letter to a young champ,
1. relax. between the ages of 16 to 23, the phrase “its really not that serious” is applicable for every chick you’re interested in, and, to be honest, vice versa. the sooner you realize this the better off you’ll be
2. that one chick from college (you know who)? get off her d*ck. keep doing you and don’t treat her like the be all end all of all black women. sh*t, you’re a freakin ballplayer and, in a decade or so, thousands of people across the country who’ve never even met you will refer to you as “the champ“. you don’t need to be sweating anyone that hard, dog. and, to be perfectly honest, you don’t really want to sleep with her. i mean, yeah you do…but your motivation to bone has gone from pure curiousness to pure ego. you dont even think she’s hot, and the only reason you want to fu*ck her is because you havent been able to yet.
3. sasha from caribana? do everything humanly possibly to get her the f*ck back to your hotel room, even if it means paying your man to step to and bag one of her hideous ass girls. you won’t be able to call her the day next because your phone is going to die as soon as you leave the club, subsequently erasing the numbers you just put in there (damn sprint!!). other than some carl thomas vid from 2005 that you’ll swear you saw her in, you will never see or hear from her again.
4. you’ll eventually find out that the chick from the bookstore is bipolar. not your typical garden variety chick bipolarness either, but she’s seriously been diagnosed as a manic-depressive. i not saying that you still shouldnt bag her because she is fine as frog hair and doesnt disprove that myth about crazy chicks in the sack, but it’s still good to know things like this.
5. that slight technical variation you incorporated into your boning style in 2002? good job. i’d admonish you for not thinking about doing that sooner, but, to be honest, college aged chicks aren’t ready for that, so it was probably for the better
6. dont wait another year. it’s not going to get any better, and the longer you wait, the more difficult it’s going to be to do it. end it as soon as the idea of ending it first gets into your head. yeah, its gonna hurt, but thats part of being a grown-up, and you’ll realize down the line that you definitely made the right decision.
this is it. sure, there’s a bit more i can tell you…especially at least 12 very good reasons not to put your lips anywhere near the vicinity of kim’s well-traveled mouth, but knowing everything would take the fun out of everything you’re eventually going to do. just follow you gut, cross your t’s and dot your i’s, and dont allow yourself to be seduced by tipsy snizzles your freshman year of college.
signing off,
the champ
(btw, i’ll explain the meaning of this new nickname in due time)
so, slutty mature folk of vsb.com, if you could hop into your personal relationship delorean and give advice to your former self, what the hell would you say?
—the champ
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{ 341 comments… read them below or add one }
Dearest Luvvie,
You’re awesome. Keep doing you.
– Queen Ig
LMAO you lil narcissist!
V.E.G:
1) Dude is 33. You are 21. Yeah, he has muscles and seems mature. But he is not. He is an a$$. He is trying to steal your youth. Say no to the engagement ring, it will save you the embarrassment of having to break it off and answer questions later. By the way, it is not cool, nor is it mature, to break an engagement by walking in the room and announcing you’ve found an apartment and are moving the next day. Be a bit more sensitive to other’s feelings.
2) You are 25. He is hot. He is smart. He is well traveled. But he is not for you. Your personalities are poorly matched. You know this. Do not waste two years of his life – and yours – pretending you are deeply in love. Enjoy the experience, but leave after 6 months.
3) You’re 32. You should stop fronting. You like this dude. A lot. Telling him you don’t is hurting you. You know he likes you and, yeah, he’s got issues but you two have a connection. Your fear is going to be your downfall. Speak up.
4) Work on your commitment issues. You are 33 and its time to deal with that.
“Speak up.”
I agree. I think anyone who lets an opportunity of “strong like” to pass them by because of an unfounded fear of rejection is just watching potential happiness pass them by.
If only we can take some of the strength we use to deal with our struggles and put it towards seeing ourselves fulfilled.
Initially it was fear of commitment. So I said all kind of ish I didn’t mean.
Now that we have parted ways, it has turned into fear of rejection. Lol. Sure, he still pushes his way through crowds to get next to me. lol. But I ain’t opening my mouth. I made my bed and I must sleep in it. Alone.
Your honor, let the record show that the plaintiff just repeated what I said, and admitting that her driving force is her “fear of rejection”.
You SCURRED! I rest my case.
*closes briefcase*
*adjusts monocles*
*saunters away*
Um, yeah. But I also said that was not the driving force for my initial foolery.
You would not make a good lawyer. Watch more Law & Order to work on your court room stylings.
In the words of John Mayer…”say what you need to say…its better to say too much than never to say anything at all……”
His music makes so much sense to me…
doesn’t it though!!
John Mayer is that biz! “Continuum” was a bomb album.
so, what makes a fear of rejection “unfounded”?? just wondering….
Sexual note to self:
V:
I want you to avoid the two worst sexual experiences of your life, so I am writing you a second note. Please heed these warnings.
1) Do not have sex with the educator you met at the reggae concert. He likes tranny porn.
2) Do not sleep with that overly muscular Leo you had great conversation with. His penis is broken. It will not work, no matter what. He will also jack off in the car, in front of your parents house and ask you if you like it. Run away as soon as you meet him.
“He will also jack off in the car, in front of your parents house and ask you if you like it. Run away as soon as you meet him.” – hahahaahahahahahaah
Please tell me this is an attempt at humor, because the alternative is scarry as F**k
Sadly. This happened. And recently. As in, August 2008.
It’s not your fault…here lie on my couch…take a deep breath…you will be alright…now let’s try to figure out what it is about your p****y that attracts crazy as* mother-effers…open up, let me check!!!…now relax
LMAO.
Sigh. Yeah. I attract the crazies.
“2) Do not sleep with that overly muscular Leo you had great conversation with. His penis is broken. It will not work, no matter what. He will also jack off in the car, in front of your parents house and ask you if you like it. Run away as soon as you meet him”
oh wow, lol.
2) Do not sleep with that overly muscular Leo you had great conversation with. His penis is broken. It will not work, no matter what. He will also jack off in the car, in front of your parents house and ask you if you like it. Run away as soon as you meet him.
I read this with my mouth hanging open…as recent as August 2008…***looks at calendar*** damn dawg…you need a drink!!
word to the wise…over-muscular brothers aer almost always a peni-cular disappoitment!
Yes. I needed a drink after that. Lol.
“word to the wise…over-muscular brothers aer almost always a peni-cular disappoitment!”
awwww man! say it aint so!
Not so Goddess. I previously thought that and
severalone muscular dude proved me otherwise.Boy oh Boy let me tell u…ain’t nothin’ better than a muscle bound big d*cked man!
Hallelujah.
no!!! tranny porn?!!! run v.e.g-ie, run!!!
LOL ok ok, let me come up with my REAL note to myself
1. Learn to ignore those 4am phonecalls. You have class in the morning. His problems are not always urgent and you need to get some sleep.
2. You cannot change someone. His lack of ambition cannot be WILLED into him. You will either have to learn to accept it, or move on.
3. Dude who wished you were from his country and said you were “the one” apart from your nationality is a true *$$. Despite the fact that you cuss him out REGULARLY and tell him to stop talking to him, he still wants to refer to you as “wifey”. Waste NO time on him. He strokes your ego b/c everytime he sees you, he is DROOLING, but pay him no attention. Your awesomeness is noticed by other people too.
4. Long distance relationships are NO JOKE, and 3.5 years of it has made you very selfish of your time. You don’t have to be under his nutsack, but you may want to learn to think as ONE instead of 2.
Sincerest,
Ig(est) of them All
“4. Long distance relationships are NO JOKE, and 3.5 years of it has made you very selfish of your time.”
you’re wrong. long distance relationships ARE a joke
don’t depress me…please tell me it can work!
there is a saying in Spanish
“Amor de lejos es amor de pendejos”
loosely translated
“Long distance love is for those that are stupid as kcuf”
4. Long distance relationships are NO JOKE, and 3.5 years of it has made you very selfish of your time. You don’t have to be under his nutsack, but you may want to learn to think as ONE instead of
***raising hand in pseudo-shame***
I AM THIS^^^ long distance relationships change your perception of what is really needed for a relationship…local or otherwise…a gift and a curse!
Dear Young Liz,
Just stop. You are definitely ahead of your time, and your gut reaction is always right. Everything you think you knew about men at the age of 13 still applies AT LEAST until you’re 27. Stay single. Stop being so curious. It ain’t WORFF IT.
Love,
Liz
“your gut reaction is always right.”
Woman’s instinct is REAL, mostly accurate, and unfortunately, ignored too often.
ok…Imma need to know what you knew at 13 that was still applicable 14 years later. lol.
You could have written a book. You still can.
“stop being so curious.”
please get out of my head…
1. Wear a condom everytime and stop going to WebMD.com when you develop a little cough, sore throat, or itch. You can’t always assume herpes or the Monster.
2. You know she’s creeping. Don’t even bother driving by her spot. Tell her it’s over and to eat a thick one.
3. I don’t care how hot you think she is. If the chemistry ain’t there, it ain’t there.
4. Delete those sketchy emails and change your password semi-frequently. She’s quite the sly fox.
5. Does she really expect you to eat that? Don’t do it. You’ll remember it for the rest of your life.
6. Yes, women do take sh*ts and fart. The sooner you accept this, the better off you will be.
“6. Yes, women do take sh*ts and fart. The sooner you accept this, the better off you will be.”
i now have a guatemalan french roasted brew all over my computer.
“1. Wear a condom everytime and stop going to WebMD.com when you develop a little cough, sore throat, or itch. You can’t always assume herpes or the Monster.”
***stealing from slim, and adding to letter to a young champ***
#1 – The best piece of advice that I would give to my younger self would be to loosen up and have fun. Stop overanalyzing everything. Let things play out as they’re meant to be. Don’t worry about where things are going.
#2 – Do not listen to your girls advice! Listen to your heart and do what you think is right.
#3 – Stop playing so many games. Guys can’t figure out what you want unless you tell them. You messed up big time when you let “the one” slip away during your sophomore year because you were too afraid to tell him how you really felt.
“#3 – Stop playing so many games. Guys can’t figure out what you want unless you tell them. ”
after youve sent this to young leila, would you mind forwarding it to every woman on the planet earth?
lol!
This is the ultimate advice. I will be transferring this to my away message on AIM for all women/girls to see. Thank You. You’ve given me hope.
“#1 – The best piece of advice that I would give to my younger self would be to loosen up and have fun. Stop overanalyzing everything. Let things play out as they’re meant to be. Don’t worry about where things are going.”
oh this is certainly some advice i needed….in fact, i need to take this advice right na!
hmmm
He is NOT just running in there to get a something..its called being an accessory…….
ummm I know you waited 20 years but wait a little longer save yoursefl 2 year of drama and oh yeah its true, once you pop, you cant stop
its not VD its a latex allergy, do not go over and cut his tires, throw a brick through the window or burn his favorite cap in his front yard
Never meet one on one with a guy whose car you have recently f*cked up
its not love..its called oral s.e.x. and he has done it before dont be fooled!
follow you gut, he is not deep, those sad introspective poems are about suicide, he is crazy dont be distracted by the abs..he got them from tying b!tches up and locking them in the closet….
That is NOT his cousin so let it go and avoid that year of probation and anger management he is SO not worth it
That is a blue line and its not the flu…
He Is the one, yes he is younger, sillier and not in the expected package but he loves you, he is not doing it for the baby…
Discovering that you have a HUGE gag reflex on your wedding night was not the best idea….
You don’t always have to be the strong one, its okay to be strong enough to cry on his shoulder
Girl. LMAO.
Just. funny.
yeah, now….but these are all life lessons and they were NOT funny while I was learning them!!!
Shady, this is HILARIOUS!
“follow you gut, he is not deep, those sad introspective poems are about suicide, he is crazy dont be distracted by the abs..he got them from tying b!tches up and locking them in the closet….”
I know there’s a great story in this one…
“He is NOT just running in there to get a something..its called being an accessory…….”
lol, damn. your bf’s name didnt happen to be “o-dog” did it?
No it was Mario but he was called “big Yo” for short….
LOL, any and every dude I knew as “Big” [insert short version of long name here (i.e. Big Nardo, Big Zo, Big Te, Big O, Big Murch] was straight commiting terrorist acts in the community…even in adulthood.
“LOL, any and every dude I knew as “Big” [insert short version of long name here (i.e. Big Nardo, Big Zo, Big Te, Big O, Big Murch] was straight commiting terrorist acts in the community…even in adulthood.”
this is true. in fact, i know a “big lil” who’s serving like 650 years for all the sh*t he’s pulled
“650 years”
He got the book thrown all upside his head.
Dayum!!!!
LOL Shady, was number 1. when you were in high school? Cause i feel like i may have been an accessory a few times myself (why do we have to leave right now? what’s the package you are giving that dude? why do you know ALL the crackheads in the neighborhood?)
Yeah I was in highschool, I am telling you, please take note of the dangers of going to an underfunded inner city high school.
LMAO I see that you’ve LIVED, chile!
Girl that aint half the story….I didnt even mention the time dude tried to lock me in the trunk in the church parking lot…..Lets just say my mouth+napoleon complex+ virginitis= a h.e.ll of a lot of trouble…and let me also state that all of these dudes were college educated so its not like I was just messsing with thug loves….
