we were lied to.
you see, as youngsters, most of us were told that life was fair. ingrained in us from that first kindergarten kickball game when ms. edwards split the teams evenly so that aspergers alex and short-foot shawn wouldn’t hafta be on the same squad, we’ve been told that if you played by the rules, ate your veggies and kissed your janky looking teachers aide mom on the lips at least once a day, everything would be ok.
as we grew older and more worldly, we began to realize that the apples we placed on ms edwards desk everyday apparently just kept her stock-full of sh*t. life isn’t fair, jim jones still exists, and the pittsburgh steelers continue to prove that pittsburghers are just inherently better at everything...a fact which really isn’t fair to everyone else.
thing is, despite our knowledge of the latent unfairness and inequality synonymous with human life, there’s one aspect of our existence that many of us still hope will be even and balanced and just and exactly like that kickball game, except, of course, without short-foot shawn running in circles because he can’t make right turns. yet, as an example of one of lifes more darkly humorous ironies, this hope is kept for the one aspect of our existence that will never be completely even.
fair? maybe. just? ha! even? hell the f*ck no.
i’m referring, of course, to romantic relationships.
70-30
60-40
52-48
50.1-49.9
pick your percentage. there’s literally billions, trillions of different ways to add to 100. just know that it will never, ever, ever be 50-50.
never.
there’s always going to be someone who loves a tiny bit more, who has a bit more invested than the other person, and who has a larger emotional capacity than the person they’re in the relationship with. things will never be 50-50. someone will always have the final say, and someone will always possess the virtual perpetual tie-breaker sitting on top of the elephant in the room.
that utopic vision of a life replete with equal salaries, equal libido, equal responsibility, and equal say, with everyday culminating with the perfect o where you both climax at the exact same time while staring at the exact same spot in each others eyes? ha! that’s more contrived and unbelievable than this new subway promotion (thanks c.f.)
thing is…this isn’t a bad thing. sure, you dont want to be in a situation where you’re willing to die for someone who still has you listed in their phone as “samia safenut“, but every human relationship has the same dynamic: someone always the upper-hand. shit even in business, there’s always one stakeholder who owns a tiny bit more of the company than everyone else. the difference can be one half of one percentage point, but that number is enough to give him the trump card if the hand ever gets to that point…and its for our own benefit.
without this in place, life would be nothing but a series of continual stalemates and tie scores. billions of people stuck at forks in the road, stagnant for eons because they couldnt decide between chinese or mexican food that night. a world full of people with jagged genitals because they’ve spent their entire lives sitting on fences contemplating sh*t instead of leading or being led.
so…what do to? just make sure you’re not aspergers alex out there trying to play dodgeball with roger clemens, catching fastballs and sh*t with your what remains of your teeth, and you should be good.
hmmm…maybe ms edwards knew what she was doing after all.
—the champ
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{ 260 comments… read them below or add one }
Here’s my take on it.. Relationships are not exactly 50-50 at any given time someone has 70% and the other has 30.. or someone has 60 the other has 40 percent however there should be an equality in the amount of time each of you has the upper hand. 1 person should not always be getting the lower end of the stick. I feel that relationships should break down like this…33% equal or common view, 33% male, 33% female, and 1% of shyt you just have to agree to disagree on.( these figures do not indicate the amount of time spent on said issue or argument) If you find yourself always on the dominant end or lower end of the stick, there’s a problem.
nobody likes to be the bottom b*tch all the time
**Mormon Covenant Garments**
i’m sure that Diane would beg to differ. She was lovin’ being Goldie’s bottom b*tch.
you always want to be the bottom if you’re a ho.
Panamaaaa man come on if you don’t think she would have been trying to jedi chick logic Goldie you wrong my brothuh. I bet she was praying the day he went L7 he’d choose her.
“hoes love the bottom” would be a great t-shirt
I already got my money in hand. Just point me in the right direction lol
- http://www.mrswagger.com
“33% equal or common view, 33% male, 33% female, and 1% of shyt you just have to agree to disagree on.( these figures do not indicate the amount of time spent on said issue or argument)”
why do I get the feeling imma need my scientific calculator today for this post. This was good math…but if ANYBODY’s azz starts talking probability and deviation. Im gonna go postal.
are you sure? cuz i can pull out some f-test analysis and run a regression taking into account income, education level, and absentee fatherism to determine just how equality plays out when accounting for societal factors.
just sayin…
hey… gotta do your power analysis first to make sure you have enough observations for to avoid skewness of your results…
and don’t forget to do a stepwise multiple regression model to remove variables where p> .05
***where is my sharp letter opener***
thats for HI and P
giving me flashbacks of stats. and when your done i can whip up some snazzy full color charts and diagrams. i can animate the numbers for you too, may as well throw some flash up in there.
please stop, Im taking a stats class this semester and last night when I was supposed to be doing my homework I was thinking in statistics while writing the post I almost started talking about means and bell curves….
“or someone has 60 the other has 40 percent however there should be an equality in the amount of time each of you has the upper hand”
you don’t think this contradicts a bit? i mean, how is there gonna be equality if the split isn’t even?
you don’t think this contradicts a bit? i mean, how is there gonna be equality if the split isn’t even?
no its more of a paradox.
aren’t paradox’s contradictory in nature?
yes but a paradox is a contradiction that can be and often times is proven true? so while my logic is contradictory in nature it is something that in under the right circumstances, could be proven true
“pick your percentage. there’s literally billions, trillions of different ways to add to 100. just know that it will never, ever, ever be 50-50.”
I’ve yet to be in a relationship that was anywhere near 50:50. My relationships are usually lop-sided – either the guy is more into it or I am but never at the same time. I was just having a conversation with my ex yesterday and he was talking about how he didn’t appreciate me enough while we were together.
Do men ever appreciate you while they have you? You always realize what you had when it is gone. As to being in a 50:50 relationship, they don’t exist and I am fine with it. There isn’t a relationship in the world that is 50:50, not even between family, so what model would be emulating? I think that relationships adjust and evolve as the environment changes. Being primates and all we are very good at adapting to changes in reward contingencies. With that said, if I contribute 45 % today, tomorrow it may just be 75%. There should never be a relationship where the same person contributes most to the relationship ALL THE DAMN TIME. BTW I do like to be wined and dined so on that night, I’ll take the back seat at 25%.
“Do men ever appreciate you while they have you?”
depends on the man, and whether or not who you are is and what you have is worth appreciating and sh*t
word.life.
every diamond ain’t flawless.
yeah. lipstick on a piece of sh*t doesn’t make it a pig. just a confusing looking piece of sh*t.
why does lipstick make it a pig and not a woman?
Frankly, I am disturbed by all this wasting of perfectly good lipstick.
I’m just sayin’…
I too am distressed at the amount of lipstick that is going to waste lately.
“Being primates and all we are very good at adapting to changes in reward contingencies.”
you’ve been in neuroscience (read: Charlie’s lab) waaaaaay too long. but this insight is useful for comps lol
Very well said. It’s the “It needs to be 50/50″ mentally that are driving some great couples apart.
Did you appreciate him when you had him?
It’s impossible for it to be 50/50 in the eyes of either person, especially if she has miserable friends that are single.lol. I say that 50% jokingly and 50% seriously.
Isn’t part of finding the right person something about them being able to complement (not the “Baby, you lookin good”) you?
Lastly, if peeps are arguing about the equality of the relationship, someone must reaaallly be getting the sh*tty end of the stick. It’s supposed to be give and take. Pause.
all of my past relationships were lop sided.. I guess thats part of how I know my husband is/was “the one”. We never have/had the “why do I always have to compromise/apologize ” argument.. we do argue but thats not one of our issues. A good relationship requires altruism in its truest form, which then requires each party to willingly give up control. If you have no control or refuse to give up any that in itself indicates a problem.
