You may not know this, but your friendly neighborhood Panama Jackson is something like a damn G.
That’s “G” as in gangsta. I walk with a lean. I lean with a swagger. I turn my swag on every morning when I wake up after looking in the mirror and saying to myself, “what’s up”.
Today, as I ventured to get some vittles for the lunchtime hour, I made my way to Quiznos. Upon entrance, the first thing I noticed is that standing in line right in front of me is a Crip. How do I know this? Well, he was dressed in blue and gray, with blue shoelaces, and a Blue bandana, creased perfectly, hanging from his back left pocket.
Even the most out-of-the-loop person knows that “only on the left side, yeah that’s the Crip side.” Of course dude stuck out to me. I’m a young, Black male from the South who’s had experience with the criminal artistry. He also wore a chain with a fingers twisted up into a “W” for Westside. So he must be from Cali so he’s a real Crip. Interesting; must be out here visiting family.
Yo no se.
But what he did next was even MORE interesting. You see, this fellow, this Cali Crip paid for his food with a debit card.
Say heffa say what?!?!
Gangstas have bank accounts?!?!?!?! What part of the game is that? Street level gangstas make violent withdrawals not deposits.
I was befuddled.
But it got me to thinking. Now, clearly there are going to be some gangstas with bank accounts. Some of these cats have real jobs and nowadays just about everybody makes you do direct deposit. But there really are some things that no gangsta is doing.
So who else but a damn G like me should give you the list. Get like me.
Panama Jackson makes the trap say “ay”.
Ahem.
1. Reading
I’m not even sure this needs an explanation, but if you are reading (or even reading this right now you’re not a gangsta. Reading takes away from real gangsta activity, like murder. Gangstas don’t read about murder, they’re out doing it and honing their craft. And yes, comic books, Kool-Aid packs, street signs, contracts, newspapers, and the Qu’ran count.
2. Carrying and/or Using An Umbrella in the Rain
Gangstas don’t give a sh*t about rain. True nobody wants to get soaked but you can’t pull a .45 out, run, and then buck if you got an umbrella in one hand. Gangsta’s just rock hooded rain jackets (only black, blue, or red [for the Bloods only as there is really no good reason to wear red]. How am I supposed to take your robbery attempt serious if you are really concerned about not getting wet while asking me for my wallet?? Please, for drama’s sake, leave the umbrella at home.
And for goodness sake, do not have one with designs, or funny little cartoons. Not only are you not gangsta then, you’re a borderline metrosexual and probably shop at Express for Men, or dress like Ne-Yo.
3. Licking an Ice Cream Cone
This might be one of the least gangsta and most gayest things a grown ass man can do in public. If I see you eating and licking an ice cream cone like you want to work your local corner and simultaneously showing me why your girl is always so happy AND THEN you try to rob me, I just might be offended because that means you think I’m more p*ssy than you are. I might have to attempt to kill you on that premise alone.
Also, gangstas don’t use words like premise.
4. Dancing
Section 187-254-211 of Code 401 of the Gangsta Fo’ Lyfe Handbook explicity states that “Gangsters don’t dance, they boogie.”
(Not that you’d know that because gangstas don’t read remember?? This means that if you are reading this you can feel free to dance. )
5. Whistling
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Whistling is the most confusing thing to understand ever. If you are a true gangsta, you aint whistling cuz that’s what happy white people do. And old white woman will think you ain’t a killer if you whistle and they’ll speak to you then you’ll have to kill her to re-establish your gangstanificence. And you just don’t need that kind of heat on you right now gangsta.
And don’t even THINK about saying hello to her back. Only ice grills, killa, only ice grills.
Well that’s my short list of ungangsterisms. What else ain’t you doing if you’re a gangsta!?!?!
Inquiring minds would like to know.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
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{ 348 comments… read them below or add one }
lmaoooooooooo!!!!!!
I was about to say “riding a bike” but then I SWEAR I heard Debo coming.
Real gangsta’s don’t twirl their pens when their bored, that’s one! Can you imagine a real thug just twirling a pen, in between doodling?
I need to sleep.
Catch ya on the flip side.
@shri fry rye,
lmao! not deebo!
but nah, i cant imagine that…no pen twirling, no hair twirling either. if a gangsta is twirling the end of his cornrows around his index finger as he stares off into space, they deserve to be smacked in the face by a little blond haired blue eyed 4 year old.
@shri fry rye,
“I was about to say “riding a bike” but then I SWEAR I heard Debo coming. ”
AHAHAHA!
You know what makes Deebo so gangsta, though? Randomly showing up in The Dark Knight. Now I KNOW and ain’t the only one that was like, “Deebo!” when he first appeared in that blow-up-the-other-people’s-boat scene.
@Cheekie,
Now I KNOW and ain’t the only one that was like, “Deebo!” when he first appeared in that blow-up-the-other-people’s-boat scene
you were.
@The Champ,
Nah, I have living proof I wasn’t. That was cute, though.
Where is my comment?
Eat sushi
Apply for credit cards
Use chopsticks
Eat salad
Use condoms
Have any bills in their name
Grocery shop
Change tires
Iron
Sweep
Use TiVo
Shop online
Sip through a straw
@Hostess,
gangstas don’t do yoga
@eff yo couch,
not only do they not do pilates, gangstas dont even say the word. it just sounds soft.
actually, im pretty sure gangstas dont do aerobics in general…other than the occasional run from the cops. no step class or cardio kickboxing for them
actually, im pretty sure gangstas dont do aerobics in general…other than the occasional run from the cops. no step class or cardio kickboxing for them
@shatani,
Along with running from the cops, weight lifting is also a prerequisite for being a gangsta. But that’s where it stops as far as exercising.
@eff yo couch,
do gangstas stretch before they lift? if not, i can imagine that gangstas have alot of muscle strains
@eff yo couch, gangstas do play basketball and football, though – so… cardio. gotta do that for the 6- and 8-pack action my thugs “got goin on over there”
sorry – palin was in the news today.
@Hostess,
Gangstas dont use condoms? Damn, I ain’t kno burning crotches and AIDS were synonymous with THUG.LIFE.
@Luvvie,
Yeah. Gangstas be RAW like that.
@Luvvie, Why you think they have so many babies and baby mommas? You can’t get them without being willing to go condomless. Plus, thugs still think HIV is for ghey white men. *sigh*
@Luvvie, STDs are scared of gangstas
@Luvvie,
hmmm…seeing as how snoop was quoted in the text for the proper positioning of one’s blue bandana, im’ma go ahead on a quote him again to say i ain’t sure about gangstas (at least not all gangstas) not using condoms.
see: snoop
song: nuthin but a g thing (radio version cause i heard it yesterday)
line: im’ma have to find a contraceptive/you never know she could be earning her man, learning her man/and at the same time burning her man/now if she burning im’ma chill for a minute/cause ain’t no loving good enough to get burnt while i’m up in it
*shrug*
i think this one is up for grabs. hmmm….or maybe this only counts for the side chick.
@Hostess,
I went out with a guy once who refused to use a straw on our date. Of course, my natural curiosity forced me to delve for more information. However, I disappointingly came up with nothing. He just told me that he didn’t use straws. I’m still in awe about this. I think I’m going to have to do research on this straw thing.
@Reci,
i dont do straws either. it has nothing to do with my gangsta though, they just make me burp
@Hostess, Cracking up!!!
@Hostess, patience.
@Liz, Gangsters don’t have patience. I’m a reformed gangster, hence the reading.
Like your Quizno’s experience, found it odd that gangstas have myspace pages. And then have the nerve to have one of them myspace page layouts reppin their gang colors and neighborhoods.
E-thuggin and throwin their “W’s” up. I guess the ‘W” stands for World Wide Web in 2009.