Throws Shayd:
“…and let me also state that all of these dudes were college educated [degreed] so its not like I was just messsing with thug loves….”
yo i hope this doesn’t traumatize ya but “college educated” is many times not synonymous with sane, knowledgeable, smart, intelligent, understanding, common sensical, wise, sound, of good judgement, cognizant, cogent, posessing wit, intuitive, aware, rational, logical, lucid, ad infinitum…
there are very many educated idiots.
keep living…
thanks for mentioning this.
I know that.. the disclaimer was for peeps who would read it and discount it by saying that “she sounds pretty hood, she is messing with hood ninjas’. Most of these ninja’s were the smart, life of the party types….
“I didnt even mention the time dude tried to lock me in the trunk in the church parking lot”
in front of witnesses? and Jesus?
naw it was at night, I was poppin off in the car and he pulled over in thre church parking lot….
You are lucky to have gotten away with your life.
honey I can tell you stories aout “college educated” been assaulted by – photography – med school – and journalism…college educated just means I know better but it doesn’t mean I do better.
he is crazy dont be distracted by the abs..he got them from tying b!tches up and locking them in the closet….
hahaha!! I can hardly breathe, LMAO
All I can say is “well DAMN!”
“once you pop, you cant stop”
truer words have never been spoken!
1. Mimi, yea you love him and you feel like he’s the love of your life but do you really want to lose your virginity right now, in this dorm room with this little pen!s?
2. Mimi you should have lived up to your full potential in undergrad.
3. Mimi you should understand what a credit score really signifies. (Your house, car etc)
4.Know your worth! Everything that glitters ain’t gold! Someone that truly cares for you, will treat you like the queen that you are.
5. Don’t give too much too soon.
6. Nice doesn’t mean letting others take advantage of you.
7. You can’t be everything for everyone, take care of yourself first.
Mimi, tell that truth about the credit score! They should hand out pamphlets right along with those free t-shirts for filling out an applicatoin in school
“Mimi, tell that truth about the credit score! They should hand out pamphlets right along with those free t-shirts for filling out an applicatoin in school”
seriously, there should be some type of class action lawsuit brought to every credit card company by every college student who ever got suckered by a t-shirt and a flimsy bookbag
PLease say that again!!!! Talk about predatory lending!
YESSS!!! Those tshirts that just say “COLLEGE” ain’t worth it.
Seriously! I think the lower income students get the brunt of the consequences…cuz a lot of them dont know anything about credit before they get to school. Hell, I know I didn’t, and now I’m paying for it.
Mi tells lil mi:
3. “Mimi you should understand what a credit score really signifies. (Your house, car etc)”
yeah, how big of a line of credit you can obtain thats all it tells u.
it’s funny how they call people “homeowners” when many times all they have is a loan. they own nothing not even equity yet.
this years housing market is a testament to not only greedy (predatory) lending policies but how people live up to their necks in hock. the nation itself is up to it’s ears in debt.
great to have good credit but better to live comfortably within ur means. easier to obtain than maintain. ask the people who are suffering foreclosure. dam “the most” car u can buy. to the depths of hades with “the most” house u can buy. (unless it’s a biz venture and quick flip for the doughlo) ..but even investors are hurting unless they have cash and can wait the mkt. out.
even with bad credit, money can buy more money (a loan) yes, cash can leverage a loan regardless of credit. save money and that can be ur emergency fund with no interest to be paid.
live well within ur means. pay sh*t off early avoiding interest and fu*k what the Jonse’s are doing.
The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender. Proverbs 22:7
Message!! Things white people always knew but we are still trying to catch up on:
If you add your child (teenager/college student) as an authorized user on your credit card, they will automatically inherit your credit score. So you can give them a head start to a great financial future.
Notice, this is only if you have a GOOD credit score.
If not, they will be screwed, which is the experience of many of us who have ever had a ultility service or credit card acct. opened in our name by our day late and dollar short parents!
kaila good info. i never knew that. (kids as authorized users on parents credit card acct share their parents credit score) my parents did not authorize me as a user on their credit card acct. infact they had excellent credit but shunned the use of credit. when they bought a car they had saved up practically all the money to buy it outright but got the loan and paid it off in 6 months to strengthen the credit but more importantly to avoid the interest.
my mom and dad moved in with my grandparents when they first got married and saved money, purchased the lot and my father built the home i grew up in from the ground up. they never knew what a mortgage was.
that was some good info though. like u said “other folk” know that and many of us never had the experience. gave their kids a good head start. they need to be teaching credit, banking and taxes in jr high thru high school. life skills.
wow, kudos to you parents! Not many people can share such a strong experience about the positive examples set for them.
p.s. all credit due to Suze Ozeman’s book: Young, Fabulous, & Broke
Suze is the truth…and genius you were blessed unfortunately my strong mother passed along three things, good advice, how to make a way when there isnt one, and bad money/credit management skills.
Shayd ‘m still learning some things hell i jus got a gang of overdrafts. these banks are delaying the processing of transactions to optimize the amount of overdraft fees. fu*kaz! i’m starting a class action law suit.
They are revamping the way FICO calculates credit scores, so starting at the end of 2009, authorized users will no longer be able to get the credit score benefit. So the credit score mooching times are bout to be over.
Don’t believe me, google it.
Say it.
A high credit score is great. But a sizeable nest egg in the bank is just as valuable. I have a friend who had complicated credit and he had to put down a large down payment on his condo. But he still got it. Good for him he had the sense to bank his dough. A year after buying the crib, he refinanced fo ra lower rate and now his credit is slowly getting in check.
Yeah but usually, low credit is hand in hand w/ no stashed dough. So… ur friend is an exception
David is in Atlanta-just let him go!
Larry has everything you need and want…just tell him you are afraid of relationships but you want this and he will be understanding.
Brian understands that you work and do school full time…just know that he sees this and he is there to support you.
you are 23 but he’s 20 doing his business…laugh with him, have fun with him, and see where life can take you.
one day at a time…just. one. day. at a time…
ahhhh….such therapy. Thanx verysmartbrothas. Sorry I used all the box of kleenex!
“ahhhh….such therapy. Thanx verysmartbrothas. Sorry I used all the box of kleenex!”
no problem. if you need some more, just use some toilet paper
To everyone who has already witten and about to write, i thank you all for the “life lessons” i can steal from you all.
By this sites standards, i acknowledge that i am still relatively a youngin (I’m turnin 23 this year), so i can only comment on shortcommings I’ve just discovered about maself and am still in the process of wrkin through:
1. Trust you instincts ala Liz., 98% of the times they are right- that’s your soul speaking to your stubborn consciousness.
2. “sheee***t that girl is tight, i dunno if i should step up to her?, what will i say?, what if i give the wrong impresion?, am i looking fresh?, what if she’s got a man?” – F**k that sh*t every woman wants you, every single one, all that is left to do is actually go up to her, be yo’self and actually bless her with yo being and conversation. Her having a man is a predicament, not who she is, you can always get out of predicaments.
3. Figure out what the F**k it is you want so that you can stop cheating on yo girl or hurting her feelings, that sh*t is childish and selfish and it’s not the man you want to be.
4. Quit with doing sh*t ’cause it’s “socially acceptable”, 20 years ago Apartheid was “socially acceptable”, and your grandfather getting killed by the piggs was deemed “socialy acceptable”, so quit that sh*t and do ish because you believe it to be right.
5. Read more, go out more, start a conversation with people you’ve never met before, share yourself wholistically with other people instead of being selfish and keeping yourself to yourself.
6. Marriage is nothing but a longterm relationship with more witnesses of it’s conception and documentation saying she owns have of yo sh*t. Stop saying you’ll sort yoself out when you get married…bullsh*t…start now, start working hard in yo relationship to see if you can hold it down long enough for a woman to think you could be their husband.
7. It doesn’t matter if she cheats on you, or is only F**kin cause of yo money, what matters is you proved to yourself that you are capable of Loving someone.
8. Your fathers destiny is not hereditarially yours, you are the gate-keeper to your path.
9. Nothing is impossible!!! (you too can be The Champ or Jackson)
10. Learn how to spel sh*t!
Peace **Sorry for the long post peeps**
“start working hard in yo relationship to see if you can hold it down long enough for a woman to think you could be their husband.”
umm..can somebody say Amen to that!
“9. Nothing is impossible!!! (you too can be The Champ or Jackson)”
this actually is the working title of the reality show idea we’ve been pitching
Sisanda, these lessons give me hope.
Hindsight is 20/20!
Sisanda, I TOO am a young’un. 23.5 yrs to be exact. But I’m glad you are learning these lessons now. Go forth, and prosper.
lol me 3! im 23 too. what is it about the 1985ers on VSB? i think ima go play the numbers..
3. Figure out what the F**k it is you want so that you can stop cheating on yo girl or hurting her feelings, that sh*t is childish and selfish and it’s not the man you want to be.
6. Marriage is nothing but a longterm relationship with more witnesses of it’s conception and documentation saying she owns have of yo sh*t. Stop saying you’ll sort yoself out when you get married…bullsh*t…start now, start working hard in yo relationship to see if you can hold it down long enough for a woman to think you could be their husband.
SISANDA – this right here made me smile wide and I think my eyeballs almost wanted to leak! not tearing up mind you…just slight leakage! I WISH more men learned these lessons at an earlier age…the men in my life don’t learn it until they have broken my heart and trust…and want me back…apparently the wetness of my tears makes their man seed grow to fruition!
1. (As a younger man) Judging a woman’s character by the size of her donkey is not a good method.
2. Just break up with her, dont drag it out, she is going hate you anyway.
3. Dont deal with chicks who you dont respect, you will lose respect for yourself later.
4. If she asks if she fat just say “no”. Honestly is not always the best policy.
5. Great sex is not a reason to stay.
6. She is not going to call you back, so you can stop waiting by the phone.
7. Be more assertive!!!
“1. (As a younger man) Judging a woman’s character by the size of her donkey is not a good method”
this method seems to work for me, lol
“4. If she asks if she fat just say “no”. Honestly is not always the best policy”
You used to tell them that they were fat. That is so wrong lol…
How is that so wrong, you ask me a question and I tell you the truth, and then get mad at me. I am not young anymore but I still dont get it.
Now I the options are to have sex with her right there or tell her I would still do her.
That is why women should NEVER ask the ‘am I fat’ question? Never.
*1. (As a younger man) Judging a woman’s character by the size of her donkey is not a good method.*
Ya know, it’s funny how a phat @ss shrinks a man’s logic, but grows his lust. I’d surely tell my younger self this, but he would probably in return remind me that I’ve done this a time or three as an adult.
“Ya know, it’s funny how a phat @ss shrinks a man’s logic, but grows his lust. I’d surely tell my younger self this, but he would probably in return remind me that I’ve done this a time or three as an adult.”
lol…so your younger self would flash forward to your current self just to tell you not to be a hypocrite
Pretty much…but with growth comes understanding.
NMH,
Dont stress so much about not having lost your virginity during high school. It will happen, and when it does, it will be with the most random, freakhoeslut in the school, in the girls bathroom, unprotected. You will then pray to God for three weeks asking him to protect you from anything you might have caught from her.
Dont worry about breaking up with your crush in high school. Ten years later, she will still be around, and she will be down with no-strings attached relations.
Your parents want you to do whats best for them, not necessarily whats best for yourself.
Dont go to college just because everyone says thats what you should do. If you do go, dont go into a field that you have no interest in just because it pays well. You will consistently have to choose between making money or being happy, but the key is to find the way to make money doing what makes you happy.
As much stuff as you talk about women and their issues, you will find yourself in situations where a woman will be the one who helps you out of a bind. Learn to be secure enough in your manhood to accept their help.
Your super-fast metabolism wont last forever. Watch that McDonalds!
“As much stuff as you talk about women and their issues, you will find yourself in situations where a woman will be the one who helps you out of a bind. Learn to be secure enough in your manhood to accept their help.”
good one
“Your super-fast metabolism wont last forever. Watch that McDonalds!”
Aw damn. I better start watching my gluttonous tendencies.
Kamilah,
Morning beautiful! Before you start flirting today let me fill you just a bit:
1. That boy that shares your last name, you know the dancer with the insane body that you’ve had starring in your sexual fantasy for the last year…he’s gay. Sexy as hell…but gay.
2. Which leads me to my second point, feel free to unleash the freak during the Viper number in Ain’t Misbehavin’….no need to convince him that you have saint-like thoughts, the person you’ll want to notice will be in the audience anyway.
3. Speaking of audience…pay attention to the fact that boys who yap it up with about football don’t want to just be your friend…some want to bone you. So stop passing them off to your friends like you are some good-hearted matchmaker because five to ten years later boning will become a mutual interest.
4. Avoid boys named Carl and Andrae….bad d*ck, small d*ck, crazy d*ck…all the same.
5. Stay in gymnastics and please, pretty please go to the showcase and sing for the exec’s….don’t keep giving your open doors to other people.
