along with unusual virility, and a head shaped like the working end of a cruise missile, my parents passed an acute sensitivity to idiocy on to me. as i’ve grown older, these sensitivities have become so concentrated and pronounced that i can now honestly say that i’m seriously allergic to bullsh*t.
this affliction is extremely troublesome, as it causes me to start itching uncontrollably whenever i’m in the presence of or a witness to it. in fact, just last week i almost scratched my entire left forearm off when trying to listen to “ghetto techno” all the way through
anyway, because writing about bullsh*t can be very therapeutic and cathartic for me, i’ve decided to name a few more people, places, and things that have been making me itch.
black men who sound like white men trying to sound black (aka “the stu scott” or “the kappa”)
yo, champ. this blog is slammin'. word up.
the phrase “grown and sexy”
a term which is now just a three word euphemism for “drug dealers who launder their money through rim shops and the social services chicks and teachers who want to sleep with them”
grown women rocking pocket-less jeans
has officially replaced clear heels as the standard universal, “she’s probably a ho. nttawwt” uniform
soft chicken wings
there’s nothing more itch-inducing than ordering a dozen cajun chicken wings, but getting a dozen pieces of slippery meat with skin that looks like it came from the bedridden pedophile in seven.
coffee shops that don’t offer free wi-fi
every time i enter one i’m tempted to call up the manager and ask “they still make you?” like i’m chris rock
the “i can make your p*ssy whistle” line in drake’s, “best i ever had”
while i admittedly don’t mind drake as much as my vsb partner does, since when is a whistling p*ssy what’s torrid on the thoroughfare?
seriously, am i missing something here? what woman wants a stepin fetchit-ass p*ssy, and what guy would brag about giving a woman something that sounds like the premise from an episode of “tales of the crypt”?
the fact that i have great mobile internet service everywhere except my own f*cking apartment
i don’t know whats more itch worthy, the fact that i live in the only 900 square foot part of “the most connected community in pittsburgh” without good service, or the fact that i live in a 900 square foot apartment
not being able to grow a beard like black thought
***simultaneously filed under “some bullsh*t” and “things champ has said that are at least 84 percent gay”***
that’s enough therapy for me. people of vsb.com, what bullsh*t is making you itch right now?
—the champ
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{ 435 comments… read them below or add one }
Ok first of all. WHY is Stuart Scott rocking THREE different stripes in that pic? I’m offended about that above all else. WHO TOLD HIM IT WAS OK???
I also itch when I see someone like Kim from “Real Housewives of Atlanta” have a hit single out. She was tardy for the party on the day the Lawd handed out good voices. iCan’t.
iItch at folks’ love of Lady Gaga. That wench is scary @ me.
and above all… I itch at the sight of Bey’s love pocket from a too-small & too-high cut onesie she wore at a concert. If u need a weekly brazilian wax to rock ur concert outfits, u r indeed doing THE MOST.
@Luvvie,
i could actually do without kim forever. is that wrong?
@cam1ll3,
“i could actually do without kim forever. is that wrong?”
I’d still be able to sleep at night if I never see her or hear her again.
@cam1ll3,
I’m so glad my only exposure to those people is limited to the innanets! Coz I heard that tardy for the party boolsheet and it’s a nuisance I coulda done without!!
@cam1ll3,
Make that the whole Real Housewives of (fill in the blank) series altogether, and we’ll be in business.
@Luvvie,
“WHY is Stuart Scott rocking THREE different stripes in that pic?”
I was wondering that also. He’s got like 17 colors on.
@miss t-lee,
No, he has on 18 colors. You forgot to count his mismatched eye.
@Nikkisix,
*GASP*….aaawwwwwwwwww
@Nikkisix,
U going straight to the pits of Dereon bedazzled Hell where u will be doomed to a lifetime of lace onesies and tacky hairhats.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
ok, ok, ok…i got people texting me about this here comment so i will say this…at least his eye compliments his outfit. *shrugs*
@Nikkisix,
*stifled laugh*
I didn’t wanna go in on his eye.
This is some premium hate though. Kudos!!!
@Nikkisix,
Lol. Ice Cold!
@Luvvie, Lady Gaga is such an odd celeb. Nothing about her is even remotely interesting yet she’s the most out-there artist out.
She doesnt make me itch, she just genuinely perplexes me.
@Panama Jackson, fake me out 90s Madonna is what she is. but I kinda rock to Poker Face #dontjudgeme
@Panama Jackson,
She doesnt make me itch, she just genuinely perplexes me.
me too. i’m enthralled with lady gaga
@The Champ,
or as the gheys call her–la gaga
the phrase “grown and sexy”
Also used to describe 20-22-year-olds (mostly women) who have still not developed social skills but need some way to ignore it and call other people immature without actually using the word immature.
(Incidentally, most of these women are abysmally overweight and feel the need to show more skin than anyone ever should. Period.)
@Purplenat,
LOL! This term is also favoured by boys who look like Souljah Boy or Bow Wow!
@Purplenat, and you can’t forget how “grown and sexy” ALSO is the indicator that you will encounter at least 20 dudes with striped button ups, jeans and some offbrand diesel/steve madden shoes.
it basically means that you will have to fight in your good clothes.
@Panama Jackson,
some offbrand diesel/steve madden shoes.
i’ve been calling those shoes “weasels” for the past three years now
Co-sign on the coffee shops….
Other things that make me itch:
- radio stations that play the same 2 or 3 artists over and over
- Men in their 30s acting like they’re still in college.
- People who don’t like a certain sport and go out of their way to prove that it shouldn’t be a sport. I hear this the most from people who don’t like soccer or basketball (ironically my 2 fave sports)
- LA traffic – Why does it take forever to get anywhere? I went to a Maxwell concert and it took me 45 minutes to drive 1 mile.
@Leila,
cosign on #3. rugby. it’s manly as hell. very much a sport. laws, yes.
@Leila,
Cosign on LA traffic. Actually throw in all the counties between LA and the OC. I’m about to buy me a third hand( raised to the power 10 nth degree) helicopter. We can go halfsies if you want.
@ofloveandotherdemons, Yes I’m in. Everytime I’m in LA, I never want to drive.
@Leila,
cosign on men in 30s acting like they got stuck at 21
@Leila, – Men in their 30s acting like they’re still in college.
better than them acting like they’re 14 with no ambition for college but instead ambitionz az a ridah
- People who don’t like a certain sport and go out of their way to prove that it shouldn’t be a sport. I hear this the most from people who don’t like soccer or basketball (ironically my 2 fave sports)
i was expecting you to say something like cheerleading, fencing or rating women…who argues that soccer and basketball aren’t sports? those people need jesus or at least somebody to pray to if christianity isn’t their thing.
oh they’re also retarded.
@Panama Jackson,
was expecting you to say something like cheerleading, fencing or rating women…who argues that soccer and basketball aren’t sports? those people need jesus or at least somebody to pray to if christianity isn’t their thing.
i was thinking the same thing, lol. i mean, i know some people might hate the nba, but i dont know if ive ever met a person that was like “bitch-ass basketball aint no f*ckin sport.”
@The Champ, “i know some people might hate the nba, but i dont know if ive ever met a person that was like “bitch-ass basketball aint no f*ckin sport.”
I’ve heard it more for soccer (anyone who’s played soccer knows that’s a physical sport and you have to be in top shape), but it will be a random 2520 male at work that loves football and rant about how basketball isn’t a sport.
@The Champ,
Eh…Exhibit A : http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=6884486387
and there are a coupla groups with gems like this:
“The only good thing about american football is the cheerleaders… and if you’ve got a weak blader you’ll be ok because theres an advert every 20 seconds…” (sic- all previous). But then again- they all have like 6-24 members so am not quitting the human race just yet.
@Panama Jackson,
Or curling. Have you ever seen this sport? It’s mind boggling. I’m not sure what the actual goal, or premise behind it is, but to me it looks like they are sweeping a large, flat disk around a rink. I don’t get it. Although that didn’t stop me from watching an hour (ok, more like two) of it.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Hey, it’s popular up North in Canada! I love the Canuks. Lol!
@Panama Jackson, “i was expecting you to say something like cheerleading, fencing or rating women…who argues that soccer and basketball aren’t sports? those people need jesus or at least somebody to pray to if christianity isn’t their thing”
Seriously. It’s always one guy at work who loves football arguing about how basketball is not a sport. It irritates me.
@Leila, Amen on the 30 and up men who still act they are still on freakin campus
@Lavonne, haha. I don’t know what happens in their 30s, but so many guys that I know are going back in maturity. I know guys in their mid-30s still acting like they’re 21 and they don’t see how silly they look.
@Leila,
I swear I missed my flight a month ago trying to get from Santa Monica to the Airport. It took us 1 hour and a half!!! That’s not even 20 miles!!! And it was a saturday!!!
I truly appreciated Houston’s traffic afterwards. Lol!
@Sula, You know it’s a bit of magic in the air if you appreciate Houston’s traffic. I’m stank-faced every day after work.
I got Scratch, Cuz I Got Itch Vol 1
1. My inability to be inspried to write as of late.
2. Ninjas that cnt dress n let their tie hang all the way dwn to their man-tie or they tie it so short that it resembles a bib. Where Dey Do Dat At?
3. Courteous drivers. The ones that sit there at the stop sign giving you the double-blink to go, and soon as you pull off they pull up. N next thing you know yall car dancing at a dvmn stop sign at 10 o’clock in at nite.
4. Poeple that walk too slow to go around you on the sidewalk, but too fast to give u ur six-feet no effin’ pressure.
5. Chicks with bad weave. Weave that looks like weave.
6. Ninjas dat cnt match. Royal blue and sky blue aint the same blue.
7. The Fact that Gucci Man is goin Mainstream.
8. Black people that think being black starts at the dvmn Transatlantic slave trade. N define black by socioeconomic factors that produce only so many social determinants of a group of people that occupy that one space and time period. Hence the term swagg or fly.
9. Women with rusty feet, while wearing baby doll shoes make me itch.
10. People that dnt keep their word.
11. Being owed money makes me itch. I mean I see yo a$$ everday n u never bring up dat dvmn money you owe me. Sheet, Sumbody cud possibly get hurt. N i dnt care if it was only the tax for a bag of salt n sour vitners. Gimme my dvmn change.
12. Fast food. Why is Mcdonalds burgers startng to resemble White Castle’s sliders. Phuck is this? Jus one pickle right. Phuck is yo problem
@The Hallway,
“Courteous drivers. The ones that sit there at the stop sign giving you the double-blink to go, and soon as you pull off they pull up. N next thing you know yall car dancing at a dvmn stop sign at 10 o’clock in at nite.”
Oooooooooo this pisses me off something serious!! LOL
@The Hallway, “2. Ninjas that cnt dress n let their tie hang all the way dwn to their man-tie or they tie it so short that it resembles a bib. Where Dey Do Dat At?”
baltimore…lol
@The Hallway,
“7. The Fact that Gucci Man is goin Mainstream. ”
Brrr!!!!
@The Hallway, 7. The Fact that Gucci Man is goin Mainstream.
its really hard to hate on Gucci Mane. for one, dude knows how to pick a hit. if you think about it, nearly every song he’s released has been a hit, from “so icey” to “freaky girls” and you all KNOW you love “wasted” right now.
hell, even “real hiphop” heads like freakin’ Walé have Gucci Mane on their ALBUMS. lol.
sidenote, Gucci Mane is a better rapper than Guru from Gangstarr. lol. how fun would it be to see a Gucci Mane/Premier collabo. change the group name to Trapstarr (which i assume is already taken but just drop that sh*t and roll with it…)
@Panama Jackson,
I didnt say I didnt like Gucci Mane, but I like to keep sum of my favorite rappers underground. I jus dnt like that he’s goin mainstream as in having Jamie Foxx and Usher on songs. Example is Spotlight that sheet is trash. Like Lil Keke, Crooked I, I was even listening to Soulja Boy before he got on.
Soulja Boy had songs suchI Got Me Sum Bathing Apes, Booty Meat, Give Me a High Five. But when he got on no one ever heard of those songs.
@Panama Jackson,
“Gucci Mane is a better rapper than Guru from Gangstarr”
Uhh…I know you were just playing and all fam. Right?
@The Hallway,
2. Ninjas that cnt dress n let their tie hang all the way dwn to their man-tie or they tie it so short that it resembles a bib. Where Dey Do Dat At?
the NFL
@The Hallway,
‘…while wearing baby doll shoes make me itch.’ What the h**l are baby doll shoes?
‘Being owed money makes me itch. ‘ Yeah, my policy is if I give it to you I don’t expect it back. Makes life alot less aggravating, and I don’t end up losing friends or catching a criminal case. The kikuyu in me will cut someone for messing with their money; might as well just consider all loans as gifts.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
The kikuyu in me will cut someone for messing with their money You KNOW that’s right. With no tut tutting when they hear you caught a case for cutting “that fool who owes me $200- and I still saw him at the club”.
@Wanjiru,
lol! Years ago my ex let a friend borrow a jacketm, just to go outside. Weeks later we see dude round the way in the jacket…with the matching pants! My man, made him a lil set! Bwahahahaha
@Me fail english?,
loloudest! I wonder if it’s worse if he first borrowed the jacket and then bought the pants – or he had the pants first and borrowed the jacket. smh.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Understand what you mean. My grandma was half Kyuk and it trickled down. You better not mess with my money..
@ofloveandotherdemons,
The shoes women wear without socks. They barely pass the ankles, alot of women wear them now.
@The Hallway,
Being owed money makes me itch. This needs to be taken much, much more seriously. If I lend you $500- don’t give me $6.75 (in quarters) three months later and call it “first installment”. Or, don’t give me $322 with fake surcharges e.g. “remember that time when you gave me a ride from DC and I paid the toll? I deducted $2″ . This is just foul.
@Wanjiru,
…Lol that’s why nukkas go “Remy ma” on their own friends. It might as well be stealing.
Nobody likes to get “stole” on? can’t be good for ur sel esteem.
Not sure if it’s real bullsh*t but I itch at all the natural hair nonsense that is sweeping the world. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve been natural 17 years. But back in the day, when I conditioned my hair it was called conditioning. Now ninjas have a new word for it – co-wash – and wanna get offended and whatnot cuz you refuse to acknowledge that dumb ish. Sigh.
Mo fos who step out of their lane in the workplace make me ish. The admit they don’t know jack about the digital space or writing or video but that doesn’t stop them from making really bad suggestions and getting mad when you don’t include their foolywang in your plans.
Finally, I break out in hives when mo fos judge a school/neighborhood by one unfortunate, tragic incident and forget the fact ish hasn’t happened in that area in years and was, for the most part, relatively quiet.
@V.E.G., I totally agree with the Natural hair hoopla. All of a sudden everyone wants to go natural, walking around with conditioner dripping from your hair because you want it to be curly when you know you don’t have naturally curly hair.
@JamaicanGirl,
“walking around with conditioner dripping from your hair because you want it to be curly when you know you don’t have naturally curly hair”
So true, so sad. I also think this is why the care free curl is back. Folks are in denial about their hair textures.
@V.E.G.,
did I mention how that stuff smells like like turds dipped in gasoline?