@eff yo couch,
LMAO!!! You stoopid!
@eff yo couch,
hahahahaha …e-thugs… LMFAO
Ni99a i will double tab you in the gut, put you in Num Lock till you can’t breath no more, get control, backspace, scroll around for a while to check that there are no eye witnesses, delete any signs of the incedence, shift your body into the nearest Lake, then esc. I’m an e-thug motherf***…wait did i spel that right, spell check…alright, now where was i…gangsta face emoticon (with an embedded Tupac Hit em song in the backround)!!!!
Sorry i might have gotten a little carried away there, I just cant stop wont stop eh eh eh take that take that
@sisanda,
but dont you remember that episode of the boondocks when remy was sending all the text messages and i quote “b*tches loooove the smiley face”
@tnt,
it was Ed Wuncler the III…. sorry. I stan for The Boondocks
@blackberry molasses,
Cosign!
@blackberry molasses,
Gangstas also dont choose homies over hos, sounds like some gay ish to me lol
@PrincesMo,
Gangsta’s can choose homies over hoes. They just have to drop a “pause” or a “no homo” after making said decision.
@eff yo couch,
hmmmmm So that would make gangstas computer literate. He must have missed out on some drive bys to get his g.e.d. or something.
@eff yo couch,
gangstas can’t type…let alone create a myspace page…their lil cousin or lil sister did that.
a gangsta who has a myspace page is just like Ed and Remy on Boondocks…..not very gangsta at all.
@eff yo couch,
Hey did you ever see that news story when cops were picking off kids cuz of they myspace page. mh mh mh
@WuDaMan,
el oh el. I was just about to remark I dunno what makes someone a “gangsta” but my friend’s husband is a narc and MySpace aided him GREATLY in his investigation. Poor babies.
@eff yo couch, Funny thing is that now the police can just go to your page & get all the information they need.
why am i never allowed to edit??
@shri fry rye, maybe ur too slow on the draw.
@shri fry rye, cuz gangstas dont edit
@P dot E dot YSO, i like your answer better.
*side eye to Liz.
@shri fry rye, LOL. wha? im just trynna help YOU out lol.
i was wandering through the WholeFoods and saw this guy with his pants saggin and walkin with a panama-esque lean and thats when i realized…
gangstas aint shoppin at no damn wholefoods! and i bet not see em at no trader damn joe’s neither!
gangstas aint scared of a few transfats, they not gon’ run from some high fructose corn syrup. thats straight pansy sh*t, yo! ganstas dont have sundried tomato hummus on pita bread for lunch and they sho nuff aint eatin no kashi cereal…not. gangsta.
@shatani,
Lol i was gonna say that too
@shatani,
Gangstas shouldnt be at Wholefoods caring bout living healthy and organic and ish. Thats just not thug AT ALL!
Picture it, Crenshaw 2009…
*After a successful driveby*
Gangsta 1: Yo, lets go get some Mickey D’s right quick. Killing makes me hungry
Gangsta 2: You know I’m on my master cleanse and organic food diet. I can’t.
Huh??
@Luvvie,
ok sophia. im’ma really need you to stop setting up the scene like that. lol.
@SouthernGirl,
Dont sit there and act like my scenes arent vivid, when they CLEARLY are.
Gangstas dont watch the news, shop anywhere for food anywhere besides the bodega/corner store/crown fried chicken, do laundry, smoke the ganga with rolling papers (dutch and phillie rolls only), twitter, go to the movies-strictly bootleg for them
@PrincesMo,
i dont twitter, but i would make an exception to follow a gansta on twitter!!!
and gangstas need not watch the news, if they truly gangstalicious, they ARE the news!
oh, and they bet not use words like gangstalicious….thugnificent is okay, though. thats just hot.
@shatani,
I think it would be super gangsta if someone updated their Twitter while doing a drive-by
@eff yo couch,
gangsters don’t use the word “super”.
suitable adverbs that could be substituted in its place include “mad” and “wild”.
@puff,
gangsters don’t use the word “super”.
not even when referring to superhead?
@eff yo couch,
lol.
@shatani,
LMAO @ gangstalicious and thugnificent (Word to Boondocks)
@PrincesMo,
if gangstas dont go to the movies, then who was that up at the riverview movie theater bussin shots at Benjamin Button?
well, i guess i answered my own question….gangstas have NOT seen Benjamin Button!
@shatani, gangstas have not seen a complete Benjamin Button. They noticed it was boring and shot the screen up
@shatani,
“gangstas have NOT seen Benjamin Button!”
LMAO! At least not all the way through.
Gangstas do not go to college. College requires reading, and as stated above, gangstas don’t read. Besides, how gangsta can you be rocking a maroon blazer and tie to Crown Forum….
@N.I.A. localtwitterontheones….,
I shonuff was thinking that. Real gangstas dont be on the College Quad w/ bookbags on talm bout “Dang dawg, I gotta go to office hours with my TA. Gotta ace that chemistry midterm.”
They just dont.
@N.I.A. localtwitterontheones….,
Oww. I heard those maroon Blazer are Gangsta though…
The waviest…lol
@N.I.A. localtwitterontheones…., when in shcool in upstate NY I went to school with a Crip-wore his blue-sold his weed and was doing term papers!!!
@N.I.A. localtwitterontheones…., to go to college you have to do well on the SAT/ACT…that ain’t gangsta!!!! LMAO a friend of mine and I made that observation while we were in college….we would see dudes trying to look gangsta sitting out on the yard….
gangstas don’t go to church unless it’s for a fellow gangstas funeral. gangstas don’t bring shyt to the cookout, but always leave with shyt. gangstas don’t iron their clothes…there is nothing gangsta about creases.
@N.I.A. happyhumpday…., i gotta argue with the creases… have you seen LA lately?
*raises right hand* i am a witness!!!
ALL (so)cali G’s have extra serious razor sharp creases in their dickies. in fact, i’ve never seen a cali thug or “ese” with wrinkled clothes period.
@Gem is DTM, I’m torn on the clothes ironing. Snoop was ironing clothes when Dre came to get him in the G Thang video. I think Snoop is an outlier. Typically, gangsters have their women to iron. I damn sure know they don’t take their clothes to the cleaners to have them pressed. Oh add going to the cleaners to the list.
as odd as it sounds, the G’s i knew back in the day (gang banging was real deep in SD and LA when i was growing up) took pride in their appearance. and i have seen many of them hit them dickies and basic tee/flannel shirt (depending on if they were “black” or “brown”) with a hot iron. it’s a weird experience actually.
@Gem is DTM,
yup. ninjas is serious behind they creased dickies where i come from. i think i mentioned this before. it is NOT a game.
@Gem is DTM,
In fact, gangstas worship the “creased up” look so much, they store their carefully ironed pants between their mattress and box spring on the bed to preserve the crease until the clothing is to be worn…
Gangsta.
Gangstas don’t go to the post office though…
@Gem is DTM, Interesting this is akin to the “NYC hustla” (mid 80′s to the late 90′s) look brothers was damn serious about their look, creased denim..yea thats some young hustla shit right there!!
@ladyb,
lmao! i have not seen LA, but i gotta co-sign on this one. it is so not gangsta to iron and much less have a crease. its not like gangstas are rockin the three piece suit…what? they creasing the jeans? SO not gangsta.
@shatani, seriously? i’m a sucka for an LA dude with creases, sagged pants, a bandanna with a crease (color non-specific), nice tupac muscles? no? :-/ i hope you live to see the splendor that is the west coast gangsta. bonus for bald heads and cornrows…
@ladyb,
Or the three quater shorts and the knee high white socks. Man!!!!! That’s some eye candy right there. I’m not even being facetitious. Add a full sleeve of tats, and I may swoon a little on the inside.
