This year me, her and the only guy that matters (my son) are going to dinner and a movie
@Imperfect,
This is SO sweet! My mom has done the same thing to me and my brother since we were little. Even when I was in college she’d always mail me a box of conversation hearts and a card.
That definitely helps me have a better attitude about the day!
@Dom, Aw that’s so sweet.
@Imperfect, I turn 30 in two weeks and both of my parents still send me stuff give me cards on V-Day. I remember when I was in high school, my daddy had a bunch of flowers and balloons delivered to me at school. All the girls were amazed that stuff came from my dad and not some dude. I told them why not he loves me most.
Heck he still gets me something each year on his bday. This year I am getting something for my parents on my bday. I cant wait!
ummmm…think i got totally off track, forgive me VSB fam
@Imperfect,
My daddy bought us (three daughters) V-day gifts every year, too. The day is not just for romance, it’s a day to celebrate love, in general. That’s why I expect my SO to acknowledge me everyday, especially this day.
@Imperfect,
i love it!! my dad took my mom and i to dinner (and sometimes a movie) each Vday. my dad isn’t exactly the romantic type, but he knows how to wine and dine his gals when the occassion calls for it.
@Imperfect,
My daddy does the same thing for us (read: his three daughters and his son). One year he got all the girls a necklace with our birthstone and my brother a bracelet. Him and my Momma have been our valentines since birth and would get us lil baskets of our favorite candies, or a hand made card, or have flowers delivered to us at school or waiting for us at home. Pops and baby bro did that one year and we (read: my sisters and I) were like, why get married? LOL…it was that serious.
@Imperfect,
Anywho, my daughter’s been my Valentine for the past few years. I don’t want her to be one of those girls who get depressed every year because she has no date, so I’ve designated myself her lifetime Valentine.
so, in order to halt any potential depression, you’ve made yourself your daughters lifetime date? am i following correctly?
@The Champ,
To the principal’s office. NOW.
I think me and some of my single girls are going out this V Day… for 28 years, I’ve been single on V Day so I’m no longer bitter about it.
I’m blessed to have some folks that love me that I can laugh with, even though they are my girlfriends.
**** but if I get a date, I’m ditching. Abandon ship style. **** LOL
@Nicki Sunshine, get ready to abandon ship…..
@From Da Hip Peyso, Watchahtnawthurbwai (LOL @ my southerness)
@Nicki Sunshine,
I know thats right girl
Did you REALLY have to leak the book trick? Ninjas gotta stay ahead of the curve f’n with you, P.
And in general, if these are the things a ninja gotta do to get a V-Day date, I’d rather spend it with my other friends who don’t have dates talking ish about the ones that do…
@Jarrod Halsey,
Did you REALLY have to leak the book trick? Ninjas gotta stay ahead of the curve f’n with you, P.
p and i already discussed this. his demerits are pending
What makes you think that sayin you a garbage man aint sexxy??? Shiiiiiit….garbage men make alot of money!! As long as you don’t smell like garbage when you talkin to me, we good!
@nia,
Exactly. Don’t front on the blue collar workers.
Is you bringing home a check?
Alright… good. lol
@miss t-lee,
And in this economy, they might be the last man standing!
Admins, Execs, Media, Teachers, etc etc are all “expendable.” The trash dont neva stop!
@Dom,
Shooooot I almost found out how “expendable” my corporate peon azz was the other day.
Thank the Lord above!
@miss t-lee,
I’m glad you didnt have to find out. Its HARD out here for a non-pimp. Cuz we all know pimpin’ is easy. Especially on V-Day, according to Monk.
@Dom,
Riiiiiight…lol
@miss t-lee,
e-triplet… get off VSB and keep yo job!
We are starting to find out that even us gumbment employees are expendable if you make over a certain amount of money…
JESUS BE SOME JOB SECURITY!
@blackberry molasses,
Trust VSB won’t be the reason…I’m a hella multi-tasker. Working some excel spreadsheets right now…lol..
@blackberry molasses,
I thought I was the only gubment employee on here…. guess not
@mssmtaylor,
nah, I believe there are a ton of us.
@miss t-lee,
So true. If you live in NY and meet someone who works for MTA, hold on to him.
@Voiceofreason, NYCity employee right here. Lemme get off this site before I too become expendable
@Voiceofreason,
I will keep this in mind if I ever visit the big apple…lol
@nia,
Yup! Roc was a good husband to Elanore.
