although i’ve always suspected that i live in a bit of a vacuum, the conversations i’ve had, heard, and read over the past couple of weeks have basically confirmed this. apparently infidelity is the new 30, and my lack of experience in this arena apparently either means that i’m hopelessly behind the cheating curve (the preferred option) or so undesirable that both me and the equally undesirable women i’ve chosen to be with exist in cheat-free alternate universes (the, ummm, unpreferred option)
thing is, even if you disregard the “cheating is wrong and sh*t” thought, the idea of cheating has never even really been a relevant issue for me, for five completely separate and somewhat selfish reasons.
1. i’m lazy as hell
the walls in the dining area (“area” because calling it a “room” would be like calling the mud puddle in my parking lot a swamp) of my apartment are decorated with framed 24 x 36 inch vintage art posters. sure, they’re a bit cliche and definitely pretentious, but they’re colorful and black chicks with glasses, asses, and advanced degrees seem to dig them.
anyway, this framed poster…
…is actually laying on the floor next to my dining area table. it fell off the wall when my air conditioning broke, making my apartment so hot for a week or so that the wall adhesive basically melted, and its been there ever since because i’ve been too lazy to put it back up.
if that alone doesn’t convince you of my transcendent laziness, lemme inform you that this frame fell in august…of 2008
basically, a man who has spent 18 months walking past a fallen picture of a wino monkey because he just hasn’t felt like putting it back up yet probably isn’t going to bother trying to juggle multiple chicks.
2. i’m a bit of an assh*le
to expound, i’m a bit of an assh*le who will break up with somebody i still actually like.
basically, while others might stay in a relationship where they’re still relatively happy, but cheat to fill whatever void they have, i don’t have a problem with just saying “sorry, this isn’t working,” pulling the kanye shrug and bouncing if i feel a strong inclination to step out.
3. it seems too time-consuming
between working, blogging, watching basketball, playing basketball-like activities three days a week, the time spent in showers taken after masturbat1ng, and the time spend b*tching about the state of black relationships over cheap beer, i barely have enough time for my one girlfriend as it is.
i hate using condoms
i know that isn’t the most politically correct thing to admit, especially in light of world syphilis awareness week or whatever the hell it is right now, but f*ck it. yeah, i get tested and blah, blah, blah, blah, but isn’t being able to say “hey, look, ma: no condoms!!!” one of the perks of being in a long-term and faithful relationship?
nevermind. don’t answer that.
4. i live in pittsburgh
a common saying about the burgh is that it’s the biggest small town in the country. while six degrees of separation may connect you to everyone everywhere else, the burgh’s unique dynamics make it so that its somewhere between seven tenths and one and a quarter here.
basically, if you can’t even go to a home depot in the hood on a thursday morning without running into (in order) an old teacher, your godsister, franco harris, and an old f-buddy from the summer of 2003, how the hell do you expect to be able to creep here without getting caught?
5. apparently i’m prone to make funny f-faces
i’m already self-conscious enough as it is. i don’t need a bunch of off-brand sluts knowing exactly what the champ looks and sounds like when he’s making baby champions.
anyway, in the past two weeks we’ve devoted approximately 372 entries and 10,000 comments to why people cheat, why monogamy is unreasonable, and why blasian n*ggas named eldrick can’t be trusted.
for the remaining seven percent of us who haven’t cheated on their mate, i have one question: why? why haven’t you stepped out, and what has allowed you be a faithful tree in a den of inequity and easy p*ssy?
also, for those who’ve cheated on some but not others, what made the difference? was it circumstance, condition, or did you just wake up one day and decide to stop being a b*tch ass muthaf*cker?
the floor is yours
—the champ
Related posts:
- 35 reasons why he cheated
- 3 completely practical reasons why he’s with a white woman
- four completely practical and non-racist reasons why i never have and most likely never will date a white woman
- More No Sh*t Sherlock PSAs from VSB: Why Hot Chicks Get Cheated On – The Christina Milian Edition
- five reasons why successful brothas don’t want to put a ring on it
{ 310 comments… read them below or add one }
um…..first. lol
got nothing to add yet, lemme go read the post
lol @ the wino monkey poster. I’m like that, too. smh.
I was raised on Disney movies and Disney Channel original movies and the story always went: Boy and girl meet. They fall in love. They are happy forever…..There was never no cheatin azz bastid in Disney movies, so the thought didn’t occur to me. I’m faithful because I’ve always wanted fairy tale endings. Is there ever a fairy tale ending? No. But that doesn’t mean I can’t keep trying. lol. *shrugs*
@Selah,
There was never no cheatin azz bastid in Disney movies, so the thought didn’t occur to me.
in the original version of snow white there was actually an 8th dwarf named “footer” who’d sleep with her whenever she got lonely. he also used to fix appliances, and this is where the “maintenance man” term originally stemmed from
@The Champ,
in the original version of snow white there was actually an 8th dwarf named “footer”
*flatlines* LMAO
@The Champ,
fool
@The Champ,
LOL! .. how dare you try to sour such a timeless story.
@The Champ,
and this is where the “maintenance man” term originally stemmed from.
Now that is truly funny.
@The Champ,
U aint NO good for sullying this fairy tale.
But umm… wouldnt it be great if they did a remake that included “footer?” It may end up on HBO. I may watch
I have cheated on a guy for cheating on me. it was done purely for that fact and I really hurt a good dude and realized that I shouldn’t ever let someone change me into someone I’m not. and also I’m lazy and forgetful. hell when I was just dating random dudes I couldn’t keep the names and dates straight. I remember arguing this dude down that he took me to see jeepeers creepers. I mean got mad and everything cause he was like naw that was some other ninja……lol he was right
@shay-d-lady, I did the samething back in college. But, the weird part was it the sex didn’t like how it did with my ex. Anyway we broke up and I now just want see what happens when you walk the straight and narrow.
@shay-d-lady,
I remember arguing this dude down that he took me to see jeepeers creepers.
i’d pay good money to watch someone cussing someone out about them being taken to see jeepers creepers (which, btw, is one of the most sneaky scary movies ever made. i mean, the whole time you’re watching it you’re laughing, but a part of you is definitely creeped out and a bit scared)
@The Champ, touche on jeepers creepers…I didn’t expect the ending.
my favorite is “i live in pittsburgh”. for all intents and purposes, small town-living sucks (except when you need the occasional hookup the your ex bf’s auntie is doing the hiring)
And, yeah i’d have to say not wanting to get caught is probably at the top of most folks’ list. eldrick.
@kidSistah,
Just want to say that I truly appreciate that you did NOT write “for all intensive purposes.”
@Mis.Education,
Thank you…though had you caught me up until about my sophomore/junior year of college, I would have just embarrassed myself.
@kidSistah,
had you caught me up until about my sophomore/junior year of college, I would have just embarrassed myself
thats what she said
@Mis.Education,
I thought it was “intents and purposes?” Just caught me off guard. I know what you mean Mis.Educated.
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
It absolutely is! But I’m sure 82% of folks you come across state this phrase wrong…I was a part of that 82% for entirely too long. Just.Too.Long.
Cheating is what a woman might do if, say,
she’s in a serious relationship
that’s headed towards marriage,
but her educated, upper middle class, medical resident boyfriend
(who has a grrreat car and condo)
is not physically attractive.
-_-
At all.
For instance.
@inHIcotton,
i feel like you want to share. lol
@shatani,
you get that feeling too?
@shatani,
I also get that feeling, aint no thang girl, share:)
@inHIcotton,
ok. who allowed jessica care moore to get through moderation?
@The Champ, ok. who allowed jessica care moore to get through moderation?
rude, lol
@inHIcotton,
Ooh. Please don’t set yourself up for the massive FAIL that is marrying a man you are not attracted to. At all.
Regardless of his grreat car and condo. #realninjaPSA
@Soula Powa,
See, what had happened wuz…
My evil plan allowed for a **first** husband.
Like, a practice spouse?
A dry run at matrimony.
Yeah. That’s the ticket. ;^)
@inHIcotton, You spoke in past tense, so apparently your parasitic plan didn’t work. What happened?
@inHIcotton,
Do Tell…Pick up after the Marital Test Dummy Experiment fizzled. Thx
um…most of your reasons are the same as mine. i honestly dont wish to expend the energy it takes to carry on a completely separate life. i dont know how people do it, and my first question is, “why not just leave?” its not like i havent been tempted, we’ve probably all been tempted….but the bottom line is, if i care so little about what i have that im willing to toss it out the window for this new ish, then what i have needs to be dissolved….
and thanks for that tip about blasians named eldrick!
@shatani, The reason people cheat is because it’s fun at first but quickly becomes a second full time job. Just remember that what you do in the dark will come to light. Ask Tiger woods he can tell you better than i can. It’s just not worth it and it becomes more trouble than anyone would care to wallow in. Heed my words brotas and sistas i speak the truth. I’am also a card carrier of the cheaters union and cheated on union and they both suck. Be faithful –it’s less stressful. Trust me!
@Just X,
Just remember that what you do in the dark will come to light.
not always though. there are some stealth ass cheaters out there
@The Champ, I used to be a stealth one. still haven’t been found out.
