flashback to the late 80′s:
an adolescence champ and his parents are at the harambee, an annual summer street festival in homewood. (for those unfamiliar with the burgh, homewood is basically pittsburgh’s version of compton, right down to the topography and the fascination with the color blue. there even seems to be a disproportionate about of cats there named “kane”) as we’re walking around, browsing african art and teasing ugly babies, an excessively earnest 40-something white woman approaches us. the young champ was initially taken aback by the fact that the excessively earnest white woman was dressed as if she was out hunting dinosaurs…
- hey big guy. do you know where i can find some watermelon?
…too young to realize that this is usually how excessively earnest 40-something white women dress in the summertime.
anyway, the velociraptor gatherer eventually nears, extends her hand, and introduces herself. then, out of nowhere, she reveals her devious plot:
“hey“ she asks with enough sincerity to drown a mule, “do you all happen to know where i can buy some greens?”
being that america has supposedly entered this era of transcendentally post-racial (ha!) elephant walking, i’ve decided to devote a day to help our much, much lighter brothers and sisters out so that we can all happily join the mulatto making orgy.
you see, there still remains quite a few things that many non-blacks are unaware of, things that could possibly create unwanted friction and throat-punches at a time when we’re supposed to be coming together. today, we’ll examine the most prominent of these things, the questions you’re probably not supposed to randomly ask a black person under any circumstances.
i’ve included the “randomly” qualifier because context matters.
for instance, asking a cordial black co-worker about the history and current relevance of hbcu’s while you’re sipping frappachinos and shooting the sh*t in the break room? good!
seeing a grambling sweatshirt rocking black chick at the bus stop, and asking her if the food they feed you at black colleges makes your booty grow? bad!
basically, if you’re the lone white at an excessively hot and potentially violent inner-city arts festival, its probably not the best idea to approach a middle-aged black couple and their pre-teen son to ask them how to quickly procure greens, black-eyed peas, weed, chitterlings, or any other soulfood, because it’ll probably make them wonder (to quote my dad) “why, out of all the thousands of people there, did she pick us to ask about greens?? i mean, were we the greasiest, green-eatingest looking n*ggas there or something? sh*t, its not like they don’t sell greens at giant eagle!!“, and you don’t want black people thinking that you think they’re greasy, green-eatingest looking n*ggas.
so, good people of vsb, to insure that no “greens” questions ever happen again, lets all give all of our white brethren a chance to join into the country-wide multicultural coitus by making a list of all the questions that you’d probably be better off googling instead of actually asking a random black person.
—the champ
Related posts:
- the compass: the vsb guide to what men really mean when they’re talking to you
- VSB Guide: The Do's and Don'ts of BBQ Etiquette
- chasing windmills: the six part vsb guide to keeping a woman happy
- How to Answer Questions So That I’ll Never Call You.
- Black Heat: VSB Guide To the Dos and Don'ts of Summer Madness
{ 466 comments… read them below or add one }
Don’t ask me anything about no damn Watermelon.
Word.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
What about fried chicken?
@RedBeanzNRice,
lol. How about Hellz 2 da naw….
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
how about grits?
@The Champ,
Grits? Hmm…I dunno. I actually might not be as upset about someone asking me about grits. I actually have gone on lengthy tirades in regards to eating them with butter,salt and pepper (as they SHOULD be eaten) or with sugar, etc (an abomination of the highest order.)
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Kudos and sh!t to your grits choice…..anyone not eating grits in this fashion is a communist….
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
lol. I eat my grits with everything. Salt, pepper, sugar, bacon, and egg. Yummy
@Killa K,
Pepper, butter, break the bacon up and throw some of the eggs in there.
The only way to eat Grits..
You know… I no nothing about greens… I actually can’t stand greens lol… I’ve been accused of being a non-black black lmao… So what that said, Hey Champ; where can I find some greens? lmaooooo
@DJ Ed Nice,
BLASPHEMY! The drop squad will b arriving shortly to repo your card de negritude. Thanks.
i think ALL ppl should like some type of greens. i’m a fan of collard myself, but if cooked right, i’d throw down on some turnip and mustard greens too. even add a little cabbage for a different shade of green.
@DJ Ed Nice,
welcome and sh*t. and congrats on being the second person this week to get welcomed and banned at the same time
@The Champ,
this is like a new phenomenon……
@DJ Ed Nice
Welcome!!!
**Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
And here’s hoping you aren’t banned permanently.
@DJ Ed Nice,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
@DJ Ed Nice,
Don’ t worry all bans are easily overturned by bribing the right person. By which I mean just offer Champ some breakfast and you good to go. (No tofu though, he seems to break out in hives over the stuff.)
@DJ Ed Nice,
I don’t like greens either. But it’s because i grew up eating calaloo which is the jamaican equivalent of greens. lol
1. Why can y’all say “nigga” and we can’t?
Seriously, between elementary and middle school, that was the question of the day
2. Do you find white boys cute?
3. Can you teach me to fry chicken?
4. Can you put those french-braid looking things in my hair? (Tho I may reconsider if they actually call them cornrows)
5. When you perm your hair, does it make it curly?
6. Why don’t you wash your hair everyday?
I kno I have more but this is it for now
@trin-trin, #6 was posed to me every other day from 1st through 11th grade.
@trin-trin,
#6 was going to be my addition to the list. good call.
@trin-trin, #6 is funny. I had a long conversation with a white co-worker about this and I still dont think she got it!
@Yaa,
That question doesnt bother me so much. I think thats valid. At least they’re trying to genuinely learn something as opposed to being ignorant and stereotypical.
@Yaa,
I’ve had many a convo with white girlfriends about this over the years. trust me, they get it now. lol.
@trin-trin,
1. Why can y’all say “nigga” and we can’t?
Seriously, between elementary and middle school, that was the question of the day
Yep back in high school I used to get this question alot, along with, “why do ya’ll have BET?”
We don’t have a white entertainment television channel.
Me *side eye*
@miss t-lee,
We don’t have a white entertainment television channel.
To this my response ALWAYS was…
Yeah, you do. Its called CBS, ABC, Fox, MTV, VH1, HBO…. that’s prally why you didn’t recognize it. They named it wrong. Write a letter or something.
@trin-trin, Am I the only one who doesnt find anything wrong with any of these questions?? I mean we are cultrually different and I dont find these offensive so much as inqusitive. Heck I dont see the difference in these and when I asked the white girls in Vegas what exactly is the benefit you all find in tanning?
@Suga&Spice,
Am I the only one who doesnt find anything wrong with any of these questions?? I mean we are cultrually different and I dont find these offensive so much as inqusitive
like i mentioned in the entry, it depends on the context. actually, when you think about it, every question depends on the context, but this concept is exaggerated when you throw race in there
context definitely matters. i had a gay white male friend in HS who asked me, one day while settling down in econ after our break, “is it true all black ppl like fried chicken?” it was sooooo random and off topic. i wanted to reply “is it true all gay guys take it up the butt or is it only a select population?” but i refrained… instead i said “yep, it’s true”
@Gem-nastics,
Is it always true though?
We might need a poll on here.
Hint: I personally don’t care for it.
LOL i was being totally facetious. i know lots of black ppl who don’t care for fried chicken, or just plain refuse to eat it. much like watermelon.
@Suga&Spice,
Some of the questions are valid in my book, like the one about the hair. Some are based in stereotypes and ignorance, like the fried chicken one.
@trin-trin,
3. Can you teach me to fry chicken?
lol…i actually do need someone to teach me to fry chicken. can you?
@The Champ,
my fried chicken recipe is a secret…
lol
@trin-trin,
” Why don’t you wash your hair everyday?”
Glad you said it first, because I was going to.
The truly brave then ask the follow-up
question(s)…
Well, doesn’t it start to stink?
And let’s not forget about this one:
Are those extentions?
You guy’s hair doesn’t really grow, though, huh? Have you just never cut it? Top it off by implying disbelief when I say that cut it short a mere 8 months ago.
Note: These are all questions that have been posed to me within the last week. My hair is only about 2 inches past my shoulders.
Again, GRRRRR.
GRRRR…
As a matter of fact, just don’t ask me ish about my hair.
@Nikiloveli,
LOL @ “you guy’s hair”…I can hear it.
@Nikiloveli,
Well, doesn’t it start to stink?
My current work place manufactures various dressings and there is a ton of spices, wine and cheeses stored in the warehouse, all of which are very aromatic. By the end of the day my hair and clothes usually smell like spicy poo. I’ve decided I’m going to go ahead and deal with dry, brittle hair rather than having hair that smells every single day.
@Nikiloveli,
the most ignant statement i ever heard… “i hear black ppl burn their hair to cut it…”
the only way i could respond was to walk away…
@trin-trin,
OMG me and one of my white friends were talking yesterday. She asked how often I washed my daughters hair. I told her every two weeks. Mainly because its thick and I dont feel like foolin with it. She acted as if that was the nastiers ish she’d ever heard.
@trin-trin,
heard number 2 like everyday of my life. in elementary school, if the question actually came from a white boy… i would yell “no! i don’t! you smell!” and run away.
@trin-trin,
I defend them on number 5 because when white people “perm” their hair it’s to make it curly. Perm just stands for permament. Black folks technically relax their hair. So it’s confusing.
Also, don’t sidle up to me and ask me whether or not I think racism is a thing of the past with the election of B+.
(I’ve actually had people approach me with this nonsense.)
Lastly, don’t ask me anything about getting locked up, jail,etc lest you provoke me to give you the coldest, Caribbean screwface I can muster…
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
*fist up*
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Lastly, don’t ask me anything about getting locked up, jail,etc lest you provoke me to give you the coldest, Caribbean screwface I can muster…
my man and i were out having drinks with this assistant d.a. a couple years ago, and this guy basically treated us like we were the grown-up versions of the kids from the wire. from “how does it feel to get shot at?” to “hey, i’m not a racist, but i need to ask…what so good about the ghetto?” i think he basically went down the list of every question you’re not supposed to ask. we would have whooped his ass…but having all of you drinks and food paid for kind of has a way of making you not want to fight. the whole “assistant district attorney” thing didnt hurt either.
@The Champ,
He’s lucky the food was good.
I know I would have done something if that food was crap. Then again, yeah, that would have justified the questions wouldn’t it?
*smh*
@The Champ, noooooo! how did you respond?
@Miss Patterson,
i answered all of the questions. apparently patron is like a combination truth serum/lobotomy for me
When I wear my braids, please stop asking me “how” or if I was my hair. If you don’t ask me that, I promise not to ask you why you smell like wet dog after you get out of the shower. Thanks. : )
@RedBeanzNRice, indeed – bloody annoying, this one!
also – don’t touch my hair – don’t ask if you can touch my hair.
unacceptable behaviour, this.
@superwoman,
Your YodaSpeak has set my heart aflutter! : ) Love it!!
@superwoman, touching PERIOD! I have had white people just reach out and grab something I was wearing. I had this really pretty necklace that someone gave me from Ghana. White co-worker grabs it and says its pretty. I told her it was voodoo. She never has spoken or touch me since. GOOD JOB YAA
@Yaa,
lmao
@superwoman,
I second second this sentiment! I have quite a large afro and I have to go around protecting it from hair molesters…people whose fingers try to find their way up to it before they even finished asking the question “Can I touch it?” What do they expect it to feel like?? Dammit its hair!
ok, let me calm down…
@CoCoPuffs, I have had to smack hands of grown@$$ folks for this foolywang. Oh you can see it in their eyes when you wear a fro or puffs. The whole conversation they are mesmerized the hair, staring and their hand just slowly starts rising towards your head. Its like if you have a big butt and you’re talking to a guy, but he’s drunk or high or something that limits his selfcontrol. Same look, same inappropriate questions.
In fact can we get it out there that asking to touch a black woman’s hair is akin to asking to touch someones butt? You may get an ok but that’s going to be rare and from someone weird. And the question deserves a slap.
@superwoman,
also – don’t touch my hair – don’t ask if you can touch my hair.
a few years ago, an elderly white woman reached out and touched my hair while asking “how do you grow those things?” in reference to my waves.
@RedBeanzNRice,
A white chick i worked told me she thought “black women” hair didn’t grow?
She asked “how do our hair look when it’s wet?
Why we give our kids certain names?
@Jenna Marie Christian,
Why we give our kids certain names?
lol, sh*t, this is something i wanna know too
@The Champ,
I’m telling you…
One of my cousins is due to give birth anyday and I asked her what he was gonna name her daughter. The name starts with a Y and it has about 12 letters and an apostrophe.
I was like, um….okay.
Then she got mad cause I couldn’t pronounce it correctly. I told her, hell if I can’t say it and you just told me the name think about what your child is gonna go through.
My cousin? *blank stare*
@miss t-lee,
lmao….now that is funny!!
