although offering sistas suggestions on how to “better their relationship luck” definitely fits in with vsb’s crime-fighting ideals, the advice is useless if they’re unwittingly targeting faulty dudes.
sure, from “he has three baby-mommas, and each of his seeds were born on the exact same day” to “he’s a kappa” there are many easy to see traits of probable relationship bitchassness, but there are also some aint sh*t cats whose aint sh*t-ness is stealth. while these dudes don’t exactly have neon “date me at your own risk” signs patched on their blazers, the tells are there, you just need to know what to look for and why
anyway, as an early christmas gift to our sistas (and brothas who’ll eventually have to date sistas affected by aint sh*t dudes), here’s five subtle signs that he probably aint sh*t
he always refers to women as “females”
while the word female is appropriate under certain contexts, beware of the cat who uses it as his universal descriptor of all women. honestly, although i have a few theories (my favorite one has something to do with sting and the police), i have absolutely no idea why this is such a strong indicator of aint sh*tness. but, every guy i’ve known who regularly incorporates female in their daily lexicon in lieu of other appropriate substitutes (woman, chick, earth, concubine, etc) has been an aint sh*t dude, so go figure
he’s a grown-ass man with abs
while certain professions (professional athlete, physical trainer, guido, stripper, etc) make sculpted abdominal muscles a reasonable and practical asset, the fact that our metabolism gets all slowsky and sh*t on us as we age means that a grown-ass man with artificially enhanced abs is probably too obsessed with himself (and sleeping with other men) to give a damn about you.
also, if this all just sounds like a bunch of thinly-veiled haterade, good. mission accomplished.
all of his friends are “new”
i’ve alluded to this before, but every guy worth his salt has at least a couple friends he’s had for at least a decade. if you meet a guy and ‘the game’ was around longer than each of his bff’s, he’s probably faultier than ray j’s suits.
he’s a conspiracy theorist
you know exactly who i’m talking about…the cat who thinks that every professional sporting event is fixed, the guy who swears that AIDS doesnt really exist and thinks that its a racket created by the government to make people pay for AIDS drugs, the idiot who swears that if you divide the mayan calender year you were born by the sixth digit of your social security number, it equals the number of cameras the Illuminati secretly implanted in your rectum the last time you got your teeth cleaned, which is why he refers to dick cheney as “the dentist”.
thing is, since everything is already predetermined or “fixed’ in their minds, most serious conspiracy theorists believe in blame-gaming and don’t believe in personal accountability, a trait aint sh*t dudes love more than crackheads love radio shack.
his favorite professional athletes are assholes
trust me, murdering every man (and women) who’s ever purchased a terrell owens, kobe, stephon marbury, or ray “the double murderer’ lewis jersey would do wonders for black america’s relationship health, and would probably make vsb completely obsolete.
wait, on second thought, nevermind. forget i even said that.
anyway, people of vsb.com, did i miss anything? can you think of anymore “hidden” or subtle signs that a guy is worth less than a mexican quarter?
the floor is yours
—the champ
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{ 399 comments… read them below or add one }
YESSSSSS To #1. I read some not-so-VSB commenter use the word female the other day and it totally put a different lens on his opinion.
I’d also like to add:
Men who love video games just a little too much. I know some dudes whose careers involve video games, so they get a pass. Not many other grown men do. If you are out of college, and you play video games more than once a week, you ain’t really about sh*t.
men who carry a lot of cash on them I don’t need to see you flashing more than 150 dollas in cash in your wallet. That’s what bank accounts and debit/credit cards are for. If you have to carry wads of bills with you, and you like to flash your cash around, it generally says that you don’t really have much net worth. Also, it’s silly.
men who don’t know what they want.Nevermind.@Liz, Or, if they carry a lot of cash, their credit is so bad, not even Bank Of America will let them open an account. Or they committed some form of bank fraud.
@Ms. Smart, Yep, pretty much….
@Liz,
yes’m @ the video (game) ho*s!!! idk what it is but every dude ive met that plays vid games CONSTANTLY (like the majority of his “off” time is spent playn with buttons that arent on a female) hasnt been sh*t. and will prob never be sh*t. *kanye shrug*
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
“…hasnt been sh*t. and will prob never be sh*t. *kanye shrug*”
lol, damn. who pissed in your milk this morning?
@The Champ,
Don’t Michael Beach kinda look like Tiger from the side????
Just an observation
@Liz,
amen to the video game situation. amen amen amen. there’s nothing wrong with a little amusement but dammit can you not spend 8 hrs on xbox live? please? today?
@cam1ll3,
I can’t really co-sign the video game thing – my bf plays madden college nfl at least 3 times a week. *shrug* He’s home, my show is on the other tv, all is cool in the house.
@Lil’T, @Liz, @GEM, @Ms. Smart,
I got stuck on the newness of the Xbox 360 (no time for Live) so I can’t really understand this. Plus, like Lil T said, he’s generally at home and you know where he is.
I understand putting in 8 hrs, that’s excessive. I can only play for so long before I have to stop and do something else. You VSS may have a point there…maybe.
I see it like this video games > ho s**t.
@Stank-0, Yeah, I have a gaming console and a library of games…and sure maybe for like a week after getting a new game or console, you go overboard. But 3 hours a day for a whole year (or even a quarter) is a bit much. You can’t have much else going on in your life if you have this much time to put in on some games. Look up the cheat codes online and call it a day!
@Lil’T,
Exactly.
My cousin’s wife was always on his azz about being on the X-Box. We finally had to break it down to her like “girl…he’s at work like 14 hours a day, if the man wants to come home and play X-Box let him play. At least you’re aren’t out looking for him.”
She left him alone after that.
My ex was a Madden junkie…what did I do? I told him to hand me a controller.
@miss t-lee, my kinda girl
@ Plain Ole Pey,
*curtsies*
@miss t-lee,
Co-Sign….’cept for me it’s God of War,lol
@miss t-lee, Smart woman!
@Lil’T,
It’s not even about him “being at home”… Can’t a man have a hobby that doesn’t involve you? I, for one, have my own hobbies that I don’t even want to share with him… so if he gets to play video games with a friend in Sweden while I am doing my thing so be it.
Yeah, I will have to disagree with the Video Game stance…
@Liz, I’ve never understood the beef with videogames… I mean think about it, your man is at home on the couch playing a videogame… he’s not:
1. at a strip club
2. at the club…err club.
3. running the streets, etc
Now if he’s playing games more than he’s playing with you, that’s one thing, but if he plays Madden more than once a week he ain’t ish???? That’s a little much.
@Mr. Kay,
you know, if i were a woman i actually wouldnt mind too much if my dude went to strip clubs. i mean, unless he’s chingy or carmela anthony, he’s not gonna be f*cking any of them.
@The Champ, I used strip clubs as an example mainly for the monetary issue. While it’s true he may not be f*cking them, how much money ends up in Lexus’ g-string? But if his guilty pleasure is videogames, he spends what, $60 every couple of months?
@The Champ, a sentence that begins with “if I were a woman…” is 96.5% gay.
@The Champ, That’s a lie. I know a lot of dudes whose ‘side business’ was with a stripper.
@Mr. Kay, it has nothing to do with video games specifically, as I said 1) it’s cool if its related to your career 2) it’s cool if you only play ~once a week. The problem with video gaming excessively every week is that it’s IDLE TIME and if you can’t seem to find anything else better to do with your time than play video games everyday, then we have a problem. The same goes for your list (items 1-3) as they are also IDLE TIME, and NO, just because he’s sitting on the couch versus sitting at a strip club doesn’t make it any better in my book. You still ain’t sh*t.
@Liz, men who carry a lot of cash on them I don’t need to see you flashing more than 150 dollas in cash in your wallet. That’s what bank accounts and debit/credit cards are for. If you have to carry wads of bills with you, and you like to flash your cash around, it generally says that you don’t really have much net worth. Also, it’s silly.
ah…so here is a practical reason for the Rush card. So he doesn’t look like an ain’t sh*t n*gga
@Liz, Men who love video games just a little too much. I know some dudes whose careers involve video games, so they get a pass. Not many other grown men do. If you are out of college, and you play video games more than once a week, you ain’t really about sh*t.
don’t hate the game…hate the fact that you ain’t made yourself more interesting than madden.
shots.fired.
@Panama Jackson,
“don’t hate the game…hate the fact that you ain’t made yourself more interesting than madden.”
HA! And POW!
@Panama Jackson,
Get her PJ! Bang Bang. It is thinking like this that makes more of our women become cat ladies. Just disqualifying men for unnecessary sh*t.
@Soula Powa,
It is thinking like this that makes more of our women become cat ladies. Just disqualifying men for unnecessary sh*t
Why was I thinking the exact same thing?
@Sula,
I’m glad someone recognizes this!
Leave our damned video games alone!
@Panama Jackson, whatevs P. It has nothing to do with me! You can’t be running to your video games after work everyday like you’re 15yo. I am not jealous of video games, I just think excessive gaming is idle time for a grown adult male.
@Liz,
so what do you think is a better use of a man’s idle time? Why can’t he spend it doing somethign he enjoys doing if all his responsibilties are taken care of?
@Deviant, I’m sorry, any man with a wife and children can’t possibly find time to have a job, be a good father, and play 3 hours of video games everyday. Does not compute. Chances are an unmarried childless man shouldn’t have enough time to game everyday as well as progress into a mature adult who contributes to society. Any man I know actively working on his career doesn’t have time to play 3 hours of madden after work.
@Liz, “Chances are an unmarried childless man shouldn’t have enough time to game everyday as well as progress into a mature adult who contributes to society. Any man I know actively working on his career doesn’t have time to play 3 hours of madden after work.”
Well if he doesn’t have any idle time as a single person what time would he have to spend with you in a relationship? Unless he meets you at that exact point where his 3 hours from progressing into a mature adult man has freed up due to his mature adult male eureka moment . . .
@IVR, this has nothing to do with me dating a guy and fighting for his attention. But, part of “growing into a mature adult” includes fostering and building a relationship (gf, or wife), if they so choose this is on their life agenda.
@Liz,
why does being a grown man mean no time to have fun doing something he enjoys?
@Liz, “this has nothing to do with me dating a guy and fighting for his attention. But, part of “growing into a mature adult” includes fostering and building a relationship (gf, or wife), if they so choose this is on their life agenda.”
I understand you.
@Panama Jackson,
“don’t hate the game…hate the fact that you ain’t made yourself more interesting than madden.
shots.fired.”
damn how did i miss this one? lol
@Panama Jackson, “don’t hate the game…hate the fact that you ain’t made yourself more interesting than madden.”
BANG! BANG! BANG! I hope she is wearing a vest! LOL!
I second the video games thing. If you are a grown ass man and spend more than 2 days a week playing video games, you either need to a) get a fucking job/career, b) get some business, or c) did I already say get a freaking career? I know a guy that only aspires to do that…he’s 29 and to this day still has not accomplished a damn thing. *smh* (Oh and did I mention he has 2 kids, and lived with his momma…)
@Liz,
I don’t need to see you flashing more than 150 dollas in cash in your wallet
thats definitely not what you said when i saw you on stage
@The Champ, LOL. oh hush.