I am interested to see if the opinions on this post will split with happy couples on one side and happily singles on the other….
so do you think people with control issues can’t have good relationships unless they’re with somebody who is the polar opposite, i.e. one person needs to control everything and the other couldn’t care less?
“so do you think people with control issues can’t have good relationships unless they’re with somebody who is the polar opposite, i.e. one person needs to control everything and the other couldn’t care less?”
i think so
so do you think people with control issues can’t have good relationships unless they’re with somebody who is the polar opposite, i.e. one person needs to control everything and the other couldn’t care less?
kind of but not really.. because in a true relationship you have to be willing to do what you have never done so if you are a control freak like my self you have to be willing to relinquish it.. if you dont mind always following the leader you are going to have to step up and lead every once and again. Otherwise you will have more of a parent child relationship……which a lot of couples have and seem cool with
You’re right, I like this point. I definitely struggle with the control aspect of relationships, which I take to mean that right now I am not ready to be in one lol.
Isn’t part of finding the right person something about them being able to complement (not the “Baby, you lookin good”) you?
thats the thing: it will never be exactly 50-50, but you can find the right balance with the right person.
“it will never be exactly 50-50, but you can find the right balance with the right person.”
Exactly, Champskii.
Well, one month you may carry 70 and the other month your partner may carry 80 while you scoot on buy with a 20 percent share. It’s called life. As long as you aim for balance and no one constantly feels like their load is too heavy to carry, then things are fine. It’s the trying part that matters…and showing your partner that you realize they are doing a bit more, showing a bit more RIGHT now and that you appreciate it..
“It’s the trying part that matters…and showing your partner that you realize they are doing a bit more”
this is good in theory, since everyone’s not always on the same wavelength, you’re gonna have situations where people are trying their hardest, but the other doesn’t think they’re doing sh*t. from talking to people, this seems to happen alot
you’re gonna have situations where people are trying their hardest, but the other doesn’t think they’re doing sh*t.
this is often because the person thats trying is not taking action but trying to “talk” themselves into it and spending more time trying to convince others that they really are trying instead of just..you know, trying.
“not taking action but trying to “talk” themselves into it and spending more time trying to convince others that they really are trying instead of just..you know, trying.
”
good point.
I’ve been on both ends – giving more than 50% and giving less than 50% into a given relationship. It’s all about establishing a balance within yourself as to how much of “You” you want to give. This should moreso be based on a case-to-case basis as everyone’s relations isn’t the same.
I will say this (to coincide with the Champ’s point), a relationship will never be totally equal. There will always be one party who feels more ‘deeplier’ than the other. This isn’t neccessarily a bad thing.
I guess my main point is to take shyt in stride and learn how to work together. The percentage difference between two people may vary in general or in regards to stage the relationship is in…or simply time of day…it’s all variables.
in the words of teddy riley ‘yup yup’
I think everyone should aim at 50-50 … in the long run.
It’s like the stock market or housing prices … sure your spot lost 25% of its equity right now and them bill collectors keep coming while McCain is chillin … but give it another 50 years … you’ll be aight.
But when your ass is losing, losing, and losing some more … and your not coming back anytime soon … well … bounce.
i dont know if i agree with this. i’ll come back after i’ve had my toast
While you finish your toast I’ll say this before I go grab my morning “I don’t want to be here” coffee.
I still agree there is no way 50-50 can realistically be achieved … but getting close to it is kind of needed. You need to at least be able to self-medicate yourself into feeling your giving as much as your getting.
If your getting 30 in the relationship … your 70 partner needs to throw you a few sacrificial “wins” at minimum.
Who wants to be somewhere where they know their only getting 30 and it actually feels like it? I think they have books for those people.
“I still agree there is no way 50-50 can realistically be achieved … but getting close to it is kind of needed.”
ok. i’ve had my toast.
anyway though, i wanted to agree with this, but there are some people who can only function if theyre getting 70+ or putting out 70+, and i wouldnt necessarily call them dysfunctional. would i take any of these people to kennywood? no…but they do exist
I licked your toast this morning… enjoy!
“I licked your toast this morning… enjoy!”
ummm…that wasn’t my toast
I HATE YOU!
**shaking a fist with extended finger and walking away**
I think the fine balance to maintain lies in that at any point in time one of you is giving/taking more than the other and so long as it is reciprocated equally its ok. However when it does not occur equitably that may cause some resentment in the relationship on one persons part
been there done that
people always talk about reciprocity…and thanks to Lauryn Hill, a lot of people actually know what it means.
however, i wonder how many people have ever been in a relationship where they felt 100 percent that they were both giving and getting everything they needed? i’m really curious about this. i’m sure it happens, b/c i’ve seen some couples who seem happy as a pig in slop. and i assume, based on this post, we’re assuming these folks are delusional…
I wouldnt necessarily say they’re delusional, just that they have learned to deal with the ups and downs of giving and getting what they need in their relationship. Just because your relationship isnt 100% perfect doesnt mean you have to love your partner any less.
i don’t think panama’s referring to whether or not a person is perfect though. what he’s getting at is the effort…not the actual person.
I got that part. I dont think you cant love your partner just because their effort isnt 50/50. Life is rarely an equal exchange, but that doesnt mean you cant be happy as hell with what you’re getting.
Besides, I think its sort of like the whole looks rating scale, you’re 50 may be my 40, vice versa. Its all relative to each persons relationship past and viewpoint.
however, i wonder how many people have ever been in a relationship where they felt 100 percent that they were both giving and getting everything they needed? i’m really curious about this. i’m sure it happens, b/c i’ve seen some couples who seem happy as a pig in slop. and i assume, based on this post, we’re assuming these folks are delusional…
my relationship provides me 100 percent of what I need, 80-90% of the time. It is hard work, and sometimes I do feel taken for granted, sometimes I do want a break from it all and I am sure he feels the same way; those are the true tests of the relationship but overall when it really counts my husband has proven that he is not going anywheree, that he is worthy of my love and trust and that he loves me and all of my idiosyncrasies and that gives me the strength to weather the storm.
i’m being to understand reciprocity in broader terms these days. i think it can exist in both dating and friendships. and why shouldn’t it? for example: when i notice that i’m the only one putting forth effort in the communication dept within a friendship, i stop reaching out to them and slowly phase them out of my life (and the friendship is over), so why can’t i have the same attitude towards a guy i’m dating?
i’m not saying it’s balanced all of the time, but when i begin to feel taken for granted either by a friend or a boyfriend…i’m out. next.
I don’t think it’s so much aiming for 50/50 so much as realizing that relationships are fluid…there’s always gona be times when things are good and people feel like they’re on solid (equal) ground and then life happens. can you step up and support me in those times when I feel like I can’t be strong? Damn it, yes, I hold it down the majority of the times but sh*t even even bad chicks need a break sometimes.
my ex couldn’t do it. I stood up for him when he needed me and when I needed him he couldn’t get over his own bullsh*t but he was young and had quite a few things to learn.
oh…and my mama never told me life was fair
I don’t think it’s so much aiming for 50/50 so much as realizing that relationships are fluid…there’s always gona be times when things are good and people feel like they’re on solid (equal) ground and then life happens. can you step up and support me in those times when I feel like I can’t be strong? Damn it, yes, I hold it down the majority of the times but sh*t even even bad chicks need a break sometimes.
i completely agree with this – i’m finding one of the things that i’m having to learn to do is let myself be taken care of in a relationship. trying to be superwoman all the time is exhausting, and it makes whoever you’re with feel like they’re just extra and don’t matter much to you. a guy i once… well, long story but anyways, a guy once told me i acted this way and even though at the time i denied it, i’ve realised that he was right and subsequently am learning to check myself because when i focus to much on saving the world and whatnot, i’m giving only like 5% to someone who’s giving me far more and needs me to at least make up the extra 45% for them at times.
wow. i think i just reached self-actualisation or something. that or my tired ass brain is telling me to get my sorry a$$ to bed asap and quit philosophising.
trying to be superwoman all the time is exhausting, and it makes whoever you’re with feel like they’re just extra and don’t matter much to you
This was one of the hardest things I had to learn with my husband.. he once told me that the most life changing moment in our relationship was the first time I cried in front of him. Consequently it was the same for me.