Whatevess, don’t judge.
(Aside: Ladyb, you currently in LA? I’m trying to meet some more people down here)
@ofloveandotherdemons,
aww, its too late. ive judged! lmao
*dapping ladyb & ofloveandotherdemons*
yessssssss lawd!!!!!!
(minus the full sleeve of tats lol)
@ofloveandotherdemons,
chi here…but i’m getting to LA this summer and i know where the gangstas with creases hang 
@ladyb,
vsb.com: where stupid attraction happens
@The Champ,
lol. What makes it stupid?
don’t mind me. i’m just being a curmudgeon.
@shatani,
Gangsters stay creased. Jeans, Dickies, even Tees. Courtesy of the local cleaners.
@Fivefivewithbrowneyes,
Yup. Down here, they stay serious about their creases.
@shatani,
lol!! my thoughts exactly!!!
@ladyb,
Gangsta khakis must stay creased.
@ladyb,
I’ve only been to LA once and have no interest in going back, so I can’t speak on SoCal gangstas. still, there is something not quite right about a gangsta who has the time to iron or crease ish.
@N.I.A. happyhumpday….,
Yeah the creases is where I disagree. Have u ever seen snoop w/o that crease that goes down perfect in the middle of his pant leg? The pants look like they could stand up by themselves.
@Luvvie,
snoop is an entertainer and wants to project a clean(er) image. I’m talking about those gangstas out there everyday working hard in them streets…I’ve never seen a crease on those dudes….
@N.I.A. happyhumpday!!!, perhaps Luvvie is right – i don’t really like the little street guys – they’re small potatoes, man. gimme a gangsta with some status and a crease! arm sleeve, capris with knee highs, whatevs!
@N.I.A. happyhumpday….,
objection. When I was growing up, the stay-flo had a steady flow on the jeans, khakis, tees, etc. Creases sharp enough to cut bread.
Bond. BlkBond.
gangstas don’t type- they don’t even know about spell check – f* words – they speak with signs and feet, then shoot.
gangstas don’t bake, either – they eat only microwave food and stuff someone’s mama cooked…
and REAL gangstas NEVER say, “no homo” (no homo).
@ladyb,
true dat…no homo is assumed based on level of gangsta.
gangstas might be allowed to fry up some eggs or make something simple to eat, but they most certainly will NOT be following recipes. i cant even imagine the picture in my head of a gansta with a measuring spoon adding teaspoons of vanilla and whatnot.
@shatani, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sUKmj-OJaw “shakka”
“i’ma teach you how to make a salad that’ll get them panties right off”.
“a large tomato will get 1,2,3,4,5,6,8 – sight or nine slices”
it’s a start…
@ladyb,
I’ve never seen a gangsta eat a salad…maybe I just haven’t seen enough.
The ones I’ve come into contact with (from afar,of course) tend to gravitate to word beef and starches.
but,idk
@Rita, gangstas, too, gotta lower that bad cholesterol and raise the good? idk…
@Rita,
LOL that reminds me. while studying for comps, i spent many a day in Panera. i’d see tons of thugged out lookin dudes with their hood chicks walk up in the joint and order a “pick 2″ w/ soup or a salad. most times they’d dine in. very AWKWARD to witness.
@Rita,
Gotta disagree here. There are plenty of ex and future convicts around here who won’t touch pork or red meat if any meat at all. They call themselves “five percenters”, “israelites” and “rastas”. Though half the time, those are the only edicts of their faith they actually follow. Ha!
i promise i knew this dude who was muslim and was spotted tearin up a bacon cheeseburger (or was it a ham & cheese?? i can’t remember exactly). he was a loser anyway.
Girl, they’re doing wonderful things with processed meats now. One of my muslim “uncles” had us over for a barbecue. He was serving ribs so we thought he’d reneged on the whole Islam deal til my Dad looks up mid-bite and says “Maaaan [gas face]…is this…tofurky???”
And we never ate at his house again.
Maybe it was a turkey burger.
@Me fail english?,
LOL!!! well, i’m sure this was real porky bacon on beef becuz he got that joint from Wendy’s. don’t play.
@ladyb,
– f* words – they speak with signs and feet, then shoot.
LOL!! I would give a sizable chunk of my liver to see this
@ladyb,
Real gangstas dare you to assume they are homo, then shoot you for having the unmitigated gall to do so (related: Real gangsta dont know what unmitigated or gall is).
@Luvvie, i’m honored! (blinks glitter)
LMAO – those definitions are crucial!
@Luvvie,
And if real gangstas even hear you talking about some “unmitigated gall” they’ll turn around and be all like “What you say about my mama? You feel sorry for who?!”
Also, gangstas dont’ have “mom”‘s or “mommy”‘s. Only “mama”‘s and “ma”‘s
@ladyb, “gangstas don’t type- they don’t even know about spell check – f* words – they speak with signs and feet, then shoot. ”
This just took me to C Walkin. Do foos still do this?
@Nicki Sunshine, YES! i was out here the other day watching some grown ass gangstas with creases c-walking at an “after work” event.
bless their hearts.
@ladyb, Girl, NO. Oh em gee, I need to stay my butt in Kentuckiana bc they will shoot me for sure bc I’ll be laughing at them.
@ladyb, i would’ve died laughing at this…probably cuz they would’ve shot me, but I still would have laughed….
f* words – they speak with signs and feet, then shoot.
LOL this reminds me of middle school. one of my BFFs knew sign language (she had a deaf niece) and taught me. we’d sign all the time in class since we’d get caught passing notes. one day our science teacher caught us signing and was like “gem & tina, stop throwin up gang signs. its very inappropriate and dangerous” LOL
@Gem is DTM, “one day our science teacher caught us signing and was like “gem & tina, stop throwin up gang signs. its very inappropriate and dangerous” LOL”
I am in tears!
@Gem is DTM,
Chile I’m about to get fired……..
@Gem is DTM, i’m a signer, too and i have had similar experiences… my mom and i used to sign in church (true story) me from the choir stand and her from the deaconess row (u know how the baptists get down).
good times
@ladyb, LOL!!!
at least your mom was interactive church…the deaconess at my old church would be half asleep on the 2nd pew….
@N.I.A. happyhumpday!!!,
lmao! *falls out from childhood flashbacks*
@N.I.A. happyhumpday!!!,
See this is why I’m happy to be RC. 45 minutes, in and out, jeans, flip flops, s’all good
@Me fail english?,
Girl, please! I have a Cuban priest… and that man CAN TALK! Oh my god… Mass be starting at 11:30 and ending at 1:30pm if we are lucky…
*smh at Fr. Mario*
@Ms. Sula,
See, now if you was rolling wit me you’d just dip after the sacrament. That’s how the gangstas do
@N.I.A. happyhumpday!!!,
Y’all are trying to get me fired in these TETs!!
LOL!!!! i bet yall would be gossipin thru your hands like whoa.
my ALS is quite rusty so i need a refresher course.
@ladyb,
gangstas don’t bake, either – they eat only microwave food and stuff someone’s mama cooked…
you know, i do think that most gangstas can hook up some breakfast food.
@The Champ, no doubt, Champie poo – but no quiche or biscuits from scratch- only cheese eggs and Grands.
@champ, i woke up hungry a while ago and i remembered this thug i was in “<3″ with in middle school. by the time i finished college, he was done with juvie and the marines. we reconnected and he came to my parents’ house and cooked breakfast – only he insisted in using the government cheese my grandma likes to send us (she claims she can’t eat all that cheese). hers was land-o-lakes, which, ironically, was the most expensive sliced cheese in the grocery store…
back to the story.
the (breakfast related) things that man could do with government cheese were amazing – those eggs and grits were off da chain! he cut the cheese into small ass squares so it actually melted all up in the food – yummy!
unfortunately, he went back to jail shortly thereafter.