@Reecie, Give it time!!! Don’t think that it won’t happen to you. That was Tiger Woods mistake, he thought he was (M.C Hammer)-(can’t touch this) and we all see where it’s going–DOWN HILL. Just be careful, the lord don’t like ugly
@Just X, its been several years and not with them anymore anyway. now if I was? I’d agree. How I have NOT cheated on the one I’m currently with. I was being selfish and immature back then.
@shatani, I agree that it takes too much energy. Although I think that women are better cheaters than men. The guy I just stopped seeing was cheating on me. I found out because I called him & he was on the other line with his homeboy. He told me to hold on but never clicked over. Dude went on to finish his story about some chic that just have him $2000, how good her “P” was & how nice her place was. When he finished and I said “HELLO” he just hung up. He called back 2 hours later apologizing for keeping me on hold & acting like that sh&t never happened!! HILARIOUS!
@Yaa, ROTFLMAO… “When he finished and I said “HELLO” he just hung up.” – I think I peed a lil.
@Yaa,
that IS truly hilarious…esp. him acting like things were normal. what was he thinking…lol
@Yaa,
Man, that really happens a lot. I had a good friend had that happen to him when we were in college, except it was because he didn’t cancel the call on his cellphone. Hilarious.
I’m also lazy…
@A-Town Genius, WOW, I did’nt know a A-Town Genius would label themself as lazy!?!
Why I haven’t cheated:
1. I’m a bad liar. I have big eyes that tell on me.
2. I have a guilty conscience.
3. I wouldn’t want someone to do it me.
4. I’ve lived vicariously through other friends’ cheating habits and it’s way too much f*cking drama. basically, the wrath of a man after he’s been cheated on is way too much for my sensitive nerves.
5. I like not worrying about STDs.
6. I’m a lady and sh*t.
7. The double standard: women pay a much higher price for their indiscretions. It’s a fact, and I don’t have the energy to debate it.
8. I co-sign Champ’s #4: If I were dating someone exclusively in the Burgh, and I stepped out, it would be on the front page of the Post-Gazette by the next morning. All the coloreds know each other in this city. And I know all the white folks too, so going in that direction wouldn’t be an option either.
p.s.- i like the new font, Liz.
@Miss Patterson, thx
@Miss Patterson,
Completely co-sign everything here.
Not to mention some of us hate condoms more than we care to admit.@Lili, I rather be safe than sorry!!!!!
@Miss Patterson,
Completely co-sign everything here.
@Miss Patterson,
Have you ever cheated? Avoidance and evasive maneuvers will not be accepted. I red you the first time but asking anyway.
@Miss Patterson,
6. I’m a lady and sh*t.
you sure about that?
@The Champ, I’d ask you if your daddy was sure about that, but I’m a lady and sh*t, so I won’t. Instead, I’ll just *politely* tell you to kiss my a$$. Thanks.
@Miss Patterson,
iLove u long time, Pattiecakes lol
The Champ, ya gotta get with those condoms, man. I realize that you aren’t very good-looking. I know this, man. But as your income increases, you will become a more likely target for conception deception. First she’s on birth control, then she’s not!
@inHIcotton, Thats not what he meant and sh*t. Champ does not have trouble in the looks department
…maybe he needs help in the passing gas department tho *kanye shrug*
@melekaj,
Champ does not have trouble in the looks department
trouble deez.
wait…that was a compliment? my bad, i’m so used to being on the defensive and sh*t. thanks and sh*t, melekaj
@inHIcotton,
But as your income increases, you will become a more likely target for conception deception.
not when you’re a pull-out maven
@The Champ,
Really homie? The pull out method?
Well, when you do find a piece that is too good to pull out of, (or you cum early) you’ll have 18 years to get to know her better. And that’s ignoring STD’s.
Condoms, much cheaper that Pampers and Valtrex. #realninjaPSA
@Soula Powa,
Really homie? The pull out method?
Well, when you do find a piece that is too good to pull out of, (or you cum early) you’ll have 18 years to get to know her better. And that’s ignoring STD’s.
dammit. this comment just foiled my diabolical plan to have indiscriminate unprotected pull-out sex with as many shady hood rats and off-brand sluts as possible until i found one piece too good to pull out of.
what the hell am i gonna do now?
@The Champ, LOL at the “off-brand” references… I’m stealing it! *gone*
@The Champ,
what the hell am i gonna do now?
I think saving money for the eventual slip-up is probably a good idea. Not that I’m putting anything bad on you. I hope it does not happen.
@The Champ,
oh champ. this brought me out of lurkdom. it only takes one my friend. it only takes 1…and pre c*m is a bish
@tnt_FTW,
Yep… I’ve know too many friends of mine that caught up that way…lol
@tnt_FTW,
pre c*m is a bish
definitely a t-shirt
@The Champ, it sure is. They can put it next to the My Boys Can Swim shirts.
@The Champ, they should make this into a maternity style t-shirt….ASAP
@tnt_FTW,
But why is everybody intent on thinking that The Champ didn’t think about that?
He’s an adult and can surely manage the consequences of his non-condom ways. Pretty simple.
@Sula,
i dunno. he still gets a healthy dose of o_O from me from that i’m a maven statement.
till he does better lol
@The Champ,
lol at “pull-out maven”
LOL @The Champ,
Keeping it too real in the comment section
@The Champ,
maven???? Really…have you been certified?
@Nikkisix,
I think “Pull Out Maven” would be a great t-shirt too…lmao
@miss t-lee,
I’m thinkin heather grey with mustard colored lettering….iron-on letters of course
@miss t-lee,
i agree…lol
@Nikkisix, LOL@ certified
Before I answer I’ll need some clarification. If a woman allows a guy to claim her while she doesn’t claim him as her significant other in return, then goes on dates with other men (no body contact), is that cheating?
@Ms. Smart, Hmmm I would say not really.
Only, because I had talks with my friends about if cheating is really only about sexually interaction.
Think of it like this: If your S.O. did everything that they would do with someone else except have sex and claimed them as an S.O., Would you catch feelings??
Lol, be careful cus if your answer is yes then that could mean that cheating is not only about physical interaction but also emotional and dare I say spiritual interest
@Mr. Gundam,
funny you should bring up the whole emotional vs. physical factor. in my mind cheating isn’t really cheating until you find yourself wanting to spend time with that person doing something other than ckufing. theeeeeeeeen it gets sticky–feelings are hurt, hearts are broken and esteem is lost. important stuff, that.
@cam1ll3,
I’m not understanding. So it’s NOT cheating if you boink someone other than your S.O., but it IS cheating if you want just want to hang out and kick it with that person?
@Monk,
noooo not saying that. i’m saying the cheating is far more devasting (to me) when boinking and emotion are involved.
*and i know from experience that “just kicking it” eventually will turn into boinking with emotion.
@Ms. Smart,
If a woman allows a guy to claim her while she doesn’t claim him as her significant other in return, then goes on dates with other men (no body contact), is that cheating?
nah. just confusing.
@Ms. Smart,
Nah. It’s deceptive for sure though since you let him think you were in agreement with the status of the relationship when you’re not. However since HE thinks you’re in a relationship, HE may interpret it as cheating.
@Ms. Smart, After reviewing the responses and other comments, I’m going to say I have never cheated. Laziness is really the key. I have great time mgmt skills but I’m just too lazy to use them for cheating…But maybe I should…Naw. I’ll pass.
The first and last time I cheated on a boyfriend I was 17 and it was freshmen year of college. It took too much work, folks on campus were in my business and, though the boyfriend and I stayed together, I realized I wronged someone who had done nothing to me.
I haven’t cheated since – though I have been accused of it. Go figure.
@V.E.G.,
was the bf at the school or home?
@V.E.G., ha! I was accused of cheating too (and I wasn’t) found out it was because HE was cheating on me. smh.
Damn, how you gonna have the picture of me (the drunken Monk) just on the ground like that?
@Monk,
its still there because it hasnt figured out a way to get back on the wall.
On the topic,
I’ve cheated in a relationship back in the day and I chalk it up to just being selfish and on the immature side. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too basically. When the girl I cheated with became a semi-stalker, shyt hit the fan. Sad thing is, I felt better for doing it once I found out that the girl I had cheated on cheated on me as well. Call it karma or something like that.
I wouldn’t do it again based on the love and respect that I have for my lady now. No new cooch is worth it.
I’ve cheated only once, and that was on a guy who cheated on me first. I
lovedhated him, and wanted to get back at him–make him hurt as much as he hurt me. Though, immediately after I cheated, I broke up with him. I couldn’t look him in the eye, and I could never be intimate with him again, so I ended it.Since then, I’ve never cheated. It requires way too much work, and I would rather break up, and be single, than to hurt another man the way that ex hurt me. If your mate isn’t fulfilling some need, let them know, try to work it out, then either get over it, or get out. That’s how I see it….
@N.I.A. lovesthekids….,
wanted to get back at him–make him hurt as much as he hurt me.
did he ever find out?
@The Champ,
I don’t think so.
I’ve never cheated for similar reasons. I’m picky about relationships and if the guy doesn’t have everything that I’m looking for, I’ll stay single. Plus I live in a city where everyone knows each other literally. I can’t go anywhere w/o bumping into someone I know. The last reason is karma and morally I couldn’t do it. Personally the second someone lies to me, the trust is gone and I couldn’t do that to someone else.