@Voiceofreason, lmao!
@Voiceofreason,
rite rite
“3. Do the exact opposite of what you’d normally do!”
A little bit of the George Constanza huh?
“I’m unemployed and I live at home with my parents.”
Well hello…
*giggles*
I don’t do Valentine’s Day anyway…that ish is so…uhhhh.
@miss t-lee,
everyone could use a little george in their lives
@miss t-lee, i immediately thought of this episode after reading p’s post. classic.
I like how Panama got to the Valentine’s Day post before everybody else.lol. This is a list of great short term solutions that will provide a helluva lot of problems once the trickery wears off.lol.
Oh, and I hate Valentine’s Day.
but Valentine’s Day doesn’t hate you!! all <3 up in herrr
Whats the Valentine thing you talking about? I’ve never heard of it.
@Deviant,
You know, that Hallmark holiday meant to encourage people to waste money on flowers that will die, nasty candy, cards and stuffed animals as tall as 3 year-old children, etc.
just becuz flowers die (all living things do) doesn’t mean you shouldn’t buy them!! fresh flowers are the best!!!
i question any woman who doesn’t enjoy real flowers–she might not have a soul
@Gem of 6Burgh,
Oh I’m not knocking flowers, I’m just knocking the true intent behind Valentine’s Day. I love flowers and I love getting them. I prefer Cali lilies. My point was that the purpose of Valentine’s Day is to stimulate the economy, not promote love, adoration, appreciation or anything else.
you and Ro are soooo in my book of besties. calla lillies are the BEST!!!! i have lots of large fake ones (so i can have them brightening up my living space always) all around my apt in big vases. for my new apt i’m going to purchase some calla lilly-containing Diego Rivera prints.
@Gem of 6Burgh,
can I be part of the bestie crew? i have calla lilies in my bedroom, bathroom, living and dining… including a wood cutting of calla lilies in the hallway.
I won’t turn away a pretty flower, but calla and tiger lilies are my faves. I rock the tiger lilies in my hair when it gets warm.
@blackberry molasses,
awe calla lilies are my fav
@blackberry molasses,
you just rock period.
awwwwwww *blushes* thanks Gemmie! You rock too!!!
@Gem of 6Burgh,
OMG! Calla lillies are FANTASTIC!!! By far my fave flower!!! And they most certainly do brighten up any living space!
you get cool points as well
@This Just In,
I lean more toward the stargazers, myself. But I’m definitely a lilly fan.
this thread is gay
in that case, you should feel welcome and fit right in
Ouch!!!!!!!
lol
@Gem of the 6Burgh,
and THAT is why you are my e-sis….
*shots fired*
@Gemmie
Damn, that made me proud.
@The Champ,
“this thread is gay”
Hated it!
@Gem of 6Burgh,
Oooooh! I love being in that book! And those prints will make your new place look fabulous.
@Deviant, it’s the opposite of steak and a bj day.
@WuDaMan,
Hahaha! Funny!
@WuDaMan,
Oh wow….lmao!!!
@WuDaMan,
Now thats a holiday I can get behind!
@WuDaMan,
it sounds like a horrible thing.
@WuDaMan,
Actually, the two are pretty much concurrent. Or is that just in my house?
@WuDaMan,
That’s what is celebrated at my house.
But it’s called, Head, Steak and Lobster day. Everybody gets something and everybody is happy.
If you’re REALLY pressed about not being alone on V-day, put on your trick hat and buy you some. Shiddd…truth be told, it’s what SO many folks do anyway. Screw the economy. Don’t go to that overcrowded restaurant, waste valuable time waiting on a table to eat food you can eat any day. Don’t purchase the overpriced flowers that’ll be dead and trashed in a week. Skip all dat. For the same amount of cheese you spend on that, you can just buy some company. And you’ll have a story to tell your grandkids.
By the way, I’m joking and I’m serious.
@Monk,
Just be careful or you might also be buying something else…….
@Rita,
How much is chlymidia these days?????? lol
@mssmtaylor,
about a buckfifty…..
@Rita,
Plus the cost of penicillin.
@Monk,
I thought the point of Valentine’s Day was to buy some ne way… just in prettier and more hygenic packaging
@Monk, The girls call him sugarless daddy. he stay over there in that place the girls call it ‘the cok pit’ lol
Wow, a lot of disdain/non-acknowledgment of valentine’s day.