“I’m a gangsta, and gangstas don’t ask questions” – Lil Wayne
1. Gangstas eat white bread, cornbread or biscuits. If you’re eating naan, whole wheat, multi-grain, or God forbid, rye, you are NOT gangsta.
2. Gangstas play basketball, football and maybe soccer (for the Latino gangstas.) No baseball, lacrosse, rugby, cricket, none of that.
@ Panama, “Express Men.” That is too funny.
@Ms. Hall,
do gangstas play tag? or rousing games of hide n seek? what about capture the flag?
i dont think gangstas play board games either, come to think of it. they might make use of the dice though…
@shatani,
…only dice and dominoes are allowed.
@shatani,
Well,Jenga can get deadly.
Monopoly is all about money and territory.
But I don’t know any gangstas who have the time to sit down and play with play money.
since you know, they getting money like na na na na na…..na.
@Rita,
I nearly came to blows with someone over a game of monopoly (and I’m a super pacifist). Granted I was a little drunk, but you cannot try and abscond with my rent money fool. You land on my property , you pay.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
right, so it would make sense that gangstas would avoid monopoly…i know *I* have never finished a game of monopoly. it always ends with someone getting pissed and turning over the board! gangstas would end up shootin they friends and family over a heated game of monopoly…
gangstas should stick to hungry hungry hippos and sh*t
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Lol. This reminds me of when I made my 5 year old neice cry. Tryna hot step all over my Marvin Gardens. I PLAY TO WIN!
@Rita, gangstas play monopoly…. with real money, from drugs
@P dot E dot YSO,
I laughed my ass off at Jay when he said/did this in the video. Maybe it’s true but everyone looks soft putting up little red hotels.
well papoose did say…
But if you buyin’ a house, I’ll be your land lord
I’ll finance you a car, that’s if you can’t afford
I’ll own the jails, the banks, and all the property
Here’s a million, come on big shot,
let’s play Monopoly
…but he did rap over “let me love you”….so idk.
@Rita,
Pap-”I’ma just slide you these keys on the count of ‘I do’”-oose is NOT a gangsta. Who lets a dude with the descriptor “Fat” in his name put the beats on him? Further, who names himself Papoose? Why not Crochet(pronounced kro-shet) or MC Babysh!t
@Me fail english?,
DOA @ “Why not Crochet(pronounced kro-shet)”
@Ms. Hall,
No baseball, lacrosse, rugby, cricket, none of that
I could see an Irish/British/Australian G’ indulging in the last three. Rugby is brutal man. They should use it as an indoctrination tool.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
but rugby is a game for thugs played by gentlemen, so technically the british/irish/australian gangsters would not play rugby. australian gangster may play australian football or just lasso kangaroos for exercise.
@puff,
… or just lasso kangaroos for exercise.
Oh GOD, I nearly chocked on my water at that.
@puff,
or just lasso kangaroos for exercise.
I can not breathe!
@Ms. Hall,
Word. Gangstas can’t eat bagels of muffins at all!
connnnnntrary to popular belief, G’s aren’t just MEN. so to ba-lance things out, i’ma hold down the XXs… female G’s don’t do any of the following:
wear baaaaangles
do the paw paw
sip on cocktails
ask multiple choice questions
give you runway
say “yes indeedy”
wear wedge heels
have “festive” hair
lose their headpiece
let Jesus take the wheel
run away from squirrels
hold her own ponytail
have love muffins
i think that about covers it. am i missing anything or is it a done-dadda??
@Gem is DTM, i think ive seen some gangsta chicks in so cal who wear bangles. lots of thin silver ones.
festive hair too.
u don’t know enough cholas.
know enough cholas?? nothin BUT cholas around my way– AND i used to be a wannabe chola lol. never seen them wear bangles. they did wear HUGE hoop or bamboo earrings, gold chains and sometimes nameplates. lots of rings too (better for fighting)
@Gem is DTM, “let Jesus take the wheel” – LM (heathen) AO!!!
u got me rollin!
@Gem is DTM,
gangster chicks don’t have their own eyebrows – pencil that sh*t in all the way.
@puff,
That right there is the gospel. All the eye shadows caked on are either purple, deep blue or blackish. I don’t know why, but it just is.
Gangsta chicks DON’T SMILE at strangers. EVER!!!
@ofloveandotherdemons,
they barely smile at they damn friends! lady gangstas are NEVER happy to see you.
@shatani,
they barely smile at they damn friends! lady gangstas are NEVER happy to see you.
LOLOL
@puff,
they also wear plum red lipliner and black/brown eyeliner to outline their lines..
or super-fire hydrant red.
and heavy black eyeliner, sometimes with or without egyptian ish side-wings…
and old school might still be holding on that teased/sprayed 1992 hair style….
they also wear plum red lipliner and black/brown eyeliner to outline their lines..
ummmm did you know me in middle school??? LOL i have incriminating pics that me and my crew (black and brown) were straight cholita-style with the makeup. omg the worst. just horribly tacky for NO.REASON.AT.ALL. we’d have been accused of being nastyguttabutt trollops.
@Gem is DTM,
I NEED to see these pictures!!!!!!
@puff, lmao @ penciled-in eyebrows! yessss indeedy!!
i knew girls in MS and HS who used to use markers/sharpies. geezus be a make-up artist!!
@Gem is DTM,
Or they have them tatted on…that’s why they look purple.
@puff
LMAO. But oh so true.
@puff,
Or better yet… have them tattoed in!
@Gem is DTM,
Real gangstas dont exclaim “I win my category!!!” And “you are an ex for a reason”
P.S. You DO know we don got Overit (aka shri fry rye) started down a slippery slope rite? That fool is gon come up here and wreck shop in the morning. And when her comment kills me dead, I wont need no mo’ breakfast. No mo’ nuts of grapes…
wouldn’t proclaim to “bring TEN! TEN! TEN! no 9.9s” either
@Luvvie, Real gangsta’s aint scurred of no squirrel in their car.
Real gangsta’s would only tell that squirrel to “get it” unless that statement was immediately followed by “AK-47 now squirrel stop that”.
Real gangstas don’t give red light special shows on youtube.
Real gangstas don’t watch youtube, period.
Real gangstas don’t say “babe”, just “I love my bish”
Real gangstas don’t dance on tables, while praising the lawd.
Real ganstas are hella boring!
@Gem is DTM, hi-larity!
@Gem is DTM,
Female gangsta but have roses tarted on them.
@Monk,
*tatted
@Gem is DTM, You kilt me at “festive hair.” LMAO! What is that?
its a bscottisms. “festive hair” comes from one particular video that can be seen @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFh_TkikwIQ
WARNING: excessively violent laughter, loss of O2 to the lungs, choking, crying, and screaming of “Jesus take the wheel!” may be induced by viewing b.scott vids.
@Gem is DTM,
Sh!t, y’all. I’ve seen references to B.Scott on here before but didn’t know who that was. Now I done gone and checked out the link and am thru! So fantabulous
don’t you mean “so splendiferous”??
@Gem is DTM,
exactly. and don’t forget ‘divine’
@Gem is DTM, LMAO.. That is hilarious…. I honestly can’t take too much B Scott though.. he’s a wondering mystique (he’s so pretty!). lol
@Nicki Sunshine,
speaking of gangsta chicks and hair– i don’t think i’ve ever seen 1 with a weave/wigs. braids and micros, yes. tracks or lace fronts, never. if they’re black, it’s always that little behind “project” ponytail that caused chinky eyes cuz the hair is pulled back so tight. if they’re brown (cholas), they got the long, crimped and sprayed to high heavens hair and bangs.
granted these are all descriptions i’m recollecting from around the 1990s.