@The Champ,
I gotta admit, the name thing w/our people has me perplexed as well…
harambee!!! *having a moment of nostalgia..* i have a much sweeter memory of harambee, but anywho…
here are 2 of my least favorite questions…
“how do ‘they’ do that?” they=butt nekid women on bet uncut, who have mastered the isolated movements of each buttock to the beat of [insert rap group]. like i know and sh*t! we don’t take lessons together! and there’s no underground mandatory booty shake class that all black women must take.
“how come black women dye their hair blonde?” when i worked at a pub in the ATL, one of our regulars asked me this. just ME. uh…once again. let me check the handbook. nope. i don’t have the answer here. black folk do not share a collective mind. we are individuals. so, i have no idea why kashinkashay dyed her hair platinum.
@Miss Patterson,
I got a variation of the booty shake question at my last Girls Night Out– “Crazy In Love” came on and some random 2520 chick asked me if I could show her how to do the “Beyonce Dance”.
I was drunk, so I laughed (loudly) in her face and said… “NO.”
@BlackBerry Molasses, bwahahahaha!!! that’s funny…i also hate when people credit the wrong dance to the wrong person…and to a person who ain’t even bringin’it.
@Miss Patterson,
Just had to comment… the ad at the top of the screen says:
“How predjudiced is America? Tell PollingPoint what you think”
and features the shot of *probably* black man with “SCORPIO” tatooed across his **admittedly* rather tasty lookin back shoulder.
I snickered at that ad for 5 mins before typing this.
Irony, thy name is PollingPoint’s ad company.
@Miss Patterson,
“and there’s no underground mandatory booty shake class that all black women must take. ”
Oh but there is! But us broke, black folks on food stamps and welfare can’t afford it. *screwface*
@Miss Patterson,
when i worked at a pub in the ATL
there are pubs in atlanta? and, if so, how did you land a gig at the only atlanta pub?
@The Champ, yes, smartypants. there are ‘pubs’ in the ATL. there’s a chain of them, and they’re all ‘british pubs’. dimly lit, diverse beer list, bangers & mash, the whole nine…
It’s one I go to all the time around the corner from my office. An Irish pub…good chicken, too (no black).
@Miss Patterson,
you didnt answer my second question
as a woman who has natural hair and wears it a variety of ways (currently braids) DO NOT ask the following:
1) how does your hair grow so fast/ look so different/hold that style? I wish my hair could do that! (and I wish you would STFU.)
ASIDE– If you sport the “Jew Fro” or other extremely curly, hair, for the love of Heaven and Earth do NOT tell me your hair is nappy. You don’t know nuthin about no dayum naps. I don’t care of Fro-ish your hair looks.
2) Can I touch your hair? (NO.)
When you find out my family is from Ghana:
1) So, do you guys have like, running water/electricity/live in the bush? (Fu*k you. Read a book. Or even Wikipedia.)
2) Wow… (insert corrupt leader) …. that’s like, messed up? (You think I don’t know this, F*ckwit? Make an intelligent comment or ask a relevant question.)
I have more, but I’m tired.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
Oooh… one more.
From an ex- potential employer
“So how does it feel to be the first one in your family to go to college?”
(I don’t know. Ask my late grandma.)
@BlackBerry Molasses, nuh-uh! that would’ve made so angry. then i would have walked my a$$ to human resources.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
Ok BBMo, you made me belly laugh when you said you had more but was tired, then came back a few minutes later with another! Priceless!
And the “Jew-Fro”? NOT real naps, but I take pride in the fact that they just wanna (yet again) have something that we have. They want everything that we have naturally, but don’t want to be called “us” by any means. Read : booty implants, lip collagen injections, dark tans, afros, jazz, r&b, rock n roll (Jimi and Lil Richard) and hip-hop. They know we’re blessed and they want a piece of this sweet potato pie, lol.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
“So how does it feel to be the first one in your family to go to college?”
(I don’t know. Ask my late grandma.)
LOL
@BlackBerry Molasses,
That made me chuckle so hard.
One girlfriend(originally from Cameroon) was asked by a potential employer “how it feels to kill a chicken?”. She was like “Uh?” and he proceeded to showcase how “cultured” *insert rolleyes dripping with sarcasm here* he was by telling her all about the documentary he saw the week before on National Geographic (Gasp! How cultured!)…
Needless to say, she realized it was a boss she could do without.
Sometimes, it just… anyways.
@Specialized Sula,
Oooohh, Natural Geographic. I love it, but I hate it for making people think watching a special on some random gives them insight into that culture. More importantly, why oh why does 75% of their programming feature indigenous people with their chachas out. WHy?
@BlackBerry Molasses, I wear my hair natural and short and I swear one day this lady stroked my head. I WENT OFF! I AM NOT A PET DONT STROKE MY HEAD. Oh…when I was pregnant they were also the first to try to touch my belly. ARE YOU SERIOUS!
@BlackBerry Molasses,
On finding out you’re from Kenya
-Do you speak Kenyan ? or worse still African?
Wikipedia we’ve got 46+ tribes each with different languages band Kiswahili’s our national language
- Do you have houses/running water/ (insert mundane amenity) there?
- Do you hunt for food?
On finding out I’m half Maasai
- Have you killed a lion? That’s actually a man’s job but right now I’d sure like to kill you..
Do you have a pet lion,giraffe, zebra etc not everything is as cute as madagascar….
@Malaika,
On finding out I’m half Maasai
- Have you killed a lion? That’s actually a man’s job but right now I’d sure like to kill you..
so you’re telling me that there actually are professional lion killers? i cant imagine what the probationary period is like
@The Champ,
Or the performance review.
i love the movie Madagascar. and i’m not “from Africa” (that one great vast continent with many countries) but i’d like to have a pet lion…
@Gem-nastics,
I am sure your local zoo will let you “adopt” one… that means sending a cash every month for your pet.
@Gem-nastics, i’m from Africa!
I don’t particularly want any 2520s asking me shyt about any aspects of my culture and heritage. After 5yrs of taking care of more lil’ pink toe’d children than I care to mention, I’m quite sick of it.
I’ve been asked about everything from how to jump double dutch, “what’s your hair called?”, how was it growing up in a single parent household (despite my parents having been together almost 40yrs) to shyt about how hard it must be for me to find good cosmetics or jeans that fit.
They can’t ask me anything anymore. I’m tired of being “The Black Googles”.
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
What’s your hair called? The hell? And what exactly is that supposed to mean? It’s called…wait for it…………..HAIR! *sighs* White folks, I tell ya.
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
PREACH
During the Presidential campaign, I had a few tense conversations w/2520s – both friend and foe – that began w/the statement:
“You’re voting for Obama, right?…”
The assumption was absolutely related to race seeing as this is the BEGINNING of the conversation and you have nothing else to base the question on; not my strong belief in much needed advances in education, not my affinity for affordable health care…none of that – just the fact that I would OBVIOUSLY want a brotha in the “White” House.
…you da*mn right.
@Resident GRitS,
a couple weeks before the election, a republican canvasser approached me and was like “although you’re obviously voting for obama, would you mind taking some literature?” mind you, i was wearing an obama t-shirt, an obama pin, and holding a magazine with obama on the cover, but still, i was offended and sh*t. its all about the principle, man. the principle
@The Champ,
I see you’ve taken your silly pills today.
*chuckles… loudly*
@Specialized Sula,
no, but i did get some starbucks chicken
@The Champ, lmao you’re stupid.
My final contribution…
Stop asking me if I think OJ really did it!
@RedBeanzNRice, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!! oooh, that kills me, bathong – ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! poor you! how annoying!!!
@superwoman,
*sighs* I just wish I knew what “bathong” meant, lol.
@RedBeanzNRice, nothing too deep, love – it’s just an expression – translates into ‘people!’ and is used to express shock, amusement, horror, sympathy… anything really – just depends on the tone…
@RedBeanzNRice,
Stop asking me if I think OJ really did it!
you know, surprisingly, some people are still sore about this. actually, sore’s not even the right word. more like “ready to kill”
@The Champ,
One of my professor mentionned it last week matter of fact. In a Decision Making in Management class.
I wanted to scream, well it showed y’all how friggin’ flawed the stupid justice system really is. Song we’ve been singing for, oh what, just the past 400+ years, it took a prominent black athlete to be absolved for your asses to realize that? Welcome to the world, homie.
Of course, I didn’t say all of this. I just wrote it down and tore the paper up later. It felt good.
@Specialized Sula,
Of course, I didn’t say all of this. I just wrote it down and tore the paper up later. It felt good.
thats depressing
@Specialized Sula
See I’m too much of a smart azz. I probably would have pointed that out.
Wait I’m lying, I would have played devils advocate and said OJ didn’t do it, and that he shouldn’t be in jail now, because “that bytch set him up”.
@V Renee,
I truly appreciate you for that!
REALLY
don’t ask me dumb, disrespectful questions about my culture –
deluded 2520 who thinks he’s a potential suitor – “so how many cows do i have to pay your dad to marry you?”
superwoman – “go die.”
don’t ask me if you can shorten my name, if i have a nickname, or a second ‘english’ name that you can use coz mine is so ‘difficult’
i recognise that the r is particular to the batswana people of southern africa, and if you’re not a motswana, really – you’re incapable of pronouncing my name properly. however, i demand that you make an effort, and try to get as close as possible… i’m not expecting perfection – just respect. my father went through a lot of effort to choose this beautiful name, and i refuse to bastardize it.
(this issue is a particular peeve – have been dealing with this sh!t since i was 5…)
@superwoman,
“so how many cows do i have to pay your dad to marry you?”
superwoman – “go die.”
Hahaaahaa.
I actually told my mum that she is not getting any dowry for me. If the dude is adamant about it, and she accepts it (which she never would because she’s lovely, but let’s imagine we were to find ourselves in a parallel universe) the two of them can go ahead and get hitched coz I’m out.
@ofloveandotherdemons, speak for yourself! my dad, at age ten was given a choice between keeping the lifestock, or going to school – he chose school, so we have NO COWS in my fam!! no regrets – it worked out pretty well for all of us, but hey – i’d still like a ‘cattle post’ for our little clan
when my big sis got married, we added a bunch to the kraal, and then my younger sister just got married – hooked up a few more…. i’m gonna do my bit for the side!! bring on the brahmin bulls!! if the zulu kings bride can score 100 white cows, i’m sure a superwoman like me could command something respectable…
@superwoman,
How many cows do I have to pay?
Well I know no arguments about this one I’m getting cows I’m maasai and it’s a sign of appreciation to the family for taking care of your wife. It better be respectable though we got a big farm…. lol
@superwoman,
Is it sad or realistic or simply sadly realistic that I’m 100% sure at this point in time, my Daddy would take a bald-headed chicken and case of Coronas to get me out of his pockets??
@superwoman,
“deluded 2520 who thinks he’s a potential suitor – “so how many cows do i have to pay your dad to marry you?”
The correct answer is: As many as it takes to keep McDonald’s in business. Oh, you don’t have that much money? Buh bye! You can take a left at the next exit!
2520′s kill me with random nonsense questions. And the cold part about it is they KNOW what they’re doing/saying, but they know how to come across as “dumb blonds” – believe that – they have it down to a science.
@superwoman,
“don’t ask me if you can shorten my name, if i have a nickname, or a second ‘english’ name that you can use coz mine is so ‘difficult’
Oh this sh!t right here! Some nincompoop (upon hearing my name) asked me if I have a christian name??
Me: huh?? is the one I just told you a heathen name? I mean what the fukk?
@superwoman, OH YES. The name thing is big. My government name is ALTOVISE. I swear they wanna call me AL, ALTO, or A. My birth certificate, passport, ID, Social Security, degree & that fuggin resume I gave you says ALTOVISE. Why cant you get that shyt right?!?! Hell they may as well just call me Tobi!!
@superwoman,
deluded 2520 who thinks he’s a potential suitor – “so how many cows do i have to pay your dad to marry you?”
i’m sorry but this is funny as hell, lol. i totally respect that dude for asking that question. if i were white, these are the types of completely nonsensical questions i’d ask
@The Champ, champie, i love you, but you are a foolish, foolish man!
@superwoman,
champie, i love you, but you are a foolish, foolish man!
if i had a dollar…
@The Champ, 0.15 cents is a start!
@overit,
start deez
Recent gems from work:
1. Why do all blacks (not you, of course) feel so entitled to s**t?
I should have asked her to be more specific as to exactly what ‘s**t’ she was talking about, but I just didn’t have the energy to deal with ignorance on that particular day.