6. Yes, Dad is a freakin’ rockstar, but introducing men to him will not transform them into a younger sexier version of him…look for the character upfront…oh and make sure the man wants you, not the family lifestyle.
7. Mike Clewiss v. Ricky Williams….friend Ricky and date Mike.
8. Oh, and finally…very important, just because he works at Harpo doesn’t mean he internalized any of Iyanla’s or Phil’s advice in relationships…stay only friends ALWAYS.
Heart U,
Jonesy (You’ll love the nickname later…please believe it!)
“3. Speaking of audience…pay attention to the fact that boys who yap it up with about football don’t want to just be your friend…some want to bone you.”
great advice, especially if you change “some” to “97 percent of dem”
“don’t keep giving your open doors to other people.”
GOLD!
1. When your friend told you about the mutual friend that you had with him had and STD, believe him and stop crushing after her. P.S. Don’t drive her 30 minutes out of your way for her to pick up some medicine at the CVS.
2. That first girl in college. Don’t think that she is the end all be all, she’s messing with half the physics and chemisty department.
3. That girl that you lost your virginity to, she has a boyfriend that is on drugs. Oh yeah, she is also pregnant by him. RUN LIKE HELL.
4. That girl that you drove 4 hours to see. She really didn’t break up with her boyfriend. After you leave, she will be on the phone clowning you to her girlfriends. Chalk it up, at least you Got The Drawls.
5. That girl that you were chasing for 2 years. She has no intentions for you other than using you for work in class. Her friend likes you anyway.
You did a good deed by taking her to the CVS. Helping cure STD’s shoud make you feel like you are doing your part to save the community.
Dear Young’n,
If you keep three KEY things in mind you will find success, love and happiness
1.) Let go and Let God. You know how to reach Him you always have and you always will.
2.) Follow your heart and your gut. Don’t talk yourself into situations that you know aren’t good for you.
3.) Live life and have no regrets. Everything you go through is meant to teach you a lesson. Only when you fail, will you have to repeat the lesson.
“2.) Follow your heart and your gut.”
don’t these contradict each other?
Nope my heart and gut were somehow uploaded with the same programming. When they are in sync and I am doing something that is right and on task, I get butterflies in my stomach. Whether its a first date or a dream job interview, butterflies. But when I am being defiant and doing what tha hell I wanna do and actually say, screw my heart, gut and my conscience, I have no butterflies. Thats when I stop praying and ignore #1.
I hate those damn butterflies. lol.
I have issues. this i know.
I wouldn’t write a letter to my younger self. I kind of miss me as a young’un.
But my younger self would have written a letter to me now: Girl, he’s fine. So what if he’s dumb as a box of rocks. You need to stop trying to turn everything into a relationship. Take him home. Wear him out. Kick him out. … Or at least find a dark corner and get felt up.
“find a dark corner and get felt up.”
this is the official name of the vsb.com bbq, btw
::snicker::
LMAO!
I love it!
clarifying questions: is it a night time BBQ? How many corners will there be?
Champ, how you gonna rent out my corner?? lol
Ahem……..OUR corner…..thanks!
Dear K.I.M.
I need you to really Keep It Moving.
1. That cat in high school, you knew he’d end up in jail, impregnating at least one random chic. Aren’t you glad he isn’t your baby’s daddy. Aren’t you glad you don’t yet have a baby?
2. After The Incident, you probably should’ve sought therapy. It really did f*ck with your head well into your adulthood. Because of one overly aggressive asshole, a lot of men suffered.
3. Ummm, well the college relationship was cool. But it should’ve ended when you left college. At least you learned that sometimes love isn’t enough.
4. The first red flag was that he said he had been married once before and engaged once before. Third time is not always the charm. You really could’ve avoided 2 years of wasted life on this cat.
5. Never become a part of a click or crew of women. It is bound to fall apart and you know you don’t have the patience to deal with too many women at once. Plus, none of them are where you want to be as far as relationships. You are who you hang around.
“Never become a part of a click or crew of women.”
in your opinion, whats the difference between having a clique and just having a few close friends?
The clique is more of a social circle. I didn’t like everybody in the group…which manifested itself in a nasty lil’ way. And the broads talked behind each other’s backs something nasty.
I prefer having a few close friends. I prefer one-on-one or smaller groups of people that genuinely like each other.
and naw, they weren’t particularly young. I was the youngest and I’m 27.
“The clique is more of a social circle. I didn’t like everybody in the group…which manifested itself in a nasty lil’ way. And the broads talked behind each other’s backs something nasty.”
thanks for explaining and sh*t
K.I.M rights:
“5. Never become a part of a click or crew of women…
does this include sororities?
just wondering…
The chics I hung out with were in a sorority, so to answer your ?…yes, this includes sororities. You get more than 2 women and I don’t care if they beat each other with a paddle…there will be talking behind somebody’s back. It’s human nature.
I’m not affiliated…went to a PWI and it wasn’t ‘all the rage.’
thanks for the answer lil K.I.M i could have figured as much but u confirmed. your soror or frat does not a friend necessarily make.
most of the frats and sorors i know are not all that great of friends their true friends tend to be outside of the greek organization. somehow i think people are motivated to join greeks primarily for social popularity although most of them will go on and on about secondary and tertiary motivations like community and civic endeavors, business networking etc.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooo!
Dear lil Eys,
1. you can totally bypass men, thats just not how you roll. no matter how many times you try it with the fellas, its just not going to work because YOU ARE GAY!
2. you’re only 19, stop trying to settle down.
3. you’re only 23, stop trying to settle down.
4. at 25 i applaud your “have a blast spirit”, keep this up, good job, bag as many as you can!
5. at 30, good job with finding the ONE, you earned it kiddo.
“1. you can totally bypass men, thats just not how you roll. no matter how many times you try it with the fellas, its just not going to work because YOU ARE GAY!”
lol…im sorry but this made me lol.
“5. at 30, good job with finding the ONE, you earned it kiddo.”
Congrats!
1. Don’t go off to college with a boyfriend back home. It’s likely that he doesn’t understand ANYTHING you’re going through during your first year away from home. He’s more concerned with the parties you SHOULDN’T go to, they guys you SHOULDN’T be friends with, etc.
2. Former self As Is, it is perfectly ok to date more than 1 guy at a time! People actually still do it. It has nothing to do with sleeping with them! It is ok to go out to dinner with Bobby on Friday, then go to the movies with Ricky on Saturday. Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT wrap yourself in one dude during the very early stages of “dating!” You’re young! LIVE A LITTLE!
3. Some friendships…you have to just end! If they’re crazy and selfish now, chances are, they’ll still be that way 10 years from now! Chalk those up as a loss and keep it moving!
4. Don’t hang on to bad relationships just because you “don’t like to give up on things.” Eff that! You know he’s an a-hole, smokes weed with his friends several times a day, the biggest whore on campus, lying, not giving to this relationship, etc…JUST LEAVE! Take the lesson early on and keep it moving!
5. When you do graduate from undergrad, leave them guys that are STILL in undergrad alone! They have 2 or 3 more years to go. So, are you going to be going back on campus once a month to visit him? NOOOOO!!! You will not! Now you’re in the real world and he’s still talking about the parties at the student center! 2 different worlds now! Your biggest worry is paying your car note on time and his is, “I gotta look fresh for class!” Keep it moving!
I think that’s all for the moment…never know when something else will pop in my mind!
“Some friendships…you have to just end! If they’re crazy and selfish now, chances are, they’ll still be that way 10 years from now! Chalk those up as a loss and keep it moving!”
this is very true
“Some friendships…you have to just end! If they’re crazy and selfish now, chances are, they’ll still be that way 10 years from now! Chalk those up as a loss and keep it moving!”
A biggest truth may have yet to be spoken today
“Some friendships…you have to just end! If they’re crazy and selfish now, chances are, they’ll still be that way 10 years from now! Chalk those up as a loss and keep it moving!”
learned this one early.
“5. When you do graduate from undergrad, leave them guys that are STILL in undergrad alone! They have 2 or 3 more years to go. So, are you going to be going back on campus once a month to visit him? NOOOOO!!! You will not! Now you’re in the real world and he’s still talking about the parties at the student center! 2 different worlds now! Your biggest worry is paying your car note on time and his is, “I gotta look fresh for class!” Keep it moving!”
LMAO! Co-sign!
Dear Lil ForReal,
It doesnt much matter WHY it’s not working. You tried, it’s not working, and that’s all you need to know. Leave.
Oh yeah and in college? Just go to class b*tch!
at 18 – Get yourself a well paying job and eff all the bullshyt. Take a year or 2 off to do you, because right now your just to immature to be in school wasting time and money. By the time your 20-21 you will be ready. Eff em and dump em. Your too young to be in a serious relationship, again time and money will be saved (along with jail time and your sanity). Do everything in your power to get your little sister healthy. And finally the Powerball numbers for August 23rd drawing are . . .
Dear Young Sweet Innocent V,
You know that a**hole that you were so in wrapped up in. When he asks you to put a car in his name….DON’T. He’s going to let his jump off use the car, she’s going to do a hit and run, and the police are going to show up at your door since the license plate number traces back to you. And while you do make a comeup since ol girl did have insurance and she totaled the car in YOUR name, the money is not worth the hassle.
And oh yeah, that same guy, don’t believe that the chick who got the apartment in her name for him is his cousin. She’s going to hate you, make snide remarks while you are out in the club and try to test you when you were just trying to have your drink and your two step. As a result, you are going to have to beat her azz, get maced at point blank range by the police and thrown in the back of the paddy wagon for beating her azz. The only good thing is it’s a misdemeanor and you later get it expounged from your record. While it felt good to release your frustrations on her head, the court visits are not that fun. It will make you feel like a criminal as you look around in the courtroom at the real criminals.
Sincerely,
Older and wiser V
“court visits are not that fun”
a good, not great t-shirt
“She’s going to hate you, make snide remarks while you are out in the club and try to test you when you were just trying to have your drink and your two step. As a result, you are going to have to beat her azz, get maced at point blank range by the police and thrown in the back of the paddy wagon for beating her azz.”
wow. just wow. i would be cracking up if i wasn’t at the office and trying not to let folks know that i’m reading VSB…lol.
I see Young V Renee was barring none. Mayne hol’ up…lol
Can I co-sign that? And Anger management will only serve to increase your anger? And what the he.ll is up with the “that’s my cousin” … I am gitting p!ssed off just thinking about it!
Cousin is synonymous to jump off?!?!?!?!?!
“Mimi, tell that truth about the credit score! They should hand out pamphlets right along with those free t-shirts for filling out an applicatoin in school”
A free t-shirt? Damn all we got back then was a bag a peanut M&M’s!! What can I say I was hungry and broke . . .
LOL..maybe the M&M’s wouldn’t have been bad. Some people wore those t-shirts out.
Dear Young miss t-lee,
1. Don’t hang on 3 years longer than you should. We’ve all been there, had a piece that was so good, you thought you were in love. Sure, it was only the 2nd person you have ever been with and they made you feel stuff you had never felt. Don’t get dyckmatized. It will cloud your judgement. You know it wasn’t a relationship, you shouldn’t hung in there with him. Finally you came to your senses, good job.
2. Know when you have a great one. If you do have a great one, hold on to him for dear life. Let me know how much you appreciate him and how you really feel about him. Don’t let that chance get away from you.
3. If you’re not down with the freaky…let ‘em know. Don’t pretend that you’re cool with the guy that just wants to come over and massage/rub lotion on your feet. Even if he’s finer than all outdoors with his Tupac eyes and his Usher (well, former Usher) six pack.
4. Don’t be naïve. Go with your gut instinct. If you think that chick he lives with isn’t his roommate, you’re probably right.
5. Find more guys with tongue rings
6. Look for the responsible ones. Avoid all the DJ’s/singers/rappers/military guys like the plaque.
“Don’t get dyckmatized”
T-Shirt??
lol…I ono about a shirt, but that is some REAL TALK fo’ yo’ arse.
Dont get dyckmatized…can we hand this out to all girls starting at age 13?
And number 5? I don’t think enough people know and we need to spread the word.
re:#5
Yeah I only had that 1.
and…wow…almost 5 years later I still think about that kat sometimes…lol
I only had one too and it’s highly unlikely I’ll have another, but damn. totally. worth. it.
for real. fond memories… fond memories…
Tell me about it…lol
“5. Find more guys with tongue rings”
why are you telling your young self to search for gay men?
stereotype much?
Nah playa…he was far from gay, and there’s more than a few straight kats with piercings.
LOL Champ! Plenty of straight dudes have tongue rings, it’s all about the placement. Now, do plenty of 30+ professional dudes have tongue rings? No, that’s why its unlikely we’ll cross paths again.
Now, do plenty of 30+ professional dudes have tongue rings? No, that’s why its unlikely we’ll cross paths again.
And here lies the problem…lmao
yeah..I will co-sign this one.. not all are gay and a little ice and a tongue ring will get the party started right!!!!
i’m sorry, but i’m calling bullshit on this one. if this isn’t “suspect” behavior, i dont know what is.
i honestly have no idea what would motivate a straight guy to get permenant jewelry on his tongue.
Agreed.
i honestly have no idea what would motivate a straight guy to get permenant jewelry on his tongue.