@Leila,
Did you just say you couldn’t lie to someone else? You just did. But you mean conditionally? All terms and conditions are subject to change too, right?
I’ve cheated before. So there goes that.
Reasons why I will never cheat again:
1. If I’m unhappy with who I’m with, I know to just break it off. On a related note, I’ve grown annoyed with enough men to know when I am just not going to be able to hang, so trust me on this one lol.
2. I like monogamy. A lot.
@Liz,
i like monogamy, too. I was raised on Disney movies and Disney channel orginal movies — i like happy endings that don’t include cheatin azz liars.
And you know I had to say Hey Girl HEEEEEYYYY! on here, right? LOL
@Selah,
And you know I had to say Hey Girl HEEEEEYYYY! on here, right?
get a room
@The Champ,
don’t be jealous. lol.
@Selah, LOLOL hey girl!!!!!
@Liz,
Great list.
@Liz,
#ditto & #cosign
@Sadé,
BTW that Sade album release in January is going to be the BOMB. Wow!
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
Will be copping that.
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
Already have my pre-order in!
This is one of those “sold not told” *ss topics right here.
I only cheated in one relationship…and that was because I was on a threesome mission, to finally get that out of my system–and no, didn’t pull it off.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I only cheated in one relationship…and that was because I was on a threesome mission, to finally get that out of my system–and no, didn’t pull it off.
please expound and sh*t
@The Champ, nah, the initial confession and reason alone were enough carrion for the vultures in here.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
they got you shook, huh?
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, I think the 3-some thing only seems fun in theory (and in pron). I really put some thought into how it would really go down & look and I took a pass!! I was totally grossed out & not interested but that’s just me…I over think everything!
So, it’s safe to say that not ALL men cheat?
I’ll go with your five reasons, Champ as my five….
‘cept for I don’t reside in Pittsburgh and I’m not sure about my f*** faces.
@Made In Hawaii, “All men ____” is part of chick supremacy mythology.
@Made In Hawaii,
welcome and sh*t, i think.
i’ve had 2 significant relationships and cheated both times. in both cases, i cheated as a means of “get-back”. i’m now in a relationship with the man i cheated with but i’ve cheated on him because he cheated on me (stay with me, guys). i won’t leave because i do love him way deep down but the chick he cheated with is his best friend and he refuses to tell me that he’ll leave her alone and not be involved with her (tho he claims he will not actively pursue a relationship with her). he says he loves me and wants a life with me and we’ve even discussed having an open relationship in which he could be with her and be with me and both relationships would be mutually exclusive (and it would have to be that way because the chick and i used to be friends and i can’t stand that harlot now). i refuse to share him with her tho. as far as me cheating on him, i’m really not trying to get into anything deep with the side piece…we’re just good together. we’re old friends. and he has obligations of his own.
i guess in this case, cheating offers some relief from the madness that is my real relationship (and fyi, tho me and the sidepiece still talk, i’m no longer having sex with him. i’m trying to work on my primary relationship and be a grown up).
@cam1ll3,
Wait, so you are deciding to work things out and be monogamous in your relationship, but he he has told you that he cannot promise that he won’t deal with his side piece/”best” friend again? I think that’s what I got from your comment….
That’s one of the issues of being with someone you cheated with. I’ve seen this scenario a few times- since you cheated with him, he’s not going to see a problem cheating on you if the urge arises. It isn’t right, but in his mind it will be ok (evidenced by the fact that he told you he can’t promise something won’t happen).
I know you don’t want to share him, but it’s really on himif he does or doesn’t get shared…It just sounds like he’s leaving the window open.
@Lili,
you got it. and when we first got together, i’d considered all of this. i spent the 1st 3 years of our relationship waiting for the karmic shoe to drop. it didn’t so i figured he and i were safe. i had no idea the threat was so close to home. and yeah, he is leaving the window open but he also understands when and if she comes back (she’s out of state with her husband and 4 kids–yes, her husband and 4 kids), i’m gone. he understands that our relationship is conditional but we’re both trying to work thru it. we have a house, 3 cars, and 3 dogs together. it’s just easier to stay right now.
@cam1ll3,
reading all of that just made my eyes crossed.
@The Champ,
cross deez.
@The Champ, #cosign
@cam1ll3,
I’ve read this twice and I STILL dont understand. Lemme see if I can make a diagram.
U cheated on ur man —- Got with the person u cheated with — who then cheated on u w/ ur friend who happens to be his best friend — then says he loves u but still kinda has the hots for the girl he cheated with u on — and yall will possibly pursue an open relationship.
Am I right?
*scratching my head*
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Yeah, I’m still trying to figure this one out…
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Thank you for the cliff notes version.
*still got my finger on my chin*
@Thuggie Luvvie,
you got everything except the chick is his best friend. she was my friend by proxy. and though it was suggested and considered, there will be no open relationship. but to everything else, yes.
@cam1ll3,
I am curious to know how you define “love him way deep down”?
@Sula,
That can be taken in so many horrible ways. lol
@ComicBookGuy,
Right??
@Sula,
lol. What up, Sula? Enjoying this foggy day in the H?
@ComicBookGuy,
Actually, I’ll do fog as long as it’s not arse cold. I was in DC this week-end and the windchill factor was 10 -13 degrees F…. I was very thankful for the fog upon my return.
How are ya?
@Sula,
I’m good. Not looking forward to the drive with all the rain. People drive like idiots out here.
@Sula and ComicBookGuy,
i love him underneath the thick gloopy layer of resentment i have for him. way deep down.
@cam1ll3, This all sounds way too complicated….and so not worth it on all fronts….is it that all of this confusion is better than being alone?
@klysha,
pretty much. the thought of ending it hurts as well.
The main reason I don’t cheat?
Respect for the other individual as a person.
Once upon a time my ex-fiance` cheated on me. That sh*t hurts.
@Shay,
Kinda scary that 18 posts in, this is the first time that this reason was given. Though I’m sure….or hope :/ that most shared this extremely important and telling sentiment as well…
@Mis.Education,
I hope so too. I’m an optimist. That may be an unwise decision, though.
@Mis.Education,
well the post was about the selfish reasons ppl don’t cheat…this one is all about considering the other person. i hope that puts your mind at ease lol.
@Shay,
Life hurts. How else would you know what good is? Not making excuses.
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
As direct result of that fiasco, I met some of most wonderful people and developed some of the closest relationships in my life.
Then again, as a direct result, I also spent a year and a half inside a bottle.
Life hurts- that it does.
@Shay,
“The main reason I don’t cheat? Respect for the other individual as a person.”
lammmmmmmme!
What we all doin on here at this time of the morning (whereva y’all at)?! LOL, I know I have no reason being awake, but I since y’all hittin me on the hip now (wink wink) and I don’t feel like writing this paper…this is absolutely perfect.
So, I’ve never cheated. I’ve also only been in one “real” – we both lay claim, and it’s more than “talking” and more than just sex – relationship since high school so I haven’t had many chances, either, I guess. Cheating is just non-grown to me. And apparently, I’m grown. It creates too much turmoil, unless you’re just reckless with it, which means many other issues…It’s a very selfish act, and I can’t hang with it (as cheater). I also doubt I’d do it well or effectively. I think too much, and get confused quite easily. This could be my guilty conscience making sure that I’m too flustered to do wrong in that way. But hey, I’ll take it.
I will admit oh so shamefully, and even hypocritically?! in some eyes, that I’ve been the “other woman,” (which I do view as something different than cheating). I don’t know how many women will lay claim to this aspect of cheating or if that’s even up for debate….
but it still ain’t right. smh @ it all.
@Mis.Education,
Your’re probably miseducating your self if you think that being “the other woman” is NOT cheating.
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
Your’re probably miseducating your self if you think that being “the other woman” is NOT cheating.
touche
@The Champ and Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^, exactly how is being the other woman cheating… especially if that’s your only man? I’m just curious…
@Yeah…SO?!,
By transitivity (mathematical rule). You are being with a cheater –> you are a cheater yourself.
Simple.
@Yeah…SO?!, boooo… I don’t buy it.
@Sula,
Nice move Sula. Transitivity. I aint no saint but hell let’s call it what it is. That’s part of why we heretofore.
@Sula and Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^, oh wow… so ya’ll really do believe this? Not to implicate myself(side-eye) but, PUHLEEEEZ… if you gon’ use transitivity as you’re reasoning- then that means the person you’re cheating on is a cheater too… GTFOHWTBS
@Yeah…SO?!,
I believe the difference is that you knew the guy you were cheating with had a “committed relationship” with his s.o. (No Yeah…SO?!)
@Yeah…SO?!,
I know… it sucks. Logic and mathematics can be so annoyingly right sometimes.
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^, uh have we met?- lol
Even if that were the case, it wouldn’t make me a cheater. In no way is this a condonation of cheating… but, cheating is an act of deception… who exactly would I be deceiving if my only know loyalties are to the person I’m cheating with?
But, now I do see why chicks would fight the other woman instead of kicking they man @ss or to the curb – smh.
@Sula, mathmemathics no… sarcasm used to support a null point… yeeeeeesssssssssssssss!
@Sula, I’m sorry I just saw annoying and ran with it…
@Yeah…SO?!, “who exactly would I be deceiving if my only know loyalties are to the person I’m cheating with?”…you’d be deceiving yourself lol(this is the worst kind of deceit). Yes, as the other woman who knows she is the other woman…you are a cheat because you can not have that relationship openly.