I thought I was the only one.
@Maximillian,
I thought I was the only one.
nah. there’s obviously more than enough bitterness to go around
4. If you’re a man, be the brother who looks pitiful because his wife/girlfriend/dog just left him!
This made me think of Eddie Murphy’s scenes with Lela Rochon in Boomerang.
…is #7 a quote from a Different World?
2. Pretend to care about something you don’t care about.
This one should be really easy. Just walk up to said random individual and strike up a conversation with them about something you know very little about but are able to BS about well. Like, jazz, or life in general.
Tangle Jig….you slay me! “BS about LIFE in general”!!! LMAO!
I don’t have a problem with Valentine’s day. To be honest, I love Valentine’s, Easter, Halloween, Christmas…..hell…any holiday when all the chocolate is on sale and I can get 2x as much then during the year normally….. is a holiday after my own tummy!
Forget your cards, flowers, teddy bears and bull. I don’t save or keep cards, the only flowers I like are Lillies and after a while they start stinking, I don’t do teddy bears they just end up on the floor by my bed or in the back of the closet. You wanna show me you really care… You’d go to walmart and get me a bag of M&M w/ peanuts, Lindt Milk Chocolate Truffles, Dark Chocolate, Milk chocolate with nuts and toffee, chocolate covered cashews/almonds/peanuts or all three, chocolate haagan daas ice cream, &/or chocolate covered strawberries.
In fact that’s the best way to guarantee that extra extra read all about it v-day loving.
@Ro, I like this one. easy to please….
@Ro,
I’m SO feeling you there.
I’d rather get a Ziploc bag of Sour Skittles, with all the orange and grape ones picked out (cuz you know I hate those) than a sorry azz Whitman’s sampler. The former shows that you put in thought, time, and consideration. The latter shows that you stopped by CVS on your way here.
And I HATE roses. Lillies and tulips, babe. All the way.
@Nikiloveli,
I like how you think. I’d love it if a guy bought a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (undeniably the greatest cereal EVER) and Tivo’d or DVR’d episodes of the Boondocks or the Family Guy. Grown-up cartoon night! I don’t care about how much a guy spends. Gifts that show he pays attention are the best.
“Cinnamon Toast Crunch (undeniably the greatest cereal EVER) ”
Oh yes ma’am!!!!!
I haven’t had any of it in about 4 years, but this is till my favorite!!!
It goes hard in the paint!
@Voiceofreason,
Gifts that show he pays attention are the best.
**Faith Tabernacle of the Gospel of the Holy Ghost Missionary Baptist African Methodist Episocpal Church of God in Christ**
@blackberry molasses,
*nodding head, waving church fan*
@blackberry molasses,
LMAO @ the name of that church! Ridakulous I tell you!
@Voiceofreason,
…aaand now I know what I’m doing for Hubs on V-day morning! Thanks! Awesome idea. Anybody know where I can get Thundercats on DVD on short notice?
@Nikiloveli,
Thundercats! Anybody heard Wayne Brady’s song?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vun6LIUZ-TM
you are my new e-bff!!!! peanut M&Ms, chocolate covered strawbabies, and lillies are my faves too!!!
@Gem of 6Burgh,
You know the best place I’ve found to get some bomb chocolate covered strawberries? Edible Arrangements has the biggest chocolate covered strawberries and they have them all year round! A dozen is like 27 bucks… and worth every single penny!
@Ro,
I got an Edible Arrangement basket for my sister’s last birthday (she is a chocolate and fruit freak). Her boyfriend threw her a surprise party, she received great gifts but to this day, the basket was her fave.
What does that have to do with the stock price of Brillo Pads makers? I don’t know, I just thought I should share.
@Plain Ole Sula,
I’m having baskets sent to my mom, sisters and brother for valentines day this year. I’m more excited to send them than I am about valentines day in general. I love giving gifts to people I love.
For men who forget Valentine’s Day you can always tell your girl, “I didn’t forget. I just wanted to make February 15 OUR Valentine’s Day.” Of course if you’re with her long term you’ll have to keep up the Feb 15 observance.
@Voiceofreason,
lol….lmao..now that’s funny!