It’s not permanent. If you take it out, the hole starts closing with a day or two.
I can’t argue this point with you, if you’ve never had your helmet buffed by a chick with a tongue ring you don’t know what I’m talking ’bout and I can’t explain it to you.
“if you’ve never had your helmet buffed by a chick with a tongue ring you don’t know what I’m talking ’bout and I can’t explain it to you.”
i have, and its probably the most overrated experience known to man.
to me, guys with tongue rings enter that same ambiguous sexuality ring that male strippers are in. maybe they’re straight…but barely, lol
“i have, and its probably the most overrated experience known to man.”
i always thought it didnt make that much of a difference considering what makes good head for most men…
maybe they’re straight…but barely, lol
I’m gonna leave you alone now…lmao.
yeah I agree…we know I have a double pierced tongue…adn I know for a fact that orally it does more for me than the receiver of the fellashment…it’s just knowing that it’s there that turns me on…the same can be said for piercings below the waste…and when I had a pireced man…I couldn’t feel it in the valley only on the peaks…
disclaimer…I have tongue rings but also I have pink, flat no-see-um barbells for the real world interaction…
1. Don’t hang on 3 years longer than you should. We’ve all been there, had a piece that was so good, you thought you were in love. Sure, it was only the 2nd person you have ever been with and they made you feel stuff you had never felt. Don’t get dyckmatized. It will cloud your judgement. You know it wasn’t a relationship, you shouldn’t hung in there with him. Finally you came to your senses, good job.
We dated the same guy in college I see.
“Look for the responsible ones”
Okay now how would you know if you found one? I was in three diff schools to get my BS, working $8.50 an hr in NYC no less!!! Not a good look.
Not that it tells you anything about my personality,but after you realize: “He’s cute (yea I said it) but broke” then what? Are you going with “Paid but and Airhead”
Laugh all you want, he’s offering trips to MIA and ATL and all I got is two dollars on my Metrocard!!
And seeing what the women would have said to their younger selves… “Airhead” gets 3 years!!!
I say that cuz I feel for women if the d!ck and money is right-mums the word until the dealbreakers show up then yall get suspicous, so tell me what are “signs or repsonsibility”.
Ok this is hard for me………….
Rob is not the one; should not get the title of first because he is a cheater and is addicted to hood rats.
Just because you only let him kiss it doesn’t mean that you won’t get stalked for four years; don’t give him nothing. His mother is crazy and will stalk you too.
Yes he is beautiful in everyway and if your not cautious you will change him and yourself forever if you continue to say one thing and mean something different.
Don’t date a man that you have cheated with, no chance he will be faithful to you; you’ve proven that you are a cheater and he shouldn’t trust you.
If you were caught cheating he will never forgive you, he may say that but in his mind he just wants revenge. Don’t believe the hype.
I’m sure I said this already, but don’t be a cheater it sucks to be you. Years of cheatin karma is sure to follow, no lie.
Yes I’m bitter and hurt so admit it already and be honest all the mikky fikky time damn; have ya learned nothing from the karma?
Say yes without hesitation when he walks up and you feel like it’s right. Yes that feeling is real. Yes that happiness is real. Yes, yes yes!!!!!!!
Be honest on the beach, you do love him. He said it and it will hurt him for you not to do the same.
Say yes the first time, don’t make the brother jump through hoops. I promise this will lead to some of the best years of your life.
Whew!!!!!! Should I pay someone on my way out? This is good threapy.
Yeah the whole cheating thing is a slippery-ass slope and all types of craziness and confusion ensues. Shoulda known then, but at least we know now.
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Confucius
Men honor what lies within the sphere of their knowledge, but do not realize how dependent they are on what lies beyond it.
Zhuangzi
We cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence; like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.
Zhuangzi
Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories.
Sun Tzu
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Sun Tzu
The skilful employer of men will employ the wise man, the brave man, the covetous man, and the stupid man.
Sun Tzu
To be satisfied with a little, is the greatest wisdom; and he that increaseth his riches, increaseth his cares; but a contented mind is a hidden treasure, and trouble findeth it not.
Akhenaton
I want to do what I want when I want to do it not be dictated to by audiences.
Dario Argento
He that loveth pureness of heart , for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend.
Proverbs 22:11
He who is taught to live upon little owes more to his father’s wisdom than he who has a great deal left him does to his father’s care.
William Penn
Great quotes. Especially Confucious, Zhuangzi and Sun Tzu.
“Sun Tzu: Opportunities multiply as they are seized. ”
Love it.
Me too! That’s a great quote…
1) Expose that white chick and white dude for cheating. That test made sure the deserving hardworking Chinese chick didn’t become Valedictorian
2) So what she had a wig, you should hollered at the Goddess of Perfect Black. Same with that big bootied chick with too much gum. And that ridonkulous Latina, she came to your house you idiot.
3) You needed to date the ex-stripper turned waitress turned stripper again. As painful as it was, it made you realize chemistry is more important than looks, degrees, perceived smartness.
4) Dude, you should have went to Italy. It wouldn’t have worked out, but it would have been epic.
5) Upload that file correctly, it means at least 50K a year for life
6) Don’t leave Austin, find someway for the both of you to stay. She liked Chris Rock and UGK…and she was fine as all get out? You ain’t finding that again.
7) Don’t get involved with that single mom.
“2) So what she had a wig, you should hollered at the Goddess of Perfect Black. Same with that big bootied chick with too much gum. And that ridonkulous Latina, she came to your house you idiot.”
man, if i listed all the chicks i passed up that i shouldnt have, my list might have been like 1000 words longer
Coulda.Woulda.Shoulda.
“man, if i listed all the chicks i passed up that i shouldnt have.”
D@mn…cosignage like a muthaph*ca…I blame love and exceptional head.
Dear Kaye (my family calls me Kaye):
1. Let your father walk away now. If not he is going to sue you when you are 21 to make you change your last name after he disowns you. Although the trial will have funny moments, it caused you to crack a wee bit.
2. A man with a strong personality and a strong back doesn’t have to be a thug. Learn this NOW.
3. Darrell Walker only wants you for your uterus and green eyes. Don’t take the bait.
4. You will meet a man named Kevin. You will love him like he created creation. He didn’t. Don’t not get involved with him, the sex will be phenomenal, but when he comes home with the chewed up peepee, kick him out and let him go.
5. Hug Will everyday. Even if y’all get into an argument, hug him before y’all part ways. His time here will be cut short. At his funeral his wife will slap you. Beat that biotch’s A$$.
seriously cheryl, you need to have someone pitch your autobio to lifetime or oxygen or some shit, lol
Someone else told me that once. Probably was you. For real, I have had some strange shit happen to me … but it doesn’t happen consistently enough I think to be memorialized on film.
I got stories tho,
Oh, and my father lost the case and I did not beat Will’s wife’s a$$ at the funeral.
Someone did NOT slap you at a funeral??!!! wtf?
Yes they did. Long story made kinda less long – Will and I had been best friends for most of our lives. Nothing ever than friends tho. He married this backhick ignorant a$$ biznitch who I hated and she hated me. Thing is – all of Will’s family called me Baby or Babygirl, never by my name. Heck even SHE called me Baby because she didn’t know my real name.
At the funeral she found out my real name (Cheryl) and put together that her youngest daughter’s name was a combination of my name and her husbands first name (babys name is Chemond … Cheryl + Desmond) and she flipped the eff out.
After she hit me, I was gonna go there but Will’s auntie jumped in and handled that as I was pulled away by another family member. We have since sorta mended the fence. She told me somethings that Will would say to her that lead to her hating me … I’m on the fence as to whether I believe her version of events tho.
Wow Cheryl. Just… wow.
“when he comes home with the chewed up peepee,…”
Everytime I hear this story, I crack up. She must have really bit a chunk off…
Kaye Kaye reflects:
“3. Darrell Walker only wants you for your uterus and green eyes. Don’t take the bait.”
u must have 1 hell of a uterus to be kicking as$ and calling whole gov. names and sh*t.
#5. sounds like a partial description of a bad Tyler Perry movie. oh but all his movies are bad. my bad. jokey joke.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooo!
as u were green eyes.
oh my bad. Darrell James Walker, Esq. born July 11, 1967 in Norfolk, Va.
Cheryl stop:
“…Esq. born July 11, 1967 in Norfolk, Va.”
…a woman scorned.
please stop hold what u got.
say 10 hail Marys and 17, O Father’s and consider that sh*t absolved.
2. A man with a strong personality and a strong back doesn’t have to be a thug. Learn this NOW.
Describes me to a T, growing up I coulda “got more” had I lied an said I did “six months on the Island” I have the peronality to at least convince you. Deep voice, I tend to never back down and I do intmidate people (though I am only 5-9, 185).
It amazes me how I avoided incarceration like being called gay yet our women flocked to these men who waay older than 18 get locked up too much or did one bid under 18 and have been living off of it for years.
my one and only… when you’re in college, don’t get involved with any athletes… especially basketball players. they don’t love you, they probably don’t even like you. they just want to smash because you are that one girl no one has gotten to yet… that and the fact that you got some d cup boobies…
“when you’re in college, don’t get involved with any athletes… especially basketball players”
hey!! no speaking ill of college ball players, ever. we weren’t bad guys, just misunderstood
please stop trying to act like you had good intentions in college….
i wasn’t a player or anything at all. i just had alot of, ummm, “relationship practice”
Young Honey I’m gonna give it to you straight.
The sex is usually the last thing to go.
If a brother is selfish with foreplay, he is probably just selfish. Period.
Those happy meal toys that you find in your car that he frequently drives and you haven’t been around any kids, they belong to his side chick’s son. When she calls you, don’t entertain her. Hang up. Drop him. Move on.
Oh yeh, don’t let a brother borrow your car. Lend him a couple tokens, but not you car.
When you break up with your live-in boyfriend, don’t let him stay for a few days ’til he gets himself together. That nucca needs to hit the bricks at 3 AM! You’ll sleep better.
No man, friendship, relationship is more important than your self respect. If it doesn’t feel like something you should be doing, it probably isn’t.
Get some good girflfriends who you can laugh with, cry with and cut-up with. It may be a different person for all of these things, but life is so much better with some sister-friends.
It is always more important to like yourself in the morning than to get your freak on the night before. I ain’t gonna lie to you, it ain’t as much fun, but….just yeah, what I said.
It’s Ok to trust Damon from college. It might take y’all forever to get there, but you will and it will be beatutiful.
Use condoms. Get used to it. You are gonna be unmarried for a lil while.
Just cuz tha dude is 6’4″ chocolate, fine and rocks your world doesn’t mean he might not be on the DL.
Avoid getting the hook-up from the Verizon guy. You’ll thank me later…..
Don’t buy that Plymouth Neon in 1996.
“When you break up with your live-in boyfriend, don’t let him stay for a few days ’til he gets himself together. That nucca needs to hit the bricks at 3 AM! You’ll sleep better.”
ice cold!!!
“If it doesn’t feel like something you should be doing, it probably isn’t.”
Love it!
Suga Baby,
Here are a few tidbits to keep you from being a dayum nutcase at before you even turn 30.
1. That guy from freshman year, the one who is a senior at Morehouse. Pay attetnion to his words and be a little flexible. He is one of the few men who wanted to spend time with you and not just screw you.
2. The other guy you met freshman year and spent 6 years swooning over, listen to all the ‘buts’ of his sentences. I love you, BUT, I cant give you the relationship you want right now. I want to be with your BUT, I know I will still trick off and I would rather us be freinds than risk effing it up with a relationship.
3. His problems are his. When that negro gets kicked out of school for poor academics and calls you crying. Dont write his appeal letter, spend time filling out the paperwork and meet with the Dean of the Engineering Dept(your an effing business major for God’s Sake) to get him back in school, in a record 24hrs
4. Make him tell you what you really feel BEFORE you get the abortion.
5. Guys talk more than chicks. And since you all share the same circle of friends please know that all your homeboys have heard about your ‘Tongue-Fu Capabilities’
6. Stay away from the short dancer dude. He is too sensitive for your taste.
7. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. Stay away from the dude known as Superman. Shyt is 10x worse the second time around.
8. The guy who works for Delta, he loves and is good in bed. Dont let put him in the cut buddy catagory simply because he has kids and you dont believe in instant families.
-
. His problems are his. When that negro gets kicked out of school for poor academics and calls you crying. Dont write his appeal letter, spend time filling out the paperwork and meet with the Dean of the Engineering Dept(your an effing business major for God’s Sake) to get him back in school, in a record 24hrs
Wow.
‘Tongue-Fu Capabilities’
LMAO! This has to go on a t-shirt somehow…
ok had to clear up this typo
4. Make him tell you what you really feel BEFORE you get the abortion.
Should be
Make him tell you how he honestly feels BEFORE the abortion. You cant get that moment back
Guys talk more than chicks. And since you all share the same circle of friends please know that all your homeboys have heard about your ‘Tongue-Fu Capabilities’
Not sure about this one. If so I would not have to let most my boys “fall on their face”. One of em had a girl no one knew of, the wedding invite had the Ex girls pic mailed to the current GFs apt.