IT was the day my closest cousin’s first son died in her arms at 1 years old and how I stayed up all night being strong for her trying to keep her from doing herself harm.
This happened on top of whole lot of other family drama and I had had it…I remember my husband (then bf) asking if I was okay…and for the 1st time in a long time I couldn’t fake it… I was so tired.. It was probably one of the only times I truly didn’t have a plan, an answer, or even a thought about what to do next. I cant really explain it but I felt that burning sensation behind my eyes, the tightness in my chest and I didn’t have the strength to fight it and I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to dig deep down inside of myself and brush it off and pretend that I was okay, I didn’t want to be the strong one right then. I felt him behind me, I felt his indecision, whether to come to me or give me space. I remember him walking up behind me, hesitantly and I remember his body being almost like a magnet, pulling me towards him.. To this day I still remember How warm his arms felt around me, the feeling of his sweater against my face, the slight smell of smoke and cologne on his skin/clothes, his hands gently and methodically rubbing the back of my head, the nape of my neck not saying anything just being there for me and before I knew it I was crying, for my cousin, for her son, for me… it is probably one of the single most vulnerable moments of my life..
oh the point of that very LOOOONG and personal post that I wish I had not posted was that it was one of the hardest things for me to do even though everything in me wanted to do it. Afterwards I was immediately ready to put the armor back up and now I still struggle with the feelings of insecurity that come from allowing my husband to see me in that state but thats also why i think my husband is the one because he is the only man I have ever been willing to do that with.
I am struggling with this one right now. Over the past 6 months, I have had a number of guys tell me ‘As soon as you learn it is ok, to just be the woman in the relationship you will be perfect.’ Hearing that statement over and over from differenent men at different times kinda hits a girl hard.
this actually made me tear up (and that’s hard to do, my ice-hearted a$$ laughed the whole way through titanic). that is truly a beautiful story.
I definately shed a couple of tears too! I’m exactly the same way. The superwoman, always giving and being strong for others…laughing through titanic..and all that good stuff. Its amazing to be vulnerable like that around someone, and in fact it brings you closer. Why marry someone who you can’t do that with?
“trying to be superwoman all the time is exhausting, and it makes whoever you’re with feel like they’re just extra and don’t matter much to you
This was one of the hardest things I had to learn with my husband.. he once told me that the most life changing moment in our relationship was the first time I cried in front of him. Consequently it was the same for me.
IT was the day my closest cousin’s first son died in her arms at 1 years old and how I stayed up all night being strong for her trying to keep her from doing herself harm.
This happened on top of whole lot of other family drama and I had had it…I remember my husband (then bf) asking if I was okay…and for the 1st time in a long time I couldn’t fake it… I was so tired.. It was probably one of the only times I truly didn’t have a plan, an answer, or even a thought about what to do next. I cant really explain it but I felt that burning sensation behind my eyes, the tightness in my chest and I didn’t have the strength to fight it and I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to dig deep down inside of myself and brush it off and pretend that I was okay, I didn’t want to be the strong one right then. I felt him behind me, I felt his indecision, whether to come to me or give me space. I remember him walking up behind me, hesitantly and I remember his body being almost like a magnet, pulling me towards him.. To this day I still remember How warm his arms felt around me, the feeling of his sweater against my face, the slight smell of smoke and cologne on his skin/clothes, his hands gently and methodically rubbing the back of my head, the nape of my neck not saying anything just being there for me and before I knew it I was crying, for my cousin, for her son, for me… it is probably one of the single most vulnerable moments of my life..”
wow. this is powerful stuff.
Thank you guys.. I am actually a little embarrased about this post. It was very early (or late depending on how you look at it) and I wrote way more than I intended to. If you ever met me face to face you would not believe I wrote this. I honestly think most people feel like I am some kind of angry robot. But again when you are with the right person you are able to step out of yourself and attempt to become a better you. My husband humanizes me and he tells me that my drive and determination have made him a lot stronger. To me thats what a relationship is about.
Thanks for sharing that Shay-D. That was…seriously thought provoking.
you and your husband might be my new barack and michelle (well, not new, but on that level) – basically, you’re kind of my hero.
It’s cool Shay-D. You may have saved somebody w/that there revelation.
Any man who can see you in that state and not stand there blank-blinking and buck-eyed or go running for the hills while tossing a “crazy”over his shoulder for good measure is a quality dude. Count yourself as a blessed woman.
“trying to be superwoman all the time is exhausting, and it makes whoever you’re with feel like they’re just extra and don’t matter much to you”
I agree with this statement 100%. After years of wearing the cape, it’s tough to take it off.
“trying to be superwoman all the time is exhausting”
That’s my problem. When I get into a relationship, I tend to give a lot and it’s exhausting. I think that’s why when my relationships end, I tend to drop weight and feel better because I’m not as stressed out. After my last relationship ended, I dropped 30 lbs within 4 months. I’m working on the balance, but I guess I don’t know how to be in a relationship without giving a lot.
“oh…and my mama never told me life was fair ”
My Mom didn’t either…lol
She told us early and often that life was unfair. I think I’m a better person because she didn’t sugarcoat anything.
lmao@ Samia Safenut and jagged genitals.
A friends mom once told us girls while we sat around eating ice cream and watching music videos in high school, “never deal with a man who doesnt love you more than you love him.”
Of course, as a teen, I heard her, but I wasn’t listening. As a grown ass woman, it makes perfect sense though. Marry a man who loves you more and you will most likely not have to worry about lies, neglect, cheating, getting punched in the back of the head, or having him pick up the bucket of chicken wings and throwing them on the kitchen floor on your birthday in front of your family and friends because you accidentally brought him a glass of luke-warm kool aid.
In actuality though, I wouldnt mind switching the percentages every now and then…40-60 and later 70-30 is alright with me, as long as we’re both satisfied.
LOL ..im still laffin about Short Foot Shawn goin in circles!!
Amen girl..i totally agree with what your friends mom told you. You will never have to worry about a man who loves you just that tiny bit more than you love him. He will always have your back when you need him. But just remember that sometimes the script can be flipped and you just might care more about him than he does about u..its all about balance..not equality.
““never deal with a man who doesnt love you more than you love him.””
I heard this too and it is super duper old school (with tons of truth), but the reasonsing was slightly different. I was told that you can grow to love the man who loves you more. A man who loves you more, you’ll never have to compromise your self respect, you won’t ever be put in the position to alter the balance of HIS NEED TO PURSUE. And you get to keep all your dignity and “sacred womaness”.
Sounds like a fine deal to me.
“never deal with a man who doesnt love you more than you love him.”
I am inclined to disagree. I have done this several times. Now I am not sure if it means that I just never grew to love the man enough or what. But I was miserable. I felt like a place holder. I was keeping this wonderful man (just not for me) from a deserving woman. I never could have loved him the same, but I stayed and ruined what could have been a great friendship because I was selfish and needy… and young.
Now, maybe when I come to this situation again, I can handle it with more care… but I am still inclined to believe that you have to love each other as equally as possible… or maybe I was just a jerk and didn’t want to learn to love him as he did me. Damn, that is NEGATIVE self actualization. VSB be on that ish, son.