@Gem is DTM,
Ummmm… they still apply. At least in Philly. Though those teeny pony tails are wrapped up in a pony tail weave that OBVIOUSLY ain’t her hair because the textures and colors don’t match. Complete with WEAVE BANGS!
But don’t hate on the braids… I love being low maintenance. But… i will say their braids be looking Ra-GED-YYY. Like they’ve never heard of washing, conditioning or wearing a silk scarf to bed. Just turrible.
@Gem is DTM,
gangsta chics do not….
use Proactive…acne and bad skin is gangsta as he!!
get manicures/pedicures
watch ANTM or Project Runway
take care of their own kids
Gangstas don’t go to the library. better yet gangsta don’t go to the Free Public Library proceed to sign up for a computer, then sit and wait until one is available ,while perusing the pop.fiction section with your sagging pants and bandannas. (FPL Gangstas of Philly, please take note.)
a real gangsta would steal that ish n run
a real gangsta would not be in the library in the first place.
and real gangstas don’t buy smoothies. this is never okay. dude was tatted up face tats and all talknbout :
“Can I get a mango suprise with banana?”
tha kcuf!
@Rita, LOL
@Rita,
Gangstas don’t go to the library. better yet gangsta don’t go to the Free Public Library proceed to sign up for a computer, then sit and wait until one is available ,while perusing the pop.fiction section with your sagging pants and bandannas. (FPL Gangstas of Philly, please take note.)
Mmmm, mmm, chile, I don’t know. Every time I tripsy on down to my public lib. there be some tatted up, knee high sock wearing, color coordinated fools up in there. Not every Gangsta can roll with a home PC or Mac. Word.
The tatted up Cholos down my ways are kinda hot (the short little bicycles they all seem to ride adds to the mystique). I’m just saying.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
mmm…Cholos on short bikes…(eats more chocolate)
@ladyb,
Mmmmm, mmmmm indeed!!!
@ofloveandotherdemons,
word.
but could they at least pull up their pants while they wait to update their myspace.
i’m just sayin…..
my friend almost ran over a dude on a short bike cause he wanted to do some tricks in traffic.fool no
I t was like an episode of “When trying to impress the crew goes wrong……”
@Rita,
Dude, short bicycles=right of way. I hate driving in LA/OC area coz of this madness and all the hooligan skater boys. Fools be boarding across traffic like their invincible. Stop it with that nonesense
@ofloveandotherdemons,
“Not every gangsta can roll with a home PC or Mac. Word”
Dies laughing…
@ofloveandotherdemons,
i feel like you and ladyb have some unhealthy attractions!!! a man on a tiny bike is not fly. i promise you! lmao…
will a gangsta steal yo laptop and then go sit in Panera Bread to use the free wireless hookup?
@Rita,
LMAO!!
@Rita,
Not the mango surprise with banana! rotflmao!
Gangsta’s don’t feng shui their living quaters
@ofloveandotherdemons,
true true…gangstas aint tryin to harness the power of that good chi and sh*t. and a real gansta fo sho better not know how to correctly pronounce feng shui!
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Gangsta’s don’t feng shui their living quaters
what exactly does feng shui mean?
@The Champ,
You arrange you furniture based on your energy flow, so you bring in all the positive stuff, ie money, love, health, peace, and make sure all the negative energy can flow out.
In a nutshell.
LOL @ “gangsta w/ a debit card” — hey, it coulda been a prepaid joint he stole from some mark a** busta a** trick….
Wait, gangstas don’t do Quiznos.
@Srgt. Waters,
Gangstas definitely don’t do Quiznos…nor Subway or Blimpies. They’ll never be that paricilar about what type of bread, cheese, or veggies went on their sandwich.
@Monk, yeah, having to choose between italian herb and cheese, honey oat, or wheat would make a gangsta wanna start shootin!
put that sammich on some wonder bread son!!
Gangstas don’t RSVP. I’ll be where I’m at. I might “come thoo,” but I ain’t gon’ promise a d*mn thang.
@Resident GRitS,
iCackled at “come thoo”. I really did.
@Luvvie,
i had a mean guffaw at “come thoo” myself! im gonna try and incorporate that into my conversation at least five times today at work. wish me luck!
@shatani,
Luck!
@Luvvie,
*looks around nervously*
I think me, my boyfriend and like half my family have trouble pronouncing words like “through”, “throw” and “bathroom”. Surprisingly, I can say “three” with the best of ‘em…cuz I’m a m-effin G!
gangstas cant call the police
@Love me some Labels,
welcome and sh*t
@Love me some Labels,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
hmmm…
i guess gangstas don’t do gold stars. lol.
gangsters don’t die (i’m living proof)
@puff,
“gangsters don’t die”
Proof is in 50 Cent’s Polka dotted grill and teef space. ALL shot up but he still “breaving” (unlike the dude that got hit like he got hit).
@puff,
They don’t die, they multiply. Colors.
@Monk,
Yo I was listening to this the other day. It was the screwed version.
@puff,
I’ll take what is Nas’ “Get Down” for $200 Alex.
@Srgt. Waters,
Damn, that was a Nas reference. I was gonna say they “…get chubby and move to Miami”
@Me fail english?,
do they also moonlight as prison security guards on weekends?
@puff,
LMBAO!! How you think he met Noriega?
@Srgt. Waters,
I’ll take what is Nas’ “Get Down” for $200 Alex.
this is one of the best opening album tracks in hiphop history
Gangsters:
-don’t have iPods-unless they steal them. But even then, they don’t download music
-don’t pay car insurance
-don’t have health insurance nor do they get check-ups (medical or dental)
-don’t get the bullets removed
-don’t smile
-don’t buy scented candles
-don’t take baths–showers only
-don’t sign in at the security desk at the lobby of the building where their lawyers/bail bonds-men’s office is located.
-don’t pay parking tickets until AFTER the bench warrant is issued.
-don’t care about the TET.
-don’t file taxes.
Hey, I got a million of these. I’m from the D!
@Hostess,
don’t buy scented candles
I died at this.
Maybe they don’t get the bullets removed, or their teeth done up coz they ain’t got no health insurance.
Now Insurance companies are straight up gangster, through and through
@ofloveandotherdemons, Eh. You can get a dentist to work on you for cash. I know a gangster who got veneers and paid cash and went in regular business hours. Wait. Is he gangster if he cared to have straight teeth and a winning smile? I’m torn on this one too.
One thing is for sure. Gangsters don’t get braces…As adults.
@Hostess,
Gangstas don’t go to the dentist, they hit up the grill man in the mall.
@Hostess,
On a slightly related note (maybe this is just in NY and the feds) but did yall know alot of dental work is free in jail? Da ufck!
@Me fail english?, Yeah and health care. Ain’t that about a b*tch. Commit a crime, get your root canal and your blood pressure meds.
@Hostess,
Word. No wonder homeless people rather get locked up than go to a shelter. Just as dangerous, but twice the benefits! Beats flippin burgers… (except for the shower rape I guess)
@Hostess, um….according to this, i’m pretty much a gangsta.
@charli skipper, oh wait. i smile and take showers. and we’re back. lol
gangstas dont clean or check their guns. many a young G has come up short off a rusty burner or a bad jam at the wrong time.
“gave another squeeze, heard it click, yo my sh*t is stuck, tried to cock it, it wouldn’t shoot now im in danger, finally pulled it back and saw three bullets caught up in the chamber”
(PS…if you dont know what song this quote is from, or who said it….feel free to kill yourself…)
@ESQuared,
hmmm…the suicide invitation makes me believe its some jim jones type ish!