@Liz,
YESSSSSS. Cosign on everything.
@Sadé, see, thats how folks end up with bad credit. just co-signing on everything…
@Panama Jackson, True story
@Liz, since you don’t wanna say it… Men Who Don’t Know What They Want!
Just be honest! You know going into a new relationship that you are not at the point in your life where your ready to settle down or even hold a serious relationship, so don’t set us up for the okey doke. Just be honest with us and yourself. It will make life MUCH easier for everyone involved.
@IJstDntUnderstand, hahah. right.
@Liz,
Gotta disagree with the video game one.
Now, I can go week’s without cranking up the PS3, but I often play more than once a week when I’m playing.
I mean, playing video games makes more sense than watching television in my opinion. At least you’re participating instead of passively receiving garbage like Gossip Girl or the Real Houswives of Atlanta.
Yeah, shots fired.
@Liz, I can’t say I agree with this at all. Some of the best men that I know have a fixation on video games. Also, even though I go long stretches of time without playing at all, I can often find myself so stuck into a game that I am on my PS3 more than once a week. I won’t sit there for hours and hours on end (because my hand cramps like nobody’s business), but I will definitely stay stuck on a game until I beat it. I have two jobs, maintain a 4.0 in my classes, maintain healthy relationships with my friends and family (well most of them fools), and date once in a blue moon.
Everybody needs a hobby/stress reliever/alone time, etc. As long as video games don’t impact your sociability and the game time isn’t bordering on obsessive/unhealthy, I don’t see what the problem is.
@Liz, Whoa there Liz…..I love you, but you gotta ease up on the video games! I play video games almost every day and I am definitely not an “ain’t sh*t” guy. That is just my way to unwind and escape the stresses of my day. Now I do know some people that have let video games destroy other aspects of their life, like the black guy at Gamestop down the street from me who wears his hair like Goku from Dragonball Z. But I don’t think that a love for video games is an automatic qualifier for not being about sh*t.
@BigBuck, LOLOL. Okay, I think you may be the only person here with a convincing dissenting opinion. How many hours a day do you play video games?
@Liz, I play for varying amounts of time. Sometimes just an hour or so, but it is not uncommon for me to spend a saturday playing video games for 8 hours or more. It keeps me out of trouble.
@BigBuck,
That sounds like the same guy that worked at the Gamestop by my mom’s house back home in Dallas. I really just SMH when I see guys like that.
@BigBuck,
like the black guy at Gamestop down the street from me who wears his hair like Goku from Dragonball Z.
I had to close my office door from laughing too loud. How did he accomplish spiky hair? I’m curious and sh*t now.
dayum. I am really starting to get scared.
I completely agree with this list.
but some other aint shyt characteristics
He is a name dropper and materialistic- he cares to much about what others think and will be peer pressured into cheating on you if his boys start clowning him. He also will be prone to drop you if you dont pass the muster with his boys, who likely know this and will hate on you with him and then hit you up after
He has worked more jobs in the last year than you have worked in your life.
there’s a reason that ninja cant keep a job, and it aint the recession. like momma shay-d said long ago… if you have the some problems everywhere you go… it aint everywhere thats the problem….its YO A$$…..
little white lies…
he said he was in box seats at the game.. and then the next time he tells the story he was courtside.
He still wearing velvet blazers…..be extra careful if its paisley… I dont know why, its just the truth and if its velvet with the elbow patches? run. away. now
he owns a plies cd.
@shay_d_lady,
girrrrrrrrl most of the professional, successful dudes in pgh are big on name dropping. like, dude, you may be a big fish, but you are in a little behind pond (more like a bowl). nobody cares about who you know. so stfu.
@shay_d_lady, nice picture!!!
@shay_d_lady, i hate cats who name drop too much too…i was just tellin’ my homey The Game that yesterday. we was just saying that when we be with like Al Sharpton, he always wanna talk about who he knows and what he been thru. i’m like, dude, been there done that. in fact, just yesterday me and michael jackson had just did that.
@Panama Jackson,
you….stoopid…LMAO!!
@shay_d_lady,
it aint everywhere thats the problem….its YO A$$…..
definitely a t-shirt
@shay_d_lady,
he owns a plies cd
died at this..
First all around… I’ve been lurking and never commented before so yah! Uhm if he’s overly involved in a multitude of orgs… Let’s face it women love an ambitious and involved man and what better way to cover tracks than baby I was at convention (of course neglecting that he’s with the girl he knocked down at last years convention)
@Eks Mah, hahaha, true!
Happy that you de-lurked!
@Eks Mah, you know, i think “always going to some convention” is a definite sign of an ain’t sh*t n*gga. i mean how many damn conferences and conventions can one person attend.
welcome and sh*t
@Eks Mah,
welcome and sh*t
@Eks Mah, Once you start you won’t be able to stop! Enjoy
@Eks Mah,
Uhm if he’s overly involved in a multitude of orgs…
Oh my god, I had this cat in my class this semester! The dude is a member of EVERYTHING: fraternity, every club, every religious/spiritual affiliation… and he listed every single one of them in his presentation to the class. *rolleyes*… Oh yeah, incidentally, it’s the same cat who doesn’t see a mirror he doesn’t like (we go to the same gym and take the same spinning classes)… And yes, you guessed it: he drives a fast, 2-door, shiny foreign car.
He is a walking cliche of ” Oh, Boy, not him again!”…
Thank you! I HATE the term “female.” It bothers me so much…lady, woman, girl…anything is better than saying female. Its always bothered me & I don’t exactly know why…now I think maybe I have a ‘he aint sh*t’ radar lol
@Hot Buttered Rum, the liberal use of ‘females’ is used to dehumanize. Most men who use it are so dumb that they don’t even realize how dehumanizing it is. But by subconsciously dehumanizing women, they can consciously be jerks.
It’s because they usually say female like they mean “b*tch” or some equivalent.
@Manny,
It’s because they usually say female like they mean “b*tch” or some equivalent.
good point. its their politically correct way of saying bitch
@Ms. Smart,
I just told a friend this before I read your comment.
I think I came to realize this in college when the same cats calling women “females” were the ones with the most stories about cuming on chicks’ faces and then kicking them out of the dorm room.
I know correlation ain’t causation, but come on.
@Big Man,
Oh, and the N-word is the equivalent for women.
Any woman who is always calling men ninjas, is suspect.
@Big Man, Awww my nigga come on!… don’t take that too. This is the worst day EVER!
Plus- it’s not the word “female”, it’s how it’s used…
@Hot Buttered Rum,
You’re just a salty female.
@Hot Buttered Rum, interestingly, when i hear the term female, i think of a south central LA cat who is trying not call a woman a b*tch.
by the way, i base that all on the early 90s south central hood classics, boyz n tha hood, menace 2 society, and the greatest.movie.ever – south central.
@Panama Jackson,
“It’s because they usually say female like they mean “b*tch” or some equivalent.
good point. its their politically correct way of saying bitch”
yes.
@Hot Buttered Rum, How is calling a female a female if that’s what she is?!? It’s not a derogatory term and should’nt be seen as one. I don’t think that it lessens who you are as a person, maybe i’am wrong but it’s my opinion.
@Hot Buttered Rum,
I find other term such as “Chick” or “Broad” to be more offensive than female.
I’ve just never had a problem with the word female. In fact, I use it quite a bit myself.
Men whose jewelry extends beyond cufflinks (and a pinky ring if he’s from Detroit, Chicago, or small towns in VA), ain’t shyt. There is no reason for any grown, non-shady dude to own jewels. Diamond encrusted crosses? Shady. Diamond earrings? Shady. Diamond bracelet pretty enough for any woman? Shady and likely can be found on the local version of OffenderSearch.com.
@Ms. Smart,
Luvs It!!! And the dehumanization theory…Mmmhmm,Yeah-Ya.
@Ms. Smart,
my daddy told me to never trust a man who wears a pinky ring (incidently, my bff’s dad, who’s the pastor of our church at home, wears one smh & lmao). he also told me to never trust a man with his ears pierced.
and lemme tell ya–when i DID trust a man my daddy told me not to, i suffered the unfortunate consequences. daggone shame.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
Your daddy’s a wise man…
@Ms. Smart,
“lemonade diamond bracelet i put it in your face (brrr) lemonade diamond earrings i wore yesterday.”
i blame rappers and ball players for this need for guys who rock jewelry. most times when dudes on the streets do it they are probably rocking fake jewelry which is even worse.
@Tunde, that beat goes hard though…lol.
@Panama Jackson, i’m not denying it. bangladesh did his thing. i’m a gucci fan though *dodges tomatoes*
@Ms. Smart,
co-sign on the jewelry wearing negro…ummm no… thou shalt not bling!
@Ms. Smart, I’ve been instantly downgraded to “aint sh*t” b/c i have both ears pierced and i rock a bracelet
@Plain Ole Pey,
lol, basically. it happens quickly
@Ms. Smart,
“There is no reason for any grown, non-shady dude to own jewels.”
Unless he’s African. African men are the exception to most rules like this. Trust me. It’s true.
@Thuggie Luvvie, OK. We’ll add African men to the Detroit, Chicago, and VA small town men.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Word.
@Ms. Smart,
Can’t rock with the diamond earrings.
What kind of earrings would you have me wear? Hoops? Studs?
Nah, my wife can attest to the fact that despite my pierced ears I’m a standup dude.
@Big Man, None. My dude is pierced too. He doesn’t wear anything in them though.
@Big Man, cosign & cosign!!
I have the rare distiction of having been a “Golden Shellback” in the Nav. I wear my earings proudly. No one has ever been able to tell me I ain’t shyt.
@Ms. Smart,
Can’t trust a Detroit man with a pinky ring?….well I guess I’ll call my daddy tonight and tell him he is out of of the circle of trusted men in my life….lol!!
Couple of traits I would add:
*If he really cares about the high-end brand name purse or heels you’re sporting, he might be a “ain’t shyt” dude. Sure we want our women to look nice and be a little stylish, but any dude completely steers away from chicks because they’re not rocking Salvatore Ferragamo’s or that $1800 LV, proceed with caution.
*If the majority of their favorite music consists of neo soul artists. Them cats just strike me as untrustworthy and bullshytters.
*If he’s 30+ and spends every weekend in the clubs without having any type of monetary incentive for even being there.
@Monk,
id have to agree with your 2nd point about neo-soul loving dudes. all i can say is “ugh” and “negro puh-leez”
@Monk,
Agreed with all of your statements. If you weren’t so hi-yella, you’d be my new e-crush.
@Monk, *If he’s 30+ and spends every weekend in the clubs without having any type of monetary incentive for even being there.
i was just telling a friend of mine that yesterday that i can’t go to clubs anymore and really enjoy myself. i’m usually just thinking about how i could really be at home chillin and not losing money.
and anybody that tells me that cherokee’s song “little red boat” (from like the early 90s) is deep is definitely an ain’t sh*t cat.