@JamaicanGirl,
Right. What’s with all the fancy terms and even fancier, insanely priced products? It’s hair; it will grow. It’s what it does; stop with the insanity already. People acting like they just invented air, because they choose to wear their hair unprocessed. All that smug, self righteous congratulatory air emanating from you is affecting my ability to breath. Go away!!
@ofloveandotherdemons
I feel you on that one. I switch my hairstyles all the time…dreds to fro to ceasar back to fro to doobie to the short halle bob. Funny how many of those self righteous “natural” skeezoids turned their noses up at me while smacking on their bbq pork rinds…
@ofloveandotherdemons,
lmao indeed.
@JamaicanGirl,
Yep in denial….not everyone is gonna have Tracee Ellis Ross type hair. Work what you got!!!
@JamaicanGirl,
Yes LAWD!!! Folk got fiddy ‘leven products that do the….same….dayum…ish!!! Why do I have to buy “coconut oil infused coconut cream” for $25 when I can go to Safeway and buy some coconut oil for $5…they better leave me alone, lol.
they get the automatic o_O from me…daggone Napzis (naptural nazis)
@ally’all, y’all stay with hair issues up in here, up in here…lol
@Panama Jackson,
seriously. sometimes it feels like i accidentally logged on to nappturality
@V.E.G.,
lol@foolywang. sooooo biting this.
@V.E.G.,
“Now ninjas have a new word for it – co-wash – and wanna get offended and whatnot cuz you refuse to acknowledge that dumb ish”
Hahahah. I love you for that. Sounds like some folks round these chere internets.
@miss t-lee,
SOME???, lol you’re being too nice, lol!!
@Smiley Face,
I know…I know…lol
I’m still part of one community that catches a lot of flak so I didn’t wanna go all in. I just ignore the craziness they be talking when I’m on there.
@miss t-lee,
LOL…i know of which community you speak of. I’m apart of it too…rarely do I comment though…I’m too busy smdh, lol
@V.E.G.,
Not sure if it’s real bullsh*t but I itch at all the natural hair nonsense that is sweeping the world. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve been natural 17 years. But back in the day, when I conditioned my hair it was called conditioning. Now ninjas have a new word for it – co-wash – and wanna get offended and whatnot cuz you refuse to acknowledge that dumb ish. Sigh.
What’s a co-wash? I stopped relaxing about 10 years ago and I’ve never heard of it. Then again I don’t go to salons all that much. I don’t think there’s much a stylist can do that I can’t (other than cut and color).
@Voiceovereason,
Where you “wash” your hair with conditioner instead of shampoo to prevent your hair from being stripped of oils by the SLS content…which I never understood b/c I put oil in my hair anyway..*shrugs* folks different
@V.E.G.,
Mo fos who step out of their lane in the workplace make me ish… if only I had a dollar for every stoopid suggestion I’ve had to shoot down from the “I admit I don’t know much about the subject, but have you ever considered…” wikipedia page-knowledge folk
Plies and other people with shiny things growing from their mouths make me itch.
The way Kandi (RHoA) always talks without moving her mouth makes me itch.
Even though she’s not relevant, Khia makes me itch. She’s pretty much Plies with dreds, in my eyes…
@GiGi,
“people with shiny things growing from their mouths ”
LOL LOL LOL….truth!
@GiGi,
“…people with shiny things growing from their mouths make me itch. ”
Is there some meaning behind the “beauty mark” piercings some ladies have at the bottom corner of their mouths? I’ve been back in the DMV for 3 months and it seems to be the IN thing to do.
@Ms. Hall,
Oh it’s running rampant ’round chere too. It’s a mess.
@Ms. Hall, even lil wayne has one. you know, i remember a time when only white people did stuff like that and pierced random strange places and wore really tight jeans and ed hardy style tight clothes and looked really dirty all the time.
apparently the recession ain’t as bad as we think cuz a lot of ninjas do a lot of sh*t that employers don’t like.
for instance, in Atlanta (le sigh), for the LONGEST time, you didn’t even have to ask a chick her name you could just look at her arm and see that damn “name tat” that was so omnipresent in the A for so many years. i HATE that tat. HATE HATE HATE it. you know your name, already right? unless you cant spell it b/c your parents are morons you really don’t need to tat your name on your body. shit, asking somebody’s name is a convo starter. you ruining the convo, beeeyotch.
@Panama Jackson,
you ruining the convo, beeeyotch.
definitely a t-shirt
@Panama Jackson,
“…i remember a time when only white people did stuff like that and pierced random strange places and wore really tight jeans….”
Alright, except for the tacky Ed Hardy gear, I like tight jeans, multiple piercing and a s**t load of tats on my men. I think it’s a good look. I know, I know, I’m in the minority on this here blog, but I’m going to stand for my tight jeans wearing-tated/pierced/body modifaction loving brethren. Poor things, no one’s got any love for them.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
I like tight jeans, multiple piercing and a s**t load of tats on my men. I think it’s a good look.
Well, I’ll join your parade dahling. Don’t let them have a mohawk, and I am melting…. I guess it’s the spill over from my love of Emo Rockers.
*sigh*
@Ms. Hall,
They’re running rampant here in OH too. Clearly everyone here thinks they’re stylin when they’re pretty much getting everyone else’s trend leftovers lmao.
PS: This is gross, but those piercings always remind me of someone who sneezed, tried to wipe the boogie away, but didn’t quiiiiiiite get all of it. Basically, a shiny booger. And nothing about boogers is sexxy.
@Ms. Hall,
I kinda like that piercing. I wouldn’t get because…well, you know I’like being employed. But I do think it’s pretty.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
I was thinking that too! I like em alot, but I have a pretty eccentric sense of style.
@GiGi,
there’s another gigi? :O
@GiGi,
yes!!!
When I first saw your comment, I was like “hey, I didn’t write that!” lol…
@GiGi,
pleased to e-meet ya.
@GiGi & @ GiGi
oh hell no!! lol yall need to have something to distinguish yall too. take MY moniker for instance… lol
The fact that the care free curl is back makes me itch, too.
Yes…it is.
Salons – high end ones, too – are advertising them as a way to get a natural, ‘care free’ look without all the maintenance.
The world is coming to an end.
@V.E.G.,
how is care free curl low maintenance? I remember my sister and my mom used that pee juice when I was little. it smelled up everything. the stench gave me nightmares. They couldnt lay their head on anything without leaving a trail. They had to keep reapplying that crap so their heads wouldn’t look like old brillo pads.
god I’m having flashbacks…help me
@Deviant,
I think if most of us catch a whiff of that activator smell, your memory instantly takes you back to ’85. When your Mom, Grandma, and at least 2 of your Ainnie’s (aunties) was rocking ‘em.
Let’s not forget that shower cap noise…lol
@miss t-lee,
o god the greasy shower cap
I rememebr I used to use the activator as a torture pit for my He Man figures. I would fill up the slime pit with it when I ran out of that fake smile stuff that came with it. I stopped doin it cause it made Skeletor stink and I coulnd’t get the smell off.
I went too far back for some of you. Yall don’t rememebr Skeletor or the Slime Pit.
@Deviant,
Hahahahha!! I remember Skeletor. My brother had the Castle of Greyskull.
Love the torture pit idea…wow, you took it back.
@miss t-lee ,
I had Snake Mountain and Land Shark too. I had to do alot of chores to get that stuff.
@Deviant,
pssh…i had the she-ra castle.
@Deviant,
I rememebr I used to use the activator as a torture pit for my He Man figures.
Oh my God, I am dead… Somebody please rescue me! Bwahahahahaha!
things that make me itchy and scratchy:
digital gangstas aka folks that insist on tryna be hard and fight on social networks (ie: fb). i itch and get a migrane from attempting to understand the purpose. you’re not hard, you’re dumb…you’re lame. you make me want to go potty. boooooooooo.
bamas on the beltway that refuse to let me pass them. but i’m going faster than yooouuuuuuuu! you know this! i don’t need you tryna regulate my speed, sucka, i got this!! and then don’t try to box me in…i’mma git out. i’m riding on a 430 horse hemi over here. I’M FASTER THAN YOU. LET. ME. PASS. ****ER. they make me itch and then i envision their vehicle engulfed in flames, whilst i spray lighter fluid genero–oh, sorry. i get mad is all. and you won’t like me mad.
i’m certain i’mma hurt some person’s feelings (or not) but folks who have little periodontal pockets at the base of their teeth and their breath smells worse then 10000 buttholes and/or folks that don’t bathe and smell. enter itching and nausea. not fair. please handle that (and this is not in reference to those who suffer from a medical condition in which these are side effects. i’m talkin’ about folk that just think it’s cute to smell like onions and rusty llama balls.
i have to go get calamine now. and some ginger ale. carry on.
@cam1ll3,
“mell like onions and rusty llama balls.”
*dead*
@cam1ll3,
bamas on the beltway that refuse to let me pass them. but i’m going faster than yooouuuuuuuu! you know this! i don’t need you tryna regulate my speed, sucka, i got this!! and then don’t try to box me in…i’mma git out. i’m riding on a 430 horse hemi over here. I’M FASTER THAN YOU. LET. ME. PASS. ****ER. they make me itch and then i envision their vehicle engulfed in flames, whilst i spray lighter fluid genero–oh, sorry. i get mad is all. and you won’t like me mad.
Lol.
@cam1ll3, see, that’s why i don’t EVER take the beltway. i live in DC specifically so i never have a reason to get on that damn godforsaken slowpoke roll.
plus, i’m from the A where 285 is not just the name of the highway, its the suggested speed limit.
@cam1ll3,
digital gangstas aka folks that insist on tryna be hard and fight on social networks (ie: fb). i itch and get a migrane from attempting to understand the purpose. you’re not hard, you’re dumb…you’re lame. you make me want to go potty. boooooooooo.
you wont say that to my face
@cam1ll3,
lol @ digital ganstas.
my boy swears im a cell phone gangsta. he says im always talkn ish on the phone but wont back it up in person. i do talk a lot of noise but no one can prove my virtual gangsta-ness. no one is really willing to test me.
and champ…why we talkin ’bout stu? i love stu! he’s cool.
@cam1ll3,
word? yo, he’s my man too. word up. holla
@The Champ,
What’s so bad is I heard that entire sentence in Stu Scott’s voice.
@Stank-0,
lol. damn champ for that.
Poppin a benadryl and going in…
1) People that don’t know how to merge into traffic. Speed up already. There is no need to stop when trying to get onto the interstate. Seattle, WA I’m talking to you.
2) People who don’t do what they say. Things happen, I get that but don’t tell me something you think I want to hear and not follow through. Exit left.
3) Females that wear winter parkas, boots wit da ffuurrrrr, and booty shorts. Uhm what? Put some dang pants on if you are that cold.
4) Not being able to buy the clothes I want because people choose to buy clothes three sizes too small for them. Look, I got the small Asian build of my mom, I’m trying to buy my size please do the same.
5) When my silverware touches the table at a restaurant. Yes, random. Yes, maybe I…eerrr I do have issues, but we all have our quirks…or two or three.
6) Bicyclists pedaling all hard and going nowhere in my lane. Move…get out my way. My car is bigger, faster, and will annihilate you. Again Seattle, that’s for you.
Alright, I gotta cure this itch. Onto thinking of happy thoughts…
@MzKang, I really want to defend my city here, but I got nothing.
@SaneN85,
You can’t defend what’s true! I speak from daily experience. You’re from Seattle too?
@MzKang, Yep, born and raised. It’s nice to see I’m not the only one from here on this site.
@MzKang,
“1) People that don’t know how to merge into traffic. Speed up already. There is no need to stop when trying to get onto the interstate. Seattle, WA I’m talking to you.”
You may be talking to Seattle, but NYC heard you loud and clear. Without fail, everytime I’m behind someone on the ramp, they decide to not only pull all the way up into the merge lane, but they wanna come in at 40mph…in a 55 zone…where most cars are doing 70. FYL
@MzKang,
“Females that wear winter parkas, boots wit da ffuurrrrr, and booty shorts. Uhm what? Put some dang pants on if you are that cold.”
damn…dAMN….DAMN! I want to throw pig’s blood on people doing this. They’re almost as horrible as folks wearing shades at night.
@MzKang,
6) Bicyclists pedaling all hard and going nowhere in my lane. Move…get out my way. My car is bigger, faster, and will annihilate you. Again Seattle, that’s for you.
this is pittsburgh for you too
Things that make me itch aka things that make me want to wack people in the face with a plastic cord:
1. The following phrases: ‘no homo’, ‘not that there is anything wrong with that’, ‘post racial society’, ‘swagger’, ‘urban’
2. The ‘Birther’ movement. (Yeah, the lady spear heading/mouthpiece of this whole hot mess lives right here in the clusterphuck also known as the OC.)
3. Proposition 8
4. The phucking phuck of a sherrif in Arizona that has monthly ‘stop anyone that looks even vaguely Latino, ask for documentation papers, detain those without and ship of all the illegal immigrants’ round ups.
5. Glen Beck and all of his fellow fear mongers, conservative and liberal alike, in the media. Perish all of you. PERISH
6. The clusterphuck that is Congress. Seriously, the economy is in the crapper, we are stuck in two quagmire wars, health care reform (actual reform not just some obfuscating bullish they’ll come up with to please both parties and the insurance lobbyists) has about as much chance of happening as the pope converting to Buddhism, one would think all this would be the impetus needed for them to grow some balls, stop bickering and actually do something….PERISH
7. The stupid ‘lack of good black men’ argument that is being floated around the black community. WTF??? What scientific study proves this? And what exactly, pray tell, is the criteria being used to determine what a ‘good black man’ is?
8. Kwanzaa; the ‘I’m African/from the motherland/dashiki wearing/African king/queen goddess writing/quoting fools who have no real interest in seeing the continent as a real place, with real people, who have very real triumphs and problems instead of some utopian phuckfest that they dreamed up. PERISH
9. Bigots. All of them: racists, homophobes, anti-semitism, just xenophobia in general.
10. The ‘date within your race’ proponents. I want to be all enlightened, and see it from their point of view…but SERIOUSLY. PHUCK, it’s not like they are dating outside the species.
11. The ‘LOL-Smiley face’ song. I don’t know what it’s called, but for some reason whenever I’m messing around with the radio I’m sure to hear that phrase in whatever that song is.
12. The people that hand out all those ‘Final Days/End times’ pamphlets right by the door to the Cherry on Top closest to my place; fine, hand me the pamphlet, but don’t hold me hostage for the next 20 minutes asking me if I’m prepared. Phucking h**l, I just want to grab some FroYo. Let me be.
13. The smug self righteous air that surrounds some of the following people: vegans, vegetarians, women who wear their hair natural, yogis, hardcore religious crews. Congratulations, you are obviously a much better human being than I am. Now, leave me in peace so I can wallow in my filth and inequity with joyous abandon.
14. LA hipsters. PERISH
15. Man hating feminists. It’s not the man hating that I despise so much (well, partly it is); it’s that every ‘womyn’ I’ve ever encountered insists on subjecting me to an hour or more diatribe on why we won’t need men in the next decade or so. Sigh…PERISH
I’m going to stop here. Apparently, I have some anger issues I need to work through. Or people could just stop irritating the holy bejesus out of me.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
“hardcore religious crews”
Hee-hee. This made me envision a gangsta rap gospel crew. That ish would be awesome! Didnt someone on these boards say they went to a church where Jesus was a No Limit Soldier?