@shatani, ooooh…..shame on you…we all know he couldn’t flow like that. Let alone string together a sentence without the “word” “naawmeeeen”.
Since however you gave me a chance to riff on Jim Jones and made me laugh…no death for you…just banishment to a corner.
@ESQuared,
Shatani dont need 2 be banished to the VSB Corner. She’s a resident. She even got a key card.
wayta incorporate NaS’ “NY State of Mind” buddy
@ESQuared,
…then I heard you rapping bout your tech on the dresser
@ESQuared,
“new york state of mind” (although at first look, i was about to say “i gave you power”)
gangstas don’t use lamps. perhaps if it’s the only light in the room, but i dare a gangsta to be trying to use soft light so he can read or set some ambiance. damn that.
gangstas don’t fly kites.
gangstas do not watch reruns of apollo.
@charli skipper,
Re: flying kites…
those are what they call letters in jail, so, sorta lol
@maximillian
Hahaha. Oh yeah they “fly kites”
-wear scarfs (instead they rock a scully, of full facial-stick’em up winter scully)
-have braces
-don’t use coupons or store “saving cards” you know the kind that get scanned at CVS, Safeway, Jewel, Dominicks etc.
-leave vocie messages
-don’t practice Monogyny
- write checks
that’s all i got.
@maria,
wisdom. gangstas sho nuff dont leave no voicemail and they dont check no voicemail neither! they dont have time to type in passwords and press the # key!
gangstas dont have store cards cuz gangstas dont need discounts. all they buy is guns, everything else they gank!
@shatani,
I’m just happy you used the word “gank” which I know I haven’t heard since at least 1998.
You made my day.
Good job!
*chuckles*
Contrary to popular belief, gangstas do read…
in prison.
Which is about the only place where its ok for a G to do so…
@maximillian,
unless they’re monster cody, who’d write books inbetween drive-bys
@The Champ,
I forgot all about that kat. I read one of his books back in HS…lol
I’ve been asking this (sorta related) question for the past few years. When did these thug ass rappers start matching hats and shoes, wearing scarves, rockgin pastel colors, grandma cluster earrings, and singing on tracks? These dudes so matchy matchy they look like Garanimal outfits, but they talkin about bustin a cap. I just don’t get it.
From G’s to Gees.
@Saule Wright,
its jim jones fault. i blame everything on jim jones
Real Gangstas don’t drop guns… cz Riley says that aint gangsta
@xxee,
welcome and sh*t
@xxee,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
@ Panama
Vittles is spelled vistuals. I was gonna comment on G thangs during daylight hours, but this has been buggin me all night.
I’ll be back in the morning!!
@CalibyWayof LA, actually it’s spelled victuals.
@CalibyWayof LA,
welcome and sh*t
@CalibyWayof LA,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
I went to an HBCU* for undergrad and there were some guys there that thought they were gangsta. I had to tell someone that if your worried about the next pop quiz you are not a gangsta. Even more so, having thoughts or applying to get into college eliminates you right then and there. Gangstas do not improve themselves through academic means. So put it out of your mind and let me get those notes for next weeks test.
*Historically Black College or University (You would be surprised how many black people don’t know what that stands for)
@Double J,
LOL! yeah, higher learning is not gangsta. there’s nothing gangsta about having roommates and sharing a bathroom. the only time gangstas share a bathroom is in jail
@Double J,
I dunno what it is about the first year of undergrad that makes so many young men become “tough guys”. This thing is not limited to HBCU’s.
@Me fail english?,
I would go so far as to say that the young girls who want that rough neck n!&&a and the young impressionable boys are what make psuedo thugs. Its no need for that though we,African American males(males period thats what last years census said) , are outnumbered. If she doesn’t like your sensitive side try another lol. No need to become someone your not.
@Double J,
*pseudo
@Double J,
Historically Black College or University (You would be surprised how many black people don’t know what that stands for)
word? thanks. i always thought it stood for hoes, bros, and crows united. the crow thing always confused me. now i see why.
@The Champ, please have a seat.
Gangster’s don’t wear “dress” shoes.
@Fivefivewithbrowneyes,
Do gators count?
@Fivefivewithbrowneyes,
gangsters don’t dress up…period.
@This Just In…that girl is fancy…aye!!!,
Girl you must aint never been in a Catholic Church. Not that I’m generalizing all Italian-American sanitation working millionaires as gangsters….but they get clean!
@This Just In…that girl is fancy…aye!!!,
i can’t cosign that statement, capone was a gangsta and he dressed to the 9′s. gotta was gangsta and he sure was fly…gangsta don’t gotta be all beat up looking like jim jones…sum of’em know how to dress…
@maria,
True. It’s these modern day kats who’ve gotten lazy…
@maria and Me fail english?,
they (this would probably include italians) were on some organized crime type stuff…which would make them more like the mafia than gangsters…and gangsters don’t do organized crime for real.
people who participate in organized crime are generally more intelligent than your average gangster…so they would want their standard dress code to allow them to blend….not stick out…like a gangster…with a bandanna hanging out of their pocket.
)
@This Just In…that girl is fancy…aye!!!,
Maybe we’ve just got diff. pictures in our heads of what a “gangster” is. I’ve seen real-life tough guys wear shoes and suits. Clubs with dress codes still get shot up. lol
@This Just In…that girl is fancy…aye!!!,
…what about Bumpy Johnson and Frank Lucas and them? They were always clean…until it got bloody.
@This Just In…that girl is fancy…aye!!!, why do i always say your WHOLE and lean back and ayyyyyye.
Gangstas shalt not:
1. Hold a chick’s hand or kiss her in public
2. Have shiny lips (see: LL or Puff )
3. Wear fitted jeans (’cause your glock won’t fit)
4. Use correct grammar and spelling
@Nicki Sunshine,
Word. gangsta’s don’t use Chap Stick or lick their lips either. I don’t know how their lips don’t crack. It must be from drinking all those forty’s. Yeah.
@Me fail english?, “It must be from drinking all those forty’s. Yeah.”
Why did I just have an urge to suck my imaginary gold teef after u said that?
@Nicki Sunshine,
Co-signing on #2. No man period should have shiny lips. There are perfectly adequate matte lip balms out there for men to use. This is an unforgivable offense.
@Ms. Hall, LMAO @ matte!
@Nicki Sunshine,
You right, Nicku. Gangsta are not for correct syntax, sentence structure or conjugation. Conjunction junction, they’d shoot the function
Also Gangstas don’t mapquest efficient routes for a drive-by. You know to avoid tolls, traffic and the such…….
@Double J,
or GPS for that matter…
@Double J,
Mapquest? HYSTERICAL!!!!
@Double J,
lmbo @ mapquest!
Female gangstas are not in pageants and brag about being on 106.
You are not hard Terri. Stop it.
@nia,
LMAO!!! I about died when she said that dumb ish.
Also, gangstas don’t say things like “take it up with God”, pull hair or pick up weapons they don’t intend to use.
Gangstas also should never attend casting calls
@nia,
omg that was the dumbest ish I ever heard.
That poe chile…
gangstas (male & female) do not sing on the choir and are not members of the usher board. they are not members of the missionary society, women’s prayer circle, young people’s bible study. They only go to church for funerals of other gangstas or family members
Gangsters dont blog
How can you put your pimp hand down strong when one hand is on a mouse
Gangstas don’t sing in the shower. Gangstas don’t sing.
Gangstas don’t drink coffee. They don’t have time to sip.
Gangstas don’t watch sitcoms
@Imperfect,
Gangstas also don’t take bubble baths. Sorry Scarface, but this is when it all fell apart.
Gangstars don’t listen to any music where love for another person is involved.