@laughable, Sula n Triple Crown,
Allllriiiiiiiiite :-/ sheesh (lol)
@Mis.Education, It may not be cheating in the most technical sense but i think it has the same karmic repercussions as cheating.
Cheating is wrong. What if you’re the cheatee? Like you didn’t KNOW you were being used to cheat?
@Da Iceman,
What if you’re the cheatee? Like you didn’t KNOW you were being used to cheat?
if you didnt know, there’s no fault there
um….i’ve never really cheated. but if you ask the guys i’ve been with they might give you a different answer, so i guess it’s all about perspective. ms. smart asked if it’s possible to cheat on someone that claims you but you don’t claim them. well along those lines, i’ve preemptively ended it with a couple of guys who didn’t want to get the message and were stuck in “let’s work it out” phase & goin around town talkin about “my girl charli,” when charli was clearly off somewhere busy with other folk. and then after that, sometimes we’d get back together in an on again off again way, and in my mind i was never sure if i should tell because it was cheatin or not worry about it because i’d already deuced myself out at the time.
anyway, if that’s cheating i;ve cheated. but if it’s not then…i don’t cheat (the regular deceitful way) because i’m lazy and sloppy (i never delete text messages. no tiger.) and am afraid of relationship karma. also….i have this phobia of being cussed out maury povich style by a man that used to love me.
@charli skipper,
Charli it’s amazing how we are certain that Karma will pay us back for bad deeds but NOT so certain when it comes to good ones. Like right now I’m sitting around worried and scared that Karmas’ gonna do something remarkable for all the good i’ve done. Beware Karma. (No Sarcasm)
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
Sometimes I debate whether I truly believe in Karma. I tend to think that, in general, sh*t happens to us all at some point, it’s just the human experience. We just feel bad when we know we did the same ish to someone else. As a result, we tend to not notice the “good Karma” as you pointed out.
I routinely cut people off in traffic. When people cut me off, I hate it, but I live in Houston, it would have happened to me whether I did it or not.
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
My good karma pays dividends routinely.
@Shay,
Well threaten people with good Karma too cause I’d bet you’ve done the opposite.
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
I routinely say that people get out what they put in.
That’s not a threat, that’s a promise.
Yay @ Champ for being a faithful man
(so it is possible).I have never cheated.
1a. I not want to toy with the trust and emotions of someone I love.
1b. I don’t want to give them the excuse to do so to me if they happen to be vindictive enough.
2.
As irresponsible as it is, some of us hate condoms too.3. Part of it is the subconscious need to always be considered a “good girl”, but I’ve always felt that I was on a higher moral ground because I never stooped low enough (no shots at anyone) to deceive a lover.
4a. As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve never (to my knowledge) been cheated on. I like to believe I’ve chosen decent men who were trustworthy, so I should uphold my end of the bargain and be equally decent.
4b. But honestly, I’ve never been serious with someone I felt the need to cheat on. If we’ve made it to the point where we’re exclusive I value the he11 out of you and I’m da*mn sure not entering into a relationship with you if I don’t intend to work and ensure that we are both happy. And since I trust and value you enough to enter said relationship, I trust and believe you have the same viewpoint as me.
@Lili,
“Part of it is the subconscious need to always be considered a “good girl”
This right here? Yep, this is it for me. D*mn Disney channel. smh.
@Selah,
Yeeeeeeeeep…
Damn society and its double standards.
and another thing: the champ, you know your a*s done cheated.
(j/k)
@charli skipper,
do deez
I too am a lazy mofo. I do good to pick up the phone and call the one I claim to like so much.
Cheating is defined so differently from person to person. But my own belief is that cheating is breaking the agreement, whatever that means to you. If you agreed to not have sex with anyone else then cheating is to do just that. If you agreed to never make a copy of of your smooth groves mixtape for anyone else, and you do anyway, you cheated. To lie is to cheat, and vice versa and sh*t.
@BigBuck,
“I do good to pick up the phone and call the one I claim to like so much. ”
I cosign. Cheating isn’t really feasible for me because it takes enough of my energy to return phone calls and drag myself off the couch long enough to put up with my main loved one’s small talk while my shows are on. so i really can’t be bothered to entertain more than one person’s advances at a time. or make my own. advances, that is.
@BigBuck,
Yo where you been at fam whats good?
Good to see one of the original VSB’s back
@Dorian G.,
Whew it’s a long story, but it’s good to be back fam. Don’t worry, I will be back to my usual shenanigans in no time. Plenty of new people to lure into the “Corner”! LOL!
Speaking of which, anyone heard from my baby Goodeness?
@BigBuck,
“I do good to pick up the phone and call the one I claim to like so much.”
I so agree…dudes probably got mad cause I didn’t call. (I’d text them though…lol)
I’m with you on 1-3. I’m too lazy, it’s time consuming and I can be a downright bastard if I choose to be. I’ve only been in one real relationship and that lasted six years. Not once did I dally with any outside dudes.
One man is enough, multiple is asking for mental and emotional injuries. I have dated multiple however, but once I saw flags, warning signs or just got plain bored, I cut it off.
Plus I could never do it, my conscious is an evil witch that would never let me sleep if I ever did cheat.
@Jade (not a prOn) Star,
I’ve been in one serious relationship too. It was for 5 years. I never stepped out for the same reasons. The funny thing is that my ex who had been in a few relationships before ours cheated on me near the end. It took me so long to get in a relationship because I didn’t want to settle down. It seemed so easy to me to just tell women I didn’t want to be in a relationship and keep it moving. It hurt sometimes to see those same women with another dude because I had feeling for them. But I couldn’t be mad because I chose not to be in a relationship.
@Humble_One, ” It seemed so easy to me to just tell women I didn’t want to be in a relationship and keep it moving. It hurt sometimes to see those same women with another dude because I had feeling for them. But I couldn’t be mad because I chose not to be in a relationship.”
Been there . . .stuck there now . . . I feel you.
@IVR, cosign on the “been there” part.
@ Lili, cosign on the ‘good girl’ deal plus I’m too paranoid.
@Laika,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ,
Where does a “welcome and sh!t” fit here? lol
…it’s just not worth it and not fair. Just do the hard thing and be honest.
U can talk to us girl, aint no thang:)
I tend to get birthdays mixed up, which one likes steaks and who hates Italian, who’s a steelers fan and who isn’t, which one gets off at 5 on Tuesdays and Thursdays and which one gets off at 5:55 Wednesdays and Fridays, etc, etc. Too much info to process and remember for me. And this is just with my male friends, so I guess pimpin’ isn’t in my blood and I wouldn’t ever cheat. Clearly I’d get caught. I firmly believe in doing unto others as you’d have them do unto you.
@RedPlum,
“I guess pimpin’ isn’t in my blood”
this, btw, is also the working title to tiger woods new tell-all expose
@The Champ, Hilarious!
Also, it takes choices away from your relationship and makes you a liar (whether you are caught or not).
@Smiley Face,
Being born human makes you a liar unless your name was Jesus. that you? you back? tell another one.
@Triple Crown, lol..m’kay
I did not have sexual relations with that man!!!
O.k now that i’ve gotten that out of the way, let me explain. Whether or not I’ve cheated all depends on the definition of the word- cheated. I’ve cheated emotionally, secret text messages, e-mails, secret trysts but alas NO SEX, or any oral sex. All this non cheating cheating this was on my recent ex. Basically I’d been trying to get out of that relationship for a minute and the new dude was the catalyst that gave me the balls to eventually end it. I couldn’t think of a concrete reason to give to my ex ( and myself truth b told), so i used the fact that i was cheating as an escape. *shrug*
But before the above, I’d never cheated because I’d never felt the desire to. When I’m with you, I just don’t see anyone else out there. Besides, all that drama and admin in trying to balance diff people is hectic!!!
Love the post Champ.
@mateosmuse,
In my observation it seems that women NEED some other person (Rebound) to leave a relationship than do men. I’ve also found that for far more women than men, her relationship defines & determines their self happiness and dictates everything else in their lives. Potentially unhealthy emotions, neediness, clinging and poor self esteem.
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
In my observation it seems that women NEED some other person (Rebound) to leave a relationship than do men.
i’d tend to agree. not sure why though.
@The Champ,
Goes back to the “security” reason (most) women are in a relationship in the first place.
@Sula,
Are you saying that women are fraught with insecurity as it compares to men?
@Triple Crown,
No. That’s absolutely not what I am saying.
I am just saying women put more stock into “security” as in stability, knowing where things are headed, etc… than other things. So the idea of leaving with no sure “plan B” probably doesn’t seem appealing to most women… Hence, they rather have something “sure planned” before leaving…
Doesn’t excuse the cheating… just a perspective on the why.
@Sula
Well if “security” is the reason “(most women)” NEED a “sure plan B” before they break up with somebody then it smells like INSECURITY to me. (As it compares to men) This smacks of codependency and an unhealthy mindset. Do I want someone who is insecure in themselves? Me and Lil Boosie badass want them I N D E P E N D E N T. Yesssir! Confident. Self reliant etc.
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
You might be right… Was just trying to explain a potential “why”… but eh, it is what it is.