2. How come y’all like fried chicken so much? (I pray she was joking, but me thinks not)
3. Is it really woolly like (pointing to my natural hair)? I mean it’s not soft like….you know….but is the woolly thing just a …a ..rumor (I believe the word she was looking for was stereotype)
4.( While we were coming back from a lunch run we passed a black gentleman standing outside the adult education center, which somehow lead to this little pearl): How come you speak so well? Most other….ummm….Black people I know…I don’t know, like their English is all weird. Like on TV, you know it’s always kinda messed up, not you, I mean others.
I’m sure there are more but these are the ones I haven’t managed to block out. All said questions come from two girls I work with, in a lab with an open floor plan, ie there are no cubicles I can hide in and damn them all to hell. I don’t know if I’m being over-sensitive or they really are ignorant toads. Other than the dumb/slightly racist questions, they are quite lovely.
Random awkward ‘black people’ question.
Once upon a time, a young ofloveandotherdemons had a somewhat disconcerting and underwhelming tryst with a yummy-yummy caramelly Persion boy. After an abrupt and rather monotonous butter churning session, as she lay in a fugue of post coital not quite bliss or anything similar, Caramelly boy turned to her and after hemming and hawing inquired “Do black guys really have such huge cocks? Is mine about the same size?” (I may have paraphased a little).
Moral of the story: do not be some dude’s experimental dip into the chocolate. No es bueno.
@ofloveandotherdemons, no how awful about your caramelly persian…. oh my word!!
i feel your pain on the good english question. ‘how come you speak english so well? do they speak english in africa?’
die. just…die.
@superwoman,
I get that so many times!! I live in the Netherlands, originally from Eritrea. So in school or at work, people come up to me and be like: Wow, your Dutch is really well! And i always reply: Wow, OMG, yours too..where’d you learn it?!
@Laila, oh interesting… i grew up in Addis… small world – kinda
@superwoman,
Did someone really ask you do they speak english in Africa? SMDH!….
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
You would be surprised at how many fools actually ask this (and not just white people either). There are also those who ask about your accent? Like, why don’t you speak like Umfufu?? Azzholes!
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt…., WHAT? i got this question ALL THE TIME when i was in the U.S. – one old man even asked me if i was french, then irish – and would not believe that i was an african – your accent is so… european! and it’s SO not… Nx!
@superwoman,
Ridiculous….smh!
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
Girl please. That question is like a daily thing. I actually got asked a couple of times if I flew here… Like, are there airports and stuff.
I patiently told them, no, I actually swam. It was hard, but I made it through. It was so vital to live here that I actually swam an entire ocean… dumba$$!
@ofloveandotherdemons,
i’m just mad that c*ck made it through moderation. i think our moderation needs to go to the corner
@The Champ
testing: c@ck c@ck c@ck c@ck c@ck c@ck c@ck
@V Renee
Looks like we have a winner! I went back and edited
@V Renee,
cock deez
@The Champ,
Well a cock is after all, the male version of a hen…
@Specialized Sula,
BWAHAHAHAHA! Good one, e-twin!
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Ok this entire post is hilarious. Caramelly persian boy needs to be thumped… royally.
and your colleagues are idiots.
And why do I feel like I know you? Are you by any chance in NoCal working on a phD? Lemme know.
@Specialized Sula,
I’m actually in SoCal (Orange , CA) and I just finished my Master’s requirements this past Saturday. I think I’m going to put the pHD on hold till I HEAL from this past trauma. Are you in the NoCal area?
@ofloveandotherdemons,
No no, I’m not in NoCal. Hailing from Houston. But your life reads/sounds a lot like a friend of mine in NoCal.
any stupd ish about a suntan/a sunburn/or sunscreen use…
@maria,
I particularly hate this. I am quite chocolate and will burn like toast…and they are authentically suprised.
Yes, everyone with skin can get sunburned fool. Pass me that SPF 50…
@Datalore,
I am deep chocolate and burn easy too! People usually look at me conspicuously when I slather on the SPF 50 at the beach.
Next time, I’ll just tell them to SPF deez.
I can’t think of a question, but a statement come to mind:
After having an engaging conversation with this random white guy, he actually looked at me and paused for a moment in awe and proceeded to say “Wow..who would’ve thought”. The funniest or should i say the most disturbing part, was that he thought i didn’t catch the devious undertone/anmbiguity of that statement…if only i didn’t have any home-training.
oh yes one more: with a big smile on their faces “You know what (insert your name)…you’re not like the other black guys…you’re actually swell old sport” – and he says it like it’s a f**n complement
@sisanda,
After having an engaging conversation with this random white guy, he actually looked at me and paused for a moment in awe and proceeded to say “Wow..who would’ve thought”
this might be the single worst (and funniest) thing ive heard all week
@sisanda,
After having an engaging conversation with this random white guy, he actually looked at me and paused for a moment in awe and proceeded to say “Wow..who would’ve thought”.
I have had this happen to me often… by whites and by men (both black and white)… My current boss, upon hiring me was really like amazed at my ability to actually perform my job… sad.
@sisanda,
I’m pretty sure this deserves a throat punch. Several in fact.
When a prominent balck person does something really daft – wow he has really set you guys back huh? No I don’t know that muhfukka!
@YGB,
“I would come right back with “How long did it take for you people to make it back from the Unibomber?”
I think that the word velociraptor should be used in everyday language from here on out. I love it and it makes me smile. The same goes for plethora, johnnycake and diphthong. Ok, it’s time for me to go to work! (haven’t been to “actual” work since 2002, but it’s time) TTFN beautiful people!
@RedBeanzNRice,
The word diphthong makes me want to stab eyeballs. Reminds me of middle school spanish and that Nut Ms. Meismer.
@Dom,
lol. My HS spanish teacher’s name was Ms. Powers and she had a jewfro bob. lol…
@pgh muse,
Lol! So did Ms. Meismer. Must be something about that particular subject that attracts jew-fro’d women.
Any question that starts off with:
How come they…
This clues me in that they think my doing and speaking well means I consider myself less Black.
My second favorite:
What are you mixed with?
This has always fascinated me because I am brown, light brown at best.
@Hostess,
What are you mixed with?
this question is a close cousin of my man’s favorite pick-up line to snizzles.
“do you have any black in you?’
“no”
“well, do you want some?”
@Hostess,
I also get this question…and I’m really not that light. Typically, though, I get it from my black students…as if the grammar, hair and dress is a CLEAR indicator that I can’t be a product of the ‘hood.
I had one particularly bold student (who got on my nerves, but made me laugh @ the same time) ask:
Boy: What kind of nigg* are u?
(translation: What are u mixed w/?)
Me: …the kind ur Daddy likes.
(translation: Go. Sat. Down.)
@Resident GRitS,
Boy: What kind of nigg* are u?
damn. this sounds like a line from “mississippi burning” or something
When I was pregnant with my son and choosing his name I got a lot of “What’s wrong with John or Charles or Jim?” My gubment name ain’t hardly Sally… so why I would name my son the male equivalent is beyond me…and why they didn’t consider that is beyond me.
I don’t even mind hair questions, if they are sincere. I think that the most ignorant ish I got came out during the Obama election…this is an example of some a real conversation between my boss and I:
boss: I just don’t understand. It seems like they (there was a large rally on the Hill district (another depressed historic black neighborhood in the city of pgh) are just voting for him because he’s black- he was all red and screwfaced
me: ummmm… can I offer Sarah Palin as exhibit A… Barack Obama is like the next coming of Christ and the alternative is ummm Sarah Palin
boss: But she’s hot isn’t she…
me: ***my left eyelid started twitching at this point** well Michelle Obama is quite pretty, and very capable, if you just need a pretty woman to sway you.
boss: Michelle Obama is **pregnant pause** eh… attractive
me: at this point my mouth was agape at dis muphuckas ignorance and obvious bigotry… so I start running Barack and Michelles credentials…and talk about how horrible John McCain’s decision making must be if for the very serious post of vice president he selected someone that he thought was pretty just to reel in the idiot white masses of americans. I asked him how he felt about John McCain thinking he was so dumb…
boss: but she IS hot isn’t she…
me: i have to go run my head through the paper shredder a couple times. I prolly won’t be back.
He voted for Barack (at least that’s what he said). I shamed his a$$ daily, as often as I could.
@pgh muse,
He voted for Barack (at least that’s what he said). I shamed his a$$ daily, as often as I could.
seems like he wants you to do a bit more than shame his ass. sounds like he wouldnt mind a spanking
@The Champ,
Sadly this may be true. I’ve had numerous run-ins with this dude, i would need to start a new blog just to run them all down.
@pgh muse,
My God that is the same conversation I had with my boss during the campaign. So maybe it isn’t racism maybe they just think past their lust…
Naw i’m kidding… It’s racism.
@pgh muse,
that whole exchange had me laughing and nauseous all at the same time
@blackberry molasses,
I know. My boss is sooo scary @ me. He’s a total perv. But i’m ghetto, so he knows that if he crosses the line too far with me it can go down. lol.
@pgh muse,
so he knows that if he crosses the line too far with me it can go down. lol.
and by “it” you mean “he”, right?
@The Champ,
NO.
@The Champ,
Stop.It.
The thing about the fried chicken/fried fish and greens comment—in the south—WF eat more of that than Black folks so it would definately be an insult if one walked up to me and asked me any questions pertaining to any of those.
One question I absolutely hate is -how many kids you have? When I say none, it’s usually followed up with–really, I thought you would have a couple?
I’m like WHY because I’m Black…if a person answers your question–please don’t add any commentary to your response because it could be taken the wrong way.
@Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour),
“The thing about the fried chicken/fried fish and greens comment—in the south—WF eat more of that than Black folks so it would definately be an insult if one walked up to me and asked me any questions pertaining to any of those.”
This is the SERIOUS truth…Paula Dean and her sweet country self (Food Network) make more fried macaroni and cheese (yes she fries it sometimes), cook more collard/kale with smoke turkey, and fry more chicken than anybody i ever saw in MY FAMILY and they from AL and SC orginally. Well maybe not more than, but certainly just as much as.
@Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour),
One question I absolutely hate is -how many kids you have? When I say none, it’s usually followed up with–really, I thought you would have a couple?
Oh man!
This is the one that will send me from 0-60 in 3.5 seconds.
And the bullshyt is, its not just 2520′s that ask me WHY I don’t have kids, its Black folks too.
@8th Wonder,
Yep.
@8th Wonder,
Ditto….
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt…., a employee of my father asked if i had kids. my father is like h#ll naw! Coworker is like “she’s pretty, must be something wrong with her”. I was just 18 at the time. Needless to say ol boy was fired not too long after that…
@SxyScientst,
Betcha said employee had his perv eye on you… Daddy SxyScientst saw it coming from a mile away…
@Specialized Sula,
oohhhh hellz yeah! all this was said while he was installing carpet in my house and licking his gold toof in my direction…the whole convo went down like the part in the color purple when mister sees celie for the first time!
@Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour),
how many kids you have?
I was in my Japanese class and I thought the professor had asked “Are you a mom”….I was about to get a bit sanilly…and asked her to come again. turns out she said “Are you a model?”….I still think she said mom the first time,eh.
@Rita,
This made me laugh… hard.
(I think she said mom too and the screwface set her straight)
@Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour), The kids question tee’s me off too! And when it is followed up with ‘Wow oh really? Why? How did you manage that one?’ Because I am not married and I use condoms. The same way you managed it dumbass
I remember a few years back I had my two children and 4 of my nieces and nephews with me. I had taken them to the circus. They are all really mild mannered and quite well behaved. After the circus we were standing around trying to decide on lunch. This white woman is smiling at the kids so I acknowledge her and smile back. WHY?!?!? I dont know because I knew she was going to come over to us. She comes over and says that the kids are cute. I say THANKS. Then she asks are they MINE & goes on to say HOW WELL BEHAVED THEY ARE. I am standing there just blown. Why the FLIP would she assume that I have 6 damn kids first of all?!??! And or course they are well behaved. Did she expect them to be jumping around like MONKEYS (yeah I said it!). Then she is like all up in their personal space inspecting them. I just told the kids LETS GO BEFORE I HAVE TO KIRK OUT ON SOMEBODY and we walked away.
@Yaa,
Did she expect them to be jumping around like MONKEYS (yeah I said it!)
well, you were at the circus
Hush.
@Yaa, Then she asks are they MINE & goes on to say HOW WELL BEHAVED THEY ARE
I don’t know about this one, Yaa. As a mother of two, if I’m out in public and see a woman with a bunch of kids that are sitting quietly and are well behaved I would ask the same thing… cuz when i’m out in public my kids I’m normally at wit’s end about to KILL one of them. At least my 4-yr-old. Trying to keep him still and quiet in a public setting be haven me about to kirk out.
@pgh muse,
Usually when u see anyone w/any number of kids out in public and the kids are acting out, it’s because they aren’t used to going anywhere. The only way to teach your kids how to act in public is to take them out in public! LOL! So kudos to you for teaching your little ones. I can take Ike n’ Tina anywhere cuz they’ve always gone w/me wherever I had to go (didn’t have much choice in the matter…lol).