““never deal with a man who doesnt love you more than you love him.””
Yeah I don’t know who started this, but I don’t agree.
This ish leaders to stalkers and being locked in closets.
“Yeah I don’t know who started this, but I don’t agree.
This ish leaders to stalkers and being locked in closets.”
LOL…I think you have to be somewhat attracted. If there is even a little attraction, is it really stalking …………………….(wait maybe it is).
LOL!!!
Seriously though, if you’re not feeling him as much as he’s feeling you why waste your time?
I guess I don’t agree with this line of thinking because
I know I would get bored with his arse quick if I’m not feeling him, and of course that would lead to cheating, which I definitely would not want to do.
If your foundation is faulty from jump, the relationship will be as well.
“Seriously though, if you’re not feeling him as much as he’s feeling you why waste your time?”
because truth be told isn’t that how IT ALWAYS WORKS OUT in the beginning someone is always diggin one more than the other (add vairables in like, amount of others you are dating, hobbies, work committments, distractions, blogs etc….
I would just rather be on the “right” side of the equation.
Most women who get approached by men are exhibiting this at least on a smaller level. When a man approaches and begins to chivalrize…that “i like you more” dance has already begun.
But again you got women out here that want to be the self-less Harriett Tubman relationship martyrs…and their fate is just as “faulty” if not more than any other.
“But again you got women out here that want to be the self-less Harriett Tubman relationship martyrs…and their fate is just as “faulty” if not more than any other”
I believe this is true, this is why many ladies still believe in this adage. I’ve been in a few situations where the guy was clearly into me more than I was him, and it didn’t last. I couldn’t continue on, knowing that “it” wasn’t there and there was a strong possiblity that it would never be there. I felt like I was stringing them along and going through the motions.
I can’t get down with it, but again, this is probably why I’m single…dah well.
me too…Im on the other side of the argument…
keep hope alive!!!
Si Se Puede!! lol
“I would just rather be on the “right” side of the equation.”
lol…thats all you needed to say.
nope I needed to say what I said!!!! what exactly are you tryna say?
lol
I think the saying is being misconstrued here. She wasn’t saying, “deal with a man who you dont love”. She was saying that we should be involved with men who love us just a little bit more that we love him. This would cut down on us having to chase down a man or compromising our wants and needs…or whatever.
I personally, can’t deal with a man if I dont like him or i’m not attracted to him. I’ve never been able to grow to like a man who I wasn’t initially attracted to or interested in. Believe me, if I knew how to grow to love someone, i’d probably be married and be somebody’s mama by now.
yes, that does sound like the stalker that you have to prosecute to the fulllest extent of the law… sorry, had a flashback…
““never deal with a man who doesnt love you more than you love him.””
Yeah I don’t know who started this, but I don’t agree.
This ish leaders to stalkers and being locked in closets
***mt zion christian academy***
I am not new here, but I think there should be a VSB phrase book and how they got their meanings. I have been having my boyfriend read it and he got his Young Buck on a few times (he was confrused) about some of the references to “toast” and “holy mother of God tabernacle church of Christ” and some of them I remembered and others I couldn’t explain.
Thanks!
I agree…when someone loves u 60% more to ur 40%, they can become obsessive in the relationship, which can be overwhelming to their significant other. Then when u breakup, they become a stalker, because he/she can’t let go. A relationship should have balance or a give and take, but its hard for it to be 50/50. 60/40 doesn’t mean loving someone more than the other. It should mean give and take. One day I’m a 60 and the next ur a 40. as long as we work together to make 100, its alright with me. Its when we fall short of our own personal efforts in a commitment that gets to me. Its like a business, say me and my man own a lemonade stand. He picks the lemons, buys the water, sugar, and handles the money. Its my job to serve the customers, squeeze the lemons and mix the ingredients together, while keeping the stand clean and presentable. At the end of the day, our business is a success because we worked as a team. Not necessarily in this order, but u get it….
“I agree…when someone loves u 60% more to ur 40%, they can become obsessive in the relationship, which can be overwhelming to their significant other”
this is just a fact of life…i hate to bring my wet blanket collection out….
but for those of you with siblings…you best believe your parents have a favorite and may even love one or some more than the other(s) (though on the level “you are all loved the same”).
This is the DAMN truth! Any parent who says different is a liar.
My grandmother and great-aunts all told the women in my generation the same thing.
‘Make sure he loves you just a little bit more than you love him.’
“never deal with a man who doesnt love you more than you love him.”
good in theory, but if this was really the way things happened, there’d be no such thing as the “friend zone”
**Bat Mitzvah**
“never deal with a man who doesnt love you more than you love him.”
i’ve always hated that statement b/c for one, its manipulative as all hell (though its rooted in self-preservation and the human spirit). however, the part that really gets me is that, what makes anybody think that the man isn’t on that same sh*t too? if i think that women are like this, then i’m gonna try to make sure my woman loves me more just to protect myself. next thing you know, we’re all looking for dependent, needy a$$ mates who end up driving us bonkers and to alcohol and then on a random ass Tuesday you wake up next to some hot lil bitty who didn’t need sh*t from you but some good lovin’…
further, i actually think its easier for a woman to “grow to love” a man than it is for a man to “grow to love” a woman. i’ve never grown into love with a chick i was lukewarm on initially…can’t make a fire if there’s no spark.
i may have hit, though. lol.
i’m still a man.
**First Holy Communion**
i rebuke this message in the name of …..um…Starbucks.
rebuke deez. lol.
“rebuke deez”
I hope VSB has some damn insurance cuz I think I pulled something in my side laughing @ that mess right there! Why is that still ridiculously hilarious after I’ve heard it 100,000 times since Jr. High??
Yes, I’m sure I pulled something. That’s a virtual “slip ‘n fall in a store”, PeeJay!
“Why is that still ridiculously hilarious after I’ve heard it 100,000 times since Jr. High??”
___ deez will never get old. Its a classic like the Thriller album.
I concur.
Placed at right time, this will make me cry….lmao!
“Yes, I’m sure I pulled something. That’s a virtual “slip ‘n fall in a store”, PeeJay!”
yeah, we have insurance. would you like to buy some?
of course, by “insurance” i mean “t-shirts”
OK, that will do. I like T-shirts.
does your insurance cover “bladder slippage”?
“does your insurance cover “bladder slippage”
no, but we can spring for a few pink and green depends for you
Champikins, were you hurt by an AKA in a former life or something? Lay your head on my chest and tell me all about it…. lol
“Champikins, were you hurt by an AKA in a former life or something? Lay your head on my chest and tell me all about it…. lol”
LOL…nah. i just know that a few AKA’s are regular readers (as well as the lovely liz burr, the boobs behind vsb.com), and i like to throw jabs every once in a while.
@Naturally Alise~Champ may not have been hurt by a past AKA but I already told him what this AKA is going to do to his achilles if this AKA bashing continues.
“further, i actually think its easier for a woman to “grow to love” a man than it is for a man to “grow to love” a woman. ”
That’s actually what I take from the ‘make sure he loves you more’ statement. If he don’t love you lots from jump (or close to it), he’s not going to grow into it cause that’s just not how men do. So don’t set yourself up and think that he will.
“That’s actually what I take from the ‘make sure he loves you more’ statement. If he don’t love you lots from jump (or close to it), he’s not going to grow into it cause that’s just not how men do. So don’t set yourself up and think that he will.”