@Voiceofreason,
Hmm…no. His azz just wants to get that day-after discount. Why not Feb 13? Huh? Why not the 12th? Cheap azz. Nope, that wouldn’t fly.
lmao i was thinkin the saaaaaame thing. 75% off huh?? get outta heeyah.
I want some white cake w/ buttercream frosting and some kind of sprinkles. but I’ll settle for some buttery grits and a sprinkle of sugar.
@WuDaMan,
LMAO. Ewww.
hey Dom sometimes when I’m in a boooring meeting. I write on the edges of my note taking paper the food cravings that come to mind. lol
@WuDaMan,
Lol! You have a sickness!
My Mom’s bf loves to eat. He actually knows the days out local grocer stocks new ice cream. He’s such a closet fat kid!
@Dom,
ewwww? everything he named sounds pretty tasty and sh*t
@The Champ,
Buttery grits would be aight, without a sprinkle of sugar. Thats fat-kid-esque tight there.
@Dom, Sometimes you want something sweet. Anyway you can’t knock it b4 you try it unless your mind’s pallat has been proven. btw I am so a fat man.
@WuDaMan,
Hmmm, I don’t buy that. I don’t have to try eating elephant poo to know I dont like that either.
Also, I kinda got the fat man thing. You stay talking about food. I’m guessing you can cook your a** off too huh?
@Dom, Nah my ssa is still there and I keep on cookin. lol. N there you go jumping off w/ the exremes. You know the same chemical that makes you dislike rotting dead fish is in the va jay jay and guys n girls still eat that… Chitterllings… I’m just saying you name some other things that’s got get us to that great itis in the sky and then I won’t say nothing about your gastrnomic additions…
@WuDaMan, ooh and some rasin toast
@WuDaMan, + bacon
@WuDaMan, duck bacon or beef bacon shyt pork bacon
@WuDaMan, “duck bacon”????? That just sounds not good.
@Ro, mayne that is that good stuff you got to get in on it sometime waaaay better than that lunch meat they try to call turkey bacon. I wonder if they could do it w/ chicken???
@WuDaMan, banana moon pie
@WuDaMan,
You might find that down at the Reading Terminal on 12 & Filbert
@Ro,
@WuDaMan, “duck bacon”????? That just sounds not good
i’m literally crying right now at the thought of duck bacon. it. just. doesn’t. fit.
@The Champ,
No it doesn’t. I slightly disturbed at that thought.
@WuDaMan,
What the shyt? Duck bacon? I’m a bacon connoisseur and I’ve never heard of that.
@Voiceofreason, http://www.cooking.com/products/shprodde.asp?SKU=421791 work safe. They out right now but it does so exhist.
@WuDaMan, Peanut butter jelly
@WuDaMan, them fundraiser caramel + the crunch ones chocolate candy bars and peanut butter.
@WuDaMan,
Grits should only be topped with butter, black pepper, and salt. The end.
@Nikiloveli, You must not be hip to my shrimp n cheese grits. Hold your horses w/ that one. http://www.saveur.com/article/Food/Shrimp-and-Grits okay so they didn’t do any cheese in theirs but I bet some nice brie would top that magnificently.
@Nikiloveli,
Thank You! That sugar on top of the butter sounds gross!
Like a mushy pale version of kettle corn, mixing up the salty and sweet.
@Nikiloveli,
y’all need to ask PBG for a copy of The Grits Battle on FB… that was EPIC. Over 100 comments long.
@WuDaMan, i’m with you on the butter grits with a sprankle of sugar~duck the haters!
No worries overit, I ain’t never scared. I understand that hurt people hurt people and that the people who need the most love ‘deserve’ it the least. One hungry morning they’ll be all, ‘dag I can’t believe I ever knocked this shyt.’
I am going to be bitter here for a moment…..I really don’t understand the whole V-day hoopla.
All the D@mn candy gives me toothaches and sugar rushes…
Whose idea was it to put pink and red together?????…blech
All the triggin couples holding hands and being lovey just BECAUSE its V-day……bia bia please you know you wanna slap him upside his head……..
And if I see one more triggin over sized teddy bear….valentines day the only day its acceptable for grown men to buy 5 ft tall pink teddy bears….and the sight is still uncomfortable.
other than that..ummmm…..
yea for V-day one night stands (I tried).
@Rita,
who sh*t in your cereal this morning?
@The Champ,
No one. I had pancakes.
Not really stressing Valentines Day that much to go out and fake a date.