@Monk,
*If the majority of their favorite music consists of neo soul artists. Them cats just strike me as untrustworthy and bullshytters.
lol, i was actually thinking about making this number six, but i didnt know how to phrase it until this morning (“he’s a pandering ass ninja”)
@Monk,
“*If he really cares about the high-end brand name purse or heels you’re sporting, he might be a “ain’t shyt” dude. Sure we want our women to look nice and be a little stylish, but any dude completely steers away from chicks because they’re not rocking Salvatore Ferragamo’s or that $1800 LV, proceed with caution.”
preeeeeeach! I have an ex who is a SUPER label-whore, and used to try to make me feel bad every second he could about not being more “fashionable,” because I’m the girl in the relationship. He is always decked down to his socks (literally) in name-brand shit, and it’s, quite honestly, the most disgusting quality about him. Insecure, much? Go thaaaaaat way.
@Monk,
Your number #1 is so very true, it needs its own church, mayne!
@Monk, *If the majority of their favorite music consists of neo soul artists. Them cats just strike me as untrustworthy and bullshytters.
thought i was the only one, lol
LOL @ the kappa reference. would hate to unnecessarily generalize (but that’s what the internet’s all about)…so, yea. agreed
@Joe E,
would hate to unnecessarily generalize (but that’s what the internet’s all about)
right. without generalizations, whats the point of even blogging?
@Joe E, Awwww maaaaan… wut the hell is wrong with dating a kappa?
“he’s a kappa”
I haven’t gotten past this part and haven’t read any of the other replies, I just had to stop to co-sign.
@Madame Zenobia,
I can laugh at this, but I would’ve been slightly offended if the comment was, “he’s a Que”…lol
@Madame Zenobia, seriously, are they that bad?… got dammit!
He may be sh*t…
1. Man who is a ‘forever student’. You know the ones that have been in school for 9 years, probably already has a degree, but is pursuing a Phd/Mhd/BS in something he totally doesn’t need. Just know what you want and stop hiding out in school.
2. He has stripes in his draws. So much so you want to call him General_______.
…wow.
@AkShone,
I cosign this sentiment and add a “Uh?”. I’se confused.
@Sula,
sorry for the confusion. I meant men who can’t wipe their arses and leave those stripes/streaks in their underwear.
Went over to a guy’s house once and he was showing me around his place. Well, got to his room and I peeped a pair of underwear that had been…..um….chocolate enhanced. He turned out to be, well, full of sh*t
@Ivyette,
^Co-sign to the fullest! If you are able-bodied and well and you don’t care enough to wipe your own backside of all fecal matter…..I’m just saying. Even a dog will kick some dirt over their BM’s.
@Ivyette,
Let Me Add…
Men who constantly talk about their good ol’ high school days. Ninja, MOVE ON!
@Ivyette, 1. Man who is a ‘forever student’. You know the ones that have been in school for 9 years, probably already has a degree, but is pursuing a Phd/Mhd/BS in something he totally doesn’t need. Just know what you want and stop hiding out in school.
i’ll assume Mhd is supposed to be an MD…in which case, how can one get an MD in something they really don’t need? i mean, i can understand languishing in sociology or something (aka the black man’s phd) or some humanities somehting that will require you to get a job at best buy to compensate for that phd that don’t mean sh*t. but um, science phds and sh*t, you ain’t just schooling for the hell of it, that sh*t is work.
like, you don’t just get a phd in physics for the f*ck of it. but that can take you a while.
@Panama Jackson,
I didn’t mean an MD; that degree is worthwhile.:)
I was being slightly sarcastic. I should add Phd/Mhd/BS…..Zhd/XYZ/Abc to the all the “useless” degrees that some love to get.
@Ivyette,
2. He has stripes in his draws. So much so you want to call him General_______.
whats wrong with drawers strips?
@The Champ,
whats wrong with drawers strips?
Nothing, but if you have stripes because you can’t wipe…you got a problem!
Some uncouth guys use the “FEE-male” label in polite company when they want to avoid saying the b word or mentioning garden tools, whores of Babylon, skanks, sluts, or slores. You can **see** them consciously decide to go all clinical — like they are doing society a gracious favor.
When “female” is the best he can do,
RUN. x_x
@inHIcotton,
lol, i’d actually much rather them use “whores of babylon” instead of female, but thats just me
I can’t believe I’m still up, but since I am, let me just add my two cents here. I completely agree with this list.
If he tries to act like he’s completely unaffected by women and the attention they give him, the odds are pretty high that he ain’t sh*t. Not saying he has to have a big head, but when he downplays it like it’s no big deal at all and he doesn’t really notice it, yeah he’s full of it.
If he’s been out of college for 10 years and he still gets down with his frat like he’s in undergrad, yeah odds are high that he ain’t sh*t.
If he biatches up more than a dog in heat, forcing you to check your pants for a rod and a matching pair of pebbles, the odds are pretty high that he ain’t sh*t.
If he’s overly concerned about what folks may or may not be saying about him and hiding it with, “I’m just a private person,” yep he probably ain’t sh*t.
If he has an elitist attitude about his upbringing and family like he’s a descendant of royalty when he’s really only one generation out the projects, yeah you guessed it. . . odds are pretty high that he ain’t sh*t.
And I have to say that I’m cracking up that the picture used to represent the ain’t sh*t dude is of Michael Beach! And oddly enough, in that pic he really looks like he isn’t.
@Hershey’s Kiss,
lol, i used micheal beach because he’s made a career of playing subtly aint-sh*t dudes on film
@The Champ, I know right! It’s like at one point every casting director for a film that required a black dude who ain’t sh*t immediately said “Hey you know who would be perfect for this role? Let’s call Michael Beach’s agent and see if he’s available.” But seriously you found the perfect pic. Like if my homegirl said here’s a pic of my new boo and showed me that pic of Michael Beach, my first reaction would be “Aww that dude look like he ain’t sh*t!”
@The Champ,
yessss that’s why it’s so hilarious — all i can think of is Soul Food, the recording studio and his naked arse pumping away.
great list, Champikins!!! you especially hit the first nail (he always refers to women as “females”) on the head!! DING!! in my experiences the most triflin and aint-sh*t-iest dudes incessantly use the term “female”. i really love it when i bring it to their attn and their response is “well thats what yall are, right?” ooooohkay.
id also have to strongly agree with your point about dudes whose favorite professional athletes are assholes. i just cant imagine how you could be a decent human being with any self-respect and be a die-hard i wont say no names *cough*
kobeTO*cough* but feel free to [insert douchebag athlete here].and can i just say, my former e-boo tx10inch (MHRIP*) was a bit of a conspiracy theorist (granted i only know about his theories on obama). and seeing as how he abandoned me and left me high and e-dry, that kneegrow aint sh*t!!!!!!
*ok… he might not be in 6ft under (no hbo show), he’s basically dead to me. hmph!
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
Woow..Babygurl. You put yo boy on blast didn’t u? I didn’t leave you high and dry. I’m still overseas but I’m on a COMPLETELY different time schedule now. When I’m at work everyone is sleep and this post is just being put up by Champ and Panama. I’ve been lurking when I get the chance, But I hadn’t heard from you in a while AND I knew my current schedule and workload wouldn’t let me dedicate the time the blog, so I figured you found another e-boo to keep you company…I just so happened have some free time on my a extremely rare off day to log in today to see what the topic was about…Low and behold what do I find?? My ex throwin tha last lil bit of dirt on my e-grave..tha fook? .And because I have my own unique views about Obama and his presidency makes me a conspiracist? After you bascially begged me to share my thoughts on the subject when I clearly wanted to keep them to myself…I aint sheeeet??? Just wow. SMGDH.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean, Tx10inch (Back from tha dead),
get a room
@The Champ,
This is like that episode of the Office where Michael and Jan were fighting at the dinner party in front of all their guests.
@miss t-lee, LMAO. He should have said “just wow, babe” you have to watch the show to get that…
@ Miss Patterson,
*sniggling*
@Tx10inch (Back from tha dead),
LMAO @ this explanation of whereabouts. It was also a not-so-subtle plea to be eTaken back.
“the idiot who swears that if you divide the mayan calender year you were born by the sixth digit of your social security number, it equals the number of cameras the Illuminati secretly implanted in your rectum the last time you got your teeth cleaned, which is why he refers to dick cheney as “the dentist”.”
Too hilarious!! I swear…
@Made In Hawaii,
…and also true.
Good points, folk…esp. the part about grown a$$ man with abs…hilarious….
Just a couple of extras….
Men who complain about physical labor…I think this is one of those unspoken tenets of manhood… Nothing more frustrating than hearing another man saying things like, “these cinderblocks are too heavy” or “it’s too hot to be outside raking the yard.” As a man, you just don’t b*tch & moan about physical labor…this is not to say that we don’t get frustrated (most guys I know generally complain in the form of profanity), but it’s in our DNA to figure stuff out and complete the task.
Men who gossip frequently…something a lil’ unsettling about a dude who gets his rocks off by talking about others behind their backs.
Men who wear excessive jewelry, shiny muscle shirts, and/or loud suits…I think I’ve heard this phenomenon referred to as “being a peacock”. Jewelry has already been discussed above, but I wanted to add other attention-grabbing attire. I’m not knocking anyone’s fashion choices, but if the majority of your suits have more than 3 buttons (think Steve Harvey or Bishop Eddie Long), I may have a hard time believing anything you say…
@DG,
“but if the majority of your suits have more than 3 buttons (think Steve Harvey or Bishop Eddie Long), I may have a hard time believing anything you say…”
I totally envisioned the type of suit you’re talking about, and I laaaaaaaaaaughed…
@DG,
“Men who complain about physical labor…I think this is one of those unspoken tenets of manhood… Nothing more frustrating than hearing another man saying things like, “these cinderblocks are too heavy” or “it’s too hot to be outside raking the yard.” As a man, you just don’t b*tch & moan about physical labor…this is not to say that we don’t get frustrated (most guys I know generally complain in the form of profanity), but it’s in our DNA to figure stuff out and complete the task.”
You know, I attribute this to the lack of truly masculine men. It’s a real problem. I wish those dudes we an anomaly, but they are becoming more common. I always O_o when one of them utters a sentence that reveals their b*tcha$$edness*…
*If there is one thing Puff is good for, it is that word.
@DG,
LMAO!! I’m RIGHT with you on the suits!! You get the oh heyell no O_o from me…iCan’t with them long arse suits and all them buttons! What are you tring to cover up?!! You will be forever be referred to as “A Pimp Named Slickback” by me,lol
@DG, As a man, you just don’t b*tch & moan about physical labor…
or anything really. grown men should’nt b*tch and moan about anything. you do stuff b/c it has to get done and you shut up about it.
that’s man law.
@Panama Jackson,
” As a man, you just don’t b*tch & moan about physical labor…
or anything really. grown men should’nt b*tch and moan about anything. you do stuff b/c it has to get done and you shut up about it.
that’s man law.”
if only more men knew and adhered to that law…ninjas should be in jail from the utter level of masculine illegality.