@Me fail english?,
iQuit you! LOL
@Me fail english?,
Didnt someone on these boards say they went to a church where Jesus was a No Limit Soldier?
Hahaahha, that would indeed be awesome. I’m actually going to google this and see what I can dredge up in terms of ‘hardcore religious gangsta groups’.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
you need a hug
@Deviant, a big hug. she got some stuff on her heart that she REALLY needs to get off.
@Deviant,
LOL. I do, or a three hour long meditation session. People are just straight pissing me out lately. Hormones??
@ofloveandotherdemons,
I pretty much co-sign this entire list, especially the part about the OC.
Growing up on the border of North Orange County and Long Beach the difference between the two was palpable. I can remember my dad being stopped multiple times as soon as we crossed into the OC and as I grew up I would go on to be asked for ID cuffed and checked for warrants at least 5 different times.
Once it was for a N.I.N. – also known as a N***er in Newport and the other time I got cuffed for being supsicious in front of my own f*cking house AFTER i provided ID showing that this was my address. Mind you both times I was just talkin to my gf at the time and was not disobedient or belligerent (Pops was a shining example on how to deal with the police).
Anyways, you brought up some touchy subjects, so know I’m off to listen to Plies 100 years.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
**paging 8th wonder from off a corner somewhere to come and give ofloveandotherdemons a hug**
stupid people, as of late this covers alomst everyone i come into contact with in dc…specifically pple on the 90/92 bus or at HUH. grown a$$ folk who smell foul like urine…pple who respond with the long, drawn out..”huuuuuuh” when asked a question…
pple who ruin the ending to a movie/series whatever when they know you aint seen the ish yet…(i’m just now watching the wire, started maybe 2 wks ago and have literally spent 7hrs straight watching the dvds as soon as netflix drops in my mailbox and my bf was ruining ish before I saw the ish happen. I am starting disc 1, season 5 and am sad it will soon be over)
rude customer service reps. that act like you putting them out for requesting their assistance…wtf, for real? get a new job.
my own stank attitude when i lose my patience and wanna cut someone…sometimes i itch my own bytchness when i know i should calm the eff down.
ok i’m done i need a vacation.
@maria,
thing about The Wire is a soon as you know someone is watching it for the first time you wanna talk about it with them. Don’t be mad at them they mean no harm. Youll do the same thing when someone else is doing what you’re doing now.
@Deviant,
That’s why I haven’t told my people I’m watching it. Downloading season 2-4 right now. It used to come on a channel some years ago but it was on Friday’s and given that I was always somewhere I never got to watch it. Loving it so Dayum much though I can’t run the risk of someone telling me.
@sweet and sour chicken with a glass of wine,
you should see what they do to……
jus playin
@Deviant,
thats a great point. if you’re watching the show now, you should probably make it a secret, and refrain from reading any black bloggers since at least 40 percent of us make weekly references to the wire
@maria, pple who ruin the ending to a movie/series whatever when they know you aint seen the ish yet…(i’m just now watching the wire, started maybe 2 wks ago and have literally spent 7hrs straight watching the dvds as soon as netflix drops in my mailbox and my bf was ruining ish before I saw the ish happen. I am starting disc 1, season 5 and am sad it will soon be over)
yeah, this one is kind of your own fault. you’ve got the ULTIMATE late pass on this one. even white people know who Bubbles is and can break down the nuance at this point. you can’t expect folks who are so UBER excited about this show (namely everyone) to be able to just sit thru it quietly. you better buy your boyfriend a monthly subscription to reality kings or something to keep him occupied.
@maria,
“my own stank attitude when i lose my patience and wanna cut someone…sometimes i itch my own bytchness when i know i should calm the eff down. ”
This sounds like me
Although I’ve learned to embrace my bitchiness. I’m not mean or catty. I’m just abrasive and direct. And doesnt that beat being passive aggressive? I also happen to be very forgiving and dont hold grudges. Jesus loves me.
@Me fail english?,
“I’ve learned to embrace my bitchiness. I’m not mean or catty. I’m just abrasive and direct. And doesn’t that beat being passive aggressive?”
I think so. Yet I’ve been called rude, mean and unapproachable. No. Maybe you’re just a punk.
@Ms. Hall,
I have a Happy Bunny shirt that says “I’m not mean, you’re just a sissy.”
@Me fail english?,
I also happen to be very forgiving and dont hold grudges. Jesus loves me.
This cracked me up. My friend and I add this to the end of all our crabfests. It helps that it’s true ( I hope).
-Everyone trying some version of Rihanna’s hair but looking more like horny deranged peacocks.
-People who are champions of the double edged compliment i.e “Wow, nice top, you should try working out” WTF
-Cyber beefs, just step away from the computer and calm the fulk down
@Superior motherload,
“Wow, nice top, you should try working out”
This has to go down in the annals as THE laziest back-handed compliment ever.
@Superior motherload,
-Everyone trying some version of Rihanna’s hair but looking more like horny deranged peacocks.
LOL
@Superior motherload,
Wow, nice top, it really camouflagesyour lower half.
Wow, nice top. I didn’t know Lane Bryant was have their clearance sale.
Wow, nice top. I wouldn’t have thought to wear them with those pants.
Wow, nice top; my granny has one just like that in black.
I’m working on my back handed compliments. A passive agressive’s best weapon.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
LMAO! These are much better. The first one was like
“Wow, nice top. You’re a stupid bish.”
@Superior motherload,
Oh lord please forgive them for they know not how their facial features and that rihanna attempt make them look like warthogs.
THAT Freaking hairstyle makes me so dayum mad I feel a twitch everytime I see someone with it. Of course it’s been the latest craze in Kenya. They just do it different. It’s cornrows then a weave stuck at the front to look like the fringe Riri used to have. Don’t even mention the mohawk. The last time I saw an attempted version my eyes were tearing. They couldn’t handle that mess. I’ve seen near about 150 variations each stanker than the last. Mama Tina needs those hairdressers, learning from her is an upgrade!!
@Superior motherload,
I had a boyfriend who used to give backhanded compliments. He would say stuff like “you look beautiful. Well, as beautiful as you could look. You look better than you usually look.” He was such an asshole. We(my girls and I) started calling them compinsults.
Speaking of which- add to the list- Ninjas who walk around like they are hardcore and nothing ever affects them but are the most sensitive, soft acting, bitchassed mofos on the planet.
@Teddi37,
Compinsults he-he-he!
Females with haircuts shorter than mine.
Fat folks wearing extra tight clothing.
Lying muf*ckas
@Da Iceman,
so a lying short hair big hair with a size 4 dress would make you break out in hives, huh?
- Black Republicans.
- Folk who spread rumors that an entertainer is gay because they’re hating on his/her music, movie, show, or fashion style.
- The push for pregnant women, babies and children to get Swine Flu shots, which contain mercury, which according to substantial research of childhood vaccines, is still strongly linked to autism.
- Racism, from anyone, of any race.
And on the light side:
- When my kids drink all the juice but put the empty carton back in the refrigerator.
@Kit (Keep It Trill),
The push for pregnant women, babies and children to get Swine Flu shots, which contain mercury, which according to substantial research of childhood vaccines, is still strongly linked to autism
I thought this autism thing was debunked as heresay. They havent really proven it causes autism. No one actually knows what causes autism so they pinned this as the cause.
@Deviant, the autism link was debunked last summer. The swine flu vaccine is cultured in chicken embryos. The only reason you should have an allergic reaction is if you are allergic to chicken (rules out most black people!) or the preservative used (which you would already know from reactions to previous vaccines).
However, people are DYING from the H1N1 flu virus and complications caused by it! Over 100 children in the United States have died from the swine flu so far this year and the season is just gearing up. 60 died from seasonal flu last year during the whole flu season. Pregnant women in their second and third trimesters are at highest risk. If you all know someone pregnant please encourage them to get the shot. Women AND their babies are dying! If you have asthma or any other respiratory illness PLEASE get the vaccine!
Sorry to be a wet blanket but this message must be put out there to our community!
@sxyscientst,
you’re good. I just wanna see the autism thing die away. Its been proven untrue. I don’t wanna get sick from some germy kid cause of some misinformation.
@Deviant, I see it all day long! People dont get their kids vaccinated for fear of autism now have to deal with the death of a child.
SN:kids are pretty yucky! I got ALLA my cootie shots to keep me safe from those little breeding grounds of infection
@Deviant, Don’t say you weren’t warned.
@Others re: autism and mercury, do your own googling, or starting here and here.
Keep in mind that with enough wealth, power, media control and lobbying, you can debunk just about anything, including global warming up until 2006, and in 2003, how we needed to bomb Iraq because of 9/11.
@all yall,
i think all this proves that you have to make your own decisions when it comes to you and your offspring. science cannot prove one thing or another — it can only provide information based on certain sets of conditions. in another few years, there may be a ton of evidence that shows vaccines in young children lead to autism. or that it doesnt. or that the H1N1 flu vaccine actually prevents hair loss better than preventing a viral infection. with science, like a box of chocolates, ya neva know what ya gonna get.
i say all that to say, you all bring up great points lol. yay for intelligent discourse!
@Kit (Keep It Trill) ,
I’m wary of anything that gets injected into my body, vaccines included but I’m more wary of snotnosed kids.
I also know the science hasnt come to a solid conclusion on either vaccines or autism but if I had to pick a side I’d pick vaccines. Note tho I’m in to hurry to get shot up with snoutbreak repellent. I haven’t gotten a flu shot since I was a kid. I can’t remember the last time I even got regular flu (knock on wood). I’ve just been taking the same precaustions I always take around this time of year so I don’t get the snoutbreak (H1N1) or snotbreak (flu).
I guess the main issue is people calling vaccines the devil and wanting to blame someone for their child’s condition. No one knows what causes it. I don’t think they even have a full understaning of the condition yet.
@sxyscientst,
The only reason you should have an allergic reaction is if you are allergic to chicken (rules out most black people!)
*LOL-I almost choked on my soda when I read this*
@Kit (Keep It Trill),
Black Republicans
Seriously? Why?
@ofloveandotherdemons,
they all act like Michael Steele. The world would be better off if the earth just swallowed them.
Grabbing an extra dose of Allerfree pills
@ V.E.G.> I was oblivious to the whole “co-wash” thing until you mentioned it. Is this really happening somewhere? Must I send a holograph of myself to hair-do challenged people’s homes and smack them now?!
Another addition to the Itchy&Scratchy show:
1. The whole ‘ Lolita meets Trailer Trash Tracy meets Booty Girl’ trend going on in pop music (pop=work of el diablo): ie. Kesha w/ that stupid “TickTock” song. And if I enter one more store w/ Miley “I’m mah daddy’s paycheck” Cyrus singing “And the Jay-Z song was on..” I’m bringin’ some damn Semtex for yo’ a$$!
2a. ALL ‘reality’ shows! There ain’t no more ‘reality’ left to be filmed ‘cuz too many folks are busy hamming it up for the cameras! I just wanna disconnect, pull out my god damned optic cables so I don’t have to be bombarded w/ this ish!!
2b. Even my favorite nerd channels like Animal Planet came up w/ some reality mess called “Groomer Has It” . Now WTF does that have to do w/ the animal kingdom? “The Dog Whisperer” ? My level of flabbergastedness is just… to the nth degree.
Aww damn! I’m ready for the Red Pill Morpheus.
@GeekChicness, i saw some animal planet show where it’s basically like Supernanny for petsowners. where they teach pet owners how to discipline their pets and sh*t. i was too thru. there is literally a show for everything.
and on that note, WELCOME BACK FOR THE LOVE OF RAY J!!!
lol.
@Panama Jackson, i finally had a chance to watch this mess while i was home sick. all i can do is shake my head. is this ninja for real???
@Panama Jackson,
i LOVE victoria!!! some ppl are just dumb and need to be told, in a british accents, that they are idiots and need to exert control over their pets. and even more that they are insane if they are willing to let a pet come before their families.
the show is hilarious to me tho fa real. how can you NOT like it??
@GeekChicness,
1. The whole ‘ Lolita meets Trailer Trash Tracy meets Booty Girl’ trend going on in pop music (pop=work of el diablo): ie. Kesha w/ that stupid “TickTock” song. And if I enter one more store w/ Miley “I’m mah daddy’s paycheck” Cyrus singing “And the Jay-Z song was on..” I’m bringin’ some damn Semtex for yo’ a$$
this made me laugh even though i didnt understand it and sh*t
@GeekChicness,
“The Dog Whisperer”?
Awww, I like the Dog Whisperer.
@Sula,
Giggle, me too. It’s alright; we’ll form a support group.
1. People who blow their nose at the table. Mofo I’m eating…that’s nasty!
2. People who allow their toddlers to sing every song on the radio and they don’t know their ABCs, can’t count to 10 and can’t spell their names…SMH!
3. People who barely know you yet ask the most inappropriate questions. Ex: So, what size bra do you wear?
4. People that are late for their own functions.
5. Doctors offices that will charge you a fee or cancel your appointment if you’re 10 min late, but you have to wait 30 minutes beyond your appointment time to be seen. Completely unacceptable!
6. Rappers that have nothing valid to say or to contribute to society. We don’t want to hear you rap about money and cars and all the other sh*t that you really don’t have.
@CoCoDelite,
so what size bra do u wear?
@Deviant,
Now I’m scratching that itch! My point exactly!
@CoCoDelite,
welcome and sh*t (i think. if not, dont mind me. i’m getting ld)
@The Champ,
You’re right…Thanks!
I feel your pain on the lack of phone service. Our office moved 2 weeks ago and my new desk is apparently akin to the bermuda triangle. My phone searches…all freakin’ day for a signal. I have to go all the way outside to check my personal email, texts, and even phone calls. Seriously…it’s crampin’ my style. That is some bullisht.
Other BS
My office changed coffee vendors and the new coffee tastes like dirty dishwater.
Jay-Z changing his Austin concert date on the fly from a Saturday show to a middle of week show because he wanted to perform on the American Music Awards
Rihanna’s hair.
My Spanish instuctor changing up test dates all willy nilly. I had planned to travel this weekend, but had to scrap it because the syllabus said we had an exam on Monday. Then in class the other night she rescheduled the test for the following Wednesday. So I could have went out of town this weekend, but now….nope! Ugh…
@miss t-lee,
I feel your pain on the lack of phone service. Our office moved 2 weeks ago and my new desk is apparently akin to the bermuda triangle. My phone searches…all freakin’ day for a signal. I have to go all the way outside to check my personal email, texts, and even phone calls. Seriously…it’s crampin’ my style. That is some bullisht.
with me the phone works fine. its the internet that’s been f*cking up
@The Champ,
That hot spot ain’t so hot huh?
@miss t-lee,
Completely unrelated, but GOD I LOVE AUSTIN. I’m trying my hardest to end up there next year.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Word? Let me know when you’re headed down and we’ll link up.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Even though, I am thorough Houstonian (by way of West Africa, ha!), I have to admit that Austin is indeed the bees knees… Love it.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Austin is like the perfect little city. If it werent so effing hot I’d consider moving down there!