The only thing worse than being alone on is spending it with a person you don’t want to be with. I broke up with my last bf a few days after V-Day. I made sure I kept my gift though.
@Dom, “The only thing worse than being alone on is spending it with a person you don’t want to be with.”
I concur. I would only spend v-day with a significant other.
@Dom,
The only thing worse than being alone on is spending it with a person you don’t want to be with. I broke up with my last bf a few days after V-Day
damn, someone took their insightful pills this morning. good sh*t
Face it, being yourself is why you don’t have a date in the first place. Duh!!
ohhhhmaaahgawd– i.just.died!! LMMFAO!!!!!!!
Sounds nice and all but I’m going to carry on with Valentine’s Day tradition and throw rocks at loving young couples. Hopefully it snows so that I can at least hide the rock in a big fat snowball.
awwwwww you did you so wrong that you have so much hostility?? *e-hug*
“Don’t look like a brillo pad”
Panama this post was hilarious! I’m not into making a big fuss over V-Day, but it’s nice to be appreciated. Last year, my boo surprised me by coming to visit me and gave me a dozen roses and dinner. It would be nice to celebrate everyday but most guys need a reminder (birthdays, anniversaries…). I’ll be single on this V-Day for the first time in 10 years.
@Leila,
what happened to the boo and sh*t?
@The Champ, Didn’t work out but it’s all good. Funny enough i just asked out for Valentine’s Day today lol…
I’ve been lurking on this site since dirt was born and I just HAD to de-lurk for number 7:
“7. Use poetry, more specifically this poem, and you’ll be A-O-K:
“My love for you is like a river
Like a summer breeze that makes my soul shiver
One look from you is more precious than gold…
…let’s go get some barbecue and get busy!!!!””
Yes! EVERYthing comes down to Fresh Prince of Bel Air in life. De la Ghetto, speak!
Great tips over all, Panama. V-Day is the perfect day to become an entirely different person.
@Cheekie,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
@SouthernGirl,
Thanks for the gold stars! I feel glittery.
@Cheekie,
I remember you from SBPH!
Welcome!!!
** Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
@blackberry molasses,
Thanks for the welcome! Yeah them SBPH days…I quite a bit of those people around here and everywhere. Good to see ya!
@Cheekie,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ,
What a lovely welcome! It sure beats jello mold.
Thanks! Glad to be here. I love ya’ll.
@Cheekie, mh did you say jello mold? Is there fruit in the bottom? Welcome
@WuDaMan,
I did. And, yes. Also, thanks.
Eh…
Fluck Valentine’s day, and a V-day date. If u’ve been screwing up since January 1st and think ur going to buy some $10 flowers off the street and burn dinner and that’s going to get it, think again pahtna. ne who. for those who aren’t doing V-day, there’s an afrocentric alternative, in case u didn’t know:
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art216.asp
@pgh muse,
would 12 dollar flowers and lukewarm take out work?
@The Champ,
No.
@pgh muse,
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art216.asp
It’s good to know that maybe one day I can just make up a random holiday as well.
I have a new lease on life.
*sniggling*
@miss t-lee,
lol. Girl Let’s get them Black Love day greeting cards crackin’. We’ll make a mint in this bad economy… I’m playin’ sort of… hmmmm…
How exactly does one look like a Brillo Pad? Lmao!
V-Day? I didn’t know you guys celebrated my best friend’s birthday too! Awwww…. That’s so sweet.
@Plain Ole Sula,
How exactly does one look like a Brillo Pad? Lmao!
you dont want to know
@Plain Ole Sula,
I imagine involves the use of too much brown hair gel, and not enough moisturizer of any sort. Just ashy, chapped, and flakey from head to toe. You know you’ve seen it.
i happen to like valentine’s day. i’ve been single most v-day’s but have had someone for the past few. and even when i didn’t my mom and stepdad send me something anyway. but romatically speaking, i guess i don’t take issue with it because my SO’s haven’t been the kind of guys that only do things on v-day.
unfortunately, some guys are the type to only do special things on v-day to which i would say why is he your man anyway? unless you like it like that. then if you like it, i love it.
i get flowers just because he knows i like them. or i had a really bad day. we go out to dinner sometimes just to go and get out of the house or there’s a new restaurant one of us wants to try. i can get candy whenever i want it. he always asks if i need or want anything before he comes over. i get cards for no reason.
and i think it just depends on the person that’s in your life and them knowing how you are because even on v-day a 3 foot tall teddy bear would not be the business. and he already knows that. i’ll take one i can cuddle with on the couch when you’re not there–the one you already gave me.
i guess i just like it because it’s an excuse to get all dolled up and i’m just a romantic like that . but then again, i like any little surprise and appreciate any thought that goes into him planning for us to do something.