There was that one time when Ike was 3 and I took them out to eat w/me and my co-workers for our supervisor’s b’day. He just had to sit next to my boss cuz he just loved her to death. He took her corn on the cob off her plate, bit it and put it back.
iDied.
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T., The only way to teach your kids how to act in public is to take them out in public! LOL! So kudos to you for teaching your little ones.
This is a good point. A very good point. And my kids are with me most of the time. I swear I love them… but (well my baby is still just my angel even tho he can get a little niglet-ish) but my 4-year-old!?!?! That’s the one that going to give me premature gray hair.
He took her corn on the cob off her plate, bit it and put it back –
my 4 year old would do something just like this. We are not allowed to some peoples houses right now. lol.
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.
“He took her corn on the cob off her plate, bit it and put it back.”
This made me laugh!
Its not so much the quetions as it is the assumptions that I hate the most.
1. My cultural background.
= Are you a citizen?
=Uhhhh are you?
=I mean, you don’t look american.
=Really? Last time I checked, I was born in NC.
=I know but where are your parents from?
=Uhm, NC? Look, I’m a natural born citizen.
=Oh well you look Jamaican or African, I was just wondering. I mean, your hair threw me off.
=B/c all Jamaicans and africans have dreads. K. You must have some african in you then. No? You’re hair threw me off. *walks away*
2. My coworkers after finding out I can cook.
“How come you never bring any fried chicken to the potlucks?”
“Cuz I am not big on fried chicken…. I prefer baked fish…you want some, ass?”
3. Upon hearing my last name…. You not all the way black are you?
You’re not all the way male are you?
No I’m saying, your last name, it sounds french.
Oh just like that shirt says “i’m gay”…but you know maybe its speaking another language.
It’s not that I don’t mind breaking any stereotypes but oh my word!!!
@Ro,
2. My coworkers after finding out I can cook.
“How come you never bring any fried chicken to the potlucks?”
I cannot believe they actually asked you that!
Wow.
@Ro,
“Cuz I am not big on fried chicken…. I prefer baked fish…you want some, ass?”
please tell me you include the comma.
@The Champ, Yes… comma (read:M.I.A sized pregnant pause accompanied by a Lynn Whitfield like eye roll)
After going to a PWI and being sometimes the only black person in some of my classes, the #1 question that 2520s shouldnt ask is:
“So how do black ppl feel about this?”
I FU(K!NG hate this question. DO i look like the spoke person for al black ppl? Have i consulted all blk ppl. I’ve near thrown text books at ppl for this one
@osyeP,
This should be written in the handbook @ all PWI.
I mean really……this is not okay.
or the ever popular…
“Do you know this (artist,educator,politican,etc.)?”
simply because I’m black and the person in question is black.
even some of my 2520 counterparts , we’re like “No she just did not ask her that……”
@osyeP,
that might be my single least favorite recurring question
in grad school (at a PWI) no one asks that question!! i want ppl to think i am so important that i must speak for my entire “race”.
i did, however, have a professor (i was doing research with him at the time) in my 1st year of grad school ask me if i thought it was insensitive to his black students that he talked about “axonal segregation” in his neuro class. i couldn’t help but bust out laughing!! i had to explain to him that the word segregation itself wasn’t racist or anything. he was so stressed about it. so many 2520s get worked up about anything that could be misconstrued as racist or prejudice. not all black ppl make mountains outta mole hills when it comes to race (read: act like Al and Jesse)
@osyeP,
I think you singled out the question that irks me the most.
We don’t friggin’ share a mind. D@mn!
Yeah, that one gets my blood pumping… hard.
Man….y’all are some good people….
I just tell them straight up:
“Don’t ask me shit”
This point was reached after boy scout troop master stated … “I thought Black people didn’t like cold weather.”
To which I replied…I love snow…and only eat devil bird ( chx ) under the direst of conditions.
Someday I *will* buy up all the negro islands of the coast of Maine – freaknik new england shall be the new theme
On a different note – to the good brothers at vsb – thanks for the forum – it always help me question my understandin….
@KingPine,
On a different note – to the good brothers at vsb – thanks for the forum – it always help me question my understandin….
no problem and sh*t
For some reason, the words: monkey, watermelon, and chicken all give me the shivers when a 2520 says them.
Questions to not ask:
1. Can I touch your hair?
2. So your boyfriend LIKES your fat a$$?
@Nicki Sunshine,
lawd….lol
1. if one more woman touches my locks w/o permission..i might catch a charge
2. no comment…..casper folks got many issues
@KingPine,
Very rarely do ppl touch my locs w/o my permission. I’ve been told I have a way of looking at folks that pretty much deters that type of behavior. Good thing, because I would seriously hurt somebody for putting their hands in my hair.
@Nicki Sunshine,
1. I get that one. too. Especially when I’m out at the bar/lounge or something. I think it’s be/c they don’t really understand dreads, which isn’t my problem.
2. Yeah, 2520 females would be even more shocked to find out that not only do black men like my phatty, but so do 2520 males. LOL!!
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt…., “Yeah, 2520 females would be even more shocked to find out that not only do black men like my phatty, but so do 2520 males. LOL!!”
Classic!!!
@Nicki Sunshine,
LMFAO!!!! Claude Jeevus some people!
@Nicki Sunshine,
YOU BET YOUR SWEET SSA HE DO!!) sorry # 2 is messin w/ me right now in a conflicting way.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“2. So your boyfriend LIKES your fat a$$?”
oh my God Becky…look at her butt.
@Princess Duvet,
Thats EXACTLY what I thought of!
@all:
This lady I used to work with used to come up and touch my hair without asking…. bc I’m so keep it on the inside- ish, while boiling on the inside, I never said anything… but it made me feel like The Color Purple, when that lady told Ophrah the kids were so clean or something like that.
About the fat a$$, yaw know they are on a race to see who can be the skinniest. LOL
@Nicki Sunshine,
2. So your boyfriend LIKES your fat a$$?
so someone actually asked this?
@The Champ, LOL. Yes, for some reason they feel safe enough to ask me stuff.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“2. So your boyfriend LIKES your fat a$$?”
The correct response is “So does yours.”
@Nicki Sunshine
I was having a conversation with one of 2520 co-workers about Jessica Simpson. He said that she was fat and that her azz was big. I was like many black guys like “thick” girls (and I don’t mean obese women proudly proclaiming that they are thick) girls. They especially like a fat azz, so she’s far from fat.
I don’t think he understood.
@V Renee, Girl, don’t get me started on the Jessica Simpson thing…. I am soo sick of hearing her being referred to as a porker… I used to do promo for Miller Lite and I was standing behind these 3 2520 guys.. I was in a country bar and these jacka$$e$ were making fun of the girl dancing on the bar, calling her fat. Mind u, she was at least four sizes smaller than me. I was pissed!
Less so a question. Just don’t in ANY way, shape, or form try to convince me that racism is over because my president is black.
Or because my lambo is blue. ‘Cause I’ll be got damned if my rims ain’t too!
@Jarrod Halsey,
Your president is black, in fact he’s half white. So even in a racist mind he aight!
Ladies I can completely understand the hair question.
How do you make it do that?! Um, do what? It grows out of my head like that..GTFOH.
I did have a 2520 ask me once if my siblings and I all had the same father.
She almost got throat punched for real that day.
What exactly are ham hocks/hog maws/ox tails?
Are you happy about Barack Obama?
@miss t-lee, “What exactly are ham hocks/hog maws/ox tails?”
I still don’t know what the maw of a hog is, and my grandparents raised pigs/hogs for market when I was little, and every year they would slaughter one for the fam.
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
And ain’t nobody said nothin bout head cheese….
@KingPine,
My Dad loves that ish…I can’t do it. *smh*
@miss t-lee,
i can’t do it either
but my uncle…..
“imma got get me some head cheese”
@KingPine,
Does your Uncle make a sandwich out of it like my Dad does?
*sniggling*
@miss t-lee,
you *had* to go there….smgdh
only the finest…
wonder w/ kraft slices…..
@miss t-lee and @ KingPine,
LMAO!!! I am dying here at work!! LOL!!!
@King Pine…
don’t forget the mayo!!!!
@ N.I.A.
hahhahah
@KingPine,
I used to kill some hog head cheese. LOL!! I think I ate nearly all parts of the pig, knowingly and unknowingly, in my early years….b4 I became Ms. Alladatshyt. smh…
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
lolol i will not be gettin blip done at work today – dayum!
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
I think I did too. My mom’s brother was the veterinary for a “pork farm” and boy did we have all sorts of pork products.
Rillettes, boudins, sausages, everything you can think of we had it in the fridge. Don’t even get me started on “roasted porc au lait” for the holidays.
Ah! memories…
@KingPine,
Educate me please – tha hell is head cheese???
@YGB,
Here ya go…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoghead_cheese
@miss t-lee,
Thanks! It’s called brawn over here.
@YGB,
Oh really?
I learned something new today.
@YGB,
1st cousin to Scrapple…..cept w/ bits of left over hogs head
my stomach ain’t feelin so good right now…
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
It’s the stomach of the pig.
You’re welcome…lol
*and for the record I only eat ham hocks and ox tails…lol
@miss t-lee,
Knowing my family, I’ve probably eaten hog maws, and just not know what it was. Thanks for clearing that up. LOL!! After spending years of my early like eating unknown parts of the hog, you now know why I’m a vegetarian. LOL!!
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
Girl I only eat pork (aside from bacon) a few times a year. All that goes out the window if my grandmother makes some ham hocks and rice though…lol
@miss t-lee,
Girl I only eat pork (aside from bacon) a few times a year.
lol…thats like saying, “you know, other than the steaks i grill every weekend, i dont eat beef”
@The Champ,
Ha-ha.
@The Champ,
lol!
LOL!! Some of these comments are hilarious…
Things 2520s should not ask me (aka things I am tired of being asked…
1. Do you date white men? The answer depends on whose asking at the time….
2. In reference to my dreads, how do you get your hair like that? Can you take them out? Will it come out if you wash it? How often do you wash your hair? Why don’t you wash your hair everyday?
3. When I spent a year away from my HBCU visiting at Stanford, I took out my micro braids and wore my relaxed hair…What happened to your hair…Did you cut your hair…Why did you cut your hair? Which, I guess is understandable since I went from having bra-strap length braids to shoulder length hair.
4. What’s the purpose of HBCUs? I calmly broke down some history for this chic, which led to one of the most interesting conversations I’ve ever had regarding race relations inthis country. After that convo, I had so much more respect for her as a person….
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
4. What’s the purpose of HBCUs? I calmly broke down some history for this chic, which led to one of the most interesting conversations I’ve ever had regarding race relations inthis country. After that convo, I had so much more respect for her as a person….
I just got asked this the other day. There are sooo many anwers. the guy who asked was black too. Go figure!
@Dom,
I’ve been asked that by black people, too, and it bothers me more hearing it from them than it does 2520s, b/c 2520s are usually genuinely curious about HBCUs. While the black brethern and sistren seem to ask in a condescending way. And I know, no matter what I tell THOSE black folk, they will walk away learning nothing, and still choosing to believe whatever they want to believe. smh….
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
Yeah, I know. The guys was complaining about going to an interview for his residency at Howard med. He was miffed that it was all black. I asked him how many other black folks he’s seen at interviews across the country? He got the point after that.
I think alot of folks that weren’t educated at HBCU’s dont see the relevance b/c they’re not looking at the world from a “black perspective.” Sometimes you just have to ask the right questions and your point becomes glaringly obvious.
@Dom,
**nods head in agreement**
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
i feel you, Spel Sis. i remember one of my fellow blaxican homegirls from HS ask me, in such a disgusted way, why i would lower myself by going to an HBCU, a black ALL women’s college at that?? i’ve had this convo many times since.
HBCUs aren’t for everyone. but it worked for me and i don’t regret my decision at all, i received an impeccable education. i’m just as “successful”, if not more so, than my black friends who went to PWIs.
@Gem-nastics,
Hand Clap! I always let folks know I wouldnt trade my HBCU degree or experience for anything in the world.
@Gem-nastics,
Amen!! I loved my Spelman experience, Spel-Sis, and wouldn’t trade it for anything. And I always laugh at how surprised other black people get when I tell them about my Spelman friend at Yale Law or my Morehouse friend Harvard Business, or my Howard friend who was heavily recruited by corporate America during his Junior year. It’s really unfortunate that some of us actually fall into the trap of thinking that anything that is too black can’t be any good. I call Bullshyt to it all!!!
hey, did you see that Spelman is back on TOP (where a woman['s college] should be!!!)– we’re the #1 HBCU according to US News & World Report!! woo hoo!!
my friend, a Howard grad, is literally not speaking to me becuz i rubbed that in her face. lol i love friendly HBCU rivalry.