Come on now if guys spoke I and all his peeps would have known about shorty, guys dont talk more than women…they talk MORE $hit than women!!
1. It’s called High School Sweetheart for a reason. It isn’t and shouldn’t go much further than that.
2. Stop f*cking idiots.
3. Don’t let him guilt trip you into staying with him. The fact that both of his parents are deceased and you are “all that he has left in life” are NOT reasons to stay with him.
4. Don’t let him sell drugs out of your house. *The block is HOT*
5. If he hits you once, he will hit you twice.
6. “Friends with benefits” isn’t your thing. You tried. You failed.
4. Don’t let him sell drugs out of your house. *The block is HOT*
LMFAO…. some oj just trickled out of my mouth… are you serious?
now i got that damn song stuck in my head… “the block is hot, the block it hot… ha ha”… little wayne’s breath looks like it stinks…
Oh I wish I was playing. Apparently, we were the college suppliers. Thing is, I didn’t have a clue that we were until I found the sticky in my refrigerator. Dammit, that ain’t parsley!!!!
Handlebars, Syrup, X…the block was on FIYAH.
He is now awaiting trial for gun and drug possession.
“Before you lock my love awwayyy…”
Oh wow. Ya’ll place was the “spot”.
Count your lucky stars.
hilarious.
I can’t do the friends with benefits thing either! Tho sometimes I wish I could….
Young Bailey,
1. Live life to the fullest! Don’t get so caught up on appearances. You don’t have to do what you think is expected of you. Do what you want. Enjoy yourself!
2. Your first – he’s a f*cking cheater. When you think you hear him talking to a girl on the phone in the bathroom…he is. The night you roll to his house with your girls bc he wasn’t answering the phone…don’t leave because the lights were out. Tell your one friend to let you out the car, there’s a b!tch in there. When the chick contacts you, don’t be shocked. You knew what was up….
3. You know when it’s time to let something go, so do it. You’ll regret it.
4. Find your religious self. You need God, don’t think you can do everything on your own. Pray more.
5. You should pick XYZ, not ABC. ABC will turn out bad…
“The night you roll to his house with your girls bc he wasn’t answering the phone…don’t leave because the lights were out. Tell your one friend to let you out the car, there’s a b!tch in there”
…………….
Sorry for the crazy writing, but so much went on and I was being dumb thinking I needed proof. I could have eliminated a couple months of bullsh!t if I went with my gut.
“Sorry for the crazy writing, but so much went on and I was being dumb thinking I needed proof. I could have eliminated a couple months of bullsh!t if I went with my gut.”
lol…nah, don’t apologize for sh*t. we’re all purging here, it seems
wow
Dearest Kindred,
Spend as much time with your family as your schedule will allow. Treasure those moments, listen to their stories, cause they won’t last forever.
You fell too hard for him too soon. You need to get out and date. If he is the one, then your paths will cross again.
Never love someone so much that you lose your sense of self. You have to learn to stand on your own – you’re stronger than you think.
Take risks! If you get invited somewhere, go! You’re shy and that’s fine, but stepping outside of your comfort zone will bring myriad opportunities and lasting friendships.
YOU CAN’T CHANGE ANYONE. Sorry to shout, but “potential” will kill you. Being supportive is great, but you will be taken advantage of more times than you can count if you continue down that road.
Lastly, love yourself. Please learn to see yourself as others see you. You’re beautiful and deserve better.
*****
This is the most therapeutic exercise I’ve had in a while. Thanks, VSB.
“This is the most therapeutic exercise I’ve had in a while. Thanks, VSB.”
no problem and sh*t. any time
YOU CAN’T CHANGE ANYONE. Sorry to shout, but “potential” will kill you. Being supportive is great, but you will be taken advantage of more times than you can count if you continue down that road.
Say this again, I was way too supportive of too many.
Potential will kill you.
You are soo right. I’m lovin all the wisdom man!
Oh, one more…
Young Reign,
The grass on the other side may indeed be greener…but if you water your own damn grass it will be green too.
Dear Tay,
Stop letting men walk back into your life. Once you kick them out, make them stay gone.
Don’t let Sean come back. Yeah, he said he was done with the weed but he really wasn’t. Matter of fact, he’s now using x, shrooms, and a little cocaine. Run fast and run far.
Ben was special. Nice guy, cared, spent a lot of time with you, had similar interest, and just seemed like a good fit. Well don’t get attached because 3 months down the road, he’ll finally let you know he’s not single. He’s separated and not even legally… He’s just staying at his momma house for about 6 months. Run far. Run fast.
Stanton – This 24 year old graduate student that looks like Avant may be sexy as hell and seem like a good catch but he still has a lil boy mentality. Don’t give him the time of day. Or if u do, realize it’s just about sex and keep it moving.
When you turned Randy down the first time, you really should have left it like that. And even if you didn’t… that time you went to the club and he watched you walk out the building from his car and didn’t say anything until you was in your car shoulda let you know he was crazy. Run and save yourself 2 years of drama, bs, him creeping behind your back, and many late nights ruining your GPA.
***Continue to stay away even when he keeps calling, talking about he loves you, misses you, wants to get married, go to the park, anything… just ignore it***
Mike really did love you but he wasn’t good for you. He was a 28 year old immature guy with a tongue ring. Enjoy the ride but don’t let him get to you so much with his childish antics. Maybe if he had a real job, he wouldn’t demand so much of your time. Also, don’t let him tell you that you don’t know how to love. Just because you are not suffocating him with your love like he does you doesn’t mean u don’t know how to love.
Just learn from all these mistakes so as you get older you don’t make them again.
Was he also extra short like Avant?
Yes, he was 5’5 but I’m 5’6 so it didn’t matter… much
1. don’t take that job in philadelphia after graduation…stay home and work, that way you can stay in your ridiculously inexpensive apt and PILE UP A PLETHORA OF PAPER. You’ll save miles on that brand new car of yours and you can still head to your alma mater and deflower college girls when you get bored without looking creepy.
2. Save the “trips to Pluto” for weekend recreation only. Going to class EVERYDAY in that state isn’t a good look despite your good marks…Jamal (Redman) from How High is not who you should be taking life advice from…”study high…take the test high…get high scores”
3. Find something to do with your life besides chasing women…remember being locked in a Delaware basement?…or being chased around your own apt for 30 mins for your nookie all because she couldn’t take NO for answer?…lest we forget “Baltimore”?….all that could have been avoided with a good book, a hobby, or some community service
4. don’t go to Kansas City for that summer road trip…just don’t…Really, I mean it.
5. Please don’t ever answer the call from the girl with that excessively pronounces her “t’s”, has a son almost your age, always tries to lecture you because you’re younger than her, and has armpit hair…no matter how phat her azz is *it did rival buffie the body’s though*…you have standards
6. Don’t move back to Philly…stay in Dallas. Trust me on this one…
3. Find something to do with your life besides chasing women…remember being locked in a Delaware basement?…or being chased around your own apt for 30 mins for your nookie all because she couldn’t take NO for answer?…
expound?! …
please, lol
these were all separate occasions and require in person storytelling to give all the details…but for your short-lived entertainment, I’ll expound on the story of being chased around my apt…
A young lady I met in DC made me work, in my opinion, entirely too hard to get the poon. So one day when she came to visit and I wasn’t in the mood (read: “i don’t feel like f*ckin’ but I could do your sweet lips” – Weezy) but she wanted to do something a bit more interactive. So I said oh well, your loss, you’re gonna have to wait.
After this she proceeds to make incessant attempts that would have easily led to sexual harassment charges in each of the lower 48 states had it been me trying to get her’s….
anyways…at first it was playful, but after about 7.06 minutes of “playing” I realized she wasn’t going to stop until she won. So I would have to hold her off (restrain her) until she stopped trying….she would quit and go in the other room for about a minute like it was all cool then she was right back at it.
…ahhh screw it you just had to be there…it was quite annoying after awhile. However that was my first “sign” of her unrelenting persistence….i.e. she would embark on the following behavior:
1. call my desk at work
2. call my cell 2 seconds later
3. send me a text message to let me know she called my desk and cell
4. then send me an email
after all that, what did she usually want? Yup, you guessed it….NOT A GOT DAYUM THING!
“she would embark on the following behavior:
1. call my desk at work
2. call my cell 2 seconds later
3. send me a text message to let me know she called my desk and cell
4. then send me an email”
LMAO! Some people get really crazy with the technology. I remember one guy that I met last month text me at least 25 times in a span of one hour because I didn’t call him back after he called. I ended that real quick!
Westside recalls:
“remember being locked in a Delaware basement?…or being chased around your own apt for 30 mins for your nookie all because she couldn’t take NO for answer?…lest we forget “Baltimore”?….all that could have been avoided with a good book, a hobby, or some community service”
yo Corn this ya boy a.k.a Hood Heffner
what kinda chick can chase you around your appt against ur will dude. did she weigh more than u? was she stronger than u. …and in ur own appt no less. i woulda jipped her as$ outside the door with a hamhock and locked the door behind her.
i had an ex get in my house and didn’t want to leave. tried to anchor herself to my furniture. shyyyyt thats a battle i can easily tell u her and the furniture lost. my neighbor likes to tease that he heard me throwing her around but on everything she was throwing herself over couches trying to avoid me forcing her out. crying at the top of her lungs and screaming for no physical reason. when i got done being sympathetic i told her i’m leaving and u can’t stay put her as$ in a half nelson and walked her out the door. case closed.
locked in a Deleware basement by whom or should i say what? dont tell me it was a woman? i would’ve kicked the door down. …went out of a window. …called the fire department? i’m very resourceful. McGyver and Bond cant see me. i show crazy, CRAZY.
come on Westside. u giving the westside of any city a bad name homey. tighten up ya stockings b.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooooo!
“her as$ in a half nelson and walked her out the door”
I could totally see this…
James Bond and McGyver ain’t got nothing on you huh?
You literally just made me LOL.
Ditto. I had a vivid mental picture of that scene.
1. in high school, girls will say you’re cute now but you’re gonna be fine when you get older. don’t wait til you’re older to take advantage of this.
2. speaking of high school, andrea is a hoodrat. let her go. you can do better.
3. if they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you. she’s 5’1 and built like pinky… she’s not going out of town for “modeling gigs.”
4. and since she is cheating on you… when you visit your boy up at vandy… go ‘head & get at that bad, slim-waisted-fat-assted girl who was feelin’ you. you’ll leave & she’ll reveal to your boy that she would have given you the cookies… and you’ll regret it.
5. just keep the relationship sexual. don’t fall for her. see #3
6. she’s about to go to iraq. don’t get into a relationship with her yet. just keep in touch and see what happens. you’ll save her a lot of heartache.
7. for some reason, every chick you’re in a relationship with, or kind of have been serious about, will either be an AKA or aspiring one… and it’s not like you know this when you first meet them.
8. when you’re on the couch with you-know-who watching the news about a woman murdered by her boyfriend. she’s going to make you promise that you’ll never do anything crazy like that. then she’s going to mention the fact that her father will come after you if you do anything to her. she’s crazy, and at this point you should promptly get up and leave.
“3. if they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you. she’s 5′1 and built like pinky… she’s not going out of town for “modeling gigs.””
i wonder how many people reading this today will get the “pinky” reference. i’m thinking maybe 80.
“i wonder how many people reading this today will get the “pinky” reference. i’m thinking maybe 80.”
hmmm… could be more. they just don’t want to give themselves away! lol
pinky doesn’t go out of town for “modeling gigs” either.
that’s a badd baddd bi*ch.
I feel bad that I finally got the Pinky reference…
I’m too slow today…lol
“she’s 5′1 and built like pinky…”
My eyes are green with envy…wooooo!!
Dear Sweet Young Comeback,
you’re where you’re supposed to be at each time in your life. Some of your course has already be charted , but you ultimately have the choice. Love wrong, just to get it right. Some people will be your rite of passage leading you ultimately to the person who by any other way previously you wouldn’t have been ready for.
and fair warning sometime around 25 your breasts will grow practically overnight from a C to a 36DD dont be alarmed you WILL find pretty bras. I think its the steamed breve. But no worries they won’t make it with growth hormones anymore.
one more thing, make lots of money because your gonna get this Choo habit in 05′ that you won’t be able to contain and it grows worst. All wont be lost because you still love Target too.
“overnight from a C to a 36DD ”
that’s GREED right there lol
“that’s GREED right there lol”
Thats actually the name of my Vicki bra. Purple laced Greed. Prolly why they stop at 38DD huh?
I cannot even imagine a 38DD on my body. Wow.
How do you not tip over?
lol.
I don’t know…with a 36 and at 5’7.5, and at a 12… I somehow manage..so I suppose one cup size bigger wouldn’t be awfully tragic. lol
im saddened that a lot of women don’t even know their TRUE and actual bra size from measurement…the guess work makes for a far worse fit than imagining how it might feel. Even women who are larger in bra size look great when they actually have on the RIGHT and CORRECT bra.