@DG,
I’m not knocking anyone’s fashion choices, but if the majority of your suits have more than 3 buttons (think Steve Harvey or Bishop Eddie Long), I may have a hard time believing anything you say…
ive always wondered where the hell people go to buy those suits. i mean, i’ve never walked into a mens clothing store and even seen an eight button suit choking the hell out of a mannequin before
@The Champ, you should come to the South more. or just go to harold penner.
@Panama Jackson, @the Champ
Any store that’s located a) in the downtown area, or b) in a strip mall, and has the words “fashion” or “unlimited” in the title is a sure bet…
@The Champ,
Shooo…there’s more than a few stores here that carry those.
@DG, “Men who wear excessive jewelry, shiny muscle shirts, and/or loud suits”- and cowry shell chokers… I hate them.
@Yeah…SO?!,
The cowery shell choker gets the severe side-eye from me. That’s suspect. I luh’ the Kids (gays), but I ain’t trying to date a tangy dude.
“new” friends.
Yes!!! My boo mentioned that. If a guy always has new friends that means he has a problem maintaining relationships and/or ends up screwing ppl over at some point, so they drop him. Also, check his friends- it seems quite simple, but it’s so true: If his crew consists of generally nice, decent dudes, odds are he is too; if they seem like aholes or doucheb@gs, odds are he is too.
@Lili,
yes, yes! This is real talk!
@Lili,
Also, check his friends- it seems quite simple, but it’s so true: If his crew consists of generally nice, decent dudes, odds are he is too; if they seem like aholes or doucheb@gs, odds are he is too.
***nodding head***
@Lili, so true. Men aren’t like women. Women can have friends that seem to be completely opposite. Men travel in packs so whatever his boys are, he probably is himself.
@Lili, YES YES YES I agree!! My ex dousche is that guy. The guy that always has a gang of friends that have known him 2 months. He uses them all up, lies to everybody, fabricates his entire history of life, and then bounces when they start catching on. He then finds a new group. The friend thing is probably the #1 indicator that he is a major loser, to a new person. Another one would be, if the guy has little to no contact with any of his family members. This can indicate they are such a loser that even their family have washed their hands of him.
Loving the lists. How about…
1) He blames everyone else for problems, conflicts, etc.
2) He takes on a whatever attitude about everything.
3) He makes everything out to be about him.
@MzKang,
why does everything always gotta be about me, and why did you make me read this comment and sh*t, making me late for work?
man, you know what, f*ck it.
@MzKang, EVERYTHING BEING ABOUT HIM. good one!! This shows utter selfishness, which will permeate everything.
i’ve heard the one about the term female before. don’t really get the correlation. i’ve heard a lot of people say it so it must have some truth behind it.
i really don’t agree with the one about abs. lol what if you just like to work out? or just have a high metabolism. you’re right though, mission accomplished.
@Tunde,
i really don’t agree with the one about abs. lol what if you just like to work out? or just have a high metabolism.
thing is, 6 pack abs, more than any other physical attribute (arms, shoulders, etc), are a concentrated area that take an excessive amount of time to keep up. its just a bit peculiar that a grown ass man would spend that much time working on something that only had aesthetic value
(and yea, i’m still kind of hatin)
@The Champ,
“(and yea, i’m still kind of hatin)”
lol. but i hardly work my abs anymore. i think in reality they can be kept up by doing more cardio than anything.
Definite sign of being an ain’t sh*t goon:
-Owning tight t-shirts which you paid more than $100 for.
@Invisiblemannakedcity,
“Definite sign of being an ain’t sh*t goon”
How about being a “goon” period?
Plies and Wayne (goblin) need not apply.
another clue that he ain’t caa-caa:
–the man is holding him down. “i can’t keep no job cuz the white man refuses to let me”–i’mma go with not showing up to work for a week and then just moseying in like all is well had nothing to do with it, huh… “jails are set up by the white man to keep black men oppressed” –because the white man forced you to get caught doing (insert crime here). ahhh. ok. “i ain’t finished school cuz the white man is afraid of an intelligent black man. i don’t need his learnin’” well, i gotta say, whether it’s white man’s learnin’ or whoever’s learning, you need a little more of it to prevent sentences like “i don’t need his learnin’ “. we have a black president now, so the days of learning on the white folk as your excuse for not doing well are kinda sorta over (unless you have them beating you on tape).
@cam1ll3, we have a black president now, so the days of learning on the white folk as your excuse for not doing well are kinda sorta over (unless you have them beating you on tape).
are the two really correllated?? b/c we have a black president, white folks ain’t holding us down by the neck anymore? they didnt vote for Black people, they voted for Barack (and some just against McCain…and some just Democrat)
i just remember hearing a lot of people saying this after he got elected as if his election was proof positive that things have changed. for me, it proves that anybody can be president…that’s about it though…
@Panama Jackson,
cosign
@cam1ll3,
lol, all of these are common symptoms of conspiracy theorists
1. His friends try too hard to convince you how good of a guy he is. Especially when you keep getting mad at the ninja due to constant red flags (mooching, 3 am phone calls from women, etc).
2. The ninja is more Hot and Cold than Katy Perry. One minute, he’s all up under you and you’re his girl, the next, he’s pushing you away like you got the cooties.
3. The mofo talks ish about his momma, then goes and does stuff for her anyways. This ninja often lives with her as well.
4. When he calls your busted 99 Malibu a “real nice car”. True story. (I swear that dude had no standards or life goals outside of trickin and impregnation)
5. When you ask him what he likes most about you, he starts out by saying “You’re smart, but what I really like is (enter shallow physical comment here).
6. He never pays for a date, not even dutch. True story on that as well (man, I’m starting to see a pattern).
7. He has aspirations of being the next R. Kelly. (just saying…)
8. He refuses to meet any of your friends. (sounds suspect to me).
…I’m starting to think I could write a book on this. Maybe I need to relaunch DSL…
@ChaoticDiva,
“I swear that dude had no standards or life goals outside of trickin and impregnation”
and the problem with this is?
@ChaoticDiva,
Bless you child…for you have experienced much b#tcha$$edness in your life…lol
@DG,
Thank you. I need those. Greatly.
@ChaoticDiva, co-sign completely on #2, and as far as #4, how about telling you “Man as long as I got $5 in my pocket, I’m straight!’? True story.
@Hershey’s Kiss,
Were we dating the same people?
Dare I go here…sounds like the vast majority of the “ain’t sh*t” red flags so far are rendered irrelevant if said dude has paper (beyond simply his sh*t being together) and spends it on her.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
what??!!! O_o…no, that just adds to it..call me a FEmale *lip curl* and then wave money in my face….Um hell no! You’ll get embarrassed….
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
No.
Guys with long pinky finger nails…long finger nails in general but some choose to grow out the long pinky finger nail only for reasons best known to themselves.
@Superior motherload,
I originally thought it was for sniffing coke, but I’ve seen people who are drug free do it too, so I wonder.
@Invisiblemannakedcity,
Like you, I always thought that it was for recreational drug use, but I recently saw a dude at a wedding reception with long fingernails (i.e., all five fingers) but just on one hand…still haven’t figured that sh#% out.
@Invisiblemannakedcity, Beware, it’s a booger extractor!
@Superior motherload, Ahh yes, the infamous coke nail. Sadly, I have a girlfriend who keep both her pinky nails longer than the rest. We have no idea why. She actually cried when one of them broke last year.
@Hershey’s Kiss,
I didn’t see this when I posted my list (see, if someone felt the same way, it must be true!), but the long pinky nail is used to dig in ears, extract boogers, and partake in cocaine, lol! And who knows what else! I don’t even want that nail to accidentally touch me, ewww!
@legitimate_soul, LOL! Yeah it’s just gross to even think about. And I’ve never thought about it, but that may the reason I’ve never come into close physical proximity with my friend. That damn nail!
@Superior motherload, Why is this the first thing I thought about when I saw the title of today’s post? Plus long as fingernails is just not conducive to a healthy sex life.
I’m so glad someone feels the same way about men who use the word female exclusively.
Also add to that guys who say something like “all ya’ll females r crazy” often. If all the “females” you’ve been with have been crazy, ummm it might have to do with u patna
@Naomi, y’all could all be crazy though…
@Panama Jackson,
lol at “could”. you know theres no qualifying that sh*t
@The Champ, i’m working on not generalizing so much in 2010.
@Panama Jackson,
*blank stare* you’re not slick PJ, lol
@Panama Jackson,
I think that’s why they have the show Snapped. Trying to make all “females” look crazy. It’s a conspiracy. lol, j/k.
i don’t really trust men who are willing to dis their boys for a chick (even if its me). There is something special about true friendship and if he is willing to violate that then what does that say about the relationship that yall are in? Shouldn’t relationships be based on friendships? Maybe its just me. Maybe not. Either way, if you are ditching you bff for me…that’s weird.
Also when a guy decides to tell me all of their friends business… nooooo bueno. He lacks LOYALTY, which means eventually you wil discover that he isn’t poop.
@Buxxy,
Either way, if you are ditching you bff for me…that’s weird.
what do you mean by ditching?
@The Champ,
By ditching I mean blatantly playing your friends for your girl. Like forgetting they exist. (I don’t mean the friends that you sort of bang with. I mean the friends that was there since your first pub… you know what I mean)
@Buxxy, when a guy tells me all of his boys business, it just makes me question him. First of all, that’s your boy so why are you dishing all on him. Secondly, while he was out doing whatever dirt that you couldn’t wait to tell me about, what the hell were you doing?
Champ
You had my sides hurtin’ with this one! To add to the list of “Signs of Whackness”:
1. David Beckham Syndrome: he’s usin’ more hair oil, body lotions, scented body sprays than you and your sister put together= HELL NO! I am supposed to be the most beautiful creature in the house not you, Pretty Boy FLoyd! He’s puttin’ out those peacock feathers for a reason= ain’t sh*t.
2. He’s a “lister”= tryin’ hard to impress by knowing too many night-life cronies. Por ejemplo: I dated a dude for a bit that always swore he could get us on all sorts of guest lists for clubs, restaurants etc.. (always places and things I couldn’t give 2 dead rats asses about). Somehow, whenever we’d show up at the door, “a big misunderstanding” would transpire which always left us lookin’ like beggars at a banquet. Just…UGGHHH!
@GeekChicness,
LOL! I went on a date with a Lister, trés embarrasing plus they don’t know when to stop. He later learnt the real reason why bouncers don’t dance or boogey.
@GeekChicness, I completely agree with the David Beckham Syndrome. Any guy that talks about physical appearance and gets his hair done more than me is disqualified without question. Doesn’t matter the hair style either….even if you have locks, there is no need to constantly remark about twisting, retwisting, or contemplating whether or not to get a crinkle set. Not tight.
@GeekChicness,
Champ
You had my sides hurtin’ with this one!
if i had a dollar…
@GeekChicness,
Great List!
He’s a “lister”= tryin’ hard to impress by knowing too many night-life cronies.