@Gem-nastics,
Yes, I saw it!! And you are right, it feels great being on top…On top is definitely the best place to be.
Yeah, I joked about it with my Morehouse friends. I told them, 2nd place is just the 1st place loser, and anything after that isn’t worth mentioning. LOL!! I love it!!
Hilaire about the jamboree..
anywhoo…
This is funny cause most of my college life was spent fielding crazy a!ss questions about black people. At one point it became a weekly saturday night discussion with the resident black girls and the 2520s from CT, MA, ME, NH, VT etc…I really didn’t mind it that much. Though sometimes our “Why Do Black People?” topics would get pretty heated. Particularly since our school was in an “urban area”…
And sometimes the questions were so candid (read dumb as he!l, I think they would forget a few of us were ACTUALLY black)..
Some of them include?
1. “Why isn’t it safe for me to run in this area any time I want? I never had to worry about rape or being robbed in Westport, CT.”
I never really understood why some of the 2520s took SOO many risks. What the hel! possessed some of them at 11:30 pm at night to take a dayum jog in a pretty rough surrounding neighboorhood, I will never ever know. ESP since we would tell them, look Molly don’t walk your @zz out there this late at night. Do you see me and Keisha getting these midnight urges to excercise where somebody took a beatdown last week.
2. “Hey you are so cool, do you wanna come to {insert obscure place here} tomorrow night?” This is a SET UP…and its code speak for. Can you be my token negro tomorrow?
3. “Hey Im gonna drop it like its hot”…this isnt really question but this was a status message on FB from a 2520 HS mate who would go onto Harvard (and she never dropped anything with any amount of hotness ever)…so why the hell must you add urban/music slang to your daily repertoire NOW. Now don’t get me wrong some of my best friends are white (LOL)…(not really), so why can’t you just be white. Now if you’ve been given a black temporary card or pass, thats one thing. But until which time you have been allowed to chillax in urban language..I’mma need you to pull it up.
@Princess Duvet,
That’s why I moved up here to Maine…we all know integration is a one way street…..
That…and I got tired to the ghetto bird shakin my windows on eutaw st…..
I gotta ask…what is it like up in Maine? I like to visit different cities and countries, but Maine has never been on my radar. Especially from a black perspective…
@AkShone,
It’s a great place to see nature…and for kids to be outdoors. It’s a great place to visit….decompress from city life. People for the most part leave you alone…or are at a minimum civil. When I want a dose of city I hit Boston.
I still have to drive north a few hours to Freedom Cafe to get good southern soul food. ( yes you read right )
Best time to visit is late summer/early fall
Also check out http://www.visibleblackhistory.com/
@KingPine, for some reason i didn;t see this reply earlier the link is really interesting had know idea of the history before “colonization”
@AkShone,
I thought King was kidding..but i’d like to know too..besides a bunch of dayum light houses and the fact that you can see scotland from kennebunkport (i made that up) lol..what is the black attraction???
@Princess Duvet,
#1 is great…I really don’t understand that one…it’s called COMMON SENSE
I get #2 regularly from my co-workers…all 2520′s
@Princess Duvet,
1. “Why isn’t it safe for me to run in this area any time I want? I never had to worry about rape or being robbed in Westport, CT.”
I never really understood why some of the 2520s took SOO many risks. What the hel! possessed some of them at 11:30 pm at night to take a dayum jog in a pretty rough surrounding neighboorhood, I will never ever know. ESP since we would tell them, look Molly don’t walk your @zz out there this late at night. Do you see me and Keisha getting these midnight urges to excercise where somebody took a beatdown last week.
you know what though, i’d theorize that a random white woman jogging through the hood would be at less risk than a black guy (who wasn’t from that neighborhood) walking through. somebody needs to commission me so i can study that sh*t
@The Champ,
Sadly you’re right. I seen it happen.
@The Champ,
Voila…you are commissioned!!! Starbucks called and they’d like to sponsor this study..it will be underwritten by their chicken farms.
If you cant ask a black person about greens who are you supposed to ask? I know if I wanted some greens I’d ask a black person. I wouldn’t ask a white guy.
@Deviant,
I agree with this whole concept. It’s not their fault (completely) that they know nothing of black culture. If someone is asking me a question in sincere curiosity, I answer. I’d rather them get an honest answer from me than from say… Flava of Luv or BET.
@Deviant, Yeah I was thinking the same thing.
@Deviant,
google.
seriously though, like i said before, its about context
@The Champ,
on one hand I get that and on the other I call bs. I see everyones complaints and I see what I think is oversensitivity. People asking you these questions are giving you a grand opportunity to clown them overtly and covertly. There are some times when the breaking of faces is appropriate and there are some times when you just become the angry negro. When my 2520 friends would ask such questions I would either answer the question or insert a sarcastic remark then I would add that although I am not bothered by said question that rather large gentleman over there may stab you for asking him that. You should keep this kind of thing in mind. I will not help you if you ask something like that and you get jumped but I will call an ambo when they finish beating you.
@Deviant,
There comes a time when you get tired of answerin the same question for the 50-11th time.
My lil brother always claims “You’re the calm negro…so whites ain’t scared of you.”
“I will call an ambo when they finish beating you.”
*tears fallin from my eyes* i love it
@KingPine,
it doesn’t bother me unless its the same person doin the askin over and over. How can you expect diffrent people to know what some other people have asked of you? I’m one of those calm negroes I guess. Its the dank.
@Deviant,
For me, it’s just evidence of how little true interaction exists btw black/whites at large out of school/work.
I can understand native folk in Argentina rubbin my skin & hair….they literally had *never* seen a black person before.
But in America?? So I stay calm and answer the same questions ad nausem….
@The Champ,
There are those times tho when they are just asking a question and mean no ill will and it just makes sense to ask a black dude.
@Deviant,
There are those times tho when they are just asking a question and mean no ill will and it just makes sense to ask a black dude.
i agree, and there are also times when its cool to just devote a day to throwing a couple tongue-in-cheek jabs on a blog at our lighter brethren as well. this happens to be one of those days
@The Champ,
Dang, you’ve taken the witty ones as well I see!
@The Champ,
Ok. But even in context, I think some of Us tend to overreact. In the context you posed, I think your dad kinda did just that.
One, she was surrounded by black people at a summer street festival, how was she not gonna ask a black person about greens?
And two, you were there as a familly, which under the circumstances was probably a little less uncomfortable.
As intelligent people, when asked these questions, we have an opportunity to nullify some sterotypes/misconceptions about black people/culture and reinforce the ideal of individualism and we should take full advantage of that.
@ChocolateGirlWonder,
Err… there is a thing called a grocery store, where people there are qualified to sell greens, no?
I mean, it wouldn’t cross my mind to randomly ask a mexican-looking lady where to find some Tamales. I would go to a store specializing in latin foods to ask that question.
Like really? Where to find greens?
lmao @ ask a mexican-looking lady where to find some tamales.
real talk tho, you can’t find stuff (i.e. mexican food outside of a largerly populated mexican city) EVERY where. now, greens you can find in just about in produce section of any grocery store. but tamales are hard to come by!!!!
@Specialized Sula,
How is it random when she was at a street festival in a black neighbohood?
But you ask said random mujer if you were en el barrio for Cinco de Mayo…
And y’all need to stop tripping like grocery store greens are popping like that. The greens at [insert typical surburban grocery chain] are nothing like the ones at [insert local hood supermarket]
@ChocolateGirlWonder,
grocery store greens are garbage next to the greens u get from Junebug’s stand by the corner store.
@ChocolateGirlWonder,
Ok. But even in context, I think some of Us tend to overreact. In the context you posed, I think your dad kinda did just that.
he actually was really helpful towards her. drew her a map and everything. it wasn’t until later on that he joked about it.
@The Champ,
I meant in his statement about being “the greasiest, green-eatingest, looking…”
@The Champ,
(since I can’t edit my comments anymore… well i couldn’t edit my first comment)
And how are you gonna google where to find greens??? that’s just crazy!
@ChocolateGirlWonder,
easily. i mean, whats the point of having i-phones and sh*t if you’re not gonna google greens?
@The Champ,
Does Google Maps lead you right when looking for good greens? Hmm…That’s worth investigating.
@Deviant, I bet a french guy could school you on a thing or two about greens. The do greens a lil diff. w/ diff selections but it’s greens none the less. Heck I took a trick from they playbook when I’m dealing with some tough collards or if someone like my Grandma wants some kale.
@WuDaMan,
You’re right about that too!
I’m thinking the method you’re referring to is blanching? Oh! How I love a foodie geek. 
Hell, Paula Deen can teach you a leg and an arm about greens, all kinds of them.
My only contribution today will be just a comment saying I read the post + comments.
@Cheryl,
you don’t hafta feel left out and sh*t. please join the multicultural coitus
@The Champ,
lol i believe i have already done so.
altho, let the record reflect I googled where 2520 came from rather than ask. i mean i knew it meant white folks, but didnt know the history behind it.
and should it matter, my greens rawk.
@Cheryl,
Props for mixin it up!
@KingPine,
my kids, the greens or the google?
lol, i keed.
@Cheryl,
lol i believe i have already done so.
lol, yeah i know
@The Champ,
but should you need assistance … let i know.
The one question that bothered me the most was, A Lady asked me, since our skin is dark, How do we know when we’re dirty?
@Jenna Marie Christian,
*throat punch*
Oh hellz nah.
@miss t-lee,
i really did want to punch her square in the mouth, but we were at work
@Jenna Marie Christian,
I know you did sis. I can feel it.
It would have been hard for me to hold that back, I probably would have just walked away.
@Jenna Marie Christian,
You shoulda beat that b1tch with a bat!
@YGB,
Lord knows i wanted too…
@Jenna Marie Christian,
See, that’s how bythes get cut!!!
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
I will co-sign that thought!
@Jenna Marie Christian,
Wow. Just makes me wonder if it takes dayum dirt streaks and patches of filth on her skin for her to know that she’s dirty.. meaning her a$$ musta been triflin’.
@pgh muse,
Exactly…. WTF???
@Jenna Marie Christian,
The one question that bothered me the most was, A Lady asked me, since our skin is dark, How do we know when we’re dirty?
question: how do they let you read vsb.com in prison? i mean, since you’re obviously there for murdering that woman, were you able to negotiate internet time with the judge or something?
lmaooooooo
@The Champ,
Right Now, I am out on a work release program due to good behavior….lol
@Jenna Marie Christian,
you really do wonder about this woman’s sense of smell, or if she thinks we, in fact, possess a sense of smell at all. I don’t know about her but when one does not shower, one becomes funky. She must be new.
@Captain Morgan,
lol…lol…right, I mean…what kinda sh*T
@Jenna Marie Christian,
see, that’s just some bullsh!t…my hand just involuntarilly reached out to snatch this chick so i don’t know how you didn’t.
@SouthernGirl,
You know I wanted to “lay hands on her myself”…
@Jenna Marie Christian,
Wow…having heard some variation of all these questions from my own ignorant friends, family, etc., this was the first post that actually made me gasp outloud.
Matter of fact, I’m still tripping that somebody asked you this.
@luvtheshoes,
I know…I’ve heard my fair share of foolishness also, but when she asked me that i was soooo caught off guard that i thought i didn’t hear her correctly…
@Jenna Marie Christian,
Are you friggin’ kidding me with this nonsense? Oh my lord!
I don’t have a question to add to the list, mine is more of a statement.
I was considering crossing color lines and dating a white guy about a year ago. During the prelim date convo I mentioned my goal of going to law school, but said I had no idea how I was going to pay for it.
He comes back with “I’m sure the NAACP has lot’s of scholarships!”
Any mention of the NAACP/UNCF/Rainbow Coalition/Urban League etc. when we’re not discussing race automatically gets you a Fail.
@Dom,
i don’t know if the average white person realizes that the naacp is about as relevant today as karlkani
@The Champ, karlkani
Bwahahaha! Karl Kani was the ISH back in the day tho!!! eh… i guess the Naacp was too… point taken.
@The Champ,
*laughing loudly*
not the karl kani!!!
dayum
@The Champ,
hmmm….i wonder what happens to these urban designers once their moment in the sunshine is over…cross colours, used, karl, fubu and the like.
Whats funny about some of these comments is that I have been asked some of the same questions by black folks. I was born and raised in the U.S. but my dad is from Ghana and my mother is from the U.S. I have a full Ghanaian name. Although I have never set foot on the continent some black folks have treated me as the resident African expert.
@Humble_One,
“Although I have never set foot on the continent some black folks have treated me as the resident African expert.