SG, are you plotting to take out overit and become my new e-twin????? lol
we are sooooooo >>>> right here<<<<
my mom sends me (and my friends) Vday stuff every year, whether i got a man or not. if i do, he gets stuff from moms as well.
i also feel you on never having an issue with Vday becuz my SO was always on top of his game. he went outta his way most times to do stuff for me that i liked. and when it came to Vday, we were always tryna out surprise the other. one year i made him a gourmet style cake (from scratch) in the shape of a heart. and since he knew i HATED baking and never did it, it was the best gift EVER lol… but you’re right, it all depends on the person to where the expectations will be held when it comes to special holidays and such.
@Gem of 6Burgh,
lol. i wasn’t intentionally plotting but….overit ain’t been around much lately anyway. lol. i keed i keed. we can be e-trips!
This whole post had me laughing hysterically!
Idunno. I’m kinda ambivalent about V-Day. I do believe its a ploy by mass marketers to make extra money on candy, cards and flowers.
I still like it though, and me and the man are doing it up big come the 15th!!
Champagne brunch cruise, dancing, alladat… I even bought a new dress for it (not like I need an exuse, but that’s my story and I’m stickin to it)
@blackberry molasses,
That cruise sounds like it’s going to be nice, you got to put down with the info so I can score some points with wifey!
@eff yo couch,
We’re going on the Moshulu on Sunday. The brunch is $35 per person and includes a first course buffet, second course and a dessert buffet. They also give you complimentary champagne and mimosas.
They may still have reservations left.
http://www.moshulu.com/site/intro.asp
http://www.opentable.com/
First of all, this ish was hi-larious!! A brillo pad?? How would one get to be soooo unfortunate looking?! Sheesh!
I’m cool with VDay…I actually like it and if (and that is a strong if) I have an SO, I like it even more.
I do agree that it’s a big marketing ploy though! He!!, if folk wanna boost the economy, they need to invent more holidays (targeted toward women) and ish, right?
Anyways, I miss ya’ll…I been incognito for a while…mainly because I haven’t had any freakin power…gotta love KY weather!
/ But I’m back in business…so take that take that take that.
@This Just In…Welcome to SIXBURGH!,
if liz and p ever decided to coup d ‘etat me from vsb, welcome to sixburgh would definitely be the url of my new website
@The Champ,
But of course!!!! Did you go to the game?? I was there and the ish was amazing!!!!!!!
)
I think this whole “how to snag..” could work in a real backwards “how to lose a guy in 10 days” type of way. Sadly people fall in love all the time with who people aren’t, which further perpetuates “i could never be myself”…so strangely this just might be status quo.
@Princess Duvet, listen just bizaro world yourself and get a date. And add a new kind of moisture to that Duvet. lol
@WuDaMan,
I was about to tell her ‘way to wet up the duvet’
but your ‘new kind of moisture’ deserved some attention. based on what I know of you… CORNER. NOW.
@blackberry molasses,
Yep that’s definitely a corner worthy comment.
bahahahha
@ Wu Wu and BBMo
did i “mistress blanket it” ™ My bad. LOL
@ Wu Wu Im quite good in the date department. But I don’t lubricate on demand..my dust ruffles don’t get down like that.
@Princess Duvet,
“But I don’t lubricate on demand..my dust ruffles don’t get down like that.”
………………………..
@Princess Duvet,
“But I don’t lubricate on demand..my dust ruffles don’t get down like that.”
ummmmmmmm….you need to join Wu in the Corner. Go’on nah… git!!!
“Do the exact opposite of what you’d normally do!”
LOL…reminds me of a Seinfeld episode where George acted the opposite…and was very successful at it too…hilarious episode.
Ahahahah at bring a book and look like you might read!!! Comedy. Also bring a calculator and a pencil…it might make her think you have some money you randomly have to add up.
@WuDaMan,
http://www.ilovepeanutbutter.com/
Now you’re speaking my language