***Grand Master of Tantric Buddhism Black Hat School on the mountain***
“further, i actually think its easier for a woman to “grow to love” a man than it is for a man…”
and this is the lesson perpetuated. many times women are told we arent going to get ‘the whole package’ so if he’s nice, clean, treats you well, dzn’t beat you… you’ve won the jackpot.
as a kid i had one of those ‘from afar’ type crushes on one of my neighbors who was about 6 years older…at 14 thats kind of a big deal. recently i ran into him and was still FYNE… but dumb as bricks. the advice from momdukes? everyone doesnt bring the same strengths to the table. *reading* wasn’t one of dude’s strengths, ok? at a play he asked me when the hot dog vendors were going to come down the asile. theres no growing into that. sorry mom.
“at a play he asked me when the hot dog vendors were going to come down the asile.”
ctfu
i swear!
like ninja this aint a baseball game!! YOU are out!!
afterwards he offered to take me to a restaurant — and promised he would even supersize the meal.
its so bad its funny.
“and promised he would even supersize the meal. ”
OH he’s outta line.
*throat punch*
And a jab in the nads.
*reading* wasn’t one of dude’s strengths, ok?
lol…this literally had me in tears.
so was i Champ… so was i. lol
“at a play he asked me when the hot dog vendors were going to come down the asile.”
I swear fo’ God and 3 white men, I would’ve gotten up and walked the hell out.
“I swear fo’ God and 3 white men”
*falls out**
thats hysterical LOL
“i’m still a man.”
Let’s never forget that.
And they will be men.
further, i actually think its easier for a woman to “grow to love” a man than it is for a man to “grow to love” a woman. i’ve never grown into love with a chick i was lukewarm on initially…can’t make a fire if there’s no spark
And that’s exactly why this point was made in the first place.
My grandma (RIP), in her ever loving wisdom told us the same thing. Her argument (which corrobores Panama’s point) was that men are visual so they will like you or not from jump. Women tend to look for other qualities that are not displayed on first meet (i.e safety, strength of character, etc…) A woman can therefore “learn” to love her man once he displays those very qualities she’s seeking.
*returns Comeback Girl’s wet blanket and thanks her for letting me use it*
The funniest thing about the man that loves you more than the you love him – is that you find Mr. Heart on the Sleeve boring. Sir Ice Cold is more interesting because he presents a challenge.
Touche, touche. But then as kaliber points out…
“many times women are told we arent going to get ‘the whole package’ so if he’s nice, clean, treats you well, dzn’t beat you… you’ve won the jackpot.”
… so in the end it all balances out, right?
its yes and no, right?
its proven that a large % of women are willing to try to get that Mr.IceCold sprung— which is some Jenny Jones panelist logic if i ever heard it.
but i dont see anything fair about a snoozefest… (or dating a dumb person for that matter, heh) but that whole getting w the milquetoast guy feels somewhere between ‘common sense’ and ‘settling’
hell, i dont know either.
“but i dont see anything fair about a snoozefest… (or dating a dumb person for that matter, heh) but that whole getting w the milquetoast guy feels somewhere between ‘common sense’ and ’settling’
”
Yup, you’re right. But I also believe settling for a “Mr. Ice Cold” is just that… settling. Settling for someone who you know will never be as emotionally involved as you are in a relationship.
Gah… trying to rationalize the irrationalities of relationships makes my head hurt.
Actually WIA this logic (that a woman can learn to love anyone) would justify a man acting on chick logic. But when it comes down to it can he sleep easy knowing that he changed her to fit him? Shucks can anyone sleep easy knowing that they manipulated someone into what they wanted for their lifetime?
Trophy wives sleep good eurrynight, believe that.
Okay n how is the great relationship hunter’s respite and repose coming along across the serta?
“Shucks can anyone sleep easy knowing that they manipulated someone into what they wanted for their lifetime?”
I won’t say anything obviously bitter or misogynist here.
*Hug*
puff, that self actualization is a b*tch! I too learned the hard way and hung up my cape a while back but it is hard. I am such a giver and go all in for the people I care about but you can’t be all things to all people all the time. I know now that I need people in my life, romantic or otherwise who can put some energy back into me as well. all relationships are work but the point is to be there for each other and not to be standing around with that d*ck look when its time for you (or the other person) to play their part.
lol…whats the “d*ck look”?
lmao…it’s something my little brother used to say and i have no idea where he got it from but it stuck in my head. the d*ck (rhymes with rick) look is just that stupid, oh-you meant me, am I supposed to be doing something look. a d*ck look by any other name is still…the d*ck look.
I guess it sometimes has to do with the disappointments in our past whether we recognise it or not. You get so used to handling things, getting things done your way that your SO feels unneeded/ unwanted. Then often goes somewhere where they feel needed again.
Or it’s the 90/10 where you’re giving too much and the SO begins to take you for granted. And then after you break up they realise and want to get you back.
“I guess it sometimes has to do with the disappointments in our past whether we recognise it or not.”
interesting and sh*t
LOL…What a way to start my morning…Asperger’s Alex, Short-foot Shawn and Jagged Genitals. It’s like confirming my seat on the express bus to hell.
To the point, this is one of those times that it works well that people are different and want different things. What is fair in Alex’s mind might not be fair in Shawn’s, but all that matters is that you find someone whose perception of fairness you can live with and live up to.
“What a way to start my morning…Asperger’s Alex, Short-foot Shawn and Jagged Genitals. It’s like confirming my seat on the express bus to hell.”
well, at least you’ll have company
the pittsburgh steelers continue to prove that pittsburghers are just inherently better at everything…except football and f*cking random girls that I meet in bars.
Percentages will never be equal for a variety of reasons. One of those being that we all value certain things differently. One person will always put a different value on sex, taking out the trash, cooking, and getting roses at random times.
So, not only is it impossible to be 50/50, it’s also highly unlikely that both people in the relationship will see themselves as “being on top” more or less 50/50 or 49/51 or anything remotely approaching equal unless their valuation on things are roughly the same.
Speaking of contrived ads, has anyone seen the different Comcast “wanna hook up” ones?
Perhaps I had a bad childhood…but I was never under the impression that life was fair. I learned very early on that if you were stronger, faster, smarter, and better looking than other people, you got certain perks. I couldn’t change my looks (or perception of my looks) but I could damn sure work on everything else.
“the pittsburgh steelers continue to prove that pittsburghers are just inherently better at everything…except football and f*cking random girls that I meet in bars”
i’m not sure if this is a compliment or insult, so i’m gonna take it as disrespect. watch ya mouth and help me with the sale.
***reply borrowed from the “40 year old v” and dorian g***
Insert “It’s All Game” by Terrence Howard (yes I said Terrence Howard)
“In every relationship there’s this factor of Least Interest
involved. Meaning the person least interested in maintaining it will dominate because they won’t compromise”
When a relationship is unbalanced – as they usually are – the person who is more interested is usually at the mercy of the other. Settling for whatever scraps of free time/love/conversation/etc they are willing to give.
“In every relationship there’s this factor of Least Interest
involved. Meaning the person least interested in maintaining it will dominate because they won’t compromise”
who know that someone with a conk could be so insightful
who know that someone with a conk could be so insightful
I love the word conk.. I thought I was the only one who still used it…
“I love the word conk.. I thought I was the only one who still used it…”
you, champ and the remaining tempations…
I don’t think ANYTHING is truely equitable in a relationship, thing is somebody better be pulling more than their fair share (where they don’t have the “advantage” in other areas to make up for the spread.
And I really think thats how its supposed to be. If one person is running the whole show (or even the whole half) where do you get to see their personal best. Where do you get to see how in fact you actually COMPLIMENT the other and vice versa?
you compliment each other by saying things like “you look nice today”, or “wow, you really kicked ass at ball last night”.
relationships are unbalanced because nobody gives the same amount of importance to the same things. from any point of view except our own, we are all selfish pricks.
my spellings bad because I have a JOB and I multi-task. The idea of being complementary is the same.