This dude is also always on the lookout for social climbing activities and getting in the “right” circles… I dated a dude who wouldn’t move from his current area when offered a WAY better job in a different area… The general sentiment from him was that he would have to start over at the bottom of the social strata… Ninja why do you need people to validate you so much? That’s right, you ain’t shyt! Ugh.
You a grown ass man, non-rapper with grillz in your mouth. Shoot to kill.
He thinks Gucci Mane is the best rapper ever. Damn
@Da Iceman, Oh man should I worry, because I’m dating a guy who loves Gucci Mane.
@Deeds,
Gucci’s album ain’t bad…the production is crazy. i know he sucks as a lyricist, but damn if he ain’t entertaining.
@Carver The Great,
That mo’ definitely keeps me entertained. Not to mention the beats.
@Carver The Great, that is so true. i found myself surprised at how entertained i am by this album.
@Da Iceman,
anyone who thinks Gucci Mane is the best rapper ever needs to drink some Windex and take a nap.
@SouthernCharm,
*dead*
If he’s in and out of a relationship every two weeks or so. There must be something wrong if every woman he’s with the relationship doesn’t work out. (Then wants to wonder why I’m weary about getting in a relationship with him.)
@Deeds,
yeah, i’d agree that theres something a bit off with a dude who averages like two actual girlfriends per year
@The Champ, Shoot try three or four.
@Deeds, yeah. serial monogamists tend to have issues. they never quite experience being alone and they are defined only by their relationships. these folks usually lack any and all self-awareness and tend to lack independence.
@Miss Patterson, so very, very true. Serial monogamists are some of the worst out there. And the sad part is that they believe their own hype. They figure since they don’t cheat they’re all good.
Its really bad when the 3 or 4 girlfriends a year are home base while he is out screwing everything that moves. been there done that. ewwww.
LOL…Soon as I read the title I KNEW that number 1 was going to be there. I always O_o men who ALWAYS refer to women as females! They always tend to say it was some sort of nasty emphasis like FEmales…lol, with their face screwed up or a subtle lip curl..mmhmm, I see you boo, you’re not fooling anyone, lol
@Smiley Face,
It’s because they really wanna say bytches, so they throw out females with the same disdain. They ain’t foolin’ no one.
@miss t-lee,
For Real!!!
He has a pre-paid cell phone that he always has to go put minutes on. Either that’s the phone you use to step out on your girl or your credit is so bad AT&T or Verizon wouldn’t give you a phone. Either way…
@smanakins, welcome and sh*t
5 signs that he ain’t ish
1. He keeps his appearance too clean. Any dude that never lets his beard wolf, keep a fresh haircut, always in fly gear, or never steps out with a wrinkled or semi-wrinkled shirt is suspect. Average dudes sometimes are like “ef it” on appearance.
2. He is overly affectionate and in tune with your emotions. Any cat that caters to everyone of your emotional whims should raise a red flag. As a man you aren’t suppose to be able to be in sync that much
3. He is from the hood and doesn’t listen to any form of hip-hop but likes Jazz. I don’t mean Jazz like Miles Davis or Thelonius I mean jazz like Kenny G. How you can be from the inner city and not listen to hip-hop? IDK.
4. He doesn’t wear jeans or sneakers. I always noticed that cats that are always overly dressed tended to be corny. Some of them feel that they are more sophisticated because they don’t wear baggy jeans and fitted caps.
5. His hair always looks wet
@Humble_One,
How do I get an avatar on here?
@Humble_One, “5. His hair always looks wet”
LOL! How can black folks hair always look wet without some kinda relaxing involved (men anyway)? The image generated in my head has me rolling though. That is too funny.
@Humble_One,
5. His hair always looks wet
BWAAAAHAHAHAHA why did I just think about Terry McMillan’s and Sar Jones ex-husbands?
@Ivyette,
LMAO!!! Let’s not forget Diddy.
@Ivyette,
Oh no..Not the S Curl! LOL
@Ivyette, Now you can’t forget Jermaine Jackson!
@Humble_One,
you just described some guy who’s probably on some sort of estrogen diet.
@Humble_One,
lol, you just described every kappa ive ever met
@Humble_One,
“Any dude that never lets his beard wolf, keep a fresh haircut, always in fly gear, or never steps out with a wrinkled or semi-wrinkled shirt is suspect. Average dudes sometimes are like “ef it” on appearance.”
So true…I’d go to work wearing sweat pants on a daily if I could…
@Humble_One, You pulled my card… on 1, 3, and 4. I just knew that if I read these comments long enough I would find out that I ain’t shit.
1. I iron daily and cut my own hair every 4-5 days. Why aspire to be average?
3. I just stopped caring about hip hop. I have more respect for people that play instruments so I look to the old music. I make it no secret that I don’t give a fock about anything on TV or the radio.
4. If I come off as being corny, that’s fantastic. Certain persons will be sure to steer clear of me. Although I can if I want, I don’t have much need for code switching. Not wearing jeans or sneakers is one thing, but is dressing nicely reserved for scumbags? Or is it “acting white?”
Overall, I don’t see any of those things as a negative. And I do get that vibe often (AND ONLY IN THE HOOD) “who the fock does this nigga think he is?” I don’t worry at all about what anybody else is doing unless we’re REALLY close and even then, I’m only mildly concerned. And I honestly don’t know anything about frats or Kappas either. That went right over my head.
Female is definitely the ain’t sh*t dude’s way of trying to put women in their place. Glad I’m not the only one who notices that.
I think lazy dudes ain’t sh*t. Why are helping someone move and all you can carry is pillows because you got hammered the night before? Why are you hiding your 300 lb a** at the kiddie table when you see it’s time to pack the car up? All the other men are gathered around planning how we’re gonna fit 7 people and their luggage in an SUV to make the 10 hour trip back from Atlanta. And his punk self took a little nyquil before he got in the car so he was sure no one would ask him to drive. Hot bama, yes he is.
@Lil’T,
lol, is there something you need to get off your chest?
@Lil’T,
Damn. Tell us why you really mad.
LMAO@ Michael Beach. He’s been typecast as the “he ain’t ish” dude…love the pic. Even in One False Move he was the “he ain’t ish” pyschopath/serial killer…ha!!!!
I agree completely with your number 1. I’d like to mention you can also substitute the words “broads or breezies” for females. Same thang, they still ain’t isht!
I’d add one more that my Dad blessed me with
“Don’t trust a dude with soft hands”
@miss t-lee,
i didn’t grow up with my father in my life, but my mom instilled, drilled, and imbedded in me that under no circumstances should a man have softer hands than a woman!
@SouthernCharm,
You know what time it is.
…and why Michael Beach got to be the “ain’t sh*t man” poster boy? lol
@Smiley Face,
lol, read ms t-lee’s comment right above
@The Champ,
I know, lol! We were separated at birth or something…
It’s funny, my little brother calls every woman that we aren’t related to a FEmale . . even our cousins when he doesn’t agree with what they are doing. I’m talking to dude on the phone like YOU know what you wanna call her LoL.
And stop hating on video games . . . Madden > basketweaving/manicure/pedicure/sexandthecity@ssninjas
I will say that I know some dudes that stay up until 4 in the morning playing video games every night. Then come into work and talk about it ALL day long. I never thought that they “weren’t sh!t” just a bit amazed . . . and they are married. I’m not talking Madden, I’m talking Worlds of Warcraft type folks.
@IVR,
And stop hating on video games . . . Madden > basketweaving/manicure/pedicure/sexandthecity@ssninjas
lol, to some thats like saying “stop hating on sexual assault. rape > murder/genocide/nuclear warassninjas
@The Champ, “lol, to some thats like saying “stop hating on sexual assault. rape > murder/genocide/nuclear warassninjas”
LoL I can see the analogy . . . oh well
@cam1ll3, HAHAHAHAHA now this almost made me spit out my coffee…. lol
If he is too eager to share pictures of his schlong via text picture messages and I’ve never even dropped a hint that I wanted to see it – that always raises a red flag for me. Like – how many other women across the country have this same image saved in their phone?
Totally agree with the “female” term! It gets under my skin as much as the word “broads”
@RedPlum,
any guy that sends pictures of himself to a chick when she hasn’t requested it is sus.
do not disagree with me, it’s best you just concur.
@RedPlum, If he is too eager to share pictures of his schlong via text picture messages and I’ve never even dropped a hint that I wanted to see it – that always raises a red flag for me. Like – how many other women across the country have this same image saved in their phone?
well that’s no so subtle now, is it?
@RedPlum,
If he is too eager to share pictures of his schlong via text picture messages
I didn’t even know this phenomenon occurred. Like what will spur someone you just met to send their schlong via text message? Is that the new caliente on el camino thing to do? When did this start?
I have heard too many stories of (grown) women receiving pictures of schlongs. Who are those dudes? Any VSB ever done it? What was the thinking behind it? I am puzzled here.
-iF HIS MOMMA AND HIS DADDY DON’T TALK TO HIM
-IF HE DOESN’T OWN AN SHOES,i MEAN SHOES SHOES, NOT SNEAKERS OR BOOTS
-IF HE CLAIMS TO BE A HUSTLER AND NEVER HAS ANY DAMN MONEY
-IF HE HAS STAINS ON HIS CLOTHES, C’MON SON!
@Stustustudious,
And if he types in ALL CAPS
@Thuggie Luvvie,
SORRY TO OFFEND
@Stustustudious,
Minus the last one, I hate to admit I dated this one. It was a bad time for me, but I accept full responsibility. His daddy had passed, but his momma (and various other relatives, I later found out) didn’t like him.
Oddly enough, that was one of the things that attracted me to him. He played up that “everyone is against me and I’m so misunderstood, I try so hard, I just can’t get a break” bullshyt …a TRUE sign a ninja ain’t shyt.
YEARS have past and he just can’t get over his ex b/c she hurt him so. In most cases, this is used as his “big joker”. As women, we tend to hear that and feel empathy for this man. We want to prove to him we are different.
But wait kimosabi. Good this is not.
Dude is using his “big joker” to keep you around w/o giving you commitment (b/c you understand his pain). This ninja really don’t want a relationship. He wants to be able to do whatever the hell he wants to do. Preferably with women who of non-hoodrat origins.
@La Bakir,
YEARS have past and he just can’t get over his ex b/c she hurt him so. In most cases, this is used as his “big joker”. As women, we tend to hear that and feel empathy for this man. We want to prove to him we are different.
yeah. any time a guy tells a woman he hasn’t slept with yet about how he’s been hurt by women before, its all game
@La Bakir, I must co-sign on this 100%! My ex-boo and I started out as friends and initially he’d talk about how his girl at the time was giving him cause to doubt because she was doing some of the same things his ex-wife had done. Now granted his ex did jack him up by having 2 kids that weren’t his. But it has been 11 years since that passed and he was reliving it. Well suffice it to say that once we were together, he kept telling me the story over and over. I called him on it I don’t know how many times and he kept on talking about it. Then he’d clear it up by saying “But I know you’re not like that, I’m just saying.” Suffice it to say he didn’t last long. We’re still cool and now he’s with a new chick and what did he do when we talked about the new girl? You guessed it. He went on and on about how he finds it difficult to trust her because of what his ex-wife did to him and nobody understands his pain. Moral of the story? That ninja ain’t sh*t!