Gangstars can cry only when they gettin they ssa beat badly and they homie might be dieing.
Gangstars have a social and physical genious
Gangstars know the law
Gangstars don’t mix fruit and alcohol
@WuDaMan,
“Gangstars know the law”
This is so true. You can always tell who has been stopped by the cops before because they rarely cooperate. Or they’ll do something that they no isn’t technically against the law but that’s just wrong. The mind of a seasoned gangsta is really phenomenal.
The main thing that gangstas don’t do is GIVE A PHUCK. About you, yo moms, yo kids, they kids, they baby mamas. Nothing and nobody, except they gang family.
And for the record, Cheney is the biggest gangsta alive right now.
@V Renee,
And for the record, Cheney is the biggest gangsta alive right now.
Ain’t that the truth!
This is hilarious! But I thought Mexican gangstas whistle when they call their crew. Some other things that aren’t gangsta-esque.
-smiling
-voting
-trading securities (never mind, that actually might be one of the most gangsta activities)
-being a vegan
-making pancakes (something about flipping flapjacks just isn’t hard)
-having a gym membership
-consuming anything from Starbucks
-flying on a plane (can’t carry weapons)
-going to the dentist (unless it’s for gold teeth)
-writing
-playing an instrument
-driving a mini-van
@voiceofreason
Your list was on point until I read minivan. For some reason, I got a vision of “gangsta” piled into a tinted out mini-van rolling through doing a drive by. The mini-can also had crushed velvet curtains that they have to pull back so they can aim and shoot. Don’t know why I got that image, but I just did.
@V Renee,
That visiual is too funny. I associate minivans with toting children around to school and various activities. I can’t see a gangster being an active parent. I thought of a couple more things
Gangstas don’t shop at Whole Foods and they floss (but they don’t floss their teeth)
@V Renee,
Lol. These dudes used to pump out of a minivan below my best friend’s building. I can’t lie, something about it made me shudder with disdain.
@Me fail english?,
It amazes me how some things that are not gangsta become gangsta out of necessity. Or because some fool wants to appear hard while doing (or wearing) something that’s not hard. For instance, why is it OK for gangstas to…
-suck their thumbs and pacifiers
-get spiral sets an wear their hair in twists on some ole Rudy Huxtable ish
-wear almost spaghetti strap tank tops. I call them linguini straps.
@voiceofreason,
Girl, you got me there. Do you know that on the West Coast there are full grown men who say “bigarettes”(cigarettes) and “Bompton”(Compton)? Why is this acceptable? And how long can you consistently do this?
@Me fail english?,
It’s only acceptable because if you talk ish about them you’ll get shot.
@voiceofreason, LMAO @ driving a mini-van~
You’d think gangstas wouldn’t be fashionistas, but I must say, I’ve seen some color coordinated crips in my day, and that’s word to John Witherspoon!
@eff yo couch
I’m with you. I think gangstas do care about shoes/clothes. Why you think so many of them get into because someone stepped on they shoes. They don’t all wear crumpled white tees and beaters. They get dressed (well their version of dressed) at times .
@eff yo couch,
Yep…them razor sharp creases in the dickies…mayne…lol
@eff yo couch,
Gangstas put Chuck’s on the map. They be casket SHAAAAP sometimes (all pun intended)
LOL @ this entire post…but on the real gangsta’s do read.. now I feel you on that icecream lickin shyt … I mean can you even imagine that? you trying to get your mean mugg on and then you gone lick the curlique at the top of the soft serve ice cream cone? oh and if it sa chocolate dip cone its even worse…not only are you licking but you gotta try to catch the chocolate pieces to? ridiculous….also shout out to quizno’s for that tasty a$$ baja chicken..mmmmhmmm..I know what Im eating today!
LMBO @ “oh and if its a chocolate dip cone its even worse…not only are you licking but you gotta try to catch the chocolate pieces to?”
@shay_d_lady, You had me at “curlique”
I don’t know about that whistling part. Omar used to whistle the Farmer in the Dell on The Wire and I’d say he was pretty gangsta
if we’re using omar as a reference, then gangstas can be homo w/o exuding femininity (i.e. bscott).
@Gem is DTM,
Agreed with the description of Omar. And purely playing statistics, some of them gangsta boys gotta be on the DL. (I don’t think they would be allowed to be out of the closet and still reppin’.)
@luvtheshoes,
..unles they’re in jail. Hence the prevalence of shower rape.
Whatever bruh. You need to go head on with this list. I’m a SKRAIT G and I does alla dis and mo.
We G’s had to change the game so we could keep up when the game changed.
That’s how we made pimping easy.
Signed,
Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Cover Girl…erra…G
NOT easy breezy beautiful CG!!
“I’ll be dead on his a** like “Spencer for kucfin’ Hire”. I’ll hunt him down and feed him his tes*cles, and! I’ll do it in a jiffy. And I don’t care if his momma there, his grandmomma, innocent bystanders, little kids, baby sitters, bill collectors, whatever. I’ll leave his whole block filled with hot brass if I have to, and you know why? ‘Cause I JUST DON’T GIVE A F*CK!* You guys sure you don’t want any breakfast? I have English muffins and peach jelly. ”
Samuel L Jackson as “Gin Rummy” of “The Boondocks.
See? Gangstas cook AND use peach jelly.
@ESQuared, i <3 peach jelly **GA high five** real Gs can use peach jelly – that’s what’s up.
but seriously, Gin Rummy wasn’t baking english muffins, just taking advantage of their “fork split” nature. It’s different.
@ESQuared,
I e-love you for quoting that… really.
Boys who quote The Boondocks…. mmmhmmm…
**e-fans self**
@blackberry molasses, thanks for the E-Love. lol
@ESQuared, and dont E-Fan your self too hard..I like it hot. That glisten you get when you get right before you sweat that makes your skin so smooth…..oh no…PLEASE don’t fan yourself too hard…..
gangstas don’t listen to bow wow.
Ok, I’m suprised that everyone skipped over this, but real gangstas do not have braces. Ninja, you can’t have orthadondic appliances and try to jack me for my car or my wallet!! Good dental hygiene will NOT be tolerated! Ole’ straight-teeth-going-to-the-dentist-every-2-weeks-getting-your-ish-re-tightened-lookin boy. Hell, next you’ll be telling me that you floss. Hmph.
That is all.
@JJ the Jet Plane,
LOL
@JJ the Jet Plane,
This comment is so awesome I wished I had made it. lol
To my nephew: Gangstas dont live in gated communities with streets like Lotus Drive or Seamoss Way!! You live in an estate…not a hood!
To my daughter’s college roomie: Gangstas didnt spend their entire lives in private school. When you cuss (not curse) you sound stupid! You are living out a video & I feel sorry for your parents.
To the dude walking down the street last week: No matter how hard you tried to pimp & swag… Gangstas dont wear those baby carriers. It was a sweet daddy moment though.
And finally…..real G’s dont have to say that they are G’s they just are!!!
@Yaa,
my little cousin thought she was a gangsta….loud smacking and everything
till she got got doing the stanky leg at a birthday party.
whoopdadeedooo
“But what he did next was even MORE interesting. You see, this fellow, this Cali Crip paid for his food with a debit card.
Say heffa say what?!?!”
Haha! Maybe it was that Rush Card that Russell Simmons is trying to push up on everybody and their Mama’s preacher?
“for the Bloods only as there is really no good reason to wear red”
Okay, I hope you meant no reason to wear ALL red, because if not, you just pooped on my fave color. If so, then, co-sign. It’s the color of my BIRTHstone for Jeebus sakes. Red is a lovely color.
Also, the word “boogie” is suss and sounds less gangsta than Richard Simmons*.