“relationships are unbalanced because nobody gives the same amount of importance to the same things”
might be another way of saying Im not good at certain things -thusly instead of finding someone who is (or letting that person be their personal best here) I’ll just say it sucks.
Ego never kept a house feng shui’d and clean, a check book balanced, the dog walked or a family business solvent.
(spell check dat for the proper usage) lol
“relationships are unbalanced because nobody gives the same amount of importance to the same things”
cosign!
for example: if girlfriend is keeping house but complaing bc her man is never home – but boyfriend is working two jobs to pay his bills and hers– whos 70 and whos 30?
nobody wants a cold bed — but im sure she’s glad the lights are on.
why complain???? in that case he better never look hungry or horny EVER.
quid quo pro…
This is a very interesting topic. If it is 70-30, I always on the 70 side-giving way more than the other person. And after a few bumps on the head, I’ve realize something! That ish is tiring! And my head hurts! Seriously! So, here’s a new concept…how about 100-100? I know, it’s unheard of. I’ve never actually been in a relationship with the full percentages on both ends. But then again, none of them lasted…something to mos def. think about! Is it possible to come to a point in a relationship where both parties want to give it 100% of their efforts? Hmm…
Is it possible to come to a point in a relationship where both parties want to give it 100% of their efforts? Hmm…
this is possible, but then you have to factor in the idea that everybody doesnt have the same emotional/relationship capacity. one persons 100 percent might feel like 15 percent to someone else.
moral of the story: wear condoms
“everybody doesnt have the same emotional/relationship capacity. ”
So true. Thats why i always tell my ex I know he loved me as much as he could and to the best of his ability, but dammit it wasn’t good enough! LOL
Here, we would need to know what the other’s 100% is. True, everyone’s capacity is different, but if we know their max and we are comfortable with it, then all is well! But ONLY if that person can accept the fact that their significant other’s max may not be as high as theirs. They still know that they are giving it THEIR 100%. Did that make sense? LOL
Yes, it did.
yea, thanks to my toast, it made sense.
I see it like this, every individual has her/his strong position. As long as each individual is contributing in those areas according to what they are able to provide the most in the relationship, it works out pretty good. However, that being said the importance of each area must balance to the needs of the relationship.
its all about finding the right formula and sh*t…the perfect equation for you.
Right, and that’s why people need to stop trying to force someone into being the “one” for them, just because they like the way it sounds. I don’t think of relationships in terms of 50-50, I kind of think of them like a jigsaw puzzle. Right when you have an inward dip, your partner has an outward one that just fits and connects. Its complimentary. Nobody is perfect, but we all have someone perfect for us, and all this other ish works itself out.
I like how you used the strong language ‘force.’ I commented above posing the question ‘if someone were to enter a relationship w/ their chick logic thinking helmet on could they sleep well at night?’ Would they feel good about changing someone to be that someone special just for them. I’d really call it cold hearted manipulation.
And to go even deeper with that, its not just forcing someone else by being deceptive, its also being deceptive with yourself. And if you’re decieving yourself, than nah, sleep ain’t coming easily.
Why try to make that puzzle piece to fit when you know it doesn’t?
Stoopid.
“Right when you have an inward dip, your partner has an outward one that just fits and connects. Its complimentary”
I love this way of describing it
I kind of think of them like a jigsaw puzzle. Right when you have an inward dip, your partner has an outward one that just fits and connects.
Beautiful imagery and sh!t.
Yo I think that there can be a balance. You just have to establish the common unit system. You see I may enjoy silence in front of the football blaring tv w/ ice cold beer. She may enjoy the sixth man that comes home from work and starts the laundry and checks the kids homework. But can there be an instance where the two parties have their needs met (unit system accounted for) resulting in a balanced equation? I would say yes. Now these are biological processes capable of far more computations than the world’s fastest supercomputers (only because there’s two of em blue actually matches one human’s ablilities). So the equation on both sides will be both long and quite variable. Some feelings may have a time decay like a vitamine being used up by metabolic function. Some may build up like a tumor. Some fly by like a shooting star. But I believe there can be a balance. It just isn’t for onlookers to know or understand. It’s personal or would that be relationshiponal. Nah I’d say personal “and the two shall become one flesh”
wow. i understood everything you just said, and i agree. i must be getting better, or maybe i’m still drunk. who knows?
The Champ having a lush full evening + me sleeping all night long @ a holiday in (or anywhere actually, me not getting my sleep brings out the belligerent angry bear) = potential to convey an idea
Win if I ever seen one.
As to the Pittsburgh Steelers comment *choking, coughing, laughing* Let’s go Patriots! Good game by the Cowboys last night! If Terrel would like a 75:25 relationship, I’m free! LOL!
i know you’re a newbie, but its not to late to block you from the site. keep it up.
wait a minute, Terrell?? weren’t you all geeked up to see The Bus at Zen last Friday??????
“wait a minute, Terrell?? weren’t you all geeked up to see The Bus at Zen last Friday??????
”
yeah…someone’s a closet steeler fan.
just relax, don’t fight it, and embrace the black and gold. trust me, you’ll feel better afterwards
Champ, how is it that the girl in that picture weighs more than the boy?
the girl is holding the boys nuts in her pocket, which makes her heavier. its a perfect analogy for life and sh*t
I am THE 8th Wonder, and I approve this message.
When a girl/woman keeps a boy’s/man’s nuts in her purse=Permapursed. A good friend made that word up and I think it is THE most funny original word I’ve ever encountered.
Well, either that word or “quadraboob”.
wow. permapursed is definitely going into our “still developing and would have already been developed if we had a vsb.com intern” glossary.
you know I been waiting on that glossary for as long as I been waiting …
I’m tired and I have to go to stats class
See I was with you about the Steelers, but then you typed that ish about Pittsburghers being better than everyone else and as a Texan that ish ain’t never gone fly…lmao
50/50 IDK, I don’t think it will ever be equal in relationships. The closest it could ever get would be 52%/48%. Someone is always going to be pulling just a bit more than the other person.
After being with a 90%/10% kat last year, the above sounds pretty dayum good.
“See I was with you about the Steelers, but then you typed that ish about Pittsburghers being better than everyone else and as a Texan that ish ain’t never gone fly…lmao”
didn’t your state produce george bush, and vince “the human nervous breakdown” young?
hmmm. thought so.
I’ma tell you like I tell e’ryone else, Bush was born in CT. He only grew up here, so get that ish that fluck outta here…lmao
VY–I’ll take that, I don’t care what they say about my dawg. I flucks with Vince. I’d have a breakdown too if I had to play for the Titans.
“…Bush was born in CT. He only grew up here”
so basically your state corrupted him?
We didn’t do that. I blame that on CT.
Perfect argument of Nature v. Nurture
**pulls up a chair, puts note pad on lap, crosses leg and commences to take notes**
LOL @ the human nervous breakdown, even my pet unicorn laughed at that sh!t….
I’m mad that you have a pet unicorn…
love it!
I agree completely. But I’ll add (and maybe someone else did but I didn’t read the other comments) that the percentages change. For example, when a man meets a woman, he may be in it 58% to her 42%. Once the relationship is established, the woman might be into it 68% while the man goes down to 32%. But those are overall percentages. If we break it down by area, one person may have the upper hand in some areas and not others. The dude might up his woman and have 51% in the bedroom to her 49%. But then in emotional capacity, the woman might be at 64%, while the man is at36%. Ya know.
But, when you wrote:
“…just make sure you’re not aspergers alex out there trying to play dodgeball with roger clemens, catching fastballs and sh*t with your what remains of your teeth, and you should be good.”
Did you mean people should stick with people on their relationship level?? Like a player should be with a whore because they’re both really good liars and very manipulative?