@La Bakir,
When my ex-fiance` effed me over, I removed myself from the dating pool.
I knew I had too much baggage for anyone else to deal with at the time, and askin a woman to was selfish as hell.
That “Poor Me” bullsh*t is irritating and unbecoming of a man.
LOL! I’m a member of a BLGO (Hey Soror Liz!) so I’m not one to feed into the stereotypes, but I have to agree with this one too (in love, of course!) LOL!!!
I think one sign of “aintshitness” is when a dude is overly concerned with what other people think to the point that he tries to please everyone – and I mean EVERYONE! If you’re actually losing sleep over the fact that someone might not like you for something you say or do – and these people have no stake or real importance in your life – that’s a problem. It’s even more of a problem when your ability to say NO to others is in conflict with what I, your girl, have asked you to do or NOT do.
Another sign is when a guy downplays the nature of the relationship that he has with others (especially other women).
@MissJ82, I’m a member of a BLGO (Hey Soror Liz!) so I’m not one to feed into the stereotypes, but I have to agree with this one too
what the hell is a BLGO. i mean i know what a BGLO is, but a BLGO?? must be one of them umbrella terms for some more sh*t us uninformed cats know nothing about…
btw, panama jackson <—– ain’t sh*t
@Panama Jackson,
BGLO = Black Greek Letter Organization
@ComicBookGuy, yes, i’m aware. lol. she said B-L-G-O mistakenly.
i was making a joke.
i even said, i know what a BGLO is, but what is a BLGO.
reading…is fundamental.
lol.
@Panama Jackson,
LOL. I was just being facetious. Why you ain’t sh*t, btw?
@Panama Jackson,
thanks for clearing that up, because i was thinking “i didnt know liz was a member of a black lesbian and gay organization”
@ComicBookGuy, i aint sh*t bc i called her out despite knowing she just misspelled it. i was just being an ass.
LOL @ 5… you mean like Jermaine Jackson? LOL
@MissJ82,
Chris Rock: Is it me, or is Jermaine Jackson the greasiest ninja in America? I mean… whenever he’s on TV, I feel like I need to wipe the screen off afterwards!
@MissJ82,
Jermaine Jackson looks like a California Raisin
@Humble_One,
that would be an oily California Raisin
The “comparative brotha”…I call him Mr. At Least.
Mr. At Least says things like, “At least I take care of my kids…” or “At least I remembered your birthday…”
That’s a one way street to doing just enough to get by…
The Score Keeper…
He’s easily identified by the constant reminder that he calls you MORE than you call him. Trust me that dude will remember EVERY argument, stray hair, casual glance and mean mug…
I’ve got more, but I’ve got to go to work…lol, I’ll pick up from there!
@Tenchi,
I’ve got more, but I’ve got to go to work
yeah, i just heard the d.j. call you back to the stage
@The Champ, Now that’s just wrong! But quick-witted nonetheless. LOL!
@Tenchi, Oh yeah I’m a Score Keeper too…
Here’s one of my quickfire exchanges “You don’t exactly have a good track record. You claim to care so much about “X,” but when was the last time you actually did “X.” Any time now… blurt it out AS SOON AS you remember. Ah, I thought so.
My score is up to 4 in the comments so far, but none from the actual post.
He probably ain’t sh*t if….
…nothing is ever his fault. (refuses to take responsibility for his actions.)
…he has kids whose lives he chooses not to be involved in financially or otherwise. (Self explanatory)
…he treats his mom like sh*t. (Pretty much the way he’ll be treating you in a few years.)
…you have “bumped uglies” and you still don’t know where he lives. (Theres probably a reason you don’t, and it ain’t a good thing.)
@Caballeroso,
…you have “bumped uglies” and you still don’t know where he lives. (Theres probably a reason you don’t, and it ain’t a good thing.)
isn’t this one of the f-buddy commandments though?
This is probably a generational thing, but if he wears skinny jeans and sags them to just above the knees…he ain’t shit. It makes me want to pull them down so you can feel as ridiculous as you look.
@Manny,
This is probably a generational thing, but if he wears skinny jeans and sags them to just above the knees…he ain’t shit.
you know, i’ll give a guy 21 or below a (reluctant) pass for this, just because its a fad. if you’re past college age and still doing that sh8t, though, you’re past aint-shit territory. (what would that be, exactly? aint barf? aint semen? aint booger? aint period blood? i’m curious, whats the next level below aint sh*t?)
@The Champ,
They can wear the jeans, but sagging them is ridiculous. Some of them wear the ones so small they don’t fit over their butt to begin with. It’s disgusting.
My ex-husband calls all women females and he definitely ain’t sh*t. I thought it was a Baltimore thing. No offense.
@Michele,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
@The Champ,
Thanks (i think)
@cam1ll3, ” “i ain’t finished school cuz the white man is afraid of an intelligent black man. i don’t need his learnin’”
HAHAHAHAHA now this almost made me spit out my coffee lol
if dude has one of those glamour shot, looking away from the camera profile joints as his fb profile pic….he aint shyt
if all his fb pics are of him heavy lidded looking sexy into his camera phone he aint shyt and is probably gay nttawwt
@shay-d-lady,
lol, this is true. men shouldn’t “try” to look sexy in a pic. we either are or aren’t, but try shouldn’t have anything to do with it
I can’t stand name droppin, bull crap “fact” spewing, cash flashin, never on time, always gotta look right even if we just picking up groceries or working out, consistently lying, gossiping, always playing the victim, uber sensitive, truth fearing, whining, jeans/slacks sagging, always coming up with ways to get over on folks, always gotta be right, story changing, never running out of excuses, treating women like sh!t
forget the fact that you have daughters dude, you have a mama, never having no damn money but you stay on fly gear/video games/manicures/pedicures etc, never wear dress shoes, grown a$$ men still trying to look like thugs, indecisive/gotta consult your mammy/pappy/friend before you make a decision a$$ cats. always begs the question…have your balls dropped yet?@HabitualLineCrossa,
I thought I was the only person who asked kats if their knutts had dropped yet.
Kudos.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
You ain’t neva lied.
1. Can never admit when he is wrong and someone else is right.
2. Hates the woman who raised him.
3. Cheap. Not thirfty (which I’m alright with), just downright cheap.
4. Has no relationship with God. (Even atheists and agnostics have a relationship with God, but if the brotha just never gave it any thought, I don’t trust that).
5. No savings account or other method of storing wealth.
6. Can’t envision his future in 5, 10 and 20 years or if he can, the major milestones are a new car or the end of his child support obligations.
7. Doesn’t smile or has never had a good belly laugh with you.
8. Defensive. Wow, I can’t stand a defensive man.
9. No handyman skills. Can’t fix, paint, or duct tape to save his life.
10. Doesn’t want to travel or is suspicious of new foods, new experiences, new cultures, new people. You know, basically closed minded.
@BiggFoxy,
“No handyman skills. Can’t fix, paint, or duct tape to save his life”
HILARIOUS!!!!!
@BiggFoxy,
One more. He thinks it’s okay to call you out of your name or put his hands on you. I don’t care how mad you are bruh, I ain’t nobody’s beeyoch.
@BiggFoxy,
I resent #4. It makes no sense unless you mean he just doesn’t think about it. Atheists/agnostics’ relationship is one of “who cares and it isn’t there.”
@CPT Callamity,
Huh? “but if the brotha never gave it any thought” means “he just doesn’t think about it.”
Besides, there is no need for resentment. We all friends.
@BiggFoxy,
Never met anyone who has never been exposed to the concept of God. However if I did, I would say that person is the most “free” of all of us.
@CPT Callamity,
“Never met anyone who has never been exposed to the concept of God. However if I did, I would say that person is the most “free” of all of us.”
I agree
Good list!! #1 is my fav!! I agree with the other posts that it is a subtle way of calling us b*tches. It also de-humanizes us so that they can treat you like crap. My list…..
*Dudes that say that they hate their Mamas. Something bad has happened to him & this normally means that they hate women.
*Dudes that have a long work history with every job ending because “my boss didn’t like me”.
*Dudes that know how to work the system (welfare, criminal court, child support, taxes, unemployment)
*Dudes that love romantic comedies. You will never be able to live up to his Love Jones Love & Basketball expectations…NEVER!!
*Dudes that carry those Man Purses (Man bags, Mags, Murses, Manketbooks). This to me is the first indication that he uses terms like “hair product” and is high maintenance.
*Dudes that have to make multiple stops at various project dwellings throughout the city to pick up their kids for a “family outing”.
@Yaa,
*Dudes that love romantic comedies. You will never be able to live up to his Love Jones Love & Basketball expectations…NEVER!
HEY!!! i didnt appreciate that
@Yaa,
Strange…I have a friend that refers to his mother as crazy, stupid, even calls her and talks to her this way in front of people and…his girlfriend loves his sh*tty drawers and other women do too. Eh…
1. all his “boys” are literally boys… like he has NO friends his own age or close to it
2. he changes jobs and addresses more often than you change drawers
3. he only deals with women 10+/- his own age (like the 30 year old who only deals with 20 year olds because they still have stars in their eyes and don’t see the bullshite for what it is yet, or 40 year olds because the “I got me a young boy” thing blinds them to the bullshite)
4. he has no problems asking you for money and does so frequently
5. he b*tches and moans every time you ask him to do something that he generally should not have to be asked to do. (heavy lifting, giving up a seat, checking on strange sounds)
6. it is always the fault of someone other than him
7. he has a plethora of female “friends”
8. he needs/wants a press conference every time he does something for you or gets you something
9. he puts other people’s business in the streets to cover his own butt or make himself look better
10. he always bad mouths his ex (me thinks thou protesteth too much there buddy)
@Bajan Girl,
3. he only deals with women 10+/- his own age (like the 30 year old who only deals with 20 year olds because they still have stars in their eyes and don’t see the bullshite for what it is yet, or 40 year olds because the “I got me a young boy” thing blinds them to the bullshite)
good point and sh*t
@Bajan Girl, you are so on point. I call #8 the Pat on the Back. Every thing he does he needs a pat on the back for it. Even if it’s something he did for himself but remotely benefits you, he needs a pat on the back for it. I’ll add an addendum to #5, not only does he gripe about doing it for you, but if his reaction time is slow as hell when you ask him to do something. And I don’t mean big ticket items like fixing something in the house. I mean little things like, could you pass the salt? And the plethora of female friends is usually a dead give away because usually there’s a constant stream of them and they vary from time to time. So this month, Kim, Juanita, and Vanessa are heavy in the rotation, but 6-9 months from now, his girls are Tiffany, Shuwana, and Kelly.
Any grown man 30+ with rims on his ride.
If he wears his frat jacket to work.