”
Hi …Hummy can you be my tour guide when me and some friends go to the Goree Island…If you could give us a full run down where all the slave ships came in and out of that would be great.
Also can you run a dna test on us so that when we leave we’ll know what part of Africa we are from?
and..i also want to get into the oil business ..if you have any connections let me know where i can run the pipe line from..
all the best,
thanks
@Humble_One,
So have I. But since this post is about white people, I chose not to mention those instances, and save it for when the Champ wants to know what things irritate me about other black folk.
@Humble_One,
I feel you, though….
In all honesty, this really goes back to black americans (which I am) lack of exposure to Africa based on the american educational system, selective media exposure, lack of generational ties and history. All that I’ve learned about foreign countries, especially Africa was from sources outside of those I listed. I’m not saying that some people are just ignorant, but some just have a warped view of reality.
@AkShone,
I agree. I thank God my parents (and the fact that my paternal grandfather was from Malawi) stressed to me the importance of knowing all of my history, and not just what is said in those wack history books. I am still amazed when I here black people say things that I would expect a 2520 to say (for some reason, I expect black Americans to be better when it comes to Africa)but then I have to remind myself they are ignorant, either by choice or by circumstance, and the best thing I can do is try to educate the ones who want to know.
This post brings back angry memories! I grew up in one of the fairest Pgh suburbs ever, I had to play the Chocolate Ambassador from age 5-18.
Why don’t you wash your hair everyday?
You’re going to a Black College (no one knew the term HBCU)? If I come visit you will I get beat up?
Do you really have to put lotion all over your body EVERYDAY?
Why are you so shiny? (my mom is old school, so age 2-8 i couldn’t leave the house without vaseline covering my face…LMAO)
Why do Black people get their own channel?
@Voiceofreason,
Why do Black people get their own channel?
This one is right up there with “Why do black people get a month?”…. because everyday is white history month. Duh!
@pgh muse,
Thank you! And that’s exactly the answer I’d give them when I was a youngster.
@pgh muse,
Or the complaints I’d hear at the library in my high school about Ebony, Essence, and Jet mags.
@Dom,
I used to hear those complaints too.
@Dom,
Right. Do we complain about Vogue, Elle, Cosmo, Good flippin’ Housekeeping, People, Us Weekly… or any of the millions of other ones. 313 bytches. I swear.
@pgh muse,
Get this! When I was in law school I knew a guy who didn’t understand why there were so many minority scholarship opportunities. And he had the nerve to ask why there was no White Law Student’s Association (there were orgs for black, asian, latin students, etc.)!!! He was actually a good dude so I’d just laugh at him and tell him that he needed to stop asking questions like that because he might not run into someone as nice as me the next time he opens his mouth.
@Voiceofreason,
I’ve heard variations of this question from multiple white people for the better part of my life, too. And the most sad part is, in my youth, EARLY youth I didn’t know how to answer. Later, like highschool, CCAC, Carlow, and now I RELISH questions like these!! Like Ask ME! Ask ME!! I remember when the whole Clarence Thomas/ Anita Hill/ affirmative action thing was out and I was young, I’ve always gone to Pittsburgh Public Schools, but went to Banksville and Woolslair for scholars (all of u pgh folks know about this) and the white kids there would ask why black people need affirmative action, and there was all the debate about quotas. I used to feel so bad and ashamed because I really didn’t know. It wasn’t until I got some broader (blacker) education on my own that the pieces started falling together.
@pgh muse,
“….but went to Banksville and Woolslair for scholars”
we might have been there at the same time. lol, its funny though, my only real memory of woolslair is playing dodgeball outside in the cement yard
@ The Champ,
we might have been there @ the same time too, cuz we are ahem… cough … around the same age lol.
@Champ,
I remember a lot of my time there, and I think it was because i felt SOOO outta place all the time. Imagine going from Belmar to Woolslair one day a week. It was like going from earth to mars and back to earth again.
@pgh muse,
lol. i went to east hills, so it wasnt that big of a cultural shock to me.
btw, does belmar still exist?
@ The Champ,
Nope. Theres only like two schools in Homewood now I’m pretty sure. It’s called Pittsburgh Faison and I think its k-5, and another one like Pittsburgh Faison 2 which is 6-8 – and then the House, u know.
@pgh muse,
My school had the nerve to have announcements over the intercom saying, “would the following students please come to the auditorium…” Then they’d start naming every black student in the building (all 20 of us). It was either because a rep from INROADS was coming or because they needed us to participate in Black History Month projects. The 2520s would stare at us and ask where we were going. I’d tell them the district found out about our plot to overthrow the school.
@Voiceofreason,
I’d tell them the district found out about our plot to overthrow the school.
Lol!!! I hear you. Girl we started a BAS at my highschool. We were SOO revolutionary
@Voiceofreason,
I’d tell them the district found out about our plot to overthrow the school.
I totally heart you for this answer
@Voiceofreason,
Why are you so shiny?
lol, i can’t lie. i’m tempted to ask folks that question sometimes myself
@The Champ,
My kids be shined up daily before going out in the cold. It’s only right.
@pgh muse,
Spoken like my mama!
@The Champ,
My girl from college had it much worse than me. Her grandma used whatever she could find at the last minute to shine up her face. Crisco, mayo, butter…
@Voiceofreason,
WOW!! LMAO! I keep it 2 actual skin moisturizers – cocoa butter, shea butter, olive oil… stuff like that.
@Voiceofreason,
Not the mayo!! I am cracking the f#ck up in this piece.
@Voiceofreason,
Why are you so shiny?
I ask myself this question about ten times a day. My face refuses to not shine. It doesn’t matter how many blotty things I use, twenty minutes later, you could use my face as a reflective surface. Booooo!!!! Sigh, someone help a sister out with this. Suggestions (except powders/foundation/general face cosmetics are welcome.)
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Girl me too! I never needed that Vaseline b/c I’ve got the Glow like Bruce LeRoy. I’ve noticed that when I use haircare products that have more oil it makes my face shinier. Maybe you could cut back on those (if you use them).
A bonus to it all is that oil helps preserve the skin so you probably look younger than you really are, and you probably always will.
Up until 9th grade, I was always like, one of 3-5 black kids in school, so I’ve answered ig’nant questions most of my life. The majority of the time I don’t mind, because you will never know unless you ask. However, sometimes folks are just STUPID.
Questions I never want to be asked again:
“You use GREASE in your hair?!? Like, from the car????”
“How can I learn to move my neck like that when I’m upset?”
“How long will yall be angry about slavery?”
‘Oh 8th, what do YOU know about descrimination!?”*
*This was said to me by my current boss, who I’m 9.9% sure is mildly retarded, so take that for what it is.
@8th Wonder,
“How long will yall be angry about slavery?”
This is my fav question of the day. Ans: Until we get reparations b*tch!
@Dom,
How long will yall be angry about slavery?
I won’t even get started on this one.
@Dom,
“40 acres and a mule, muthaf@()er, 40 acres and a mule” LOL!!! Or to quote Halle Berry as “Queen”, ” I want whats owed me!!”
@Dom,
I would’ve said “until for-ev-er.”
WTF?!! Nobody DARES ask a Jewish person when they’re going to “get over” the Holocaust, (rightfully so) but they feel mad comfortable in coming at us sideways with this isht…
@8th Wonder
“How long will yall be angry about slavery?”
You should have said, “Forever or at least until the roles are reversed.”
how about…
#1 – “Do you work here?” – when I’m out shopping. I know I like to look decent when I’m out and about, but do you see a uniform? Am I standing at a register and/or folding clothes? I just smile sweetly and say “no”, then go on about mine…
#2 – (unfortunately, my 2520 co-workers who know I’m single) “Can I set you up with my friend [insert name here]?” – If I wanted you to play matchmaker with me, I would ask. Please don’t take initiative…
@peachi,
“#1 – “Do you work here?” – when I’m out shopping. I know I like to look decent when I’m out and about, but do you see a uniform? Am I standing at a register and/or folding clothes? I just smile sweetly and say “no”, then go on about mine…”
I hate this too..but if Im particularly looking nice while shopping and it happens..i just tell myself this little lie..”oh its because im SOOO well dressed and i look friendly.
sometimes i have helped people find stuff LOL…and then they feel like shyt when i tell them that i dont really work here.
@Princess Duvet,
I think its worse when I’m looking kinda scrubby. Then there’s really no excuse for them to think I work there except the color of my skin.
@Dom,
this is also true..but denial is a coping mechanism.
@peachi
#1 – “Do you work here?”
A 2520 asked me this at the bar over the weekend. After I gave him a blank stare and slowly said “No, what makes you think that?”, he apologized profusely and procceded to buy me and my girls dranks! I forgave him. Apparently, it doesn’t take much to satify me.
@peachi,
At least you’ve been asked. In the CVS near where I work, the employees wear light blue polo shirts. I walk in wearing a purple turtleneck sweater and am asked where the toothbrushes are by a Crocodile Dundee-looking 2520.
I stopped in my tracks, gave him the coldest stare I could muster and said (enunciating every word slowly and carefully), “I. Don’t. Work. Here.” and kept walking.
@peachi,
Happens to me all the damn time, and i live in NYC. Ridiculous. Like seriously, i have on my purse….and my WINTER coat.
Once a lady came up to me and just said ‘Thank you!’ and held up a pair of jeans that somebody had helped her find. Apparently i looked just like the salesperson who helped her. I tell ya!
#1 – “Do you work here?”
that’s the worst ever!!! this happened to me recently while i was flying southwest. the flight attendants all had on white SW polos and navy blue slacks. they (2 gals, 1 guy) were also ALL 2520s… and there i was, standing at the rear of the plane waiting to use the lavatory, and this 2520 lady comes up to me, holds out her empty cup and says “may i have some more water?” i said “excuse me?” a light bulb goes off in her head and she says “oh i’m sorry, i thought you were… nevermind…excuse me” and went back to her seat. i was sooooooo BLOWN!!! such a WTF moment
I have a few questions for the 2520′s?
1. What are you eating that is making many of your booties get bigger?
2. Seriously, what’s up with the wet dog smell?
3. Why come some of yall can’t catch the beat to save your lives?
4. Be truthful, how often do you use the N-word when we are not around?
5. How many Black friends do you have again?
6. Why do YOU wash your hair everyday?
7. Why do you desire to be SOOOOO skinny – I’m talking to you Angelina, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Connelly?
8. How are you able to drink 25+ drinks in a night and still be alive?
9. Why are you 21, but you look like your 45?
10. Why are yalls lips so thin? Can you feel kisses? I understand why you would want lip injections. Seriously.
@V Renee, 8. How are you able to drink 25+ drinks in a night and still be alive?
hahahahaha! Right?! That shyt is AMAZING!
@pgh muse,
Being that I’m the resident VSB alcoholic I would like to give my input on this matter.
It’s take alot of practice, hard work, and dedication to achieve this status. It’s best to practice this during happy hour.
@eff yo couch,
Dang eff… that’s a lot of alcohol… may ur liver not be a distillery.
@eff yo couch,
ummmm… hope that didn’t sound judgemental… it wasn’t meant to be. I definitely have some vices that i need to lose.
@V Renee,
LMAO!!!
“1. What are you eating that is making many of your booties get bigger?”
I think the better question is, Who is your plastic surgeon?
@V Renee,
You forgot one, for all the 2520′s up North
Where is your dam* coat/boots? Its -25 out here!
@Dom,
Or how do you not get frost bite with them flip flops on in a dayum blizzard.
@Dom,
Or where is the REST of your coat? I guess your arms just don’t get cold, huh?
@Voiceofreason,
have you ever seen that sinbad special?
“cuz from where I come from, the whole body freeze up!”
lmao
@V Renee,
“6. Why do YOU wash your hair everyday?”
And to add to that, why when you do happen to get it wet (pause), it smells like dog? For reals. I’m sincere as I can be! I honestly want to crack that case.
@Cheekie,
I think it smells that way because of their hair texture.
@V Renee,
Lol! I have more questions.
Why is your food bland?
Why do you think Dane Cook is funny?
Why do you keep your blinds/curtains wide open and then get shocked when someone starts looking in your window?
Why do your children cuss you out?
Why do YOU think Chappelle’s Show is funny because I KNOW you’re not laughing for the same reasons I am?
Why do you have to toss your hair so d@mn hard? Maybe this is just something I’ve noticed. Growing up I got accidentally whipped in the face by some 2520 chick’s hair on a daily basis.
Why is it acceptable for straight 313 women to kiss each other as long as they’re in college or Cancun?
@Voiceofreason,
“Why do you have to toss your hair so d@mn hard? Maybe this is just something I’ve noticed. Growing up I got accidentally whipped in the face by some 2520 chick’s hair on a daily basis.”
This would have freaked me the fluck OUT!