Sex! Sex has always made the difference, I’m getting OLD I don’t have time to waste on boring vanilla sex. I don’t have time to wait for you to give me sex. I want it, I want it now, and it better be good or your next door neighbor, best friend, the guy at the wawa, the bus driver and the oldhead at work who said that I have a beautiful smile are all starting to look good to me.
It all goes back to a basic relationship rule, you have to date someone with the same libido or it just won’t work.
@Stustustudious,
“It all goes back to a basic relationship rule, you have to date someone with the same libido or it just won’t work.”
word.life. Levels of hosh*t must be congruent.
@Stustustudious,
“It all goes back to a basic relationship rule, you have to date someone with the same libido or it just won’t work.”
The realest sh*t ever!
@Stustustudious,
This is true. It’s like that quote:
“If the sex is good, it is 10% of the relationship; if it’s bad it is 90%”.
People don’t realize, or admit, how much good sex keeps relationships together.
@Lili,
The quote is revealing. It says that sex is high on the priority list no matter how you look at it. But good sex WILL NOT keep a relationship together so much as it might delay the inevitable breakup or change the definition of the “relationship.”
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^, co-sign completely on this post. While I agree with Lilli that bad sex does seem to take the focal point of the relationship, good sex is not the Krazy Glue for one. If it’s a jacked up relationship, good sex be damned, it’ll eventually end–it just may take you longer because you like that good stuff.
@Stustustudious,
CO-SIGN!
@Stustustudious,
Sex! Sex has always made the difference, I’m getting OLD I don’t have time to waste on boring vanilla sex. I don’t have time to wait for you to give me sex. I want it, I want it now, and it better be good or your next door neighbor, best friend, the guy at the wawa, the bus driver and the oldhead at work who said that I have a beautiful smile are all starting to look good to me.
***getting magnifying glass to read comment to hopefully figure out how it relates to the topic***
@The Champ,
“also, for those who’ve cheated on some but not others, what made the difference? was it circumstance, condition, or did you just wake up one day and decide to stop being a b*tch ass muthaf*cker?”
@The Champ,
So what you’re saying is… you have people writing this sh!t for you??? You don’t even know what you typed???
@Stustustudious,
This is one of the most important reasons why I have cheated in the past. Dudes who fit the “list” (I was young-er) to a tee but can’t rawk my world made it hard not to “look around”…. And it was hard to explain to outsiders why this seemingly perfect boyfriend was getting the boot… so I did the coward thing and just cheated instead…
Now that I am more assertive and confident in my likes and dislikes, I don’t have to stay with a dude who does not rock my boat… perfect on paper be damned. I refuse to eventually cheat on the father of my children (or be frustrated until the end of my life). No chexual chemistry? No relationship. Simple.
I’ve never cheated so as much as I used to juggle kats. I told them all from jump about each other and they knew what was up so they could take it or leave it. Why did I have to keep it that real?
I’m a really bad liar. I can’t keep stories straight to save my life. Instead of trying to remember what I told kat #1 and #2, and telling a different story to #3, I just told them all the truth…lmao
Wow…maybe this goes back to Champ’s excuse of being lazy…lol
@miss t-lee,
I’ve never cheated so as much as I used to juggle kats
are you ambidextrous?
I have cheated before, and lawd it actually felt good and exciting while doing it, but uh-ruh I felt rather shitty afterward, plus I always felt he knew or had an inkling… it’s just easier to deal with one man at a time. You have to contain your hosh*t…
@Naturally Alise,
You have to contain your hosh*t…
this was actually the original title of “charm school” until the vh1 people thought it would be too vague
This conversation has the potential to be more letigious than Tiger Woods pre-nup. Big Buck makes part of my point. By the time we get through defining, qualifying, justifying and rationalizing what “cheating” isn’t and what we didn’t do, so that it appears to be in line with our own principles, the situation becomes cloudier than Champs’ “Den of Iniquity.” (He means inequity) There are people who breakup temporarily just to “cheat” with another. If they end up getting back with the person they broke up with, was it cheating? But please, let’s hear the hundred million or so variations on how, why and when it is or isn’t “cheating. Are there faithful couplings? Yes. I imagine by the time we come to a consensus on how long one has to be in an explicit “commited relationship” for it to mean sense, the number of all ye faithful might be in the 5-7 percentile (the clock is still ticking on those) and Lizs’ libido would be on FIRE. (Yours and mine too) You don’t have to “cheat” at an amazing clip to accomplish “cheating.” I’m not sure how lazy you’d have to NOT be, to have a one nite stand juggle your titz or ballz.
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
But please, let’s hear the hundred million or so variations on how, why and when it is or isn’t “cheating.
for me, cheating occurs when you have ‘secret’ romantic or sexual contact (sex, a kisskiss, a finger bang, etc) with another person while you’re in a relationship
Champ, I never cheated for pretty much the same reasons as you.
My Conscience
I ran into a chic waiting for the bus that I wanted to smash right before I met my ex. We talked for a minute but I lost contact with her. I picked her up and took her to the crib. We were talking and she was all in. When I got to her crib we sat in my truck and kicked it for a minute. We exchanged numbers and I left. On the way home I thought about what I was going to do and I felt terrible. I couldn’t believe I was going to do this because of a big @ss and a mean walk. I threw her number away and never saw her again. I had a few chics I knew before my last relationship that tried to get at me and I always turned them down because I was with my ex.
1. i’m lazy as hell
To me cheating seems like a whole lot of work. Keeping up with stories, always making sure you cover your tracks, going out and finding new p***y while still maintaining the p***y. It just too much. Most dudes I’ve said that to don’t feel that it’s work. Maybe I’m just different. I feel that going out trying to meet women is hard work. I think cheating may be easier for women because more men are willing to cooperate with a woman’s situation as long as they are getting some @ss out of the deal.
it seems too time-consuming
In my first and last serious relationship I had 2 jobs and went to school. I had absolutely no time to entertain other women. It seems that going out and getting women is a huge draw on resources. By resources I mean time and money. I couldn’t handle working 7 days a week, studying Fluid Mechanics, and chasing women.
i live in pittsburgh(Detroit)
This is what I am hearing a lot of dudes say lately here in Detroit. Now that the population has dropped under a million people in just the city alone Metro Detroit has become a lot smaller. And dudes are saying that it is harder to get away with ish in a smaller city.
@Humble_One,
Keeping up with stories, always making sure you cover your tracks, going out and finding new p***y while still maintaining the p***y
this is the part that gets me. seriously, no new p*ssy is that good to make me go through that many hoops to get it
I’ve never cheated, but I’ve been around the block once or 80 times. Ummm, the reasons why?
1. I don’t want it coming back on me. Treat others the way you expect to be treated, blah, blah, blah.
2. I actually take pride in the fact that I’ve never cheated. And in a world where women think most, if not all, men cheat, I’d like to take this time and let all the ladies know out there that yes, they still make our brand and model. lol
3. Why be a player when you can be a bachelor? James Bond is a bachelor. He can go to Argentina on a whim, kick it, slay a couple of chicks, and save the world. If he’s married, then his name is Mark Sanford.
4. I got morals, and sh**
5. I can do all my philandering while I’m still single.
But I don’t judge all my cheaters out there. I saw Funny People this past weekend, and this was one of the realest quotes ever:
Seth Rogen: So what happened with you and her?
Adam Sandler: Ehh, I cheated on her.
Seth Rogen: Why would you cheat on her?
Adam Sandler: Well it’s easy not to cheat when nobody is trying to f*** you, you judgmental pr*ck!!!
@SouthernCharm,
Yep. Thus the cliche: “A man/woman is only as faithful as his/her options.” Let the right option c*m long and see.
@SouthernCharm,
2. I actually take pride in the fact that I’ve never cheated. And in a world where women think most, if not all, men cheat, I’d like to take this time and let all the ladies know out there that yes, they still make our brand and model. lol
3. Why be a player when you can be a bachelor? James Bond is a bachelor. He can go to Argentina on a whim, kick it, slay a couple of chicks, and save the world. If he’s married, then his name is Mark Sanford.
***making mental edit to my list and adding these as #6 and #7***
@SouthernCharm,
Funny People was hilariously sad.
@Sula,
it wasn’t sad as much as it was reality. i like the fact that it wasn’t a “traditional” happy ending. very funny movie though.
@SouthernCharm,
I agree. It was more real than “sad”…. It just goes to show that some people are just not meant to be in “relationships”… the relationship to themselves is the one they need to focus on at all times…
I’ve never cheated… I haven’t had many seriously relationships (just 2)… but, they both were pretty intense, so I never had the desire to cheat… I considered them to be my best-friends(that I happened to cut from time to time) while we together- while we were breaking-up… completely different story, but even then I never felt the urge. Maybe, it’s a personality thing- some are prone to cheat others not so much.
Shocked to see $$$$$$$ wasn’t apart of anyone’s reason not to cheat… from what I hear and have seen… that isht gets EXPENSIVE!
@Yeah…SO?!,
Shocked to see $$$$$$$ wasn’t apart of anyone’s reason not to cheat… from what I hear and have seen… that isht gets EXPENSIVE!
only if you’re married or dating one of those jazmine sullivan ass chicks
@The Champ, ahhh-haaaaa!