“Did you mean people should stick with people on their relationship level?? Like a player should be with a whore because they’re both really good liars and very manipulative?”
yeah. although it wont be 50-50, you shouldn’t consistently be in sh*t where its 95-5 either.
I don’t know this just sounds so classist to me. How are we to ever better ourselves as a people if no one is willing to reach out and show someone how to ‘do better.’ Where is the strong do-gooders that will raise up the standard?
Ivy – girl, don’t agree to 25% over cryin’ T.O. He is truly a bama from hell. “That’s…sniff…my..gulp…quarterback! Don’t you talk bout my Tony!” LOL!
About those percentages, though: I think that it’s not the percentage that is the issue, it’s how important that percentage is to you. For example, I come home Monday-Friday from work and make my man dinner. Afterwards I do the dishes. On the occassion when I have to work a weekend, though, he has dinner and a clean kitchen waiting for me when I walk through the door. Without being asked. His hooks me up when I NEED it, and I make sure he doesn’t eat tuna helper 7 days a week. Equal, no. Working for both of us? Hell yeah.
My theory is that if you feel like you’re not getting the percentage that you need, give even more to the your significant other. Like good morning head at 6am. If that doesn’t make ‘em act right nothing will because they’re selfish bastards, nothing you do will ever please them, and you should run away at top speed.
“25% over cryin’ T.O. He is truly a bama from hell. “That’s…sniff…my..gulp…quarterback! Don’t you talk bout my Tony!” LOL!”
Hee-hee! Ha!
“Like good morning head at 6am. If that doesn’t make ‘em act right nothing will because they’re selfish bastards, nothing you do will ever please them, and you should run away at top speed.”
You may be on to something. That would jump start many a man’s day.lol. If he can’t appreciate a
blowjob well done with sleep still in the eyes, then you probably should be out.“Like good morning head at 6am. If that doesn’t make ‘em act right nothing will because they’re selfish bastards, nothing you do will ever please them, and you should run away at top speed.”
ummm…where do you live?
I’m in the DMV, baby. Tell Panama another good one has slipped away…lol.
this reply can be interpreted in like 50 different ways, 42 of which could get someone in trouble. thats all i have to say
“this reply can be interpreted in like 50 different ways, 42 of which could get someone in trouble. thats all i have to say”
……….
I actually like the use of the seesaw/teeter-totter because that is really how it is in most relationship. Well at least mine. It’s up and down for both of us meeting a balance as we go along. Some days I feel that I am giving more to the relationship emotionally. My ups. But then there are days when I know that I am not giving all that I could give. My downs. And him the same.
“I actually like the use of the seesaw/teeter-totter because that is really how it is in most relationship”
thanks and shit. it was my attempt at being “deep” and “poignant”. i guess it worked
In a perfect world everybody would give 100 percent or at the average 75 percent…but life is what it is. Both parties in a relationship should do there part and it wouldn’t matter who was doing what.
In 100% agreement with you.
Don’t be shocked n sh*t … but I play by the traditional roles in relationships. So, being I play by (and into) that in my little piece of existence, the man generally always has the upper hand … until the woman needs to have it for whatever reason at a particular moment.
With that said (I needed a segue way, and that was all I could come up with), you are right. If no one has the upper hand we would all be a stagnant mess of amoeba soup. The thing is and what folks need to take into account when going through their relationship inventory … is how much is each giving to the relationship. THAT should be even n sh*t. As I like to say:
Never view someone as a priority that views you as an option.
Now that is the eloquent version of what Uncle Unc said to me a long time ago. He said:
Baby – never treat a man like a cadillac if he drives you like a pinto.
you had me at “uncle unc”
If I told you his name, you wouldn’t believe me. But the Unc is the 1st 3 letters of his momma given name.
I’m trying so hard to figure this out. Wow.
Don’t tell me.
Unctavius
*blinks*
He isn’t my uncle.
Thanks Cheryl…I was seriously never gonna figure that one out.
The closest I got was the word unctuous, and I knew that there wasn’t anyone on Earth that would name their child that.
i’m of the opinion that you can sometimes tell what part of the country someone is from by their first name. for instance, someone with a name like “unctavius” or “knowshon” probably resides somewhere south of the mason-dixon line, while “supreme” or “rashid” is probably from somewhere in the mid-atlantic. of course, i have absolutely no evidence of this. just a hunch and sh*t
I’d toss that out the window if I were ever to head into the mid west the great migration happened there and a lot of the people in lets say Chicago have their roots in Mississippi. Migration **shrugging sholders wide eyed**
In a conflict resolution class (freshman orientation was questionable to say the least), we were split in teams of two and told to arm wrestle. The objective was to have the most wins out of any team.
Now of course initially, my partner and I were struggling to beat each other until we actually thought about the instructions.
Any time I think about the whole “give-and-take” of a relationship, I think about that class excercise and something I learned from a “7 habits of highly effective ____” workshop… Think win-win.
A relationship can never be 50-50, a Champ stated, it’s impossible and unhealthy. You, as an inidividual, can’t even survive at a static equilibrium physically. (———– is death, Is it not?) In the same way, our bodies need to maintain a dynamic equilibrium, so do our relationships…
But in the same manner that you physical stats being to high or too low is dangerous, an individual being constantly at one end of the “give-and-take” spectrum of it all is dangerous. That’s how people end up stabbed (Keke Wyatt), shot, covered in hot grits (Al Green’s wife), etc…
“That’s how people end up stabbed (Keke Wyatt), shot, covered in hot grits (Al Green’s wife), etc…”
Exactly.
KeKe’s husband got stabbed and I always thought Al got the grits wake-up call by his jump-off.
Someone correct me if I’m wrong…lol
You are correct about the jump off, my dear, lol
Too bad them grits jumped on.
Sadness.
oh yeah, i felt molested by that subway ad.
i think it made me at least 1.1% dumber
Equality…I don’t think its possible because I don’t think it was ever truly meant to be. Men and women are too different to be “equal” in the truest sense of the word. Balance is what is important. All I’ve ever wanted was balance. I like to think of it as “Relationship Homeostasis”.
“Relationship Homeostasis”.
You are like 99.9% smart and sh!t!
Naturally Alise, are you my Mama in disguise on VSB??
Who told my Mama about VSB?!?!
Dang, she always wanna come around my friends.
*secret eyeroll*
hee, hee… now go clean your room and sh!t!
I wonder if the 50 50 relationship were ever to actually happen. I think it would result in some sort of paradoxical anomaly. Like in Southerland Tales only it isn’t the same person but you know a couple.
yeah. it would be like “dogma” where if God was proven to be fallible, the entire world would end.
moral of the story: what happened to ben afflecks career?
what happened to ben afflecks career?
Jenny on the cock.
what happened to ben afflecks career?
Jenny on the cock.
thanks. now there’s mango smoothie all over my monitor.
Jenny on the cock.
*holy ish* I almost spit out some of this lean cuisine…lmao!!!
give it to em ocho pan aaaahahahaaa
& he let her smh
So you beat an awful Cleveland team by 7 pts and that means you’re “better” than everyone else? LOL!
it was 4 points, actually, and ummmm…lets see you try to score points dealing with 69 mile per hour (no hyperbole) wind gusts.
who’s your team?
***btw, as long as i’m not employed by the steelers, even though i’m a huge fan, i’ll never refer to them as “we”, lol***
We’ve been over this already. My team is about to hang 24 – 30 pts on Cleveland this weekend with a rookie QB.
Before you start coppin pleas, we coming for you next week, in fact we’ll meet you in your stadium.
oh yeah. i forgot. you rep the double murderer and his crew.
question, do you rock pink minks to watch the games too, or is that just what the players do?