I am such a weirdo when it comes to textures and stuff touching me and one thing I cannot STAND anywhere on me is 2520 hair! Ewwww! I’m sorry BBJ, I know those are children of the Lord too, but I just cannot deal when it comes to their hair touching me. It’s OK to look at, but hell AND no when it comes to that stuff coming into contact w/my body.
And just in case anybody was wondering, I don’t like how corn silk feels either. Blech!
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
ME TOO! i hate random unidentifiable hair, especially from becky.
you know what, let me stop lying. even if i know who’s it is, i still don’t like it, i.e. one of my white girlfriends was like, ‘that’s my hair’ when i scrunched up my face at the hair i saw in the chair i was about to sit in. i was like, ‘uh huh’ and politely used my tissue to move it before i sat down. and she’s not trife or anything but i just don’t want other people’ s hair hanging off of me.
@Voiceofreason,
I actually think Dane Cook is funny…not Chris Rock funny, but kinda Will Ferrell (sp) funny.
*Maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that.*
@AkShone,
i agree. i think there are comedians who are much less funny (read: hughley, d.l.)
@AkShone,
Maybe I can’t appreciate him because he reminds me of the 313 guys who used to ask me the dumbarse questions we’re all venting about.
@AkShone,
I also think Dane Cook is funny. A special kind of funny, but funny nonetheless.
@V Renee,
1. What are you eating that is making many of your booties get bigger?
you know, i don’t think their butts are getting bigger. its just our perception…created by two separate things
1. the (relative) de-stigmatization of having a big butt in the white community (the j-lo effect). before, the thicker white woman would do everything in their power to conceal their goods. now, its open season (pun intended)
2. the popularity of low-rise jeans, which makes many women seem “thicker” than they really are
@The Champ,
“2. the popularity of low-rise jeans, which makes many women seem “thicker” than they really are”
Isaac Mizrahi..you are on a roll with this..please explain IN Detail how low rise jeans makes an @zz look bigger (aka body generally thicker) ???
won’t answer for champ, but certain body types were NOT built for low rise jeans. esp if they’re flabby in the middle, it just makes their tummy hang out their jeans and chicks get the whole muffin top thing going. LRJ can really just ruin a waistline.
@Gem-nastics, true dat..i was curious though if he had any Mizrahi sketches on how it makes an @zz bigger as opposed to flatter.
lmao @ these mizrahi refs
@Princess Duvet,
**cutting and pasting akshones comment**
” Low-rise jeans really help accentuate the illusion of a fatty….whereas if the jeans came up over the waist like those corny @ss “mom” jeans the results are opposite.”
@The Champ,
“2. the popularity of low-rise jeans, which makes many women seem “thicker” than they really are”
I totally agree. A couple of friends and I have a theory on this summed up in 4 words…hip-to-waist ratio. Low-rise jeans really help accentuate the illusion of a fatty….whereas if the jeans came up over the waist like those corny @ss “mom” jeans the results are opposite.
…some 2520 chicks do be thick, tho…at least here in the south.
@AkShone,
And I agree.
Last time my mom was visiting, we went to the mall. She couldn’t help but saying (in dialect even): Those white girls have backsides just like black women! The whole situation was just too funny.
Yup them white girls down here have big booties.
@V Renee,
I have a few questions for the 2520’s?
1. What are you eating that is making many of your booties get bigger?
Nothing…its just much more appreciated these days to be a WWWA so we don’t mind showing ‘em off anymore.
2. Seriously, what’s up with the wet dog smell?
Got no good answer for you there…anyone else got this one for me? Bueller? Bueller?
3. Why come some of yall can’t catch the beat to save your lives?
I think because some of my people grew up listening to John Denver, The Osmonds, etc. But my mom teaches dance classes still to this day so we all got rhythm in my family.
4. Be truthful, how often do you use the N-word when we are not around?
Not ever. Period. End of story.
5. How many Black friends do you have again?
Good friends, acquaintences, or friends from back in the day? Although I do have to say, I’m usually the only 2520 in my circle of friends so maybe I’m an anamoly.
6. Why do YOU wash your hair everyday?
I don’t. It dries your hair out to wash it every day. But I think this comes from childhood when our parents would give us a bath every night and the process was only complete once you had your body AND your hair washed.
7. Why do you desire to be SOOOOO skinny – I’m talking to you Angelina, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Connelly?
Most (not all) white men like women to be really skinny. They don’t seem to appreciate curves on a woman’s body. Maybe tiny, pre-pubescent sized women make their c@cks seems bigger. Idk…
8. How are you able to drink 25+ drinks in a night and still be alive?
Lots of practice
9. Why are you 21, but you look like your 45?
Drier skin as a generalization plus too much tanning
10. Why are yalls lips so thin? Can you feel kisses? I understand why you would want lip injections. Seriously.
Don’t have a good answer for this one.
Crap…I’m tired after just 10 questions but what the hay, knowledge is power.
@luvtheshoes,
AWWW… can luvtheshoes et a black card cuz she is doing her part and answered all the questions??
@pgh muse,
No.
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
LMAO!
@luvtheshoes, “Maybe tiny, pre-pubescent sized women make their c@cks seems bigger. Idk…”
I. Just. Died…..
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
me 2. _____________________
Thanks for answering that!!!
@luvtheshoes,
“9. Why are you 21, but you look like your 45?
Drier skin as a generalization plus too much tanning
”
im sorry i think this is urban legend in the reverse. Black may not crack but it can look well above its age too..im starting to see a lot of our 20 somethings who look WAY older than they are in the face. Not necessarily wrinkled but WAAAAAAAAAAAAY older.
@Princess Duvet,
I agree. I know some of my HS classmates who look well into their late 40′s instead of the late 20′s. I chalk this up to their ways of life…poor diet, stress, excessive drinking and smoking. Basically, they look like life has been rough to them….
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
oh yeah…some of mine too..im not sure what happened i can make a few excuses for 33…but 23???? not gonna be able to do it (ngbatdi)..ur barely out of college, how much hard livin you been doing?
@Princess Duvet,
im sorry i think this is urban legend in the reverse. Black may not crack but it can look well above its age too..im starting to see a lot of our 20 somethings who look WAY older than they are in the face. Not necessarily wrinkled but WAAAAAAAAAAAAY older.
you know, i’ve noticed that the woman i knew who were more promiscuous as a youngster are usually the ones who look “older” its almost like theyre wearing every sexual experience theyve ever had on their face.
i know its not the most pc thing in the world to say, but that (the promiscuity) doesnt seem to affect men’s looks in the same way.
@The Champ,
“Black may not crack but it can look well above its age too..im starting to see a lot of our 20 somethings who look WAY older than they are in the face. Not necessarily wrinkled but WAAAAAAAAAAAAY older.
you know, i’ve noticed that the woman i knew who were more promiscuous as a youngster are usually the ones who look “older” ”
When you’re rode hard and hung up wet this tends to happen. lol
*sniggling*
When I went to my 10 year HS reunion a few chicks had this look. Mind you we’re all about the same age and some of these chicks look 5-10 years older than me. I wanted ask, “WTF have you been up to the last 10 years?”
@miss t-lee,
You don’t have to be “fast” to look older . Women that look older are usually ones that are always “running the streets.” At least that’s what older people have always told me. Lol. I think women who look younger have better skin care regimens. And they usually lead a healthy lifestyle. Not too much alcohol, little to no smoking, plenty of water, adequate sleep (etc.). I also think holding back emotions makes you look older.
@Voiceofreason,
“You don’t have to be “fast” to look older”
I actually agree with this more than the se!xual causation…(also agree with NIA) i don’t think black women believe that they should even have a skin care regimene outside of lotion on the face. Also though vaseline is not quite recommended to use as a moisturizer, I am reading tons of stuff about extra virgin olive oil and other essential oils for the face and its healing/rejuvinating properties.
sleep is also important..
stress is sleep’s evil first cousin..yaya’s need to think about that the next time they tossin and turnin over some nagga.
@Voiceofreason,
“Running the streets” and “fast” is running a neck and neck race in my book. lol
Let’s just agree that not taking care of yourself will have you looking old before you time. No matter what exact activity you are up to.
@Voiceofreason, PrincessDuvet, miss t-lee,
I agree with all of you. It’s really about taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. And sexuality does play a part in all 3 aspects of your health and well-being. V Renee mentioned it down thread, but I remember that the fast girls in HS looked much older than they really were. Those same girls were also running the streets, getting into all kinds of trouble, they drank and they smoked. And exercise consisted of…nothing that I knew of at the time. It all goes hand in hand.
As for the vaseline thing, my grandmother would put vaseline on her face at night, about an hour or so b4 she went to bed. please believe her skin was crack free. And I realizevd the wonders of EVOO when I would use it to oil my sister’s dreads. My hands would look so gorgeous afterwards, so much better than any lotion could ever possibly achieve.
@ N.I.A
“And I realizevd the wonders of EVOO ”
In my opinion NOTHING beats it..
@The Champ,
“i know its not the most pc thing in the world to say, but that (the promiscuity) doesnt seem to affect men’s looks in the same way.”
i disagree..now that you’ve just given a grade A stamp of approval for male hoeishness LOL…but i just did a visual survey of 10 dudes on my facebook that i went to gradeschool with or knew in my teens…
75% of them look significantly older. one had freak as apart of his nickname..he also looks 40 to me too.
so that blows your theory out the water..im glad i could be of assistance.
@Princess Duvet,
blow deez
@The Champ,
“blow deez”
no thanks it might prematurely age me.
@The Champ,
“i know its not the most pc thing in the world to say, but that (the promiscuity) doesnt seem to affect men’s looks in the same way.”
That’s cuz being a male whore isn’t as stressful as being a female whore.
@The Champ
“you know, i’ve noticed that the woman i knew who were more promiscuous as a youngster are usually the ones who look “older” ”
I slightly agree with this. But even in high school, the fast chicks always looked older IMO. And the ones that had babies in high school or right after high school DEF. look older.
@luvtheshoes,
BWHAHAHAHA.
I love that you answered the questions!
On another note, I am interested to know the type of dance your mom teaches. Does she drop it like it’s hot?
@V Renee,
Spitting out drink…the visual of my mom dropping it like its hot just about caused a coronary.
She teaches tap and some jazz 3 times a week. (Not bad for a 60 year old woman!) It may not be the funkiest stuff but she can still find the beat. Heel, ball change, heel, ball change…
@luvtheshoes,
Heel, ball change, heel, ball change…
This made me laugh for some reason…
I think we need to have a post on things Black folk are too darn sensitive about and have our 2520 VSB brethern drop their two cents.
@Suga&Spice,
I think we need to have a post on things Black folk are too darn sensitive about and have our 2520 VSB brethern drop their two cents.
**filed under “potential vsb topics i wish i would have thought of first”**
Not a question. But yesterday after d/cing an IV and placing a bandage on a 2520 patient this convo followed:
Pt: “My wife is a nurse & they have blue bandages”
Me:”Yes, we don’t have the colored bandages b/c we’re on a budget, ha ha.”
Pt: “But we have a colored president, surely ya’ll can get colored bandages.”
Me: Blank stare
OH
EMMM
GEEE
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
That’s when you whip out the large grade catheter.
“I just need a quick sample. You might feel a bit of pressure.”
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
wow… that patient must’ve just watched gran torino and felt brolic. lol
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
Oh.My.God.
Whatnahell?
That kinda just made my jaws tense up…
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
I’m sorry, despite it’s excessive a**holery this made me laugh out loud.
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
oh.no.
wtf??
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
my chin literally hit my desk.
What. the. F*CK!!!???
I also work in a black owned predominately black office. We were having an office grand opening and we only had 3 2520′s and they didn’t want to go to the party because they didn’t know what to say, how to act, and weren’t sure what those people do at parties all told to me directly. And yes I’m one of “those” people.
I have also had 2520′s ask where are the 2520′s.
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
I have also had 2520’s ask where are the 2520’s
This is hilarious… and sad.
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
At my old job whenever there was a work function, the darkies would sit with each other (just like the yt’s would mind you), but we would get this question at least 23 times: Why are you guys sitting there by yourselves? Why don’t you mingle? So the fact that I was mingling with my own kind doesn’t count (which they were also doing btw)???
I dont know how I forgot this one, but
“Have you ever seen anyone get shot?”
Hands down the most ignant ? I’ve ver been asked. I was stunned to silence.
@Dom,
well?
Great post, Champ!
Makes me want to walk up to a random 2520 and ask, “Can you tell me where I can find the best green bean casserole?”*
*Naw, I don’t actually eat that ish. You crazy? It’s all jokes.
@Cheekie,
green bean casserole
I choked! I swear! And ain’t that some of the most unappealing looking food ever?