“apparently i’m prone to make funny f-faces”
I forgot to add on my original comment, that I’ve been singing the hook to the Scarface song ever since I read this sentence.
Thanks Champy!!!
@miss t-lee,
“You must be used to all the finer thangs….”
Any hook by Devin the Dude is gold in my book.
@ComicBookGuy,
“Infatuated by what money brang…”
I already know I’ma be singin’ this all day…lmao
@miss t-lee,
Daggone it! Ya’ll got the song in my head too!
@legitimate_soul,
That is a really good song. One of my idiot friends did what Scarface’s verse describes to a girl that worked at Victoria’s Secret. He bought a nighty and left it there. I was like “you are an idiot. You got that from F*ck Faces.”
So everyone here doesn’t and has never cheated. Well allow me to be the first ni99a to chime in on the cheating side of the fence. I have cheated, multiple times. The reasons are basically the same everyone else list and even Champ tried to do last week. I will say this, a lot of it has to do with the fact that slaying broads was the #1 hobby I’ve had since I’ve been 18. There are certain situations that at this point I can run on autopilot, almost like a Lion instinctively hunting the gazelle, even when he’s not hungry. Does it feel good to cheat, no. In fact the hardest time is the first time, then it gets progressively easier until its just routine. Plus I have a weird sense of morals and ethics code so I guess I justify it that way. I hope the air is better up there on y’all high horses lol
@Dorian G.,
I hope the air is better up there on y’all high horses lol
it is. they give you complimentary cocktails and shrimp up here too
@The Champ,
Hmm in that case I think i’m cool
Endless new panang >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> complimentary mojitos
@Dorian G., “slaying broads was the #1 hobby I’ve had since I’ve been 18…”
Then why not just be single?… dang!
@Yeah…SO?!,
Old habits die hard *shrug*
@Dorian G.,
Hi my name is Triple Crown and I have cheated. You sir are a trained assassin. “Weakness compels strength. Betrayal begets blood. That is the code. This is the way of The Ninja.” ROAR my ninja. ROAR! Lol!
Champ,
“glasses, asses, and advanced degrees”
That sh*t is genius. It sounds like an Ivy League pron production.
@Bryceness, it really does.
@Bryceness,
welcomee and sh*t (i think)
i was in a relationship where the first half of it i was faithful and the 2nd half i wasn’t.
during my non-cheating tenure, i was content, lazy, and consistently laid. then we broke up and i had an ONS during our break (i had no intention of returning, she knew this) and that of course was just as good as cheating.
anyways, we both needed dates for the alpha ball, so alas we were back together, of course the trim was now rationed and i responded immaturely by satisfying my desires in other caves.
i lived in a city much like pittsburgh, instead of six degrees of separation it was more like two…i never got “caught” so then it became a personal of how much i could get away with…then i got bored
i have since accepted my flaws and now embrace bachelorhood while avoiding monogamy like the plague, thus i will never cheat again.
@Carver The Great,
i have since accepted my flaws and now embrace bachelorhood while avoiding monogamy like the plague, thus i will never cheat again.
this sounds like a creed or mission statement at the beginning of a players anonymous meeting or something
When I decided to marry for the third time, I asked myself many questions, some of the most important among them, can he satisfy me and my sense of adventure in a monogamous relationship “for the rest of my life”? We had many talks and a few adventures just to see how things would go, and I decided the answer was yes.
Fast forward 7 or 8 years down the road, and what I ended up with was a man more than willing to take whatever sexual and intimate gifts his wife had to offer “without wanting to give anything back”.
After struggling with this, and weighing the pros and cons of staying sexless in a marriage after having been cheated on in the previous two – I decided I could play this game too.
Well I got lucky and found someone who not only wanted to fill the gaps but was damn good at it. I saw him for a year and a half, told lies I didn’t know I could tell, and while it wasn’t the real reason my marriage ended, it sure didn’t help when we got caught!
Do I have regrets? Only that I procrastinated when I first met my “friend” out of guilt and responsibility. Would I do it again? Oh hell yes!
What I will not do again, no matter who or what, is put myself back in a relationship that is emotionally and sexually binding.
That’s how it works for me, thanks for listening and sh*t, BeBe
@BeBeLaStrange311,
are you still with your husband?
@The Champ, Reading is fundamental: “I saw him for a year and a half, told lies I didn’t know I could tell, and while it wasn’t the real reason my marriage ended, it sure didn’t help when we got caught!”
@BeBeLaStrange311,
“What I will not do again, no matter who or what, is put myself back in a relationship that is emotionally and sexually binding.”
So you wont be in ANY MORE traditional marriages then? Is that right?
a…lyin ain’t my thing….
the rest don’t matter….
“anyway, in the past two weeks we’ve devoted approximately 372 entries and 10,000 comments to why people cheat, why monogamy is unreasonable, and why blasian n*ggas named eldrick can’t be trusted.”
lmbaoooo somebody’s pop ain’t teachin him right….
@kingpinenut,
Elaborate, because that sounds like a shot…
@Lili,
everybody’s relationships got its own standards….
folks assume stuff right and left
lay all the sh!t out up front expecations, etc… as well as what happens when they ain’t met
plus….you cain’t change a tiger’s stripes….
During my first “real relationship” I cheated, but it was only a technicality. After weeks of debating whether I would end it, I finally decided to do so. Having resolved to end it, I called a new-found lady friend to celebrate. She and I celebrated a bit too much before I had the opportunity to officially end my initial relationship. I wrapped up that loose end the next day.
I’m at a point now where I want to be in one-relationship with one S.O. because I don’t have the energy or desire to juggle several. I’d rather use my energy towards growing something solid with one person. Of course, now that my B.S. tolerance is extremely low, my relationships haven’t lasted long enough for me to be tempted to cheat.
@Caballeroso,
After weeks of debating whether I would end it, I finally decided to do so. Having resolved to end it, I called a new-found lady friend to celebrate. She and I celebrated a bit too much before I had the opportunity to officially end my initial relationship. I wrapped up that loose end the next day.
calling this cheating is like calling it murder when your would-be mugger died of a heart attack when the gat you pulled on him scared the sh*t out of him.
this made much more sense in my head
@The Champ, oddly enough, I follow what you’re saying.
@The Champ, this is causation. If it is foreseeable, that someone would die of a heartattack during a mugging, you could be convicted of murder. But you could raise provocation. Sorry, first semester of law school!
Always such a pleasure to come into the office <—- (as a recent grad, in my first position of sorts, it gives me much pleasure to say I have an office) and read this.
I don't cheat cuz of #2.
When I get the urge to though, it's because I like the idea of giving him back to his girl when I'm done. No responsibility. And because I don't give a ___ about the gf.
In the end, it's that good 'ole Christian training and the Golden Rule that does the trick.
@lulu,
Always such a pleasure to come into the office <—- (as a recent grad, in my first position of sorts, it gives me much pleasure to say I have an office) and read this.
the pleasure is all mine and sh*t
i don’t cheat b/c it really ain’t worth it for a few reasons –
lying requires a really good memory (as has been stated above) and though my memory is usually impeccable, i’ve mistaken some sh*t and people before. even called a chick i was talking to an ex’s name…that she knew. hell, i went on a spree where i only dated chicks with the same name just to avoid the confusion (real talk)
i’m also lazy…it takes a lot of work just to DATE beaucoup chicks at once. trying to seriously date one woman and then keep a sidepiece happy? shheiiiiiiiiiiiit. ain’t nan’ sidechick worthy. especially since a lot of women nowadays refuse to accept their role and play their position. nope, everybody wants to start (no iverson).
respect and all that flowery sh*t. if im going to seriously date you, i’m dating you and only you. i expect the same.
plus i live in DC, the Grand Central Station of STDs and sh*t. playing with fire could literally turn to playing with fire. i’m afraid of STDs. and also impregnating the wrong woman. i’m literally afraid of these things. like i break out into cold sweats. i love my clean bill of health. and i love getting tested to find out i’m negative in every possible way. i almost cussed out my dentist for not being willing to administer an HIV test. doctor, my a**.
all that to say, cheating just aint worth it for me. plus, getting caught is a b*tch and then you have to explain sh*t. just a big to-do.
@Panama Jackson,
“i almost cussed out my dentist for not being willing to administer an HIV test. doctor, my a**”
iCackled
Aight so word. I heard this preacher say that, “God keeps him from cheating on his wife.”
@WuDaMan,
That means he’s a cheater. LOL
His will and love for his wife should keep him from cheating, not God.
@WuDaMan,
if anybody can God can. But you know his son turned water into wine and fed the multitude with a few fish and a couple loaves.
@WuDaMan,
I wonder if that was also a message to women in the congregation who also have motives to bag the pastor or have crushes on him. The pimp in the pulpit concept is real, and no disrespect to your church or anybody elses, but maybe he put it that way as a message to that he’s not having it and God sees all.
eh….by my standards I’ve cheated. nothing physical however.
The guy I was with didn’t give me what I asked for…I even told him about the guy that was pursuing me. Me & the other dude went out a couple times. I told my guy about it…he still didn’t do what i asked. Then when the chips fell he was mad at me. I told him what was up, the foreshadowing was there and he decided not to pay attention. O well…
that’s not something I’m going to do again though. I’d rather end it than have some other dude try to fill the void the main isn’t filling. And I’m on the lazy side too…it’s difficult enough to call the main, but then the side piece too? ugh…no thanks.