*adds to list of “Things to Hate on T-Lee For”*
@Me fail english?,
LMAO!!! Don’t forget your other favorite reason to hate on me, no state income tax.
*sings* Hate, hate onnn.
And about the hotness, you’re from New York, how’s that saying go, “If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere?”
*snickering loudly*
What makes me itch… lawd do we have enuff space…
1. People who adpot chillren from other countries & don’t teach them their native language.
2. Parents that let chillren go out in public with a dirty face… can you at least do a spit shine.
3. I know this mite hit a few nerves but who cares. All these lil bi-racial babies with nappy azz heads with a bow stuck on top. That’s ish aint cute & it grates my nerves.
I have plenty more but my blood pressure is goin up.
@Brown_iii_s, looks like we had enough space.
@Brown_iii_s,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
@Brown_iii_s,
I know this mite hit a few nerves but who cares. All these lil bi-racial babies with nappy azz heads with a bow stuck on top. That’s ish aint cute & it grates my nerves.
Yes! Who cares if the mom isn’t used to our kind of hair. My friends’ mom is 2520 and she ALWAYS had their hair lookin beautiful when they were children (parts straight, shiny scalp, etc.) She didn’t know what to do at 1st but she learned b/c she loves her children and she refused to have them lookin a mess.
@Voiceovereason,
My friends’ mom is 2520 and she ALWAYS had their hair lookin beautiful
Then again, the idea of “beautiful” is relative. I, for one, think we could stand to gain by letting our little girls and their hair roam free… I mean they would have all their lives to slave over hair and whatnot, let’s just let them be free for now.
@Sula,
True. But by beautiful I meant more so that you could tell she put care in to it. My mother was approached alot when I was young by 2520 moms with biracial daughters in our neighborhood(i feel like pittsburgh is the country’s biracial capital). They’d always say, “would you mind doing my daughter’s hair sometime? i just don’t know what to do with it, and you always make your daughter look so nice.” It irritated my mom to see the girl’s hair looking unkempt b/c their mothers wouldn’t learn how to care for a different hair texture.
The Economy
Incredibly religious women in the club
Arrogant white people
Arrogant black people
People who only think about white and black when thinking about race (btw white people can claim most asians, but I think we should get Filipinos )
Unintelligent people who SWEAR they know what they’re talking about (oh, the irony)
Whoever came up with the following concepts:
-working for a living
-that the best foods MUST be terribly unhealthy
-sexually transmitted diseases . . . take that away and I think there would be no more war
-war
My attention constantly being drawn to women with colored contacts, impossibly short dresses, or any other sign that they are bigger attention wh*res than diddy and ray j combined.
Winter.
Women who only come around when they need something.
@An Island, so you kind of just hate people in general. is that the gist of it?
@Panama Jackson,
Pretty much, yeah.
I also hate things that make me happy, because when they’re gone, they make me sad.
@Panama Jackson,
lol, plus G0d
@An Island,
Incredibly religious women in the club
This bunch is funny.
@An Island,
“Incredibly religious women in the club”
wtf??
they actually do that? why?
are they spiking drinks with holy water?
what would be the point?
@Bajan Girl,
I have NO idea, but that classy, sexy look you see in the club (and I always fall for) is frequently a religious girl. And they are always there (2x a week) ’cause their friend made them go. Riiiiiiight.
@An Island,
yeah the whole “my friends dragged me here” that’s a lie… and lying is a sin… they going to hell…
they are basically messing it up for us normal (as opposed to incredibly) religious girls who didn’t have to be dragged to the club..we strolled right on in on our own.
@Bajan Girl,
“hey are basically messing it up for us normal (as opposed to incredibly) religious girls who didn’t have to be dragged to the club..we strolled right on in on our own.”
Ha. I respect y’all more for coming in WANTING the foul music, erotic dancing, free drinks, and arm pulling.
And yes, I consider what they’re doing a lie. I wonder what they tell Jesus the next morning in church?
What literally makes my skin crawl right now are all the sick azz people that come to work knowing they’re sick and coughing all in the elevator without covering their mouths –OR- they’ll cover their mouths but then use that same hand to push buttons. Then offer to press everyone else’s floor so the germs will be on ALL the buttons.
Then there are women at my job who go straight from toilet to door handle, skipping the sink altogether. Ho, do you not see that sign that says “wash your hands” in the mirror?! Ah, well – if your nasty azz never goes to the sink I guess you miss it.
Lastly, the fact that if I want non-bruised and beaten looking fresh produce I have to drive all the way across town or go to the burbs for it. They don’t think we eat fruit n veggies in the predominantly blk areas? They always have fresh, piping hot fried chicken tho….. :-/
Im also lightweight itchin because I had to scrape a light coating of ice off my car this morning. It’s too soon! Its too soon!!! lol
@RedPlum,
“Lastly, the fact that if I want non-bruised and beaten looking fresh produce I have to drive all the way across town or go to the burbs for it. They don’t think we eat fruit n veggies in the predominantly blk areas? They always have fresh, piping hot fried chicken tho….. :-/ ”
Yeah produce shopping is some bull. The black neighborhood has picked over, beat up looking stuff and the white neighborhood (at least near me) has an EXTREMELY limited selection. Luckily, bf and I now live in a predominantly Latino hoods. They seem to have the best of both worlds
@Me fail english?,
That’s one thing I do like about the DC Area..CO-Op Farms , but most people don’t know about or just don’t take advantage of them.
@Me fail english?,
“Luckily, bf and I now live in a predominantly Latino hoods. They seem to have the best of both worlds ”
You ain’t never lied. The mercados round here have better produce than the grocery stores.
@miss t-lee,
Word! The produce is always pristine AND cheaper too!
Plus, my little secret Taqueria has the best grilled chicken this side of grilled chicken. It has folks coming on vacation from back home feenin’ for that grilled chicken. I swear if it was home, we would have to assume that sh!t’s been juju-ed up!
@Sula,
That pollo asado goes hard in the paint mayne!!!
I personally think there’s crack in it.
@RedPlum, They always have fresh, piping hot fried chicken tho….. :-/
and thank hayseuss for that.
@RedPlum,
What literally makes my skin crawl right now are all the sick azz people that come to work knowing they’re sick and coughing all in the elevator without covering their mouths –OR- they’ll cover their mouths but then use that same hand to push buttons. Then offer to press everyone else’s floor so the germs will be on ALL the buttons.
For real. The lab I work at has an open floor plan, and lucky me my desk is stuck in the middle of a coworker that sounds like he has TB and looks like he is in the last throes of consumption and another who has enough phlegm to fill a small lake. Why Lord? Why? Get your sick a$$es home. I’m not trying to come down with the H1N1
“what’s torrid on the thoroughfare”
Seriously this made me giggle. This joke is a movement I tell ya.
@miss t-lee,
just like the dipset, only the exact opposite
@miss t-lee,
What’s really real is that I thought this was ill on too many levels. Hot sh!t Champ.
the phrase “grown and sexy”
a term which is now just a three word euphemism for “drug dealers who launder their money through rim shops and the social services chicks and teachers who want to sleep with them”
lmao. Hi Hater.
@pgh muse,
lol. This term makes me think of older men who rock church socks to the club. The people who go to The Shadow. NYers know what I’m talkin about.
@Me fail english?, there must be a Shadow in every major city.
@Me fail english?,
Oh gosh, The Shadow. WBLS was always broadcasting live from there or some old folks’ event was happening on Saturday.
@InnerDiva,
HA! BLS stay broadcasting live from… *cue oddly hypnotic vocal effects* The Shadow. That place makes me happy my parents are still together. I’d have to diswon them if I caught em coming out the Shadow.
@Me fail english?,
You know what makes me itch about BLS? Dah-ved Levy.
#1, your name is David. Not Dah-Ved. Folks get a lil’ money and want to fancy up their names. (We all know Beyonce started out as Bianca.)
#2, Stop telling me that you’re rocking me, rocking me, rocking me. You’re not. Stop talking and get to the soca already.
What’s making me itch right now is all the Yankees fans on 34th Street. I’m late for work because these fools are clogging up Penn Station going to the parade. I come down to Penn Station for lunch and the lines are all backed up ’cause you people are still here. Go HOME and celebrate.
LMAO! Walking thru Penn this morning I…
-Couldn’t get a seat on the train, despite boarding at the terminal. Nothing but pinstripes.
-poked a little boy in the eye. I felt terrible about it too, but he literally walked right into my elbow. That’s what he gets for cutting school!
-ran into a “non-alcoholic” (see post below). This fool was at the top of the steps on 7th Ave, on his ass having an argument with his buddy(?) about being wasted at 8:16am does not make him a drunkard. It just makes him Yanks fan. “WHOOO!”
-had some old white lady push me. I dont know why, but I STAY having beef with aggressive old white women. We did the try-not-to-walk-into-each-other “dance” and this bish gave me a sweeping hearty push to the left…and have the nerve to grin about it.
Cant wait til this Yankee BS is over. (and I’m also feeling left out since I’m the only one at work not in navy pinstripes
)
@pgh muse,
ummmm what are you doing on VSB?? dont you have a bridesmaids dress of mine to be hemming??????
lol jk love ya!!
ive been natural on and off for about 10 years. first year was in high school (i know im dating myself) and i was transitioning (but i just called it growing my perm out) & i came thisclose to getting into a fight over my hair. forreal real son?
@tnt_FTW,
are you lost?
@The Champ,
what?
@tnt_FTW,
LOLLLLL @ are you lost!!!!??? LMAO!
Listen Here!!!
WuDaMan Needs an Industrial pack of Benedryl because of;
FAUX HAIR!
I’m talkin about the wigs weaves perms n sh!t!!!!!!
Perms where the ends is breakin like turbo n ozone
Wigs that sound like a polyester jump suit
Weaves that stab me like needles
& if yo hair smells like new carpet we better had just been fuhckin on the floor of your new apartment
The unauthentic person.
@WuDaMan,
& if yo hair get’s close to my mouth and I feel like I’ma throw up a hairball… don’t take this mercing personally
It’s just hair. That doesn’t belong on the back of my tongue…
@WuDaMan,
“It’s just hair. That doesn’t belong on the back of my tongue…”
*snickering*
@WuDaMan,
LMAO!!!!
@WuDaMan,
“Perms where the ends is breakin like turbo n ozone”
LMAO! Now I gotta go get Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo on DVD! Thanks for the reminder.
@Voiceovereason,
Now I’m over here humming the “dum dah dah” song…lol
@miss t-lee,
lmao. I did the lil crazy laugh in my head.
Sidenote: Time caught up with Shabbadoo. I saw that brother on one of those MJ specials and…no bueno.
@Me fail english?,
Yeah…he didn’t age well AT ALL. He was so fine in that movie. Mmmm
@WuDaMan, “Wigs that sound like a polyester jump suit”
this made me soooo weak! LMAO
@WuDaMan, Time for an awkward but true story.
One time back in college, I thought I was being haunted by a gnat who liked my forehead area around my eye. So one day I’m tutoring this chick she said, “what r u doing?” as I was having a fit w/ this crap. She reaces up and plucks a weave strand from my eyebrow area… Nasty Wrong Oooooh I hate faux hair.
@WuDaMan,
LMAO!!!
I’ve never liked the way Stuart Scott talks. He always seeemed like he was tryin to hard, like Bryqnt Gumbel got hold of an Urban Dictionary.
I’ve been working towards the Black Thought Beard since I got my first facial hair. My beard is slowly filling out. Maybe I’ll have it when I hit my 70′s.
I hate the term grown and sexy. Thanks for defining it. Always thougth it was for people who were insecure about beign over 30 and wanted to make up for the lameness of their youth.
@Deviant,
I’ve been working towards the Black Thought Beard since I got my first facial hair. My beard is slowly filling out. Maybe I’ll have it when I hit my 70’s.
thing is, even if i could grow the black thought beard, i probably wouldnt. i just want to have that ability
@The Champ,
I’d grow a Whispers beard if I could. Thsoe were real beards..the FaceFro.
thats another old school tidbit for ya. ask your parents who the Whispers were
@Deviant,
please don’t we(pretty girls) don’t like to boink whispers
we like clean shaven, neat little goatee
@flamboyantchiq,
I can tell you firsthand that plenty of pretty girls like bushy beards just fine.
I don’t think you realize what Whispers I’m talking about. Ask your parents.
Folks that think that because they do/don’t do something that you should/shouldn’t be…aka..Millitants:
I like my Maxima…you want to drive your lil’ Smart Car fine with me…do your thang
You like your relaxer fine, I like my natural…(Mina) stop asking me what Imma do with all this “stuff” on my head and I won’t ask you what you’re going to do with your see through ends and bald edges m’kay
You don’t like wearing makeup…fine with me…I do..let my face alone and OH stop raggin on my full eyebrows and I won’t hum the McDonald’s theme song for your golden arches…kay?
@Smiley Face,
You like your relaxer fine, I like my natural…(Mina) stop asking me what Imma do with all this “stuff” on my head and I won’t ask you what you’re going to do with your see through ends and bald edges m’kay
I <3 this!
@Voiceovereason,
Haha. That was good. And I had to check my ends to make sure they werent see-through
@Me fail english?, I didnt because I know my relaxed ends aren’t.
@Reecie,
A few of the ladies in my salon are scissor happy so I only trust like two chicks to cut me. And if they’re not in those trims be few and far between
@Smiley Face, I like my Maxima…you want to drive your lil’ Smart Car fine with me…do your thang
do folks who drive smartcars really look down on you? cuz i drive a freakin’ car with HEMI that gets roughly 13 miles to the gallon city (which sucks cuz i do ALL city driving) and nobody ever says sh*t to me. even the prius folks. then again, prius dudes are probably overly practical and realize that my car will whip their cars ass 12 days a week, pal.
@Panama Jackson,
Bet! My poor baby has been called all kinds of names, gas guzzler, talkmbout my horsepower for such a lil woman (rolling eyes)…mind you I am the only non 2520 in my group …o_O… maybe that has something to do with it…me no know *shrugs*
-People who drive inmy blind spot for extended lengths. This will get both of us killed.
-We all contradict ourselves sometimes, but people who say obviously rude and hypocritical isht. Yesterday the boss takes me to lunch for my 2 year anniv. We get on the topic of a colleague who just had a baby at 35 (her first) and is planning to get pregnant again soon. So this asshat says “(Biological) clock issue ya think? I just dont know if thats a good idea to keep having babies so old… (smirk)” . Hey fcukhead, refresh my memory. But I recall a certain someone in the office, just last year, siring a child from his filthy, wrinkled 46y.o. loins. Rumor has it that was you. Care to comment?
-People I hang out with often buying the exact same stuff I got. Basics? Fine. But not my unique, designer pieces. Now you got us looking like eighth graders, sharing clothes and isht.
-People who pick their noses while you’re watching them and then try to hand you pens (this happens more often than you’d think).
-People who show up late for stuff and then get mad when you leave them. How did you think this would end?
-The popeye’s drive-thru by my house that technically has no entrance. You just gotta hope there’s no oncoming traffic when you turn the corner. That chicken’s gonna be the death of me. smh
-Tourists. Honestly folks, I promise that Times Square in 2009 is little more than a collection of lightbulbs stuck to your fav nat’l chains. There’s no reason for your party of 30 to block traffic taking pictures. Which brings me to…
-Pedestrians that assume my brakes work.