You know, another VSBer and I were having a discussion re: our boobs via IM earlier today. She swears I am C cup…I think she may be right. I don’t wear bras (TMI but I have porno boobs that sit straight up and am proud of them. I only wear bras when absolutely necessary. Otherwise I wear a cami). so I always thought I was a B. But I am noticeably fuller than all my girls who rock B cup bras. All that to say, I think I will go get measured.
yeah you probably should get measured. I think you might be surprised. And maybe the porno industry needs to take note on full Bs and Cs.
“and fair warning sometime around 25 your breasts will grow practically overnight from a C to a 36DD ”
How’d you do that?? My IBTits would like to know.
I have no idea. And 7.5 years later they WONT go away. Running, extreme dieting. Even at a 12, they stay the same. It must have been the milk (half and half & heavy creame) in my coffee every day.
mine are up for adoption LOL. grass is always greener on the other side.
Luvvie-you dont want them to grow trust me. I am a H or HH depending on the cut of the bar and it isnt all it is cracked up to be, trust. Espeically now that this working out stuff is starting to pay off and I am slimming down some in the waist. Just makes them more of a target. Men, feel the need to constantly remind you that you have big boobs, I am just like, ‘Really? Who the phuck do you think carries these boulders around daily?’
Luvvie i’ll work with lil titties but if u are committed to bigger, i have some titty cream that i hear works well in womens breast growth…
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooo!
LMAO!! GK, I’m aware of ur “titty cream” and I’ll pass, thanks. Lol I do like my IBTits most of the time. I just get green eyes sometimes.
That TC story is a classic.
“Luvvie i’ll work with lil titties but if u are committed to bigger, i have some titty cream that i hear works well in womens breast growth…”
if you’re not talking about steamed breve, that is so extra nasty.
He’s not talking about steamed anything…did you miss that story? lol
HAHAHAHA. Luvvie, we wear the same bra size (or so you claim….) and I ain’t NEVA been accused of having Lil bits.
LMAO
1. There will be at least 4 women in your life you will waste too much time on. Leave them alone the first time they say no…
Younger me – BUT!!!
Older Me- NO
Younger me – BUT!!!
Older Me – Not even if she says that.
Younger me- BUT!!!
Older Me – Not even then!!!
2. Play the field. Don’t be a hoe. But a lot of women like you. Take the time to get out there and date. You might be surprised what you may find out there.
3. Keep your confidence. You are not the best, but you will realize you are a great in your own way.
4. There are a list of chicks I want you to hit. Names: Blah, blah, blah.
“There are a list of chicks I want you to hit.”
i think every guy has a mental list of chicks he should have hit back in the day, but wasnt able to for whatever reason
mental list? you mean you guys don’t actually have it written down? it would be impossible to keep that list in my head
if I were back in college I would tell myself to stop making certain nigz a priority that only make you an option
good advice and sh*t
Young Dom,
You don’t believe in regrets. Everything happens for a reason and luckily you’ll survive generally unscathed. There are a few things that will make your life a little easier though…
Him? The one with the slick boots and southern accent? Yes, he is fine but he’s also a liar and a drug dealer. And yes that was crack.
Him, the one with the tight body and foot fetish? 4 kids, 3 baby mammas, and mental issues. He will also be the worst sex ever.
The Kappa cutie who can really work the cane? That’s his baby mamma and not his cousin. He’ll try to do the same thing to you.
And finally the chubby light one will love you like never before. It wont work out but you’ll still be there for each other.
Oh yeah, and stop listening to what them girls have to say about you and your man issues. They’ll be dropping babies with men they aint known two minutes, they’re not equipped to give you good advice on men.
“Oh yeah, and stop listening to what them girls have to say about you and your man issues.”
**see champ’s response to leila’s comment**
Is this it ???? I fail to see how it applies.
“#3 – Stop playing so many games. Guys can’t figure out what you want unless you tell them. ”
after youve sent this to young leila, would you mind forwarding it to every woman on the planet earth?
at 22 – Senior Year – Clark Atlanta – She was the prototype, but it happens. Did the Lakers ever replace Magic? No. It took them a while to get Kobe.
at 25 – If you just give her what she wants, a real relationship, she’ll stop with the drama. You know she’s really a sweety.
at 26 – She’s just going through something right now, give her some space.
at 27 – channel the late great Notorious BIG – “don’t chase em, just replace em” – she’s not worth it – have a little fun for once
at 28 – dude, you saw the stalker tendencies, like Slim Jackson said, change your passwords frequently!
at 30 -You finally drafted Kobe, however she was already committed to another team, but entertaining your offer. Just enjoy, it ends way to soon, but well worth it. No one else is going to be her, so take people as they are. You might have to channel Biggie again to get through this. On second thought, now as I’m writing this, do everything the same up to this point, this experience is worth it, you don’t want to miss out because you decided to get married or something like that.
this applies at all times – Homecoming is a SERIOUS come up, all the one’s that wanted you then, still want you. So, if you’re single during homecoming, the choice is yours. So sincere. Go to Spelman’s too, you can’t let your fans down.
I think we went to school together? And yes for some reason all the dudes I flirted with while in school seem to now be willing to acknowlege my all-around greatness. Homecoming will be interesting this year.
Yup! We sure did. I just clicked on your profile. But seriously though, I always get the “are you single?!!?” I had a girl in undergrad, so i end up getting a few ‘invitations/room keys’ during homecoming.
Oh I forgot one…
Young Knockout Ned,
Channel Andre 3000 – don’t give a shyt about giving it up on the first night, she just knew what she wanted. You get this concept though by about 28.
And if she only calls you at 5:30pm every Friday, when your leaving work, or 1:30am on Friday and Sat, she just wants the “D” she’s really not THAT busy.
“And if she only calls you at 5:30pm every Friday, when your leaving work, or 1:30am on Friday and Sat, she just wants the “D” she’s really not THAT busy.”
these are the usual contractual booty call time frames for most people.
theChamp- agreed, I was a little naive at the time.
Yup! We sure did. I just clicked on your profile.
So of course this is going to drive me effing nuts! You have to tell me who you are.
*whispers-the dayum blogasphere is to dayum small*
sorry, i’m not going to give away my secret identity
Dear Naturally Alise @ age 19
Back away from the Everclear punch with the fruit, this will lead to the wackest and most campus publicized sexual encounter of your life. It ain’t worth it!
lololol..reminds me of my 20th birthday party. That dayum grain got to two of my girlfriends and they ended up on the tail end of a cabose. They never lived that down.
That was a party for the ages, woooo-weee. We still reminisce about that one!
“Dear Naturally Alise @ age 19
Back away from the Everclear punch with the fruit, this will lead to the wackest and most campus publicized sexual encounter of your life. It ain’t worth it!”
everclear, quality house, heaven hill… all three lead to either good times you look back on with guilty satisfaction, or something regretful that makes you wanna throw up. throwing up is almost always in the equation though.
And the thing about it is it doesn’t hit you until after you have had 4 red cups too many, and by that time you have gotten all grown eating the fruit and talking sh!t like “This ain’t even doing nothing, weak a$$ punch” (famous last words)
“This ain’t even doing nothing, weak a$$ punch” (famous last words)”
These words have been the downfall of many…lol
Present company included.
that grain left me with grass stains on my jeans one night in college…..and I still hate guys who sound like they even might be from Louisuanna because of it. Let’s not even mention Cisco, y’all
CISCO!!! Was just about to say “y’all forgot Cisco”. Had some bad good times with a bottle of Berry Cisco.
I found some on a trip home to Nawlins…in a dusty old store, a few years ago. Bought two bottles, felt like I was discovered some ancient relic. Couldn’t convince anyone to drink it. Been sittin in my pantry for a while (this was before the storm, i.e. Katrina).
Strawberry Hill Boone’s Farm.
Yeah, you know it.
::snicker::
t-lee we drank Boones Farm Strawberry like kool-aid and them 3 badd bi*ches: Ms. Wild Ms. Irish and Ms. Rose.
…but it’s that dam Cisco that will kill u.
I have two bottles for ya if you feel like reminiscing.
I only drank cisco once.
Yes, once–that’s all she wrote.
V.E.G we called Cisco “Liquid Crack”
they literally took that shit off the shelf a few months after it first came out where i was living at the time.
V.E.G. next time i’m in Nawlins i might take u up on a sip or two of that “liquid Crack” i think thats where you are right?
I’m in the CHI now. Look me up if you want a lil “liquid crack”. They don’t sell it here anymore. Haven’t seen any Mad 20/20 either. lol. Prolly for the best.
keep u posted V dot. take my advice. enjoy ur weekend. puff puff pass…
Southern Charm passes out but remembers:
“Back away from the Everclear punch with the fruit…”
Hunch Punch thats what my homies call it.
get your hunch on…
Everclear???!!!
“Why’d you shoot me in the eye, I’d of shot you in the body.”
couldn’t resist. Sorry.
ha!!!!!! Not the Bushwick Bill.
dayum homie.
Dear Miss Patterson:
1) When he said “let’s kick it” it does not mean he wants to be your man, it means he just wants to f*ck you. So, just smile and decline the offer.
2) Put the pen down and do not write him that letter. Just save face and write your thoughts in a diary like normal people do.
3) Poems? really? at spoken word…and he’s in the audience. Just stop it. you’re playing yourself.
4) Whatever you do, DO NOT tell that Negro you love him. Later on I promise you’ll know what love really is and it won’t be this cryptic.
5) That first quickbuss was not an accident. He really DOES have a sexual dysfunction and he will resent you for loving him in spite of it. So, save yourself a month of crying & depression and let him go after that first 5 second willy that happened on your thigh. i mean really, you should have known when he introduced himself as someone who “didn’t really enjoy having sex’ -HUGE red flag!
6) So, you and he both have dead beat dads, like the same movies, and he made you c*m during sex for the first time in your life…these things do not equate to a deep connection. Give him some dap and keep on moving.
7) Now you know his ass was a mimbo! He does not need to meet the family at graduation…keep him hidden behind the bleachers.
8 ) You don’t actually need to tell him every freaky thing you want to do him sexually…he’ll misinterpret this as sprungness
…and he’s right.
9) That thing you like to do, yeah that thing. Save it for someone special, cause it really should be for someone special.
10) And lastly, you are incapable of having no-strings attached sex. It’s not in your DNA, so just quit trying to be someone else before you get your feelings hurt.
hugs & kisses,
me
“7) Now you know his ass was a mimbo! He does not need to meet the family at graduation…keep him hidden behind the bleachers.”
lol…why he gotta be behind the bleachers? you couldnt at least sit him way in the back somewhere near the gate?
Why? Cuz when he met my 77 year old grandmother he actually gave her a dismissive wave and “yo!”
Where’s a good throat punch when you need one?!?!?! **looks around**
*Throat punch*
You’re welcome….lol
He told your grandmother “yo”?
That deserves a throat punch.
Our elders deserve respect. Even the really mean and bitter ones.
Dear 15 Year Old Cal,
Things are only going to get better from here, there are a few down turns here or there, but they are minor in comparison to what you’ve been through in middle school and the first part of high school. Always remember that!
These chicks who are fine now, will fall the fuck off…with only two exceptions. Don’t sweat them too hard.
That said, try to holla at EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. You never know who will bite, and it’s too late when you get older, the ones you think will get married, will get married, take your chance NOW.
Don’t worry about being told no, at least you asked!
When you go on that trip to Houston, throw caution to the wind, that’s your chance to wild out and it’ll give you good practice for college.
Don’t be that nice guy all the time, grow a back bone and use your smart mouth. You may hurt some feelings, but you’ll also develop a swagger and that’ll serve you SO much better. Besides chicks don’t make very good friends to be honest, it’s a one way street as far as that goes, emotionally.
When you get to college, stay the fuck off the computer and go to every party you can. Meet every chick possible and for God’s sake CALL them more than once a month. Utilize your resources!
Last but not least, remember. You are the fucking man. Your future is bright. You WILL be a doctor one day!
Your number 1 fan,
29 Year Old Cal….
40 Cal asserts:
“Besides chicks don’t make very good friends to be honest, it’s a one way street as far as that goes, emotionally.”
r u saying that in ur experience that women as “friends” are selfish 1 way streets and “attention whores?” [emotionally and otherwise]
women can be attention who*es but these chix were probably not really interested in being ur friend in the first place if my assumption is correct.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooo!
1. Go abroad as soon as possible
2. Start dating women immediately
Young AkShone,
- He has been your best friend since 7th grade. A true brotha from another momma that you’ll go through thick and thin with. Jay-Z’s first verse in a song called “Song Cry” will exemplify your friendship in the future. Deep down he blames you for losing the love of his life, but loves you too much like a brother to admit it. You’ll have no idea his girl was standing up against the wall when you peeked out the peep-hole and just saw your girlfriend to let her in. He’ll marry the girl he was cheating with that day anyway and y’all will still be cool, but not close like y’all were before that happened.
- The girl you’ll met at 20 has a lot of insecurity issues…daddy issues…single mother issues and abandonment issues, but she’ll teach you how to love, how romantic a woman can be and what a true friend is. It’ll be an emotional rollercoaster filled with passion, fun, friendship and heartache, but it’ll be worth it for what she teaches you.
-You’ll learn that an education can make you a wealthy man intellectually, but it’s only a tool to get you there financially.