@Kaye, I also don’t want to be cheated on and have a whole lot of respect for the relationship i’d have w/a bf. I like to give/show behavior I want back. I expect that.
@Kaye,
so you were basically courted by a guy who knew you were in a relationship? damn. ninja’s are bold
@The Champ,
yep….plus the other dude would post bold stuff on my myspace/fb wall (e.g.:a small music player w/”All The Things(Your Man Won’t Do)” on it).
@Kaye,
The undertone here sounds like a woman that may have employed blackmail, intimidation and extortion techniques to manipulate her “man” into doing what she asked. (Although MAYBE in a more subtle than direct way) If I felt this were true I’d probably let you go right on about your business off principle alone. This would be the kind of skullduggery, chicanery and subterfuge, in my mind that’s built for the “shake club.” Pole anyone? (No poo nanny)
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
Thing is…if he did it….you’d be right. but he never did, so I left. the end….lol
I take that back he did do it….after I broke up with him. And quite frankly what I asked for wasn’t much in the grand scheme of things (*ahem* a card…written love & encouragement-like i said not much)
@Kaye,
So you blacmailed the man with the threat that someone else was writing their feelings for you? Then you eventually left “your man” because he didn’t write you fast enough? Dont actions speak louder than words? If it wasn’t “much” then why did you feel the need to extort and intimidate? And if it was so small why would you let him go for “not much?” I probably would have let you go even if I didn’t want to because 1 demnd would have turned into a series of demands that if not met leads to threats, intimidation and extortion. Terrorism. Insurgency.
@Triple Crown ^^^ ^^^ ^^^,
lol…there are several other factors in this story-that i’m not going to get into.
I actually diminish the whole card thing (because in the grand scheme of things how hard is this to do? I mean really?)…it is important to me & at that particular point in time he needed to have done it or the relationship woulda been over w/ or w/out the other dude. (And the action woulda been him doing what I asked and quite frankly I didn’t ask for much within the span of the r’ship to begin with-so what’s the problem?) That’s just how it is.
This situation was over the span of a month and a half and no he did not respond quick enough for me. Terrorism it might be…but relationship was doomed to end, like I said, had there been the 2nd dude or not.
The laziness thing is a constant around here. I totally understand. If something about you makes me sacrifice my weekly comic book time and watching episodes of Burn Notice, then you must be special.
I have never been one of those guys to claim to have a lot of game so I actually got a chick to like me and want to spend time with me, it is probably going to be even harder to get another girl to do it while I date another. So I really don’t have much faith in my “game” to juggle chicks.
I am a loyal dude and I ride with the good and bad, not matter how bad the bad can get. If it gets to point where I can’t stand you, I’d rather break up than cheat. I’m a softie and don’t want to really hurt anyone.
No matter where I go, no matter where I have lived, it’s small world. Somebody knows somebody that knows me (didn’t know I was that popular). People are nosy and vengeful so if I messed up, it would get around pretty fast.
I got a lovely mother, stepmom, grandmother, 5 sisters, 4 nieces and a bunch of aunts and female cousins that I love very much. If I cheated and they knew about it, I think it would hurt them, and in turn, it would hurt me emotionally. And physically. One of my cousins is a cop and I got some that are straight hood so I might get seriously injured.
@ComicBookGuy,
” I totally understand. If something about you makes me sacrifice my weekly comic book time and watching episodes of Burn Notice,”
Burn Notice is my ish. I think the new season starts next month. I thought I was like the only dude that watched it.
@Humble_One,
I love spy movies and spy shows and Michael’s voiceovers are hilarious. I like characters that outsmart people and don’t need a gun to do it. Me and my niece love that show. I find myself watching USA a lot. They have some good shows.
hell, i went on a spree where i only dated chicks with the same name just to avoid the confusion (real talk)
you a bonafide fool. and YOU LIE. lol…
I never cheated because:
1. I can’t. I’m not wired like that. I can only get down with someone I care about and if I’m in a relationship I care about that person. Even when I broke up, I still cared about that person.
2. I don’t ever wanna’ be that chick. No judgement, but it’s not for me and it’s not my lane.
3. I would never want to hurt or betray someone in that way.
4. It goes against my personal code of conduct. I’d have issues of how I looked at myself if I did something like that to someone and I know I don’t want it done to me. The guilt!
5. I’m too private and I care about my reputation. It’s diseases out here, son! I am NOT someone who wants to be seen or talked about as “rant” through (which can very easily happen if a woman is a cheater). No. However a person may feel about me, they know I am not uncouth or a woman of ill repute.
@legitimate_soul,
^#2. is associated with my strong loyalty. Sometimes I’m too dayum loyal, but that’s what it is. If I’m with you, I’m with you.
@legitimate_soul, Me too!! But I am also that chic that will walk away FOREVER!
@Yaa,
Me too! I don’t like going back. There’s is not one ex-boyfriend I’d want to rekindle anything with. Even though we may be cool, No.
The reasons that I don’t cheat:
*I am not a good liar. I will eventually give myself away by doing something stupid like calling dude by the other dudes name or bringing up some activity that I did with the other dude.
*I am paranoid about diseases & being pregnant. The thought of catching something or passing something totally freaks me out. (In my mind everybody has a disease). I also fear getting pregnant not knowing who fathered the child is and ending up on one of those YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER talk shows.
*I also fear ending up with two boyfriends. I dont know how to just do the “jump-off” thing. I’d end up cooking eggs or buying birthday cards for the dude I am cheating with. I think it takes a certain type of person to just do the sax thing. I don’t operate like that.
*I am a self admitted WEIRDO/NERD. I’ve found that it takes time for a guy to really understand the way I think and operate. If a guy were just looking for sax he’d be totally turned off.
*DC is also very small!! I have actually stopped using my government name while single. I have stopped asking basic questions like “where did you go to school” or “where did you grow up” because more than likely I’ve slept with someone you know. I recently met a dude and found out on our date that he is best friends with a guy that I cheated with back in highschool (we didnt sleep together but just talked on the phone etc). My then boyfriend hated the dude and was hurt that I’d even took his number. That dude is now also good friends with my then boyfriend. My then boyfriend has a child with that dudes cousin. She teaches at my children’s school.
Based on the cold shoulder I got from the guy I went out with I dont think that kind words were said about me when he inquired 
@Yaa,
I have actually stopped using my government name while single.
I’ve thought about doing this. I’m just don’t know how that person will take it when you tell them your real name.
I have stopped asking basic questions like “where did you go to school” or “where did you grow up” because more than likely I’ve slept with someone you know. I recently met a dude and found out on our date that he is best friends with a guy that I cheated with back in highschool (we didnt sleep together but just talked on the phone etc). My then boyfriend hated the dude and was hurt that I’d even took his number. That dude is now also good friends with my then boyfriend. My then boyfriend has a child with that dudes cousin. She teaches at my children’s school. Based on the cold shoulder I got from the guy I went out with I dont think that kind words were said about me when he inquired
I’ve seen this happen to a couple of women.
My most successful and lengthiest relationship was with Mary Jane. At this point I can barely remember the truth, so recalling a lie is out of the question.
@Lil’T,
lol, theres alot of “real” being kept in these comments today
Folk cheat cuz they want A and B, not A or B. B (side piece) is not a replacement for A (fiance) — else A would have been dropped by now. B is a temporary supplement. Ex: Eldrick wants supplements B thru Z in addition to A (his wife, Elin).
I just want to be serious for a second.
VSB and VSS are better than STDs and spawning OOW children by various and sundry baby mamas/daddies. That’s not our culture if we don’t want it to be. Whether our relationships are open or closed, our relationships need not be messy.
Condoms are crucial. It’s possible for a person to test negative for an STD/STI that is in fact incubating in his or her body. So strap on your prophylactic.
@inHIcotton,
“So strap on your prophylactic.”
Can someone tattoo this on Lil Wayne’s peen? kthx.
I think some folks are telling bald-headed LAHS up in this crib o’ VeeEssBee! Bout 80% of folks in here have said they’ont cheat and won’t. If the world were this righteous, Tiger wouldn’t have 15 mistresses ready & willing to do #hosh*t w/ him.
oh, btw. I’ve never cheated. Really. Unless u count that one time. At that party. With that guy. That time. LOL, Just kidding. O__o
@Thuggie Luvvie,
*Off-topic*
My main folk in my work place now says bald-headed games because of you
I was reading your blog and hollerin’. It’s part of our lexicon now, but we definitely remember where we got it from!
@legitimate_soul,
This brings me much joy. Spreading lexicon of IGnificence, one cackle at a time.
Cheating is only fun for STD’s. They are the only ones that win.
@Mr(s) Nasty Time, LOL
@Mr(s) Nasty Time,
LMBO!!