Believes taking a chick on a date is trickin’
His drink of choice is Nuvo
Can’t name one… just one person in the Obama administration other than VP Joe Biden.
@SouthernCharm,
“If he wears his frat jacket to work.”
You may have jus hurt some Iota’s feelings w/ this one.
@Thuggie Luvvie, shots.fired.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
“You may have jus hurt some Iota’s feelings w/ this one.”
LMAO!!!
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Hilarious!
@SouthernCharm, Can’t name one… just one person in the Obama administration other than VP Joe Biden.
you expect a lot out of folks, i see. i mean, half the nation can’t spot the nation on a map and you mad cuz folks don’t know who the ed secretary is?
hell, outside of rahm emanual and hillary clinton, i cant really name that many folks, if any actually. and i work in politics.
@Panama Jackson,
man, Bill Clinton is even an acceptable answer!
@SouthernCharm, is he? is Bill a member of Obama’s administration??? lol.
i wasn’t aware. all i know is that he’s like a UN special envoy which is appointed by the UN Sec-Gen…which, um, aint exactly the Obama administration.
but i could be wrong.
@SouthernCharm,
“His drink of choice is Nuvo”
i did a blog post a while back on my blog about how much i hate Nuvo. its such a woman’s drink. lol
@Tunde,
co-sign. and i don’t understand how you can take a shot of it. what’s that supposed to do? lol
@SouthernCharm,
His drink of choice is Nuvo
WORD!!!
not to be a diego downer or anything, but NFL cats are REALLY going out on some uber tragic sh*t these days aren’t they?
rip chris henry
@Panama Jackson,
man, that is tragic.
@Panama Jackson,
RIP Slim. Dude really was trying to turn his life around.
@Panama Jackson,
I just read that…that’s some jacked up ish.
@Panama Jackson,
@Panama Jackson,
yeah, this has been a terrible year for athletes with domestic issues. and you know o.j. is sitting in a jail cell somewhere thinking “these n*ggas keep biting my style”
@The Champ, you’re an idiot- lol
@Panama Jackson,
What in the WORLD…I just read that. Fell off the back of a pick up??
Fiancee and 3 kids though….? Ugh. Lord have mercy.
@Panama Jackson,
One of the worst things in the world is to see a young brother snuffed out in the midst of reaching his full potential…both on and off the field….
Another sign – grown men who text/email/facebook status update in a combo of upper and lower case letters. Ex. YoU ainT iSh
@luvtheshoes,
ANY grown person that types L1k3 tH15 needs a dropkick to the shins.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
it’s unpossible to type 80 wpm like that… which means you deliberately typed like a 14 yr old girl…
@SouthernCharm,
That is one of my pet peeves. Or going out of the way to spell “day” as “dai”…what thee fu*k??
@luvtheshoes, I’ll also add any grown arse man who texts/emails/updates k for okay. Ninja you are a Grown Man! k is what little girls say! K?!!
@Hershey’s Kiss,
Ooh, my ex used to do that all the damn time. And he definitely wasn’t isht. Come to think of it, he didn’t like his mama either.
If he lives with his mother and has a luxury car and said car’s gas tank is always on E I think you have yourself a guy “who aint sh!t!”
He aint SH!T if…
He is 30 years old and still has “hoop dreams”.
He is Grow a$$ man with corn rolls and his name isn’t Allan Iverson
He is over 28, not in school, doesn’t plan on going to school, content with working in retail as a sales associate and living with his mom…
If he is a grown a$$ man and idolizes rappers!
If all his “cousins” seem to be females but his immediate family doesn’t know them.
@xave,
If he is a grown a$$ man and idolizes rappers!
so i’m not sh*t just because cormega is my idol?????
@The Champ,
Cormega??? Cormega???
Yea, you ain’t sh!t.
@Lili, Exactly, grown man azz man with do rag on idolizing solja boy! Or still trapped in the late 80s thinking Cool G Rap is the man azz dudes. lol
@The Champ, I forgot the grown azz men with the “Stop Snitching” shirts. smdh!
@xave, I missed some.
Dudes who peaked in high school! Grown men nostalgic about skirt chasing when he was 15! Pathetic! Al Bundy, won a state championship on some athletic competition and that is the high light of his life azz dudes. Dudes that boast about being the man in high school! I mean your whole life is ahead of you. Go make some memories.
I agree with #1. What gets me is that *they* always pronounce it as FEE-MALES. Heavy emphasis on the “fee”. As soon as a man forms his mouth to say the word, my purse is on my arm, my keys are in my hand and . I already know that it isn’t going to end well.
I would also like to add you know he ain’t sh*t when he says, “I have a 325i, but he meets you in a jacked up Cirrus.” Again…I reach inside my purse and grab my car keys.
@Micki,
welcome and sh*t
he’s a grown-ass man with abs
while certain professions (professional athlete, physical trainer, guido, stripper, etc) make sculpted abdominal muscles a reasonable and practical asset, the fact that our metabolism gets all slowsky and sh*t on us as we age means that a grown-ass man with artificially enhanced abs is probably too obsessed with himself (and sleeping with other men) to give a damn about you.
also, if this all just sounds like a bunch of thinly-veiled haterade, good. mission accomplished.
LLS….
Hey Champ,
I’m still relatively new to the site and sh#t (great stuff, btw), but I’ve always believed in balance and order. That said, when can we expect a similar list for the fema… I mean, women? lol
@DG,
we keep accessible archives for a reason.
@DG,
LOL!!! Yeah, watch it buddy :p
Even though The Man is working my po’ self so hard this fine morning, I had to pop in to say that I cackled gleefully @ the fact that Michael Beach (Soul Food’s Miles) is the post representative of the day. Thank you and good afternoon.
@Cheekie,
no problem, cheekster
Good post! Might I add:
All his main boys had a fall out and they all cool again, but can’t stand him.
He gives you an alias name that is not his gubment
governmentname when you meet. He got 2 or three names he goes by and he wants you to call him by the alias and never the name his momma calls him.He has a long azz pinky nail….also known as the “booga nail” or the “coca-ina (cocaine) nail”
He’s a grown azz man with a juvenile azz nickname from when he was an infant that HE STILL ANSWERS TO even by other grown azz men: “Man-Man” and ish’….
Believes any nice or remotely human gesture towards a woman (who he calls female) is “savin” ……as in “Savin’ these h*e’s”…as In Cap’n’ Save-A-Hoe”. Some folks took one E-40 song too far.
When dudes momma and family looks at you sideways on some “why you with this ninja” or will pull you aside and tell you to leave his azz alone.
^Sorry, some of those weren’t subtle….lol
@legitimate_soul,
Sorry, some of those weren’t subtle….lol
thats ok, as long as we spread the aint sh*t gospel
@legitimate_soul,
He’s a grown azz man with a juvenile azz nickname from when he was an infant that HE STILL ANSWERS TO even by other grown azz men: “Man-Man” and ish’….
*Faints* This is gospel…
“When dudes momma and family looks at you sideways on some “why you with this ninja” or will pull you aside and tell you to leave his azz alone.”
Yep, if your own Mama ain’t on your side…you definitely ain’t isht.
@miss t-lee,
if your own Mama ain’t on your side…you definitely ain’t isht.
tony soprano ass ninjas
Got another one:
You just met dude, like week 1, and he already mad if you ain’t talked every day.
@legitimate_soul, or he be calling you baby/sweetie all the d@mn time- kill yo’self and lose my number (no particular order).
@legitimate_soul, and don’t be tryna hold my hand at the first encounter neitha… fool I don’t know you like dat!
@Yeah…SO?!,
^Not only that, but you just met dude (week 1, prolly day 2 or 3) and he wants you to send him a picture and send you a picture of him right away. No.
@legitimate_soul, I’ve cussed plenty a niqqas out ova dis pic exchange mess… it’s a pandemic.- pull the trigger already!
The VSSs are killing me today. Man, y’all sure do have it hard out there. The least I can do try to influence my nephew to not be an idiot when it comes to women. A lot of what has been said I agree and have laughed at, but here a few signs that I would tell my niece to look at to avoid a guy.
Sagging jeans – I mean, really. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot walking around with one hand trying to hold your pants up.
Ninjas that don’t read – I am not saying that a guy should read every James Patterson novel or every book by Cornel West, but read something, something expands your mind or informs you i.e. GQ, Details, Men’s Health, the newspaper, hell, even in comic books.
Doesn’t know common courtesy – If you don’t open the door for women or pull out chairs and make a point of not doing it, chances are….
Is afraid of and/or avoids hard work – I didn’t grow up cutting the grass as a kid because I grew in damn near the projects, but being the only boy, I did all of the heavy lifting and hard work in my house, so it’s kinda hard for me to respect a man that doesn’t make an effort work on his car, take out the trash or clean the garage out. Hey, if I can install two ceiling fans ( and I hate dealing with electricity, afraid of getting shocked), then a man can help out a lady in need.
Ninjas that don’t go to class, at all – This for the ladies still in undergrad. Really, if he can’t commit to college and something as simple as go to class, how committed do you think is going to be to you?
@ComicBookGuy,
Ninjas that don’t read – I am not saying that a guy should read every James Patterson novel or every book by Cornel West, but read something, something expands your mind or informs you i.e. GQ, Details, Men’s Health, the newspaper, hell, even in comic books.
That’s a personal big one on my preference list. Read some stuff, it’s good for you.
@ComicBookGuy, Ninjas that don’t go to class, at all – This for the ladies still in undergrad. Really, if he can’t commit to college and something as simple as go to class, how committed do you think is going to be to you?
Then they spend all their day talking about another dudes money! Idolizing the 1 in a million success stories or guys who dropped out of college or didn’t go kanye liking azz nukkas.
@xave,
Exactly.
@ Lilli, so true. Men aren’t like women. Women can have friends that appear to be completely opposite, but most men travel in packs. So whatever his boys are, he probably is himself.
Any dude in a “short set” ain’t sh!t….trust me!
@Tenchi,
I’m so glad I swallowed down my tea before I read your comment. Hilarious!
@Tenchi,
That’s just terrible.
Got another one:
He ain’t ‘ish if he is in his 30′s and he still throwing up gang signs and that ain’t his life now nor was it really his life prior. So you hard now? Stop it.
This is sooo funny cause I dated one guy that has jus about every one of these characteristics. But I tended to be attracted to ass h*les in my younger days…anyway here are a few more….
The fool belittles anything you’re interested in. Movies, music, tv…whatever. If it ain’t one of his loves then it is beneath him.
He idolizes Jay-Z. Now while I adore Hov, and would readily accept the role of his second wife should Beyoncé suffer an unfortunate lace front accident. Jay Z has built a career off of posing as that arrogant rapper you just can’t seem to hate. Any guy who tries to emulate this behavior (minus the cash and discography) ain’t sh*t. At mufuggin all.
He tells his friends to dump THEIR gfs cause they don’t meet HIS standards. Kill yo’self.
He doesn’t think women are funny. Ever. This usually means that he only values them for sexual purposes cause you can’t have philosophical convos all the time. Intelligence and humor are needed to make love work.