-At 24, I know she’ll be everything visually you looked for in a woman, but she’s bad for you. Have fun, but don’t fall for her…you’ll be unhappy if you do.
-You’ll battle with thoughts of self-doubt, but don’t let your apprehension determine your possibilities…you’re a winner…win…you’ll always figure out a way to win.
-Oh, and when you take that trip to Puerto Rico in 2003…take your translator booklet and keep working on your Spanish…she’ll understand the more you talk with her and it’ll be worth it.
Oh I love this topic. If I could go back and advised my younger self (I’m only 26 so I would go back to Muse at 20-22) I give myself the following advice
1. Stop giving your time to individuals who are unworthy of your kindness and generosity
2. No is a very powerful word, Utilize it. It’s okay not to be everyone’s best friends
3. It’s also okay to let people ago and completely cut them out of your lives if they fail to meet your expectations.
4. Stop apologizing for your success and happiness. Others feeling intimated by you is not your problem
5. It’s okay to wait until marriage for sex.
6. Jay is trouble and sees you as a conquest. Stay far away from him. He will break your heart and you will hate men for 6 months of your life.
7. Move to Paris for a year. Your family and friend will be here when you get back
8. Your instincts about RM are correct. Stop telling her all of your secrets and wonder why folks know about your business.
I don’t even know where to start…the reason I am such a powerful me is because the bullshit I went through was fertilizer for me to grow…and if I knew how it would turn out…I may not have done half the sh*t I did…and would have been a different me…but if my letter wouldn’t change anything…I would say:
GOOD,
- 12-23 – he can only love youthe way he knows how…and he doesn’t love himself…it’s not you…it’s him…love yourself first…and oh yeah…he’s cheating on you…
- highschool – just say no to virgins! stop being mean to ugly girls! one trip to the STD clinic behind that ni99a is enough…BOUNCE!
- college – ummm…he’s still cheating on you…leave him and enjoy your freshman year…don’t f*ck up your GPA behind his ignit ass, he’s just trying to hold you down so you won’t outgrow him…but you will anyway…go to Just Joking…you shoulda pledged lil mama…don’t fill out the damn credit card applications…
- after college – it’s ok to fall in love with this one…he’s only job is to show you what genuine romantic love feels like…the connection is forever…but the relationship won’t be…just let him go…friends isn’t an option because of what you once had…walk away
- life in general – you love deeply, son’t change that… you are doing it right, just for the wrong people…be proud of the fact that you don’t make the next man pay for the sins of the last one…continue to share your SELF with everyone…they love you adn don’t even know you…live your life so that your son will be comforted by the stories and memories you leave in the hearts of your friends and family…your mom is a socio-path accpet it and understand that the apple fell from the tree, rolled down a hill, fell into the river and was carried downstream to sane-ville…
you are awesome…dynamic…powerful…and and beautiful…you don’t have to tell people…the lucky ones can already see it!
speak easy…
YOU
Oh here is another great one for the Suga Baby
Tell that ‘good friend’ college friend of yours that from the day you laid eyes on him on campus till graduation when you two sat playing tic-tac-toe through the whole ceremony you have always thought he was one of the baddest MF’ers walking the planet (and still do). And tell him all of this before he calls you a few years after graduation to happyily announce his engagement.
Dayum. Y’all are making me wanna call up a certain dude and spill my guts.
*pondering*
V.E.G. ponders:
“…call up a certain dude and spill my guts.”
do it! don’t make him think that you will be his welcome mat but tell him and then get off the phone and don’t give him a chance to respond until maybe tomorrow. tell him ur saying it more for u juxtapose for his knowledge. tell him u have no expectations. tellem that u dont anticipate his love nor should he urs. let him know u can feel him free from expectations. then just detach, both of u need to sleep on it a few nights afterwards instead of fleshing it out. (no pun)
whoooo!
that’s some good advice – I did that once, just called dude and told him how I felt, that I had placed no expectations on his feelings, just felt he should know where I was coming from and got off the phone.
We ended up getting together a few days later – but during those few days I was sweating bullets, LOL
Don’t matter if you DO ponder. You ain’t gon do it, so you might as well just stop.
turncoat.
call “a certain dude” tonight V.E.G.
u scurred, while u popping smack.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooooo!
GK:
I thought we were friends.
V.E.G u and the khan are e-tightness. idon’t know what would give u the impression that we’re not but don’t be a wus!
Luv u must know Tazzee and the dude she’s longing 4 huh?
i Luv it when “Joanie Luvs Cha Chi”
Naw I kno VEG, and I know she aint gon do ish. ALL talk, that one. lol
Benedict Arnold! Judas!
Die. Just die.
You know too much time has passed for me to do a thang. :p
V.E.G. i’m calling you out!
too much this, too much that. too much nothing u just scurrred!
wow never made you out for a scurrdey cat. i mean kitten….
thanks for letting me know Luv.
Exactly!! VEG is one of the strongest people I know, but she a punk when it comes to this. :-p
Joanie does not luv Chachi.
*sidenote: I loved those corny tv shows. A guy once got me cuz he referenced the Regal Beagle in a conversation*
good shows V.E.G (dot)
unless u look like Nanny Mc Phee why u acting so wus and pie?
do something!
Literally Lol’d at Nanny McPhee.
It’s complicated. I said some ish I didn’t mean. Several months have passed He’s now bagging some homely ass girl with a bad blonde dye job (interestingly enough, he was buying me a drink and she tried to hug him and he put both hands in his pockets). We still talk when we run into each other and he’s chased me down on the street to say hello, but he’s polite like that. Like I said: complicated.
To ALL that u jus said, VEG, I say WOMP. The chick he is bagging holds no candle to you, and he practically breaks his neck to speak when he does see you.
Whatev. Punk.
not complicated just confrused. straighten that shyt out. coupla months is nothing. can’t knock homey for getting some stead of waiting around on ur passive-agressive azz. well, what’d u expect? what is he a eunuch…
I called dude on his birthday y’all. give me some credit. He called back and we chatted for bout 30 min. Admittedly I spent the time cracking jokes.
But I get some credit, yes? Yes???
V.E.G. give me the number i’ll call him on the 3way but ur gonna look like a chump. just do it so that u’ll never regret not looking in to ur own desire. wow u acting real wacknificent. go drink some act right juice or something.
oh no. I’d never thought I’d see the day that I’d be called wacknificent.
**hangs head. slinks into corner**
V.E.G go ahead and pull that young man and tell him what’s really good. say nothing against his current chica. …and don’t be concerned with the results. then u and Luv go out and have a good time eat drink and be merry. DO NOT ATTACH YOURSELF TO THE RESULTS!
TONIGHT!!!!! THIS WEEKEND 4 SHO!
cosigning everyone. From a person who didn’t speak up and is kicking herself now..call him immediately and let him know. You will be DISTRAUGHT when it’s too late…
Young Taz:
- If you tell your boyfriend no and he keeps going, it’s still rape and it’s NOT your fault.
- Spend that summer in Aruba with the acting troupe, yeah they weren’t paying you but the experience would have been worth more than the few $$$ you made working at Wendy’s that summer.
- Experience mind-blowing sex at least one time before you take the celibacy route.
- Don’t be in such a rush to grow up. Being ‘grown’ is overrated.
- Never think that any man is too good for you, if he wants you apparently he sees something in you that’s good enough for him.
Dear Young Monk,
You’re going into the second half of your 11th grade year. When you got your contacts and lost the nerdy frames you sported, you see how your swag (future slang term you’ll come to detest), confidence and charisma got a great boost? Use this to your advantage. Don’t let the pretty girl from the “cool” crowd use you to give her rides home. She’s cool and all but she’ll NEVER invite you in. She may buy you Burger King, but that about it. She may sit next to you in class, but that about it. When you ask her out, she will decline. Save yourself the time cause she ain’t gonna let you hit.
In going into your 12th grade year, don’t make that average-looking girl your girlfriend. And damn sure don’t stay with her your whole senior year. You’ll miss out on a lot.
That summer after you graduate, you’re going to meet many girls at the store you work. Don’t eff with them!! One of which will turn out to be a stalker – coming up to your job unannounced and calling your parents’ house repeatedly. Even after you go away to college, she will still call. The really fine one will try to trap you. She knows you’re a good dude so given her “Detroit hood”-mentality, she’ll do whatever she can do to keep you including lieing about being pregnant with your child. She’ll even try to move down to Atlanta to be with you. A few years later, she’ll crank out 3 kids by 3 different dudes, none of which she’ll still be with. The one who’s the daughter of your manager at the job, take Wise Monk and BBD’s advice – don’t trust that big butt and her smile. Her mom even likes you enough to tell you her daughter has problems so take heed. Don’t give her that $300 for an abortion. Don’t be that naïve. Once you break it off with her for good, she’ll come clean and tell you that she wasn’t even pregnant.
The woman you meet who’s 7 yrs your senior will turn your 18-year a$$ OUT!! Have fun with her…she’ll make driving all the way to SouthWest Detroit worth the trip.
You’re going to learn a LOT about life and yourself in college. TREASURE THESE YEARS!! The real world ain’t no joke and paying back student loans is a b*tch.
You’re going to have a good time with the ladies, but you need to strap up ALL the time.
You’ll meet a sweet, smart, caring young lady who can cook her a$$ off (and make a bomb cheesecake). She’s from Detroit so y’all immediately hit it off and have lots in common. Even though she’s a ‘six’ in the looks department, KEEP HER!! The girl is DOWN for you. When the dime piece starts giving you play, Don’t play the ‘six’ to the side. You’ll feel bad about it later. You’ll be ‘the man’ amongst your friends for snaggin’ the dime, but you’ll eventually learn that when she told you she was going home for Thanksgiving, she really went to visit her ex. Also, stop using your birthdate as the PIN to your voicemail cause she will check your messages.
Choosing your passion as your major we’ll be a good decision, but you’ll find it to be difficult getting a job right after you graduate. Be patient and persistent – it will pay off. Tone down your trusting nature and separate business relationships from friendships. Some people will take advantage of you. Don’t sweat it…you’ll learn from it.
The stripper that you meet in ’99 at Club Nikki’s will be great fun. The sex and hanging out with her will be the source of fantastic memories. Have fun but keep in mind y’all share very little in common and it will get old fast.
Stripper #2 that you meet at The Gentlemen’s Club will have too much going on. Right after she HOOKS you up for your birthday just let it fade away.
The weed head who will end up being the Best Booty-Call Ever, be straight up with her cause she’ll eventually ask to hang out and shyt during the day. Just enjoy it while it last.
In your mid-twenties, you’ll meet a sweet lady who’s four years older than you who has a very high paying job at a huge soft drink company. Things will be extraordinary between you two but don’t catch too many feelings for her. When things really start heating up, she’ll call it off and site her fear of letting a guy get too close since her divorce is the problem. Don’t let it get to you though because once you move on, she’ll realize what she had and try to get back with you.
Be cautious with the one that you move on with though be cause that will be a rollercoaster 3 years of your life. Better yet, just end it at the first signs you have. Hold your heart and don’t fall in love.
Never let a chick allow you to lose focus of yourself.
Do learn from all your experiences, it will make you an even better man.
Monk recollects:
“She’s from Detroit so y’all immediately hit it off and have lots in common. Even though she’s a ’six’ in the looks department, KEEP HER!! The girl is DOWN for you.”
ride or die. genuine. authentic. chemistry. hard to cum by, hard to properly respect cause they usually not that bomb look/physical attraction u longing 4.
for these chix i dedicate the most gullyest hip hop neo soul love song i’ve ever heard. (even if we don’t have the good sense to keep them on full time)
Bilal “For You”
now can i be truth?
…and you be the ear that i talk to
and you be the one that i walk to,
u be the woman that i’m feelin when i’m in the mood to talk to.
you understanding me in a world that’s so obsessed with beauty and ugliness.
God chose you and baby
for you
for you i
rob and steal
for you
for you i
black an eye
for you
for you i
ride or die
as a matter of fact i’m one of the dopest niccas u ever wanted to fu*k wit….
word to Bilal
Dear Not so BigBuck,
1.) Just relax!
2.) In High School you need to realize that your destiny is much greater than that of the rest of your class. You are not going to be the popular guy, the sports star, the snappy dresser, or even the pretty boy. You are little man on campus for now, and that’s ok. Women don’t understand your love for medieval weaponry and Dragons, It’s nerdy but so what. The ladies are not going to like you until you hit that growth spurt when you are 17 and even then it really only comes to a head after graduation. I said all that to say, stop trying to get them and they will start trying to get you.
3.) From 18-21 do your thing playa!
4.) At 21 there is only one thing I need you to do. DON’T MARRY THAT BIZNOTCH! RUN! RUN! FOR YOUR FREEDOM AND SANITY RUN!…..By all means still get that blippy though…..she raises the bar considerably in that area.
5.) After 21: Understand that you are a loving person, so you will be in love a few times. All of them are real and either of them could have been the one. But God has other plans for you and it will be a while before you catch sight of what exactly that is. So again just relax until the path is clear to you.
6.) You are going to be a very big dude one day. Everyone that gave you crap back in the day will try to be your buddy now. Let the past go, be the better man and accept their hand in friendship. But only trust them as far as you can throw them, which is about 5 yards.