*And I love how I just name-dropped two Simmons-es.
@Cheekie,
Haha! Maybe it was that Rush Card that Russell Simmons is trying to push up on everybody and their Mama’s preacher?
does anybody even know someone who owns one of these things? its like the credit card version of kwanzaa…the holiday everyone knows about but noone celebrates
@The Champ, “its like the credit card version of kwanzaa”
pass the tissue – y’all have me CRYING today! hilarious.
@The Champ,
LOL! He tried to push the Rush card back in 03 or 04. Now he’s at it again.
@The Champ,
“does anybody even know someone who owns one of these things? ”
Nope. I’m convinced it doesn’t even exist.
” Reading takes away from real gangsta activity, like murder. Gangstas don’t read about murder, they’re out doing it and honing their craft.”
First of all, Panama you are a got damn fool.
Secondly, G’s do not drink drinks with straws. There is something not right about sticking your tongue out searching for a straw.
G’s DO NOT have freckles. I can’t take you seriously if you’re trying to stick me up and you have freckles.
G’s don’t fly on airplanes.
G’s do not swim or get on boats.
G’s don’t use calculators.
G’s don’t garden or grow anything.
G’s don’t eat veggies.
That’s what I’ve got.
@Madame Zenobia,
G’s DO NOT have freckles. I can’t take you seriously if you’re trying to stick me up and you have freckles.
not even blake griffin?
@The Champ,
Blake Griffin could intimidate anyone…that kats ginormous.
Freckles and all.
@The Champ,
Griffin is a hell of a ball player and I would not under any circumstances to to take a charge from him in the lane. However, if he tried to stick me up on the streets – I couldn’t take him serious. I just couldn’t.
@Madame Zenobia,
Gangstas dont have IDs to get on airplanes and fly with. Because Gangstas dont go to the DMV and wait in line.
@Luvvie,
Gangstas don’t go on cruises.
@Madame Zenobia,
Imagine a gangsta cultivating a Chia pet…
gangstas don’t buy couch syrup…or any kind of medicine for that matter…really, i don’t think they get sick
definitely once was standing next to some “G’s” at walmart, while i debated buying nyquil…and they discussed having “a runny nose”"…smh…
@missjess,
gangstas don’t buy couch syrup…or any kind of medicine for that matter…really, i don’t think they get sick
they get sick, but gangstas dont treat symptoms
I’m impressed that dude was G enough to wear his crip colors in DC. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a crip east of chicago ever before.
Also that Soulja Boy song has been my favorite song of the past month. At first everyone was hating on me, and him, but now I see y’all waving your hands…we getting moneeeeeyyy ohhhhh.
@Dorian G.,
I’m impressed that dude was G enough to wear his crip colors in DC. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a crip east of chicago ever before.
obviously you havent been to the burgh. crips, bloods, and the l.a.w. were pretty deep out here for a few years. had everyone wearing nothing but green and gold and sh*t
@The Champ,
“had everyone wearing nothing but green and gold and sh*t”
lol@ black festivus
There were (are) plenty of B’s and C’s in NY and NJ too.
@The Champ,
I remember all that gang activity back in the day. So exactly where are all of the Burgh’s ex-gang members?
Gangstas don’t :
- google
- do taxes
- go to tha beach
- give christmas presents to each other
- invest in 401K ‘s
- sit in starbucks with a mocha latte
- watch American Idol (or at least admit it)
basically, the quality of living sucks to be a gangsta..
@Tx10inch,
basically, the quality of living sucks to be a gangsta..
it does, doesn’t it?
@The Champ,
Yeah, it does. But just now I remembered the ol cut by The Geto Boys “Damn it feels good to be a gangsta”.
If ya ain’t neva heard it, look it up. (or watch “Office Space” lol) They gave some VERY valid points about why I should be a gangsta. **C-walks around desk while co-workers stare dumbfounded** lmao!
@Tx10inch,
“Damn it feels good to be a gangsta”.
ol school classic.
@Tx10inch,
Gangstas don’t make Christmas lists.
“I turn my swag on every morning when I wake up after looking in the mirror and saying to myself, ‘what’s up’.”
Oh Panama, that Soldier Boy quote was not lost on me.
Side note: I was totally astonished to see adults jamming in the club to this song. I’m slightly embarrassed simply knowing the chorus, but these ppl actually knew the lyrics. The horror!
@Lili,
where do you live?
@Lili,
YO! It’s an epidemic…
Let me say that I think the kid is talented. He is a kid though. I am astonished at the the number of 30-somethings I see singing Swag on…incredible.
Bond. BlkBond.
This post made me think of this song….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWdgkd2dhpo
@blackberry molasses,
see…that’s why we are >here< co-chief. i was thinking the same thing. lol.
Gangstas aren’t ex-corrections officers.
@voiceofreason,
Or sing ballads. I HATE the song “Gangsta Lean”
@voiceofreason, really? even once you factor in its comedic value?
“mm-mm-mmm-mmyyyyyyyyyyyyyy god! my god! could you pass! on a mess! sage! for! me-eeee”
no? :-/ e-shrug
Tooooo many comments to read and verify but…am I the only one that noticed the significance of, “Section 187″…lol
That song just popped in my head…..
Gangstas don’t use chamomile.
Gangstas don’t see a dentist-unless it involves precious metals and jewels.
Gangstas don’t wear pajamas.
Gangstas don’t have decorative pillows.
Gangstas don’t eat arugula or asparagus
*DEAD* at all these comments
I just wanted to say that I hate you all.
I’m supposed to be writing a term paper, but instead I’m on this website cracking up in the library and getting dirty looks from everyone else. LMAO
P.s. yep, here in Long Beach/LA area ppl say Bompton, what’s Brackin and “bickin back eatin a bowl of bereal” is not an uncommon response to “what you doing?” … True Story.
Gangstas don’t “tiptoe through the tulips” or “stop to smell the roses”…
Gangstas don’t sip hot tea.
Gangstas don’t whisper in each other’s ears.
Gangstas don’t get facials.
Gangstas don’t pinky-swear.
Ganstas don’t have piggy banks.
Gangstas don’t smoke Virginia Slims.
Gangstas don’t pay for cable.
Gangstas don’t take their pitbulls to obdience school. (Hell, gangstas don’t take their dogs to the vet! When they get sick, they get shot…)
Gangstas don’t giggle.
Gangsta’s dont do the stanky leg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p43HZd019i8&NR=1
@mssmtaylor,
that is NOT gangsta!! (ps. thats the first time ive ever seen this stanky leg business) here are just a few of the ways in which that is not gangsta…
1. gangstas dont dance. established.
2. gangstas sho nuff dont dance with each other
3. gangstas dont dance with each other on camera on them innanets
4. gangstas hips is for holdin that piece, NOT gyratin to the beat
5. gangstas dont get low unless shots have been fired
this post and every comment on it made my em-effin day!! it was quite craptacular til i came home and read all this foolishness! lmao!
This is too funny. I’m a self-professed G, and I do all of the things listed above. And I refer to my homegirls as goons too. What you got to say about that?
But, I will say this, gangstas don’t set alarm clocks before bedtime. The day begins and the streets open when they wake up, not when some electronic device tells them it’s time!
Gangstas don’t drink milk.
I see you resurrected and updated this, my very favorite post from the defunct Panama’s Propositions! To this day, I forward that old post to all my friends. It’s hilarious and a classic and needs to be distributed to all rappers on major record labels.
That is all.
Whoever said gangstas don’t ride bikes doesn’t know gangstas. They ain’t got no cars.
Real gangstas don’t take no medicine tho. You never hear no gangsta say he can’t be drinkin a 40 becuz it’ll interfere with his antibiotics