@Mr(s) Nasty Time,
*dead* This is a PSA if I ever saw one
I’m going with the lazy option! I have had many a opportunity where I coulda cheated…but at the end of the day who wants to have to worry about yet another person being hooked on the good good. I mean seriously a lot of dudes have been acting Female-ish lately and trying to get clingy and to be honest I just don’t need more than one me in a relationship. So I stick with my babes. He makes me happy
<3
Well… I am not proud to say it, but I have been unfaithful in the past in two of my relationships. But slightly to my credit, when the cheating happened, both relationships had gotten to that unbearable point where it could have been over any day. When a relationship gets to that point, common sense would say to just end it – but (no excuse) I’m a creature of habit and routine plus I’m kind of sentimental and sh*t and its hard to let go. As I always say – better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. And also – both times I cheated, it was at the end of the relationship and we ended up breaking up anyways (not about the cheating) and I went on to be in relationships with the “rebound” guy. Not that its ever ok, but I feel like at least i wasn’t out there screwing random ninjas or being a total wh*re, the relationships were basically already over in my mind and meeting someone I had a real connection with was that thing that brought me back to the reality that I needed to end things – which I did so shortly after.
Now my current bf – we haven’t been together that long – but I don’t want to cheat on him because he’s too good to me and I couldn’t bear to hurt him. I’m trying to reform my ways of the past!! This guy could really be the one and I’m not trying to go and f*ck things up… (Gotta get them bills paid ya heard… hehe just kidding) Plus, like many folks have said, it’s too hard and time consuming trying to live a double life. Even if I wanted to, I just don’t know when I would find the time.
But as a follow up question to any of the ladies in relationships – Have you ever been out with your girls and saw a guy that you were just SOOO attracted to that you couldn’t stop drooling/staring?? Or maybe you ended up flirting with the guy but nothing happened (no numbers exchanged, etc) – This recently happened to me and yeah i flirted with the guy a little (hey I was out of town and I was wasted) but that was it. Some part of me feels like its wrong that i was even that attracted to anyone else in the first place that I would flirt with them. Is that wrong or is it normal?
@BKSweetheart,
I think it normal to be attracted to other people…you’re human. (and some people just look that good).
But, I believe the “right vs. wrong” challenge comes in the reaction/behavior to that person & the rules established in said relationship. If flirting is wrong by his standards, then yeah…you wrong. But if it isn’t a big deal….then nah. It’s just a matter of how cheating is defined.
(But I see that you feel like it was wrong….maybe you should go w/that?)
@BKSweetheart,
Being in a relationship does not remove your ability to appreciate beautiful things… Guys will still look good and smell good even if you are 3 children deep in your marriage. It’s human, it’s normal and the sooner we get our minds right about it the better.
Harmless flirting is harmless. I tend to like fun conversations and chitchats… can be construed as flirting… or not. As long as you don’t put yourself in a situation where the possibility of cheating outweighs the possibility of not, then you are fine.
Another thing to look at too is this: if this happens more often than not, then maybe you need to check if you truly are attracted to your dude or satisfied with the state of your relationship. Worst case scenario it means that you are just not that monogamous.
@Sula,
I smell even better to a woman after she’s 3 kids in. I have to take a bath with no soap and burn a cigarette to get them “off the smell.” Lol!
@BKSweetheart, I think that attraction issue is what gets folks caught up. You’re in a relationship, you’re not blind. Physical attraction is just what it is. It only becomes more once you put more value on it. It’s like when folks go on diets. They go around restricting themselves. I don’t eat flour, sugar, anything white, anything brown, etc., etc. So after a while of restricting themselves, all that food they haven’t been eating looks real good and then next thing you know, they go on a binge and feel terrible afterwards. You’re human, My Dear, just enjoy the view and keep it pushing.
@BKSweetheart,
This happened to a friend of mine. Dude talked & smiled, she talked smiled back, then turned to me and said “Legitimate_soul, I’ll be over there” and pointed to the far side of the venue. I wrapped up my convo with the fellas and when I got back near her, she said “Gurl, he was so foine and that smile and those dimples, I just needed to remove myself.” I loved that she removed herself from the situation so as not to tempt herself or potentially get in a bad situation.
@legitimate_soul, you know what, that’s a good strategy, I would have probably never thought to do that. I think I’ma do that from hence forth. That way you don’t end up getting yourself in a sticky situation. Thanks for the advice girl!!
And thanks everyone else for weighing in
I cheated as a teen on one or two folks, and was cheated on in turn….learned the pain associated with such, dealt with the consequences etc and decided thats not the way I wanted to live, as a person, woman and adult.
Bad girl gone good here <—– and this version is far truer, "bigger, better, faster, and wetta".
@Orange of the Good DisKrit AKA ORangeStar AKA A clockwork Orange, AKA The Happiest Color said Sinatra is ORange,
“bigger, better, faster, and wetta”.”
See –now I want THIS on a shirt.
Team Chunk stand up!!!
I’ve seen what cheating can do to marriages and families in general. I’ve lived that shit. Therefore, I have never ever cheated on anyone. If I’m unhappy, I will tell you so and I will leave you.
And though I do believe marriage is forever, if I find out you cheated on me, I’m done, period.
Childhood scars are real yall, lol.
@8th Wonder,
Gasp!!! 8th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@8th Wonder, AMEN.
I honestly couldn’t tell you why I’ve never cheated. I think it’s because I’m too lazy to even bother finding out if there’s anyone else better in bed than the man I’m currently in a relationship with. I mean, I’ve tooted the “CheatingisbadandIhatethatish” horn for years, but I honestly haven’t met a single person man or woman who hasn’t cheated at least once…which is sad. But I’m chalking my faithfulness up to laziness for this one.
*First timer and whatnot*
Pretty simple…
Umm, I don’t do so well with new names and guys have gotten hip to the whole cooing, “Oooh baby~pookie~smoofus~dahling~love muscle” thing that I normally do.
Never cheated, don’t plan on it…(which is a whole ‘NOTHER story!)
*waves*
@Tenchi, welcome and sh*t! – lol *Kanye shrug*
I cheated on my high school boyfriend. It was a revenge mission. I cheated after I found out he cheated for the 574th time. It sucked because I was all set to leave him for the dude I cheated with, but dude just used me as a jumpoff, got his jollies off, and then hit the boulevard. So I was pissed at myself for allowing another person to be my catalyst for doing something that wasn’t me.
I don’t cheat because I just am not that ambitious. One dude has enough baggage for me. I don’t really need to go around collecting random dudes baggage and adding it to the mix. Plus, these airline baggage fees are a mother.
Secondly, cheating creates too much stress and I’m physically allergic to stress. Seriously I am. It literally makes my @$$ itch. Then my eczema breaks out and now I’m all mucked up, spreading ointment in far away lands because I was being all ambitious and sh*t. It’s just not worth the damn trouble.
And on a serious note, I’ve been cheated on in my realtionships–even my marriage. That just never gets any less painful and I just don’t want to put that on another person.
You get points for honesty.
I’ve never cheated because of your reason #2, #3, #3b (hate condoms) and:
I don’t like feeling guilty.
I don’t like dealing with suspicious, enraged lovers.
I’ve never seen a cute leash in my color.
Never cheated unless you count situations where someone hadn’t gotten the message that we were broken up already. Mostly because it’s easier to break up with someone than it is to hide what I’m doing. I’m jsut not organized enough for that. Also if I’m really feeling another person the thought of messing with another person regardless of how fine they are makes me feel dirty.
I cheated once on a ex boyfriend. He was in grad school in Pittsburgh (go figure) and the long distance was too much. It wasn’t worth it because I know I caused him a lot of pain. Learned my lesson would never do it again.
1. the majority of ppl get on my nerves. so if i’m feel’n somebody, i’m feel’n just them and am thankful they get on my nerves significantly less than the rest of the general population.
2. no void like the one mention’d in #2.
i’m right there with you on the lazy tip though. august of ’08 – thats hella funny because its so true!
I know alot has been made about clarifying and rationalizing what is cheating & what isnt, but I’ll try to propose a situation that isn’t far-fetched and probably happens often. Is it cheating if you’re not in a relationship, but you two are hookin up exclusively?
Ex. Man and woman go out, but then break up. Man and woman still hook up after break up. Woman doesn’t mess with anyone else, man hooks up elsewhere. Woman gets mad when she finds out about man’s actions, but he felt he wasn’t cheating because there was no title. <—-Now, is that cheating? I mean, its obviously dishonest, but its outside the confines of the relationship.
Some will say yes, some will say no. Where do yall stand on this?
This may be one of the most fantastic blog posts I have read from any blog that I have perused in recent history.
Please do not leave the blogosphere.
I am lol at the Pittsburgh comment! I used to live in da burgh AND went to Pitt and OMG, if is creepy how everyone knows each other! But I have never cheated but I have had a starting lineup that all knew about each other. I think the difference was that I didn’t like the lineup enough to committ to any of them. While in my serious relationship I was really in-love.
I’m faithful simply because the mere thought of my wife’s legs pint up by her ears while some other dood POUNDS her CAKE (i’m hungry…and infuriated) completely drives me insane.
I can only speculate how she would feel if I was cheating (hurt is an understatement), So to be fair, I keep it in my pants cause I would be on some “All three of us is going to heaven today” if I caught my wife stepping out. So I assume she feels the same about me.
“Do unto others…and sh*t” (I have been waiting to use that)
no bullshit though…my nickname shoulda been Footer in college… stayed comfortin these females wit time and soul pole
But on the cheating thang…You cheat based on what you want… if you wanna fukk the world, u’ll try to do just that… if u only want 1 joint..then that’s what you’ll do.
and I personally dont consider it cheating.. I’m simply shopping for her replacement