@Me fail english?,
People who pick their noses while you’re watching them and then try to hand you pens (this happens more often than you’d think).
I had a boss that would pick his nose right in front of folks during meetings. Just nasty.
@Voiceovereason,
I have a coworker (the “not gay” one) who will take each index finger and dig into his nostrils WHILE he’s speaking to you. I mean, he’ll look you in the eye and everything? When I first got here I just ignored it and made sure we didnt touch the same stuff. Now I actually ask “Do you need a tissue?” and he looks all offended like “No. What are you trying to say?!” Nevermind.
@Me fail english?,
i have a coworker (the “not gay” one) who will take each index finger and dig into his nostrils WHILE he’s speaking to you. I mean, he’ll look you in the eye and everything?
LOLOL
@Me fail english?,
OMG. Ewwww. Lol!
@Me fail english?,
Isht like that is why I don’t do work potlucks. Well most potlucks period. Nasty mofo.
@Me fail english?,
Hey fcukhead, refresh my memory. But I recall a certain someone in the office, just last year, siring a child from his filthy, wrinkled 46y.o. loins. Rumor has it that was you. Care to comment.
You always crack me up. Abrasive or not, you sure are funny.
The popeye’s drive-thru by my house that technically has no entrance. You just gotta hope there’s no oncoming traffic when you turn the corner. That chicken’s gonna be the death of me. smh
There is a subway by my place that is exactly like this. What architectural genius designs this death traps?
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Thank ya, love!
And LMAO! I really hope Im not the first black person to make news for dying in a head-on collision while trying to buy fried chicken
@Me fail english?,
I hope not either, because you know they would get a field day out of covering that story…lol
Death by Chicken. Film at 11.
-women with mustaches
-women that shave….their face
-women that don’t shave… their face
-women who wear their hair short but don’t take the time to keep it in shape…..at least get an edge up
-men who don’t dress age appropriate…men who can’t dress at all especially tall/thin men
-people who spit when they talk….ol wet moufded mofos
-people who blow smoke in your face….even if you do smoke…it ain’t cool you phucktard
-people who carry known fake designer purses but clutch them when they see you coming like you wanna steal a fake azz Vouie Luitton
-people who feel like they always gotta one up your story
Me: ” I went and got a oil change on my car on lunch.”
Phucktard one-upper: “I went and got an oil change on my helicopter on lunch.”
Off to the medicine cabinet….
@Nikkisix,
“I went and got an oil change on my helicopter on lunch.”
*Muerto*
@miss t-lee,
lol @ your use of “muerto”
reason #20984 why i <3 miss t-lee.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
Hee-hee!!
I’m taking Spanish this semester, I gotta practice.
@Nikkisix,
This is GREAT! Thank you
@Nikkisix, loved this list!
@Nikkisix,
-the “others” who come to work with their hair wet
-people who are giddy all the time
-people who speak in text talk ….them: ttyl…btw….lol me: stfu
-people who only listen to one genre of music and talk schmidt about all other music not in that genre~me: stfu
-people who use the word ‘whom’
@Nikkisix,
“-people who speak in text talk ….them: ttyl…btw….lol me: stfu”
Okay…you’re flippin’ hilarious.
@Nikkisix,
lmao. leave notes for your wet haired and wet moufded coworkers like….
to WHO it may concern:
omg. ihateu. gtfooh. r u lol’ing? pls stfu. kthx.
ttyl… jk.
sinsurrly, deez
Hmmmmm.
Everyone who asks me when I’m gonna take the bar and why I’m not practicing…God and I have discussed my plan and He sent me to law school for a reason, but the reason was not so I could practice. If there’s a problem take it up with Him…sorry, needed to vent
Men in skinny jeans.
Folks with a sense of entitlement.
Fairweather friends. Wait…those people aren’t friends. The term almost contradicts itself. Don’t know what else to call them though.
Parents who can’t control they’re bad @ss kids.
Weaves that don’t blend with the real hair’s texture. Bad hair in general.
A lot of Rev Run’s tweets. The only time they’re good is when he’s quoting other people. I need to stop following him. And people who use facebook as a means to let out their inner philosopher. It’s seldom that you’re saying anything profound or note worthy…sorry.
Nene Leakes and any other grown person who has to be at the center of attention whether it’s good or bad.
People who always have a stank attitude. Don’t know what happened to you, but the world shouldn’t have to pay for it. Stay away from folks until you feel better.
My bills. Mainly cell phone, cable, electric, and gas. I think that stuff should be free.
@Voiceovereason, I don’t really watch RHWOA but that brawd is the worst..think she thorough but really crass, uncouth, fake boughie, loud etc, and being rewarded for it ironically……..folk like her yeah get the gas face..the loudest person is also the weakest!
@OrangeStar616,
“the loudest person is also the weakest!”
Co-sign! Co-tangent!
@Voiceovereason, girl yeah “the strong move quiet the weak start riots” Memph Bleek on Jay Z’s 1-900-Hustler
@Voiceovereason,
“A lot of Rev Run’s tweets. The only time they’re good is when he’s quoting other people. I need to stop following him. ”
U musta been reading my diary. Rev. Run makes me itchy as hell.
@Voiceovereason,
Fairweather friends. Wait…those people aren’t friends. The term almost contradicts itself. Don’t know what else to call them though.
itchy bitches
@The Champ,
LOL
@Voiceovereason,
Parents who can’t control they’re bad @ss kids.
I don’t understand this. You are a parent. It’s part of the job description to discipline those future sociopaths. This did not play when I was growing up. (Un)Fortunately, we don’t have CPS and the like, and the ‘it takes a village’ maxim is held as a truth so any old stranger can just snatch you up and put the fear of the Lord in you , if you start acting a fool.
@Voiceovereason,
My bills. Mainly cell phone, cable, electric, and gas. I think that stuff should be free.
Yeah, bills suck.
this dayum job makes me ass itch, altho I am thankful to be employed….. I have got get out of here sooner rather than later.
I’m not a comformist and that bothers these folk nor am I fake or an ass kisser etc and NEVER will I be.
@OrangeStar616,
Yeah I hate when pacifists and apologist try to give me advice on how to handle smthg in the office. I’d never ask you to go all guns blazing like I would and demand a raise from the boss. Please dont ask me to go all girly-man like you. I can only do me.
P.S. So far its working.
while i dont currently have a list of things that make me itch…
the fact that every time i comment, the site refresehes and that totally SFW but questionable ass picture you posted, dear Champ, comes up on my 23 inch computer screen that people in timbuktu can see making anybody who walks by wonder just WTF is panama looking at on his work computer.
yeah. that’s itch worthy.
@Panama Jackson,
I was just thinking the same thing about that picture. It’s terrible.
@Panama Jackson,
lol, thanks, p. that comment made my day and sh*t
@Panama Jackson,
LOL For real!!
first…LOL at women with pocketless jeans, first of all those are not jeans, they are leggings and whats even more funny is they are often paired with the clear heeled stripper shoes…
my list in no particular order
people that come to a complete stop before getting into the turning lane.. WTF?
if your sick, people that always know someone that either died or was seriously f!cked up behind your condition…
you got a cold? shyt my cousins, sisters, lil girl had a cold and lost the hearing in her left ear from that shyt….word for real?
people that play the victim
just overall ignorance….
grown men over the age of 24 who have never lived by themselves
30+ year old men with roommates
white people that defend glenn beck
black people that dont listen to any music other than rap
people that dont read and proclaim it proudly
or people that cannot give a compliment, they hate everything and everyone
@shay_d_lady, 30 + yo men with roommates raise an eyebrow fo shizzle my nizzle LMAO
yes the overall ignorance makes me itchy
how bout folk that constantly gossip or always talking bout people or are always up in someones elses B.I…….
@OrangeStar616,
In this economy, you gotta give a brotha a break. Plus, living alone isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be (done it the better part of 10 years now). You end up drinking a lot more because you have to have a reason to be hanging with someone else, and not everyone wants to come home to an empty house.
@An Island, you got a point, living alone can be a lil lonely honey………
@OrangeStar616,
Now I know there are a ton of f*cked up people and stories, but I have no problem with people having roommates. I think we have so few friends nowadays because no one (in most cities) lives together, so you got to motivate 1o individuals, instead of 2-3 houses/apts to get something poppin on the weekends (weekdays is just too hard). Everything is an event, there’s no more, “Don’t leave without me” shyt going on.
@OrangeStar616,
true. this is why every single man should know at least one midget. when you’re bored or lonely, just call your midget buddy over
@shay_d_lady,
if your sick, people that always know someone that either died or was seriously f!cked up behind your condition…
Gawd, this is my mother. Everytime I have wee cough, she has about sixyffvebillion stories on what it could be; each one worse than its predecessor. Yeah, and she is a nurse, so you know she has an infinite supply of horror stories. Love ya’ ma.
first…LOL at women with pocketless jeans, first of all those are not jeans, they are leggings and whats even more funny is they are often paired with the clear heeled stripper shoes…
my list in no particular order
people that come to a complete stop before getting into the turning lane.. WTF?
if your sick, people that always know someone that either died or was seriously f!cked up behind your condition…
you got a cold? shyt my cousins, sisters, lil girl had a cold and lost the hearing in her left ear from that shyt….word for real?
people that play the victim
just overall ignorance….
grown men over the age of 24 who have never lived by themselves
30+ year old men with roommates
white people that defend glenn beck
black people that dont listen to any music other than rap
people that dont read and proclaim it proudly
or people that cannot give a compliment, they hate everything and everyone
@shay_d_lady,
i think i might add “vsb veterans who still double post” to my itchy list
@The Champ, well then I will add moderators who only moderate at night.. LOL you could have removed it….
people on facebook swearing they have mad haters, but thats ok because they “make them their motivators” makes me itch. you’re a cornball and/or a lame at best, you don’t have haters–people just disagree with your choices because they suck. *woosah*
@Reecie,
yes! why can’t people jus generally think you suck at things/make bad decisions without being called hater?
@Reecie,
I agree. People watch Katt Williams too much. He has folks thinkin they’re doin somethin right b/c they have haters. Haters are irrelevant. Why bother acknowledging them?
Now that I think about it, the word “haters” makes me itch. I think I’m doing alright for myself, and if I have haters I haven’t noticed them actively hating on me. Except one person, but she has problems with being happy for anyone other than herself, so it doesn’t count.
@Voiceovereason,
“People watch Katt Williams too much. ”
Ya know, even when he’s making a valid point, it makes me itch that ppl quote Katt “dirty gerbil” Williams. I mean, has MORE than a few problems. Didnt he get smacked by a man in a cowboy hat? And aint he on drugs?
@Me fail english?,
LMAO! Not dirty gerbil! Hahaha!
@Me fail english?,
Hey…hey…lol
I don’t run around quoting him, but he did have a valid point on his “stroke number” routine.
@miss t-lee,
He’s funny as h3ll to me, just slightly annoying. When he said Michelle Obama smelled like Motions hair conditioner and cocoa butter I was dead.
@miss t-lee,
Yeah I cant front, he’s funny. It’s the folks that think he’s a tiny hood version of Dr. Phil, pickin up life strategies from this ninja that make me do a Flawda Evans side-eye
@Voiceovereason, yeah I dont believe in having haters. but this could be because I’m too self absorbed to notice. LOL
What makes me itch…
…women who show up late for dates without calling. If we agreed on 7, why do you think 7:15 is acceptable? You’ve just broken a verbal contract, now I can’t trust you.
…drivers in the left-most lanes of the freeway who won’t get the f*ck outta my way. SLOWER TRAFFIC MOVE RIGHT!! There’s a reason I’m on your bumper flashing my headlights and blowing my horn – you’re in my fucking way – move bitch! (checking my blood pressure now.)
…republicans! Shut the f*ck up and get over it you obstructionist piece of sh*t.
…panhandlers! Why does every corner in Houston have 3?
…why the hell do I need to press 1 for English?! Can I speak to a human?!
…people who roll up on you and say “can I ask you a question?” You just did azzhole!
…people who assume that just because I’m talking to you it means I want something from you…get over yourself!
…over commercialized holidays. I’m surprised they’re not trying to get us to exchange gifts for Thanksgiving as well…or trying to get us to buy flags on flag day…ooh, “just in time for President’s Day, get your autographed President Obama poster.”
…women who add all kinds of extra intonations to their sneezes trying to sound cute…it ain’t. Blow that sh*t out! Your body is trying to get rid of that crap for a reason; stop holding it back then acting confused when you get sick!
Wow! This was therapeudic!
@Caballeroso,
“…why the hell do I need to press 1 for English?! Can I speak to a human?!”
Exactly! Even worse when the automated machine has me say my choice. It makes me want to throw my phone across the room. I’ve come to a point now where I just press random numbers or say dumb ish just so I will be taken to an actual person.
@MzKang,
I feel you on that. A lot of times I just press zero for an operator before I even hear the choices.
@Caballeroso,
…drivers in the left-most lanes of the freeway who won’t get the f*ck outta my way. SLOWER TRAFFIC MOVE RIGHT!! There’s a reason I’m on your bumper flashing my headlights and blowing my horn – you’re in my fucking way – move bitch! (checking my blood pressure now.)
You definitely live in the H. You know what was funny? I was driving home from work and I saw this homeless guy that I saw everyday for about a week or two. Apparently, he must have not been making enough money because one day he had a Grover, yep Grover from Sesame Street, hand puppet. He must have been to appease to the kids in cars so their parents can give him some money. Only in Houston.
@ComicBookGuy,
Apparently, he must have not been making enough money because one day he had a Grover, yep Grover from Sesame Street, hand puppet.
Ok, please, tell me on which street in Houston I shall go to witness this… I need to see this with my own two eyes. Hilarious!!!
@Caballeroso, …why the hell do I need to press 1 for English?! Can I speak to a human?!
This is the truth. It’s especially annoying when they have to have you verify 7 pieces of account information with the automated voice system, just for the CSR to get on the phone and ask you the same seven questions. I’ve went off on a couple of innocent CSRs just for this bullsh*t.
people that make me itch.
_bullies
_physically grown folks who stereotype [Sometimes you might just get a laugh out of me...I'm not laughing with you].
_folks who look down on different ideologies to big themselves up.
_I’m uncomfortable if I show too much skin and wear too tight clothes [outside of my bedroom]. If you’re one to dance [almost] naked in public, do you. I itch at folks who push their dress code down on independent people’s throat.
_ people who find the human body, at its most natural state, offensive.
@SnijanaFleur, yes on the pushing your dress code on more independent/original folk….just cause you are bland and devoid of style what-so-ever dont; be mad at those more blessed in that arena
@OrangeStar616,
Yeah. I cant stand people who talk about “Dont nobody wanna see that?” (in relation to someone else’s outfit) as if we give a fcuk what you’d like to see. Nobody wanted to see your cheap ass boots and snaggleteeth but we’re not tryna make you feel bad about it.
@Me fail english?, LLS!!!!