@pgh muse,
I will have you know that the very first time I had green bean casserole, a nice black woman I used to work with brought it to our holiday potluck and it was GOOD! She gave me the recipe and I fix it @ Thanksgiving every year. It’s good, but some of my more provincially-minded relatives won’t eat it. Hmph…more for me.
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
I make GB casserole every Thanksgiving, too!! It’s good stuff. Don’t knock it ’til you try it….
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
U too? Dang… i’ve never had it.
@pgh muse,
I like it too.
It’s not my favorite, but them onions go hard.
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….
I’ve made green bean casserole too. It was for a potluck at work. It’s actually not bad at all.
I still question myself as to why I made it. I had never had it before…….I guess the recipe on the back of the cream of mushroom can looked easy.
I still think I should have made fried chicken though.
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
Ya know, I never tried the Black folks version of casserole and you know we can make everything better. Even…casserole, I guess.
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
LOL! ok ok ok! … I believe you, PBG. I’m saying, i have NEVER had it, or seen it served on a table with black people, and it just doesn’t look good in those commercials. But if u say it’s good (your’s and the other nice black lady’s) I believe u.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a 2520 ask me a strange question before.
I do remember this one time when I used to work at the Zoo and a 2520 said to me, “Please don’t be offended by my kids if they stare at you, they’ve never seen black people before”
@eff yo couch,
I almost wet my pants! I live in the south where people still have gun racks in their trucks with confederate flags so yeah, I’ve had similar experiences.
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
It ain’t no different up south….
hell..these young punks still yell “ni99er” when I get out the car….
@KingPine,
Ditto, I went into a Taco Hell and a three year old 2520 started a chant, n*gger, n*gger. I had to walk out I couldn’t take’em all.
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
Wow. You can borrow my 4 year old so that he can scrape that little pink toe.
WOW, oddly enough this happen to me back in high school! At a Taco Bell! By a little kid!!!!
Is there a racist toddler who loves Taco Bell touring america spewing his hateful glee among unsuspecting black customers? Sounds like a NBC Dateline story.
@eff yo couch,
My sister used to tutor stupid 2520 kids in Marin county in Cali. For those of you who aren’t familiar, it’s a pretty affluent area right across from SF. (Sean Penn lives there). Anywho, she was tutoring a kid one day and one of the kids actually said :
“What’s wrong with your skin”
…..seriously, have you never been outside, watched television or, i don’t know, opened your eyes before to not know that people have different skin tones? Unbelievable.
@Captain Morgan,
Coming from a kid, I usually think it’s innocent. It’s really the parents’ fault.
I like questions from the kiddies. But don’t be an adult, because then I won’t be held responsible for my re-actions.
@Captain Morgan,
I remember I was in 6th grade in the city of Pittsburgh with a kid who had never been in school with Black people before… he lived in Lincoln Place.. for those who may wonder. But i found that to be so strange.
@eff yo couch,
I do remember this one time when I used to work at the Zoo and a 2520 said to me, “Please don’t be offended by my kids if they stare at you, they’ve never seen black people before”
lol, so basically you were one of the zoo’s exhibits too
@eff yo couch,
you should have let the tigers out of their fake habitat to “meet” these people….
ridiculous!
More of a comment. While reading this blog. The HR lady walks by office and says hi Rodney. MY NAME AIN’T NO D@MN RODNEY! She was like I’m sorry. You look like this guy I use to work with named Rodney. You have know me for 6 months get it right.
We don’t all look alike!!!
Then I go to work one day. I usually hold the door for someone if they work there instead of them having to scan their badge. I know I have held the door for this guy twice a week for the duration of my time there. Well one day I was behind him. Thinking finally I can be on the recieving in of the generosity. This MF had gall to ask me. Do you work here? Can I see your badge??? WTF???
Needless to say from then on I would wait until he got to the door and then I closed it on him. I know it was childish but it made me feel better.
@Wood,
From Kunta Kinte to Toby…
From Wood to Rodney
Some things never change. lol
@Wood,
More of a comment. While reading this blog. The HR lady walks by office and says hi Rodney. MY NAME AIN’T NO D@MN RODNEY! She was like I’m sorry. You look like this guy I use to work with named Rodney. You have know me for 6 months get it right.
in college, we had a couple older retirees who’d do laundry and mix the gatorade and sh*t for the team. they were really cool older guys, but they’d each occasionally provide “wtf just happened” moments.
case in point: after practice one day, one of them asked one of my teammates “so, wendell junior, how are classes going for you right now?”
my teammate’s name was andre.
lmao @ dude asking if you worked there!!! i’ve had similar encounters in my apt bldg– asking “do you live here?” like they can actually prevent me from walking thru the front door after them lol. it’s always the same few ladies who i have this issue with. i’m one of 2 black ppl in the whole bldg, how can you not recognize this gorgeous face with the sharp eyebrows?!?! but some of the ladies are old so i just chalk it up to old age, dementia, or psychosis.
@Wood,
OMG… GOOD LAWD!! We need the prayer corner to COMMENCE up in here:
BBJ be a hedge and a shield over Wood our dear friend so that he doesn’t slap the white off a 313 @ work and lose his job and take us all a few steps back… Lawd give him skrength..** negro spiritual hum** mmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmm
**waving both hand in air fervently**
I was reading EURWeb and someone was called BUCKWheat (now that’s very offensive…I didn’t think folks still used the word)…check out the link: http://www.eurweb.com/story/eur50745.cfm
@Shelia (on the Invisible Love Tour),
did she look like buckwheat?
Scene: Breakroom.
Me: Minding own business, preparing my green tea.
Him: So what is that, Kool-aid?
Me: (Looks pointedly at transparent bottle) It’s green tea.
*dagger eyes*
Some idiot at the same place of employment decided to place “Let’s Celebrate Diversity!” rainbow posters on the doors of only 13 or so SELECT employees.
Speaking of Kool-aid…they’re going a bit too far to appeal to the african-american market. I saw a Kool-Aid commercial of the Kool-Aid man (with a doo-rag on) playing ball with a group of brothas!! I was like WTF??? I thought it was a skit on Chocolate News or something…sadly it wasn’t. Next this you know the Kool-Aid man will be singing in a gospel choir on a Sunday morning…d@mn.
wowwwww @ that commerical. doing too much. dos muchos.
but kool-aid is whack anyway. all the black community needs is somethin else to contribute to our already disproportionate numbers of diabetics.
lol @ excessively earnest white woman was dressed as if she was out hunting dinosaurs
lmao @ the velociraptor gatherer
wheezing @ she asks with enough sincerity to drown a mule
dead @ out so that we can all happily join the mulatto making orgy
by far your wittiest post this week, good job!!
@Gem-nastics,
by far your wittiest post this week,
thanks and sh*t, gemmie. also thanks for providing the most subtlety back-handed compliment of the week
de nada.
I laughed so hard today. Y’all are too funny.
Anyways, here’s my story.
The scene : hotel room in South Padre Island for spring break. Trip organized by the International Student office (so you know the browns, yellows, blacks, reds were in full force)
The protagonist: The very dimwitted but thinks she’s so cool Russian International Student advisor. Only she was like a peer because only 4 years older, and acted like a college student too.
The question: Upon much drinking, dimwit lady finally has the audacity to utter a question that she must have been dying to ask for ages: How come the inside of my hand isn’t as dark as the outside? *looks at her own hand for evidence and shows it to me*, you know like mine is white both ways, how come yours is not black inside?
Me thinking: What in the hell did I agree to be on this trip in the first place? Now, I’m gonna go to jail.
What I did is just took a swig of my amaretto sour (or whatever the hell I was drinking), looked at her like she was retarded (which she was, later acts proved this theory) and proceeded to walk the hell away.
I think it’s that night I decided to try bungee jumping. So in retrospect, I have her to thank for one of the most incredible experiences of my life.
@Specialized Sula,
you should send her a postcard
Client: Didn’t I meet you last time I was here?
Me: ummm….nope. I”ve been here 6 mos. We’ve spoken on the phone. I handle your account.
Client: I’m pretty sure I met you.
Truth: He met the receptionist- 5 inches shorter. 3 shades lighter. 10lbs thicker. I’m 5’7 , all legs and the color of a snicker.
My thought bubble: I guess we all look alike…
@Hurricane,
That was so funny.
Sometimes, I just can’t.
@Hurricane,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
hmm… both true stories
the first happened to my sister, who lives upstate in a predominately 2520 town:
her patient: that’s a gorgeous tan!
my sister: **perflexed** what?!?
her patient: really it is. who glows like that in the wintertime? what salon do you go to? do tell!
my sister: are you serious? you can’t be serious….
**and then my sis left her there to die in her hospital bed…** j/k
2nd story happened to my pops @ my uncle’s bar mitzvah(my uncle from my mom’s side) in the 70′s (i know this bc my pops tells me this story over and over)…
my jewish great aunt: you have lovely hair, you really do…
my dad (who was rocking his beautiful fro and out of hospitality, attempted to pin a yarmulke in his hair): ummm… thank you.
my jewish great aunt: how’d ya get the yarmulke to stay in there?
my dad (annoyed but being polite): it really wasn’t that hard
my jewish great aunt: so, when are ya gonna convert? (my dad impersonating her says “convoit”)
my dad… walks away. what a gentleman.
there you have it…2 questions to never ask a black person.
@laylah,
thanks and sh*t (i think)
Last one: in college (predominately white, private Bapstist univeristy in Texas) having interesting discussion in journalism lab. Girl turns to me and asks somewhat related question but not really..still earnest as ever…”Is yours pink?” Dude. I just answered her.
@Hurricane,
not only is this a racial issue… this is a “you need to mind your own motherphlucking business issue”… are you serious? i hope someone would know not to ask me that. wow.
@Hurricane,
Only in Texas. *smh*
Now that I think about it, maybe that was going to be Russian Chick next question. Humm.
Thank God for bungee jumping because the alcohol might have taken over.
@Specialized Sula,
I’ve actually encountered more damn dumb heffeirs since moving to Cali than my five years in Texas. Then again, I am living in what is arguably the whitest county in the country (I could be wrong),add to that the fact that most communities (Asian, South/Central American, to some extent Afr. Am) usually live in defacto segregated areas….yish, the dumb a** questions just keep flowing.
@Hurricane,
Home of the old Green and Gold? Oh, hon. I went there and worked there. I have SO many similar anecdotes. Email me! We’ll start a support group.
hmm… stupid (at least to me) questions or statements I don’t like:
1. You’re Caribbean? What part of Jamaica are you from? or You don’t sound Jamaican.
2. How come you speak so properly? or You don’t sound black.
3. Are you part Asian?/How come your eyes are like that?
4. Can I touch your hair?
5. Why do you always have lotion with you?
6. Have you ever been to Africa?
7. Do you have any hot sauce?
Oh yeah,
Today is my 15th Anniversary of Motherhood.
And for all the curious, ignorant 2520s and snooty-azz black folks…yep, I’m single and my black daughter has never been pregnant, arrested, failed a class and she doesn’t hang in the streets @ night, listen to Soulja Boy or act a complete fool on public transportation. Her hair is called “locs” and she “talks proper” because in our family, there is no other option @ 15 yrs old (but due to private schools, she code switches w/the best of ‘em).
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
Please wish my blog fan a HAPPY SNAPPY 15th Birfay!!!
Tell her I’mma shout her out!
and congratualtions to you Mom on 15 years of excellent work!
@blackberry molasses,
Thanks BBMo. Seriously…it hasn’t been easy. I feel like I should be lighting something up right now. But I do have some glitter @ the ready to toss up @ 4:54pm, the actual moment of her debut into the world.
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
Yay for glitter!!!! *times shooting gold stars for 4:54 arrival into PBG’s glitter*
@SouthernGirl,
**Adding Special Edition “Tina” Birthday/ PBG Awesome Mom Diva Dust ™**
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
Congrats…single parent kids don’t always end up jacked…my lemonade tastes pretty dayum good come to think of it.
btw..ur doing a great job.
@PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES!!!
Congratulations PBG! and Happy Bday, Tina! I’m tryna get where you are, sis. 15 years. I can’t wait till my sons are that age; awkward, almost men and all not really wanting to be bothered with me except for sometimes. I love it. Good Job! You deserve it and I know it’s not easy. BELIEVE ME! But I hope that you are patting yourself on the back today, and when you look at her, i’m sure you tell yourself, well done. God don’t make no mistakes.
Well, the first one is actually a comment plenty of white women come and say to me while I’m on the job:
“I love your skin tone.”
Then they usually proceed to ask me what the best bronzer is to procure my shade of caramel. WTF?
Can’t think of anything else.
Can you tell me where to find the Koon’s Cheese? (I saw an older white lady ask a black man this in the supermarket. She looked totally flabbergasted when he got pissed and walked off.)