7.) Above all else, be BigBuck and earn the name!
I love you!
-You
Nuck if u Buck says:
“stop trying to get them and they will start trying to get you.”
gotta let ur game cum to you. can’t try to hard. i feel ya. i just happened to have good teachers (freakmasters) and mentors at a very early age. …but i feels ya.
Man, too many of us get caught up with pin numbers and passwords. We need to start a non-profit promoting the frequently changing of passwords. We really need to spread awareness on this topic. It just causes too many problems. This needs to be another blog topic.
I have never checked a dudes voice mail, gone through his phone…it amazes me women do this. If I gotta do all that…
Yeah I don’t understand the women that check the text messages and voicemails. If you’re looking for something, you will find it. If you have to do all that to ensure that your man isn’t cheating, then you shouldn’t be with him.
Young Pro,
That senior cheerleader you began to like as a nerdy soph after you had a dream you two were an item? Please don’t tell your platonic friend you like her and let it get around. You’ll be a laughingstock yet again. Approach the girl yourself. Just say hi to her. Casually ask if you could do something for her. Be cool about it. Get over the shyness. If she doesn’t bite, oh well.
Don’t snort that Bavarian Marching Powder in your 20s. It will enhance your already unrealistic sexual fantasies, but you’ll be taking cash advances against your nearly maxed out credit card to buy the stuff. That thin-as-water nasal discharge that happens hours after you’re done definitely won’t be a good look.
You’ll actually end up a hack journalist. Chase some good stories rather than dem damn drugs and ugly women. Then you’ll be a high-level correspondent in Denver covering Barack’s nomination in 2008 instead of ending up a corporate drone in a God-forsaken office park in suburban Maryland.
Who’s Barack, you ask?
Barack Obama,a brother who’s a Senator from Illinois. The Democrats are gonna nominate this half black-half white dude for President of the U.S. in 2008. Yeah, really. You got a chance to be there, you just gotta put in some work.
Also you will spend some time in Denver. Whatever you do, don’t leave Denver.! Don’t leave and come back east no matter how much that woman you will marry wants to return home to family! Stay put, I tell ya, stay put!
Who’s Barack, you ask?
Barack Obama, a brother will be a Senator from Illinois. The Democrats are gonna nominate this half black-half white dude for President of the U.S. in 2008. Yeah, really. Ain’t that some ish? You got a chance to be there, you just gotta put in some work.
Also you will spend some time in Denver plying that reporter craft. Whatever you do, don’t leave Denver! Don’t leave and come back east no matter how much that woman you will marry wants to return home to family! Hell, it was her idea to go out there in the first place! Stay put, I tell ya, stay put!
This is my first time checking you guys out and all I can say is I’m definitely impressed!!! A lot of times I come to blogs, look over things and don’t bring anything back from it. This post was what I needed to read, I’m having friends from the ages 20-24 getting married, engaged, etc. And me being 21, a bachelor, and not looking for commitment, it makes it hard for me to relate to a lot of them. Great post guys, you all will be added to the blogroll and I’ll be checking you out on a consistent basis; you now have a new, loyal reader!!!!
First, havent heard ‘fine as frog hair’ since my great grandmother…so thanks for THAT back in the day phrase.
Hey Angie,
1. Forget being shy and quiet, beat the hell out of Shlita and Crystal for the long hair/light skin thing…its stupid but it saves you years of bull.
2. Start saving now for photography equipment now, trust me its our passion and career.
3. That cute guy in your photo class, GET THAT! Im not kidding girl…ride it like ya stole it!
4. Apple stock…again GET THAT!
Oh yeah ya getting giant knockers, no way around them, Embrace the power, use it for only good. We’re built like the women in our fam. EMBRACE IT!!!
Lil’ Rena~
Girl, you will go though a lot but trust in God because he does have a plan and a purpose for you.
1) Don’t be so hard on yourself it’s not as bad as it seems TRUST your instincts as Grannie always say ” God will always bring you through you just have to have faith.”
2) In ’97 a lot of good and bad things will occur but it will make you stronger. You will graduate from collage, you will meet JS he will be your first love. Yes, he is beautiful, smart, funny and can…wow anyhoo moving on.. When you break up in ’98 it will be difficult but you will be ok. Daddy will have a heart attack and you will realize that he is not indestructible but don’t worry he will get better but don’t take it for granted tell him and mommy everyday that you love them.
3) In ’99 you and JS will get back together. At the cook out when his mother tells you that you are to good for her son believe her. Save yourself the heart ache don’t hang onto the relationship for another 1yr.
4) When you meet TS he will be smooth as silk with the deep dimples, green eyes and he will be able to bring you too orgasm with just a kiss. RUN!!! Tell that knee-grow to leave you the hell alone. He has a girlfriend of 4 yrs and a child by another chick that’s 2 yrs old. When he tells you that he won’t leave you alone believe him because he will stalk you.
5) You will meet MP around the same time that you are dealing with crazy a** TS but don’t worry he will be a bright light in a very dark room. You both are going through a lot of relationship issues you with TS and him with J. He will show you love you, you will be able to sit is complete silence and know what each other is thinking, you will will know what its like to connect with someones soul. But it’s not meant to be since he is a very loyal and responsible guy when his ex comes back into the picture and tells him she’s pregnant he will tell you face to face because that’s him and he does love you but he will also tell you that he doesn’t want to be a part time father and that him and J are going to try to work it out. It will hurt I can’t lie because it will.
6) ’03 will suck a** but it will get better just have faith.
7) ’04 So you say that you can just be friends with MP, he is unhappy in his marriage but loves his son too much to become a part time parent. You will try to be his friend and offer him support but the emotional connection is bigger than the both of you. Congrats on keeping your panties on but having an emotional affair is just as bad as a sexual affair. It’s a good thing that you ended it when you did even though you do think for him from time to time it’s better that it ended.
6) ’05 you will get a promotion at work and the company will move you to NC. You will get a feeling that you should pass on the promotion but you will except it. Trust your instincts because you will be undermined by people who say that they support you.
7) ’07 You will meet PM. When he tells you that he is not good for you believe him. You are on too very different paths.
I can’t say this enough Trust Yourself because you already know the answer. Remember you are loved and it’s ok to ask for help.
I love you,
Me
Oops
didn’t realize that I mis-numbered 6-9 . Wow, this was a cathartic exercise. Thanks
Sorry it was so long.
FTE,
1. Moving away from your friends and everything you know to the other side of the planet at the age of fifteen is going to suck. You’ll look different, sound different and dress differently than everybody else. Just study hard. Don’t get distracted by the opposite sex and the need to fit in. Just study hard!
2. You may hate your mom now, but trust me there’s a good reason she doesn’t let you hang out with those people, go to those places or wear those clothes. You’ll thank her later when everyone else around you has a kid and you have a scholarship to a great college.
3. That one day when you’re out in the parking lot and you hear the bell ring, and you’re wondering if you should just skip class instead of walking in late. GO TO CLASS! Do NOT leave the school grounds. The wrong decision is going to haunt you forever.
4. Do not answer that phone call at 4am. It’s the devil calling.
5. Forget what society says. Listen to what every cell in your body is telling you to do.
6. Pray more. You’ll need it.
7. Leave at the first sign. Don’t wait for ninety-nine more. You have the strength of all the women of all the generations before you.
8. That kind hearted young man you meet during your sophmore year? He loves you so much. Stop doubting it and again, forget what society thinks.
9. When the sexiest man you’ve ever met tells you he doesn’t want to hold you back. Get up and leave. Doesn’t matter that you honestly believe you two connected on a spiritual level. Doesn’t matter when he is crying for you a year later. Never answer his calls, emails, or texts ever again.
10. Lastly, BELIEVE in yourself. You have so much success in your future.
Dear Supergirl:
that boy you meet and fall head over heels for in your freshman year – brace yourself, he will have a major and profound effect on your life – forever. but for now, let him go. he loves you back, but is in no way ready to deal with that. so let go and date that guy who’s alway inviting you over to his house to cut your hair. he wants to do more than cut your hair. the loving way he caresses your scalp is not your imagination…. get the hint, girl….
do not, i repeat, do NOT sleep with freshman crush after that little dinner, before you go off to Cuba on holiday. It’s only gonna set you back 2 years emotionally, just when you’d gotten over him.
that linebacker you met in Harare? do him. same goes for the mozanbiquean bob marley lookalike. yes, you’re only in town for a week,but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. you’re only young once, and as beautiful as they both are, no one will blame you
when your freshman crush returns to your life, proposes and you say yes – you did the right thing – he was the man for you. The fact that he dies a month before the wedding is tragic, but you will survive – believe me. I repeat – letting him back into your life was the right thing to do – you experienced the happiest year and a half of your life, and grew so much – it prepared you for the rest of your life.
It is a cruel,but instructive irony that your grandmother and you became widows within a month of one another – lean on her, she can really help you through this.
be nicer to your mother – she did the very best she could with what she had. and she honestly was doing it all out of love for you. and no, your younger sister and brother are NOT her favourites – you just have a difficult relationship with her because you two are so alike.
much love, superwoman.
damn -thanks Champ. that was cathartic all right….
1. stop hoping that you and that high school love will somehow find yalls way back together. despite a body that makes you rise just thinking about it, amazing athletic skills, and a fine @ss mother who you know she will look just like in 25 years, the lack of personality really leaves a lot to be desired…
2. you made the right decision by ending that 3 year college relationship. she was turning ‘Freddie Brooks’ crazy just as you suspected. u knew it was going in the wrong direction when she said “you do too much for your family and not enough for me”. but dizzayum what i wouldn’t give to see that@zz one more time in a thong getting dressed in the mirror…
3.its okay that you found a little guilty pleasure in the fact that she is now engaged with no ring to shazaa zulu himself and that she had to repeat physiology in med school.
4. stop being such a gentleman and act like your friends. if she confesses her love for you on the elevator up to your apt, then take her home, blow her back out, THEN tell her that you only see her as a friend…who cares if the rest of the class finds out that you boned a big girl…at least she is cute.
5. stop being so concerned that you dress “too white” because you wear express button ups and nike dunks. you hate COOGI, oversized white Ts, fitteds, and anything else that you can find bootlegged at the flea market.
6. you have 2 more years before you get that MD behind your name. bone as many chics as possible until you have to worry about them tryna bone you…
Everyone’s answers were fascinating. It makes me wonder who the person we’ll be in 10 or 20 years would tell us now.
Here goes………..
1)
Stop waiting for Mum to come back so that you can live your life. She loves you but her life in the States doesn’t work out so you don’t get to follow her. You will go but in your own way. Live your life and stop waiting for her to give you permission. The separation is worse for her than for you and things will never be the same again. But you will finally have a relationship of kinds at some point after you deal with the reality. Forgive her, she really did try and she loves you.
2) Wishing for your rich Daddy to come and sort things out needs to stop. He makes a fine attempt at relationship. Yes he pays your fees in high school be thankful for that. Be immensely thankful when he takes you to that immensely expensive school it changes your life. Even though he stops paying because he is not sure you are his daughter and makes you go through that DNA test and even then doesn’t pay. Be thankful because even for all that the place changed your life and you know it.
3) The gorgeous rasta………….tell him then if he doesn’t wke up to it………..walk you are too fabulous and if he doesn’t recognise it he will.
4) You have a head for business so use it… don’t let the Boy’s Club intimidate you. You can show them ways they never knew.
5) Model, Act you love the limelight but be careful who it lets in. Keep the old friends near and dear, they will help straighten you out.
6) Pray and trust God always
Young K…..
You are COMPLETELY INSANE!! and not in a ‘the women love him ’cause he’s crazy’ kind of way….naaahhh hommie, you are a clinically off the charts, need to be in a straitjacket, mentally ill individual!!
You have two options:
1. Embrace and ride this ‘trait’ to the death.
2. Seek help from a professional.
Either one of them will do, but it is imperative that you accept the fact that you are not sane. That is all.
..and oh yes….show no decency or discretion when it comes to tapping *ss. Tap it all!!
Kenyan?
Yes Indeed
I’m loving the name. Where you @?
SL,
The last time you talked to That One, you should have told him how you felt, instead of bullsh*tting. Now you probably won’t have that chance ever again.
Had more fun in the men department in college, although later you’ll find out that getting some with random guys is not your cup of tea. See tales from The Youngin five years later—->
You only wanted a “Kinda-Boyfriend” last summer, not a real one. You shouldn’t have gotten the two confused with the Youngin.
If the sex is not good, dammit it’s just not good. Moving on!
The guy from high school who is semi-obsessed with you is not what’s up. Just because he meets the standards on the check-off list does not mean you should really date him. He is a beast (and I don’t mean that in a good way) and he still gets on your f*cking nerves. You know it, so why are you entertaining him?
Nice guys tend to finish last. The chemistry was not there, but I be damned if you didn’t enjoy the sushi dinners. Be glad you cut that off pronto.
If you really thought you loved him, you should have told him.
You should have kept writing, even after that horrible experience at your newspaper internship. You were still and ARE STILL a great writer.
Simple: Dont Drop out of Canarsie (not CAR-narsie) High!
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