@Me fail english?, well I don’t wanna see muffin tops. *kanye shrug*
@Reecie,
Good thing nobody cares
@Reecie,
this reminds me of a recent CYE epi w/ the “midriffs”. LD and Seinfeld apparently dont like muffin tops either LOL
***more things that have been making me itch like a meth addict recently***
feeling “like a 30 year old” for the first time while playing basketball last night
shaq on the cavs
whoever it is in my building who makes the hallways reek at least twice a week by cooking what seems to be dinosaur d*cks
“green” everything
all of the non-black women on the love of ray j
the fact that i have to watch the love of ray j with my girl to make up for the 18 hours of nba basketball per week i put her through
@The Champ,
why do people think Shaq will not mess up your squad? He is fat and slow now.
I’m so glad my girl doesn’t like any of those stupid reality shows or dramas like grey’s anatomy.
@Deviant,
why do people think Shaq will not mess up your squad? He is fat and slow now.
to their credit, i will say that this cavs team isnt really worried about the regular season (as long as they get 55-60 wins, which they will), and the shaq move was made with the playoffs in mind. as last year proved, winning 66 games doesnt mean sh*t if you dont even get to the finals
@The Champ,
True. None of the elite teams even care until april comes. Shaq gives em strength they dindt have last year but they still won’t beat Orlando or Boston.
@The Champ,
please fire danny ferry! he signed sideshow bob aka anderson verajao to that outlandish, overpaid deal when he could have gotten a quality 4 who could actually hit open jumpshots.
shaq and ilgauskas on the court at the same time = chop-n-screwed footwork
@SouthernCharm,
you know, i actually like and appreciate what andy brings to the team, defensively especially. problem is, you need to play him beside someone who can actually shoot from farther than 3 feet
@The Champ,
shaq on the cavs
Had this conversation with the SO. I don’t undertand the move AT ALL. Hopefully, I will be proven wrong but so far it is rather disappointing.
By the same token, my team (SPURS) which actually has a pretty decent lineup is messing up. What in bball hell is going on?
@Sula,
Manu is too busy playing batman…that’s what’s goings on.
*giggling*
@miss t-lee,
Hey, Batman just gets added to a long list of capabalities shown by Senor Ginobili… list which includes versatile guard….
Well, we will blame it on the 4-day hiatus (Please don’t make me lie, you Spurs, you!)
@Sula,
LOL!! You know I love the Spurs…I had to talk a lil’ junk…the season is still junk.
@The Champ,
“green” everything
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the enviroment and trying to minimize our impact on it. H**l, at some point I want to move to a commune, grow all my own ish and generate electricity from cow poo, but this is getting rididdydiculous. Every store has a ‘green’ gimmick. Tracking your carbon foot print, locovores movement, farm to table movement, 13oo recycle options, ….Eish, I’m tired.
Ok, I’m gonna try and focus on stuff that genuinely makes me break out and tense up, and NOT stuff that merely grinds my gears:
1. Chicks with severe traction alopecia who insist on wearing the little hair they have left in a ponytail. If you ain’t go no edges, then exposing your bare, unnaturally smooth temples will surely make me hyperventilate.
2. People who smell like they house – a combination of musty laundry, stew, and despair.
3. People who use the phrase “Oh, so that’s what you on?” when you say something they don’t like. Or use it period.
All of these will make me bust out into a epithet-filled frenzy. I might be back later to add more, but just thinking of this is making my blood pressure rise.
@KindredSmile,
1. Chicks with severe traction alopecia who insist on wearing the little hair they have left in a ponytail. If you ain’t go no edges, then exposing your bare, unnaturally smooth temples will surely make me hyperventilate.
2. People who smell like they house – a combination of musty laundry, stew, and despair.
just reading this made me itch
I’ll throw in my fiddy…
1. The Fry Guy Look – i.e. why come every teenager and early 20s dude around here has to wear dreads and a fitted cap?
2. Chicks who tell me they have a boyfriend then stop me when I chock them the deuces and say “I can still take your number.”
3. Pretty skin being ruined by gaudy and unoriginal tats, yet I’m still supposed to believe that a woman is supposed to be “classy” with them.
4. People at my job that see one little pop-up on the screen, and instead of taking 20 seconds to Google the issue and come up with an easy workaround, they call me over just to advise them that their computer will not blow up if hey click “OK.” And these people have been working here for 15+ years…
5. Trying to type these entries and the hyper-arsed executive secretary keeps sending me IM’s about something that I told her I would take care of a hundred times already.
@CPT Callamity,
the fry guy look! i love that phrase. I has just been callin them homo-thugs cause they also wear skinny jeans with air force ones with the tongue hnagin out. They look stupid. I’m so glad I’m not a teenager nowadays.
@Deviant,
They look stupid. I’m so glad I’m not a teenager nowadays.
me too.
@CPT Callamity,
#1 is soooo my brother so glad i have a name for him now lol
@CrissieD,
http://www.acriddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/fry-guy.jpg
And there is a frame of reference. Note: Dudes rock the chucks just like the fry guys do too! Imagine the box o nuggets is the fitted cap…
@CPT Callamity,
3. Pretty skin being ruined by gaudy and unoriginal tats, yet I’m still supposed to believe that a woman is supposed to be “classy” with them.
It really just messes everything up. I don’t care how pretty she is, it just throws the whole package off.
Been a lurker on this site for about a month, crack up everyday, now I feel like it is time to take part in the intellectual debauchery.
1. Black men over the age of 25 that still wear cornrows. Really, get a haircut. There is a good chance that you that big job you want won’t ever happen until you cut your hair. You’d be surprised. Plus, barbershops are a black institution.
2. People who make a big deal whether a black woman should go natural or have permed hair and make some kind of “white people make straight hair on black women acceptable and natural unacceptable” debate about it. Black women are beautiful not matter what type of they have. (I say that to mean that if you are ugly, it really doesn’t what your hair looks like.)
3. Educated people that have multiple degrees but are so out of touch with what goes on in the world and don’t have any social skills. I don’t care how smart you are, if you can’t carry on a conversation that are substantive, you might as well get “IDIOT” tattooed on your forehead.
4. People who drive with headphones on. I want to become a Navy SEAL just so I can have the ability to snipe those people in their cars and not be seen. Really, but a $100 radio with an auxiliary jack and plug your Ipod into that, you moron. Driving like that is dangerous.
5. Men that wear skinny jeans. It’s gay, it’s gay, it’s gay. Any woman that thinks you are attractive either doesn’t want to give you any poontang or she is a idiot. Or both. Would not be surprised at both.
6. People that look down people who went to college and got degrees out of high school instead of getting a job. Sorry, buddy, I know you were working and making money while I spent five years getting an engineering degree, but I am got a job with benefits right out school, and did not move in with my momma when I did. Like Chris Rock “Oh you the smarty art n***a, but can you kick my ass?” Maybe, maybe not. But I can use that degree to do something that will make you scared to start your car. (Yeah, I was a kid from the ghetto that picked on a lot growing up).
7. Companies that have outsourced customer service. I really am not going to believe that people in Pakistan go by the name Mike.
8. People on Obama’s cajones. This country was screwed before the man got elected. Really, I live and was born and raised in Texas. Bush screwed this state up pretty bad before he became president, so people really shouldn’t have been surprised.
9. Black people that look down in HBCU graduates. As an engineer, going to a HBCU taught me one thing: how to hustle, meaning how to make things happen with bare minumum. Oddly enough, black engineers from an HBCU are WAY more sociable than black engineers from bigger schools, which may or may not be saying a lot since engineers aren’t considered the most sociable bunch. But hey, girls like me, so I’m good.
(And for those of you that think I sound like Kanye from “The College Dropout”, I will beat you to the punch. Yes, my degree does keep me warm at night. I love my queen size bed and central heating and air. HA!)
10. The coffee shop thing irks me to no end.
11. Drake. Yeah, I know he’s popular, and he has some skill, but seeing girls go ga-ga over him reminds me of all of the light skinned dudes that took that girls I liked when I was growing up. The Hershey’s chocolate brotha didn’t get a lot of love as a kid.
12. People that greenlight really, really bad music. They should be blindfolded, hung upside down, and beaten like a pinata.
Ok, that will do it. I realized that there is not turning back now that I have responded to a post on this site. But hey, typing this up was very therapeutic. Good weekend to all.
@ComicBookGuy,
“8. People on Obama’s cajones. This country was screwed before the man got elected. Really, I live and was born and raised in Texas. Bush screwed this state up pretty bad before he became president, so people really shouldn’t have been surprised.”
Word. Rick Perry ain’t doing much better either.
Where you from?
@miss t-lee,
Born and raised in Dallas, but I now live in the traffic trap known as Houston. I?
@ComicBookGuy,
Had to welcome another Texan on the board…lol Traffic trap is right, that’s why I’m in Austin.
@miss t-lee,
Lovely city. My dad lived there when I was a kid, still got family out there. I-35 in the middle of the day out there is horrible.
@ComicBookGuy ,
35 is a beast, but it ain’t got ish on 1-10′s rush hour…lmao
@miss t-lee,
I-10 is known as the parking lot. They even now have a Toll on it and errythang.
@ Sula,
Yeah…I try to schedule all my trips to the H around that 5 hour rush hour on 10. lol
@ComicBookGuy,
I now live in the traffic trap known as Houston.
Trust me, as I mentionned above, I really appreciate the Houston traffic after my debacle in LA…
(then again my commute is like 12 minutes…
)
@Sula,
My boss said that I have to start going to LA soon to deal with customers and I definitely not looking forward to the possibility of that traffic.
@ComicBookGuy,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ,
Appreciate it.
I feel ya on the Black Thought beard. Gave that up after my junior year in college.
@ComicBookGuy,
Black people that look down in HBCU graduates.
They’re the ones that always say they didnt choose an HBCU b/c the real world isn’t predominantly black. College in and of itself is not the real world. That’s why it’s so tempting for some folks to do victory laps when they should’ve graduated.
Another thing that makes me itch… black people who feel in order for something to be better it needs to be associated with something 2520.
@Voiceovereason,
Perfect example: hip hop.
@ComicBookGuy,
Don’t forget cornrows, big butts, Obama and using phrases like “bling”.
@ComicBookGuy,
Good to see a fellow Houston area, HBCU engineer on here!
Southern University!
@Caballeroso,
PVAMU, baby. With the way are playing football this year, I am even more proud to be an alum.
@ComicBookGuy,
“6. People that look down people who went to college and got degrees out of high school instead of getting a job. ”
i FEEL you on this! i hate it when people get in my face talking about, “college!? man i was WORKING and taking care of MYSELF since 18.” well, that’s because you had 3 kids, boo. and people really shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, because my “privileged” a*s was still livin at home, yet workin a full time job and paying house bills too, helping take care of more than MYSELF. it really doesn’t matter anymore now, but i’m saying, b*tch if you want cookies, give me some da*n cookies too……guess you could say that statement makes me itch.
@charli skipper,
It’s alright, darling. I totally understand.
Young white men who wear wavecaps. What are they wavin’ up? Does that even work for them? I just don’t get it.
@TrueMan,
this happens? i dont think ive ever seen that before.
i will say that the cats who wear wave caps everywhere make me itch. its like, yo, you’ve been wearing that cap for 521 consecutive days. shouldnt you have waves by now?
@The Champ,
Not only do white men wear them, but people with braids and people without waves wear them as well. Very confusing.
@TrueMan,
ohmigosh! i was in Sally’s the other day and this older 2520 man came in and asked the employee where he could find a wavecap!? so, is this a new phenomenon? i’m usually pretty sophist when it comes to knowing not to stare in public or react to people, but seriously, i musta been starin at that man like he was one of those people in Thriller.
This blog is annoying
@….(yawn),
Folk that come to a blog of their own volition and say it’s annoying but yet..still… read…it…O_O
@….(yawn),
welcome and sh*t
@….(yawn),
The instructions said to list the things that make you itch, not the things that you find annoying. Read, people, read!
@….(yawn),
um……
- When people sniffle alot on the train. It sounds really gross. You’re too old to not know about pocket packs.
-When peopl come into work sick like they’re some kinda master of the universe, pushing through the pain. When really you’re just putting the rest of our health in jeopardy.
-People who make a million excuses and invent semantical arguments as to why they’re not alcoholics. I dont care who won the World Series on Wednesday. You’re drunk off your ass (literally) and it’s just past 8am. (True Story)
-Hood people who refuse to do stuff the normal, easy way cuz they think they’re being a rebel. If your only form of ID is a broken medicaid card, dont be surprised when they wont serve you drinks. And when your normal friends try to convince you that having “normal people” picture ID at all times is a good idea, please dont tell us we’re just being “scary”. Or say stuff like “what they gonna do? Lock me up.” The answer is yes and I cant be reached for bail.
@Me fail english?, Broken medicaid card?! Bwhahaha
@KindredSmile,
But wait! There’s more! The PICTURE is the part that was broken off. For all we know it wasnt even his.
things that make me itch…
you know what really grinds my gears?
sarah palin
females who can’t get along with other females, yet blame other females as to why they can’t get along with other females… so they claim to get along with guys better. you suck at friendship and life.
louis dix on the foxxhole radio show… he has his funny moments but he comes off as way too self-righteous. zoe williams put him in his place on the latest speedy show.
wale hype… nothing against wale as a person, but he’s not the truth. sorry. good concepts. good production. great features. but he’s mediocre at best, his flow is off, and i couldn’t listen to a whole cd of him by himself.
beanie sigel… beans, i love your music. i grew up listening to the roc. but you’re obviously after money. you went to jail around 2004-2005. jay didn’t visit you. that was wrong. but why bring that up now like you’re just THAT hurt over it when circa 2007 you were in the roc boys music video (laughing and carrying on) and you had that less-than-stellar verse on the American Gangster album… which jay didn’t have to put you on.
no ceilings hype… wayne is talented. he can spit. but there are only so many ways you can convey i’m da shyt, i’m great, i got h*es, yung money, kush, i’ll shoot you, and i got money in a metaphor. more substance please.
overconfident chubby girls… monique lost weight. cute face. still not at 10. try again.
facebook therapy… there’s a 2520 i went to high school with who is an aspiring rapper. in the meantime, he types in all-caps in his status updates about all of his personal/relationship issues. i’m starting to think he’s really delonte west posting under an alias.
@SouthernCharm,
“wale hype… nothing against wale as a person, but he’s not the truth. sorry. good concepts. good production. great features. but he’s mediocre at best, his flow is off, and i couldn’t listen to a whole cd of him by himself. ”
Word. I’ve tried, I really have.
@SouthernCharm, I co-sign the Wale hype, sometimes I think we are snobs/purists, us of first generation of hip hop, but when you grew upon folk like Rakim, Slick Rick, Kool G Rap, Big Daddy Kane etc everyone to follow, Nas, Jay, Gangstarr, the Boot CAmp CLick, Terror Squad, Native Tongue movement, Hiroglyphic, Mos Def etc etc..we are not as easily impressed as the second genration of hip hop is
@OrangeStar616, gotta mention the Wu too,Rae, GZA and Ghost esp!!!
@SouthernCharm,
“beanie sigel…”
This left footprints on my heart.
Beanie fell the fcuk off! The Truth and The Reason are some of my fav rap albums ever (top 20) but wtf is going on? Why does like every song post 2006 have a line to the effect of “eat a d–k”? And I’m sorry, but what is going on between you and Peedi? NTTAWT but I know Im not the only one who was looking at that Smack DVD thinkin “huh?”. “Pancakes and syrup” or not, that shet was waaayyy suspect.