The ninja will never call. Only text.
He has catchphrases.
I have about a million more but I have a bagel to make…so…
@ILoveme2,
I feel conflicted about the texting. Peeps say “oh, this is just the way ‘things’ are today” as if texting should be more acceptable when trying to get to know someone.
I told this dude that his convo was whack and that he is making it hard to get to know him. This ninja says “lol, you can’t get to know people through text”
*insert blank stare*
Soooooooo, i assumed he wasn’t trying to get to know me b/c all he does is texts. Of course I was wrong *insert dry face*
@LaBakir,
“Soooooooo, i assumed he wasn’t trying to get to know me b/c all he does is texts. Of course I was wrong *insert dry face*”
^ LOL! He’s prolly gonna’ text some woman a marriage proposal and it’ll look like this:
“U kno I’m 2ryin’ to mk u W1fey, r1ght?”
@ILoveme2, “He doesn’t think women are funny. Ever. ”
Hmm .. . I have yet to hear a consistently funny comedianne. But FEMALES are funny sometimes (jk on that part don’t shoot me).
@IVR,
LOL!!! I’ve heard a couple of guys say women aren’t funny…although I’ve been told I’m a riot :p
@LaBakir, “LOL!!! I’ve heard a couple of guys say women aren’t funny…although I’ve been told I’m a riot :p”
Nah, I was just talking sh!t . . I have plenty female friends that are hilarious . . . those are just not the ones on TV/Queens of Comedy. Helluva good time at a party though.
@IVR, “female friends”
Y’all started it! . . . all women shall be females for the rest of the day. *hate hate hate*
@IVR,
a consistently funny comedienne
You’re sh!ttin’ me, right?
@Sula,
Actually I agree with him on that.
I can’t recall any comedienne that had a special I was dying to see. Nor have I ever said “that movie is going to be funny, it has HER in it.” I do believe Wanda Sykes has her moments. Monique has her moments (a few) and Adelle Givens used to have hers. I shudder when Sheryl Underwood comes near a stage.
@ILoveme2, yeah I have a huge problem with the texting. It’s cool if we’re just friends. But when you’re trying to get to know me to establish a relationship, texts should be kept to simple stuff–like telling me you’re on your way, a quick thinking about you or what you doing text. But a real conversation needs to take place either via telephone or face to face.
@ILoveme2,
He idolizes Jay-Z.
Make it, he idolizes anybody. While I understand admiration and respect, even appreciation, idolization gets the side-eye.
@ILoveme2,
He has catchphrases.
That and if he is too given to cliche’s…
Usually secures his identity as an Ain’t Sh%t Brotha AND points to a lack of originality in the realm of chex…
@ILoveme2,
oooh, hafta co-sign on the texting. I know in this age of twitter (still don’t get it) and facebook people are very excepting on this, but bullshyt. Call me, conversations cannot be held by texting. I hate that.
This is probably one of my inherited “Ain’t Sh*t~isms”, but a man who doesn’t wake up until 2 in the afternoon…EVER!
And before I present a false picture of my own personal standards…NOOOOO I’ve never dated this particular type of A.S dude, however…I know they exist in the land of “Less Than Driven”.
A man who has empty liquor bottles decorating his counter or above his kitchen cabinets with absolutely no intention on helping save the Earth by recycling.
@LaBakir,
That was the undergraduate badge of honor for some brothers and their bachelor domains back in the day, LOL! To their credit, they were and are good brothers (I didn’t date them, but they were like family). However, I would wonder at a guy well past that point in his life with hella bottles assembled…..
@legitimate_soul,
I’m just saying at 28, that’s a little suspect. It’s no liquor in them!! And some of these dudes didn’t even go to college, so that can’t get use that badge..lol
@LaBakir,
^I feel you, especially if all the bottles are ripple (Mad Dog 20/20, Old English 800, Cisco, Colt 45, or some other liquid crack they only sell to people of color).
@legitimate_soul,
LMAO @ Mad Dog…that ish is TRASH!!! I once had the pleasure of drinking that as a suggestion from my younger brother…silly me.
@ LaBakir,
Since we talking about “trash” alcoholic beverages, this website had me laughing in it’s informative nature:
http://www.bumwine.com/
Peep the entry for Mad Dog 20/20 *sniggling*:
http://www.bumwine.com/md2020.html
@LaBakir, or he’ll hock a loog at anytime, in front of anyone, anywhere… damn you ain’t even gon excuse yo’self huh?- smh
@Yeah…SO?!,
*shivers* that is such a turn off!! I HATE when people spit, hock loogies,…it just disgusts me to the n’th degree.
@Yeah…SO?!,
Oh, yeah! That’s really nasty.
@LaBakir @legitimate_soul, dat isht is so disturbing it’ll haunt me for the whole day… makes me feel dirty- ugh!
Thanks for all the welcomes… def a new reason for me to be less productive at my sucky yet necessary job! Happy Holidays… and shit!
Ummm, first…this is becoming ADDICTIVE n’ sh*t!
Another…
Any dude who is a walking pop culture reference of “hail mary” success stories. He is usually the same guy in his mid 30′s who’s attempting to launch his rap career out of the trunk of his momma’s car…
Out of Lurkerville!
1. Men with more than one “baby momma.” (not to include women they were married to.)
2. Men with “outside babies.”
SMDH
@Darkboo,
If ain’t no-body else gone say it I will.
Welcome n sh!t
@WuDaMan,
Thanks and sh!t! I didn’t get too many amens on that one!
@Darkboo,
welcome and sh*t, darkboo
“he’s a kappa”
grand opening. grand closing.
Copletely unrelated question…..How is it that some folks have a picture in the corner of their comment box?
@BigBuck,
I was wondering the same thing…
@BigBuck, I think it has something to do with wordpress. I’m always shocked when my picture shows up. Can’t be anonymous anymore…dammit!
Long time lurker…but my burning question of the day is…
What does Champ have against kappas?
Not that I blame him or anything, lol…but that sounds like a story waiting 2 be told…
@MsQisthaname,
lol, i dont have anything against the kappas. in fact, if i ever need an a&r, designated driver, or manicurist, they’re usually the best people to ask
welcome and sh*t, btw
@The Champ, LMAO at manicurist!
I don’t think anyone has commented on the “new friends” thing. I admit I’m sensitive towards this one because I happen to be a near-22-year-old young Black woman with a very small group of friends and associates, but no “best friends.”
Anyway, I don’t think a grown man having new friends is automatically a red flag. In some cases it could be indicative of some larger issues but what about men who change or mature and find that his old friends aren’t for him?
I don’t know. It’s not always easy finding close friends who have the similar interests, maturity levels, life goals. Sometimes folks have to go to extremes and start over. *kanyeshrug*
Perhaps some find it more acceptable for women to have new friends than it is for men, no? How do men feel about women with new friends?
My bad. Folks did comment on the “new friends” thing.
Some of the reasons make sense, but I’m still not convinced that every man with new friends is automatically suspect.
Honestly, there are men who have lie all the time and have a hard time maintaining relationships who still have shitloads of friends, exes, and are connected to family. There are many losers with friends.
I know I may be stretching it here or playing devil’s advocate, but what about men who grew up in foster care and/or come from a dysfunctional family, e.g. drugs, incest, drama. Some people have to distance themselves from that shit and keep communication (if any) to a minimum….
I’m just sayin’…women need to interrogate WHY dude may not be connected to fam or have limited communication with them and/or why he may not have long-time best friends instead automatically thinking he’s suspect. I mean, damn…
@Michelle D.A., Good points. I’m not even that sure I pay attention to how long a guy has had friends in his circle. Generally I judge (I guess if that’s what you wanna call it) by what his friends are like, period. I don’t really have a checklist for friend timelines. I figure most people have old friends in their lives who may not be frequent fixtures in their everyday lives. I know at times I am a very “out of sight, out of mind” type of friend lol. People move around a lot or are too busy to hold onto every friend so much.
@Michelle D.A.,
Good points on the friends issue. Like Liz, that isn’t necessarily an instantaneous red flag for me either and it is worthy of further investigation.
On another point listed, I must admit the pre-paid cell phone isn’t a red flag for me either. I do pre-paid myself and it can be an example of fiscal maturity.
I love how few women are commenting on the abs thing. They love that ish, lol
@Way up there,
damn. i guess my plan to convince them to find the 30 year old ex athlete “you can kind of tell that he used to have abs” gut sexy didnt work
Dang my ex-boyfriend had three out of these five traits!!! This list is so on point! I just wish I would have read this post like 4 years ago…would have saved me two years in a ridiculous relationship….
Thank you so much for sign #1! Hearing a man constantly refer to women as “females” is one of my biggest pet peeves. I can’t help but to give a dude the gas face when I hear that.
Let’s see, I own my own home (it’s paid for), I have a pension for life (thanks uncle sam), I have over 200k in the bank and I PLAY VIDEO GAMES everyday—does that mean I ain’t shit?
When did women start hating on video games? I can understand if a brotha doesn’t have a job, doesn’t go out of the house, etc, but if a brother is giving you attention, financially fit, and plays video games, what’s the problem? My white wife doesn’t have a problem with it–LMAO
Last night a guy at the bar I was at bought me a drink. He was impressed I was drinking Johnny Walker on the rocks. He made it a point to say several times that this was his FIRST TIME EVER buying a FEMALE a drink. My ain’t shit radar went off and I thought of this article…lol…He was 31 and very proud that he had never bought a female a drink and said this would be his last time….thanks not shit brother for my drink. Cheers!
1 – No matter when you’re around him, he has the faint smell of alcohol (especially dark liquor), smoke (especially weed), and/or must.
2 – He only refers to you as “Babygurl” – especially after only knowing you for 2.5 seconds. These same types of men are the ones who over employ FE-Mail.
3 – They truly believe that it’s perfectly acceptable for them to sleep around in a monogamous relationship but not for women. ESPECIALLY if they start spewing at the mouth about how it’s because they won’t catch feeling but you will.
4 – Take great pains to explain to you why it is perfectly acceptable to have children outside of their marriage and/or plan a child with a woman they have no desire to ever marry.
5. Pick their nose at any and all times.
6. Expect oral pleasures every time but never, ever feel the need to return the favor. (and, yes, this works both ways)
7. His hands are dirty ALL THE TIME. Not just rough, but DIRTY at all times.
8. His dry towel in the bathroom is dirty.
9. He has slept with ALL the girls in the crew.
10. All his friends are dimwitted.
11. He has a car but always refuses to drive. And when he does, he’s calculating the miles.
12. He is depressed all the time.
13. He waxes/plucks/strings his eyebrows where you can tell that that’s what he did to get the high arch. I understand keeping them in order so you don’t look like a woolly mammoth, but thou shalt not have cleaner eyebrow edges than me.
HAHA Champ,
I can’t even get past the picture on the article. I’m assuming you are referencing the characters and not the actual actor, because a good friend of mine is married to the actor and I would hate to think that he ain’t about sh*t.
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