Relationships are constantly in flux (chaos theory or something like that), so I doubt you can EVER put a ratio on who is on top/bottom. And as cited earlier, some folks prefer to be on the bottom, even non-hoes
“And as cited earlier, some folks prefer to be on the bottom, even non-hoes”
this is true
You’ll have a better chance at seeing Lil’ Wayne and Baby riding off into the sunset atop a unicorn than a 50/50 relationship, part of relationships is for someone to be that 75% when you are having a slack a$$ 25% day and vice versa, I cosign with someone earlier that compared relationships to a jigsaw puzzle, that is so on point…
*sorry, just wanted to say unicorn, lol….
“You’ll have a better chance at seeing Lil’ Wayne and Baby riding off into the sunset atop a unicorn…”
actually, i think this scenario could be the landscape for Weezy’s next album cover.
::snicker::
““You’ll have a better chance at seeing Lil’ Wayne and Baby riding off into the sunset atop a unicorn…”
actually, i think this scenario could be the landscape for Weezy’s next album cover.”
yeah…i think she needs a better analogy, because this actually probably will happen
Lil’Wayne and Baby on a unicorn…hilarious imagery!
And yes, that jigsaw analogy was on point.
“And yes, that jigsaw analogy was on point.”
thanks n shyt!
At the end of the day, isnt it about finding a mate who not only enjoys you, but also enjoys being in a relationship?
I think the biggest problem is that people try to wife or husband up people who arent interested in those types of lifestyles in any real sense. In my dating resume, around the 5th question is “So, do you like being in relationships? Do you want a family?” That type of ish because, some people don’t. So regardless of the percentage, commitment to the relationship is paramount. So if im feeling like it 60% me and 40% he… at least he is committed, and when it switches, as its inevitable, then at least im committed to the relationship.
“So regardless of the percentage, commitment to the relationship is paramount.”
good point
This is true. Most of the problems come from the desire to experience the life outside of a relationship and all that comes with it.
Someone has to be the chief in a relationship, two indians doesnt work, and only leads to indecision and failed plans.
“So regardless of the percentage, commitment to the relationship is paramount.”
yep.
i think part of commitment is that dirty word compromise.. and communication. like my homegirl who’s bf works all the time. obviously he cant just NOT work bc that’d be a different set of problems. a good way to circumvent all the uneven feeling equations is being specific about what you’d need in order to not feel like the 30 half… if she’s saying she feels lonely what *specific* things could dude do to amend that – asides from quitting the ‘hey mon hustle’, of course. the specific squeaky wheel gets oiled – if you will.
if dude is committed its a good idea, anyway.
champ, dearest… i’ve been meaning to ask forever – who exactly is jim jones???
(sorry for going off topic) and why do you call white people that number you refer to them as?
so curious…
jim jones is one of the founding members of the “dipset”, a popular rap crew from harlem. he’s also one of the worst human beings on the planet.
i actually didnt start the “2520″ thing…someone else (i forgot who) started saying that in the comments here, and it just caught on. the 2520 refers to the 25th “y” and 20th “t” letters in the alphabet, letters that if you read them together, sound similar to “white”.
***the more you know***
*cue the shooting star*
I find myself using vsb vernacular very often on my own blog (ooooh alliteration and sh*t), especially 2520′s and Jim Jones blame-shifting…
I use it in my everyday conversation and now my friends think I funny and insightful.
Thank You VSB!
no problem and sh*t
Jim Jones is one of the greatest motivational speakers of the 21st century. He is responsible for uplifting many black men who felt down on their luck into picking up their heads, straightening their swagger and acting out basketball moves in public and say the phrase “ballin!”
Other notable 21st century motivational speakers include Young Jeezy, Kanye West, Hov, Lil’ Wayne, and Sean “Diddy” Combs.
take that take that take that.
thanks, love – am duly enlightened!
Oh and I am also laughing about Asperger’s Alex, bc one of the IT guys at my job has Asperger’s and his name really is Alex…
You ain’t right…ctfu!!!
I have a lil’ Asperger’s boy that lives next door to me. He’s high functioning, but the poor thang has NO awareness of social boundaries. He has walked right on into my apartment on numerous occasions w/out knocking. I know he will need a therapist @ some point behind seeing me in my panties, in conjunction w/all his other issues.
He’s 12 but is about mentally level w/my 9 year-old, who is his only friend in the neighborhood. The other kids on the block treat him badly.
Do women really like having the upperhand, all the time?
I’ve yet to meet a woman who actually likes to know that she can really “run her man”.
A big part of being able to holla @ a woman, pumped up on Oprah and Michelle Obama is to call her on her own shit, put her in her place, and get her on your team. on some, “I like a n#%! who can handle my S%^&! ”
(doubt me now, but believe me later on)
Men, on the other hand, will wife up a doormat if she’s sexy enough. The downside to the super-sub, is that you have to be 100% dominant all the time. And take it from me, that’s taxing.
I agree w/you here, W.I.A.
I wouldn’t want to be w/any man I thought I could “run”. Then I would start thinking I could do and say any old disrespectful thing, which leads to imbalance, assault charges, family feuds and property damage.
agreed.
If you cant punk me, we can’t be together, cause sometimes I get a little mouthy. Okay, so I’m always mouthy, but that’s besides the point.
Which is also why I cant date a short man. You can’t look up at me and try to punk me, sir.
i don’t believe people, in general, want to be in a 50:50 relationship. most people don’t want things to be equal all the time in every aspect of their relationship. there is certainly plenty of evidence to support this in many of the well written comments above. but it all boils down to one thing: a relationship is made up of 2 genetically distinct, independently-raised human beings, so there are undoubtedly going to be varied experiences and expectations that shape the foundation a relationship is built upon. if you’re bringing different things to the table, how do you account for a discrepancy in quantity? more importantly, who wants to be bothered with calculating the conversion factors? the focus should be less on whether the mathematical breakdown is equivalent (any nutless monkey worth his weight in gold can keep figure a ratio) and more on the quality of what is being presented. are you giving the best that you’ve got like Anita Baker? are you worthy of receiving the best some one else has to offer? Do you appreciate the things you’re given, no matter the amount, as much as your ish is appreciated? do you even like each other enough meet the other’s mama? the list goes on… if you or your SO’s QPA is low, step it up or step off.
I am going to have to agree with SBM on this one. While we are all aware that 50-50 does not exist, it is something we should aspire to. Why continue to be in a relationship where you are putting in 70% of the effort for 30% of your SO’s appreciation?
@DorchestersDaughter
Hmm… but we all have our strengths and weaknesses and in life we go through our ups and downs. Who’s to say the situation may call for you to contribute 70% most of the time today and your SO will have your back in the future when situations change and you need it most? Then again, maybe he won’t.
That’s the thing about relationships… it’s all about walking out on faith. We can never really know.
Naw screw that, I am not busting my balls (ok if I had balls) for someone who cannot at least conjure the ambition to meet me half way. Even if they don’t contribute financially, they have to come with something! Are you a good cook? can you fix my car? sew curtains? know how I can save a lil extra on my cable bill? do something to meet me half way
You know what… you’re right. Shoot. I’d give anything to find me a man who can sew curtains! LOL.
My mother along with other women have always advised me that the man should love me more than I love him. The other way around will lead to disaster. The women in my family believe that the perfect ratio is 55-45 as in the man should be 55% more invested in the relationship. Any thoughts?
I am pretty damn sure it was mentionned prior as I haven’t taken the time to read even the first comment, but I think it’s more cyclical. Or ideally it should be more cyclical.
Some days, Samia Safenut loves 70% and Tony Tastytongue 30%. On other days, Tony will be the one all enamored with Samia. And vice versa ad nauseam.
Cyclical is key. or should I add, to me?