Which brings me to another itch-inducer. Hood dudes who talk real tough about their manhood and fall for obvious pimp and ho behavior. (You can guess which role Beanie played here). Excuse me Beans, but who told you this ninja was yo’ Daddy. He was your boss that you had a formerly friendly rel’ship with. Once shet stops being profitable I dont still expect to kick it with MY boss. WTF were you thinking? Same thing with the Lox and some of those former Bad Boy dudes. Yeah you mighta got done greasy but you really thought yall was an “army”? a “family”? You met dude two years ago!!
You never see nobody get fired from a burger joint talmbout “But I thought Mc Donald’s was an army!
” FOH! Yall all need father figures.
@Me fail english?,
“You never see nobody get fired from a burger joint talmbout “But I thought Mc Donald’s was an army!”
*singing* the chorus to “Cash Money is an Army”
@miss t-lee,
Better yet a navy
*flashes 10K gold toof smile, shoots heroin and cries*
@Me fail english?,
Yeah…poor BG, he coulda been a contender…lol
@Me fail english?, you know what he lost any and every cool a point he had acquired with his deeds these past couple of weeks, can someone please tell me why do these grown ass men, supposed hood nuccas need someone to hold their hand, WTF no one is responsible for you but YOU. esp when you were given chance$ and opportunitie$ that your dumbass squandered tryna keep it 100% hood……
when you are from the hood and are hood to an extent @ least, it never leaves you, you dont; have to continually reinforce whats already a part of you…you can grow its ok to evolve SMH
@OrangeStar616,
Yeah. He was locked up over dumb ish TWICE. I think it was a regular old possession charge? Oh and I think he assaulted a guy outside a strip club too. I mean I guess there arent many good reasons why a man who can afford half a mil $ worth of cars should be locked up, but he was doing straight hoodrat ish like he was 19 years old? FOH, Beans take your cryin ass back to Sigel Street.
And why do all the guys who get D’ed at other labels think 50 is some kinda savior? (MOP, Mase, Mobb, Beans) Like, who you knew blew up outta G-Unit ‘cept 50 (the leader)and The Game (the defector)?
@Me fail english?, this cracked me up, but so true.
@SouthernCharm,
facebook therapy… there’s a 2520 i went to high school with who is an aspiring rapper. in the meantime, he types in all-caps in his status updates about all of his personal/relationship issues. i’m starting to think he’s really delonte west posting under an alias.
LOL
@SouthernCharm, feel your list! and we’ve already discussed Wale! LOL
A few things:
1. The idea that there’d be a lot more jobs available if there were no immigrants in this country. You can’t even keep your room at your mama’s house clean Ray Ray. Are you really going to sweep the streets?
2. Torso baring shirts on women shaped like kangaroos (what is with the display of pouches around here.) Maybe we can send them to a land down under. Like Easter Island.
3. Any conversation that starts out, “You know why you’re not married/don’t have a boyfriend/etc.”
4. Being called cute. Kids are cute. Women are pretty or attractive.
5. Patrons of the church kitchen who should have brought their dictionaries with them. If I say we have FILET trout please don’t ask if it has bones. Filet=Nn bones.
@Ms. Hall, someone told me once CUTE is something that needs to be enhanced, while beauty enhances itself….
now things can be cute like an item, accessory, piece of clothing, assmebles etc and also kids and animals….
@Ms. Hall,
“Any conversation that starts out, “You know why you’re not married/don’t have a boyfriend/etc.”
um…..i’ve noticed that i’m already beginning to get the “if you ever get married…” talk. um….i’m 25. i just finished post grad school 6 months ago. marriage was never at the forefront of my to do list, but, as i’m a human being, i sure wouldn’t rule marriage out as impossible phenonoma in my life. um….let’s back the spinster wagon up a touch, shall we grandma? and dad…..who i thought was my homie….
4. Being called cute. Kids are cute. Women are pretty or attractive.
exactly!!! i mean, i guess cute is better than ugly, so i don’t mean to be ungrateful to hear it, but if i have to explain to one more guy (that i know well. i’m not haggling over compliments with strangers at the fruit stand. lol) about why i’m not overjoyed when people compliment me the way i would a puppy, i really don’t know what i’m going to do.
@Ms. Hall,
I can’t believe yall trippin about being called cute. Thats silly.
@Deviant,
Exactly. I can play this game too:
“Pretty” is how 75 year old grandparents describe below-average family members.
“Attractive” means you’re just a LITTLE above average (in a country that is mostly morbidly obese).
So there you go. Now you can’t be called anything. You win.
Things that make me itch:
**People who talk loudly on their cellphones in PUBLIC yet they are discussing things that are PRIVATE. I always want to snatch the phone and throw it & tell them to GET A ROOM!
**People who get in the express line with more items than CLEARLY MARKED!!! That sh*t burn me up. It’s so rude & says you dont give a crap about anybody else and that your time means more than ours!!
**People that ask you a question and then you basically tell them and they cut you off by saying “OH I KNOW”. Ninja…YOU DIDNT KNOW UNTIL I JUST TOLD YOU!!!
**People who try to set up payment plans for money they owe you.
**(I KNOW THIS IS PETTY AS A PARENT) But my kids make me itch when they want a taste of something that I am eating. I swear sometimes I will intentionally choose the nastiest things so that they wont ask & I can have something to myself…but NOPE! I thought alcohol was off limits until I saw my oldest daughter walking through with a glass of my wine!!! I REALIZED AT THAT MOMENT…THAT I HAVE NOTHING!
@Yaa,
To your point about the grocery line…I dont like when people hold up the self-checkout because their 30 cent coupon malfunctioned. Try it once. Try it twice. But are we really gonna stand here an extra ten mintues for two managers and supermarket “IT” for a coupon that probably expired last week?
Unrelated, I was once self-checking with a touchscreen register that had some sorta delayed display. So when you hit the screen you might be touching a “button” that you havent seen yet. In my haste to ring up items I kept touching some button that caused the machine to scream at me “THIS ITEM IS NOT WIC ELIGIBLE! THIS ITEM IS NOT WIC ELIGIBLE!” over and over again. I was the only brown person in the store and it really hurt my feelings
@Me fail english?,
Aww naw. That sucks.
@Me fail english?,
CTFU!! Hilarious!
@Yaa,
***adding “reading comments left in caps” to my itchy list***
@The Champ, WHATEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
@Yaa,
People who talk loudly on their cellphones in PUBLIC yet they are discussing things that are PRIVATE. I always want to snatch the phone and throw it & tell them to GET A ROOM!
Man, I know everything, every single last detail of whats going on in my neighbours life. Errything. Heifer just walks around the complex, speaking at an 11, on her phone about her trifling ex, her misbehaving kids, why her mama is no good for not wanting to babysit her offspring, why her girl can’t keep a man, why one of the guys she is hooking up with won’t cosign on her ish., why her sister’s husband is probably cheating on said sister with some round the way girl…..everything. Seriously, chile! STFU
1) People who feel the need to lower the central air to 65 so that I wake up frozen and angry – If you’re hot take off the godd@mn blanket
2) Black people who don’t like the beach because they don’t wan to to “get black” – wtf does that even mean btw the look on my (white) girlfriend’s face when my (black) girlfriend said this PRICELESS
3) People who don’t realize that EVERYONE in this country, with the exception of Native Americans, are the descendents of immigrants – Suffolk County I am talking to you
4) Beach weather mon-fri rain on Saturday and Sunday or worse too cold for the beach too hot for a jacket weather – This is not what I signed up for FLORIDA
5) White men with tighter curls than mine especially if those curls are blonde nothing worse that an ash blonde curly fro shellacked into place with DEP
6) My boss see # 5
@CrissieD,
all very sneeze worthy
1. Texting, answering phone calls, or checking email when you at lunch or doing something with someone.
2. People at the gym on the Stairclimber or worse, the treadmill on their phones. Like WTF, get off and let someone else have a turn, if that is your idea of a workout.
3. People in line at Southwest Airlines that are the Nazi number holders. If I am A26 and you are A24, we are both going to sit where ever we damn please, so chill if I just happen to line-up ahead of you.
4. Anyone that has to dominate a conversation. Sometimes I wonder if I just left, if they would keep going expounding their knowledge to an empty seat.
5. How poorly woman and men that have children together but are no long together can treat each other. No its not appropriate to comment in front of your child, “time for daddy’s 8:30 p.m. court mandated call.”
6. People that are always negative. They could win 1 mil in the lottery and be complaining that they didn’t hit the Super Lotto numbers.
7. Men using the phrase pimp at any age range to describe themselves. Especially annoying if they are over 41 and still hitting the clubs.
Sidenote: Heading to Philly for a week on work, what can I expect and look forward to?
@LAlaw,
Sidenote: Heading to Philly for a week on work, what can I expect and look forward to?
crime
@The Champ,
*snickering like miss t-lee*
@The Champ,
Crime is fine, but snow is where I draw the line. Really looking for food suggestions, that don’t include “cheese” or “steak” in their description. Got that covered.
@LAlaw,
2. People at the gym on the Stairclimber or worse, the treadmill on their phones. Like WTF, get off and let someone else have a turn, if that is your idea of a workout.
This irks me to no end. The whole idea of working out is to focus on yourself.
3. People in line at Southwest Airlines that are the Nazi number holders. If I am A26 and you are A24, we are both going to sit where ever we damn please, so chill if I just happen to line-up ahead of you
I’ve almost elbowed a few people because of that. Calm down. If you are in the early A group, you’re probably going to get a good seat anyway.
@LAlaw,
#2 only bothers me when the person stops walking/climbing. The worst people at the gym are the ones who see you waiting for a machine and then ask the person already on it “Can I work in?” EFF YOU!
@LAlaw,
Angry angry black people who have no transportation around the city and no way to “get they money” because of the septa strike
People who leave floaters in the turrlet – at least look back but then again these are the people who don’t stop & collect their $200 at the sink. Nawstiness.
People who sh!t at work and/or know their sh!t smells like someone roasted a skunk – do us all a favor and go with the proper tools: matches, a bleach candle and some air freshner.
((deep sighs… with a face mask on))
@Essence,
I just go down to the 10th floor and bomb them.
@Caballeroso,
LMAO! I can’t stand those either – cuz day all come to mmmmmyyyyy stinkin (literally) floor – all unprepared without the proper effects. I’m about to holla @ Clorox – bleach candles will save lives.
@Essence,
What about people who crap in the club?
@Wanjiru,
They need deliverance and an anointing service… smdh. Release the demons outtta yuh baddy when ur home – ugh – nawstiness!
@Wanjiru,
That doesn’t happen, does it? How do you leave your house at 10, the earliest, feel the need to shyt, and not decide to hold it or just go home and call it a night. Disgusting.
Am I the only one who wants Beyonce to:
1. go away
2. apologize to young girls for wearing that red teddy number that showed her parts (not a good look)
3. go away
4. stop wearing the red lipstick with every outfit
5. go away
6. stop poppin’ her cooch and showin’ her a$$ because she actually has talent and does not have to do that
7. go away
8. get a weave that doesn’t look like weave
9. go away
10. stop trying to show her “raw emotion” because acting is not her gift!
I’m out!
This should not burn me up but it it does..
-Barely been-to’s with fake American accents (you went to the States for a 1 week training and all of a sudden it’s “warrer” and “I’ma” and “wassup”? GTFOOH!!!!!)
-prominent adam’s apples- especially those that weave and bob- just because
-people with sssibilant Ss
-people who eat food loudly
-loud humming in open plan office
-recently married people whose universal answer to life’s problems is “just marry the man you love”. Just.shut.up!!!
-My city’s bloody lack of noise ordinances which means that at any given day I’m subjected to some feckwadd with a mike (“testing, testing, Jesus, Jesus1-2-3 “)and 600,000 watt speakers playing bloody, bloody Celine Dion and local artistes at 11.30 on a weekday!
-motorcycle taxis aka boda bodas that weave in and out of traffic, overtaking from the left AND right- just daring you to run them over
-stupid receptionists in my city who make you wait for 5 minutes for no discernible reason only to say “you can go in now” with no external prompt and you’re now 5 minutes late for your meeting and the person you’re meeting is looking at you o-O
-the whole master-of0the-universe thing that men from where even the stupidest male thinks his special peenis powers make him smarter, stronger, faster, better and more special than you with your poor little vajaina
-the cringeworthy habit people have here of kneeling down to ask forgiveness for stupid minor isht like stapling un-collated papers. NOOOOooooooo!!! Don’t effing do that!!!!! It is such a horrible, horrible habit (why are you kneeling and I ain’t God???!!!)- straight up abasement AND manipulation- cross cultural relativism be damned.
grrrrrr….
@Wanjiru,
Oh my I can so feel your list!!! Especially the noise ordinance one!! They are a nuisance!
@Wanjiru,
Barely been-to’s with fake American accents (you went to the States for a 1 week training and all of a sudden it’s “warrer” and “I’ma” and “wassup”? GTFOOH!!!!!)
Nai is full of these fools. Really, we know you were in the States for all two weeks. Get over yourself. Lol, do you remember Jeff Koinange…yeah, that kinda accent. Fool please.
My city’s bloody lack of noise ordinances which means that at any given day I’m subjected to some feckwadd with a mike (”testing, testing, Jesus, Jesus1-2-3 “)and 600,000 watt speakers playing bloody, bloody Celine Dion and local artistes at 11.30 on a weekday!
Yep, I live in Eastleigh for a while growing up, and had the immense pleasure of being woken up by both, sometimes simultenously, the imam calling people to prayer, and sister Njeri Wanjohi singing at 5 in the bloody morning.
the whole master-of0the-universe thing that men from where even the stupidest male thinks his special peenis powers make him smarter, stronger, faster, better and more special than you with your poor little vajaina
Eeeh, it’s Africa; it’s Kenya. It’s ingrained in their DNA. I blame their mothers.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Jeff Koinange!? Him soo inoffensive!! I double dare you to youtube Robert Nagila and leave with your sanity intact. I’m serious. This kyuk will part with her money if you can stand over 5 seconds of his accent.
@Wanjiru,
Holy Guacomole!!! Where did this gem come from? How did I miss him? Yeah, send me your address, and I’ll mail you the cash. I was cringing at the 2min mark, and gave up shortly after.
@Wanjiru,
There’s a group on FB of people who want him dead. I am one of them.
Jeff’s toned down. I can listen to him now more than when he was on CNN.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
The Kenyan congregation preaches!!
@ Wanjiru
-the accent thing irritates the hell out of me. My neighbour looks 40sth,jobless and picks up young impressionable girls on the basis of that accent.
- Worse than the accent is the accent with STRONG mother tongue influence. You mix up L and R and still do the accent? STFU
-our Government spokesman. Watching him is pure comedy how do you dismiss our man Obama and then declare mad free holidays. Last year anytime Obama did anything worthy it was a holiday. And the same guy who announces them is the same one who insulted him… (in your Face)
- Exceedingly creative greed. It isn’t even corruption, it’s a high art form. The scandals aren’t even scandals no more. You buy 500 Passats cause they are cost efficient then sell 2 year old Mercs for approx 4000USD. Sell to people who wil sell the cars at more than 10 times what they bought it for.
-Drake he really isn’t all that. I’m watching him now trying to figure out the hype.
- That Kelly Rowland as beautiful and talented as she is hasn’t really reached where she ought to be.
Beanie Sigel dude what more do you want? Spoonfeeding a grown man is just wrong and no way Jay or anyone will do that for you.
- The comeback acts New Edition + Neyo and all those people who really should just be enjoying family life. Some of these comeback albums mess up your legacy and tell us it’s only cause you need the money. The passion’s dead and we know it too.
- OldMarried men potbellied and all proudly parading the sidepiece that’s their daughter’s age. Urgh!!
-The Vitz
- The latest craze of expensive a** weddings that are followed by marriages that don’t make the one year mark. So why did you do it? Standing on a rooftop and throwing the money could have helped a couple of us more. I’m just saying.
- The new almost law in Uganda. 14 years for homosexuality? WTH?
- Dudes who can’t accept the fact that I’ve refused to give them my number. Insulting me just reinforces the fact that my instincts were right. You trifling and I.don’t.do.that.
-Dudes who have the plasma, fly car, and an apartment with nothing except a mattress on the floor. You take me back to your crib I’ll just laugh in your face.
-People who act that everyone is lesser than them just because they have money. Eff you. Courtesy, respect, dignity and a whole lot of virtues make a person and if your money defines you I’ll take a front seat watching what happens when you lose it..
this whole rant sounds vaguely remember. if i’m not mistaken, this whole post resembles a convo that took place at last week’s wing nite.
btw–a dozen pieces of slippery meat all in one place is a turn off for me too. im not as young as i once was…
I read the blog all the time, but this is my first time commenting. This topic speaks to my soul on many different levels. A few things that burn me up are:
People who start a sentence off with “you know I’m not racist but….” i.e. my sister-in-law
People who smack on gum loudly. Please do us all a favor and graze in the nearest field, not at the cubicle next to me.
Co-workers who are always commenting on my lunch “salad, again?” Yes….salad again….i’m not trying to be here for 10 years and gain 100 pounds (true story)
Co-workers who think just because you’re co-workers that automatically makes them a candidate to be a “facebook friend”—not so much.
the word swag
People who lost weight and keep reminding everybody how big they used to be.
People who are consistently throwing themselves a pity party and then get offended, when you choose not to attend.
Beyonce’s fans…not really her, but the people who blindly worship her as if she is truly the second coming.
Public Bathrooms
This is all for now, but honestly I have much more.
@sweetsoul4ya,
Public Bathrooms
I think I am going to start bum rushing white guys, not matter how big they are and dragging them back to the bathroom and wash their hands. For some reason, all my life, brothas are the ones who wash their hands but white guys don’t. With all these sickness going on in the world, that drives insane.
things that make me itch
-political debates with republicans
(it’s like you are talking about getting money for christmas presents and they are talking about santa clause)
-people with slow cars that drive fast
(You aren’t psuhing at least 200hp give the car a break. All my cars are fast and I don’t drive like that all the time)
-women that can’t have an intelligent conversation about issues outside of pop culture
(it seems that only on VSB or the internet period where I find Black women that can discuss serious issues outside of Black celebrity gossip. At least with some dudes you can have some conversation.)
-people that assume I don’t care about the environment because of what I drive
(I like to have fun driving. I care about the environment just as much as you. I don’t see cars as the same as a washing machine, microwave, and refrigerator. I actually apprecite the engineering and art put into them.)
-mainstream rappers
(Who are you making music for? At one time hip-hop represented the hood. Now? IDK. When I listen to the radio I don’t hear about struggling or anything. On the same note how can you listen to dudes rap about women, jewels, and cars constantly and you dont have a pot to piss in?)
@Humble_One,
“-women that can’t have an intelligent conversation about issues outside of pop culture”
I’ll never admit this in real life, but VSB men are some the smartest black men I “know”. (That’s pretty effin sad considering that I’m a college grad with a FT job). Even the well-educated ones in real life seem to make up alot of their “facts”.
@Me fail english?,
I am in the same situation. For me it’s women instead of men. What makes it worse is that a lot of these women graduated from college. But it seems like they got nothing out of it.
1. People who put their kids on medication when all little Johnny needs is a good old fashion whoopin’
2. Men who stare and then tell me to smile. Why and who are you??
3. Parents who apply for their nondisabled kids to get “crazy checks” knowing full well that this child will be forever labeled and never reach full potential
4. People who put their chewing gum on their dinner plate (ewwww!)
@Ivyette,
“People who put their chewing gum on their dinner plate ”
This, and the fact that she licks her fingers, makes me wanna kill my sister when we have dinner together. SO uncouth.
@Ivyette,
1. People who put their kids on medication when all little Johnny needs is a good old fashion whoopin’
YES. ADD, my ass.
When people spell ‘damnit’…it may be technically right, but I just plain don’t like it.
When you offer your snack (grapes, crackers) to others in your small group and 1 person lacks all etiquette and straight gets crunk on said snack. Like, nobody left to tell the tale type snacking.
Colored contacts. Men AND women. But especially men. Please stop.
@Gem…from Houston,
1 person lacks all etiquette and straight gets crunk on said snack
and they take 6 cookies out of a 12 pack – and it’s 8 of you. And add to the list people who pick up a potato chip or cookie and then rub off the crumbs on the tips of their fingers over the other snacks still on the plate or still in the packet.
Now THIS is one of my favorite topics.. Things that make me itch:
overly confident chicks who have no business being that overly confident
this ones for new york – girls calling each other “son” in conversation (as in “yo son, u aint gonna believe what i heard today..”)
ugg boots…. period
ghetto a** chicks wit a tat of their name or son/daughters name on their (fat) arm either in italics or with a teddy bear or some shyt like that, walking wit their kid and the kid’s dirty, hair all nappy and uncombed… yet they got brand f*ckin new air max’s on and their nails done… (blk folk, we have such a looong way to go)
chicks wit big guts who were their shirt tucked into too tight pants (this one’s also for you ny) – like i don’t even understand the logic behind this – why would you wear the most unflattering thing you can find in the most unflattering way possible?
washing my hands and getting my sleeve wet
having dry lips/hands/feet and seeing ppl with such – like don’t ur lips hurt from being so got d*mn crusty? how do you not notice that.. lookin like u just ate a powdered donut or some sh*t
chicks that try too hard.. its so obvious
p*ssy a** ninjas who try to overcompensate by acting overly macho or having overly misogynistic views – they think it makes them look manly when it really makes you look like even more of a p*ssy a** bytch
when i see high school kids on the subway acting all ninja-ish (i.e. loud and boisterous, cursing).. no home training
people who have those cell phones or whatever the f*ck they are that play music loudly and insist on playing it on the train, the doctors office waiting room, the cafeteria at work…. so tacky and inconsiderate. what makes you think everyone wants to hear that ish? i never understood that
faux news/rush limbaugh/sarah palin/glen beck, etc. – i actually attempted to watch faux news last week, i think i made it about 3.8 sec before i felt like i wanted to hurl
oh the list can go on and on.. but its lunchtime
i shall return….
Isn’t this post extremely similar to the one Panama did on “what makes you give people the side eye” or something??
What makes me itch is not being able to reply to any comments for the past 43 minutes! (yes I timed it!)
What’s going on? I demand a refund!
My boss’ habit of calling for meetings at “10.37 sharp”- what the heck is that?
And in the interests of self disclosure my irritating/ vexing/ annoying/infuriating habit of telling my husband
ifwhen I’m running late “I’m on my way” or “I’m almost there” or the dreaded double “Yes.Yes.I’m coming.I’m coming” because to him acceptable answers are “I’m 20 minutes away” or “I just passed exit 45″ and most definitely not telling him I’m 15 minutes away when I know full well I’m 30 minutes away.@Wanjiru,
Sorry, but I feel your husband on that one.
the phrase “grown and sexy”
It actually makes me cringe…like fingernails on a chalkboard.
Lookin at Lil Wayne talk used to make me itch because of all that ish in his mouth. But since he’s tatted his whole body from top to toe..and maybe his nuts…it makes me forget he has all that ish in his mouth!
ok like phucktard is now my new word
1. People who say “no offense” then proceed to say something offensive or something that has absolutely nothing to do with me
2. Black people who tell me that I want to be white while my girl right next to me has in a bone straight weave with blonde highlights and blue contacts…
3. Fast ass kids
4. People who share personal info with me after meeting me 5 mins ago…. we just met why do I know that you and your man have not had sex in two months
5.People you don’t talk to on a regular basis texting you without saying who it is
6. Also people who text rather than call when they know what they have to say is going to make you upset
I could go on and on
things that make me itch
-the girl at my job that talks like sheneneh…40 hrs a week of this
makes me scratch like a heroin addict
-Nene (real housewives) clones
-people at work that talk real loud about stuff they watched on tv, that i have saved in my dvr and i didnt get a chance to watch yet
-girls that say stuff like “rhianna prob like getting hit”
-homeless men that shout out random stuff to me in public
last week in the grocery store, “You aint wearing no perfume are you?”
-girl at work that listens to the radio with headphones on, who sings off key and shouts real loud the part she knows…how can i concentrate on accnt codes when you yell ” shawty wanna roll wit me, roll wit me!”
-dudes that try to apply the same rules in a relationship with me, when they were previously with a 2520…”iron your what???”
-my dusty a** roommate. she just left a ball of hair from her hairbrush on the floor. next to my bed. iRaged. (can i say that this is one of the main reasons i can’t stand living with yt folk?)
-italian men that swear i wanna fcuk if i make the mistake of smiling at them…*sigh* i STAY looking like the “angry black woman” here, lol
-ppl who think i got into a good college because i’m melanin-blessed. NAW fool, i’m smarter than you.
-ppl with crazy theories about obama.
-ppl w/ no bottoms wearing apple bottom jeans. O RLY? can you give those to someone who actually needs them?! (i.e., me)
-any person (mainly yt folk) that immediately ask me about poverty/disease/AIDS once they find out i’m African. how about i show you the machete we Africans use against stupid ppl like you?!
-grown a** Nigerian men who try to holla. you are on the elders council with MY FATHER…nonsense.
@mari,
grown a** Nigerian men who try to holla. you are on the elders council with MY FATHER…nonsense.
OMG! That is seriously foul. Do Naijan (old) men also have that habit of scratching the palm of your hand as they shake your hand (some creepy alleged come-on that dirty old men have that induces mainly nausea- never passion).
@Wanjiru,
Yes! What is that about?! I usually run before they can shake my hand…or I wipe my nose THOROUGHLY in front of them to dissuade that foolishness, LOL
@mari,
I hate the leers and winks. Plus the pathetic attempts to seem knowledgeable about what’s hip, mispronouncing shyt and all.
- Even worse is when he’s eyeing you and all and his clande (sidepiece) is giving you a sideye. Sorry girl I cannot be seen with old pregnant looking men. Got my pride and dignity.
@sweet and sour chicken with a glass of wine,
Plus the pathetic attempts to seem knowledgeable about what’s hip, mispronouncing shyt and all.
Ain’t that the truth! Like this guy who was asking me if “I want to go boogie” and I’m like whaaaa??? I was too busy cracking up when he threw a “I’m not jiving” to be mad though. Ahhhh… old fellas.
@sweet and sour chicken with a glass of wine, LOL! So true! Or the one old man who catches you (randomly) glancing at him and decides it’s time to make it rain at the party.* You just threw twenty ONE DOLLAR BILLS in the air…that’s not rain boo, that’s a slight drizzle.
*I can’t lie, I’m inviting errbody and they mama so they can make it rain at my wedding. Nigerians – making it rain since before independence (lol).
@Wanjiru,
Lol, Naija men (not all) think they can bag anything with a pulse. Man, but those fools are good looking. They know it too.
‘Me, me here I fire you’ favorite quote from a close friend of mine. Lol, just felt like throwing that in there.
@mari
Can I come and have my wedding in Naija? Making it rain is not a Kenyan habit. In fact as someone said today you know you are Kenyan when it’s your birthday and your freinds expect you to feed them with roast goat and beer. ;-D
I have a low tolerance of a lot of things… I see a lot of them as comments already… so I am only gonna add the ones I didn’t see as I skimmed through…
1. People with sweaty hands. They wanna shake your hands. Or you have to use the phone after them and the phone handle is all wet. Disgusting.
2. People who don’t respect the weather. If it’s cold outside.. I’m talkin 40 degrees or less and you have flip flops on. Or a mini skirt. Or a light jacket. It’s cold out. Put some dayum clothes on. And a coat. And a scarf. WTF
3. People who have a cell phone, but don’t use it. How can you not pick up your phone after you just called me. The phone should still be in your hands!!
4. People who leave pointless voicemails. Or voicemails for that matter. You call, I didn’t pick up. Text me. Don’t leave a voicemail saying you called. I got that.
5. People that have a job, but once you ask them a question pertaining to that job. They can’t help you. How am I at the bank and have a question about my account, but you can’t help me. What exactly is your purpose? Esp since you’re looking at my info.
6. Automated calls. Can I speak to a live person please? Who decided this was easier for people??
7. I am just gonna cosign. Happy people. Why are you so happy all the freaking time? Throwing your damn good mornings at me at 7 am. Who the hell wants to be here so early? And you have the nerve to be happy… ugh
@JumpOnIt,
I just wanna add..
People who listen to music on their mp3s with headphones on but have it sooo loud that it’s a radio. How can I know and sing a long to the song you’re listening to. The headphones make it for private listening!!
@JumpOnIt,
3. People who have a cell phone, but don’t use it. How can you not pick up your phone after you just called me. The phone should still be in your hands!!
What’s even worse is when they do call you back and ask “Did you call?” Bytch, YES I did, and you knew that cuz you called me back!!!
@JumpOnIt,
“3. People who have a cell phone, but don’t use it. How can you not pick up your phone after you just called me. The phone should still be in your hands!!”
I get this complaint once a week. Hey, if it’s already in my pocket, I got it on vibrate, and i’m on the move, we’ll talk when we talk. And if it’s not on vibrate, it’s on silent mode.
@JumpOnIt,
4. People who leave pointless voicemails. Or voicemails for that matter. You call, I didn’t pick up. Text me. Don’t leave a voicemail saying you called. I got that.
Oh my god, yes.
Things that make me itch:
- Dudes who think just b/c they did something( hell, anything) nice for you, they deserve some chex. Ninja Puh-leeze!!!
- Chicks who swear all other women are “hating” on them or even have a reason to.
- “Friends” on social networking sites you knew in High School who catch feelings cuz you don’t interact with them. I didn’t really fcuk with you then, and don’t care to now. Carry.On!!
Thats all for now
@MsMeesh,
cosign on the high school thing… urgh I was not even friends with you then! I use a different name now so they can’t find me (at least most of them)but my aunt and I share the same govt names so she gets all the FB requests. ;-(
Seriously.. the whole Beyonce worship things freaks me out too
“And the Beat Goes On” as opposed to “come here lil mama let me whisper in your ear…”
@InnerDiva, Ugh…that was in reply to Deviant’s comment about the Whispers.
Our president.. His vacant stare s worse than the W’s. Look at this http://www.thinkersroom.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/kibakibolt.jpg
“the kappa’s” ridiculous combination of stripes and colors. That is some bullshit